August 23, 2022 • 23 mins
The things that reactive dog owners want everyone else to know and do differently.
Owning a reactive dog is hard and we are constantly facing obstacles in and outside of our home. But there is something that other dog owners, the 'friendly' dog owners can do differently which would make a huge difference in our ability to train our dogs and feel safe.
I was once the unknowing dog owner, who didn't have a clue that other dogs can be anxious or not like other dogs, and what harm can my little untrained Shih Tzu do, off leash in an on-leash area. (I was also twelve).
What would you add to this letter? Let me know!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Cassidy (00:00):
Hello, and welcome back to the spicy dog mama podcast.
(00:03):
It's episode five, and I'm yourhost, Cassidy. I can't believe
that we are already past onemonth into this journey
together. I love where this hastaken me, the connections that
I've made, and the stories thatI've been hearing since starting
this podcast. And I love hearingyour feedback- why you like
listening, and what you want tolisten to. Honestly, it makes my
(00:25):
day knowing that I'm providingsomething that makes other
people feel heard, and relatedto and just helps them on their
journey with a reactive dog orsomebody who has never even
owned a dog, but is justlearning so much. And I think
that's really valuableinformation to be out there;
just the honest truth from dogpeople. So for this episode, as
(00:47):
a reactive dog owner, I actuallywant to talk specifically to the
owners of the friendly dogs.
Also, the people who don't owndogs at all, what I wish you
would know, and what I wouldlove for you to do differently.
This one's for you.
(01:20):
My first dog was a Shih Tzu. Iwas 11 years old, and we got a
shitzu. Really my first dog thatI remember, and I'm not really
here to talk too much aboutCharlie. But I remember at
around 12/13 years old, we'reliving in Sackville, and I'm
(01:40):
taking Charlie to the SecondLake trail, if you're familiar
with it. And this completelyuntrained, reactive (though I
didn't know the term at thetime) dog... I was letting off
leash because he's a shitzu.
What's he going to do if heapproaches a dog? Again, I'm 13
years old. That was me. And Ididn't really learn otherwise
(02:00):
for quite a few years. And itwasn't until I met a dog who was
no longer the "he's just ashitzu" or "don't worry, he's
friendly", but instead, it was adog who I realized did not
appreciate other dogs in itsface. And I was actually quite
nervous of what would happen ifa dog did get into its space. So
(02:21):
I will start this off by saying,and I've said it before, I offer
a lot of grace to the friendlydog owners, or those who have
never learned any differently.
But I'm telling you now, I'mtelling you what we all want you
to know, what we are begging foryou to understand. This is my
(02:42):
letter to the friendly dogowners. First off, I want to say
that I'm sorry (but I'm notactually sorry) that we can be a
little cranky... or a lotcranky. We're stressed, we're
trying so hard. And we areconstantly being faced with
situations that - per the bylawsand just general consideration
(03:04):
for other people and dog owners- we shouldn't be in. We want to
be able to just walk our dogs inon leash areas and be safe. But
that's asking a lot, apparently.
And so when we are faced withoff leash dogs that come at us,
or people with their dogs onretractable leashes that are
just allowing them to come intoour space, or even crossing the
(03:25):
road to try to get their dog tosay hi to ours, and we might
snap. But that's because you'renot the first offense. It's not
just you that we're mad at itsconstant repetitive behavior
that we're just tired of, andwe've been fighting for a long
time for our dogs. What makes itreally hard is we might have
been making a lot of progress,our dogs have been doing so
(03:47):
well, and you won't evenunderstand how hard it is to
find a space for our dogs to goto that we know that they are
safe. Walking down the street ona subdivision that we know well,
not necessarily safe, there canbe off leash dogs that come or
just people who don't respectour boundaries and the space
that we need. Off leash trailswhere there are fines for off
(04:09):
leash dogs, there are still offleash dogs. You go to places
that you should be safe and timeand time again, we're faced with
these obstacles. And when ourdog is making progress, all of a
sudden there's a setback. And wedon't know how far that will set
us back. When you've made thisprogress and you've gone days or
weeks or months without your doghaving a reaction, or an
(04:33):
explosion as I call it with Rey.
When you finally see that, you,in that moment, don't remember
how many months you went withoutone, you're just looking at that
one moment. So when we'relashing out at you, being
cranky, saying whatever we maybe saying, understand that we're
going through something rightnow. We're grieving all of the
(04:56):
progress that we made and wedon't know how far it'll be
before we get back there.
But even if we're getting angryor saying things to you and our
dog is being perfectly wellbehaved, that's because we know
the risks. Yes, our dog looksfine, right now, you just want
your dog to say hi, or your dogis off leash, and they're
friendly, or whatever yourreasoning may be. But we are not
(05:20):
willing to risk our dog takingsome steps back in their
progress, we are not willing tolet them think that we're not
ready to advocate for them orkeep them safe. So we will yell
at you to get your dog or torespect us, because that is us
protecting our dog. We want ourdogs to know, they don't need to
(05:41):
react, but we will. Refer to myblog post "am I more reactive
than my dog", which I do plan ondoing a podcast specifically
about, but we will saysomething, and we need you to
understand where that anger orfrustration is coming from. It
is not just you. Now when we'renot busy yelling at you for your
(06:05):
off leash dog, and you'reactually with you're very
respectful, calm dog on leash,just trying to walk by us and go
about your business. But our dogdoes have a reaction or is not
okay with your presence, yourdog's presence, whatever the
case may be, and they may belosing their minds. Please,
(06:30):
don't look at us like that. Weare doing our best. We're not
happy with how our dogs behavingmight not be happy with how
we're behaving. But thejudgment, the stairs, the
scowls, it's not everybody, butit's enough of you that we all
feel the same way. Our dog ishaving a hard time, we are
(06:55):
having a hard time, and we justneed support. We have a dog, you
have a dog, aren't we all inthis together? We're all just
trying to do what's best for ourdog. I'm sorry that my dog is
behaving this way. And maybeyou're concerned about the
safety of you or your dog and Iget that. But now you know, our
(07:16):
dog is maybe scared orfrustrated. Maybe it's very
friendly. But it's just goingham on the leash because all it
wants to do is say hi. And somepeople say things like "why
don't you train your dog?" or,you know, "get your dog under
control!" OH! We haven't triedthat one before: train our dogs.
(07:38):
Okay, I'm gonna give that one ashot. See how that goes. We are
trying, we're doing our best!And we just beg of you, don't
look at us that way. Or if yousee us walking with our dogs in
a muzzle per my last episode,there are so many reasons why a
dog might be wearing a muzzleour reactive dogs might be
(07:58):
wearing a muzzle and that is notnecessarily because it will 100%
charge for you and your dog andit's going to attack it is very
likely not that case at all. Butwhen you see a dog wearing a
muzzle, please recognize thatthat is a dog who is in
training, trying to figureitself out, has some issues, but
(08:22):
we're working on it. And that'sa responsible owner if somebody
has put a muzzle on their dogand has taken the time to
condition their dog to a muzzle,that is a responsible dog owner
and probably a dog who isactually under a lot of control.
And the last thing that we needfrom people in those scenarios
(08:42):
is unsolicited advice. I wasonce walking Reese and a dog
passed by and Reese had a minorreaction compared to what he had
previously done. And I quicklygot him settled and had him look
at me and I gave him a treat.
And this person passing by said"You don't reward bad behavior."
(09:03):
And I'm too sheepish, but my twofriends, my sister and my other
friend, just went at this ladylike "you don't know where this
dog has been. You don't knowthis dog like you don't can't
say anything!" and I thank themfor that. I didn't say a single
thing but you don't know wherethose dogs started, where they
came from. In that moment. Reesereacted and I quickly got his
(09:27):
attention back on me so Irewarded him where previously he
would be reacting and reacting.
I'd have to drag him theopposite direction and even
still, he'd be losing his mindhuffing and puffing hackles up.
So don't tell me that I'm doingthe wrong thing with my dog. You
know nothing about my situation.
We do not need unsolicitedadvice. We need encouragement
(10:04):
My reactive dog deserves theright to be out in public
safely, just like any other dog,we want to be able to go to an
on-leash park, or just simplywalk down the road and know that
we are safe. Or if we do decideto go to a trail that is on
(10:29):
leash, but it's really quiet outin the wilderness. So "everybody
lets their dog off leash there.
No biggie", it is a biggie. Wewant, and we should be able to
go to places where we know thatwe're safe. That's all we want.
If we see a trail that isbeautiful, and we know that our
dog would have a blast exploringthrough nature, maybe on a long
line, or just on a leash, wedeserve that right to go there.
(10:52):
And when we come across thefriendly off leash dogs, again,
I'm not saying it's everybody,but this is from many people's
including my own experience. Andwe say "please leash your dogs."
And we're begging, we'redesperate, we're nervous and
frustrated. And they say, "Oh,don't worry, they're friendly".
Okay, well, we're going toworry, the issue is not
(11:14):
necessarily your dog. Andwhether or not it's a fact that
my dog will bite, what about thefact that they're just nervous
and anxious and don't want thedog in their space? Don't they
deserve the right to feel safein a space that legally requires
that dogs be on leash, and theyare entitled to feeling that
(11:36):
safe and not being nervous aboutgoing out to a trail that is
there for everybody. Imaginegoing to a public space as a
human, and being forced to givehugs, or converse with people
that you don't know, no matterwhat, no matter how you're
feeling, or if you like people,or if you have anxiety, and
(11:58):
being told, while you're out inpublic, "you have to deal with
this. Otherwise, just stayhome". Dogs deserve that right
too especially when it isliterally a law in some areas,
that your dog remains on leash,if your dog is friendly, I'm so
happy for you. It is wonderfulthat you have a dog that loves
(12:22):
everybody and everything. Andthere's a part of me that wishes
that I had that dog too. But Idon't. And I actually love my
dog and the experiences thatwe've been through and what
they've taught me, because I nowhave so much more respect for
those dogs that don't love everydog. And they also don't have
(12:43):
to. I am a social introvert. Ihave my small circle of people.
I can do okay in socialsettings, but I don't want to be
there necessarily. I don't dowell at parties. You're getting
to know way too much about me.
(13:03):
But why should we expect thatdogs just get along with
absolutely everything they comeinto contact with no questions
asked. You have to love thatother dog or you have to love
that person seems like anunrealistic expectation to put
on our dogs seems like an unfairexpectation honestly. And yet we
(13:23):
go to these places that are onleash, they should be safe for
us, they should be safe for ourdogs, we shouldn't have this
anxiety. We do, no matter what,we do. But if we come across an
off leash dog in an on-leasharea, and our dog has the
reaction, all of a sudden, werethe bad guys, were the ones who
(13:44):
we should have just stayed athome, our dog shouldn't have
been allowed to come out here.
Well, first off, just becauseour dog is having a reaction.
You also need to know that thatdoes not mean that they're
aggressive. Maybe they're scaredof that situation that they're
in because your dog came flyingat them and came into their
space. And that's not somethingthat they're comfortable with.
And it shouldn't have happenedbut a dog that is barking or
(14:05):
lunging or maybe even growling,it does not even mean that
they're aggressive. They're justtrying to communicate that I
don't want you in my space. Andwe've brought them to a place
that the scenario shouldn't haveeven occurred.
The unfortunate part is thatmost of us avoid these areas no
matter what. Even if the lawsare [that] the dog has to be on
(14:27):
leash. We have learned likeSecond Lake, where I brought my
Shih Tzu it is known to be anarea that "Oh don't worry,
everybody lets their dog offleash, it's okay." But it's not
okay. It's a beautiful trailthat should be enjoyed by every
dog. You can bet that thereactive dogs are probably under
(14:49):
a lot of control, have a lot oftraining and they're not a
problem. You can pass them onthe side of the road and might
not even know that they'rereactive. They just look like an
incredibly, well behaved dog,because we've put that effort
in. And yet, we're the ones thathave to avoid these beautiful
trails, because of other peoplewho aren't obeying the leash
laws. And when we're out inpublic, and your dog really
(15:13):
wants to say, Hi, I love it, Ilove that your dog is so social
and just wants to make all thefriends but Sorry, buddy, my dog
actually would appreciate somespace and doesn't want that to
happen right now. I don't knowif it's actually surprising to
non-dog owners, or friendly dogowners, that we get a lot of
(15:34):
grief by saying no, byadvocating for our dogs by
saying that's not what theywant. People scowl or act
entitled as if they deserve theright, their dog deserves the
right to say hi to our dog, whois very anxious, and doesn't
want that at all. The confusingpart is a lot of reactive dogs
are very calm. And if they'renot reacting, they're just...
(15:58):
they're listening to theirhandler, they're responding to
what we're asking of them. Sothey look like a prime candidate
for somebody that their dog cansay hi to, but they're acting
that way because they trust usto not put them into a situation
that they don't want to be in.
So no, your dog can't say hi.
And we're not trying to be rude.
We're not trying to offend you.
(16:22):
This is just what our dog needsright now. And we would really
appreciate it if you respectedthat. Even just the fact that
somebody may ask if their dogcan say, hi, that's huge. We
need more of that. Don't justlet your dog approach another
dog. Don't just assume thatbecause the dog is calm [that]
it wants to say hi. And also, ifa dog is reacting, I've had some
(16:46):
people ask before, "oh, would itbe better if they just said hi?"
And honestly, there's a part ofme that actually appreciate that
answer, because that's somebodywho sees my reactive dog, and
doesn't assume that they're justaggressive or out to kill. I
appreciate that. But know if mydog is reacting, there's a few
reasons why I don't want them tosay hi. First off, she's
(17:09):
reacting because she'suncomfortable with the
situation. And the best thingfor her is to defuse a
situation. For some dogs,they're reacting out of
frustration because they want tosay hi, they actually do. But if
you then let your dog say hi,while they're in that state,
what they've learned is, 'when Ireact, I get to say, Hi, I get
(17:30):
what I want. This is cool. Iknow what to do.' So no matter
what the reason is for thereactivity. They're not in a
state of mind to say hi, way tooheightened. But also, you want
to train them that behavior isnot okay. If they're reacting,
and then you force them to sayhi, when they don't want to that
does not help them trust you. Ifthey're reacting because they
(17:51):
want to say hi, and you let themsay hi, you're rewarding that
behavior. So no, my dog does notwant to say hi, but thank you, I
appreciate it. Thank you forrespecting my space and what my
dog needs while I advocate formy dog. As I've said in the
first episode, "What isReactivity?" Reactive dogs are
(18:13):
not rare, a lot of dogs arereactive either they're
undiagnosed, the owner does notactually realize that they are
reactive, or you don't see thembecause we don't go out, or our
dogs are actually so wellbehaved. We've got them under
such control that they don'tlook reactive. But reactive dogs
(18:35):
are very common. It's actuallynot common for a dog to be
overly social to love everyhuman, every dog, that's
actually not common in dogs. Butso many dogs are reactive that
they avoid those spaces. Sopeople who either don't own dogs
or have the super socialfriendly dogs never or rarely
(18:57):
see reactive dogs. So it justmakes sense that they don't
realize they exist.
So again, I don't blame anybodyfor not realizing or
understanding or for having theopinion of "Oh, everybody comes
here off leash, it's no biggie."It is a biggie. We do care. We
really want you to understandwhere we're coming from, why we
(19:18):
feel the way that we do, whywe're so spicy. And we just beg
of you to understand us and tosympathize with us because it
could have been you. We don'talways know why our dog is
reactive [or] what caused it.
You could have been the ownerwith the reactive dog. So take a
minute to step into our shoes,and to see what that looks like
(19:41):
and how you would feel and whatyou would want from somebody
else with a friendly dog. If youcall yourself a dog lover, do
you not also love the reactivedogs and understand what they're
going through or try tounderstand what they're going
through and to sympathize. Maybenot with the owners but with the
dog,that they're going through ahard time. And it takes a
(20:01):
village, right? It takes avillage to raise it, we need
support. The community is soimportant when going through
this. And I don't think thatreactive dogs only need to be
surrounded by other reactive dogowners, I think we need to all
be together in this.
(20:41):
Well, thank you so much forlistening if you are the owner
of a friendly dog or not even adog owner at all, or if you're
the owner of the reactive dog,thank you for listening. I hope
that you got something from thisepisode. I hope that maybe
you've learned something or cantake something away from it that
(21:02):
can just help everybody on theirjourney. Again, I'm not hating
towards anybody who has maybedone what I've described in my
podcast, I've been there I'vehad the dog who is super
friendly and let them off leash,or the shitzu, who's not at all
friendly and still let them offleash with no recall. I've been
(21:22):
there. It's okay, you learn fromit. I'm just hoping that
somebody is learning from this.
So if you enjoyed this episode,or if you didn't, I'm open to
criticism. Even still, likerate, review, follow, subscribe,
share it with your friends. Butagain, I want to hear your
thoughts. So you can find me onInstagram @spicydogmama. Or you
(21:42):
can send me an email. It isspicydogmama@gmail.com. I would
love to hear your thoughts. Anddo you have something to share?
I would love to talk withsomebody about their story,
their journey, what they'velearned what they want people to
know. Are you an expert orprofessional in certain area?
Let's chat I would absolutelylove that. And as always, you
(22:06):
can find my girl Rey onInstagram @mylittlepibble. She's
my reactive girl. I don't thinkI've said her name once in this
episode, which is actually verystrange. But you can watch and
read about her journeys as areactive dog. And you can also
scroll way back in the historyfind some about Reese. He's my
(22:27):
reactive boy and you can watchhis journey. And if you are the
owner of a reactive dog, andyou're looking for a community
that supports, loves andencourages one another, please
join my Facebook group BalancingReactivity Canadian Dogs, I'll
have a link in the description.
(22:47):
We just want to share ourstories, ask questions in a safe
environment where there isabsolutely no shame. And we also
plan pack walks, no matter whatregion you're in. We're trying
to expand and find people whoare in the same boat as you that
you can walk with and train withand just build these connections
(23:08):
that is so important, or atleast for me, it has helped me
so much on my journey. Onceagain I thank you for listening.
I hope you all have a greatweek. You're doing amazing.
Hello, and welcome back to the spicy dog mama podcast.
(00:03):
It's episode five, and I'm yourhost, Cassidy. I can't believe
that we are already past onemonth into this journey
together. I love where this hastaken me, the connections that
I've made, and the stories thatI've been hearing since starting
this podcast. And I love hearingyour feedback- why you like
listening, and what you want tolisten to. Honestly, it makes my
(00:25):
day knowing that I'm providingsomething that makes other
people feel heard, and relatedto and just helps them on their
journey with a reactive dog orsomebody who has never even
owned a dog, but is justlearning so much. And I think
that's really valuableinformation to be out there;
just the honest truth from dogpeople. So for this episode, as
(00:47):
a reactive dog owner, I actuallywant to talk specifically to the
owners of the friendly dogs.
Also, the people who don't owndogs at all, what I wish you
would know, and what I wouldlove for you to do differently.
This one's for you.
(01:20):
My first dog was a Shih Tzu. Iwas 11 years old, and we got a
shitzu. Really my first dog thatI remember, and I'm not really
here to talk too much aboutCharlie. But I remember at
around 12/13 years old, we'reliving in Sackville, and I'm
(01:40):
taking Charlie to the SecondLake trail, if you're familiar
with it. And this completelyuntrained, reactive (though I
didn't know the term at thetime) dog... I was letting off
leash because he's a shitzu.
What's he going to do if heapproaches a dog? Again, I'm 13
years old. That was me. And Ididn't really learn otherwise
(02:00):
for quite a few years. And itwasn't until I met a dog who was
no longer the "he's just ashitzu" or "don't worry, he's
friendly", but instead, it was adog who I realized did not
appreciate other dogs in itsface. And I was actually quite
nervous of what would happen ifa dog did get into its space. So
(02:21):
I will start this off by saying,and I've said it before, I offer
a lot of grace to the friendlydog owners, or those who have
never learned any differently.
But I'm telling you now, I'mtelling you what we all want you
to know, what we are begging foryou to understand. This is my
(02:42):
letter to the friendly dogowners. First off, I want to say
that I'm sorry (but I'm notactually sorry) that we can be a
little cranky... or a lotcranky. We're stressed, we're
trying so hard. And we areconstantly being faced with
situations that - per the bylawsand just general consideration
(03:04):
for other people and dog owners- we shouldn't be in. We want to
be able to just walk our dogs inon leash areas and be safe. But
that's asking a lot, apparently.
And so when we are faced withoff leash dogs that come at us,
or people with their dogs onretractable leashes that are
just allowing them to come intoour space, or even crossing the
(03:25):
road to try to get their dog tosay hi to ours, and we might
snap. But that's because you'renot the first offense. It's not
just you that we're mad at itsconstant repetitive behavior
that we're just tired of, andwe've been fighting for a long
time for our dogs. What makes itreally hard is we might have
been making a lot of progress,our dogs have been doing so
(03:47):
well, and you won't evenunderstand how hard it is to
find a space for our dogs to goto that we know that they are
safe. Walking down the street ona subdivision that we know well,
not necessarily safe, there canbe off leash dogs that come or
just people who don't respectour boundaries and the space
that we need. Off leash trailswhere there are fines for off
(04:09):
leash dogs, there are still offleash dogs. You go to places
that you should be safe and timeand time again, we're faced with
these obstacles. And when ourdog is making progress, all of a
sudden there's a setback. And wedon't know how far that will set
us back. When you've made thisprogress and you've gone days or
weeks or months without your doghaving a reaction, or an
(04:33):
explosion as I call it with Rey.
When you finally see that, you,in that moment, don't remember
how many months you went withoutone, you're just looking at that
one moment. So when we'relashing out at you, being
cranky, saying whatever we maybe saying, understand that we're
going through something rightnow. We're grieving all of the
(04:56):
progress that we made and wedon't know how far it'll be
before we get back there.
But even if we're getting angryor saying things to you and our
dog is being perfectly wellbehaved, that's because we know
the risks. Yes, our dog looksfine, right now, you just want
your dog to say hi, or your dogis off leash, and they're
friendly, or whatever yourreasoning may be. But we are not
(05:20):
willing to risk our dog takingsome steps back in their
progress, we are not willing tolet them think that we're not
ready to advocate for them orkeep them safe. So we will yell
at you to get your dog or torespect us, because that is us
protecting our dog. We want ourdogs to know, they don't need to
(05:41):
react, but we will. Refer to myblog post "am I more reactive
than my dog", which I do plan ondoing a podcast specifically
about, but we will saysomething, and we need you to
understand where that anger orfrustration is coming from. It
is not just you. Now when we'renot busy yelling at you for your
(06:05):
off leash dog, and you'reactually with you're very
respectful, calm dog on leash,just trying to walk by us and go
about your business. But our dogdoes have a reaction or is not
okay with your presence, yourdog's presence, whatever the
case may be, and they may belosing their minds. Please,
(06:30):
don't look at us like that. Weare doing our best. We're not
happy with how our dogs behavingmight not be happy with how
we're behaving. But thejudgment, the stairs, the
scowls, it's not everybody, butit's enough of you that we all
feel the same way. Our dog ishaving a hard time, we are
(06:55):
having a hard time, and we justneed support. We have a dog, you
have a dog, aren't we all inthis together? We're all just
trying to do what's best for ourdog. I'm sorry that my dog is
behaving this way. And maybeyou're concerned about the
safety of you or your dog and Iget that. But now you know, our
(07:16):
dog is maybe scared orfrustrated. Maybe it's very
friendly. But it's just goingham on the leash because all it
wants to do is say hi. And somepeople say things like "why
don't you train your dog?" or,you know, "get your dog under
control!" OH! We haven't triedthat one before: train our dogs.
(07:38):
Okay, I'm gonna give that one ashot. See how that goes. We are
trying, we're doing our best!And we just beg of you, don't
look at us that way. Or if yousee us walking with our dogs in
a muzzle per my last episode,there are so many reasons why a
dog might be wearing a muzzleour reactive dogs might be
(07:58):
wearing a muzzle and that is notnecessarily because it will 100%
charge for you and your dog andit's going to attack it is very
likely not that case at all. Butwhen you see a dog wearing a
muzzle, please recognize thatthat is a dog who is in
training, trying to figureitself out, has some issues, but
(08:22):
we're working on it. And that'sa responsible owner if somebody
has put a muzzle on their dogand has taken the time to
condition their dog to a muzzle,that is a responsible dog owner
and probably a dog who isactually under a lot of control.
And the last thing that we needfrom people in those scenarios
(08:42):
is unsolicited advice. I wasonce walking Reese and a dog
passed by and Reese had a minorreaction compared to what he had
previously done. And I quicklygot him settled and had him look
at me and I gave him a treat.
And this person passing by said"You don't reward bad behavior."
(09:03):
And I'm too sheepish, but my twofriends, my sister and my other
friend, just went at this ladylike "you don't know where this
dog has been. You don't knowthis dog like you don't can't
say anything!" and I thank themfor that. I didn't say a single
thing but you don't know wherethose dogs started, where they
came from. In that moment. Reesereacted and I quickly got his
(09:27):
attention back on me so Irewarded him where previously he
would be reacting and reacting.
I'd have to drag him theopposite direction and even
still, he'd be losing his mindhuffing and puffing hackles up.
So don't tell me that I'm doingthe wrong thing with my dog. You
know nothing about my situation.
We do not need unsolicitedadvice. We need encouragement
(10:04):
My reactive dog deserves theright to be out in public
safely, just like any other dog,we want to be able to go to an
on-leash park, or just simplywalk down the road and know that
we are safe. Or if we do decideto go to a trail that is on
(10:29):
leash, but it's really quiet outin the wilderness. So "everybody
lets their dog off leash there.
No biggie", it is a biggie. Wewant, and we should be able to
go to places where we know thatwe're safe. That's all we want.
If we see a trail that isbeautiful, and we know that our
dog would have a blast exploringthrough nature, maybe on a long
line, or just on a leash, wedeserve that right to go there.
(10:52):
And when we come across thefriendly off leash dogs, again,
I'm not saying it's everybody,but this is from many people's
including my own experience. Andwe say "please leash your dogs."
And we're begging, we'redesperate, we're nervous and
frustrated. And they say, "Oh,don't worry, they're friendly".
Okay, well, we're going toworry, the issue is not
(11:14):
necessarily your dog. Andwhether or not it's a fact that
my dog will bite, what about thefact that they're just nervous
and anxious and don't want thedog in their space? Don't they
deserve the right to feel safein a space that legally requires
that dogs be on leash, and theyare entitled to feeling that
(11:36):
safe and not being nervous aboutgoing out to a trail that is
there for everybody. Imaginegoing to a public space as a
human, and being forced to givehugs, or converse with people
that you don't know, no matterwhat, no matter how you're
feeling, or if you like people,or if you have anxiety, and
(11:58):
being told, while you're out inpublic, "you have to deal with
this. Otherwise, just stayhome". Dogs deserve that right
too especially when it isliterally a law in some areas,
that your dog remains on leash,if your dog is friendly, I'm so
happy for you. It is wonderfulthat you have a dog that loves
(12:22):
everybody and everything. Andthere's a part of me that wishes
that I had that dog too. But Idon't. And I actually love my
dog and the experiences thatwe've been through and what
they've taught me, because I nowhave so much more respect for
those dogs that don't love everydog. And they also don't have
(12:43):
to. I am a social introvert. Ihave my small circle of people.
I can do okay in socialsettings, but I don't want to be
there necessarily. I don't dowell at parties. You're getting
to know way too much about me.
(13:03):
But why should we expect thatdogs just get along with
absolutely everything they comeinto contact with no questions
asked. You have to love thatother dog or you have to love
that person seems like anunrealistic expectation to put
on our dogs seems like an unfairexpectation honestly. And yet we
(13:23):
go to these places that are onleash, they should be safe for
us, they should be safe for ourdogs, we shouldn't have this
anxiety. We do, no matter what,we do. But if we come across an
off leash dog in an on-leasharea, and our dog has the
reaction, all of a sudden, werethe bad guys, were the ones who
(13:44):
we should have just stayed athome, our dog shouldn't have
been allowed to come out here.
Well, first off, just becauseour dog is having a reaction.
You also need to know that thatdoes not mean that they're
aggressive. Maybe they're scaredof that situation that they're
in because your dog came flyingat them and came into their
space. And that's not somethingthat they're comfortable with.
And it shouldn't have happenedbut a dog that is barking or
(14:05):
lunging or maybe even growling,it does not even mean that
they're aggressive. They're justtrying to communicate that I
don't want you in my space. Andwe've brought them to a place
that the scenario shouldn't haveeven occurred.
The unfortunate part is thatmost of us avoid these areas no
matter what. Even if the lawsare [that] the dog has to be on
(14:27):
leash. We have learned likeSecond Lake, where I brought my
Shih Tzu it is known to be anarea that "Oh don't worry,
everybody lets their dog offleash, it's okay." But it's not
okay. It's a beautiful trailthat should be enjoyed by every
dog. You can bet that thereactive dogs are probably under
(14:49):
a lot of control, have a lot oftraining and they're not a
problem. You can pass them onthe side of the road and might
not even know that they'rereactive. They just look like an
incredibly, well behaved dog,because we've put that effort
in. And yet, we're the ones thathave to avoid these beautiful
trails, because of other peoplewho aren't obeying the leash
laws. And when we're out inpublic, and your dog really
(15:13):
wants to say, Hi, I love it, Ilove that your dog is so social
and just wants to make all thefriends but Sorry, buddy, my dog
actually would appreciate somespace and doesn't want that to
happen right now. I don't knowif it's actually surprising to
non-dog owners, or friendly dogowners, that we get a lot of
(15:34):
grief by saying no, byadvocating for our dogs by
saying that's not what theywant. People scowl or act
entitled as if they deserve theright, their dog deserves the
right to say hi to our dog, whois very anxious, and doesn't
want that at all. The confusingpart is a lot of reactive dogs
are very calm. And if they'renot reacting, they're just...
(15:58):
they're listening to theirhandler, they're responding to
what we're asking of them. Sothey look like a prime candidate
for somebody that their dog cansay hi to, but they're acting
that way because they trust usto not put them into a situation
that they don't want to be in.
So no, your dog can't say hi.
And we're not trying to be rude.
We're not trying to offend you.
(16:22):
This is just what our dog needsright now. And we would really
appreciate it if you respectedthat. Even just the fact that
somebody may ask if their dogcan say, hi, that's huge. We
need more of that. Don't justlet your dog approach another
dog. Don't just assume thatbecause the dog is calm [that]
it wants to say hi. And also, ifa dog is reacting, I've had some
(16:46):
people ask before, "oh, would itbe better if they just said hi?"
And honestly, there's a part ofme that actually appreciate that
answer, because that's somebodywho sees my reactive dog, and
doesn't assume that they're justaggressive or out to kill. I
appreciate that. But know if mydog is reacting, there's a few
reasons why I don't want them tosay hi. First off, she's
(17:09):
reacting because she'suncomfortable with the
situation. And the best thingfor her is to defuse a
situation. For some dogs,they're reacting out of
frustration because they want tosay hi, they actually do. But if
you then let your dog say hi,while they're in that state,
what they've learned is, 'when Ireact, I get to say, Hi, I get
(17:30):
what I want. This is cool. Iknow what to do.' So no matter
what the reason is for thereactivity. They're not in a
state of mind to say hi, way tooheightened. But also, you want
to train them that behavior isnot okay. If they're reacting,
and then you force them to sayhi, when they don't want to that
does not help them trust you. Ifthey're reacting because they
(17:51):
want to say hi, and you let themsay hi, you're rewarding that
behavior. So no, my dog does notwant to say hi, but thank you, I
appreciate it. Thank you forrespecting my space and what my
dog needs while I advocate formy dog. As I've said in the
first episode, "What isReactivity?" Reactive dogs are
(18:13):
not rare, a lot of dogs arereactive either they're
undiagnosed, the owner does notactually realize that they are
reactive, or you don't see thembecause we don't go out, or our
dogs are actually so wellbehaved. We've got them under
such control that they don'tlook reactive. But reactive dogs
(18:35):
are very common. It's actuallynot common for a dog to be
overly social to love everyhuman, every dog, that's
actually not common in dogs. Butso many dogs are reactive that
they avoid those spaces. Sopeople who either don't own dogs
or have the super socialfriendly dogs never or rarely
(18:57):
see reactive dogs. So it justmakes sense that they don't
realize they exist.
So again, I don't blame anybodyfor not realizing or
understanding or for having theopinion of "Oh, everybody comes
here off leash, it's no biggie."It is a biggie. We do care. We
really want you to understandwhere we're coming from, why we
(19:18):
feel the way that we do, whywe're so spicy. And we just beg
of you to understand us and tosympathize with us because it
could have been you. We don'talways know why our dog is
reactive [or] what caused it.
You could have been the ownerwith the reactive dog. So take a
minute to step into our shoes,and to see what that looks like
(19:41):
and how you would feel and whatyou would want from somebody
else with a friendly dog. If youcall yourself a dog lover, do
you not also love the reactivedogs and understand what they're
going through or try tounderstand what they're going
through and to sympathize. Maybenot with the owners but with the
dog,that they're going through ahard time. And it takes a
(20:01):
village, right? It takes avillage to raise it, we need
support. The community is soimportant when going through
this. And I don't think thatreactive dogs only need to be
surrounded by other reactive dogowners, I think we need to all
be together in this.
(20:41):
Well, thank you so much forlistening if you are the owner
of a friendly dog or not even adog owner at all, or if you're
the owner of the reactive dog,thank you for listening. I hope
that you got something from thisepisode. I hope that maybe
you've learned something or cantake something away from it that
(21:02):
can just help everybody on theirjourney. Again, I'm not hating
towards anybody who has maybedone what I've described in my
podcast, I've been there I'vehad the dog who is super
friendly and let them off leash,or the shitzu, who's not at all
friendly and still let them offleash with no recall. I've been
(21:22):
there. It's okay, you learn fromit. I'm just hoping that
somebody is learning from this.
So if you enjoyed this episode,or if you didn't, I'm open to
criticism. Even still, likerate, review, follow, subscribe,
share it with your friends. Butagain, I want to hear your
thoughts. So you can find me onInstagram @spicydogmama. Or you
(21:42):
can send me an email. It isspicydogmama@gmail.com. I would
love to hear your thoughts. Anddo you have something to share?
I would love to talk withsomebody about their story,
their journey, what they'velearned what they want people to
know. Are you an expert orprofessional in certain area?
Let's chat I would absolutelylove that. And as always, you
(22:06):
can find my girl Rey onInstagram @mylittlepibble. She's
my reactive girl. I don't thinkI've said her name once in this
episode, which is actually verystrange. But you can watch and
read about her journeys as areactive dog. And you can also
scroll way back in the historyfind some about Reese. He's my
(22:27):
reactive boy and you can watchhis journey. And if you are the
owner of a reactive dog, andyou're looking for a community
that supports, loves andencourages one another, please
join my Facebook group BalancingReactivity Canadian Dogs, I'll
have a link in the description.
(22:47):
We just want to share ourstories, ask questions in a safe
environment where there isabsolutely no shame. And we also
plan pack walks, no matter whatregion you're in. We're trying
to expand and find people whoare in the same boat as you that
you can walk with and train withand just build these connections
(23:08):
that is so important, or atleast for me, it has helped me
so much on my journey. Onceagain I thank you for listening.
I hope you all have a greatweek. You're doing amazing.
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