Episode Transcript
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Cassidy (00:00):
I'm back! Welcome to
the Spicy Dog Mama podcast,
Season Two. I'm your host Cass,dog mom to my girl Rey, a
reactive, dogs selective,bully-mix. And I am thrilled to
be back this season to sharemore perspectives about life
with dogs, the highs, the lows,and the spicy. My journey
started back in 2018 when Iadopted Reese, a one and a half
(00:22):
year old fear-aggressive dog.
And I just remember feeling soalone, like a failure, that
nobody else could relate to whatI was going through and that is
why I started this podcast, toshare my experiences- though I'm
absolutely not an expert. But Iwant to create a space that
people can feel heard andhopefully provide some hope for
your journey. Whether you have areactive dog or just understand
that owning a dog can be hard.
(00:46):
I've opened up a lot about mystory last season and I also
share other people's storiesbecause we can all learn so much
from one another. I took a monthoff from posting any episodes,
but I used that time to buildsome amazing connections. Hear
some fantastic stories and learnso much about those of you who
listen. And I thank you so muchfor those who have reached out
to share your stories, whetherthat's to participate in
(01:07):
episodes, if you just needed tovent or to tell me how much this
podcast means to you. Asdifficult as it can be for me to
open up about my struggles andwhere I've messed up, hearing
from you makes me want to keepgoing, so, thank you. But alas
the moment we've all beenwaiting for. If you've been
following my Instagram page,Spicy Dog Mama, then you know
that I'm starting off thisseason with a spicy series. It
(01:29):
felt silly to me when I had theidea. Am I really going to be
that kind of podcast? But theresponse from all of you told me
yes, I am. I think we can allstill learn so much from this
series. I've learned a lot fromthose who I've had the chance to
talk with so far. And I stillhave more stories that I've yet
to hear. Dating is hard. Dogsare hard. Dating with dogs is
hard. Dating someone else with adog is hard. Maybe I'm being too
(01:52):
dramatic. But am I? I havegathered stories, experiences
and opinions from many differentpeople. And I'm excited to share
for the first episode on seasontwo, the dog dad perspective.
Without further ado, dogs anddating.
(02:15):
On this episode, I will bebouncing back and forth between
conversations that I have withdog dad Hayden and dog dad/ dog
trainer Eddie from Classic K9Academy. And I also had written
responses to my questions sentin from Jeff and Tyson. Well,
(02:36):
thanks so much for joining. Howare you doing?
Hayden (02:39):
I'm doing well. I just
got back from the gym. Got Koda
fed up and out of his crate.
Cassidy (02:45):
have you been gone all
day?
Hayden (02:47):
No, I work from home so
I'm with him all day long.
Cassidy (02:50):
What kind of dog is he?
Hayden (02:51):
He's a German Shepherd
Rottweiler mix.
Cassidy (02:54):
I so appreciate you
taking some time to talk to me
because I feel like, especiallywhen it comes to Instagram,
women kind of overtake thatworld. I don't get to hear from
a lot of guys and theirperspective on this.
Hayden (03:05):
I'm excited to answer
some questions there and talk
with you about it.
So my and Koda's life is well...
I'm his best friend and I'm kindof all he knows. I got him in
August of 2021. So I've had himfor just over a year now. So a
day in our life is, you know, hesleeps beside me all night long.
(03:26):
We get up pretty early 630/7, gofor a walk together. And then as
I mentioned earlier, I work fromhome so I'm with him kind of all
day long. And then at about fouror 430 I'll leave for the gym so
he goes in his crate and back atseven and you know we get
(03:49):
playtime, training time and thenanother night walk and then he
sleeps beside me all night andwe do it all again the next day.
And he's awesome because I takehim kind of everywhere with me.
Other than the gym he comes tomy office, if I ever have to do
go into my branch, he comes inthere. Super friendly with
everybody. He's a greatadventure buddy. He goes for
(04:12):
runs with me goes to the lakewith me. So it's been he's been
great. He really is like my bestfriend. I know it's a cliche
saying of a man's best friendbut
Cassidy (04:27):
But it's so true.
That would be such a goodexperience for him, growing up
Hayden (04:28):
It is very true. And I
moved out here from BC in July
of 2020 so I don't really havelike many like childhood friends
and being able to go to theoffice with you. That's really
out here. I have zero childhoodfriends actually. So when I'm in
the gym as much as I am likehe's who I spend all my time
(04:48):
with really.
good exposure for him. So hemust be amazing with people. How
is he around other dogs?
German Shepherds arenotorioiusly on-leash reactive.
So it does require a lot oftraining, we've been getting a
(05:08):
lot better. When he was a puppyit was tough. But as long as I
stay consistent and make sureI'm treating him and
communicating with him properly,he's been getting a lot better.
Off-leash, playing with dogs, noissues, everybody's loved him
and said, there's no issue.
Cassidy (05:24):
So let me jump right
into my questions and kind of
get the nitty gritty, talk aboutyour dating life. I do think
there's some interestingperspectives out there,
especially having a reactivedog, two very strong breeds
mixed into one, Have you foundany difficulties dating, having
Koda.
Hayden (05:43):
There's definitely some
challenges when it comes to
dating. With the dog, like,first off your partner has to be
a dog person, especially whenKoda is not a small dog and not
something that you can easilyneglect, like he's very present
and very in your face. So ifsomebody's not a dog person,
right off the bat, there's goingto be challenges because Koda is
(06:07):
a presence. And I wouldn't sayit's like, there's any
challenges finding a partner,because there's a lot of people
that are just like dog people,or will tolerate him. But I
guess like one of the challengesis really monitoring the time
that's spent out of the house,especially if you do have a busy
schedule. And you know, yourpartner wants date nights or
(06:28):
your partner lives a 30 minutedrive away. And you really have
to be cognizant of the timeyou're spending outside of the
house. Because for me, if I goout on a date night, that's a
dinner and a movie. It's a 20minute drive to pick somebody
up, dinner's an hour long,movie's another two hours long,
(06:49):
then it's 20 minute drive todrop them off. Now I've been out
of the house for four hours, andthat whole time Koda has been in
his crate. So it's always in theback of my mind. 'hey, can we
speed this up?' without beingrude?
Cassidy (07:03):
No, I get what you're
saying. And even though you work
from home, like I do, it's notintentional time with your dog.
I do see her, I'm with her. Ican give her pets give her
treats. But it's not the same. Ifeel better leaving in the
evenings, for extended periodsof time. But she still needs
that time with me where I'mbeing intentional with her and
(07:24):
playing with her. That part ishuge. And if you're with
somebody who rolls their eyes atyou saying I need to spend time
with my dog, or scoff, like,I've been away from my dog for a
few hours, then it's not goingto work. It's as simple as that,
like you either understand oryou don't?
Hayden (07:39):
Well, one of the things
I have said in the past is I
laid out my priority listsbecause there was a little bit
of an argument and an exgirlfriend was like 'I'm not
even your first priority or yoursecond priority'. I said, "Well,
that's correct. It's my careerthan the gym. So like my health
and fitness, then it's Koda. Andthen like, unfortunately, you
just fall into that fourthcategory by no fault of your
(08:02):
own". But if Koda doesn't haveme or somebody for 24 hours,
he's not going to be in a goodsituation. If you don't have me
for 24 hours, you'll be fine.
Cassidy (08:11):
That's a good way to
think about it. And if they've
never owned a dog, you do haveto extend some grace if they
don't understand exactly whatgoes into it. Or maybe why a dog
can't be left alone for so long,so they at least have to be open
to hearing and having thatconversation.
Tyson our dog dad from Ontario,who wrote in his response had
(08:31):
nearly the same answer. He saidthat the biggest challenge was
the balance. There are only somany hours in a day. He only has
so much energy that he has tooffer. So he has to make that
decision who gets his attentionand how much of it with keeping
himself in check and not gettingworn out. Luckily, he has a low
energy dog, a St. Bernard, sohis basic needs are lower than
(08:52):
someone with maybe a higherenergy dog like a Border Collie,
a Jack Russell or like a GermanShepherd/Rottie mix. But trying
to meet everybody's needs can beexhausting. And we also have
Eddie with us who was on episodenine in Season One 'Handling
Reactivity'. He's a trainer withClassic Canine Academy and he
also runs a structured doggydaycare, which is super cool. If
(09:15):
you want to listen to more abouthis story. Go back to Season
One. Listen to Episode Nine. ButEddie, what is your biggest
challenge when it comes toowning dogs and trying to date
Eddie (09:27):
Having someone
comfortable around big dogs such
as the Cane Corso and obviouslya Doberman. And their breed,
especially the Cane Corso, isnot the best with strangers.
Especially men, but especiallywith Ezra, specifically females
who are shy who have a certainenergy that that is not
(09:52):
comfortable for him as well.
Cassidy (09:54):
And our dog dad, Jeff,
who also wrote in his response
had something very similar tosay as Hayden and Tyson, he's
dog dad to Izzy, a two year oldmini Aussie Doodle who he has
had since a puppy. He works fulltime and has a part time job on
the side. So his biggestchallenge with dating and owning
(10:14):
a dog is the balance of time. Hevalues the time off that he has,
and tries to spend as much of itwith Izzy because she's home by
herself when he's at work.
And back to you, Hayden, whatare your expectations outside of
understanding your dog's needs?
And being a dog lover? Do youlook for anything else? Like how
they interact with your dog? Doyou have any expectations around
(10:36):
that at all?
Hayden (10:38):
Not really no, when it
comes to expectations, a dog is
similar to a child and like Iwould never ask a partner to
take on that responsibility.
It's like, you know what, Kodawas my dog, he was here, I have
to do everything to make surehe's getting his walks and his
dinners and his food and hisexercises and everything. Like
(10:58):
I'm not going to pressure you orask you to take him for a walk
or to do this. Like it was mydog when we came into this. If
they want to help, great, likeif I'm in a pinch and I have a
long day at work where I do haveto leave home and Koda is stuck
in his crate. And I could reachout to a partner and say, 'Hey,
can you go let Koda out of hiscrate or go for a walk or do
(11:20):
something?' And they'reavailable? Like that's a huge
plus. But I'm not expecting thatby any means.
Cassidy (11:27):
Would you say though
that if it was somebody who'd
never wanted to join you on awalk, didn't want to go on
adventures with you and your dogdidn't want to do those things
at all? Would that be more of anissue?
Hayden (11:38):
That would be a
challenge? Yes. It's less about
the dog at that point. And thenI would say it's just more of a
clash of personalities. Ifsomebody had that perspective on
life, or they didn't want to gofor walks or didn't want to go
on adventures? Probably wouldn'tbe my type.
Cassidy (11:51):
Yeah, that's fair.
Absolutely pretty similar towhat Tyson had said, he put it
exactly 'I have little to noexpectations when it comes to
dating, I'm upfront about mydog, if they don't like it, they
can hit the bricks.'That's howhe put it, 'my dog isn't going
anywhere.' And I like what yousaid about you know, Koda can't
go 24 hours without you, but whoyou're seeing can and you'll
find that balance. And that'sreally important. And also you
(12:14):
are your own priority, and Kodais your best friend, you like
spending time with him. Soyou're not going to put them on
the back burner, because that'sgonna affect you as well.
Jeff's response to this questionwas that he needs those that
he's trying to date tounderstand that Izzy is still a
puppy, two years old is veryyoung for a dog. So she has lots
(12:34):
of energy. And she loves toplay. She's very affectionate.
So you could be sitting and thenext thing you know, you have
Izzy jumping up onto your lap orcurled up beside you because she
doesn't exactly understand themeaning of personal space. And
she is top priority when he'sdating. She's a huge part of
Jeff's life. So when someoneelse comes into the picture,
she's not getting thrown off tothe side, she's not going to be
(12:56):
an afterthought. She is again,top priority. And as he put it,
'it's cliche, but she is like achild to me. And you wouldn't
put the importance of your kidsto the side, when you start
dating someone, there is abalance and the right person
will understand that'. So Eddie,again, as a dog, dad, but as a
dog trainer, what are yourexpectations?
Eddie (13:18):
That's actually a good
question. The expectation I have
one they are comfortable, butalso the certain boundaries and
rules that I set upon my dogshould be followed through when
they also enter into therelationship. Dogs are creatures
of habit. This is why if someonewere to enter, I guess the
household or the relationship,that same routine also has to be
followed through, it's just withan extra body, so to speak.
(13:41):
Because that routine that isalready set up benefits them, it
doesn't benefit me it benefitsthem, but also creates a
relationship with the womanthat's entering as well, where
they get kind of that closebondness because everything that
like I said that they do is forthem. And if someone else can
bring that same routine forthem, they would also enjoy as
(14:01):
well.
Cassidy (14:02):
Yeah, absolutely. It
might also help them become more
comfortable with them if they'reused to that routine with you
and somebody else comes in whofollows the same routine like
;okay, we're on the same page'.
You obviously want to see theperson that you're dating grow a
relationship with your dogs.
Eddie (14:14):
Exactly. That's a big
one.
Cassidy (14:28):
If you met somebody and
you're hitting it off, whatever,
but they had a dog would, thatbe something that you're open
to? Dating somebody else who hasa dog?
Hayden (14:38):
Of course! Yeah, I don't
see any issues with it.
Cassidy (14:44):
I'm already noticing
like between you and Tyson, I'm
finding that- it's only two guysout of so many dog dads- but
you're a lot more lenient thanus women.
Hayden (14:56):
Do girls say ifI have a
dog and a guy has a dog. There's
no way Jose?
Cassidy (15:02):
No, no, not to that
degree. It really just... we
just, we think so much. Weoverthink everything because
you're so quick to answer. 'Oh,yeah, no problem'. We're saying
yes... but here's my checklist.
Here's the red flags. Here'swhat I'm looking for, like, fill
(15:24):
in these boxes, please. It's notas simple as Yeah, absolutely.
Hayden (15:35):
My partner has a dog.
I'm like, bring it over, comemeet Koda right now.
Cassidy (15:43):
And I guess it really
depends of the dog too. Rey, for
example, is dog selective. I'vealso been in a relationship. I
had a multi dog household for awhile. I had three dogs. And I
started off with my rescue. AndI got together with a guy with
his golden. The dogs didn't getalong with. That's a factor. But
(16:03):
even beyond that, we didn'ttrain the same way. His dog
simply wasn't trained. Hewasn't. He was not a trained
dog. Even if our dogs got along,we clashed so much just because
of how different we were withour dogs. When I was previously
on the apps, 'oh, he has a dog?'It's just an immediate no for
(16:25):
me, honestly, without having metthe person. Like I just don't
want to get into it. I just, Iknow. Isn't that awful?
Hayden (16:35):
You're scarred.
Cassidy (16:38):
I am! I'm a little
scarred. And I have met guys who
have dogs and it's incredible.
Like their dogs are incredible.
They train really well. They'regreat dogs. But my immediate
reaction is no.
Hayden (16:49):
My immediate is Yes.
Cassidy (16:51):
Which is great. I love
that.
And Jeff, of course coming in asthe third male perspective, he
absolutely would date somebodywith a dog. Izzy is a very
social dog. She loves beingaround other dogs. However, if
the dogs aren't compatible, ifthey don't get along, looking at
things with a long termperspective, it just wouldn't
(17:13):
work out. And that's totallyfair.
So Eddie, I have to ask you asour fourth male perspective,
would you date somebody with adog?
Eddie (17:21):
Yeah, 100%.
Cassidy (17:23):
You guys. So quick to
say absolutely.
Eddie (17:28):
It depends on how their
dog is.
Cassidy (17:31):
Okay, so, what would
you look for?
Eddie (17:33):
How their dog behaves,
how they treat their dog as
well. Also, if the dog's pottytrained. That's also a big one.
I don't have a lot of red flags.
Just because I do train dogs. Ican work around certain things
compared to other people.
Cassidy (17:49):
I guess as long as
they're willing to work with you
as well.
Eddie (17:51):
Exactly. Like if they're
willing to work with my dog I'm
willing to work with their dogas well. I'll even include where
it has to be like, only one dog.
Not two, not three. I'm nothaving five dogs, like a little
farm in my home.
Cassidy (18:05):
One thing that Tyson
said and I felt called out. So
when I asked him if he woulddate somebody who has a dog, he
said, 'I have zero issues datingsomeone who has a dog. However,
I will admit when people maketheir dogs their whole life, I
take issue with that my dog isan extension of my life, not my
whole personality. I have a lifeoutside of my dog. I do.
(18:27):
I know that you said that youdon't have any expectations,
really, when you're datingsomebody, but maybe like any
deal breakers off the top ofyour head, like you bring Koda
into the bed, Rey comes into thebed with me. And all of a sudden
you meet someone who says no, nodogs in the bed, that's
disgusting.
Hayden (18:43):
Yeah, that would be a
challenge. If he slept here
every since he was a puppy likehe can't stay? It would
definitely have to be aconversation and a compromise to
try and figure out, you know, asolution there. You know, off
the top of my head. I would sayhe's saying because he's always
done it. He's always been mylittle armpit. Armpit boy!
Cassidy (19:03):
I love it. Do you have
a king sized bed? Not to get too
personal, but the size of him!You're not in a twin?
Hayden (19:10):
No, were just, we're a
queen! We're a queen. We'll get
Cassidy (19:15):
Okay. And Tyson and
Jeff coming in with pretty much
a king here someday.
the same answer to the 'Arethere any dog related deal
breakers' question'. Both justsaying that they can't leave
their dog at home alone all daywhile they're at work and then
be out all night. They have tounderstand that dating is fun
and things can be spontaneous.
But Jeff said it can make thingsdifficult having a dog that has
(19:37):
been home alone all day whilehe's at work. And you either
have to plan to have somebodylook after the dog or make plans
that include Izzy, if he's beenaway from her all day, he
doesn't want to just stop in,let her out, feed her and then
go again. And Tyson said thesame thing that he's not
comfortable leaving him aloneall day. So the person that he
ends up with has to beunderstanding of That fact, and
(19:59):
willing to adapt. And if theycan't, it simply won't work out.
And he does make the comparisonof his dog being like his child,
which is a tough comparison. Weknow that dogs are not babies,
dogs and having children is notthe same. And like Hayden had
mentioned, you can't just leavethe dog, the dog relies on you,
we are responsible for them, andthey require us to take care of
(20:19):
them. Tyson also mentioned thathe dated a woman who loved
attention, like almost anunhealthy amount, she couldn't
handle the attention being onanything but herself. And that,
of course caused issues when hewould give his dog attention in
her presence. And he almost hadto keep those two parts of his
life separate. Which was ofcourse, a nightmare. But hey,
(20:42):
Winston is still around. And sheisn't.
Something for me wasspecifically like, I don't want
them to just tolerate my dog. Ithink my dog is the bee's knees.
And it's so important forsomebody to truly love and
appreciate her. And now I'mseeing somebody who is almost as
(21:02):
obsessed with her as I am. Andit just makes my whole day. So
are you good with someone justtolerating Koda?
Hayden (21:11):
Yeah, I would say like,
I'd be fine with just somebody
who, they don't have to give himthe same love and attention that
I do. Because at the end of theday, I picked him out. He's my
dog. And Koda is a lot. He'ssmart, he's smart as a whip, and
listens to me, is verytrainable. But he is always
raring to go like, well go run a5k. And we'll come back and he
(21:33):
wants frisbee time. And I'mlike, dude, we just ran five
kilometers. He has an endlessbattery. So for me, I think that
line of like tolerating andloving, I think tolerating is
loving, because he's just somuch. Tolerating Koda is loving
Koda.
Cassidy (21:54):
If they spent enough
time with Koda, I'm sure he is
fantastic. They'll fall in love,too. They usually fall in love
with the dog earlier than theperson. So.
Hayden (22:01):
Yes, yeah.
Cassidy (22:04):
And where I totally get
where Hayden is coming from,
Eddie what are your thoughts on?
Would you be with somebody whosimply just tolerated your dogs?
Or do you have a differentperspective on that?
Eddie (22:16):
I would not allow myself
and my dogs to be put in that
position. So I would not datesomeone who's just wants to just
have your dog lay down and don'teven talk to him. And your dogs
also, over time will getdepressed the fact that there's
this other human being thatlives with you, that doesn't
want to engage with you. Andthat will negatively affect the
(22:36):
dogs as well. No matter if sheis a celebrity I would not.
Cassidy (22:42):
Well, I mean, I've
dated people who like... they
all love, Rey, she'ssuper sweet,but you can tell the ones who
are like, I don't necessarilywant her here all the time,
which is fine. I'll put her onher bed. She doesn't have to be
super present all the time. Butthere's a difference between
when I'm nervous that she'sbeing too much. And then just
knowing that the person that I'mseeing absolutely adores her.
Eddie (23:03):
One thing is, this might
be a little bit too spicy, or
too controversial at the moment.
But it's If you enter arelationship, and you currently
have dogs and this person, islike I don't want to deal with
the dogs or, you know, they canjust stand over there don't have
them near me, I can get I canalmost guarantee you, they will
be the same way if you had astepchild, or you had a child
and they were coming into intothe relationship. And it just
(23:24):
shows character of a person aswell.
Cassidy (23:26):
That's the third time
that children have been
mentioned. It's a cliche tothink like your dog is your
child, but it's also not, likethey're an important part of
your life. If I had a child, I'messentially looking for a
stepfather. So when I have adog, I'm looking for a dog, Dad.
Eddie (23:45):
You're right.
Cassidy (23:46):
If you were in a
relationship, and they said they
were going to get their own dog,how would you feel about that?
Eddie (23:52):
I'm all for it. Yeah, I
want a third dog.
Cassidy (23:59):
And Jeff, of course,
said that he'd be very excited
for them if they want to get adog. But being fully aware of
the time commitment that comeswith having a puppy, that might
mean less time spent together asa couple, which he'll be there
to support them, understandingthe needs of the dog. And Tyson
also said he would encourage itif their lifestyle meets the
needs of the dog first. AndHayden you also said that you
(24:20):
would absolutely love it if theperson that you were seeing said
that they're going to get apuppy. And I want to know have
you used him as an icebreaker?
Or first date, like I find it soeasy to 'Oh, hi, you want to
meet up' because I've been onthe apps and 'you want to meet
up let's take my dog for awalk.'
Hayden (24:37):
I wouldn't want to use
him as an ace in the back
pocket. Like I wouldn't want todo that. It's more so like, make
the connection and then bringthe dog. I guess it would be a
great icebreaker to just saylike, 'Hey, here's the dog and
let's go for a walk' but I don'tthink it's necessary.
Cassidy (24:57):
Again where our
differences lie. I find it so
easy. Just like, especially onthe app. I've never talked to
somebody in person. Are theyeasy to talk to? Or are they
awkward? I can be a littleawkward sometimes. So if I have
Rey and if we run out ofconversation, I just say, Oh,
look at her. She's so cute.
Hayden (25:14):
Yeah, the I guess the
issue would lie if like you show
up and what if Reyis on herworst behavior that day and then
it's a nightmare.
Cassidy (25:23):
No, Rey is an angel!
Well, that was an absolute
blast. Thank you so much toTyson, Hayden, Eddie and Jeff,
for taking the time to answer myquestions and share your
stories. You guys are great. Andsuch good dog dads. Where we
have some different opinions. Weare also so very similar and the
main priority when dating isputting our dog's needs first.
(25:46):
What did you think of part oneof the Dogs and Dating series?
Did their answers surprise you?
This format was something elseto put together. I'm certainly
no professional podcast editor.
But I did my best. So I hope itwas easy to follow along. I
would love to hear your thoughtson this episode. It is so
helpful to me if you like rate,and leave a review. Also share
it with your friends if youthink they'd be interested.
(26:07):
Next week's episode, part two ofthis series, we get yet another
perspective. But this time, fromsomeone who does not own a dog,
I get to talk with one of Rey'sfavorite people, my sister
Courtney, about what it's likedating guys with dogs. She has
never owned her own dog, but sheis auntie extraordinaire to
mine. Having also been a singleperson myself prior to owning a
(26:30):
dog and dating someone with adog. I also have a few
experiences to share.
Make sure you're subscribed soyou don't miss out on these
episodes. Later on we will alsoget the dog mom perspective, the
perspective of trying to date adog mom, breaking up with dogs,
and successful dog datingstories to maybe provide some
hope on that front. I hope ascheesy as this series is that
(26:51):
you are still able to mayberelate or at least simply enjoy
the content. Once again, I'm sohappy to be back and I will meet
you here next week for part two.
Have a great week. You're doingamazing.