March 14, 2025 • 59 mins
Andy Gutierrez drops wisdom bombs about personal accountability and growth in this transformative episode. A business owner, pastor, and ultra-marathon runner (yes, he's completed 100-mile races!), Andy shares his powerful life philosophy: "Don't complain about something you aren't willing to fix."
Throughout our conversation, Andy unpacks how this principle applies to every area of life. From fitness goals to marriage relationships, career advancement to mental health—countless people remain stuck in cycles of complaint without taking meaningful action. Andy vulnerably shares his own journey through procrastination and fear, revealing how he finally broke through self-imposed limitations by asking "Why not me?" instead of "I can't."
The discussion takes a particularly poignant turn when addressing marriage. Andy's refreshingly blunt advice about prioritizing your spouse ("forget them kids!") comes from hard-earned wisdom after 17 years of marriage. With divorce rates approaching 60%—with most happening after children leave home—his insights on maintaining connection through intentional dating are both practical and urgent.
Time management emerges as another crucial theme. Andy challenges the common "I don't have time" excuse, noting how we effortlessly make time for what we truly value. His practice of conducting monthly "time audits" offers a practical way to ensure our schedules align with our stated priorities.
Whether you're struggling with procrastination, feeling stuck in a relationship rut, or simply wanting more from life, Andy's straightforward advice will inspire you to stop making excuses and start taking action. Life is too short to wait—someone is always watching, and your time to start is now.
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Standing In Your Truth Podcast with Yanni Thomas
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everyone, welcome to Standing In your
Truth podcast with your host,yanni.
On this podcast you'll hearYanni, family and friends having
open-ended discussions onanything from faith, finances,
relationships and how to staymotivated during life's trying
times.
Make sure to follow on allsocial media platforms.
(00:23):
The social media link is in thebio.
Sit back and get ready to enjoy.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Hello everyone, Welcome to another episode of
Standing in your Truth podcast.
I am your host, Yanni.
How are you guys doing?
Hopefully you're enjoying thiswarm weather that the Lord has
allowed us to have.
I'm not quite sure if I likethe heat or if I don't, but I
also don't.
I know that I do not like thefreezing, so I should enjoy the
heat.
But we're back with anotherepisode of Life Models, so I'm
(00:55):
going to allow my guest tointroduce himself.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Hey, so my name is Andy Gutierrez.
Like how, Rob Marr is there.
Yeah, I was like okay, that'spretty good right.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
That was real official right there.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Yeah, they did that on purpose.
Yeah, okay, I don't normally dothat, so yeah, so I am a yeah,
I'm a business owner.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
What business do you own, though?
Speaker 3 (01:20):
I own West City Resources.
We do residential andcommercial remodels and new
construction, all that fun stuff.
So anything from the dirt toturn Kiwi oh shoot, we'll do it.
That's pretty cool, so it's agood time.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
I don't think I'd do that.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
We've been on paper for five years.
Oh wow, we were doing it longbefore that, just illegally, if
I can be honest.
Why me?
You know it's done at the tablejust getting paid cash, cash
jobs.
It was a better time at thattime because you didn't have
Uncle Sam trying to take allyour money, but it's been good.
(02:01):
It's been good.
Yeah, I'm on staff at I'mtrying to take all your money,
but it's been good.
It's been good.
Yeah, I'm on staff at HopeAlive Church as a, as a kids
pastor, mm-hmm and a Serve 120director, and I love it.
I absolutely love it.
I get to play drums every nowand again with the worship team.
And it's a good time.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
All right.
So we're going to get startedwith some just kind of like get
to know your questions and,before we dive into um, what one
of your life models is so?
What motivates you?
Oh?
Speaker 3 (02:37):
winning.
You know, um and I don't meanthat like literally, I've
actually never won a race before.
So I just mean in life, likejust trying to be better every
day.
Race myself in every aspect.
So you know in business betterthan last year as a husband, you
(02:58):
know better than last yearBetter than yesterday, as a dad,
better than yesterday.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
And so just try to win every day I just realized
you failed to mention thatyou're I don't even know what
you call it like how you like torun- I am a runner yes, and how
many like miles have you run atone time?
What's the longest?
Speaker 3 (03:16):
longest I've done.
Yes, 100 miles.
I don't understand.
28 hours.
It was a good time.
We started on a Friday at 5 5pm and then I finished around I
don't know 8, 30, 9-ish the nextday well, I think it was a good
(03:36):
time.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
You know, pm, I guess it's beauty's in my eye.
I have to behold it.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
I've never thought it's a hard one for a lot of
people to understand.
It's one of those things whereyou have to do it and experience
the culture.
It's not running that peoplefall in love with, it's the
culture, it's the people, it'sthe atmosphere when you show up
to a race, because when you goto a trail race, an ultra race
(04:02):
like that, everybody's just'sjust so, they're so nice, like,
everybody wants you to win, theywant you to succeed, even on
the course.
You know they see you like onthe side of the trail or
something, and a lot of thingshappen in a hundred miles.
So literally everything fromthrowing up to whatever you've
got a shoe off, you know tryingto to, you know peel something
(04:25):
off the bottom of your foot,like it's.
These are real problems outthere.
So, but people will literallystop and they will tape your
feet.
Strangers, you know they willhelp you tape your feet.
Whatever you got to do.
They'll offer you food orwhatever it is that they're
carrying on them.
They just want to see you win.
They want to see you succeed.
They want to see you win.
They want to see you succeed.
They want to see you finish.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
That's sweet because I mean there's not a lot of
environments that have thatculture and that vibe and that
family and we're in it togethertype of mentality.
So that's nice yeah.
My next question is how do youprotect your mental health?
Speaker 3 (05:01):
Running.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Yeah, I figured.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
When you're talking about about, I was like it's
probably going to be his answer.
I do therapy too, that's prettyrecent, within the last
probably four or five months,that's really been a game
changer.
It's helped a lot.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Yeah, I'm out of the head for therapy, I think
everyone needs at least twoyears.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
It's great, it really is great.
It's helped really for me torecognize a lot of the problems
that I that have stemmed from,you know, when I was young and I
just didn't, because some ofthe issues that I had, you know,
I had bad anger problems andand a lot of that just stemmed
from.
You know what I mean never putthem together, never, never
(05:42):
really thought it's from this,but it's weird how, once you
have an explanation, you, youcan start to move through it.
You know, you can start to workthrough it.
So, therapy, yes, 100 that andrunning it, uh therapy changed
my life.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
I don't know about running, but um what's another
part of your self-care routineoutside of running?
What else do you do um you know?
Speaker 3 (06:04):
outside of running.
What else do you do, you know,outside of running?
Speaker 2 (06:08):
And I guess therapy.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Therapy.
I'm a homebody Really, and so Idon't like going to.
I don't do birthday parties, Idon't like.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
You know, I feel real special then, because you came
to my wedding.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
I did come to your wedding.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
And you brought your family, so I feel real special,
even though you didn't let memarry you.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
It's okay, I'm not going to bring that up.
Hey, I feel like you know Icouldn't, I couldn't.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
She went through all of our sessions with us.
Yeah, I get it.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Honestly, yeah, I'm a homebody I enjoy, my piece is
in my home with my wife and sospinning or you know, we burn it
from both ends during the week,Monday through Friday, between
work, the business school.
The girls were both in school.
So what are you in school for?
I'm in school at Christ for thenations.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Getting my bachelor's in theology and whatnot.
Okay, she's actually going tograduate in May as a paralegal.
Oh, wow so.
I'm going to quit working.
I think Just let her take careof me.
I'm just kidding, but we'reboth excited.
I know she's tired of being inschool and she's ready to be
(07:22):
done and I actually graduatethis year too.
I'm not 100% sure.
I want to say like June.
Okay.
May, june, I don't know,somewhere around there.
I'll finish too, so y'all comearound the same time, around the
same time.
We'll both be done, but so likewe go, you know, all out during
the week.
Yeah.
Because Saturdays are, saturdaysare for.
I always say they're for familyand fitness.
(07:43):
I run early in the morning.
I usually get home as they'rewaking up, before they wake up,
and then, yeah, it's shower,change, climb in bed, and it's
movies or shows or whatever itis we're watching.
We watched all the Marvelmovies in order, just you know
(08:04):
what I mean Like over weekends,over Saturdays, and then Sundays
after church.
So that's, yeah, that alonetime and that, just that's where
the peace is at.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
It matters how long have you guys been married?
17 years Jeez that's long, whew, yeah, that's a minute it is.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
It's been a good time Yay.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
End of all good time yay.
I'm trying to get there.
We're on like four months, butyou know yeah soon.
Sooner rather than later, Ifeel like we'll be at 17 years.
Yeah, what advice would yougive your younger self?
Speaker 3 (08:35):
start, start, start.
Now there's only, you know,there's things that applies to
and plenty that it doesn't.
Yeah, don't start having kidsnow.
You know, when I'm 15, you know, use your wisdom whatever
you're talking about, start, butyou know yeah.
I hesitated on a lot of things.
Uh, a lot of starting abusiness.
(08:57):
I should have started that longtime ago.
I felt like I was unqualifiedand I wouldn't have the
clientele and I wouldn't be ableto support my family Just
really a whole lot of excusesFear.
(09:17):
Luckily, I have some strongleadership in my life and they
pushed and pushed until Ifinally jumped and I wish I had
started running sooner.
I really wish I did that inhigh school and whatnot running
sooner.
You know, I really wish I didthat in high school and whatnot
like started when I was what in2020?
So that would have been 30everyone.
Covid 32 yeah, I logged myfirst run.
I still have it saved in myphone.
I like my first run in I thinkit was July of 2019, which was a
(09:41):
garbage run.
I keep it to look back at tosee like how far you've come.
Yeah, when I need some selfmotivation how fast can?
You run a mile.
I think the fastest I've everdone was just nothing to brag
about.
I've done a six, 45 before.
Okay, I was like but I know guysthat can like can do one mile
(10:02):
in.
You know they're pushing likethe low fives.
They're in the fours, it's wild.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Are they like running running?
Yeah, they run, I do a jog walkyeah, so they're fast, they're
crazy fast what is your mindsetwhen you you told no or the door
shuts?
Speaker 3 (10:19):
you know, sometimes I have to reevaluate why that no
happened.
When I was younger, I used toget angry like, no, I'm going to
make it happen.
You know what I mean.
But no's have a lot of factors,so sometimes God is the no.
God put that person in place toshut that down.
And even though we can't seesometimes, or it may not look
(10:44):
like anything's happening, youknow, I believe wholeheartedly
that God is working when wecan't see it, so when we don't
realize it, you know what I meanthere's doors that have been
shut that we never knew about,and so when those happen, I have
to sit back.
That doesn't mean I'm happyabout it in the moment, don't
get me wrong, but I still willsit back now as an adult and
(11:10):
look at the whole picture youknow, why was that a no?
am I not ready?
You know there's there's awhole lot of potential good
reasons, even if you don't wantto see them right away you know,
so I just kind of sit back,think about about it, regroup
and go from there and go fromthere.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
I love that.
Actually, in that question youcan tell the different, like the
maturity and the mindset of theindividual when you ask it,
because some people are alwayslike I'm told no, I'm going to
find another way.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Yeah, sometimes it's a no-go.
Yeah, and that's okay.
Yeah, that's true, because I'vehad plenty of opportunities.
I don't want to call themopportunities.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
I've had plenty of situations where looking back
that no, led to something greatthe no was a blessing.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
The no was a blessing .
And that no may have hurt Likeyou know my wife and I lost our
first kid, and so had he been,he'd been 15 now.
So had he been born, you knowhad, had we raised them up to
(12:19):
this point, I wouldn't have my,my daughter, you know my 14 year
old daughter, I wouldn't havemy, you know my, my, my younger
daughter, you know what I mean.
Who's?
Speaker 1 (12:23):
a firecracker.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
You know anybody who's ever met her.
I can't imagine life anydifferent than what it is now,
as bad as that situation Evenhurts to this day.
So sometimes the no has anupside, even when you can't see
it right away.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
That is true.
Well, we're going to get intowhat is Pastor Andy's, or, say,
one of your, life model.
What do you have for us?
Speaker 3 (12:55):
One of my life models , life lessons, is and this is
really stem from, you know, justimpatience in myself, and it
really started from me, but itis, don't complain about
something that you are notwilling to fix, you're not
(13:18):
willing to work at.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
So what does that mean?
Speaker 3 (13:22):
We have a.
It can mean it can apply to alot of things, right, if you are
, if you're married and yourmarriage is garbage and you know
it, um, and all you do is go towork and you know you complain
to the girls or the, you knowhusbands complain to the guys at
work about how you know thisand that my wife does this or my
(13:45):
husband's doing that.
He's not doing anything to helpout around the house.
He don't fix nothing, she don'tcook or whatever the complaints
are.
If you're not communicatingthat at home, you don't have to
do it in an ugly way.
But if you're not having thoseconversations, then shut up Like
(14:06):
you're not.
You literally aren't.
You're not bringing anything tothe table when you come home.
There's no conversation thathelps remedy that situation.
All you're doing is whiningabout it outside of it while
your marriage is rotting away.
In the fitness world, youknow've, you've got, you know
overweight, or you know what Imean.
(14:27):
There's people who just don'thave the muscle mass that they
want.
You know what I mean.
Or, yeah, they're carrying toomuch weight, uh, but are doing
nothing about it.
I go to the gym every day, butthen you leave the gym and you
go and you eat, you know.
You go tear up two oppers, youknow, and let me get all the
fries you can give me.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Like I feel so convicted.
That was me on me actually.
I'm calling him out because heknows, but me and aaron and we
both felt so sick afterwards andthen went to go work out.
Yeah, it's uh it, it.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
You know you undo the , the work that you just put in.
Yeah, you know.
So all the calories you justburned, you just replace them
with bad calories.
You know at that there's nothinggood about it.
No, we felt terrible.
Some folks just don't eatenough, they don't work out at
all and yet still have theaudacity to complain about their
(15:18):
.
You know what I mean the waythat they look or how they're
unhappy.
You know what I mean With their, with their appearance, with
themselves.
You know these are.
I don't want to soundinsensitive, but listen, this is
on you Like I can't change thatfor you.
You know as much as I.
I love to encourage people.
I love to push people in thegym when we're running.
(15:40):
I love it.
It's, it's comes natural and Ifeel good pushing people and I
love being pushed yeah Right,especially running or in the gym
, like I love it.
So when I I want to encouragefolks, you know what I mean be
healthy eat better, drink yourwater, you know these type of
(16:03):
things which is so simple.
It is simple, right, but you'vegot to be careful because it'll
come off as actually not comingoff.
It is, at times, unsolicitedadvice.
Yeah, they didn't ask you, yeah, you know, and so that's
something I have to deal with,because my mouth will
automatically go.
And then I'm backtracking andI'm like, hey, shut up, they
(16:23):
didn't ask you.
And so I'm having to tellmyself you know what I mean.
Like, be quiet.
You know what I mean.
They didn't want your opinion,they didn't ask for it.
But when people do believe me,I'm going in Like I just I want
to, and I'm not rude about it,but I think that if you're not
willing to put the work in, thendon't complain about it.
You know, if you're willing tobe content with where you are,
(16:48):
you know great, you know like,but be happy in it.
You know what I mean.
If you're not, then let's getto work.
You know make a change.
You know you're going to school.
You know you didn't need to goto school.
You know you graduated highschool.
You know what I mean.
You got a great job.
You didn't need to go to school, but you wanted to better
(17:10):
yourself.
You had a thought at some pointwhere you were like you know
what.
I want more out of this field.
I want to be smarter.
I want to be more confident.
You know what I mean when Irespond to things, and I want to
have more opportunities to goand speak and be kind in these
places and do these things.
So you did something about it.
I believe that a lot of timesthat it doesn't happen because
(17:34):
of fear.
I think that people won't.
They won't jump.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
I'm going to be honest, that was mine, because I
was thinking about school and Iwas like no man, like how am I
going to pay for it?
What does that look like,schedule wise?
And I was like you know what?
At that point I was an admin ata job and I was like I am much
more than an admin, Like I haveideas, I'm a mover and a shaker.
(18:03):
I'm more than you know grabbingsomeone's coffee, which is
nothing wrong with that, butthat's just I wanted more for
myself, sure.
So I got enrolled in school.
Um, during this, uh, summer oflast year, classes were amazing.
Well, um, odessa College hasthis program which is their
positively OC presidentialscholarship.
They paid for two years ofschool.
(18:23):
Well, me volunteering I happento meet my friend who's over the
program, which is how I foundout about it so, as I do an
interview process and to get in.
But I got in and one of theirmain things was volunteering, by
the way, which is excellent forme.
Yeah, it was getting in.
Like I said, they paid for twoyears of school free.
I think you have to pay maybe$200 every semester, but that's
(18:47):
it.
So it was like me taking thatstep and enrolling in those
summer courses which were alsopaid for, which I was prepared
to have to pay for myself,between Aaron and I.
But this was paid for.
And then I stepped right intopositivity, oc and school being
paid for.
And then, shortly after that, Igot a new job and things are
(19:07):
looking up.
But it took that, I guess youcan say, step of faith to go
ahead and, okay, I want more,let's just do it.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
Yeah, you got to too.
Yeah, you got to go for it.
And life has been great youknow people cover and I say
people, I really mean me.
You know I did the same thing.
I did the same thing inbusiness.
I made excuses for years aboutgoing back to school.
You know I don't have time.
You know I'm working too much.
(19:35):
You know the truth is like youhave time.
You just don't want to committhat time.
You'd rather sleep, or?
You know what I mean like, likethat's me.
Join the 5 am club.
You know what I mean.
Get in the 4 am club you knowyeah you're sleeping away the
time that you're claiming thatyou don't got.
Yeah, and even at that, even ifyou slept until seven, you went
to work at eight.
People still have time whenthey get out of work, right,
(19:57):
they just are doing other things.
They don't If you.
And the thing is is that if youcarve out, you know you can
carve out time for anything.
People do it all the time.
Parents do it all the timetheir kids got, you know,
rehearsal or soccer practice orfootball or whatever.
You know what I mean.
That's not negotiable.
They carve out time for that.
They will tell their job.
(20:18):
Negotiable.
They carve out time for that.
They will tell their job.
No, no, no, I'm not coming inon Saturday.
My kid has these games.
You know what I mean and I getthat.
You know what I mean.
Like go support your kids.
You're supposed to do that, butyou know what I mean.
That season ends, footballseason ends, the kids get older
and then, all of a sudden, youdon't have time.
No more, you had time.
(20:39):
You know what I mean.
Like that time didn't gonowhere.
You're just choosing to spendit in a different way and then
complaining that you don't havethe time to do.
You know what I mean the thingsthat you want to do.
You know I made the time excusefor I'm not joking like a solid
(20:59):
10 years.
I just you know I don't havetime and I can't go, and you
know just, it was a bunch ofcrap.
Finally, when I decided youknow what I'm going to go for it
, it was cheap enough to where Ifigured.
You know I don't like to fail,but if for some reason I failed,
you know it wouldn't hurt toobad.
(21:21):
So I thought I'm going to go forit, for and you can go semester
at a time, you know so, or aterm at a time, you know what
I'm saying.
So I thought I'll try.
You know a term.
I called an advisor and talkedto them and said you know like
what's recommended as far as howmany classes and all that good
stuff?
She said you know you do fourclasses.
It'll roughly take you maybesix hours a week or something,
(21:42):
she lied.
So it's more like 10 to 12,depending on like what classes
you're taking.
They're in the beginning doinglike Old Testament and New
Testament survey and like someof these deeper you know classes
.
You got four hours of lectureto watch every week, you know,
(22:03):
and then that's just one class,and then you know what I mean.
Then you've got three othersthat all have lectures, so just
a lecture time alone.
You're looking at seven hours.
You know eight hours a week.
Then you got to actually gothrough do the discussion work
and you know whatever else, read, lots of reading, tons of
reading, and so realisticallyit's about 12 hours minimum
(22:24):
weekly and so but I, I did itand you know I made it work and
um, I made it work within themonday through friday, you know,
realm, and, and before I knewit, like second, second one was
here, you know what I mean.
And I started the second termand and just kept going and
thought I'm going to keep goinguntil I don't have time.
(22:46):
And then, you know, you get socommitted and you're like well,
I can't stop now.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
It's a part of you know, this is my routine.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
I got to go until we're done, so you know, you
just keep, you, just keeppushing until until you're
finished.
And finish line's almost here,I can see it.
And now it's crazy how itchanges your mentality.
Because I went from I don'thave time.
You know what I mean?
I can't do that.
That ain't for me To well, Idid 12 hours a week.
(23:14):
I wonder if I could, maybe Icould be like a licensed
therapist.
How many hours a week is that?
Speaker 2 (23:23):
I think you'll be really good at that, by the way.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
I would love to do that.
You know what I mean counselingsome kind anything.
You know what.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
I mean like you know.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
But now I even thought, like, when I was, you
know, closer to high school age,I thought about you know
electrical engineering ormechanical engineering?
So I even thought about that,like, and I looked into it.
You know electrical engineeringor mechanical engineering?
So I even thought about that,like, and I looked into it.
You know how many, how manycourse hours we talking?
You know what I mean.
Like, how long online,realistically, are we talking?
You know, four to six years.
(23:50):
Here's the deal.
If I don't die, four to sixyears are going to pass anyway.
I might as well be doingsomething at that time.
So, and in my mind, if I'mgoing for, for therapy, it's
probably longer than that.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
So I have no idea.
I do know that.
Etpb does have a program, bythe way they'll pay for it.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
Yeah see see you know , now my mind's thinking well, I
did 12, like the, the ceiling'soff, yeah, it ain't there no
more.
Sky's the limit.
How far do we want to take thisthing?
Or I can go, I can cause youcan only go up to a bachelor's
at at CFNI, so but you, there's,there's, they have certain
colleges that you can transferyou know to from there and you
(24:31):
can continue on and I can go tomy master's or maybe a, maybe a
doctorate.
It's a whole like why not me?
Situation.
That whole unqualified, can'tdo it, mentality in my mind is
gone, like why not me?
Why can't I have a doctorate?
(24:52):
Why can't I run a 200 mile raceor 250 mile race, 300.
Why not me, why not you?
That's what I ask people allthe time.
Why not you?
Yeah, why can't you win?
Speaker 2 (25:06):
I had that mindset recently.
I had um.
I went to a conference with um.
I shouldn't say conference,whatever it was but anyway well,
that's the college and one.
I was talking to one of theadvisors and the only reason why
I know about utpb having theprogram for therapists is
because she mentioned it to meand she was like I know you're
doing business, but have youever thought about this?
And I feel like you'll be areally good therapist?
And I was like what?
(25:26):
So I went home, obviously, andI was like, hey, Erin, is there
something that she thinks I'llbe a good therapist?
And she was like I think youcould do it.
She was like you're doing itright now, whether you realize
it or not, and I was like, oh,you might as well get paid for
it, I mean.
Yeah, Technically I am acertified life coach, just not
taking any patients currently.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
Yeah.
But, I thought about, you know,same thing.
I was talking to Pastor Marthaand she brought up, you know,
life coach and there wassomething else that she brought
up too.
But you know what I mean justkind of like steps into seeing
if this is really what you want,what I want to do.
You know I mean the, you knowsmaller steps that are more.
You know they're I don't wantto say easier, not easier, but
(26:10):
you know, more manageable.
You know what I mean to kind of, I guess, test out whether
that's a right fit for me.
I, I, I love it.
You know I'm aconversationalist, I love open
conversations.
That's what drove me to go toschool.
You know I wanted to.
I enjoy being the dumbest oneat the table.
I love learning off of people.
Oh okay, and so like.
(26:31):
I don't mean to end it there.
I was like.
I was like I do.
I like asking questions, youknow, and I don't mind admitting
that I don't know, you know.
And so biblical questions,theology questions, like I'm in
for that conversation, let's go,but I didn't want to be the
dumbest one at the table withthat, you know, like I want to
(26:52):
have something to say Wait, holdon, let me do my homework.
You know, I started juststudying on my own and then I
thought they got schools forthis, why not?
You know.
That's kind of where the ideastarted.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
I will tell you this.
I still remember I think I wasactually sitting we're in the
church conference room, by theway but I remember sitting in
that chair and I think I wastalking about Aaron and I and
you're like, when y'all gettingmarried, why are you guys not
married?
And I was like what?
And it kind of caught me offguard, but not really because
I'm like well, I mean, I thinkat that point we were probably
(27:25):
living together and I was like,yeah, we probably like I see
where you're coming from, but itwas your direct,
straightforward with love, bythe way, like I knew it was
above, and I was like, well, andI think you mentioned like a
couple more times, but I was sohappy and so proud to be able to
tell you like, hey, I gotengaged and, hey, you're coming
to the wedding Not saying thatyou made it happen, but you made
(27:47):
sure that it was always in thefront of our minds Like, hey,
what are we doing?
What is the end game here?
Speaker 3 (27:52):
Yeah, you know, we just had a conversation about
that same scenario this pastweekend.
It's wild and I'm not sayingthat either one of you thought
this, but it really makes methink.
I'm going to go live latertoday and talk about the
(28:12):
marriage conference that'scoming up this weekend, Because,
as men, we have a problem withlike a lot of men have a problem
with therapy and you know,anything along them lines, right
, Including a marriageconference or anything that
would anything along them lines.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Just a lot of guys are just kind of shut off to it.
They're like I don't need that,that in any type of scenario,
not just marriage right,marriage counseling, personal
whatever.
I think that people don'trealize what they're saying with
their no right.
(28:50):
So if I say we don't need that,my marriage is good, I believe
there's something deeper thanthat.
I believe that maybe you don'tthink that your marriage is
worth.
You know the investment worththe time.
Your body isn't worth the time.
The investment that you you knowwhat I mean pay in a gym or you
know whatever that may be, yourmental health, paying a
(29:12):
therapist it's not worth thetime.
It's not worth the money.
You know I got it, I can figureit out.
How has that been going for you, you know.
And so anyway, I think that I,you know, I always look back at
at the leadership that's been inmy life.
(29:33):
Right, and they've always beenstraight shooters.
Pastor Cliff has a great way oftelling me when I'm wrong
without just straight punchingme in the face.
It comes off with love, butit's direct and I think that we
(29:54):
need people like that in ourlives to be able to say I
remember that conversation, tobe able to turn to him and say,
hey, when are you going to quitliving in sin and get married?
Speaker 2 (30:01):
Yeah, I think that's actually how that went.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
I say that a lot.
You know it's, truth be told.
I think that's what it comesdown to.
Is that person you know worthit enough to you to put a ring?
On it, If not what are youdoing it?
Enough to?
Speaker 4 (30:22):
you to put a ring on it?
If not, what are you doing?
Speaker 3 (30:23):
yeah, and so if that's not, you know, we're
adults, we're grown, we in highschool, no more, and so we're.
We can't play the game that Iwill.
You know, I'm just.
I'm just, we're just talking.
There's so many steps involved.
You know, we're just talking,we're dating.
I was living together.
You know what I mean.
Like we're just talking, we'redating, we're just living
together.
You know what I mean.
Like we're just having sex.
Like you know what I mean.
All these things, seven stepsbefore you actually you know, oh
(30:47):
we're engaged yeah.
You know you got to do all thesethings before you get to the
we're engaged part.
You know, biblically speaking,I don't know what reading, but
none of that's in there likethat.
It's just not there.
Uh, so it's, I think that worthworth.
The word worth is what came tome for that for later, but I
(31:08):
think that I really think that'swhat it is.
I think that people, justbecause here's the deal, you'll
carve out, you know, weekendsand put aside money and all
these things to take your familyon vacation, anything right To
help better the home life, butfor some reason that's off the
table.
We don't have the money forthat, we don't have the time or
(31:33):
whatever.
And then they're content.
People are content with thelifestyle that they're living,
right, and that mentality.
It blows my mind.
I don't understand it.
I don't get like.
A lot of people have great jobsand they got great jobs and you
know they got the nice car andthey get to buy the clothes that
they want, and you know they'rehappy, they get the time off,
(31:55):
they have the insurance, it'sgreat.
If you have everything that youwant, then what are you going
like?
What are you going to work andput a solid effort in, for you
see what I'm saying like why areyou trying?
You already have it.
Like why are you trying tobetter it?
You see what I'm saying, likewhy are you being a good
employee if you have?
(32:16):
You know a lot of us could go tothe doctor, get our blood work
done, and the doc will come inand say you know a lot of us
could go to the doctor, get ourblood work done, and the doctor
would come in and say you know,your cholesterol is good, your
blood sugar is good, you knowyou're healthy as a horse and.
But you still go to the gym.
Like, why are you trying tobetter?
You know your physical body ifit's already like you're already
(32:36):
healthy.
So what do you?
You know what I mean.
But, like with marriage, yourmarriage is good, you think
everything's, you're happy, youguys are talking, you're
communicating, we're good, wedon't need anymore.
Or, as a single person,mentally speaking, you don't
(33:12):
have a whole lot of stress andit really kind of blows my mind
on how that mentally works.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
I don't quite understand it.
I need to get into therebecause I feel like there's
always something that can belike, even though, like right
now, like marriage is great, jobis great, like like I'm
probably the happiest I've beenhonestly, how many days?
For probably the last 33 years,yeah.
But at the same time I knowthere's still more for me to
(33:38):
work on and for me to like clearup or even unpack, so that
maybe at one point I'll be ableto pack differently now.
But so I don't know.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
Well too, you don't know what you don't know either.
True, so there's things thatyou find out when you go to
therapy you know we've done thismarriage conference before and
there's things that we justdidn't think of.
Yeah, like topics,conversations you know how do
you approach conversations, lotsof things.
(34:10):
You know what I mean.
Like they're they were talkingabout, uh, fatherhood issues,
and like you know things likethat, as, as men, you can't ask
a man.
You know why they do the thingsthat that they.
You know why do you respond theway that you respond?
You know, let's say, they'rejust quick to get angry.
You know what I mean.
And they go from zero to ahundred.
You know, quick, you can't aska man why that happens and him
(34:30):
give you like a real answer.
Right, it's always.
You know this is just how I am.
You know, like that's just howI've always been you know Well
why.
You know, like just becausesomething has always been done
that way, don't make it rightyou know, that's a whole another
life model in itself it's uh,it just don't you know what I
(34:54):
mean.
Like just because it's got youthis far, don't mean that it's
working yeah it just means thatyou're content with where you're
at.
And again, if that's, you becontent, you know, but don't
don't whine about you know.
I mean, I ain't getting nowheredon't be mad when you pull up
your pants and they look tight.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Yeah, it's.
Uh.
That's me, by the way, yeah Ialways relate.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
You know fitness is is easy.
Relatable things to me, right.
But this goes so much furtherthan that.
You know your, your mentalhealth, your.
You know your marriage, yourfinances, finances we're always
trying to get more money.
I don't care who you are, youknow, you're always trying to.
You know, get financial freedom?
Yeah, you want to get debt free.
(35:39):
You want to be able to go onvacation or grocery shopping
without having to check youraccount first, you know.
I mean, like maybe write acheck for a car instead of
having to finance one.
You know what I'm saying.
Like these are goals thateveryone has.
Uh, these are things that we'reworking towards.
But again, if you are justliving paycheck to paycheck and
you're happy about that, youknow, if you're happy, like
(36:03):
truly, honestly happy, it's kindof scary, like it really is
kind of scary, but you know, ifyou're happy, like truly,
honestly happy, it's kind ofscary, like it really is kind of
scary, but you know I'm notgoing to knock anybody.
Like if that's you and you'rehappy and you know what I mean
Like you're not complaining,you're not whining, you truly
are happy.
I know a guy that's likeliterally six dollars in his
(36:24):
account but he's got groceriesin the house, bills are paid,
there's gas in the car, likehe's happy yeah he's happy, you
know, and so, but again, if, ifyou want more, I think it's as
simple as just go get it.
Like this stuff I tell you, know, my, my daughter.
She's getting to an age nowwhere you know the, the goals
(36:45):
and dreams that we've talkedabout for years.
What do you want to do when youget older?
We would make fun of herbecause when she was a kid and
she was little, she would sayphotograph-er instead of
photographer, she wanted to be aphotograph-er.
So even now she'll be 15 inApril.
It's like what about a camera?
(37:06):
You know what I mean.
You still want to be aphotographic, right, and you
know it's these, these littlethings.
But anyway, we, we we're, we'regetting to an age now where
these dreams are close enough tograb these goals, are close
enough to like, enough to like.
We're working.
(37:26):
You know what I mean, like howyou know we're.
There's photography classes andthings like that you can take
in college.
Well, how do you, you know howdo you get in college?
That's straight a's.
Now you know, your transcripts.
You know what I mean.
Like we need to make them lookgood.
How do we do that?
Let's get to work.
So there's, you know the.
You can have anything that thatyou want yeah, and I think
we're about saying that, but notso good about doing it.
(37:47):
The action.
The action.
Get to work.
You're going to go work anyway.
You might as well be workingtowards what you want.
I don't know a lot of peoplethat are just chilling at home
with everything they want andneed in life.
I know some they may haveinherited or something like that
(38:11):
, but everybody else we're outhere trying to get it.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
It's kind of encouraging for me because
there's some things that I'vebeen pushing off.
I think a lot of my push off isbecause I've been giving so
much of myself to the community.
Where I'm in the season nowwhere I'm a little- bit more
selfish with my time, yeah, um.
And the funny thing is the stuffthat I want to do still is a
way to give back to thecommunity, but it's like I guess
businesses that I want to startthat will allow me to give back
(38:40):
versus working.
That'd be me having creating myown dream versus working for
someone else's yeah stuff thatthe lord has placed on my heart.
Speaker 3 (38:47):
But I'm like, okay, let's go ahead and do yeah, like
it's, you know it's, it's likeit won't go away I, I always say
, at least the last few monthsanyway, I've been saying that
god honors order and so there'sno.
When I I say push, jump, go forit, you know that doesn't mean
be irresponsible about it.
(39:08):
You know we're talking about.
You know, chloe being aphotographer.
You know, if she wants to be aphotographer, you know we can
work on the grade.
You know what I mean, like whenshe gets to college, then we
take action, right, like as faras buying equipment, like you
know what I mean, this doesn'tmean that we decide, okay,
(39:30):
photographer, yeah, let's go getyou, you know, this, whatever,
I don't know how much camerascost, but let's go get you this.
You know, good, decent, youknow, uh, camera, and spend all
this money when you're not, youknow, educated on what you need
to do.
That may be a bad example, causeI know with photography you you
kind of have to.
Just you got to do it to learnwhat you're looking at and what
(39:50):
you're seeing and all that stuff.
So you know what I mean.
But what I'm saying is there'sa time, uh, there's a time for
everything.
You know I've been thinkingabout furthering my education,
right, um, but I'm not signingup for that right now I need to
finish what I'm what I'm workingon.
When I finish what I'm workingon, then, okay, let me next
(40:12):
audit my time, yeah, and figureout what, what I got time for
realistically and then put thatto work, you know.
So there's, there's a time,there's a time for everything,
and that I believe that none ofit's by accident.
Right, god sends the rightpeople and opens the right doors
and provides the rightresources for you to be able to
(40:32):
do the things that your heartdesires.
You know what I mean.
But he wants you to succeed,but at the same time, if we just
try to tackle everything all atonce, I remember seeing your
schedule one time your calendar,and I'm like girl take a day
off.
Burnout is real.
(40:52):
And it hit me.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
It like when it hit me, I was like, if Pastor Cliff
can tell you, I sent an email tohim at, I think what did he
tell me the day Three somethingin the morning, like 3.30 in the
morning, and he was, think whatdid he tell me the day Three
something in the morning, like3.30 in the morning, and he was
like, what were you doing?
I was like answering all of myemails I had to answer.
And that was the time that, likeI had, and I was like, wait,
what am I doing?
And I just thought my with mehaving a servant's heart, that
(41:17):
that meant like I was to serveeveryone.
And I had to realize that, yeah, I have a servant's heart, but
the Lord really has for me toserve a certain group of people,
a certain population.
Like it's not a Well that, andyou're married now.
Speaker 3 (41:30):
Yeah, that's your first ministry.
Yeah.
So you know what I mean.
Like you have to carve thattime out.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (41:38):
That's non-negotiable .
Everything else, including yourjob, revolves around that else,
including your job, revolvesaround that.
And so, yeah, you know, I, Idon't understand, I just I just
and we did it wrong 17 years, we, we didn't do what we've been
doing the last four or five weyou know, we just figured this
(42:00):
out.
You know, even though peoplehave been saying it, we just we
didn't listen.
We were, you know, no, no, no,we got.
You know, we got to work, wegot to get this.
She's going to school and youknow what I mean, like life
right and and you run with that.
You run with that excuse.
But, truth be told, you know,even during those times we took,
we didn't take a whole lot ofvacations, we didn't have a
(42:20):
whole lot of money, but we didhave.
We just real blunt, honesttruth.
You know, some years back, wedid have the money to go do the
things that we were weren'tsupposed to be doing.
We did have beer money, we didhave.
You know what I mean.
Like, uh, we, we had thosethings and so the time the
(42:41):
resources were there, we justweren't really doing it in the
right manner.
Yeah, that happens too.
And so we just had a date nightFriday night, and we make them
date nights.
Like I always say, forget themkids.
We find someone to come andspend the night at the house,
Not just anyone, you know what Imean.
Somebody we trust, I mean butwe get somebody to come to the
(43:05):
house and stay with the girls orsomebody.
The girls will, you know, go tomy in-laws house or my mom's or
somebody, and we take it ain'ta dinner Like we take the night.
You know, it's a whole, it's awhole thing, and if we don't
have the time to leave town,we'll.
You know we live in Midland.
We stayed at the MarriottFriday night.
Okay.
And so had dinner at theMarriott.
(43:26):
We had a great time.
But those we do that twice amonth minimum, so every two
weeks we're doing a.
It's not always a hotel thatcan get expensive.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
I always left at the Marriott yeah especially the
Marriott.
Speaker 3 (43:40):
But do something If you're constantly working and oh
and oh, we got to be here andyou know you, that's a great
example.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
you know if you, if you're only time to respond to
emails at 3 30 in the morningthat's a problem, and that's
when I realized I was like thisis like the biggest red flag
ever yeah I was like I, I can't,something has to give that's a
problem yeah, no, it was it wasbad, yeah, and I we've been
there, yeah, I think everybodyhas a season like that, right,
(44:08):
you kind of have to do it, um,to see it, to learn it, and you
have to live it and go throughit, and it's not fun.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
It's not fun in the moment.
I don't know why we did it forso long I think it was fun.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
At the beginning.
I was like, oh, this is great,like we're helping everyone.
Put it on my calendar, I'll bethere.
And then it got to the pointwhere I was in some of the rooms
and they were like speaking,what is it like charlie brown
language, where it's like andI'll be honest, I was one of
those elt meetings and I waslike, why am I here and what is
(44:44):
happening?
Like, why do I feel like this?
And I had to take some time tolike have a conversation with
God and talk to Aaron andNavigate some spaces and I was
like, okay, I think I need to.
Hibernate a little bit yeah andI think a huge like.
It's a lot of things that, umyeah, I'm not a partner anymore.
That's why we're homebodies,yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (45:01):
I'm not a product anymore.
That's why we're homebodies.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
Yeah, because honestly, nowadays, if I'm not,
my focus now is, like a lot ofmy weekends especially since
Aaron coaches is whateverfootball season or basketball
season or whatever he's in-that's usually where I'm at.
Speaker 3 (45:19):
For us it's the weekend, right.
I know plenty of people wherethat's not an option With the
kids' schedules and things likethat.
That's saturdays.
They're at soccer fields orfootball fields all day, like
again, support your kids, bethere, you know, be there, and
but there is, there is othertime that you have to make, you
have to carve out, right.
So I know plenty of people thatdo their date nights on
thursdays or you know what Imean or mondays or whatever,
(45:40):
whatever works for theirschedule.
But if you literally have towrite it on a calendar like
literally write it on a calendar, you share a calendar with your
spouse and you have to write ityou have to pencil it in then
pencil it in and make sure thatthat time and for a lot of
people, you may not be in aseason in life where you know
(46:05):
you have the option or theresources to be able to take a,
a night, a whole night, right?
Um, so two hours is going tohave to work, you know.
Make the most out of that twohours.
You know.
Whatever, whatever the timelineis, you know it's got to start
somewhere.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
Though, I agree, I think we do.
Honestly, I think we're kind oflike weekly at this point, but
we, like I said, we've cut a lotof things, like we're yeah, um,
I guess also still in thatnewlywed phase.
So yeah we go and do and try adifferent, whether it be a
restaurant, a new movie, um yeah, I think you gotta work really
hard to make sure that thatphase ain't a phase yeah, that's
(46:39):
, that's okay, it's the truth.
Speaker 3 (46:42):
Yeah, because right now that's what we're doing.
Right, we had to.
We had to.
I had a, I had a, an instructor.
He's a lead pastor.
Don't ask me anything because Idon't remember right now, but
uh, he said that every month.
I've been a lead pastor a longtime and he said that every
month, that he audits his, histime.
(47:02):
So he goes back through hiscalendar from the last month and
he you know what I mean.
Just okay, what like this wastoo much, like I had this many
appointments, this manycounseling appointments.
You know I did two weddings.
You know you preached everySunday, preached every Wednesday
.
You know what I mean.
You audit the whole month andthen figure out, okay, where do
(47:24):
I got to cut back?
What suffered in that month?
It may be nothing, you may havenailed it that month and
everything went good.
But it's still healthy to doevery month, right, because by
the time you know it, 10 yearshave passed.
And you know you're lookingback on the way that it used to
be what John Mayer calls themovie phase.
(47:45):
And you know you're, you're,you're looking back on the way
that it used to be what JohnMayer calls the movie phase, and
you know you're, you're, you'relooking back to, to that point
and trying to get back to youknow what I?
mean how we were then.
You know what I mean.
Like, let's be real, you werehaving sex every day.
Y'all were going to dinner, youknow right, like there was just
(48:07):
a lot of things that you weredoing then that you don't do now
.
Yeah, and and and.
Now you're trying to do these.
Nothing wrong with, I think.
Better late than never get towork, you know.
But now you're doing these datenights, trying to rekindle what
was there before?
when we missed it in thebeginning.
We should have realized whatphase we were in and just
decided, hey, we're not going tolet this phase in.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
Yeah, like let's keep this going.
I have to like take note ofthat.
Speaker 3 (48:35):
It's a real.
You know, I think you know.
People always say like you'veheard it.
People always say never stopdating.
Speaker 2 (48:40):
Yeah, that's the truth.
I've definitely heard that onebefore you know.
Speaker 3 (48:43):
That really is the truth.
Uh, you have kids and and youknow, new moms, new dads they're
, they're especially when it'syour first kid.
It's hard to you know what Imean to pass the you know, the
baby off to even mom you know,or somebody yeah um and trust
that they're going to be safe.
And you know it's a littleeasier with the second kid,
right, but with the first kidyou get a little nervous,
(49:05):
especially the first few times.
And if that's you and thereain't no way that baby's leaving
the house, I'm not, I ain't toolittle, I'm not doing that.
Okay, you know, plan for that,you know we're gonna date night
at the house.
Yeah, no naps during the dayyeah okay, uh, we're gonna keep
this baby awake all day and thenlet the baby go to bed.
Yeah.
(49:25):
Make sure dinner's ready as soonas the baby's out.
Boom, we're sitting down.
Yeah, If you've got to getdressed like you're going out
and then go sit at your ownkitchen table, do it.
Yeah, you know, make itsomething that it ain't.
You know.
Change the bed sheets.
Make it look like somethingthat it ain't.
Speaker 2 (49:45):
You know, it ain't.
Speaker 3 (49:46):
You know, put some I've seen what they do, like the
tv screens outside too, likefor movies.
Yeah, there's plenty of options, right, if you're creative.
But if you just settle for oh,we got the kid at home, like we
can't, we can't do nothing,you're just digging a hole, yeah
, it's gonna be real hard to getout of, that's true.
You know, in some years, we'velearned some things in 17 years,
you know, and we made plenty ofmistakes along the way.
Uh, but I again start.
(50:08):
I wish I wish we would havestarted this in the beginning,
because I think that ourmarriage, a lot of it, has to do
with everything that we've beenthrough.
But our marriage is strongerthan it's ever been and I
believe that we could have hadthis happiness, this boldness in
(50:29):
our marriage a long time ago ifwe would have caught it, if we
would have been intentional.
We just weren't, we werecoasting.
I preached, probably a year anda half ago, maybe a year ago
now, I don't know, but Iremember talking about the
statistics for divorce year anda half ago, maybe a year ago now
, I don't know, but I remembertalking about the statistics for
divorce.
Divorce is well above 50% nowCloser to 60.
(50:54):
And a lot of times, most times,majority of the divorces happen
when the kids have left thehome.
Oh, they don't know each otherthey don't know how to be
married, no more.
They didn't spin.
That's where forget them kidscame from you know, I said it
from the stage for the firsttime.
I got made way more laughs outof that than I thought too, like
(51:17):
parents knew what I was talkingabout they were like yeah,
forget those kids I ain't aparent so you know, but it's the
truth.
They, they got, they got to, youknow, they just forgot.
You know they spent, so theyhad a buffer for so long.
They forgot why they fell inlove you know what I mean and
they forgot how to be married.
And then the kid's gone, thebuffer's gone, and now they got
(51:39):
to talk to each other andthey're looking like.
And they're like I really don'teven know who you are anymore
and that's sad, you know.
But we got a up to close to 60%of marriages end.
It's that's sad, you know.
Speaker 2 (51:58):
I would think your kids are leaving that's.
I can see how it can go theother way, but I can.
I would also think like yourkids are leaving the home.
Speaker 3 (52:05):
We're already talking about it.
Speaker 2 (52:06):
Now.
It's time to do whatever.
Speaker 3 (52:08):
Whenever, however, we're setting up, we're trying
to get debt-free this year.
Yeah.
So we can pay our Mostlydebt-free, pay our house off,
hopefully by next year, and thenwe want to buy a house in
Colorado or somewhere, becausewhen the kids are out we want to
buy a house in Colorado orsomewhere, because when the kids
are out, we want to move, wewant to be gone, so you're going
(52:29):
to leave them your house, maybenot when they move out.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (52:35):
How old is?
Speaker 3 (52:36):
your youngest Nine.
Speaker 2 (52:37):
Okay, I hope Nine, ten, something around there,
eight or nine.
Speaker 3 (52:43):
Eight, I think eight, yeah, so we got a ways to go,
but you know what?
This is what I'm talking about,though.
Start Planning takes time,paying off a house takes time.
Trucks Things break, thingshappen.
Car breaks down you gotta get anew one.
(53:04):
You know what I mean.
You started over on a paymentbecause we ain't at the point in
life right now where we canwrite a check for a car.
It's sixty thousand dollar,it's coming, believe.
Oh yeah, it's coming.
I can see it, it's mine, it'sjust a matter of time.
So I think that mentality goesa long way I agree.
Speaker 2 (53:21):
Wow, I said thank you for all the the gems you
dropped, especially for myself.
Kind of reminds me just to getgoing and to um, take baby steps
to crawl before I walk and thenmaybe one day run one day.
Um, is there anything?
I'll give you the last coupleof seconds to encourage the
(53:43):
listener that may be listeningto this podcast episode.
Speaker 3 (53:51):
Yeah, I think that listeners can really get a lot
out of auditing their own timeand not just their own time, but
their own situations, and notjust their own time, but their
own situations.
And so I hope that through this, people will be encouraged to
really look at the wholesituation.
Look at your marriage, look atyour kids How's your
(54:13):
relationship with your kids?
How's that relationship withyour spouse?
How is your physical health,your mental health?
And be honest with yourself.
Stop lying health and be honestwith yourself.
Stop lying to yourself.
Be honest with yourself.
Just say listen, I got the timebut I just didn't want to go.
If your health is in the gutter, let's get to work Now, start.
(54:40):
If your marriage is in troubleand you can feel it, it's on
rocks.
You know that there's sometension there.
Let's start.
You know, start, fix it.
Uh, it's not always as simple asone conversation.
A lot of times it's not assimple as one conversation, but
there are resources out there tobe able to, uh, to better that
right, there's, there's, there'stherapy, there's even, you know
(55:02):
, like biblical counseling.
You know what I mean.
Like you can talk with thepastor and just sometimes it
just takes a getting it out andfor the other person to hear I
can deal with.
I can deal with, you know,making my wife mad Right, done
that plenty over the years.
I can deal with making my kidsmad mm-hmm, I do that weekly
(55:27):
right.
what I can't deal with is makingthem sad mmm or disappointed
mmm and I feel like the minutethat I decide that everything,
you know, I'm good enough father, I'm a good enough husband, I
don't have to put the work in nomore and I become content in
enough husband, I don't have toput the work in no more and I
become content in those areas.
(55:47):
I don't have to lead my familyto christ, you know what I'm
saying.
Like they've been baptized,they're good, yeah, like we're
good.
We made it this far.
The minute that I get contentwith those areas, financially,
business-wise, I've become adisappointment, not just to
myself you know what I mean butI believe to them, that to them
(56:09):
part that may never be true,right?
Honestly, my wife may never cometo me and say you know, I'm
really disappointed that you letus down in this area, but the
truth is I don't want to evergive her a reason to even think
it.
I want to be the best that Ican be and I hope that people
(56:31):
listening will really audittheir mind space and really take
the time to think about.
You know where am I winning andwhere am I losing.
It's time to jump.
You know life is short yes, it'snot promise not even take the
end of the day my uncle lost hiswife she was she was early 30s
(56:54):
gone just like that and it wasbrutal and you know what I mean.
But like after, after that youknow my mind I'm like the time
is now Like stop stalling, and Ithink that for a lot of people
it's just I'll do it tomorrow,you know.
Two secondly and lastly,somebody's always watching.
(57:18):
Somebody's always watching,especially if you have kids.
They're watching your wife'swatching, especially if you have
kids.
They're watching your wife'swatching.
Men, just you know, step up, bethe leader that you were called
to be and lead your, lead yourfamilies, not only to the church
house, but lead them and showthem.
Show your kids, show your wivesthat you can, wives that you
(57:40):
can.
You know what wives.
Show your kids that you can dohard things yeah that it's
attainable.
It's achievable if you'rewilling to work for it.
You can have anything you want,it's just a matter of time.
Are you willing to put the workin?
Yeah because if you ain't shutup, there we go.
Speaker 2 (58:01):
That is the gems from Pastor Andy.
Well, I just say again thankyou for taking some time out of
your day to come chat with me,for the listener that's
listening, remember that you areloved by not only me but God as
well, and show yourself somegrace.
(58:23):
Today is my last gem.
Usually I have this long still,but I'm just going to say show
yourself some grace and gopractice self-care.
So, whether that be a nap, awalk around the track, a glass
of water, whatever it looks likefor you, but practice some
self-care and peace out Bye.
Speaker 1 (58:43):
Thank you for listening to another episode of
Standing in your Truth withYanni.
And if no one told you today,you are loved, you are beautiful
, you are needed and you matter,be sure to follow on Facebook
at Standing in your TruthPodcast with Yanni.
Also on Instagram Talks withYanni.
Hello everyone, welcome to Standing In your
Truth podcast with your host,yanni.
On this podcast you'll hearYanni, family and friends having
open-ended discussions onanything from faith, finances,
relationships and how to staymotivated during life's trying
times.
Make sure to follow on allsocial media platforms.
(00:23):
The social media link is in thebio.
Sit back and get ready to enjoy.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Hello everyone, Welcome to another episode of
Standing in your Truth podcast.
I am your host, Yanni.
How are you guys doing?
Hopefully you're enjoying thiswarm weather that the Lord has
allowed us to have.
I'm not quite sure if I likethe heat or if I don't, but I
also don't.
I know that I do not like thefreezing, so I should enjoy the
heat.
But we're back with anotherepisode of Life Models, so I'm
(00:55):
going to allow my guest tointroduce himself.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Hey, so my name is Andy Gutierrez.
Like how, Rob Marr is there.
Yeah, I was like okay, that'spretty good right.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
That was real official right there.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Yeah, they did that on purpose.
Yeah, okay, I don't normally dothat, so yeah, so I am a yeah,
I'm a business owner.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
What business do you own, though?
Speaker 3 (01:20):
I own West City Resources.
We do residential andcommercial remodels and new
construction, all that fun stuff.
So anything from the dirt toturn Kiwi oh shoot, we'll do it.
That's pretty cool, so it's agood time.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
I don't think I'd do that.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
We've been on paper for five years.
Oh wow, we were doing it longbefore that, just illegally, if
I can be honest.
Why me?
You know it's done at the tablejust getting paid cash, cash
jobs.
It was a better time at thattime because you didn't have
Uncle Sam trying to take allyour money, but it's been good.
(02:01):
It's been good.
Yeah, I'm on staff at I'mtrying to take all your money,
but it's been good.
It's been good.
Yeah, I'm on staff at HopeAlive Church as a, as a kids
pastor, mm-hmm and a Serve 120director, and I love it.
I absolutely love it.
I get to play drums every nowand again with the worship team.
And it's a good time.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
All right.
So we're going to get startedwith some just kind of like get
to know your questions and,before we dive into um, what one
of your life models is so?
What motivates you?
Oh?
Speaker 3 (02:37):
winning.
You know, um and I don't meanthat like literally, I've
actually never won a race before.
So I just mean in life, likejust trying to be better every
day.
Race myself in every aspect.
So you know in business betterthan last year as a husband, you
(02:58):
know better than last yearBetter than yesterday, as a dad,
better than yesterday.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
And so just try to win every day I just realized
you failed to mention thatyou're I don't even know what
you call it like how you like torun- I am a runner yes, and how
many like miles have you run atone time?
What's the longest?
Speaker 3 (03:16):
longest I've done.
Yes, 100 miles.
I don't understand.
28 hours.
It was a good time.
We started on a Friday at 5 5pm and then I finished around I
don't know 8, 30, 9-ish the nextday well, I think it was a good
(03:36):
time.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
You know, pm, I guess it's beauty's in my eye.
I have to behold it.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
I've never thought it's a hard one for a lot of
people to understand.
It's one of those things whereyou have to do it and experience
the culture.
It's not running that peoplefall in love with, it's the
culture, it's the people, it'sthe atmosphere when you show up
to a race, because when you goto a trail race, an ultra race
(04:02):
like that, everybody's just'sjust so, they're so nice, like,
everybody wants you to win, theywant you to succeed, even on
the course.
You know they see you like onthe side of the trail or
something, and a lot of thingshappen in a hundred miles.
So literally everything fromthrowing up to whatever you've
got a shoe off, you know tryingto to, you know peel something
(04:25):
off the bottom of your foot,like it's.
These are real problems outthere.
So, but people will literallystop and they will tape your
feet.
Strangers, you know they willhelp you tape your feet.
Whatever you got to do.
They'll offer you food orwhatever it is that they're
carrying on them.
They just want to see you win.
They want to see you succeed.
They want to see you win.
They want to see you succeed.
They want to see you finish.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
That's sweet because I mean there's not a lot of
environments that have thatculture and that vibe and that
family and we're in it togethertype of mentality.
So that's nice yeah.
My next question is how do youprotect your mental health?
Speaker 3 (05:01):
Running.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Yeah, I figured.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
When you're talking about about, I was like it's
probably going to be his answer.
I do therapy too, that's prettyrecent, within the last
probably four or five months,that's really been a game
changer.
It's helped a lot.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Yeah, I'm out of the head for therapy, I think
everyone needs at least twoyears.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
It's great, it really is great.
It's helped really for me torecognize a lot of the problems
that I that have stemmed from,you know, when I was young and I
just didn't, because some ofthe issues that I had, you know,
I had bad anger problems andand a lot of that just stemmed
from.
You know what I mean never putthem together, never, never
(05:42):
really thought it's from this,but it's weird how, once you
have an explanation, you, youcan start to move through it.
You know, you can start to workthrough it.
So, therapy, yes, 100 that andrunning it, uh therapy changed
my life.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
I don't know about running, but um what's another
part of your self-care routineoutside of running?
What else do you do um you know?
Speaker 3 (06:04):
outside of running.
What else do you do, you know,outside of running?
Speaker 2 (06:08):
And I guess therapy.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Therapy.
I'm a homebody Really, and so Idon't like going to.
I don't do birthday parties, Idon't like.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
You know, I feel real special then, because you came
to my wedding.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
I did come to your wedding.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
And you brought your family, so I feel real special,
even though you didn't let memarry you.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
It's okay, I'm not going to bring that up.
Hey, I feel like you know Icouldn't, I couldn't.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
She went through all of our sessions with us.
Yeah, I get it.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Honestly, yeah, I'm a homebody I enjoy, my piece is
in my home with my wife and sospinning or you know, we burn it
from both ends during the week,Monday through Friday, between
work, the business school.
The girls were both in school.
So what are you in school for?
I'm in school at Christ for thenations.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Getting my bachelor's in theology and whatnot.
Okay, she's actually going tograduate in May as a paralegal.
Oh, wow so.
I'm going to quit working.
I think Just let her take careof me.
I'm just kidding, but we'reboth excited.
I know she's tired of being inschool and she's ready to be
(07:22):
done and I actually graduatethis year too.
I'm not 100% sure.
I want to say like June.
Okay.
May, june, I don't know,somewhere around there.
I'll finish too, so y'all comearound the same time, around the
same time.
We'll both be done, but so likewe go, you know, all out during
the week.
Yeah.
Because Saturdays are, saturdaysare for.
I always say they're for familyand fitness.
(07:43):
I run early in the morning.
I usually get home as they'rewaking up, before they wake up,
and then, yeah, it's shower,change, climb in bed, and it's
movies or shows or whatever itis we're watching.
We watched all the Marvelmovies in order, just you know
(08:04):
what I mean Like over weekends,over Saturdays, and then Sundays
after church.
So that's, yeah, that alonetime and that, just that's where
the peace is at.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
It matters how long have you guys been married?
17 years Jeez that's long, whew, yeah, that's a minute it is.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
It's been a good time Yay.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
End of all good time yay.
I'm trying to get there.
We're on like four months, butyou know yeah soon.
Sooner rather than later, Ifeel like we'll be at 17 years.
Yeah, what advice would yougive your younger self?
Speaker 3 (08:35):
start, start, start.
Now there's only, you know,there's things that applies to
and plenty that it doesn't.
Yeah, don't start having kidsnow.
You know, when I'm 15, you know, use your wisdom whatever
you're talking about, start, butyou know yeah.
I hesitated on a lot of things.
Uh, a lot of starting abusiness.
(08:57):
I should have started that longtime ago.
I felt like I was unqualifiedand I wouldn't have the
clientele and I wouldn't be ableto support my family Just
really a whole lot of excusesFear.
(09:17):
Luckily, I have some strongleadership in my life and they
pushed and pushed until Ifinally jumped and I wish I had
started running sooner.
I really wish I did that inhigh school and whatnot running
sooner.
You know, I really wish I didthat in high school and whatnot
like started when I was what in2020?
So that would have been 30everyone.
Covid 32 yeah, I logged myfirst run.
I still have it saved in myphone.
I like my first run in I thinkit was July of 2019, which was a
(09:41):
garbage run.
I keep it to look back at tosee like how far you've come.
Yeah, when I need some selfmotivation how fast can?
You run a mile.
I think the fastest I've everdone was just nothing to brag
about.
I've done a six, 45 before.
Okay, I was like but I know guysthat can like can do one mile
(10:02):
in.
You know they're pushing likethe low fives.
They're in the fours, it's wild.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Are they like running running?
Yeah, they run, I do a jog walkyeah, so they're fast, they're
crazy fast what is your mindsetwhen you you told no or the door
shuts?
Speaker 3 (10:19):
you know, sometimes I have to reevaluate why that no
happened.
When I was younger, I used toget angry like, no, I'm going to
make it happen.
You know what I mean.
But no's have a lot of factors,so sometimes God is the no.
God put that person in place toshut that down.
And even though we can't seesometimes, or it may not look
(10:44):
like anything's happening, youknow, I believe wholeheartedly
that God is working when wecan't see it, so when we don't
realize it, you know what I meanthere's doors that have been
shut that we never knew about,and so when those happen, I have
to sit back.
That doesn't mean I'm happyabout it in the moment, don't
get me wrong, but I still willsit back now as an adult and
(11:10):
look at the whole picture youknow, why was that a no?
am I not ready?
You know there's there's awhole lot of potential good
reasons, even if you don't wantto see them right away you know,
so I just kind of sit back,think about about it, regroup
and go from there and go fromthere.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
I love that.
Actually, in that question youcan tell the different, like the
maturity and the mindset of theindividual when you ask it,
because some people are alwayslike I'm told no, I'm going to
find another way.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Yeah, sometimes it's a no-go.
Yeah, and that's okay.
Yeah, that's true, because I'vehad plenty of opportunities.
I don't want to call themopportunities.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
I've had plenty of situations where looking back
that no, led to something greatthe no was a blessing.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
The no was a blessing .
And that no may have hurt Likeyou know my wife and I lost our
first kid, and so had he been,he'd been 15 now.
So had he been born, you knowhad, had we raised them up to
(12:19):
this point, I wouldn't have my,my daughter, you know my 14 year
old daughter, I wouldn't havemy, you know my, my, my younger
daughter, you know what I mean.
Who's?
Speaker 1 (12:23):
a firecracker.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
You know anybody who's ever met her.
I can't imagine life anydifferent than what it is now,
as bad as that situation Evenhurts to this day.
So sometimes the no has anupside, even when you can't see
it right away.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
That is true.
Well, we're going to get intowhat is Pastor Andy's, or, say,
one of your, life model.
What do you have for us?
Speaker 3 (12:55):
One of my life models , life lessons, is and this is
really stem from, you know, justimpatience in myself, and it
really started from me, but itis, don't complain about
something that you are notwilling to fix, you're not
(13:18):
willing to work at.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
So what does that mean?
Speaker 3 (13:22):
We have a.
It can mean it can apply to alot of things, right, if you are
, if you're married and yourmarriage is garbage and you know
it, um, and all you do is go towork and you know you complain
to the girls or the, you knowhusbands complain to the guys at
work about how you know thisand that my wife does this or my
(13:45):
husband's doing that.
He's not doing anything to helpout around the house.
He don't fix nothing, she don'tcook or whatever the complaints
are.
If you're not communicatingthat at home, you don't have to
do it in an ugly way.
But if you're not having thoseconversations, then shut up Like
(14:06):
you're not.
You literally aren't.
You're not bringing anything tothe table when you come home.
There's no conversation thathelps remedy that situation.
All you're doing is whiningabout it outside of it while
your marriage is rotting away.
In the fitness world, youknow've, you've got, you know
overweight, or you know what Imean.
(14:27):
There's people who just don'thave the muscle mass that they
want.
You know what I mean.
Or, yeah, they're carrying toomuch weight, uh, but are doing
nothing about it.
I go to the gym every day, butthen you leave the gym and you
go and you eat, you know.
You go tear up two oppers, youknow, and let me get all the
fries you can give me.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Like I feel so convicted.
That was me on me actually.
I'm calling him out because heknows, but me and aaron and we
both felt so sick afterwards andthen went to go work out.
Yeah, it's uh it, it.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
You know you undo the , the work that you just put in.
Yeah, you know.
So all the calories you justburned, you just replace them
with bad calories.
You know at that there's nothinggood about it.
No, we felt terrible.
Some folks just don't eatenough, they don't work out at
all and yet still have theaudacity to complain about their
(15:18):
.
You know what I mean the waythat they look or how they're
unhappy.
You know what I mean With their, with their appearance, with
themselves.
You know these are.
I don't want to soundinsensitive, but listen, this is
on you Like I can't change thatfor you.
You know as much as I.
I love to encourage people.
I love to push people in thegym when we're running.
(15:40):
I love it.
It's, it's comes natural and Ifeel good pushing people and I
love being pushed yeah Right,especially running or in the gym
, like I love it.
So when I I want to encouragefolks, you know what I mean be
healthy eat better, drink yourwater, you know these type of
(16:03):
things which is so simple.
It is simple, right, but you'vegot to be careful because it'll
come off as actually not comingoff.
It is, at times, unsolicitedadvice.
Yeah, they didn't ask you, yeah, you know, and so that's
something I have to deal with,because my mouth will
automatically go.
And then I'm backtracking andI'm like, hey, shut up, they
(16:23):
didn't ask you.
And so I'm having to tellmyself you know what I mean.
Like, be quiet.
You know what I mean.
They didn't want your opinion,they didn't ask for it.
But when people do believe me,I'm going in Like I just I want
to, and I'm not rude about it,but I think that if you're not
willing to put the work in, thendon't complain about it.
You know, if you're willing tobe content with where you are,
(16:48):
you know great, you know like,but be happy in it.
You know what I mean.
If you're not, then let's getto work.
You know make a change.
You know you're going to school.
You know you didn't need to goto school.
You know you graduated highschool.
You know what I mean.
You got a great job.
You didn't need to go to school, but you wanted to better
(17:10):
yourself.
You had a thought at some pointwhere you were like you know
what.
I want more out of this field.
I want to be smarter.
I want to be more confident.
You know what I mean when Irespond to things, and I want to
have more opportunities to goand speak and be kind in these
places and do these things.
So you did something about it.
I believe that a lot of timesthat it doesn't happen because
(17:34):
of fear.
I think that people won't.
They won't jump.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
I'm going to be honest, that was mine, because I
was thinking about school and Iwas like no man, like how am I
going to pay for it?
What does that look like,schedule wise?
And I was like you know what?
At that point I was an admin ata job and I was like I am much
more than an admin, Like I haveideas, I'm a mover and a shaker.
(18:03):
I'm more than you know grabbingsomeone's coffee, which is
nothing wrong with that, butthat's just I wanted more for
myself, sure.
So I got enrolled in school.
Um, during this, uh, summer oflast year, classes were amazing.
Well, um, odessa College hasthis program which is their
positively OC presidentialscholarship.
They paid for two years ofschool.
(18:23):
Well, me volunteering I happento meet my friend who's over the
program, which is how I foundout about it so, as I do an
interview process and to get in.
But I got in and one of theirmain things was volunteering, by
the way, which is excellent forme.
Yeah, it was getting in.
Like I said, they paid for twoyears of school free.
I think you have to pay maybe$200 every semester, but that's
(18:47):
it.
So it was like me taking thatstep and enrolling in those
summer courses which were alsopaid for, which I was prepared
to have to pay for myself,between Aaron and I.
But this was paid for.
And then I stepped right intopositivity, oc and school being
paid for.
And then, shortly after that, Igot a new job and things are
(19:07):
looking up.
But it took that, I guess youcan say, step of faith to go
ahead and, okay, I want more,let's just do it.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
Yeah, you got to too.
Yeah, you got to go for it.
And life has been great youknow people cover and I say
people, I really mean me.
You know I did the same thing.
I did the same thing inbusiness.
I made excuses for years aboutgoing back to school.
You know I don't have time.
You know I'm working too much.
(19:35):
You know the truth is like youhave time.
You just don't want to committhat time.
You'd rather sleep, or?
You know what I mean like, likethat's me.
Join the 5 am club.
You know what I mean.
Get in the 4 am club you knowyeah you're sleeping away the
time that you're claiming thatyou don't got.
Yeah, and even at that, even ifyou slept until seven, you went
to work at eight.
People still have time whenthey get out of work, right,
(19:57):
they just are doing other things.
They don't If you.
And the thing is is that if youcarve out, you know you can
carve out time for anything.
People do it all the time.
Parents do it all the timetheir kids got, you know,
rehearsal or soccer practice orfootball or whatever.
You know what I mean.
That's not negotiable.
They carve out time for that.
They will tell their job.
(20:18):
Negotiable.
They carve out time for that.
They will tell their job.
No, no, no, I'm not coming inon Saturday.
My kid has these games.
You know what I mean and I getthat.
You know what I mean.
Like go support your kids.
You're supposed to do that, butyou know what I mean.
That season ends, footballseason ends, the kids get older
and then, all of a sudden, youdon't have time.
No more, you had time.
(20:39):
You know what I mean.
Like that time didn't gonowhere.
You're just choosing to spendit in a different way and then
complaining that you don't havethe time to do.
You know what I mean the thingsthat you want to do.
You know I made the time excusefor I'm not joking like a solid
(20:59):
10 years.
I just you know I don't havetime and I can't go, and you
know just, it was a bunch ofcrap.
Finally, when I decided youknow what I'm going to go for it
, it was cheap enough to where Ifigured.
You know I don't like to fail,but if for some reason I failed,
you know it wouldn't hurt toobad.
(21:21):
So I thought I'm going to go forit, for and you can go semester
at a time, you know so, or aterm at a time, you know what
I'm saying.
So I thought I'll try.
You know a term.
I called an advisor and talkedto them and said you know like
what's recommended as far as howmany classes and all that good
stuff?
She said you know you do fourclasses.
It'll roughly take you maybesix hours a week or something,
(21:42):
she lied.
So it's more like 10 to 12,depending on like what classes
you're taking.
They're in the beginning doinglike Old Testament and New
Testament survey and like someof these deeper you know classes
.
You got four hours of lectureto watch every week, you know,
(22:03):
and then that's just one class,and then you know what I mean.
Then you've got three othersthat all have lectures, so just
a lecture time alone.
You're looking at seven hours.
You know eight hours a week.
Then you got to actually gothrough do the discussion work
and you know whatever else, read, lots of reading, tons of
reading, and so realisticallyit's about 12 hours minimum
(22:24):
weekly and so but I, I did itand you know I made it work and
um, I made it work within themonday through friday, you know,
realm, and, and before I knewit, like second, second one was
here, you know what I mean.
And I started the second termand and just kept going and
thought I'm going to keep goinguntil I don't have time.
(22:46):
And then, you know, you get socommitted and you're like well,
I can't stop now.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
It's a part of you know, this is my routine.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
I got to go until we're done, so you know, you
just keep, you, just keeppushing until until you're
finished.
And finish line's almost here,I can see it.
And now it's crazy how itchanges your mentality.
Because I went from I don'thave time.
You know what I mean?
I can't do that.
That ain't for me To well, Idid 12 hours a week.
(23:14):
I wonder if I could, maybe Icould be like a licensed
therapist.
How many hours a week is that?
Speaker 2 (23:23):
I think you'll be really good at that, by the way.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
I would love to do that.
You know what I mean counselingsome kind anything.
You know what.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
I mean like you know.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
But now I even thought, like, when I was, you
know, closer to high school age,I thought about you know
electrical engineering ormechanical engineering?
So I even thought about that,like, and I looked into it.
You know electrical engineeringor mechanical engineering?
So I even thought about that,like, and I looked into it.
You know how many, how manycourse hours we talking?
You know what I mean.
Like, how long online,realistically, are we talking?
You know, four to six years.
(23:50):
Here's the deal.
If I don't die, four to sixyears are going to pass anyway.
I might as well be doingsomething at that time.
So, and in my mind, if I'mgoing for, for therapy, it's
probably longer than that.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
So I have no idea.
I do know that.
Etpb does have a program, bythe way they'll pay for it.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
Yeah see see you know , now my mind's thinking well, I
did 12, like the, the ceiling'soff, yeah, it ain't there no
more.
Sky's the limit.
How far do we want to take thisthing?
Or I can go, I can cause youcan only go up to a bachelor's
at at CFNI, so but you, there's,there's, they have certain
colleges that you can transferyou know to from there and you
(24:31):
can continue on and I can go tomy master's or maybe a, maybe a
doctorate.
It's a whole like why not me?
Situation.
That whole unqualified, can'tdo it, mentality in my mind is
gone, like why not me?
Why can't I have a doctorate?
(24:52):
Why can't I run a 200 mile raceor 250 mile race, 300.
Why not me, why not you?
That's what I ask people allthe time.
Why not you?
Yeah, why can't you win?
Speaker 2 (25:06):
I had that mindset recently.
I had um.
I went to a conference with um.
I shouldn't say conference,whatever it was but anyway well,
that's the college and one.
I was talking to one of theadvisors and the only reason why
I know about utpb having theprogram for therapists is
because she mentioned it to meand she was like I know you're
doing business, but have youever thought about this?
And I feel like you'll be areally good therapist?
And I was like what?
(25:26):
So I went home, obviously, andI was like, hey, Erin, is there
something that she thinks I'llbe a good therapist?
And she was like I think youcould do it.
She was like you're doing itright now, whether you realize
it or not, and I was like, oh,you might as well get paid for
it, I mean.
Yeah, Technically I am acertified life coach, just not
taking any patients currently.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
Yeah.
But, I thought about, you know,same thing.
I was talking to Pastor Marthaand she brought up, you know,
life coach and there wassomething else that she brought
up too.
But you know what I mean justkind of like steps into seeing
if this is really what you want,what I want to do.
You know I mean the, you knowsmaller steps that are more.
You know they're I don't wantto say easier, not easier, but
(26:10):
you know, more manageable.
You know what I mean to kind of, I guess, test out whether
that's a right fit for me.
I, I, I love it.
You know I'm aconversationalist, I love open
conversations.
That's what drove me to go toschool.
You know I wanted to.
I enjoy being the dumbest oneat the table.
I love learning off of people.
Oh okay, and so like.
(26:31):
I don't mean to end it there.
I was like.
I was like I do.
I like asking questions, youknow, and I don't mind admitting
that I don't know, you know.
And so biblical questions,theology questions, like I'm in
for that conversation, let's go,but I didn't want to be the
dumbest one at the table withthat, you know, like I want to
(26:52):
have something to say Wait, holdon, let me do my homework.
You know, I started juststudying on my own and then I
thought they got schools forthis, why not?
You know.
That's kind of where the ideastarted.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
I will tell you this.
I still remember I think I wasactually sitting we're in the
church conference room, by theway but I remember sitting in
that chair and I think I wastalking about Aaron and I and
you're like, when y'all gettingmarried, why are you guys not
married?
And I was like what?
And it kind of caught me offguard, but not really because
I'm like well, I mean, I thinkat that point we were probably
(27:25):
living together and I was like,yeah, we probably like I see
where you're coming from, but itwas your direct,
straightforward with love, bythe way, like I knew it was
above, and I was like, well, andI think you mentioned like a
couple more times, but I was sohappy and so proud to be able to
tell you like, hey, I gotengaged and, hey, you're coming
to the wedding Not saying thatyou made it happen, but you made
(27:47):
sure that it was always in thefront of our minds Like, hey,
what are we doing?
What is the end game here?
Speaker 3 (27:52):
Yeah, you know, we just had a conversation about
that same scenario this pastweekend.
It's wild and I'm not sayingthat either one of you thought
this, but it really makes methink.
I'm going to go live latertoday and talk about the
(28:12):
marriage conference that'scoming up this weekend, Because,
as men, we have a problem withlike a lot of men have a problem
with therapy and you know,anything along them lines, right
, Including a marriageconference or anything that
would anything along them lines.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Just a lot of guys are just kind of shut off to it.
They're like I don't need that,that in any type of scenario,
not just marriage right,marriage counseling, personal
whatever.
I think that people don'trealize what they're saying with
their no right.
(28:50):
So if I say we don't need that,my marriage is good, I believe
there's something deeper thanthat.
I believe that maybe you don'tthink that your marriage is
worth.
You know the investment worththe time.
Your body isn't worth the time.
The investment that you you knowwhat I mean pay in a gym or you
know whatever that may be, yourmental health, paying a
(29:12):
therapist it's not worth thetime.
It's not worth the money.
You know I got it, I can figureit out.
How has that been going for you, you know.
And so anyway, I think that I,you know, I always look back at
at the leadership that's been inmy life.
(29:33):
Right, and they've always beenstraight shooters.
Pastor Cliff has a great way oftelling me when I'm wrong
without just straight punchingme in the face.
It comes off with love, butit's direct and I think that we
(29:54):
need people like that in ourlives to be able to say I
remember that conversation, tobe able to turn to him and say,
hey, when are you going to quitliving in sin and get married?
Speaker 2 (30:01):
Yeah, I think that's actually how that went.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
I say that a lot.
You know it's, truth be told.
I think that's what it comesdown to.
Is that person you know worthit enough to you to put a ring?
On it, If not what are youdoing it?
Enough to?
Speaker 4 (30:22):
you to put a ring on it?
If not, what are you doing?
Speaker 3 (30:23):
yeah, and so if that's not, you know, we're
adults, we're grown, we in highschool, no more, and so we're.
We can't play the game that Iwill.
You know, I'm just.
I'm just, we're just talking.
There's so many steps involved.
You know, we're just talking,we're dating.
I was living together.
You know what I mean.
Like we're just talking, we'redating, we're just living
together.
You know what I mean.
Like we're just having sex.
Like you know what I mean.
All these things, seven stepsbefore you actually you know, oh
(30:47):
we're engaged yeah.
You know you got to do all thesethings before you get to the
we're engaged part.
You know, biblically speaking,I don't know what reading, but
none of that's in there likethat.
It's just not there.
Uh, so it's, I think that worthworth.
The word worth is what came tome for that for later, but I
(31:08):
think that I really think that'swhat it is.
I think that people, justbecause here's the deal, you'll
carve out, you know, weekendsand put aside money and all
these things to take your familyon vacation, anything right To
help better the home life, butfor some reason that's off the
table.
We don't have the money forthat, we don't have the time or
(31:33):
whatever.
And then they're content.
People are content with thelifestyle that they're living,
right, and that mentality.
It blows my mind.
I don't understand it.
I don't get like.
A lot of people have great jobsand they got great jobs and you
know they got the nice car andthey get to buy the clothes that
they want, and you know they'rehappy, they get the time off,
(31:55):
they have the insurance, it'sgreat.
If you have everything that youwant, then what are you going
like?
What are you going to work andput a solid effort in, for you
see what I'm saying like why areyou trying?
You already have it.
Like why are you trying tobetter it?
You see what I'm saying, likewhy are you being a good
employee if you have?
(32:16):
You know a lot of us could go tothe doctor, get our blood work
done, and the doc will come inand say you know a lot of us
could go to the doctor, get ourblood work done, and the doctor
would come in and say you know,your cholesterol is good, your
blood sugar is good, you knowyou're healthy as a horse and.
But you still go to the gym.
Like, why are you trying tobetter?
You know your physical body ifit's already like you're already
(32:36):
healthy.
So what do you?
You know what I mean.
But, like with marriage, yourmarriage is good, you think
everything's, you're happy, youguys are talking, you're
communicating, we're good, wedon't need anymore.
Or, as a single person,mentally speaking, you don't
(33:12):
have a whole lot of stress andit really kind of blows my mind
on how that mentally works.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
I don't quite understand it.
I need to get into therebecause I feel like there's
always something that can belike, even though, like right
now, like marriage is great, jobis great, like like I'm
probably the happiest I've beenhonestly, how many days?
For probably the last 33 years,yeah.
But at the same time I knowthere's still more for me to
(33:38):
work on and for me to like clearup or even unpack, so that
maybe at one point I'll be ableto pack differently now.
But so I don't know.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
Well too, you don't know what you don't know either.
True, so there's things thatyou find out when you go to
therapy you know we've done thismarriage conference before and
there's things that we justdidn't think of.
Yeah, like topics,conversations you know how do
you approach conversations, lotsof things.
(34:10):
You know what I mean.
Like they're they were talkingabout, uh, fatherhood issues,
and like you know things likethat, as, as men, you can't ask
a man.
You know why they do the thingsthat that they.
You know why do you respond theway that you respond?
You know, let's say, they'rejust quick to get angry.
You know what I mean.
And they go from zero to ahundred.
You know, quick, you can't aska man why that happens and him
(34:30):
give you like a real answer.
Right, it's always.
You know this is just how I am.
You know, like that's just howI've always been you know Well
why.
You know, like just becausesomething has always been done
that way, don't make it rightyou know, that's a whole another
life model in itself it's uh,it just don't you know what I
(34:54):
mean.
Like just because it's got youthis far, don't mean that it's
working yeah it just means thatyou're content with where you're
at.
And again, if that's, you becontent, you know, but don't
don't whine about you know.
I mean, I ain't getting nowheredon't be mad when you pull up
your pants and they look tight.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Yeah, it's.
Uh.
That's me, by the way, yeah Ialways relate.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
You know fitness is is easy.
Relatable things to me, right.
But this goes so much furtherthan that.
You know your, your mentalhealth, your.
You know your marriage, yourfinances, finances we're always
trying to get more money.
I don't care who you are, youknow, you're always trying to.
You know, get financial freedom?
Yeah, you want to get debt free.
(35:39):
You want to be able to go onvacation or grocery shopping
without having to check youraccount first, you know.
I mean, like maybe write acheck for a car instead of
having to finance one.
You know what I'm saying.
Like these are goals thateveryone has.
Uh, these are things that we'reworking towards.
But again, if you are justliving paycheck to paycheck and
you're happy about that, youknow, if you're happy, like
(36:03):
truly, honestly happy, it's kindof scary, like it really is
kind of scary, but you know, ifyou're happy, like truly,
honestly happy, it's kind ofscary, like it really is kind of
scary, but you know I'm notgoing to knock anybody.
Like if that's you and you'rehappy and you know what I mean
Like you're not complaining,you're not whining, you truly
are happy.
I know a guy that's likeliterally six dollars in his
(36:24):
account but he's got groceriesin the house, bills are paid,
there's gas in the car, likehe's happy yeah he's happy, you
know, and so, but again, if, ifyou want more, I think it's as
simple as just go get it.
Like this stuff I tell you, know, my, my daughter.
She's getting to an age nowwhere you know the, the goals
(36:45):
and dreams that we've talkedabout for years.
What do you want to do when youget older?
We would make fun of herbecause when she was a kid and
she was little, she would sayphotograph-er instead of
photographer, she wanted to be aphotograph-er.
So even now she'll be 15 inApril.
It's like what about a camera?
(37:06):
You know what I mean.
You still want to be aphotographic, right, and you
know it's these, these littlethings.
But anyway, we, we we're, we'regetting to an age now where
these dreams are close enough tograb these goals, are close
enough to like, enough to like.
We're working.
(37:26):
You know what I mean, like howyou know we're.
There's photography classes andthings like that you can take
in college.
Well, how do you, you know howdo you get in college?
That's straight a's.
Now you know, your transcripts.
You know what I mean.
Like we need to make them lookgood.
How do we do that?
Let's get to work.
So there's, you know the.
You can have anything that thatyou want yeah, and I think
we're about saying that, but notso good about doing it.
(37:47):
The action.
The action.
Get to work.
You're going to go work anyway.
You might as well be workingtowards what you want.
I don't know a lot of peoplethat are just chilling at home
with everything they want andneed in life.
I know some they may haveinherited or something like that
(38:11):
, but everybody else we're outhere trying to get it.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
It's kind of encouraging for me because
there's some things that I'vebeen pushing off.
I think a lot of my push off isbecause I've been giving so
much of myself to the community.
Where I'm in the season nowwhere I'm a little- bit more
selfish with my time, yeah, um.
And the funny thing is the stuffthat I want to do still is a
way to give back to thecommunity, but it's like I guess
businesses that I want to startthat will allow me to give back
(38:40):
versus working.
That'd be me having creating myown dream versus working for
someone else's yeah stuff thatthe lord has placed on my heart.
Speaker 3 (38:47):
But I'm like, okay, let's go ahead and do yeah, like
it's, you know it's, it's likeit won't go away I, I always say
, at least the last few monthsanyway, I've been saying that
god honors order and so there'sno.
When I I say push, jump, go forit, you know that doesn't mean
be irresponsible about it.
(39:08):
You know we're talking about.
You know, chloe being aphotographer.
You know, if she wants to be aphotographer, you know we can
work on the grade.
You know what I mean, like whenshe gets to college, then we
take action, right, like as faras buying equipment, like you
know what I mean, this doesn'tmean that we decide, okay,
(39:30):
photographer, yeah, let's go getyou, you know, this, whatever,
I don't know how much camerascost, but let's go get you this.
You know, good, decent, youknow, uh, camera, and spend all
this money when you're not, youknow, educated on what you need
to do.
That may be a bad example, causeI know with photography you you
kind of have to.
Just you got to do it to learnwhat you're looking at and what
(39:50):
you're seeing and all that stuff.
So you know what I mean.
But what I'm saying is there'sa time, uh, there's a time for
everything.
You know I've been thinkingabout furthering my education,
right, um, but I'm not signingup for that right now I need to
finish what I'm what I'm workingon.
When I finish what I'm workingon, then, okay, let me next
(40:12):
audit my time, yeah, and figureout what, what I got time for
realistically and then put thatto work, you know.
So there's, there's a time,there's a time for everything,
and that I believe that none ofit's by accident.
Right, god sends the rightpeople and opens the right doors
and provides the rightresources for you to be able to
(40:32):
do the things that your heartdesires.
You know what I mean.
But he wants you to succeed,but at the same time, if we just
try to tackle everything all atonce, I remember seeing your
schedule one time your calendar,and I'm like girl take a day
off.
Burnout is real.
(40:52):
And it hit me.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
It like when it hit me, I was like, if Pastor Cliff
can tell you, I sent an email tohim at, I think what did he
tell me the day Three somethingin the morning, like 3.30 in the
morning, and he was, think whatdid he tell me the day Three
something in the morning, like3.30 in the morning, and he was
like, what were you doing?
I was like answering all of myemails I had to answer.
And that was the time that, likeI had, and I was like, wait,
what am I doing?
And I just thought my with mehaving a servant's heart, that
(41:17):
that meant like I was to serveeveryone.
And I had to realize that, yeah, I have a servant's heart, but
the Lord really has for me toserve a certain group of people,
a certain population.
Like it's not a Well that, andyou're married now.
Speaker 3 (41:30):
Yeah, that's your first ministry.
Yeah.
So you know what I mean.
Like you have to carve thattime out.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (41:38):
That's non-negotiable .
Everything else, including yourjob, revolves around that else,
including your job, revolvesaround that.
And so, yeah, you know, I, Idon't understand, I just I just
and we did it wrong 17 years, we, we didn't do what we've been
doing the last four or five weyou know, we just figured this
(42:00):
out.
You know, even though peoplehave been saying it, we just we
didn't listen.
We were, you know, no, no, no,we got.
You know, we got to work, wegot to get this.
She's going to school and youknow what I mean, like life
right and and you run with that.
You run with that excuse.
But, truth be told, you know,even during those times we took,
we didn't take a whole lot ofvacations, we didn't have a
(42:20):
whole lot of money, but we didhave.
We just real blunt, honesttruth.
You know, some years back, wedid have the money to go do the
things that we were weren'tsupposed to be doing.
We did have beer money, we didhave.
You know what I mean.
Like, uh, we, we had thosethings and so the time the
(42:41):
resources were there, we justweren't really doing it in the
right manner.
Yeah, that happens too.
And so we just had a date nightFriday night, and we make them
date nights.
Like I always say, forget themkids.
We find someone to come andspend the night at the house,
Not just anyone, you know what Imean.
Somebody we trust, I mean butwe get somebody to come to the
(43:05):
house and stay with the girls orsomebody.
The girls will, you know, go tomy in-laws house or my mom's or
somebody, and we take it ain'ta dinner Like we take the night.
You know, it's a whole, it's awhole thing, and if we don't
have the time to leave town,we'll.
You know we live in Midland.
We stayed at the MarriottFriday night.
Okay.
And so had dinner at theMarriott.
(43:26):
We had a great time.
But those we do that twice amonth minimum, so every two
weeks we're doing a.
It's not always a hotel thatcan get expensive.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
I always left at the Marriott yeah especially the
Marriott.
Speaker 3 (43:40):
But do something If you're constantly working and oh
and oh, we got to be here andyou know you, that's a great
example.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
you know if you, if you're only time to respond to
emails at 3 30 in the morningthat's a problem, and that's
when I realized I was like thisis like the biggest red flag
ever yeah I was like I, I can't,something has to give that's a
problem yeah, no, it was it wasbad, yeah, and I we've been
there, yeah, I think everybodyhas a season like that, right,
(44:08):
you kind of have to do it, um,to see it, to learn it, and you
have to live it and go throughit, and it's not fun.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
It's not fun in the moment.
I don't know why we did it forso long I think it was fun.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
At the beginning.
I was like, oh, this is great,like we're helping everyone.
Put it on my calendar, I'll bethere.
And then it got to the pointwhere I was in some of the rooms
and they were like speaking,what is it like charlie brown
language, where it's like andI'll be honest, I was one of
those elt meetings and I waslike, why am I here and what is
(44:44):
happening?
Like, why do I feel like this?
And I had to take some time tolike have a conversation with
God and talk to Aaron andNavigate some spaces and I was
like, okay, I think I need to.
Hibernate a little bit yeah andI think a huge like.
It's a lot of things that, umyeah, I'm not a partner anymore.
That's why we're homebodies,yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (45:01):
I'm not a product anymore.
That's why we're homebodies.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
Yeah, because honestly, nowadays, if I'm not,
my focus now is, like a lot ofmy weekends especially since
Aaron coaches is whateverfootball season or basketball
season or whatever he's in-that's usually where I'm at.
Speaker 3 (45:19):
For us it's the weekend, right.
I know plenty of people wherethat's not an option With the
kids' schedules and things likethat.
That's saturdays.
They're at soccer fields orfootball fields all day, like
again, support your kids, bethere, you know, be there, and
but there is, there is othertime that you have to make, you
have to carve out, right.
So I know plenty of people thatdo their date nights on
thursdays or you know what Imean or mondays or whatever,
(45:40):
whatever works for theirschedule.
But if you literally have towrite it on a calendar like
literally write it on a calendar, you share a calendar with your
spouse and you have to write ityou have to pencil it in then
pencil it in and make sure thatthat time and for a lot of
people, you may not be in aseason in life where you know
(46:05):
you have the option or theresources to be able to take a,
a night, a whole night, right?
Um, so two hours is going tohave to work, you know.
Make the most out of that twohours.
You know.
Whatever, whatever the timelineis, you know it's got to start
somewhere.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
Though, I agree, I think we do.
Honestly, I think we're kind oflike weekly at this point, but
we, like I said, we've cut a lotof things, like we're yeah, um,
I guess also still in thatnewlywed phase.
So yeah we go and do and try adifferent, whether it be a
restaurant, a new movie, um yeah, I think you gotta work really
hard to make sure that thatphase ain't a phase yeah, that's
(46:39):
, that's okay, it's the truth.
Speaker 3 (46:42):
Yeah, because right now that's what we're doing.
Right, we had to.
We had to.
I had a, I had a, an instructor.
He's a lead pastor.
Don't ask me anything because Idon't remember right now, but
uh, he said that every month.
I've been a lead pastor a longtime and he said that every
month, that he audits his, histime.
(47:02):
So he goes back through hiscalendar from the last month and
he you know what I mean.
Just okay, what like this wastoo much, like I had this many
appointments, this manycounseling appointments.
You know I did two weddings.
You know you preached everySunday, preached every Wednesday
.
You know what I mean.
You audit the whole month andthen figure out, okay, where do
(47:24):
I got to cut back?
What suffered in that month?
It may be nothing, you may havenailed it that month and
everything went good.
But it's still healthy to doevery month, right, because by
the time you know it, 10 yearshave passed.
And you know you're lookingback on the way that it used to
be what John Mayer calls themovie phase.
(47:45):
And you know you're, you're,you're looking back on the way
that it used to be what JohnMayer calls the movie phase, and
you know you're, you're, you'relooking back to, to that point
and trying to get back to youknow what I?
mean how we were then.
You know what I mean.
Like, let's be real, you werehaving sex every day.
Y'all were going to dinner, youknow right, like there was just
(48:07):
a lot of things that you weredoing then that you don't do now
.
Yeah, and and and.
Now you're trying to do these.
Nothing wrong with, I think.
Better late than never get towork, you know.
But now you're doing these datenights, trying to rekindle what
was there before?
when we missed it in thebeginning.
We should have realized whatphase we were in and just
decided, hey, we're not going tolet this phase in.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
Yeah, like let's keep this going.
I have to like take note ofthat.
Speaker 3 (48:35):
It's a real.
You know, I think you know.
People always say like you'veheard it.
People always say never stopdating.
Speaker 2 (48:40):
Yeah, that's the truth.
I've definitely heard that onebefore you know.
Speaker 3 (48:43):
That really is the truth.
Uh, you have kids and and youknow, new moms, new dads they're
, they're especially when it'syour first kid.
It's hard to you know what Imean to pass the you know, the
baby off to even mom you know,or somebody yeah um and trust
that they're going to be safe.
And you know it's a littleeasier with the second kid,
right, but with the first kidyou get a little nervous,
(49:05):
especially the first few times.
And if that's you and thereain't no way that baby's leaving
the house, I'm not, I ain't toolittle, I'm not doing that.
Okay, you know, plan for that,you know we're gonna date night
at the house.
Yeah, no naps during the dayyeah okay, uh, we're gonna keep
this baby awake all day and thenlet the baby go to bed.
Yeah.
(49:25):
Make sure dinner's ready as soonas the baby's out.
Boom, we're sitting down.
Yeah, If you've got to getdressed like you're going out
and then go sit at your ownkitchen table, do it.
Yeah, you know, make itsomething that it ain't.
You know.
Change the bed sheets.
Make it look like somethingthat it ain't.
Speaker 2 (49:45):
You know, it ain't.
Speaker 3 (49:46):
You know, put some I've seen what they do, like the
tv screens outside too, likefor movies.
Yeah, there's plenty of options, right, if you're creative.
But if you just settle for oh,we got the kid at home, like we
can't, we can't do nothing,you're just digging a hole, yeah
, it's gonna be real hard to getout of, that's true.
You know, in some years, we'velearned some things in 17 years,
you know, and we made plenty ofmistakes along the way.
Uh, but I again start.
(50:08):
I wish I wish we would havestarted this in the beginning,
because I think that ourmarriage, a lot of it, has to do
with everything that we've beenthrough.
But our marriage is strongerthan it's ever been and I
believe that we could have hadthis happiness, this boldness in
(50:29):
our marriage a long time ago ifwe would have caught it, if we
would have been intentional.
We just weren't, we werecoasting.
I preached, probably a year anda half ago, maybe a year ago
now, I don't know, but Iremember talking about the
statistics for divorce year anda half ago, maybe a year ago now
, I don't know, but I remembertalking about the statistics for
divorce.
Divorce is well above 50% nowCloser to 60.
(50:54):
And a lot of times, most times,majority of the divorces happen
when the kids have left thehome.
Oh, they don't know each otherthey don't know how to be
married, no more.
They didn't spin.
That's where forget them kidscame from you know, I said it
from the stage for the firsttime.
I got made way more laughs outof that than I thought too, like
(51:17):
parents knew what I was talkingabout they were like yeah,
forget those kids I ain't aparent so you know, but it's the
truth.
They, they got, they got to, youknow, they just forgot.
You know they spent, so theyhad a buffer for so long.
They forgot why they fell inlove you know what I mean and
they forgot how to be married.
And then the kid's gone, thebuffer's gone, and now they got
(51:39):
to talk to each other andthey're looking like.
And they're like I really don'teven know who you are anymore
and that's sad, you know.
But we got a up to close to 60%of marriages end.
It's that's sad, you know.
Speaker 2 (51:58):
I would think your kids are leaving that's.
I can see how it can go theother way, but I can.
I would also think like yourkids are leaving the home.
Speaker 3 (52:05):
We're already talking about it.
Speaker 2 (52:06):
Now.
It's time to do whatever.
Speaker 3 (52:08):
Whenever, however, we're setting up, we're trying
to get debt-free this year.
Yeah.
So we can pay our Mostlydebt-free, pay our house off,
hopefully by next year, and thenwe want to buy a house in
Colorado or somewhere, becausewhen the kids are out we want to
buy a house in Colorado orsomewhere, because when the kids
are out, we want to move, wewant to be gone, so you're going
(52:29):
to leave them your house, maybenot when they move out.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (52:35):
How old is?
Speaker 3 (52:36):
your youngest Nine.
Speaker 2 (52:37):
Okay, I hope Nine, ten, something around there,
eight or nine.
Speaker 3 (52:43):
Eight, I think eight, yeah, so we got a ways to go,
but you know what?
This is what I'm talking about,though.
Start Planning takes time,paying off a house takes time.
Trucks Things break, thingshappen.
Car breaks down you gotta get anew one.
(53:04):
You know what I mean.
You started over on a paymentbecause we ain't at the point in
life right now where we canwrite a check for a car.
It's sixty thousand dollar,it's coming, believe.
Oh yeah, it's coming.
I can see it, it's mine, it'sjust a matter of time.
So I think that mentality goesa long way I agree.
Speaker 2 (53:21):
Wow, I said thank you for all the the gems you
dropped, especially for myself.
Kind of reminds me just to getgoing and to um, take baby steps
to crawl before I walk and thenmaybe one day run one day.
Um, is there anything?
I'll give you the last coupleof seconds to encourage the
(53:43):
listener that may be listeningto this podcast episode.
Speaker 3 (53:51):
Yeah, I think that listeners can really get a lot
out of auditing their own timeand not just their own time, but
their own situations, and notjust their own time, but their
own situations.
And so I hope that through this, people will be encouraged to
really look at the wholesituation.
Look at your marriage, look atyour kids How's your
(54:13):
relationship with your kids?
How's that relationship withyour spouse?
How is your physical health,your mental health?
And be honest with yourself.
Stop lying health and be honestwith yourself.
Stop lying to yourself.
Be honest with yourself.
Just say listen, I got the timebut I just didn't want to go.
If your health is in the gutter, let's get to work Now, start.
(54:40):
If your marriage is in troubleand you can feel it, it's on
rocks.
You know that there's sometension there.
Let's start.
You know, start, fix it.
Uh, it's not always as simple asone conversation.
A lot of times it's not assimple as one conversation, but
there are resources out there tobe able to, uh, to better that
right, there's, there's, there'stherapy, there's even, you know
(55:02):
, like biblical counseling.
You know what I mean.
Like you can talk with thepastor and just sometimes it
just takes a getting it out andfor the other person to hear I
can deal with.
I can deal with, you know,making my wife mad Right, done
that plenty over the years.
I can deal with making my kidsmad mm-hmm, I do that weekly
(55:27):
right.
what I can't deal with is makingthem sad mmm or disappointed
mmm and I feel like the minutethat I decide that everything,
you know, I'm good enough father, I'm a good enough husband, I
don't have to put the work in nomore and I become content in
enough husband, I don't have toput the work in no more and I
become content in those areas.
(55:47):
I don't have to lead my familyto christ, you know what I'm
saying.
Like they've been baptized,they're good, yeah, like we're
good.
We made it this far.
The minute that I get contentwith those areas, financially,
business-wise, I've become adisappointment, not just to
myself you know what I mean butI believe to them, that to them
(56:09):
part that may never be true,right?
Honestly, my wife may never cometo me and say you know, I'm
really disappointed that you letus down in this area, but the
truth is I don't want to evergive her a reason to even think
it.
I want to be the best that Ican be and I hope that people
(56:31):
listening will really audittheir mind space and really take
the time to think about.
You know where am I winning andwhere am I losing.
It's time to jump.
You know life is short yes, it'snot promise not even take the
end of the day my uncle lost hiswife she was she was early 30s
(56:54):
gone just like that and it wasbrutal and you know what I mean.
But like after, after that youknow my mind I'm like the time
is now Like stop stalling, and Ithink that for a lot of people
it's just I'll do it tomorrow,you know.
Two secondly and lastly,somebody's always watching.
(57:18):
Somebody's always watching,especially if you have kids.
They're watching your wife'swatching, especially if you have
kids.
They're watching your wife'swatching.
Men, just you know, step up, bethe leader that you were called
to be and lead your, lead yourfamilies, not only to the church
house, but lead them and showthem.
Show your kids, show your wivesthat you can, wives that you
(57:40):
can.
You know what wives.
Show your kids that you can dohard things yeah that it's
attainable.
It's achievable if you'rewilling to work for it.
You can have anything you want,it's just a matter of time.
Are you willing to put the workin?
Yeah because if you ain't shutup, there we go.
Speaker 2 (58:01):
That is the gems from Pastor Andy.
Well, I just say again thankyou for taking some time out of
your day to come chat with me,for the listener that's
listening, remember that you areloved by not only me but God as
well, and show yourself somegrace.
(58:23):
Today is my last gem.
Usually I have this long still,but I'm just going to say show
yourself some grace and gopractice self-care.
So, whether that be a nap, awalk around the track, a glass
of water, whatever it looks likefor you, but practice some
self-care and peace out Bye.
Speaker 1 (58:43):
Thank you for listening to another episode of
Standing in your Truth withYanni.
And if no one told you today,you are loved, you are beautiful
, you are needed and you matter,be sure to follow on Facebook
at Standing in your TruthPodcast with Yanni.
Also on Instagram Talks withYanni.
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