June 2, 2024 • 37 mins
When Sarah matched with a woman on the American-founded dating app Hinge in May 2022, things turned bad quickly. For the next 4-months, she will try and escape a both physical and emotional relationship.
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
I thought if she had have gone further, she could
have easily killed me.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
It's the modern way to find love. But new research
proves there is a dark side to the online dating world,
which kind.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Of just goes, well, what's the responsibility of the plus
worms there?
Speaker 4 (00:24):
We don't have all the answers right now, but what
we can commit to is always try to improve.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
The study also revealed members of the LGBTQI plus community
were more likely to suffer violence at the hands of
an online date.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
So there's a lot of financial coersion and emotional abuse
as well as physical abuse. The fact that it started
and online had everything to do with how it escalated.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Why are they being targeted more? Why are they experiencing
disproportionate lovers and violence on these apps?
Speaker 5 (00:53):
I want to start by thanking the participants of today's
roundtable on online dating apps importance of consumer safety.
Speaker 6 (01:02):
This circumstance in Australia is for a lot of these
platforms the first time they're ever actually paving to face
the music.
Speaker 7 (01:12):
You're listening to seven New Spectrum with me Malin Heglund
and this is queer and looking for love. They've forgotten
victims of dating app violence This episode contains a story
about the Internet partner violence and dating app facilitated sexual violence.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
So why was I on Hinge? I think I was
on Hinge because I wanted a meaningful connection and relationship,
and as a queer them presenting woman, it's often hard
to find queer women in real life.
Speaker 7 (01:51):
In May twenty twenty two, Sarah, which is not her
real name, downloaded a dating app called Hinge. It's considered
to be one of the more serious dating apps, where
the common consensus is that people seek relationships rather than hookups.
Last year, it was mentioned in a government report that
(02:13):
over three point two million Australians were actively seeking love
on dating apps. Among the most downloaded free apps, Hinge
ranked in the top six in twenty twenty four. Official
industry measures show that just in April, the dating app
had six hundred and fifty thousand users. Sarah's thirty three
(02:37):
years old, recently single, and describes herself as social but
also a bit shy. As a fem presenting queer women
attracted to other women who present themselves in what society
deems feminine versus masculine, Sarah says the relationships aren't taken
as seriously. She means that because there isn't atredisational masculine
(03:01):
role in the relationship dynamic, it's seen as more of
a face.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
She explains, I've been asked, you know, by multiple men,
can we have a threesome with you two? So it's
not necessarily taken seriously, and also as a growth generalization
because people perceive, perhaps people more on the pan sexual
bisexual spectrum as being more fem presenting, but strengthens that
assumption that if you're fem you're not necessarily queer or
(03:29):
lesbian for life, and that you might have fun with women,
that you're going to settle down with a man.
Speaker 7 (03:35):
For Sarah, using dating apps in general as a tool
to meet someone has been both good and bad. Although
she says there's been a bit of fear after having
experienced verbal abuse from users on them, they've helped her
make connections with people she might not otherwise have met.
In May twenty twenty two, she receives a match with
(03:58):
a woman on them founded dating app Hinge. The woman
leaves a comment on one of her pictures saying that
she looks cute.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I was drawn to her because she seemed to be
doing an interesting PhD and her research area, which was
women's rights ironically, was something that drew me in. So
the conversations on the app were on and off. Initially,
she had responded quite sporadically, so I didn't get a
(04:31):
sense of really knowing her that well until she suggested
to text instead of use hinge.
Speaker 7 (04:39):
Sarah says, the woman is funny, very charismatic, and seems educated.
Or a text Sarah, who's working on a documentary with
an LGBT plus publisher on intimate partner violence at the time,
likes that they seem to have a lot in common. Soon,
when she's asked out on a date, there is and
(05:00):
any reason in her mind to say no.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
I would probably have more trepidation, honestly if I was
speaking to a man. But there are certain assumptions around
like women in violence. Like I guess because when it
comes to intimate partner violence, the majority of offenders are men.
You don't associate women with that kind of violence, so
I had less fear of making that transition.
Speaker 7 (05:26):
Eventually, wanting to meet someone you matched with on the
apps is not uncommon, if made safe, It's something many
apps encourage in order to build either a romantic or
platonic relationship. Lucille McCart Asia Pacific communications director at another
American dating app with a large presence in Australia, explains.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
Safety for us is really day one priority because Bumble
is a women first app. We have been that way
for ten years and we don't to change that. Dating
and friend finding is a vulnerable experience. It's requiring people
to put themselves out there to meet new people, and
our community will only put the trust in us to
(06:12):
do that if they feel safe in that space.
Speaker 7 (06:14):
To keep the app safe, Lacille says it's important for
bumbles safety protocols to be updated alongside new forms of
harassment so that it's easier to keep them off the app.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
As behavior evolves, as trends evolve, we need to make
sure that the policies and the safety features that we
had in place ten years ago need to change. You know,
we need to evolve as we go to make sure
that we are trying to anticipate all possible uses of
our app and all the possible different intentions that people
(06:47):
could have. And that's positive and negative. Now, that doesn't
mean that we catch everything all the time. Sometimes we
do only learn about that behavior when it is reported
to us.
Speaker 7 (07:03):
Sarah and the woman are meeting at Sydney's Central train station.
She's coming from interstate and is carrying luggage when they meet.
From there, they go to a bar that's just a
ten minute walk from the station. Once there, the woman
buys shots and asks Sarah if she can take her
(07:23):
out for dinner in Sydney's Eastern suburbs.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
She wanted to take me to a restaurant in Bondai,
which she promised to pay for. However, she ordered everything,
ordered lots of drinks, became incredibly intoxicated herself, and then
asked me to pay for the dinner. We went down
to Bondai Beach, where she was quite forceful in trying
(07:51):
to pook up with me on the beach and told
me that she was staying at a cousin's place and
that it would be impossible for her to get home
this late at night, so she asked me to if
she could stay. I was concerned about her well being
because she wasn't able to stand very well. She had
bags from her interstate trip, so I said, okay, you
(08:14):
can stay at my house.
Speaker 7 (08:20):
When they wake up the next morning, Sarah says the
woman is acting aggressively as she can't find her phone.
She can't remember having lost it in the uber the
night before, and the man's Sarah help her find it.
When they finally find it, the woman asks if she
could stay another night. She explains that she doesn't feel
(08:42):
safe staying with her cousins as they don't respect her sexuality.
Sarah says she feels bad and says yes, besides, she's
traveling to Vietnam soon and only has a game of
tennis planned with a friend for the night.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
So I went to play tennis with my friends, and
she was incredibly disrespectful, very drunk during the game, making
remarks sexual remarks towards me and another friend, and then
she made derogatory remarks about me being infertile. Just you know,
she was. Yeah, it was only the prospect. When I
(09:21):
said to her, look, I'm going to Vietnam in two
nights and I need some space, so you're going to
have to leave that she left my house. Well, in fact,
she didn't leave my house. I drove her to her
cousin's house and that was how I sort of initially
got her out of the house. After a three day date.
Speaker 7 (09:41):
But even though the woman had left Sarah's house, she
was far from leaving her mind. During her Vietnam trip,
Sarah receives a warning from her ex girlfriend of seven
years to stay away from the woman. Sarah say Sir
X told her about a friend having dated the woman
and that she was caught lying about having cancer.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Like I was more skeptical about it than usual, but
she told me, look, this girl is bad news. I
don't think you should engage with her. And at that
time I had every intention not to engage with her.
Speaker 7 (10:18):
But at the same time, Sarah says, she was also
receiving messages from the woman who claims she's unsafe at
her cousins.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
She was incredibly manipulative. So an example of this is
my mom passed away from breast cancer when I was
twenty one. She was diagnosed when I was nine, so
she knew that cancer for me was a topic of
extreme sensitivity. However, she told me that she had had
cancer a couple of years ago and that she was
a survivor, and that was something that led me to
(10:50):
feel a great deal of empathy for her. Because sometimes
the quiz community is very small. I actually had a
friend of a friend who had also dated this woman,
and dated this woman about five years ago when she'd
supposedly had cancer, and during this period she had made
a gofund me account for her supposed cancer, and this woman,
(11:13):
who was a friend of a friend of mine, like
my abuser, had disclosed to her that she actually didn't
have cancer but was just using it to make money.
Speaker 7 (11:23):
Sarah says after she returned from Vietnam, she took the
woman back into her home and suffered aggravated sexual assault, assault,
and financial quosion for days. She says she'd listened to
the woman speaking bitterly about a former partner and wonder
that if one day she would be on the receiving
(11:44):
end of that rant.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
What struck me was how vindictive and hateful she was,
that she would sort of in her drunken state, plot
revenge against her ex partner who had three kids. So
ultimately she was trying to think of ways to get her,
you know, the kids removed, or think of ways to
hurt her in some way because she felt me so
(12:06):
hard done by it. So I knew that her grasp
of reality was not objective.
Speaker 7 (12:15):
Sarah says, it was from the woman's ex partner. She
would eventually find out about the woman having passed harassments
and intimidation charges from around the same time they met
in twenty twenty two. In Australia, intimate partner violence is
defined as any behavior within an intimate relationship that causes physical, sexual,
(12:38):
or psychological harm. Government data estimates that one in four
women experience intimate partner violence since the age of fifteen,
but it's also been reported that by endless been women
are more likely to be in violent relationships than heterosexual women.
In a twenty twenty seven from Latrobe University on LGBTQI
(13:04):
plus adults, emotional abuse was the most reported form of
intimate partner violence, experienced by nearly half of their respondents.
But that members of the LGBTQI plus community are falling
victim to intimate partner violence is nothing new. It has
(13:24):
for over a decade been researched and compared to opposite
sex relationships, but fallen under the radar as it has
been viewed as something that only happens between a man
and a woman. This itself, experts believe has prevented many
members of the community from seeking help, as they either
(13:45):
don't recognize the abuse or don't find any support groups
designed for them. In the twenty twenty survey from Latrobe University,
it was revealed that sixty one percent of respondents had
ex experienced intimate partner violence. Two years later, in twenty
twenty two, another survey from the Australian Institute or Criminology
(14:09):
revealed that the community was also more likely to experience
dating app facilitated sexual violence. In the survey, the researchers
define this type of violence as any sexual violence, harassment,
and aggression experienced when using dating apps. Sexual violence is
(14:30):
when a person is forced, coerced, or manipulated into any
sexual activity. Doctor Haley Boxel, who took part in creating
the twenty twenty two survey, explains.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
So there's kind of a couple of different ways that
we can think about it. So there's the idea that
it could be a lifestyle thing, because we know from
other research that LGB plus communities spend more time on line,
and that could be because that's where their communities are
in terms of the people that they feel safe with
(15:07):
and that have similar interest to them and that kind
of thing, and that could be particularly the case for
people in certain parts of Australia where they may not
have access to LGB plus kind of communities more generally
because of kind of geographic limitations or cultural barriers and
things like that. And then when you kind of dig
into the data a little bit more, we see that
(15:30):
by women experience the highest rates of sexual violence across
kind of the gamut. And I mean, this theory is
kind of supported by the fact that in particular, what
we saw was harassing language and threatening language was really
common amongst LGB plus communities, which is kind of consistent
with that idea about their being targeted because they're gay,
(15:53):
because they then they could be getting like, you know,
a lot of slurs against them and that kind of thing.
But yeah, it's this really big unanswered questionable. Why are
they being targeted more, Why are they experiencing disproportionate levels
of violence on these apps. It's probably a multitude of
different factors and we need to do more research to
(16:13):
kind of unpack that a bit more.
Speaker 7 (16:16):
For doctor Boxel, whose research domestic and family violence, including
internet partner violence for thirteen years, it comes as no
surprise that abusive behaviors have occurred on dating platforms instead
The real surprise came before the survey was even made.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
And so we did a literature review to kind of see, well,
what does the evidence say, and we found that there
was no evidence. There was no research that had really
done a bit of like a deep dive in terms
of understanding prevalence and the types of violence and that
kind of thing. So the literature review basically ended by
saying we need an evidence space. So off the back
(16:58):
of that literature review, we decided to conduct Australia's first
in internationally, one of the larger scale kind of surveys
exploring the prevalence of sexual violence and harassment and different
types of harm on dating apps.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
It's the modern way to find love, but new research
proves there is a dark side to the online dating world.
The Australian Institute of Criminologies canvassed almost ten thousand dating
app users. It found three quarters suffered online violence like
abuse or exploitation at the hands of someone they met
(17:32):
on a dating app. One in three suffered physical violence
after meeting in person. The study also revealed members of
the LGBTQI plus community were more likely to suffer violence
at the hands of an online date.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
I did report her profile to the app to their credit.
Hinge immediately blocked her profile, but you can easily create
another Hinge profile just like that. I just fear for
the next person. She's someone who would be very attractive
on this app, and no one knows that she's a
(18:07):
repeat intimate partner violence of ender.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
So it's become so big so quickly. We haven't really
caught up with it. I mean, I don't know how
you deal with this kind of issue. It's the horse
has bolted really, like, how do you think we deal
with this? Like what would you do? Which kind of
just goes well, what's the responsibility of the platforms?
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Then?
Speaker 7 (18:33):
Doctor Boxhall's survey resulted in the government organizing a meeting
with dating app developers where they ask them to improve
how they deal with harmful behavior occurring on their platforms.
Communications Minister Michelle Rowland addressed the media on the twenty
fifth of January twenty and twenty three.
Speaker 8 (18:54):
Good afternoon, everyone.
Speaker 5 (18:56):
I want to start by thanking the participants of today's
round high on online dating apps and the importance of
consumer safety. It's been a thoughtful and insightful morning and
all the contributions that were made were most valuable.
Speaker 8 (19:12):
I want to start by talking about the tenor of
the roundtable today.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
It was collaborative.
Speaker 8 (19:18):
Everyone went in there today wanting to have outcomes.
Speaker 5 (19:22):
We all realize those outcomes are not going to be instantaneous.
Speaker 8 (19:25):
They're going to require more work. But above all else,
there's a collective desire to do better for Australians and
a collective understanding that the online dating apps need to
do better.
Speaker 7 (19:38):
It was decided by the government that the dating industry
needed to take action to improve the user safety. Given
a deadline of med the twenty twenty four dating app
developers were given an ultimedium to present their own volunteer
codes or face legislative action. But whether the codes are
(19:59):
the end solution PhD students Hannah Robertson doubts.
Speaker 6 (20:04):
It's really critical that we phrase these impending industry codes
as being overdue, because the dating app companies themselves have
been aware that this has been going on for years
and years and have failed to prevent or respond adequately.
These apps have been around for about ten years at
(20:26):
this point, and there has been so much love and
connection found via these apps. But equally since their inception,
there have also been reports and experiences of violence and
abuse facilitated by these platforms.
Speaker 7 (20:43):
To address dating app facilitated violence, Hannah says there's no
one size fits all solution. Instead, what needs to be
taken into consideration is the barriers each community faces when
reporting abuse to Already, she explains.
Speaker 6 (21:02):
What I think is really critical here is that responding
to dating app facilitative violence needs to be broad and
holistic and encompass a wide range of stakeholders and institutions. Right,
But that shouldn't necessarily be seen as a silver bullet
fixed to what is a really wicked and layered social problem.
(21:27):
So I think, you know, it really is important that
the dating apps themselves take onus, and they clearly are
looking to do that through the development of this industry code.
But it certainly is not an issue that's going to
be stopped by the development of a safety code, and
there needs to be a more layered, structured, broader societal response.
Speaker 7 (21:47):
I think Hannah, who is currently focusing her PhD on
how these voluntary codes are developed, is curious to see
how they will be applied to apps such as Hinge, Bumble, Tinder,
which were created to adhere to the American legal system.
Speaker 6 (22:05):
In America, any digital platform that exists has broad immunity
to any lawsuits or legal interference under section two thirty
CE of the US Constitution. So that section of law
essentially stipulates that the platforms themselves cannot be held liable
(22:26):
for the content posted or the behavior of any individuals
that use their platform. So because that exists in that
American legal context, the platforms have relied on that and
shielded themselves from liability under that code for you know,
since their inception. So this circumstance in Australia, with the
development of these industry codes is for a lot of
(22:48):
these platforms the first time there ever actually having to
face the music when it comes to a regulatory environment
and threats of looming legislation if the industry codes are
not up to standard.
Speaker 7 (23:10):
We're back in twenty and twenty two and since returning
from Vietnam, Sarah is living a life of secrecy, fear
and self doubt without telling anyone, she let the woman
stay with her again as she was worried her living
situations with the cousins wasn't safe.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
She wasn't paying brand I was paying for all of
her alcohol She would consume for like a whole tequila
bottle in like a day or two, and I was
paying for her cigarettes. She made me pay for her
phone after she smashed it because I didn't get home
early enough. She made me pay for her computer because
(23:51):
she claimed that it was also my fault. So there
was a lot of financial coersion and emotional abuse as
well as physical abuse.
Speaker 7 (24:01):
Their time together is tumultuous. Sometimes she's called the woman
recording her during their arguments. She calls it her proof
that Sarah is insane and is threatening to use it
if she ever goes to the police. It's your fault.
You're forcing me to do these things. The woman used
(24:22):
to say, how could anyone ever love you more than
I do? One day out of many, they're arguing and
the woman decides to call one of Sarah's friends, who
calls her family.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
She had called a friend, the only friend she knew,
the one who she'd met when we played tennis, and
this friend also didn't know that she was staying with me,
and she called my dad and brother. And after that incident,
I didn't tell the police much, but it was clear
(24:58):
that I was the victim of dB. They put in
an apprehended a domestic violence order on that day, and
then my friend and I went to the police station
a couple of days after to ask for it to
be a new contact apprehended domestic violence order, and I
sent them an initial statement of some of the things
that I'd experienced.
Speaker 7 (25:23):
With the apprehended domestic violence order put in place, the
woman is no longer allowed to be close or contact
Sarah without risking a breach charge or arrest. After the incident,
Sarah is going on holiday, but when she returns she's
due back at the police station. The two detectives handling
(25:45):
her case want her to leave a full statement.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Unfortunately, she managed to reach out to me. I subsequently
led her back into my life.
Speaker 7 (26:01):
Back together for a few weeks, this time also with
the new dog the woman wanted Sarah to buy. At times,
she feels ashamed about everything, thinking about what other people
must be thinking about her being in the same situation again.
Not long ago, there was an incident at a restaurant
(26:23):
where the police were called, but still she took her
back despite having an apprehended domestic violence order against her,
until a final night in September, nearly four months after
they first met.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
She continued to be physically and emotionally abusive until the
final night when the police were called, and she seemed
to think that I would get in trouble for being dysregulated.
But she was arrested and put in jail because it
was her second adv or violation within I think two months,
(27:02):
and there was a strangulation charge and assault charge leveled
against her. She was put in jail and at that time,
and only at that time, did I go back to
the detective and make a full statement about my experience
of multiple aggravated sexual assaults.
Speaker 7 (27:28):
From that final night in September and up until the
woman's release the following July, Sarah was living in fear
and a state of extreme dissociation, distancing herself from friends, family,
and work while struggling to navigate the legal system. But
she says there were times when she felt bad for
(27:50):
the woman. A moment that stands out is when she
says she reported letters to the police sent from an
inmate at the same jail where the woman was locked up.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
I can't remember the exact number, but I think it
was around between six and eight letters in total. The
first letter was about my dog. I remember this moment
where part of me thought, oh my gosh, maybe I
should respond and not tell the police. And I felt
so awful because she had made me feel so guilty
(28:23):
and so much shame, and I hated myself for still
letting this passon in my life. And I was scared.
I was so scared of what she was capable of,
because there were times where I thought, if she had
have gone further, she could have easily killed me.
Speaker 7 (28:42):
In the time before the woman's hearing date was decided,
messages and voicemails were sent to Sarah's phone. It's a man,
Sarah says, claiming his clients had videos of her.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
Her defense lawyer contacted me saying that she had videos
of me that could be embarrassing. And I knew that
she already had photos, and I had feared that she
had videos, but that, I guess led to the confirmation
of my fear that she'd been illegally recording me in
my own home.
Speaker 7 (29:16):
When Sarah goes to the police with the messages and voicemails,
she says she was told it won't be enough for
an intimidation charge. She also tries to lodge a complaint
with the Office of the Legal Serviceman's Onwardsman, but says
she was told that without the lawyer confirming what has happened,
there is nothing that she can do.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
It's the first complaint I've ever launched in my whole life,
and I felt really disempowered because I did everything I
could and he basically responded with lies. Even when I
had the text message and the voicemail that he sent me,
he was able to spin it in a way that
let him off the hood.
Speaker 7 (29:58):
The matter ends with the plea deal, Sarah doesn't have
to give evidence, and the woman is found guilty of
breaching in multiple apprehended domestic violence orders and common assault.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
She was sentenced to a total of one year in jail. However,
in July of last year. In July twenty twenty three,
I received a call from Corrective Services telling me that
she had applied for an appeal under Manifest Injustice, basically
(30:30):
saying that her incarceration was unfair in Layman's terms, and
that appeal was granted. So she was released in late
July of last year under the domestic violence Monitoring program,
and that program lasted until the end of her sentence,
which was September thirty, twenty twenty.
Speaker 7 (30:50):
Three, Sarah believes the woman who has two passports is
currently overseas. Looking back, she feels she did everything she
could have done to prevent the woman from doing what
she did to Sarah to someone else. She thinks back
at how everything started.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
The fact that it started online had everything to do
with how it escalated, because when I think about her
behavior in person, I don't think she's someone that if
I saw in a group social situation, i'd want to
go on a date with. But the fact that she
was giving me individualized, one on one attention online allowed
(31:29):
me and opened me up to the possibility of going
on a date with this person. I just need to
leave the past in the past in order for me
to live a full and happy life, and that's what
I deserve. I don't deserve having to mull over it
every single day of my life, because I already my
mind still often wanders there, and I don't want it to.
(31:51):
But as every day passes it, that's less and less.
Speaker 7 (31:58):
In July this year, at the time of the federal
government's deadline for the dating app industry to provide volunteery codes,
more than a year will have passed since Sarah first
matched with the woman on hinge, since doctor Boxel and
her research team's report was released and the roundtable was convened.
(32:19):
Rival Bumble has created a tip line with their Secure
Information Sharing Portal partner CODEX to improve users' safety. It's
a pathway separate from the codes that can be accessed
by non government organizations to assist victim survivors not wanting
to interact directly with law enforcement. Lucille from Bumble explains.
Speaker 4 (32:44):
A partnership like we have with Codex recognizes that disclosing
an experience of harm can also be a form of trauma,
and so if you ask someone who has experienced violence
or sexual assault, harassment, disclosing and that even just to
one person can take a toll. So the idea is
that individual members of our community don't interact with CODEX.
(33:08):
They can choose to interact with us directly if that's
their choice, but if they disclose their experience to one
of the organizations that are part of this tip line,
those organizations have a direct line to us to make
that report on their behalf.
Speaker 7 (33:21):
Lucille says. Bumble is also focusing on keeping its definitions
of harmful behaviors and guidelines up to dates, she explains.
Speaker 4 (33:32):
We're open to new ways. We're always trying to think
of new ways to try and sort of change the
culture that leads to violence against women and LGBTQ communities
and all sorts of underserved communities that we know are
more likely to experience harassment and abuse. We don't have
all the answers right now, but what we can commit
to is always try to improve and always keeping the
experience without community at the front and center.
Speaker 7 (33:55):
As for Hinge's efforts to make its dating apps safer,
a feature called hidden words earlier this year. It's a
tool meant to filter out negative interactions with the help
of a personalized list of words or phrases you think
it can be harmful for any upcoming changes, I reached
(34:17):
out to Hinge, but I failed to receive a response.
Sarah has since moved away with her pets, including the
dogs she bought while with the woman. She's also undergone
(34:38):
a counseling program through Saint Vincent's Hospital that she was
offered after her experience, and was referred to a queer
specific inner city legal service.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
Sarah I was told that I was the first survivor
that they talked to after COVID because the program was
disbanded during COVID. That was very helpful. I had I
think two free calls with a lawyer there, and I
have since tried to connect with ACON. I'm thinking of
(35:12):
doing an lgbt plus survivor group through ACN and there's
also another organization called speak Out that is lgbt plus
specific that I'm hoping to connect with.
Speaker 7 (35:23):
Acon is a leading LGBTQ plus health organization in New
South Wales that focuses on LGBTQ plus and HIV health.
As for how the apps can improve their safety, Sarah
thinks the idea of having a non government organization working
with victim survivors of sexual violence facilitated by apps is important.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
I think that we're a little bit desensitized when it
comes to online images and being bombarded. You know, in
the past, I've had my dating app open to both
men and women, and admittedly it's mainly men, you know,
bombarding me with photos that I don't want to see
or abusive messages, but also women. And I guess the
way that we're conditioned is to see this as part
(36:11):
and parcel of that online dating experience, but it shouldn't be.
No one should ever have to tolerate that, regardless of
whether it's online or in real life.
Speaker 7 (36:20):
Sarah says she's currently in the new, happy and healthy relationship,
but says that the experience with the woman still looms
over her to some degree. If you or someone you
know is struggling with mental health, you can call Lifeline
on thirteen eleven fourteen. You can also call Acon for
(36:42):
Queer and LGBTQIA plus Community Support Service on two nine,
two six, two thousand. For emergencies, call Triple zero. You
have listened to seven years Spectrum Queer and Looking for Love.
(37:03):
They forgotten victims of dating up violence. This episode was
produced and voiced by me Marlin Heglund.
I thought if she had have gone further, she could
have easily killed me.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
It's the modern way to find love. But new research
proves there is a dark side to the online dating world,
which kind.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Of just goes, well, what's the responsibility of the plus
worms there?
Speaker 4 (00:24):
We don't have all the answers right now, but what
we can commit to is always try to improve.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
The study also revealed members of the LGBTQI plus community
were more likely to suffer violence at the hands of
an online date.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
So there's a lot of financial coersion and emotional abuse
as well as physical abuse. The fact that it started
and online had everything to do with how it escalated.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Why are they being targeted more? Why are they experiencing
disproportionate lovers and violence on these apps?
Speaker 5 (00:53):
I want to start by thanking the participants of today's
roundtable on online dating apps importance of consumer safety.
Speaker 6 (01:02):
This circumstance in Australia is for a lot of these
platforms the first time they're ever actually paving to face
the music.
Speaker 7 (01:12):
You're listening to seven New Spectrum with me Malin Heglund
and this is queer and looking for love. They've forgotten
victims of dating app violence This episode contains a story
about the Internet partner violence and dating app facilitated sexual violence.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
So why was I on Hinge? I think I was
on Hinge because I wanted a meaningful connection and relationship,
and as a queer them presenting woman, it's often hard
to find queer women in real life.
Speaker 7 (01:51):
In May twenty twenty two, Sarah, which is not her
real name, downloaded a dating app called Hinge. It's considered
to be one of the more serious dating apps, where
the common consensus is that people seek relationships rather than hookups.
Last year, it was mentioned in a government report that
(02:13):
over three point two million Australians were actively seeking love
on dating apps. Among the most downloaded free apps, Hinge
ranked in the top six in twenty twenty four. Official
industry measures show that just in April, the dating app
had six hundred and fifty thousand users. Sarah's thirty three
(02:37):
years old, recently single, and describes herself as social but
also a bit shy. As a fem presenting queer women
attracted to other women who present themselves in what society
deems feminine versus masculine, Sarah says the relationships aren't taken
as seriously. She means that because there isn't atredisational masculine
(03:01):
role in the relationship dynamic, it's seen as more of
a face.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
She explains, I've been asked, you know, by multiple men,
can we have a threesome with you two? So it's
not necessarily taken seriously, and also as a growth generalization
because people perceive, perhaps people more on the pan sexual
bisexual spectrum as being more fem presenting, but strengthens that
assumption that if you're fem you're not necessarily queer or
(03:29):
lesbian for life, and that you might have fun with women,
that you're going to settle down with a man.
Speaker 7 (03:35):
For Sarah, using dating apps in general as a tool
to meet someone has been both good and bad. Although
she says there's been a bit of fear after having
experienced verbal abuse from users on them, they've helped her
make connections with people she might not otherwise have met.
In May twenty twenty two, she receives a match with
(03:58):
a woman on them founded dating app Hinge. The woman
leaves a comment on one of her pictures saying that
she looks cute.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I was drawn to her because she seemed to be
doing an interesting PhD and her research area, which was
women's rights ironically, was something that drew me in. So
the conversations on the app were on and off. Initially,
she had responded quite sporadically, so I didn't get a
(04:31):
sense of really knowing her that well until she suggested
to text instead of use hinge.
Speaker 7 (04:39):
Sarah says, the woman is funny, very charismatic, and seems educated.
Or a text Sarah, who's working on a documentary with
an LGBT plus publisher on intimate partner violence at the time,
likes that they seem to have a lot in common. Soon,
when she's asked out on a date, there is and
(05:00):
any reason in her mind to say no.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
I would probably have more trepidation, honestly if I was
speaking to a man. But there are certain assumptions around
like women in violence. Like I guess because when it
comes to intimate partner violence, the majority of offenders are men.
You don't associate women with that kind of violence, so
I had less fear of making that transition.
Speaker 7 (05:26):
Eventually, wanting to meet someone you matched with on the
apps is not uncommon, if made safe, It's something many
apps encourage in order to build either a romantic or
platonic relationship. Lucille McCart Asia Pacific communications director at another
American dating app with a large presence in Australia, explains.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
Safety for us is really day one priority because Bumble
is a women first app. We have been that way
for ten years and we don't to change that. Dating
and friend finding is a vulnerable experience. It's requiring people
to put themselves out there to meet new people, and
our community will only put the trust in us to
(06:12):
do that if they feel safe in that space.
Speaker 7 (06:14):
To keep the app safe, Lacille says it's important for
bumbles safety protocols to be updated alongside new forms of
harassment so that it's easier to keep them off the app.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
As behavior evolves, as trends evolve, we need to make
sure that the policies and the safety features that we
had in place ten years ago need to change. You know,
we need to evolve as we go to make sure
that we are trying to anticipate all possible uses of
our app and all the possible different intentions that people
(06:47):
could have. And that's positive and negative. Now, that doesn't
mean that we catch everything all the time. Sometimes we
do only learn about that behavior when it is reported
to us.
Speaker 7 (07:03):
Sarah and the woman are meeting at Sydney's Central train station.
She's coming from interstate and is carrying luggage when they meet.
From there, they go to a bar that's just a
ten minute walk from the station. Once there, the woman
buys shots and asks Sarah if she can take her
(07:23):
out for dinner in Sydney's Eastern suburbs.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
She wanted to take me to a restaurant in Bondai,
which she promised to pay for. However, she ordered everything,
ordered lots of drinks, became incredibly intoxicated herself, and then
asked me to pay for the dinner. We went down
to Bondai Beach, where she was quite forceful in trying
(07:51):
to pook up with me on the beach and told
me that she was staying at a cousin's place and
that it would be impossible for her to get home
this late at night, so she asked me to if
she could stay. I was concerned about her well being
because she wasn't able to stand very well. She had
bags from her interstate trip, so I said, okay, you
(08:14):
can stay at my house.
Speaker 7 (08:20):
When they wake up the next morning, Sarah says the
woman is acting aggressively as she can't find her phone.
She can't remember having lost it in the uber the
night before, and the man's Sarah help her find it.
When they finally find it, the woman asks if she
could stay another night. She explains that she doesn't feel
(08:42):
safe staying with her cousins as they don't respect her sexuality.
Sarah says she feels bad and says yes, besides, she's
traveling to Vietnam soon and only has a game of
tennis planned with a friend for the night.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
So I went to play tennis with my friends, and
she was incredibly disrespectful, very drunk during the game, making
remarks sexual remarks towards me and another friend, and then
she made derogatory remarks about me being infertile. Just you know,
she was. Yeah, it was only the prospect. When I
(09:21):
said to her, look, I'm going to Vietnam in two
nights and I need some space, so you're going to
have to leave that she left my house. Well, in fact,
she didn't leave my house. I drove her to her
cousin's house and that was how I sort of initially
got her out of the house. After a three day date.
Speaker 7 (09:41):
But even though the woman had left Sarah's house, she
was far from leaving her mind. During her Vietnam trip,
Sarah receives a warning from her ex girlfriend of seven
years to stay away from the woman. Sarah say Sir
X told her about a friend having dated the woman
and that she was caught lying about having cancer.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Like I was more skeptical about it than usual, but
she told me, look, this girl is bad news. I
don't think you should engage with her. And at that
time I had every intention not to engage with her.
Speaker 7 (10:18):
But at the same time, Sarah says, she was also
receiving messages from the woman who claims she's unsafe at
her cousins.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
She was incredibly manipulative. So an example of this is
my mom passed away from breast cancer when I was
twenty one. She was diagnosed when I was nine, so
she knew that cancer for me was a topic of
extreme sensitivity. However, she told me that she had had
cancer a couple of years ago and that she was
a survivor, and that was something that led me to
(10:50):
feel a great deal of empathy for her. Because sometimes
the quiz community is very small. I actually had a
friend of a friend who had also dated this woman,
and dated this woman about five years ago when she'd
supposedly had cancer, and during this period she had made
a gofund me account for her supposed cancer, and this woman,
(11:13):
who was a friend of a friend of mine, like
my abuser, had disclosed to her that she actually didn't
have cancer but was just using it to make money.
Speaker 7 (11:23):
Sarah says after she returned from Vietnam, she took the
woman back into her home and suffered aggravated sexual assault, assault,
and financial quosion for days. She says she'd listened to
the woman speaking bitterly about a former partner and wonder
that if one day she would be on the receiving
(11:44):
end of that rant.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
What struck me was how vindictive and hateful she was,
that she would sort of in her drunken state, plot
revenge against her ex partner who had three kids. So
ultimately she was trying to think of ways to get her,
you know, the kids removed, or think of ways to
hurt her in some way because she felt me so
(12:06):
hard done by it. So I knew that her grasp
of reality was not objective.
Speaker 7 (12:15):
Sarah says, it was from the woman's ex partner. She
would eventually find out about the woman having passed harassments
and intimidation charges from around the same time they met
in twenty twenty two. In Australia, intimate partner violence is
defined as any behavior within an intimate relationship that causes physical, sexual,
(12:38):
or psychological harm. Government data estimates that one in four
women experience intimate partner violence since the age of fifteen,
but it's also been reported that by endless been women
are more likely to be in violent relationships than heterosexual women.
In a twenty twenty seven from Latrobe University on LGBTQI
(13:04):
plus adults, emotional abuse was the most reported form of
intimate partner violence, experienced by nearly half of their respondents.
But that members of the LGBTQI plus community are falling
victim to intimate partner violence is nothing new. It has
(13:24):
for over a decade been researched and compared to opposite
sex relationships, but fallen under the radar as it has
been viewed as something that only happens between a man
and a woman. This itself, experts believe has prevented many
members of the community from seeking help, as they either
(13:45):
don't recognize the abuse or don't find any support groups
designed for them. In the twenty twenty survey from Latrobe University,
it was revealed that sixty one percent of respondents had
ex experienced intimate partner violence. Two years later, in twenty
twenty two, another survey from the Australian Institute or Criminology
(14:09):
revealed that the community was also more likely to experience
dating app facilitated sexual violence. In the survey, the researchers
define this type of violence as any sexual violence, harassment,
and aggression experienced when using dating apps. Sexual violence is
(14:30):
when a person is forced, coerced, or manipulated into any
sexual activity. Doctor Haley Boxel, who took part in creating
the twenty twenty two survey, explains.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
So there's kind of a couple of different ways that
we can think about it. So there's the idea that
it could be a lifestyle thing, because we know from
other research that LGB plus communities spend more time on line,
and that could be because that's where their communities are
in terms of the people that they feel safe with
(15:07):
and that have similar interest to them and that kind
of thing, and that could be particularly the case for
people in certain parts of Australia where they may not
have access to LGB plus kind of communities more generally
because of kind of geographic limitations or cultural barriers and
things like that. And then when you kind of dig
into the data a little bit more, we see that
(15:30):
by women experience the highest rates of sexual violence across
kind of the gamut. And I mean, this theory is
kind of supported by the fact that in particular, what
we saw was harassing language and threatening language was really
common amongst LGB plus communities, which is kind of consistent
with that idea about their being targeted because they're gay,
(15:53):
because they then they could be getting like, you know,
a lot of slurs against them and that kind of thing.
But yeah, it's this really big unanswered questionable. Why are
they being targeted more, Why are they experiencing disproportionate levels
of violence on these apps. It's probably a multitude of
different factors and we need to do more research to
(16:13):
kind of unpack that a bit more.
Speaker 7 (16:16):
For doctor Boxel, whose research domestic and family violence, including
internet partner violence for thirteen years, it comes as no
surprise that abusive behaviors have occurred on dating platforms instead
The real surprise came before the survey was even made.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
And so we did a literature review to kind of see, well,
what does the evidence say, and we found that there
was no evidence. There was no research that had really
done a bit of like a deep dive in terms
of understanding prevalence and the types of violence and that
kind of thing. So the literature review basically ended by
saying we need an evidence space. So off the back
(16:58):
of that literature review, we decided to conduct Australia's first
in internationally, one of the larger scale kind of surveys
exploring the prevalence of sexual violence and harassment and different
types of harm on dating apps.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
It's the modern way to find love, but new research
proves there is a dark side to the online dating world.
The Australian Institute of Criminologies canvassed almost ten thousand dating
app users. It found three quarters suffered online violence like
abuse or exploitation at the hands of someone they met
(17:32):
on a dating app. One in three suffered physical violence
after meeting in person. The study also revealed members of
the LGBTQI plus community were more likely to suffer violence
at the hands of an online date.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
I did report her profile to the app to their credit.
Hinge immediately blocked her profile, but you can easily create
another Hinge profile just like that. I just fear for
the next person. She's someone who would be very attractive
on this app, and no one knows that she's a
(18:07):
repeat intimate partner violence of ender.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
So it's become so big so quickly. We haven't really
caught up with it. I mean, I don't know how
you deal with this kind of issue. It's the horse
has bolted really, like, how do you think we deal
with this? Like what would you do? Which kind of
just goes well, what's the responsibility of the platforms?
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Then?
Speaker 7 (18:33):
Doctor Boxhall's survey resulted in the government organizing a meeting
with dating app developers where they ask them to improve
how they deal with harmful behavior occurring on their platforms.
Communications Minister Michelle Rowland addressed the media on the twenty
fifth of January twenty and twenty three.
Speaker 8 (18:54):
Good afternoon, everyone.
Speaker 5 (18:56):
I want to start by thanking the participants of today's
round high on online dating apps and the importance of
consumer safety. It's been a thoughtful and insightful morning and
all the contributions that were made were most valuable.
Speaker 8 (19:12):
I want to start by talking about the tenor of
the roundtable today.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
It was collaborative.
Speaker 8 (19:18):
Everyone went in there today wanting to have outcomes.
Speaker 5 (19:22):
We all realize those outcomes are not going to be instantaneous.
Speaker 8 (19:25):
They're going to require more work. But above all else,
there's a collective desire to do better for Australians and
a collective understanding that the online dating apps need to
do better.
Speaker 7 (19:38):
It was decided by the government that the dating industry
needed to take action to improve the user safety. Given
a deadline of med the twenty twenty four dating app
developers were given an ultimedium to present their own volunteer
codes or face legislative action. But whether the codes are
(19:59):
the end solution PhD students Hannah Robertson doubts.
Speaker 6 (20:04):
It's really critical that we phrase these impending industry codes
as being overdue, because the dating app companies themselves have
been aware that this has been going on for years
and years and have failed to prevent or respond adequately.
These apps have been around for about ten years at
(20:26):
this point, and there has been so much love and
connection found via these apps. But equally since their inception,
there have also been reports and experiences of violence and
abuse facilitated by these platforms.
Speaker 7 (20:43):
To address dating app facilitated violence, Hannah says there's no
one size fits all solution. Instead, what needs to be
taken into consideration is the barriers each community faces when
reporting abuse to Already, she explains.
Speaker 6 (21:02):
What I think is really critical here is that responding
to dating app facilitative violence needs to be broad and
holistic and encompass a wide range of stakeholders and institutions. Right,
But that shouldn't necessarily be seen as a silver bullet
fixed to what is a really wicked and layered social problem.
(21:27):
So I think, you know, it really is important that
the dating apps themselves take onus, and they clearly are
looking to do that through the development of this industry code.
But it certainly is not an issue that's going to
be stopped by the development of a safety code, and
there needs to be a more layered, structured, broader societal response.
Speaker 7 (21:47):
I think Hannah, who is currently focusing her PhD on
how these voluntary codes are developed, is curious to see
how they will be applied to apps such as Hinge, Bumble, Tinder,
which were created to adhere to the American legal system.
Speaker 6 (22:05):
In America, any digital platform that exists has broad immunity
to any lawsuits or legal interference under section two thirty
CE of the US Constitution. So that section of law
essentially stipulates that the platforms themselves cannot be held liable
(22:26):
for the content posted or the behavior of any individuals
that use their platform. So because that exists in that
American legal context, the platforms have relied on that and
shielded themselves from liability under that code for you know,
since their inception. So this circumstance in Australia, with the
development of these industry codes is for a lot of
(22:48):
these platforms the first time there ever actually having to
face the music when it comes to a regulatory environment
and threats of looming legislation if the industry codes are
not up to standard.
Speaker 7 (23:10):
We're back in twenty and twenty two and since returning
from Vietnam, Sarah is living a life of secrecy, fear
and self doubt without telling anyone, she let the woman
stay with her again as she was worried her living
situations with the cousins wasn't safe.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
She wasn't paying brand I was paying for all of
her alcohol She would consume for like a whole tequila
bottle in like a day or two, and I was
paying for her cigarettes. She made me pay for her
phone after she smashed it because I didn't get home
early enough. She made me pay for her computer because
(23:51):
she claimed that it was also my fault. So there
was a lot of financial coersion and emotional abuse as
well as physical abuse.
Speaker 7 (24:01):
Their time together is tumultuous. Sometimes she's called the woman
recording her during their arguments. She calls it her proof
that Sarah is insane and is threatening to use it
if she ever goes to the police. It's your fault.
You're forcing me to do these things. The woman used
(24:22):
to say, how could anyone ever love you more than
I do? One day out of many, they're arguing and
the woman decides to call one of Sarah's friends, who
calls her family.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
She had called a friend, the only friend she knew,
the one who she'd met when we played tennis, and
this friend also didn't know that she was staying with me,
and she called my dad and brother. And after that incident,
I didn't tell the police much, but it was clear
(24:58):
that I was the victim of dB. They put in
an apprehended a domestic violence order on that day, and
then my friend and I went to the police station
a couple of days after to ask for it to
be a new contact apprehended domestic violence order, and I
sent them an initial statement of some of the things
that I'd experienced.
Speaker 7 (25:23):
With the apprehended domestic violence order put in place, the
woman is no longer allowed to be close or contact
Sarah without risking a breach charge or arrest. After the incident,
Sarah is going on holiday, but when she returns she's
due back at the police station. The two detectives handling
(25:45):
her case want her to leave a full statement.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Unfortunately, she managed to reach out to me. I subsequently
led her back into my life.
Speaker 7 (26:01):
Back together for a few weeks, this time also with
the new dog the woman wanted Sarah to buy. At times,
she feels ashamed about everything, thinking about what other people
must be thinking about her being in the same situation again.
Not long ago, there was an incident at a restaurant
(26:23):
where the police were called, but still she took her
back despite having an apprehended domestic violence order against her,
until a final night in September, nearly four months after
they first met.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
She continued to be physically and emotionally abusive until the
final night when the police were called, and she seemed
to think that I would get in trouble for being dysregulated.
But she was arrested and put in jail because it
was her second adv or violation within I think two months,
(27:02):
and there was a strangulation charge and assault charge leveled
against her. She was put in jail and at that time,
and only at that time, did I go back to
the detective and make a full statement about my experience
of multiple aggravated sexual assaults.
Speaker 7 (27:28):
From that final night in September and up until the
woman's release the following July, Sarah was living in fear
and a state of extreme dissociation, distancing herself from friends, family,
and work while struggling to navigate the legal system. But
she says there were times when she felt bad for
(27:50):
the woman. A moment that stands out is when she
says she reported letters to the police sent from an
inmate at the same jail where the woman was locked up.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
I can't remember the exact number, but I think it
was around between six and eight letters in total. The
first letter was about my dog. I remember this moment
where part of me thought, oh my gosh, maybe I
should respond and not tell the police. And I felt
so awful because she had made me feel so guilty
(28:23):
and so much shame, and I hated myself for still
letting this passon in my life. And I was scared.
I was so scared of what she was capable of,
because there were times where I thought, if she had
have gone further, she could have easily killed me.
Speaker 7 (28:42):
In the time before the woman's hearing date was decided,
messages and voicemails were sent to Sarah's phone. It's a man,
Sarah says, claiming his clients had videos of her.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
Her defense lawyer contacted me saying that she had videos
of me that could be embarrassing. And I knew that
she already had photos, and I had feared that she
had videos, but that, I guess led to the confirmation
of my fear that she'd been illegally recording me in
my own home.
Speaker 7 (29:16):
When Sarah goes to the police with the messages and voicemails,
she says she was told it won't be enough for
an intimidation charge. She also tries to lodge a complaint
with the Office of the Legal Serviceman's Onwardsman, but says
she was told that without the lawyer confirming what has happened,
there is nothing that she can do.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
It's the first complaint I've ever launched in my whole life,
and I felt really disempowered because I did everything I
could and he basically responded with lies. Even when I
had the text message and the voicemail that he sent me,
he was able to spin it in a way that
let him off the hood.
Speaker 7 (29:58):
The matter ends with the plea deal, Sarah doesn't have
to give evidence, and the woman is found guilty of
breaching in multiple apprehended domestic violence orders and common assault.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
She was sentenced to a total of one year in jail. However,
in July of last year. In July twenty twenty three,
I received a call from Corrective Services telling me that
she had applied for an appeal under Manifest Injustice, basically
(30:30):
saying that her incarceration was unfair in Layman's terms, and
that appeal was granted. So she was released in late
July of last year under the domestic violence Monitoring program,
and that program lasted until the end of her sentence,
which was September thirty, twenty twenty.
Speaker 7 (30:50):
Three, Sarah believes the woman who has two passports is
currently overseas. Looking back, she feels she did everything she
could have done to prevent the woman from doing what
she did to Sarah to someone else. She thinks back
at how everything started.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
The fact that it started online had everything to do
with how it escalated, because when I think about her
behavior in person, I don't think she's someone that if
I saw in a group social situation, i'd want to
go on a date with. But the fact that she
was giving me individualized, one on one attention online allowed
(31:29):
me and opened me up to the possibility of going
on a date with this person. I just need to
leave the past in the past in order for me
to live a full and happy life, and that's what
I deserve. I don't deserve having to mull over it
every single day of my life, because I already my
mind still often wanders there, and I don't want it to.
(31:51):
But as every day passes it, that's less and less.
Speaker 7 (31:58):
In July this year, at the time of the federal
government's deadline for the dating app industry to provide volunteery codes,
more than a year will have passed since Sarah first
matched with the woman on hinge, since doctor Boxel and
her research team's report was released and the roundtable was convened.
(32:19):
Rival Bumble has created a tip line with their Secure
Information Sharing Portal partner CODEX to improve users' safety. It's
a pathway separate from the codes that can be accessed
by non government organizations to assist victim survivors not wanting
to interact directly with law enforcement. Lucille from Bumble explains.
Speaker 4 (32:44):
A partnership like we have with Codex recognizes that disclosing
an experience of harm can also be a form of trauma,
and so if you ask someone who has experienced violence
or sexual assault, harassment, disclosing and that even just to
one person can take a toll. So the idea is
that individual members of our community don't interact with CODEX.
(33:08):
They can choose to interact with us directly if that's
their choice, but if they disclose their experience to one
of the organizations that are part of this tip line,
those organizations have a direct line to us to make
that report on their behalf.
Speaker 7 (33:21):
Lucille says. Bumble is also focusing on keeping its definitions
of harmful behaviors and guidelines up to dates, she explains.
Speaker 4 (33:32):
We're open to new ways. We're always trying to think
of new ways to try and sort of change the
culture that leads to violence against women and LGBTQ communities
and all sorts of underserved communities that we know are
more likely to experience harassment and abuse. We don't have
all the answers right now, but what we can commit
to is always try to improve and always keeping the
experience without community at the front and center.
Speaker 7 (33:55):
As for Hinge's efforts to make its dating apps safer,
a feature called hidden words earlier this year. It's a
tool meant to filter out negative interactions with the help
of a personalized list of words or phrases you think
it can be harmful for any upcoming changes, I reached
(34:17):
out to Hinge, but I failed to receive a response.
Sarah has since moved away with her pets, including the
dogs she bought while with the woman. She's also undergone
(34:38):
a counseling program through Saint Vincent's Hospital that she was
offered after her experience, and was referred to a queer
specific inner city legal service.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
Sarah I was told that I was the first survivor
that they talked to after COVID because the program was
disbanded during COVID. That was very helpful. I had I
think two free calls with a lawyer there, and I
have since tried to connect with ACON. I'm thinking of
(35:12):
doing an lgbt plus survivor group through ACN and there's
also another organization called speak Out that is lgbt plus
specific that I'm hoping to connect with.
Speaker 7 (35:23):
Acon is a leading LGBTQ plus health organization in New
South Wales that focuses on LGBTQ plus and HIV health.
As for how the apps can improve their safety, Sarah
thinks the idea of having a non government organization working
with victim survivors of sexual violence facilitated by apps is important.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
I think that we're a little bit desensitized when it
comes to online images and being bombarded. You know, in
the past, I've had my dating app open to both
men and women, and admittedly it's mainly men, you know,
bombarding me with photos that I don't want to see
or abusive messages, but also women. And I guess the
way that we're conditioned is to see this as part
(36:11):
and parcel of that online dating experience, but it shouldn't be.
No one should ever have to tolerate that, regardless of
whether it's online or in real life.
Speaker 7 (36:20):
Sarah says she's currently in the new, happy and healthy relationship,
but says that the experience with the woman still looms
over her to some degree. If you or someone you
know is struggling with mental health, you can call Lifeline
on thirteen eleven fourteen. You can also call Acon for
(36:42):
Queer and LGBTQIA plus Community Support Service on two nine,
two six, two thousand. For emergencies, call Triple zero. You
have listened to seven years Spectrum Queer and Looking for Love.
(37:03):
They forgotten victims of dating up violence. This episode was
produced and voiced by me Marlin Heglund.
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