August 28, 2025 • 60 mins
What happens when effort becomes a trap—when we mistake striving for strength, control for care? As one old hymn puts it: ‘Lay your deadly doing down—down at Jesus’ feet.’
From the exhaustion of gig work to the pressure of parenting, from trying to meditate “perfectly” to just trying to pay rent—this is a real-time reflection on burnout, surrender, and the strange freedom that comes when you loosen your grip. I talk about raising my son Trent, quitting habits, and missing him after he left home. About sales jobs that drained the soul. About delivery apps, long hours, and that haunting moment when I wondered if it would be easier not to exist.
But in that low, I found a spark—what the Buddhists call virya, spiritual energy born from the ashes of striving. I speak about wu-wei, the Taoist art of not forcing, and how I try to bring that into everything: from meditation to Overwatch to pretending I’m a hostage while my son plays Batman.
Along the way, I weave stories from the Buddha, the Bhagavad Gita, Psalm 46, the Tao Te Ching, and that one quote from Gandalf that always gets me. I share a terrifying childhood dream, the moment I first “woke up” to mindfulness at Taco Bell, and the bittersweet beauty of learning to parent better with each child.
This isn’t a guide to doing nothing. It’s about doing what you must with clarity, not compulsion. Showing up fully—and letting the rest fall where it may.
So if you're tired of pushing, if you're caught between too tight and too loose, this episode is for you. May it remind you to breathe. To notice. To return.
“When nothing is done, nothing is left undone.” 🕊️
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jacob (00:17):
Mahamudra is beyond all words and symbols.
But for you, Naropa, earnestand loyal, must this be said.
The void needs no reliance.
Mahamudra rests on not.
Without making an effort, butremaining loose and natural, one
(00:38):
can break the yoke, thusgaining liberation.
Hello, and welcome to the 10thepisode of the Standing Nowhere
podcast.
This is your host, JacobBuehler, and I am happy to be
back with you guys.
This is a little milestone forme in the podcast.
The first episode, I called it,I don't know what I'm doing,
(01:01):
because honestly, I don't knowanything about podcasting.
It's like, I woke up After thelast episode, episode nine, and
I had all these ideas about thisepisode.
So I jotted them all down, youknow, and I made an outline of
what I wanted to talk about.
And it really took the form ofeffort, really.
(01:22):
You know, what is thedifference between effort and
striving, overthinking?
Because did you ever noticethat the harder you try, the
less things seem to work out?
Yeah.
I don't know if that's just truefor me or for you guys, but the
more I am attached to theoutcome of something that I'm
(01:46):
doing or my actions, the more Iseem to F it up.
And there's this weird paradoxthat when we relax in life,
everything seems to flow justfine.
It's like, if only we could getout of our own heads about
things, you know?
I mean, even right now, as youguys are hearing me record this,
(02:07):
I get nervous when I sit downand record.
I like to do one take, maybe doa few edits, but I just like to
let it flow so that way I canbe spontaneous and I can be as
authentic with everyonelistening as possible, genuine.
My busy schedule has notallowed me to do interviews just
(02:28):
yet, and that will be nice whenthey eventually come because
I'll have somebody to riff offof as opposed to me staring at
my sound panels on my wall.
But I wanted to frame the themeof this episode that we can use
effort or striving as a pointerand learning to let go of it,
(02:50):
essentially.
Using it as a reminder.
Oh, I'm striving again.
Time to relax.
I'm doing that right now as Irecord this.
So, I can feel the nerves comeand go.
I turn into a motor mouth, ifI'm honest, when I get nervous.
(03:19):
And it gets really bad when I'mtrying to sleep.
We all experience striving inour everyday lives, especially
for sleep for a lot of peoplewith insomnia.
I wouldn't say I have insomnia,but quitting some of my habits
I've been speaking aboutrecently has caused me to not
(03:43):
get to sleep as easily as I usedto.
Let's just say that.
Sleeping is kind of like you'rechasing a cat around the house
and it's just running away fromyou.
But I've noticed with sleep, ifyou stop trying to go to sleep
and force it, the cat just jumpsin your lap before you even
realize it and it's purring andyou're sleeping.
(04:05):
That's my little metaphor.
When I go to sleep now, if it'shard for me to drift off, I
just acknowledge it and say, youknow what, sleep, I'm not going
to chase you.
I know that you'll come whenyou're ready, and I'm just going
to lay here until you are.
And then boom, there it is.
It's the same thing, you know,in my experience with parenting
(04:30):
through life.
I've got three amazing kids andmy son, Trent, he is the
youngest, excuse me, the oldest.
So he was the first, you know.
There's a seven year gapbetween each of my children as
well.
My oldest is 19, my youngest isfour, about to turn five.
(04:51):
And my oldest, he got all of myparenting years of me learning
how to parent.
And in the context of strivingtoo hard to be a good parent or
to make him...
to shape him into something,I've made mistakes and everyone
(05:14):
does it.
If you're listening and youhave kids, I'm sure you can
relate.
Parenting is not easy.
These are like brand new humanbeings that you're bringing into
the world.
And it's up to you to make surethat they can interact with the
world in a way that won't causethem to get run over by people
(05:35):
they encounter.
or to function in society inlife.
And we can try too hardsometimes to make sure that that
happens.
And in the process, they losetheir natural beauty.
When you shape kids to be whatyou want them to be, instead of
allowing them to be what theywant to be naturally.
(05:59):
So there's this balance.
You can't be absent as a parentand do nothing and let them do
whatever they want.
But at the same time, you haveto step in and, you know, You
know, be the guardrail for themand also allow them to be what
(06:24):
they're going to be.
And I had plenty of challengesin doing that with my oldest.
And fortunately, I started torealize that I needed to loosen
up a little more in Trent'slater years.
And because of my experiencewith him, I can be that much
(06:46):
better of a parent to mydaughter and my youngest son,
Leon.
But there was a lot of timeswhere I really tightened the
bolts down and I look back, notwith regret, not to berate
myself, but to say, I did mybest and I learned something.
(07:14):
And I'm proud of who he is, andI'm glad that I'm in a position
now where I can embrace his ownwisdom.
When he was 18 or just after heturned 18, he decided he wanted
to move out and move to Vegasand pursue some opportunities
(07:35):
out there, and I miss himdearly.
But I did not try to stop him.
I brought up maybe someconcerns in a gentle way, but I
completely didn't try to fighthim on it.
And how could I?
He's 18.
So he could leave as a friendand a son who respects me and I
(08:00):
respect him, or I could havechosen to fight him on it the
whole way and say, you're makinga mistake and blah, blah, blah.
Who am I to say if it's a owndamn life we all are so there's
this balance this middle waythat we all have to walk
(08:21):
especially with our kids youstrive too hard and you're going
to make them lose respect foryou resent you nobody wants to
be that parent You know, it'sthe same thing in my work world.
I did sales for 15 years, 15years doing sales.
(08:43):
And I was good at it.
I was really good at it.
I'm going to toot my ownfreaking horn here.
You know, whatever sales job Iwas in, I crushed it.
Absolutely crushed it.
But man, I got burnt out,really burnt out.
You want to talk about a jobwhere you have to strive just to
(09:07):
survive?
Sales.
You can never relax.
It's always the next sale.
You look at everyone not ashuman beings, but as sales
opportunities.
And gig work, you know, what Ido now, there's...
Oh, so much effort that goesinto gig work.
(09:29):
It's a really weird place insociety right now The term gig
work or gig worker is almostlike propaganda.
In a way, it gets you to lookat someone not as a human being,
not as a laborer, but thisspecial new tech app person that
(09:54):
doesn't deserve benefits,doesn't deserve overtime, can be
hired and fired on the spot forany reason.
any false report, no one onyour side, you don't know your
coworkers so you can't bandtogether, And just like sales,
(10:16):
every sales job I had, they wereconstantly, constantly nerfing
how much money I was making.
I remember for two months at mylast sales job, they
quote-unquote restructured thecompensation plan, and I went
from about $750, $800 a month incommission all the way down to
(10:38):
about $5.
Wow.
And the whole department wasabout to walk out the door.
And eventually they apologizedand changed it back.
But by that point, we'd alreadylost two months worth of
commission.
And gig work has been by farthe most burnout experience of
(11:01):
my life.
I started with Uber and Lyft,and I'd have to wake up at 3.45
in the morning so I could hitthe road by 4 a.m.
to pick people up going to theairport.
And I made good money doing itfor a while.
So the last eight years thatI've been doing gig work, which
(11:21):
I've also been very good at,I've made pretty decent money
doing it because I didn't wantto do sales anymore, but I have
no other sarcastic quote skillthat will pay me a living wage
after these horrendous cost oflife increases.
You rent almost doubling for mepersonally, the cost of my car
(11:46):
going through the roof andinsurance.
I mean, it's been a financialnightmare, shitstorm, part of my
language.
And gig work during this entireinflation and cost of living
increase has done nothing butgone down and down and down in
pay.
The point I'm making is I havebeen striving more and more and
(12:10):
more just to survive and burningout.
It's what led me to this wholeintrospective journey, as I've
mentioned on several episodes inthe past, especially the first
one.
But The point is that while I'mstriving and was numbing the
(12:31):
pain with bad habits before, nowI'm clear, a lot more
clear-headed and focused, andI've realized that instead of
striving in this endless...
nightmare.
I need to put effort, notstriving, but effort into
getting out of it and findingsomething else.
Because my brain just didn'twant to accept the fact that
(12:53):
these companies could treat methis way so continually.
Each time they'd lower my pay,I'd say, it can't get worse.
And it would get worse andworse and worse.
And it's to the point now whereI can't even believe the amount
of work that needs to be donefor as little as they As little
as I've ever been paid before.
(13:15):
And yet, while I'm working,doing these gigs, these gig
apps, I have the option ofnot...
allowing the striving withininternally to continue.
In other words, I can get outthere and I can know, yes, I've
(13:42):
been shafted on pay and I haveto do a lot more labor to get a
fraction of what I used to make,yes, but I don't need to
have...
I don't need to have thisendless striving presence inside
of me, this negative strivingenergy.
I can simply accept reality asit is and do the best I can with
(14:06):
what is.
So I still show up and put theeffort in.
I get ready in the morning.
I get out on the road at 8a.m., I drive all the way
through 8.30 PM with an hourbreak in the middle.
So I show up and I put theeffort in that I need to.
I juggle the multiple apps thatI need to, to do deliveries.
(14:29):
I drive safely.
I do all of that, but I don'tneed to have this internal
conflict where I need to begoing faster, driving faster,
chasing more orders and all ofthat.
I can be with what and let goof the results.
It's the same thing if you lookat sporting events or gaming.
(14:53):
The more concerned you are withthe outcome, the less energy
and focus you have during theactual event.
I do some eSport gaming online.
I'll play competitive shooterslike Overwatch.
They're a lot of fun.
You get to put your mindagainst other people out there
and it offers you an experienceyou don't normally find in
(15:17):
single-player gaming.
And I have plenty of gameswhere I am so concerned with
winning that I just blow my top.
In fact, it's one of my biggestweaknesses, I would say, with
staying mindful, calm, andcentered.
I've gotten a lot better at it,let me tell you, but I still
(15:38):
really struggle with forcing thewin, choking under pressure
sometimes, being more concernedwith my competitive player
rating than the actualexperience of the game.
And I like to game with mywife.
She likes to game with me andwe have a lot of fun together,
but it quickly turns into a dragwhen I get in that mindset.
(16:03):
And she's amazing at stayingcalm and just enjoying it.
And she always reminds me tocome back to center like, hey,
it doesn't matter if we win.
You can't win them all.
You can't stop the waves, butyou can learn how to surf.
And it's the same thing even inpractice.
I've been meditating for threeyears now, just about.
(16:25):
And when I sit down on thecushion to meditate, and for
many of you listening, you canprobably relate to this.
But when you try too hard tokeep thoughts away, essentially,
like you sit down to meditateand you say, okay, I'm not going
to think.
I'm not going to think.
(16:46):
And then thoughts come all themore.
So there's this striving thatwe can find even in our practice
of trying to be mindful.
And on the opposite side, youcan be a little too loose.
You can sit down on the cushionand just think and think and
(17:08):
think and fantasize.
And it's like, what the hell amI even sitting here for?
I'm not even trying.
There's a middle way.
And the Buddha, he talked aboutthis, if you've heard that
middle way before, especiallywhen it comes to practice.
There's a story of somebodynamed Sona who was a monk named
(17:34):
Sona Kolivisa.
He practiced...
basically so zealously that hewore himself out.
And he came to the Buddhadiscouraged, and the Buddha
asked him about his days as amusician.
And he said, Sona, when yourlute string was too tight, what
(17:57):
happened?
It snapped.
And when it was too loose, itwould not play.
And when it was tuned justright, it made beautiful music,
he said.
Ah, in the same way, applyeffort.
(18:20):
Not too tight, not too loose,but balanced.
That parable, I love.
And it's actually, Sona was ahistorical figure, but it points
to even when we practicemindfulness, we can practice too
(18:44):
tightly.
Oh, I've got to be centered.
Oh, just focusing on my breath.
Oh, a thought took me away.
No, come back.
That's no way to practice.
But on the flip side, if youjust plop down on the cushion,
yeah, I'm practicing.
I'm kind of mindful.
Not really.
(19:05):
You see, there's this middlepath on effort and striving.
In Buddhism, there's a termcalled virya.
And virya in Buddhism meansspiritual energy or effort, but
not forcing.
It's about cultivatingenthusiasm and vitality in
(19:33):
practice.
It's described as balancingenergy so it's not too lax, but
not too tense.
Channeling courage andpersistence in the face of
obstacles.
Letting effort be joyful, notgrim duty.
And I can relate to this onmany levels.
(19:54):
Sometimes when I sit down topractice, it is very, very
difficult.
And this is why a lot of peopledon't want to meditate because
they don't want to sit down andsee what the hell is going on
inside of their minds.
But it's a wonderful process.
They say virya is the steadyflame that keeps practice alive
(20:20):
without burning you out.
And I've mentioned it on pastepisodes.
I like to call it spiritualenthusiasm.
I would say I gained my ownvirya, my own spiritual
enthusiasm and energy in thatmoment that I described to you
(20:40):
all in that first episode whenthe thought had finally popped
into my head that it would beeasier to not exist than to
exist.
And that was a chilling,haunting moment for me.
I had never, ever thought thatway before.
I mean, some might say thatborders on suicidal ideation,
(21:03):
but I, honest, hand to heart, Ihad no intention of ending my
life.
But it was the first time I'dever thought to myself, it might
just be easier not to exist.
And out of that came aspiritual enthusiasm, virya,
(21:23):
where I said, I have reached alow that I have never
experienced before, and it istime.
At 39 years old, I think I was,38 or 39, I said, it is time
for me to turn and look withinand see what is life about.
What is going on here?
(21:45):
What is going on inside myhead?
And I said, it is time.
On the flip side of virya, thereis, in the Taoist thought,
something called wu-wei.
And wu-wei is described aseffortless action.
It's sometimes translated asnon-doing.
(22:06):
But I think a more accuratetranslation of wu-wei is not
forcing.
Effortless action, going withthe flow, going with the grain
of things instead of against it.
It doesn't mean that you'redoing nothing.
(22:29):
but you're letting life movethrough you naturally, like a
river flowing or a tree growing.
There's an old Zen poem thatsays, sitting quietly doing
nothing, spring comes and thegrass grows by itself.
(22:49):
It really sets the image whenyou look outside at nature.
Do you see striving anywhere?
even in animals.
Yes, they exert themselves,especially when you see a lion
on National Geographic chasingdown its prey, which is
(23:12):
everything because it's the topof the food chain.
It looks really intense, butthat's just in the moment
effort.
It's not a striving.
It's just being itself.
Same with birds.
When you see them scavengingand collecting happy to eat
scraps outside of of a fast foodrestaurant or drinking pooled
(23:33):
water on the ground, they're notstriving.
They're not forcing.
They're just following theirnature.
But us humans, well, we havethe fortunate and also
unfortunate gift of foresightand hindsight.
which can be wonderful toolsbut terrible masters when we
(23:56):
focus more on them instead ofbeing with what is and going
with the natural flow.
So what is striving really?
Like if you're hearing me rightnow and you look within
yourself, can you try to findsomewhere within yourself where
(24:18):
there's striving or worry?
Sort of a, like I've got to,got to make sure this, what
about that thing?
What is that?
And don't answer the questionwith words, but look at it.
(24:38):
Look at the feeling of it.
Feel it.
What's the problem right now?
What is striving when we reallylook at it?
There's a story of Milarepa, aTibetan yogi from the 11th
(25:03):
century who spent yearsmeditating in mountain caves.
And one day he returned to findhis cave full of demons.
First, he tried driving themout.
But they stayed.
And then he tried teaching themthe dharma.
(25:24):
The dharma is another word forsort of the divine way of
things.
So he tried teaching them thedharma and they just stared at
him.
Finally, he bowed and said, Iopen myself to what you have to
(25:48):
teach me.
At that moment, all but onedemon vanished.
A last fierce demon remained.
Milarepa placed his head in itsmouth and said, eat me if you
wish.
And the demon bowed anddissolved into space.
(26:13):
This reminds me of a dream thatI had as a child in California.
I think I was about five or sixyears old.
And in my dream, there was thisterrifying, dark panther, just
black as the night.
(26:33):
And he had those two scaryyellow eyes looking at me.
And he was in my closet.
I could hear him growling.
And I don't know why, but forsome reason, I felt compelled to
just jump out of my bed and runup to him and sit down and look
(26:54):
at him and say, here I am.
What do you want with me?
Please come in, have some tea.
I mean, I didn't think thosethoughts, but in my dream, I
just walked right up to thepanther, not even as
confrontational, perhapsconfrontational in a sense of
(27:17):
overcoming the inner fear that Ihad within myself, but really
just looking directly into hiseyes like, how can I help you?
What would you like to teachme?
Like Milarepa, I open myself towhatever you have to teach me.
(27:39):
And when all the demonsdisappeared, that last one,
fierce as it was, he stuck hishead inside of its mouth and
said, eat me if you wish.
And the demon bowed anddissolved.
I love that story.
What demons do you have in yourlife that you've been looking
(28:03):
away from or running from?
Can you relate anything in yourlife to that story?
I know I can.
My big demon right now isapplying for jobs.
I've been doing gig work foreight years and I'm about to go
back into the belly of thecorporate beast.
I mean, I'm already there withgig work.
But I've got to face it.
(28:26):
I've got my resume touched up.
About to shoot out those apps.
I'll keep you guys posted onhow that goes.
There's a verse in the Tao TeChing that says, in the pursuit
of knowledge, every daysomething is added.
(28:48):
But in the pursuit of the Tao,every day something is dropped.
Less and less is done untilnon-action is achieved.
When nothing is done, nothingis left undone.
When nothing is done, nothingis left undone.
(29:17):
Non-action.
You see, he's not saying, well,just go limp and fall to the
floor and everything will befine.
No, you still show up.
You still do what must be done,but you are not striving.
You are going with the flow.
(29:39):
Non-action.
I remember the first time that Ireally started practicing
mindfulness almost three yearsago.
I remember that day so vividly.
In Zen, they call it beginner'smind because it's the first
time that you're really startingto wake up to the vividness of
life.
And I remember I was doing adelivery, picking up at Taco
(30:03):
Bell.
And I remember just watchingmyself, watching my body drive
the car.
the motions as I turned leftinto the parking lot, the
feeling of the motion as the carpulled me to the right.
And then when I got out of thecar and walked into the
(30:24):
restaurant, I watched myself.
I watched the feelings insideof me as I walked into the
restaurant and interacted withpeople.
I noticed a little bit ofanxiety that I had never noticed
was there before.
I remember the feeling of thebag in my hand as I carried it
(30:47):
to the car.
No thoughts.
The feeling and texture of thehandle of the bag as I slid it
into the back seat.
The pressure of my left hand asI closed the door.
It makes me emotional justremembering it because...
(31:09):
It was one of the first timesthat I'd really actively
practiced mindfulness on amoment to moment continuity.
I felt like I was floating.
I felt like a choreographeddancer, but the choreographer
(31:34):
was the one thing of this wholeuniverse, this whole life, this
whole dance, the Tao.
They call it the Tao.
The Tao means the way ofthings, the watercourse way, the
way things flow naturally.
And I felt in tune with that.
I felt a lightness in my step.
And I notice it now when I movearound unmindfully, how I
(31:59):
might...
twist on a joint more than Inormally would.
You know, it's especiallyuseful now that I'm in my 40s to
be mindful of my movements ofmy body.
You ever see somebody movearound unmindfully and they bump
into this and bump into that?
I mean, we all do it.
We're all human, but it's liketheir body's there, but their
(32:20):
mind is far away.
And this non-action...
Lao Tzu spoke of in that verseI just read you, it's really
exemplified in the Taoist archerfrom Zhuangzi, or Zhuangzu, you
(32:43):
can pronounce it either way.
He writes, when an archershoots for nothing, he has all
his skill and When he shoots fora brass buckle, he is already
nervous.
When he shoots for gold, hegoes blind.
He sees two targets and is outof his mind.
(33:03):
His skill has not changed, butthe prize divides him.
Being more concerned with theoutcome than the actual process.
That's where I was when I wasat my lowest.
(33:27):
I was concerned so, I wasstriving so much to just survive
that I had forgotten about justbeing, being with what is.
I had no space in mewhatsoever.
I was at the whim of whereverreactions would come up.
K.C.
(33:50):
Tiwari, a devotee of NeemKaroli Baba, he has a famous
little quote that a lot ofpeople that knew him would
always talk about.
And he would say, if you thinkthat you're the one doing it,
you are lost.
And what he's doing here withthat saying is he's reminding us
(34:16):
that there is a force behindeverything that is.
Some call it the Tao, some callit the Dharma, some call it the
Holy Spirit.
Pick your flavor.
But there is a masterorchestrator behind everything.
And when you think you'reseparate from that, You're
(34:42):
completely lost.
You're not with it.
You view yourself as aseparate, infinitesimally small
thing, cut off and separate fromthe universe, and that you have
to push your environmentaround.
Otherwise, your environment ispushing you around, and you
(35:02):
forget you're a part of thewhole dance.
If you think you're the onedoing it, you are lost.
If you want to see an exampleof this, just watch your body.
Notice how...
You might see your leg tap oncein a while.
(35:26):
You might notice that you go toscratch something.
All these littlemicro-movements that your body
does, notice them.
They're real easy to miss andoverlook and take for granted.
And then by extension,Understand that everything that
(35:51):
your body is doing, even yourthinking, is all part of that
natural process.
But somewhere in the middle ofthat, you create this artificial
outline of a separate me that'sthe one doing it.
There's a little person insideyour head pulling all the levers
(36:12):
and gears to animate your body.
instead of understanding thatyou are part of one continuous
flow.
Do you ever see a wave at asporting event?
When people do the wave, quoteunquote?
Is the wave each individualperson at that moment?
(36:38):
Or is there just the wave whichis comprised of the whole?
In other words, if you look ata wave in the ocean, do you
separate it?
There's the ocean and there'sthe wave.
Because in just the same way,you are a wave that the universe
(37:03):
is doing.
It's saying, hello, I'm Jacobthis time.
Hello, I'm Joe, Joe Doakes.
Hello, I'm Mary Jane.
Hello, pops up and then it goesback into the ocean.
But along the way, we'vecreated this false notion that
I'm a separate self from theuniverse.
(37:24):
When I die...
Oh my gosh, when I die, what'sgoing to happen to me?
I mean, sure, I came out ofthat state, but oh, I'm so
afraid of going back into thatstate again.
Oh, I don't mean to laugh atdeath.
Death is a little freaky, butdo we need to strive against it?
(37:45):
You know, when people are dyingin the hospital, people show
up, oh, you'll be better soon.
It's going to be okay.
even when they know it's not thecase.
I remember, I love thattrilogy, the Lord of the Rings
(38:06):
trilogy.
I don't know if you guys haveever seen those films.
They're wonderful.
You can learn so many lifelessons from them.
There's so much wisdom in them.
And sadly, a lot of peopledismiss them because they're in
the fantasy realm.
But I assure you, they areclosest to real life that you
will ever get in a film trilogy.
And the main character, Frodo,one of the main characters, he
(38:30):
is about three and a half feettall, maybe four feet tall.
And he is tasked with the mostimportant mission or quest that
anyone could ever partake in todestroy the ultimate evil.
And you see him start in thiswonderful place that you could
(38:53):
describe as almost likeheaven-like.
They live in the hills, in theshire, and he goes through
literal hell just about.
He sees friends die, andthere's a point at the end of
the first film, he's overwhelmedwith grief and all the
struggle, and tears arestreaming down his face, and the
(39:13):
music swells in the background.
And if you have a pulse, you'llprobably cry at that scene like
I do every time I see it.
And he just says to himself, Iwish the ring had never come to
me.
I wish none of this hadhappened.
And the voice of his friendGandalf, who is kind of like a
(39:39):
loving mentor to everybody, hesays, in his head, he says, so
do all who live to see suchtimes.
But that is not for them todecide.
All we have to decide is whatto do with the time that is
given to us.
Life is tough.
(40:09):
or can be perceived that wayand feel that way.
Right now, it's tough for me.
I'm in the home stretch of themonth, trying to make rent.
Not entirely sure if I will.
And if I don't, it'll be thethird month in a row that I'm
(40:29):
late, which does not look goodfor me.
I need to apply for jobs as Igo back into the corporate
world, into an economy that doesnot value the labor force or
pay them a fraction of what theydeserve.
And there's all kinds of fearpopping up in my mind about it,
(40:51):
but...
All of that is not for me todecide.
All I have to do is decide whatto do with the time that is
given to me.
Touching up my resume.
Getting my Google voice numberready for when I apply for jobs.
(41:11):
Making sure I have some niceclothes for an interview.
You know, hopefully theinterviews go well and I find
something, but I can't controlthat.
In the book of Exodus, in theBible, Moses was leading the
(41:37):
Hebrews out of Egypt, who wereenslaved for several hundred
years.
They were starving, they werescared.
They had an army, Pharaoh'sarmy, behind them, and they had
the Red Sea in front of them,rocking a hard place.
And Moses said, Yahweh willfight for you.
(42:02):
You need only to be still.
And to be still in the ancientHebrew context can be understood
perfectly well today as ceaseyour striving.
In the very next verse, hesays, lead them onward.
So yes, we maintain andcultivate that stillness, but we
(42:28):
still take the next step.
I still work my insane hours.
I still try to outline and plana podcast in what little time I
do have.
And I do the best I can.
And the episode may or may notcome out good.
I still have to apply for jobs,however that may turn out.
(42:51):
And I maintain that stillnesswhile I take that action.
That woo-way, going with theflow.
That way I can still come homeand be completely with my son as
he pretends to be Batman and Ipretend to be a hostage that
(43:12):
he's rescuing, as he'szip-lining us to the roof of a
building, as we playmake-believe in the living room.
That way I can be there for himand not in my head about the
(43:34):
shit storm on the outside.
And I don't even have to lookat it as a shit storm.
I can understand that it is allpart of this divine dance.
And damn it, sometimes thedance is crazy.
But I show up and I do what Ihave to do.
And I'm there for my son and mywife.
(43:58):
I'm with her.
I'm not in my head about thegas bill that may be shut off in
a couple of days.
I better remember to call them.
I'm not making that up either.
When my son is Batman and he'srescuing me, I am fully in the
(44:26):
role of the hostage beingrescued.
I am not in my head about theSouthwest gas bill.
And if the Southwest gas billhappens to pop up as we are zip
lining to the roof of aimaginary building, I just say
thank you for reminding me,brain, but you can relax right
now.
I'm being rescued by Batman andI will pay that bill when it
(44:48):
needs to be paid.
or when it can be paid.
In the book of Psalms, David, Ibelieve, was the one who wrote
Psalm 46, and it says, be stilland know that I am God.
I'm exalted among all nationsand all the earth.
And again, that be still can betranslated as cease striving.
(45:12):
And it also translates as letgo, relax.
taking action with stillnessalong the way.
Isaiah, the prophet, later inthe Bible, elaborated on this.
He said, "...in returning andrest you shall be saved, in
(45:37):
quietness and in trust shall beyour strength." In returning,
that word is shuv, latertranslated as repent, which has
a different connotation inmodern times.
But back then, it simply meantto return.
In returning and rest, youshall be saved.
(46:00):
It is not about feeling guiltyfor what you've done.
It is simply being aware of itand turning within yourself.
in quietness and in trust shallbe your strength.
This is also echoed in theHindu tradition in the Bhagavad
(46:20):
Gita, verse 12, 12.
Better than mechanical practiceis meditation.
Better than meditation isrenunciation of the fruits of
action.
For with renunciation comespeace.
Renunciation can also beunderstood as non-addiction or
(46:44):
non-attachment.
You're not addicted to theresults.
You're not attached to theoutcome.
Better than meditation isrenunciation of the fruits of
action.
The whole concept of theBhagavad Gita is releasing the
(47:08):
results to God.
I'm going to do my best, damnit, my very best, and I am not
concerned in the slightest withthe outcome because I'm doing my
best.
To quote Tony Horton from P90X,do your best and forget the But
(47:28):
that's what Krishna was sayingto Arjuna in that book.
With renunciation comes peace.
It is August 26th as I recordthis, and at this moment, I do
not know if I will be able topay my rent on September 1st.
I do not know as of right now.
(47:50):
I'm fairly confident.
I'm like 75%, 80% sure I will,but I'm not 100%.
There's a lingering part of mybrain that says you might not
make it.
Because with gig work,sometimes you have a good day
and sometimes you have a reallybad day.
That's another reason I'mgetting out of it.
In addition to the pay cuts,the income is highly unstable.
(48:11):
So I do not know.
But I am releasing the fruitsof my action and my hard work to
come what may.
I will show up and do the bestI can.
I will apply for jobs and hopefor the best job I can get.
When I sit down to practice,I'm not going to be attached to
(48:35):
the idea that it has to be aperfect session because there is
no such thing.
There's an old hymn, and I lovehymns.
I grew up in a Baptist church,and we used to sing hymns all
the times.
We had little hymnals, and Ilove the way hymns sound.
It's almost like a mantra.
It's very similar to Easterntradition in Hinduism, where
(48:57):
they would do chants and mantrasand stuff, but with a Western
flair.
And there's a quote in one ofthe hymns called, "'Lay your
deadly doing down.'" It says,lay your deadly doing down, down
at Jesus' feet.
Stand in him, in him alone,gloriously complete.
(49:23):
I wish I could remember themelody.
Lay your deadly doing down,down at Jesus' feet.
Stand in Him, Him alone,gloriously complete.
I don't remember.
Hymns are awesome, though.
And there it is.
(49:43):
You know, ancient Hebrews willtell you.
Modern Christian churches willtell you.
The Bhagavad Gita will tellyou.
Gandalf will tell you.
The Taoist Chinese way ofthought will tell you, lay it
down.
You can't do it.
(50:03):
You can only do, you have therights to the fruit of your
action.
Let me quote that exactly,actually.
It's from the Bhagavad Gita.
You have the right to actionalone, but never to its fruits.
Let not the fruits of youraction be your motive.
(50:24):
nor let your attachment be toinaction.
Just to repeat that, you havethe right to action alone, but
never to its fruits.
Let not the fruits of action beyour motive, nor let your
attachment be to inaction.
(50:45):
So how do we let go?
How do we take action, not beconcerned with the result?
As I've hopefully made clear inthis episode, letting go is not
the same as passivity.
You know, like that image Igave you earlier of a child who
(51:12):
is throwing a temper tantrum andtheir whole body goes limp and
falls to the ground.
The ego loves to frame thingslike that, especially here in
the West.
Oh, non-action?
You're saying I should donothing?
Well, I've either got to striveand be stressed out to the max
or I'm not going to do anything.
Okay, you can take that mindsetand throw it in the trash can.
(51:33):
You can show up and put in youreffort and you can let go of
the result.
When I sit down to meditate inthe morning, excuse me, I have
no clue if it's going to be agood session or not.
What is a good session?
I'm sitting down to look at andbe with what is.
(51:53):
A couple episodes ago, I wastelling you guys, I was
streaming tears down my face andsobbing hysterically during a
30-minute meditation sessionbecause I missed my son.
I had just quit some habitsthat were blunting the pain of
him being gone and they startedto come up something fierce
during that session.
I had no idea.
(52:14):
That feeling was there in meall along and I had no idea
until I sat down to look at it.
And there's more subtle onesthat you miss too.
So letting go, again, is notpassivity.
It's showing up fully with justwhat you're doing, unconcerned
(52:36):
of the results.
It's the middle way.
It's not too tight.
It's not too loose.
Like we talked about with theBuddhist example with Sona.
Tighten the guitar string tootight, it snaps, right?
If you're striving too hard,you're going to snap.
(52:56):
I've snapped plenty of times,and it's not a good feeling.
Too loose, you become a limprag, jelly.
You're avoiding what needs tobe faced.
It's like Krishna says in thatverse in the Bhagavad Gita, do
(53:19):
your work wholeheartedly, butrelease the fruit to God.
Same thing in that hymn.
Lay your deadly doing down atJesus' feet, gloriously
complete.
Let him have it.
My burden is easy, my yoke islight.
Or my yoke is easy and myburden is light.
I forget the verse.
(53:39):
The point is, do what you canand don't worry about the rest.
You know, when I'm...
When I notice that they'restraining, when I'm straining or
striving, I use that as apointer, as I mentioned earlier
in the episode, to soften intoawareness.
I say, oh, there it is again.
(53:59):
I look at it like the universeis doing a specific dance in
this moment, and my task is notto judge it or force it, but
just to notice it.
So if I am on the road andsomebody cuts me off and I
notice myself getting tense andI want to speed up and get ahead
of them, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, oh, there it is
again.
You got me.
(54:22):
Notice when you get caught.
Notice when you're striving.
Notice when you're veryconcerned with how something's
going to come out and use thatas a reminder to soften into
just being aware of it.
Don't try to shove it away.
Just be aware of it.
You know, when I releasedepisode nine, the last episode,
(54:44):
I noticed when I was listeningto it that striving was very
much creeping into that episode.
And I'm not here to critique mypast episodes.
You know, I'm in my first 10episodes.
I'm still learning for cryingout loud.
But I noticed And it didn'tmake me feel good.
And then I noticed that feelingof striving creeping in.
Like, man, can you just relax,Jake?
(55:05):
Can you take a breath?
Let some silence pass betweenyour thoughts so that you can...
know what you're going to saynext and let your audience
digest what you just said?
I was being really hard onmyself, but I used it as a
pointer.
Oh, you're being hard onyourself.
Relax.
Do I hang my head low and giveup?
(55:27):
And why am I doing this in thefirst place?
To help people.
To say, hey, this is what I'mgoing through and this is how
I'm dealing with it.
And not just dealing with it,but dancing with it.
It's a paradigm shift.
This whole podcast.
(55:47):
I'm not standing on a conceptanymore about life or anything.
I'm standing nowhere.
I'm just dancing with what is.
If it's raining, I'm dancing inthe rain.
Effort, in particular striving,is not the enemy.
(56:13):
It's a teacher.
When you notice the strivingwithin you, use that as your
signpost to come back to justnotice it.
Watch it.
When that intense effort orstriving arises, don't suppress
it, but see through it.
(56:33):
I'm going to close out herewith a little poem from the book
of Job and the Tao Te Ching.
But real quick before I do,please reach out.
I'm 10 episodes in and it'sjust radio silence out there.
I know it takes a while tobuild a podcast, but I'd like to
hear from you about what you'regoing through, spiritual
(56:55):
practices you find useful,feedback, whatever you want to
do.
But to close out, And thelink's in the description, by
the way.
To close out, first from thebook of Job.
But ask the animals, and theywill teach you.
The birds of the air, and theywill tell you.
(57:16):
Ask the plants of the earth,and they will teach you.
And the fish of the sea willdeclare to you, who among all
these does not know that thehand of Yahweh has done this?
And he His hand is the life ofevery living thing and the
breath of every human being.
(57:38):
And from Lao Tzu, Blessings toeveryone.
(58:14):
Have a wonderful rest of yourday.
Music (58:16):
Thank you for listening.
No promises made Just a whisperthat won't Don't be afraid
(58:49):
Stand in nowhere and it feelslike home No flags to wave, no
need to roam Silence speakslouder than war ever could And
(59:13):
I've never felt so understoodThe static is kind, it leaves me
alone No orders to follow, nokeys The sky's turning amber The
(59:41):
clock's all reset And I haven'tstopped walking just yet
Standing nowhere in white Chainsno name No destiny The road
(01:00:11):
dissolves The sky Turns whiteI'm still here Nothing
Mahamudra is beyond all words and symbols.
But for you, Naropa, earnestand loyal, must this be said.
The void needs no reliance.
Mahamudra rests on not.
Without making an effort, butremaining loose and natural, one
(00:38):
can break the yoke, thusgaining liberation.
Hello, and welcome to the 10thepisode of the Standing Nowhere
podcast.
This is your host, JacobBuehler, and I am happy to be
back with you guys.
This is a little milestone forme in the podcast.
The first episode, I called it,I don't know what I'm doing,
(01:01):
because honestly, I don't knowanything about podcasting.
It's like, I woke up After thelast episode, episode nine, and
I had all these ideas about thisepisode.
So I jotted them all down, youknow, and I made an outline of
what I wanted to talk about.
And it really took the form ofeffort, really.
(01:22):
You know, what is thedifference between effort and
striving, overthinking?
Because did you ever noticethat the harder you try, the
less things seem to work out?
Yeah.
I don't know if that's just truefor me or for you guys, but the
more I am attached to theoutcome of something that I'm
(01:46):
doing or my actions, the more Iseem to F it up.
And there's this weird paradoxthat when we relax in life,
everything seems to flow justfine.
It's like, if only we could getout of our own heads about
things, you know?
I mean, even right now, as youguys are hearing me record this,
(02:07):
I get nervous when I sit downand record.
I like to do one take, maybe doa few edits, but I just like to
let it flow so that way I canbe spontaneous and I can be as
authentic with everyonelistening as possible, genuine.
My busy schedule has notallowed me to do interviews just
(02:28):
yet, and that will be nice whenthey eventually come because
I'll have somebody to riff offof as opposed to me staring at
my sound panels on my wall.
But I wanted to frame the themeof this episode that we can use
effort or striving as a pointerand learning to let go of it,
(02:50):
essentially.
Using it as a reminder.
Oh, I'm striving again.
Time to relax.
I'm doing that right now as Irecord this.
So, I can feel the nerves comeand go.
I turn into a motor mouth, ifI'm honest, when I get nervous.
(03:19):
And it gets really bad when I'mtrying to sleep.
We all experience striving inour everyday lives, especially
for sleep for a lot of peoplewith insomnia.
I wouldn't say I have insomnia,but quitting some of my habits
I've been speaking aboutrecently has caused me to not
(03:43):
get to sleep as easily as I usedto.
Let's just say that.
Sleeping is kind of like you'rechasing a cat around the house
and it's just running away fromyou.
But I've noticed with sleep, ifyou stop trying to go to sleep
and force it, the cat just jumpsin your lap before you even
realize it and it's purring andyou're sleeping.
(04:05):
That's my little metaphor.
When I go to sleep now, if it'shard for me to drift off, I
just acknowledge it and say, youknow what, sleep, I'm not going
to chase you.
I know that you'll come whenyou're ready, and I'm just going
to lay here until you are.
And then boom, there it is.
It's the same thing, you know,in my experience with parenting
(04:30):
through life.
I've got three amazing kids andmy son, Trent, he is the
youngest, excuse me, the oldest.
So he was the first, you know.
There's a seven year gapbetween each of my children as
well.
My oldest is 19, my youngest isfour, about to turn five.
(04:51):
And my oldest, he got all of myparenting years of me learning
how to parent.
And in the context of strivingtoo hard to be a good parent or
to make him...
to shape him into something,I've made mistakes and everyone
(05:14):
does it.
If you're listening and youhave kids, I'm sure you can
relate.
Parenting is not easy.
These are like brand new humanbeings that you're bringing into
the world.
And it's up to you to make surethat they can interact with the
world in a way that won't causethem to get run over by people
(05:35):
they encounter.
or to function in society inlife.
And we can try too hardsometimes to make sure that that
happens.
And in the process, they losetheir natural beauty.
When you shape kids to be whatyou want them to be, instead of
allowing them to be what theywant to be naturally.
(05:59):
So there's this balance.
You can't be absent as a parentand do nothing and let them do
whatever they want.
But at the same time, you haveto step in and, you know, You
know, be the guardrail for themand also allow them to be what
(06:24):
they're going to be.
And I had plenty of challengesin doing that with my oldest.
And fortunately, I started torealize that I needed to loosen
up a little more in Trent'slater years.
And because of my experiencewith him, I can be that much
(06:46):
better of a parent to mydaughter and my youngest son,
Leon.
But there was a lot of timeswhere I really tightened the
bolts down and I look back, notwith regret, not to berate
myself, but to say, I did mybest and I learned something.
(07:14):
And I'm proud of who he is, andI'm glad that I'm in a position
now where I can embrace his ownwisdom.
When he was 18 or just after heturned 18, he decided he wanted
to move out and move to Vegasand pursue some opportunities
(07:35):
out there, and I miss himdearly.
But I did not try to stop him.
I brought up maybe someconcerns in a gentle way, but I
completely didn't try to fighthim on it.
And how could I?
He's 18.
So he could leave as a friendand a son who respects me and I
(08:00):
respect him, or I could havechosen to fight him on it the
whole way and say, you're makinga mistake and blah, blah, blah.
Who am I to say if it's a owndamn life we all are so there's
this balance this middle waythat we all have to walk
(08:21):
especially with our kids youstrive too hard and you're going
to make them lose respect foryou resent you nobody wants to
be that parent You know, it'sthe same thing in my work world.
I did sales for 15 years, 15years doing sales.
(08:43):
And I was good at it.
I was really good at it.
I'm going to toot my ownfreaking horn here.
You know, whatever sales job Iwas in, I crushed it.
Absolutely crushed it.
But man, I got burnt out,really burnt out.
You want to talk about a jobwhere you have to strive just to
(09:07):
survive?
Sales.
You can never relax.
It's always the next sale.
You look at everyone not ashuman beings, but as sales
opportunities.
And gig work, you know, what Ido now, there's...
Oh, so much effort that goesinto gig work.
(09:29):
It's a really weird place insociety right now The term gig
work or gig worker is almostlike propaganda.
In a way, it gets you to lookat someone not as a human being,
not as a laborer, but thisspecial new tech app person that
(09:54):
doesn't deserve benefits,doesn't deserve overtime, can be
hired and fired on the spot forany reason.
any false report, no one onyour side, you don't know your
coworkers so you can't bandtogether, And just like sales,
(10:16):
every sales job I had, they wereconstantly, constantly nerfing
how much money I was making.
I remember for two months at mylast sales job, they
quote-unquote restructured thecompensation plan, and I went
from about $750, $800 a month incommission all the way down to
(10:38):
about $5.
Wow.
And the whole department wasabout to walk out the door.
And eventually they apologizedand changed it back.
But by that point, we'd alreadylost two months worth of
commission.
And gig work has been by farthe most burnout experience of
(11:01):
my life.
I started with Uber and Lyft,and I'd have to wake up at 3.45
in the morning so I could hitthe road by 4 a.m.
to pick people up going to theairport.
And I made good money doing itfor a while.
So the last eight years thatI've been doing gig work, which
(11:21):
I've also been very good at,I've made pretty decent money
doing it because I didn't wantto do sales anymore, but I have
no other sarcastic quote skillthat will pay me a living wage
after these horrendous cost oflife increases.
You rent almost doubling for mepersonally, the cost of my car
(11:46):
going through the roof andinsurance.
I mean, it's been a financialnightmare, shitstorm, part of my
language.
And gig work during this entireinflation and cost of living
increase has done nothing butgone down and down and down in
pay.
The point I'm making is I havebeen striving more and more and
(12:10):
more just to survive and burningout.
It's what led me to this wholeintrospective journey, as I've
mentioned on several episodes inthe past, especially the first
one.
But The point is that while I'mstriving and was numbing the
(12:31):
pain with bad habits before, nowI'm clear, a lot more
clear-headed and focused, andI've realized that instead of
striving in this endless...
nightmare.
I need to put effort, notstriving, but effort into
getting out of it and findingsomething else.
Because my brain just didn'twant to accept the fact that
(12:53):
these companies could treat methis way so continually.
Each time they'd lower my pay,I'd say, it can't get worse.
And it would get worse andworse and worse.
And it's to the point now whereI can't even believe the amount
of work that needs to be donefor as little as they As little
as I've ever been paid before.
(13:15):
And yet, while I'm working,doing these gigs, these gig
apps, I have the option ofnot...
allowing the striving withininternally to continue.
In other words, I can get outthere and I can know, yes, I've
(13:42):
been shafted on pay and I haveto do a lot more labor to get a
fraction of what I used to make,yes, but I don't need to
have...
I don't need to have thisendless striving presence inside
of me, this negative strivingenergy.
I can simply accept reality asit is and do the best I can with
(14:06):
what is.
So I still show up and put theeffort in.
I get ready in the morning.
I get out on the road at 8a.m., I drive all the way
through 8.30 PM with an hourbreak in the middle.
So I show up and I put theeffort in that I need to.
I juggle the multiple apps thatI need to, to do deliveries.
(14:29):
I drive safely.
I do all of that, but I don'tneed to have this internal
conflict where I need to begoing faster, driving faster,
chasing more orders and all ofthat.
I can be with what and let goof the results.
It's the same thing if you lookat sporting events or gaming.
(14:53):
The more concerned you are withthe outcome, the less energy
and focus you have during theactual event.
I do some eSport gaming online.
I'll play competitive shooterslike Overwatch.
They're a lot of fun.
You get to put your mindagainst other people out there
and it offers you an experienceyou don't normally find in
(15:17):
single-player gaming.
And I have plenty of gameswhere I am so concerned with
winning that I just blow my top.
In fact, it's one of my biggestweaknesses, I would say, with
staying mindful, calm, andcentered.
I've gotten a lot better at it,let me tell you, but I still
(15:38):
really struggle with forcing thewin, choking under pressure
sometimes, being more concernedwith my competitive player
rating than the actualexperience of the game.
And I like to game with mywife.
She likes to game with me andwe have a lot of fun together,
but it quickly turns into a dragwhen I get in that mindset.
(16:03):
And she's amazing at stayingcalm and just enjoying it.
And she always reminds me tocome back to center like, hey,
it doesn't matter if we win.
You can't win them all.
You can't stop the waves, butyou can learn how to surf.
And it's the same thing even inpractice.
I've been meditating for threeyears now, just about.
(16:25):
And when I sit down on thecushion to meditate, and for
many of you listening, you canprobably relate to this.
But when you try too hard tokeep thoughts away, essentially,
like you sit down to meditateand you say, okay, I'm not going
to think.
I'm not going to think.
(16:46):
And then thoughts come all themore.
So there's this striving thatwe can find even in our practice
of trying to be mindful.
And on the opposite side, youcan be a little too loose.
You can sit down on the cushionand just think and think and
(17:08):
think and fantasize.
And it's like, what the hell amI even sitting here for?
I'm not even trying.
There's a middle way.
And the Buddha, he talked aboutthis, if you've heard that
middle way before, especiallywhen it comes to practice.
There's a story of somebodynamed Sona who was a monk named
(17:34):
Sona Kolivisa.
He practiced...
basically so zealously that hewore himself out.
And he came to the Buddhadiscouraged, and the Buddha
asked him about his days as amusician.
And he said, Sona, when yourlute string was too tight, what
(17:57):
happened?
It snapped.
And when it was too loose, itwould not play.
And when it was tuned justright, it made beautiful music,
he said.
Ah, in the same way, applyeffort.
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Not too tight, not too loose,but balanced.
That parable, I love.
And it's actually, Sona was ahistorical figure, but it points
to even when we practicemindfulness, we can practice too
(18:44):
tightly.
Oh, I've got to be centered.
Oh, just focusing on my breath.
Oh, a thought took me away.
No, come back.
That's no way to practice.
But on the flip side, if youjust plop down on the cushion,
yeah, I'm practicing.
I'm kind of mindful.
Not really.
(19:05):
You see, there's this middlepath on effort and striving.
In Buddhism, there's a termcalled virya.
And virya in Buddhism meansspiritual energy or effort, but
not forcing.
It's about cultivatingenthusiasm and vitality in
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practice.
It's described as balancingenergy so it's not too lax, but
not too tense.
Channeling courage andpersistence in the face of
obstacles.
Letting effort be joyful, notgrim duty.
And I can relate to this onmany levels.
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Sometimes when I sit down topractice, it is very, very
difficult.
And this is why a lot of peopledon't want to meditate because
they don't want to sit down andsee what the hell is going on
inside of their minds.
But it's a wonderful process.
They say virya is the steadyflame that keeps practice alive
(20:20):
without burning you out.
And I've mentioned it on pastepisodes.
I like to call it spiritualenthusiasm.
I would say I gained my ownvirya, my own spiritual
enthusiasm and energy in thatmoment that I described to you
(20:40):
all in that first episode whenthe thought had finally popped
into my head that it would beeasier to not exist than to
exist.
And that was a chilling,haunting moment for me.
I had never, ever thought thatway before.
I mean, some might say thatborders on suicidal ideation,
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but I, honest, hand to heart, Ihad no intention of ending my
life.
But it was the first time I'dever thought to myself, it might
just be easier not to exist.
And out of that came aspiritual enthusiasm, virya,
(21:23):
where I said, I have reached alow that I have never
experienced before, and it istime.
At 39 years old, I think I was,38 or 39, I said, it is time
for me to turn and look withinand see what is life about.
What is going on here?
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What is going on inside myhead?
And I said, it is time.
On the flip side of virya, thereis, in the Taoist thought,
something called wu-wei.
And wu-wei is described aseffortless action.
It's sometimes translated asnon-doing.
(22:06):
But I think a more accuratetranslation of wu-wei is not
forcing.
Effortless action, going withthe flow, going with the grain
of things instead of against it.
It doesn't mean that you'redoing nothing.
(22:29):
but you're letting life movethrough you naturally, like a
river flowing or a tree growing.
There's an old Zen poem thatsays, sitting quietly doing
nothing, spring comes and thegrass grows by itself.
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It really sets the image whenyou look outside at nature.
Do you see striving anywhere?
even in animals.
Yes, they exert themselves,especially when you see a lion
on National Geographic chasingdown its prey, which is
(23:12):
everything because it's the topof the food chain.
It looks really intense, butthat's just in the moment
effort.
It's not a striving.
It's just being itself.
Same with birds.
When you see them scavengingand collecting happy to eat
scraps outside of of a fast foodrestaurant or drinking pooled
(23:33):
water on the ground, they're notstriving.
They're not forcing.
They're just following theirnature.
But us humans, well, we havethe fortunate and also
unfortunate gift of foresightand hindsight.
which can be wonderful toolsbut terrible masters when we
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focus more on them instead ofbeing with what is and going
with the natural flow.
So what is striving really?
Like if you're hearing me rightnow and you look within
yourself, can you try to findsomewhere within yourself where
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there's striving or worry?
Sort of a, like I've got to,got to make sure this, what
about that thing?
What is that?
And don't answer the questionwith words, but look at it.
(24:38):
Look at the feeling of it.
Feel it.
What's the problem right now?
What is striving when we reallylook at it?
There's a story of Milarepa, aTibetan yogi from the 11th
(25:03):
century who spent yearsmeditating in mountain caves.
And one day he returned to findhis cave full of demons.
First, he tried driving themout.
But they stayed.
And then he tried teaching themthe dharma.
(25:24):
The dharma is another word forsort of the divine way of
things.
So he tried teaching them thedharma and they just stared at
him.
Finally, he bowed and said, Iopen myself to what you have to
(25:48):
teach me.
At that moment, all but onedemon vanished.
A last fierce demon remained.
Milarepa placed his head in itsmouth and said, eat me if you
wish.
And the demon bowed anddissolved into space.
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This reminds me of a dream thatI had as a child in California.
I think I was about five or sixyears old.
And in my dream, there was thisterrifying, dark panther, just
black as the night.
(26:33):
And he had those two scaryyellow eyes looking at me.
And he was in my closet.
I could hear him growling.
And I don't know why, but forsome reason, I felt compelled to
just jump out of my bed and runup to him and sit down and look
(26:54):
at him and say, here I am.
What do you want with me?
Please come in, have some tea.
I mean, I didn't think thosethoughts, but in my dream, I
just walked right up to thepanther, not even as
confrontational, perhapsconfrontational in a sense of
(27:17):
overcoming the inner fear that Ihad within myself, but really
just looking directly into hiseyes like, how can I help you?
What would you like to teachme?
Like Milarepa, I open myself towhatever you have to teach me.
(27:39):
And when all the demonsdisappeared, that last one,
fierce as it was, he stuck hishead inside of its mouth and
said, eat me if you wish.
And the demon bowed anddissolved.
I love that story.
What demons do you have in yourlife that you've been looking
(28:03):
away from or running from?
Can you relate anything in yourlife to that story?
I know I can.
My big demon right now isapplying for jobs.
I've been doing gig work foreight years and I'm about to go
back into the belly of thecorporate beast.
I mean, I'm already there withgig work.
But I've got to face it.
(28:26):
I've got my resume touched up.
About to shoot out those apps.
I'll keep you guys posted onhow that goes.
There's a verse in the Tao TeChing that says, in the pursuit
of knowledge, every daysomething is added.
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But in the pursuit of the Tao,every day something is dropped.
Less and less is done untilnon-action is achieved.
When nothing is done, nothingis left undone.
When nothing is done, nothingis left undone.
(29:17):
Non-action.
You see, he's not saying, well,just go limp and fall to the
floor and everything will befine.
No, you still show up.
You still do what must be done,but you are not striving.
You are going with the flow.
(29:39):
Non-action.
I remember the first time that Ireally started practicing
mindfulness almost three yearsago.
I remember that day so vividly.
In Zen, they call it beginner'smind because it's the first
time that you're really startingto wake up to the vividness of
life.
And I remember I was doing adelivery, picking up at Taco
(30:03):
Bell.
And I remember just watchingmyself, watching my body drive
the car.
the motions as I turned leftinto the parking lot, the
feeling of the motion as the carpulled me to the right.
And then when I got out of thecar and walked into the
(30:24):
restaurant, I watched myself.
I watched the feelings insideof me as I walked into the
restaurant and interacted withpeople.
I noticed a little bit ofanxiety that I had never noticed
was there before.
I remember the feeling of thebag in my hand as I carried it
(30:47):
to the car.
No thoughts.
The feeling and texture of thehandle of the bag as I slid it
into the back seat.
The pressure of my left hand asI closed the door.
It makes me emotional justremembering it because...
(31:09):
It was one of the first timesthat I'd really actively
practiced mindfulness on amoment to moment continuity.
I felt like I was floating.
I felt like a choreographeddancer, but the choreographer
(31:34):
was the one thing of this wholeuniverse, this whole life, this
whole dance, the Tao.
They call it the Tao.
The Tao means the way ofthings, the watercourse way, the
way things flow naturally.
And I felt in tune with that.
I felt a lightness in my step.
And I notice it now when I movearound unmindfully, how I
(31:59):
might...
twist on a joint more than Inormally would.
You know, it's especiallyuseful now that I'm in my 40s to
be mindful of my movements ofmy body.
You ever see somebody movearound unmindfully and they bump
into this and bump into that?
I mean, we all do it.
We're all human, but it's liketheir body's there, but their
(32:20):
mind is far away.
And this non-action...
Lao Tzu spoke of in that verseI just read you, it's really
exemplified in the Taoist archerfrom Zhuangzi, or Zhuangzu, you
(32:43):
can pronounce it either way.
He writes, when an archershoots for nothing, he has all
his skill and When he shoots fora brass buckle, he is already
nervous.
When he shoots for gold, hegoes blind.
He sees two targets and is outof his mind.
(33:03):
His skill has not changed, butthe prize divides him.
Being more concerned with theoutcome than the actual process.
That's where I was when I wasat my lowest.
(33:27):
I was concerned so, I wasstriving so much to just survive
that I had forgotten about justbeing, being with what is.
I had no space in mewhatsoever.
I was at the whim of whereverreactions would come up.
K.C.
(33:50):
Tiwari, a devotee of NeemKaroli Baba, he has a famous
little quote that a lot ofpeople that knew him would
always talk about.
And he would say, if you thinkthat you're the one doing it,
you are lost.
And what he's doing here withthat saying is he's reminding us
(34:16):
that there is a force behindeverything that is.
Some call it the Tao, some callit the Dharma, some call it the
Holy Spirit.
Pick your flavor.
But there is a masterorchestrator behind everything.
And when you think you'reseparate from that, You're
(34:42):
completely lost.
You're not with it.
You view yourself as aseparate, infinitesimally small
thing, cut off and separate fromthe universe, and that you have
to push your environmentaround.
Otherwise, your environment ispushing you around, and you
(35:02):
forget you're a part of thewhole dance.
If you think you're the onedoing it, you are lost.
If you want to see an exampleof this, just watch your body.
Notice how...
You might see your leg tap oncein a while.
(35:26):
You might notice that you go toscratch something.
All these littlemicro-movements that your body
does, notice them.
They're real easy to miss andoverlook and take for granted.
And then by extension,Understand that everything that
(35:51):
your body is doing, even yourthinking, is all part of that
natural process.
But somewhere in the middle ofthat, you create this artificial
outline of a separate me that'sthe one doing it.
There's a little person insideyour head pulling all the levers
(36:12):
and gears to animate your body.
instead of understanding thatyou are part of one continuous
flow.
Do you ever see a wave at asporting event?
When people do the wave, quoteunquote?
Is the wave each individualperson at that moment?
(36:38):
Or is there just the wave whichis comprised of the whole?
In other words, if you look ata wave in the ocean, do you
separate it?
There's the ocean and there'sthe wave.
Because in just the same way,you are a wave that the universe
(37:03):
is doing.
It's saying, hello, I'm Jacobthis time.
Hello, I'm Joe, Joe Doakes.
Hello, I'm Mary Jane.
Hello, pops up and then it goesback into the ocean.
But along the way, we'vecreated this false notion that
I'm a separate self from theuniverse.
(37:24):
When I die...
Oh my gosh, when I die, what'sgoing to happen to me?
I mean, sure, I came out ofthat state, but oh, I'm so
afraid of going back into thatstate again.
Oh, I don't mean to laugh atdeath.
Death is a little freaky, butdo we need to strive against it?
(37:45):
You know, when people are dyingin the hospital, people show
up, oh, you'll be better soon.
It's going to be okay.
even when they know it's not thecase.
I remember, I love thattrilogy, the Lord of the Rings
(38:06):
trilogy.
I don't know if you guys haveever seen those films.
They're wonderful.
You can learn so many lifelessons from them.
There's so much wisdom in them.
And sadly, a lot of peopledismiss them because they're in
the fantasy realm.
But I assure you, they areclosest to real life that you
will ever get in a film trilogy.
And the main character, Frodo,one of the main characters, he
(38:30):
is about three and a half feettall, maybe four feet tall.
And he is tasked with the mostimportant mission or quest that
anyone could ever partake in todestroy the ultimate evil.
And you see him start in thiswonderful place that you could
(38:53):
describe as almost likeheaven-like.
They live in the hills, in theshire, and he goes through
literal hell just about.
He sees friends die, andthere's a point at the end of
the first film, he's overwhelmedwith grief and all the
struggle, and tears arestreaming down his face, and the
(39:13):
music swells in the background.
And if you have a pulse, you'llprobably cry at that scene like
I do every time I see it.
And he just says to himself, Iwish the ring had never come to
me.
I wish none of this hadhappened.
And the voice of his friendGandalf, who is kind of like a
(39:39):
loving mentor to everybody, hesays, in his head, he says, so
do all who live to see suchtimes.
But that is not for them todecide.
All we have to decide is whatto do with the time that is
given to us.
Life is tough.
(40:09):
or can be perceived that wayand feel that way.
Right now, it's tough for me.
I'm in the home stretch of themonth, trying to make rent.
Not entirely sure if I will.
And if I don't, it'll be thethird month in a row that I'm
(40:29):
late, which does not look goodfor me.
I need to apply for jobs as Igo back into the corporate
world, into an economy that doesnot value the labor force or
pay them a fraction of what theydeserve.
And there's all kinds of fearpopping up in my mind about it,
(40:51):
but...
All of that is not for me todecide.
All I have to do is decide whatto do with the time that is
given to me.
Touching up my resume.
Getting my Google voice numberready for when I apply for jobs.
(41:11):
Making sure I have some niceclothes for an interview.
You know, hopefully theinterviews go well and I find
something, but I can't controlthat.
In the book of Exodus, in theBible, Moses was leading the
(41:37):
Hebrews out of Egypt, who wereenslaved for several hundred
years.
They were starving, they werescared.
They had an army, Pharaoh'sarmy, behind them, and they had
the Red Sea in front of them,rocking a hard place.
And Moses said, Yahweh willfight for you.
(42:02):
You need only to be still.
And to be still in the ancientHebrew context can be understood
perfectly well today as ceaseyour striving.
In the very next verse, hesays, lead them onward.
So yes, we maintain andcultivate that stillness, but we
(42:28):
still take the next step.
I still work my insane hours.
I still try to outline and plana podcast in what little time I
do have.
And I do the best I can.
And the episode may or may notcome out good.
I still have to apply for jobs,however that may turn out.
(42:51):
And I maintain that stillnesswhile I take that action.
That woo-way, going with theflow.
That way I can still come homeand be completely with my son as
he pretends to be Batman and Ipretend to be a hostage that
(43:12):
he's rescuing, as he'szip-lining us to the roof of a
building, as we playmake-believe in the living room.
That way I can be there for himand not in my head about the
(43:34):
shit storm on the outside.
And I don't even have to lookat it as a shit storm.
I can understand that it is allpart of this divine dance.
And damn it, sometimes thedance is crazy.
But I show up and I do what Ihave to do.
And I'm there for my son and mywife.
(43:58):
I'm with her.
I'm not in my head about thegas bill that may be shut off in
a couple of days.
I better remember to call them.
I'm not making that up either.
When my son is Batman and he'srescuing me, I am fully in the
(44:26):
role of the hostage beingrescued.
I am not in my head about theSouthwest gas bill.
And if the Southwest gas billhappens to pop up as we are zip
lining to the roof of aimaginary building, I just say
thank you for reminding me,brain, but you can relax right
now.
I'm being rescued by Batman andI will pay that bill when it
(44:48):
needs to be paid.
or when it can be paid.
In the book of Psalms, David, Ibelieve, was the one who wrote
Psalm 46, and it says, be stilland know that I am God.
I'm exalted among all nationsand all the earth.
And again, that be still can betranslated as cease striving.
(45:12):
And it also translates as letgo, relax.
taking action with stillnessalong the way.
Isaiah, the prophet, later inthe Bible, elaborated on this.
He said, "...in returning andrest you shall be saved, in
(45:37):
quietness and in trust shall beyour strength." In returning,
that word is shuv, latertranslated as repent, which has
a different connotation inmodern times.
But back then, it simply meantto return.
In returning and rest, youshall be saved.
(46:00):
It is not about feeling guiltyfor what you've done.
It is simply being aware of itand turning within yourself.
in quietness and in trust shallbe your strength.
This is also echoed in theHindu tradition in the Bhagavad
(46:20):
Gita, verse 12, 12.
Better than mechanical practiceis meditation.
Better than meditation isrenunciation of the fruits of
action.
For with renunciation comespeace.
Renunciation can also beunderstood as non-addiction or
(46:44):
non-attachment.
You're not addicted to theresults.
You're not attached to theoutcome.
Better than meditation isrenunciation of the fruits of
action.
The whole concept of theBhagavad Gita is releasing the
(47:08):
results to God.
I'm going to do my best, damnit, my very best, and I am not
concerned in the slightest withthe outcome because I'm doing my
best.
To quote Tony Horton from P90X,do your best and forget the But
(47:28):
that's what Krishna was sayingto Arjuna in that book.
With renunciation comes peace.
It is August 26th as I recordthis, and at this moment, I do
not know if I will be able topay my rent on September 1st.
I do not know as of right now.
(47:50):
I'm fairly confident.
I'm like 75%, 80% sure I will,but I'm not 100%.
There's a lingering part of mybrain that says you might not
make it.
Because with gig work,sometimes you have a good day
and sometimes you have a reallybad day.
That's another reason I'mgetting out of it.
In addition to the pay cuts,the income is highly unstable.
(48:11):
So I do not know.
But I am releasing the fruitsof my action and my hard work to
come what may.
I will show up and do the bestI can.
I will apply for jobs and hopefor the best job I can get.
When I sit down to practice,I'm not going to be attached to
(48:35):
the idea that it has to be aperfect session because there is
no such thing.
There's an old hymn, and I lovehymns.
I grew up in a Baptist church,and we used to sing hymns all
the times.
We had little hymnals, and Ilove the way hymns sound.
It's almost like a mantra.
It's very similar to Easterntradition in Hinduism, where
(48:57):
they would do chants and mantrasand stuff, but with a Western
flair.
And there's a quote in one ofthe hymns called, "'Lay your
deadly doing down.'" It says,lay your deadly doing down, down
at Jesus' feet.
Stand in him, in him alone,gloriously complete.
(49:23):
I wish I could remember themelody.
Lay your deadly doing down,down at Jesus' feet.
Stand in Him, Him alone,gloriously complete.
I don't remember.
Hymns are awesome, though.
And there it is.
(49:43):
You know, ancient Hebrews willtell you.
Modern Christian churches willtell you.
The Bhagavad Gita will tellyou.
Gandalf will tell you.
The Taoist Chinese way ofthought will tell you, lay it
down.
You can't do it.
(50:03):
You can only do, you have therights to the fruit of your
action.
Let me quote that exactly,actually.
It's from the Bhagavad Gita.
You have the right to actionalone, but never to its fruits.
Let not the fruits of youraction be your motive.
(50:24):
nor let your attachment be toinaction.
Just to repeat that, you havethe right to action alone, but
never to its fruits.
Let not the fruits of action beyour motive, nor let your
attachment be to inaction.
(50:45):
So how do we let go?
How do we take action, not beconcerned with the result?
As I've hopefully made clear inthis episode, letting go is not
the same as passivity.
You know, like that image Igave you earlier of a child who
(51:12):
is throwing a temper tantrum andtheir whole body goes limp and
falls to the ground.
The ego loves to frame thingslike that, especially here in
the West.
Oh, non-action?
You're saying I should donothing?
Well, I've either got to striveand be stressed out to the max
or I'm not going to do anything.
Okay, you can take that mindsetand throw it in the trash can.
(51:33):
You can show up and put in youreffort and you can let go of
the result.
When I sit down to meditate inthe morning, excuse me, I have
no clue if it's going to be agood session or not.
What is a good session?
I'm sitting down to look at andbe with what is.
(51:53):
A couple episodes ago, I wastelling you guys, I was
streaming tears down my face andsobbing hysterically during a
30-minute meditation sessionbecause I missed my son.
I had just quit some habitsthat were blunting the pain of
him being gone and they startedto come up something fierce
during that session.
I had no idea.
(52:14):
That feeling was there in meall along and I had no idea
until I sat down to look at it.
And there's more subtle onesthat you miss too.
So letting go, again, is notpassivity.
It's showing up fully with justwhat you're doing, unconcerned
(52:36):
of the results.
It's the middle way.
It's not too tight.
It's not too loose.
Like we talked about with theBuddhist example with Sona.
Tighten the guitar string tootight, it snaps, right?
If you're striving too hard,you're going to snap.
(52:56):
I've snapped plenty of times,and it's not a good feeling.
Too loose, you become a limprag, jelly.
You're avoiding what needs tobe faced.
It's like Krishna says in thatverse in the Bhagavad Gita, do
(53:19):
your work wholeheartedly, butrelease the fruit to God.
Same thing in that hymn.
Lay your deadly doing down atJesus' feet, gloriously
complete.
Let him have it.
My burden is easy, my yoke islight.
Or my yoke is easy and myburden is light.
I forget the verse.
(53:39):
The point is, do what you canand don't worry about the rest.
You know, when I'm...
When I notice that they'restraining, when I'm straining or
striving, I use that as apointer, as I mentioned earlier
in the episode, to soften intoawareness.
I say, oh, there it is again.
(53:59):
I look at it like the universeis doing a specific dance in
this moment, and my task is notto judge it or force it, but
just to notice it.
So if I am on the road andsomebody cuts me off and I
notice myself getting tense andI want to speed up and get ahead
of them, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, oh, there it is
again.
You got me.
(54:22):
Notice when you get caught.
Notice when you're striving.
Notice when you're veryconcerned with how something's
going to come out and use thatas a reminder to soften into
just being aware of it.
Don't try to shove it away.
Just be aware of it.
You know, when I releasedepisode nine, the last episode,
(54:44):
I noticed when I was listeningto it that striving was very
much creeping into that episode.
And I'm not here to critique mypast episodes.
You know, I'm in my first 10episodes.
I'm still learning for cryingout loud.
But I noticed And it didn'tmake me feel good.
And then I noticed that feelingof striving creeping in.
Like, man, can you just relax,Jake?
(55:05):
Can you take a breath?
Let some silence pass betweenyour thoughts so that you can...
know what you're going to saynext and let your audience
digest what you just said?
I was being really hard onmyself, but I used it as a
pointer.
Oh, you're being hard onyourself.
Relax.
Do I hang my head low and giveup?
(55:27):
And why am I doing this in thefirst place?
To help people.
To say, hey, this is what I'mgoing through and this is how
I'm dealing with it.
And not just dealing with it,but dancing with it.
It's a paradigm shift.
This whole podcast.
(55:47):
I'm not standing on a conceptanymore about life or anything.
I'm standing nowhere.
I'm just dancing with what is.
If it's raining, I'm dancing inthe rain.
Effort, in particular striving,is not the enemy.
(56:13):
It's a teacher.
When you notice the strivingwithin you, use that as your
signpost to come back to justnotice it.
Watch it.
When that intense effort orstriving arises, don't suppress
it, but see through it.
(56:33):
I'm going to close out herewith a little poem from the book
of Job and the Tao Te Ching.
But real quick before I do,please reach out.
I'm 10 episodes in and it'sjust radio silence out there.
I know it takes a while tobuild a podcast, but I'd like to
hear from you about what you'regoing through, spiritual
(56:55):
practices you find useful,feedback, whatever you want to
do.
But to close out, And thelink's in the description, by
the way.
To close out, first from thebook of Job.
But ask the animals, and theywill teach you.
The birds of the air, and theywill tell you.
(57:16):
Ask the plants of the earth,and they will teach you.
And the fish of the sea willdeclare to you, who among all
these does not know that thehand of Yahweh has done this?
And he His hand is the life ofevery living thing and the
breath of every human being.
(57:38):
And from Lao Tzu, Blessings toeveryone.
(58:14):
Have a wonderful rest of yourday.
Music (58:16):
Thank you for listening.
No promises made Just a whisperthat won't Don't be afraid
(58:49):
Stand in nowhere and it feelslike home No flags to wave, no
need to roam Silence speakslouder than war ever could And
(59:13):
I've never felt so understoodThe static is kind, it leaves me
alone No orders to follow, nokeys The sky's turning amber The
(59:41):
clock's all reset And I haven'tstopped walking just yet
Standing nowhere in white Chainsno name No destiny The road
(01:00:11):
dissolves The sky Turns whiteI'm still here Nothing
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