Faith, Parenthood, and Transformation: Navigating Personal Growth and Single Motherhood

Send us a text

Join us for an honest conversation with Catherine and ShaRaye as we explore the nuances of personal growth, self-care, and parenthood. We share our personal experiences and how they've shaped us differently, especially in approaching motherhood. We delve into the dynamic world of CrossFit, how it has helped us channel aggression, and our evolving self-care routines deeply rooted in faith. 

We tackle the challenges of single motherhood and dating, sharing how we manage these complex scenarios while prioritizing our children's well-being. You'll hear about the critical role forgiveness and support networks play in our journey of parenthood and personal growth. We also discuss the tricky business of introducing kids in new relationships, offering insights on assessing a person's character and background. Finally, listen as we contemplate the significance of faith in parenting and the healing power of mending relationships. Join us for this empowering conversation as we share our stories of perseverance and growth and hopefully inspire you on your journey.

Support the show

Standing In Your Truth Podcast with Yanni Thomas

https://www.facebook.com/share/1Kcug7eVXX/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello everyone, welcome to season two of
standing your truth podcast.
I'm your host, Yanni.
On this podcast, you will hearmyself, family and friends
having open ended discussions onanything from faith, finances,
relationships and how to staymotivated during life trying
times.
Make sure you follow me on allmy social media.

(00:23):
Click within the bio, sit backand get ready to enjoy.
Well, well, well, everyone,we're back with another episode
of standing your truth podcast.
I am your host, Yanni.
How have you guys been?
I am on day 34.
I'm a professor at math, butsomething close to that.

(00:46):
For 75 part Definitely beeninteresting with moving and
shaking, but nevertheless, it'snot about me today I have two
guests with me.
I'm going to allow them tointroduce themselves.
Whoever wants to go first?
Hi, I'm Catherine aka cat.
Okay, well, you have to atleast shout out to business.

(01:09):
Oh, yes, so I am a full timepayroll administrator with the
Oldfield company and I have aside business called CC 360.
We are a 360 photo boothbusiness.
Yes, and my name is charade,and one day through Friday I go

(01:32):
by Demetrius.
That's my.
You know, my God, give me aname.
On my mama.
My middle name is charade, youknow, on weekends I go by JLo
Just kidding, that's my, that'smy.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
that's normally my ice break.

Speaker 1 (01:53):
That takes my nerves away when I just tap on it in
the jingo.
But now my name is charade andI work.
Can we say our job name on here?
It might be like, uh, exceptyou don't have to.
Yeah, I do.
Okay For UCPB.
I'm the cancer seeablecoordinator at UCPB.
I am, how long have you been?

Speaker 2 (02:14):
with them.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
I have been with UTPB .
I just got my five year um apen, but a total of 10 years
with the state.
Why?
Because I don't like the state.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
Okay, yeah, that's cool.
I have a friend that justswitched over to there.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
Don't ask me what her job is.
I don't remember but, I, justknow she works at UTPB now.
Yes, don't ask me nothing else.
All right, so we're going tostart off with our house
questions.
So the first one is whatmotivates you?
What motivates you why?
I think what motivates me themost is like the growth, because

(02:50):
I've seen myself rock bottom,not with nothing, of course, but
, um, seeing my growth alonganywhere from 13 to 20 years
really motivates me.
I think that's why I startedgoing back to school, opening my
business.
So, yeah, I would say, justseeing the growth, what do you

(03:11):
want to school?

Speaker 2 (03:12):
for.

Speaker 1 (03:13):
Sociology.
You didn't tell me that youknow being able to read all of
us until it's all crazy, it'scrazy.
Yeah, probably I can tell youthat, actually I can say to you
the truth, but I am.

Speaker 2 (03:24):
Same, that is, that is.
A little bit of a littlesprinkle of crazy.
We all got it back out A littlebit of crazy, so you don't own
it, though.

Speaker 1 (03:32):
What motivates me?
Um, I just knew this every day,because I have to like shake
off what I feel like I didn'tget through yesterday, and then
push through.
That's what I feel like I canget through today, cause you
know we can be like hard onmyself and be like oh my God, I
didn't do it on this.
I knew this and so just a freshstart every day.

(03:57):
That's make every day new.
That's that's how I try to doit, try to be a little bit
better than I was yesterday.

Speaker 2 (04:03):
That's always my prayer.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
Yeah, that's good.
I think you should add that tomy prayer.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
I'm like all right, what are we?

Speaker 1 (04:10):
like five minutes in.
I think that myself I'mlearning something.
All right, here we go here, wego, all right.
How do you guys protect yourmental health?
Or you can answer um, what isyour self care routine?
Um, personally, sometimes Idon't protect my mental health.
Um, it used to be CrossFit.

(04:30):
Um, crossfit was big for me.
Um, I let out a lot ofaggression in the gym and it
just got like my juices flowingand then to be able to like lift
something like a heavier weightor something, um, hopefully I
can get back there.
But I mean, right now I'm juston a journey where I'm kind of

(04:51):
just flowing with it outside ofthe gym.
I guess that's a to bedetermined question.

Speaker 2 (04:57):
We'll come back to that.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
I'm like, well, and I'm telling you so, I did a
month, barely, maybe like threeweeks.
Honestly, let's be honest here.
Three weeks um with CrossFitand I told you CrossFit 432.
I believe is the name of it.
Yes, um, and I enjoyed it.
I did the 5am class.
Um, they were all with the nice.
I even see some of themactually outside of the gym.

(05:22):
Um, we speak and hang out.
So if you're, looking for aCrossFit home, I would highly
recommend them.
Um, I don't know about theother classes they have and what
that environment is like, butyou know for sure the 5am um
bunch, even though it's early,always have good spirits, always
motivating um any good goodtrainers.

(05:43):
I think I'm slightly biased,but I mean I'm just like but
that's that.
So when you're ready to attackback into that, just let me know
for sure.
But wait, I have a question foryou.
Do you feel like with youstopping CrossFit and not having

(06:03):
that outlet or yeah, not havingthat outlet for your mental
health cause it made adifference?

Speaker 2 (06:09):
Do you feel?

Speaker 1 (06:09):
it, oh, a thousand percent.
I feel it not only in my bodybut my mind, like I have to let
my frustrations out elsewhere,and sometimes it's not good
cause my kid gets the brunt ofit, you know, or my coworkers
get the brunt of it.

Speaker 2 (06:23):
So yeah, it definitely takes a toll.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
Okay.
Okay, that's true, and I don'twork out, I just I like to sign
up.
I like to sign up for gym andmachines and I be like, oh, I go
tomorrow.
I think I went to to Hot Workslike twice, and I'm like this
too much for me, hot Works.
I'm just going to pray my honor.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
Hey, you had a heart, you had a heart.

Speaker 1 (06:50):
I was like that goes back to the first clip said this
morning when he used thedescription and how you want to
use it.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
I see how I went in there.

Speaker 1 (06:58):
I was back in HoKies.
Oh, you made the win, YB youmade that one, and then maybe
you'll actually be in Hot Works,but I didn't have Hot.
Works because, like I think,either I need like someone there
like physical or physical Cause, the whole cause.

Speaker 2 (07:14):
the screen was alive.

Speaker 1 (07:16):
It was overwhelming.
I was like, just shut up, likeyou're actually bothering me.
The bites were so close.
I liked the bites but we waslike touching arms and I don't
want you to sweat on me.

Speaker 2 (07:26):
I was like okay.

Speaker 1 (07:28):
I grew up with my friends, so it was just.
Luckily only three of us werein there when we did the bikes.
I don't know.
I have a cousin that goes toPilates.
I mean to Pilates.
She does the hot, the Pilatesat Hot Works, but I just like I
don't know, I know me, and thiswas maybe.
I was sitting there looking atthe TV and I did it.
So I'm like, put me on thetreadmill, I crunch, or put me

(07:52):
on CrossFit and let me just getyelled at.
It's easier, it's easier withsomeone telling you this is what
we're going to do.
This is a percentage, and youjust know, get in, get out and
get on with your life.
You know, I'm always late, soat Hot Works you had to be in
there on your bike when itstarted or, you like, in the
middle.
So you don't get the warm up,you just little play, just go,

(08:13):
go, go.

Speaker 2 (08:14):
How do they do?

Speaker 1 (08:15):
you usually do like a couple of minute warm up, yeah,
but you just go.
I don't want to work out, justrewind.
I just want to push rewind onwhen I didn't have a stomach and
I could look down.
Just try to look down.
No girl, I be seeing them onFacebook and I just be like God
bless them.

Speaker 2 (08:34):
But you don't know honestly with me, with this
being my first time doing it.

Speaker 1 (08:38):
It's not as bad as it looks like.
It is Okay.
It is some stuff You'd be like.
I have no clue what I'm doing.
It's tough yet.

Speaker 2 (08:45):
Cause I'm stuck.

Speaker 1 (08:47):
I can't like she was lifting up a weight this bad,
the size of my whole torso, yeahno you realize how much of a
beast like if you really justget out of your mind.
The song is just that, thefeeling.
But you got to get out of yourmind and just do it, yeah.

Speaker 2 (09:02):
Just do it and you'll be like what.

Speaker 1 (09:05):
You really discover how strong your body is and what
you're capable of and howresilient you are.

Speaker 2 (09:11):
It's all.
It probably helps mentally too.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
Oh, it does, it really does, cause it makes you
feel like I can just yeah, thatwas me at work, thinking I was
like it and I was like I can'tlift anything, but in my head I
was like yeah, I made you dosomething lifted.
You want me to make your movie,I'm like I'm going to make you

(09:41):
do whatever, but it is what itis Okay.
What advice would you give youryounger self?
To guard your heart and don'tdo it, girl.
That's what I would tell mysister.

Speaker 2 (09:51):
Don't do it girl.

Speaker 1 (09:53):
You know, they remember it right now, when they
had the I forgot what companyhad the GPS and they had Snoop
Dogg's voice on it.
I think it was like a Tom Tomor something.
Way back then when you say,don't do it, I can just hear you
See somebody doing something,your voice coming.
Don't do it girl, don't do it.
I was just thinking about it.
Don't do it, don't do it.

(10:13):
That would be good.

Speaker 2 (10:14):
Yeah, I think we could play our voice on there.
Depending on how I sound whenwe do play that Cause I don't
know how to sound.

Speaker 1 (10:20):
They say my voice is soothing, so I probably put some
people to sleep Cause, I don'tknow, they don't want that
behind the wheel.
Don't do it, girl.
Don't do it girl, ow Don't doit girl.
What?
Alright, what's your advice?
I would probably say know yourworth.
Know your worth.
A lot of our kids just don'trealize you know what they are,

(10:45):
what they have, what they'recapable of.
And me personally, you know Igot into some bad places because
I did not know my worth.
And now that I do, I can standup for myself and know this is
not what I'm going to accept andmove on and be okay with moving
on.
Yeah, that's good.

(11:06):
Oh my God, Knowing your worth,yeah.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
I'm like that, right there.

Speaker 1 (11:12):
It's like mind's on Okay, what is one important
event or moment in your lifethat has really shaped or made a
huge impact?
Wait, I don't know if I almostsaid that.
I did not say that.
Right, try that again, try thatagain.
What is one moment in your lifethat has made a huge impact on

(11:33):
you?
I would probably say becoming amother Back before I was
pregnant with her.
I got pregnant at 20, had herat 21.
So my phone was out the door,but I had a lot of fun prior to
getting pregnant with her.
So I would probably say mychild and getting pregnant with

(11:55):
her was probably what saved methe most.
I was on a path I thought itwas what's it called invincible.
I was smoking a lot of weed,doing drugs, trying other things
, drinking.
I mean, we lived in a partyhouse.
So we had a standoff with thepolice one time.

Speaker 2 (12:15):
Seriously, they did the whole.
Thing.

Speaker 1 (12:17):
Yes, and we didn't let them in.
They eventually left andeverybody else got caught, but
we stayed home, but I was on avery destructive path.
So I could say that probablychanged the trajectory of my
life.
It was good, I will say.

(12:43):
The moment that shaped my life,or the change or made a big
impact, was when I lost my mom,because before that you couldn't
tell Shiray nothing, because Ialready knew I had told Kev that
the day I think that I wouldliterally go to my mom before I
would pray, I would just be likemama, guess what?
Mama?

Speaker 2 (13:02):
I know, you know mommy how you did this.
So, mama, what you think and itwould just be that.

Speaker 1 (13:07):
And she was like I felt solid because she was there
and she was a single parent.
She didn't miss one step, notever.
And so I felt like I was securein everything I did.
She didn't.
And it wasn't like she was justdishing out money, it was just
I didn't worry about anythingBecause she was there.

(13:29):
I had not one care, not oneconcern.
I knew that I would always beokay because she was there.
So whenever I lost her, myprayer life became completely
solid, because I had to like,depend on and.
I've grown up in church forever,so I've been safe for a long
time, but not truly where I cansay that I really was solely
dependent on God for my safetyand my security and just my

(13:53):
well-being.
Until once she was gone it waslike okay, now you're gonna have
to live.
I had to learn how to breathe.
You know, she died in June of2016.
Yeah, so, and it feels likeyesterday, like I probably could
have cried, but she's like Idon't know.

(14:14):
She was everything.
And so to have to learn how tolive and take care of my kids
and figure out, mama, what I putin their hair if it does this,
like everything, what I seasonthis food with you know and so
to learn how to live and tolearn that I could live without
my mom being here was lifechanging.

(14:36):
I've literally grown arelationship with God where I
feel like Jesus is my homeboy.
You know, for real, I could beone of the same place, not the
one that snitched on me.
That's great, but yeah, I just.
It changed my walk, it changedmy life, it changed the way I

(14:59):
mothered, it changed the way itcaused me to grow.
I had to really grow up.
I still had a copy of my mom'sdebit card.
I had one with and it was in myname.
I was like an account holder,like I.
It was everything.
She was such a wonderful mama.
All of us were so spoiled andit was.
I was gonna say wait, it wasn'thow many of us.

Speaker 2 (15:21):
It wasn't just me and my sister Right.
That's what.

Speaker 1 (15:23):
All of us were all so spoiled, like every one of us,
and so she was a great mom.

Speaker 2 (15:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
So I guess let's kick it off.
This episode is talking abouttheir journey as mothers and
what that looks like for them.
So we're gonna just start off.
I wanna ask how has having amom that was such a huge
influence in your life?
How has that, I guess, shapedyou as a mother?

(15:52):
I'm very territorial when itcomes to my kids, and so even
when Landon and it's almost at adetriment, is that your, my 20
year old?
Okay, how many kids do you have?
Four, so I've Landon, who's 20,he just turned 20, lastly and
then Riley, she's 15, jasey's 12and Amaya's nine.
So I learned how to protectthem once she was gone you know

(16:17):
she was gone, but before that Iwas just like we'll live through
it and they'll be okay, cause Ijust tell my mom about it, you
know.
But it just taught me how tocare for people other than
myself better than I care formyself.
So it's almost, I guess, it'stwo sided, because she did care

(16:38):
for us more than she cared forherself, and so sometimes I do
that I'm guilty of it a lotwhere.
I will make sure they're goodbefore I make sure she raised
good, yeah.
So it's a few things.
I go hard for those kids.
I work 87 jobs to make surethey if.

(17:00):
Rodney sees some track shoes,jcb braces I will go to make
sure that they're okay.
And I was trying to do better,like there's never a moment that
I don't feel like I can dobetter than what I did before.
So, yeah, I think we're just sohard on ourselves.
I agree.
I think you probably even go tosleep at night questioning

(17:23):
yourself as a mother, like did Ido enough?
Did I say enough?
Was I reassuring enough?
You know anything like makingsure you got everything squared
for the morning.
You know, and if I feel like Iwas too hard on somebody before
they went to bed, I always makeit right, but then I'll go in
there and lay with them.
And like you, know to like makesure they're good.

(17:45):
Well kudos to you, girlfriend.
I just let me tap the mic.
I need to make this so we haveparents listening, Cause I feel
like a lot of times I think Ikind of got some apologies for
my mom once I was in Louisiana,so I had to be like 18.
So where it was like, hey, I'msorry.
I feel like a lot of parentsdon't feel like it's necessary

(18:07):
to apologize to their kids.
Yeah, I just like a lot oftimes we forget, just in general
, about their people.
Yes, little people, but they'repeople, but we're growing them
into these adults who will thenbe angry and won't feel like
they deserve to be apologized toLike they deserve to be treated
like that.
So then that's like that goesback to our self-worth and how

(18:29):
we feel like stuff should be.
And if your mama is holleringand screaming and she doesn't
ever come back and say, hey,homie, let's talk about this.

Speaker 2 (18:37):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (18:38):
And I don't call them homie, but I say that a lot.
But cause they're not myfriends, I tell them Roddy was
like Meet your little friend, ohno.

Speaker 2 (18:45):
I'm not her friend.

Speaker 1 (18:46):
She was like we should get this best friend
raised in like her charm and Iwas like no, we'll get it when
you get grown, cause I'm not herbest friend.
Not right now, I'm not her, no,no, but when I became my mom's
best friend, but once I was anadult I got whoopens.
I probably only got two in mylife, cause I learned I watched
she like being, I'm like, I justraised the eyebrow.

(19:07):
That's fine, Don't worry aboutit.
But I do tell them I'm nottheir friend.
I will listen and I'll listenand listen.
We can talk about anything but,I'm not that friend Because
sometimes we disrespect ourfriends and I work too hard to
be disrespected.
You don't get to cross that.

Speaker 2 (19:24):
Disrespect your mama line, that's good yeah, so we
can't be friends?
No, I never thought of it likethat.
But you have to go point Causeyou're a teacher, kids, you
sometimes do disrespect yourfriends, and I may not even
always be on purpose.

Speaker 1 (19:37):
It's not on purpose but sometimes you offend them in
ways that you feel like it'sokay because they're your
friends, and then, oh, they'llunderstand.
They're just my friend.
No, don't cross that line withme, cause I'm your mom.

Speaker 2 (19:48):
Period.

Speaker 1 (19:49):
Period yeah, so we do that, we have.
So I'll get her that charm,probably when she get married or
something Cause he can't go bedwith her Cause.
I have Cause.
He's pretty and I still have noway, but she can be like mom.
What is this?
Happy marriage?
I don't know what's the way yousay it.

(20:09):
She wants to do it.
Here it is.
I'm just saying for thegracious.
So is there one person in yourlife that has, like, shaped the
way you've mothered or been your?
I guess it's inspirationagainst your own heart, I don't.
I don't.
I feel like I have to grow tobe mothering and nurturing,
growing up.
My parents were divorced at avery young age I was five.

(20:33):
It was very tragic and I feellike they did the best they
could with what they had, and Ithink a lot of us.
As an adult, we have to givethem that grace.
Because our parents raised usthe best they knew how, but I

(20:53):
mean my mom, she, she.
I wouldn't say in total, but Ithink that you know I had to
teach myself a lot of stuff.
So I mean I can't say yes, butI can't say no, so like maybe.
I learned a lot, but has therebeen a person?
I can think of a couple, whichis probably not good, but of

(21:15):
women that I've been around andI've seen them with their kids
and I'm like if the Lord everallows me to have kids.
we not operating that way.
So I've ever seen stuff whereyou'd be like sis, let me help
you, cause dad don't look good,or maybe even have people, maybe
even before you even had kids,when you were like, mm-mm, I
don't like the way this looks.

Speaker 2 (21:36):
I will say yes, it does.

Speaker 1 (21:38):
And this is crazy because when I started getting
my life together.
I saw my sister mother a certainway and I was like that ain't
gonna be me, like my kid's gonnahave a stable home, my kid's
gonna have, you know, everythingshe needs and in reason you
know.
But I guess I could say herlike she showed me what I didn't

(22:00):
wanna be.
So I mean that helped along theway as well.
I worked at Daycare Warbeck andit was like the best day carry
ever.
But anyway, shout out to numberone.
We can learn and center inMid-Tex.

Speaker 2 (22:16):
Woo Woo.

Speaker 1 (22:18):
But she read like a tight ship.
She loved those kids and so shegroomed all of her teachers to
love kids also.
So whenever you would see aparent come in, you'd be like I
know she didn't, and that babyain't got this, I know she
didn't.
And so before you had kids, itwould be easy to say, to put
that judgment hat on and saywhat you won't do.

(22:40):
But, baby, I have learned,Because I have a 20 year old and
I have a nine year old, and sothe two in between, aye, but
that older one, the lensing has.
Like as long as he was under myarm and I could make him do
what he was supposed to do, hewas right in line.
But now that he's older it'slike I have to, like, you know,

(23:03):
let my arms go, let my hands goand allow him to grow.
So my judgment hat got burnt upa long time ago Because I never
.
If someone came in and told mehow to parent and they didn't
really understand the entiresituation, I would be angry.
You couldn't tell me how to bea mom.
You may could suggest somethings Now as a mama.

Speaker 2 (23:26):
We don't really listen.
We'd be like, girl, you don'tknow my baby you know you don't
understand the question.

Speaker 1 (23:30):
Yeah, so we have some .
There's some truth there, causeI guess that we, each kid and
each mother, are different.
It's different.

Speaker 2 (23:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (23:39):
And what you see on the outside.
It really ain't that.
Cause sometimes Riley will beupset and she can sleepy.

Speaker 2 (23:46):
Or she hungry.

Speaker 1 (23:47):
Yeah, cause she can sleepy, hungry.
She be mad as a mother too.
Yeah, I like that.
I heard somebody say to one dayyou're so beautiful, Like they
were trying to mother it and Ihad to follow my mom's up and
say I didn't let them talk.
She mad just cause she sleepy,hungry.
But so on the outside it's easyto think things about a parent

(24:10):
on the outside looking in, butif you don't know, you really
don't know.

Speaker 2 (24:13):
So I try not to judge parents Cause I can't.

Speaker 1 (24:16):
I don't really have a parent seat to put you in.

Speaker 2 (24:19):
Now I can you can ask me all day hey, sheree, what
did you do?

Speaker 1 (24:23):
This?
What I did, but I don't, Idon't really have any judgment.
Coming from the daycare lifewhere I was like, oh sorry, mama
, and then now growing up andbeing a parent, I just I took
that off.
Well, let me just remove my,but I still.

Speaker 2 (24:38):
I still like cause sometimes, like sometimes that's
when you have to step back andbe like okay, Let me take.

Speaker 1 (24:46):
let me take the judgment Now.
If I do see a child that looksabused, I'm telling on you I
ain't gonna let you make it.

Speaker 2 (24:53):
I ain't gonna let you baby have no black eyes and no
bite marks.
I'm telling on you.

Speaker 1 (24:57):
Or no, cigarette burns, not a cigarette burns.

Speaker 2 (25:00):
I'm just, I'm just playing.

Speaker 1 (25:01):
I was like wait, I've never seen a kid with cigarette
burns.
But I'm just saying, if I seelike something on that level,
then I'm happy.
I have to say something.
Oh, yeah, in Texas you have tosay something.
Yeah, I have to say something.
But other than that baby you doyou?
There's other people thatyou're raising.
But you can honestly say you'renot the same parent to land in.

(25:23):
No that you are to Riley, nothat you are to JC, that you are
to my.
Every kid has a specific motherinside.
Every kid is different.
Yeah, yeah, they're alldifferent.
So is that challenging?
It is challenging because youdon't ever want anybody to be
like she's mama's favorite.
Y'all have favorite, she'smama's favorite.
I think you mamas do havefavorites, I don't have a

(25:46):
favorite?
Yes, so let me tell you, I usedto be like man.
You know, that's my number oneson.
He was the only boy.
You know what I'm saying youcouldn't say that, so I could be
like that's my number one son.
Well, someone came to me andwas like he's your only son, but
why not not make him yourfavorite?
Uh-oh, sit down, clown, butthis is not my favorite.

Speaker 2 (26:06):
But there are days.

Speaker 1 (26:08):
He's not my favorite.
There are days that are easier.
Take a bite in your house.
There are days that are easierwith each child, I think Amaya.
At the time she requires themost attention and a lot of
stuff.
But I do feel like Jaycee I'mleaning more towards Jaycee

(26:32):
needing me more because I don'twant her to feel unnoticed and
like she disappears in theshadow of landing not being
there and me stressing overlanding not being there and
Riley running track and thenAmaya playing with slime.
I mean you know so slick I haveto make sure that's your life.
That's my life girl.

(26:53):
I have some brand new Bath BodyWorks, lotion and.

Speaker 2 (26:56):
I get to smell it.

Speaker 1 (26:58):
I ain't got no candles on.
Oh, who sent my lotion?
And it's Maya.
She and her whipping up someslime.
They just smell so lovely, butshe's poor that I have a and I
don't get the one that come inthe little lotion, I get the
shade butter one, did you?

Speaker 2 (27:13):
Oh, really yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:15):
Now I get it when they on sale, but I don't care
the price tag she was like$1,195.
It don't matter that I got itwhen they was $5.95.

Speaker 2 (27:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:23):
But yeah, Maya's the, she's that one.
So then I just don't wantJaycee to feel like she's doing
a disappearing act.

Speaker 2 (27:30):
So it's hard to juggle it but.
I thank God for it.

Speaker 1 (27:34):
Cause some people don't have kids, and so Cliff
had said something the other dayand he was saying that that's
our greatest reward, and I juststarted like looking at them and
one day.
I couldn't see, cause mycontacts had torn and I couldn't
see anything.
I couldn't see nothing, and Iwas thinking how devastating my

(27:55):
life will be to not see them,and so I have to treat them like
their God's gifts to me.
So I pray every day for myself,as a mama, that I'll be a good
student over them.
Do I lose my temper?
Absolutely.
I have an attitude and I prayfor myself, but I do.
And I see myself show up in eachone of them, every one of them,

(28:17):
and it'd be like a whole slapand I just sometimes be like.
I bet my mama just laughinglike girl.
And it's true, Cause you doyour kids, they turn out just
like you, it's a mirror.
It is.

Speaker 2 (28:30):
So I think that gives you like a motivation to kind
of raise yourself, but in adifferent way.

Speaker 1 (28:36):
But when they turn teens, it's over Like they push
back and let me just saytoddlers over teens Toddlers
over teens All day, it's like oh, they're so cute, they're so
cute.
When they grow up, you be likewho is your daddy?
You pray over them even more.
You get to just thinkin' whatwas I doing when I was 14?

(28:57):
I wasn't like that.
Let me call your dad is mommaand see what you was doing,
because it wasn't me, because Iwas scared to get in trouble.
Yeah, that's still me.
I was that person.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you make you bleed twice, ok, but help.
So one thing that your motherduring, I guess, having come is.

(29:23):
Currently you're under bothsingle mothers.

Speaker 2 (29:26):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (29:28):
Outside of just, I guess, normal motherhood.
What's the extra challenge?
Or, yeah, what's the extrachallenge With you guys being
single mothers?
Oh, I could go on for days.
Yeah, me too.
You have to be.
This is the biggest thing.
They say you have to be the momand the dad, and you really do,
which I don't take away from afather at all.

Speaker 2 (29:49):
But the mother is a nurturing the father is
basically the disciplinary.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
He's the lead of the family.
So when you have to take onboth roles, they get confused.
Like which one am I going toget?
So it's like Dr Jekyll, mr Hyde, because you have to do both of
those roles you have to benurturing and you also have to
be a disciplinarian, andsometimes it just gets messy.
I think that's the biggestthing not having help or not

(30:16):
having a stern hand so that theycould be there and they could
discipline and you could nurturethem a little more.
Because, as women, that's ourrole.
You don't have a relief.
No at all.

Speaker 2 (30:29):
You have no backup.

Speaker 1 (30:31):
There's no backup quarterback coming to relief.
You.
You break your ankle, oh well,and that did happen to me, and
my baby was my St and Graves.
So it's tough, you don't havenobody to tap in.
It's a constant go, go, go.
No sleep, I mean, I only haveone.

Speaker 2 (30:48):
So I always 13.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
She's 13.
So I only have one.
So I see people with multiplesand sometimes I fall short just
having one.
So I can't imagine havingmultiples.

Speaker 2 (31:01):
So I think that's the biggest thing.

Speaker 1 (31:03):
They can see my great edges.
I can name them.
This one probably my, if it'snot laid down by the edge
control.
It's not laid down.
No, it is a juggling act.
It's hard Because you don'thave a wind down time by the
time I get to where most parentswill be like oh.

(31:25):
I put them in bed at night andthen I go and I do my classwork
and I have this time.
By the time I get home fromworking all day from.
I'm like a whole taxi driver.
Just put a Uber stick on my carbecause I go everywhere About
forever.

Speaker 2 (31:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (31:40):
And it's busy, and so by the time we get home and
then I cook and then I end upwashing the dishes, because I've
already fussed and said get thedishes washed and it's taking
them too long, and then it'stime to go to bed, but then I'm
washing dishes, they'reshowering and getting ready and
then I'm sleeping, so then Ihave classwork.
That's behind.

Speaker 2 (32:01):
You're in school too, yeah what are you in school for
?

Speaker 1 (32:03):
My major is psychology and my mind is
communication, so what do youthink?

Speaker 2 (32:08):
I just want to know are y'all?

Speaker 1 (32:09):
opening up something together.
This is a whole cycle.
Maybe I know.

Speaker 2 (32:13):
I know Come on, come on y'all, come on.
You know, I don't even know.
Ok, good luck, I'm just goingto wait.

Speaker 1 (32:20):
Hold on those two, we don't know we don't know what
you're going to do Exactly, soI'm just going to sit and watch.
Yes.

Speaker 2 (32:25):
OK, I'm done for that .

Speaker 1 (32:26):
Yeah, but it's tough.
And so then my psychology booksand papers and stuff I have to
write.
Sometimes they slap me in theface Because then I see moments
where I'm like dang, I did thatwrong.

Speaker 2 (32:37):
Yes, that was wrong.
Yeah, it is.

Speaker 1 (32:39):
And I think that's good for us to see, because we
need to be corrected too, youknow.
And back to the apologizingchart kids, we need to open up
that line of communicationtogether and have that, and then
that's it.
Yeah, like with us not havingthe extra person or the extra
support there to say, hey, thatwas wrong.
Then sometimes you feel likeyou're right until it just slaps

(33:03):
you in the face and the wholespirit got taken from you.

Speaker 2 (33:05):
Yes, yes, sometimes we don't want to.

Speaker 1 (33:08):
That's not good, but I understand that For sure.
And I was always adisciplinarian with whenever
their dad was in our home.
It was me Because he just waslike easy breezy Because he's
starting trouble.
So he's like, let me, let himdo what they want to, because I
got to have at least the kids onmy side.

(33:28):
Toad, I used to be the same wayLater on his dad, I would be
like you better go spank her.
And he would get the bell andjust smack like, slap it.
You know when your parentswould scare you like that, he
would do like that.
She would just be like ow, ow.
So they had a littlecahootaline I mean a knock
cahootaline dad, a littlecahoot's going there Like this

(33:49):
is what we're going to do, andshe would be Disney channel.
Yeah, straight up.
I had to tell my girls this isnot Disney Picture face, because
this sometimes be fake, becausethey don't want to get in
trouble.
One day I caught my issues.
She was supposed to be brushingher teeth.
She's in the mirror and she'slike oh, but she's trying to get

(34:12):
her crying.
So then me and Jaycee and Rileyare standing outside the door
and we're killing ourselves.

Speaker 2 (34:18):
And she was so angry when she turned around.

Speaker 1 (34:20):
This time it's because she was trying to pour
it on.
She was like sitting the stage.
I'm just going to cry.
She didn't want to go to school.
Nine Lord, she would have beenfirst, she would have been last.
I ain't playing.
Yeah, am I in tough?
Yes, yeah, she tough, she sweetas pie, though.

Speaker 2 (34:40):
Oh, she is.

Speaker 1 (34:41):
She's sweet as pie, she's the sweetest, she'll give
you all the hugs and the kisses,but girl, no, that's
interesting.
Ok.
So one of my questions.
I told you guys it was awful,what was I recording?
So, as far as being single,being a mother, and then what

(35:05):
does it look like for you guysdating-wise?
It's ghetto out here in thestreets.
It's ghetto out here.
It's so ghetto.
It is ghetto out here.

Speaker 2 (35:15):
No.

Speaker 1 (35:16):
There's a like Mm-mm.

Speaker 2 (35:20):
I got a roster.

Speaker 1 (35:22):
You got a roster, I got a roster.
So I mean, I think maybe itcame in two.
I don't think I got a roster.
I don't think I got a roster,not a five.

Speaker 2 (35:30):
Let's start with two.
Let's start with two.

Speaker 1 (35:33):
I mean, this is the first time that I started dating
In almost two years, I think.
I've been separated for almosttwo years so, and before, I've
only had about three seriousrelationships in my life.
I'm fairly in, you know, 35.
Thank you, 35.

(35:54):
But, yeah, I mean, but it isghetto out here Like you have.
People don't get on the datingsite because all they want is
sex.
And then they kind of lookweird, because somebody was like
you need to get on this when Iwent under and I was like they
look like just predominant.

Speaker 2 (36:09):
Which one's have you done?

Speaker 1 (36:10):
So in my single life and I did online dating, I did
Black people meet BumbleFacebook dates.
Let me put these down.
I did Facebook dates and theywas weird.

Speaker 2 (36:23):
They do look weird, like I didn't ever see nobody
look Facebook dates.

Speaker 1 (36:27):
I was saying Bumble was fun, because Bumble is the
one where you have to pay forthat one right.
No, you have to breathe, that'sthe one where, like if you like
the guy and the guy likes you,if you don't reach out to the
guy y'all will never talk, sothat way your inbox is not full.
Yeah, it's just foolish, so Ilike that one.

Speaker 2 (36:46):
Yeah, you can set the tone for what you want.

Speaker 1 (36:49):
So like, if you really like them, send them a
little cute, you know, a littlecute message, a little funny
joke, and you can get it started, like get it popping.
But don't get on Tinder.
Don't get on Facebook.
That was weird.
On Tinder, yeah, I was like Iwas about to get stopped and I
was on there for two days and Ihad to go and like make sure I

(37:12):
was up.
Just don't get catfished on thedate.
Well, they all that's what Isaid.
I'm like I've got catfished somany times.

Speaker 2 (37:19):
And maybe I was just catfished, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (37:23):
I just want to meet somebody like the old fashioned
way.

Speaker 2 (37:25):
Me too.

Speaker 1 (37:27):
Like I feel like it's almost embarrassing to do a
dating website, like I feel likeI'm desperate, but I was
married for like a long time.
How old were you I?

Speaker 2 (37:37):
was just.

Speaker 1 (37:38):
J 12.
So we were married, we just gotdivorced, Let me get divorced
friend.

Speaker 2 (37:43):
I tried to forget it.
This year Wasn't it this year?

Speaker 1 (37:46):
What is it 2023?
It was final Like my birthday,because I was like happy
birthday to you girl.
Yes, it was final on mybirthday, but we have been
separated since 2019.
Oh wow, how old was J in 2019?

Speaker 2 (38:01):
She's total.
Now I'm living in 9th.

Speaker 1 (38:05):
We were married 9 years.
You did meet me, I did, I think.

Speaker 2 (38:09):
I did for it.

Speaker 1 (38:11):
When I married at 22 divorce they were like 28.
But I was already married.
I think we were separated abouta year or so.
I don't know if that map addsup, but I was young and so fine.
I was like how old is man?
That's still so many years ofmy life.

Speaker 2 (38:24):
How old?

Speaker 1 (38:25):
I think we got married I was 24.
I've been doing 22.
No, I wasn't 24.
We met when I was 24.
Because I had landed when I was21.
You can tell me nothing?
Pop it.
I don't know what marriage islike.
You know what, honestly, Iloved being married.

(38:49):
It was just the extra stuffthat I stayed so long and I
tried to fight for that marriagefor a so long friend.
I tried everything.
I was like, let's go tocounseling.
Nope, I literally triedeverything but it was like them.
Drugs and alcohol was so much,it was more than me and those
kids and God could ever be forthem.

(39:09):
So it didn't work.
But I stayed and I literallyfeel like as a parent I really
tormented myself and my kidsbecause I drug them along in
that mess.
Well, I think you see it as aholy matrimony.
Yeah.
So I did take it seriously, Iwas like I literally want to

(39:32):
honor this promise that I madebefore God.
But yeah, I don't know as faras dating knows.
Get up, you haven't met nobody.
I haven't met nobody.
My sister used to tell me Kathy, how are you going to meet
someone if you don't go out?
I just tell them, the Lord'sgoing to send them the land home

(39:54):
.

Speaker 2 (39:54):
I just don't have to see them at church.
He's in a fire.

Speaker 1 (39:57):
I'm like, yeah, I don't know single section.
I do have a funny story, though, about one of the guys I'm
talking to currently.
We do have a funny story atchurch.
So he goes to the church and itmight not be as hilarious
because you had to have beenthere, but you know Clarissa
Billy's life.

Speaker 2 (40:18):
Yeah, you can ask her .
It was hilarious, but one ofthe guys that I'm talking to
currently.

Speaker 1 (40:23):
He went to church about a year ago and we were
doing an impromptu praise, soeverybody's going back to their
seat.
I'm like gathering my stuff onthe seat right and I know this
isn't video, but you know me, Ihave a big behind so I'm
gathering my stuff on the seatand I step back, I step on this

(40:44):
man's whole big toe, back himinto the wall Like I'm laying
there.
Oh God, oh God.
I was so mortified.
He was like wait, wait, wait.
He looked me in my eye anddidn't say nothing.
He's like you're OK.
I'm like I'm so sorry.
And that was that.

(41:04):
I went after service toapologize to him, to check it
and see if his toe was notbroken, and he gave me a hand
shake and he said no.

Speaker 2 (41:15):
I'm good, that was good.

Speaker 1 (41:16):
Like I'm all right.
He said it's an anointed step.
So yeah, he said it wasanointed.

Speaker 2 (41:24):
Yeah, that's what he told me.
He told me you're booty free?

Speaker 1 (41:26):
Yeah, probably Probably.
He comes out and says anointed.
He said God has blessed us Allof you.
He said, hallelujah, he'sputting down my toe.
Thank you guys, thank you,hallelujah, he's worthy.
So I mean that's like a cutestory that we can just bring up.
You know, at the wedding, yes,and maybe, who knows, you never

(41:49):
know, we're at the.
You know, just talking stuffhe's on the rough.
Yeah, he's on the rough.
He got some points on there.
Yeah, put a cute story.
That's cute.
That's extra points.
You gotta have a cute story.
I know, yeah, does he have kids?
He does not.
He does not have any kids.
So as far as wanting kids, Idon't believe he does.

Speaker 2 (42:10):
I mean do he want more kids?

Speaker 1 (42:11):
I don't know.
I always say if God wants tobless me and bless me, I would
definitely be a completelydifferent mom than what I was to
my first born.
Yeah, let's definitely you wantmore kids, oh, no, no, I'll be
your baby Godmother, yeah, yeah.
You see, I'm a totallydifferent Person to press, then
I guess presents like my G baby.

(42:33):
That's my G.
This is my brother in Jess'sbaby.
Yeah, yeah, baby, she gots mywhole this I can't say my whole
eye, cuz of my my ear that shemight be mad, but she got, like
you know, look, one of just.
She came to nothing wrong.
She's so cute she can't donothing wrong and so, yeah,

(42:54):
she'll be to a November.
Oh yeah, oh yeah, she is sweet.
Okay, yeah, but I'm not datingbut I do.
I do, um, I want to date.
Like I miss being at home, likeNetflixing on the couch, and
like I like being married.
I love being married.
Can I ask you a question?

(43:15):
Ask me how, um, how long wouldyou wait to introduce your kids
to somebody?
Oh, oh see, that's my thingbecause they're girls.
So then it gives me pause, youknow, whenever someone may want
to meet them too early, or forit to, it makes my heart be fast
to think about Having the girlslike around somebody.

(43:38):
You know, it makes me nervous.
I don't want to say anxious,because I it's not that far, but
I don't know.
I don't know how I would haveto know, like For sure, for sure
but then I guess, you can'treally know.

Speaker 2 (43:51):
And so sure for sure, because and they're hard crowd
and they baby.

Speaker 1 (43:57):
They are hard crowd, that is my kids can't be
uncomfortable, because I'velived there before yeah, and so
I can't.
I can't compromise Because I'mtheir steward, so I always have
to take that into, because ifthey nice to be here, I I you
know for real, though was overthere, oh, and so I just um, it

(44:25):
would have to be someone who wassafe with kids.
I literally would do it sodifferent this time.

Speaker 2 (44:29):
They'd be like who she?
Is they happy?

Speaker 1 (44:32):
Because I'd be like hey, you can check my background
, but I gotta check yours too,like it would have to be some
deep, some thorough kind ofstuff.
Yeah you know, because they're,even if, if Landon was still
there.
They're kids, you know whichletting wrong, so you don't
count, but their girls and so,um, I Just don't want them to be
safe and for it to be a safeand healthy relationship for me

(44:54):
and for them.

Speaker 2 (44:55):
I agree, but I don't want to my kids.

Speaker 1 (44:57):
now he can have kids to that way it wouldn't seem
one-sided.
I don't know I'm so, I wouldn'tmind it, but at the same time
I'm just like, yeah, how wouldyour baby do though?
She does good with JC, see, andthat's one thing.
That too like I don't thinkthat I would ever be serious

(45:20):
with someone Move in and have alife until she's out of my house
because she can say she's goodall day.
Yeah, but when something gets myattention taken away from her
because she is an only child andshe very much has only child
syndrome.

Speaker 2 (45:34):
She gets jealous because she gets my kids that
only child syndrome.
They act like they're becauseyou're like your mom and useful.

Speaker 1 (45:42):
Each and every one of them.
All act like they're the onlychild.
You thought I was an only childat first time.
And then I'm sitting and I'mlike wait, I remember sitting at
the house and it was like yeah,yeah.
The horseman was missing.
I'm like they are on the childsyndrome.
Yeah, thank you, but I don'tknow that I think I would say

(46:06):
would be a good record.
Not to say that I want to put mychild in front of a
relationship because, you know,I just if she was uncomfortable,
most definitely, um, we wouldprobably explore it if I was
already too far into it.
And if she says so because kidsare the best, oh, they know my
readers like they'll be, likemm-hmm, such as such, as, such

(46:29):
as such, as the church, and thatshe, they will read their
rights like kids or they knowbefore you know, so yeah, I
would have a mistake that ifit's really ordained by god, I
think that he'll prepare it.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
A thousand, you know.

Speaker 1 (46:42):
I think, that if we don't, rush it, and I've just
got to speak to myself because Ireally want to be.

Speaker 2 (46:47):
I want to be married.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
I want to be a whole life.

Speaker 2 (46:51):
I see, I don't know what that's like it's amazing.
I'm good yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:55):
The first Six months to a year was amazing.
Yeah, and we're straight downhere from there.
Yeah, no, and I have the samedesire she has once being
married.
It's like I think now you canprobably like assess of this,
but I think now, looking at it,I know um how important it is to
pick the right part right, yeah, right, how it is like I tell

(47:17):
people, at time I felt a lot ofthe reasons why people get
divorced if those red flags thatwere there before absolutely
ignored it.

Speaker 2 (47:23):
And all of a sudden there's something to where you
can't ignore.

Speaker 1 (47:26):
I know that for that being my own situation.
Those little things were likedang, this, we have the bad day,
but it just kept happening.

Speaker 2 (47:33):
Can't have that make bad day.
You didn't have that, it justthis character, and I know
that's like in you.
Yes, and I ignored it, andthat's what this is.

Speaker 1 (47:39):
Somebody to be reading the bible, hallelujah
Lord.
We're all know I can do allthings through Christ to
strengthen its marriage.
Just because they read likethat, that don't mean they say
well, what if Pastor Pierce saythe never went to church?

Speaker 2 (48:00):
Baby, he didn't write to church, your head also
starts leaving us.
Uh-huh, and I think, if youknow it's okay.

Speaker 1 (48:05):
I would lose.
I think you know too like youdo know people.
People want to ignore it and,and it's just because the toxic
is, sometimes it bangs the best.

Speaker 2 (48:15):
I'm not gonna lie to you.
That's what it says.

Speaker 1 (48:18):
It's like what do the people think?
What will they think?
Because I had landed before.
Um, I'm in my husband's, soit's like my husband, boy, don't
do that, because I already toldyou y'all, we're clean.
I don't care how right you makehim, don't that bring him back
around?
But I think that it for me itwas like even on the wedding day

(48:39):
I was still like I don't wantto marry him Really.

Speaker 2 (48:48):
I didn't want to, I did.

Speaker 1 (48:49):
He came and asked me he's like hey, you ready for
this, like you want to getmarried?
I don't know, let's just go,let's just go.
And if I would have probablystopped in process I'd have been
like wait, what?
Yeah, and it's just when youget there, it's like you're so
like what will happen.
What will these people in thisroom think?
And they're not evenconsidering.
Those people went home and theylive in a everyday life.
I'll never have been tormented,never having to go through

(49:12):
those things that you and yourkids have to go through, just by
me saying, by me settling andit was more than a settle baby,
that was a lie down and die.
That was like you didn't justsettle baby, you just said just
go lay down somewhere.
You know, I didn't want to doit.
I did it and I.
It took everything in me for menot to take because I had to do
.
So.
My mama and I just wanted totell her so bad, I was just like

(49:34):
I'm saying my mom's scared,like my mom's scared.
And she was just like what's up?
And I was pregnant with jaycee.
I had linden already, then Ihad Riley.
I was pregnant with jaycee andI just came saying my mom, I
don't know, I'm scared, and Iwas just like I don't know if
he's gonna do the right thing.
And she was like he's good,he's good.
And it was like I think it wasmore hurting I wanted to Still

(49:57):
be embarrassed too, you know andthen me, like Three whole
babies and they got one of usman, Even though the girls had
the same dad.
That was like a thing.
You know, like I don't wantbaby daddy, but he's crazy too.
You know, like it was.
It was a thing, so I didn'twant to do it.
Yeah, my advice to you justwhen it comes to that point I

(50:21):
think if you just Trust God andreally listen to all this there,
make sure you're in tune andyou can hear it, and I promise
you you'll know, you'll know andI knew, yeah, like I'm, you
know, and my marriage.
Let me tell you how God triedto get me out of it.
My marriage license wasn't evensigned, I still could have got
at that, even like months later.

(50:43):
Um, and it was like mychildhood pastor, um, from like
the first church that I everwent to pastor.
Campbell called him, was likeUm, he had called my mom and
told my mama that her marriagelicense isn't even signed.
They really not married andthey laughed like made like a
joke and I was thinking, justsay something.

Speaker 2 (51:02):
But I didn't do it and it was like that was like my
way of escape and I was tellingmy girls that when you're
tempted, god I just provides away of escape.

Speaker 1 (51:09):
I tell them that all the time it's like I can tell
them something and didn't takemy own advice because I should
have ran fast, but yeah.

Speaker 2 (51:20):
I said okay.

Speaker 1 (51:21):
Well, no, I tried, she wanted to be done.
Okay, Dummy, go on up.

Speaker 2 (51:25):
You want to go to the playground?

Speaker 1 (51:27):
with wax and glass underneath your feet.
Go on up Wax and glass, allright.
So how has your faith impactedyour motherhood, man?
It's a daily prayer walk.
Yes, yeah, we most recentlystarted going back to church.
I was raised in Catholic Church.

(51:49):
I thought about it and I'm likemy kids should just know.
My kids should just know faith,but if I'm not teaching her, she
doesn't have youth pastors, shedoesn't have a support system.
You know how's she going tojust know?
Yeah, so we most recentlystarted going back to church and
my daughter experienced sometraumatic things in the last few

(52:11):
years and with God, man, he'sturned her around into a whole
other girl.
She started baptized recently,right, yeah, she got re-baptized
Because the first time I thinkshe just did it because
everybody's doing it.
This time she kind of steppedout in her own faith and was
like this is what I'm going todo and I'm standing by it.

(52:32):
And she understood it a lotmore.
But God has definitely grown ourrelationship together
tremendously.
I feel like if she had anythinggoing on as far as score her
faith, even she could come to me.
So it's been a big, big, bigchange and it's been nothing but

(52:55):
good.
Yeah, all I can say is praiseGod.
Yeah, I think that my faith hasbeen tested a little bit with
Lendon being an adult and mehaving an adult child, because
I'm like a worried mama, I'mthat helicopter mama where I'm
like mm-mm.
Not my kid, uh, not my kid, andso always having been their

(53:21):
protector and never allowing Godto really step in and mold and
do the things that he does.
I think that I've hinderedLendon a lot, and so now I
literally pray for him.

Speaker 2 (53:35):
I don't worry about him anymore.

Speaker 1 (53:36):
There were days that my stomach would hurt when he
left and I was like sick, Iwouldn't talk, I wouldn't.
I was at work with attitude, Ijust I, just the girls.
But the girls would be soworried and I had to tell them
we got to give it to.

Speaker 2 (53:50):
God, but they were just worried because they felt
me worried.

Speaker 1 (53:52):
And so I released it.
I gave it to God.
Lendon calls me probably threetimes a week just to be like
what child do you mama?
And that wasn't what he wasdoing at first.
At first he was like he just alittle worried.
Jesus Lord, we're gonna get outof here, you know, but Does he
live in town or still.
Uh-huh, you know, that's thethought we live in it.
Yeah, I know we don't get outthere, but anyway, come to the

(54:15):
good side.
I'm trying to bring her here I'mcoming, I'm coming, and so I
think that it's become a faith.
I've had to trust God with mykids.
There's things that, like, wecan say all day we trust God,
but when it's the things thatmean the most, it's hard to say
I relinquish control and I giveit to you, like I trust you with

(54:37):
them, and so I have to say thatevery day.
Every time there's someonethat's calling me and
threatening me with some guns, Igot to say, god, I'm a cry.
I'm a cry through it, but Itrust you.
I trust that she's gonna beokay.
Whenever they call and saysomebody got a gun, it's fine.
Okay, god, I'm gonna give it toyou, I'm gonna trust you.

(54:57):
Middle school, yeah, middleschool.
And then Myla is the last one.
They ain't saying it in Myla,but when Maya talks about her
teachers being mean, I had tojust say Myla, you're just gonna
pray.
Maybe she was having a bad day,and so just, it's the faith
walk.
They're girls and they'refeeling to be everywhere, just

(55:18):
like mine, and so I have to tryto make sure that I don't drop
them or break something, or forme to be the one that breaks
their heart, because I alwaystell them guard your heart.
They deal with a lot of painand a lot of things because
they're dad, and so for him tobe there from the beginning and
then now he's like absolutelynonexistent.

(55:39):
They cry a lot and they'll seelike their friends with their
dad and it breaks their hearts.
They'll cry and I don'tunderstand that my dad wasn't in
my life and when I was, I thinkI was maybe 12 or 13 because I
started working with the youthat church and we will work like
the middle has a chef sittingwhere we go work the college

(56:02):
games or sell stuff.
Well, my dad came through and hehad, like he didn't know who I
was and I tell you I look justlike him, just with her.
And he came and got someskittles and he was like, and
give me my change back.
And he was so ugly that I justremember like it felt like
something was like heavy on mychest, like I couldn't wait to

(56:24):
turn around and go and call mymom.
We didn't have cell phones inbut.
I when I tell you, I went tothat payphone to spend my 50
cents to call my mom, but itbroke my heart and I let go.
So something will hurt me and Ilet it go.
I don't ever visit it again.
And so now my dad will want arelationship and I can't feel it

(56:45):
in my heart.
I can't feel it.
I've even prayed like I want tohave a relationship, but I
believe that it's so unhealthythat God protects me from it.
And so I told my girls that too, there's some things God
protects us from, and we don'teven understand why.
We don't understand the hurtthat comes from God protecting
us.
But later in life we were backin the day at church.

(57:06):
They were singing a song.
You understand it better by andby.

Speaker 2 (57:09):
I never got it by and by.

Speaker 1 (57:14):
But, now things are starting to unfold in my mama
eyes, you know, like in my mamaheart, and then like how I raise
them and things that I try tokeep them from.
It's not affordable, it is, andif I could shield them from
every single ounce of hurt thatthey receive from that, I would.

Speaker 2 (57:35):
But I can't make it up, I can't make up for it.

Speaker 1 (57:37):
I can give them everything they want.
And they will still say did yousee them on a mama, daughter,
daddy day?
And I can speak from a child.
So technically my mom and dad Ithink they got married, then
had me or had me and got marriedbefore I was actually born
something, learn those lines.

(57:58):
By the time I was inkindergarten, they were divorced
and my dad was that dad thatwas not around.
He called and sometimes they'relike hey, I'm coming to pick
you up, I'll be the child to getstressed, sit on the couch.
I'm never show up.
So I know that, being an adultnow, even when I got married.

(58:19):
So I called him and was like,hey, I'm getting married, I want
you to walk me down.
We didn't have a relationship,but still wanted it.
You still do.
I'm like you know what.
I wanted, caused him.
He's like oh yeah, I'm coming,I have to be my girlfriend.

Speaker 2 (58:35):
I'm like, but I don't care, just get there, I don't
care who you are, so maybe likea month or something for the
wedding.

Speaker 1 (58:43):
He was like so I'm not going to be able to make it.
So what happened was my dad wascheating on the girl I was
playing with tickets and shepulled them Because she paid for
them and he was with someoneelse and actually the lady was
pregnant, I believe.
Yeah, the lady was pregnantbecause they got married.

(59:03):
I got married in May, they gotmarried in either June or July
right behind me and pulled them.
I felt bad because the ladyactually called me or went to my
mom or somehow made contactwith me.
I was like, hey, I'm so sorry,I'm going to mess up her wedding
day, but I just can't.

Speaker 2 (59:16):
I was like I get it.

Speaker 1 (59:19):
So now being an adult , maybe like two years ago, I've
been on a healing journey formyself, so I've been doing my
therapy and fighting thispodcast and one of the things I
had to repair was thatrelationship with him.
So I reached out to him and Ijust let him I forgive you For

(59:39):
what you put me through as achild, because I think I was in
middle school or high school.
I couldn't do it.
I didn't know what I told him,but he called my mom.

Speaker 2 (59:48):
Look what your daughter did.
She doesn't know.
I did it For daughter, I did it.

Speaker 1 (59:51):
I did it, but I think you need that.

Speaker 2 (59:55):
You have to.

Speaker 1 (59:57):
I did it.
I was like 19.
I was like you I told him Icould not get on a brother at
that time.
At this point, my dad has fourkids.
At that time I only got two.
I'm his oldest His oldest andmy mom's oldest.
But, anyway told him I forgiveyou For a second thing.
We had a little bit ofrelationship, but then we had an
issue, because now he's likeyou have a sister, you need to

(01:00:18):
come on and I'm going to visityour sister no, I don't Let her
have my kid.

Speaker 2 (01:00:23):
I'm an adult, so we can have a no, so do we talk now
?

Speaker 1 (01:00:26):
No, but has it been healed?
This is open door, but I nolonger a long-survived.

Speaker 2 (01:00:31):
I think because it's been healed and repaired.

Speaker 1 (01:00:33):
And I know that if you wanted it to be an open door
, it's a process.
I would definitely say I don'tknow how you guys feel about
therapy, but I would sayprobably one of the best things
for your children is to put themin therapy.
I agree with that.
I'm changing my girls life.
I think that they need it.

(01:00:55):
I think that they don't grievea lot because they have a fear
of it hurting me, and I thinkthat's like with my mom.
They'll talk about my mama andthen they'll look at me and I'll
be like I don't get it, what doyou want?
It's okay.
And then sometimes they'll cry,sometimes they'll laugh.

(01:01:15):
I've gotten to the point wherenow I can talk about my mom and
I don't cry, or I can talk tothem about their dad and I don't
get angry.
I understand that.
That's who I am now, with mydad and, I guess, my ex to a
certain degree.

Speaker 2 (01:01:32):
I don't know where she brings up.

Speaker 1 (01:01:34):
Sometimes I feel like but what did you make?
Nah, I don't want to go to thedoctor.
No, I don't Quit acting crazy.
I don't want to go to thedoctor.
Nah, I don't Take it out on thewhole country.
But anyway, but no, for sure, Ithink that therapy and I wish I
would have gotten to it youngerBecause, like we would have
just stopped dragging thebaggage around and then cut off.

(01:01:57):
So I think with her being inthat this age is it definitely
going to make a difference.
Yeah, because she gave her thecourage to stand up and say hard
things.
It definitely gave her thecourage to not stand up to her
dad.
But, like, set boundaries,clear boundaries, and her
therapist is teaching her whatkind of relationship she wants

(01:02:19):
with her dad.
And if it's non-existent, andset those boundaries and stick
by him.
Because us as women, sometimeswe can set boundaries all we
want.
Ask us, do we stick by him?

Speaker 2 (01:02:32):
Because if he says that, right then, About 60% of
the time we don't.

Speaker 1 (01:02:35):
Maybe more.
So I'm mostly I'm going tostart therapy.
I think it's next week.
I'm excited about that BecauseI mean, everybody has to.

Speaker 2 (01:02:45):
Yes, and I, because I didn't mind.
I think the first couple ofsessions were every two weeks.
Where now?

Speaker 1 (01:02:51):
I'm like every six weeks Because I think I didn't
want to get to where I felt likeI had to talk to my therapist.
I wanted therapists who werelike teach me what I need to be
able to navigate these everydaylife things.

Speaker 2 (01:03:03):
And I'll come back and check in with you.
Yes, and.

Speaker 1 (01:03:05):
I'm trying to be like dependent on you, like, yeah, I
didn't have to buy a bottle ofwine.
No, we don't even just go everyweek?
No, but I thought like no, shedoesn't.
She doesn't go every week now.
No, now we're at every twoweeks.
But like I feel when they'reyoung, like this, is the way I
felt about it.
I need to set her up early nowbecause I see myself as an adult
.

Speaker 2 (01:03:24):
And.

Speaker 1 (01:03:25):
I'm traumatized literally.
So I started her early and it'sbeen amazing.
I think back in the day therewas a stigma.

Speaker 2 (01:03:34):
Oh, I thought that there is one, though.

Speaker 1 (01:03:37):
Yeah, it was like girl.
You know, she crazy, she got acounselor.

Speaker 2 (01:03:40):
Yeah, nice Don't do it Because we all need a
counselor.

Speaker 1 (01:03:44):
I just told my grandma that today she was like
you know, that was crazy.
I said yeah.
I need their pursuits.

Speaker 2 (01:03:48):
She says everybody else in this world, yeah, ok,
yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:03:50):
She's like I got one.
I want to talk about God.
And I said God, I said you needa therapist right here, it's
the God's counsel.
God's counsel.
I said oh fine, jesus is mytherapist.

Speaker 2 (01:04:01):
I was like girl bye, so is there anything I?

Speaker 1 (01:04:05):
guess any words of encouragement or anything.
You would tell a single motheror a single father that's
listening to this to kind oflike give them a little boost to
keep going.
You're doing great, you'redoing great.
You're doing amazing with thetools you have.
Keep going.

(01:04:26):
Your kids absolutely adore you,even though sometimes you feel
you go to sleep and they mayhate you but, keep going, keep
pushing.
It's not a race, it's not acakewalk, it's.
Every day is a new adventure,and just don't give up on

(01:04:46):
yourself.
And one thing that I candefinitely 100% say if you do
not have a church home, get intoa church home, take your kids
to the cross, because nobodyelse is going to do it.
No, my favorite scripture iscast all your cares on him

(01:05:08):
because he cares for you.
So I just always take that asGod cares about what I care
about.
So if I could give any advice,it would be to give yourself a
break.
Let him carry what you can'tcarry we can't do it all and to
give ourselves a break bothmentally, physically,

(01:05:29):
spiritually because when we giveourselves a break spiritually,
we're giving it to him.
I think that we put too muchweight on ourselves, based on
what the world thinks our homeshould look like, how they think
that we should parent.
And so, just as a human beingwho makes mistakes, give
yourself a break when you overdoit.
As a parent, give yourself abreak when you go too far.

(01:05:52):
As a parent, give yourself abreak.
Give your kids a break.
They're not robots.
You're not a robot.
So, I don't know, give yourselfa break and guard your heart.
That's what I say, andapologize to your kids.

Speaker 2 (01:06:06):
Apologize, please apologize If you even have
nothing else and then live tothat If you don't take nothing
else, apologize to your kids,because they deserve that they
do.

Speaker 1 (01:06:16):
They're young, we have young adults.
How are they going to know howto apologize if?
You can't even apologize tothem they won't, and then allow
them to talk, like Riley willjust talk about the most random
stuff.
Then here comes Jacey theytalking about the most random
stuff and sometimes I want torun out the room Like I do.
I want to kind of, ok, a friendthey talking about this friend,

(01:06:39):
listen.
But it's fun because then theytrust me.
They trust me with small thingsand so if you allow them to
talk, even if it's 10 minutes,just sit.
And the first couple of timesit may be a little bit awkward
if you haven't ever allowed themto talk, but just be like what

(01:06:59):
y'all do today.
What's the one time I saidwhat's the tea?
They was like mama, don'teverybody say what's the tea?
What they say, I don't know.
Somebody even knows how theynever tell me what the cool
thing was to say.
But I was like girls, what'sthe tea?
Who's?
What's the cheese made?
That's what Riley said.
What's the cheese made?

(01:07:20):
I said what.

Speaker 2 (01:07:22):
But yeah, they just blab.

Speaker 1 (01:07:26):
Because they're glad to have a parent or someone who
listens.

Speaker 2 (01:07:29):
Yes, that they feel like has them back.

Speaker 1 (01:07:31):
So if you just listen , even if it's about who had on
what shoes and girl, she thoughther hair was good.
She had tried to say somethingabout my part because I had my
part on the side.
She's like why?

Speaker 2 (01:07:41):
your hair like this.

Speaker 1 (01:07:42):
Then I was like girl, because I like it, like they
just go on and it's things thatthey really can't vent to their
friends without causing dramaissues, but they have your heart
enough to listen to what flowsfrom their heart.
Yeah.
Also get it tried.
Me and her need a lot on eachother.
The village yes, we need avillage.

(01:08:04):
It takes a village.
I remember hearing that as akid and being, like they, so
dumb I cannot stand to hear themsay it takes a village.

Speaker 2 (01:08:13):
What is?

Speaker 1 (01:08:13):
a village and you just be thinking about
Pocahontas, like the Hust.

Speaker 2 (01:08:18):
But it's really important.
Yes, it is important.

Speaker 1 (01:08:20):
It's important To have someone to lean on, that
knows what you're going through.
It might not be the exactsituation, but they can relate
in some shape way, form orfashion and you just vent that
village helps you drive a lot ofthose tears.
It saves you some tears, becausesometimes I'll be needing to be
in five places at one time andI just can cry Because I'll

(01:08:43):
never want one kid to feel likehurry men is more important than
hers.
But they're at the same time atthree different schools and it
hurts me to be like we can't go.
And then I'm like friend, hey,what do I do?
She's like don't go to none ofthem and then I tell the girls

(01:09:03):
hey, we just not going to go.
Let's just go out to eat.
Let's get some ice cream.
They'll be like cool.
Sometimes you just need that youjust need to give yourself a
break and it's like I feel likeI'm on the hook to be this
perfect mom because they lack adad, and it's like I don't want
to let them down.
I don't want to be that otherperson that harms their heart,

(01:09:24):
and so I do too much sometimes.
Well, we were just talkingabout that overcompensating.
My kid doesn't know, no, herkids don't either, but it's
because we overcompensate forwhat they lack in it Father.
So I was banging groceries atHEP not too long ago, girl,
Trying to make sure I paid thetrack shoes and braids and

(01:09:47):
everything.
Groceries yeah.
I was working atH-R-M-B-L-L-E-C-T yeah, doing
two jobs.
I mean, we both been there.
I bet you they go ahead andsnag snake one.

Speaker 2 (01:09:56):
Yeah, we about to stop missing poppies.
You guys need some Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 (01:10:00):
Just what Poppies.

Speaker 2 (01:10:01):
Is that what?

Speaker 1 (01:10:02):
they're called Right Poppies, the Pockels.
What's the name of that?
I don't know them little stickswith the poppies.

Speaker 2 (01:10:06):
Oh the poppies, no poppies.

Speaker 1 (01:10:11):
Like some little breadsticks things.

Speaker 2 (01:10:13):
But they're like dipped in frosting or something.
They're like some Asian yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:10:15):
Pockels, pockels I don't know what.
They're called Pockeys.
Anyway, we're going to bringyou some to church.

Speaker 2 (01:10:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:10:21):
Probably one.

Speaker 2 (01:10:22):
Oh, yeah, yeah, I should have had one.
I'm going to bring you some.

Speaker 1 (01:10:25):
I'm going to show you what they look like.
This is what we miss hard about.
Oh, okay, we're going to startmissing.
We're going to start missing.

Speaker 2 (01:10:30):
We're going to start missing.

Speaker 1 (01:10:34):
I think my end date is October 14th.
We'll bring you a stocking forChristmas.

Speaker 2 (01:10:38):
I commit you because I quit on the first date.

Speaker 1 (01:10:41):
I'm not even going to lie.
I've been avoiding airing likea plague.
I see it on Facebook.

Speaker 2 (01:10:45):
No, I quit the first date.
I called Kat and said Fran,we're going to do 75.

Speaker 1 (01:10:49):
She's telling me, friend, I quit.
I said y'all did 75.
I saw I said y'all did 75.
I saw I said y'all did 75.
Soft, Soft, hard I quit.
Thank you guys for being honestand open and inspiring those
that are listening to know thatit's just you, don't have to be

(01:11:11):
perfect, Amen.
And I think even just listeningto that is just myself and
realizing that I don't have tobe perfect.
So those are the people that arelistening that are just maybe
not quite to parenthood yet.
You may be an auntie hood or,yes God, I'm a hood, amen.
You might as well be part ofthe village.

Speaker 2 (01:11:29):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (01:11:29):
You in the hood Right .
Yes, you might as well be in thehood, but just know that you
don't have to be perfect, anddon't forget to apologize as
needed.
Yes, so before you pray, mylast question that I'm going to
switch it up.
I was walking and I was likewhy do I not ask this question?
Like thank you, holy Spirit.

(01:11:50):
And then I'm here on out howthe ending is asking what do you
stand for?
And the reason for me askingthis question is because the
name of this podcast is standingin your truth with Yonnie.
So I was like duh, I shouldhave done that a long time ago.

Speaker 2 (01:12:05):
So what do you guys stand for?

Speaker 1 (01:12:07):
And it can be something simple or it can be
like something wrong.
I stand for integrity, boldness, I stand for Christ, I stand
for mamas, I stand for kids.

(01:12:27):
I feel like I'm an advocate fora lot of kids and I'll go to
bed for you, for any andeverybody, as long as I feel
like it's not just crazy, but Ido.
I stand for truth, yeah.
Yeah I think she kind of summedit up for me because all those

(01:12:50):
things I mean, of course I standwith God, I stand boldly, you
know, and I think that's it Liketruth.
Yes.
You pretty much said everythingI wanted to say yeah, yeah, yeah
.
So I'm actually going to answerthis question, because I

(01:13:10):
thought of it and I don't thinkI've answered it.

Speaker 2 (01:13:15):
I stand for kindness and for the community that I'm
being a part of, but I'm a partof to make sure that they're not
, that they know that they'reloved and that they're heard and
seen.

Speaker 1 (01:13:31):
I think I've recently I can say thanks to Aaron
realized how important it is tobe seen and heard and whether it
be, you know, obviously sincewe're dating, like that's our
relationship or just friendshipin general, like if I feel like
my friends don't see and hear me, then it's like what are we
doing?

Speaker 2 (01:13:49):
Right.

Speaker 1 (01:13:50):
Something.

Speaker 2 (01:13:51):
I think that's what I stand for.

Speaker 1 (01:13:53):
So let's not be insane, right.
Can you pray for us?
Yes, okay, thank you Jesus fortoday.
Thank you Jesus for Yanni andfor Kat and for Yanni sitting
the platform for us to be ableto share our mama hearts,
because it's not easy, and Ithank you for allowing us to be
truthful and to be able to bevulnerable and to also be

(01:14:16):
willing to learn.
Lord, I pray that every parentthat hears this, and just all
the parents, god, that you givethem a special blessing, bless
that mama that's strugglingbless that, daddy, that's
struggling.
Bless that parent that doesn'thave enough.
God, be an overflow.
Those are hard things, god, andI just pray and ask that you

(01:14:37):
would just bless our kids.
Help us to continue to long togrow in you so that we can be
better mamas and better dads,and better aunties and better
God mamas, lord, help us to bein someone's village, to help us
be a light to those who comearound us.
And, god, we don't take it forgranted that you chose us.

(01:14:59):
I feel like we're chosen and Idon't take that lightly.
So thank you, lord, foreverything.
Jesus, thank you, man, amen,alright, last but not least,
just remember that you are loved.
God does not make mistakes.
You are who you are for areason.
It's not too late to make aU-turn.

(01:15:19):
Like Kat said earlier, ifyou're looking for a church home
, you can come find us at HopeAlive you know, the church
address yes, 305 East 19th.
Oh, come on, there you go.
10 and 12, 7 pm on Wednesdaysyou can come sit with any of us,
but just remember you're loved.

Speaker 2 (01:15:40):
And whenever you're fighting.

Speaker 1 (01:15:41):
You don't have to fight it alone.
You can come reach out to me.
One of them, put them on thespot.

Speaker 2 (01:15:49):
As a hubby, for sure.

Speaker 1 (01:15:51):
And then just also remember that technically you're
not alone.

Speaker 2 (01:15:53):
God is sitting there, right there, with you Right
there.

Speaker 1 (01:15:56):
He's going to let him in.
He's right there waiting foryou and he will provide the
people.

Speaker 2 (01:16:00):
Come on.

Speaker 1 (01:16:01):
Say God, I'm lonely.

Speaker 2 (01:16:03):
He will Right there, there he'll be right there.

Speaker 1 (01:16:05):
And you know what, if I anything else.
So the last episode wasobedient, Because I say,
sometimes it's those momentswhere it's like I don't know why
, but I'd be like why is thisperson so like having on my
heart and my mind for me toreach out to, and it could be
because they said like or theLord knows, hey, they need a
friend right now.
So it's you being obedient andallowing God to use you to turn
to that person.
I just think that's important.

Speaker 2 (01:16:28):
So as soon as you say , I used to ignore it.

Speaker 1 (01:16:30):
I'm like I'm busy, so that important.
So now I'm like when it happensI just say thank you for using
me and she's going to message me, and a lot of times it's like
hey, I was just thinking, or hey, I was.

Speaker 2 (01:16:43):
So now it works out.

Speaker 1 (01:16:44):
But you listen to say thank you guys again for coming
, thank you.
And I'm going to put them onthe spot.
Looking for their podcast soon.
I'm going to make them start,one Bye.