Royally Not Ready by Meghan Quinn Part 2

Ever wished there was smut in the Princess Diaries? Well this one is for you! Join us as we journey to Torskethorpe in Royally Not Ready by Meghan Quinn. This is part 2 of 2.

Triggers: mild BDSM, emotional manipulation, love bombing

Tropes: long lost princess

KU: Yes

Recommendation: 0/2 Traders recommend.

For more of the author check out www.authormeghanquinn.com

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
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this for just $3 a month, so check it out and we would really appreciate the support.
Anyway, on to today's episode.
I just, the way that this book ended, and then, and then, and then, the way that Keller

(00:50):
like, wooed her back, such a security breach. Okay. That's not a problem. But like, are
you suspended or not? Like, but he, okay, also, also, where did he find the time? Again, there's
not a lot of time happening in this book. He paints a whole fucking portrait of the hot

(01:13):
springs in like a day. I get it. He doesn't have a job anymore. But also, I just, maybe
it's because I've never had a boy like write me poetry, but we talked about this in the
first part where it has the same vibe as, which this has happened to both of us, the
dude who just sings at you and plays guitar at you. Yes. I wouldn't be wooed by his poetry

(01:37):
or his art. And I mean, like, I am a romantic. I like those things. I just don't believe
that his is any good. And it's a little creepy that he's everywhere she's going.
Welcome to your safe space, the podcast, your partner, friends, parents, whoever thinks is
dirty, don't have time to read books, want to understand the jokes in the tics, we got

(01:59):
you fam. We're the spice traders and we deal in spicy books. I'm Katie and I need it to
make sense. I'm Liz and I'm hyper critical. As always, we start every episode with three
things. The first is a generic trigger warning. You can find specific triggers for this book
in our show notes. So please check those out. Also, we do use foul language and talk a lot
about sex. If you have sensitivity to any of this, please give this episode a skip.

(02:23):
Secondly, we talk about books, the whole book, nothing but the books that helped me goddess.
If you plan to read this book and don't want something spoiled right now, don't listen
to this episode. Lastly, we acknowledge that a good book can hit you at the wrong time.
The views expressed in our discussion are our opinion and we absolutely don't want to
diminish the work and the talent of the authors in our community. That said, we have some
notes.

(02:44):
Katie, what are we talking about today?
Today we are talking about Royally Not Ready by Megan Quinn. And this will be part two
of our coverage of this book. So we'll finish the book, chapters 14 and onward. And then

(03:07):
we will conclude by doing our ratings.
So if you remember in part one, I did the annoying thing where I tracked what day we
were on and I'm going to continue to do that because one of my main problems with this
book is how short a time period all of this love bombing happens in. And I think it just

(03:29):
serves to really illustrate how unhappy or unhealthy the dynamic is between these two.
So we start part two on day 11 and Keller and Lily go on a morning run. And Keller is
bitching to us internally because Lily is upset that she didn't get a kiss in the morning.
When they get back, they are arguing about the unnamed facts that Keller is still trying

(03:52):
to teach Lily and Lily just undresses in front of him. They're like up in her room and she
just starts stripping. So Keller looks because he's a horn dog and they continue their conversation
as she goes into the bathroom to start a shower. As she's showering and they're arguing, he
tells her that he's trying to keep a professional distance and she says, quote, oh yeah, you're
really professional right now, more like a peeping Tom.

(04:16):
It's there are so many scenes in this book that I'm just like, what is happening? Because
she's simultaneously trying to stick it to him, seduce him, show him that she's mad.
Right. Show him that she has a backbone and can make decisions when really she's just
coming off as like a toddler. Like I don't like this whole scene. I'd kick him the fuck

(04:40):
out of my room. Like, don't stop talking to me. Like this is so strange. It's so strange.
They're arguing and she like takes her top off and he's like distracted by her tits or
whatever. And then she's essentially like, hello, we were having a conversation and I'm
like, brother, you're doing this. Yeah, you took your top off. That's what I'm saying.
It's like she's trying to simultaneously show him that she's mad and get him riled up. And

(05:03):
I'm just like, this is wacky. Right. What is your goal?
I'm sorry. I'm not sorry about this. Like I find the trope of a dude being so distracted
by nudity that he can't formulate a sentence or listen to words. Just incredibly distasteful.

(05:29):
It discusses me. Like I don't want to be with somebody like that. No, like, no, it would
make our life incredibly like cumbersome. Like I'm just thinking about if I had a partner
who was completely distracted and turned into a dumb deaf idiot. Every time it was naked,
like I would just lose my mind. Right. Like you can show me that you appreciate me like

(05:55):
without losing your entire humanity. It's just I hate, I hate Keller. I hate him so much.
I don't like Lily much better, but I hate Keller. Yeah, I do too. So Keller finally leaves the
bathroom and he berates himself internally. After Lily's done showering, it's his turn.
But while he's in there getting ready to shower, she comes in topless to brush her hair.

(06:18):
And she essentially goads him into being intimate with her, which is not a great dynamic.
That's always how they're intimate and it's gross. Yeah, it's it's gross because like,
okay, so Keller describes it like this quote, you know how when you enter into the reptile part
of your brain, nothing else matters besides the feelings you're feeling in that moment.

(06:38):
Well, nothing fucking matters other than the one thing on my mind getting between her legs.
End quote. And I hate this because it's so one note. Like he doesn't describe wanting to know her
as a person in such like a visceral way, coupled with the fact that he constantly says out loud,

(06:59):
it's not about sex for him. And I'm like, but it is. But it's entirely about sex for you.
That's the only thing that you're telling us it's about in your internal monologue. So like,
yeah, sure, you can lie to other people, but don't lie to us as the reader because it's not
going to work. No, especially when I get your internal monologue, like, and you're just gross.

(07:21):
Right. And it would be one thing if like they were both like, yeah, this is purely like physical,
blah, blah, I know nothing about him. Like I'm not in love, right? God, I'm not an idiot. But
that's not what's happening here. Like they're trying to convince us that they have this like
deep emotional connection. And I'm like, you fucking don't know. We're trying to it's, it's
almost like the author trying to convince us that this is like a mated pair thing, just not in fantasy.

(07:47):
And I hate it. You're so right about that. I hate it. Oh, you hate it.
So after his shower, Keller storms into Lily's room in pincer against the wall,
and he starts pulling out like what I think the book is trying to play off his Dom talk,
but really it just reads to me as like controlling incel vibes. Yep, because like, so he commands

(08:09):
a Lily to take his towel off and then make him orgasm by just touching his balls. And he also
tells her quote, you might be a future queen, but when it comes to the bedroom, I am your goddamn king.
Got it. I would laugh in his face. I would laugh right at his penis, especially because for the
rest of the book, he makes her address him as my king in the bedroom. And I'm just like, I want to

(08:34):
vomit. It's I hate it every time like,
I can't even formulate words for how much it grosses me out.
Because like, okay, it not only does it gross me out, but it also ruins for me the rest of the
scenes in this book, because you'll be having a perfectly good smut scene. And then they'll whip

(08:55):
out like the my king stuff. And I'm just like, sorry, kind of brought me out of the chantasy
there a little bit. Exactly, because the scenes aren't bad. Like, I wouldn't be opposed to reading
other things by Megan Quinn, because I'm intrigued by the spice that she writes, if she can write
a better male character. And just I agree. Every time the my king came up, I'm just like, well,

(09:17):
I'm dry. I'm drier than a desert girl. I have nothing like.
Anyway, so she gets on her knees and does the thing. And when he's about to finish, he does so in
her mouth, which like usually I know I'm here for like, but this scene just really doesn't hit the
right way. And I think it is because of the mine king stuff. And because he's just so like,

(09:40):
whiny, I don't know, man. He's just cringy. He's cringy.
So afterwards he tells her that she'll get what she deserves later that night. Before they move on,
though, Lily asks to make sure that they're on the same page, that they are both wanting the other
and that he won't regret being with her. She says specifically, quote, when I lift up to my toes to

(10:04):
kiss you, I want you to meet me halfway, not to nine me, not to nine me your affection.
End quote. He says they're on the same page in that he's claiming her as his. And this results in
him pinning against the wall and dry having her until they both finish again, which like he has
the stamina of like a fay print. So I'm not really sure what's going on there. But yeah,

(10:25):
I want to get back to the words because it's really important here. She says specifically,
don't deny me your affection. And I think that's important because he does that consistently
throughout the rest of the book. And so I don't like this scene, I think is supposed to be illustrating
to us that like Lily is this strong main character. And like she says the right things, but she doesn't

(10:49):
like act like the follow ups not there, because she's so clearly wrapped around this guy and like
actually doesn't care if they're on the same page at all. No. And this conversation in isolation,
again, the future, he doesn't do what she asks. But in isolation, it's a good conversation of her

(11:10):
saying this is explicitly what I want. This is how you made me feel. But I wish it had happened
before the whole shower scene. Like she should have said that from the get go of like, Hey,
we're on the run, what you did hurt my feelings. And then they could have their smut scene. But
like they go through this weird tug of war. And then they fuck kind of. And then they talk about

(11:31):
their feelings like no girl, he already got what he wanted. He can say whatever he wants now because
you already sucked him off. You already put out. Yeah. Yeah. And I sound like it's super shitty.
And I sound exactly like my mother, but like, I know, in this case.
But it is true. So later that day, when they both have clothes on, they are running a simulation

(11:57):
of a kidnapping in this simulation, Lily is surprise kidnapped and then put into a dark room.
Lara and Brymar are her supposed captors while Keller is literally in the room coaching her
through the whole thing. Afterward, they question her on everything that she picked up. And she
tells them a lot of things that she supposedly picked up during the training. But since it's
literally people she's been with, and in a location that she's lived in for the past 10 days, I

(12:22):
felt like this was a whole lot of contrived because like Lily is not just suddenly good at being
like calm under pressure. No, she knows these people. She knew she was safe the whole time.
If they were actually training her, they should have brought in like two other security people that
she's never met and taken her to a different location. And then Keller shouldn't have been

(12:43):
in the room with her. No, coach her before she goes in like, Hey, this is what you should work for
or what you should look for. You're going to be safe, blah, blah, blah. But like you can't just be
there next to her. Right. And he's like, you know, if it gets too intense, like tell me and
well, you know, blah, well, end the thing. I'm just like, okay, this isn't this isn't real life.
Like maybe that's good for like a first time, but they like do this one simulation and they're

(13:06):
like, okay, great, you did super well. Like no notes. So I guess you're ready for the real thing.
You're good to go. If you ever got kidnapped, you're good to go. Okay, also, I said this in the
first part, it drives me insane. I've never been royalty. I don't know. But it feels like they
are treating her training like this is a wildly dangerous country and she is just at risk 24 seven.

(13:29):
But there's like 400 people that live on this island. It's completely insane. So like going
back to the, the how wildly just on a different planet, this book is so in in the like aftermath,
like the recap of this kidnapping simulation, both Lara and Breimar are calling Lily Princess Lily

(13:51):
for the first and only time in this book. And I have two problems. One, if she's a princess,
like treat her like one to princesses titles are not princess. Like you don't address them as that
you address them as like your highness or your majesty or whatever like your decorum is like,
it's not just like, Oh, Princess Lily, it's so good. Like what, what are you doing?

(14:15):
I don't know. I wondered that the whole time and then they just call her Miss Campbell and I'm like,
she has to have a different title and then later some rando calls her Princess Lily and I'm just
like, what are we doing? Where are we? So later that day, we see Lily on her phone. First, she
reads the next iteration of the informative, which is just the same news, but on a different day,

(14:39):
like the same love triangle is happening. But now the fisherman's wife has left the village to
get some goddamn peace in her life and the village is split basically along party lines. Cool.
She then texts with Timmy Tuna and tells him that she's actually a princess and next in line for
the throne and that she and Keller have finally had sex. Cool, which is also not true. But okay.

(15:00):
No, it's, I mean, like they haven't, they haven't had penetrative sex. Yes, they have had sex.
So Keller calls her in for lunch and then like sees that she's texting with Timmy Tuna and is
like, Oh, we had considered the fact that maybe Timmy was the leak and Lily's like, that can't

(15:22):
be possible because he literally has like no nothing until this morning and Keller's like
shocked that she didn't tell him everything. And she's like rightfully offended at the insinuation.
Yeah. But then it just like blows over because Timmy Tuna is not like a relevant character and
Keller like, I don't know, touches her hip or some shit. And she's just like, Oh,

(15:44):
he continues just to touch her like throughout the rest of this book. And I hate it every time.
And like, I'm a very touchy person. It feels possessive and not in the fun way.
No, it doesn't. Well, and I, okay, so we talked about this a little bit at the end of part one,
but he is, he's so talking out of both sides of his mouth because on the one hand, he's like,

(16:05):
we are totally not fucking like, don't even ask about it. I hate her. And then he'll like,
be all touchy feely. And I'm like, brother, which is it? Like no one is believing you when you say
that you're not fucking. No. And then again, that's why later when we get to it, I don't blame
Breimar for being like calling him out on it. Yeah, I don't either.

(16:32):
So later that afternoon, they all spend time cutting essentially like snowflake patterns
out of paper. So they're all interconnected. You know, that stupid crap that you did when you were
like five. Apparently this is a pastime of Torsketh Orp. So stupid. Mid conversation. Lily is like
twirling scissors around her finger and they fly off her hand toward Breimar and he catches them

(16:55):
at the last minute, like with the palm of his hand, they like stab him in the meat of it.
And at the sight of his blood, Lily literally throws up all over Keller and passes out. And I'm
like, why do we have this scene? This scene was almost the epitome of manic pixie dream girl for
me because she's twirling the scissors. Keller's like, don't do it. And then we get this slow mo

(17:18):
action of her watching the scissors fly toward Breimar's eyeballs. Yeah. Well, and it literally
in the book is it says, oh, it's like slow motion and then describes like 47 things that are
happening in the slow motion. I'm like, this isn't real life one. And also like, this is the manic
pixie dream girl thing that I hate where it's like, you're not actually an adult with a fully

(17:41):
like formed frontal cortex, because if you were, you wouldn't be fucking twirling scissors around
your finger like an eight year old. Exactly. That's why they give kids safety scissors. Come on.
Exactly. It's I hated this. I just, I can't tell you how much I can't stand these characters.
I know. And it just gets worse. Like, I'm sorry, we chose violence with this one, but I feel like

(18:04):
we're pretty justified. I think we're pretty justified. I felt bad at first. I don't anymore.
Yeah. So Keller takes Lily upstairs to attend to her second head wound of the book. She's a
little loopy, but eventually she agrees to stay in bed and rest. So Keller goes back downstairs
and suggests to Breimar and Lara that they take the next morning off. Although the protest at

(18:24):
first they eventually agree that it would be a good idea for them to get a break. And Breimar is
rightfully pretty fucking pissed off. Yeah. So when they go to bed, Keller makes a show of
not making good on his promise of sex because now Lily might have another concussion.
And you can imagine how well this goes over with Lily, who eventually makes him like given and

(18:47):
fuck her, but it's not just fucking. No, no. He ties her to the bed and then fucks her.
Okay. Why did he bring his BDSM toolkit with him? He has his ties in the closet. Like,
I wrote that note so fast where I was just like, dude, why would he bring his ties to this job?

(19:11):
Because that's that's premeditation at that point. Yeah. But people don't just like
I mean, I, okay, I don't know. I could be wrong. I don't think people just travel with like ropes
and toys, especially when they're going to one house to keep a princess safe.
A princess that you are constantly talking about not fucking.

(19:39):
I was, I was baffled. Why this happened. Yeah. Okay. So then, so then if, if, if you're
going to tell me that it's not like specific bedroom BDSM ties, fine. But then it's like he's
using materials for his job, which I have to assume are like actual handcuffs and actual zip ties,

(20:04):
none of which sound fun to me. No, no, that sounds worse, especially coupled with the kidnapping
exercise before because they zip tied her wrists and stuff together. And Keller goes so far to
tell us in her, in his internal monologue that her restraints were gently tied. So it's not to
aggravate her already worn wrists. I'm like, so it's got to be like purpose made restraints, right?

(20:29):
Exactly. That you can do that with. And again, why would you bring them? And I'm pretty sure
the verbiage is something like he went to the closet and got his ties out. Yes, it is. And this
is just like a perfect example of like, you're giving me far too much information here. Way too
much. And it just, I was already grossed out by Keller. The fact that he just had, and if I were

(20:54):
Lily, I'd be like, why the fuck do you have those? Like, do you just keep those on hand?
Who are you going to use those on? Like, girl in the village, like a girl in every port of the four
towns in this fucking island. But also you're right, it's not just about sex. Oh yeah, we totally
believe you, which bummed me out because like, I'm all for this sort of scene. Like, give me the

(21:16):
tying up. Give me that stuff. Like, I'm here for that. But that immediately took me out of the
janticy that he just like has a bag in his closet. I can't let it go. I can't let it go.
I don't know where this joke is from. Maybe you can help me. But do you remember like just a bag
full of dildos? Oh yeah, what was that joke from? I don't know. But that's what I thought of when I

(21:41):
read that he had a bag and he was getting his ties out of. I was like, is that your bag full of dildos?
It is. It's just a bag full of dildos. I wish I could remember where that was from, but I don't know.
Oh, I think it was from Chateau actually. Oh yeah, I think you're right. Because he gets to like
choose his own size or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're bag full of dildos.
Oh my God. Okay, so at some point during this scene, Lily tries to like pull her arm out of one of

(22:07):
the restraints and Keller tells her not to, but she says that she wants to hold him and he asks her
who's in charge. And when she says he is, he says, quote, then stop telling me what you want and let
me show you what you need, which is just gross and disgusting and not what a Dom does. It's not
what a Dom does because you're also not giving her what she wants. You're not allowing her to

(22:29):
communicate. And I'm reading into this. If you are a Dom and your sub is trying to pull out of the
restraints and not in like a fun way, you better let them out of the fucking restraints. Right. Or
like have a communication about like, you want to hold me? Okay. How are we going to do that? Right?
Like, or maybe later, right? Like this, it's not, it's just a complete shutdown of like, oh,

(22:51):
you want to do that? That's nice. I don't give a shit. Exactly. And it's like, it's not, it's not
healthy Dom behavior. Okay, so then the other thing that bothers me about the scene is like,
right before he actually has penetrative sex with her, he asks whether she's on birth control
because he wants to be able to not wear a condom, which is literally only one of the questions that
you should be asking in a situation like that. And that just pissed me off. I was like, that's it.

(23:15):
What if she's got like hepatitis or like some other communicant like dude, dude,
they don't have and this birth control, like at that point, just don't even give me that.
Right. Just do it. Right. Like I would rather, I would rather you not do it at all than do it in

(23:36):
such a half-assed way. Exactly. Because I really like it when we get the birth control conversation,
when we get the STD conversations, like that's good modeling. This isn't. And it goes back to
that insult thing of like, oh, good, because I really wanted to have you bear or whatever the
fuck he says. Yeah, he says it like that, but you're totally right. It's just like,
it's so insult vibes. It is. It is. So in the aftermath of the scene, Lily cries because

(24:04):
she didn't expect having sex with him to feel like coming home. I don't think that's why you cried,
but it's okay. Okay. But okay. So then afterward, she quickly gets insecure and asks whether she
should go back to her room for the night and he tells her that she sleeps with him from now on. Of
course, that'll go right out the window when they get to the palace, but who's counting? We're just

(24:28):
not going to talk about that. Yeah. So something else that really bothers me about this is that
Lily's internal monologue talks about how she felt lost and didn't really realize it until she came
to this place. And she seems to attribute a lot of that to Keller. She says, quote,
I need so much more than skimming the surface. This man, someone who has my back, who fills an empty
void I've been missing for all of these years. End quote. Which, okay. So let's just make sure we're

(24:52):
on the same page about this because it's still day 11. It's day 11. Like I, like if you want to say
that you're feeling close to your mom because of the culture and the heritage and the people and
your grandparents, fine, don't bring a dude into this because you don't know him and he's not good
at sex. Like it's just gross. It is gross and it's sad, but it also leads into everything she

(25:17):
says later where like I rely on him for mom, my joy. Like he's everything I ever needed. I need
nothing else. I can't do it without him. I'm just like, this is some toxic ass bullshit. Bullshit.
But anyway, as they snuggle in bed, she tells him that she's decided to stay,

(25:39):
but she said that she doesn't want that choice to change anything between them. And he tells her
that he is all hers, even that now she's going to be queen kind of thing. Sure. And I just can't
help but think that this is so contrived on his part because he gets a huge upside here. And she
doesn't really seem to be getting a whole lot out of this. No, I don't understand how she doesn't

(25:59):
see that and how he doesn't. I don't know. I don't see how anybody's taking his argument seriously.
Oh, and I don't think they are. I mean, okay, everyone is except for Brimar and like poor
Brimar because really he knows what's up. Yeah. So day 12 arrives and since Lily and Keller are on
their own since Lara and Brimar are running errands or something, they fuck all over the place.

(26:24):
And we start at breakfast and I think we're going to get a skip to the back half of the day,
but no, we get a TLDR of what happened in the morning and all of the sex that they have.
Literally every waking moment until like maybe the last chapter when we get some time skips. I just,
I hate it. I hate it so much. We get so much information that I just don't want or need.

(26:47):
Well, and like even later, like we even get a description of one of these fuckers brushing
their teeth, getting ready for bed. What? What? I don't even want to brush my teeth at night. Like,
I don't want to live my lived experience brushing teeth. I don't want to read about that shit.
What the fuck? Nope. I don't want to read about it. I don't need to read about it. Get out of here.

(27:09):
It's a hard pass for me, dog. Yep. So during a quick break from sex, they carve some wood
and no, that's not a euphemism. So Keller instructs Lily to carve a fish and we later
learned that she's going to present this at the summer festival as her own. We never see this,
which I think is a big miss. It is a big miss. And we get a lot of this, like later when she is

(27:31):
in the capital of other people like showing her stuff, but we don't, we don't get the
the part that I feel feel like would matter. Right. We don't get any, like I,
I appreciate what this book is trying to do with like the immersive culture, but I just really
wish that we had experienced that culture in any meaningful way outside of like a classroom.
Mm hmm. So Keller confesses that he lost all of his and his parents wood carvings in the fire

(27:58):
that killed his parents, except for one fish from his dad, which was given to King Theo,
which King Theo then gave back to Keller. They then talk about dreaming of their parents again,
and both agree that being with each other makes them feel safe. One thing about the dream sequence
that I thought was really odd was Keller specifically says that he dreams about their
like house in the servants quarters, but then he describes them as having a porch in a yard

(28:23):
in the servants quarters. And I'm like, what kind of fucking servants quarters are you living in?
And then later when we're in the servants quarters, ain't no fucking houses with yards there. Like
this was so bizarre to me. It just, it read like poorly planned character development.
Honestly. Yeah. Yeah. And just no continuity checks.

(28:45):
No, I would have clocked that. I mean, like girl, what? Yeah. Where is this fucking house?
And, and, and it's fine if he was like, Oh, it's like we're in the place that we lived in the
servants quarters, but there's a yard like no, we don't get that. It's, it's this place. It's the
same. And we definitely had a yard. I'm like, you had a yard in the palace? Like was it

(29:06):
astroturf? Like what are you talking about? Right? Or did you live in like a cottage,
like on the grounds? Like so many questions. So then we get this wild text exchange between
Lara and Keller, where essentially Keller tells Lara that Lily and he be fucking.
Keller tells her, quote, I think you and I both know I tried to stay away. I did,

(29:29):
but the connection is too strong and the need is far too electric. This is so much bigger
than thinking she's beautiful. I know her on a basic level and she sees me to my core end quote.
And instead of calling him out on the fact that it's been less than two weeks, brother,
Lara just says, okay, be safe. We care about you. And I'm like, Lara, which

(29:50):
until we meet the queen, Lara is the only voice of reason.
And this whole text exchange is just bonkers to me. It's cocoa bananas. And like nobody says,
hang on, buddy. Like I think what you're feeling is a strong, what is it called,
limerence for somebody? And I think you need to, you need to get some grounding, like go

(30:16):
for a cold swim somewhere. Yeah. How about you go take the day off and we will train her because
that is what we're hired to do. Correct. But you're hired to do too, but you're not keeping to the
script. It's fine. It's fine. So then we go on to a quiz section where Keller sexually teases Lily
for every correct answer she gives him. He quizzes her about the culture and stuff that she's learned

(30:38):
over the past 12 days. At the very end, he asks her who is the threat to their sovereignty should
she not take the throne? And she doesn't know the answer. So he removes all good feeling and touch
from her completely. She begs him not to. She says that it shouldn't matter who the country is because
it's not going to happen. She's going to take over and have so many babies that it'll never be a
threat again. And that compels Keller to give her the pleasure that she's been asking for.

(31:05):
Which this book does this thing where it gives me the perfect structure to a really steamy scene
and then destroys it because I'm all for this like quiz teasing like teacher thing. Yes.
Yes. Instead we get this. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But it's so self serving because like

(31:35):
even in Keller's monologue where he's internal monologue where he's like thinking about this
and like the thing that she said and like whether he's going to like give into like the sexual
whatever it's it's all about what he wants. It's not about like what what Lily wants. Right. He's
not like oh she seems like she really needs it and you know I want to take care of her. It's like

(31:59):
oh no I liked that answer. It made me feel good. And so I want to have sex now. It's like okay.
Yeah. So at dinner that night Keller announces to the group that tomorrow day 13 is their last
day there. And I feel like this is something that should have like I don't know he should have read
his comrades into earlier but that's okay. Like it just feels like a very unilateral decision that

(32:22):
he's made. Which is Brymer's whole problem. Yeah. And then so speaking of Brymer when he and Keller
are cleaning up after dinner Keller asks Brymer what's with the attitude because he's been kind
of huffy and quiet lately. And Brymer essentially tells Keller that this thing between him and Lily
feels way too convenient. He knows that Theo wishes Keller could be king and that can happen unless

(32:44):
Keller marries a princess. Yadda yadda Lily right. Yep. Brymer's point is that Keller better not be
making Lily fall for him under ulterior motives. Valid point. And also like I just this whole
relationship is just completely inappropriate. Like it's it's wildly inappropriate. Like I don't
care what King Theo says. I don't understand how that isn't the problem in this book of how

(33:14):
inappropriate this really is. And how no one seems worried about it. Except for Brymer who has to
feel very gaslit who's like looking at the situation being like does nobody see what I see here.
Right. Because I see a problem. Also I have to point out we don't know how old Keller is.
Oh no. Yeah we don't. So like we know that Lily is I think 26 which means that her frontal cortex

(33:40):
is just about fully formed. But like she's she's got all of these other responsibilities. Like
if I were Theo and I wasn't going down the manipulation train of like yeah totally let's
emotionally manipulate you into staying like I would definitely be like OK you can see Keller
in a very structured way. Yeah let's actually have a regular courtship. Right. Not like oh

(34:07):
you're you arrive at the palace and then you're just suddenly an item. And you can now sleep in
her room and we all just assume you're going to be king and like that's fine. It's fine. Right.
And I think telling Lee like rather than hearing his friend and co-worker out and taking the feedback
and like responding to it and being thoughtful about it Keller just blows up in a super defensive

(34:30):
and ends up like essentially lecturing Breimar in a pretty lengthy speech and he ends it by
saying quote don't presume I thought with my dick because that's never been the case end quote.
Oh for that fact that that's literally been he's what he's been telling us in his internal
monologue the entire book. Yesterday. Yesterday. He literally said I'm in my reptile brain thinking

(34:54):
about what's between her legs. Right. And I'm just like OK you don't give a shit about anybody
but yourself because evidence by the fact that you just can't take the feedback. Right. Like
you're so wrapped up in your own fucking shit like your let's let's take friend out of it. Your
co-worker is giving you feedback professionally and you are coming at that with anger and

(35:20):
defensiveness like that is that is not good. No. Not only your co-worker but the head of your
security brother just I just and then he just blows up. I lost my train of thought. Oh one thing I

(35:40):
really don't like about Keller which is kind of a small thing but he causes like every third word
every third word and it really turns me off like he's like he can do the fucking dishes and this
goddamn house and no one listens to me because I'm a little baby and I just can't take him seriously.
Right. Well he not only does he cuss every other word but then like Lily can't cuss
which I think is really fucked up gender role but OK so like not only does he like meet this

(36:06):
feedback with like rage but he also just like shirks responsibility like of the thing that
they're doing they're doing the dishes right and then he just fucking leaves like OK great thanks
for really being a team player there bud. Also he has this like stupid line where he turns around
and watches Brymer continue to do the dishes by himself and says something like and he just kept

(36:30):
drawing that plate as if he didn't just blow up our whole friendship. A. it's not about your friendship
it's about how wildly inappropriate your being. B. someone's got to do the dishes so like was he
supposed to just not do his job. Right. Like. You're taking this personally you shouldn't be.
What we know about Brymer right now he's not taking it personally because he's doing a job

(36:54):
like that's how you should be reacting Keller. Exactly. Exactly. And you really should have
met what your quote unquote best friend which I don't fucking believe for a second. Your best
friend your co-worker your head of security whatever is trying to tell you. Right. So Dave 13
rolls around and we see Lara and Lily carving wood again not a euphemism. Lily finished her

(37:21):
fish and is working on what she calls a pocket booth for Keller. She hopes that this will
clear his weird mood. Lara says that he and Brymer had a fight the night prior because of what's
going on between Lily and Keller. And this would be a touching moment if Lara wasn't staff. But
later no friends except for staff. She has one friend who she's forgotten. Yeah. So later Lily

(37:43):
gives Keller the pocket boob and the fish and then asks Keller to try to kidnap her so she can show
off some moves that Lara showed her but none of them like none of these moves work because they
didn't think about using or preparing for somebody who's larger than Lara and I'm like how in the
actual fuck Lara should be fired. Lara should be fired. Also I've taken self defense classes.

(38:04):
If you were taught appropriately size doesn't matter because it's about leverage. You bring
smaller actually gives you an advantage. So like Lara didn't teach you. Right. The right things at
all. But I but she literally says oh we didn't consider that. I'm like how I don't believe that.
I don't believe that. The other thing that made me mad about this whole scene is like Lily's so

(38:24):
excited to show him right. And it could have been flirty and fun but he just shoots her down. And
I'm like yeah brother just let her win one. Just like go into this flirty play fight. Like you don't
have to be so serious about it. Yeah. But he won't. He literally can't like he can't be put at a
disadvantage for anything for anybody. No. I was like just just let her win. Just like make this

(38:50):
fun and cute. Instead he's like I'm better than you. You stupid woman. You stupid woman. You
stupid peanut butter brain. But also you're stupid because how did you not consider.
Yeah. So the inanity continues because Lily then shows Keller that Lara showed her how to drive
like an asshole. What the fuck was this. This was such a manic pixie dream girl moment. I like

(39:15):
could not handle it. I was so bad. And so I think it's just literally to give something for Keller
to punish Lily about in the bedroom because that's what we see them doing later. But then this like
devolves into Keller being like oh my god if anything happened to you it would destroy me. And
then they end up confessing to each other that they love each other. Okay this whole thing is wild

(39:41):
from the start because driving like an asshole includes her driving like a maniac toward a cliff
and then like hitting the brakes and like doughnutting out of a legitimate death slide.
Why. I don't know. Fine. But then the love confession. It has been 13 days.

(40:03):
I just I just oh my god. Like it's how are we. It's this whole book is love bombing.
In the worst way. Yeah. Yep. So the L word is out. And then we are on day 14 and we see Lily
being driven to the palace and she's texting with Timmy about how nervous she is. When they arrive

(40:24):
both the king and queen meet them and they hug Lily. The four of them so the king, queen, Lily
and Keller then go into a sitting room where they can be more comfortably introduced. Lily tells them
that she plans to stay and that makes them both very happy. In this conversation Lily also brings
up the fact that she and Keller are banging and wants to make sure that that's not going to be a
problem. Both the king and queen don't have a problem with it but Keller tries to prevent this

(40:47):
from happening and is obviously very uncomfortable with the topic. So then Lily and her grandmother
have a moment alone and Theo takes Keller aside and tells him that he's glad that he's with Lily
and that he deserves her. Okay. He then goes on to say that that dude Henrik is going to be staying
on as Theo's private secretary so that Keller can be Lily's private secretary. Although Keller sees
this like as a sensible thing to do he can't help but feel like it's a little bit of a demotion

(41:10):
which I think tells me everything I need to know about him. Yeah. If I didn't already like him like
this one thing would be okay cool because the king's essentially like she's our future she's more
important like she needs you. I don't and Keller's like yeah but you have a penis which means you're
more important like that's the vibe that I get. That's the vibe that I get too. Their relationship

(41:31):
is so weird. The king and queen are so weird. This whole thing reads like a ploy to get Keller
on the throne because how could they just be okay with them be fucking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I just I think it's also a wild thing to bring up when like you've just met these people.

(41:54):
Like hey I just met you and this is crazy but I'm fucking your secretary. Is that cool with
you guys? Is that cool because I would really like to be cool. It's also wild that Lily didn't
talk to Keller about how they were going to like share that news because they don't communicate.
Like they don't talk about literally anything outside of fucking. No they don't. That there

(42:15):
lies the problem ladies and gentlemen. So at dinner we learned that Keller will take Lily
for a tour of the palace the next day and then on Friday however far away that is that will be
the first public appearance of Lily. Afterward Keller shows Lily to her room and at first says
that he's not going to stay so much for sleeping together all the time huh. But she eventually

(42:37):
convinces him to do so and beyond that they do end up fucking in a closed door scene.
But of course in the morning day 16 Keller is gone because he's a little bitch. He's such a
little bitch. Snuck out while she was sleeping ladies and gentlemen. I just I can't and this is like
it's just Keller's insecurities. It's the Keller show like the

(42:58):
gothicana was the the VAD show. This is the Keller show. It's the Keller show and I hate it and
his insecurities are he's just a little bitch. That's the only word I have. His yeah.
We'll talk about his insecurities when we get there because I feel like they're so unfounded.
They're so unfounded. They're stupid as hell.
So Lily's B team guard slash ladies maid is a woman named Runa and she wakes her up.

(43:26):
It's a little bit awkward because Lily does this thing where she says that she doesn't want to put
Runa out for doing her job and Runa says that her and everyone else working in the palace
take pride in their work. So like please just let us do that. It's kind of offensive that you
don't want me to be useful. Right. She also tells Lily that Keller is waiting for her outside to
start the tour of the palace. Lily asks her to send him in. When he does come in she reprimands

(43:52):
him for leaving her in the middle of the night and he doesn't give her a great answer except he
didn't want to surprise Runa. But all she can get is to literally get him to let her give him head.
Like literally she has to ask and beg for that to happen and she doesn't get off. It's just
well that does turn into a little bit of actual sex and I think she does get off.

(44:13):
But the goal wasn't originally in his correct. Correct. And it only evolved into sex because
that's what his lizard brain wanted to do. Exactly. Because it's a color show.
After that scene Lily literally thanks him because she says that she needed that connection which
I so viscerally remember being young and feeling like having a physical connection

(44:38):
meant that I had an emotional connection to somebody and that is not the case. That is not
the same thing. That's so dangerous. And that's what happens. I think that's exactly what's happening
in this whole book for Lily is that she is mistaking sexual connection for love because
then he love bombs her. Yeah. They don't know each other. No. You don't know. I think you're 20.

(45:00):
I think you're 16 and idiot. Why are you still in the bed? Why are you still in the bed?
So she then says that she doesn't want to wake up without him again and he says that he's hers
whenever she wants him except not really but whatever except that's a big fucking lie but okay.
It's a big fucking lie. Everything is a lie. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.
I just want to shake her anyway. I know. Afterward they go on a tour of the palace and they end up

(45:24):
with Queen Katla who puts Lily who pulls Lily aside to have a private conversation about their
feelings. So this is when we learn that Queen Katla is the most emotionally mature character in
this entire book because she essentially says that the fight with Lily's mom was the biggest
regret of her life and that she doesn't want Lily to feel like there's any bad blood hanging
over their relationship. Lily says that she couldn't feel more opposite and is so grateful to have

(45:46):
both the king and queen in her life and to be there in general. Then the queen asks Lily to
tell her more about Lily and Keller which is such a wild thing to talk about but Lily even more wild
couches her relationship with Keller as an enemies to lover arc. That was insanity to me.

(46:07):
Wait, sorry. I'm just trying to drown myself. What enemies?
What what what are you doing? What? It's been two weeks, two weeks and you were never enemies.
He was just surly because he's an asshole. Yeah.

(46:31):
So later that night Keller and Lily are in her room and Keller is very clearly struggling with
what's happening. He starts to clam up even though Lily asks him not to. She wants to work it through
together but then he snaps at her and she gets frustrated and says basically like oh yeah things
are so hard for him. What about her right? The only difference between the two of them is that

(46:52):
she's willing to change and he's not. So he apologizes and says that he just needs patience
and time to work through things and she agrees as long as that doesn't mean that he pulls away from
her. While they're talking Lily's phone is blowing up and eventually she checks it and finds some
random number texting her a new informative. In this informative it talks about the princess Lily
and how she's fucking Keller. It also talks about how Keller was adopted by the king and queen and

(47:17):
can't inherit the throne because he's not blood related but really that's what he wants. Keller
then admits to Lily that the informative was fake and all made up by him something that she
genuinely seemed to not catch on to to which I say how? Truly. I'm concerned about your ability to
rule if you didn't know the informative was fake but that's fine. Right but okay. So Keller rushes

(47:43):
out of the room and says that he needs to deal with this. He doesn't return that night nor the
next day which is apparently Friday when she's supposed to be introduced to the country and
this is a little bit disconcerting because they foreshadow Friday but then we switched to Keller
and we're still like right after he lives leaves Lily which I didn't like. No that timing was

(48:05):
super weird to me and it's the only time in this book that that happens because we spend every
waking second with these people but it was jarring and I didn't like it. Yeah so like I said we
follow Keller and he goes to see Lara and asks where Brimar is because he's deduced that it's him
who's the informative person and also the leak question mark. So Lara tells Keller that Brimar

(48:28):
is out at a pub and so Keller ostensibly goes in search of him there. Lara then goes to see Lily
and offer her comfort and make sure that she doesn't go out looking for Keller and make a scene
because she is ready to. Right to which I say thank you Lara for doing your fucking job.
At least one of them is. Truly. So then we're back to Keller who actually is waiting in Brimar's

(48:50):
room like a creeper cat because he doesn't want to cause a scene in a public place that's at least
smart. Oh yeah. When Brimar gets back though we're just doubling down on him being a shitbag
because it's clear that he's been with someone else besides Lara and confesses that he's been
cheating on her for months now. He also admits that he's the one that was the leak the whole time
and who sent the text because Keller is a fucking asshole and treats everybody like shit

(49:13):
which is all fair. That's all true. Maybe not the way you should have handled it Brimar but
you're not wrong. And Keller to this feedback insists that he loves Lily but Brimar and I
are like you don't fucking know her. Like I don't know how many ways to tell you it's been two weeks.

(49:33):
It's been two weeks and you haven't even tried to get to know her. You bonded over your dead parents
and that was it. Right. So eventually Brimar admits that he's released those particular
details in the informative to a newspaper called The Tribune. And like this is the last we see
about Brimar. They get into like a fistfight here too which results in Keller having a black eye
but like I don't buy that Brimar who has all valid points by the way pursued a line of like

(50:01):
retaliation and escalation that resulted in his entire life just being nuked rather than going
up an appropriate chain of command because if he really had these concerns he should be talking to
like somebody else who can do something about it not like well I'm just gonna set my entire life on
fire. I mean that would make sense but and then as you said he just stops existing like he's fired

(50:25):
but we hear nothing else of him. Right we also hear nothing else about like whether I mean we
have a one line fixer about like oh we were able to stop The Tribune blah blah blah from like
publishing stuff but like this is this is the whole like contrived aspect of like them hiding
out in this like summer dilapidated palace too like there's no actual repercussions to a gossip

(50:47):
rag publishing news. No. There's just no. And even with this getting out we're never told like what
that would mean so what it would become our suspicion of Keller like there's no consequences here.
Right. So we're in the early morning hours of day 17 now. Lily has been texting Keller with no

(51:08):
response. We learn that Keller goes to see the king and queen at six in the morning which seems
wildly inappropriate and tells them everything about what happened with Brimar. He's not handling
it well and this is such a total breach of protocol that I just can't take the scene seriously to the
point where even the king and queen are like dude I don't care if you're sleeping with our granddaughter
but you need to get it together like you need to go do your duty and like spend the day with her

(51:31):
because she's about to have a big thing and like your shit seems like not as important.
No and even King Theo says that he's like okay cool as you stop the story so there's nothing
else you need to do. So what's the problem here? Yeah why are you waking me up? Right and even Keller's
like I don't know I'm just not handling it well and they're like okay well do that. We'll get the

(51:53):
fuck over it bucko put on your big boy pants go to work put your big boy pants on one leg at a time
like the rest of us and do your job. Yeah but because he's a piece of shit he doesn't do any of that
and we see Lily losing her breakfast because she's so nervous and distressed over Keller not
answering her at all. She asks Lara if she's heard from him and Lara has which makes it worse.

(52:19):
It does make it worse. Lara is sure that Keller will show up at the last moment but of course he
doesn't so Lily does the whole day by herself. We're shown Lily throwing up like twice in this
scene and I made a false prediction that she was pregnant. Oh my god I was right. I know I know I'm
so relieved that she's not but literally she's not but my note goes a million dollars says she's

(52:41):
prego it's the only reason women throw up in these books. Side-eyes Winter King.
Looking at you Winter King.
So at the end of the day Lily is dining with her grandparents and they congratulate her on such a
well done day. She asks where Keller is and whether he had something else to attend to maybe but they
tell her the only thing he had to do was be by her side and I don't understand why that doesn't mean

(53:06):
he's fired but we do get a little bit of repercussion which we'll get to in a second. I do like that
they didn't defend him at all though and they're both just like girl I don't know he was supposed
to be there. Yeah and they're both like yeah that's fucked up we're with you. Agreed. And Lily
ends up crying in front of them both and expresses how disappointed she is and it's clear like we
said that they are also disappointed but Lily tells them that whatever happens in her personal

(53:28):
life that she still has no plans to leave like she's committed. Which I do appreciate that. Yeah and
I'm glad that for as much as I don't really like her as a character at least she's not like well I'm
leaving then. Right like I'll see you never. Yeah because it could have been really annoying. Right.
Back in her room Lily asks Runa to take her to Keller's room but Runa's like that would be a

(53:51):
massive invasion of privacy. No girl. And then ultimately does help her into his room.
I like Runa but again she's staff. She's got slippery morals. Yeah. So Lily finds Keller in
his room with his phone clearly working. She's infuriated because he should have come to her
and explained himself rather than him rather than her having to seek him out but again he's a piece

(54:16):
of shit and so here we are. So they fight and she tells him that he abandoned her and also lied to
her which are two things he promised he would never do. He tries to say that he's going through a
lot but she tells him that whatever he's going through he should have realized that today trumped
that. She tells him that he must not understand the meaning of the word love and leaves him.
And I really liked the firm stance that she had in this fight and I really hated how everything

(54:40):
that Keller was trying to say was about himself. Every single thing he says and just again he
hasn't even shared his insecurities yet really but he doesn't have a leg to stand on here.
No because essentially his insecurities are about like him not being quote unquote good
enough for her which I don't believe because he seems one so confident in everything else and so

(55:03):
ambitious in everything else that I just don't understand why he's not like why he's dealing
it with this way. The other thing that I don't understand is like this whole upstairs downstairs
vibe that he has going on literally nobody else in the palace has that. Okay I think we mentioned
that in the first part because he says that he was raised this way. I don't understand how like

(55:25):
where did his parents get that because he has a conversation with King Theo later that we'll get
to and even King Theo is like I don't understand why you think this one like this has never been a
problem for anyone. And so it's like yeah so where did it come from because it feels very
like just invented contrived. I keep seeing the word contrived because but I think that's

(55:48):
probably the theme for this book but like I mean even when we get flashbacks of him as a kid they're
literally playing high and go seek in the palace. Exactly. With the king. Right so when Lily gets
back to her room Runa helps her get ready for bed and tells her quote a man doesn't define your
ability to stand on your own two feet which I really liked. I like that too. I just wish that

(56:11):
Lily had taken that to heart a little bit more. Yeah but she can't. She can't. So then we see
Keller being summoned to King Theo's office and Theo is pupsett. He reprimands Keller professionally
for essentially leaving his post valid and says that he's been suspended from duty until an
investigation has been completed. I loved this. Yes. Then on a personal note he says what the

(56:34):
fuck are you doing and again he reiterates that he must not understand the true meaning of love.
Keller is ashamed and eventually shown back to his room and this is in the conversation where
they talk about when Theo says that thing that you just mentioned like I don't know where you're
getting this like upstairs downstairs thing like that's not a thing. It's not a thing. Yeah but he
essentially like says get your shit together or like fucking leave. Yeah which I really appreciated.

(57:00):
I wish there were more permanent repercussions but I'm glad that there was something. I wish
there were more permanent repercussions too but alas there's not. Because they all want him to
be king because that's really the plot here but okay. That's really the problem right like
we can't have a queen. She needs to have a king. It's fine. Yeah anyway Lara comes to see Keller

(57:23):
and they commiserate. She hasn't spoken to Brymar and confesses that even when they were together
at the summer palace things were rocky and they were in fights a lot. Keller apologizes for not
being the person that Lara could confide in about that. They both agree that Keller has really
fucked things up with Lily but Lara and Runa are willing to help him win her back for some reason.
I don't know why Runa is on his side. I don't know why Runa is on his side either. So day 18

(57:46):
rolls around and Lily is so heartbroken that she begs out of her commitments for the day.
She texts with Timmy Tuna and it sounds like he's going to come visit her but again we don't see
this because we're at the end of the book and I just like there's so many things that I wish
this book covered and so much that I wish that it skipped. I know. So we get some time skipping here
and so we're going to be on day 19-ish. Lily and Lara go to some place on the island and meet people

(58:13):
and talk about fishing competitions but Keller is there because he also won a fishing competition
and I for sure thought that this was going to be a metaphor for him winning Lily. Like that's the
biggest fish accidentally but no this was like some anecdote from his past and he was fishing with
King Theo for some reason. I don't know. Anyway that's why he's there. I also thought it was going

(58:34):
to be some like anecdote metaphor cute story but no it has similar vibes as to I spilled soup on
the king's penis but it's like I fell in the water and caught a fish. Yeah. Okay. All of his
anecdotes are just like wow you really said that out loud. Okay. Yeah. So he shakes Lily's hand

(59:02):
because they're pretending that they don't know each other for some reason and in doing so he
passes her a note and squeezes her hand three times like her mother's used to do to tell her that
he loves her. In the car on the way back to the palace Lily asks Lara if she knew that that was
going to happen and Lara said that she had a strong suspicion but says pretty definitively that
Lara doesn't want to get in the middle between them so like don't ask. When Lily reads the note

(59:24):
it's a poem that reads quote there's no way to explain this burning merciless feeling biting
through my bones it eclipses my thoughts it bros into my veins the cataclysmic force so strong
I can't breathe I need you I broke us it broke me end quote. Clearly someone's attempted poetry
and Lily is reminded that Keller told her that he would lose somebody with poetry and I want to

(59:46):
vomit. And again this whole poem is just how sad Keller is no apologies no owning up to anything
just you are pretty and I am sad. Right but okay if you're gonna write a poem don't write to me
about like how you're feeling like this whole thing is how you're not thinking about me or my

(01:00:10):
needs like at least sing my praises a little bit more dude. Exactly but instead it's just I am in
so much pain I am broken I the closest he gets to like owning anything is that I broke us but he
does acknowledge how or why or what that means nope not even a little bit. So now we're on day 20-ish

(01:00:31):
and Lily goes to an art gallery and Keller has somehow painted a picture of the hot springs
and is there to talk about it. He tells her that it's the place where he first fell in love
and then when she's in the car Lara gives her another poem from him that reads quote so desperate
for love beating screaming begging for one more glimpse my heart is yours a servant to your being

(01:00:53):
forever yours but hopefully never never end quote. I didn't understand this poem. I don't want to
understand this poem because again it's all about him right he's begging for one glimpse his heart
is hers right he's a servant but hopeful but is asking her to like let him back right like

(01:01:14):
and like one we've talked about the poems and why they're bad but two both of these interactions
are just so weird because Henrik is going like with Lily on these things and remember Henrik is
the new secretary and the reason he's there is because Keller has been suspended from duty and
every time she interacts with Keller they pretend like they don't know each other even though I
think it would be a big breach of security to have him showing up wherever the princess would be

(01:01:37):
and it doesn't feel like Henrik would be cool with that but it's clear later on that he is so I
just have no idea actually what's happening here. I don't know either and like later we'll see but
she asks Lara like is he gonna be at this next place we're going and Lara's like yep so was he
supposed to be at all those places anyway as like a member of society? Yeah well I don't I don't know

(01:02:03):
about anyway but that's certainly the role that he's playing now and it's it feels so wildly uncomfortable
for them to just be like oh I've never met you before in my life. Every time also this is a bit of a
side thing but the things that they do where she goes and talks to every single fisherman that's

(01:02:25):
ever caught the biggest fish talks to everyone who has art in the gallery like oh boy yeah yeah
also fuck everyone else because she only cares about Keller.
Truly like all of these other people like Keller has way too many hobbies like he can't be good at
fishing and like carving and painting like come on. Exactly and she straight up says like I didn't

(01:02:49):
notice anyone else because I was so worried about him and I'm just like okay oh my god the love of
Batman again darling. Yes so day 21-ish it might have been a little bit more because Lily tells us
it's been a week since the fight that Keller had with Primar so this time she and Lara are going to
a wood whittling place and this time Henrik even introduces her to Keller saying that she's already

(01:03:13):
acquainted with him. What is fucking happening? To me I feel like this is my head can it but Henrik
being like I'm sick of you guys pretending you don't know each other so like clearly you've met
many times you know each other biblically stop the facade. Cut it out both of you. Not letting
you pretend anymore. So during this visit these the people that she's meeting demonstrate woodworking

(01:03:38):
and Keller like shows her how to paint and she talks about how during this demonstration memories
flood her and I said ah yes memories from the good old days two weeks ago. So true.
And as you might guess he passes her another poem and this one says quote when our eyes meet it feels

(01:04:01):
like the ink in my pen won't seize my words are tangled contorted in my mind I desperately want to
say how the world spins only when you are near but the best I can write is always mine eternally yours.
I I I me me me like shut up get a personality dude get a personality anything other than what you

(01:04:23):
currently have. God. So day 22 ish Keller is in his room and Keith King Theo comes to visit to see
how he's doing. Turns out he knows that Keller has been showing up and passing Lily notes wherever
she goes because Henrik has been telling him about it. He tells Keller that he'll be reinstated in his
job. I don't know why but it seems like they'll have to train a replacement pretty soon because

(01:04:45):
Lily would take him back in a heartbeat and he hears wedding bells so they conspire to make
that happen and Keller agrees to not fumble Lily again and I'm just like how are you in support
of this? I I have no words it makes no sense I hate it it makes a no sense it make a no sense

(01:05:08):
so day 23 ish Lily is getting ready for her day and expects to go over it with Henrik but instead
of Henrik Keller is at her dorm. He's all professional all business but asks to speak plainly.
She allows him to and he apologizes and says that he only looks for an opportunity to prove his
undying love for her again. She tells him she doesn't want to do this without him and that she needs

(01:05:30):
him by her side. She makes him promise to never abandon her again or lie to her again and then
they confess their love for each other again. Because that worked the first time you asked for this.
I just don't understand what's going to be different. No because they don't address any of his insecurities.
It's not like oh King Theo you're right I don't know where I got these ideas from I'll just forget

(01:05:51):
all of them right now and things will be great and we'll never have problems again. What?
Or you know I'll go talk to somebody about like or like hey you lost your job because you like
abandoned your post but you can still date like Lily and we'll figure something out like none of that.
None of that. Just don't mess it up and here's your job back but also we're all going to conspire

(01:06:16):
to get Lily to take you back and I don't like that they just foisted Keller back upon her.
Ask her if she wants him back they're like oh she'll take you back in a heartbeat but like they
don't give her a choice. Okay okay and like you're a princess you should have a say in who your staff
is. Yeah what if she doesn't want to work with her. At the very least. Come on. At the very least.

(01:06:40):
The bare fucking minimum. So before the two of them can get hot and heavy Runa comes back into
the room and reminds Lily that she is expected somewhere and she needs to be presentable in
10 minutes and then she reprimands Keller and tells him that he should know better and while
she's happy that they're back together that they need to like be cognizant of like not doing this

(01:07:01):
before an event. How is no one else giving them this morning. Dude I don't know. Also why do they
need this morning like that you're both adults ostensibly. Ostensibly. So the epilogue is just
a short sex scene where we learn that Keller has taken Lily to the summer palace again to propose
to her and obviously she said yes and that's the end of the book and I cannot tell you how happy I

(01:07:23):
am that it's over. We get this little I don't know if you read it it was kind of part of the
epilogue but also separate where it's sort of like a prelude into the next book and I just
hated it. Do not want. I did not read it. Do you miss me. It was just like this stupid like
Cosmopolitan magazine interview with like Keller and Lily and the interviewer. I'm just like oh

(01:07:47):
we're so in love and then this dude that's not named is like they can't get married. I am the
evil one and I'm like okay. What the fuck. Okay. That's straight up like that's it. It's just like
there's no name dude that's like this can't be allowed. Oh my god. Which I can only imagine is
the Riddler in Arkham. Who also happens to be the millionaire Dom that she dated in Miami right.

(01:08:13):
Yes of course. Of course. Who else could it be. We only have seven characters in this entire book.
And I like one of them. Barely. Barely.
Okay so. Jesus Christ. Can we get into some ratings and get this over with. Yeah please.

(01:08:36):
So I'll take us through spice level. We both read it at a two and it's not because there's
a lack of spice for me. It's really because of the dynamic between the two of them. Like it just
feels gross and icky and I don't think that it's a healthy dynamic and it really takes
my enjoyment of the spice out. And like I think you said this earlier in this recording like if

(01:08:58):
Megan Quinn were to write literally any other dynamic I think it would be good smut. It's just
not for me in this application. Agreed. That's how I feel about it as well because there's plenty
of spice and it has the potential to be good spice. It's just not because the characters are so toxic.
Right. Exactly. So what about writing style? You want to take us through that?

(01:09:20):
We both also gave writing style a two. There's quite a few editing mistakes. Some weird time
jumps like we said where it was pretty consistent. We see every fucking minute but then we go in
the future and then back into the past for a couple chapters and that's fine. We just want to
talk about that. But some of the internal monologues should be in italics but aren't.

(01:09:43):
It's just not. It's written like fanficy. It just wasn't edited well and this book could have used
any help it could get. That sounded so mean. I'm sorry. I know but I agree and even beyond that
like it just wasn't very interestingly written because I think it was early on in the book and

(01:10:04):
I wish that I had written it down and clocked it so I could like read the example but it was like
within the span of I want to say like 10 sentences the word truly was used like five times.
Yes. And just like that's one example of how like the verbiage and like the vocabulary wasn't
varied at all or enough and it felt very repetitive in a lot of ways. Like the internal

(01:10:29):
monologue stuff with Keller and his insecurities like I felt like I read the same sentence like
47 times. Yes. But none of those sentences said anything. Right. So moving into the quality
of storytelling we both rated this a one and I think it's abundantly clear why but just to kind
of hit the highlights I think it comes down to I'm going to say three things. So the first one

(01:10:53):
is obviously their dynamic is not good. The character of Keller and the character of Lily are
not well written and I think very toxic actually to read about. So that's not enjoyable. I think
the second thing would be just the way that this was written like really missed missed the note

(01:11:15):
there because like it's trying to convey like oh all this rich history blah blah but we don't
actually see any of that history or culture in a meaningful way like the summer festival of
Torg is a really good example. We learn about Torg several times and we learn about how Lily is
going to be presented in that festival. We don't attend it despite the fact that we could have

(01:11:36):
and it would have been probably a way more interesting way to like experience a lot of the culture.
Yeah that should have been what we saw instead of her going to the gallery and like the Fisherman's
Wharf like show me Torg because you would have gotten all those other things in there as well
and we would have only had to see Keller once. Right and then the third thing is just like

(01:11:58):
how contrived this whole book is like this the the whole crux of the argument doesn't make sense to me
the execution of the storyline doesn't make sense to me and just like a big elements of like this
world don't make sense to me so like why do we have to keep her secret if there are no real
consequences for tabloids right? Why does Keller's main hang up for not being with Lily and causing

(01:12:24):
all of this drama like where the where the fuck does that come from? He's literally the only one
in the story that has this problem. Yeah so it's a big old one from us. So girl do we recommend
this book? No which is such a bummer because I was here for the idea of a smutty princess diaries
but like no because the spice isn't even fun. Yeah that's what I can't even recommend it for that.

(01:12:49):
No. So we did it. Sorry guys. Those are our thoughts on Royly Not Ready by Megan Quinn.
Thank you as always for joining us on this journey. We hated it but let us know what you
thought on the socials. You can find us on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok and Goodreads at Spice
Traders Pod and if you like our podcast and want more consider joining our Patreon where we release

(01:13:12):
Patreon exclusive episodes on our off weeks and if you really really like us drop us a review
wherever you listen. Until next time we'll see ya. Bye!

(01:13:46):
you