October 16, 2025 • 27 mins
Fear contracts our awareness around imagined loss. In this episode, Jake explores how financial uncertainty, self-doubt, and the pressure to perform are showing up in his life right now—and more importantly, how turning toward these inner demons, rather than running from them, is what actually wakes us up.
Drawing on Buddhist, Christian, and Taoist wisdom, he discusses the practice of grounding in the present moment, the power of gratitude even in difficulty, and what it means to show up faithfully without clinging to outcomes. You'll hear about facing demons in dreams, the C.S. Lewis insight on anxiety, and why the Buddha needed Mara.
Whether you're wrestling with financial fear, self-doubt, or uncertainty about the future, this episode invites you to pause, let your fear breathe, and discover what happens when you turn toward it instead.
Topics covered:
- Fear as contraction; self-doubt as fear with a voice
- Grounding in the present moment as a practice
- Gratitude in difficulty (1 Thessalonians 4:16-18)
- Facing demons vs. running from them
- The Bhagavad Gita on right action without attachment to results
- Thich Nhat Hanh on Mara as companion and guide
- Dream work and what our demons reveal
- The faithful swing: showing up without controlling outcomes
A vulnerable, practical exploration of how spiritual practice meets real life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jacob (00:15):
Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the Standing
Nowhere podcast.
This is a place where weexplore life and spirituality
across various traditions, notas abstract ideas, but as
something we actually livethrough on a day-to-day basis.
My name's Jake, and it is apleasure to be back.
(00:37):
And today I wanted to talkabout fear.
Because I'm going to be honestwith you guys, I can't, I can't
be fake about this.
I've been experiencing somefear over the last two weeks.
In a nutshell, a lot of thefear has centered on the quality
of this podcast, making surethat I put my best effort into
(01:01):
each and every episode for youguys, as well as balancing my
life.
Because right now I feel alittle out of balance and a
little fearful.
And I wanted to talk about howI'm dealing with that fear in
hopes that it might help some ofyou listening who are also
experiencing with some fear.
(01:22):
I mean, even this episode, I'vethis is my third take.
I've started it, recorded aboutfive minutes, and then stopped
because even just trying torecord this episode, I'm so
afraid that I'm not being honestand genuine with you guys.
I don't like being fake.
I value authenticity above all.
(01:45):
And I'm working a lot of hours.
I've I've mentioned thisbefore, and I don't like to talk
about it too much because I'malways afraid that I'm going to
sound like a woe is me person.
I I want to have moreinterviews with people.
And one of the things that hasblocked me from doing that is my
insane work hours.
My insane work hours block mefrom not just doing interviews,
(02:07):
but all sorts of things in life.
You know, two weeks ago Iworked 63 freaking hours.
Last week I took a little moretime off, and I ended up only
working 35 hours.
But I do experience a littlebit of fear about interview
episodes.
I've done two so far, one withmy mom and one with an old
(02:30):
friend of mine, Kate Majot.
And she was releasing a book,so we got to talk about it.
But behind the curtain on thoseepisodes, I was I was very
fearful.
I was very nervous going intomy mom's episode and Kate's
episode, especially.
You know, she's an author now.
She's a dear old friend of minewho went through a crazy
traumatic experience.
And I feel I feel that fear forupcoming episodes because the
(02:55):
original idea that I had forthis podcast was to give an open
space for people to talk abouttheir life experiences and the
challenges that they're goingthrough and the things that
they've done to get through themand overcome them so that
people listening could beinspired.
And when I don't have guestson, the only thing I have to
(03:17):
talk about are my ownexperiences in the current
moment.
And right now, that's what I'mdoing with you.
You know, I'm I'm expressing toyou guys my fear, my
self-doubt.
I'm very self-critical.
I mean, the voice will appearin my head, and it doesn't make
things easy.
And I'm balancing a lot offinancial, chronic financial
(03:39):
pressure.
And I have to also figure outsome way to balance my time with
my work hours, my family beingpresent for my son and my kids
and my wife, apply for jobs.
I've I've got my resume touchedup and I've been shooting out
applications now.
And the fear that goes intofinding a job.
You know, anyone listening, ifyou've applied for jobs, which
(04:02):
I'm sure many of you have, andyou know what that process is
like.
It's stressful.
You don't know who you're goingto be working for, what they
expect of you, prepping for theinterview.
And I'm trying to get my footin the door for IT because I'm
pretty decent with computers,but I'm nervous.
You know, there's that fear.
And I wanted to talk about fearin this episode and how I deal
with it because maybe it'll helpsomebody else out there.
(04:25):
Some of these spiritualpractices I've been partaking in
have really helped me handle myfear.
And I have a lot of pressure toperform for you guys, these
weekly episodes, the upcomingguests.
Is the podcast good enough?
How do I manage my time betweenall this?
And then at the end of the day,my sleep management, letting
the podcast kind of be enoughand going to sleep.
(04:47):
But I try to have gratitude inspite of all this.
I think gratitude is a veryimportant thing in dealing with
many aspects in life, butespecially fear.
I think it was episode eightwhere I uh it was called
Reverence to Be, where I talkedabout being grateful for in
spite of all my circumstances.
(05:08):
And um, you know, I'm drivingwith my air conditioner out now
and I'm sweating bullets, and Ihave to shower when I get home
on my lunch break, and thenagain when I get home after my
shift is over, after 12 hours ofdriving.
But it's like, how do you begrateful in that situation?
How do you be grateful when theworld is charging you double in
(05:28):
rent than it used to four orfive, six years ago?
You know, and it seems likethere's so many terrible things
that are happening in the world.
You know, there's the fear ofnuclear war, there's the fear of
climate change and the crazypeople that are doing nothing to
stop it, or at least preparefor it.
They're just arguing about thecause.
(05:49):
And it's like, well, what aboutme?
You know, what do I do with allthis fear?
How do I be grateful in all ofit?
And there's um, there's thatverse from 1 Thessalonians from
Paul where he says, rejoicealways, pray without ceasing,
give thanks in allcircumstances, for this is the
(06:10):
will of God in Christ Jesus foryou.
But how do you apply that?
Well, when he says rejoicealways, he's literally saying
just take part in the activityyou're doing and be grateful
that you're able to be doing thething you're doing.
And it sounds crazy, but I'vebeen trying to apply that when
(06:31):
I've been driving and I'msweating ass in the car.
Excuse my language.
Like I'm actually practicingthat.
Like, wow, thank you, thank youfor this.
You know, it it kind of wakesme up a little bit.
Um, yeah, it it soundscounterintuitive, but I
encourage you guys to try it.
(06:52):
Just look on the grateful sideof things when you can, and not
in a sarcastic way, butlegitimately, just being
grateful for the things that youhave.
Like, yeah, my air conditioneris out, but I still have my car.
I'm still able to earn money,even though the gig apps have
cut my pay by over 35% in thelast two years.
At least I still have a way ofearning money.
(07:14):
At least I still have a house.
At least I still have a family.
And I don't know where I'mgonna get the money to pay for
my air conditioner.
I don't know how I'm gonna payfor my utility bills that are
backed up and about to get shutoff.
I don't know, but I'm gratefulthat I my utilities are still on
for the moment.
I'm grateful that I still canearn money and provide for my
(07:37):
family right now.
So I'm rejoicing in that.
It could be worse.
There's a quote from a C.S.
Lewis book that I wanted toread to you on this topic.
Um, it's called The Screw TapeLetters.
It's a short story, shortnovel.
Uh, this is the guy who wrotethe Chronicles of Narnia, and
(07:57):
this uh book, Screwtape Letters,is about a demon who is writing
to his nephew, Wormwood, andthey refer to God and you know
good things as the enemy.
So he's he writes this letter,I think it's in the sixth
letter, and I'll just give you alittle quote from it.
He says, There is nothing likesuspense and anxiety for
(08:21):
barricading a human's mindagainst the enemy, you know,
God.
He wants men to be concernedwith what they do.
Our business is to keep themthinking about what will happen
to them.
It's an interesting letterbecause he's highlighting how
these demons, quote unquote,want you to be distracted
(08:45):
worrying about what's going tohappen to you in the future
instead of exactly what you aredoing in the moment, in the
present moment.
And it's funny because I mydaughter, she's at the end of
her, or she she was at the endof her uh fall break, and I
wanted to do something fun withher, just like a daddy-daughter
(09:07):
type thing.
And um, I said, let's go to themovies, and she's like, All
right, and we were trying tofigure out what movie to see,
and she suggested the conjuring,uh, The Last Rites, the new
one.
Good movie, by the way, if youguys haven't seen it, but I was
like, Are you sure?
You know, it's not gonna giveyou nightmares.
It ended up giving me anightmare, which I'll talk about
in a sec, but she was like,Yeah, I'm sure.
(09:28):
And the resolution of the film,without spoiling it, was to
face the demons, to face thedemon.
And I thought that was like sopoetic because we all have those
quote unquote inner demons.
For me, right now, it's it'sfinancial fear, uh, uns
financial uncertainty.
I mean, even if you're not in aprecarious financial position,
(09:50):
you are probably worried aboutthe future of you know the stock
market or the economy.
It's scary, but facing it isreally the only way through it.
It's like Dante's Inferno.
The only way out of hell is togo through the center of it.
And like I mentioned um amoment ago, I did have a dream
because I saw this movie with mydaughter, and then I um I was
(10:13):
dreaming that night.
And in my dream, there was likesomething wrong with the
microwave in the kitchen, and wehad a lot of people over, and
the microwave, I was worried,was gonna give out these rays
that would hurt the family.
So I said, everyone's got, youknow, it was like I had to
control the situation, and Iwent to go get a tool or
something to fix it, and when Icame back, it was like everybody
(10:35):
was gone, just like in thefilm.
And I was like, Oh, that'sweird.
And then a chair started tolevitate into the air.
And I don't know what came overme, but I was like, okay, we're
doing this.
It started to connect with me.
It almost became lucid at thatpoint.
I walked up to the chair and Isaid, Okay, take me.
(10:55):
And I started to float up inthe air, and I started getting
nervous, but I was like, takeme.
Go ahead and swallow me up, youknow?
And I woke up and my heart waspounding and stuff.
But the cool thing about thatdream for me, and I'm not a Carl
Jungian, but I don't try tointerpret dreams too much, but
just facing the demon woke meup.
And I feel like that's that'swhat happens in life.
(11:17):
When we face our demons, itreally wakes us up to the thing
that we need to face.
It's not trying to scare usaway from the thing, but kind of
point us to it.
If we just turn towards it, wewake up.
And um, you know, in in termsof like fear and self-doubt, if
we think about like what isfear?
(11:39):
What is fear?
If you really look at it andself-doubt, you know, um, I
found this definition that Ireally liked where it says fear
is a contraction around imaginedloss.
It's like your awareness,instead of being with the moment
and having all your energyfree, it contracts and it just
(12:02):
forms around this idea in yourhead of what if?
What if the job I get is shitand they they don't treat me
well there and I don't like mywork?
What if this podcast episode isterrible?
What if this podcast, you know,on and on and on and on.
And instead of having all myenergy to deal with the present
moment, it's contracted andconforms to this imaginary fear
(12:27):
in the future.
And self-doubt is just thatfear with a voice, you know,
speaking to you.
You're not a good podcaster.
No one's commented on yourstuff yet because they don't
find it interesting or it's youknow, whatever.
Your inner critic is alwaysgoing to be so terrible.
I don't need to tell you guysthat.
(12:48):
You've heard it.
But it's turning towards it, Ithink, and maintaining that
trust when things are not goingour way with work, money, our
time management.
Maintaining trust.
Can you trust it?
Can you trust the fear as well?
You know, there's a there's averse that I pulled on this
(13:10):
topic from um Proverbs chapterthree, verse five and six.
It says, Trust in Yahweh withall your heart, and do not rely
on your own insight.
In all your ways, acknowledgehim, and he will make straight
your paths.
Trust in your being with allyour heart.
(13:31):
Trust in the moment.
And if I if I was to convertthat into a like an actionable
thing, instead of like when youhear that Proverbs verse, it's
real easy to nod your head andsay, Yeah, that's cool, that
makes sense.
But on a day-to-day basis, whatthat looks like for me, just to
(13:54):
give you guys an example, Iwill actively, especially when
I'm experiencing fear aboutthese podcast episodes or the
podcast in general or applyingfor a job or whatever, what I do
is I ground myself in thepresent moment.
And I know it sounds like abroken record, but I ground
(14:15):
myself in the moment withwhatever I'm doing, sweating in
the car or, you know, drivingthe car in general, or whatever
I'm doing.
If I'm walking, I'm justwalking.
And what happens is my mindwill overwhelmingly want to
think.
I have to think.
(14:36):
I have to plan this episode.
I don't have time right now tofocus on my breath or to just
focus on driving the car.
I can't just do that.
But what I've learned is thatthe more you come back to the
present, the more space youcreate in yourself and the
(14:58):
thoughts that are really usefuland will really help me with
that next episode, or you know,balancing my time, or whatever
it is, applying for jobs, yourmind becomes a hundred times
more effective at what it needsto do when you let go of control
(15:20):
and you keep coming back.
The fear will keep trying topoke you and say, you've got to
think about this, you've got to,you've got to handle this,
you've got to do this.
Yes, there are things that youhave to plan and do, but what
I'm saying is they they plan andthink themselves.
(15:40):
You don't have to be theworrier or the thinker.
You just have to keepremembering to come back, to
come back.
And you'll notice the more youdo this, there is literally more
space in your head, and thethoughts that will start to
appear, A, they'll be quieter,and B, they're going to be way
(16:03):
more effective, like I was justsaying.
So I just wanted to kind ofgive you, you know, in words the
best I could, the way that Iput that Proverbs verse in
action.
Trust in my being.
Can I trust that I can justfocus on what I'm doing and the
thoughts that I need to thinkwill think themselves?
(16:25):
Because spoiler alert, thatthoughts think themselves
anyways.
It's just a letting go of thefear.
And on this note, we alwayslike to personify things when we
tell stories.
I mean life itself is a storythat we tell ourselves.
(16:45):
There is uh a verse thatexemplifies this uh in the
Buddhist tradition.
In in Buddhism, they don'tpersonify the devil like they do
in modern interpretations ofChristianity.
What they do is they have a uhDeva named Mara who embodies
like temptation, fear,self-doubt as a person, but they
(17:09):
don't look at him as an eviladversary.
They look at him as a companionwho guides you back to
wholeness through thetemptations.
And Tiknot Han, who I've quotedbefore many times on this
podcast, he's an old Zen master,passed on, unfortunately, in
recent years, but he has a quoteon Mara where he says, if you
(17:35):
were there with, and this is umkind of a quote uh illustrating
a part of the Buddha's life, hesays, if you were there with
Ananda, and if you were verymindful, you would have had the
feeling that Buddha and Marawere a couple of friends who
need each other like day andnight, like flowers and garbage.
(17:57):
The Buddha needs Mara becausethanks to Mara, he has become a
Buddha.
It is thanks to thedifficulties, thanks to the
temptations that the Buddha hasovercome his suffering and his
ignorance and become a fullyenlightened being.
(18:19):
So there's a different way wecan look at the demons, the
inner demons in us.
They're like a threshold, anentryway or a beginning point
into separation or back todivine union.
Facing them is how we wake up,not running from them.
(18:43):
So I thought maybe one thingthat we could do, if you're
listening, is to take just amoment and go inside yourself
and just find one of the fearsthat's really been gnawing at
you.
Maybe the most prominent one.
Maybe it's financial pressure,like me.
(19:04):
Maybe it's fear of a coworkeror whatever it is.
Just find one fear inside ofyourself.
And don't do anything.
Don't try to fix it.
Don't worry about it.
Just find the fear and let itbe.
Let it sit in your awarenessfor a moment.
(19:28):
Release the outcome.
Don't try to fix it.
Is this episode going to be adog turd?
All these fears are kind ofswirling around in me right now
as a tornado.
And I'm aware of them.
I've got a little frame ofawareness around it.
(19:51):
And I'm just watching it.
And I'm letting go of me tryingto solve it right now.
Because I know that thesolution will eventually present
itself.
I've survived 42 years.
I think I'm gonna be okay.
I don't know how I'm gonnaresolve these things.
(20:14):
But I'm allowing them tobreathe.
I'm allowing them to be.
Take your fear and allow it tobe for a moment.
In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishnaspeaking to Arjuna says, You
(20:43):
have a right to perform yourprescribed duty, but you are not
entitled to the fruits ofaction.
Never consider yourself to bethe cause of the results of your
activities.
And never be attached to notdoing your duty.
(21:05):
So I have to let go of figuringout and knowing how my outcome
will be with my finances of thepodcast.
I don't know.
I have to let that go.
And I can't walk away from mywork hours, my work weeks, I
(21:30):
can't walk away from thepodcast.
Not that I want to, but I haveto show up.
And I have to show upunconcerned with the results.
Not that I don't care about theresult, but that's not my
place.
I don't get to decide whathappens, how this will turn out.
(21:53):
That is not up to me.
I will show up to the plate andI will take a swing with faith,
with trust.
So I want you guys listening toask yourself what is the next
faithful swing I can take today?
(22:15):
What can I do to show up and doit, but also release the
results?
We're coming up on the finishline here because that's really
what I wanted to get off mychest to you guys.
I'm gonna be putting in a lotof effort to find that job, to
put in the hours, and also getmore guests on this podcast.
You know, part of the fear ofthe reason I haven't is because
(22:37):
I'm afraid of the storiesthey're gonna tell and the
emotional weight that thatbrings because I feel deeply
with each person that I speakwith.
I have a guest coming up who'sgonna be talking about some
incredibly painful loss thathe's experienced.
But I think I think we'll get alot of wisdom out of his
stories.
So to close out here, I had acouple of read just a couple of
(23:02):
quick readings here.
We've all heard Psalm 23, but Ithought it would be so perfect
for this episode.
I want you guys to just clear aspace in your head and let
these writings really sink in.
This first one is from David.
He was a new king, surroundedby all kinds of problems.
(23:24):
Imagine the stress of being aking.
He says, Yahweh is my shepherd.
I shall not want.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in right paths forhis name's sake.
(23:49):
Even though I walk through thedarkest valley, I fear no evil,
for you are with me.
Your rod and your staff, theycomfort me.
You prepare a table before mein the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil, mycup overflows.
(24:15):
Surely goodness and mercy shallfollow me all the days of my
life, and I shall dwell in thehouse of the Lord my whole life
long.
Before I close out, I have onelast thing I wanted to read you
(24:37):
guys from Thomas Merton, an oldChristian mystic who's very
similar to me and in that hereally tried to show people the
the way that Zen Buddhism andTaoism and Eastern thought
weaves beautifully with theoriginal meaning and
(24:57):
understanding of uh the Hebrewtradition, uh particularly
Jesus.
But before I read his his uhprayer of unknowing, as it's
often called from his bookThoughts in the Solitude, if you
if you enjoyed this show and itshifted something for you, you
know, please take a moment tofollow it in your favorite app,
(25:19):
share it maybe with a friend whomight need it.
If you really want to blow mymind, you can support us at
patreon.com slash standingnowhere podcast.
He says, My Lord God, I have noidea where I am going.
(25:41):
I do not see the road ahead ofme.
I cannot know for certain whereit will end, nor do I really
know myself.
And the fact that I think thatI am following your will does
not mean that I am actuallydoing so.
(26:01):
But I believe that the desireto please you does in fact
please you.
And I hope that I have thedesire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never doanything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this,you will lead me by the right
(26:26):
road.
Though I may not know nothingabout it.
Therefore I will trust youalways, though I may seem to be
lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you areever with me, and you will never
leave me to face my perilsalone.
(26:48):
Thank you so much forlistening, everyone.
Blessings, and have a wonderfulrest of your day.
Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the Standing
Nowhere podcast.
This is a place where weexplore life and spirituality
across various traditions, notas abstract ideas, but as
something we actually livethrough on a day-to-day basis.
My name's Jake, and it is apleasure to be back.
(00:37):
And today I wanted to talkabout fear.
Because I'm going to be honestwith you guys, I can't, I can't
be fake about this.
I've been experiencing somefear over the last two weeks.
In a nutshell, a lot of thefear has centered on the quality
of this podcast, making surethat I put my best effort into
(01:01):
each and every episode for youguys, as well as balancing my
life.
Because right now I feel alittle out of balance and a
little fearful.
And I wanted to talk about howI'm dealing with that fear in
hopes that it might help some ofyou listening who are also
experiencing with some fear.
(01:22):
I mean, even this episode, I'vethis is my third take.
I've started it, recorded aboutfive minutes, and then stopped
because even just trying torecord this episode, I'm so
afraid that I'm not being honestand genuine with you guys.
I don't like being fake.
I value authenticity above all.
(01:45):
And I'm working a lot of hours.
I've I've mentioned thisbefore, and I don't like to talk
about it too much because I'malways afraid that I'm going to
sound like a woe is me person.
I I want to have moreinterviews with people.
And one of the things that hasblocked me from doing that is my
insane work hours.
My insane work hours block mefrom not just doing interviews,
(02:07):
but all sorts of things in life.
You know, two weeks ago Iworked 63 freaking hours.
Last week I took a little moretime off, and I ended up only
working 35 hours.
But I do experience a littlebit of fear about interview
episodes.
I've done two so far, one withmy mom and one with an old
(02:30):
friend of mine, Kate Majot.
And she was releasing a book,so we got to talk about it.
But behind the curtain on thoseepisodes, I was I was very
fearful.
I was very nervous going intomy mom's episode and Kate's
episode, especially.
You know, she's an author now.
She's a dear old friend of minewho went through a crazy
traumatic experience.
And I feel I feel that fear forupcoming episodes because the
(02:55):
original idea that I had forthis podcast was to give an open
space for people to talk abouttheir life experiences and the
challenges that they're goingthrough and the things that
they've done to get through themand overcome them so that
people listening could beinspired.
And when I don't have guestson, the only thing I have to
(03:17):
talk about are my ownexperiences in the current
moment.
And right now, that's what I'mdoing with you.
You know, I'm I'm expressing toyou guys my fear, my
self-doubt.
I'm very self-critical.
I mean, the voice will appearin my head, and it doesn't make
things easy.
And I'm balancing a lot offinancial, chronic financial
(03:39):
pressure.
And I have to also figure outsome way to balance my time with
my work hours, my family beingpresent for my son and my kids
and my wife, apply for jobs.
I've I've got my resume touchedup and I've been shooting out
applications now.
And the fear that goes intofinding a job.
You know, anyone listening, ifyou've applied for jobs, which
(04:02):
I'm sure many of you have, andyou know what that process is
like.
It's stressful.
You don't know who you're goingto be working for, what they
expect of you, prepping for theinterview.
And I'm trying to get my footin the door for IT because I'm
pretty decent with computers,but I'm nervous.
You know, there's that fear.
And I wanted to talk about fearin this episode and how I deal
with it because maybe it'll helpsomebody else out there.
(04:25):
Some of these spiritualpractices I've been partaking in
have really helped me handle myfear.
And I have a lot of pressure toperform for you guys, these
weekly episodes, the upcomingguests.
Is the podcast good enough?
How do I manage my time betweenall this?
And then at the end of the day,my sleep management, letting
the podcast kind of be enoughand going to sleep.
(04:47):
But I try to have gratitude inspite of all this.
I think gratitude is a veryimportant thing in dealing with
many aspects in life, butespecially fear.
I think it was episode eightwhere I uh it was called
Reverence to Be, where I talkedabout being grateful for in
spite of all my circumstances.
(05:08):
And um, you know, I'm drivingwith my air conditioner out now
and I'm sweating bullets, and Ihave to shower when I get home
on my lunch break, and thenagain when I get home after my
shift is over, after 12 hours ofdriving.
But it's like, how do you begrateful in that situation?
How do you be grateful when theworld is charging you double in
(05:28):
rent than it used to four orfive, six years ago?
You know, and it seems likethere's so many terrible things
that are happening in the world.
You know, there's the fear ofnuclear war, there's the fear of
climate change and the crazypeople that are doing nothing to
stop it, or at least preparefor it.
They're just arguing about thecause.
(05:49):
And it's like, well, what aboutme?
You know, what do I do with allthis fear?
How do I be grateful in all ofit?
And there's um, there's thatverse from 1 Thessalonians from
Paul where he says, rejoicealways, pray without ceasing,
give thanks in allcircumstances, for this is the
(06:10):
will of God in Christ Jesus foryou.
But how do you apply that?
Well, when he says rejoicealways, he's literally saying
just take part in the activityyou're doing and be grateful
that you're able to be doing thething you're doing.
And it sounds crazy, but I'vebeen trying to apply that when
(06:31):
I've been driving and I'msweating ass in the car.
Excuse my language.
Like I'm actually practicingthat.
Like, wow, thank you, thank youfor this.
You know, it it kind of wakesme up a little bit.
Um, yeah, it it soundscounterintuitive, but I
encourage you guys to try it.
(06:52):
Just look on the grateful sideof things when you can, and not
in a sarcastic way, butlegitimately, just being
grateful for the things that youhave.
Like, yeah, my air conditioneris out, but I still have my car.
I'm still able to earn money,even though the gig apps have
cut my pay by over 35% in thelast two years.
At least I still have a way ofearning money.
(07:14):
At least I still have a house.
At least I still have a family.
And I don't know where I'mgonna get the money to pay for
my air conditioner.
I don't know how I'm gonna payfor my utility bills that are
backed up and about to get shutoff.
I don't know, but I'm gratefulthat I my utilities are still on
for the moment.
I'm grateful that I still canearn money and provide for my
(07:37):
family right now.
So I'm rejoicing in that.
It could be worse.
There's a quote from a C.S.
Lewis book that I wanted toread to you on this topic.
Um, it's called The Screw TapeLetters.
It's a short story, shortnovel.
Uh, this is the guy who wrotethe Chronicles of Narnia, and
(07:57):
this uh book, Screwtape Letters,is about a demon who is writing
to his nephew, Wormwood, andthey refer to God and you know
good things as the enemy.
So he's he writes this letter,I think it's in the sixth
letter, and I'll just give you alittle quote from it.
He says, There is nothing likesuspense and anxiety for
(08:21):
barricading a human's mindagainst the enemy, you know,
God.
He wants men to be concernedwith what they do.
Our business is to keep themthinking about what will happen
to them.
It's an interesting letterbecause he's highlighting how
these demons, quote unquote,want you to be distracted
(08:45):
worrying about what's going tohappen to you in the future
instead of exactly what you aredoing in the moment, in the
present moment.
And it's funny because I mydaughter, she's at the end of
her, or she she was at the endof her uh fall break, and I
wanted to do something fun withher, just like a daddy-daughter
(09:07):
type thing.
And um, I said, let's go to themovies, and she's like, All
right, and we were trying tofigure out what movie to see,
and she suggested the conjuring,uh, The Last Rites, the new
one.
Good movie, by the way, if youguys haven't seen it, but I was
like, Are you sure?
You know, it's not gonna giveyou nightmares.
It ended up giving me anightmare, which I'll talk about
in a sec, but she was like,Yeah, I'm sure.
(09:28):
And the resolution of the film,without spoiling it, was to
face the demons, to face thedemon.
And I thought that was like sopoetic because we all have those
quote unquote inner demons.
For me, right now, it's it'sfinancial fear, uh, uns
financial uncertainty.
I mean, even if you're not in aprecarious financial position,
(09:50):
you are probably worried aboutthe future of you know the stock
market or the economy.
It's scary, but facing it isreally the only way through it.
It's like Dante's Inferno.
The only way out of hell is togo through the center of it.
And like I mentioned um amoment ago, I did have a dream
because I saw this movie with mydaughter, and then I um I was
(10:13):
dreaming that night.
And in my dream, there was likesomething wrong with the
microwave in the kitchen, and wehad a lot of people over, and
the microwave, I was worried,was gonna give out these rays
that would hurt the family.
So I said, everyone's got, youknow, it was like I had to
control the situation, and Iwent to go get a tool or
something to fix it, and when Icame back, it was like everybody
(10:35):
was gone, just like in thefilm.
And I was like, Oh, that'sweird.
And then a chair started tolevitate into the air.
And I don't know what came overme, but I was like, okay, we're
doing this.
It started to connect with me.
It almost became lucid at thatpoint.
I walked up to the chair and Isaid, Okay, take me.
(10:55):
And I started to float up inthe air, and I started getting
nervous, but I was like, takeme.
Go ahead and swallow me up, youknow?
And I woke up and my heart waspounding and stuff.
But the cool thing about thatdream for me, and I'm not a Carl
Jungian, but I don't try tointerpret dreams too much, but
just facing the demon woke meup.
And I feel like that's that'swhat happens in life.
(11:17):
When we face our demons, itreally wakes us up to the thing
that we need to face.
It's not trying to scare usaway from the thing, but kind of
point us to it.
If we just turn towards it, wewake up.
And um, you know, in in termsof like fear and self-doubt, if
we think about like what isfear?
(11:39):
What is fear?
If you really look at it andself-doubt, you know, um, I
found this definition that Ireally liked where it says fear
is a contraction around imaginedloss.
It's like your awareness,instead of being with the moment
and having all your energyfree, it contracts and it just
(12:02):
forms around this idea in yourhead of what if?
What if the job I get is shitand they they don't treat me
well there and I don't like mywork?
What if this podcast episode isterrible?
What if this podcast, you know,on and on and on and on.
And instead of having all myenergy to deal with the present
moment, it's contracted andconforms to this imaginary fear
(12:27):
in the future.
And self-doubt is just thatfear with a voice, you know,
speaking to you.
You're not a good podcaster.
No one's commented on yourstuff yet because they don't
find it interesting or it's youknow, whatever.
Your inner critic is alwaysgoing to be so terrible.
I don't need to tell you guysthat.
(12:48):
You've heard it.
But it's turning towards it, Ithink, and maintaining that
trust when things are not goingour way with work, money, our
time management.
Maintaining trust.
Can you trust it?
Can you trust the fear as well?
You know, there's a there's averse that I pulled on this
(13:10):
topic from um Proverbs chapterthree, verse five and six.
It says, Trust in Yahweh withall your heart, and do not rely
on your own insight.
In all your ways, acknowledgehim, and he will make straight
your paths.
Trust in your being with allyour heart.
(13:31):
Trust in the moment.
And if I if I was to convertthat into a like an actionable
thing, instead of like when youhear that Proverbs verse, it's
real easy to nod your head andsay, Yeah, that's cool, that
makes sense.
But on a day-to-day basis, whatthat looks like for me, just to
(13:54):
give you guys an example, Iwill actively, especially when
I'm experiencing fear aboutthese podcast episodes or the
podcast in general or applyingfor a job or whatever, what I do
is I ground myself in thepresent moment.
And I know it sounds like abroken record, but I ground
(14:15):
myself in the moment withwhatever I'm doing, sweating in
the car or, you know, drivingthe car in general, or whatever
I'm doing.
If I'm walking, I'm justwalking.
And what happens is my mindwill overwhelmingly want to
think.
I have to think.
(14:36):
I have to plan this episode.
I don't have time right now tofocus on my breath or to just
focus on driving the car.
I can't just do that.
But what I've learned is thatthe more you come back to the
present, the more space youcreate in yourself and the
(14:58):
thoughts that are really usefuland will really help me with
that next episode, or you know,balancing my time, or whatever
it is, applying for jobs, yourmind becomes a hundred times
more effective at what it needsto do when you let go of control
(15:20):
and you keep coming back.
The fear will keep trying topoke you and say, you've got to
think about this, you've got to,you've got to handle this,
you've got to do this.
Yes, there are things that youhave to plan and do, but what
I'm saying is they they plan andthink themselves.
(15:40):
You don't have to be theworrier or the thinker.
You just have to keepremembering to come back, to
come back.
And you'll notice the more youdo this, there is literally more
space in your head, and thethoughts that will start to
appear, A, they'll be quieter,and B, they're going to be way
(16:03):
more effective, like I was justsaying.
So I just wanted to kind ofgive you, you know, in words the
best I could, the way that Iput that Proverbs verse in
action.
Trust in my being.
Can I trust that I can justfocus on what I'm doing and the
thoughts that I need to thinkwill think themselves?
(16:25):
Because spoiler alert, thatthoughts think themselves
anyways.
It's just a letting go of thefear.
And on this note, we alwayslike to personify things when we
tell stories.
I mean life itself is a storythat we tell ourselves.
(16:45):
There is uh a verse thatexemplifies this uh in the
Buddhist tradition.
In in Buddhism, they don'tpersonify the devil like they do
in modern interpretations ofChristianity.
What they do is they have a uhDeva named Mara who embodies
like temptation, fear,self-doubt as a person, but they
(17:09):
don't look at him as an eviladversary.
They look at him as a companionwho guides you back to
wholeness through thetemptations.
And Tiknot Han, who I've quotedbefore many times on this
podcast, he's an old Zen master,passed on, unfortunately, in
recent years, but he has a quoteon Mara where he says, if you
(17:35):
were there with, and this is umkind of a quote uh illustrating
a part of the Buddha's life, hesays, if you were there with
Ananda, and if you were verymindful, you would have had the
feeling that Buddha and Marawere a couple of friends who
need each other like day andnight, like flowers and garbage.
(17:57):
The Buddha needs Mara becausethanks to Mara, he has become a
Buddha.
It is thanks to thedifficulties, thanks to the
temptations that the Buddha hasovercome his suffering and his
ignorance and become a fullyenlightened being.
(18:19):
So there's a different way wecan look at the demons, the
inner demons in us.
They're like a threshold, anentryway or a beginning point
into separation or back todivine union.
Facing them is how we wake up,not running from them.
(18:43):
So I thought maybe one thingthat we could do, if you're
listening, is to take just amoment and go inside yourself
and just find one of the fearsthat's really been gnawing at
you.
Maybe the most prominent one.
Maybe it's financial pressure,like me.
(19:04):
Maybe it's fear of a coworkeror whatever it is.
Just find one fear inside ofyourself.
And don't do anything.
Don't try to fix it.
Don't worry about it.
Just find the fear and let itbe.
Let it sit in your awarenessfor a moment.
(19:28):
Release the outcome.
Don't try to fix it.
Is this episode going to be adog turd?
All these fears are kind ofswirling around in me right now
as a tornado.
And I'm aware of them.
I've got a little frame ofawareness around it.
(19:51):
And I'm just watching it.
And I'm letting go of me tryingto solve it right now.
Because I know that thesolution will eventually present
itself.
I've survived 42 years.
I think I'm gonna be okay.
I don't know how I'm gonnaresolve these things.
(20:14):
But I'm allowing them tobreathe.
I'm allowing them to be.
Take your fear and allow it tobe for a moment.
In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishnaspeaking to Arjuna says, You
(20:43):
have a right to perform yourprescribed duty, but you are not
entitled to the fruits ofaction.
Never consider yourself to bethe cause of the results of your
activities.
And never be attached to notdoing your duty.
(21:05):
So I have to let go of figuringout and knowing how my outcome
will be with my finances of thepodcast.
I don't know.
I have to let that go.
And I can't walk away from mywork hours, my work weeks, I
(21:30):
can't walk away from thepodcast.
Not that I want to, but I haveto show up.
And I have to show upunconcerned with the results.
Not that I don't care about theresult, but that's not my
place.
I don't get to decide whathappens, how this will turn out.
(21:53):
That is not up to me.
I will show up to the plate andI will take a swing with faith,
with trust.
So I want you guys listening toask yourself what is the next
faithful swing I can take today?
(22:15):
What can I do to show up and doit, but also release the
results?
We're coming up on the finishline here because that's really
what I wanted to get off mychest to you guys.
I'm gonna be putting in a lotof effort to find that job, to
put in the hours, and also getmore guests on this podcast.
You know, part of the fear ofthe reason I haven't is because
(22:37):
I'm afraid of the storiesthey're gonna tell and the
emotional weight that thatbrings because I feel deeply
with each person that I speakwith.
I have a guest coming up who'sgonna be talking about some
incredibly painful loss thathe's experienced.
But I think I think we'll get alot of wisdom out of his
stories.
So to close out here, I had acouple of read just a couple of
(23:02):
quick readings here.
We've all heard Psalm 23, but Ithought it would be so perfect
for this episode.
I want you guys to just clear aspace in your head and let
these writings really sink in.
This first one is from David.
He was a new king, surroundedby all kinds of problems.
(23:24):
Imagine the stress of being aking.
He says, Yahweh is my shepherd.
I shall not want.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in right paths forhis name's sake.
(23:49):
Even though I walk through thedarkest valley, I fear no evil,
for you are with me.
Your rod and your staff, theycomfort me.
You prepare a table before mein the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil, mycup overflows.
(24:15):
Surely goodness and mercy shallfollow me all the days of my
life, and I shall dwell in thehouse of the Lord my whole life
long.
Before I close out, I have onelast thing I wanted to read you
(24:37):
guys from Thomas Merton, an oldChristian mystic who's very
similar to me and in that hereally tried to show people the
the way that Zen Buddhism andTaoism and Eastern thought
weaves beautifully with theoriginal meaning and
(24:57):
understanding of uh the Hebrewtradition, uh particularly
Jesus.
But before I read his his uhprayer of unknowing, as it's
often called from his bookThoughts in the Solitude, if you
if you enjoyed this show and itshifted something for you, you
know, please take a moment tofollow it in your favorite app,
(25:19):
share it maybe with a friend whomight need it.
If you really want to blow mymind, you can support us at
patreon.com slash standingnowhere podcast.
He says, My Lord God, I have noidea where I am going.
(25:41):
I do not see the road ahead ofme.
I cannot know for certain whereit will end, nor do I really
know myself.
And the fact that I think thatI am following your will does
not mean that I am actuallydoing so.
(26:01):
But I believe that the desireto please you does in fact
please you.
And I hope that I have thedesire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never doanything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this,you will lead me by the right
(26:26):
road.
Though I may not know nothingabout it.
Therefore I will trust youalways, though I may seem to be
lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you areever with me, and you will never
leave me to face my perilsalone.
(26:48):
Thank you so much forlistening, everyone.
Blessings, and have a wonderfulrest of your day.
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