June 20, 2025 • 23 mins
Breaking free from people pleasing isn't just about learning to say no—it's about reclaiming your authentic self after years of self-abandonment. As someone who recently emerged from the clutches of prioritizing everyone else's needs and opinions, I've discovered that the journey doesn't end when you make the decision to change.
The residue of people pleasing lingers in unexpected ways. You might still shrink yourself even when you have valuable insights to share. You could feel responsible for emotions that aren't yours to carry. You might replay conversations wondering if you disappointed someone. These thought patterns don't disappear overnight, but recognizing them is the first step toward washing them away for good.
What I've learned most profoundly is that healing takes time, but every act of self-honor moves you forward. When you say no without explaining, when you rest instead of performing, when you express your true feelings without apology—you're reclaiming pieces of yourself that were lost in the pursuit of others' approval. The beautiful outcome? Rediscovered confidence, authentic relationships that survive your boundaries, and the profound self-respect that comes from no longer abandoning yourself to be liked. Yes, some people won't understand your transformation. Yes, you might face temporary loneliness before finding alignment. But the freedom waiting on the other side is worth every uncomfortable moment of growth. Remember, you're never truly alone on this journey—God walks beside you, and authentic connections await when you show up as your true self.
Standing In Your Truth Podcast with Yanni Thomas
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everyone, welcome to Standing In your
Truth podcast with your host,yanni.
On this podcast you'll hearYanni, family and friends having
open-ended discussions onanything from faith, finances,
relationships and how to staymotivated during life's trying
times.
Make sure to follow on allsocial media platforms.
(00:23):
The social media link is in thebio.
Sit back and get ready to enjoy.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Welcome to another episode ofStanding your Truth Podcast.
I am your host, iyani.
How's everyone doing?
We are in summer.
School is out for most kids.
I'm personally in summer school.
I'm not quite sure if I'mactually liking it or not.
I didn't realize summer schoolcourses were four weeks, which I
(00:54):
really should have realizedbecause I have two sessions.
But anyway, I didn't put twoand two together until I was
looking at my classes and thedue dates and I was like, oh,
there's not as much time forthis as I thought it was.
So that was interesting.
Needless to say, um prettyproud of myself that I got on
(01:14):
the president's list for springsemester, which means I got all
A's in my classes.
So I am looking to graduate2026 with my associates and 2027
with my bachelor's, and my goalis to graduate with both
degrees with honors.
So I don't play about myschoolwork now.
(01:38):
Finally, it kind of leads rightinto the topic that I kind of
felt like God put on my heart tokind of discuss, which is
people pleasing.
I made a post about my gradesand I said I'm coming out of my
people pleasing era of my lifeand I feel like, literally
within the last.
How old am I?
I think I'm 34.
So maybe like the last like twoyears, maybe I feel like that
(02:01):
is not my way of living my lifeanymore.
I do believe that peoplepleasing comes out of survival
mode, which I feel like that canbe a whole nother podcast.
But I kind of was just sittingback thinking and I'm like how
do we even get here?
And I think that's justsurvival mode and trying to fit
in.
But so let's just start with adefinition of people pleasing
(02:26):
and it's simply, I would say itis prioritizing others needs,
opinions and like desires overyour own.
So you personally, if you are apeople pleaser, you don't have
boundaries and I think,unfortunately, whether we want
it to be or not, we honestlyreally aren't very authentic,
(02:49):
we're not really ourselves,because what we really want to
do is not what, whoever we'reallowing to dictate or whoever
we're following, you know we'regoing by what they want to do,
not by what we want to do.
But um obviously takes time toum realize for one year you are
(03:13):
people pleasing and then, onceyou realize it, it's like oh,
snaps, okay, cool.
Where I'm at is we're like okay,so I've stopped people pleasing
where you know I don'tprioritize my or the individuals
around me, um, thoughts oropinions over my own.
I look to see you know what.
What?
What does Yanni want to do?
(03:34):
What is Yanni like?
How does Yanni feel about this?
Um, but with that I you know, Irealized this past week like I
feel like there's like residue,like there's still some negative
thoughts that come, negativethoughts that come because
you've been a people pleaser forso long.
It doesn't just disappear, itstill creeps up.
I kind of just want to talkabout the residue part of it and
(03:59):
how to maybe overcome some ofthose negative thoughts that may
come.
It's a journey.
It's a journey, life's ajourney.
You have ups and downs andround and rounds.
So I think one way the residueor how people pleasing may try
to creep its way back in, is youshrink yourself even when you
(04:22):
have something valuable to sayyourself, even when you have
something valuable to say.
For so long we've I say webecause you know I am just
became not a people pleaser, soI feel like I fit in.
But anyway, you know, we often,as people pleasers, feel like
(04:42):
what we're saying is dumb ordoesn't bring value, or, you
know, no one needs to hear howwe think or feel like we're not
important you also may deal with.
You feel uncomfortable whensomeone's upset with you, even
if you did nothing wrong, or youreplay a conversation wondering
if you disappointed someone.
And I'm going to be 100% honestwith you, that's not really one
(05:02):
of the things that I deal with.
I think I'm.
There's some ways I went to theopposite end of people pleasing
to where I'm like I really justdon't care, which I don't think
that's very healthy either.
So I'm trying to balance it out, but yet, nope, that's
definitely not one that I dealwith.
I'm more so the person that'slike replaying the conversation,
(05:24):
trying to figure out what Icould have changed or how I
could have came better with myyou know saying or dig, or
whatever.
That's definitely me.
Yep, your girl's still a workin progress.
You feel responsible for others'emotions, even when they're not
your burden to carry.
Yeah, that one I was like whoa.
(05:48):
That is so true.
But also there's times it justkind of depends on the person,
because sometimes I don't feelthe burden to carry, and I know
the Bible says you're supposedto.
What is it?
Let's not love your neighbor,carry the burdens of your
neighbor.
I do believe it is um, and tosome degree, yes, because, like
I love helping people, I think,which I don't know how backwards
(06:12):
this may come back, it may comedown to some hurt, but I will
carry the burden of a strangerbefore.
Sometimes I'll carry the burdenof my family because you know
I'm just like I can't.
But a stranger comes that theyneed something, I will walk with
them through the journey andhelp them see the light in the
tunnel.
But I think that, like I said,comes from some hurt as well.
Um, but I do want to likeremind you that there's some
(06:37):
positives when, like, residue.
Residue doesn't mean that, um,when you have those feelings.
It doesn't mean that when youhave those feelings, it doesn't
mean that you're, like you know,going back to people pleasing
or that anything's wrong.
I think residue can remind youthat you're allowed to take up
space.
You are not responsible formanaging everyone's perception
(06:58):
of you, or anyone's, I would say, perception of anything.
Really, it's not for you tomanage, but especially not for
yourself.
So if you're caring yourself acertain way and your friends or
family see something different,cool, no matter what you do,
you're not going to be able tochange their opinions on how
they think or feel.
(07:19):
So you can waste your time andenergy trying to, or you can
just move on and just you, youknow, also realize something
that completely kind of set mefree some years ago.
Not everyone's gonna like you,and that includes your family
and them so-called friends.
They don't like, some of themjust don't like you, and you
know, some of it is maybesomething you might have said,
(07:41):
and some of it honestly, is thefact that you breathe in here on
earth and they don't like you,aka that means you can't nothing
about it.
So just move on and keep beingyou, and either they'll get with
it and figure it out or they'llmove along.
You get one life, so why wouldyou spend it trying to get these
(08:02):
people who, at the end of theday, don't care about you, to
like you?
Why, don't worry, I was therebut I had to wake up and realize
, uh-uh, god did not make methis amazing young lady I should
say woman, but whatever.
To be allowing the haters totry to stop my shine, because
(08:24):
they can try.
They can't do, but they can trythey can distract me for a
little bit, because, whether werealize it or not, that's all
that is is a distraction fromwhat God really wants us to be
focused on.
So also, you are not selfishfor choosing peace over pleasing
.
I'll clear my throat and repeatthat again you are not selfish
for choosing peace over pleasing.
(08:46):
A lot of times we, you know, Ithink we think peace is saying
yes to stuff.
We really don't want to do itand it may be peace for the
other person or whatever isinvolved, but it's not peace for
you.
I feel like there was a pointin my life where I was just
saying yes and trying to problemsolve for everyone else and in
(09:07):
the long run it wasn't peace forme.
It was actually quite chaoticand I do feel like I wasn't
giving my best in certain things.
I take a step back and realizetaking a step back is not a bad
thing.
Realizing oh, I made a mistakeis not a bad thing.
I think it becomes a bad thingwhen you don't have any
(09:28):
accountability and you don't ownit.
Then that may be making a badthing, but taking a step back is
not a bad thing.
And remember that healing takestime.
But every time you honor yourvoice, every time you say no
without explaining, every timeyou rest instead of performing
(09:49):
guess what guys, you're washingaway the residue and reclaiming
you.
I feel like I should just kindof repeat that again.
So healing takes time and Ithink also with the healing
takes time, some of that is also.
There may be some U-turns inthere.
There may be some times whereyou think you're over something
(10:11):
or something that used to be atrigger for you.
You're like, oh yeah, that'snot triggering anymore.
Then it happens one day andyou're like, oh my gosh.
No, that doesn't mean I'mcompletely over.
Just take a second, figure outwhy that trigger caught up to
you today Because sometimes itcan be extra elements like
didn't get any sleep orsomething extra going on with
you why that trigger really hithome that day.
(10:31):
But that doesn't mean you'recompletely setting over.
But every time you honor yourvoice, every time you say no
without explaining, every timeyou rest instead of performing,
you're washing away the residueand reclaiming you.
At the end of the day, I thinksometimes part of people
pleasing is thinking that wedon't matter, so reclaiming you.
(10:53):
To some that are still kind ofin that people pleasing mind may
not make sense, but I amcurrently living the stage of
reclaiming me.
Reclaiming me is me finishing awhole year at Odessa College and
my GPA is at 3.36.
Reclaiming me is finding newhobbies and talents that I have,
(11:16):
starting the marketing company,looking more into life coaching
and mental health.
That is reclaiming me.
Reclaiming me is realizing Ilike to go thrift store shopping
.
Maybe not in Odessa because thestores out here be tripping
sometimes, but I like to gothrift store shopping especially
(11:37):
, I usually go when we'revisiting family in like the den
area and I like it.
I'm realizing that I used tothink that you know, reading was
not my thing.
I enjoy self-help books.
I enjoy learning.
What else have I recently found?
I enjoy traveling I don't, whichI kind of like car rides,
(12:00):
because car rides allow you tohave a conversation with whoever
you're going on the trip withand have a good snack.
And then my husband, aaron.
He's big into podcasts.
When he's driving I almost saidwe driving, but let's just be
honest, he don't let me drive,so it's not really we driving.
I think I do maybe a hour and ahalf, two hours tops, and then
(12:22):
he's kind of recovered and readyto come back.
But anyway, just findingdifferent things you like is,
and it's, a beautiful journey.
Um, so, yeah, so positiveoutcomes.
Um, from no more peoplepleasing and kind of, I guess
you can say, washing away someof the residue Once again, so
(12:44):
you rediscover your voice,you're able to express your
feelings, your opinions and ableto say no.
I think the big thing really isable to say no without
explaining, because we can sayno sometimes, but it's the
explanation of why I'm tellingyou no.
Sometimes it's just a no, no itain't happening, or no, I can't
do it, or no, I ain't going, Ileave it at that.
(13:08):
I think also, which is reallybig and something that I think
I'm at the infant stages of ismaybe not infant but for sure
toddler, but anyway, buildingauthentic relationships.
I think when you begin to learnyou, you start to realize what
you like and what you don't like.
You have to realize some ofthose friends that you were
(13:29):
doing things with.
You know, once you stop peoplepleasing and saying yes to
everything, started saying to no, believe me, they'll disappear.
You ain't gotta do nothing butsay no a couple of times and
they're gonna be gone.
But then you realize who'sactually still there and who
actually likes to do things youlike to do and who's actually
calling and texting you andwho's actually showing up for
you.
I think that's a huge thing forme, probably from a childhood
(13:54):
trigger, but showing up for meis important and that definitely
, I guess, is the foundation fora relationship.
For me is showing up and beingconsistent.
You also are able to reclaimyour time and energy Kind of
almost the same thing as findingyour voice.
You set boundaries, you stopover committing, you give your
(14:18):
best, truly no matter what youdo.
Pastor Martha at Hope AliveChurch, I think she started
reading the book.
I don't know how it worked, butanyway, because of her and the
women's group, I found a book byLisa.
Her Life is Life with a T.
I am not going to kill it righthere on this podcast, but the
(14:39):
book is the best.
Yes, and I will definitely tellyou if you are a over-committer
, people pleaser go read thatbook.
It's definitely going to stepon your toes.
You are definitely going tohave to, I would say, take it
chapter by chapter and take sometime to kind of dissect it and
(15:01):
apply it to your life, but itwas worth it, I think.
For me, the biggest thing is Ididn't realize how
overcommitting I didn't realizehow me saying yes and
overcommitting was really notallowing God to really use me.
So I thought I just had aservant's heart and I was
(15:22):
serving the community, servingmy neighbor, that I was doing
good and, don't get me wrong,I'm sure it was probably
hopefully more good than bad inthat, probably hopefully more
good than bad in that.
But, um, I really that was mecontrolling the servant's heart
that God gave me, versus mestopping and praying, um, before
(15:43):
committing to something, um,not over committing, allowing my
schedule to have some free timein it, um, it's, it's, it's
just and I'm really is that hererecently, cause my schedule
slowed down, um, and there'sdifferent opportunities that
come up and I'm like whoa, andyou know, before I say yes, most
times I'm not going to sit upand say every time, but most
(16:03):
times I try my best to stop andpray first.
And it's crazy because I thinkpart of being a people pleaser
and not really believing inyourself.
Is that imposter syndrome.
So here, recently I went to gospeak for my job and after I
spoke, the organizations werelike, well, we would like for
(16:23):
you to become a member.
And I was like huh, because youknow I've had an interesting
run in with the organizationwanting me to become a member.
It did not end the way I wouldlike it to end or like the way,
anyway.
So I was like, are you sure?
And they followed up.
One of them even met Aaron andwas like, hey, tell Yanni, we
really would like for her tojoin.
(16:44):
And I was like, wow, like it'sbeautiful to be sought out and
for an organization or companyto say, hey, we want you.
For an organization or companyto say, hey, we want you, it's
just a different feeling.
I think also, lastly, here thegood side of coming out of
people pleasing in the residueis you gain self-respect Every
(17:05):
time you choose you.
Instead of shrinking oroverthinking, your confidence
grows.
You stop abandoning yourself,but wait what?
You stop abandoning yourself tobe liked.
I can read y'all.
I was like, wait, what, what?
Didn't even know my own notes,but anyway, I just think you'd
really just begin to like andlove you Kind of goes back to
(17:30):
that whole being transparent,looking in the mirror, looking
at the woman or the man you areand really loving yourself and
being able to stand up foryourself is just a beautiful
thing.
So, to all my people pleasers,it's okay, I've been there.
I just challenge you to reallybegin to see yourself and love
(17:54):
yourself.
Oh, I thought to talk about someof the challenges that may
arise as you are stepping out ofthe people-pleasing season, so
I'm going to go over these.
People may not like it.
People may not like it not youBoth, really but anyway, they
see you saying yes.
So the fact that you see yousaying yes, no matter what time
(18:17):
or day, no matter what you hadon your schedule, when you start
saying no to some of theirstuff, oh, they're going to be
confused and they're going tochallenge you, especially if
they're not really your friendor not really looking out for
you.
Something to keep in mind, Ithink.
To me, once you start reallyfinding out what you like and
(18:39):
standing up for yourself andsaying no, and they have an
issue with that, to me that's ared flag and that's something to
look at.
Just saying Guilt, self-doubtmay creep in.
You may feel like you're notworthy, or you may feel like
you're being selfish by sayingno.
Something to think about aswell, and this is one that I am
(19:03):
dealing with, but I'm having tokind of sit in it because I
don't think I've ever sat in it.
I came from a big family, sobeing by myself is something
that I know nothing about.
So, but anyway, you may faceloneliness before alignment,
(19:23):
that I think I'm at the stagewhere the people that I thought
were my friends they weren't myfriends, or they may be my
friends, but we just may not beon the level that I thought that
we were at.
Something that book talks aboutis levels to friendships.
Not every friend is someone youtell your heart and soul to.
(19:45):
You got to take it kind of getto know your friend and realize
what friend is what friend.
Wait, was that that book or wasthat the Let them book?
I don't know One of the two.
By the way, that's another goodbook.
Mel Robbins has a book calledLet them.
What happens when you?
I finished the best, yes, and Iwent straight into the Mel
(20:06):
Robbins Let them, which is onceagain a good book, but needless
to say.
There's a bit of lonelinessthing when you realize the
people that you know you thoughtwere in their corner really
aren't.
But that's okay At the end ofthe day, remember that you're
never by yourself.
The Holy Spirit is always withyou.
Jesus is always with you.
And if you really begin to feellonely, pray and ask God for to
(20:27):
send you some friends that lineup with you know, um line up
with you, know who you reallyare and who he sees you are, and
allow him to guide you to what,um friends you may need.
So, anyway, but that's all Ihave.
I kind of was dealing with thatmyself and I was like, well,
you know what, let's do apodcast on it and you know, I
(20:48):
kind of hope that, um, this willhelp and encourage someone else
that may be going throughsomething similar to this.
So well, I am going to sorry,my eyes are ditched.
Pray us out.
So, heavenly Father, lord, Ijust come to you.
First of all.
I want to just say thank you,lord, for allowing us to see yet
(21:09):
another day.
Father, thank you for providingfor us, lord, emotionally,
physically, financially, justthank you.
Thank you for loving us when wedidn't love ourselves.
Thank you for the way you justcare for us, your grace and your
mercy, lord, just say thank you, thank you.
(21:30):
I just ask that for the listenerthat's listening to this
podcast episode, that you justbe with them, father, wrap your
loving arms around them as theylisten to this, and they may
feel lonely or be in a season oftransition and growth and you
sifting them out, father.
I just pray that they just lookto you for guidance, father,
(21:57):
that the moments when they'requestioning and confused, that
they pray or open their Bibleand begin to look for you to
just to guide them through it,lord, and just say thank you
again.
I just pray that for the personthat's listening, that you just
continue to pour into them,bless them, allow them to be a
light in their communities andin their homes, and whatever
desires they have on their heart, father, just pray that they
(22:17):
just give it to you and that inyour time, you will make those
happen for us.
In Jesus' name, we pray Amen.
Okay, bye, guys.
I love you guys.
You're needed, you're wanted,you're heard.
If you're listening to this andyou don't have any friends and
you're feeling sad, you canalways DM me If you know me
personally and have my numbertext me.
(22:40):
I'm usually down to go hang out.
This current stage of my life,food is where it's at.
Let's go get some chips andqueso or something, but you're
never alone.
There's always someone, so okay.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Love you, Bye.
Thank you for listening toanother episode of Standing in
your Truth with Yanni and if noone told you today, you are
loved, you are beautiful, youare needed and you matter, Be
sure to follow on Facebook atStanding in your Truth Podcast
with Yanni.
Also on Instagram Talks withYanni.
Hello everyone, welcome to Standing In your
Truth podcast with your host,yanni.
On this podcast you'll hearYanni, family and friends having
open-ended discussions onanything from faith, finances,
relationships and how to staymotivated during life's trying
times.
Make sure to follow on allsocial media platforms.
(00:23):
The social media link is in thebio.
Sit back and get ready to enjoy.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Welcome to another episode ofStanding your Truth Podcast.
I am your host, iyani.
How's everyone doing?
We are in summer.
School is out for most kids.
I'm personally in summer school.
I'm not quite sure if I'mactually liking it or not.
I didn't realize summer schoolcourses were four weeks, which I
(00:54):
really should have realizedbecause I have two sessions.
But anyway, I didn't put twoand two together until I was
looking at my classes and thedue dates and I was like, oh,
there's not as much time forthis as I thought it was.
So that was interesting.
Needless to say, um prettyproud of myself that I got on
(01:14):
the president's list for springsemester, which means I got all
A's in my classes.
So I am looking to graduate2026 with my associates and 2027
with my bachelor's, and my goalis to graduate with both
degrees with honors.
So I don't play about myschoolwork now.
(01:38):
Finally, it kind of leads rightinto the topic that I kind of
felt like God put on my heart tokind of discuss, which is
people pleasing.
I made a post about my gradesand I said I'm coming out of my
people pleasing era of my lifeand I feel like, literally
within the last.
How old am I?
I think I'm 34.
So maybe like the last like twoyears, maybe I feel like that
(02:01):
is not my way of living my lifeanymore.
I do believe that peoplepleasing comes out of survival
mode, which I feel like that canbe a whole nother podcast.
But I kind of was just sittingback thinking and I'm like how
do we even get here?
And I think that's justsurvival mode and trying to fit
in.
But so let's just start with adefinition of people pleasing
(02:26):
and it's simply, I would say itis prioritizing others needs,
opinions and like desires overyour own.
So you personally, if you are apeople pleaser, you don't have
boundaries and I think,unfortunately, whether we want
it to be or not, we honestlyreally aren't very authentic,
(02:49):
we're not really ourselves,because what we really want to
do is not what, whoever we'reallowing to dictate or whoever
we're following, you know we'regoing by what they want to do,
not by what we want to do.
But um obviously takes time toum realize for one year you are
(03:13):
people pleasing and then, onceyou realize it, it's like oh,
snaps, okay, cool.
Where I'm at is we're like okay,so I've stopped people pleasing
where you know I don'tprioritize my or the individuals
around me, um, thoughts oropinions over my own.
I look to see you know what.
What?
What does Yanni want to do?
(03:34):
What is Yanni like?
How does Yanni feel about this?
Um, but with that I you know, Irealized this past week like I
feel like there's like residue,like there's still some negative
thoughts that come, negativethoughts that come because
you've been a people pleaser forso long.
It doesn't just disappear, itstill creeps up.
I kind of just want to talkabout the residue part of it and
(03:59):
how to maybe overcome some ofthose negative thoughts that may
come.
It's a journey.
It's a journey, life's ajourney.
You have ups and downs andround and rounds.
So I think one way the residueor how people pleasing may try
to creep its way back in, is youshrink yourself even when you
(04:22):
have something valuable to sayyourself, even when you have
something valuable to say.
For so long we've I say webecause you know I am just
became not a people pleaser, soI feel like I fit in.
But anyway, you know, we often,as people pleasers, feel like
(04:42):
what we're saying is dumb ordoesn't bring value, or, you
know, no one needs to hear howwe think or feel like we're not
important you also may deal with.
You feel uncomfortable whensomeone's upset with you, even
if you did nothing wrong, or youreplay a conversation wondering
if you disappointed someone.
And I'm going to be 100% honestwith you, that's not really one
(05:02):
of the things that I deal with.
I think I'm.
There's some ways I went to theopposite end of people pleasing
to where I'm like I really justdon't care, which I don't think
that's very healthy either.
So I'm trying to balance it out, but yet, nope, that's
definitely not one that I dealwith.
I'm more so the person that'slike replaying the conversation,
(05:24):
trying to figure out what Icould have changed or how I
could have came better with myyou know saying or dig, or
whatever.
That's definitely me.
Yep, your girl's still a workin progress.
You feel responsible for others'emotions, even when they're not
your burden to carry.
Yeah, that one I was like whoa.
(05:48):
That is so true.
But also there's times it justkind of depends on the person,
because sometimes I don't feelthe burden to carry, and I know
the Bible says you're supposedto.
What is it?
Let's not love your neighbor,carry the burdens of your
neighbor.
I do believe it is um, and tosome degree, yes, because, like
I love helping people, I think,which I don't know how backwards
(06:12):
this may come back, it may comedown to some hurt, but I will
carry the burden of a strangerbefore.
Sometimes I'll carry the burdenof my family because you know
I'm just like I can't.
But a stranger comes that theyneed something, I will walk with
them through the journey andhelp them see the light in the
tunnel.
But I think that, like I said,comes from some hurt as well.
Um, but I do want to likeremind you that there's some
(06:37):
positives when, like, residue.
Residue doesn't mean that, um,when you have those feelings.
It doesn't mean that when youhave those feelings, it doesn't
mean that you're, like you know,going back to people pleasing
or that anything's wrong.
I think residue can remind youthat you're allowed to take up
space.
You are not responsible formanaging everyone's perception
(06:58):
of you, or anyone's, I would say, perception of anything.
Really, it's not for you tomanage, but especially not for
yourself.
So if you're caring yourself acertain way and your friends or
family see something different,cool, no matter what you do,
you're not going to be able tochange their opinions on how
they think or feel.
(07:19):
So you can waste your time andenergy trying to, or you can
just move on and just you, youknow, also realize something
that completely kind of set mefree some years ago.
Not everyone's gonna like you,and that includes your family
and them so-called friends.
They don't like, some of themjust don't like you, and you
know, some of it is maybesomething you might have said,
(07:41):
and some of it honestly, is thefact that you breathe in here on
earth and they don't like you,aka that means you can't nothing
about it.
So just move on and keep beingyou, and either they'll get with
it and figure it out or they'llmove along.
You get one life, so why wouldyou spend it trying to get these
(08:02):
people who, at the end of theday, don't care about you, to
like you?
Why, don't worry, I was therebut I had to wake up and realize
, uh-uh, god did not make methis amazing young lady I should
say woman, but whatever.
To be allowing the haters totry to stop my shine, because
(08:24):
they can try.
They can't do, but they can trythey can distract me for a
little bit, because, whether werealize it or not, that's all
that is is a distraction fromwhat God really wants us to be
focused on.
So also, you are not selfishfor choosing peace over pleasing
.
I'll clear my throat and repeatthat again you are not selfish
for choosing peace over pleasing.
(08:46):
A lot of times we, you know, Ithink we think peace is saying
yes to stuff.
We really don't want to do itand it may be peace for the
other person or whatever isinvolved, but it's not peace for
you.
I feel like there was a pointin my life where I was just
saying yes and trying to problemsolve for everyone else and in
(09:07):
the long run it wasn't peace forme.
It was actually quite chaoticand I do feel like I wasn't
giving my best in certain things.
I take a step back and realizetaking a step back is not a bad
thing.
Realizing oh, I made a mistakeis not a bad thing.
I think it becomes a bad thingwhen you don't have any
(09:28):
accountability and you don't ownit.
Then that may be making a badthing, but taking a step back is
not a bad thing.
And remember that healing takestime.
But every time you honor yourvoice, every time you say no
without explaining, every timeyou rest instead of performing
(09:49):
guess what guys, you're washingaway the residue and reclaiming
you.
I feel like I should just kindof repeat that again.
So healing takes time and Ithink also with the healing
takes time, some of that is also.
There may be some U-turns inthere.
There may be some times whereyou think you're over something
(10:11):
or something that used to be atrigger for you.
You're like, oh yeah, that'snot triggering anymore.
Then it happens one day andyou're like, oh my gosh.
No, that doesn't mean I'mcompletely over.
Just take a second, figure outwhy that trigger caught up to
you today Because sometimes itcan be extra elements like
didn't get any sleep orsomething extra going on with
you why that trigger really hithome that day.
(10:31):
But that doesn't mean you'recompletely setting over.
But every time you honor yourvoice, every time you say no
without explaining, every timeyou rest instead of performing,
you're washing away the residueand reclaiming you.
At the end of the day, I thinksometimes part of people
pleasing is thinking that wedon't matter, so reclaiming you.
(10:53):
To some that are still kind ofin that people pleasing mind may
not make sense, but I amcurrently living the stage of
reclaiming me.
Reclaiming me is me finishing awhole year at Odessa College and
my GPA is at 3.36.
Reclaiming me is finding newhobbies and talents that I have,
(11:16):
starting the marketing company,looking more into life coaching
and mental health.
That is reclaiming me.
Reclaiming me is realizing Ilike to go thrift store shopping
.
Maybe not in Odessa because thestores out here be tripping
sometimes, but I like to gothrift store shopping especially
(11:37):
, I usually go when we'revisiting family in like the den
area and I like it.
I'm realizing that I used tothink that you know, reading was
not my thing.
I enjoy self-help books.
I enjoy learning.
What else have I recently found?
I enjoy traveling I don't, whichI kind of like car rides,
(12:00):
because car rides allow you tohave a conversation with whoever
you're going on the trip withand have a good snack.
And then my husband, aaron.
He's big into podcasts.
When he's driving I almost saidwe driving, but let's just be
honest, he don't let me drive,so it's not really we driving.
I think I do maybe a hour and ahalf, two hours tops, and then
(12:22):
he's kind of recovered and readyto come back.
But anyway, just findingdifferent things you like is,
and it's, a beautiful journey.
Um, so, yeah, so positiveoutcomes.
Um, from no more peoplepleasing and kind of, I guess
you can say, washing away someof the residue Once again, so
(12:44):
you rediscover your voice,you're able to express your
feelings, your opinions and ableto say no.
I think the big thing really isable to say no without
explaining, because we can sayno sometimes, but it's the
explanation of why I'm tellingyou no.
Sometimes it's just a no, no itain't happening, or no, I can't
do it, or no, I ain't going, Ileave it at that.
(13:08):
I think also, which is reallybig and something that I think
I'm at the infant stages of ismaybe not infant but for sure
toddler, but anyway, buildingauthentic relationships.
I think when you begin to learnyou, you start to realize what
you like and what you don't like.
You have to realize some ofthose friends that you were
(13:29):
doing things with.
You know, once you stop peoplepleasing and saying yes to
everything, started saying to no, believe me, they'll disappear.
You ain't gotta do nothing butsay no a couple of times and
they're gonna be gone.
But then you realize who'sactually still there and who
actually likes to do things youlike to do and who's actually
calling and texting you andwho's actually showing up for
you.
I think that's a huge thing forme, probably from a childhood
(13:54):
trigger, but showing up for meis important and that definitely
, I guess, is the foundation fora relationship.
For me is showing up and beingconsistent.
You also are able to reclaimyour time and energy Kind of
almost the same thing as findingyour voice.
You set boundaries, you stopover committing, you give your
(14:18):
best, truly no matter what youdo.
Pastor Martha at Hope AliveChurch, I think she started
reading the book.
I don't know how it worked, butanyway, because of her and the
women's group, I found a book byLisa.
Her Life is Life with a T.
I am not going to kill it righthere on this podcast, but the
(14:39):
book is the best.
Yes, and I will definitely tellyou if you are a over-committer
, people pleaser go read thatbook.
It's definitely going to stepon your toes.
You are definitely going tohave to, I would say, take it
chapter by chapter and take sometime to kind of dissect it and
(15:01):
apply it to your life, but itwas worth it, I think.
For me, the biggest thing is Ididn't realize how
overcommitting I didn't realizehow me saying yes and
overcommitting was really notallowing God to really use me.
So I thought I just had aservant's heart and I was
(15:22):
serving the community, servingmy neighbor, that I was doing
good and, don't get me wrong,I'm sure it was probably
hopefully more good than bad inthat, probably hopefully more
good than bad in that.
But, um, I really that was mecontrolling the servant's heart
that God gave me, versus mestopping and praying, um, before
(15:43):
committing to something, um,not over committing, allowing my
schedule to have some free timein it, um, it's, it's, it's
just and I'm really is that hererecently, cause my schedule
slowed down, um, and there'sdifferent opportunities that
come up and I'm like whoa, andyou know, before I say yes, most
times I'm not going to sit upand say every time, but most
(16:03):
times I try my best to stop andpray first.
And it's crazy because I thinkpart of being a people pleaser
and not really believing inyourself.
Is that imposter syndrome.
So here, recently I went to gospeak for my job and after I
spoke, the organizations werelike, well, we would like for
(16:23):
you to become a member.
And I was like huh, because youknow I've had an interesting
run in with the organizationwanting me to become a member.
It did not end the way I wouldlike it to end or like the way,
anyway.
So I was like, are you sure?
And they followed up.
One of them even met Aaron andwas like, hey, tell Yanni, we
really would like for her tojoin.
(16:44):
And I was like, wow, like it'sbeautiful to be sought out and
for an organization or companyto say, hey, we want you.
For an organization or companyto say, hey, we want you, it's
just a different feeling.
I think also, lastly, here thegood side of coming out of
people pleasing in the residueis you gain self-respect Every
(17:05):
time you choose you.
Instead of shrinking oroverthinking, your confidence
grows.
You stop abandoning yourself,but wait what?
You stop abandoning yourself tobe liked.
I can read y'all.
I was like, wait, what, what?
Didn't even know my own notes,but anyway, I just think you'd
really just begin to like andlove you Kind of goes back to
(17:30):
that whole being transparent,looking in the mirror, looking
at the woman or the man you areand really loving yourself and
being able to stand up foryourself is just a beautiful
thing.
So, to all my people pleasers,it's okay, I've been there.
I just challenge you to reallybegin to see yourself and love
(17:54):
yourself.
Oh, I thought to talk about someof the challenges that may
arise as you are stepping out ofthe people-pleasing season, so
I'm going to go over these.
People may not like it.
People may not like it not youBoth, really but anyway, they
see you saying yes.
So the fact that you see yousaying yes, no matter what time
(18:17):
or day, no matter what you hadon your schedule, when you start
saying no to some of theirstuff, oh, they're going to be
confused and they're going tochallenge you, especially if
they're not really your friendor not really looking out for
you.
Something to keep in mind, Ithink.
To me, once you start reallyfinding out what you like and
(18:39):
standing up for yourself andsaying no, and they have an
issue with that, to me that's ared flag and that's something to
look at.
Just saying Guilt, self-doubtmay creep in.
You may feel like you're notworthy, or you may feel like
you're being selfish by sayingno.
Something to think about aswell, and this is one that I am
(19:03):
dealing with, but I'm having tokind of sit in it because I
don't think I've ever sat in it.
I came from a big family, sobeing by myself is something
that I know nothing about.
So, but anyway, you may faceloneliness before alignment,
(19:23):
that I think I'm at the stagewhere the people that I thought
were my friends they weren't myfriends, or they may be my
friends, but we just may not beon the level that I thought that
we were at.
Something that book talks aboutis levels to friendships.
Not every friend is someone youtell your heart and soul to.
(19:45):
You got to take it kind of getto know your friend and realize
what friend is what friend.
Wait, was that that book or wasthat the Let them book?
I don't know One of the two.
By the way, that's another goodbook.
Mel Robbins has a book calledLet them.
What happens when you?
I finished the best, yes, and Iwent straight into the Mel
(20:06):
Robbins Let them, which is onceagain a good book, but needless
to say.
There's a bit of lonelinessthing when you realize the
people that you know you thoughtwere in their corner really
aren't.
But that's okay At the end ofthe day, remember that you're
never by yourself.
The Holy Spirit is always withyou.
Jesus is always with you.
And if you really begin to feellonely, pray and ask God for to
(20:27):
send you some friends that lineup with you know, um line up
with you, know who you reallyare and who he sees you are, and
allow him to guide you to what,um friends you may need.
So, anyway, but that's all Ihave.
I kind of was dealing with thatmyself and I was like, well,
you know what, let's do apodcast on it and you know, I
(20:48):
kind of hope that, um, this willhelp and encourage someone else
that may be going throughsomething similar to this.
So well, I am going to sorry,my eyes are ditched.
Pray us out.
So, heavenly Father, lord, Ijust come to you.
First of all.
I want to just say thank you,lord, for allowing us to see yet
(21:09):
another day.
Father, thank you for providingfor us, lord, emotionally,
physically, financially, justthank you.
Thank you for loving us when wedidn't love ourselves.
Thank you for the way you justcare for us, your grace and your
mercy, lord, just say thank you, thank you.
(21:30):
I just ask that for the listenerthat's listening to this
podcast episode, that you justbe with them, father, wrap your
loving arms around them as theylisten to this, and they may
feel lonely or be in a season oftransition and growth and you
sifting them out, father.
I just pray that they just lookto you for guidance, father,
(21:57):
that the moments when they'requestioning and confused, that
they pray or open their Bibleand begin to look for you to
just to guide them through it,lord, and just say thank you
again.
I just pray that for the personthat's listening, that you just
continue to pour into them,bless them, allow them to be a
light in their communities andin their homes, and whatever
desires they have on their heart, father, just pray that they
(22:17):
just give it to you and that inyour time, you will make those
happen for us.
In Jesus' name, we pray Amen.
Okay, bye, guys.
I love you guys.
You're needed, you're wanted,you're heard.
If you're listening to this andyou don't have any friends and
you're feeling sad, you canalways DM me If you know me
personally and have my numbertext me.
(22:40):
I'm usually down to go hang out.
This current stage of my life,food is where it's at.
Let's go get some chips andqueso or something, but you're
never alone.
There's always someone, so okay.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Love you, Bye.
Thank you for listening toanother episode of Standing in
your Truth with Yanni and if noone told you today, you are
loved, you are beautiful, youare needed and you matter, Be
sure to follow on Facebook atStanding in your Truth Podcast
with Yanni.
Also on Instagram Talks withYanni.
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