November 3, 2025 • 44 mins
Have you ever wondered why a mediumship reading didn’t seem to connect—or worried your loved one didn’t want to talk? You’re not alone.
In this heartfelt episode, Joy Giovanni, The Joyful Medium, shares the real reasons a reading might feel “off” and what it truly means when mediumship doesn’t work the way we expect.
You’ll discover how the spirit world communicates based on need, not demand; why timing and readiness matter; and what it does not mean when your loved one doesn’t appear during a session.
This conversation brings understanding, reassurance, and a reminder that connection and love never disappear—they just take different forms.
✨ Listen now for clarity, compassion, and insight into what’s really happening behind the scenes of spirit communication.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:01):
Joy. Hey, beautiful soul, welcome to spirit. Speak
Easy. I'm Joy Giovanni, joyfulmedium. I'm a working psychic
medium, energy healer andspiritual gifts mentor. This
podcast is like a seat at thetable in a secret club, but with
mediums, mystics and thespiritual luminaries of our
time. So come behind the velvetropes with me and see inside my
(00:24):
world as I chat insider stylewith profoundly gifted souls, we
go deep, share juicy stories,laugh a lot, and it wouldn't be
a speakeasy without greatinsider secrets and tips. You
might even learn that you havesome gifts of your own so step
inside the spirit speakeasy.
Hey, beautiful soul. Welcome infor another episode of spirit
(00:46):
speakeasy. On today's episode,we are going to talk about when
mediumship doesn't work. I sooften get asked if mediumship is
hard, or if it ever just doesn'twork if maybe someone's loved
one simply doesn't want to talkto them. It's such an honest
question, and today we're divinginto the truth behind it. So in
(01:09):
this episode, I'll share what'sreally happening when a session
doesn't unfold the way that wehope what it does not mean about
your loved one, and I'll alsoshare some common reasons that a
reading can feel off or just notquite successful in the way that
we may have hoped. And also, Ithink it's important to give you
(01:29):
some tips about what to expectin a reading and what to be
looking for to know if it'sworking in the best way
possible. So whether you've hadan experience that you're just
uncertain about, or if you'rejust curious about mediumship
and the ins and outs of it, thisconversation will hopefully
bring some clarity, compassion,maybe even a little relief. I
(01:52):
also want to just mention thatwhile these are some of the
reasons that a session could gowrong or not quite work out.
It's definitely not anexhaustive list. There are so
many little nuanced reasonreasons, but hopefully this will
give you enough of anexplanation that you can infer a
lot of those other reasons. Andbecause I know that if you are
(02:17):
with me and listening to thispod, you are an intelligent,
discerning adult human being. Inthis conversation, we are going
to go under the assumption thatyou vetted the medium, either
got like a referral from someonethat has worked with them or
that you trust. You maybe sawreviews for this medium. You
maybe had a little bit ofunderstanding of them and their
(02:38):
work. Maybe you saw them at agroup reading, or saw their
work, or have seen them in somecapacity before, that you know
for sure that they are actuallya medium and that they also have
enough training and expertise tobe working professionally. Okay,
so those are the caveats,because if any of those pieces
are off, well, that's a wholedifferent can of worms, so to
(03:00):
speak. So you've got thismedium, they're actually a
medium. They're trained and haveenough expertise to actually be
working professionally. Youeither saw reviews or got a good
referral. And I also want toacknowledge as part of this
talk, while as we're diving in,that it's such an honor to do
this work as a medium. I dorealize that my clients are
(03:23):
trusting me with the souls oftheir most beloved people. So
the intention of this episode isnot to blame or shame. We're all
human. We're all doing the verybest that we can, and it's
natural to have these types ofquestions or uncertainty. So
this is all intended in love,and I hope that you will take it
that way and give me some grace.
(03:46):
I really have had this episodewritten for a while, but I get a
little nervous about sharingthings that could be
controversial or that could makepeople feel triggered. I know
it's just a part of life, but Itry very hard to be sensitive to
everyone and where they are at.
So let's talk first about whatit means to have a successful
communication from the spiritworld, since that's where some
(04:08):
of the misconceptions may begin,even though there is a certain
expectation about what quote,unquote, mediumship means, each
medium is an individual artist,and we all work differently,
just as human beings. I like toreally highlight that mediumship
is an art form. It's not ascience. There is not a way for,
(04:31):
you know, in science and in morescience based careers, even in
something like therapy, there isa prescribed set of rules and
meanings and a system to workwithin. And while that's true
with mediumship, much like anytype of artistry, there are
(04:53):
guidelines and there are certainways to work, but there is no.
So like specific, if this thenalways that it really is an
artistry and an art form that'screated by the medium, the
individual, spirit, person andthe sitter. So it is everyone is
involved energetically. Andagain, it's not a science. It's
(05:17):
more of an art form. So let'sjust talk about what an actual
successful communication means.
It means essentially that themedium shares details,
including, but not limited toremember. It's not a checklist
that we're going down to make itsuccessful, but these are some
of the types of details that youmight hear from a medium, things
(05:39):
like the personality traits ofthe loved one or the person
spirit person, facts or detailsfrom their life at any point in
their life, shared memories,experiences. Sometimes they
might share things going on inyour life or times that they
spend with you. They may or maynot talk about ways that they
(05:59):
say hello in the world, they mayor may not share details about
things you went throughtogether, things that they
personally went through at anypoint in their life, or things
you're going through now, it'sneither the sitter, nor the
medium who chooses which detailsare shared in a communication.
It is not me as the medium witha list, a checklist of like,
(06:22):
okay, Spirit people, you mustanswer these questions. And it's
also not my sitter that gets tocome in with a list of demands.
It's not a laundry list thatwe're going down, but rather, as
a medium, we're blending oursoul with the soul of the spirit
person, and they are sharing thedetails that they need to share,
or that they know that need tobe communicated, not based on
(06:46):
demand, while my sitter orclient might have certain wants,
the communication is reallybased on the need of the soul,
whether it's the need of theclient soul or the soul who is
the spirit person on the otherside the communication, the
emotion, is really driven byneed. Now, it is very normal to
(07:11):
have human wants, but really thecommunication is driven on the
need. And we can debate at somefuture point about the degree of
success of a communication, butif there are details about a
spirit person that are true,even if you can't recognize them
in that moment, and you go backand check them later and say,
like, oh, actually, that was aperson in my family. I just
(07:32):
didn't know them very well. Soif there are details about the
person that are true, that's asuccess, successful
communication. But the measureof successful communication from
the spirit world through amedium is not defined by the
client getting everything theywant, or even hearing from every
single person that they want inany given session. It doesn't
(07:56):
mean that if you get 10 items onyour list unchecked and one item
checked that that's notsuccessful. That is successful.
It's not about what we want tohear or our demands as as the
human person on this side. It isabout the spirit person, their
need, how they want to identifythemselves. I could create a
list and try to go down it. Itdoesn't work for lots of
(08:18):
reasons, which, if you want todive into, we can talk about it
another conversation. So it'slike an hour chat in and of
itself. But really, the truthis, the spirit person knows how
to best identify themselves inways that I could never hope to
understand. And I've even had itwhere my recipient, my sitter,
my client, didn't you'll hear meuse all of those words we use,
(08:40):
all of these words inmediumship, didn't recognize the
spirit person, and I gave themsome details, and they couldn't
place the person. And then I,you know, moved on and allowed
the next spirit person tocommunicate. And then later,
they've checked with a familymember or done some just
research in the history of theirfamily, and have said, Oh my
gosh, my dad recognized that ashis grandpa, and all of the
(09:04):
things were true and it was someaningful to him. Perhaps that
bit wasn't for the sitter,actually, that was in my office.
Perhaps it was to open someoneelse's mind. So there are many
layers of things goingon that as the medium are not my
place to try to know or figureout or extract. The more that my
(09:24):
busy mind is in there, the lesshelpful it is. I'll say it that
way. So I really just want tomake sure that we understand
that a successful communicationin the most basic way has to do
with giving factual details orpersonality about the spirit
communicator, and is not definedby getting everything that the
client wants or expects to hearfrom, or even from every single
(09:49):
person that they're hoping tohear from in that session. I'm
going to give a little example.
Someone recently was in myoffice, and sometimes I will ask
people if they've ever.
Experienced a reading before,because it just helps me know
what their experience level is,if they know how to respond,
what type of experience they'vehad. I don't ask a lot of
details about it, but thisparticular person launched into
(10:10):
essentially like a criticism ofanother medium. And what they
were saying was that they feltlike this session wasn't
successful. They were verydisappointed. They were very
unhappy. And when I asked themto say more about like, say more
about that like would say moreabout why you felt that way, or
say more about this, the sessionfeeling unsuccessful to you, and
(10:35):
what they ended up saying was,when I asked them that they were
able to recognize the spiritperson that communicated, and it
was more than one person, andthrough the details, even though
it took a little while to shapeup, it sounded like they did
recognize those people thatcommunicated. Because I said,
like, you know, so okay, yourecognized the people. And they
(10:58):
said, Well, yeah, several familymembers came through, actually,
and gave details enough that Iknew who they were. But as the
conversation went on, they weresaying but I wanted to hear
about me. I wanted them to shareXYZ specific memory that I
remember about them, and Iwanted them to talk about my
life and my family, and I wantedto know what they thought about
(11:21):
me and my life choices, and Iwanted them to tell me what to
do about XYZ situation. Andwhile I cannot speak for another
medium's work, I was not therefor that session. I don't know
the medium that this personworked with, and it's definitely
not my intention to invalidatesomeone else's feelings or
(11:42):
experience. It did make mewonder if perhaps the
expectations that this personhad of the session was part of
the challenge here, and based onwhat we just talked about before
this, I'm hoping you can see andconnect these dots for yourself,
while I completely understandthat having our own human
desires is like part of ourexperience. These wishes are not
(12:04):
the need of the soul, yours ortheirs, but just that a human
desire and what we want, andsometimes our want involves a
need to control. Now I don'tcontrol the session, nor can my
sitter or recipient control thesession. I do my best to work
with the spirit people on theother side, but they really are
(12:26):
more in charge of the directionof the session, if it's working
properly. My intention is to befollowing them and what they
want to share, and not takingcontrol and demanding
information of them, I hope youcan feel as I'm saying, it the
different energy of those twothings, demanding information
and taking control, versus mejust trying to follow the
(12:48):
details that they're sharing.
I've talked about this a littlebit before. Mediumship is a
mystical experience. I'mblending my soul with theirs.
I'm essentially energeticallyquickening my vibration, raising
my vibration, and they areslowing or lowering their
vibration and blending theirsoul with mine. So they are
(13:12):
agreeing to communicate. Theyare showing up. I don't even
know who it's going to be when Istart to blend with them, I
start to get a sense of perhapstheir gender, perhaps their role
in this person's life. Somecommunicators start with details
about their personality. Somestart with a very specific
memory or characteristic. Soit's different every time, from
(13:34):
my perspective, and I'm justdoing my best job to stay in
this mystical experience and todo my best for the spirit
person. But there are so manythings that can kind of go wrong
as a part of this, and control,or the need to control, is one
of them. Now I'm going to giveyou just a few things that could
(13:56):
also go wrong in a session ofwhy it just, quote, unquote,
doesn'twork. Now that we've talked
about what it means to work ornot work,
one reason could be just assimple as like the mediums
having an off day. Mediums arehuman. And again, this is an art
form, not a science. Ispecifically set up my day
personally as a medium. Andagain, everyone does it
(14:18):
differently, so I'm not sayingwhat someone else must or must
not do, this is just what'sworking for me, and it's just
what's working for me right now,because I change and grow as
well. I really try to set up myday in a very specific way on
the days that I'm doingreadings, which is several days
out of the week, usually, Ilimit the number of clients that
I'm taking per day. It's prettylow, just so I can try to give
(14:40):
my highest quality to everybody.
There's specific things Ipersonally will not do before
readings. I won't I try veryhard not to engage in anything
stressful or traumatic, ifpossible. I mean, if someone I
love is going through something,I might have to have a
conversation with them or showup for something. But the truth
is, there are certain people inmy life. Life that I won't I try
my very best not to speak to onthe phone or have a conversation
(15:03):
with before I do a reading,because it could set, you know,
I'm a human person. I'm just alittle person over here, it
could set me in a differentdirection. We all have those
people in our lives that aremaybe unpredictable or maybe can
trigger our emotions indifferent ways. It doesn't mean
we don't love them, but I choosewhen to talk to them. But you
know, I'm human and I can justhave an off day. All mediums are
(15:27):
clearly human, and we all canhave just an off day. So that's
one reason it could be justmedium having an off day.
Another reason that a sessioncould not work. This just might
not be the right medium for you,or this specific moment like so
one is that it could just not bethe right medium for you. And
(15:49):
once in a blue moon, I havestopped a session and told
someone, I just don't think I'mthe right medium for you. The
energy won't feel right. Itoften will feel very
oppositional in some way. Andthe truth is, there's a medium
for everyone, so someone's notthe right medium for you.
There's plenty out there, andthere's someone for everyone. So
(16:09):
it might not be the right mediumfor you, or this specific
reading or moment in time justmight not be right. It might not
be the time for the reading thatyou are hoping for that most
often has to do with us in ourhuman grieving process. It could
be that you are not ready tohear from this specific
(16:29):
communicator that you are reallywanting to hear from in this
session. Maybe it's just not theright time for them to share
with you what they need to sharein the way they need to share
it. There could be lots ofthreads with this, like I was
saying, this is just a basiclist, or, I mean, it's a deep
list, but you can infer a lot ofthings, hopefully into what I'm
(16:51):
saying without me having to,like, call out specific
instances. But sometimes we'renot at the place in our grieving
process to have the depth ofreading that we could have, the
reading is only going to go tothe depth or level of intricacy
that the cooperative componentsallow, meaning me as the medium,
(17:12):
the spirit, people and myclient, if my client is very
resistant and wanting to argueabout every detail that do end
up to be correct, but they'rejust not in a place to hear it.
It's just not going to build towhere it could. So that could be
a reason that it feels like itdoesn't go to where it could. I
sometimes hear, Well, I workedwith this medium for a while,
(17:35):
but I just want someone new, orI just didn't feel like I got
what I needed in my lastsession. So now I'm switching to
a different medium, and that'sfine to do, but I would also
look at the individual'semotions, right? Not just the
medium, but the individual. Andsometimes, yeah, sometimes you
can work with one medium for awhile, and then their energy
(17:56):
changes, or yours changes, oryou just want a different
experience, and all of that isalso perfectly okay to do. Also,
not everyone's personalities getalong well, that's what I mean
partially when I say like itjust might not be the right
medium for you. For example, ifa client is trying to control
(18:16):
the reading, it may stilltechnically work, right? I or
another media may still getdetails or communication from
the spirit world, but if therecipient is trying to control
the communication and sayinglike, well, I don't want to hear
about that. I don't want to hearabout how they passed, I'm
hoping to hear about somethingelse that's taking control. So
(18:37):
it might not be what it could beif we just let it happen and
just have the mysticalexperience, right? You do have
to kind of go in with an openheart. And a lot of people think
they're coming in with an openheart, but they're not
necessarily another piece of itunder this heading of like, not
the right medium, not the righttime, this control aspect of it
(18:59):
is perhaps someone iscommunicating from the other
side or trying to come through,is sometimes how people say it
that we don't want to hear from,or it's someone that is not the
person. The main person thatwe're hoping to hear from is to
trust the process, meaning,there's lots of reasons that a
(19:20):
different person could be thefirst person to start a session
or a group reading, or thatseveral people could communicate
that aren't quite yet the personthat you really were feeling
like you needed to hear from. Itcould be building the energy in
the room. It could be calmingsomething in you. It could be
that they have something thatthey need to communicate.
Whether you feel like you needto hear it or not. It could be
(19:43):
for someone else in your life.
There again. There's so manyreasons in here, but if the
recipient is trying to takecontrol and say like, oh, I
don't want to hear from thatperson. I only want to hear from
the one I want to hear from, tryto figure out who that is and
get them it's not phone. Friend,I wish it was. I often joke and
say like, Well, I wish theywould stand next to me and talk
(20:04):
in my ear and just I could havethat type of conversation. But
that is not how mediumshipworks. It's just not. And
instead of trying to make itsomething it's not, what has
worked best for me is just tofocus on what it is and the way
that it does work. So again,these are all little forms of
trying to take control, and itis so much in our human nature,
(20:26):
especially when we're in pain ordiscomfort or when we feel
desperate to hear from someone,it can be very hard again. This
is not a judgment. It can bevery hard to just allow the
session to go the way it needsto go in that particular moment
in time, so trying to controlthe reading. It still might
technically work, but it's notgoing to be what it could have
(20:47):
been had we just allowed it tonaturally unfold in the way it
needs to. Another reason thesession just might not work is
that you might not have anactual need. Okay, please don't
come for me when I say this,this is the part, one of the
parts that I'm like a littlenervous to talk about. Just
being curious is not enough of aneed to have a reading. Now,
(21:11):
sometimes we're not honest withourselves, and we do really need
to hear either psychicallythings about our own soul and
our own life, ormediumistically, from the spirit
world, but just being curious.
I'm just curious. If anyonewants to talk to me, I'm just I
have no need. Nothing's wrong,nothing's going on. My life is
perfect. I've not really lostanyone significant to me. I
(21:33):
don't really need to hear fromanyone. I'm just curious. That's
not going to be the mostsuccessful version of a session.
(22:41):
And I'm not saying this todiscourage people from getting
readings, because I love thiswork, and I love what I do, and
I know how profound sessions canbe, and I do know sometimes we
think like, oh, well, maybesomeone has a greater need than
me. It's not about comparing tosomeone else's need. It's being
honest with yourself. Do youhave an actual need, or do you
feel an urge within, almost likea person on the other side is
(23:05):
like, ready to communicate,because just feeling curious is
not enough, and sometimes, likejust once in a blue moon, I'll
find that someone's friend had areally powerful session. I'm
thinking of someone inparticular who has a beloved
parent on the other side thatpassed suddenly and quite young,
and they the session was lovelyand very meaningful for them,
(23:28):
and in sharing it with theirfriends, they had a couple other
friends that had sessions aswell, and some of them were
really meaningful and deep andpowerful, and others were maybe
a little more surfacey, but oneof the friends just didn't have
a need. They just were feelingkind of FOMO, a little bit like
they were missing out becausetheir friends had sessions that
were really moving and powerfuland meaningful in their lives,
(23:50):
and they wanted that too, whichis a natural human desire, but
they hadn't lost anyone in theirlife, and they didn't want to
hear anything about themselves.
There was a lot we could havedone in the psychic work of
direction and guidance andpeeling back some of the layers
of them, but they didn't wantit. So that session just didn't
(24:11):
feel fully fulfilling to them,because they had no one on the
other side that needed tocommunicate or that they needed
to hear from, and they weren'twilling to hear about their
lives again taking control.
So just being curious is notenough. But please don't let
that stop you. Just allow it tohelp you. Question, is this the
right time for me? Do I feelready to just accept what
(24:32):
happens? Do I have someone onthe other side that I that I
really would like to hear from?
Do I feel a need of some kind,right? Many people forget again
that this is an actual mysticalexperience happening. It's not a
parlor trick. It's not a snapyour fingers and okay, go do the
medium thing. Let's let's see.
(24:53):
It just is not going to be assuccessful as it could if it's
not driven by a need of thesoul. That's where the real
power and energy, and a readingcomes from is the need. And the
need might not be the sitter,the need might be the spirit
person. So they I have hadpeople say, like, I don't know.
I just felt like I needed tocome in. I'm not even sure who's
(25:14):
going to communicate. I do havepeople on the other side, but I
don't know. And then there's aspirit communicator that needs
to communicate, and everythingis really successful. So it
doesn't have to be your need. Itcan be the need of the other
side. So another reason thatthis beautiful gift of
mediumship might not work to thedegree we hope in a session
(25:35):
could be because the sitter,whether it's you, I'm going to
say you, but don't take itpersonal. The sitter you might
not be ready or in the emotionalstate for the communication. The
spirit world loves us like asindividuals. They love us as a
collective. They love us andthey have our best interests at
(25:58):
heart, so to speak, or at topof. Top of their awareness, and
you just might not be ready tohear from a certain person or to
hear about a certain subjectmatter, even if, on a very
conscious level, you think thatyou are ready, your soul, you as
a soul, might not be ready. Ihave found this, not
(26:22):
exclusively, but particularlywith people that have a very
challenging passing or who hadsome very challenging aspects of
their life or personality, thatsometimes the person that loves
them, that's still here in thephysical world is not ready to
hear about some of the detailsthat relate to what that spirit
(26:43):
person wants to share abouttheir own personal challenges or
complication or the way thatthey pass. Now, it's never my
intention as a medium to pullthreads that are going to
traumatize my sitter, right? Idon't want to do that to my
clients. I try to be very gentlein the way I share information,
but I also owe a duty to thespirit world. They're agreeing
(27:05):
to communicate with me, and thismight be their only opportunity
to share what they need to sharewith this person who's in front
of me. And so I try to treadlightly and be very delicate
with delicate situations, and italways comes from a place of non
judgment and love for me as themedium this in between, right
(27:25):
this middle person. Butsometimes spirit people have
hard stuff to share, not always.
Sometimes they don't want totalk about the hard things.
Sometimes they only want toshare about the light things.
But if it's their need, or ifit's the need of the sitter,
sometimes, if we're not ready togo in a certain direction, or if
we're not in the emotional statefor the communication, perhaps
(27:48):
it's too soon. Perhaps wehaven't processed our own grief.
Perhaps we still have so muchanger that we won't be able to
allow the communication to buildin the way it needs to build
that often does show up assomeone saying, like, I don't
want to hear about that. I don'twant to hear about that affair
that they had. Like, I'm notopen to talk about that, and
it's fine. It's okay if youdon't want to hear about a
(28:10):
specific thing, but just knowthe communication is not going
to be as successful or build tothe point that it could, because
again, we're taking control anddemanding. Demanding isn't
always just what we want to hearabout. It can be what we don't
want to hear about, and again,it's okay. We're all human, and
it's all a natural part of theevolution of our emotions. But
if we're not ready or in theemotional state for the
(28:34):
communication, sometimes it justcan't go to where it could go.
So we might feel like it's alittle lackluster, less
successful, but we have to lookat, well, did we try to direct
it ourselves, or did we just letit unfold naturally? Now, I do
also want to share what it doesnot mean when it doesn't work.
It does not mean that yourspirit person doesn't want to
(28:56):
visit with you, doesn't want tocommunicate from the other side.
It does not mean that they havemoved on and are no longer
available. I heard thisrecently, and it shook me to my
core that another medium hadtold someone, oh, well, that
loved one is not available, andthey've probably moved on to
(29:17):
another place and they are justnot available to communicate
with you anymore. That's nottrue, as far as I understand it
in the years that I have in thiswork, and I've had mentors that
have had many, many, many moreyears collectively than me, and
I just know that it's notbecause they're mad at you, it's
not because they don't want toshare with you or visit with
(29:39):
you. It's not because they'vemoved on and they're not
available. It's not becausethey're not at peace. They are.
They're immediately at peace.
It's not because they're stuckin a bad place. I have to take a
big exhale on this one. Irecently have had kind of a
trickle of people that seem tobe finding me who have visited a
(30:00):
specific medium that's herelocally in the greater San Diego
area. I don't know this person.
I don't know their name. Truly,I wouldn't call them out anyway
in that way, but I know thatthey're located at a beach
community. I'll say it that way.
And this person, this so calledmedium, is taking people's money
and promising to provide asession. And then I have heard
(30:23):
from numerous kind of youngerpeople that this person is
telling them, Oh, your person isstuck. They're in a bad place.
They're not at peace, they'revery stressed out, and they
can't communicate, and you needto help them. And lo and behold,
this person has the cure forthis, for the low, low price of
whatever they're being chargedto do a candle or a spell or a
(30:47):
something like that, that is allsuch BS. And I'm so grateful
that somehow a few of thatperson's clients have found me
so that then I can bring throughor communicate with their
beloved people and kind of put.
Prove to them or help themunderstand and see like, no,
they're not in a bad place,they're not stuck, they're right
there. Perhaps this person isjust not really a medium, or is
(31:08):
focused in a different way. SoI'll just leave it at that. But
it doesn't mean that yourperson's in a bad place or that
they're stuck or that they'renot available, or that they've
moved on, or that they don'twant to talk to you, and if
somebody tells you thatimmediately, just say, Okay,
thank you. I want to end thesession and find somebody else.
That would be my guidance forthe people closest to me, and
(31:30):
that's my guidance for you. Sothat's what it doesn't mean. Now
I'm going to give you some tipsquickly, just to help you. If
you've ever had a session thatyou were unhappy with, or to
help you kind of align yourselfin the best way to get the most
out of your session. And again,we can't demand but there are
ways that we can show up thatare maybe more in alignment
(31:53):
versus less in alignment. Ifyou've ever been unhappy with a
session with a medium, I wouldjust highly recommend consider
reaching out to your mediumdirectly to see if they would
consider a partial refund oreven a full refund before
leaving a negative public facingreview. Now everyone has the
free will to like say what theywant to say and the way they
(32:16):
want to say it, but I feel likedoes maybe this is just me as a
person and the people that Iknow, any business that I'm
going to work with, if it's arestaurant, if it's a I don't
know. I mean, I've been with myhairdresser for a long time, but
a place to get my hair done in anew city or whatever it might
be, right, get your tireschanged, I would give the
(32:36):
business an opportunity to makeit right. If I wasn't happy with
the service, either give me arefund or a do over, or, I don't
know, whatever. Maybe you didn'tlike them and you you just
weren't happy and you want arefund. I would allow the
business and opportunity,whoever it is and whatever it
is, to make it right before justreally cutting them down
publicly as mediums. This isprobably the most vulnerable
(33:01):
thing that we do in the world.
This is the most personal giftto us. And even if we've done
this work for a lot of years,there's so much trust and
vulnerability involved whenwe're working and
the truth is, most mediums likewe talked about at the top, if
they're a real medium and you'vegot a referral or
(33:22):
recommendation, or they've gotgood reviews, their heart is
probably in the right place, andthey probably don't want to
leave someone feeling so unhappyafter their session that they
would even want to leave a badreview. I know me, there's not
many times in it here where itdoesn't work out, but there are
a few, whether it's any of thereasons that I've listed above,
(33:42):
and maybe it's just that I'm notthe right person for them or
they, you know, even if they hada different expectation and I
can't provide the checklist thatthey wanted, I still will give a
refund. So that's just maybe apersonal thing for me, as
someone who also, like has apublic facing business, allow
that person a chance to make itright. And I really, for me, and
(34:05):
I encourage, hopefully for allof you, I think that's a blanket
statement for any type ofparticularly small business that
you're working with, because tosmall businesses, those negative
reviews can really make a bigimpact, and can also be not a
complete view of the work orwhat happened in the session. So
(34:26):
let them make it right for you.
The other one of the other tipsI want to give you is resist the
urge to demand of your lovedone. On the other side, you have
to get the medium to say thisword or talk about this specific
thing or this specific memory, Iwon't believe it's you if you
don't, if you don't say thisspecific thing, please, please,
please, if you take nothing elseaway from this episode, please
(34:49):
don't do that. You're reallyrisking depriving yourself of a
potentially beautifulexperience. I had someone. It's
been a handful of years now,since I worked with this person,
but it's really stuck in my mindas an example of this. And this
person was a lovely person. Theywere deeply in grief. They had
lost someone incrediblyimportant to them in a very
(35:12):
traumatic and unexpected way.
Not that that makes it anydifferent, but just to kind of
set the intensity for you. Andthe session went in a very nice
way, the person that they neededto hear from, because they truly
had the need communicated andshared details about their
personality and expressed. Andas we were working, they were
(35:33):
saying, oh my gosh, that soundsexactly like them, and that is
their personality, and they dohave that tattoo, and they did
have this relationship, and itwas, you know, just lovely. And
the communicator was a reallygood communicator, and I felt
like I was understanding themreally well. And the end of the
session, just as I was wrappingup, I just became aware of a
(35:54):
specific memory, and it was avery small memory. The way it
came in was fleeting, and I hadalmost stopped. Dismissed it,
but I had almost because thememory felt very outside of the
personality of the person that Ihad just been describing and
working with, and we were almostout of time, and I was like,
well, it doesn't feel like a newcommunicator, like an additional
spirit person, but I am going tojust give this little bit of
(36:16):
information even though I don'tquite understand it, which often
I like to understand somethingand how it fits in as I'm giving
it. And the sitter said to me,oh my gosh, I'm so glad you said
that, because I told them theyhad to mention that very
specific memory from 20 yearsago in order for me to
(36:36):
really believe it was them. AndI just was like, I don't know,
the wind was knocked out of me,maybe, and we were at the end
anyway, and I just kind of saidto them, like, wow, that was
really risky. And didn't youfeel like everything else that
they gave was so purely them, asyou were saying, that if they
hadn't given that little obscurememory from 20 years ago, that
(36:59):
you wouldn't have acceptedanything else that they gave
this whole time. I just likeagain, the wind was just knocked
out. It still is, and it's beenyears. So let the spirit person
share what they need to share inthe way they need to share it.
Maybe the story that they wantto talk about or the need that
they have has nothing to do withthat random memory or
catchphrase or word. And I'vehad this happen over the years,
(37:22):
a good handful of times, wherethe person's like, Yeah, but I
just want to know what was thenickname they called me. And if
I don't have it, I don't haveit. I don't demand information,
nor can I, because if I'mgrabbing or Mavis used to call
it snatching or demandingspecific information, there is a
high probability that my mindwill want to come in and create
(37:45):
that information, instead ofbeing open and receiving the
information that the spiritperson wants to share. So even
though, of course, it's humannature, there's definitely a
version of me that would havedone the same thing and been
like, Okay, I need to hear thisabout this specific thing to
know, but I'm just encouragingyou you have free will so you
could do what you want, but I'mencouraging you to please, just
(38:06):
let the session develop in theway that it needs to, and resist
the urge to demand somethingspecific, as far as like
catchphrase or specific detailfrom your loved one, to believe
it's them. Let them do the workand show you that it's them,
even without a specificcatchphrase. Another helpful tip
(38:26):
I want to give you is noteverything and everyone should
be expected to be covered in onesitting. Most mediums are our
sittings are depending on themedium. I have some mediums that
I know that their sittings areonly 20 or 30 minutes. Mine are
usually about 50 minutes for aone on one session. Most
evidential mediums intend tomeet the need that that person
(38:50):
has in that session, or the needof the spirit world. And while a
client might have like a laundrylist of areas that they want to
know about or want to talkabout, or all the people that
they've ever known that are onthe other side that they want to
hear from. Please know that onlyso much can be covered in one
session. It doesn't mean youcan't have another session at a
(39:12):
future date and hope for some ofthose other things to be
communicated about, but some ofthem might be just a want or
human desire, not an actualneed. Thinking of someone else
that I had kind of recently.
This gentleman was so lovely,and the session was really
wonderful. And the person thatcame through was very expressive
and was very specific and uniqueperson, and gave so much detail.
(39:33):
And towards the later half ofthe session, this person's like
pulling out a little paper listfrom their pocket, and they're
unfolding the list. And thishappens sometimes, and I just
was like, Oh, I'm just curious,like, is there anything on your
list that we didn't get to? Andthey were kind of going down,
and they're like, no, theyactually mentioned a lot of
these things. There is one thingI was hoping that they might
(39:55):
know what I wore last week. AndI was like, Oh, I don't know.
I'm sorry, because I just didn'thave that. But there had been so
much that came through in the 40minutes of the session. We had
already done that, just pinningit down to, you know, again,
it's kind of the same thing, onething of needing to be heard, or
one area of wanting to cover.
(40:19):
It's really about the need, andthat's what's prioritized in the
energy of the session with anymedium that I know anyway, and
myself included, so everything'snot going to get squished into
one session. And I the reason Ishare that is because I have
occasionally had someone bedisappointed that it's like, Oh,
mom came through, and dad andsister and uncle and they we
(40:42):
talked about their career andsome things going on in their
love life that they needed tohear about. But then they were
like, oh, you know also, I wasreally hoping to hear from my
third grade teacher and mychildhood best friend. And it's
like, okay, well, it's not thatthat can't happen. It's that
this was the need for thiscontainer, this session time,
this. These were the priority ofneeds that the spirit world
(41:03):
created, and perhaps that needcan be addressed in another
session. But just set up yourexpectations in a healthy way
that not everything is probablygoing to get tackled in one
session, especially if you feellike there's a lot that you
would like to hear about, justknow it's going to be based on
the need. Okay, so all of thatbeing said, I hope this
(41:24):
conversation brought you someclarity and hopefully some
comfort around what it reallymeans when mediumship doesn't,
quote, unquote, work, maybe youhave a little bit of a different
perspective of what it means forit to work, right? Maybe you
thought it was the laundry list,and now you realize, Oh no, it's
the way that they want toexpress themselves and the
things they want to share, toidentify themselves, and that
(41:45):
should bring me peace andcomfort. So hopefully, you can
remember that true communicationwith the spirit world. It's a
sacred exchange. It's a soul tosoul communication. It's not a
performance. It's not somethingthat can be forced or
controlled. It truly is amystical experience. If you've
ever had a session that left youquestioning things, I hope that
(42:08):
this helps you see that theconnection and love don't
disappear just because thereading didn't unfold the way
that you expected or hoped. Yourloved ones in the spirit world
are always around you. They'realways finding ways to reach
you, sometimes just in a quieteror more unexpected or more
surprising way. If this episoderesonated with you, please take
(42:31):
a moment to subscribe. Whereveryou are listening to this, I
would love it if you would giveme a rating or share with
someone that might need a littleextra reassurance today. Maybe
you know someone that had asession that they didn't feel
went the way they needed to, andmaybe this will help them
understand, potentially, why orwhat happened. Or maybe you know
someone that was disappointedthat certain people communicated
(42:53):
from the spirit world and otherpeople didn't, and and maybe it
will help them know that no,those people still love you and
they're still with you. It'sjust these other people had a
stronger need in that specificmoment in time, just like time,
we can't necessarily put time ina bottle and capture a moment
and hold it forever as timechanges, as we grow and shift
(43:15):
different loved ones might beready to communicate in a
different way, or a loved onethat you've heard from in a
different session, might beready or have the need now to
share about something else,because you're more ready to
hear about it. So I really justwant to hope you help you know
that your loved ones, your ownguides, are always available to
(43:37):
you. You can communicate withthem, you can sense and feel
them, and if you would like moreresources or guided meditations,
I have an upcoming mastermindthat's going to be before the
end of the year, kind of like amini workshop that's going to be
condensed. Please visit me atjoyful medium.com and please get
on my email community. That iswhere I announce most of this
(43:59):
stuff first, and it's where Ican kind of blast things out the
easiest. Social media is sonoisy that people don't tend to
see things, so the direct emailsthat I send really are the best
way to have your pulse on likewhat's happening, what's being
offered. Most of you know Ioffer a lot of free community
offerings throughout the year,just because it's my intention
(44:20):
to hold the space for you and tohelp us all learn and grow and
expand together. So until nexttime, remember love never dies
and the conversation with yourloved ones never really ends.
Big hugs, lots of love. Bye fornow from inside spirits
speakeasy, you.
Joy. Hey, beautiful soul, welcome to spirit. Speak
Easy. I'm Joy Giovanni, joyfulmedium. I'm a working psychic
medium, energy healer andspiritual gifts mentor. This
podcast is like a seat at thetable in a secret club, but with
mediums, mystics and thespiritual luminaries of our
time. So come behind the velvetropes with me and see inside my
(00:24):
world as I chat insider stylewith profoundly gifted souls, we
go deep, share juicy stories,laugh a lot, and it wouldn't be
a speakeasy without greatinsider secrets and tips. You
might even learn that you havesome gifts of your own so step
inside the spirit speakeasy.
Hey, beautiful soul. Welcome infor another episode of spirit
(00:46):
speakeasy. On today's episode,we are going to talk about when
mediumship doesn't work. I sooften get asked if mediumship is
hard, or if it ever just doesn'twork if maybe someone's loved
one simply doesn't want to talkto them. It's such an honest
question, and today we're divinginto the truth behind it. So in
(01:09):
this episode, I'll share what'sreally happening when a session
doesn't unfold the way that wehope what it does not mean about
your loved one, and I'll alsoshare some common reasons that a
reading can feel off or just notquite successful in the way that
we may have hoped. And also, Ithink it's important to give you
(01:29):
some tips about what to expectin a reading and what to be
looking for to know if it'sworking in the best way
possible. So whether you've hadan experience that you're just
uncertain about, or if you'rejust curious about mediumship
and the ins and outs of it, thisconversation will hopefully
bring some clarity, compassion,maybe even a little relief. I
(01:52):
also want to just mention thatwhile these are some of the
reasons that a session could gowrong or not quite work out.
It's definitely not anexhaustive list. There are so
many little nuanced reasonreasons, but hopefully this will
give you enough of anexplanation that you can infer a
lot of those other reasons. Andbecause I know that if you are
(02:17):
with me and listening to thispod, you are an intelligent,
discerning adult human being. Inthis conversation, we are going
to go under the assumption thatyou vetted the medium, either
got like a referral from someonethat has worked with them or
that you trust. You maybe sawreviews for this medium. You
maybe had a little bit ofunderstanding of them and their
(02:38):
work. Maybe you saw them at agroup reading, or saw their
work, or have seen them in somecapacity before, that you know
for sure that they are actuallya medium and that they also have
enough training and expertise tobe working professionally. Okay,
so those are the caveats,because if any of those pieces
are off, well, that's a wholedifferent can of worms, so to
(03:00):
speak. So you've got thismedium, they're actually a
medium. They're trained and haveenough expertise to actually be
working professionally. Youeither saw reviews or got a good
referral. And I also want toacknowledge as part of this
talk, while as we're diving in,that it's such an honor to do
this work as a medium. I dorealize that my clients are
(03:23):
trusting me with the souls oftheir most beloved people. So
the intention of this episode isnot to blame or shame. We're all
human. We're all doing the verybest that we can, and it's
natural to have these types ofquestions or uncertainty. So
this is all intended in love,and I hope that you will take it
that way and give me some grace.
(03:46):
I really have had this episodewritten for a while, but I get a
little nervous about sharingthings that could be
controversial or that could makepeople feel triggered. I know
it's just a part of life, but Itry very hard to be sensitive to
everyone and where they are at.
So let's talk first about whatit means to have a successful
communication from the spiritworld, since that's where some
(04:08):
of the misconceptions may begin,even though there is a certain
expectation about what quote,unquote, mediumship means, each
medium is an individual artist,and we all work differently,
just as human beings. I like toreally highlight that mediumship
is an art form. It's not ascience. There is not a way for,
(04:31):
you know, in science and in morescience based careers, even in
something like therapy, there isa prescribed set of rules and
meanings and a system to workwithin. And while that's true
with mediumship, much like anytype of artistry, there are
(04:53):
guidelines and there are certainways to work, but there is no.
So like specific, if this thenalways that it really is an
artistry and an art form that'screated by the medium, the
individual, spirit, person andthe sitter. So it is everyone is
involved energetically. Andagain, it's not a science. It's
(05:17):
more of an art form. So let'sjust talk about what an actual
successful communication means.
It means essentially that themedium shares details,
including, but not limited toremember. It's not a checklist
that we're going down to make itsuccessful, but these are some
of the types of details that youmight hear from a medium, things
(05:39):
like the personality traits ofthe loved one or the person
spirit person, facts or detailsfrom their life at any point in
their life, shared memories,experiences. Sometimes they
might share things going on inyour life or times that they
spend with you. They may or maynot talk about ways that they
(05:59):
say hello in the world, they mayor may not share details about
things you went throughtogether, things that they
personally went through at anypoint in their life, or things
you're going through now, it'sneither the sitter, nor the
medium who chooses which detailsare shared in a communication.
It is not me as the medium witha list, a checklist of like,
(06:22):
okay, Spirit people, you mustanswer these questions. And it's
also not my sitter that gets tocome in with a list of demands.
It's not a laundry list thatwe're going down, but rather, as
a medium, we're blending oursoul with the soul of the spirit
person, and they are sharing thedetails that they need to share,
or that they know that need tobe communicated, not based on
(06:46):
demand, while my sitter orclient might have certain wants,
the communication is reallybased on the need of the soul,
whether it's the need of theclient soul or the soul who is
the spirit person on the otherside the communication, the
emotion, is really driven byneed. Now, it is very normal to
(07:11):
have human wants, but really thecommunication is driven on the
need. And we can debate at somefuture point about the degree of
success of a communication, butif there are details about a
spirit person that are true,even if you can't recognize them
in that moment, and you go backand check them later and say,
like, oh, actually, that was aperson in my family. I just
(07:32):
didn't know them very well. Soif there are details about the
person that are true, that's asuccess, successful
communication. But the measureof successful communication from
the spirit world through amedium is not defined by the
client getting everything theywant, or even hearing from every
single person that they want inany given session. It doesn't
(07:56):
mean that if you get 10 items onyour list unchecked and one item
checked that that's notsuccessful. That is successful.
It's not about what we want tohear or our demands as as the
human person on this side. It isabout the spirit person, their
need, how they want to identifythemselves. I could create a
list and try to go down it. Itdoesn't work for lots of
(08:18):
reasons, which, if you want todive into, we can talk about it
another conversation. So it'slike an hour chat in and of
itself. But really, the truthis, the spirit person knows how
to best identify themselves inways that I could never hope to
understand. And I've even had itwhere my recipient, my sitter,
my client, didn't you'll hear meuse all of those words we use,
(08:40):
all of these words inmediumship, didn't recognize the
spirit person, and I gave themsome details, and they couldn't
place the person. And then I,you know, moved on and allowed
the next spirit person tocommunicate. And then later,
they've checked with a familymember or done some just
research in the history of theirfamily, and have said, Oh my
gosh, my dad recognized that ashis grandpa, and all of the
(09:04):
things were true and it was someaningful to him. Perhaps that
bit wasn't for the sitter,actually, that was in my office.
Perhaps it was to open someoneelse's mind. So there are many
layers of things goingon that as the medium are not my
place to try to know or figureout or extract. The more that my
(09:24):
busy mind is in there, the lesshelpful it is. I'll say it that
way. So I really just want tomake sure that we understand
that a successful communicationin the most basic way has to do
with giving factual details orpersonality about the spirit
communicator, and is not definedby getting everything that the
client wants or expects to hearfrom, or even from every single
(09:49):
person that they're hoping tohear from in that session. I'm
going to give a little example.
Someone recently was in myoffice, and sometimes I will ask
people if they've ever.
Experienced a reading before,because it just helps me know
what their experience level is,if they know how to respond,
what type of experience they'vehad. I don't ask a lot of
details about it, but thisparticular person launched into
(10:10):
essentially like a criticism ofanother medium. And what they
were saying was that they feltlike this session wasn't
successful. They were verydisappointed. They were very
unhappy. And when I asked themto say more about like, say more
about that like would say moreabout why you felt that way, or
say more about this, the sessionfeeling unsuccessful to you, and
(10:35):
what they ended up saying was,when I asked them that they were
able to recognize the spiritperson that communicated, and it
was more than one person, andthrough the details, even though
it took a little while to shapeup, it sounded like they did
recognize those people thatcommunicated. Because I said,
like, you know, so okay, yourecognized the people. And they
(10:58):
said, Well, yeah, several familymembers came through, actually,
and gave details enough that Iknew who they were. But as the
conversation went on, they weresaying but I wanted to hear
about me. I wanted them to shareXYZ specific memory that I
remember about them, and Iwanted them to talk about my
life and my family, and I wantedto know what they thought about
(11:21):
me and my life choices, and Iwanted them to tell me what to
do about XYZ situation. Andwhile I cannot speak for another
medium's work, I was not therefor that session. I don't know
the medium that this personworked with, and it's definitely
not my intention to invalidatesomeone else's feelings or
(11:42):
experience. It did make mewonder if perhaps the
expectations that this personhad of the session was part of
the challenge here, and based onwhat we just talked about before
this, I'm hoping you can see andconnect these dots for yourself,
while I completely understandthat having our own human
desires is like part of ourexperience. These wishes are not
(12:04):
the need of the soul, yours ortheirs, but just that a human
desire and what we want, andsometimes our want involves a
need to control. Now I don'tcontrol the session, nor can my
sitter or recipient control thesession. I do my best to work
with the spirit people on theother side, but they really are
(12:26):
more in charge of the directionof the session, if it's working
properly. My intention is to befollowing them and what they
want to share, and not takingcontrol and demanding
information of them, I hope youcan feel as I'm saying, it the
different energy of those twothings, demanding information
and taking control, versus mejust trying to follow the
(12:48):
details that they're sharing.
I've talked about this a littlebit before. Mediumship is a
mystical experience. I'mblending my soul with theirs.
I'm essentially energeticallyquickening my vibration, raising
my vibration, and they areslowing or lowering their
vibration and blending theirsoul with mine. So they are
(13:12):
agreeing to communicate. Theyare showing up. I don't even
know who it's going to be when Istart to blend with them, I
start to get a sense of perhapstheir gender, perhaps their role
in this person's life. Somecommunicators start with details
about their personality. Somestart with a very specific
memory or characteristic. Soit's different every time, from
(13:34):
my perspective, and I'm justdoing my best job to stay in
this mystical experience and todo my best for the spirit
person. But there are so manythings that can kind of go wrong
as a part of this, and control,or the need to control, is one
of them. Now I'm going to giveyou just a few things that could
(13:56):
also go wrong in a session ofwhy it just, quote, unquote,
doesn'twork. Now that we've talked
about what it means to work ornot work,
one reason could be just assimple as like the mediums
having an off day. Mediums arehuman. And again, this is an art
form, not a science. Ispecifically set up my day
personally as a medium. Andagain, everyone does it
(14:18):
differently, so I'm not sayingwhat someone else must or must
not do, this is just what'sworking for me, and it's just
what's working for me right now,because I change and grow as
well. I really try to set up myday in a very specific way on
the days that I'm doingreadings, which is several days
out of the week, usually, Ilimit the number of clients that
I'm taking per day. It's prettylow, just so I can try to give
(14:40):
my highest quality to everybody.
There's specific things Ipersonally will not do before
readings. I won't I try veryhard not to engage in anything
stressful or traumatic, ifpossible. I mean, if someone I
love is going through something,I might have to have a
conversation with them or showup for something. But the truth
is, there are certain people inmy life. Life that I won't I try
my very best not to speak to onthe phone or have a conversation
(15:03):
with before I do a reading,because it could set, you know,
I'm a human person. I'm just alittle person over here, it
could set me in a differentdirection. We all have those
people in our lives that aremaybe unpredictable or maybe can
trigger our emotions indifferent ways. It doesn't mean
we don't love them, but I choosewhen to talk to them. But you
know, I'm human and I can justhave an off day. All mediums are
(15:27):
clearly human, and we all canhave just an off day. So that's
one reason it could be justmedium having an off day.
Another reason that a sessioncould not work. This just might
not be the right medium for you,or this specific moment like so
one is that it could just not bethe right medium for you. And
(15:49):
once in a blue moon, I havestopped a session and told
someone, I just don't think I'mthe right medium for you. The
energy won't feel right. Itoften will feel very
oppositional in some way. Andthe truth is, there's a medium
for everyone, so someone's notthe right medium for you.
There's plenty out there, andthere's someone for everyone. So
(16:09):
it might not be the right mediumfor you, or this specific
reading or moment in time justmight not be right. It might not
be the time for the reading thatyou are hoping for that most
often has to do with us in ourhuman grieving process. It could
be that you are not ready tohear from this specific
(16:29):
communicator that you are reallywanting to hear from in this
session. Maybe it's just not theright time for them to share
with you what they need to sharein the way they need to share
it. There could be lots ofthreads with this, like I was
saying, this is just a basiclist, or, I mean, it's a deep
list, but you can infer a lot ofthings, hopefully into what I'm
(16:51):
saying without me having to,like, call out specific
instances. But sometimes we'renot at the place in our grieving
process to have the depth ofreading that we could have, the
reading is only going to go tothe depth or level of intricacy
that the cooperative componentsallow, meaning me as the medium,
(17:12):
the spirit, people and myclient, if my client is very
resistant and wanting to argueabout every detail that do end
up to be correct, but they'rejust not in a place to hear it.
It's just not going to build towhere it could. So that could be
a reason that it feels like itdoesn't go to where it could. I
sometimes hear, Well, I workedwith this medium for a while,
(17:35):
but I just want someone new, orI just didn't feel like I got
what I needed in my lastsession. So now I'm switching to
a different medium, and that'sfine to do, but I would also
look at the individual'semotions, right? Not just the
medium, but the individual. Andsometimes, yeah, sometimes you
can work with one medium for awhile, and then their energy
(17:56):
changes, or yours changes, oryou just want a different
experience, and all of that isalso perfectly okay to do. Also,
not everyone's personalities getalong well, that's what I mean
partially when I say like itjust might not be the right
medium for you. For example, ifa client is trying to control
(18:16):
the reading, it may stilltechnically work, right? I or
another media may still getdetails or communication from
the spirit world, but if therecipient is trying to control
the communication and sayinglike, well, I don't want to hear
about that. I don't want to hearabout how they passed, I'm
hoping to hear about somethingelse that's taking control. So
(18:37):
it might not be what it could beif we just let it happen and
just have the mysticalexperience, right? You do have
to kind of go in with an openheart. And a lot of people think
they're coming in with an openheart, but they're not
necessarily another piece of itunder this heading of like, not
the right medium, not the righttime, this control aspect of it
(18:59):
is perhaps someone iscommunicating from the other
side or trying to come through,is sometimes how people say it
that we don't want to hear from,or it's someone that is not the
person. The main person thatwe're hoping to hear from is to
trust the process, meaning,there's lots of reasons that a
(19:20):
different person could be thefirst person to start a session
or a group reading, or thatseveral people could communicate
that aren't quite yet the personthat you really were feeling
like you needed to hear from. Itcould be building the energy in
the room. It could be calmingsomething in you. It could be
that they have something thatthey need to communicate.
Whether you feel like you needto hear it or not. It could be
(19:43):
for someone else in your life.
There again. There's so manyreasons in here, but if the
recipient is trying to takecontrol and say like, oh, I
don't want to hear from thatperson. I only want to hear from
the one I want to hear from, tryto figure out who that is and
get them it's not phone. Friend,I wish it was. I often joke and
say like, Well, I wish theywould stand next to me and talk
(20:04):
in my ear and just I could havethat type of conversation. But
that is not how mediumshipworks. It's just not. And
instead of trying to make itsomething it's not, what has
worked best for me is just tofocus on what it is and the way
that it does work. So again,these are all little forms of
trying to take control, and itis so much in our human nature,
(20:26):
especially when we're in pain ordiscomfort or when we feel
desperate to hear from someone,it can be very hard again. This
is not a judgment. It can bevery hard to just allow the
session to go the way it needsto go in that particular moment
in time, so trying to controlthe reading. It still might
technically work, but it's notgoing to be what it could have
(20:47):
been had we just allowed it tonaturally unfold in the way it
needs to. Another reason thesession just might not work is
that you might not have anactual need. Okay, please don't
come for me when I say this,this is the part, one of the
parts that I'm like a littlenervous to talk about. Just
being curious is not enough of aneed to have a reading. Now,
(21:11):
sometimes we're not honest withourselves, and we do really need
to hear either psychicallythings about our own soul and
our own life, ormediumistically, from the spirit
world, but just being curious.
I'm just curious. If anyonewants to talk to me, I'm just I
have no need. Nothing's wrong,nothing's going on. My life is
perfect. I've not really lostanyone significant to me. I
(21:33):
don't really need to hear fromanyone. I'm just curious. That's
not going to be the mostsuccessful version of a session.
(22:41):
And I'm not saying this todiscourage people from getting
readings, because I love thiswork, and I love what I do, and
I know how profound sessions canbe, and I do know sometimes we
think like, oh, well, maybesomeone has a greater need than
me. It's not about comparing tosomeone else's need. It's being
honest with yourself. Do youhave an actual need, or do you
feel an urge within, almost likea person on the other side is
(23:05):
like, ready to communicate,because just feeling curious is
not enough, and sometimes, likejust once in a blue moon, I'll
find that someone's friend had areally powerful session. I'm
thinking of someone inparticular who has a beloved
parent on the other side thatpassed suddenly and quite young,
and they the session was lovelyand very meaningful for them,
(23:28):
and in sharing it with theirfriends, they had a couple other
friends that had sessions aswell, and some of them were
really meaningful and deep andpowerful, and others were maybe
a little more surfacey, but oneof the friends just didn't have
a need. They just were feelingkind of FOMO, a little bit like
they were missing out becausetheir friends had sessions that
were really moving and powerfuland meaningful in their lives,
(23:50):
and they wanted that too, whichis a natural human desire, but
they hadn't lost anyone in theirlife, and they didn't want to
hear anything about themselves.
There was a lot we could havedone in the psychic work of
direction and guidance andpeeling back some of the layers
of them, but they didn't wantit. So that session just didn't
(24:11):
feel fully fulfilling to them,because they had no one on the
other side that needed tocommunicate or that they needed
to hear from, and they weren'twilling to hear about their
lives again taking control.
So just being curious is notenough. But please don't let
that stop you. Just allow it tohelp you. Question, is this the
right time for me? Do I feelready to just accept what
(24:32):
happens? Do I have someone onthe other side that I that I
really would like to hear from?
Do I feel a need of some kind,right? Many people forget again
that this is an actual mysticalexperience happening. It's not a
parlor trick. It's not a snapyour fingers and okay, go do the
medium thing. Let's let's see.
(24:53):
It just is not going to be assuccessful as it could if it's
not driven by a need of thesoul. That's where the real
power and energy, and a readingcomes from is the need. And the
need might not be the sitter,the need might be the spirit
person. So they I have hadpeople say, like, I don't know.
I just felt like I needed tocome in. I'm not even sure who's
(25:14):
going to communicate. I do havepeople on the other side, but I
don't know. And then there's aspirit communicator that needs
to communicate, and everythingis really successful. So it
doesn't have to be your need. Itcan be the need of the other
side. So another reason thatthis beautiful gift of
mediumship might not work to thedegree we hope in a session
(25:35):
could be because the sitter,whether it's you, I'm going to
say you, but don't take itpersonal. The sitter you might
not be ready or in the emotionalstate for the communication. The
spirit world loves us like asindividuals. They love us as a
collective. They love us andthey have our best interests at
(25:58):
heart, so to speak, or at topof. Top of their awareness, and
you just might not be ready tohear from a certain person or to
hear about a certain subjectmatter, even if, on a very
conscious level, you think thatyou are ready, your soul, you as
a soul, might not be ready. Ihave found this, not
(26:22):
exclusively, but particularlywith people that have a very
challenging passing or who hadsome very challenging aspects of
their life or personality, thatsometimes the person that loves
them, that's still here in thephysical world is not ready to
hear about some of the detailsthat relate to what that spirit
(26:43):
person wants to share abouttheir own personal challenges or
complication or the way thatthey pass. Now, it's never my
intention as a medium to pullthreads that are going to
traumatize my sitter, right? Idon't want to do that to my
clients. I try to be very gentlein the way I share information,
but I also owe a duty to thespirit world. They're agreeing
(27:05):
to communicate with me, and thismight be their only opportunity
to share what they need to sharewith this person who's in front
of me. And so I try to treadlightly and be very delicate
with delicate situations, and italways comes from a place of non
judgment and love for me as themedium this in between, right
(27:25):
this middle person. Butsometimes spirit people have
hard stuff to share, not always.
Sometimes they don't want totalk about the hard things.
Sometimes they only want toshare about the light things.
But if it's their need, or ifit's the need of the sitter,
sometimes, if we're not ready togo in a certain direction, or if
we're not in the emotional statefor the communication, perhaps
(27:48):
it's too soon. Perhaps wehaven't processed our own grief.
Perhaps we still have so muchanger that we won't be able to
allow the communication to buildin the way it needs to build
that often does show up assomeone saying, like, I don't
want to hear about that. I don'twant to hear about that affair
that they had. Like, I'm notopen to talk about that, and
it's fine. It's okay if youdon't want to hear about a
(28:10):
specific thing, but just knowthe communication is not going
to be as successful or build tothe point that it could, because
again, we're taking control anddemanding. Demanding isn't
always just what we want to hearabout. It can be what we don't
want to hear about, and again,it's okay. We're all human, and
it's all a natural part of theevolution of our emotions. But
if we're not ready or in theemotional state for the
(28:34):
communication, sometimes it justcan't go to where it could go.
So we might feel like it's alittle lackluster, less
successful, but we have to lookat, well, did we try to direct
it ourselves, or did we just letit unfold naturally? Now, I do
also want to share what it doesnot mean when it doesn't work.
It does not mean that yourspirit person doesn't want to
(28:56):
visit with you, doesn't want tocommunicate from the other side.
It does not mean that they havemoved on and are no longer
available. I heard thisrecently, and it shook me to my
core that another medium hadtold someone, oh, well, that
loved one is not available, andthey've probably moved on to
(29:17):
another place and they are justnot available to communicate
with you anymore. That's nottrue, as far as I understand it
in the years that I have in thiswork, and I've had mentors that
have had many, many, many moreyears collectively than me, and
I just know that it's notbecause they're mad at you, it's
not because they don't want toshare with you or visit with
(29:39):
you. It's not because they'vemoved on and they're not
available. It's not becausethey're not at peace. They are.
They're immediately at peace.
It's not because they're stuckin a bad place. I have to take a
big exhale on this one. Irecently have had kind of a
trickle of people that seem tobe finding me who have visited a
(30:00):
specific medium that's herelocally in the greater San Diego
area. I don't know this person.
I don't know their name. Truly,I wouldn't call them out anyway
in that way, but I know thatthey're located at a beach
community. I'll say it that way.
And this person, this so calledmedium, is taking people's money
and promising to provide asession. And then I have heard
(30:23):
from numerous kind of youngerpeople that this person is
telling them, Oh, your person isstuck. They're in a bad place.
They're not at peace, they'revery stressed out, and they
can't communicate, and you needto help them. And lo and behold,
this person has the cure forthis, for the low, low price of
whatever they're being chargedto do a candle or a spell or a
(30:47):
something like that, that is allsuch BS. And I'm so grateful
that somehow a few of thatperson's clients have found me
so that then I can bring throughor communicate with their
beloved people and kind of put.
Prove to them or help themunderstand and see like, no,
they're not in a bad place,they're not stuck, they're right
there. Perhaps this person isjust not really a medium, or is
(31:08):
focused in a different way. SoI'll just leave it at that. But
it doesn't mean that yourperson's in a bad place or that
they're stuck or that they'renot available, or that they've
moved on, or that they don'twant to talk to you, and if
somebody tells you thatimmediately, just say, Okay,
thank you. I want to end thesession and find somebody else.
That would be my guidance forthe people closest to me, and
(31:30):
that's my guidance for you. Sothat's what it doesn't mean. Now
I'm going to give you some tipsquickly, just to help you. If
you've ever had a session thatyou were unhappy with, or to
help you kind of align yourselfin the best way to get the most
out of your session. And again,we can't demand but there are
ways that we can show up thatare maybe more in alignment
(31:53):
versus less in alignment. Ifyou've ever been unhappy with a
session with a medium, I wouldjust highly recommend consider
reaching out to your mediumdirectly to see if they would
consider a partial refund oreven a full refund before
leaving a negative public facingreview. Now everyone has the
free will to like say what theywant to say and the way they
(32:16):
want to say it, but I feel likedoes maybe this is just me as a
person and the people that Iknow, any business that I'm
going to work with, if it's arestaurant, if it's a I don't
know. I mean, I've been with myhairdresser for a long time, but
a place to get my hair done in anew city or whatever it might
be, right, get your tireschanged, I would give the
(32:36):
business an opportunity to makeit right. If I wasn't happy with
the service, either give me arefund or a do over, or, I don't
know, whatever. Maybe you didn'tlike them and you you just
weren't happy and you want arefund. I would allow the
business and opportunity,whoever it is and whatever it
is, to make it right before justreally cutting them down
publicly as mediums. This isprobably the most vulnerable
(33:01):
thing that we do in the world.
This is the most personal giftto us. And even if we've done
this work for a lot of years,there's so much trust and
vulnerability involved whenwe're working and
the truth is, most mediums likewe talked about at the top, if
they're a real medium and you'vegot a referral or
(33:22):
recommendation, or they've gotgood reviews, their heart is
probably in the right place, andthey probably don't want to
leave someone feeling so unhappyafter their session that they
would even want to leave a badreview. I know me, there's not
many times in it here where itdoesn't work out, but there are
a few, whether it's any of thereasons that I've listed above,
(33:42):
and maybe it's just that I'm notthe right person for them or
they, you know, even if they hada different expectation and I
can't provide the checklist thatthey wanted, I still will give a
refund. So that's just maybe apersonal thing for me, as
someone who also, like has apublic facing business, allow
that person a chance to make itright. And I really, for me, and
(34:05):
I encourage, hopefully for allof you, I think that's a blanket
statement for any type ofparticularly small business that
you're working with, because tosmall businesses, those negative
reviews can really make a bigimpact, and can also be not a
complete view of the work orwhat happened in the session. So
(34:26):
let them make it right for you.
The other one of the other tipsI want to give you is resist the
urge to demand of your lovedone. On the other side, you have
to get the medium to say thisword or talk about this specific
thing or this specific memory, Iwon't believe it's you if you
don't, if you don't say thisspecific thing, please, please,
please, if you take nothing elseaway from this episode, please
(34:49):
don't do that. You're reallyrisking depriving yourself of a
potentially beautifulexperience. I had someone. It's
been a handful of years now,since I worked with this person,
but it's really stuck in my mindas an example of this. And this
person was a lovely person. Theywere deeply in grief. They had
lost someone incrediblyimportant to them in a very
(35:12):
traumatic and unexpected way.
Not that that makes it anydifferent, but just to kind of
set the intensity for you. Andthe session went in a very nice
way, the person that they neededto hear from, because they truly
had the need communicated andshared details about their
personality and expressed. Andas we were working, they were
(35:33):
saying, oh my gosh, that soundsexactly like them, and that is
their personality, and they dohave that tattoo, and they did
have this relationship, and itwas, you know, just lovely. And
the communicator was a reallygood communicator, and I felt
like I was understanding themreally well. And the end of the
session, just as I was wrappingup, I just became aware of a
(35:54):
specific memory, and it was avery small memory. The way it
came in was fleeting, and I hadalmost stopped. Dismissed it,
but I had almost because thememory felt very outside of the
personality of the person that Ihad just been describing and
working with, and we were almostout of time, and I was like,
well, it doesn't feel like a newcommunicator, like an additional
spirit person, but I am going tojust give this little bit of
(36:16):
information even though I don'tquite understand it, which often
I like to understand somethingand how it fits in as I'm giving
it. And the sitter said to me,oh my gosh, I'm so glad you said
that, because I told them theyhad to mention that very
specific memory from 20 yearsago in order for me to
(36:36):
really believe it was them. AndI just was like, I don't know,
the wind was knocked out of me,maybe, and we were at the end
anyway, and I just kind of saidto them, like, wow, that was
really risky. And didn't youfeel like everything else that
they gave was so purely them, asyou were saying, that if they
hadn't given that little obscurememory from 20 years ago, that
(36:59):
you wouldn't have acceptedanything else that they gave
this whole time. I just likeagain, the wind was just knocked
out. It still is, and it's beenyears. So let the spirit person
share what they need to share inthe way they need to share it.
Maybe the story that they wantto talk about or the need that
they have has nothing to do withthat random memory or
catchphrase or word. And I'vehad this happen over the years,
(37:22):
a good handful of times, wherethe person's like, Yeah, but I
just want to know what was thenickname they called me. And if
I don't have it, I don't haveit. I don't demand information,
nor can I, because if I'mgrabbing or Mavis used to call
it snatching or demandingspecific information, there is a
high probability that my mindwill want to come in and create
(37:45):
that information, instead ofbeing open and receiving the
information that the spiritperson wants to share. So even
though, of course, it's humannature, there's definitely a
version of me that would havedone the same thing and been
like, Okay, I need to hear thisabout this specific thing to
know, but I'm just encouragingyou you have free will so you
could do what you want, but I'mencouraging you to please, just
(38:06):
let the session develop in theway that it needs to, and resist
the urge to demand somethingspecific, as far as like
catchphrase or specific detailfrom your loved one, to believe
it's them. Let them do the workand show you that it's them,
even without a specificcatchphrase. Another helpful tip
(38:26):
I want to give you is noteverything and everyone should
be expected to be covered in onesitting. Most mediums are our
sittings are depending on themedium. I have some mediums that
I know that their sittings areonly 20 or 30 minutes. Mine are
usually about 50 minutes for aone on one session. Most
evidential mediums intend tomeet the need that that person
(38:50):
has in that session, or the needof the spirit world. And while a
client might have like a laundrylist of areas that they want to
know about or want to talkabout, or all the people that
they've ever known that are onthe other side that they want to
hear from. Please know that onlyso much can be covered in one
session. It doesn't mean youcan't have another session at a
(39:12):
future date and hope for some ofthose other things to be
communicated about, but some ofthem might be just a want or
human desire, not an actualneed. Thinking of someone else
that I had kind of recently.
This gentleman was so lovely,and the session was really
wonderful. And the person thatcame through was very expressive
and was very specific and uniqueperson, and gave so much detail.
(39:33):
And towards the later half ofthe session, this person's like
pulling out a little paper listfrom their pocket, and they're
unfolding the list. And thishappens sometimes, and I just
was like, Oh, I'm just curious,like, is there anything on your
list that we didn't get to? Andthey were kind of going down,
and they're like, no, theyactually mentioned a lot of
these things. There is one thingI was hoping that they might
(39:55):
know what I wore last week. AndI was like, Oh, I don't know.
I'm sorry, because I just didn'thave that. But there had been so
much that came through in the 40minutes of the session. We had
already done that, just pinningit down to, you know, again,
it's kind of the same thing, onething of needing to be heard, or
one area of wanting to cover.
(40:19):
It's really about the need, andthat's what's prioritized in the
energy of the session with anymedium that I know anyway, and
myself included, so everything'snot going to get squished into
one session. And I the reason Ishare that is because I have
occasionally had someone bedisappointed that it's like, Oh,
mom came through, and dad andsister and uncle and they we
(40:42):
talked about their career andsome things going on in their
love life that they needed tohear about. But then they were
like, oh, you know also, I wasreally hoping to hear from my
third grade teacher and mychildhood best friend. And it's
like, okay, well, it's not thatthat can't happen. It's that
this was the need for thiscontainer, this session time,
this. These were the priority ofneeds that the spirit world
(41:03):
created, and perhaps that needcan be addressed in another
session. But just set up yourexpectations in a healthy way
that not everything is probablygoing to get tackled in one
session, especially if you feellike there's a lot that you
would like to hear about, justknow it's going to be based on
the need. Okay, so all of thatbeing said, I hope this
(41:24):
conversation brought you someclarity and hopefully some
comfort around what it reallymeans when mediumship doesn't,
quote, unquote, work, maybe youhave a little bit of a different
perspective of what it means forit to work, right? Maybe you
thought it was the laundry list,and now you realize, Oh no, it's
the way that they want toexpress themselves and the
things they want to share, toidentify themselves, and that
(41:45):
should bring me peace andcomfort. So hopefully, you can
remember that true communicationwith the spirit world. It's a
sacred exchange. It's a soul tosoul communication. It's not a
performance. It's not somethingthat can be forced or
controlled. It truly is amystical experience. If you've
ever had a session that left youquestioning things, I hope that
(42:08):
this helps you see that theconnection and love don't
disappear just because thereading didn't unfold the way
that you expected or hoped. Yourloved ones in the spirit world
are always around you. They'realways finding ways to reach
you, sometimes just in a quieteror more unexpected or more
surprising way. If this episoderesonated with you, please take
(42:31):
a moment to subscribe. Whereveryou are listening to this, I
would love it if you would giveme a rating or share with
someone that might need a littleextra reassurance today. Maybe
you know someone that had asession that they didn't feel
went the way they needed to, andmaybe this will help them
understand, potentially, why orwhat happened. Or maybe you know
someone that was disappointedthat certain people communicated
(42:53):
from the spirit world and otherpeople didn't, and and maybe it
will help them know that no,those people still love you and
they're still with you. It'sjust these other people had a
stronger need in that specificmoment in time, just like time,
we can't necessarily put time ina bottle and capture a moment
and hold it forever as timechanges, as we grow and shift
(43:15):
different loved ones might beready to communicate in a
different way, or a loved onethat you've heard from in a
different session, might beready or have the need now to
share about something else,because you're more ready to
hear about it. So I really justwant to hope you help you know
that your loved ones, your ownguides, are always available to
(43:37):
you. You can communicate withthem, you can sense and feel
them, and if you would like moreresources or guided meditations,
I have an upcoming mastermindthat's going to be before the
end of the year, kind of like amini workshop that's going to be
condensed. Please visit me atjoyful medium.com and please get
on my email community. That iswhere I announce most of this
(43:59):
stuff first, and it's where Ican kind of blast things out the
easiest. Social media is sonoisy that people don't tend to
see things, so the direct emailsthat I send really are the best
way to have your pulse on likewhat's happening, what's being
offered. Most of you know Ioffer a lot of free community
offerings throughout the year,just because it's my intention
(44:20):
to hold the space for you and tohelp us all learn and grow and
expand together. So until nexttime, remember love never dies
and the conversation with yourloved ones never really ends.
Big hugs, lots of love. Bye fornow from inside spirits
speakeasy, you.
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Are You A Charlotte?
In 1997, actress Kristin Davis’ life was forever changed when she took on the role of Charlotte York in Sex and the City. As we watched Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte navigate relationships in NYC, the show helped push once unacceptable conversation topics out of the shadows and altered the narrative around women and sex. We all saw ourselves in them as they searched for fulfillment in life, sex and friendships. Now, Kristin Davis wants to connect with you, the fans, and share untold stories and all the behind the scenes. Together, with Kristin and special guests, what will begin with Sex and the City will evolve into talks about themes that are still so relevant today. "Are you a Charlotte?" is much more than just rewatching this beloved show, it brings the past and the present together as we talk with heart, humor and of course some optimism.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.