July 10, 2025 • 77 mins
What does it mean to truly walk your own path while supporting others on theirs? In this fabulous conversation with Kristie Chandler, we explore the delicate balance between personal growth and professional leadership.
Kristie shares her fascinating journey from growing up in the hospitality business (complete with a family restaurant and a bed and breakfast in Natchez, Mississippi) to becoming an educator specializing in human development and family science. Her story reveals how seemingly disconnected experiences—from hospitality to residence hall director to orientation leadership—weave together to create a unique professional journey. "No job is a waste of time," a sentiment that resonates throughout Kristie's career path.
The conversation takes compelling turns as we talk of what makes an effective leader in today's world. Kristie's philosophy centers on speaking truth in love, focusing on people's strengths rather than deficits, and creating collaborative visions rather than dictating direction. She candidly shares personal challenges that shaped her perspective, from health scares to the difficult balance of career ambitions and family priorities, offering listeners valuable insights on maintaining identity beyond professional titles.
Perhaps most thought-provoking is Kristie's approach to teaching controversial subjects like family law and policy. Her commitment to walking "the middle line" while encouraging students to develop their own values-based opinions demonstrates an admirable educational ethos. She makes the idea of education exciting and relevant. Similarly, her passion for international education reveals how stepping outside comfort zones creates optimal conditions for profound personal growth.
We talk about having your close group of friends and those in your inner circle who are there for you. Whether you're navigating career transitions, seeking to be a more effective leader, or simply wanting to live more authentically, Kristie's wisdom on intentional community-building and lifelong learning offers practical guidance for stomping to your own drum while helping others find their rhythm.
Music "STOMP" used by permission of artist Donica Knight Holdman and Jim Huff
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm walking all alone down my yellow brick road and I
stomp to the beat of my owndrum.
I got my pockets full of dreamsand they're busting at the
seams, going boom, boom boom.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Welcome to Stacked Keys Podcast.
I'm your host, amy Stackhouse.
This is a podcast to featurewomen who are impressive in the
work world or in raising afamily, or who have hobbies that
make us all feel encouraged.
Want to hear what makes thesewomen passionate to get up in
the morning, or what maybe theywish they'd known a little bit
(00:42):
earlier in their lives.
Grab your keys and stomp toyour own drum.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Whatever you do, it ain't nothing on me, because I'm
doing my thing and I hold thekey to all my wants and all my
dreams.
Like an old song, everythingwill be all right.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Wow, I am so excited to have everybody with us today
and we have got a special guest.
I find myself I've been at acouple of meetings with this
guest and find myself drawn toher conversation, drawn to her
table, and I'm just real excitedto introduce everyone to
Christy Chandler.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
Welcome, christy, thank you very much and I feel
the same way about you at theconferences that we've attended.
It's been great to visit withyou there.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Oh, thank you, thank you.
You're just such a wealth ofknowledge and I'm excited to get
started, and right out of thegate.
How about telling listenersboth who Christy is
professionally and personally?
Speaker 4 (02:00):
Okay, great, I'll start with personally, because
it probably influenced who I amprofessionally.
So I am originally from Natchez, mississippi, and grew up there
, ended up going to MississippiState University as an
undergraduate, majored inbusiness, after changing my
(02:23):
major quite a few times, andthen got out and decided to go
back to grad school, where Imajored in what's now called
counselor education and thefocus was on adult development,
the emerging adult developmentand early adolescence as well.
(02:45):
So that age range fromadolescence to emerging
adulthood is the time periodthat I focused on, and so that
was pretty fascinating, and Ilove working with college
students, which is what I doprofessionally.
I also got a doctorate fromUniversity of North Texas in
higher ed administration, and mycareer path has taken me in the
(03:09):
higher ed world the entire time.
So started out as a residencehall director at Mississippi
State University, then went toTexas Christian University and
at TCU I did residence life aswell as orientation there, and I
(03:30):
would have to say that,personally, hospitality is
probably one of the things thatI'm attracted to.
My mother was a restaurateur,and so she had several
restaurants.
We had a bed and breakfast.
Growing up, my father was mayorof our hometown, and so being
(03:51):
hospitable was just a way oflife for us and so I think that
that also influenced my interestin things like orientation.
Helping students and familiesfeel welcome at the university
was important to me.
If I didn't have children and Ididn't have a personal life,
(04:20):
then orientation would be theway that I would have gone.
I love orientation but it is avery time-consuming career path,
much needed for families.
But the summer is just reallyfilled with all kinds of
activities trying to help orientnew families.
(04:40):
So instead I went into studentactivities or student
involvement and worked for awhile here at Samford in that
area and worked with orientationleaders initially, eventually
moved out of that and found myway into being able to teach on
(05:02):
the academic side and I teach inthe Department of Human
Development and Family Scienceand I teach primarily
traditional college-age studentsso that adolescents through
emerging adulthood, but I alsoteach human development.
So I've taught adolescent andadult development, infant and
(05:23):
child development.
Right now I primarily teachmarriage and the family, family
resource management and familylaw and public policy.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Wow, you do not have a slow day at all.
Speaker 4 (05:38):
No, that's right.
And to further add toactivities, we have three
children.
My husband and I have threechildren.
All are grown and out ofcollege now.
Two of those three havechildren of their own.
So we have three grandchildrenas well, and that's been a lot
(05:58):
of fun.
Everybody always saidgrandparenthood is wonderful and
I was like I'm sure it is.
But now that I'm here I'm like,oh my gosh, it really is
wonderful.
So love that.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
That's fun.
Well, it's interesting.
Everything you've done, fromyour growing up years to your
own adulthood and your careerhave all kind of meshed together
and you built on everythingthat you've done.
Did you ever think that bed andbreakfast would play into your
(06:33):
career and your thoughts as well?
Speaker 4 (06:36):
No, I never thought about it really.
It was just just kind of whatwe did and my parents had an
antebellum home at the time inNatchez, and so we would have
visitors from all over the worldwho would come and stay there.
And my parents still havecontacts from all over the world
(06:59):
.
My mom passed away last yearbut even then we heard from
people from all over everywherebecause of the contacts that
they had made there at the bedand breakfast and with my dad's
job as well and with therestaurant business.
The students in the professionalperspectives course, which is a
(07:23):
course we offer to our studentswhere we kind of talk about the
different options that they cando with the degree in human
development and family science,and the professor who teaches
that course had all of us in thedepartment on the panel.
So there are five full-timefaculty and a program assistant.
(07:43):
They're five full-time facultyand a program assistant.
And it was interesting becauseone of the reasons she has us
come and talk is because none ofus had a linear path to our
career.
Everybody kind of had thismeandering path, and she asked
all of us what would be our onepiece of advice that we would
give to the students and theprogram assistant, who has
(08:07):
worked in HR before as well.
She said that no job is a wasteof time, that you need to try
to learn something from everyjob that you've had, because you
never know where it might leadyou've had, because you never
(08:29):
know where it might lead.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
That is absolutely true and fantastic advice,
because everything gives yousomething and you may not at the
moment know where that willland.
I've watched that with my ownkids and their careers and you
know even their summer jobs aslifeguards ended up.
You know, becca ended up usingthat in her career because the
(08:51):
community she went to work inneeded that and so as an
extension agent, she needed toplug that in.
So there's all theseopportunities that you can use.
So you've been in educationlong enough to see lots of
changes.
What is one of the really goodchanges that you've seen?
(09:13):
And when you're, for instance,in a panel like this today that
you're seeing as you're lookingout to those students looking
back at you, what's somethingthat you think is a good thing
that you've seen happen?
Speaker 4 (09:28):
Yeah, so that's a great question.
I think the thing that I haveseen that has been a good thing
is that being able to continueyour education, either formally
or informally, has just exploded, and the opportunities that all
(09:49):
of us have not just students,but all of us have has greatly
increased.
So being able to be a lifelonglearner is something that is
much easier now than it used tobe.
Now, the difficult part aboutthat might be that you might be
(10:10):
overwhelmed by how muchadditional education is out
there, but if you wanted to golearn how to do pottery, for
instance, you could watch a lotof YouTube videos and learn how
to do that.
Now you may need to go take aclass as well, but even being
able to find where you couldtake a pottery class is much
(10:33):
more readily available than itused to be like when I was
growing up.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Yeah, yeah, true, there are, and you're right.
You can get overwhelmed or goto the wrong place or you know
there's so many factors to that,to where it can be paralyzing.
So how do you encouragestudents not to get paralyzed?
Speaker 4 (10:58):
Oh, that's a great question.
So one of the things that I hadsuggested to students today was
to use their resources.
So I teach family resourcemanagement and we talk a good
bit about financial resources inthere, just because so many of
them have not really had tomanage their own resources as
(11:21):
much as they will need to in thefuture.
But we are also focused onother types of resources human
resources, community resources,environmental resources.
But the community resources isan area that I'm really becoming
more and more passionate about,especially since COVID, I think
(11:43):
, because we missed out on somuch community when we were all
kind of locked down, and I thinkstudents need to be encouraged.
It's easy for them to getfocused on their phone, their
scrolling, their computer,whatever it might be, and forget
(12:06):
that there is an entirecommunity out there to go and
explore and learn.
And so when you're in college,or even high school, middle
school, elementary school, youare almost forced into a
community, are almost forcedinto a community.
(12:28):
But when you graduate fromcollege, you've got to be very
intentional about building yourcommunity.
So I think that's the thingthat I would say is you've,
you've, you've got to make a seta goal, be intentional about
building that community andunderstand the value of doing
that as well, and I think fromthat you can start to learn
(12:51):
about other opportunities thatare out there for you and it's
not quite as paralyzing.
I think it's paralyzing whenyou're just sitting there
scrolling or looking on thecomputer.
That can become prettyparalyzing.
And so I think we need eachother to try to help us learn
what areas we might beinterested in, what areas we're
(13:11):
not interested in, what otherpeople see as our gifts and our
strengths that maybe we want tostrengthen.
Or maybe we realize that there'san area where I'm at a deficit
and I need to go learn something.
Public speaking is one of thoseareas that I think a lot of
people have a fear about.
Realize that there's an areawhere I'm at a deficit and I
need to go learn something.
Public speaking is one of thoseareas that I think a lot of
people have a fear about,including myself at times,
(13:32):
depending on who it is I'mtalking to.
So you know, going and learninghow to do that better and their
master classes and TED Talksand YouTube videos and all of
those kinds of things you can godown a rabbit hole, but I think
maybe setting yourself a timeron your phone so that you don't
(13:53):
go too far down a rabbit holeand just kind of bring your
attention back to what is mygoal that I'm supposed to be
working on in this area ofeducation.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
That's interesting and, yeah, you sure can slip
down a rabbit hole.
I find it interesting.
You talked about forcedcommunity and I have thought
about this before, because, as amom, you have all these
communities that you're involvedin and they just are.
I guess forced would be a greatway to say it.
Um, you know, you go from thenewborn group to the mother's
(14:29):
group, to the mother's morningout group, to this, to the
elementary school and all theway through to all the sporting
events, and then, all of asudden, you don't have anything
right.
All of a sudden you, you're,you're.
Your kids are gone.
And now what?
You haven't found that,necessarily, but you still have
career, but your kids are grownRight.
(14:51):
Did you have to deal with thattoo as a professional woman?
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Yes.
So one of the things that Irealized is that when, really
when my second child came along,really when my second child
came along, the type of job thatI had at that point took me
away a good many evenings andthe hours were just difficult,
and having two children was achallenge as far as trying to
(15:17):
manage time and career, not tomention the cost of daycare,
which was more than my housenote at the time, and so I
almost felt like I was justworking in order to pay for
daycare for someone else to carefor my children, and so I
decided that I would, you know,we would have a family
(15:40):
conversation about how are wegoing to handle this, and we
decided that part-time might bea good option for me.
So I went part-time, but when Istopped, I was associate dean
for student involvement and oneof the things I realized was my
(16:03):
identity was so wrapped up in myjob and I can still let that
happen if I let it, but I'vetried so much harder than I used
to because I just didn't evenrealize it but I would kind of
introduce myself and I would belike, well, I used to be
(16:24):
Associate Dean, or I'mso-and-so's mom, or I was always
something else to someone elseeither career or parent and I
really had to do some soulsearching to figure out who I
was as a person and those eightyears where I was kind of
(16:49):
working part-time trying tofigure out what's what, it was a
real growing time for me.
I would like to say that I'mmuch better at that nail.
I still can struggle with thatand get wrapped up in my job and
working you know, doing workhere at the university or with
(17:13):
my kids or my grandkids but I'vereally tried to stretch myself
in a few areas and one of thoseareas is arranging flowers.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
And so yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
I just really didn't even realize I had a creative
side.
I just never explored that partof myself.
And so when my daughter gotmarried, the woman who did the
flowers, they were just sobeautiful and I just thought
(17:51):
that is just gorgeous.
And the woman who did theflowers, she's up in age and I
thought if I'm going to learn, Iwant to learn from the best.
And so, again, this lifelonglearning concept.
So I joined the flowercommittee at church.
Now I'm not great, but Ihaven't had any flowers fall off
(18:12):
the platform or anything ofthat nature, but I've really
enjoyed that and I've thought,you know, once I retire I think
I want to work in a floristpart-time, just for fun, to
learn how to do things.
I understand it's a reallystressful kind of job working in
(18:33):
a florist, but it's one ofthose little hobby areas I'm
looking forward to expanding alittle bit once I do retire.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
I love that.
I love that because you'veyou're able to find something
about yourself that's new andyou're telling students to do
that, and then here you areapplying it and and realizing
that that's going to come offand on throughout the stages of
life.
What's the scariest thingyou've ever done?
(19:03):
The scariest thing you've faced, whether personal, professional
, just the maybe stop you inyour tracks, kind of thing.
Speaker 4 (19:15):
So probably more personal than professional,
would be anytime there is ahealth scare or a health issue
with one of my kids.
That will stop me in my trackspretty quickly.
One of my children had a healthsituation.
(19:37):
They found a tumor, they got itall.
It was kind of accidental.
It was in an appendix and yeah,and so had an appendicitis,
didn't know there was a tumorand got it all.
That turned my world upside downbecause I became really focused
on making sure that we dideverything we needed to do in
(20:01):
that situation.
We needed to do in thatsituation.
Everything turned out just fine, but it stopped me in my tracks
.
Yeah, on another personal note,the other thing that I would
say stopped me in my tracksbecause you know I've already
told you that I was prettycareer focused, especially in
the beginning Still am, butespecially in the beginning and
(20:30):
we were expecting our firstchild and I had a miscarriage
and then had difficulty gettingpregnant again and in the very
beginning I was like, oh well,I'm a real planner.
In the very beginning I waslike, oh well, we're going to,
I'm a real planner.
And so I was going to plan andI had blocked out about six
(21:01):
weeks, because, of course, sixweeks is all I really needed to
be on some type of maternityleave because I was going to try
to be superwoman and come back,and I had six weeks blocked out
in the academic year where Ithought that would be the ideal
time to deliver, and as if I hadcontrol over any of it at all.
Yeah yeah, that's a life lessonin and of itself.
And so I had a miscarriage, andthen at that point I didn't
(21:26):
care what was happening at work.
I was really focused on wantingto have a child and didn't know
if that was going to happen ornot.
So I had two miscarriagesbefore my first child came,
before my first child was born,and so that was another time
(21:48):
that I kind of got stopped in mytracks.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Well, Christy, I don't know if you can talk about
that a little bit, but thereseems to be quite a bit of that
loss going on these days, and Idon't know if it's because we're
talking about it more or what,but what can you tell a young
(22:12):
woman who's going through that?
And not to side the dad either,because I think they're going
through it too but I know thatmy son experienced a couple of
miscarriages and then Beccaexperienced one, and I remember
(22:33):
Isaac saying to me nobody talksabout this and my response was
almost like well, until you'rein the club, nobody really does.
So, what's your perspective andwhat do you have that you might
be able to offer?
That's encouraging.
You talk to young people somuch.
Speaker 4 (22:52):
Right.
So one of the things that I wasnot aware of initially was that
about 25% of all pregnanciesend in a miscarriage, and that
was not a stat that I wasfamiliar with initially.
Just knowing that that is afairly common situation, I think
(23:19):
, helped, because, you know,there was a lot of blame.
Did I do this wrong or did I dothat wrong?
Is there something I did tocontribute to the miscarriage?
Was I too stressed?
Was I too?
You know, whatever it might be,fill in the blank, and it is,
in my opinion, more common thanI think we are led to believe.
(23:42):
I didn't know at the time thatmy mother had had a miscarriage
before I got pregnant.
She just never mentioned it.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
Yeah, I didn't either .
Speaker 4 (23:49):
Yeah, yeah, and I would say that now I have found
this TED Talk.
I don't know that it's reallycalled good or bad, hard to say
but that's kind of the taglinein the TED Talk is.
(24:10):
She goes through and she talksabout the things that people say
, Like she had a child that hada developmental situation or a
terminal illness or something Ican't remember exactly what it
was, and she would say peoplewould say, oh, I'm so sorry.
And then she talks about all ofthe things that she learned
(24:31):
from her child that she was notexpecting to learn, and then
people, something good wouldhappen and people would be like,
oh, that's wonderful.
And then she would find outthat maybe it wasn't as
wonderful as she had initiallythought.
So the big tagline is good orbad.
Hard to say.
(24:52):
So when something happens thatyou think is really negative,
try to focus on what is it thatI can learn from this?
And it may be way on the otherside of it after you've gone
through a really dark tunnel toget there.
And sometimes, when things arereally great and wonderful, my
(25:13):
husband often says this tooshall pass.
Whether it's good or bad, thistoo shall pass, and that's kind
of what she's saying good or bad, hard to say that some things
we think are going to be greatand wonderful and they don't
turn out the way we thought theywere going to be and some
things seem to be reallynegative and you learn and grow
(25:34):
so much from the experience thatit turns.
I would say lean on yourcommunity, Lean on your spouse
or significant other.
I think people help get usthrough a lot of situations that
(25:59):
we think we may not be able toget through ourselves.
And then try to look at thingsa little differently than you
might would look at them.
If it's really negative,there's something in there that
can still be learned, and ifit's something really positive,
(26:20):
there's still something in therethat can be learned.
So I think that's what I wouldprobably say to people and I do
think that what tends to happen,especially in families, when
there's a negative event.
When I'm teaching marriage andfamily, one of the things I
(26:42):
refer to is kind of the turtlesyndrome, that when you see a
turtle and a turtle isthreatened, they pull in all
their appendages and they hunkerdown inside their shell.
And families do that as well.
When there's something negativehappening to the family unit,
we tend to pull in all of ourappendages, all of our people,
(27:03):
and we hunker down, tend to pullin all of our appendages, all
of our people, and we hunkerdown, and that's a natural
response.
But we're not going to getanywhere unless we put those
appendages back out.
And the way that we do that isby using those resources again,
using other people to helpremind us of the good things
that have happened in the past,knowing that somebody cares for
(27:25):
you.
Maybe they are aware of otherresources that your family needs
, that you weren't aware ofyourself, and so, instead of you
know, turtling down, trying tospread those appendages a little
bit and travel down the roadwith other people.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Well, which leads to the point of choosing your
people is pretty important, andyou know what is it they say?
I guess the five people thatyou surround yourself with,
that's really you feed off ofthat and that's kind of who you
are.
Do you have your people, yourtribe?
Have they changed over theyears?
(28:07):
Do you have somebody fromchildhood that you still pull
into your circle today?
Speaker 4 (28:13):
Yeah, so I would say yes to all of the above.
So I have, first of all, myfamily and my extended family as
well.
So that's been since childhood.
I also have a childhood friendthat we still are in touch
periodically not on a regularbasis.
I have a college friend that Istill see pretty regularly, two
(28:40):
or three times a year, and wewill contact each other, you
know, via text etc.
But we're not in constantcommunication all the time.
But we can pick right up wherewe left off because there's so
much history there for both mychildhood and my college friend.
(29:01):
I would say that now a lot of mysupport group comes from my
church and my church peoplethere, and we have our Sunday
school class that we regularlyattend and the people in there
are very it's a very diversegroup group.
(29:30):
It's not a group that I wouldhave necessarily chosen myself
initially, because I didn't knowthem well enough, and so now I
would choose all of them andwe're all very diverse.
But I do have a kind of aninner circle group as well.
So when I have an issue or aproblem I may have mentioned
this to you once before, butseveral years ago I fractured my
(29:52):
back I slipped down two stairs,walking in socks.
Don't do that, don't walkdownstairs in socks yeah yeah,
it's just a bad idea, and so,anyway, I fractured my back, and
when you are flat on your backand you cannot get up yourself
to go to the bathroom, you haveto have somebody pull you out of
bed to go to the bathroom.
You will figure out who yourreal friends are.
(30:17):
Yeah, reaching out to thosepeople saying, hey, I'm in a bad
situation and I could reallyuse your help and it doesn't
have to be physical, it could beemotional as well.
Hey, I'm in a bad situation andI could really use someone to
(30:42):
talk to, including someone whomight say to me I'm here with
you, I'll walk this path withyou, but you might need to talk
to somebody else professionallyas well.
So I think those kinds offriends are really good friends.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Yeah, they are.
You know, I've learned thatsometimes I have to ask what do
you need from me?
Because I automatically go tomy you know, one, two, three,
four, five.
Here's how I can fix it, here'swhat I can do, and I'm finding
more and more that peoplesometimes know what they need
(31:13):
from me and it's not what Ithink they need.
Right, that's been a revelationfor me.
Speaker 4 (31:20):
That's right.
My husband and I experiencedthis quite a few years ago.
We've been married since 1986,so however many years that is,
but it's a while.
And so he would come home fromwork and he'd say what was going
(31:41):
on, as much as he could tell me, and I would jump into fix-it
mode.
And he eventually said I don'tneed you to fix it, I just need
you to listen.
And so when he'll start talkingnow, either one of us will say,
okay, what do you need from meright now?
(32:02):
And he might say I just needyou to listen, or hey, I need
you to brainstorm with me abouthow we might can you know,
handle this particular situation.
But I think you're right.
It's a lesson that I learned,probably later than I should
have learned it, because I justthought I'm in a helping
(32:24):
profession, I want to helppeople.
I just thought everybody'm in ahelping profession.
I want to help people.
I just thought everybody wouldwant my help.
And of course, not everybodywants my help.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Well, you are in a profession where sometimes it'd
be really hard not to go.
Look, let me just go get thebook.
We'll read this chapter.
This is what we're Matter offact, fact, you are my example
tomorrow in class that would beso hard to draw those, those
boundaries yeah it is difficult.
Speaker 4 (32:56):
That's right, it is.
It is a difficult challengethere because you know, when
you're teaching family, we're,you know it's.
There's so many examples thatyou can use that do exemplify
(33:20):
whatever the textbook is talkingabout.
So I, you know through theyears and I've got some decent
examples.
But through the years, as I'vethought of things or as things
have happened, I have askedpermission of my family members.
May I use this in class todiscuss?
And so they will.
(33:41):
They've always given mepermission, which is good.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah it is.
But it goes back to thatlifelong learning.
You know we have situationsthat come up and we have, um,
just people in relationships.
So you know you have to put alot of trust in people.
You have to put trust both inyour department, people to have
(34:08):
your back there, people to helpyou in your career and in your
family.
So how do you know?
Do you have like a trustmonitor of?
How do you know that you cantrust someone, that they're
fully on the same page you are,or at least working, you know,
down the same path that's agreat question.
Speaker 4 (34:32):
Um, I think sometimes we just know we intuitively, if
we'll listen to ourselves, wecan kind of know I listen to how
they talk about other people orother situations and I can pick
(34:55):
up whether I can trust them ornot.
Sometimes I will, on somethingsmall, kind of test it out a
little bit and say, hey, I needto need to tell you something.
Please don't share thisinformation.
And if the information getsshared and it's not anything
great, you know, huge, but thefact that I asked them not to
(35:16):
share it and if it's shared,then I know I don't share great
big, huge things with thatperson.
They might can be trusted inother ways, but maybe not with
information.
So I think, mostly listening tohow they talk about situations
(35:39):
that they've been in and theirchoice of words, and if anybody
says, well, I'm not supposed totell you this, but I know you
won't tell anybody, I'm like I'mnot telling you anything.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
I know I'm not supposed to, but Right yeah.
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
That's not the person I'm going to share a lot of
information with.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
Yeah, no kidding.
So you've been in a tremendousnumber of leadership positions.
What do you?
What's your description of agood leader?
And I'm sure it falls into thattrustworthy as well but, but
basically from what you've seenand what you try to be Right,
but basically from what you'veseen and what you try to be.
Speaker 4 (36:27):
Right, I've actually been thinking about this.
So I'm also chair of theEducational Leadership
Department co-chair right now,and they teach leadership mostly
K-12 leadership, but leadershipin other organizations as well.
We've just started a master'sin organizational leadership.
(36:49):
That's an online program, andso this concept of leadership
has really been at the forefrontof a lot of things that I've
been doing lately, and so I'vebeen trying to think about how
do you teach leadership, how doyou convey the importance of
(37:13):
leadership, how does leadershiplook in different roles?
So the way that I lead in onearea might look very different
than the way that I lead inanother area.
I think, doing what you say, andI think that that's really
(37:35):
important.
I think that that goes backinto the trust area.
One of the things that I'vetried to do through the years is
speak the truth in love, andthere are days that I have to
(37:56):
wait until I can get to the loveportion.
I could speak the truth, butmaybe not in love, and so I have
to kind of work on myself toget to the love part.
When our kids were little andthey would, you know, tattle we
would always say are you tryingto help or are you trying to
hurt and that speak the truth inlove.
(38:18):
You know, I can speak the truth, but am I trying to help or am
I trying to hurt?
And sometimes, honestly, I wantto hurt because it made me mad
or it made me upset or hurt myfeelings, or whatever it might
be.
But the concept of speaking thetruth in love is one that I
think makes a good leader,because they care for the people
(38:43):
that they're working with andthey want them to grow and
develop and be the best thatthey can be.
One of the things that we talkabout a lot in our department
looking at people's strengthsinstead of their deficits or
(39:06):
their areas that they need toimprove on is something that
makes a good leader, trying tofocus in on whatever the
strength might be of theindividual.
I think that leadership alsohas to do with being a visionary
(39:29):
, but to me, it's not my vision.
It would be our vision as agroup, and so I'm pretty
collaborative in the way that wedo things around here, and,
(39:50):
fortunately, everybody else ispretty collaborative as well,
and we still get things done.
So you can be overlycollaborative and not get
anything done, but we get thingsdone, which is really nice.
I do think the academic year,the ebb and flow of an academic
year.
You know that you're going tocome to an end eventually, so
you've got to hit thosedeadlines when you need to hit
(40:11):
those deadlines.
But I think the strengths focusis really important.
As a matter of fact, one of thetextbooks that I've chosen in
the Marriage and family coursefocuses on the strengths of
families instead of the deficitsof families, and so I think for
(40:32):
me personally, that's one ofthe things that I try to look
for in others, and oftentimessomeone else's strength kind of
counters whatever my deficitmight be.
So I tend to be pretty much arule follower, and I have other
(40:57):
people that I work with whothink outside the box.
But every once in a while, rulefollowers need to think outside
the box as well, and so we needto know if there's a situation,
how might we be able toapproach this?
So I'll go to those people thatI know think outside the box,
(41:17):
who think differently than I do,so that I can kind of get some
ideas of how I might be able tohandle a situation.
That might not be my naturalway of handling the situation.
So I would say leaders tend tosurround themselves with people
(41:38):
who compliment them.
They are not the same as them,but they complement their style
as well.
So I'm trying to think whatelse I think about leadership.
It doesn't mean that you're theperson in front giving
directions that sort of thing.
(42:00):
To me it can be, but to methat's not what a leader is.
Oftentimes you're behind thescenes talking to people,
working with people, trying tofigure out what is our next move
.
Where can we really make adifference in the lives of the
(42:22):
students that we're working with?
So that's kind of what I thinkI think for today.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
Well, I hear you talk a lot about teamwork and
cooperation, but I know that attimes, competition comes up.
When you hear the wordcompetition, how do you feel?
What is it Do?
What bells go off for you?
Speaker 4 (42:50):
So I grew up in a pretty competitive family, so I
might be compensating a littlebit.
My natural tendency can be verycompetitive tendency can be
very competitive.
As a matter of fact, when mydaughter was young, she was on
(43:15):
the swim team, and one of thethings that we really liked
about swim team is that you arecompeting against someone else
but you're also competingagainst yourself, trying to get
the better time each time thatyou swim.
And so I had kind of made thisirrational decision that when we
had children that we were notgoing to raise competitive
children, and so our daughterfit that bill initially, which
(43:40):
is ironic because now she'spretty competitive as well.
It eventually came out, but inthe beginning I was like, listen
, if you, just if you'll justtry to beat your next time I'll.
You know I was bribing, youknow, mcdonald's or ice cream
cone or extra time on TV orwhatever it might be, because I
(44:01):
realized that some competitionis good.
I mean, it helps push me to thenext level sometimes, and so
competition is not something Iview as negatively as I did
initially.
(44:22):
So in our family there was a lotof you know.
You wanted to be right, youwanted to have the best answers.
You wanted to do what you know,whatever it was to win, but
fortunately I was also taughtthat you don't win at all costs,
and so I try to balance that asmuch as I can.
(44:43):
But I can be very competitiveMaybe not so much within our
area, but I can be competitivetowards other areas.
I mean, you know, if you're ata university and you're trying
to recruit students, I'm goingto do what I can to try to
recruit a student if I trulybelieve that this is the best
(45:05):
place for them and that it fitswith them.
I don't want to have someone bea major or a student and it not
be a good fit for them.
I mean, they have to make thefinal decision, but I'm not
going to do or say anything totry to recruit them here to be a
major, because ultimately, I dotruly believe that they've got
(45:31):
to do what's best for them andthat will then end up being
what's best for everyone.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
So yeah.
Yeah, it's funny when you'retalking about the swim team
competitions.
When you're talking about theswim team competitions, I mean
it is in life you can have thatsame level of competition.
You know, did you do better onthe test this time than you did
last?
Or in your work presentation?
(46:03):
Is it better today than it wasthe last?
So a dose of competition.
But yeah, I played the gameswhere it was like no, look it up
in the dictionary and prove tome that's a word.
Right, we're not going to letyou have it.
Speaker 4 (46:15):
I have a friend who tells a story about swim team as
well, and his son was on a swimteam and he saw this little boy
over there and he had severalribbons and he had like a first
place, second place, third place, fourth place, sixth place and
seventh place and he had laidall of his ribbons out and he
(46:38):
goes now I just need to get afifth place ribbon, because he
was missing the fifth place.
That's right.
So that was his goal was to geta fifth place ribbon.
And so you know, everybody hastheir own goals, and trying to
help people accomplish those, Ithink, is what true leadership
is about helping othersaccomplish their goals as well.
Speaker 2 (46:59):
I love that.
I was just thinking, as youwere talking about the ribbons.
We, my kids, also swam, and inmy bible I have a um one of
their ribbons and it's um, maybesecond place.
There weren't but two of themin the heat.
Right, you know what?
It is second place and it youknow all these years later, who
(47:21):
knows?
There weren't 40 people in that, but that's right right.
But you know, it's all.
It's all relative, but thereare a lot of things that we're
scared of.
A lot of competition, a lot ofleadership roles, a lot of
positions.
Is there something that cropsup for you that becomes kind of
a fear?
Not necessarily one you can'tget over, but but is there a
(47:45):
fear barrier that you have inlife in general?
Speaker 4 (47:53):
Yeah, yeah, I've probably got several.
One is I really don't want tohurt other people's feelings
feelings and I don't know wherethat comes from.
But I don't like hurting otherpeople's feelings and I will
(48:15):
probably go out of my way to tryto keep that from happening.
And that may be where thatspeak the truth in love I can
address difficult situations.
But I need to know that I'mdoing it because I really care
for that individual as opposedto even if it does hurt their
(48:36):
feelings, that I'm doing it forthe right reason, Not just
because I'm trying to hurt theirfeelings, but I think
unintentionally hurtingsomeone's feelings is probably a
fear of mine.
Speaker 2 (48:51):
I can see that.
Yeah, because you have so manycontacts that you're involved in
and it's like you talkedearlier about the academic year
and the deadlines and sometimesthose pressures alone.
You have so many minutes.
I mean you really could take itdown to minutes of where you
have time to accomplish a hugegoal.
(49:15):
That right, that kind of can belife-altering for somebody,
right, so that that couldinfluence you.
Speaker 4 (49:24):
Yeah, I had a discussion one time with a
student talking about knowingwhen to challenge and when to
support, and probably comes from, you know, one of those
theories that I've studiedthrough the years.
(49:45):
But providing the right amountof challenge and the right
amount of support is really whatI believe helps growth.
And so for myself and forothers as well and it is a, it
(50:20):
is an honor and a responsibilityand a burden to work with
individuals and knowing when tochallenge and when to support.
And you want to push enough,but not push too much to where
they freeze or they can't dosomething, but you also don't
(50:41):
want to support so much that itdoesn't promote growth and
development.
And same in my own life.
I mean, I struggle with thatwith myself as well, and I think
that's where, for me, prayercomes in Talking to other people
about making sure that I'mbeing wise in my decision making
(51:04):
, maybe not sharing you knowspecific details, but just
trying to help hold meaccountable, to make sure that
I'm doing what I'm supposed tobe doing to help others become
the best that they can be, and Ido feel like that's really kind
of my calling here at theuniversity I teach content.
(51:29):
I do teach content.
Fortunately I teach content ongrowth and development.
But just having that honor andprivilege and responsibility and
burden of helping students inthe transition between high
school and adulthood, it's a bigresponsibility that I take very
(51:54):
seriously yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:56):
It is, and you get the opportunity to teach a
subject that you know well, buteverybody comes in with a
different slate, so you have tokind of figure that out and how
to pivot from that.
Has it become easier as you'vebeen in it more, or is it about
(52:19):
the same, or what's that like?
Speaker 4 (52:29):
I don't know that it's become easier, maybe.
Maybe not being paralyzed by ithas come easier.
So the more experience I've haddoing it, I still make mistakes
.
I can still think that astudent is just being lazy, for
(52:52):
instance, because they're notcoming to class, but then
realizing that they've gotdebilitating anxiety and they
just can't come to class.
And so I'm constantly learningfrom all of my experiences, but
especially my experiences withstudents, that maybe it's a
(53:19):
little easier but it's morecomplicated.
I don't know if that makes anysense.
I might be more comfortablewith it, but the more I've done
it, the more I've realizedthings are just complicated.
Speaker 2 (53:33):
Yeah, maybe too, things are more on the surface
than they used to be too.
Things are more on the surfacethan they used to be.
Things 30, you know, 40 yearsago, 30 years ago not that you
were teaching them, but you know, you, you didn't.
It was just buried deeper andit right, if you left home, you
(53:55):
left it, you ran from it.
So there was more of that, andnow it kind of follows the kids.
Speaker 4 (54:02):
Yeah, yes, and I don't know.
In some ways, you know, good orbad, hard to say.
In some ways it's really goodbecause there are more resources
out there for students thatstudents have available to them.
You know, I don't even know ifwe had a counseling center on my
(54:22):
college campus when I was inschool.
I truly have no idea, butobviously we have one.
Most colleges, every collegeand university that I'm aware of
, if they don't have their owncounseling center, they have
some kind of access for studentscounseling center, they have
some kind of access for studentsand so those kinds of resources
(54:44):
have greatly increased.
And it's hard to know chickenor egg, you know, did those
resources greatly increase andtherefore people started talking
more or were people in need andtherefore those resources had
to increase?
And I think people were in needand those resources needed to
increase and probably continueto need to increase because
(55:07):
there's just a lot, there's alot that people go through.
Speaker 2 (55:12):
Yeah, yeah, and the stigma needs to get pushed down,
even more so than I guess ithas.
Speaker 4 (55:25):
Right, when's the last time you cried?
Well, I tend to be a bit of acrier, so I can cry when I'm
happy about something.
I can cry when I'm sad aboutsomething.
The last time, well, I'll tellyou this my children laugh at me
because the big joke around ourhouse is Mom, you cried during
(55:47):
Kung Fu Panda and I was like Idid cry during Kung Fu Panda.
When he opens the scroll and incase you're listening and you
don't know what happens here,turn this part off.
But when he opens the scrolland there's nothing written on
it, he thought the answer wasgoing to be right there and the
whole time the answer was withhim and so, anyway, I cried.
(56:10):
But lately, the most recenttime that I cried was during
class and one of my students,one of my male students, said in
class.
He said people ask me aboutthis major and I try to tell
them.
You just never know when you'regoing to cry in class, and it's
(56:32):
kind of true.
And so I was showing adocumentary.
It was, in my opinion, a greatdocumentary on.
Can I say this?
Should I?
maybe I shouldn't say but anywayit was American Experience and
it was on.
I think it was called Change,not Charity, and it was about
(56:52):
the Americans with DisabilitiesAct.
Now, keep in mind that I teachfamily law and public policy,
and so we were talking about allof the different ways that
policy is influenced and thatcan be through policymakers,
media, interest groups et cetera, and so it was about the
(57:13):
Americans with Disabilities Act.
And there's this one particularsaying.
I think my whole class wascrying.
I'd already seen thedocumentary and I was crying
again.
It was just very touching, andso I tend to cry more on
touching kinds of things asopposed to sad things.
(57:33):
I can cry when I'm sad, but Itend to cry more when it's
something that's touching,almost inspirational.
I tend to tear up then.
Speaker 2 (57:51):
We had talked about the family law and public policy
class that you teach and howfascinating that is and how
important it is, and I am justamazed at all that you have to
have your fingers in to be ableto teach people today, to be
(58:16):
ready, and that law and publicpolicy.
How do you get ready for that?
Because that stuff is changing,it changes constantly.
I mean, what do you do not tojust go?
Oh, I just can't, and just wantto teach history instead, right
, right.
Speaker 4 (58:38):
So one of the things I try to do in that class in
particular and I think I'vealready mentioned that my dad
was mayor of our hometown.
So government politics and Idon't like politics, but
government and ourresponsibility as citizens was
(59:06):
something that I grew up with.
I mean, it was just ingrainedin us that we have a civic
responsibility to be involved inour community and to care what
goes on, and, of course, myfather's livelihood was
dependent on it.
So people voting, for instance,was my father always used to
(59:29):
say and he still will say thisthat you know, if you didn't
vote, then you didn't have aright to complain about it.
Didn't vote, then you didn'thave a right to complain about
it.
And so that's kind of how Igrew up In the class.
My job is not to tell them whatthey should value or how they
(59:52):
should think about a particularpolicy of some sort.
What I try to do is help themunderstand how the policy
process works, and I do havethem research articles
pertaining to family policy,what is family policy, but they
(01:00:15):
can choose whatever article thatthey want.
I don't choose the article forthem because I feel like if I
choose the article for them thenit might accidentally lead them
down a path and that's not my,that's not my job, and so what I
start out the class with, whichis what I ended with yesterday
as a matter of fact is that,first of all, this class is a
(01:00:37):
required course, so studentsdon't usually take it because
they want to take it.
They take it because they haveto take it and it is part of the
curriculum for becoming acertified family life educator.
So family policy is a coursethat has to be taken to become a
(01:00:57):
CFLE.
And so I tell them I understandthat many of you are not in
this class because you careabout law and policy.
You probably think of law andpolicy as being somewhere way
far away from us, maybe in DC,long way away from Alabama, dc,
(01:01:24):
long way away from Alabama butthat my goal in the class is to
help them understand how law andpolicy impacts families and
that if I can do that by the endof the course, then I'll feel
like I've accomplished what I'msupposed to accomplish.
So I do my best to try to walkthe middle as much as I can.
I'm human.
I will fall off to one side orthe other, depending on what the
topic is I don't subscribe toeverything on either side of
(01:01:53):
that middle line that I'm tryingto walk for class.
And one of the ways I try tohold myself accountable is we do
talk about political partiesand political ideologies and
they know this.
I've told them this not thatthey're going to be listening
right this minute, before thefinal exam on Monday, but maybe
they will that I will ask them aquestion using the political
(01:02:20):
spectrum of political ideologyand political parties.
Where do they think I am onthat political spectrum and what
did I do or say that causedthem to think that this
particular political persuasionor this particular political
(01:02:43):
party?
And I do that to make sure thatthey understand the concept of
political parties and politicalideology.
But I also do that to kind ofhold my feet to the fire related
to am I crossing a line?
Am I, did I do somethingunintentionally or intentionally
(01:03:09):
?
I don't think I've doneanything intentionally, but
unintentionally or intentionallythat showed my hand, showed my
cards, as to where I lean.
I wouldn't be teaching thetopic if I didn't care about the
topic.
So I have opinions, but my jobis not to convey my opinions or
(01:03:35):
try to persuade them to hold thesame opinions that I do.
My job is to help them figureout how do they go about knowing
what their values are relatedto policy and how do they go
(01:03:57):
about changing things if theythink things need to be changed.
And so I try.
I'm not always successful, butI try to be as middle of the
road and they'll want me to tellthem no, no, no, just tell us
and I'm like no, no, no, I'm nottelling you.
You know, I'm not going to tellyou.
(01:04:18):
That's not why I'm here.
Speaker 2 (01:04:21):
I think that's great.
I love that assignment, sowe'll need to wrap up.
But I can't let thisconversation go without talking
about travel and students,because you are into taking
students abroad and so I want totouch on that of why you think
(01:04:54):
that's important and what yousee the benefits are and maybe
even some of the cautions.
Speaker 4 (01:05:07):
Sure, I would say the university as a whole believes
that traveling abroad or in theUS I've taken students to DC
before as well, so it doesn'talways have to be abroad
somewhere.
I've taken students to London.
I'm about to take a group ofstudents to Denmark and Sweden.
I've taken students to London.
I'm about to take a group ofstudents to Denmark and Sweden,
and I think it's probably myphilosophy of life in general,
(01:05:28):
which is, I think I can learnsomething from just about
everyone.
It may not be the way that Iwould continue to do it, but I
can at least learn something.
Even if it's that, hey, I thinkwe're doing things pretty well.
(01:05:50):
But knowing and learning fromother experiences.
I also find that, especiallyfor family law and public policy
, especially for family law andpublic policy, that it I would
say probably for any class,anytime you can have some kind
(01:06:11):
of experiential component to it,it increases the learning
potential.
And when you travel somewhereabroad or domestically, when you
travel somewhere, you kind ofleave all the other stuff behind
and you're just really focusedin on that period of time that
you've got designated, and soit's kind of a way to focus in
(01:06:33):
on a topic that when you don'ttravel, you've got too many
other things that are kind ofmaking their way in to try to
distract you, and you know, Ialways add components of
sightseeing in there.
(01:06:53):
It also helps to understand theculture that you're going into
when you go and experience thesites that they have to offer,
and I just think it's a reallygreat way to learn because
you're very focused.
Sometimes you're outside of yourcomfort level, which is one of
(01:07:16):
those ways to challenge, but asa faculty member, we're right
there with them so we canprovide support as well.
One of my children traveledabroad for a semester and she
didn't go with a faculty memberand I really wished that she had
(01:07:38):
, because she had a lot ofchallenges and not as much
support as I had wanted for heron that experience.
It ended up being fine and shelearned a lot.
She learned what she could do,which was a whole lot more than
what she thought she could do.
But I think if you have anopportunity to travel with a
(01:08:00):
faculty member, that can bethere to help with that support
as well as the challenges thatyou face sometimes when you
travel, even if it's your flightgot canceled.
I mean there's a learningexperience there.
Think that the focus beingoutside of your normal
(01:08:22):
environment, kind of clearingyour head a little bit, kind of
forgetting, you know, out ofsight, out of mind, of what's
going on at home, I think itreally improves the learning
experience.
Speaker 2 (01:08:31):
Well, and often it's the chance you get to do it.
Sometimes, when you get out ofthat period of your life, those
opportunities are fewer andfurther between, so to take
advantage of it is so greatRight.
So I'm really excited aboutthat, and if you need a
(01:08:54):
chaperone, I wonder where youcan get one.
I appreciate that, christy.
We've talked about so manythings.
Is there anything that we havenot touched on that you want to
make sure we do?
Speaker 4 (01:09:11):
I don't think about me in particular, but I'm very
curious how you decided to endup doing a podcast.
Very curious how you decided toend up doing a podcast, because
I think that I think peoplewill think about doing something
like that, but not jump outthere and do it, and so I
presume you had some a good bitof learning to do about.
(01:09:32):
How do you interview?
How do you actually record this?
How do you post this?
How do you?
Speaker 2 (01:09:36):
publicize it.
Oh, wow, wow.
Thank you for asking that.
It is a learning curve.
I initially got involved inpodcasting I have an advertising
company and have actually hadit for 34 years and there's been
changes to that.
There's been changes of what weneeded and we were producing
(01:10:00):
some podcasts for otherindividuals, and I would find
myself sometimes needing to bethe third person in the
interview and then edit myselfout, because not everybody can
ask questions that brought theright answers out, or brought
not the right answers, butanswers that gave enough
(01:10:23):
substance to where they wereinteresting and informative.
And then I decided, wow, thereare women that are really
interesting, and that's where Ilanded.
I decided that I wanted topublish my own podcast and talk
purely to women, and not alwaysthe women that are the famous
(01:10:46):
headliners, but the women thatare doing everyday things.
And Isaac went to school with ayoung lady who had a song that
was out there that she let mehave, and it's stomp to your own
drum and you have a pocket fullof dreams and women do.
(01:11:08):
They so do.
And so that's where it camefrom and how it got started.
Started and I've always my veryfirst job like to not get paid
for was going out to the mallfor the radio station and
interviewing people.
For that.
(01:11:29):
What do you think about?
You know, man on the street,kind of thing, right, and that's
so.
I've always been one that hasbeen able to, fortunately, have
a conversation that wentsomewhere really quickly, and so
that's kind of what hashappened.
(01:11:50):
And then I get the privilege Idon't think I meet anybody these
days that I'm not going ohyou'd be really interesting.
Days that I'm not going, ohyou'd be really interesting.
Or Becca, who works with mesome and she is my scheduler.
She will come back with a listof this is person you need to
talk to.
Let's go for it, and by makingit not a planned script, then it
(01:12:23):
doesn't put pressure on theeveryday person to go.
I got to get ready for that, Igot to prep for that, so it's
been a beautiful thing.
Speaker 4 (01:12:27):
Well, that's great.
That's great.
Well, I appreciate your work inthis and branching out and
jumping into something that wasnew and different, and I think
that that's a great example forothers as well.
Speaker 2 (01:12:41):
Well, thank you, christy.
How do people follow you ifthey want to get in touch with
you, if they have questionsabout the degree that you guys
offer or anything, how do theytouch base with you?
Speaker 4 (01:12:57):
Yeah, that's a great question.
So I'm on the Samford website.
You can find the major thereHuman Development and Family
Science and somewhere on thatwebsite is information about
getting in touch with us eithervia email or telephone, and so,
yeah, if you have any questionsabout that, I'd be happy to
(01:13:17):
answer them.
Speaker 2 (01:13:19):
Absolutely.
That's wonderful.
I have one more question.
Sure, you have a superpowergiven to you.
You can use it for 24 hours.
You can use it personally orprofessionally.
What superpower would youchoose?
How would you use it?
And I'd love to know why youwould choose it.
How would you use it?
Speaker 4 (01:13:41):
And I'd love to know why you would use it.
I don't know why this is comingto mind right now, but if I had
a superpower, I think the onethat I would want is well, I
don't know, I think I'm going tochange my mind.
Initially, I was going to say Iwould want to be able to remove
all hurt from everyone, but Ithink that we learn something
(01:14:03):
from the hurts that we'veexperienced.
So maybe instead of that that Iwould if I had a superpower, I
would try to help people figureout what they could do to
contribute to the betterment ofsociety.
Speaker 2 (01:14:22):
Wow, yeah, I think that's what I would do.
I like that, christy.
Thank you, it's been anabsolute pleasure.
Speaker 4 (01:14:32):
Thank you very much.
I appreciate it.
It's great to see you again.
Speaker 1 (01:14:47):
You too.
Speaker 2 (01:14:53):
Find Stat Keys podcast on Spotify, soundcloud
and iTunes or anywhere you getyour favorite podcast listen.
You'll laugh out loud, you'llcry a little, you'll find
yourself encouraged.
Join us for casual conversationthat leads itself, based on
where we take it, from family tophilosophy, to work to meal
prep, to beautifully survivinglife.
(01:15:15):
And hey, if I could ask a bigfavor of you, go to iTunes and
give us a five rating.
The more people who rate us,the more we get this podcast out
there.
Speaker 1 (01:15:27):
Thanks, I appreciate it.
Nothing on me, cause I'm doingmy thing and I hold the key to
all my wants and all my dreams.
Speaker 3 (01:15:42):
Like an old song, everything will be alright when
I let myself go with the night.
Gotta.
Stomp to my own drum.
Stomp to my own song.
Stomp to my own song, stomp.
Hey, gonna, put on my boots andmove.
(01:16:03):
Stomp to my own drum.
Stomp to my own song, stomp.
Hey Gonna.
Sing it out loud and say itreal proud.
Speaker 1 (01:16:18):
Nobody's gonna step on my cloud Cause I stomp, stomp
to the beat of my big drum.
I got a big drum.
Whatever you do, it ain'tnothing on me, cause I'm doing
my thing and I got the key toall my walls and all my dreams.
(01:17:19):
Thank you.
I'm walking all alone down my yellow brick road and I
stomp to the beat of my owndrum.
I got my pockets full of dreamsand they're busting at the
seams, going boom, boom boom.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Welcome to Stacked Keys Podcast.
I'm your host, amy Stackhouse.
This is a podcast to featurewomen who are impressive in the
work world or in raising afamily, or who have hobbies that
make us all feel encouraged.
Want to hear what makes thesewomen passionate to get up in
the morning, or what maybe theywish they'd known a little bit
(00:42):
earlier in their lives.
Grab your keys and stomp toyour own drum.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Whatever you do, it ain't nothing on me, because I'm
doing my thing and I hold thekey to all my wants and all my
dreams.
Like an old song, everythingwill be all right.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Wow, I am so excited to have everybody with us today
and we have got a special guest.
I find myself I've been at acouple of meetings with this
guest and find myself drawn toher conversation, drawn to her
table, and I'm just real excitedto introduce everyone to
Christy Chandler.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
Welcome, christy, thank you very much and I feel
the same way about you at theconferences that we've attended.
It's been great to visit withyou there.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Oh, thank you, thank you.
You're just such a wealth ofknowledge and I'm excited to get
started, and right out of thegate.
How about telling listenersboth who Christy is
professionally and personally?
Speaker 4 (02:00):
Okay, great, I'll start with personally, because
it probably influenced who I amprofessionally.
So I am originally from Natchez, mississippi, and grew up there
, ended up going to MississippiState University as an
undergraduate, majored inbusiness, after changing my
(02:23):
major quite a few times, andthen got out and decided to go
back to grad school, where Imajored in what's now called
counselor education and thefocus was on adult development,
the emerging adult developmentand early adolescence as well.
(02:45):
So that age range fromadolescence to emerging
adulthood is the time periodthat I focused on, and so that
was pretty fascinating, and Ilove working with college
students, which is what I doprofessionally.
I also got a doctorate fromUniversity of North Texas in
higher ed administration, and mycareer path has taken me in the
(03:09):
higher ed world the entire time.
So started out as a residencehall director at Mississippi
State University, then went toTexas Christian University and
at TCU I did residence life aswell as orientation there, and I
(03:30):
would have to say that,personally, hospitality is
probably one of the things thatI'm attracted to.
My mother was a restaurateur,and so she had several
restaurants.
We had a bed and breakfast.
Growing up, my father was mayorof our hometown, and so being
(03:51):
hospitable was just a way oflife for us and so I think that
that also influenced my interestin things like orientation.
Helping students and familiesfeel welcome at the university
was important to me.
If I didn't have children and Ididn't have a personal life,
(04:20):
then orientation would be theway that I would have gone.
I love orientation but it is avery time-consuming career path,
much needed for families.
But the summer is just reallyfilled with all kinds of
activities trying to help orientnew families.
(04:40):
So instead I went into studentactivities or student
involvement and worked for awhile here at Samford in that
area and worked with orientationleaders initially, eventually
moved out of that and found myway into being able to teach on
(05:02):
the academic side and I teach inthe Department of Human
Development and Family Scienceand I teach primarily
traditional college-age studentsso that adolescents through
emerging adulthood, but I alsoteach human development.
So I've taught adolescent andadult development, infant and
(05:23):
child development.
Right now I primarily teachmarriage and the family, family
resource management and familylaw and public policy.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Wow, you do not have a slow day at all.
Speaker 4 (05:38):
No, that's right.
And to further add toactivities, we have three
children.
My husband and I have threechildren.
All are grown and out ofcollege now.
Two of those three havechildren of their own.
So we have three grandchildrenas well, and that's been a lot
(05:58):
of fun.
Everybody always saidgrandparenthood is wonderful and
I was like I'm sure it is.
But now that I'm here I'm like,oh my gosh, it really is
wonderful.
So love that.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
That's fun.
Well, it's interesting.
Everything you've done, fromyour growing up years to your
own adulthood and your careerhave all kind of meshed together
and you built on everythingthat you've done.
Did you ever think that bed andbreakfast would play into your
(06:33):
career and your thoughts as well?
Speaker 4 (06:36):
No, I never thought about it really.
It was just just kind of whatwe did and my parents had an
antebellum home at the time inNatchez, and so we would have
visitors from all over the worldwho would come and stay there.
And my parents still havecontacts from all over the world
(06:59):
.
My mom passed away last yearbut even then we heard from
people from all over everywherebecause of the contacts that
they had made there at the bedand breakfast and with my dad's
job as well and with therestaurant business.
The students in the professionalperspectives course, which is a
(07:23):
course we offer to our studentswhere we kind of talk about the
different options that they cando with the degree in human
development and family science,and the professor who teaches
that course had all of us in thedepartment on the panel.
So there are five full-timefaculty and a program assistant.
(07:43):
They're five full-time facultyand a program assistant.
And it was interesting becauseone of the reasons she has us
come and talk is because none ofus had a linear path to our
career.
Everybody kind of had thismeandering path, and she asked
all of us what would be our onepiece of advice that we would
give to the students and theprogram assistant, who has
(08:07):
worked in HR before as well.
She said that no job is a wasteof time, that you need to try
to learn something from everyjob that you've had, because you
never know where it might leadyou've had, because you never
(08:29):
know where it might lead.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
That is absolutely true and fantastic advice,
because everything gives yousomething and you may not at the
moment know where that willland.
I've watched that with my ownkids and their careers and you
know even their summer jobs aslifeguards ended up.
You know, becca ended up usingthat in her career because the
(08:51):
community she went to work inneeded that and so as an
extension agent, she needed toplug that in.
So there's all theseopportunities that you can use.
So you've been in educationlong enough to see lots of
changes.
What is one of the really goodchanges that you've seen?
(09:13):
And when you're, for instance,in a panel like this today that
you're seeing as you're lookingout to those students looking
back at you, what's somethingthat you think is a good thing
that you've seen happen?
Speaker 4 (09:28):
Yeah, so that's a great question.
I think the thing that I haveseen that has been a good thing
is that being able to continueyour education, either formally
or informally, has just exploded, and the opportunities that all
(09:49):
of us have not just students,but all of us have has greatly
increased.
So being able to be a lifelonglearner is something that is
much easier now than it used tobe.
Now, the difficult part aboutthat might be that you might be
(10:10):
overwhelmed by how muchadditional education is out
there, but if you wanted to golearn how to do pottery, for
instance, you could watch a lotof YouTube videos and learn how
to do that.
Now you may need to go take aclass as well, but even being
able to find where you couldtake a pottery class is much
(10:33):
more readily available than itused to be like when I was
growing up.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Yeah, yeah, true, there are, and you're right.
You can get overwhelmed or goto the wrong place or you know
there's so many factors to that,to where it can be paralyzing.
So how do you encouragestudents not to get paralyzed?
Speaker 4 (10:58):
Oh, that's a great question.
So one of the things that I hadsuggested to students today was
to use their resources.
So I teach family resourcemanagement and we talk a good
bit about financial resources inthere, just because so many of
them have not really had tomanage their own resources as
(11:21):
much as they will need to in thefuture.
But we are also focused onother types of resources human
resources, community resources,environmental resources.
But the community resources isan area that I'm really becoming
more and more passionate about,especially since COVID, I think
(11:43):
, because we missed out on somuch community when we were all
kind of locked down, and I thinkstudents need to be encouraged.
It's easy for them to getfocused on their phone, their
scrolling, their computer,whatever it might be, and forget
(12:06):
that there is an entirecommunity out there to go and
explore and learn.
And so when you're in college,or even high school, middle
school, elementary school, youare almost forced into a
community, are almost forcedinto a community.
(12:28):
But when you graduate fromcollege, you've got to be very
intentional about building yourcommunity.
So I think that's the thingthat I would say is you've,
you've, you've got to make a seta goal, be intentional about
building that community andunderstand the value of doing
that as well, and I think fromthat you can start to learn
(12:51):
about other opportunities thatare out there for you and it's
not quite as paralyzing.
I think it's paralyzing whenyou're just sitting there
scrolling or looking on thecomputer.
That can become prettyparalyzing.
And so I think we need eachother to try to help us learn
what areas we might beinterested in, what areas we're
(13:11):
not interested in, what otherpeople see as our gifts and our
strengths that maybe we want tostrengthen.
Or maybe we realize that there'san area where I'm at a deficit
and I need to go learn something.
Public speaking is one of thoseareas that I think a lot of
people have a fear about.
Realize that there's an areawhere I'm at a deficit and I
need to go learn something.
Public speaking is one of thoseareas that I think a lot of
people have a fear about,including myself at times,
(13:32):
depending on who it is I'mtalking to.
So you know, going and learninghow to do that better and their
master classes and TED Talksand YouTube videos and all of
those kinds of things you can godown a rabbit hole, but I think
maybe setting yourself a timeron your phone so that you don't
(13:53):
go too far down a rabbit holeand just kind of bring your
attention back to what is mygoal that I'm supposed to be
working on in this area ofeducation.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
That's interesting and, yeah, you sure can slip
down a rabbit hole.
I find it interesting.
You talked about forcedcommunity and I have thought
about this before, because, as amom, you have all these
communities that you're involvedin and they just are.
I guess forced would be a greatway to say it.
Um, you know, you go from thenewborn group to the mother's
(14:29):
group, to the mother's morningout group, to this, to the
elementary school and all theway through to all the sporting
events, and then, all of asudden, you don't have anything
right.
All of a sudden you, you're,you're.
Your kids are gone.
And now what?
You haven't found that,necessarily, but you still have
career, but your kids are grownRight.
(14:51):
Did you have to deal with thattoo as a professional woman?
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Yes.
So one of the things that Irealized is that when, really
when my second child came along,really when my second child
came along, the type of job thatI had at that point took me
away a good many evenings andthe hours were just difficult,
and having two children was achallenge as far as trying to
(15:17):
manage time and career, not tomention the cost of daycare,
which was more than my housenote at the time, and so I
almost felt like I was justworking in order to pay for
daycare for someone else to carefor my children, and so I
decided that I would, you know,we would have a family
(15:40):
conversation about how are wegoing to handle this, and we
decided that part-time might bea good option for me.
So I went part-time, but when Istopped, I was associate dean
for student involvement and oneof the things I realized was my
(16:03):
identity was so wrapped up in myjob and I can still let that
happen if I let it, but I'vetried so much harder than I used
to because I just didn't evenrealize it but I would kind of
introduce myself and I would belike, well, I used to be
(16:24):
Associate Dean, or I'mso-and-so's mom, or I was always
something else to someone elseeither career or parent and I
really had to do some soulsearching to figure out who I
was as a person and those eightyears where I was kind of
(16:49):
working part-time trying tofigure out what's what, it was a
real growing time for me.
I would like to say that I'mmuch better at that nail.
I still can struggle with thatand get wrapped up in my job and
working you know, doing workhere at the university or with
(17:13):
my kids or my grandkids but I'vereally tried to stretch myself
in a few areas and one of thoseareas is arranging flowers.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
And so yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
I just really didn't even realize I had a creative
side.
I just never explored that partof myself.
And so when my daughter gotmarried, the woman who did the
flowers, they were just sobeautiful and I just thought
(17:51):
that is just gorgeous.
And the woman who did theflowers, she's up in age and I
thought if I'm going to learn, Iwant to learn from the best.
And so, again, this lifelonglearning concept.
So I joined the flowercommittee at church.
Now I'm not great, but Ihaven't had any flowers fall off
(18:12):
the platform or anything ofthat nature, but I've really
enjoyed that and I've thought,you know, once I retire I think
I want to work in a floristpart-time, just for fun, to
learn how to do things.
I understand it's a reallystressful kind of job working in
(18:33):
a florist, but it's one ofthose little hobby areas I'm
looking forward to expanding alittle bit once I do retire.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
I love that.
I love that because you'veyou're able to find something
about yourself that's new andyou're telling students to do
that, and then here you areapplying it and and realizing
that that's going to come offand on throughout the stages of
life.
What's the scariest thingyou've ever done?
(19:03):
The scariest thing you've faced, whether personal, professional
, just the maybe stop you inyour tracks, kind of thing.
Speaker 4 (19:15):
So probably more personal than professional,
would be anytime there is ahealth scare or a health issue
with one of my kids.
That will stop me in my trackspretty quickly.
One of my children had a healthsituation.
(19:37):
They found a tumor, they got itall.
It was kind of accidental.
It was in an appendix and yeah,and so had an appendicitis,
didn't know there was a tumorand got it all.
That turned my world upside downbecause I became really focused
on making sure that we dideverything we needed to do in
(20:01):
that situation.
We needed to do in thatsituation.
Everything turned out just fine, but it stopped me in my tracks
.
Yeah, on another personal note,the other thing that I would
say stopped me in my tracksbecause you know I've already
told you that I was prettycareer focused, especially in
the beginning Still am, butespecially in the beginning and
(20:30):
we were expecting our firstchild and I had a miscarriage
and then had difficulty gettingpregnant again and in the very
beginning I was like, oh well,I'm a real planner.
In the very beginning I waslike, oh well, we're going to,
I'm a real planner.
And so I was going to plan andI had blocked out about six
(21:01):
weeks, because, of course, sixweeks is all I really needed to
be on some type of maternityleave because I was going to try
to be superwoman and come back,and I had six weeks blocked out
in the academic year where Ithought that would be the ideal
time to deliver, and as if I hadcontrol over any of it at all.
Yeah yeah, that's a life lessonin and of itself.
And so I had a miscarriage, andthen at that point I didn't
(21:26):
care what was happening at work.
I was really focused on wantingto have a child and didn't know
if that was going to happen ornot.
So I had two miscarriagesbefore my first child came,
before my first child was born,and so that was another time
(21:48):
that I kind of got stopped in mytracks.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Well, Christy, I don't know if you can talk about
that a little bit, but thereseems to be quite a bit of that
loss going on these days, and Idon't know if it's because we're
talking about it more or what,but what can you tell a young
(22:12):
woman who's going through that?
And not to side the dad either,because I think they're going
through it too but I know thatmy son experienced a couple of
miscarriages and then Beccaexperienced one, and I remember
(22:33):
Isaac saying to me nobody talksabout this and my response was
almost like well, until you'rein the club, nobody really does.
So, what's your perspective andwhat do you have that you might
be able to offer?
That's encouraging.
You talk to young people somuch.
Speaker 4 (22:52):
Right.
So one of the things that I wasnot aware of initially was that
about 25% of all pregnanciesend in a miscarriage, and that
was not a stat that I wasfamiliar with initially.
Just knowing that that is afairly common situation, I think
(23:19):
, helped, because, you know,there was a lot of blame.
Did I do this wrong or did I dothat wrong?
Is there something I did tocontribute to the miscarriage?
Was I too stressed?
Was I too?
You know, whatever it might be,fill in the blank, and it is,
in my opinion, more common thanI think we are led to believe.
(23:42):
I didn't know at the time thatmy mother had had a miscarriage
before I got pregnant.
She just never mentioned it.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
Yeah, I didn't either .
Speaker 4 (23:49):
Yeah, yeah, and I would say that now I have found
this TED Talk.
I don't know that it's reallycalled good or bad, hard to say
but that's kind of the taglinein the TED Talk is.
(24:10):
She goes through and she talksabout the things that people say
, Like she had a child that hada developmental situation or a
terminal illness or something Ican't remember exactly what it
was, and she would say peoplewould say, oh, I'm so sorry.
And then she talks about all ofthe things that she learned
(24:31):
from her child that she was notexpecting to learn, and then
people, something good wouldhappen and people would be like,
oh, that's wonderful.
And then she would find outthat maybe it wasn't as
wonderful as she had initiallythought.
So the big tagline is good orbad.
Hard to say.
(24:52):
So when something happens thatyou think is really negative,
try to focus on what is it thatI can learn from this?
And it may be way on the otherside of it after you've gone
through a really dark tunnel toget there.
And sometimes, when things arereally great and wonderful, my
(25:13):
husband often says this tooshall pass.
Whether it's good or bad, thistoo shall pass, and that's kind
of what she's saying good or bad, hard to say that some things
we think are going to be greatand wonderful and they don't
turn out the way we thought theywere going to be and some
things seem to be reallynegative and you learn and grow
(25:34):
so much from the experience thatit turns.
I would say lean on yourcommunity, Lean on your spouse
or significant other.
I think people help get usthrough a lot of situations that
(25:59):
we think we may not be able toget through ourselves.
And then try to look at thingsa little differently than you
might would look at them.
If it's really negative,there's something in there that
can still be learned, and ifit's something really positive,
(26:20):
there's still something in therethat can be learned.
So I think that's what I wouldprobably say to people and I do
think that what tends to happen,especially in families, when
there's a negative event.
When I'm teaching marriage andfamily, one of the things I
(26:42):
refer to is kind of the turtlesyndrome, that when you see a
turtle and a turtle isthreatened, they pull in all
their appendages and they hunkerdown inside their shell.
And families do that as well.
When there's something negativehappening to the family unit,
we tend to pull in all of ourappendages, all of our people,
(27:03):
and we hunker down, tend to pullin all of our appendages, all
of our people, and we hunkerdown, and that's a natural
response.
But we're not going to getanywhere unless we put those
appendages back out.
And the way that we do that isby using those resources again,
using other people to helpremind us of the good things
that have happened in the past,knowing that somebody cares for
(27:25):
you.
Maybe they are aware of otherresources that your family needs
, that you weren't aware ofyourself, and so, instead of you
know, turtling down, trying tospread those appendages a little
bit and travel down the roadwith other people.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Well, which leads to the point of choosing your
people is pretty important, andyou know what is it they say?
I guess the five people thatyou surround yourself with,
that's really you feed off ofthat and that's kind of who you
are.
Do you have your people, yourtribe?
Have they changed over theyears?
(28:07):
Do you have somebody fromchildhood that you still pull
into your circle today?
Speaker 4 (28:13):
Yeah, so I would say yes to all of the above.
So I have, first of all, myfamily and my extended family as
well.
So that's been since childhood.
I also have a childhood friendthat we still are in touch
periodically not on a regularbasis.
I have a college friend that Istill see pretty regularly, two
(28:40):
or three times a year, and wewill contact each other, you
know, via text etc.
But we're not in constantcommunication all the time.
But we can pick right up wherewe left off because there's so
much history there for both mychildhood and my college friend.
(29:01):
I would say that now a lot of mysupport group comes from my
church and my church peoplethere, and we have our Sunday
school class that we regularlyattend and the people in there
are very it's a very diversegroup group.
(29:30):
It's not a group that I wouldhave necessarily chosen myself
initially, because I didn't knowthem well enough, and so now I
would choose all of them andwe're all very diverse.
But I do have a kind of aninner circle group as well.
So when I have an issue or aproblem I may have mentioned
this to you once before, butseveral years ago I fractured my
(29:52):
back I slipped down two stairs,walking in socks.
Don't do that, don't walkdownstairs in socks yeah yeah,
it's just a bad idea, and so,anyway, I fractured my back, and
when you are flat on your backand you cannot get up yourself
to go to the bathroom, you haveto have somebody pull you out of
bed to go to the bathroom.
You will figure out who yourreal friends are.
(30:17):
Yeah, reaching out to thosepeople saying, hey, I'm in a bad
situation and I could reallyuse your help and it doesn't
have to be physical, it could beemotional as well.
Hey, I'm in a bad situation andI could really use someone to
(30:42):
talk to, including someone whomight say to me I'm here with
you, I'll walk this path withyou, but you might need to talk
to somebody else professionallyas well.
So I think those kinds offriends are really good friends.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Yeah, they are.
You know, I've learned thatsometimes I have to ask what do
you need from me?
Because I automatically go tomy you know, one, two, three,
four, five.
Here's how I can fix it, here'swhat I can do, and I'm finding
more and more that peoplesometimes know what they need
(31:13):
from me and it's not what Ithink they need.
Right, that's been a revelationfor me.
Speaker 4 (31:20):
That's right.
My husband and I experiencedthis quite a few years ago.
We've been married since 1986,so however many years that is,
but it's a while.
And so he would come home fromwork and he'd say what was going
(31:41):
on, as much as he could tell me, and I would jump into fix-it
mode.
And he eventually said I don'tneed you to fix it, I just need
you to listen.
And so when he'll start talkingnow, either one of us will say,
okay, what do you need from meright now?
(32:02):
And he might say I just needyou to listen, or hey, I need
you to brainstorm with me abouthow we might can you know,
handle this particular situation.
But I think you're right.
It's a lesson that I learned,probably later than I should
have learned it, because I justthought I'm in a helping
(32:24):
profession, I want to helppeople.
I just thought everybody'm in ahelping profession.
I want to help people.
I just thought everybody wouldwant my help.
And of course, not everybodywants my help.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Well, you are in a profession where sometimes it'd
be really hard not to go.
Look, let me just go get thebook.
We'll read this chapter.
This is what we're Matter offact, fact, you are my example
tomorrow in class that would beso hard to draw those, those
boundaries yeah it is difficult.
Speaker 4 (32:56):
That's right, it is.
It is a difficult challengethere because you know, when
you're teaching family, we're,you know it's.
There's so many examples thatyou can use that do exemplify
(33:20):
whatever the textbook is talkingabout.
So I, you know through theyears and I've got some decent
examples.
But through the years, as I'vethought of things or as things
have happened, I have askedpermission of my family members.
May I use this in class todiscuss?
And so they will.
(33:41):
They've always given mepermission, which is good.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah it is.
But it goes back to thatlifelong learning.
You know we have situationsthat come up and we have, um,
just people in relationships.
So you know you have to put alot of trust in people.
You have to put trust both inyour department, people to have
(34:08):
your back there, people to helpyou in your career and in your
family.
So how do you know?
Do you have like a trustmonitor of?
How do you know that you cantrust someone, that they're
fully on the same page you are,or at least working, you know,
down the same path that's agreat question.
Speaker 4 (34:32):
Um, I think sometimes we just know we intuitively, if
we'll listen to ourselves, wecan kind of know I listen to how
they talk about other people orother situations and I can pick
(34:55):
up whether I can trust them ornot.
Sometimes I will, on somethingsmall, kind of test it out a
little bit and say, hey, I needto need to tell you something.
Please don't share thisinformation.
And if the information getsshared and it's not anything
great, you know, huge, but thefact that I asked them not to
(35:16):
share it and if it's shared,then I know I don't share great
big, huge things with thatperson.
They might can be trusted inother ways, but maybe not with
information.
So I think, mostly listening tohow they talk about situations
(35:39):
that they've been in and theirchoice of words, and if anybody
says, well, I'm not supposed totell you this, but I know you
won't tell anybody, I'm like I'mnot telling you anything.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
I know I'm not supposed to, but Right yeah.
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
That's not the person I'm going to share a lot of
information with.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
Yeah, no kidding.
So you've been in a tremendousnumber of leadership positions.
What do you?
What's your description of agood leader?
And I'm sure it falls into thattrustworthy as well but, but
basically from what you've seenand what you try to be Right,
but basically from what you'veseen and what you try to be.
Speaker 4 (36:27):
Right, I've actually been thinking about this.
So I'm also chair of theEducational Leadership
Department co-chair right now,and they teach leadership mostly
K-12 leadership, but leadershipin other organizations as well.
We've just started a master'sin organizational leadership.
(36:49):
That's an online program, andso this concept of leadership
has really been at the forefrontof a lot of things that I've
been doing lately, and so I'vebeen trying to think about how
do you teach leadership, how doyou convey the importance of
(37:13):
leadership, how does leadershiplook in different roles?
So the way that I lead in onearea might look very different
than the way that I lead inanother area.
I think, doing what you say, andI think that that's really
(37:35):
important.
I think that that goes backinto the trust area.
One of the things that I'vetried to do through the years is
speak the truth in love, andthere are days that I have to
(37:56):
wait until I can get to the loveportion.
I could speak the truth, butmaybe not in love, and so I have
to kind of work on myself toget to the love part.
When our kids were little andthey would, you know, tattle we
would always say are you tryingto help or are you trying to
hurt and that speak the truth inlove.
(38:18):
You know, I can speak the truth, but am I trying to help or am
I trying to hurt?
And sometimes, honestly, I wantto hurt because it made me mad
or it made me upset or hurt myfeelings, or whatever it might
be.
But the concept of speaking thetruth in love is one that I
think makes a good leader,because they care for the people
(38:43):
that they're working with andthey want them to grow and
develop and be the best thatthey can be.
One of the things that we talkabout a lot in our department
looking at people's strengthsinstead of their deficits or
(39:06):
their areas that they need toimprove on is something that
makes a good leader, trying tofocus in on whatever the
strength might be of theindividual.
I think that leadership alsohas to do with being a visionary
(39:29):
, but to me, it's not my vision.
It would be our vision as agroup, and so I'm pretty
collaborative in the way that wedo things around here, and,
(39:50):
fortunately, everybody else ispretty collaborative as well,
and we still get things done.
So you can be overlycollaborative and not get
anything done, but we get thingsdone, which is really nice.
I do think the academic year,the ebb and flow of an academic
year.
You know that you're going tocome to an end eventually, so
you've got to hit thosedeadlines when you need to hit
(40:11):
those deadlines.
But I think the strengths focusis really important.
As a matter of fact, one of thetextbooks that I've chosen in
the Marriage and family coursefocuses on the strengths of
families instead of the deficitsof families, and so I think for
(40:32):
me personally, that's one ofthe things that I try to look
for in others, and oftentimessomeone else's strength kind of
counters whatever my deficitmight be.
So I tend to be pretty much arule follower, and I have other
(40:57):
people that I work with whothink outside the box.
But every once in a while, rulefollowers need to think outside
the box as well, and so we needto know if there's a situation,
how might we be able toapproach this?
So I'll go to those people thatI know think outside the box,
(41:17):
who think differently than I do,so that I can kind of get some
ideas of how I might be able tohandle a situation.
That might not be my naturalway of handling the situation.
So I would say leaders tend tosurround themselves with people
(41:38):
who compliment them.
They are not the same as them,but they complement their style
as well.
So I'm trying to think whatelse I think about leadership.
It doesn't mean that you're theperson in front giving
directions that sort of thing.
(42:00):
To me it can be, but to methat's not what a leader is.
Oftentimes you're behind thescenes talking to people,
working with people, trying tofigure out what is our next move
.
Where can we really make adifference in the lives of the
(42:22):
students that we're working with?
So that's kind of what I thinkI think for today.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
Well, I hear you talk a lot about teamwork and
cooperation, but I know that attimes, competition comes up.
When you hear the wordcompetition, how do you feel?
What is it Do?
What bells go off for you?
Speaker 4 (42:50):
So I grew up in a pretty competitive family, so I
might be compensating a littlebit.
My natural tendency can be verycompetitive tendency can be
very competitive.
As a matter of fact, when mydaughter was young, she was on
(43:15):
the swim team, and one of thethings that we really liked
about swim team is that you arecompeting against someone else
but you're also competingagainst yourself, trying to get
the better time each time thatyou swim.
And so I had kind of made thisirrational decision that when we
had children that we were notgoing to raise competitive
children, and so our daughterfit that bill initially, which
(43:40):
is ironic because now she'spretty competitive as well.
It eventually came out, but inthe beginning I was like, listen
, if you, just if you'll justtry to beat your next time I'll.
You know I was bribing, youknow, mcdonald's or ice cream
cone or extra time on TV orwhatever it might be, because I
(44:01):
realized that some competitionis good.
I mean, it helps push me to thenext level sometimes, and so
competition is not something Iview as negatively as I did
initially.
(44:22):
So in our family there was a lotof you know.
You wanted to be right, youwanted to have the best answers.
You wanted to do what you know,whatever it was to win, but
fortunately I was also taughtthat you don't win at all costs,
and so I try to balance that asmuch as I can.
(44:43):
But I can be very competitiveMaybe not so much within our
area, but I can be competitivetowards other areas.
I mean, you know, if you're ata university and you're trying
to recruit students, I'm goingto do what I can to try to
recruit a student if I trulybelieve that this is the best
(45:05):
place for them and that it fitswith them.
I don't want to have someone bea major or a student and it not
be a good fit for them.
I mean, they have to make thefinal decision, but I'm not
going to do or say anything totry to recruit them here to be a
major, because ultimately, I dotruly believe that they've got
(45:31):
to do what's best for them andthat will then end up being
what's best for everyone.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
So yeah.
Yeah, it's funny when you'retalking about the swim team
competitions.
When you're talking about theswim team competitions, I mean
it is in life you can have thatsame level of competition.
You know, did you do better onthe test this time than you did
last?
Or in your work presentation?
(46:03):
Is it better today than it wasthe last?
So a dose of competition.
But yeah, I played the gameswhere it was like no, look it up
in the dictionary and prove tome that's a word.
Right, we're not going to letyou have it.
Speaker 4 (46:15):
I have a friend who tells a story about swim team as
well, and his son was on a swimteam and he saw this little boy
over there and he had severalribbons and he had like a first
place, second place, third place, fourth place, sixth place and
seventh place and he had laidall of his ribbons out and he
(46:38):
goes now I just need to get afifth place ribbon, because he
was missing the fifth place.
That's right.
So that was his goal was to geta fifth place ribbon.
And so you know, everybody hastheir own goals, and trying to
help people accomplish those, Ithink, is what true leadership
is about helping othersaccomplish their goals as well.
Speaker 2 (46:59):
I love that.
I was just thinking, as youwere talking about the ribbons.
We, my kids, also swam, and inmy bible I have a um one of
their ribbons and it's um, maybesecond place.
There weren't but two of themin the heat.
Right, you know what?
It is second place and it youknow all these years later, who
(47:21):
knows?
There weren't 40 people in that, but that's right right.
But you know, it's all.
It's all relative, but thereare a lot of things that we're
scared of.
A lot of competition, a lot ofleadership roles, a lot of
positions.
Is there something that cropsup for you that becomes kind of
a fear?
Not necessarily one you can'tget over, but but is there a
(47:45):
fear barrier that you have inlife in general?
Speaker 4 (47:53):
Yeah, yeah, I've probably got several.
One is I really don't want tohurt other people's feelings
feelings and I don't know wherethat comes from.
But I don't like hurting otherpeople's feelings and I will
(48:15):
probably go out of my way to tryto keep that from happening.
And that may be where thatspeak the truth in love I can
address difficult situations.
But I need to know that I'mdoing it because I really care
for that individual as opposedto even if it does hurt their
(48:36):
feelings, that I'm doing it forthe right reason, Not just
because I'm trying to hurt theirfeelings, but I think
unintentionally hurtingsomeone's feelings is probably a
fear of mine.
Speaker 2 (48:51):
I can see that.
Yeah, because you have so manycontacts that you're involved in
and it's like you talkedearlier about the academic year
and the deadlines and sometimesthose pressures alone.
You have so many minutes.
I mean you really could take itdown to minutes of where you
have time to accomplish a hugegoal.
(49:15):
That right, that kind of can belife-altering for somebody,
right, so that that couldinfluence you.
Speaker 4 (49:24):
Yeah, I had a discussion one time with a
student talking about knowingwhen to challenge and when to
support, and probably comes from, you know, one of those
theories that I've studiedthrough the years.
(49:45):
But providing the right amountof challenge and the right
amount of support is really whatI believe helps growth.
And so for myself and forothers as well and it is a, it
(50:20):
is an honor and a responsibilityand a burden to work with
individuals and knowing when tochallenge and when to support.
And you want to push enough,but not push too much to where
they freeze or they can't dosomething, but you also don't
(50:41):
want to support so much that itdoesn't promote growth and
development.
And same in my own life.
I mean, I struggle with thatwith myself as well, and I think
that's where, for me, prayercomes in Talking to other people
about making sure that I'mbeing wise in my decision making
(51:04):
, maybe not sharing you knowspecific details, but just
trying to help hold meaccountable, to make sure that
I'm doing what I'm supposed tobe doing to help others become
the best that they can be, and Ido feel like that's really kind
of my calling here at theuniversity I teach content.
(51:29):
I do teach content.
Fortunately I teach content ongrowth and development.
But just having that honor andprivilege and responsibility and
burden of helping students inthe transition between high
school and adulthood, it's a bigresponsibility that I take very
(51:54):
seriously yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:56):
It is, and you get the opportunity to teach a
subject that you know well, buteverybody comes in with a
different slate, so you have tokind of figure that out and how
to pivot from that.
Has it become easier as you'vebeen in it more, or is it about
(52:19):
the same, or what's that like?
Speaker 4 (52:29):
I don't know that it's become easier, maybe.
Maybe not being paralyzed by ithas come easier.
So the more experience I've haddoing it, I still make mistakes
.
I can still think that astudent is just being lazy, for
(52:52):
instance, because they're notcoming to class, but then
realizing that they've gotdebilitating anxiety and they
just can't come to class.
And so I'm constantly learningfrom all of my experiences, but
especially my experiences withstudents, that maybe it's a
(53:19):
little easier but it's morecomplicated.
I don't know if that makes anysense.
I might be more comfortablewith it, but the more I've done
it, the more I've realizedthings are just complicated.
Speaker 2 (53:33):
Yeah, maybe too, things are more on the surface
than they used to be too.
Things are more on the surfacethan they used to be.
Things 30, you know, 40 yearsago, 30 years ago not that you
were teaching them, but you know, you, you didn't.
It was just buried deeper andit right, if you left home, you
(53:55):
left it, you ran from it.
So there was more of that, andnow it kind of follows the kids.
Speaker 4 (54:02):
Yeah, yes, and I don't know.
In some ways, you know, good orbad, hard to say.
In some ways it's really goodbecause there are more resources
out there for students thatstudents have available to them.
You know, I don't even know ifwe had a counseling center on my
(54:22):
college campus when I was inschool.
I truly have no idea, butobviously we have one.
Most colleges, every collegeand university that I'm aware of
, if they don't have their owncounseling center, they have
some kind of access for studentscounseling center, they have
some kind of access for studentsand so those kinds of resources
(54:44):
have greatly increased.
And it's hard to know chickenor egg, you know, did those
resources greatly increase andtherefore people started talking
more or were people in need andtherefore those resources had
to increase?
And I think people were in needand those resources needed to
increase and probably continueto need to increase because
(55:07):
there's just a lot, there's alot that people go through.
Speaker 2 (55:12):
Yeah, yeah, and the stigma needs to get pushed down,
even more so than I guess ithas.
Speaker 4 (55:25):
Right, when's the last time you cried?
Well, I tend to be a bit of acrier, so I can cry when I'm
happy about something.
I can cry when I'm sad aboutsomething.
The last time, well, I'll tellyou this my children laugh at me
because the big joke around ourhouse is Mom, you cried during
(55:47):
Kung Fu Panda and I was like Idid cry during Kung Fu Panda.
When he opens the scroll and incase you're listening and you
don't know what happens here,turn this part off.
But when he opens the scrolland there's nothing written on
it, he thought the answer wasgoing to be right there and the
whole time the answer was withhim and so, anyway, I cried.
(56:10):
But lately, the most recenttime that I cried was during
class and one of my students,one of my male students, said in
class.
He said people ask me aboutthis major and I try to tell
them.
You just never know when you'regoing to cry in class, and it's
(56:32):
kind of true.
And so I was showing adocumentary.
It was, in my opinion, a greatdocumentary on.
Can I say this?
Should I?
maybe I shouldn't say but anywayit was American Experience and
it was on.
I think it was called Change,not Charity, and it was about
(56:52):
the Americans with DisabilitiesAct.
Now, keep in mind that I teachfamily law and public policy,
and so we were talking about allof the different ways that
policy is influenced and thatcan be through policymakers,
media, interest groups et cetera, and so it was about the
(57:13):
Americans with Disabilities Act.
And there's this one particularsaying.
I think my whole class wascrying.
I'd already seen thedocumentary and I was crying
again.
It was just very touching, andso I tend to cry more on
touching kinds of things asopposed to sad things.
(57:33):
I can cry when I'm sad, but Itend to cry more when it's
something that's touching,almost inspirational.
I tend to tear up then.
Speaker 2 (57:51):
We had talked about the family law and public policy
class that you teach and howfascinating that is and how
important it is, and I am justamazed at all that you have to
have your fingers in to be ableto teach people today, to be
(58:16):
ready, and that law and publicpolicy.
How do you get ready for that?
Because that stuff is changing,it changes constantly.
I mean, what do you do not tojust go?
Oh, I just can't, and just wantto teach history instead, right
, right.
Speaker 4 (58:38):
So one of the things I try to do in that class in
particular and I think I'vealready mentioned that my dad
was mayor of our hometown.
So government politics and Idon't like politics, but
government and ourresponsibility as citizens was
(59:06):
something that I grew up with.
I mean, it was just ingrainedin us that we have a civic
responsibility to be involved inour community and to care what
goes on, and, of course, myfather's livelihood was
dependent on it.
So people voting, for instance,was my father always used to
(59:29):
say and he still will say thisthat you know, if you didn't
vote, then you didn't have aright to complain about it.
Didn't vote, then you didn'thave a right to complain about
it.
And so that's kind of how Igrew up In the class.
My job is not to tell them whatthey should value or how they
(59:52):
should think about a particularpolicy of some sort.
What I try to do is help themunderstand how the policy
process works, and I do havethem research articles
pertaining to family policy,what is family policy, but they
(01:00:15):
can choose whatever article thatthey want.
I don't choose the article forthem because I feel like if I
choose the article for them thenit might accidentally lead them
down a path and that's not my,that's not my job, and so what I
start out the class with, whichis what I ended with yesterday
as a matter of fact is that,first of all, this class is a
(01:00:37):
required course, so studentsdon't usually take it because
they want to take it.
They take it because they haveto take it and it is part of the
curriculum for becoming acertified family life educator.
So family policy is a coursethat has to be taken to become a
(01:00:57):
CFLE.
And so I tell them I understandthat many of you are not in
this class because you careabout law and policy.
You probably think of law andpolicy as being somewhere way
far away from us, maybe in DC,long way away from Alabama, dc,
(01:01:24):
long way away from Alabama butthat my goal in the class is to
help them understand how law andpolicy impacts families and
that if I can do that by the endof the course, then I'll feel
like I've accomplished what I'msupposed to accomplish.
So I do my best to try to walkthe middle as much as I can.
I'm human.
I will fall off to one side orthe other, depending on what the
topic is I don't subscribe toeverything on either side of
(01:01:53):
that middle line that I'm tryingto walk for class.
And one of the ways I try tohold myself accountable is we do
talk about political partiesand political ideologies and
they know this.
I've told them this not thatthey're going to be listening
right this minute, before thefinal exam on Monday, but maybe
they will that I will ask them aquestion using the political
(01:02:20):
spectrum of political ideologyand political parties.
Where do they think I am onthat political spectrum and what
did I do or say that causedthem to think that this
particular political persuasionor this particular political
(01:02:43):
party?
And I do that to make sure thatthey understand the concept of
political parties and politicalideology.
But I also do that to kind ofhold my feet to the fire related
to am I crossing a line?
Am I, did I do somethingunintentionally or intentionally
(01:03:09):
?
I don't think I've doneanything intentionally, but
unintentionally or intentionallythat showed my hand, showed my
cards, as to where I lean.
I wouldn't be teaching thetopic if I didn't care about the
topic.
So I have opinions, but my jobis not to convey my opinions or
(01:03:35):
try to persuade them to hold thesame opinions that I do.
My job is to help them figureout how do they go about knowing
what their values are relatedto policy and how do they go
(01:03:57):
about changing things if theythink things need to be changed.
And so I try.
I'm not always successful, butI try to be as middle of the
road and they'll want me to tellthem no, no, no, just tell us
and I'm like no, no, no, I'm nottelling you.
You know, I'm not going to tellyou.
(01:04:18):
That's not why I'm here.
Speaker 2 (01:04:21):
I think that's great.
I love that assignment, sowe'll need to wrap up.
But I can't let thisconversation go without talking
about travel and students,because you are into taking
students abroad and so I want totouch on that of why you think
(01:04:54):
that's important and what yousee the benefits are and maybe
even some of the cautions.
Speaker 4 (01:05:07):
Sure, I would say the university as a whole believes
that traveling abroad or in theUS I've taken students to DC
before as well, so it doesn'talways have to be abroad
somewhere.
I've taken students to London.
I'm about to take a group ofstudents to Denmark and Sweden.
I've taken students to London.
I'm about to take a group ofstudents to Denmark and Sweden,
and I think it's probably myphilosophy of life in general,
(01:05:28):
which is, I think I can learnsomething from just about
everyone.
It may not be the way that Iwould continue to do it, but I
can at least learn something.
Even if it's that, hey, I thinkwe're doing things pretty well.
(01:05:50):
But knowing and learning fromother experiences.
I also find that, especiallyfor family law and public policy
, especially for family law andpublic policy, that it I would
say probably for any class,anytime you can have some kind
(01:06:11):
of experiential component to it,it increases the learning
potential.
And when you travel somewhereabroad or domestically, when you
travel somewhere, you kind ofleave all the other stuff behind
and you're just really focusedin on that period of time that
you've got designated, and soit's kind of a way to focus in
(01:06:33):
on a topic that when you don'ttravel, you've got too many
other things that are kind ofmaking their way in to try to
distract you, and you know, Ialways add components of
sightseeing in there.
(01:06:53):
It also helps to understand theculture that you're going into
when you go and experience thesites that they have to offer,
and I just think it's a reallygreat way to learn because
you're very focused.
Sometimes you're outside of yourcomfort level, which is one of
(01:07:16):
those ways to challenge, but asa faculty member, we're right
there with them so we canprovide support as well.
One of my children traveledabroad for a semester and she
didn't go with a faculty memberand I really wished that she had
(01:07:38):
, because she had a lot ofchallenges and not as much
support as I had wanted for heron that experience.
It ended up being fine and shelearned a lot.
She learned what she could do,which was a whole lot more than
what she thought she could do.
But I think if you have anopportunity to travel with a
(01:08:00):
faculty member, that can bethere to help with that support
as well as the challenges thatyou face sometimes when you
travel, even if it's your flightgot canceled.
I mean there's a learningexperience there.
Think that the focus beingoutside of your normal
(01:08:22):
environment, kind of clearingyour head a little bit, kind of
forgetting, you know, out ofsight, out of mind, of what's
going on at home, I think itreally improves the learning
experience.
Speaker 2 (01:08:31):
Well, and often it's the chance you get to do it.
Sometimes, when you get out ofthat period of your life, those
opportunities are fewer andfurther between, so to take
advantage of it is so greatRight.
So I'm really excited aboutthat, and if you need a
(01:08:54):
chaperone, I wonder where youcan get one.
I appreciate that, christy.
We've talked about so manythings.
Is there anything that we havenot touched on that you want to
make sure we do?
Speaker 4 (01:09:11):
I don't think about me in particular, but I'm very
curious how you decided to endup doing a podcast.
Very curious how you decided toend up doing a podcast, because
I think that I think peoplewill think about doing something
like that, but not jump outthere and do it, and so I
presume you had some a good bitof learning to do about.
(01:09:32):
How do you interview?
How do you actually record this?
How do you post this?
How do you?
Speaker 2 (01:09:36):
publicize it.
Oh, wow, wow.
Thank you for asking that.
It is a learning curve.
I initially got involved inpodcasting I have an advertising
company and have actually hadit for 34 years and there's been
changes to that.
There's been changes of what weneeded and we were producing
(01:10:00):
some podcasts for otherindividuals, and I would find
myself sometimes needing to bethe third person in the
interview and then edit myselfout, because not everybody can
ask questions that brought theright answers out, or brought
not the right answers, butanswers that gave enough
(01:10:23):
substance to where they wereinteresting and informative.
And then I decided, wow, thereare women that are really
interesting, and that's where Ilanded.
I decided that I wanted topublish my own podcast and talk
purely to women, and not alwaysthe women that are the famous
(01:10:46):
headliners, but the women thatare doing everyday things.
And Isaac went to school with ayoung lady who had a song that
was out there that she let mehave, and it's stomp to your own
drum and you have a pocket fullof dreams and women do.
(01:11:08):
They so do.
And so that's where it camefrom and how it got started.
Started and I've always my veryfirst job like to not get paid
for was going out to the mallfor the radio station and
interviewing people.
For that.
(01:11:29):
What do you think about?
You know, man on the street,kind of thing, right, and that's
so.
I've always been one that hasbeen able to, fortunately, have
a conversation that wentsomewhere really quickly, and so
that's kind of what hashappened.
(01:11:50):
And then I get the privilege Idon't think I meet anybody these
days that I'm not going ohyou'd be really interesting.
Days that I'm not going, ohyou'd be really interesting.
Or Becca, who works with mesome and she is my scheduler.
She will come back with a listof this is person you need to
talk to.
Let's go for it, and by makingit not a planned script, then it
(01:12:23):
doesn't put pressure on theeveryday person to go.
I got to get ready for that, Igot to prep for that, so it's
been a beautiful thing.
Speaker 4 (01:12:27):
Well, that's great.
That's great.
Well, I appreciate your work inthis and branching out and
jumping into something that wasnew and different, and I think
that that's a great example forothers as well.
Speaker 2 (01:12:41):
Well, thank you, christy.
How do people follow you ifthey want to get in touch with
you, if they have questionsabout the degree that you guys
offer or anything, how do theytouch base with you?
Speaker 4 (01:12:57):
Yeah, that's a great question.
So I'm on the Samford website.
You can find the major thereHuman Development and Family
Science and somewhere on thatwebsite is information about
getting in touch with us eithervia email or telephone, and so,
yeah, if you have any questionsabout that, I'd be happy to
(01:13:17):
answer them.
Speaker 2 (01:13:19):
Absolutely.
That's wonderful.
I have one more question.
Sure, you have a superpowergiven to you.
You can use it for 24 hours.
You can use it personally orprofessionally.
What superpower would youchoose?
How would you use it?
And I'd love to know why youwould choose it.
How would you use it?
Speaker 4 (01:13:41):
And I'd love to know why you would use it.
I don't know why this is comingto mind right now, but if I had
a superpower, I think the onethat I would want is well, I
don't know, I think I'm going tochange my mind.
Initially, I was going to say Iwould want to be able to remove
all hurt from everyone, but Ithink that we learn something
(01:14:03):
from the hurts that we'veexperienced.
So maybe instead of that that Iwould if I had a superpower, I
would try to help people figureout what they could do to
contribute to the betterment ofsociety.
Speaker 2 (01:14:22):
Wow, yeah, I think that's what I would do.
I like that, christy.
Thank you, it's been anabsolute pleasure.
Speaker 4 (01:14:32):
Thank you very much.
I appreciate it.
It's great to see you again.
Speaker 1 (01:14:47):
You too.
Speaker 2 (01:14:53):
Find Stat Keys podcast on Spotify, soundcloud
and iTunes or anywhere you getyour favorite podcast listen.
You'll laugh out loud, you'llcry a little, you'll find
yourself encouraged.
Join us for casual conversationthat leads itself, based on
where we take it, from family tophilosophy, to work to meal
prep, to beautifully survivinglife.
(01:15:15):
And hey, if I could ask a bigfavor of you, go to iTunes and
give us a five rating.
The more people who rate us,the more we get this podcast out
there.
Speaker 1 (01:15:27):
Thanks, I appreciate it.
Nothing on me, cause I'm doingmy thing and I hold the key to
all my wants and all my dreams.
Speaker 3 (01:15:42):
Like an old song, everything will be alright when
I let myself go with the night.
Gotta.
Stomp to my own drum.
Stomp to my own song.
Stomp to my own song, stomp.
Hey, gonna, put on my boots andmove.
(01:16:03):
Stomp to my own drum.
Stomp to my own song, stomp.
Hey Gonna.
Sing it out loud and say itreal proud.
Speaker 1 (01:16:18):
Nobody's gonna step on my cloud Cause I stomp, stomp
to the beat of my big drum.
I got a big drum.
Whatever you do, it ain'tnothing on me, cause I'm doing
my thing and I got the key toall my walls and all my dreams.
(01:17:19):
Thank you.
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