September 29, 2025 • 51 mins
Are these healing myths keeping you stuck? We are unpacking the 5 biggest misconceptions about healing and personal growth that might be sabotaging your progress and blocking your spiritual gifts.
You’ll discover why:
- Healing isn’t a one-time project—it’s a lifelong practice.
- Recurring challenges don’t mean you’ve failed.
- Even “small stuff” is worth healing for real growth.
- True healing moves you forward, not back.
- Processing pain is actually empowering.
If you’ve ever felt like you “should be over it by now,” this conversation will shift your perspective. Healing is not about erasing your past—it’s about evolving through it with awareness, compassion, and courage.
As Brené Brown says, “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.”
By the end of this episode, you’ll see healing as an empowering journey of awareness, compassion, and self-kindness—one that allows you to expand your spiritual gifts, deepen your relationships, and live more intentionally.
Join me Live on Zoom for my Free Monthly Community Healing session! You'll receive a blend of Reiki (Energy Healing), Chakra & Aura Clearing & Balancing, Color Healing, Grounding, Cord Cutting, Trance Medium Healing & more.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:01):
Joy, hey, beautiful soul, welcome to spirit
speakeasy. I'm Joy Giovanni,joyful medium. I'm a working
psychic medium, energy healerand spiritual gifts mentor. This
podcast is like a seat at thetable in a secret club, but with
mediums, mystics and thespiritual luminaries of our
time. So come behind the velvetropes with me and see inside my
(00:24):
world as I chat insider stylewith profoundly gifted souls, we
go deep, share juicy stories,laugh a lot, and it wouldn't be
a speakeasy without greatinsider secrets and tips. You
might even learn that you havesome gifts of your own. So step
inside the spirit. Speak Easy.
Hey, beautiful soul. Welcome infor another episode of spirit
(00:46):
speakeasy. Today, we are goingto talk about the five healing
lies sabotaging your growth.
Many of us think that healing isa one time project, something to
complete, to check off and thenmove on. What we often get wrong
about healing and personalgrowth is that healing is truly
(01:09):
not just a task. It's anongoing, intentional practice.
Healing is an essential part ofself care, because the way we
engage with our emotions, ourexperiences and our own energy
shapes every area of our lives,our relationships, our goals,
how we express ourselves, eventhe depth of our spiritual
(01:32):
gifts. It's an easymisunderstanding what personal
growth and healing actuallyinvolve. Some people believe
that once they've quote, unquotedone the work on a situation or
a challenge or a pattern thatthey are finished and can move
on and shouldn't have to revisitit. Others think that healing
maybe, is only for those thathave experienced capital T major
(01:55):
trauma, and others still mighteven feel like that revisiting
old challenges means thatsomehow they've failed. So in
this episode, we are going tounpack five of the most common
misconceptions about healing andpersonal growth. We'll talk
about why healing is not a taskto check off, why it isn't about
(02:16):
erasing the past, and whyworking through recurring
challenges is not a sign offailure, it's actually quite the
opposite. As you'll learn. We'llalso explore why healing matters
for everyone, no matter whatyour history is or how you feel
you may or may not have beenwronged in the past, and how it
can actually help you live moreconsciously, more intentionally
(02:40):
and more authentically, as BreneBrown reminds us, this is a
quote from her, owning our storycan be hard, but not nearly as
difficult as spending our livesrunning from it. Healing isn't
about erasing what's happened.
It's about evolving through it,stepping into each moment with
awareness and self compassion.
(03:02):
So I want to give us a workingdefinition of healing for this
episode, because, as we talkabout here, often some of these
terms can mean so many differentthings. So for this episode, we
could be on the same page withthis healing definition. Let's
define healing for our purposestoday as the ongoing,
intentional practice of engagingwith your emotions, experiences
(03:27):
and energy in a way that allowsgrowth, integration and
conscious living. It's not abouterasing the past or checking off
a box, but about evolvingthrough life's challenges with
awareness, compassion and selfhonesty, so that you can live
more authentically, expand yourgifts and respond to each moment
with clarity and choice now,just like you, I'm under no
(03:50):
illusion that our world rightnow is looking peach, keen and
shiny. I know that there is alot of chaos going on, and I
know that's true globally. Iknow that's true in several
different individual countries,including the US, including
Canada, including many countriesin South America. And the
tension feels like it's buildingon on a big level, but also in
(04:14):
our interpersonal connections.
People are more separated. Weare more at odds with each
other, we are feelingoppositional. And sometimes when
life gets loud, and we haven'teven mentioned things going on
in our personal lives or ourpersonal communities, our
worlds, our smaller groups,right? When things get loud, we
can go into more of like adamage control mode externally,
(04:37):
and we can forget to consider,oh, how am I feeling about this,
what's rising up for me here? AmI slipping into old patterns,
old beliefs? Am I looking atwhat's actually coming up for me
right now, or am I justreverting to an old version of
myself trying to keep everythingsafe and secure and. And there's
(04:58):
no judgment about any of this.
It's just, I know some peoplemight be wondering, well, with
everything going on in theworld, why are we needing to
talk about personal developmentand personal growth? And the
truth is that how we feel insidethe decisions we're making as we
move day to day through theworld based on our own stuff,
(05:20):
let's just say, is affectingeverything. How we relate to
ourselves and understandourselves is how we relate to
everything and everyone else. Soreally, why I wanted to create
this episode now is I feel likeit's perfect timing to be
talking about our own healingand personal growth. The other
reason is many of you havereached out to me recently,
(05:43):
telling me that with everythinggoing on, you're just feeling
stuck. Some people are evenreporting feeling hopeless,
feeling like I don't know how tomove forward. I don't know how
to be in a spiritual practice. Idon't know how to find my
intuition with all of the chaosthat's going on in the world. So
just know this episode is insome ways, in response to
(06:05):
everything that's going on andnot avoiding everything that's
going on, because we are livingthis experience and going
through this experiencecollectively, but also as
individuals. So I just wanted tothrow that in there to let you
know my intention with thisepisode, and why I think now is
the perfect time for it,actually. So let's dive into our
(06:25):
first of these fivemisconceptions. I already did
it, and now I'm done. So thefirst misconception that might
be sabotaging you and keepingyou stuck and not growing is
this idea that some people have,oh, I already did it, and now
I'm done. Healing is not a taskto check off, even if you have
(06:48):
worked on something aboutyourself or your history, your
family of origin. Let's just saythe way I often hear it
presented is like, Oh, I didtherapy and I'm good. I'm done.
I understand all of that. Iunderstand all about me, but
really healing is a practice ofcontinuous evolution. So ongoing
(07:08):
practices can look like keepingyour emotional side of the
street clean, right? I thinkwe've all I've been guilty of it
certainly myself. Maybe you canraise your hand quietly in your
own little car or room as you'rethinking about this. But how
many times have we been in asituation where someone's
emotions explode kind of allover us,
(07:31):
maybe way out of the context ofthe situation, maybe their
response is way bigger thanwhatever the situation is that's
happening in that moment. Well,that's keeping your own
emotional side of the streetclean. I definitely have had big
reactions or little bit of roadrage I can claim here and there.
And really, it's not about, youknow that car, it's about, why
(07:54):
am I so tense? Why do I feellike I have more of a right to
be in this lane than this otherperson? Right? There are a lot
of things to unpack in anyexperience or as we go through
our day to day. Sometimes it'sabout the big things in life, of
course, but sometimes it's abouthow our own emotions, patterns,
beliefs are affecting us inthose little day to day ways
(08:16):
might even be affecting the wayyou create your schedule or the
way you don't create yourschedule. So it's important as
part of these ongoing practicesto continue with self reflection
and introspection. We all havethings that rise up even that
little road rage example that Ijust gave. It's not about just
(08:37):
letting it go, but sitting withit, self reflecting, kind of
looking inside, why did I get soupset so quickly? Why was I just
in my little happy, peacefulzone and then all of a sudden,
someone else's behavior? Iallowed myself to go to a place
that I don't like to be? Why wasI not just live and let live in
that moment? Right? So kind ofintrospective. What else is
(09:00):
going on for me? What else isthis emotion tied to? And
there's lots of ways to do this,as we'll continue to talk about.
Of course, there are a jillion Ifeel like at this time,
modalities of therapy, and manyof them can be helpful for any
of us, but there are alsoadditional ways so we can
continue to regularly evaluatehow experiences affect our
(09:22):
thoughts, our emotions, ouractions, and some of the reasons
why it matters is this ongoingprocess continues to shape how
we treat ourselves and then howwe treat others. A little
example here is, you know,sometimes culturally,
particularly in the US. We arein this kind of hustle culture
(09:44):
mind, where we don't always havea lot of permission to take a
break. It's what have you done?
What are the list of thingsyou've done today? What do you
have going on? You know, whensomeone asks you, What are you
up to? Often they expect a listof the tasks that you have in.
Going on in your life, or thethings that you have
accomplished this week, if it'sin a work setting, or the goals
that you're chipping away at,right? But it doesn't always
(10:05):
have to mean that. So if you aretreating yourself like, Oh, you
have to be hustling every minuteof the day. That's what I
expect. That's what you're goingto expect of others. And it's
not judging whether that's rightor wrong. But is that how you
want to show up? Do you want tobe showing up as the school mom
with tapping the ruler on yourhand, saying, What have you got
done today? Or are you wantingto be available for people to
(10:27):
share and come to withchallenges or come to with
celebrations, right moments ofhappiness? So part of this, I
already did it, and now I'mdone. You know, even if we've
done some version of therapy orintrospection or reading books,
or, you know, all the versionsthat there are energy healing,
we continue to live, we continueto grow. We continue to have
(10:51):
other challenging personalitiesand situations that show up in
our lives. That's reallyhappening. We really have
emotions about it, even ifyou're someone who, like, where
I'm from, I was often encouragedto like, turn down my emotions,
turn down what I was thinkingand feeling about situations. If
(11:11):
you've ever heard things like,Oh, you're too much, you have
too many emotions, you feel toodeeply, You're too sensitive.
That's something to look at foryou, because even if you've
worked on whoever or whatevercaused you to form that thought
pattern, right? Maybe it'speople in your past telling you,
Oh, you're too much, you're toosensitive, it's still going to
(11:33):
affect you, even if you havedone wonderful therapeutic
processes and processed out ofit and understand, okay, that's
not true about me. Mysensitivity is a good part of me
when you're uncomfortable, whenI'm uncomfortable. Certainly, my
tendency is to sometimes revertback to tucking my sensitivities
away or not being aware of myemotions moment to moment, or
(11:56):
not creating time to look at theemotions that I might have
experienced in a day in asituation. And of course, as we
grow, these become more finetuning, right? Maybe you have
already done a lot of work andhave unpacked the bulk of it,
but as you continue to live andgrow, that continual evaluation
lets you know how the shades andreflections and echoes of those
(12:20):
challenges or beliefs orsticking points are still
showing up for you today in waysyou might not realize. Other
words, it also help otherwise.
It also helps us if we are inpursuit of goals and
opportunities, goals andopportunities within themselves
(12:40):
are not intrinsically bad,necessarily, right? For many of
us, for me included, it doeshelp if I have a goal out there,
somewhere or something I'mworking towards or working on
that just feels good to me, butsometimes those sneaky little
patterns of our past can createself sabotages along the road of
(13:01):
those goals, right? It couldmean that we're not managing our
time properly, or we're beingtoo hard on ourselves too. I'm
thinking about someone I knowthat's working on writing a
book. And guidance I was givenabout writing books years ago
was that you write it all andthen you do the editing later.
Well, in this person's pursuitof their goal of creating this
(13:21):
book, they are really nitpickingthemselves along the way. They
have this this old patternthat's rising up for them about
this little nitpickiness,because this new goal is out of
their comfort zone and and abig, a big thing that they're
working on. So sometimes shadesand echoes of those old patterns
will rise up, and maybe what'sactually happening is a fear of
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expressing themselves. Let'sjust hypothetically say in this
scenario, well, the selfsabotagers can look like
becoming busy with everything,aside from writing this book or
convincing yourself that youneed to really self censor in
the writing process so it canshow up in ways that feel
disconnected from whatever thepattern or emotion is. That's
(14:07):
why this ongoing self reflectionlooking at how am I acting, how
am I behaving, how is what I'msaying I want different from the
actions I'm doing or emotionsI'm feeling around what I want,
right? So for so many reasonsthis is important. It's not and
I already did it, and now I'mdone. And the other area where
(14:28):
I've seen this in my personallife quite a bit, is in the
expansion and expression of ourspiritual gifts, particularly in
mediumship. But it's also truein intuition, in healing, in the
psychic work, in any type ofgift that we have, that we want
to express. It's true in arts ofall kinds, that when we have an
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emotion that we're not willingto look at, or something that
we've already processed, thatwas uncomfortable, that is a
part of who we are, right, wemight have a little. Bit of a I
know. Let me just use myself asan example here. I'ma really put
myself on blast today, guys, sohopefully you will give me some
extra hearts and sweet commentsaround this episode, because I'm
coming out of my comfort zone.
This is one of my stickingpoints that I often find
(15:13):
creeping up and sabotaging me instrange ways. I sometimes get
scared to really show my wholeself publicly. That's a scary
thing. Well, when it comes tothe expression of our gifts, if
your gift has to do with anyother person, right? If you want
to read, if you want to playwith oracle cards, if you want
to create writing or art orsomething that's going to be
(15:36):
seen by others, those fears ofself expression don't just
magically go away because we'veworked on it previously. Do you
guys know what I'm talkingabout? Has this happened for
you, or is this maybe currentlyhappening for you as you're
thinking about the work thatyou're doing on yourself, or
maybe the work that you'reresisting on yourself, and I've
already worked through this fearof fully expressing myself
(15:59):
publicly numerous times. As youguys know, I express myself
publicly pretty regularly insome areas, but that doesn't
mean that there's not theseother areas, these other
exciting things that I'm wantingto create and share in the
world, that I am findingsticking points around this self
censorship, or around creatingdelays or just not putting it on
(16:22):
the calendar, and then it's nothappening, which is not forcing
me to then step into the publicand express myself in certain
ways. So these little sneakysabotages can show up in so many
ways. But in this firstmisconception, have you thought
or felt, or do you know someoneelse that has felt? Oh, I
(16:42):
already did it. I alreadyprocessed that. I already healed
and grew through that, and nowI'm done. If so, please share
this episode with whoever thatis. So the takeaway from this
little segment is healing is alifelong journey, not a one time
achievement, even though it'simportant to celebrate our
achievements of healing andpersonal development and coming
to deeper levels ofunderstanding within ourselves.
(17:04):
It's okay to celebrate that, butcelebrate it as a milestone
along your journey, not as a boxto be checked and then tucked
away in a closet somewhere. Thesecond misconception that might
be keeping you stuck, sabotagingyou or not allowing you to grow,
is this idea that I sometimeshear from clients, oh, nothing
(17:26):
bad ever really happened to me.
So I'm good. I don't need to dopersonal growth or personal
development. I'm good. I havenothing to look at. Personal
growth is not only for thosewith traumatic histories or even
with a capital T trauma. Ofcourse, it is for those people,
but it's also for everyone. It'sfor anyone who wants to live
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consciously and evolveemotionally, even small
frustrations, childhood patternsor internalized beliefs benefit
from conscious reflection. Iknow someone. I know not
everyone loves the word trigger,but it's what it's the word I
have to use in this situation. Iknow someone that can be
incredibly triggered to a pointof anger if they feel like
(18:12):
something's unfair for them. Itoften shows up in their
workplace, right? If they feellike someone got a day off and
they didn't, they got denied fora day off, or someone got to
work in a certain way, and theywere told they couldn't work in
that certain way. And the levelof frustration that comes out of
this person is indicative that,hey, there's something to
(18:33):
investigate here. And thisperson in particular, when it
comes to personal growth andpersonal development, they often
Shoo it away and say, Oh,nothing's really ever happened
to me that's that bad. That'sfor people who have like, big
traumas or big terrible familiesor horrible events in their
lives. I never really hadanything significant happen to
(18:54):
me, so I'm good, but maybe we'venever had anything that would be
under the umbrella of a capitalT trauma or even a lowercase t
trauma, but it doesn't mean thatwe haven't made beliefs and
decisions and don't get acertain lens that we're looking
through. That maybe it's thelens of unfairness or justice,
(19:14):
maybe it has something to dowith the fear of not being
treated as equal as others, andthat might even be a valid fear
or a valid concern, wanting tobe treated equal as others, but
it's the emotions that come upfor us that sometimes can be the
key. If you're letting yourselfhave permission to feel and
acknowledge your emotions, someof us don't even do that. I've
(19:35):
definitely gone through times inmy life where I shoved my
emotions down so hard because Iwas in a really bad
relationship, for example, andknew I don't want to look at any
of this stuff, because this isall bad, and I'm not ready to
leave and and so I'm just goingto push down these emotions. But
the emotions were there,eventually they'll come out in
(19:55):
other ways. So it doesn't haveto be a really big trauma. Or a
big event or a big loss thatwarrants us doing this personal
growth and development healingis about understanding ourselves
fully and stepping more into ourauthentic life in a very
intentional way. How do we wantto show up and in that person
(20:18):
that I was describing that oftengets a little bit lit up around
their career. Well, there aresome different solutions for
them. They can look morehonestly at okay, that person
got the day off. I didn't getthe day off. I got denied for
for my different day off that Iasked for. Why am I so upset
about this? I feel like this isbeing done to me. Is that true?
(20:41):
Is this actually being done tome, or is there something going
on in our corporate structurethat, oh, it just doesn't make
sense to permit someone this dayoff. Could I take a different
day off? There's lots of littlesolutions in there, but it's the
getting so upset about it andimmediately deciding that
something's being done to usrather than being able to move
(21:02):
into a more neutral place orshowing up more intentionally,
even to have the conversationwith the supervisor that's
denying the day off, and itdoesn't have to be about that
other person who did get the dayoff. Sometimes that's a good
clue if we're wanting to make itabout someone else and not about
ourselves. Maybe there's anoption to go to the supervisor
and say, Hey, I realized I gotdenied for this day off. I just
(21:24):
wanted to check in. Is this abad timing for our office? And
maybe I could choose a differentday, or maybe expressing why you
need that particular day off.
You know, I've got this doctor'sappointment, and it's been
really tough to get so I'd liketo not move it, but I understand
if that's, you know, not goingto work out so communication
could be part of it. Andsometimes when we're resisting
even the communication, it'sbecause something in us, even if
(21:46):
we're not doing this workconsciously, something in us
knows, oh, I have so manyemotions in here, I can't even
formulate the words to have thisconversation with this
supervisor. Or maybe you're thesupervisor not giving the day
off and you're not open to theconversation because you feel
like it challenges yourauthority. There are so many
sneaky ways in every area of ourlife that these can show up if
(22:08):
we are not pretty continuouslyin personal development. Now it
doesn't mean you can do all day,every day, but as you're
engaging with people, as thingsare sticking with you, as you're
just noticing throughout yourworld what's coming up for you.
That's part of evaluation, andit will help with your personal
growth. So really, justaccepting that healing personal
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growth, personal development,doesn't always have to be
looking at one big trauma thathappened in our life, or if
you're someone like in thisnumber two misconception,
nothing really Bad's everhappened to me compared to
everybody else. Well, thatdoesn't mean you don't have
emotions about the day to day,things coming up, or you're not
making comparisons with otherpeople, or you're not making
(22:55):
decisions about yourself basedon old patterns or old thoughts,
right? So that's the secondmisconception. When I listen to
these types of episodes, andeven as I'm writing them, I'm
always trying on the hatssaying, like, does that fit for
me? Have I experienced that? DoI know that what that is? So I
invite you to do the same if youlike to process that way. That's
how I like to process. Okay? Sothis third misconception that I
(23:17):
often heal when it comes togrowth, healing personal
development, is this idea that,Oh, I already worked on this
person, situation, this thing,why does it keep coming up? For
me, I feel like I'm failing thisone's really common, and there
are several reasons why this canhappen, which we're going to
(23:38):
talk about. But once we workthrough a challenge, it may
resurface. It doesn't mean thatwe've failed. I often find this
with people that have donepersonal development or healing
or growth around like, let'sjust say, a family member who's
particularly been challenging intheir life. You know, a lot of
therapy works on the motherwound, the father wound, if we
(24:00):
have siblings, thoserelationships so or maybe it's a
situation, maybe it is a traumathat's happened, maybe it is a
heartbreak that's happened.
Maybe it is a significant eventthat's happened in your life,
and you really gave your all anddid the work and, you know, did
the therapy, or read the books,or whatever it was that you did.
(24:20):
Why does it keep coming up? Am Ifailing? What is going on? I
thought I already cleared thisout of me. Well, healing isn't
about becoming emotionallyneutral to a situation. It's
about feeling sitting with andprocessing the emotions as they
arise. So in some instances, itmight because that might be
because that person is still inyour life, and the way that they
(24:42):
show up, maybe intentionally,maybe not intentionally, is
triggering for you, or lights upthose old parts of you maybe
takes you back to a 10 year oldversion of yourself where you
didn't have the authority toexpress yourself. Let's just
hypothetically say so it couldbe a reason. Like that. But even
if that person or situation isnot a part of your life at all,
(25:05):
it can still affect you, even ifyou have already worked the
energy, the emotions and reallywe want to keep showing up as
our whole selves as much aspossible, not censoring parts of
ourselves, not slipping backinto those dynamics where we are
the kid and we don't have power,don't have a voice, we can
(25:26):
continue to release lingeringpatterns to gain deeper
understanding. And that's whateach recurrence, or each time
this comes up for you, is givingyou an opportunity to do, to
integrate the lessons you'vealready worked on and learned to
help with this ongoing evolutionand help you sometimes to see it
(25:46):
from a new perspective. The wayI often think of it is,
especially if you've done anyversion of soul searching or
personal development oremotional work on yourself. For
me, then even more, of course,it's going to continue to echo
or show up in different ways,usually lesser ways.
(26:08):
We often hear it as like for me,I feel like I've called in very
similar versions of the sametype of person over and over, to
continue to heal, to continue togrow as an opportunity to make
different choices, behavedifferently, be a different self
that I'm living into, right? Sothat's one way it can show up.
But as we grow and expand andchange, of course, we're going
(26:32):
to look at things of the pastwith a new perspective. Just
think of it as like climbingthis mountain of life, and as
you reach the midpoint, you'regonna look back over the path
and see where you've come from,and wow, look how high I've
climbed. Yeah, of course youmight realize I got a little bit
to go there still, but we don'thave to take it as a negative.
So as you evolve and becomethese different versions of
(26:55):
yourself, these more integratedversions of yourself, in some
cases, old habits, patterns,challenges might loop around
just to be reevaluated from thisnew vantage point, you're a
different version of yourself.
Maybe you have totally differentemotions about it that can be
healing. Maybe you have adifferent perspective and can
(27:15):
look at that younger version ofyou. I've had to do this work so
much with past relationships,where as I've grown and changed,
I've looked back at that youngerversion of me that was engaging
in that really challengingrelationship and been able to do
additional healing by giving somuch love and compassion to that
version of me that showed up inthat relationship, messy as
(27:38):
hell, doing her best, eventhough it was messy, trying so
hard to create the life that shewanted, even though I was
banging my head against all thewrong walls, so to speak. But I
can look back and love thatversion of myself and see how
far I've come. It's not aboutjudging those versions of us or
kind of using this new vantagepoint, wherever you stand now,
(28:02):
to, yeah, judge or like,excommunicate those versions of
yourself. It's about integratingthose versions, loving those
versions of yourself for helpingyou to get here to where you are
today. One of my favoriteteachers that you guys probably
hear me mention all the time,Ian levanzant, reminds us in her
own words in one of her amazingbooks. In the meantime, it's a
(28:24):
quote from her, the way toachieve your own success is to
bodily embrace the very or,sorry, let me start over. The
way to achieve your own successis to boldly embrace the very
things that scare you the mostsometimes these old things loop
back around for us, because wemight not realize that we are
(28:45):
currently behaving in a way, orbeing stuck in a fearful thought
pattern or fearful belieftotally unconsciously, because
of something that happened inthe past, because of a fear that
we held in the past. Oh well,when I was younger, I did some
public speaking and I gotridiculed, and that was really
painful. And maybe you've workedthrough it, maybe you've
(29:08):
processed it, maybe you evenhave come to a place where you
love that version of yourselffor getting out on that stage
and trying their best. But maybethe behavior that's coming up
for you now is that you pass offpublic speaking opportunities to
other colleagues, or you don'tchallenge yourself to share with
your safe community or yourfriends things that you are
(29:29):
learning about the spiritualworld. Let's just say it can
show up in really sneaky ways.
Maybe you turn over authority toother people because you don't
like to use your voice. So youthink I'll just let them say
what they have to say, and I'mnot going to chime in here, even
though I really do want to sharesomething. So that's part of
this ongoing evaluation. Andjust because old patterns, old
(29:53):
habits, old beliefs, are showingup, it doesn't mean you failed.
It's quite the opposite. Itmeans that you are ready to look
at. That to feel, to experience,to gain wisdom that will bolster
you even more here, that willhelp you even more to move
forward and live into theversion of you that you are
intending to become. Let's moveon to this fourth misconception.
(30:18):
This misconception is thathealing is about putting things
back how they were before, thismythical, magical time and place
before we can't go backwards,the only moment is now,
obviously, many of us, and ifyou're here, I'm sure you've
heard that healing doesn'trestore the past. It's not like
(30:40):
this emotional, energetic,energy healing, emotional
healing, processing, personalgrowth, personal development,
living authentically. It's notthe same as getting a cast on
your foot to repair a break,which I have had. So we all know
when we break a bone, or whensomeone we love breaks a bone.
(31:03):
You go into the doctor, they Xray, they assess, and they put
the cast, or do the surgery toput it back to working order
right, to get it back as much asthey can how it was before.
Well, that's not what emotionalgrowth, healing, energetic
healing, that's not what it'sabout. True healing involves
learning from your experiencesso that you more deeply
(31:26):
understand why you showed upthat way, what that version of
you was trying to hold on to, ortrying to help achieve in the
relationship example, I've hadjust so many clients with
challenging relationshipslately, so maybe that's why it's
so top of mind. But when we'relooking at a relationship that
we were in in the past, or evena current relationship, I
(31:50):
sometimes work with people whoare currently having
relationship challenges, andsometimes they think, well,
let's just heal this so we canput it back like it was before.
Well, we're always growing andchanging, and there's no putting
the toothpaste back in the tube.
So it's really from learningfrom these experiences, sharing,
growing, releasing emotions,rather than shoving them down,
(32:11):
like we were talking about,understanding what those
emotions are connected to, whythey're even coming up. I'm
thinking of a friend who isgoing through a challenging
segment of their relationship,and they are feeling such deep
sadness very frequently, is theemotion that they're labeling
right now, and what they weretelling me is joy. I just really
(32:33):
wish it could go back to like itwas before, and I wish I wasn't
feeling all of this sadnessabout this partner and some of
this for this person in thisinstance, brings me to my next
point, being honest withyourself about your feelings
while this person is resistinglooking under the sadness to
understand, well, why are you sosad? The sadness is there. Let's
(32:56):
feelit. Let's let it linger because
it's there,don't shove it down. So that's a
great part of the process. Butlet's be honest, what is this
sadness about? Is this sadnessbecause you maybe thought the
relationship was going to bedifferent? Is this sadness
because there were things weagreed to in the relationship
that maybe are no longer beingfulfilled? In this person's
(33:19):
instance, the sadness is becausetheir partner's changing and
evolving, and they're wantingthem to go back in the genie
bottle and not have so manyfeelings and not want to carve
out space for themselves. Andthey're wanting it to be the
same version of therelationship, and especially in
relationships, we don't havecontrol over other people's
(33:40):
growth or resistance to growthover their free will choice. We
can make agreements, but howeverthey show up, or whatever they
choose. We get to make our ownchoices about that and have our
own feelings about that, but wedon't get to control theirs. And
in this situation, this person'shaving a lot of feelings about
the growth that their partner'shaving, the expansion that their
(34:01):
partner's living into the thingsthat their partner's wanting to
experience. Even though, fromsomeone looking from the outside
might seem like, oh, that seemslike a fun experience that
they're wanting to have, whilethe person that I is my friend
is like, I don't want them togrow in that way. I don't want
to do these experiences. I don'twant to go on these treks and
(34:22):
travels, and I didn't sign upfor that. So then the
negotiation is being honestabout how you feel about that
and what it means for therelationship. And a lot of
that's in the coming together.
Some of this work is all inourselves. Obviously, if there's
another person involved, yeah,maybe they might need to be
(34:42):
involved, but reallyunderstanding why that's getting
so lit up. And for this person,I love them dearly. My belief is
that there is a fear ofabandonment happening under
there, and as we lovingly havethese chats, I know that they
will eventually they don'tlisten to the pod. But I know
that they will eventually cometo this place if they continue
(35:03):
doing the work and processingrealize, Oh, I'm having a fear
of abandonment, and that's why Ifeel so judgmental, that this
person, now that they have alittle more time, is wanting to
do this part of their dream, andthat might be a different
conversation for them withinthemselves, of whether they can
continue in the relationshipwhile this person is also
(35:25):
pursuing part of their dream oror perhaps they have a choice as
to whether that doesn't resonatefor them anymore, but getting to
the bottom of it andunderstanding that fear of
abandonment is only going tocome through the emotional
processing. It's not going tocome through the resistance and
continue saying, I want you tobe like you were before. I want
(35:47):
to be like I was before. I wantto go back to how it was before.
A lot of us would like ourcollective world to go back to a
different period in time, oreven our personal worlds to go
back to. We often hear a simplertime. Well, that's not real. So
while we can fantasize aboutwhatever we want, it's not going
to help us grow forward, andit's going to keep us stuck to
(36:09):
continue demanding a version ofthe past that doesn't exist
anymore. The way through is tounderstand, to be honest with
ourself about our feelings, tocontinue to investigate, to
release and process emotionsrather than suppressing them.
The goal is growth, expansion,expression, becoming more
(36:30):
evolved versions of ourselves atevery stage of life, not going
back to a different time thatdoesn't exist in the same way
anymore. Okay, let's move on toour fifth and final of these
misconceptions that aresabotaging your growth, that are
keeping you stuck, that might benot allowing you to grow in the
(36:52):
way that you desperately want toand are striving to. So this
misconception is this idea that,Oh, it sounds negative to keep
just processing all of my oldpain and rehashing all of my
emotions. That feels reallynegative to think about my
emotions, to talk about myemotions. Another version of
(37:13):
this is Oh, that's very selfindulgent. And even that, in and
of itself, is a pattern, abelief, a program that came from
somewhere else, often someone inour past telling us, oh, that's
very indulgent to think aboutyour feelings. That's very
negative to be processing youremotions. And the truth is, it's
not, first of all, you can keepit private, so it doesn't have
(37:34):
to sound negative to anyone. Butmaybe the truth of this
sentiment is what feels reallyterrible to be processing my
emotions all the time. And one,emotions are only challenging.
They're happy too, right? Andsometimes we resist celebrating
we resist celebrating ourselves.
And even that is something to belooked at, but choosing to work
(37:57):
through. Let's just use pain inthis example, because I feel
like that's the prickliest one.
That's the prickliest emotionthat we can work here. It sounds
negative, processing all my oldpain, choosing to work through
pain is empowering. It's notregressive. Ignoring pain, or
really emotions of any kind,doesn't neutralize the effect of
(38:20):
it. It actually reallyexacerbates the effect of it. It
festers. It ignoring pain orignoring emotions shapes our
thoughts, our choices and ourenergy. Unconsciously, it's
still shaping us right thinkabout fear. Unconscious fears
still affect our behavior, evenif we're not willing to look at
(38:40):
them unconscious pain or old,festering pain and hurt. It's
still affecting us on a day today level. It's still affecting
how we show up, how we engagewith others, what we're giving
ourself permission to do and notdo. It's not invisible or not
there just because we'reignoring it, right? It's like
(39:02):
the elephant in the roomsometimes is our pain, and often
just from my work in grief andwith people who are deeply in
grief and pain. If you've everbeen around someone that is
deeply in grief or in pain overa long period of time, you
probably know, yeah, it's anelephant in the room, even
though they're trying to actlike it's not there, or we don't
(39:24):
talk about it all the time, it'sdefinitely there. It's
definitely affecting theirdecisions, how they're caring
for themselves. I often actuallysee it when someone comes to me
because they're worried aboutsomeone else who is in pain or
in grief and not knowing how tohelp them, and obviously we
can't do someone else's work forthem. We can support them. We
(39:45):
can lovingly know that it's okayto share or even ask them what
help looks like for them, orwhat support looks like for
them. We can, I suggesttherapists. There's a lot of
things we can do to besupportive, but it. It's there
and present and affectingeverything, even if we're trying
to ignore it, even if we feellike, Ugh, this is negative. I
(40:07):
don't want to look at this pain.
I don't want to look at thishurt. I know someone who's just
a beautiful soul, and they arewithholding themselves from
relationships because they had avery painful past relationship.
It was, it was a very beautifulloving relationship at one
point, and then became verypainful in the dissolution of
(40:27):
this relationship. There was alot of pain, a lot of hurt. And
that very hurt version of them,those many years back, kind of
swore to themselves in asubconscious way, oh, we're
never doing this again. And Ithink that's a common sentiment
when a lot of us that have gonethrough pain or something really
traumatic or like, Oh, we'renever doing this again. I'm
(40:49):
never going here again. I'mnever gonna experience a person
like this again. I don't agreeto this, and that's great, but
we can't just stop there, right?
I mean, we can. We have the freewill choice to do it. But is
that really living? Is thatreally letting ourselves enjoy
life? Is that really buildingconnections with people? No,
(41:10):
it's withholding ourselves. Sowhile this person has been
working on themselves and as apoint where they agree to have
friends, they really kind ofsecretly want a relationship,
but they're very afraid becausethey have old pain that they
don't want to process, becausethey feel like, oh, it's
negative to process. I'm justnot going to look at it. I'm
just going to hit my classes.
Those of you that have studiedwith me know sometimes we say
(41:32):
I'm just going to put it in mybackpack. Well, you carry in
that heavy backpack everywhereyou go, and it's affecting
everything you do. You have aheavy backpack full of pain. You
might say that hill looks alittle
too big. I'm not gonna, I'm notgonna climb that hill and put
myself out of my comfort zone,because this backpack pain is
heavy. Well, why don't we justunpack the pain? Why don't we
(41:52):
just look at how that pain iscurrently affecting you? What
decisions are you making basedon this commitment that a
different version of you madethat, oh, I'm not going to
experience that. Becausesometimes what we're saying when
we say, Oh, I'm not going toexperience that anymore, means
I'm not going to engage anymore.
We can't possibly know orpredict what the experiences in
(42:12):
the world are going to be. Sothen we unconsciously make a
decision that I'm going to haveno experiences at all. I'm going
to just wall myself away andbuild these walls of protection,
which actually become walls ofisolation that affect us, no
matter what our career is, nomatter what our family situation
is, no matter what our economicsituation is, or where we live
(42:35):
or what our spiritual gifts are.
It everything is tied together.
Everything affects everything.
So ignoring pain doesn'tneutralize it. It actually
supercharges it to work in thebackground, in the shadows of
your life, affecting everythingyou do. And then people come and
(42:56):
say, Oh, I feel blocked. I feelstuck. I'm not growing, and I
don't know why I've worked onthings before, or I don't really
have anything to work on, but Ifeel stuck. I don't know what's
going on if you feel stuck orlike you're not growing, I can
guarantee that there are otheremotions underneath in whatever
area of life you feel likeyou're not growing in working
(43:18):
through your pain, like in thisexample, five, it sounds
negative to keep processing myold pain, working through it
intentionally, gives you clarityon your emotions and actions,
conscious understanding of whoyou were, who you are now, and
who you're wanting to become.
And it even gives you freedom,the freedom to respond to
(43:39):
anything that shows up, ratherthan to react from a previous
version of your experience. Soin closing, one of the things I
want to really highlight is thathealing is a journey, not a
destination. And whether youlike the word healing or
personal development or personalgrowth or introspection. Each
(43:59):
moment that we pause, toreflect, to feel, to release, is
an act of self love. Itdefinitely counts towards your
self care. So those of you thatstruggle to feel like you're
actually doing self care, or ifyou're like me and you're like,
Yeah, bubble baths are not itfor self care, this counts. It's
really a conscious choice toinvolve evolve, a conscious
(44:23):
choice to evolve, and aconscious decision to
participate in your ownevolution. Life will continue to
bring challenges, to highlightold patterns and to remind us of
the past, but with eachencounter, we have this
opportunity to meet ourselveswith greater awareness, greater
(44:44):
compassion and even courage. Thepath of personal growth. It's
definitely not alwayscomfortable. In fact, it's often
not comfortable, but it's deeplyrewarding, and it's the only way
to get. Get from here to whereyou want to go. So where can you
start, or how can you easilyintegrate this into what you're
(45:06):
already doing? I'm not supposedto announce this yet, but I'm
going to give a little teaser. Ido have a free workshop coming
up in the beginning of October,very soon after, when this is
being released. So if you arenot already on my email mailing
list. It's free. I want you toget this workshop. It's going to
do a lot of this work that we'retalking about, but in a really
(45:26):
fun, delicious psychic practice,kind of a way. It's for all
levels. So make sure you are onmy mailing list. You can either
get the free mini course on myhome page of joyful medium.com
and that will get you on my VIPemail list. Or if you don't want
to do that, just email admin atjoyful medium.com and give your
email and your first name andyour permission to be on the
(45:48):
list. And I will have you put onthat list myself, because that's
an exciting opportunity comingup to do this. If you feel like
you want some support, somecommunity, if you feel like you
want some tools and to have somefun. But since that's going to
be only for a limited time, andthis episode's evergreen, I want
to give some tools here rightnow as well. Start simple. First
of all, give yourself permissionto start simple, because
(46:12):
sometimes we also have thislittle voice, oh, simple is for
failures, or that's too little,or you're not doing enough, or
this is not making enough adifference. So ask that voice to
just wait or just help youunderstand the emotions that are
rising up about even keeping itsimple, but give yourself
permission to start simple. Takejust a moment to ask yourself,
How can I show up moreintentionally today, at the end
(46:34):
of your day, or maybe sometimewhen you have a break in the
day? Consider taking a fewmoments to reflect on some or
all of the interactions you hadthat day and notice how you
showed up, and if it if it was,if the way that you showed up is
working or not working for youcurrently, this is like an
inventory. It's not puttingyourself on trial or putting
(46:57):
anyone else on trial. This isnot about blame or shame. It's
just about noticing, taking aninventory. How did I show up
today? How did I show up withevery single person that I met
with today or came in contactwith today? Did I show up in a
way that is working for me or isnot working for me? This also
means acknowledging where you dolike how you show up, right?
(47:20):
Because personal development isnot all about looking at the
challenging emotions. It's alsolooking at how you do like how
you showed up along the alongwith areas where we can improve,
right? Let's be honest aboutwhat we can prove on but let's
also acknowledge, oh, yeah,actually, you know what? I did
help that person who couldn'twho dropped their keys and
(47:41):
couldn't find them, and I sawthem right there. I that was I
liked how I showed up there. Icould have just walked by and
ignored them. So it doesn't haveto be big instances, just little
interactions throughout the day.
If you have more time tocontemplate or have like even
time to sit for 20 minutes tojournal, even if it's just once
a week or every few days, askyourself, what story am I ready
(48:04):
to embrace or release orrewrite? Because often, we're
working from a story that is agroup of beliefs that we
created, often unconsciously orsubconsciously from experiences
we've had. We collect the dataright? Our little brains are
always working, and we makebeliefs or decisions or standing
(48:26):
choices or ways to act incertain situations. So what
story that you've created Areyou ready to release? Or what
story are you ready to embrace?
Maybe you're ready to embracethe story about you stepping
into your full power and beingsuccessful and not being
apologetic for your success andbeing a kind leader as part of
(48:46):
that success. So you can rewritethe story in any way you want.
It often has to do with somerelease and some embrace.
Healing invites you to step intothe fullness of your life,
honoring where you've been,appreciating who you are now and
often how you got there, andcourageously becoming who you're
(49:07):
meant to be. Because even ifsomething's you know meant for
us or the highest expression ofus on our path, we still need
courage. It still is oftenoutside of our comfort zone,
even if it's something we knowyou want to do. So remember,
every small moment of awarenessand self kindness matters.
(49:28):
You're doing better than youthink. Every step forward, no
matter how small, is a victory,and you are fully capable of
creating your learning andcreating love and learning to
love and live. I'm so proud ofyou for even being willing to
have this conversation and tolook at these misconceptions
(49:50):
within yourself, because wedon't want to believe these
healing lies. We don't want tosabotage our growth. But often.
Then we just can't see the pathforward, and the path forward is
through acknowledging andworking with your emotions and
fully embracing yourself sountil we meet again. Big hugs.
(50:10):
Lots of love. Bye for now. Frominside spirit speakeasy, you.
Joy, hey, beautiful soul, welcome to spirit
speakeasy. I'm Joy Giovanni,joyful medium. I'm a working
psychic medium, energy healerand spiritual gifts mentor. This
podcast is like a seat at thetable in a secret club, but with
mediums, mystics and thespiritual luminaries of our
time. So come behind the velvetropes with me and see inside my
(00:24):
world as I chat insider stylewith profoundly gifted souls, we
go deep, share juicy stories,laugh a lot, and it wouldn't be
a speakeasy without greatinsider secrets and tips. You
might even learn that you havesome gifts of your own. So step
inside the spirit. Speak Easy.
Hey, beautiful soul. Welcome infor another episode of spirit
(00:46):
speakeasy. Today, we are goingto talk about the five healing
lies sabotaging your growth.
Many of us think that healing isa one time project, something to
complete, to check off and thenmove on. What we often get wrong
about healing and personalgrowth is that healing is truly
(01:09):
not just a task. It's anongoing, intentional practice.
Healing is an essential part ofself care, because the way we
engage with our emotions, ourexperiences and our own energy
shapes every area of our lives,our relationships, our goals,
how we express ourselves, eventhe depth of our spiritual
(01:32):
gifts. It's an easymisunderstanding what personal
growth and healing actuallyinvolve. Some people believe
that once they've quote, unquotedone the work on a situation or
a challenge or a pattern thatthey are finished and can move
on and shouldn't have to revisitit. Others think that healing
maybe, is only for those thathave experienced capital T major
(01:55):
trauma, and others still mighteven feel like that revisiting
old challenges means thatsomehow they've failed. So in
this episode, we are going tounpack five of the most common
misconceptions about healing andpersonal growth. We'll talk
about why healing is not a taskto check off, why it isn't about
(02:16):
erasing the past, and whyworking through recurring
challenges is not a sign offailure, it's actually quite the
opposite. As you'll learn. We'llalso explore why healing matters
for everyone, no matter whatyour history is or how you feel
you may or may not have beenwronged in the past, and how it
can actually help you live moreconsciously, more intentionally
(02:40):
and more authentically, as BreneBrown reminds us, this is a
quote from her, owning our storycan be hard, but not nearly as
difficult as spending our livesrunning from it. Healing isn't
about erasing what's happened.
It's about evolving through it,stepping into each moment with
awareness and self compassion.
(03:02):
So I want to give us a workingdefinition of healing for this
episode, because, as we talkabout here, often some of these
terms can mean so many differentthings. So for this episode, we
could be on the same page withthis healing definition. Let's
define healing for our purposestoday as the ongoing,
intentional practice of engagingwith your emotions, experiences
(03:27):
and energy in a way that allowsgrowth, integration and
conscious living. It's not abouterasing the past or checking off
a box, but about evolvingthrough life's challenges with
awareness, compassion and selfhonesty, so that you can live
more authentically, expand yourgifts and respond to each moment
with clarity and choice now,just like you, I'm under no
(03:50):
illusion that our world rightnow is looking peach, keen and
shiny. I know that there is alot of chaos going on, and I
know that's true globally. Iknow that's true in several
different individual countries,including the US, including
Canada, including many countriesin South America. And the
tension feels like it's buildingon on a big level, but also in
(04:14):
our interpersonal connections.
People are more separated. Weare more at odds with each
other, we are feelingoppositional. And sometimes when
life gets loud, and we haven'teven mentioned things going on
in our personal lives or ourpersonal communities, our
worlds, our smaller groups,right? When things get loud, we
can go into more of like adamage control mode externally,
(04:37):
and we can forget to consider,oh, how am I feeling about this,
what's rising up for me here? AmI slipping into old patterns,
old beliefs? Am I looking atwhat's actually coming up for me
right now, or am I justreverting to an old version of
myself trying to keep everythingsafe and secure and. And there's
(04:58):
no judgment about any of this.
It's just, I know some peoplemight be wondering, well, with
everything going on in theworld, why are we needing to
talk about personal developmentand personal growth? And the
truth is that how we feel insidethe decisions we're making as we
move day to day through theworld based on our own stuff,
(05:20):
let's just say, is affectingeverything. How we relate to
ourselves and understandourselves is how we relate to
everything and everyone else. Soreally, why I wanted to create
this episode now is I feel likeit's perfect timing to be
talking about our own healingand personal growth. The other
reason is many of you havereached out to me recently,
(05:43):
telling me that with everythinggoing on, you're just feeling
stuck. Some people are evenreporting feeling hopeless,
feeling like I don't know how tomove forward. I don't know how
to be in a spiritual practice. Idon't know how to find my
intuition with all of the chaosthat's going on in the world. So
just know this episode is insome ways, in response to
(06:05):
everything that's going on andnot avoiding everything that's
going on, because we are livingthis experience and going
through this experiencecollectively, but also as
individuals. So I just wanted tothrow that in there to let you
know my intention with thisepisode, and why I think now is
the perfect time for it,actually. So let's dive into our
(06:25):
first of these fivemisconceptions. I already did
it, and now I'm done. So thefirst misconception that might
be sabotaging you and keepingyou stuck and not growing is
this idea that some people have,oh, I already did it, and now
I'm done. Healing is not a taskto check off, even if you have
(06:48):
worked on something aboutyourself or your history, your
family of origin. Let's just saythe way I often hear it
presented is like, Oh, I didtherapy and I'm good. I'm done.
I understand all of that. Iunderstand all about me, but
really healing is a practice ofcontinuous evolution. So ongoing
(07:08):
practices can look like keepingyour emotional side of the
street clean, right? I thinkwe've all I've been guilty of it
certainly myself. Maybe you canraise your hand quietly in your
own little car or room as you'rethinking about this. But how
many times have we been in asituation where someone's
emotions explode kind of allover us,
(07:31):
maybe way out of the context ofthe situation, maybe their
response is way bigger thanwhatever the situation is that's
happening in that moment. Well,that's keeping your own
emotional side of the streetclean. I definitely have had big
reactions or little bit of roadrage I can claim here and there.
And really, it's not about, youknow that car, it's about, why
(07:54):
am I so tense? Why do I feellike I have more of a right to
be in this lane than this otherperson? Right? There are a lot
of things to unpack in anyexperience or as we go through
our day to day. Sometimes it'sabout the big things in life, of
course, but sometimes it's abouthow our own emotions, patterns,
beliefs are affecting us inthose little day to day ways
(08:16):
might even be affecting the wayyou create your schedule or the
way you don't create yourschedule. So it's important as
part of these ongoing practicesto continue with self reflection
and introspection. We all havethings that rise up even that
little road rage example that Ijust gave. It's not about just
(08:37):
letting it go, but sitting withit, self reflecting, kind of
looking inside, why did I get soupset so quickly? Why was I just
in my little happy, peacefulzone and then all of a sudden,
someone else's behavior? Iallowed myself to go to a place
that I don't like to be? Why wasI not just live and let live in
that moment? Right? So kind ofintrospective. What else is
(09:00):
going on for me? What else isthis emotion tied to? And
there's lots of ways to do this,as we'll continue to talk about.
Of course, there are a jillion Ifeel like at this time,
modalities of therapy, and manyof them can be helpful for any
of us, but there are alsoadditional ways so we can
continue to regularly evaluatehow experiences affect our
(09:22):
thoughts, our emotions, ouractions, and some of the reasons
why it matters is this ongoingprocess continues to shape how
we treat ourselves and then howwe treat others. A little
example here is, you know,sometimes culturally,
particularly in the US. We arein this kind of hustle culture
(09:44):
mind, where we don't always havea lot of permission to take a
break. It's what have you done?
What are the list of thingsyou've done today? What do you
have going on? You know, whensomeone asks you, What are you
up to? Often they expect a listof the tasks that you have in.
Going on in your life, or thethings that you have
accomplished this week, if it'sin a work setting, or the goals
that you're chipping away at,right? But it doesn't always
(10:05):
have to mean that. So if you aretreating yourself like, Oh, you
have to be hustling every minuteof the day. That's what I
expect. That's what you're goingto expect of others. And it's
not judging whether that's rightor wrong. But is that how you
want to show up? Do you want tobe showing up as the school mom
with tapping the ruler on yourhand, saying, What have you got
done today? Or are you wantingto be available for people to
(10:27):
share and come to withchallenges or come to with
celebrations, right moments ofhappiness? So part of this, I
already did it, and now I'mdone. You know, even if we've
done some version of therapy orintrospection or reading books,
or, you know, all the versionsthat there are energy healing,
we continue to live, we continueto grow. We continue to have
(10:51):
other challenging personalitiesand situations that show up in
our lives. That's reallyhappening. We really have
emotions about it, even ifyou're someone who, like, where
I'm from, I was often encouragedto like, turn down my emotions,
turn down what I was thinkingand feeling about situations. If
(11:11):
you've ever heard things like,Oh, you're too much, you have
too many emotions, you feel toodeeply, You're too sensitive.
That's something to look at foryou, because even if you've
worked on whoever or whatevercaused you to form that thought
pattern, right? Maybe it'speople in your past telling you,
Oh, you're too much, you're toosensitive, it's still going to
(11:33):
affect you, even if you havedone wonderful therapeutic
processes and processed out ofit and understand, okay, that's
not true about me. Mysensitivity is a good part of me
when you're uncomfortable, whenI'm uncomfortable. Certainly, my
tendency is to sometimes revertback to tucking my sensitivities
away or not being aware of myemotions moment to moment, or
(11:56):
not creating time to look at theemotions that I might have
experienced in a day in asituation. And of course, as we
grow, these become more finetuning, right? Maybe you have
already done a lot of work andhave unpacked the bulk of it,
but as you continue to live andgrow, that continual evaluation
lets you know how the shades andreflections and echoes of those
(12:20):
challenges or beliefs orsticking points are still
showing up for you today in waysyou might not realize. Other
words, it also help otherwise.
It also helps us if we are inpursuit of goals and
opportunities, goals andopportunities within themselves
(12:40):
are not intrinsically bad,necessarily, right? For many of
us, for me included, it doeshelp if I have a goal out there,
somewhere or something I'mworking towards or working on
that just feels good to me, butsometimes those sneaky little
patterns of our past can createself sabotages along the road of
(13:01):
those goals, right? It couldmean that we're not managing our
time properly, or we're beingtoo hard on ourselves too. I'm
thinking about someone I knowthat's working on writing a
book. And guidance I was givenabout writing books years ago
was that you write it all andthen you do the editing later.
Well, in this person's pursuitof their goal of creating this
(13:21):
book, they are really nitpickingthemselves along the way. They
have this this old patternthat's rising up for them about
this little nitpickiness,because this new goal is out of
their comfort zone and and abig, a big thing that they're
working on. So sometimes shadesand echoes of those old patterns
will rise up, and maybe what'sactually happening is a fear of
(13:44):
expressing themselves. Let'sjust hypothetically say in this
scenario, well, the selfsabotagers can look like
becoming busy with everything,aside from writing this book or
convincing yourself that youneed to really self censor in
the writing process so it canshow up in ways that feel
disconnected from whatever thepattern or emotion is. That's
(14:07):
why this ongoing self reflectionlooking at how am I acting, how
am I behaving, how is what I'msaying I want different from the
actions I'm doing or emotionsI'm feeling around what I want,
right? So for so many reasonsthis is important. It's not and
I already did it, and now I'mdone. And the other area where
(14:28):
I've seen this in my personallife quite a bit, is in the
expansion and expression of ourspiritual gifts, particularly in
mediumship. But it's also truein intuition, in healing, in the
psychic work, in any type ofgift that we have, that we want
to express. It's true in arts ofall kinds, that when we have an
(14:51):
emotion that we're not willingto look at, or something that
we've already processed, thatwas uncomfortable, that is a
part of who we are, right, wemight have a little. Bit of a I
know. Let me just use myself asan example here. I'ma really put
myself on blast today, guys, sohopefully you will give me some
extra hearts and sweet commentsaround this episode, because I'm
coming out of my comfort zone.
This is one of my stickingpoints that I often find
(15:13):
creeping up and sabotaging me instrange ways. I sometimes get
scared to really show my wholeself publicly. That's a scary
thing. Well, when it comes tothe expression of our gifts, if
your gift has to do with anyother person, right? If you want
to read, if you want to playwith oracle cards, if you want
to create writing or art orsomething that's going to be
(15:36):
seen by others, those fears ofself expression don't just
magically go away because we'veworked on it previously. Do you
guys know what I'm talkingabout? Has this happened for
you, or is this maybe currentlyhappening for you as you're
thinking about the work thatyou're doing on yourself, or
maybe the work that you'reresisting on yourself, and I've
already worked through this fearof fully expressing myself
(15:59):
publicly numerous times. As youguys know, I express myself
publicly pretty regularly insome areas, but that doesn't
mean that there's not theseother areas, these other
exciting things that I'm wantingto create and share in the
world, that I am findingsticking points around this self
censorship, or around creatingdelays or just not putting it on
(16:22):
the calendar, and then it's nothappening, which is not forcing
me to then step into the publicand express myself in certain
ways. So these little sneakysabotages can show up in so many
ways. But in this firstmisconception, have you thought
or felt, or do you know someoneelse that has felt? Oh, I
(16:42):
already did it. I alreadyprocessed that. I already healed
and grew through that, and nowI'm done. If so, please share
this episode with whoever thatis. So the takeaway from this
little segment is healing is alifelong journey, not a one time
achievement, even though it'simportant to celebrate our
achievements of healing andpersonal development and coming
to deeper levels ofunderstanding within ourselves.
(17:04):
It's okay to celebrate that, butcelebrate it as a milestone
along your journey, not as a boxto be checked and then tucked
away in a closet somewhere. Thesecond misconception that might
be keeping you stuck, sabotagingyou or not allowing you to grow,
is this idea that I sometimeshear from clients, oh, nothing
(17:26):
bad ever really happened to me.
So I'm good. I don't need to dopersonal growth or personal
development. I'm good. I havenothing to look at. Personal
growth is not only for thosewith traumatic histories or even
with a capital T trauma. Ofcourse, it is for those people,
but it's also for everyone. It'sfor anyone who wants to live
(17:46):
consciously and evolveemotionally, even small
frustrations, childhood patternsor internalized beliefs benefit
from conscious reflection. Iknow someone. I know not
everyone loves the word trigger,but it's what it's the word I
have to use in this situation. Iknow someone that can be
incredibly triggered to a pointof anger if they feel like
(18:12):
something's unfair for them. Itoften shows up in their
workplace, right? If they feellike someone got a day off and
they didn't, they got denied fora day off, or someone got to
work in a certain way, and theywere told they couldn't work in
that certain way. And the levelof frustration that comes out of
this person is indicative that,hey, there's something to
(18:33):
investigate here. And thisperson in particular, when it
comes to personal growth andpersonal development, they often
Shoo it away and say, Oh,nothing's really ever happened
to me that's that bad. That'sfor people who have like, big
traumas or big terrible familiesor horrible events in their
lives. I never really hadanything significant happen to
(18:54):
me, so I'm good, but maybe we'venever had anything that would be
under the umbrella of a capitalT trauma or even a lowercase t
trauma, but it doesn't mean thatwe haven't made beliefs and
decisions and don't get acertain lens that we're looking
through. That maybe it's thelens of unfairness or justice,
(19:14):
maybe it has something to dowith the fear of not being
treated as equal as others, andthat might even be a valid fear
or a valid concern, wanting tobe treated equal as others, but
it's the emotions that come upfor us that sometimes can be the
key. If you're letting yourselfhave permission to feel and
acknowledge your emotions, someof us don't even do that. I've
(19:35):
definitely gone through times inmy life where I shoved my
emotions down so hard because Iwas in a really bad
relationship, for example, andknew I don't want to look at any
of this stuff, because this isall bad, and I'm not ready to
leave and and so I'm just goingto push down these emotions. But
the emotions were there,eventually they'll come out in
(19:55):
other ways. So it doesn't haveto be a really big trauma. Or a
big event or a big loss thatwarrants us doing this personal
growth and development healingis about understanding ourselves
fully and stepping more into ourauthentic life in a very
intentional way. How do we wantto show up and in that person
(20:18):
that I was describing that oftengets a little bit lit up around
their career. Well, there aresome different solutions for
them. They can look morehonestly at okay, that person
got the day off. I didn't getthe day off. I got denied for
for my different day off that Iasked for. Why am I so upset
about this? I feel like this isbeing done to me. Is that true?
(20:41):
Is this actually being done tome, or is there something going
on in our corporate structurethat, oh, it just doesn't make
sense to permit someone this dayoff. Could I take a different
day off? There's lots of littlesolutions in there, but it's the
getting so upset about it andimmediately deciding that
something's being done to usrather than being able to move
(21:02):
into a more neutral place orshowing up more intentionally,
even to have the conversationwith the supervisor that's
denying the day off, and itdoesn't have to be about that
other person who did get the dayoff. Sometimes that's a good
clue if we're wanting to make itabout someone else and not about
ourselves. Maybe there's anoption to go to the supervisor
and say, Hey, I realized I gotdenied for this day off. I just
(21:24):
wanted to check in. Is this abad timing for our office? And
maybe I could choose a differentday, or maybe expressing why you
need that particular day off.
You know, I've got this doctor'sappointment, and it's been
really tough to get so I'd liketo not move it, but I understand
if that's, you know, not goingto work out so communication
could be part of it. Andsometimes when we're resisting
even the communication, it'sbecause something in us, even if
(21:46):
we're not doing this workconsciously, something in us
knows, oh, I have so manyemotions in here, I can't even
formulate the words to have thisconversation with this
supervisor. Or maybe you're thesupervisor not giving the day
off and you're not open to theconversation because you feel
like it challenges yourauthority. There are so many
sneaky ways in every area of ourlife that these can show up if
(22:08):
we are not pretty continuouslyin personal development. Now it
doesn't mean you can do all day,every day, but as you're
engaging with people, as thingsare sticking with you, as you're
just noticing throughout yourworld what's coming up for you.
That's part of evaluation, andit will help with your personal
growth. So really, justaccepting that healing personal
(22:31):
growth, personal development,doesn't always have to be
looking at one big trauma thathappened in our life, or if
you're someone like in thisnumber two misconception,
nothing really Bad's everhappened to me compared to
everybody else. Well, thatdoesn't mean you don't have
emotions about the day to day,things coming up, or you're not
making comparisons with otherpeople, or you're not making
(22:55):
decisions about yourself basedon old patterns or old thoughts,
right? So that's the secondmisconception. When I listen to
these types of episodes, andeven as I'm writing them, I'm
always trying on the hatssaying, like, does that fit for
me? Have I experienced that? DoI know that what that is? So I
invite you to do the same if youlike to process that way. That's
how I like to process. Okay? Sothis third misconception that I
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often heal when it comes togrowth, healing personal
development, is this idea that,Oh, I already worked on this
person, situation, this thing,why does it keep coming up? For
me, I feel like I'm failing thisone's really common, and there
are several reasons why this canhappen, which we're going to
(23:38):
talk about. But once we workthrough a challenge, it may
resurface. It doesn't mean thatwe've failed. I often find this
with people that have donepersonal development or healing
or growth around like, let'sjust say, a family member who's
particularly been challenging intheir life. You know, a lot of
therapy works on the motherwound, the father wound, if we
(24:00):
have siblings, thoserelationships so or maybe it's a
situation, maybe it is a traumathat's happened, maybe it is a
heartbreak that's happened.
Maybe it is a significant eventthat's happened in your life,
and you really gave your all anddid the work and, you know, did
the therapy, or read the books,or whatever it was that you did.
(24:20):
Why does it keep coming up? Am Ifailing? What is going on? I
thought I already cleared thisout of me. Well, healing isn't
about becoming emotionallyneutral to a situation. It's
about feeling sitting with andprocessing the emotions as they
arise. So in some instances, itmight because that might be
because that person is still inyour life, and the way that they
(24:42):
show up, maybe intentionally,maybe not intentionally, is
triggering for you, or lights upthose old parts of you maybe
takes you back to a 10 year oldversion of yourself where you
didn't have the authority toexpress yourself. Let's just
hypothetically say so it couldbe a reason. Like that. But even
if that person or situation isnot a part of your life at all,
(25:05):
it can still affect you, even ifyou have already worked the
energy, the emotions and reallywe want to keep showing up as
our whole selves as much aspossible, not censoring parts of
ourselves, not slipping backinto those dynamics where we are
the kid and we don't have power,don't have a voice, we can
(25:26):
continue to release lingeringpatterns to gain deeper
understanding. And that's whateach recurrence, or each time
this comes up for you, is givingyou an opportunity to do, to
integrate the lessons you'vealready worked on and learned to
help with this ongoing evolutionand help you sometimes to see it
(25:46):
from a new perspective. The wayI often think of it is,
especially if you've done anyversion of soul searching or
personal development oremotional work on yourself. For
me, then even more, of course,it's going to continue to echo
or show up in different ways,usually lesser ways.
(26:08):
We often hear it as like for me,I feel like I've called in very
similar versions of the sametype of person over and over, to
continue to heal, to continue togrow as an opportunity to make
different choices, behavedifferently, be a different self
that I'm living into, right? Sothat's one way it can show up.
But as we grow and expand andchange, of course, we're going
(26:32):
to look at things of the pastwith a new perspective. Just
think of it as like climbingthis mountain of life, and as
you reach the midpoint, you'regonna look back over the path
and see where you've come from,and wow, look how high I've
climbed. Yeah, of course youmight realize I got a little bit
to go there still, but we don'thave to take it as a negative.
So as you evolve and becomethese different versions of
(26:55):
yourself, these more integratedversions of yourself, in some
cases, old habits, patterns,challenges might loop around
just to be reevaluated from thisnew vantage point, you're a
different version of yourself.
Maybe you have totally differentemotions about it that can be
healing. Maybe you have adifferent perspective and can
(27:15):
look at that younger version ofyou. I've had to do this work so
much with past relationships,where as I've grown and changed,
I've looked back at that youngerversion of me that was engaging
in that really challengingrelationship and been able to do
additional healing by giving somuch love and compassion to that
version of me that showed up inthat relationship, messy as
(27:38):
hell, doing her best, eventhough it was messy, trying so
hard to create the life that shewanted, even though I was
banging my head against all thewrong walls, so to speak. But I
can look back and love thatversion of myself and see how
far I've come. It's not aboutjudging those versions of us or
kind of using this new vantagepoint, wherever you stand now,
(28:02):
to, yeah, judge or like,excommunicate those versions of
yourself. It's about integratingthose versions, loving those
versions of yourself for helpingyou to get here to where you are
today. One of my favoriteteachers that you guys probably
hear me mention all the time,Ian levanzant, reminds us in her
own words in one of her amazingbooks. In the meantime, it's a
(28:24):
quote from her, the way toachieve your own success is to
bodily embrace the very or,sorry, let me start over. The
way to achieve your own successis to boldly embrace the very
things that scare you the mostsometimes these old things loop
back around for us, because wemight not realize that we are
(28:45):
currently behaving in a way, orbeing stuck in a fearful thought
pattern or fearful belieftotally unconsciously, because
of something that happened inthe past, because of a fear that
we held in the past. Oh well,when I was younger, I did some
public speaking and I gotridiculed, and that was really
painful. And maybe you've workedthrough it, maybe you've
(29:08):
processed it, maybe you evenhave come to a place where you
love that version of yourselffor getting out on that stage
and trying their best. But maybethe behavior that's coming up
for you now is that you pass offpublic speaking opportunities to
other colleagues, or you don'tchallenge yourself to share with
your safe community or yourfriends things that you are
(29:29):
learning about the spiritualworld. Let's just say it can
show up in really sneaky ways.
Maybe you turn over authority toother people because you don't
like to use your voice. So youthink I'll just let them say
what they have to say, and I'mnot going to chime in here, even
though I really do want to sharesomething. So that's part of
this ongoing evaluation. Andjust because old patterns, old
(29:53):
habits, old beliefs, are showingup, it doesn't mean you failed.
It's quite the opposite. Itmeans that you are ready to look
at. That to feel, to experience,to gain wisdom that will bolster
you even more here, that willhelp you even more to move
forward and live into theversion of you that you are
intending to become. Let's moveon to this fourth misconception.
(30:18):
This misconception is thathealing is about putting things
back how they were before, thismythical, magical time and place
before we can't go backwards,the only moment is now,
obviously, many of us, and ifyou're here, I'm sure you've
heard that healing doesn'trestore the past. It's not like
(30:40):
this emotional, energetic,energy healing, emotional
healing, processing, personalgrowth, personal development,
living authentically. It's notthe same as getting a cast on
your foot to repair a break,which I have had. So we all know
when we break a bone, or whensomeone we love breaks a bone.
(31:03):
You go into the doctor, they Xray, they assess, and they put
the cast, or do the surgery toput it back to working order
right, to get it back as much asthey can how it was before.
Well, that's not what emotionalgrowth, healing, energetic
healing, that's not what it'sabout. True healing involves
learning from your experiencesso that you more deeply
(31:26):
understand why you showed upthat way, what that version of
you was trying to hold on to, ortrying to help achieve in the
relationship example, I've hadjust so many clients with
challenging relationshipslately, so maybe that's why it's
so top of mind. But when we'relooking at a relationship that
we were in in the past, or evena current relationship, I
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sometimes work with people whoare currently having
relationship challenges, andsometimes they think, well,
let's just heal this so we canput it back like it was before.
Well, we're always growing andchanging, and there's no putting
the toothpaste back in the tube.
So it's really from learningfrom these experiences, sharing,
growing, releasing emotions,rather than shoving them down,
(32:11):
like we were talking about,understanding what those
emotions are connected to, whythey're even coming up. I'm
thinking of a friend who isgoing through a challenging
segment of their relationship,and they are feeling such deep
sadness very frequently, is theemotion that they're labeling
right now, and what they weretelling me is joy. I just really
(32:33):
wish it could go back to like itwas before, and I wish I wasn't
feeling all of this sadnessabout this partner and some of
this for this person in thisinstance, brings me to my next
point, being honest withyourself about your feelings
while this person is resistinglooking under the sadness to
understand, well, why are you sosad? The sadness is there. Let's
(32:56):
feelit. Let's let it linger because
it's there,don't shove it down. So that's a
great part of the process. Butlet's be honest, what is this
sadness about? Is this sadnessbecause you maybe thought the
relationship was going to bedifferent? Is this sadness
because there were things weagreed to in the relationship
that maybe are no longer beingfulfilled? In this person's
(33:19):
instance, the sadness is becausetheir partner's changing and
evolving, and they're wantingthem to go back in the genie
bottle and not have so manyfeelings and not want to carve
out space for themselves. Andthey're wanting it to be the
same version of therelationship, and especially in
relationships, we don't havecontrol over other people's
(33:40):
growth or resistance to growthover their free will choice. We
can make agreements, but howeverthey show up, or whatever they
choose. We get to make our ownchoices about that and have our
own feelings about that, but wedon't get to control theirs. And
in this situation, this person'shaving a lot of feelings about
the growth that their partner'shaving, the expansion that their
(34:01):
partner's living into the thingsthat their partner's wanting to
experience. Even though, fromsomeone looking from the outside
might seem like, oh, that seemslike a fun experience that
they're wanting to have, whilethe person that I is my friend
is like, I don't want them togrow in that way. I don't want
to do these experiences. I don'twant to go on these treks and
(34:22):
travels, and I didn't sign upfor that. So then the
negotiation is being honestabout how you feel about that
and what it means for therelationship. And a lot of
that's in the coming together.
Some of this work is all inourselves. Obviously, if there's
another person involved, yeah,maybe they might need to be
(34:42):
involved, but reallyunderstanding why that's getting
so lit up. And for this person,I love them dearly. My belief is
that there is a fear ofabandonment happening under
there, and as we lovingly havethese chats, I know that they
will eventually they don'tlisten to the pod. But I know
that they will eventually cometo this place if they continue
(35:03):
doing the work and processingrealize, Oh, I'm having a fear
of abandonment, and that's why Ifeel so judgmental, that this
person, now that they have alittle more time, is wanting to
do this part of their dream, andthat might be a different
conversation for them withinthemselves, of whether they can
continue in the relationshipwhile this person is also
(35:25):
pursuing part of their dream oror perhaps they have a choice as
to whether that doesn't resonatefor them anymore, but getting to
the bottom of it andunderstanding that fear of
abandonment is only going tocome through the emotional
processing. It's not going tocome through the resistance and
continue saying, I want you tobe like you were before. I want
(35:47):
to be like I was before. I wantto go back to how it was before.
A lot of us would like ourcollective world to go back to a
different period in time, oreven our personal worlds to go
back to. We often hear a simplertime. Well, that's not real. So
while we can fantasize aboutwhatever we want, it's not going
to help us grow forward, andit's going to keep us stuck to
(36:09):
continue demanding a version ofthe past that doesn't exist
anymore. The way through is tounderstand, to be honest with
ourself about our feelings, tocontinue to investigate, to
release and process emotionsrather than suppressing them.
The goal is growth, expansion,expression, becoming more
(36:30):
evolved versions of ourselves atevery stage of life, not going
back to a different time thatdoesn't exist in the same way
anymore. Okay, let's move on toour fifth and final of these
misconceptions that aresabotaging your growth, that are
keeping you stuck, that might benot allowing you to grow in the
(36:52):
way that you desperately want toand are striving to. So this
misconception is this idea that,Oh, it sounds negative to keep
just processing all of my oldpain and rehashing all of my
emotions. That feels reallynegative to think about my
emotions, to talk about myemotions. Another version of
(37:13):
this is Oh, that's very selfindulgent. And even that, in and
of itself, is a pattern, abelief, a program that came from
somewhere else, often someone inour past telling us, oh, that's
very indulgent to think aboutyour feelings. That's very
negative to be processing youremotions. And the truth is, it's
not, first of all, you can keepit private, so it doesn't have
(37:34):
to sound negative to anyone. Butmaybe the truth of this
sentiment is what feels reallyterrible to be processing my
emotions all the time. And one,emotions are only challenging.
They're happy too, right? Andsometimes we resist celebrating
we resist celebrating ourselves.
And even that is something to belooked at, but choosing to work
(37:57):
through. Let's just use pain inthis example, because I feel
like that's the prickliest one.
That's the prickliest emotionthat we can work here. It sounds
negative, processing all my oldpain, choosing to work through
pain is empowering. It's notregressive. Ignoring pain, or
really emotions of any kind,doesn't neutralize the effect of
(38:20):
it. It actually reallyexacerbates the effect of it. It
festers. It ignoring pain orignoring emotions shapes our
thoughts, our choices and ourenergy. Unconsciously, it's
still shaping us right thinkabout fear. Unconscious fears
still affect our behavior, evenif we're not willing to look at
(38:40):
them unconscious pain or old,festering pain and hurt. It's
still affecting us on a day today level. It's still affecting
how we show up, how we engagewith others, what we're giving
ourself permission to do and notdo. It's not invisible or not
there just because we'reignoring it, right? It's like
(39:02):
the elephant in the roomsometimes is our pain, and often
just from my work in grief andwith people who are deeply in
grief and pain. If you've everbeen around someone that is
deeply in grief or in pain overa long period of time, you
probably know, yeah, it's anelephant in the room, even
though they're trying to actlike it's not there, or we don't
(39:24):
talk about it all the time, it'sdefinitely there. It's
definitely affecting theirdecisions, how they're caring
for themselves. I often actuallysee it when someone comes to me
because they're worried aboutsomeone else who is in pain or
in grief and not knowing how tohelp them, and obviously we
can't do someone else's work forthem. We can support them. We
(39:45):
can lovingly know that it's okayto share or even ask them what
help looks like for them, orwhat support looks like for
them. We can, I suggesttherapists. There's a lot of
things we can do to besupportive, but it. It's there
and present and affectingeverything, even if we're trying
to ignore it, even if we feellike, Ugh, this is negative. I
(40:07):
don't want to look at this pain.
I don't want to look at thishurt. I know someone who's just
a beautiful soul, and they arewithholding themselves from
relationships because they had avery painful past relationship.
It was, it was a very beautifulloving relationship at one
point, and then became verypainful in the dissolution of
(40:27):
this relationship. There was alot of pain, a lot of hurt. And
that very hurt version of them,those many years back, kind of
swore to themselves in asubconscious way, oh, we're
never doing this again. And Ithink that's a common sentiment
when a lot of us that have gonethrough pain or something really
traumatic or like, Oh, we'renever doing this again. I'm
(40:49):
never going here again. I'mnever gonna experience a person
like this again. I don't agreeto this, and that's great, but
we can't just stop there, right?
I mean, we can. We have the freewill choice to do it. But is
that really living? Is thatreally letting ourselves enjoy
life? Is that really buildingconnections with people? No,
(41:10):
it's withholding ourselves. Sowhile this person has been
working on themselves and as apoint where they agree to have
friends, they really kind ofsecretly want a relationship,
but they're very afraid becausethey have old pain that they
don't want to process, becausethey feel like, oh, it's
negative to process. I'm justnot going to look at it. I'm
just going to hit my classes.
Those of you that have studiedwith me know sometimes we say
(41:32):
I'm just going to put it in mybackpack. Well, you carry in
that heavy backpack everywhereyou go, and it's affecting
everything you do. You have aheavy backpack full of pain. You
might say that hill looks alittle
too big. I'm not gonna, I'm notgonna climb that hill and put
myself out of my comfort zone,because this backpack pain is
heavy. Well, why don't we justunpack the pain? Why don't we
(41:52):
just look at how that pain iscurrently affecting you? What
decisions are you making basedon this commitment that a
different version of you madethat, oh, I'm not going to
experience that. Becausesometimes what we're saying when
we say, Oh, I'm not going toexperience that anymore, means
I'm not going to engage anymore.
We can't possibly know orpredict what the experiences in
(42:12):
the world are going to be. Sothen we unconsciously make a
decision that I'm going to haveno experiences at all. I'm going
to just wall myself away andbuild these walls of protection,
which actually become walls ofisolation that affect us, no
matter what our career is, nomatter what our family situation
is, no matter what our economicsituation is, or where we live
(42:35):
or what our spiritual gifts are.
It everything is tied together.
Everything affects everything.
So ignoring pain doesn'tneutralize it. It actually
supercharges it to work in thebackground, in the shadows of
your life, affecting everythingyou do. And then people come and
(42:56):
say, Oh, I feel blocked. I feelstuck. I'm not growing, and I
don't know why I've worked onthings before, or I don't really
have anything to work on, but Ifeel stuck. I don't know what's
going on if you feel stuck orlike you're not growing, I can
guarantee that there are otheremotions underneath in whatever
area of life you feel likeyou're not growing in working
(43:18):
through your pain, like in thisexample, five, it sounds
negative to keep processing myold pain, working through it
intentionally, gives you clarityon your emotions and actions,
conscious understanding of whoyou were, who you are now, and
who you're wanting to become.
And it even gives you freedom,the freedom to respond to
(43:39):
anything that shows up, ratherthan to react from a previous
version of your experience. Soin closing, one of the things I
want to really highlight is thathealing is a journey, not a
destination. And whether youlike the word healing or
personal development or personalgrowth or introspection. Each
(43:59):
moment that we pause, toreflect, to feel, to release, is
an act of self love. Itdefinitely counts towards your
self care. So those of you thatstruggle to feel like you're
actually doing self care, or ifyou're like me and you're like,
Yeah, bubble baths are not itfor self care, this counts. It's
really a conscious choice toinvolve evolve, a conscious
(44:23):
choice to evolve, and aconscious decision to
participate in your ownevolution. Life will continue to
bring challenges, to highlightold patterns and to remind us of
the past, but with eachencounter, we have this
opportunity to meet ourselveswith greater awareness, greater
(44:44):
compassion and even courage. Thepath of personal growth. It's
definitely not alwayscomfortable. In fact, it's often
not comfortable, but it's deeplyrewarding, and it's the only way
to get. Get from here to whereyou want to go. So where can you
start, or how can you easilyintegrate this into what you're
(45:06):
already doing? I'm not supposedto announce this yet, but I'm
going to give a little teaser. Ido have a free workshop coming
up in the beginning of October,very soon after, when this is
being released. So if you arenot already on my email mailing
list. It's free. I want you toget this workshop. It's going to
do a lot of this work that we'retalking about, but in a really
(45:26):
fun, delicious psychic practice,kind of a way. It's for all
levels. So make sure you are onmy mailing list. You can either
get the free mini course on myhome page of joyful medium.com
and that will get you on my VIPemail list. Or if you don't want
to do that, just email admin atjoyful medium.com and give your
email and your first name andyour permission to be on the
(45:48):
list. And I will have you put onthat list myself, because that's
an exciting opportunity comingup to do this. If you feel like
you want some support, somecommunity, if you feel like you
want some tools and to have somefun. But since that's going to
be only for a limited time, andthis episode's evergreen, I want
to give some tools here rightnow as well. Start simple. First
of all, give yourself permissionto start simple, because
(46:12):
sometimes we also have thislittle voice, oh, simple is for
failures, or that's too little,or you're not doing enough, or
this is not making enough adifference. So ask that voice to
just wait or just help youunderstand the emotions that are
rising up about even keeping itsimple, but give yourself
permission to start simple. Takejust a moment to ask yourself,
How can I show up moreintentionally today, at the end
(46:34):
of your day, or maybe sometimewhen you have a break in the
day? Consider taking a fewmoments to reflect on some or
all of the interactions you hadthat day and notice how you
showed up, and if it if it was,if the way that you showed up is
working or not working for youcurrently, this is like an
inventory. It's not puttingyourself on trial or putting
(46:57):
anyone else on trial. This isnot about blame or shame. It's
just about noticing, taking aninventory. How did I show up
today? How did I show up withevery single person that I met
with today or came in contactwith today? Did I show up in a
way that is working for me or isnot working for me? This also
means acknowledging where you dolike how you show up, right?
(47:20):
Because personal development isnot all about looking at the
challenging emotions. It's alsolooking at how you do like how
you showed up along the alongwith areas where we can improve,
right? Let's be honest aboutwhat we can prove on but let's
also acknowledge, oh, yeah,actually, you know what? I did
help that person who couldn'twho dropped their keys and
(47:41):
couldn't find them, and I sawthem right there. I that was I
liked how I showed up there. Icould have just walked by and
ignored them. So it doesn't haveto be big instances, just little
interactions throughout the day.
If you have more time tocontemplate or have like even
time to sit for 20 minutes tojournal, even if it's just once
a week or every few days, askyourself, what story am I ready
(48:04):
to embrace or release orrewrite? Because often, we're
working from a story that is agroup of beliefs that we
created, often unconsciously orsubconsciously from experiences
we've had. We collect the dataright? Our little brains are
always working, and we makebeliefs or decisions or standing
(48:26):
choices or ways to act incertain situations. So what
story that you've created Areyou ready to release? Or what
story are you ready to embrace?
Maybe you're ready to embracethe story about you stepping
into your full power and beingsuccessful and not being
apologetic for your success andbeing a kind leader as part of
(48:46):
that success. So you can rewritethe story in any way you want.
It often has to do with somerelease and some embrace.
Healing invites you to step intothe fullness of your life,
honoring where you've been,appreciating who you are now and
often how you got there, andcourageously becoming who you're
(49:07):
meant to be. Because even ifsomething's you know meant for
us or the highest expression ofus on our path, we still need
courage. It still is oftenoutside of our comfort zone,
even if it's something we knowyou want to do. So remember,
every small moment of awarenessand self kindness matters.
(49:28):
You're doing better than youthink. Every step forward, no
matter how small, is a victory,and you are fully capable of
creating your learning andcreating love and learning to
love and live. I'm so proud ofyou for even being willing to
have this conversation and tolook at these misconceptions
(49:50):
within yourself, because wedon't want to believe these
healing lies. We don't want tosabotage our growth. But often.
Then we just can't see the pathforward, and the path forward is
through acknowledging andworking with your emotions and
fully embracing yourself sountil we meet again. Big hugs.
(50:10):
Lots of love. Bye for now. Frominside spirit speakeasy, you.
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