September 18, 2025 • 49 mins
Hesitation can feel holy—like you’re safeguarding a perfect outcome—but it often becomes a kind of living death. This episode wrestles with wobbling (that anxious, double-minded stall) and what it takes to move with trust anyway.
From Einstein’s bicycle to the Matrix Oracle, from a boot-camp tower to a spouse’s one-line koan, momentum itself begins to clarify the road. Planning is wisdom; paralysis is not. Early-episode experiments, an AI-editing spiral, awkward first dates, a career crossroads, even Mario’s autoscroll levels—each scene becomes the same invitation: from hesitation to wholehearted action.
Along the way we explore analysis paralysis vs. presence, the courage to “cut off” competing options so a real choice can live, a generosity that doesn’t need applause, and the strange way death—remembered honestly—sharpens what matters now.
Across traditions, the counsel converges: James warns about the divided mind; the Gita points to action without clinging to results; Lao Tzu cautions against overfilling the cup; Alan Watts reminds us that security is a story we tell our breath. Different voices, same current—move, and balance finds you.
The turning point is simple and stubborn: sit when you sit, walk when you walk, and stop wobbling. Decide, move, and let the course-corrections meet you in motion.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jacob (00:00):
you Hello, everyone.
Welcome back to another episodeof the Standing Nowhere
(00:20):
podcast.
This is your host, Jacob, and Iam pleased to be back with you.
Today, I wanted to speak abouthesitation and fear and
trembling, what they call in Zenwobbling or being indecisive,
because it's something that I'vereally struggled with.
And I'm going to get into somedetails on that later in the
(00:41):
episode.
But for now, I wanted to openwith a Hiyokajo story.
saying hikajou was an old zenmaster and his students said
What is Zen?
He said to them, when hungry,eat.
When tired, sleep.
And they said, well, isn't thatwhat everybody does?
(01:04):
Aren't you just like ordinarypeople?
And he said, no, oh no, theydon't do anything of the kind.
When they're hungry, they don'tjust eat.
They think of all sorts ofthings.
And when they're tired, theydon't just sleep.
They dream all sorts of dreams.
Thank you.
So the lesson that you hear frompeople in Zen is that when you
(01:29):
are sitting, you are justsitting.
When you're walking, you arejust walking.
Above all, do not wobble.
And what is wobbling?
It's really a hesitation whereyou're not sure about how
something is going to come outor turn out and you hesitate and
(01:49):
you're fearful about theoutcome of it.
You're sort of split into two.
You're wavering between faithand fear.
Essentially, you're never fullyhere.
You're never fully present orwith what is what you're doing.
There was a letter thatEinstein wrote to his son who
(02:14):
was going through some strugglein life.
And there's a famous quote thata lot of you may have heard
from that letter.
He says, it is the same withpeople as it is with riding a
bicycle.
Only when moving can onecomfortably maintain one's
balance.
And this is true abouteverything in life.
(02:38):
And this is especially truewith your mind.
It goes dull very quickly ifyou don't use it, if you don't
read a book, if you don'tstimulate it in some way.
And it's the same thing withwisdom.
(03:02):
Even in spiritual traditions,wisdom, In Buddhism, they teach
without constant practice orvirya, which is kind of like a
spiritual enthusiasm I've spokenabout on past episodes.
Your wisdom will atrophy.
Your ability to see clearly inthe present moment will atrophy.
(03:23):
You'll lose that ability.
It's something that you must bediligent about.
not as something you have todo.
It's something you should wantto do to be present for your
life, to stop and smell theroses.
And out of that presence comeswisdom.
(03:43):
You'll be able to see clearly.
But when we're not with what isand what we're doing, fear can
arise, right?
We can wobble.
We go into our heads and wesay, what if?
What if this doesn't play outlike I want it to?
(04:05):
What if I get fired?
What if she doesn't like me?
What if this podcast episodeisn't any good?
Alan Watts wrote a wonderfulbook called The Wisdom of
Insecurity, and I highlyrecommend it to everyone.
There's a quote from it that Ipulled for this episode where he
(04:28):
says, "...the desire forsecurity and the feeling of
insecurity are the same thing.
To hold your breath is to loseyour breath." A society based on
the quest for security isnothing but a breath retention
contest in which everyone is astaut as a drum and as purple as
(04:53):
a beat.
The same wisdom that Alan Wattsis speaking to here is also
reflected in the Bhagavad Gita,which is all about action.
Action.
taking action and not worryingabout the result, not being
attached to the fruits of theresult.
(05:14):
And in the fourth chapter, the20th verse in the Gita, it says,
such people having given upattachment to the fruits of
their actions are ungrateful.
always satisfied and notdependent on external things.
Despite engaging in activities,they do not do anything at all.
(05:37):
In the West, when we hear that,despite engaging in activities,
they do not do anything at all,that sounds paradoxical.
How can I take action and dosomething and I'm not really
doing anything?
And the best way I can relatethis to a Westerner, like
(06:01):
myself, is what we call being inflow or that flow state where
the action is happening, but youare out of the picture.
It's sort of like when you wearclothes that fit right, you
don't notice them, right?
In the same way, when you aretaking action and you're not
(06:21):
overthinking it or overlyself-conscious, you, quote
unquote, disappear.
And there is just action.
You know, in the language ofthe Gita or old Christian
mystics like Meister Eckhart,they would say that it's just
the divine moving through you.
(06:42):
Spontaneity.
I mean, if action is flowingthrough you and you're not
attached to the outcome, thenwho is it really that's deciding
or taking action on thesethings?
In other words, if you're tonot wobble and you have to get
(07:02):
out of the way, how is adecision going to arise?
Well, you'll notice if you lookclosely at your decisions, they
happen spontaneously anyways.
It always comes down to a coinflip, right?
In other words, you can take inendless amounts of information,
but at some point, a decisionwill arise.
(07:25):
And the longer you wobble aboutit and worry about it, the more
pain and suffering you aregoing to endure.
And paradoxically, the outcomeis probably not going to go in
the way you want anyways.
So if action is flowing throughyou, who is it that's deciding?
(07:51):
Neuroscience, they're doingmore and more studies on this
that suggests that the brainprepares decisions before we are
even aware of them.
In other words, we act and thenwe explain to ourselves why we
chose to do that thing.
And this sort of reminded mefrom a scene in the Matrix
(08:16):
trilogy.
If you're not familiar, themain character, he has
tremendous power and he goes toan Oracle asking for counsel and
wisdom.
And he says to her, if youalready know what I'm going to
do, how can I make a choice?
Because she is omniscient.
She knows literally everythingthat's going to happen.
(08:38):
And And she says to him, it'sbecause you didn't come here to
make the choice.
You've already made it.
You're here to understand whyyou've made it.
And for me, that...
(09:00):
is so powerful because I canrelate that to so many things in
my life, things that havehappened in the past.
I can demonize myself and beatmyself up for them and then
become extra fearful aboutfuture decisions that I'll make.
Or I can accept that decisionshave simply happened and they
(09:21):
happened through what I willcall me and they will continue
to happen in the future.
I mean, no matter what, guys,what's going to happen is going
to happen, period.
And look at the word decide.
(09:43):
Decide.
Did you notice how the worddecide sounds sort of like
homicide or suicide?
That's because it actually doesshare the same etymological
root.
But what it means at its rootis to slay all other options, to
decide.
In other words, you're killingor cutting off all the other
(10:06):
possibilities and choosingsomething, going with it.
And I'm not saying here thatwhat you should take away from
this is that, oh, well,whatever's going to happen is
going to happen, so I'm notgoing to care anymore, and I'm
(10:27):
just going to completely actinstantaneously to everything
that comes up.
I'm not saying that at all.
Planning is wisdom.
When I was in the service, wehad something called the seven
Ps.
Proper prior planning preventspiss-poor performance.
So you do have to plan, but youalso have to plan But when does
(10:49):
planning cross into paralysis?
We've all heard that termanalysis, paralysis,
overthinking.
There's a fine line.
You know, in episode two.
After I had started thepodcast, I was really excited
(11:10):
and I started gathering mythoughts into notes for the
second episode.
And I gathered more and moreand more and I was like, this is
going to be the best episodeever.
And before I knew it, theoutline when it came time to
record was so utterly massive.
And I really wanted to stick tomy weekly schedule.
And I said, there's no way Ican do this.
(11:33):
This is completely a mess.
And I threw the notes out and Ihad to freestyle the episode.
Because to me, it was moreimportant to maintain the
momentum of the podcast and notget stuck in that analysis
paralysis.
It was more important tomaintain the podcast than to
(11:58):
retreat back into that oldmindset that caused me to not
start the podcast for a longtime in the first place, which
I'll touch on later.
And the episode, episode two,it was imperfect.
It was not the greatest episodeI've done and I'm still
learning.
This is only the 13th episode,but it was alive.
I got it out there and Ilearned from it.
(12:21):
When I heard the episode playedback to me, I was kind of
excited.
I thought it was good at first.
Then I heard it, and I waslike, man, this thing is packed
to the brim with all kinds ofstuff.
Because I sat down with mynotes, and I had to throw them
out.
So I'm like, well, let's talkabout, I think it was concepts,
belief over faith.
(12:41):
So episode three, I sloweddown.
I was a little bit in my headabout it.
I was like, man, I was so fastin episode two.
Let me slow down for episodethree.
Maybe we'll do a littlemindfulness exercise.
And then I really liked thepace of that one.
So I learned from that one.
And I found a few things thatcould have been better here and
(13:04):
there.
And then I started to useoutlines in episode four onward.
But those first three episodeswere completely off the cuff.
And they were not perfect, butthey exist.
I published them so that Icould move forward.
And this is something thatstill...
(13:27):
I struggle with to this daywith this podcast.
I'll overthink editing.
There was an episode I did acouple episodes ago.
I think it was episode 11 aboutanger, and I was overthinking
editing the intro.
I did a little sarcastic introthat I thought was hilarious to
(13:50):
myself, and I thought it wouldbe great.
And as many of you guys know atthis time of my life, as of
this recording, I don't havemuch free time.
So I use, I use AI to help meedit my episodes.
I'll, I'll feed the transcriptin and then it gives me just
highlighted things.
And then I go through it.
I make the final call ofcourse.
(14:11):
And usually it's no problem.
It'll just highlight somethings.
And half the time I'm like, no,I like that.
I'm going to keep that in, butthank you for suggesting it.
But this one particular editrecommendation in the beginning
of the anger episode, it's, Ithought it was funny and I
wanted to keep it in, but thenChatbot was like, no, you should
take that out.
Get to the point quicker.
(14:32):
And I was like, what?
I felt so hurt.
So then I went and I took itfrom ChatGPT and I fed it into
Claude, another AI.
And I was like, well, let meget Claude's opinion.
Let's have the AIs kind of dukeit out a little bit.
It got to the point where I waslike, I had four or five
(14:53):
different Chatbot windows open.
Ask And I said, I'm clearlyoverthinking this.
(15:14):
I'm asking five differentchatbots about advice.
You know, what should I do?
You know, just be my guru rightnow.
And I wrote down a little quoteof what it says.
said because it was so good itsaid and this is deep seek it
said make the cuts do the trimsrender the file and then walk
(15:36):
away don't listen again lookingfor more flaws don't send it to
another AI for one more checkyou have reached the point of
diminishing returns the energythat you're spending agonizing
over the last 5% is energy thatyou could be putting into the
next episode your Your work isgood.
Your message is important.
(15:57):
Don't let the perfect becomethe enemy of the published.
I love that quote.
I was like, man, I got thislittle AI guru here.
So I took its advice.
I left it in.
I published the episode.
And then later I overthoughtabout the title of the episode
because at first it didn't gainmuch traction.
(16:18):
So I ended up changing it,actually revamped my title
process.
So going back to what I said,like you have to plan things.
Planning is wisdom, but youhave to be conscious of when
that crosses over into analysisparalysis.
Even this episode, I was doingthe outline and I was talking to
my wife a little bit about it.
She likes to wait till theepisode comes out and I'm done
(16:40):
with post-production.
And I said, I think thisepisode is going to be really
good and instantaneously withoutany it was just completely
spontaneous almost before Ifinished my sentence my wife
says how about you don't worryabout whether it's good or not
and just do it and I love that Ismiled at her I said you're
right and I'm going to use thatin the episode so thank you
(17:02):
honey I appreciate that becauseI struggle with it I struggle
with overthinking I have one ofthose brains that really
hesitates big time I rememberone time I was in boot camp.
Oh, gosh, I'm dating myself.
It's like 21 years ago, and Iwas climbing what they call the
stairway to heaven.
It's like this big obstaclecourse, and I'm terrified of
(17:25):
heights.
And I was at the top of thisobstacle course, and this thing
is really high off the ground.
If you've ever seen Full MetalJacket with Gomer Pyle when he
gets stuck at the top, that wasme.
I was literally frozen, and thedrill instructor at the bottom,
he's like, what's the problem,really?
And I was like, sir, thisrecruit cannot move his body,
(17:46):
sir.
And he said, okay.
He said, follow my voice and myinstructions bit by bit, okay?
And I was like, all right.
And he went through.
He's like, move your right armaround the log and hold on to
the other side.
I was like, okay.
He's like, now take your rightleg.
And I had to just take action.
I was frozen.
(18:07):
But we get like that in life,right?
especially big decisions.
But the takeaway is you preparewisely to the best of your
ability, and then you slay theoptions.
You decide.
You slay the options and act.
And it might be imperfect, butit's alive.
(18:32):
It's forward motion.
And that's how you maintainbalance.
On a bike, when you're movingforward, if you feel you're
falling to the right, then yourbody will correct and go left.
Same thing.
You're going to the left, it'llcorrect and go right.
but it can't do anything ifyou're not moving.
You'll just fall over.
And these lessons, they'rereflected in everything.
(18:57):
It's the same thing with mycareer.
I was really successful insales and I got really
comfortable there and I didn'twant to move out of it.
Eventually, I was forced out ofit, which is another story for
another podcast.
I didn't know what to do, so Igot into gig work.
(19:17):
That's where I've been foreight years in gig work.
To this day, I still have thatwobble or hesitation about going
back into the working world,worried that I'm not going to
make as much, although my payhave made that a lot easier for
a decision to be made because Ihave no choice now with all the
pay cuts gig work has done toits workers.
(19:39):
I have to get out of it.
I have to get back into thecorporate world.
And there's that fear of theunknown.
I don't know what my next jobis going to look like.
I don't know what theinterviews are going to look
like.
I don't know what my coworkersare going to be like.
I don't know if I'm going tolike the work.
There's endless uncertainty.
(20:00):
amounts of data points that Ican pull into my brain and worry
about.
But none of that willaccomplish anything.
I have to get my applicationout there.
So the excuses in my head tostay are gone.
I have to get back into theworking world.
And as I mentioned on pastpodcasts, I do have my resume
ready.
And I'll be honest, I have notapplied for a single job yet
(20:23):
since I've mentioned it on thepast, I don't know, two or three
episodes.
I've been working a lot andI've been really enjoying the
the creation process of thispodcast, this creative outlet,
and I've neglected to get my jobapplications out there.
And I'm putting myself outthere and I'm saying it and I'm
being honest with you guys.
(20:44):
And I think anyone listeningcan agree it's not easy to
switch jobs.
We like to believe that...
the owner of the company takesall the risk.
But it's really, in my opinion,the worker.
We're risking our safety.
(21:05):
We're risking getting fired ata moment's notice.
There's a lot of risk that wetake.
And when you work at a job andyou're comfortable there,
there's nothing wrong with that,wanting to do good work and get
better at what you do.
But again, it can turn into awobble or hesitation, and then
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you stay in something that youneed to get out of, and that
creates suffering.
And that's where I'm at rightnow.
Some of you listening might bein a similar situation where you
are at a job that you need toget out of, but you are afraid
of the unknown.
And part of that fear iscorrect.
You could go to a job that'sworse, where people could treat
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you worse, your coworkers youdon't like, the work you don't
like, could be more dangerous.
All of those things are valid.
But what is not valid is youstaying in your job when you
don't like it, if you know youneed to get out of it.
I mean, unless you haveabsolutely no other choice, but
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there's a fine line.
It's just like when you meet anew partner, too.
You know, if you're single outthere, the fear of rejection is
immense.
Just asking someone to go outwith you on a date is utterly
terrifying because your brain isgoing to go through all the
(22:33):
worst case scenarios.
What if she or he says no?
And I reinforce to myself thatI really am not an attractive
person or a fun person to bearound.
And I should have just stayedhome in my cave and played video
games or watch TV or blah,blah, blah.
I mean, your brain is a darkalley that I don't recommend
(22:54):
going down.
And that's why forward motionis so important.
Get over yourself and just ask.
And you'll be glad you did.
And you just keep asking.
Before I met my wife, I was onone of those dating websites.
And I was like, And I wentthrough a lot of dates, but I
was able to go on a lot of datesbecause I was asking people and
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I got way more no's than yes's,but I still got a good amount
of yes's.
And sometimes the dates wereabsolutely terrible, absolutely
terrible.
And sometimes they were okay.
And sometimes, you know, I'dmeet someone who I'd see for
just a little while and then itdidn't work out, you know, all
the ups and downs.
But eventually, Eventually, Ifound my wife on that website.
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I think it was OKCupid.
And I remember seeing herpicture, how beautiful she
looked.
And I met her, and we justclicked immediately.
And had I not asked, had Isaid, you know, she's too pretty
for me, she's not going to sayyes, we wouldn't be married
today with kids.
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My son wouldn't have had a mom,someone to take him in because
my son is, not to digress, buthe's from my previous marriage
and I was a single dad and shetook on that responsibility all
through my dating.
I could have said no one wantsto date a guy with a kid, but
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you have to move forward.
You get stuck in your head andit's like you're dead already.
When I was drafting thisepisode, I was playing Mario
with my son.
He likes to play the old Mariogames from like when I was a
kid.
And they have those levelswhere the level keeps moving no
(24:47):
matter what.
And if you don't keep movingwith the level, you die.
I thought that was a littlecool analogy I could throw into
the episode.
He's like, why is the levelmoving, Dad?
I said, that's like life.
It just keeps moving.
He's like, all right.
Or when I read those JackReacher novels, he's a character
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who's so decisive.
He always knows exactly what todo.
And the author gives him theseimpossible scenarios from the
start and he detangles the wholething by the end.
And you're always like, how'she going to get out of this one?
But there's always thesesituations where it's like, do
we go left or right?
And he's like, we go left.
And people ask him, why do youalways choose left?
And he's like, you just have toknow in advance what you're
(25:30):
going to do if there's no otherin He's so decisive about it.
And this same lesson shows upin Scripture as well, not just
in the Bhagavad Gita, but alsoin the Bible.
There's an interesting versein...
I believe it's Matthew, the14th chapter, and everyone is
(25:54):
familiar with it.
Even if you're not a Christian,you get a lot of wisdom out of
this.
It's when Jesus is walking onthe water and all the disciples
on the boat are terrified andthey think it's a ghost.
And he calls out to Peter andPeter says, Lord, if it's you,
command me to come to you on thewater.
So Jesus said, come.
(26:15):
So Peter gets out of the boat,starts walking on the water and
came to But when he noticed thestrong wind and the storm, he
became frightened and he beganto sink.
He cried out, Jesus immediatelyreached out his hand and caught
(26:36):
him.
And he said to him, Theinteresting thing about that
statement is is when he says,why did you doubt?
In Greek, that word doubt isdistazo.
And that means to stand in twoplaces, to waver between paths.
(27:03):
So the metaphor or the parableof that story is, are you
keeping your eyes on Jesus?
Like, do you trust?
And I've talked about trust andfaith on past episodes.
Do you trust this wholeprocess?
Even if you're not a Christian,you don't believe in the word
God or Jesus as divine, itdoesn't matter.
Do you trust it?
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You came out of it.
Do you trust it?
Or do you waver?
Are you standing in two places?
This is echoed in another bookin the Bible of James.
In the first chapter, he says,if any of you is lacking in
wisdom, ask God, who gives toall generously and ungrudgingly,
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and it will be given to you.
But ask in faith.
which means trust, trustingfaith, never doubting, like that
word, testazo, ask in faith,never doubting, for the one who
doubts is like a wave of thesea, driven and tossed by the
(28:06):
wind.
For the doubter, beingdouble-minded and unstable in
every way, must not expect toreceive anything from the Lord,
from Yahweh.
See how powerful that is.
Don't be double-minded, he'ssaying.
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Take action.
And we've heard that inChristians, they get stumbled by
this, and some argue about thisin the same book of James.
In the Or I think it says, sofaith by itself, if it has no
works, is dead.
(28:49):
And that word works in Greek isergon, which means action or
deed.
Just like Einstein said, keepmoving forward.
Take action and just trust it.
You can go back and listen tosome of my first episodes.
They're not as polished.
They're not as...
(29:09):
I'm not going to say they'renot as good.
I'm not going to beat myselfup, but...
This is like an audio log of mestumbling, but moving forward.
I don't know how this episodeis going to do, but I am sitting
in my chair and I am recordingit right now.
(29:30):
And I'll hear it back and I'llsay that was good or I could
have done better here, but I'mmoving forward.
So I'm trusting and I'm movingforward.
I'm doing the works.
Ergon, action, deed.
In Eastern philosophy, they saysome people, they think divine
(29:53):
yoga is sitting in a cave andmeditating.
And some people, that is theirdharma.
But what good is meditating andcultivating inner peace and
spaciousness if you're not goingto take action?
At that point, you are avoidingreality, right?
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And this is also true inhelping people, in generosity.
How many times do we get in abattle between our head and our
heart about whether to helpsomebody?
And what did Jesus say aboutthis in the book of Matthew?
In the sixth chapter, versethree, he says, "'But when you
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give to the needy, or when yougive alms, do not let your left
hand know what your right handis doing.'" Don't think about
it.
Help whoever needs to behelped.
Period.
Don't do it for your ego, forpeople to perceive you in ways.
He has other imagery like don'tblow a trumpet in the streets,
(30:59):
letting everyone know whatyou've done.
You just take action.
If you have a friend or afamily member who needs help,
you help them.
When you give alms, do not letyour left hand know what your
right hand is doing.
Be spontaneous.
And here's the kicker, guys.
You don't have a choice.
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Not only is the action going tocome either way and it'll be
worse if you wobble.
But one day, you are not goingto be here anymore, at least in
this form, in this body, in thismind, with these memories and
experiences.
That's going to stop.
(31:42):
We call it death, and it isinevitable.
It is that great reminder totake action.
You don't have to fear death,but you do have to remember that
it is your companion.
Hello, it's coming.
So stop procrastinating.
You know, there's a, if you'veIf you've ever seen the Hobbit
(32:09):
trilogy, you might not have, butthere's a scene that I
absolutely love in the first ofthe Hobbit films by Peter
Jackson where Bilbo is a littleHobbit.
And he looks at the wizard atone point in the film and he
says, if I go with you, can youpromise that I'll come back?
And the wizard says, no.
(32:29):
No, I can't promise you that.
And if you do come back, Ican't promise that you'll be the
same person.
And Bilbo says, well, then I'msorry, I can't go.
So they all go to sleep thatnight and the next morning he
wakes up and he sees they've allleft without him because he
(32:52):
chooses not to go with them.
And at first you can see he's alittle happy and he looks
around his house and it'scompletely empty.
They're gone.
And you see him just like, yes,back to my normal life.
But then he looks around andAnd he sees his armchair and his
(33:19):
books and there's a look on hisface and there's no dialogue in
this scene.
And that's why it's so powerfulbecause he looks around and the
music kind of emphasizes thisstagnation, this over
familiarity with your dailylife, this being too comfortable
(33:41):
and his face changes.
And he gets a longing for thatadventure that he could have
gone on.
And in a moment, it cuts to thenext scene where he is fully
loaded with his gear and he'srunning as fast as he can to
(34:02):
catch up to the dwarfs.
And he eventually does.
And that begins the wholeadventure.
And that's the whole point ofthose movies is to get out of
your hobbit hole, yourcomfortable little house and
understand that Life is anunknowing.
There's an uncertainty to it,but you can't be afraid to step
(34:23):
outside of your door.
And that was my story with thispodcast, amongst other things
in my life.
I prepared for this podcastlate in my 40th year.
It was when I was just about tomove into the house I'm in now
and I turned 41 and I waspreparing the podcast and I was
(34:43):
preparing and I was preparingand I was preparing and I got
the cover and I got theskeleton, the structure of the
podcast, the microphone, thelogistics, and I was just having
fun preparing, preparing,preparing.
Oh, it's going to be so good.
I can't wait to do it.
(35:04):
Everyone's told me I should doit.
And if you recall in episodeone, I had like this, I don't
know if you'd call it asynchronicity or whatnot.
Something was just telling me,do a podcast.
And I felt called to do it.
And it would be such awonderful thing.
And almost a year went by andfrom 41 to 42, I would say I was
(35:29):
prepared for this podcastprobably a good three to six
months in.
At that point, I was prettymuch overly prepared.
And then my thoughts started toturn in on myself and I
thought, Why have I not startedthis thing yet?
What am I waiting for?
And I would try to rationalizeit.
I just need to do a little moreresearch.
(35:50):
I just need to brush up on mystudies of Eastern philosophy or
Hinduism or Taoism or make sureI'm really solid in my
connections.
Because one of the main themesI wanted this podcast to be
about is the common themesbetween all of these traditions.
And I just couldn't stoppreparing.
(36:12):
And it got to the point wheremy 42nd birthday was coming up
in a few days and I hadn'tstarted the podcast yet.
And I knew as my 42nd birthdaywas coming, something awoke
inside of me and I had thisrealization because it was my
(36:36):
birthday.
I'm turning 42.
That's one more year that Icould check off that I don't
have anymore.
Death is coming.
And I said, I'm done.
I'm done procrastinating.
For my 42nd birthday, I'm goingto give myself the best
(36:58):
birthday present I can imagine,and I'm going to record my first
frickin' episode.
And I did it, and I had no ideawhat I was doing.
That's why I called that firstepisode, I Don't Know What I'm
Doing.
I wanted to really emphasizethat.
So I sat down, and I pushedrecord.
And I did it.
(37:19):
And I launched it.
Episode one, I don't know whatI'm doing.
And I felt alive again.
I felt so alive.
All of the crust ofprocrastination was shattered
and destroyed.
And people were asking me, howwas your birthday?
And I said, it was the bestbirthday that I have ever had in
(37:42):
my life.
And they said, really?
What did you do?
And I said, I recorded my firstpodcast episode.
And I knew in my head, as I donow, that this podcast might go
nowhere.
It might become nothing, but Idid it.
And I didn't just do it formyself.
(38:05):
I did it with all the reasons Iwanted to start doing it, to
help others, to share thingsthat I've learned that have
really helped me through animpossible situation.
If it helps just one otherperson, and I kept all that
alive in me, and I just hitrecord, and I did it, and I felt
so great.
Because death is coming.
(38:27):
It is inevitable.
i've spoken about this a littlebit on past episodes the
impermanence of life life moveswhether we we do or not there's
a parable called the appointmentin sumara where a wealthy
(38:49):
merchant in baghdad he sends hisservant to the marketplace And
a little while later, theservant comes back and his face
is white and he's trembling.
And he says, Master, just now Iwas in the marketplace and I
was jostled by a woman in thecrowd.
(39:09):
And when I turned, I saw thatit was the angel of death that
had jostled me.
She looked at me and her facewent wide with big eyes and a
threatening gesture.
Master, please lend me yourhorse for I must escape to
(39:30):
Samara to escape her.
So the merchant said, ofcourse, I'll give you my fastest
horse.
And the servant mounted thehorse and he raced it as fast as
he could away to Samara.
And the merchant who wascurious, he went down to the
marketplace to see if he couldfind this angel of death.
(39:52):
And there she was standing inthe crowd.
And he went up to the angel ofdeath and said, Why did you make
a threatening gesture towardsmy servant when you saw him this
morning?
And the angel, she said, oh,that was not a threatening
(40:13):
gesture.
I was shocked.
I was surprised.
I was astonished to see him inBaghdad because I have an
appointment with him tonight inSamarra.
Wow.
Oh, you can't escape death.
It's coming.
And it's not doom and gloom.
(40:37):
It's just a fact of life.
You came out of whatever thismystery is, and this mystery
also contains death.
So you can trust death.
It's a part of you.
It's a reminder that, again,life is moving whether we do or
(41:00):
not.
And if we are stuck in analysisparalysis, you are like a
living death, basically.
You're in a living death state.
You're already dead.
So move.
Act spontaneously, especiallywhen it comes to kindness and
showing compassion to people andlove.
(41:21):
Don't overthink it.
Be there for people.
And remember, there's a wisdomin uncertainty, in unknowing.
like the title of Alan Watts'book, The Wisdom of Uncertainty.
(41:43):
Life only unfolds when we stepforward.
There's an unknowing in lifethat we have to embrace.
And really, it's not somethingto be feared.
If you think about it,unknowing and uncertainty and
(42:04):
mystery, it makes life worthliving.
Think of chess masters.
You know, when they're playingchess, when they see that the
game is over, when they saylike, oh, it's checkmate in five
moves, what do they do?
They end the game because theyknow the outcome.
They end the game.
(42:24):
There's an element of surprisein life that makes life worth
living.
It's that uncertainty of thefuture that makes it exciting.
You can't be afraid of it.
Even when you listen to yourmusic, you put your playlist on
shuffle because you don't wantto know even what your next song
is going to be.
(42:44):
You want it to surprise you.
And when it comes on, you loveit all the more.
Even God, if you're okay withthat word, hides from himself,
herself, itself for the pure joyof discovery through you.
Whatever this mystery ofexistence is in the cosmos,
(43:10):
isn't that exciting?
I mean, you've got people onone side who are nihilists who
say everything is random andmeaningless.
And then you've got people onthe other side that say, no,
it's all perfectly ordained andwonderful.
And there's just this bigmystery and people to bait each
other and it's exciting.
It makes death all the moreexciting.
Like, oh, I get to see whathappens afterwards, you know?
(43:31):
Movement, forward motion itselfis faith.
It's faith and it's trusting.
When you take that step, you'resaying, I trust it.
I'm part of it.
I'm not separate from it.
(43:53):
It's If you go back to one of myold episodes, I talk about how
all separation is essentiallyillusory anyways.
Movement is faith, is trusting.
Wobbling, uncertainty, that isdisbelief.
When you are hungry, eat.
(44:17):
When you are tired, sleep.
When you sit...
Just sit.
I always tie this back to beingmindful, being present with
what is.
Because when you are presentand with what is, you are in the
(44:40):
flow.
You're not fighting the riveror the current.
You're not wobbling about whatdecision you're going to make or
what the outcome could be.
You're completely with it.
Wholehearted action.
That's what Zen is all about.
And all the other traditions,as far as I'm concerned, they
all say the same thing.
(45:01):
And wholehearted, that wordheart also means like heart
mind, like your complete centerof being, wholehearted action.
So we act wholeheartedly.
And it may not be perfect, butwe're okay with that.
We can embrace theimperfections when they arise
(45:21):
and say, thank you.
What can you teach me?
So we act without perfection,but fully.
We sit when we sit, we walkwhen we walk, we don't wobble.
And as I close out, I want todo a last reading here that
really hammers this home.
And before I do, as usual, I'dencourage all of you listening,
(45:43):
if you can, please take the timeto follow the show on whatever
app you're in and reach out,share some stories with me.
Or if you'd like to have, youknow, an interview with me, I
think it'd be wonderful if youhave a story to tell that could
inspire others.
So I'm going to close out withLao Tzu from the Tao Te Ching.
(46:07):
He says, better to stop shortthan fill to the brim.
Oversharpen the blade and theedge will soon blunt.
Amass a store of gold and jadeand no one can protect it.
Claim wealth and titles anddisaster will follow.
(46:30):
So retire when the work isdone.
This is the way of heaven.
Music (46:40):
This voice might fade like dust on the dial But I'm
standing nowhere and I've beenfor a while No heroes, no
headlines, no promises made Justa whisper that won't be afraid
(47:12):
And then nowhere and it feelslike home No flags to wave, no
need to roam The silence speakslouder than war ever could And
(47:36):
I've never felt so alone Staticis kind, it leaves me alone No
orders to follow, no king on thethrone The sky's turning amber,
(48:04):
the clock's all reset And Ihaven't stopped walking I'm
(48:30):
still here.
Nothing.
you Hello, everyone.
Welcome back to another episodeof the Standing Nowhere
(00:20):
podcast.
This is your host, Jacob, and Iam pleased to be back with you.
Today, I wanted to speak abouthesitation and fear and
trembling, what they call in Zenwobbling or being indecisive,
because it's something that I'vereally struggled with.
And I'm going to get into somedetails on that later in the
(00:41):
episode.
But for now, I wanted to openwith a Hiyokajo story.
saying hikajou was an old zenmaster and his students said
What is Zen?
He said to them, when hungry,eat.
When tired, sleep.
And they said, well, isn't thatwhat everybody does?
(01:04):
Aren't you just like ordinarypeople?
And he said, no, oh no, theydon't do anything of the kind.
When they're hungry, they don'tjust eat.
They think of all sorts ofthings.
And when they're tired, theydon't just sleep.
They dream all sorts of dreams.
Thank you.
So the lesson that you hear frompeople in Zen is that when you
(01:29):
are sitting, you are justsitting.
When you're walking, you arejust walking.
Above all, do not wobble.
And what is wobbling?
It's really a hesitation whereyou're not sure about how
something is going to come outor turn out and you hesitate and
(01:49):
you're fearful about theoutcome of it.
You're sort of split into two.
You're wavering between faithand fear.
Essentially, you're never fullyhere.
You're never fully present orwith what is what you're doing.
There was a letter thatEinstein wrote to his son who
(02:14):
was going through some strugglein life.
And there's a famous quote thata lot of you may have heard
from that letter.
He says, it is the same withpeople as it is with riding a
bicycle.
Only when moving can onecomfortably maintain one's
balance.
And this is true abouteverything in life.
(02:38):
And this is especially truewith your mind.
It goes dull very quickly ifyou don't use it, if you don't
read a book, if you don'tstimulate it in some way.
And it's the same thing withwisdom.
(03:02):
Even in spiritual traditions,wisdom, In Buddhism, they teach
without constant practice orvirya, which is kind of like a
spiritual enthusiasm I've spokenabout on past episodes.
Your wisdom will atrophy.
Your ability to see clearly inthe present moment will atrophy.
(03:23):
You'll lose that ability.
It's something that you must bediligent about.
not as something you have todo.
It's something you should wantto do to be present for your
life, to stop and smell theroses.
And out of that presence comeswisdom.
(03:43):
You'll be able to see clearly.
But when we're not with what isand what we're doing, fear can
arise, right?
We can wobble.
We go into our heads and wesay, what if?
What if this doesn't play outlike I want it to?
(04:05):
What if I get fired?
What if she doesn't like me?
What if this podcast episodeisn't any good?
Alan Watts wrote a wonderfulbook called The Wisdom of
Insecurity, and I highlyrecommend it to everyone.
There's a quote from it that Ipulled for this episode where he
(04:28):
says, "...the desire forsecurity and the feeling of
insecurity are the same thing.
To hold your breath is to loseyour breath." A society based on
the quest for security isnothing but a breath retention
contest in which everyone is astaut as a drum and as purple as
(04:53):
a beat.
The same wisdom that Alan Wattsis speaking to here is also
reflected in the Bhagavad Gita,which is all about action.
Action.
taking action and not worryingabout the result, not being
attached to the fruits of theresult.
(05:14):
And in the fourth chapter, the20th verse in the Gita, it says,
such people having given upattachment to the fruits of
their actions are ungrateful.
always satisfied and notdependent on external things.
Despite engaging in activities,they do not do anything at all.
(05:37):
In the West, when we hear that,despite engaging in activities,
they do not do anything at all,that sounds paradoxical.
How can I take action and dosomething and I'm not really
doing anything?
And the best way I can relatethis to a Westerner, like
(06:01):
myself, is what we call being inflow or that flow state where
the action is happening, but youare out of the picture.
It's sort of like when you wearclothes that fit right, you
don't notice them, right?
In the same way, when you aretaking action and you're not
(06:21):
overthinking it or overlyself-conscious, you, quote
unquote, disappear.
And there is just action.
You know, in the language ofthe Gita or old Christian
mystics like Meister Eckhart,they would say that it's just
the divine moving through you.
(06:42):
Spontaneity.
I mean, if action is flowingthrough you and you're not
attached to the outcome, thenwho is it really that's deciding
or taking action on thesethings?
In other words, if you're tonot wobble and you have to get
(07:02):
out of the way, how is adecision going to arise?
Well, you'll notice if you lookclosely at your decisions, they
happen spontaneously anyways.
It always comes down to a coinflip, right?
In other words, you can take inendless amounts of information,
but at some point, a decisionwill arise.
(07:25):
And the longer you wobble aboutit and worry about it, the more
pain and suffering you aregoing to endure.
And paradoxically, the outcomeis probably not going to go in
the way you want anyways.
So if action is flowing throughyou, who is it that's deciding?
(07:51):
Neuroscience, they're doingmore and more studies on this
that suggests that the brainprepares decisions before we are
even aware of them.
In other words, we act and thenwe explain to ourselves why we
chose to do that thing.
And this sort of reminded mefrom a scene in the Matrix
(08:16):
trilogy.
If you're not familiar, themain character, he has
tremendous power and he goes toan Oracle asking for counsel and
wisdom.
And he says to her, if youalready know what I'm going to
do, how can I make a choice?
Because she is omniscient.
She knows literally everythingthat's going to happen.
(08:38):
And And she says to him, it'sbecause you didn't come here to
make the choice.
You've already made it.
You're here to understand whyyou've made it.
And for me, that...
(09:00):
is so powerful because I canrelate that to so many things in
my life, things that havehappened in the past.
I can demonize myself and beatmyself up for them and then
become extra fearful aboutfuture decisions that I'll make.
Or I can accept that decisionshave simply happened and they
(09:21):
happened through what I willcall me and they will continue
to happen in the future.
I mean, no matter what, guys,what's going to happen is going
to happen, period.
And look at the word decide.
(09:43):
Decide.
Did you notice how the worddecide sounds sort of like
homicide or suicide?
That's because it actually doesshare the same etymological
root.
But what it means at its rootis to slay all other options, to
decide.
In other words, you're killingor cutting off all the other
(10:06):
possibilities and choosingsomething, going with it.
And I'm not saying here thatwhat you should take away from
this is that, oh, well,whatever's going to happen is
going to happen, so I'm notgoing to care anymore, and I'm
(10:27):
just going to completely actinstantaneously to everything
that comes up.
I'm not saying that at all.
Planning is wisdom.
When I was in the service, wehad something called the seven
Ps.
Proper prior planning preventspiss-poor performance.
So you do have to plan, but youalso have to plan But when does
(10:49):
planning cross into paralysis?
We've all heard that termanalysis, paralysis,
overthinking.
There's a fine line.
You know, in episode two.
After I had started thepodcast, I was really excited
(11:10):
and I started gathering mythoughts into notes for the
second episode.
And I gathered more and moreand more and I was like, this is
going to be the best episodeever.
And before I knew it, theoutline when it came time to
record was so utterly massive.
And I really wanted to stick tomy weekly schedule.
And I said, there's no way Ican do this.
(11:33):
This is completely a mess.
And I threw the notes out and Ihad to freestyle the episode.
Because to me, it was moreimportant to maintain the
momentum of the podcast and notget stuck in that analysis
paralysis.
It was more important tomaintain the podcast than to
(11:58):
retreat back into that oldmindset that caused me to not
start the podcast for a longtime in the first place, which
I'll touch on later.
And the episode, episode two,it was imperfect.
It was not the greatest episodeI've done and I'm still
learning.
This is only the 13th episode,but it was alive.
I got it out there and Ilearned from it.
(12:21):
When I heard the episode playedback to me, I was kind of
excited.
I thought it was good at first.
Then I heard it, and I waslike, man, this thing is packed
to the brim with all kinds ofstuff.
Because I sat down with mynotes, and I had to throw them
out.
So I'm like, well, let's talkabout, I think it was concepts,
belief over faith.
(12:41):
So episode three, I sloweddown.
I was a little bit in my headabout it.
I was like, man, I was so fastin episode two.
Let me slow down for episodethree.
Maybe we'll do a littlemindfulness exercise.
And then I really liked thepace of that one.
So I learned from that one.
And I found a few things thatcould have been better here and
(13:04):
there.
And then I started to useoutlines in episode four onward.
But those first three episodeswere completely off the cuff.
And they were not perfect, butthey exist.
I published them so that Icould move forward.
And this is something thatstill...
(13:27):
I struggle with to this daywith this podcast.
I'll overthink editing.
There was an episode I did acouple episodes ago.
I think it was episode 11 aboutanger, and I was overthinking
editing the intro.
I did a little sarcastic introthat I thought was hilarious to
(13:50):
myself, and I thought it wouldbe great.
And as many of you guys know atthis time of my life, as of
this recording, I don't havemuch free time.
So I use, I use AI to help meedit my episodes.
I'll, I'll feed the transcriptin and then it gives me just
highlighted things.
And then I go through it.
I make the final call ofcourse.
(14:11):
And usually it's no problem.
It'll just highlight somethings.
And half the time I'm like, no,I like that.
I'm going to keep that in, butthank you for suggesting it.
But this one particular editrecommendation in the beginning
of the anger episode, it's, Ithought it was funny and I
wanted to keep it in, but thenChatbot was like, no, you should
take that out.
Get to the point quicker.
(14:32):
And I was like, what?
I felt so hurt.
So then I went and I took itfrom ChatGPT and I fed it into
Claude, another AI.
And I was like, well, let meget Claude's opinion.
Let's have the AIs kind of dukeit out a little bit.
It got to the point where I waslike, I had four or five
(14:53):
different Chatbot windows open.
Ask And I said, I'm clearlyoverthinking this.
(15:14):
I'm asking five differentchatbots about advice.
You know, what should I do?
You know, just be my guru rightnow.
And I wrote down a little quoteof what it says.
said because it was so good itsaid and this is deep seek it
said make the cuts do the trimsrender the file and then walk
(15:36):
away don't listen again lookingfor more flaws don't send it to
another AI for one more checkyou have reached the point of
diminishing returns the energythat you're spending agonizing
over the last 5% is energy thatyou could be putting into the
next episode your Your work isgood.
Your message is important.
(15:57):
Don't let the perfect becomethe enemy of the published.
I love that quote.
I was like, man, I got thislittle AI guru here.
So I took its advice.
I left it in.
I published the episode.
And then later I overthoughtabout the title of the episode
because at first it didn't gainmuch traction.
(16:18):
So I ended up changing it,actually revamped my title
process.
So going back to what I said,like you have to plan things.
Planning is wisdom, but youhave to be conscious of when
that crosses over into analysisparalysis.
Even this episode, I was doingthe outline and I was talking to
my wife a little bit about it.
She likes to wait till theepisode comes out and I'm done
(16:40):
with post-production.
And I said, I think thisepisode is going to be really
good and instantaneously withoutany it was just completely
spontaneous almost before Ifinished my sentence my wife
says how about you don't worryabout whether it's good or not
and just do it and I love that Ismiled at her I said you're
right and I'm going to use thatin the episode so thank you
(17:02):
honey I appreciate that becauseI struggle with it I struggle
with overthinking I have one ofthose brains that really
hesitates big time I rememberone time I was in boot camp.
Oh, gosh, I'm dating myself.
It's like 21 years ago, and Iwas climbing what they call the
stairway to heaven.
It's like this big obstaclecourse, and I'm terrified of
(17:25):
heights.
And I was at the top of thisobstacle course, and this thing
is really high off the ground.
If you've ever seen Full MetalJacket with Gomer Pyle when he
gets stuck at the top, that wasme.
I was literally frozen, and thedrill instructor at the bottom,
he's like, what's the problem,really?
And I was like, sir, thisrecruit cannot move his body,
(17:46):
sir.
And he said, okay.
He said, follow my voice and myinstructions bit by bit, okay?
And I was like, all right.
And he went through.
He's like, move your right armaround the log and hold on to
the other side.
I was like, okay.
He's like, now take your rightleg.
And I had to just take action.
I was frozen.
(18:07):
But we get like that in life,right?
especially big decisions.
But the takeaway is you preparewisely to the best of your
ability, and then you slay theoptions.
You decide.
You slay the options and act.
And it might be imperfect, butit's alive.
(18:32):
It's forward motion.
And that's how you maintainbalance.
On a bike, when you're movingforward, if you feel you're
falling to the right, then yourbody will correct and go left.
Same thing.
You're going to the left, it'llcorrect and go right.
but it can't do anything ifyou're not moving.
You'll just fall over.
And these lessons, they'rereflected in everything.
(18:57):
It's the same thing with mycareer.
I was really successful insales and I got really
comfortable there and I didn'twant to move out of it.
Eventually, I was forced out ofit, which is another story for
another podcast.
I didn't know what to do, so Igot into gig work.
(19:17):
That's where I've been foreight years in gig work.
To this day, I still have thatwobble or hesitation about going
back into the working world,worried that I'm not going to
make as much, although my payhave made that a lot easier for
a decision to be made because Ihave no choice now with all the
pay cuts gig work has done toits workers.
(19:39):
I have to get out of it.
I have to get back into thecorporate world.
And there's that fear of theunknown.
I don't know what my next jobis going to look like.
I don't know what theinterviews are going to look
like.
I don't know what my coworkersare going to be like.
I don't know if I'm going tolike the work.
There's endless uncertainty.
(20:00):
amounts of data points that Ican pull into my brain and worry
about.
But none of that willaccomplish anything.
I have to get my applicationout there.
So the excuses in my head tostay are gone.
I have to get back into theworking world.
And as I mentioned on pastpodcasts, I do have my resume
ready.
And I'll be honest, I have notapplied for a single job yet
(20:23):
since I've mentioned it on thepast, I don't know, two or three
episodes.
I've been working a lot andI've been really enjoying the
the creation process of thispodcast, this creative outlet,
and I've neglected to get my jobapplications out there.
And I'm putting myself outthere and I'm saying it and I'm
being honest with you guys.
(20:44):
And I think anyone listeningcan agree it's not easy to
switch jobs.
We like to believe that...
the owner of the company takesall the risk.
But it's really, in my opinion,the worker.
We're risking our safety.
(21:05):
We're risking getting fired ata moment's notice.
There's a lot of risk that wetake.
And when you work at a job andyou're comfortable there,
there's nothing wrong with that,wanting to do good work and get
better at what you do.
But again, it can turn into awobble or hesitation, and then
(21:27):
you stay in something that youneed to get out of, and that
creates suffering.
And that's where I'm at rightnow.
Some of you listening might bein a similar situation where you
are at a job that you need toget out of, but you are afraid
of the unknown.
And part of that fear iscorrect.
You could go to a job that'sworse, where people could treat
(21:49):
you worse, your coworkers youdon't like, the work you don't
like, could be more dangerous.
All of those things are valid.
But what is not valid is youstaying in your job when you
don't like it, if you know youneed to get out of it.
I mean, unless you haveabsolutely no other choice, but
(22:09):
there's a fine line.
It's just like when you meet anew partner, too.
You know, if you're single outthere, the fear of rejection is
immense.
Just asking someone to go outwith you on a date is utterly
terrifying because your brain isgoing to go through all the
(22:33):
worst case scenarios.
What if she or he says no?
And I reinforce to myself thatI really am not an attractive
person or a fun person to bearound.
And I should have just stayedhome in my cave and played video
games or watch TV or blah,blah, blah.
I mean, your brain is a darkalley that I don't recommend
(22:54):
going down.
And that's why forward motionis so important.
Get over yourself and just ask.
And you'll be glad you did.
And you just keep asking.
Before I met my wife, I was onone of those dating websites.
And I was like, And I wentthrough a lot of dates, but I
was able to go on a lot of datesbecause I was asking people and
(23:19):
I got way more no's than yes's,but I still got a good amount
of yes's.
And sometimes the dates wereabsolutely terrible, absolutely
terrible.
And sometimes they were okay.
And sometimes, you know, I'dmeet someone who I'd see for
just a little while and then itdidn't work out, you know, all
the ups and downs.
But eventually, Eventually, Ifound my wife on that website.
(23:44):
I think it was OKCupid.
And I remember seeing herpicture, how beautiful she
looked.
And I met her, and we justclicked immediately.
And had I not asked, had Isaid, you know, she's too pretty
for me, she's not going to sayyes, we wouldn't be married
today with kids.
(24:04):
My son wouldn't have had a mom,someone to take him in because
my son is, not to digress, buthe's from my previous marriage
and I was a single dad and shetook on that responsibility all
through my dating.
I could have said no one wantsto date a guy with a kid, but
(24:24):
you have to move forward.
You get stuck in your head andit's like you're dead already.
When I was drafting thisepisode, I was playing Mario
with my son.
He likes to play the old Mariogames from like when I was a
kid.
And they have those levelswhere the level keeps moving no
(24:47):
matter what.
And if you don't keep movingwith the level, you die.
I thought that was a littlecool analogy I could throw into
the episode.
He's like, why is the levelmoving, Dad?
I said, that's like life.
It just keeps moving.
He's like, all right.
Or when I read those JackReacher novels, he's a character
(25:09):
who's so decisive.
He always knows exactly what todo.
And the author gives him theseimpossible scenarios from the
start and he detangles the wholething by the end.
And you're always like, how'she going to get out of this one?
But there's always thesesituations where it's like, do
we go left or right?
And he's like, we go left.
And people ask him, why do youalways choose left?
And he's like, you just have toknow in advance what you're
(25:30):
going to do if there's no otherin He's so decisive about it.
And this same lesson shows upin Scripture as well, not just
in the Bhagavad Gita, but alsoin the Bible.
There's an interesting versein...
I believe it's Matthew, the14th chapter, and everyone is
(25:54):
familiar with it.
Even if you're not a Christian,you get a lot of wisdom out of
this.
It's when Jesus is walking onthe water and all the disciples
on the boat are terrified andthey think it's a ghost.
And he calls out to Peter andPeter says, Lord, if it's you,
command me to come to you on thewater.
So Jesus said, come.
(26:15):
So Peter gets out of the boat,starts walking on the water and
came to But when he noticed thestrong wind and the storm, he
became frightened and he beganto sink.
He cried out, Jesus immediatelyreached out his hand and caught
(26:36):
him.
And he said to him, Theinteresting thing about that
statement is is when he says,why did you doubt?
In Greek, that word doubt isdistazo.
And that means to stand in twoplaces, to waver between paths.
(27:03):
So the metaphor or the parableof that story is, are you
keeping your eyes on Jesus?
Like, do you trust?
And I've talked about trust andfaith on past episodes.
Do you trust this wholeprocess?
Even if you're not a Christian,you don't believe in the word
God or Jesus as divine, itdoesn't matter.
Do you trust it?
(27:24):
You came out of it.
Do you trust it?
Or do you waver?
Are you standing in two places?
This is echoed in another bookin the Bible of James.
In the first chapter, he says,if any of you is lacking in
wisdom, ask God, who gives toall generously and ungrudgingly,
(27:45):
and it will be given to you.
But ask in faith.
which means trust, trustingfaith, never doubting, like that
word, testazo, ask in faith,never doubting, for the one who
doubts is like a wave of thesea, driven and tossed by the
(28:06):
wind.
For the doubter, beingdouble-minded and unstable in
every way, must not expect toreceive anything from the Lord,
from Yahweh.
See how powerful that is.
Don't be double-minded, he'ssaying.
(28:28):
Take action.
And we've heard that inChristians, they get stumbled by
this, and some argue about thisin the same book of James.
In the Or I think it says, sofaith by itself, if it has no
works, is dead.
(28:49):
And that word works in Greek isergon, which means action or
deed.
Just like Einstein said, keepmoving forward.
Take action and just trust it.
You can go back and listen tosome of my first episodes.
They're not as polished.
They're not as...
(29:09):
I'm not going to say they'renot as good.
I'm not going to beat myselfup, but...
This is like an audio log of mestumbling, but moving forward.
I don't know how this episodeis going to do, but I am sitting
in my chair and I am recordingit right now.
(29:30):
And I'll hear it back and I'llsay that was good or I could
have done better here, but I'mmoving forward.
So I'm trusting and I'm movingforward.
I'm doing the works.
Ergon, action, deed.
In Eastern philosophy, they saysome people, they think divine
(29:53):
yoga is sitting in a cave andmeditating.
And some people, that is theirdharma.
But what good is meditating andcultivating inner peace and
spaciousness if you're not goingto take action?
At that point, you are avoidingreality, right?
(30:15):
And this is also true inhelping people, in generosity.
How many times do we get in abattle between our head and our
heart about whether to helpsomebody?
And what did Jesus say aboutthis in the book of Matthew?
In the sixth chapter, versethree, he says, "'But when you
(30:36):
give to the needy, or when yougive alms, do not let your left
hand know what your right handis doing.'" Don't think about
it.
Help whoever needs to behelped.
Period.
Don't do it for your ego, forpeople to perceive you in ways.
He has other imagery like don'tblow a trumpet in the streets,
(30:59):
letting everyone know whatyou've done.
You just take action.
If you have a friend or afamily member who needs help,
you help them.
When you give alms, do not letyour left hand know what your
right hand is doing.
Be spontaneous.
And here's the kicker, guys.
You don't have a choice.
(31:21):
Not only is the action going tocome either way and it'll be
worse if you wobble.
But one day, you are not goingto be here anymore, at least in
this form, in this body, in thismind, with these memories and
experiences.
That's going to stop.
(31:42):
We call it death, and it isinevitable.
It is that great reminder totake action.
You don't have to fear death,but you do have to remember that
it is your companion.
Hello, it's coming.
So stop procrastinating.
You know, there's a, if you'veIf you've ever seen the Hobbit
(32:09):
trilogy, you might not have, butthere's a scene that I
absolutely love in the first ofthe Hobbit films by Peter
Jackson where Bilbo is a littleHobbit.
And he looks at the wizard atone point in the film and he
says, if I go with you, can youpromise that I'll come back?
And the wizard says, no.
(32:29):
No, I can't promise you that.
And if you do come back, Ican't promise that you'll be the
same person.
And Bilbo says, well, then I'msorry, I can't go.
So they all go to sleep thatnight and the next morning he
wakes up and he sees they've allleft without him because he
(32:52):
chooses not to go with them.
And at first you can see he's alittle happy and he looks
around his house and it'scompletely empty.
They're gone.
And you see him just like, yes,back to my normal life.
But then he looks around andAnd he sees his armchair and his
(33:19):
books and there's a look on hisface and there's no dialogue in
this scene.
And that's why it's so powerfulbecause he looks around and the
music kind of emphasizes thisstagnation, this over
familiarity with your dailylife, this being too comfortable
(33:41):
and his face changes.
And he gets a longing for thatadventure that he could have
gone on.
And in a moment, it cuts to thenext scene where he is fully
loaded with his gear and he'srunning as fast as he can to
(34:02):
catch up to the dwarfs.
And he eventually does.
And that begins the wholeadventure.
And that's the whole point ofthose movies is to get out of
your hobbit hole, yourcomfortable little house and
understand that Life is anunknowing.
There's an uncertainty to it,but you can't be afraid to step
(34:23):
outside of your door.
And that was my story with thispodcast, amongst other things
in my life.
I prepared for this podcastlate in my 40th year.
It was when I was just about tomove into the house I'm in now
and I turned 41 and I waspreparing the podcast and I was
(34:43):
preparing and I was preparingand I was preparing and I got
the cover and I got theskeleton, the structure of the
podcast, the microphone, thelogistics, and I was just having
fun preparing, preparing,preparing.
Oh, it's going to be so good.
I can't wait to do it.
(35:04):
Everyone's told me I should doit.
And if you recall in episodeone, I had like this, I don't
know if you'd call it asynchronicity or whatnot.
Something was just telling me,do a podcast.
And I felt called to do it.
And it would be such awonderful thing.
And almost a year went by andfrom 41 to 42, I would say I was
(35:29):
prepared for this podcastprobably a good three to six
months in.
At that point, I was prettymuch overly prepared.
And then my thoughts started toturn in on myself and I
thought, Why have I not startedthis thing yet?
What am I waiting for?
And I would try to rationalizeit.
I just need to do a little moreresearch.
(35:50):
I just need to brush up on mystudies of Eastern philosophy or
Hinduism or Taoism or make sureI'm really solid in my
connections.
Because one of the main themesI wanted this podcast to be
about is the common themesbetween all of these traditions.
And I just couldn't stoppreparing.
(36:12):
And it got to the point wheremy 42nd birthday was coming up
in a few days and I hadn'tstarted the podcast yet.
And I knew as my 42nd birthdaywas coming, something awoke
inside of me and I had thisrealization because it was my
(36:36):
birthday.
I'm turning 42.
That's one more year that Icould check off that I don't
have anymore.
Death is coming.
And I said, I'm done.
I'm done procrastinating.
For my 42nd birthday, I'm goingto give myself the best
(36:58):
birthday present I can imagine,and I'm going to record my first
frickin' episode.
And I did it, and I had no ideawhat I was doing.
That's why I called that firstepisode, I Don't Know What I'm
Doing.
I wanted to really emphasizethat.
So I sat down, and I pushedrecord.
And I did it.
(37:19):
And I launched it.
Episode one, I don't know whatI'm doing.
And I felt alive again.
I felt so alive.
All of the crust ofprocrastination was shattered
and destroyed.
And people were asking me, howwas your birthday?
And I said, it was the bestbirthday that I have ever had in
(37:42):
my life.
And they said, really?
What did you do?
And I said, I recorded my firstpodcast episode.
And I knew in my head, as I donow, that this podcast might go
nowhere.
It might become nothing, but Idid it.
And I didn't just do it formyself.
(38:05):
I did it with all the reasons Iwanted to start doing it, to
help others, to share thingsthat I've learned that have
really helped me through animpossible situation.
If it helps just one otherperson, and I kept all that
alive in me, and I just hitrecord, and I did it, and I felt
so great.
Because death is coming.
(38:27):
It is inevitable.
i've spoken about this a littlebit on past episodes the
impermanence of life life moveswhether we we do or not there's
a parable called the appointmentin sumara where a wealthy
(38:49):
merchant in baghdad he sends hisservant to the marketplace And
a little while later, theservant comes back and his face
is white and he's trembling.
And he says, Master, just now Iwas in the marketplace and I
was jostled by a woman in thecrowd.
(39:09):
And when I turned, I saw thatit was the angel of death that
had jostled me.
She looked at me and her facewent wide with big eyes and a
threatening gesture.
Master, please lend me yourhorse for I must escape to
(39:30):
Samara to escape her.
So the merchant said, ofcourse, I'll give you my fastest
horse.
And the servant mounted thehorse and he raced it as fast as
he could away to Samara.
And the merchant who wascurious, he went down to the
marketplace to see if he couldfind this angel of death.
(39:52):
And there she was standing inthe crowd.
And he went up to the angel ofdeath and said, Why did you make
a threatening gesture towardsmy servant when you saw him this
morning?
And the angel, she said, oh,that was not a threatening
(40:13):
gesture.
I was shocked.
I was surprised.
I was astonished to see him inBaghdad because I have an
appointment with him tonight inSamarra.
Wow.
Oh, you can't escape death.
It's coming.
And it's not doom and gloom.
(40:37):
It's just a fact of life.
You came out of whatever thismystery is, and this mystery
also contains death.
So you can trust death.
It's a part of you.
It's a reminder that, again,life is moving whether we do or
(41:00):
not.
And if we are stuck in analysisparalysis, you are like a
living death, basically.
You're in a living death state.
You're already dead.
So move.
Act spontaneously, especiallywhen it comes to kindness and
showing compassion to people andlove.
(41:21):
Don't overthink it.
Be there for people.
And remember, there's a wisdomin uncertainty, in unknowing.
like the title of Alan Watts'book, The Wisdom of Uncertainty.
(41:43):
Life only unfolds when we stepforward.
There's an unknowing in lifethat we have to embrace.
And really, it's not somethingto be feared.
If you think about it,unknowing and uncertainty and
(42:04):
mystery, it makes life worthliving.
Think of chess masters.
You know, when they're playingchess, when they see that the
game is over, when they saylike, oh, it's checkmate in five
moves, what do they do?
They end the game because theyknow the outcome.
They end the game.
(42:24):
There's an element of surprisein life that makes life worth
living.
It's that uncertainty of thefuture that makes it exciting.
You can't be afraid of it.
Even when you listen to yourmusic, you put your playlist on
shuffle because you don't wantto know even what your next song
is going to be.
(42:44):
You want it to surprise you.
And when it comes on, you loveit all the more.
Even God, if you're okay withthat word, hides from himself,
herself, itself for the pure joyof discovery through you.
Whatever this mystery ofexistence is in the cosmos,
(43:10):
isn't that exciting?
I mean, you've got people onone side who are nihilists who
say everything is random andmeaningless.
And then you've got people onthe other side that say, no,
it's all perfectly ordained andwonderful.
And there's just this bigmystery and people to bait each
other and it's exciting.
It makes death all the moreexciting.
Like, oh, I get to see whathappens afterwards, you know?
(43:31):
Movement, forward motion itselfis faith.
It's faith and it's trusting.
When you take that step, you'resaying, I trust it.
I'm part of it.
I'm not separate from it.
(43:53):
It's If you go back to one of myold episodes, I talk about how
all separation is essentiallyillusory anyways.
Movement is faith, is trusting.
Wobbling, uncertainty, that isdisbelief.
When you are hungry, eat.
(44:17):
When you are tired, sleep.
When you sit...
Just sit.
I always tie this back to beingmindful, being present with
what is.
Because when you are presentand with what is, you are in the
(44:40):
flow.
You're not fighting the riveror the current.
You're not wobbling about whatdecision you're going to make or
what the outcome could be.
You're completely with it.
Wholehearted action.
That's what Zen is all about.
And all the other traditions,as far as I'm concerned, they
all say the same thing.
(45:01):
And wholehearted, that wordheart also means like heart
mind, like your complete centerof being, wholehearted action.
So we act wholeheartedly.
And it may not be perfect, butwe're okay with that.
We can embrace theimperfections when they arise
(45:21):
and say, thank you.
What can you teach me?
So we act without perfection,but fully.
We sit when we sit, we walkwhen we walk, we don't wobble.
And as I close out, I want todo a last reading here that
really hammers this home.
And before I do, as usual, I'dencourage all of you listening,
(45:43):
if you can, please take the timeto follow the show on whatever
app you're in and reach out,share some stories with me.
Or if you'd like to have, youknow, an interview with me, I
think it'd be wonderful if youhave a story to tell that could
inspire others.
So I'm going to close out withLao Tzu from the Tao Te Ching.
(46:07):
He says, better to stop shortthan fill to the brim.
Oversharpen the blade and theedge will soon blunt.
Amass a store of gold and jadeand no one can protect it.
Claim wealth and titles anddisaster will follow.
(46:30):
So retire when the work isdone.
This is the way of heaven.
Music (46:40):
This voice might fade like dust on the dial But I'm
standing nowhere and I've beenfor a while No heroes, no
headlines, no promises made Justa whisper that won't be afraid
(47:12):
And then nowhere and it feelslike home No flags to wave, no
need to roam The silence speakslouder than war ever could And
(47:36):
I've never felt so alone Staticis kind, it leaves me alone No
orders to follow, no king on thethrone The sky's turning amber,
(48:04):
the clock's all reset And Ihaven't stopped walking I'm
(48:30):
still here.
Nothing.
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