May 2, 2022 • 52 mins
Mari Leckel a labor and postpartum doula and the owner of Boston Birth Associates joins us to discuss what kind of services doulas provide. How they support families through pregnancy and birth. Also all the info you need to know to hire one for yourself for your friends or your family.
Mari also hosts childbirth education classes, prenatal yoga classes, and more. We talk about how important maternal support is after having a baby, and how a doula can help you navigate your way through pregnancy and beyond!
Mari can be found at https://www.bostonbirthassociates.com/
and on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/thebostondoula/
Spill the Ginger Tea on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/spillthegingerteapodcast/
Angel Amy Angel VIP Club https://www.myangelamy.com/aligning-with-the-angels/
Angel Amy on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/angelamy1123/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:01):
Hi, I'm Angel Amy, and hi I'm Lila and today we
have Mari Lecco with us. She isa doula and the owner of Boston
birth associates. She justopened her second office.
Congratulations in North Andovermass querque. First is in
Woburn. And we discovered Marion Instagram where she is the
(00:22):
Boston doula. So welcome Mari.
Hi, thank you so much for havingme. I'm so excited to be here.
Welcome Mari in our beautifulenergy.
Yeah. So Mari tell us a littlebit about what you do as a
doula.
Yeah, so again, my name is MarieLeko and I am I wear a lot of
(00:44):
hats. So I'm a certified labordoula, postpartum and infant
care doula. I'm a lactationcounselor, a Reiki Master
Teacher, yoga instructor,carseat, safety educator,
childbirth educator. I wear alot of hats around here so that
I can get as much support. Whatdoes the doula do? So by
(01:06):
definition, a doula is someonewho supports physically,
emotionally and educationally.
And I like to equate it youknow, a lot of just people are
not sure what a doula is, ormaybe they've heard of it. I get
a lot of like, oh, you're adoula. Like a midwife? Yes.
Actually, we're very differentthan a midwife. And a lot of
people don't know that. So amidwife is someone who's medical
(01:27):
and the doula is non medical. Sothink about a birth coach for
your birth. Or I like to equateit people hire a wedding planner
for their wedding. Well, I'm notfor your birth and for your
postpartum you know, I'm the onepartner described me as the
doula is my consultant. Theyknow everything about this. I
(01:48):
don't like whenI need to do a lot. I'm not just
telling me what to do.
Yeah. Walk me through it. Yeah.
Exactly. And tell you what'sgoing to be okay. Yeah. And so,
you know, a lot of people don'treally know what a doula is. Or
(02:08):
they equate a doula to, I'mgoing to put this in quotes,
natural or home birth. Yes. Andthat's really not what we do.
You know, the majority of ourclients are actually having
babies in the hospital. There'sa very, very small percentage
that will actually do homebirth. So we're, therefore not
just unmedicated births,medicated births. Were in the O
(02:30):
R for C sections. Oh, wow.
I didn't know that. Yeah, I havea C section, Mary. So neither
Lila and I had doulas and mybirth story is a nightmare. And
Lila second, baby's story isn'tthe greatest either.
(02:50):
So you say the first one was thegreatest? I was wondering, but
it went down.
Yeah, so mine was to the point.
I never tried it a second time.
And I would hate to see someoneelse feel that way. And this is
what a piece of the puzzle as towhy we wanted you to come on. So
(03:13):
people can just learn more aboutit and have peace of mind and
kind of understand what it is.
And even if you're not you'relistening to this, you're not
going to have a baby. It's it'sthere's there's concepts that
we're going to discuss that youcan use across the board. To
which is great, right? Yeah,absolutely.
About like support. Yeah, whatpeople need. Yeah, it's really
(03:35):
important. And I think thatthere is so much fear around
birth. And my goal as a doula isto take away that fear. You
know, as the doula I instillstrength and reduce fear. That's
what I do.
Oh, I love that too. Yeah.
So you don't advocate for soactually,
I help the families advocate forthemselves. I give them language
(03:57):
because that's a lot moreempowering than me speaking on
their behalf. Right. So one ofthe components of education, you
know, doula support iseducation. And so as a doula
being in the room, we don't haveshift change, like the staff
were there the entire time. Solet's say they are presenting
something like Pitocin. Forexample. Pitocin is a synthetic
(04:20):
oxytocin, it's a medicationthat's given to make the
contractions happen to make theuterus contract and progression,
start to begin. Well, maybe thefamily doesn't quite want to use
Pitocin yet or, you know, theyhave questions what the doula
does in the moment, we alwayssay, Okay, let's use our brain,
that acronym brain B, let's lookat the benefits of what's being
(04:43):
presented are what's let's lookat the risks. And we talk it all
out a well let's look at analternative. What can we do
instead of that right now? And Iwhat is my intuition tell me and
then N What happens if we sayNo, not right now? So we're
there to break it down and helpthem use the brain acronym. And
(05:04):
then they can make the decisionthat's best for them. So how
great is that when something isbeing presented and you have
someone you can talk about it?
Yeah, who gives you options?
Yeah, and gives youalternatives.
So if you're listening to thisand you do need to choose a
doula, I suggest interviewingpeople. Is that part of the
process? Mari? Yes,absolutely. We offer free
(05:25):
consultations, which isessentially the interview so
that you can get to know thedoula know what their philosophy
is, and things like that. Now,there is an energy or there is a
knowing or there is an internalgut feeling that you will feel
that the person or the doulawill make you feel safe. Yes,
(05:45):
that is what you're looking for.
Now Mary and I have never met.
Lila was never met her either.
We did find her on Instagram,job, Lila. And Mary walked in
with her her beautiful daughterbecause we are in Massachusetts
during April vacation. And youhave this very calm, grounded,
(06:12):
nurturing, safe feeling aboutyou naturally. Have you always
been this way? Have you workedon yourself? Have you? Yeah,
that'sa great question. I would say I
definitely have worked onmyself. You know, I've been in
different places throughout myjourney in life. I'm actually
I'm a mom of two girls. And Ialso have two grandchildren. So
(06:34):
they call me Lila.
Wow. You can't see her she hason the sexy red lipstick.
I always do a pop of color.
That's my jam. Girl. Yeah, so Ihave two children and two
beautiful grandchildren. Andbefore I was a doula, I actually
worked in law enforcement forover 10 years. You're a badass.
(06:57):
Wow, I am. Yeah, I am a badass.
Yeah. Oh, that safety. So in, inspiritualism in the land of
energy, safety and protection.
It you know, when we think ofpolice officers, or EMTs, or I'm
gonna lump teachers in there,too. They make us feel safe.
(07:18):
Yeah. So I'm onto something withyou, as I read your energy, so I
could see why you in in a timeof birth, it is the most
vulnerable thing a woman can do.
Absolutely. Right. Yeah. So whatwe want as women is someone that
(07:40):
that can advocate with us, andreally intuitive intuitively
understand what's going on, andbe in control of the situation
from a healthy place of safety.
That's right. Yeah. Yeah, it canfeel out of control, it can feel
unsafe, right. This is a timethat you don't have control over
(08:02):
your body, and especiallysomeone that's never experienced
that. And again, we in ourculture, we have so much fear
around birth, in the movies onTV, that is not what birth looks
like at all. And if I can justeven in my childbirth education
classes. I'm very candid aboutmy own journey. But I think it's
really important for them tounderstand that it is not so
(08:26):
scary as they think or they'vebeen told, right? Because I
always say, why do we see apregnant person at the grocery
store in the line? And she'sjust trying to buy your
vegetables. And you're like, Oh,my sisters cousins, neighbor.
almost died and birth and you'relike, oh, okay, thank you. Bye.
(08:46):
Why do we do that to me? Yeah.
Why don't we? It's unsolicited.
Yeah, not good. Advice. Not.
Right. So mine was a nightmaresituation. I tend to keep it to
myself. Yeah. But we have toremember that there was a
spiritual opening that happenedwhen I birthed Julia to and I
(09:06):
had, it was the first time I usemy voice to say that I am
psychic, publicly the firsttime. And so it forced me Julia
forced me to really step out.
And it was such a beautifulgift. Yeah. My point in that is
that I was trying to explain tothe nurses that she had the cord
(09:27):
wrapped around her neck right inthe doctor was like, Amy, you'll
be pushing by morning. And soyou weren't being heard now.
Yeah. And so I didn't have adoula. I was birthing and being
the doula and I was the nurse tohow I so it was it was really,
really stressful. Now, this is avery unique situation. So I'm
(09:51):
not trying to scare anyone thatis listening. It was the best
thing that happened to me from aspiritual lens. I can feel it
was a gift. Yeah, because I'mnot at now burst jeulia Birthday
Angel Amy really? Right, right.
(10:12):
Yeah. So but women do, they'llsay, oh, you know, you're gonna
go and do that or you haveanother baby, right? Yeah. But
Why would women keep doing it?
If it was that bad?
Well, and it's not, it's notalways set up for it to be that
great, which is why you'reHomare. That's why Yeah, you set
it up to have the best possiblewith this. So when in the
(10:36):
process, does somebody get intouch with you?
Yeah. So you know, sometimespeople pee on a stick and call
me right away, or like, put meon the calendar, especially
those that know, like, I know,they bulk up, you know, borrow
books up. But anywhere in theprocess is a great time to reach
out to a doula. I always say theearlier the better. Because what
(10:56):
we do is, we're there from themoment that they say, Yes, I
want to do love throughout theirentire pregnancy. I tell
families, we are your 24/7Google, I don't want you
googling anything. I want you toask us. Right. And so we're
there the whole entire processfor anything they need. Maybe
they're feeling anxious aboutsomething or an appointment they
(11:17):
just went to. And look, I'mfriends with a lot of OBGYN and
midwives. They just don't havethe time to sit and really talk
throwing things out when you'reat your appointment is like up
check. Yep, everything look goodblood pressure. Okay, next
appointment. Yeah. So the doulais that gap, right, where
they're to process the thingsthat are happening in the
appointments, questions thatthey have about, oh, I'm feeling
(11:40):
this little twinge in my hip,what is that about? And so I can
really help navigate the entirepregnancy, and then take away
some of that fear factor thatthey have helped them prep for?
What do they need for baby gear?
We have some clients that willsay I'm really feeling
overwhelmed about the registry.
And I'll say great, let's get ona call. Let's get on a zoom. You
(12:01):
share your screen. We'll gothrough it one by one.
Oh, like what they need. Yeah.
Oh, that's so overwhelming.
Yeah, it's so overwhelming, thenyou end up with 500 things and
you need like four. You're like,you have to have this. Yeah.
And you need nothing. Exactly.
Yeah. You know, I mean, just tojust talk that out, just
alleviates so much anxiety andjust the stress of trying to
(12:24):
figure this out. And you know,when I was having my children, I
had no idea about doulas I wishI did it would have changed my
experience, both during thebirth and the postpartum. We can
talk about that in a little bit.
But I think that, you know, whenI first started doing this, I
was working in law enforcement.
And I thought that's what I wasgoing to do until I retired. And
(12:44):
I graduated from TuftsUniversity, I immediately
started working in lawenforcement. And then I went on
this journey to try to have asecond baby. And that journey,
we really struggled. We wentthrough infertility treatment,
my youngest is the eighth trymedically to conceive. She's an
IVF. Baby. We lost twinsthroughout that process before
(13:06):
her. And so I remember when wehad that loss, we were in the
doctor's office. And, of course,I was upset and crying course.
And the nurse was like holdingmy hand when the doctor was
there. And I felt so. And myhusband was there, I felt so
loved and supported, that Iremembered that moment, and it
stuck with me. And then theeighth try worked. And she now
(13:30):
just turned 10. But while shewas when she was a baby, she was
almost a year old. And I wasreflecting back on the journey
just to get her and look at whatwe've been through. And I
remembered that moment we had wehad that loss. And I said to my
husband, I want to give thatfeeling back. But I don't know
what that means. And he said,Neither do I figure it out, let
(13:52):
me know. And all of a sudden,you know, I believe things
happen for a reason. And I justfound this training to become a
childbirth educator. And I said,I like to educate people. And so
I went and took the training andI met a bunch of doulas, and
they started to tell me whatthey did. And I said, that's how
I'm gonna give that feelingback. That's what I want to do.
(14:15):
So I dove in certified as alabor postpartum childbirth
educator. And I built this cutelittle solo doula business. And
then Monday through Friday,yeah, Monday through Friday, I
would do my law enforcement,Warren sweeps in my bulletproof
vest, and then on the weekends.
(14:35):
And it was very polar oppositeof worlds. But it started to
grow organically. And I was atthis crossroads. Where, which
way should I go? And my husbandsaid, You'll never know unless
you try. And so I left my what Ithought would be my long term
career. And I started an agency.
And I just knew that I wanted tohave as many team members to
(14:56):
support as many families as aspossible, and it just has grown.
And I've been doing it nine anda half years. And this is what
I'll do until I'm old and gray.
So first of all, eight tries tohave baby number two, yeah.
Eight is the infinity number as,as you might know, it was the
(15:17):
eight on its side. Yeah, it'sthe most high vibrating number.
So let's, let's think aboutthat. And then, you know, we did
talk to her talk about safetyand protection. And you felt
this calling. So what are what'slike the craziest thing you've
ever done for like a client? Isit too early to write?
(15:42):
I feel like there is nothingthat I won't do for a client to
be honest with you. Okay. I haveyou know, I mean, the thing
people have to understand isthat doulas are committed to you
in this whole entire journey.
Like, I step away from the tableand have people that are having
questions or think they'rehaving contractions, you know, I
get calls at 2am. And I get outof bed and go in the other room
(16:06):
and talk to them. And I leave inthe middle of the night, and
it's a huge commitment, but it'ssomething that is so impactful.
That people that have had doulasupport, will say at the end, I
would never do this againwithout a doula. And I would
totally, you know, if I could goback, I would have gotten not
(16:28):
only a labor doula, but apostpartum doula.
Let's talk about that. Yeah.
Postpartum doula. Yeah.
You know, and for postpartumdoula, you know, there are,
we're trained to recognizethings like perinatal mood and
anxiety disorders. And if youhave someone at the forefront
who's helping you in thepostpartum period, look, your
(16:50):
family is great. And they wantto help as much as they can. But
sometimes, they may not saysomething that's quite as
supportive as it probably couldbe. All
right, my mother, and this isn'tto like totally diss my mother.
My mother is a beautiful person,but she I remember, she looked
at me, I had severe depression,very severe. And she said, you
(17:14):
just need to start to walk andlose weight. And the baby was, I
don't know, three weeks old.
Yeah, yeah. I don't think she'dsay that to me. Now. This is 14
years ago, because she's adifferent person. But she didn't
at the time. Yeah. And so I wasjust like, angry. Right? Yeah.
But so I was feeling anger. AndI was feeling sadness. Yeah. And
(17:37):
I my light was so damn. So damn,sorry. I would I would so get a
postpartum doula. Yeah. And if Ihad known,
if I had known, I would have to,I really struggled with both in
the postpartum period, butespecially with my youngest,
(17:58):
like, I was not. Okay. And Ithink for me, and I think a lot
of women that especiallystruggle with infertility, they
don't want to say that thingsare not okay, because of the
journey you went through to gethere. So in my mind, I'd be
like, well, you should be sograteful, Mary. And really, I
was struggling internally, and Ikept it inside. And that is
(18:20):
another reason why I do thiswork, especially in the
postpartum. And I educate peopleduring their pregnancy, to
please plan for your PostpartumSupport. Yeah, what does it look
like? Is it the right kind ofsupport? You know, and for us,
we come in, we're not onlycoming in from an evidence based
practice of newborn care andtips and tricks of swaddling and
(18:41):
soothing and, and breastfeedingand bottle feeding and pumping
and all of the things inbetween. But we are coming in,
in that non judgmental way in anunbiased way, where I could sit
down and look at you and say,How are you today? Right? Nobody
asks how we're doing after wehave a baby. They say, How's the
baby? How's the baby gainingweight? I'll be sleeping. What
(19:03):
about me? I'm really struggling.
And the postpartum comes in thedoula we come in. And I say, how
are you today? Yeah, what can Ido? That's going to be helpful
for you? Yeah. And it's whateveryou need. Do you need to talk
about how are you doing infantfeeding? Do you have questions?
Do you want to just take a nap?
I know that I'm in the otherroom. Do you want to talk about
(19:26):
parenting philosophies? Whatworks right for you? And I'm
going to support you in thatmanner.
So beautiful. Let's talk aboutthis to Lila is the men. So So I
realize you know whether youhave a partner or you know a
husband or so if someoneidentifies as male, they are not
(19:48):
necessarily intuitively inalignment with with the birthing
process in the energies thattake place after Yes. So as Mari
you or someone on her team comesin, as a doula comes in, is also
highly beneficial for the malespecies. Oh my god, right? Yes.
(20:09):
And this isn't about throwingthem under the bus that was
about supporting them. Andhaving them be able to see how
you react to the to the wife'sneeds. Yes,
I love that you bring this up,because a perfect example of
this is I could be at a birthand they're, if they're, they're
(20:29):
a couple and she has a husband.
Let birth is along the labor isa long process a first time mom
can be in labor for 24 hours ormore. And so when the doula
comes in, especially when wetransition to the hospital, I'm
helping with tips and tricks andmovement and comfort measures
and suggestions. But also, Imight look at him and say,
actually, you know what? Right,now's a good time for you to lay
(20:52):
down and close your eyes. Right?
Now's a good time for you tostep out and go get something to
eat or a cup of coffee or to gofor a walk or make a phone call.
And then she's never left alone.
And it gives him the rechargethat he needs
to be family. Yeah, it'snot I always say, you go walk
the dog. Yeah. When we actuallywill say, Oh, do you have you
(21:15):
have any pets at home? They'llsay, oh, yeah, we have a dog?
Well, we want to know, becausewe're going to help you
transition the beat, we takecare of the entire fail and baby
andthe dog. And I just want to say
like, you don't have to beanticipating anything, you know,
super difficult or anything sortof, you know, unexpected to
happen. I mean, having a newbornin your house is unexpected
(21:37):
enough. Yeah. And you know, thisidea that you should just know
how you're supposed to do it.
Because you have hormones inyour body. Figure it out is so
outdated and not helpful.
Yeah, that's right. And that'sone of the reasons one of the
things we offer a lot ofservices for families. And one
(21:58):
of the things we do as a freenew moms group weekly, because I
want to have that community andsupport for you. Because there
is someone else who's feelingthe same way you are. And maybe
you don't want to vocalize it.
And I think that's the problemis we don't talk enough about
the postpartum side of things.
We don't talk enough about, youknow, this is hard and I'm not
okay. And we need to make it ina way that it is okay to
(22:21):
vocalize that. It is normal. Andguess what, you're gonna get
through it with the rightsupport.
Correct. And let's all just itshould just be as easy as
possible, right? Yeah, happy asmom she's rested. She had
something to eat right? She'sready to give it another go.
So all of us didn't have adoula. Now. Do you guys remember
(22:42):
coming home the first first daywith your first baby? I sat on
the couch. I looked at Andy andI go, what do we do now?
I said the same thing I said todoing when they when they're
wheeling you out and they handyou the baby. It was like sheer
terror like, well, who's gonnacome and click for the nurse
(23:03):
they taught you is how to likechange a diaper. Right? That was
that? Like I did not know. Yeah.
Yeah. And newborn babies arevery noisy. And nobody told me
about. And so she'd be like, inthe crib, and she'd be like
making all these grunts andnoise. I'd be like, is that
from? She okay. Like, yeah,nobody tells you. Yeah,
they don't talk about that. Theydon't talk about how bad your
(23:25):
breasts heard. If you were like,breastfeeding, and then not
breastfeed. Yeah, and no onetalks about what things look
like, don't look like Yeah,and I do the doula tells you.
Yeah. They'll say to me, oh,Mari, you know, they'll ask me a
question. I'll be like, Well,yes. Here are the facts, my
friend. Yeah, we're gonna getthrough here
that mesh underwear. Yeah.
(23:46):
Who's either there or not? Orright? Yeah.
Yeah. And, you know, again, thedoula is there to normalize what
is happening. So even when youget home, your birth doula, you
can text me and say, Hey, wejust got home. I have a question
about this. Well, guess what,that's what I'm here for. And
then if you need us forpostpartum, we also do overnight
(24:07):
care. I mean, lack of sleep isincredibly, like, impactful on
how you can function right?
Right. And so if I come in asthe overnight doula I'm coming
in, we usually do 10pm to 6am.
I'll come in, and you'll say tome, Oh, I just fed the baby.
Okay, great. Off to bed you go.
I'll be in another room with thebaby. I'm watching the baby. I'm
watching for feeding cues. I'mgetting ready to feed to bring
(24:30):
the baby to feed, and then bringthe baby to let's say she's
breastfeeding. If that's herchoice. I bring the baby to
feed. she breastfeeds as soon asshe's done, she gives me the
baby back, rolls over I burp andswaddle and diaper and get her
baby back to it's it's so good.
How long do youstay with a family? How long do
you typically stay with afamily? That's
(24:53):
a great question. So for birth,we usually if we're doing birth
support, we usually stay up totwo hours after the birth and
then we Due to postpartum followups for them, and then for
postpartum I mean, we can bewith a family for up to a year.
It's up to them. Wow. Okay.
Yeah. So I, you're so lovely, Iwould be nervous. Still be with
you, right? So I like well, Ireally have
(25:20):
no you teach about how torelease someone you love with
love. So let me tell you, if youif you're listening to this and
you use Mary or one of ourladies, you're going to have to
learn how to her with love. It'sreally hard to release someone
that you love with love. Itreally is. But it's pot, it's
healthy. It is healthyboundaries.
(25:43):
And like, what if you go back tothe brain that you talk about in
life all the time? So how greatwould it be to have somebody
just remind you of that whenyou're thinking of something,
you know, you're talking about acompletely different situation.
And somebody says, Wait, stop,apply the brain to this.
That's right. Like there'salways time. I always say
there's always time to use yourbrain, even in the birth room.
Because look, birth, you go in,and then they tell you to do
(26:06):
things and you're like, Oh, myokay, I guess so. They don't
really have time to talk thingsout. Right? You there's a
process to birth right. Sothey're going through the
checklist, if they're I say thisto families, if you're in the
birth room, and they're comingin talking about another option.
If there's time to talk aboutit, there's time to take five
minutes and use your brain. Andthen you just break it down.
(26:29):
Yeah. And then make the decisionbest for you. Yeah. My goal as a
doula. It doesn't matter to me.
You know, a lot of there's a lotof thought that doulas are, you
know, again, for non medicatedjust natural like hippie dippie,
homebirth. Right. Look, if youwant to do that I'm going to
support you, by most people arehaving their babies in
hospitals, especially first timemoms. And my goal as a doula.
(26:51):
It's not about if you get anepidural or not. What matters to
me is that, how did you feelduring the process? Did you feel
like you were part of theprocess? Did you feel like you
were supported, that you wereeducated? You were empowered?
Did you feel loved? That iswhat's going to make a memory
(27:13):
for you of the day that you metyour baby. You know, I've had
clients that when I firststarted becoming a doula, I
thought it was just about onlyhaving a baby a certain way. And
then over time, like no, that'snot what it's about. And I had a
client once who she did not wantto have a C section. That was
one of her, you know, we puttogether a birth plan, I call it
birth preferences. I don't likethe word plan. And that was one
(27:35):
of our desires not to have a Csection. It turned into a C
section. Yeah. And I was therefor that journey, and that twist
and turn and prepare them beforethey went into the O R. And like
I said, Sometimes were led inthere with them. And after she
said to me, even though I said Ididn't want a C section, I felt
so secure and safe knowing thatyou were telling me the process
(28:02):
I was about to have. And I knewthat you were going to be there
wannacry? My shits coming up? But we
just talked about we did weliterally this gem section off
on my story. And no one told meanything. And
yeah, you when you've said soyour arms get tied down. And I
(28:23):
waslike when your organs come out,
and you flail like a fish and noone talks about the shaking.
Yeah, sorry. Right. And you Itell.
Isaid to the anesthesiologist, am
I kind of stop shaking. And he'slike, not for a while. But
hearing it was really scary.
(28:46):
Just to have known in advance,changes everything right? Just
everything. Yeah, that'sperfectly normal. This is what
we're gonnado. That's the point of having
the doula even if it turns thatway. I prep you before you go
in, I say, you're going to I layout the whole room, I tell them
what they're going to do. Whereyou're going to be, if you have
a partner where your partner isgoing to be, I tell you step by
(29:06):
step. And then if I'm notallowed in the O R, I wait and
I'm in recovery with you, oh,when you come out, I'm there.
I'm there to help you process.
I'm there to help you if youwanted to do skin to skin like
whatever it is. And that justthat's what it's about. When I
think about doula support andwhat families need. It's about
(29:27):
your overall experience.
So Mary puts women in their ownpersonal power. So if you're not
about to have a baby, I isAngel, Amy and all your angels
and spirit guides want you tothink about when you choose
friendships, and you choose loverelationships. It's choosing
(29:48):
people that that support you andlove you and nurture you that
bring out the best in you thatlisten to you so that you can
live your best life. Ifauthentically in be in your own
personal power, so you'reteaching women this across the
board my love, not just womenthat are birthing. You get a lot
(30:12):
out of this Lila, because we'reboth post baby age. Yeah, I
mean, I'm on like the cusp, itwould probably be a miracle. But
yeah, so we learned I'm way pastbut I will tell you that it so
I, my sister had a, you know,difficult time adjusting to
having a baby. Yes, she didn'tsleep. She didn't want to nurse.
(30:35):
She didn't want to bottle. Andshe had a very difficult time
finding anyone who had any sortof compassion for her. In that
time. It was like her and herhusband just buckled down. Yeah,
they weren't Amy's sister who Ireally our sister. And so I had
the benefit that she had gonethrough that before me. And I
(30:56):
remember she said to me, beforeI had the baby, call Lady J
League, because no matter whatyou can call someone who will be
nice to you. Doesn't matterwhether they have any advice,
but just so be nice. Because ifyou if you're crying, yeah, the
baby, you know, if you're goingto nurse and the baby's not
latching or whatever, or justdumb questions like, the baby
keeps spitting everything. Howdo I? It's just like, right mom
(31:18):
presents?
I would say that's not a dumbquestion. Let's
talk about that. Right? Like,let's talk about when Julia got
our period at like, one week oldblood came out of her one. Yeah.
And I was found. No one told meall the hormones that are have
baby girls can kick itand like, where do you go for
that information?
(31:40):
You call you call the doctor andthen they tell you it's normal.
And it happens that they giveyou the percentage, but they
don't ask you Are you okay? Nowthat blood just came out of your
baby? Like, are you okay? Yeah,no one else no one tells you
about?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, we doall of this prep work for the
big day. And you know, you thinkabout what kind of way you're
(32:04):
going to decorate the nurseryand what kind of baby here
you're gonna What cute littlematernity clothes you, you think
about all these things. And thenthe big day comes? And like you
said, right, they give you thistiny human. And then like, good
luck with that. And you're like,Oh, crap, what do we do now?
What do we do? Yeah, what do wedo now? Well, but now you have
(32:25):
to start thinking about the Icall it the other side. Because
when you have a baby and youbring that baby home, you're in
what I call the thick of thefog. Yeah, you're in the thick
of the fog. And I will say apromise the fog will get later
and later. We're gonna getthrough this together. But
that's what you are. You're inthe dark days. Yeah. About three
months. It was like you'll getthrough these dark days just to
(32:46):
hang on till you get to thatthree month period. Yeah. But I
have a distinct memory of cominghome with my second. And I'm
like sitting on the couch. Andeveryone comes for the visit.
These days. No. Part of thefurniture. Yeah, take the baby.
They're all messing around.
(33:09):
You're sitting there. Like, Idon't feel so good. I'm tired.
Yeah,I don't feel so good. Maybe, you
know, and for me, I really I washaving like, intrusive thoughts.
And I was like, you can't tellanybody what just popped into
your brain? Yeah, yeah, it wasreally scary. And then I
remember I just like, and that'sthe thing, right? You have the
baby and everyone comes around,and they take the bait like,
none of that is helpful. Whatabout me? But they take the
(33:30):
baby, or they come and see thebaby. And then everyone goes
back to their lives. Yeah. Andthat's just you in this tiny
human and you're like, Oh, myGod, you're not sleeping. You're
thinking all these things. Youdon't know if this is normal, or
that is normal. And that's whena postpartum doula comes in
really handy. I come in the doorand I'm like, how are you today?
What can I do for you today tomake your sandwich?
(33:56):
You know, somebody just asked,like, do you need
Yeah, it's it's reallyenlightening. Looking back. And
so do you have any lightstatistics? We won't hold you to
this, but the percentage baby ofbirths in this country that use
(34:20):
doulas?
Oh, well, you know, the I don'thave the exact percentage, but
the percentage is going up. Iwill say that. Look, doulas have
been around for a very longtime. And if we look back at
birth, women were coming tosupport other women as they were
having their baby. They werebeing their doulas. They just
weren't called a July. You know,doulas have been trained since
(34:41):
like the early 90s. And I thinknow it's starting to come more
at the forefront. But what weneed to do a little bit better.
We need to educate more aboutpostpartum doulas because people
don't know as much aboutpostpartum doulas. There's a lot
of research that shows having aLabor Day hula can have less
(35:02):
interventions, less rates of Csections and things like that.
So there's a lot of peoplestarting to know about the word
doula and starting to be like,let me find out more information
about that. So I'm really gladthat people are starting to know
more and more. But, you know, Ithink that if we can have people
start to do their own researchto find out if this is something
(35:26):
that might be helpful for them,that's half the battle, just the
education piece of it, I think.
And I think it starts by takinga childbirth education class. A
lot of people think they don'tneed to take that going into
birth. But I always equate thisas look. birth as a business.
You're the consumer. Get all theinformation. Yeah. So that you
can be well adjusted and you canhave a good plan and a good
(35:47):
foundation. Take a childbirtheducation class, get educated
about your choices, so you canmake informed decisions along
the way. Is this covered byinsurance? I
wish it was unfortunately, it isnot covered by insurance, but I
will say it is very affordable.
For our Boston breathassociates, we do payment plans
(36:11):
for families. We tell familiesto ask for doula support for a
gift at your baby shower. Wehave gift cards like it is
doable, and it's worth everypenny. I mean, think about the
money that people spend on otherthings right for your fancy
latte.
(36:32):
orthodontic, orthodontia work.
Yeah, like I just paid offJulius braces. But I would
equally pick going back. I wouldpay for a doula.
Yeah, I mean, for anywhere fromlike 1500 to 2000. But we're
doing all have supportthroughout your pregnancy,
during the birth coming to thehospital laboring with you
(36:53):
staying until the baby's borncoming to your home after right
after you get home on aWednesday. Our goal is to be
there the next day or the nextday after that. Yeah, think
about how you don't see yourdoctor, your midwife or OB for
six weeks. Six weeks is a longtime to leave someone who just
had a baby. Yeah, and figure itout for themselves.
(37:14):
Right. And the pediatriciandoesn't care how you're feeling?
No.
They care about the baby. Yeah,exactly.
I love that idea of having ashower. So if anybody out there
and they are going to a babyshower, or I would highly
recommend that you advocate likewhere are we putting the doula
donation? Yeah, I'm seeingthat more and more as a gift.
(37:36):
I think it's actually a goodidea.
Ask your friends or your nieceor are you? Are you having a
doula? Because I'd like tocontribute? Yeah, you know, even
a little any amount of money. Weneed or anything, right?
I had a family recently. She herdaughter was pregnant, and she
gifted me as a Christmaspresent. Yeah. And then I was
(37:57):
there for all three of herbabies. I was the gift every
time. Yeah,no, Amy, you can't have
come over. You want me to make asandwich? Or take a nap?
I want it melted Marie. Okay,I can do whatever you need.
Well, I take my mouse. Yeah.
(38:19):
Magical, right? It has.
It does. And, you know, there'snothing selfish, there's nothing
lazy. There's nothing now oralready a terrible mother on day
one that goes along with tapebeing taken care of
being taken care of. You justnailed that. That's right. And
you know, what people don'tunderstand is, look, our bodies
(38:40):
are pretty amazing, right? Theygrow another organ to stay in
life and a little baby. And thenwhat happens in that the
placenta holes, all of theseincrease in hormones in our
body. And when we have a baby,the placenta is released. And
all of those hormones go out ofyour body. So it's like your
body. You know, the hormones arelike on the edge of a cliff and
(39:03):
it's like, they just get toppledover. That is what we're
feeling. That's why we havethese ups and downs, we cry,
we're happy. And we're trying tofigure out am I okay? Is this
normal? And it's important tohave someone there to say yes,
this is all normal or normalizedRight? Or
even say go to Mary and say Ineed to ask my doctor about
(39:26):
this. What are the questions?
Yes, I give the language thatyou can bring to your doctor. I
give a lot I'll be likeactually, why don't you ask the
doctor this this and this Iwould love the love Yeah, yeah,
I need a menopause doula. Marywhat I do say to
(39:47):
you, oh, girl, life.
I love it. We offer so manythings right labor, postpartum
education, breastfeedingsupport, free new moms group
prenatal yoga, fitness classes.
And I always say if we don'thave it, tell me and I'll create
So okay,back at menopause, imagine that
right? It's like,I totally want an extension. It
was like every question that youasked, like, I was, like covered
(40:09):
in hives, I had other stuff. I'mlike, Can this be related? And
everyone's like, I don't know,maybe, right? Medical answer.
That'snot. That's not helping me. See,
and we just had a client whocalled and she was like, I'm
noticing this in my baby'smouth. And on my breast, is that
normal? And then we get on aFaceTime with her, we see what's
going on. We say, actually, itcould be this, this and this.
(40:32):
What Why don't you give yourdoctor a call? And ask them for
an antibody? Like we're givingthe language and giving the
options so that I mean, howpowerful is that? Right? So
person calls and says, I wouldlike this, this and this. And
they have the language. Yeah,exactly. I
usually call the doctor like, Idon't know what's happened. Help
(40:53):
me. And they're like, I don'tknow what. Yeah,
and we help like figure thingsout. Is this normal? Should I
call my doctor? Now? What aresome of the options that I can
do? Like? That is what we'rethere for? I mean, and, you
know, that's just, I mean, thatjust changes your overall
experience, even on the otherside, for sure. Absolutely.
Yeah.
(41:14):
Are there any situations withclients in birthing that you
wouldn't accept as a client?
Like?
Yeah, that's a great question.
I'm really the only way that Iwouldn't accept a client is if
they were having a plannedunassisted home birth. Because I
think that's not the safest orthe best idea. What I mean by
(41:37):
that is, so some people, there'smultiple ways you where you can
have your baby, you can haveyour baby at home, with a home
birth, a certified someone whois an actual home birth, right?
home birth midwife, you can haveyour baby in a hospital, with an
OB GYN or midwife. And you canhave your baby at a birth center
(41:58):
with usually midwives. But somepeople if they're planning on
having their baby at home withno medical provider, and a
provider is either an OB or amidwife. If they're having that
kind of scenario, I will not bethere because that is not safe.
Okay? Because I'm non medical,right? So remember, a doula is
(42:19):
non medical. But we are trainedin the anatomy and physiology of
labor and birth and can helpnavigate those things. We know
about medical interventions andoptions and things like that.
So a guide, an advocate, asupport person, a coach. Yeah,
it's like a bill. Yeah. Give mea built in mom. I showed it cry
(42:44):
on.
Yeah, that's what I'm here for.
Mary. Good hug. You do girl Igive good. Hi. Yeah, hi there,
like, give me a Mary. Hi. Andthat's all it takes, right? It's
just like, again, that person,you can lean on the person that
you can count on, you know, theperson that maybe you don't want
(43:04):
to share something with yourpartner, if you have one or a
family member, you know, we youcan come at me with anything.
And I will not blink, I will notshutter I will not, it doesn't
faze me, I'm not going to judgeyou. I want to help you. And so
that's what you know, that'swhat delivering
(43:26):
it is looking at someone througha lens of love and support and
not through judgment. So you'rereally looking through
discernment. How discerning howI can best help them. That's
right. Right, which sits onlove. Yeah, so what's like the
craziest story like, what whatis someone asked you to do that
you're like, This is different,but I'm going to help them.
(43:47):
Yeah, um, I have some crazystories. I've you know, I've
attended over 800 births. SoI've seen a lot. You know, I
think, here's a good story. Sothis little baby's name, and I'm
allowed to say the name, so it'sfine. This little baby's name is
Sam. And this was a client whowas having her baby, it was not
(44:10):
her first baby. We had talked inthe afternoon, and she was
feeling a little quote unquote,crampy. And I was like, Okay,
great. Like, alright, do X, Y,and Z, let's check back in a
couple of hours. And that's thebeauty about a doula is like,
the first whatever you feel inyour body, you call me. And then
we keep doing this constantchecks, like, and then I tell
(44:31):
you what to do next, and I tellyou when to call the doctor,
right? So it's this constantsupport. So I said, Okay, great.
You know, I'm gonna do this andthis and it was the summer was a
beautiful day. I'd like asundress and flip flops on. And
I said, Great, I'll talk to youin a couple of hours. And the
plan was for me to come in laborat home with them because that's
an option if they want. So thinkabout that. When you first have
(44:54):
a baby and you feel the firstsomething, the Inkling is to go
right to the hospital. While youhave your doula Though who can
navigate that. And I can evencome to the house and labor with
you until it's time totransition to the hospital. So
that was the plan. So it's onlylike, an hour and a half later.
And all of a sudden, the dadcalls. And at this time, I had
(45:17):
brought my little one too. She'sa dancer to the dance recital
practice. And I'm in theauditorium and the dad calls and
says, things are moving wayquicker than they were a little
while ago. And I said, Okay,great. Let me step outside, hold
on a text my husband, you got tocome relieve, get the kid. That
was our plan. And I step outsideand I start walking to my car, I
(45:40):
have my Doula clothes in thecar. And I can hear her in the
background. And there's acertain sound that I also look
for as a doula. There's soundsthere's patterns, right? And I'm
like, oh, okay, I think you needto get in the car, to the
hospital. And I say it verycalmly, right? Because that's,
that's my job, right? I'm onthat grounding, calming force.
(46:03):
And I said, Okay, I think youneed to get in the car and head
to the hospital. I'm gonna headthere now to and I'm calculating
the time, we'll get there aboutthe same time. And he says,
Well, wait, wait, wait, you saidyou were going to come to the
house. And I said, Well, there'sreally no time to come to the
house.
I'm not even changing my dress.
Yeah. And I looked at my flipflops.
And I said, I will meet you atthe hospital. Great. So I get in
(46:27):
the car. And we get in thehospital, and I'm calling them
on the ride and listening to herand talking her through each
contraction. You know, you'redoing so great job. I'm keeping
them calm. And all of a sudden,he's like, we're pulling up to
the hospital. I said, Great. Metoo. So they pull up at one
entrance, and I'm at the other.
And I'm running down the hallbecause I know things are moving
(46:48):
fast. And he's pushing her downthe hall in the wheelchair and
we meet, we're at oppositehallways, we meet at the
elevator together at the sametime. And I say hi. You know,
I'm like, try to catch my breathto be calm. I was just like
running. I'm not a runnerrunning is not my friend. And
I'm like, Hi, we're doing sogreat. Okay, we're gonna go
upstairs. We're in the elevator.
(47:10):
She's really progressing. We getin the hospital, in the hospital
room, but labor and delivery.
And I have my clothes. And myson dresses, my flip flops. And
she gets on the hospital bed.
And the nurse says, Okay, well,I got a check you and she was
like, I can't sit down. I can'tlay down like she's doing her
thing. She's doing beautifullyand amazing. And there's a
(47:32):
bathroom behind me. And I'mstanding in the doorway of the
bathroom in front of me is thelabor and delivery bed and the
nurse and the dad. And I saidI'm just gonna change real
quick. And I put one foot backinto the bathroom. And I shut
the door and I hear her mouth.
And she really needs me. I'mlike, okay, crap. And I care
about the dress. I come out ofthe bathroom. I'm dressed. But I
(47:55):
have one flip flop and onesneaker on. No one knows this.
But me. Yeah. And so I walk overto the hospital bed, I put my
hand on her lower back as you'redoing a good job. And the nurse
says, well, let's see what'sgoing on. Because now she's on
her knees upright facing theback of the bed and she can't do
(48:16):
anything else. But thatposition. So the nurse pulls
down her pants. And there's ababy's head. And his name is
Sammy. So we call him Sam EPS,like his whole head was out. She
kept saying my baby's coming.
And I was like this baby iscommon. And so Sammy pants was
born in the pants. That wasthree minutes after we wheeled
(48:38):
into the hospital. I just gotchills. And to this day, we call
them Sammy pants. We laugh aboutit. And then I'm helping her
with breastfeeding and we'redoing all this stuff and all
sudden she looks over and shegoes Do you have one foot? And
I'm like, I do we just laughabout it to this day. But yeah,
(48:59):
you know things happen. And thatis not the norm that was not a
first time mom but yeah, youknow things crazy things happen.
You just have to go with it.
Yeah, to go with whatever ishappening.
I love that story. Yeah, I can'tbelieve his little head was
his whole head. I was like Sammypants born in the pants. I had a
(49:19):
home birth once to where themidwife didn't make it. Wow,
that was yeah, it was or Yeah,but everything was fine. And I
was like, you know, in my head.
I'm like, saying explicit livesin my head like, Oh, crap, crap,
crap. And in jazz, like, whatare we doing? I'm like,
everything's fine. So that'slike the joke I say with
everyone. Like, everything isfine. Yup, you're doing great.
And in my head. I was like, Idon't know what you know. Yeah.
(49:41):
But everything was about Yeah,exactly. Yeah. So that was meant
to be Yeah, yeah. Oh, Ilove Beautify. No. So beautiful.
Yeah. So Mari how to People getin touch with you if they're
looking to talk with you aboutbecoming a doula yeah
(50:05):
they you know I'm also doulatrainer that's another hat I was
forget to say I do a lot ofthings right train the
doulas if you want to learn thisyeah got Mary Yeah, we
do monthly trainings to traintools and this is this is
actually a great time to begetting into doula work for
someone who wants to you know,this pandemic has brought
brought so many things and Ithink a lot of people have
shifted what they're doing. Anda lot of them a lot more people
(50:28):
want to become doulas. So, youknow if they want to talk to me
about that they can I do doulatrainings monthly. But if anyone
wants to find me if you're onInstagram, you can find me at
just like they did. Just find meat the Boston doula. And you can
also find me at Boston birthassociates. And we do free
(50:50):
consultation so we can talk toanybody just even thinking, you
know, they're not sure even whatkind of class to take or help
will help you with anything.
That's great. Yeah.
Thank you so much for coming,Laurie, and thank you, everyone,
for listening. We hope you foundthis enlightening. Please be
sure to subscribe to ourpodcast. We can be found
wherever you get your podcasts.
And if you would share with afriend how much you're enjoying
(51:11):
our podcasts we would appreciatethat as well.
Yes, and we're on Instagram atspill the ginger tea podcast. So
if you have any questions orcomments or ideas for future
shows, please please write usthere. And you can find me Angel
Amy at my angel ami.com I am onFacebook and Instagram at Angel
(51:37):
ami 1123 And until next time, bewell
Hi, I'm Angel Amy, and hi I'm Lila and today we
have Mari Lecco with us. She isa doula and the owner of Boston
birth associates. She justopened her second office.
Congratulations in North Andovermass querque. First is in
Woburn. And we discovered Marion Instagram where she is the
(00:22):
Boston doula. So welcome Mari.
Hi, thank you so much for havingme. I'm so excited to be here.
Welcome Mari in our beautifulenergy.
Yeah. So Mari tell us a littlebit about what you do as a
doula.
Yeah, so again, my name is MarieLeko and I am I wear a lot of
(00:44):
hats. So I'm a certified labordoula, postpartum and infant
care doula. I'm a lactationcounselor, a Reiki Master
Teacher, yoga instructor,carseat, safety educator,
childbirth educator. I wear alot of hats around here so that
I can get as much support. Whatdoes the doula do? So by
(01:06):
definition, a doula is someonewho supports physically,
emotionally and educationally.
And I like to equate it youknow, a lot of just people are
not sure what a doula is, ormaybe they've heard of it. I get
a lot of like, oh, you're adoula. Like a midwife? Yes.
Actually, we're very differentthan a midwife. And a lot of
people don't know that. So amidwife is someone who's medical
(01:27):
and the doula is non medical. Sothink about a birth coach for
your birth. Or I like to equateit people hire a wedding planner
for their wedding. Well, I'm notfor your birth and for your
postpartum you know, I'm the onepartner described me as the
doula is my consultant. Theyknow everything about this. I
(01:48):
don't like whenI need to do a lot. I'm not just
telling me what to do.
Yeah. Walk me through it. Yeah.
Exactly. And tell you what'sgoing to be okay. Yeah. And so,
you know, a lot of people don'treally know what a doula is. Or
(02:08):
they equate a doula to, I'mgoing to put this in quotes,
natural or home birth. Yes. Andthat's really not what we do.
You know, the majority of ourclients are actually having
babies in the hospital. There'sa very, very small percentage
that will actually do homebirth. So we're, therefore not
just unmedicated births,medicated births. Were in the O
(02:30):
R for C sections. Oh, wow.
I didn't know that. Yeah, I havea C section, Mary. So neither
Lila and I had doulas and mybirth story is a nightmare. And
Lila second, baby's story isn'tthe greatest either.
(02:50):
So you say the first one was thegreatest? I was wondering, but
it went down.
Yeah, so mine was to the point.
I never tried it a second time.
And I would hate to see someoneelse feel that way. And this is
what a piece of the puzzle as towhy we wanted you to come on. So
(03:13):
people can just learn more aboutit and have peace of mind and
kind of understand what it is.
And even if you're not you'relistening to this, you're not
going to have a baby. It's it'sthere's there's concepts that
we're going to discuss that youcan use across the board. To
which is great, right? Yeah,absolutely.
About like support. Yeah, whatpeople need. Yeah, it's really
(03:35):
important. And I think thatthere is so much fear around
birth. And my goal as a doula isto take away that fear. You
know, as the doula I instillstrength and reduce fear. That's
what I do.
Oh, I love that too. Yeah.
So you don't advocate for soactually,
I help the families advocate forthemselves. I give them language
(03:57):
because that's a lot moreempowering than me speaking on
their behalf. Right. So one ofthe components of education, you
know, doula support iseducation. And so as a doula
being in the room, we don't haveshift change, like the staff
were there the entire time. Solet's say they are presenting
something like Pitocin. Forexample. Pitocin is a synthetic
(04:20):
oxytocin, it's a medicationthat's given to make the
contractions happen to make theuterus contract and progression,
start to begin. Well, maybe thefamily doesn't quite want to use
Pitocin yet or, you know, theyhave questions what the doula
does in the moment, we alwayssay, Okay, let's use our brain,
that acronym brain B, let's lookat the benefits of what's being
(04:43):
presented are what's let's lookat the risks. And we talk it all
out a well let's look at analternative. What can we do
instead of that right now? And Iwhat is my intuition tell me and
then N What happens if we sayNo, not right now? So we're
there to break it down and helpthem use the brain acronym. And
(05:04):
then they can make the decisionthat's best for them. So how
great is that when something isbeing presented and you have
someone you can talk about it?
Yeah, who gives you options?
Yeah, and gives youalternatives.
So if you're listening to thisand you do need to choose a
doula, I suggest interviewingpeople. Is that part of the
process? Mari? Yes,absolutely. We offer free
(05:25):
consultations, which isessentially the interview so
that you can get to know thedoula know what their philosophy
is, and things like that. Now,there is an energy or there is a
knowing or there is an internalgut feeling that you will feel
that the person or the doulawill make you feel safe. Yes,
(05:45):
that is what you're looking for.
Now Mary and I have never met.
Lila was never met her either.
We did find her on Instagram,job, Lila. And Mary walked in
with her her beautiful daughterbecause we are in Massachusetts
during April vacation. And youhave this very calm, grounded,
(06:12):
nurturing, safe feeling aboutyou naturally. Have you always
been this way? Have you workedon yourself? Have you? Yeah,
that'sa great question. I would say I
definitely have worked onmyself. You know, I've been in
different places throughout myjourney in life. I'm actually
I'm a mom of two girls. And Ialso have two grandchildren. So
(06:34):
they call me Lila.
Wow. You can't see her she hason the sexy red lipstick.
I always do a pop of color.
That's my jam. Girl. Yeah, so Ihave two children and two
beautiful grandchildren. Andbefore I was a doula, I actually
worked in law enforcement forover 10 years. You're a badass.
(06:57):
Wow, I am. Yeah, I am a badass.
Yeah. Oh, that safety. So in, inspiritualism in the land of
energy, safety and protection.
It you know, when we think ofpolice officers, or EMTs, or I'm
gonna lump teachers in there,too. They make us feel safe.
(07:18):
Yeah. So I'm onto something withyou, as I read your energy, so I
could see why you in in a timeof birth, it is the most
vulnerable thing a woman can do.
Absolutely. Right. Yeah. So whatwe want as women is someone that
(07:40):
that can advocate with us, andreally intuitive intuitively
understand what's going on, andbe in control of the situation
from a healthy place of safety.
That's right. Yeah. Yeah, it canfeel out of control, it can feel
unsafe, right. This is a timethat you don't have control over
(08:02):
your body, and especiallysomeone that's never experienced
that. And again, we in ourculture, we have so much fear
around birth, in the movies onTV, that is not what birth looks
like at all. And if I can justeven in my childbirth education
classes. I'm very candid aboutmy own journey. But I think it's
really important for them tounderstand that it is not so
(08:26):
scary as they think or they'vebeen told, right? Because I
always say, why do we see apregnant person at the grocery
store in the line? And she'sjust trying to buy your
vegetables. And you're like, Oh,my sisters cousins, neighbor.
almost died and birth and you'relike, oh, okay, thank you. Bye.
(08:46):
Why do we do that to me? Yeah.
Why don't we? It's unsolicited.
Yeah, not good. Advice. Not.
Right. So mine was a nightmaresituation. I tend to keep it to
myself. Yeah. But we have toremember that there was a
spiritual opening that happenedwhen I birthed Julia to and I
(09:06):
had, it was the first time I usemy voice to say that I am
psychic, publicly the firsttime. And so it forced me Julia
forced me to really step out.
And it was such a beautifulgift. Yeah. My point in that is
that I was trying to explain tothe nurses that she had the cord
(09:27):
wrapped around her neck right inthe doctor was like, Amy, you'll
be pushing by morning. And soyou weren't being heard now.
Yeah. And so I didn't have adoula. I was birthing and being
the doula and I was the nurse tohow I so it was it was really,
really stressful. Now, this is avery unique situation. So I'm
(09:51):
not trying to scare anyone thatis listening. It was the best
thing that happened to me from aspiritual lens. I can feel it
was a gift. Yeah, because I'mnot at now burst jeulia Birthday
Angel Amy really? Right, right.
(10:12):
Yeah. So but women do, they'llsay, oh, you know, you're gonna
go and do that or you haveanother baby, right? Yeah. But
Why would women keep doing it?
If it was that bad?
Well, and it's not, it's notalways set up for it to be that
great, which is why you'reHomare. That's why Yeah, you set
it up to have the best possiblewith this. So when in the
(10:36):
process, does somebody get intouch with you?
Yeah. So you know, sometimespeople pee on a stick and call
me right away, or like, put meon the calendar, especially
those that know, like, I know,they bulk up, you know, borrow
books up. But anywhere in theprocess is a great time to reach
out to a doula. I always say theearlier the better. Because what
(10:56):
we do is, we're there from themoment that they say, Yes, I
want to do love throughout theirentire pregnancy. I tell
families, we are your 24/7Google, I don't want you
googling anything. I want you toask us. Right. And so we're
there the whole entire processfor anything they need. Maybe
they're feeling anxious aboutsomething or an appointment they
(11:17):
just went to. And look, I'mfriends with a lot of OBGYN and
midwives. They just don't havethe time to sit and really talk
throwing things out when you'reat your appointment is like up
check. Yep, everything look goodblood pressure. Okay, next
appointment. Yeah. So the doulais that gap, right, where
they're to process the thingsthat are happening in the
appointments, questions thatthey have about, oh, I'm feeling
(11:40):
this little twinge in my hip,what is that about? And so I can
really help navigate the entirepregnancy, and then take away
some of that fear factor thatthey have helped them prep for?
What do they need for baby gear?
We have some clients that willsay I'm really feeling
overwhelmed about the registry.
And I'll say great, let's get ona call. Let's get on a zoom. You
(12:01):
share your screen. We'll gothrough it one by one.
Oh, like what they need. Yeah.
Oh, that's so overwhelming.
Yeah, it's so overwhelming, thenyou end up with 500 things and
you need like four. You're like,you have to have this. Yeah.
And you need nothing. Exactly.
Yeah. You know, I mean, just tojust talk that out, just
alleviates so much anxiety andjust the stress of trying to
(12:24):
figure this out. And you know,when I was having my children, I
had no idea about doulas I wishI did it would have changed my
experience, both during thebirth and the postpartum. We can
talk about that in a little bit.
But I think that, you know, whenI first started doing this, I
was working in law enforcement.
And I thought that's what I wasgoing to do until I retired. And
(12:44):
I graduated from TuftsUniversity, I immediately
started working in lawenforcement. And then I went on
this journey to try to have asecond baby. And that journey,
we really struggled. We wentthrough infertility treatment,
my youngest is the eighth trymedically to conceive. She's an
IVF. Baby. We lost twinsthroughout that process before
(13:06):
her. And so I remember when wehad that loss, we were in the
doctor's office. And, of course,I was upset and crying course.
And the nurse was like holdingmy hand when the doctor was
there. And I felt so. And myhusband was there, I felt so
loved and supported, that Iremembered that moment, and it
stuck with me. And then theeighth try worked. And she now
(13:30):
just turned 10. But while shewas when she was a baby, she was
almost a year old. And I wasreflecting back on the journey
just to get her and look at whatwe've been through. And I
remembered that moment we had wehad that loss. And I said to my
husband, I want to give thatfeeling back. But I don't know
what that means. And he said,Neither do I figure it out, let
(13:52):
me know. And all of a sudden,you know, I believe things
happen for a reason. And I justfound this training to become a
childbirth educator. And I said,I like to educate people. And so
I went and took the training andI met a bunch of doulas, and
they started to tell me whatthey did. And I said, that's how
I'm gonna give that feelingback. That's what I want to do.
(14:15):
So I dove in certified as alabor postpartum childbirth
educator. And I built this cutelittle solo doula business. And
then Monday through Friday,yeah, Monday through Friday, I
would do my law enforcement,Warren sweeps in my bulletproof
vest, and then on the weekends.
(14:35):
And it was very polar oppositeof worlds. But it started to
grow organically. And I was atthis crossroads. Where, which
way should I go? And my husbandsaid, You'll never know unless
you try. And so I left my what Ithought would be my long term
career. And I started an agency.
And I just knew that I wanted tohave as many team members to
(14:56):
support as many families as aspossible, and it just has grown.
And I've been doing it nine anda half years. And this is what
I'll do until I'm old and gray.
So first of all, eight tries tohave baby number two, yeah.
Eight is the infinity number as,as you might know, it was the
(15:17):
eight on its side. Yeah, it'sthe most high vibrating number.
So let's, let's think aboutthat. And then, you know, we did
talk to her talk about safetyand protection. And you felt
this calling. So what are what'slike the craziest thing you've
ever done for like a client? Isit too early to write?
(15:42):
I feel like there is nothingthat I won't do for a client to
be honest with you. Okay. I haveyou know, I mean, the thing
people have to understand isthat doulas are committed to you
in this whole entire journey.
Like, I step away from the tableand have people that are having
questions or think they'rehaving contractions, you know, I
get calls at 2am. And I get outof bed and go in the other room
(16:06):
and talk to them. And I leave inthe middle of the night, and
it's a huge commitment, but it'ssomething that is so impactful.
That people that have had doulasupport, will say at the end, I
would never do this againwithout a doula. And I would
totally, you know, if I could goback, I would have gotten not
(16:28):
only a labor doula, but apostpartum doula.
Let's talk about that. Yeah.
Postpartum doula. Yeah.
You know, and for postpartumdoula, you know, there are,
we're trained to recognizethings like perinatal mood and
anxiety disorders. And if youhave someone at the forefront
who's helping you in thepostpartum period, look, your
(16:50):
family is great. And they wantto help as much as they can. But
sometimes, they may not saysomething that's quite as
supportive as it probably couldbe. All
right, my mother, and this isn'tto like totally diss my mother.
My mother is a beautiful person,but she I remember, she looked
at me, I had severe depression,very severe. And she said, you
(17:14):
just need to start to walk andlose weight. And the baby was, I
don't know, three weeks old.
Yeah, yeah. I don't think she'dsay that to me. Now. This is 14
years ago, because she's adifferent person. But she didn't
at the time. Yeah. And so I wasjust like, angry. Right? Yeah.
But so I was feeling anger. AndI was feeling sadness. Yeah. And
(17:37):
I my light was so damn. So damn,sorry. I would I would so get a
postpartum doula. Yeah. And if Ihad known,
if I had known, I would have to,I really struggled with both in
the postpartum period, butespecially with my youngest,
(17:58):
like, I was not. Okay. And Ithink for me, and I think a lot
of women that especiallystruggle with infertility, they
don't want to say that thingsare not okay, because of the
journey you went through to gethere. So in my mind, I'd be
like, well, you should be sograteful, Mary. And really, I
was struggling internally, and Ikept it inside. And that is
(18:20):
another reason why I do thiswork, especially in the
postpartum. And I educate peopleduring their pregnancy, to
please plan for your PostpartumSupport. Yeah, what does it look
like? Is it the right kind ofsupport? You know, and for us,
we come in, we're not onlycoming in from an evidence based
practice of newborn care andtips and tricks of swaddling and
(18:41):
soothing and, and breastfeedingand bottle feeding and pumping
and all of the things inbetween. But we are coming in,
in that non judgmental way in anunbiased way, where I could sit
down and look at you and say,How are you today? Right? Nobody
asks how we're doing after wehave a baby. They say, How's the
baby? How's the baby gainingweight? I'll be sleeping. What
(19:03):
about me? I'm really struggling.
And the postpartum comes in thedoula we come in. And I say, how
are you today? Yeah, what can Ido? That's going to be helpful
for you? Yeah. And it's whateveryou need. Do you need to talk
about how are you doing infantfeeding? Do you have questions?
Do you want to just take a nap?
I know that I'm in the otherroom. Do you want to talk about
(19:26):
parenting philosophies? Whatworks right for you? And I'm
going to support you in thatmanner.
So beautiful. Let's talk aboutthis to Lila is the men. So So I
realize you know whether youhave a partner or you know a
husband or so if someoneidentifies as male, they are not
(19:48):
necessarily intuitively inalignment with with the birthing
process in the energies thattake place after Yes. So as Mari
you or someone on her team comesin, as a doula comes in, is also
highly beneficial for the malespecies. Oh my god, right? Yes.
(20:09):
And this isn't about throwingthem under the bus that was
about supporting them. Andhaving them be able to see how
you react to the to the wife'sneeds. Yes,
I love that you bring this up,because a perfect example of
this is I could be at a birthand they're, if they're, they're
(20:29):
a couple and she has a husband.
Let birth is along the labor isa long process a first time mom
can be in labor for 24 hours ormore. And so when the doula
comes in, especially when wetransition to the hospital, I'm
helping with tips and tricks andmovement and comfort measures
and suggestions. But also, Imight look at him and say,
actually, you know what? Right,now's a good time for you to lay
(20:52):
down and close your eyes. Right?
Now's a good time for you tostep out and go get something to
eat or a cup of coffee or to gofor a walk or make a phone call.
And then she's never left alone.
And it gives him the rechargethat he needs
to be family. Yeah, it'snot I always say, you go walk
the dog. Yeah. When we actuallywill say, Oh, do you have you
(21:15):
have any pets at home? They'llsay, oh, yeah, we have a dog?
Well, we want to know, becausewe're going to help you
transition the beat, we takecare of the entire fail and baby
andthe dog. And I just want to say
like, you don't have to beanticipating anything, you know,
super difficult or anything sortof, you know, unexpected to
happen. I mean, having a newbornin your house is unexpected
(21:37):
enough. Yeah. And you know, thisidea that you should just know
how you're supposed to do it.
Because you have hormones inyour body. Figure it out is so
outdated and not helpful.
Yeah, that's right. And that'sone of the reasons one of the
things we offer a lot ofservices for families. And one
(21:58):
of the things we do as a freenew moms group weekly, because I
want to have that community andsupport for you. Because there
is someone else who's feelingthe same way you are. And maybe
you don't want to vocalize it.
And I think that's the problemis we don't talk enough about
the postpartum side of things.
We don't talk enough about, youknow, this is hard and I'm not
okay. And we need to make it ina way that it is okay to
(22:21):
vocalize that. It is normal. Andguess what, you're gonna get
through it with the rightsupport.
Correct. And let's all just itshould just be as easy as
possible, right? Yeah, happy asmom she's rested. She had
something to eat right? She'sready to give it another go.
So all of us didn't have adoula. Now. Do you guys remember
(22:42):
coming home the first first daywith your first baby? I sat on
the couch. I looked at Andy andI go, what do we do now?
I said the same thing I said todoing when they when they're
wheeling you out and they handyou the baby. It was like sheer
terror like, well, who's gonnacome and click for the nurse
(23:03):
they taught you is how to likechange a diaper. Right? That was
that? Like I did not know. Yeah.
Yeah. And newborn babies arevery noisy. And nobody told me
about. And so she'd be like, inthe crib, and she'd be like
making all these grunts andnoise. I'd be like, is that
from? She okay. Like, yeah,nobody tells you. Yeah,
they don't talk about that. Theydon't talk about how bad your
(23:25):
breasts heard. If you were like,breastfeeding, and then not
breastfeed. Yeah, and no onetalks about what things look
like, don't look like Yeah,and I do the doula tells you.
Yeah. They'll say to me, oh,Mari, you know, they'll ask me a
question. I'll be like, Well,yes. Here are the facts, my
friend. Yeah, we're gonna getthrough here
that mesh underwear. Yeah.
(23:46):
Who's either there or not? Orright? Yeah.
Yeah. And, you know, again, thedoula is there to normalize what
is happening. So even when youget home, your birth doula, you
can text me and say, Hey, wejust got home. I have a question
about this. Well, guess what,that's what I'm here for. And
then if you need us forpostpartum, we also do overnight
(24:07):
care. I mean, lack of sleep isincredibly, like, impactful on
how you can function right?
Right. And so if I come in asthe overnight doula I'm coming
in, we usually do 10pm to 6am.
I'll come in, and you'll say tome, Oh, I just fed the baby.
Okay, great. Off to bed you go.
I'll be in another room with thebaby. I'm watching the baby. I'm
watching for feeding cues. I'mgetting ready to feed to bring
(24:30):
the baby to feed, and then bringthe baby to let's say she's
breastfeeding. If that's herchoice. I bring the baby to
feed. she breastfeeds as soon asshe's done, she gives me the
baby back, rolls over I burp andswaddle and diaper and get her
baby back to it's it's so good.
How long do youstay with a family? How long do
you typically stay with afamily? That's
(24:53):
a great question. So for birth,we usually if we're doing birth
support, we usually stay up totwo hours after the birth and
then we Due to postpartum followups for them, and then for
postpartum I mean, we can bewith a family for up to a year.
It's up to them. Wow. Okay.
Yeah. So I, you're so lovely, Iwould be nervous. Still be with
you, right? So I like well, Ireally have
(25:20):
no you teach about how torelease someone you love with
love. So let me tell you, if youif you're listening to this and
you use Mary or one of ourladies, you're going to have to
learn how to her with love. It'sreally hard to release someone
that you love with love. Itreally is. But it's pot, it's
healthy. It is healthyboundaries.
(25:43):
And like, what if you go back tothe brain that you talk about in
life all the time? So how greatwould it be to have somebody
just remind you of that whenyou're thinking of something,
you know, you're talking about acompletely different situation.
And somebody says, Wait, stop,apply the brain to this.
That's right. Like there'salways time. I always say
there's always time to use yourbrain, even in the birth room.
Because look, birth, you go in,and then they tell you to do
(26:06):
things and you're like, Oh, myokay, I guess so. They don't
really have time to talk thingsout. Right? You there's a
process to birth right. Sothey're going through the
checklist, if they're I say thisto families, if you're in the
birth room, and they're comingin talking about another option.
If there's time to talk aboutit, there's time to take five
minutes and use your brain. Andthen you just break it down.
(26:29):
Yeah. And then make the decisionbest for you. Yeah. My goal as a
doula. It doesn't matter to me.
You know, a lot of there's a lotof thought that doulas are, you
know, again, for non medicatedjust natural like hippie dippie,
homebirth. Right. Look, if youwant to do that I'm going to
support you, by most people arehaving their babies in
hospitals, especially first timemoms. And my goal as a doula.
(26:51):
It's not about if you get anepidural or not. What matters to
me is that, how did you feelduring the process? Did you feel
like you were part of theprocess? Did you feel like you
were supported, that you wereeducated? You were empowered?
Did you feel loved? That iswhat's going to make a memory
(27:13):
for you of the day that you metyour baby. You know, I've had
clients that when I firststarted becoming a doula, I
thought it was just about onlyhaving a baby a certain way. And
then over time, like no, that'snot what it's about. And I had a
client once who she did not wantto have a C section. That was
one of her, you know, we puttogether a birth plan, I call it
birth preferences. I don't likethe word plan. And that was one
(27:35):
of our desires not to have a Csection. It turned into a C
section. Yeah. And I was therefor that journey, and that twist
and turn and prepare them beforethey went into the O R. And like
I said, Sometimes were led inthere with them. And after she
said to me, even though I said Ididn't want a C section, I felt
so secure and safe knowing thatyou were telling me the process
(28:02):
I was about to have. And I knewthat you were going to be there
wannacry? My shits coming up? But we
just talked about we did weliterally this gem section off
on my story. And no one told meanything. And
yeah, you when you've said soyour arms get tied down. And I
(28:23):
waslike when your organs come out,
and you flail like a fish and noone talks about the shaking.
Yeah, sorry. Right. And you Itell.
Isaid to the anesthesiologist, am
I kind of stop shaking. And he'slike, not for a while. But
hearing it was really scary.
(28:46):
Just to have known in advance,changes everything right? Just
everything. Yeah, that'sperfectly normal. This is what
we're gonnado. That's the point of having
the doula even if it turns thatway. I prep you before you go
in, I say, you're going to I layout the whole room, I tell them
what they're going to do. Whereyou're going to be, if you have
a partner where your partner isgoing to be, I tell you step by
(29:06):
step. And then if I'm notallowed in the O R, I wait and
I'm in recovery with you, oh,when you come out, I'm there.
I'm there to help you process.
I'm there to help you if youwanted to do skin to skin like
whatever it is. And that justthat's what it's about. When I
think about doula support andwhat families need. It's about
(29:27):
your overall experience.
So Mary puts women in their ownpersonal power. So if you're not
about to have a baby, I isAngel, Amy and all your angels
and spirit guides want you tothink about when you choose
friendships, and you choose loverelationships. It's choosing
(29:48):
people that that support you andlove you and nurture you that
bring out the best in you thatlisten to you so that you can
live your best life. Ifauthentically in be in your own
personal power, so you'reteaching women this across the
board my love, not just womenthat are birthing. You get a lot
(30:12):
out of this Lila, because we'reboth post baby age. Yeah, I
mean, I'm on like the cusp, itwould probably be a miracle. But
yeah, so we learned I'm way pastbut I will tell you that it so
I, my sister had a, you know,difficult time adjusting to
having a baby. Yes, she didn'tsleep. She didn't want to nurse.
(30:35):
She didn't want to bottle. Andshe had a very difficult time
finding anyone who had any sortof compassion for her. In that
time. It was like her and herhusband just buckled down. Yeah,
they weren't Amy's sister who Ireally our sister. And so I had
the benefit that she had gonethrough that before me. And I
(30:56):
remember she said to me, beforeI had the baby, call Lady J
League, because no matter whatyou can call someone who will be
nice to you. Doesn't matterwhether they have any advice,
but just so be nice. Because ifyou if you're crying, yeah, the
baby, you know, if you're goingto nurse and the baby's not
latching or whatever, or justdumb questions like, the baby
keeps spitting everything. Howdo I? It's just like, right mom
(31:18):
presents?
I would say that's not a dumbquestion. Let's
talk about that. Right? Like,let's talk about when Julia got
our period at like, one week oldblood came out of her one. Yeah.
And I was found. No one told meall the hormones that are have
baby girls can kick itand like, where do you go for
that information?
(31:40):
You call you call the doctor andthen they tell you it's normal.
And it happens that they giveyou the percentage, but they
don't ask you Are you okay? Nowthat blood just came out of your
baby? Like, are you okay? Yeah,no one else no one tells you
about?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, we doall of this prep work for the
big day. And you know, you thinkabout what kind of way you're
(32:04):
going to decorate the nurseryand what kind of baby here
you're gonna What cute littlematernity clothes you, you think
about all these things. And thenthe big day comes? And like you
said, right, they give you thistiny human. And then like, good
luck with that. And you're like,Oh, crap, what do we do now?
What do we do? Yeah, what do wedo now? Well, but now you have
(32:25):
to start thinking about the Icall it the other side. Because
when you have a baby and youbring that baby home, you're in
what I call the thick of thefog. Yeah, you're in the thick
of the fog. And I will say apromise the fog will get later
and later. We're gonna getthrough this together. But
that's what you are. You're inthe dark days. Yeah. About three
months. It was like you'll getthrough these dark days just to
(32:46):
hang on till you get to thatthree month period. Yeah. But I
have a distinct memory of cominghome with my second. And I'm
like sitting on the couch. Andeveryone comes for the visit.
These days. No. Part of thefurniture. Yeah, take the baby.
They're all messing around.
(33:09):
You're sitting there. Like, Idon't feel so good. I'm tired.
Yeah,I don't feel so good. Maybe, you
know, and for me, I really I washaving like, intrusive thoughts.
And I was like, you can't tellanybody what just popped into
your brain? Yeah, yeah, it wasreally scary. And then I
remember I just like, and that'sthe thing, right? You have the
baby and everyone comes around,and they take the bait like,
none of that is helpful. Whatabout me? But they take the
(33:30):
baby, or they come and see thebaby. And then everyone goes
back to their lives. Yeah. Andthat's just you in this tiny
human and you're like, Oh, myGod, you're not sleeping. You're
thinking all these things. Youdon't know if this is normal, or
that is normal. And that's whena postpartum doula comes in
really handy. I come in the doorand I'm like, how are you today?
What can I do for you today tomake your sandwich?
(33:56):
You know, somebody just asked,like, do you need
Yeah, it's it's reallyenlightening. Looking back. And
so do you have any lightstatistics? We won't hold you to
this, but the percentage baby ofbirths in this country that use
(34:20):
doulas?
Oh, well, you know, the I don'thave the exact percentage, but
the percentage is going up. Iwill say that. Look, doulas have
been around for a very longtime. And if we look back at
birth, women were coming tosupport other women as they were
having their baby. They werebeing their doulas. They just
weren't called a July. You know,doulas have been trained since
(34:41):
like the early 90s. And I thinknow it's starting to come more
at the forefront. But what weneed to do a little bit better.
We need to educate more aboutpostpartum doulas because people
don't know as much aboutpostpartum doulas. There's a lot
of research that shows having aLabor Day hula can have less
(35:02):
interventions, less rates of Csections and things like that.
So there's a lot of peoplestarting to know about the word
doula and starting to be like,let me find out more information
about that. So I'm really gladthat people are starting to know
more and more. But, you know, Ithink that if we can have people
start to do their own researchto find out if this is something
(35:26):
that might be helpful for them,that's half the battle, just the
education piece of it, I think.
And I think it starts by takinga childbirth education class. A
lot of people think they don'tneed to take that going into
birth. But I always equate thisas look. birth as a business.
You're the consumer. Get all theinformation. Yeah. So that you
can be well adjusted and you canhave a good plan and a good
(35:47):
foundation. Take a childbirtheducation class, get educated
about your choices, so you canmake informed decisions along
the way. Is this covered byinsurance? I
wish it was unfortunately, it isnot covered by insurance, but I
will say it is very affordable.
For our Boston breathassociates, we do payment plans
(36:11):
for families. We tell familiesto ask for doula support for a
gift at your baby shower. Wehave gift cards like it is
doable, and it's worth everypenny. I mean, think about the
money that people spend on otherthings right for your fancy
latte.
(36:32):
orthodontic, orthodontia work.
Yeah, like I just paid offJulius braces. But I would
equally pick going back. I wouldpay for a doula.
Yeah, I mean, for anywhere fromlike 1500 to 2000. But we're
doing all have supportthroughout your pregnancy,
during the birth coming to thehospital laboring with you
(36:53):
staying until the baby's borncoming to your home after right
after you get home on aWednesday. Our goal is to be
there the next day or the nextday after that. Yeah, think
about how you don't see yourdoctor, your midwife or OB for
six weeks. Six weeks is a longtime to leave someone who just
had a baby. Yeah, and figure itout for themselves.
(37:14):
Right. And the pediatriciandoesn't care how you're feeling?
No.
They care about the baby. Yeah,exactly.
I love that idea of having ashower. So if anybody out there
and they are going to a babyshower, or I would highly
recommend that you advocate likewhere are we putting the doula
donation? Yeah, I'm seeingthat more and more as a gift.
(37:36):
I think it's actually a goodidea.
Ask your friends or your nieceor are you? Are you having a
doula? Because I'd like tocontribute? Yeah, you know, even
a little any amount of money. Weneed or anything, right?
I had a family recently. She herdaughter was pregnant, and she
gifted me as a Christmaspresent. Yeah. And then I was
(37:57):
there for all three of herbabies. I was the gift every
time. Yeah,no, Amy, you can't have
come over. You want me to make asandwich? Or take a nap?
I want it melted Marie. Okay,I can do whatever you need.
Well, I take my mouse. Yeah.
(38:19):
Magical, right? It has.
It does. And, you know, there'snothing selfish, there's nothing
lazy. There's nothing now oralready a terrible mother on day
one that goes along with tapebeing taken care of
being taken care of. You justnailed that. That's right. And
you know, what people don'tunderstand is, look, our bodies
(38:40):
are pretty amazing, right? Theygrow another organ to stay in
life and a little baby. And thenwhat happens in that the
placenta holes, all of theseincrease in hormones in our
body. And when we have a baby,the placenta is released. And
all of those hormones go out ofyour body. So it's like your
body. You know, the hormones arelike on the edge of a cliff and
(39:03):
it's like, they just get toppledover. That is what we're
feeling. That's why we havethese ups and downs, we cry,
we're happy. And we're trying tofigure out am I okay? Is this
normal? And it's important tohave someone there to say yes,
this is all normal or normalizedRight? Or
even say go to Mary and say Ineed to ask my doctor about
(39:26):
this. What are the questions?
Yes, I give the language thatyou can bring to your doctor. I
give a lot I'll be likeactually, why don't you ask the
doctor this this and this Iwould love the love Yeah, yeah,
I need a menopause doula. Marywhat I do say to
(39:47):
you, oh, girl, life.
I love it. We offer so manythings right labor, postpartum
education, breastfeedingsupport, free new moms group
prenatal yoga, fitness classes.
And I always say if we don'thave it, tell me and I'll create
So okay,back at menopause, imagine that
right? It's like,I totally want an extension. It
was like every question that youasked, like, I was, like covered
(40:09):
in hives, I had other stuff. I'mlike, Can this be related? And
everyone's like, I don't know,maybe, right? Medical answer.
That'snot. That's not helping me. See,
and we just had a client whocalled and she was like, I'm
noticing this in my baby'smouth. And on my breast, is that
normal? And then we get on aFaceTime with her, we see what's
going on. We say, actually, itcould be this, this and this.
(40:32):
What Why don't you give yourdoctor a call? And ask them for
an antibody? Like we're givingthe language and giving the
options so that I mean, howpowerful is that? Right? So
person calls and says, I wouldlike this, this and this. And
they have the language. Yeah,exactly. I
usually call the doctor like, Idon't know what's happened. Help
(40:53):
me. And they're like, I don'tknow what. Yeah,
and we help like figure thingsout. Is this normal? Should I
call my doctor? Now? What aresome of the options that I can
do? Like? That is what we'rethere for? I mean, and, you
know, that's just, I mean, thatjust changes your overall
experience, even on the otherside, for sure. Absolutely.
Yeah.
(41:14):
Are there any situations withclients in birthing that you
wouldn't accept as a client?
Like?
Yeah, that's a great question.
I'm really the only way that Iwouldn't accept a client is if
they were having a plannedunassisted home birth. Because I
think that's not the safest orthe best idea. What I mean by
(41:37):
that is, so some people, there'smultiple ways you where you can
have your baby, you can haveyour baby at home, with a home
birth, a certified someone whois an actual home birth, right?
home birth midwife, you can haveyour baby in a hospital, with an
OB GYN or midwife. And you canhave your baby at a birth center
(41:58):
with usually midwives. But somepeople if they're planning on
having their baby at home withno medical provider, and a
provider is either an OB or amidwife. If they're having that
kind of scenario, I will not bethere because that is not safe.
Okay? Because I'm non medical,right? So remember, a doula is
(42:19):
non medical. But we are trainedin the anatomy and physiology of
labor and birth and can helpnavigate those things. We know
about medical interventions andoptions and things like that.
So a guide, an advocate, asupport person, a coach. Yeah,
it's like a bill. Yeah. Give mea built in mom. I showed it cry
(42:44):
on.
Yeah, that's what I'm here for.
Mary. Good hug. You do girl Igive good. Hi. Yeah, hi there,
like, give me a Mary. Hi. Andthat's all it takes, right? It's
just like, again, that person,you can lean on the person that
you can count on, you know, theperson that maybe you don't want
(43:04):
to share something with yourpartner, if you have one or a
family member, you know, we youcan come at me with anything.
And I will not blink, I will notshutter I will not, it doesn't
faze me, I'm not going to judgeyou. I want to help you. And so
that's what you know, that'swhat delivering
(43:26):
it is looking at someone througha lens of love and support and
not through judgment. So you'rereally looking through
discernment. How discerning howI can best help them. That's
right. Right, which sits onlove. Yeah, so what's like the
craziest story like, what whatis someone asked you to do that
you're like, This is different,but I'm going to help them.
(43:47):
Yeah, um, I have some crazystories. I've you know, I've
attended over 800 births. SoI've seen a lot. You know, I
think, here's a good story. Sothis little baby's name, and I'm
allowed to say the name, so it'sfine. This little baby's name is
Sam. And this was a client whowas having her baby, it was not
(44:10):
her first baby. We had talked inthe afternoon, and she was
feeling a little quote unquote,crampy. And I was like, Okay,
great. Like, alright, do X, Y,and Z, let's check back in a
couple of hours. And that's thebeauty about a doula is like,
the first whatever you feel inyour body, you call me. And then
we keep doing this constantchecks, like, and then I tell
(44:31):
you what to do next, and I tellyou when to call the doctor,
right? So it's this constantsupport. So I said, Okay, great.
You know, I'm gonna do this andthis and it was the summer was a
beautiful day. I'd like asundress and flip flops on. And
I said, Great, I'll talk to youin a couple of hours. And the
plan was for me to come in laborat home with them because that's
an option if they want. So thinkabout that. When you first have
(44:54):
a baby and you feel the firstsomething, the Inkling is to go
right to the hospital. While youhave your doula Though who can
navigate that. And I can evencome to the house and labor with
you until it's time totransition to the hospital. So
that was the plan. So it's onlylike, an hour and a half later.
And all of a sudden, the dadcalls. And at this time, I had
(45:17):
brought my little one too. She'sa dancer to the dance recital
practice. And I'm in theauditorium and the dad calls and
says, things are moving wayquicker than they were a little
while ago. And I said, Okay,great. Let me step outside, hold
on a text my husband, you got tocome relieve, get the kid. That
was our plan. And I step outsideand I start walking to my car, I
(45:40):
have my Doula clothes in thecar. And I can hear her in the
background. And there's acertain sound that I also look
for as a doula. There's soundsthere's patterns, right? And I'm
like, oh, okay, I think you needto get in the car, to the
hospital. And I say it verycalmly, right? Because that's,
that's my job, right? I'm onthat grounding, calming force.
(46:03):
And I said, Okay, I think youneed to get in the car and head
to the hospital. I'm gonna headthere now to and I'm calculating
the time, we'll get there aboutthe same time. And he says,
Well, wait, wait, wait, you saidyou were going to come to the
house. And I said, Well, there'sreally no time to come to the
house.
I'm not even changing my dress.
Yeah. And I looked at my flipflops.
And I said, I will meet you atthe hospital. Great. So I get in
(46:27):
the car. And we get in thehospital, and I'm calling them
on the ride and listening to herand talking her through each
contraction. You know, you'redoing so great job. I'm keeping
them calm. And all of a sudden,he's like, we're pulling up to
the hospital. I said, Great. Metoo. So they pull up at one
entrance, and I'm at the other.
And I'm running down the hallbecause I know things are moving
(46:48):
fast. And he's pushing her downthe hall in the wheelchair and
we meet, we're at oppositehallways, we meet at the
elevator together at the sametime. And I say hi. You know,
I'm like, try to catch my breathto be calm. I was just like
running. I'm not a runnerrunning is not my friend. And
I'm like, Hi, we're doing sogreat. Okay, we're gonna go
upstairs. We're in the elevator.
(47:10):
She's really progressing. We getin the hospital, in the hospital
room, but labor and delivery.
And I have my clothes. And myson dresses, my flip flops. And
she gets on the hospital bed.
And the nurse says, Okay, well,I got a check you and she was
like, I can't sit down. I can'tlay down like she's doing her
thing. She's doing beautifullyand amazing. And there's a
(47:32):
bathroom behind me. And I'mstanding in the doorway of the
bathroom in front of me is thelabor and delivery bed and the
nurse and the dad. And I saidI'm just gonna change real
quick. And I put one foot backinto the bathroom. And I shut
the door and I hear her mouth.
And she really needs me. I'mlike, okay, crap. And I care
about the dress. I come out ofthe bathroom. I'm dressed. But I
(47:55):
have one flip flop and onesneaker on. No one knows this.
But me. Yeah. And so I walk overto the hospital bed, I put my
hand on her lower back as you'redoing a good job. And the nurse
says, well, let's see what'sgoing on. Because now she's on
her knees upright facing theback of the bed and she can't do
(48:16):
anything else. But thatposition. So the nurse pulls
down her pants. And there's ababy's head. And his name is
Sammy. So we call him Sam EPS,like his whole head was out. She
kept saying my baby's coming.
And I was like this baby iscommon. And so Sammy pants was
born in the pants. That wasthree minutes after we wheeled
(48:38):
into the hospital. I just gotchills. And to this day, we call
them Sammy pants. We laugh aboutit. And then I'm helping her
with breastfeeding and we'redoing all this stuff and all
sudden she looks over and shegoes Do you have one foot? And
I'm like, I do we just laughabout it to this day. But yeah,
(48:59):
you know things happen. And thatis not the norm that was not a
first time mom but yeah, youknow things crazy things happen.
You just have to go with it.
Yeah, to go with whatever ishappening.
I love that story. Yeah, I can'tbelieve his little head was
his whole head. I was like Sammypants born in the pants. I had a
(49:19):
home birth once to where themidwife didn't make it. Wow,
that was yeah, it was or Yeah,but everything was fine. And I
was like, you know, in my head.
I'm like, saying explicit livesin my head like, Oh, crap, crap,
crap. And in jazz, like, whatare we doing? I'm like,
everything's fine. So that'slike the joke I say with
everyone. Like, everything isfine. Yup, you're doing great.
And in my head. I was like, Idon't know what you know. Yeah.
(49:41):
But everything was about Yeah,exactly. Yeah. So that was meant
to be Yeah, yeah. Oh, Ilove Beautify. No. So beautiful.
Yeah. So Mari how to People getin touch with you if they're
looking to talk with you aboutbecoming a doula yeah
(50:05):
they you know I'm also doulatrainer that's another hat I was
forget to say I do a lot ofthings right train the
doulas if you want to learn thisyeah got Mary Yeah, we
do monthly trainings to traintools and this is this is
actually a great time to begetting into doula work for
someone who wants to you know,this pandemic has brought
brought so many things and Ithink a lot of people have
shifted what they're doing. Anda lot of them a lot more people
(50:28):
want to become doulas. So, youknow if they want to talk to me
about that they can I do doulatrainings monthly. But if anyone
wants to find me if you're onInstagram, you can find me at
just like they did. Just find meat the Boston doula. And you can
also find me at Boston birthassociates. And we do free
(50:50):
consultation so we can talk toanybody just even thinking, you
know, they're not sure even whatkind of class to take or help
will help you with anything.
That's great. Yeah.
Thank you so much for coming,Laurie, and thank you, everyone,
for listening. We hope you foundthis enlightening. Please be
sure to subscribe to ourpodcast. We can be found
wherever you get your podcasts.
And if you would share with afriend how much you're enjoying
(51:11):
our podcasts we would appreciatethat as well.
Yes, and we're on Instagram atspill the ginger tea podcast. So
if you have any questions orcomments or ideas for future
shows, please please write usthere. And you can find me Angel
Amy at my angel ami.com I am onFacebook and Instagram at Angel
(51:37):
ami 1123 And until next time, bewell
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!