August 14, 2025 • 50 mins
“The greatest teacher, failure is.” — Yoda 🕊️ (Just as a wise Master once said, failure can be our teacher.)
In this soulful episode, Jacob turns the grind of everyday life into a spiritual lesson. Standing Nowhere Episode 8 finds our host delivering groceries in 115°F heat—underpaid and sweating—yet whispering “thank you” for the moment. It’s a true story of finding gratitude in the grind: an everyday DoorDash delivery becomes a practice of presence and stillness. Jacob embraces what is, discovering a reverence for being even when life feels “off track.”
This episode flows like a compassionate conversation about self-forgiveness, failure, stillness, and growth. Jacob opens up about feeling he “screwed up” by not following a traditional path—from leaving school early to raising a family on gig work. His vulnerable reflections on parenting and self-doubt will resonate with anyone who judges themselves harshly. Instead of hiding these “failures,” he leans in and asks, “Can I be a spacious presence for that feeling of failure?” He learns to hold his mistakes with the same gentle awareness he offers others. Mistakes aren’t final; they’re teachers in disguise.
Throughout the episode, Jacob weaves wisdom from Jesus, Lao Tzu, and the Buddha into lived experience. A verse about “fearing the Lord” becomes a meditation on reverence for existence (Yahweh—to be). Yoda reminds us that failure teaches more than success. St. John of the Cross’s Dark Night of the Soul illuminates how our darkest times can birth our brightest growth. From the Tao Te Ching, he shares the quiet paradox of contentment—an invitation to loosen our grip on success/failure and rest in what is.
One moment, anger melts into compassion. When a stressed McDonald’s manager snaps at him, Jacob feels the flare inside, recalls the Buddha’s warning that anger’s tip is honeyed and its root is poison, and chooses grace. He walks away calm—thanked by onlookers for how he handled it. The point lands: we can practice love and compassion anywhere—whether with an impatient boss, a stranger who cuts us off, or the people we find hardest to forgive.
The emotional heart is a tender story of forgiving his father after a painful childhood memory. Rather than carry bitterness, Jacob looks beneath the behavior to the wounds that shaped it, choosing to break the cycle with understanding. He extends that same compassion to himself while wrestling with habits, sleeplessness, and the stop-start nature of change. Spiritual growth, he reminds us, isn’t a straight line—it’s a humble practice of presence, gratitude, and beginning again.
Whether you’re burned out by the rat race, wrestling with self-judgment, or longing to let go, Episode 8 offers a warm, grounded companion. Jacob’s poetic yet down-to-earth style makes big truths accessible: failure can be a teacher, forgiveness a doorway, and compassion a daily practice. Tune in for a gentle guide to reverence, stillness, and love—right in the middle of real life.
“The supreme good is like water—it nourishes all things without trying to.” — Lao Tzu
May we meet each moment with reverence. 🕊️
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jake (00:00):
Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Standing
Nowhere.
This is Jake, your host.
And I want to start off thisepisode today with a verse that
(00:24):
used to make me kind of recoilwhen I would hear it.
I didn't really understand it.
And it is wisdom.
Let's see here.
Wisdom begins with fear of theLord.
That kind of puts me off alittle bit.
I don't know about you guys.
I mean, that's one way you canunderstand it.
(00:44):
But looking at Hebrew scriptureover the last three years, I've
come to understand that thereare different interpretations of
Hebrew words.
And that word fear can also betranslated as reverence.
And everywhere in the Biblethat you see the Lord was also
originally written as Yahweh.
And if we are to not take theLord's name in vain, which means
(01:09):
the name of the Lord, Yahwehmeans to be, to exist.
I am.
I will be what I am or what Iwill become.
So that verse can be understoodas wisdom begins with reverence
to be.
or reverence for Yahweh,reverence to exist.
And I love that.
(01:31):
I really love that.
Reverence to be.
You know, over the last threeyears, I've been doing
deliveries for DoorDash, UberEats, Grubhub, trying to make a
living.
I used to be in sales, as manyof you know, and I didn't want
to do that anymore.
So I don't really have anyother skills, quote unquote.
(01:54):
And during the process of medelivering for DoorDash, my pay
has constantly gone down anddown and down.
Matter of fact, it's gone downabout 25% between my last two
tax returns.
In addition to that, I amforced to accept 70% of all
(02:15):
orders that I receive or I getno orders.
So as an independentcontractor, quote unquote, We're
supposed to decide, is thisoffer worth it or not, and
either accept it or not based onthat.
But now, I don't get to do thatanymore.
And as such, I've lost from onetax return to another, I lost
(02:36):
about 20 grand.
And I am taking orders thatpersonally, they feel
humiliating for the amount ofmoney I'm receiving.
And typically, people who tiplow also like to make a lot of
false reports against you, whichis terrible.
The other day, when I wasthinking about what to say on
(02:59):
this podcast episode, I wascarrying...
a 40 pack of water from Safewayamongst other groceries up to
the third story of this person'sapartment.
And the tip was okay.
I may have accepted it or not.
If I had a choice, probablynot.
But as I was sweating in the115 degree Arizona sun, I just
(03:24):
had gratefulness and I've beenpracticing this gratitude for
over the last couple of yearsbecause this right now is my
life.
My state of being is being adriver for gig companies that
don't appreciate me, forcustomers who under-tip me, and
(03:45):
that's my situation right now.
Now, I'm not saying that I'mgrateful for it in a sarcastic
way.
I mean, I'm really gratefulbecause this is where I'm at
right now.
And it's not like I want tostay here forever, but I'm
grateful for it because it'swhat is at this moment.
And I remember thinking that asI was carrying that 40 pack on
(04:06):
my shoulder and the groceries inmy left hand, going up those
stairs, you know, I could feelmy mind start to say things
like, man, how did you get here?
Why are you, you know, all thethoughts that would come into
your head hearing this story ofsomebody not tipping you
correctly, doing all that labor.
(04:28):
But I was grateful.
I looked around.
I was listening to the birds.
I was appreciating the heat, ascrazy as that sounds.
Because without heat, wewouldn't appreciate the air
conditioning, right?
You know, I'm just trying toshow gratitude for what is.
And it's important.
no matter what downs you'reexperiencing in life, to stop
(04:51):
and really smell the roses andsay to yourself, this is my life
right now.
And it may not be where I wantit to be, but I can at least
pause and be grateful for it.
And I finished the delivery andI went on.
And it's easy for me to get inmy head about these things.
Like I'm here because I screwedup.
Had I Went straight intocollege after high school.
(05:15):
You know, I'd have a career bynow.
Probably would own a house.
And it's tough.
You know, life will throwfailures at you.
But our failures, our perceivedfailures, they're also
teachers.
You know, when I think aboutthe choices I've made or that
(05:37):
were made that resulted in thepresent moment that I'm in, It's
real easy to get hard onmyself.
And I've done that all my life.
My last year in high school, Iactually did homeschooling so I
could help my mom out withchildcare for my youngest sister
(05:58):
at the time.
And I was happy to do that, youknow, not only because the last
year in high school is usuallyshorter days anyways, but I got
to stay home and play videogames, you know, and hang out
with my little sister and But atthe same time, I kind of missed
all the things that you gothrough in your final year of
high school.
So I felt like I let myselfdown a little bit.
(06:18):
I watched all my friendsgraduate.
I actually kind of slacked offin my studies and ended up
graduating almost a year after Iwas supposed to.
And that negative self-talkkind of carried with me.
throughout my life and I didn'treally realize it was there.
I always kind of knew it wasthere, but it's like that small,
subtle voice that you don'treally hear because there's so
(06:42):
much noise and distraction inyour life.
But I've realized, especiallythese last few years, that I've
carried that voice with me onmany things.
I mean, we all have that innercritic, right?
And it's especially hard for mewith podcasting.
I mean, here I am revealingdeep parts of myself to the
(07:04):
world or whoever's listening.
And I know that, especially inthe beginning phases, your
podcast is growing.
It takes time to build anaudience.
And I'm going to have episodesthat I'm not going to be happy
with.
But when I listen to them thenext day, sometimes I'm really
(07:24):
in my head about it.
Like the last one I did, I was,I was pretty happy with my
wife.
My wife said she liked it, butyou know, she's biased and I
love her and she, she does giveme honest feedback sometimes on
them, but I listened to it and Iwas devastated and I just tried
to cram too much into it, youknow, and I was running on
(07:45):
really low sleep.
I have not been sleeping wellthe past week.
The last two days though, I'vebeen sleeping much better.
And part of that is me quittingcannabis and trying to
cultivate more stillness in meand whatnot.
And overall, when you guys hearthese episodes, the day they
come out, usually I'm reallyhard on myself about it.
(08:08):
I mean, it's intense.
But the question I want to poseto you and that I pose to
myself is, can I be a spaciouspresence for that audience?
that feeling of failure?
Can I hold it in compassion,even that self-talk?
You know, I beat myself uprepeatedly about my own
(08:28):
parenting.
And I'm sure if any of youlistening out there have kids
that you've done the same thing,that you constantly judge
yourself.
Like, was I too hard on my kid?
Was I not hard enough?
Was I too neglectful in theseyears?
You know, for me personally,that negative self-talk when it
came to where I am in life as agig delivery driver, taking care
(08:51):
of a family of four, formerlyfive, before my son moved out.
In Gilbert, especially, thedemand for the cost of living is
so high.
So I would reflect on it, and Iwould say to myself, man, if I
had a career, I wouldn't have towork as much.
I'd get to spend more time withmy kids.
I really screwed up.
But I'm reminded of a quotefrom Master Yoda, actually, when
(09:15):
Luke Skywalker felt the sameway.
about his students.
He felt like he failed them,that he caused them to actually
turn to darkness.
Yoda said to him, Skywalker,still looking to the horizon,
never hear now the need in frontof your nose.
And Skywalker responds, I wasweak.
(09:37):
I was unwise.
I can't be what she needs me tobe.
And then Yoda says, he did mywords not, did you?
pass on what you have learned.
Strength, mastery, butweakness, folly, failure also.
Yes, failure most of all.
(09:58):
The greatest teacher failureis.
Luke, we are what they growbeyond.
That is the true burden of allmasters.
And that really hit me.
Actually, teared up in thetheater when I saw that because
I could instantly relate to howI felt towards the way I
(10:20):
parented, you know, and puttingmyself under that harsh
judgmental light.
It's not easy.
But the way I look at life nowis that I'm failing forward.
Mistakes, they refine us.
They don't define us, you know.
We learn from them.
And it's part of this grandtapestry that we call life.
(10:43):
Look at a child, you know, achild falls like, I think the
statistic is like 17 times asthey're learning to walk.
So it's a process, you know,and you don't stop failing as
you get older and you can't beafraid of failing.
Like even now as I'm recordingthis episode, I have thoughts in
my head like, am I talking toomuch?
(11:04):
Am I meandering?
Am I drifting away from themicrophone so you can't hear me?
You know, there's a lot ofthings going through my head.
And when I hear it the nextday, I know I'm going to be
really hard on myself or thatvoice will come in my head.
But like the last episodes, I'mjust going to hold it and let
it pass.
It's like a storm and it passesand you learn.
(11:26):
And I've learned from the pastfew episodes.
Hopefully, some of you outthere have noticed that they've
gotten a little more concise, alittle bit less meandering.
I'm learning.
Like I said in the firstepisode, that's why I called it,
I don't know what I'm doingbecause I have no clue, but I
know that I'm fed up with notdoing anything because I'm
(11:47):
afraid of failing.
And I'm not going to beatmyself up about choices I've
made in the past, about myparenting, things like that.
I'm just going to embrace themwith compassion and I'm going to
move on and I'm going to try todo better.
St.
John of the Cross, an oldmystic Christian, he wrote a
piece called The Dark Night ofthe Soul.
And he has a quote on this.
(12:09):
He says, It is most fitting andnecessary if the soul is to
pass to these great things thatthis dark night of contemplation
should first of all annihilateand undo it in its meannesses,
bring it into darkness, aridity,affliction, and emptiness.
For the light which is to begiven to it is a divine light of
(12:30):
the highest kind, whichtranscends all natural light,
and which by nature can find noplace in the understanding." You
see, he's pointing to the factthat in our own understanding
and comprehension, we're notgoing to be able to understand
(12:54):
or comprehend all of ourfailures and why we did them.
You know, when you wake up at 3a.m.
thinking about that stupidthing you said online or the way
you treated somebody withregret or You can only hold it
in awareness, compassion andlove and realize that you're not
perfect.
The idea of perfect is just anillusion and you've got to move
(13:17):
forward and learn from them.
You know, I've made someterrible mistakes and things
I've said in the past to peoplethat I deeply regret and, you
know, if possible, try to makethem right.
But this points to the factthat we have to have compassion
for ourselves and You know, canyou love yourself when you can't
(13:40):
quit an addiction or break ahabit that you've been trying to
break?
I remember three years ago whenI first started to really
meditate and try to cultivate astillness in myself, I thought I
could do anything.
I'm like, man...
my energy drinks that I haveevery day.
All I'm going to do is quit andI'm just going to hold the
(14:00):
withdrawals in my awareness andI'll be just fine and I'll be
able to quit no problem.
And it actually worked for acouple of days, but then I had
one.
I was like, yeah, I've quit forthree or four days.
I can have one now and go back.
And nope, I went right back tohaving energy drinks all the
time.
And I went in this off and onrelationship with them.
Same thing with my diet and myworkout.
(14:22):
You can ask my wife.
I have yo-yoed So many timesthat it's ridiculous.
It's to the point where I tellher, I'm going to start my diet
on Monday.
And she kind of, she doesn'texactly roll her eyes, but she's
like, okay, let's do it.
And she supports me every timethrough all my failures, which
I'm about to try again,actually.
But part of the process ofquitting habits, it does
(14:47):
actually involve embracing thewithdrawals.
And with gratitude.
I mentioned on a couple ofepisodes ago that I quit smoking
cannabis at the end of the dayto take the edge off.
And for a little while, Ireally missed it.
And for me, the withdrawalswere more in the form of
sleeplessness.
It was really hard for me tostay asleep through the whole
(15:09):
night.
I would wake up at about 3.30in the morning, 3.45 maybe, and
I could not get back to bed andit was terrible.
And sometimes there was likereally intense dreams and it was
rough, but I knew that I lovedthe peace that I was cultivating
(15:29):
by being more present more thanthe withdrawals were giving me
pain.
So I just held them andembraced them and the time was
right and I was eventually ableto quit.
Because even cannabis, I'vequit off and on over the last
couple of years.
As I mentioned like twoepisodes ago, when my son moved
(15:51):
out, I started up again becauseI just missed him so damn much
and I justified it to myselfthat I'm under a lot of stress,
I'm working a lot.
And sometimes we are and wefeel like we need that.
And either way, You've got tolove yourself if you can't quit
your addiction when you want to,and you keep trying, and you
(16:13):
just hold it all.
And when the time is right,eventually, when that stillness
grows and grows, you'll beready, and it'll happen.
And you've got to love yourselfall the way through.
You've got to show gratitudeand a thankfulness to your body.
It's carried you this far.
Can you love yourself?
Can you love your body for allthat it's done for you?
(16:35):
Even your mind, when itoverthinks things and it beats
you up after releasing a podcastepisode or all the little
quirks that you have, all thelittle things that make you you,
can you appreciate your body?
Because it's part of this wholetapestry.
Your body is as natural as acloud in the sky or a tree.
(16:57):
Can you...
Maybe you stop thinking aboutyourself so much and just empty
yourself.
There's an interesting passagein the letter to the Philippians
from Paul.
He says, let this same mind bein you that was in Christ Jesus,
who, though he existed in theform of God, did not regard
(17:20):
equality with God as somethingto be grasped, but he emptied
himself, taking the form of aslave, assuming human likeness,
And being found in appearance asa human, he humbled himself and
became obedient to the point ofdeath, even death on a cross.
So you see, he's saying here,even Jesus, who was a perfect
(17:46):
representation of the divinewill.
I mean, many times Jesus wouldconstantly say, it's not me
who's speaking, it's the Fatherthrough me.
And he didn't consider himselfas someone who had to be pious,
reaching up towards someunreachable goal.
He just was himself.
And he emptied himself andbecame a humble man who wanted
(18:14):
to just serve people.
He didn't ask to be worshiped.
He was washing people's feet.
You know, I'm one of you.
And he didn't reject himselfand get stuck in his head
thinking, I'm just a lowlycarpenter.
I come from Nazareth, you know,this ghetto town of 200 people
on the outskirts of town.
You know, he didn't think aboutall that.
(18:36):
And we love him all the morebecause of it, because he came
from nothing, because he was oneof the downtrodden like us,
just one of the regular Joes.
Can you get out of your ownway?
Stop separating yourself from,or stop having the idea that you
are a separate self from thewhole thing.
(18:57):
But you, just as you are, withall your perceived
imperfections, are perfect justthe way you are.
You know?
Like all that negativeself-talk I had about myself
with being a quote-unquote gigworker in my 40s.
You know, that's all in myhead.
(19:18):
Can I let that go?
Lao Tzu has a beautiful verseon this.
He says, stop thinking and endyour problems.
What difference between yes andno?
What difference between successand failure?
Must you value what othersvalue?
Avoid what others avoid?
(19:38):
How ridiculous.
Other people are excited asthough they were at a parade.
I alone don't care.
I alone am expressionless, likean infant before it can smile.
Other people have what theyneed.
I alone possess nothing.
I alone drift about likesomeone without a home.
(20:01):
I'm like an idiot.
My mind is so empty.
Other people are bright.
I alone am dark.
Other people are sharper.
I alone am dull.
Other people have a purpose.
I alone...
don't know.
I drift like a wave on theocean.
I blow as aimless as the wind.
(20:23):
I am different from ordinarypeople.
I drink from the great mother'sbreasts.
Meaning he is content with whatis, what the great mother
nature is providing for him atjust each and every moment.
Do you really need more thanthat?
I mean, it's okay to, like forme, I want to I obviously get a
(20:47):
job and a career going if thereis one left in this godforsaken
economy.
I'm going to try.
I've touched up my resume.
I'm ready to get out there.
But for now, I am content withwhat the Great Mother brings,
you know, with what life bringsme.
And right now, I love my life.
Even though I have to work alot of hours and I don't have
(21:10):
the greatest job in the world, Ilove it.
And I'm going to try to dobetter.
I'm going to try for the nextthing.
And it's going to be easierbecause I'm not fighting it
along the way.
I don't have this hatred insideof me for my situation.
You know, the FML attitude, youknow, F my life.
No, thank you.
(21:31):
I'm very thankful to this life.
It's beautiful.
It's so beautiful.
Can you have that same mind inyou that Jesus had?
Or that Lao Tzu is talkingabout here in the Tao Te Ching.
Can you stop thinking and justbe?
And can you have that samecompassion for other people in
(21:55):
your life?
Can you appreciate all thepeople that you meet throughout
your day?
You go to a gas station to graban energy drink or whatever.
Can you look at the gas stationattendant as a human being?
Can you remember them?
that they're as human as youare.
You know, how many strangers doyou overlook in your life?
(22:17):
There's so many opportunitiesto show them some loving
kindness as you pass by.
You don't have to stop and giveeveryone a hug, but look
around.
You know, most people thatconsider themselves seekers that
are looking to go within andsee what's behind the veil in
(22:37):
this life, A lot of us willspend time meditating and trying
to cultivate that mindfulness,but we forget that the other
side of the coin of mindfulnessis love and compassion, and the
two are really one.
And if you're on the path ofquote-unquote enlightenment, up
your way up the mountain, one ofthe fastest ways to do that is
(22:57):
to cultivate love andcompassion, or as the Buddhists
call it, metta, for otherpeople, loving compassion.
Practice it constantly.
Some people you won't evennotice.
They were there the whole time.
You know, there's a guy that Imet at the local 76 station down
the street, and he has such awarm presence to him.
(23:21):
He greets everybody that comesinto the gas station like a
friend, and I love it.
And I've been talking to himabout the podcast, and he's been
so supportive of me.
I've been talking to him aboutit for months, actually.
And through all myprocrastination, he's been very
supportive.
And not just noticing people,but really noticing them.
(23:45):
Like if you see a beautifulwoman walk by or a beautiful
man, can you appreciate theirbeauty?
Yes.
Without forgetting that they'realso somebody's son or
daughter.
Perhaps they're a father or amother.
You know, not just looking atthem as a MILF or a sexy dad,
(24:06):
but also as a person, as abeing.
What about when you're atWalmart and you see somebody who
has sort of let themselves goand they're on a scooter?
Do you judge them?
Do you look at them asquote-unquote people of Walmart
(24:30):
potential for that website thattakes pictures of people?
Do you look at people that aredowntrodden and struggling with
condemnation or judgment?
Or can you flick a switch inyour mind and remember that
that's a being just like youthat has a mother and a father
and maybe they weren't dealt thegreatest hand in life?
(24:51):
Can you look past all theappearance?
There's a little quote from GKChesterton, and now a strange
thing in the street where anyhuman nod, where move in strange
democracy, the million masks ofGod.
Can you look at everyone as amask of God?
god is coming at you in thisform god's coming for you know
(25:14):
at you in this beautiful formover here that makes you forget
your awareness and you're juststaring at them as a sexual
object or that person over therethat's on a scooter and they
didn't take care of themselvesyou know there's these masks can
you look behind the mask andsee their being and what about
(25:37):
What about the people who upsetyou, the driver who cuts you
off?
Can you have compassion forthem?
Can you see them as somebody'schild or a father or mother
who's late for work?
Or perhaps they're young andthey're new to the working world
and they're learning how todrive and they don't quite know
how to be respectful on the roadyet, or maybe they've been
(25:58):
bullied at work a lot, sothey're starting to bully other
people.
Are you going to bully themback?
Are you going to give them thefinger Are you going to speed up
and cut them off and then slamon your brakes and do all kinds
of crazy things?
Or can you allow them to dowhat they do and have compassion
for them?
Can you maintain that space forthem to do what they need to
do?
It's just like in your mind,they say a raging bull, the
(26:24):
easiest way to pacify a ragingbull is to give them a large
pasture.
And what about your coworkers?
Or maybe a boss you have whodoesn't show you any
appreciation whatsoever andmakes you feel terrible because
you do all that labor and allthat work and you get nothing to
show for it.
(26:44):
Or maybe you get a pizza Fridayor a company mug.
Thanks a lot.
Great work.
By the way, you screwed uphere.
You know, the other day when Iwas planning this episode out, I
was picking up an order fromMcDonald's and I can see From
what I saw, it looked like theorder was not quite ready yet.
(27:05):
So I'm like, perfect.
I can run to the bathroom andcome back and grab it.
So I come out of the bathroomand I walk up and I pick up the
order and the district managerfor all like McDonald's in that
area, I suppose.
She tries to chew me out, and Iimmediately felt that energy
rising inside of me.
All these thoughts that I'vebeen talking to you guys about
(27:27):
earlier of not getting paid whatI deserve, being forced to take
these disgraceful tip ordersjust so I continue to get
orders, all of that was insideme.
All that energy was ready tocome out and explode.
I can be a pretty intimidatingguy.
I'm not the biggest dude in theworld, but I've just got that
(27:47):
presence.
I'm in my 40s now.
Most kids, yes, sir.
Thank you, sir.
I could have exploded on her.
I felt the energy come up, butI caught it.
I'm like, there it is.
The Buddha says anger has ahoneyed tip and a poisoned root.
I felt the emotions.
She chewed me out for markingarrived before I got to the
(28:14):
restaurant.
I tried to explain to her,look, this is how it works.
And I explained to her, like,you guys do the same thing.
You market ready before it is.
And that throws it off for us.
And I said, we're on the sameteam.
There's no need for hostilitieshere.
You know, I said, just ask yourstaff behind you.
And they were all kind oflooking at us go back and forth.
(28:35):
And the staff at all theMcDonald's that I pick up from,
they love me.
I'm very polite to them.
I understand they're under alot of stress.
You know, go into a McDonald'sand pay attention.
You'll hear beep, beep.
you know, things are beepingunder everyone's understaffed.
Nobody's at the front becauseeveryone's just slaving away in
the back, underpaid,underappreciated.
(28:56):
So anyways, I said, look, lookat all the people behind you.
They love me.
I'm in here all the time.
And they didn't want to like beinvolved.
So they just kind of kept theirnoses down and just kept going.
But you know, they love me.
I'm sure they would side withme.
And, um, and I was, I was beingnice to this, this lady.
I was like, you know, we're onthe same side here.
(29:16):
You know, you're grilling meabout a couple of minutes, if
that, and I probably got herebefore it was ready anyways.
And long story short, I feltlike I handled it pretty well.
I didn't lose my cool, eventhough I felt the adrenaline
rising in me.
And I took the order and left.
And she even threatened toreport me and stuff.
And I just couldn't get throughto her.
So I was like, OK, well, justremember, we're on the same
(29:38):
side.
There's no need forhostilities.
And I hope you have a good day.
And I don't want you to benervous if you see me again in
the future, blah, blah, blah.
So I'm on the way out.
And these two people close tothe exit were like, thank you,
sir, for the way you handledthat.
That was really excellent.
And I'm sorry for her attitude.
And I was like, don't worryabout it.
I said, OK.
She's on the same side, like Iwas mentioning to her.
I'm sure she's under a lot ofstress as well.
(30:00):
The point being, can we havecompassion for other people?
Can you understand them fromtheir position as well, even if
they treat you with disrespect?
If they cut you off on theroad, if your manager doesn't
appreciate you, if you getchewed out by a manager like I
did, can you still show themlove?
Love your neighbor as yourself,right?
(30:23):
The Buddha says, hatred isnever appeased by hatred in this
world.
By non-hatred alone is hatredappeased.
You know, when Jesus was asked,what are the two greatest
commandments?
He said, love Yahweh, yourbeing, with all your heart, all
your mind, all your soul, andall your strength.
And the second is just like it.
(30:44):
You shall love your neighbor asyourself.
There's no commandment greaterthan these.
And judgment.
Like I was talking aboutearlier, you know, he speaks
about that.
Do not judge and you will notbe judged.
Do not condemn and you will notbe condemned.
Forgive and you will beforgiven.
And it's not just like the eyein the sky, God will forgive
(31:08):
you.
But in Aramaic, there's nuanceto it, which gets flattened out
in English.
In Aramaic, forgive is moreakin to loose the bonds in your
heart, right?
the sense of releasing, let go,set free, don't hold a grudge.
Because what you hold inside isreflective on the outside.
(31:31):
You forgiving someone else isalso releasing something inside
of you that you're holding onto.
And what about people whodeeply wrong you?
Can you have compassion forthem.
When I was younger, my dad wasin a really rough place with
(31:57):
anger, with being physical.
And I'm not going to bash himhere or say too much.
He was not somebody who beat meor anything like that.
But I saw something that reallyscarred me between him and my
mom, and I'll never forget it,even to this day.
But I've forgiven him and Ihave compassion for him because
(32:22):
I know that he grew up in a veryrough household as well.
His father was pretty brutal,pretty extreme.
He had trauma that they didn'teven know how to deal with at
the time.
From World War II, he saw hisfriends get blown up, you know,
he was on a destroyer in theNavy.
He was in all kinds of crazyconflicts.
(32:44):
And some of that trauma waspassed down to his kids.
And my dad, out of the threesons that he had, took the brunt
of it.
And then some of that tried toget passed down to me.
And some of it did get throughto me, you know.
But luckily, I've forgiven himand he's really changed himself
and he counts on my forgivenessand my compassion for him
(33:08):
because there's plenty of timesthat I talk to him and you can
hear his voice crack and thepain in his voice at the
memories of the things that he'sdone.
But I forgive him and I lovehim and I know that he's not
perfect.
I know that I'm not perfect.
And just like him, I have thatsame condemnation for myself for
(33:28):
not being a better dad for mykids.
Many of you listening, I'm sureyou have that same inner
critic.
So the compassion startswithin.
And it's really important tohave compassion for others.
And some of you listening havebeen hurt by family, and you
might say to me, Jake, I'msorry, but I'm glad you can
(33:49):
forgive your dad, but there's noway I can forgive my family
member for what they did.
And you have no idea what theydid.
And I get it.
And if you can't havecompassion for them...
Can you have compassion foryour inability to forgive them?
Can you hold your inability toforgive in loving awareness and
(34:13):
say, I've been hurt so much andI can't forgive, and I'm going
to have compassion on myselfbecause I can't forgive?
Can you loose the bonds in yourheart, as Jesus would say in
Aramaic?
Release them.
And you do what you can.
You find that edge.
It's like a garden, you know,it starts to grow.
(34:33):
You know, in a widerperspective, Lao Tzu talks about
this again in the Tao Te Chingverse 79.
He says, after settling a greatdispute, there must be
remaining resentments.
How can this be consideredgood?
Therefore, the sage holds theleft part of the contract, but
does not demand payment from theother person.
(34:55):
Those who have virtue hold thecontract.
Those without virtue hold thecollections.
The heavenly way has nofavorites.
It constantly gives to the kindpeople.
Zooming out, like I mentioned,compassion and love is the other
(35:20):
side of the coin of meditationand stillness.
When you are empty and stilland aware with your children,
what are you doing?
You're loving them.
You're giving them yourattention.
It's the same thing with thethings going on inside of you.
It's the same thing going onwith the things in this world.
And like a garden, thatstillness will grow and give you
(35:44):
more space inside.
And when you hear aboutPalestine and the horrible
things happening over there,you'll be able to hold that a
little bit better.
It's still rough.
It's still a terrible part oflife.
and this world and existence,but you'll cultivate more of a
(36:05):
space where you can hold that inloving compassion, and you'll
still be able to fight and standup and stand in solidarity for
those people who are beingmassacred, and you'll be able to
love them and even have a lovefor the people that are doing
the slaughtering, but you'llstill be able to fight them with
(36:26):
love.
I mean, look at Martin LutherKing Jr.
and the Civil Rights Movement.
I mean, he's been whitewashedto some degree and portrayed as
a perfect, I wouldn't say apacifist, but someone who, I
should have pulled his quote.
He has a wonderful quote wherehe says, we will wear you down
with our ability to receivesuffering.
But he did great things.
(36:48):
And sometimes there's a needfor that.
And sometimes there's a needfor people like Malcolm X, a
little bit more rough around theedges.
Resistance will take the formof however it does, but it has
to come from a place ofcompassion.
You can't throw anyone out ofyour heart.
I mean, look at theenvironment.
We have people who can only seethree months ahead in quarterly
(37:13):
reports, and they have noregard for anything else in the
whole world.
They don't have regard for theway that the climate is changing
and destroying entire cities orvillages and what it's going to
mean for the future.
Can you have compassion forthese people in corporate suits
(37:33):
who have no idea themselves whatthey're doing, who...
even if they grew a conscience,would be killed, you know, not
killed, but like separated fromthe company and replaced with
somebody who's willing to dowhat it takes to please the
shareholders?
Can you have compassion for theshareholders who don't even do
anything but dump capital in andexpect returns?
(37:54):
Pardon me.
Can you have compassion forthese people?
You know, when I startedlearning about politics, I
started to really draw a line inthe sand like us and them.
And I still have my morals andprinciples of what needs to be
(38:15):
done, what needs to change inthe economy, in our political
system especially.
But can we have compassion forthese leaders who just don't
care, who are careerists, thatstack their cabinet with people
in Wall Street and the bankingindustry?
Can you keep the stillnessinside of yourself as well?
You know, it's like, imagine alake and it's reflecting the
(38:40):
moon and it's beautiful.
And that reflection is yourtrue nature.
All of the activity and noiseis like someone splashing the
water.
It distorts the light andeventually you lose sight of it
completely.
Can you still, can you keep thewater still and still do what
needs to be done to get Youknow, things fixed.
(39:03):
Can you not throw people out ofyour heart?
If we personify all the thingsin your life, the existential
crises of World War III, theenvironment, the way your boss
treats you, the way your familyhas treated you as people, a
(39:25):
Roman soldier driving a nailinto your hand and the other
hand and the crown of thorns onyour head and driving a nail
into your feet.
Can you have compassion for allthe problems in this life
personified, you know, as a, asa Roman soldier, can you have
compassion for all of it?
Can you cry out, forgive them,father, forgive them Yahweh.
(39:51):
They don't know what they'redoing.
Can you, Can you even look atthem without judgment as people
who are just, oh, they're justblind lemmings.
They're unconscious.
They have no stillness in them.
They're completely reactionary.
Can you get rid of all thatjudgment and love them and not
look at them as different fromyourself, but as the same self?
(40:11):
As you're raised up on thecross, burning in the sunlight,
and the thief to your left whois condemning you and laughing
at you and mocking you for allthe things that you've done in
your past, All the regrets youhave, that voice in your head,
can you hold that withcompassion?
Or what about the thief to yourright being crucified as well,
(40:34):
who's worried about what's gonnacome next?
What's gonna come in thefuture?
What's gonna happen to me afterI die?
Can you hold that worriedvoice, that worried voice in
your ego with compassion?
And can you sit right in themiddle, right in the here and
now, completely embracing whatis, Embracing the suffering
(40:57):
without any bitternesswhatsoever.
It's not easy, and you won'talways be able to do it.
But that's the symbol in theChristian tradition that we try
to hold, you know?
And it's reflected in alltraditions.
Can you be with what is?
(41:18):
Can you have reverence to be?
reverence for this being,reverence for this life,
appreciation for it, with allthe goods and all the bads, all
the ups and downs, can youappreciate life?
Or is it an enemy?
Is it separate from you?
Is it other than you?
Are you just a little speck?
(41:38):
Alone and afraid in a world Inever made.
Is that how you look at it?
Or do you look at yourself aspart of the whole thing?
Can we derive wisdom from thisreverence of everything?
Can we act with compassion?
You know, going back to yourbody.
(42:01):
Look at your body.
Look at yourself in the mirrorif you're able to.
Can you say thank you?
Thank you.
For all the little things thatmake you you.
Just say thank you to yourself.
This little body that'scarrying you in this big cosmos.
And what about the beauty of itall?
(42:28):
Can you have gratitude for theland, all the trees that take
your CO2 and give you oxygenback?
The beauty of the landscapesthat we always overlook because
we're too busy in our headsthinking, splashing the water,
losing the image of what isright in front of us.
(42:48):
Can you say thank you to thesky?
for putting on new clothingevery day, never the same way,
all the different clouds and thegradients of the sunrise and
sunset, or even the beauty ofthe cloudy days, you know, and
the rainstorms.
Can you look out at all of itand say, thank you?
And maybe even apologize to thesky and say, I'm sorry I
(43:11):
haven't looked at you more.
Wow, you are so beautiful.
Wow.
And your failures.
Can you look at yourquote-unquote failures with
compassion, forgiveness,understand that it's all
intertwined?
These are threads joinedtogether as part of our life,
(43:34):
not just our spiritual life, butlife.
Life, you fail, you get up.
You get knocked down, you getup again.
It's not a fight, though.
It's a dance.
And remember, this connects toeveryday acts of compassion.
(43:56):
Not just for the people who areeasy to love, like your kids,
but those who are hardest tolove, your boss, or maybe your
kids.
Jesus tried to teach in storyand get the point across that
we're all part of one thing,that we're not really separate.
(44:16):
And one of the stories he saidto convey this is in the Gospel
of Matthew.
He says, Then the righteouswill answer him, And he replied
to them, The king will answerthem, truly I tell you, just as
(44:48):
you did it to one of the leastof these brothers and sisters of
mine, you did it to me.
You see?
Can you in your bonesunderstand and truly know that
we are all expressions of thesame source?
(45:10):
That we are not separatepersons.
You can't have up without down.
You can't have black withoutwhite.
You can't have yourself withoutother as that contrast.
The illusion of contrast iswhat creates this whole dance of
life.
What would it be like if youmet yourself out there?
(45:33):
Can you imagine you're in theother person's shoes meeting
you?
What are they going to see?
Are they going to feel betterabout themselves?
Are you going to lift them up?
I'm going to read a final verseto you guys from Lao Tzu as we
(45:53):
close out here.
And before I do, I want to saythank you for listening.
Right now, I have basically noaudience and I'm growing this
like a garden in its earlystages.
And if you would like to reachout to me and share some of what
you've been through in life orgive me some feedback for the
show or whatever, give me arating, follow me, I'd
(46:15):
appreciate it.
I've got links in thedescription where you can reach
out.
We've got Discord, we've gotemail.
I'm trying to grow this thingand I'd love, I can't wait for
the day when somebody messagesme and says, thank you for that
episode.
It was just what I needed tohear.
That's why I'm doing this, youknow?
And To close out, Lao Tzu says,the supreme good is like water,
(46:41):
which nourishes all thingswithout trying to.
It is content with the lowplaces that people disdain.
Thus, it is like the Tao.
In dwelling, live close to theground.
In thinking, keep to thesimple.
In conflict, be fair andgenerous.
In governing, don't try tocontrol.
(47:04):
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completelypresent.
When you are content to besimply yourself and don't
compare or compete, everybodywill respect you.
Thank you again for listening.
(47:24):
Blessings to all.
You guys have a wonderful day.
Music (47:30):
This voice might feel like dust on But I'm standing
nowhere And I've been for awhile No heroes, no headlines No
promises made Just a whisperthat won't be afraid Standing No
(48:07):
flags to wave No need to roamThe silence speaks louder Than
war ever could And I've neverfelt So understood The static is
(48:35):
kind to follow no king on thethrone the sky's turning amber
the clock's all reset and Ihaven't stopped walking just yet
(49:04):
standing nowhere air wide andfree change no name no destiny
the road dissolves the sky turnswhite i'm still here nothing
Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Standing
Nowhere.
This is Jake, your host.
And I want to start off thisepisode today with a verse that
(00:24):
used to make me kind of recoilwhen I would hear it.
I didn't really understand it.
And it is wisdom.
Let's see here.
Wisdom begins with fear of theLord.
That kind of puts me off alittle bit.
I don't know about you guys.
I mean, that's one way you canunderstand it.
(00:44):
But looking at Hebrew scriptureover the last three years, I've
come to understand that thereare different interpretations of
Hebrew words.
And that word fear can also betranslated as reverence.
And everywhere in the Biblethat you see the Lord was also
originally written as Yahweh.
And if we are to not take theLord's name in vain, which means
(01:09):
the name of the Lord, Yahwehmeans to be, to exist.
I am.
I will be what I am or what Iwill become.
So that verse can be understoodas wisdom begins with reverence
to be.
or reverence for Yahweh,reverence to exist.
And I love that.
(01:31):
I really love that.
Reverence to be.
You know, over the last threeyears, I've been doing
deliveries for DoorDash, UberEats, Grubhub, trying to make a
living.
I used to be in sales, as manyof you know, and I didn't want
to do that anymore.
So I don't really have anyother skills, quote unquote.
(01:54):
And during the process of medelivering for DoorDash, my pay
has constantly gone down anddown and down.
Matter of fact, it's gone downabout 25% between my last two
tax returns.
In addition to that, I amforced to accept 70% of all
(02:15):
orders that I receive or I getno orders.
So as an independentcontractor, quote unquote, We're
supposed to decide, is thisoffer worth it or not, and
either accept it or not based onthat.
But now, I don't get to do thatanymore.
And as such, I've lost from onetax return to another, I lost
(02:36):
about 20 grand.
And I am taking orders thatpersonally, they feel
humiliating for the amount ofmoney I'm receiving.
And typically, people who tiplow also like to make a lot of
false reports against you, whichis terrible.
The other day, when I wasthinking about what to say on
(02:59):
this podcast episode, I wascarrying...
a 40 pack of water from Safewayamongst other groceries up to
the third story of this person'sapartment.
And the tip was okay.
I may have accepted it or not.
If I had a choice, probablynot.
But as I was sweating in the115 degree Arizona sun, I just
(03:24):
had gratefulness and I've beenpracticing this gratitude for
over the last couple of yearsbecause this right now is my
life.
My state of being is being adriver for gig companies that
don't appreciate me, forcustomers who under-tip me, and
(03:45):
that's my situation right now.
Now, I'm not saying that I'mgrateful for it in a sarcastic
way.
I mean, I'm really gratefulbecause this is where I'm at
right now.
And it's not like I want tostay here forever, but I'm
grateful for it because it'swhat is at this moment.
And I remember thinking that asI was carrying that 40 pack on
(04:06):
my shoulder and the groceries inmy left hand, going up those
stairs, you know, I could feelmy mind start to say things
like, man, how did you get here?
Why are you, you know, all thethoughts that would come into
your head hearing this story ofsomebody not tipping you
correctly, doing all that labor.
(04:28):
But I was grateful.
I looked around.
I was listening to the birds.
I was appreciating the heat, ascrazy as that sounds.
Because without heat, wewouldn't appreciate the air
conditioning, right?
You know, I'm just trying toshow gratitude for what is.
And it's important.
no matter what downs you'reexperiencing in life, to stop
(04:51):
and really smell the roses andsay to yourself, this is my life
right now.
And it may not be where I wantit to be, but I can at least
pause and be grateful for it.
And I finished the delivery andI went on.
And it's easy for me to get inmy head about these things.
Like I'm here because I screwedup.
Had I Went straight intocollege after high school.
(05:15):
You know, I'd have a career bynow.
Probably would own a house.
And it's tough.
You know, life will throwfailures at you.
But our failures, our perceivedfailures, they're also
teachers.
You know, when I think aboutthe choices I've made or that
(05:37):
were made that resulted in thepresent moment that I'm in, It's
real easy to get hard onmyself.
And I've done that all my life.
My last year in high school, Iactually did homeschooling so I
could help my mom out withchildcare for my youngest sister
(05:58):
at the time.
And I was happy to do that, youknow, not only because the last
year in high school is usuallyshorter days anyways, but I got
to stay home and play videogames, you know, and hang out
with my little sister and But atthe same time, I kind of missed
all the things that you gothrough in your final year of
high school.
So I felt like I let myselfdown a little bit.
(06:18):
I watched all my friendsgraduate.
I actually kind of slacked offin my studies and ended up
graduating almost a year after Iwas supposed to.
And that negative self-talkkind of carried with me.
throughout my life and I didn'treally realize it was there.
I always kind of knew it wasthere, but it's like that small,
subtle voice that you don'treally hear because there's so
(06:42):
much noise and distraction inyour life.
But I've realized, especiallythese last few years, that I've
carried that voice with me onmany things.
I mean, we all have that innercritic, right?
And it's especially hard for mewith podcasting.
I mean, here I am revealingdeep parts of myself to the
(07:04):
world or whoever's listening.
And I know that, especially inthe beginning phases, your
podcast is growing.
It takes time to build anaudience.
And I'm going to have episodesthat I'm not going to be happy
with.
But when I listen to them thenext day, sometimes I'm really
(07:24):
in my head about it.
Like the last one I did, I was,I was pretty happy with my
wife.
My wife said she liked it, butyou know, she's biased and I
love her and she, she does giveme honest feedback sometimes on
them, but I listened to it and Iwas devastated and I just tried
to cram too much into it, youknow, and I was running on
(07:45):
really low sleep.
I have not been sleeping wellthe past week.
The last two days though, I'vebeen sleeping much better.
And part of that is me quittingcannabis and trying to
cultivate more stillness in meand whatnot.
And overall, when you guys hearthese episodes, the day they
come out, usually I'm reallyhard on myself about it.
(08:08):
I mean, it's intense.
But the question I want to poseto you and that I pose to
myself is, can I be a spaciouspresence for that audience?
that feeling of failure?
Can I hold it in compassion,even that self-talk?
You know, I beat myself uprepeatedly about my own
(08:28):
parenting.
And I'm sure if any of youlistening out there have kids
that you've done the same thing,that you constantly judge
yourself.
Like, was I too hard on my kid?
Was I not hard enough?
Was I too neglectful in theseyears?
You know, for me personally,that negative self-talk when it
came to where I am in life as agig delivery driver, taking care
(08:51):
of a family of four, formerlyfive, before my son moved out.
In Gilbert, especially, thedemand for the cost of living is
so high.
So I would reflect on it, and Iwould say to myself, man, if I
had a career, I wouldn't have towork as much.
I'd get to spend more time withmy kids.
I really screwed up.
But I'm reminded of a quotefrom Master Yoda, actually, when
(09:15):
Luke Skywalker felt the sameway.
about his students.
He felt like he failed them,that he caused them to actually
turn to darkness.
Yoda said to him, Skywalker,still looking to the horizon,
never hear now the need in frontof your nose.
And Skywalker responds, I wasweak.
(09:37):
I was unwise.
I can't be what she needs me tobe.
And then Yoda says, he did mywords not, did you?
pass on what you have learned.
Strength, mastery, butweakness, folly, failure also.
Yes, failure most of all.
(09:58):
The greatest teacher failureis.
Luke, we are what they growbeyond.
That is the true burden of allmasters.
And that really hit me.
Actually, teared up in thetheater when I saw that because
I could instantly relate to howI felt towards the way I
(10:20):
parented, you know, and puttingmyself under that harsh
judgmental light.
It's not easy.
But the way I look at life nowis that I'm failing forward.
Mistakes, they refine us.
They don't define us, you know.
We learn from them.
And it's part of this grandtapestry that we call life.
(10:43):
Look at a child, you know, achild falls like, I think the
statistic is like 17 times asthey're learning to walk.
So it's a process, you know,and you don't stop failing as
you get older and you can't beafraid of failing.
Like even now as I'm recordingthis episode, I have thoughts in
my head like, am I talking toomuch?
(11:04):
Am I meandering?
Am I drifting away from themicrophone so you can't hear me?
You know, there's a lot ofthings going through my head.
And when I hear it the nextday, I know I'm going to be
really hard on myself or thatvoice will come in my head.
But like the last episodes, I'mjust going to hold it and let
it pass.
It's like a storm and it passesand you learn.
(11:26):
And I've learned from the pastfew episodes.
Hopefully, some of you outthere have noticed that they've
gotten a little more concise, alittle bit less meandering.
I'm learning.
Like I said in the firstepisode, that's why I called it,
I don't know what I'm doingbecause I have no clue, but I
know that I'm fed up with notdoing anything because I'm
(11:47):
afraid of failing.
And I'm not going to beatmyself up about choices I've
made in the past, about myparenting, things like that.
I'm just going to embrace themwith compassion and I'm going to
move on and I'm going to try todo better.
St.
John of the Cross, an oldmystic Christian, he wrote a
piece called The Dark Night ofthe Soul.
And he has a quote on this.
(12:09):
He says, It is most fitting andnecessary if the soul is to
pass to these great things thatthis dark night of contemplation
should first of all annihilateand undo it in its meannesses,
bring it into darkness, aridity,affliction, and emptiness.
For the light which is to begiven to it is a divine light of
(12:30):
the highest kind, whichtranscends all natural light,
and which by nature can find noplace in the understanding." You
see, he's pointing to the factthat in our own understanding
and comprehension, we're notgoing to be able to understand
(12:54):
or comprehend all of ourfailures and why we did them.
You know, when you wake up at 3a.m.
thinking about that stupidthing you said online or the way
you treated somebody withregret or You can only hold it
in awareness, compassion andlove and realize that you're not
perfect.
The idea of perfect is just anillusion and you've got to move
(13:17):
forward and learn from them.
You know, I've made someterrible mistakes and things
I've said in the past to peoplethat I deeply regret and, you
know, if possible, try to makethem right.
But this points to the factthat we have to have compassion
for ourselves and You know, canyou love yourself when you can't
(13:40):
quit an addiction or break ahabit that you've been trying to
break?
I remember three years ago whenI first started to really
meditate and try to cultivate astillness in myself, I thought I
could do anything.
I'm like, man...
my energy drinks that I haveevery day.
All I'm going to do is quit andI'm just going to hold the
(14:00):
withdrawals in my awareness andI'll be just fine and I'll be
able to quit no problem.
And it actually worked for acouple of days, but then I had
one.
I was like, yeah, I've quit forthree or four days.
I can have one now and go back.
And nope, I went right back tohaving energy drinks all the
time.
And I went in this off and onrelationship with them.
Same thing with my diet and myworkout.
(14:22):
You can ask my wife.
I have yo-yoed So many timesthat it's ridiculous.
It's to the point where I tellher, I'm going to start my diet
on Monday.
And she kind of, she doesn'texactly roll her eyes, but she's
like, okay, let's do it.
And she supports me every timethrough all my failures, which
I'm about to try again,actually.
But part of the process ofquitting habits, it does
(14:47):
actually involve embracing thewithdrawals.
And with gratitude.
I mentioned on a couple ofepisodes ago that I quit smoking
cannabis at the end of the dayto take the edge off.
And for a little while, Ireally missed it.
And for me, the withdrawalswere more in the form of
sleeplessness.
It was really hard for me tostay asleep through the whole
(15:09):
night.
I would wake up at about 3.30in the morning, 3.45 maybe, and
I could not get back to bed andit was terrible.
And sometimes there was likereally intense dreams and it was
rough, but I knew that I lovedthe peace that I was cultivating
(15:29):
by being more present more thanthe withdrawals were giving me
pain.
So I just held them andembraced them and the time was
right and I was eventually ableto quit.
Because even cannabis, I'vequit off and on over the last
couple of years.
As I mentioned like twoepisodes ago, when my son moved
(15:51):
out, I started up again becauseI just missed him so damn much
and I justified it to myselfthat I'm under a lot of stress,
I'm working a lot.
And sometimes we are and wefeel like we need that.
And either way, You've got tolove yourself if you can't quit
your addiction when you want to,and you keep trying, and you
(16:13):
just hold it all.
And when the time is right,eventually, when that stillness
grows and grows, you'll beready, and it'll happen.
And you've got to love yourselfall the way through.
You've got to show gratitudeand a thankfulness to your body.
It's carried you this far.
Can you love yourself?
Can you love your body for allthat it's done for you?
(16:35):
Even your mind, when itoverthinks things and it beats
you up after releasing a podcastepisode or all the little
quirks that you have, all thelittle things that make you you,
can you appreciate your body?
Because it's part of this wholetapestry.
Your body is as natural as acloud in the sky or a tree.
(16:57):
Can you...
Maybe you stop thinking aboutyourself so much and just empty
yourself.
There's an interesting passagein the letter to the Philippians
from Paul.
He says, let this same mind bein you that was in Christ Jesus,
who, though he existed in theform of God, did not regard
(17:20):
equality with God as somethingto be grasped, but he emptied
himself, taking the form of aslave, assuming human likeness,
And being found in appearance asa human, he humbled himself and
became obedient to the point ofdeath, even death on a cross.
So you see, he's saying here,even Jesus, who was a perfect
(17:46):
representation of the divinewill.
I mean, many times Jesus wouldconstantly say, it's not me
who's speaking, it's the Fatherthrough me.
And he didn't consider himselfas someone who had to be pious,
reaching up towards someunreachable goal.
He just was himself.
And he emptied himself andbecame a humble man who wanted
(18:14):
to just serve people.
He didn't ask to be worshiped.
He was washing people's feet.
You know, I'm one of you.
And he didn't reject himselfand get stuck in his head
thinking, I'm just a lowlycarpenter.
I come from Nazareth, you know,this ghetto town of 200 people
on the outskirts of town.
You know, he didn't think aboutall that.
(18:36):
And we love him all the morebecause of it, because he came
from nothing, because he was oneof the downtrodden like us,
just one of the regular Joes.
Can you get out of your ownway?
Stop separating yourself from,or stop having the idea that you
are a separate self from thewhole thing.
(18:57):
But you, just as you are, withall your perceived
imperfections, are perfect justthe way you are.
You know?
Like all that negativeself-talk I had about myself
with being a quote-unquote gigworker in my 40s.
You know, that's all in myhead.
(19:18):
Can I let that go?
Lao Tzu has a beautiful verseon this.
He says, stop thinking and endyour problems.
What difference between yes andno?
What difference between successand failure?
Must you value what othersvalue?
Avoid what others avoid?
(19:38):
How ridiculous.
Other people are excited asthough they were at a parade.
I alone don't care.
I alone am expressionless, likean infant before it can smile.
Other people have what theyneed.
I alone possess nothing.
I alone drift about likesomeone without a home.
(20:01):
I'm like an idiot.
My mind is so empty.
Other people are bright.
I alone am dark.
Other people are sharper.
I alone am dull.
Other people have a purpose.
I alone...
don't know.
I drift like a wave on theocean.
I blow as aimless as the wind.
(20:23):
I am different from ordinarypeople.
I drink from the great mother'sbreasts.
Meaning he is content with whatis, what the great mother
nature is providing for him atjust each and every moment.
Do you really need more thanthat?
I mean, it's okay to, like forme, I want to I obviously get a
(20:47):
job and a career going if thereis one left in this godforsaken
economy.
I'm going to try.
I've touched up my resume.
I'm ready to get out there.
But for now, I am content withwhat the Great Mother brings,
you know, with what life bringsme.
And right now, I love my life.
Even though I have to work alot of hours and I don't have
(21:10):
the greatest job in the world, Ilove it.
And I'm going to try to dobetter.
I'm going to try for the nextthing.
And it's going to be easierbecause I'm not fighting it
along the way.
I don't have this hatred insideof me for my situation.
You know, the FML attitude, youknow, F my life.
No, thank you.
(21:31):
I'm very thankful to this life.
It's beautiful.
It's so beautiful.
Can you have that same mind inyou that Jesus had?
Or that Lao Tzu is talkingabout here in the Tao Te Ching.
Can you stop thinking and justbe?
And can you have that samecompassion for other people in
(21:55):
your life?
Can you appreciate all thepeople that you meet throughout
your day?
You go to a gas station to graban energy drink or whatever.
Can you look at the gas stationattendant as a human being?
Can you remember them?
that they're as human as youare.
You know, how many strangers doyou overlook in your life?
(22:17):
There's so many opportunitiesto show them some loving
kindness as you pass by.
You don't have to stop and giveeveryone a hug, but look
around.
You know, most people thatconsider themselves seekers that
are looking to go within andsee what's behind the veil in
(22:37):
this life, A lot of us willspend time meditating and trying
to cultivate that mindfulness,but we forget that the other
side of the coin of mindfulnessis love and compassion, and the
two are really one.
And if you're on the path ofquote-unquote enlightenment, up
your way up the mountain, one ofthe fastest ways to do that is
(22:57):
to cultivate love andcompassion, or as the Buddhists
call it, metta, for otherpeople, loving compassion.
Practice it constantly.
Some people you won't evennotice.
They were there the whole time.
You know, there's a guy that Imet at the local 76 station down
the street, and he has such awarm presence to him.
(23:21):
He greets everybody that comesinto the gas station like a
friend, and I love it.
And I've been talking to himabout the podcast, and he's been
so supportive of me.
I've been talking to him aboutit for months, actually.
And through all myprocrastination, he's been very
supportive.
And not just noticing people,but really noticing them.
(23:45):
Like if you see a beautifulwoman walk by or a beautiful
man, can you appreciate theirbeauty?
Yes.
Without forgetting that they'realso somebody's son or
daughter.
Perhaps they're a father or amother.
You know, not just looking atthem as a MILF or a sexy dad,
(24:06):
but also as a person, as abeing.
What about when you're atWalmart and you see somebody who
has sort of let themselves goand they're on a scooter?
Do you judge them?
Do you look at them asquote-unquote people of Walmart
(24:30):
potential for that website thattakes pictures of people?
Do you look at people that aredowntrodden and struggling with
condemnation or judgment?
Or can you flick a switch inyour mind and remember that
that's a being just like youthat has a mother and a father
and maybe they weren't dealt thegreatest hand in life?
(24:51):
Can you look past all theappearance?
There's a little quote from GKChesterton, and now a strange
thing in the street where anyhuman nod, where move in strange
democracy, the million masks ofGod.
Can you look at everyone as amask of God?
god is coming at you in thisform god's coming for you know
(25:14):
at you in this beautiful formover here that makes you forget
your awareness and you're juststaring at them as a sexual
object or that person over therethat's on a scooter and they
didn't take care of themselvesyou know there's these masks can
you look behind the mask andsee their being and what about
(25:37):
What about the people who upsetyou, the driver who cuts you
off?
Can you have compassion forthem?
Can you see them as somebody'schild or a father or mother
who's late for work?
Or perhaps they're young andthey're new to the working world
and they're learning how todrive and they don't quite know
how to be respectful on the roadyet, or maybe they've been
(25:58):
bullied at work a lot, sothey're starting to bully other
people.
Are you going to bully themback?
Are you going to give them thefinger Are you going to speed up
and cut them off and then slamon your brakes and do all kinds
of crazy things?
Or can you allow them to dowhat they do and have compassion
for them?
Can you maintain that space forthem to do what they need to
do?
It's just like in your mind,they say a raging bull, the
(26:24):
easiest way to pacify a ragingbull is to give them a large
pasture.
And what about your coworkers?
Or maybe a boss you have whodoesn't show you any
appreciation whatsoever andmakes you feel terrible because
you do all that labor and allthat work and you get nothing to
show for it.
(26:44):
Or maybe you get a pizza Fridayor a company mug.
Thanks a lot.
Great work.
By the way, you screwed uphere.
You know, the other day when Iwas planning this episode out, I
was picking up an order fromMcDonald's and I can see From
what I saw, it looked like theorder was not quite ready yet.
(27:05):
So I'm like, perfect.
I can run to the bathroom andcome back and grab it.
So I come out of the bathroomand I walk up and I pick up the
order and the district managerfor all like McDonald's in that
area, I suppose.
She tries to chew me out, and Iimmediately felt that energy
rising inside of me.
All these thoughts that I'vebeen talking to you guys about
(27:27):
earlier of not getting paid whatI deserve, being forced to take
these disgraceful tip ordersjust so I continue to get
orders, all of that was insideme.
All that energy was ready tocome out and explode.
I can be a pretty intimidatingguy.
I'm not the biggest dude in theworld, but I've just got that
(27:47):
presence.
I'm in my 40s now.
Most kids, yes, sir.
Thank you, sir.
I could have exploded on her.
I felt the energy come up, butI caught it.
I'm like, there it is.
The Buddha says anger has ahoneyed tip and a poisoned root.
I felt the emotions.
She chewed me out for markingarrived before I got to the
(28:14):
restaurant.
I tried to explain to her,look, this is how it works.
And I explained to her, like,you guys do the same thing.
You market ready before it is.
And that throws it off for us.
And I said, we're on the sameteam.
There's no need for hostilitieshere.
You know, I said, just ask yourstaff behind you.
And they were all kind oflooking at us go back and forth.
(28:35):
And the staff at all theMcDonald's that I pick up from,
they love me.
I'm very polite to them.
I understand they're under alot of stress.
You know, go into a McDonald'sand pay attention.
You'll hear beep, beep.
you know, things are beepingunder everyone's understaffed.
Nobody's at the front becauseeveryone's just slaving away in
the back, underpaid,underappreciated.
(28:56):
So anyways, I said, look, lookat all the people behind you.
They love me.
I'm in here all the time.
And they didn't want to like beinvolved.
So they just kind of kept theirnoses down and just kept going.
But you know, they love me.
I'm sure they would side withme.
And, um, and I was, I was beingnice to this, this lady.
I was like, you know, we're onthe same side here.
(29:16):
You know, you're grilling meabout a couple of minutes, if
that, and I probably got herebefore it was ready anyways.
And long story short, I feltlike I handled it pretty well.
I didn't lose my cool, eventhough I felt the adrenaline
rising in me.
And I took the order and left.
And she even threatened toreport me and stuff.
And I just couldn't get throughto her.
So I was like, OK, well, justremember, we're on the same
(29:38):
side.
There's no need forhostilities.
And I hope you have a good day.
And I don't want you to benervous if you see me again in
the future, blah, blah, blah.
So I'm on the way out.
And these two people close tothe exit were like, thank you,
sir, for the way you handledthat.
That was really excellent.
And I'm sorry for her attitude.
And I was like, don't worryabout it.
I said, OK.
She's on the same side, like Iwas mentioning to her.
I'm sure she's under a lot ofstress as well.
(30:00):
The point being, can we havecompassion for other people?
Can you understand them fromtheir position as well, even if
they treat you with disrespect?
If they cut you off on theroad, if your manager doesn't
appreciate you, if you getchewed out by a manager like I
did, can you still show themlove?
Love your neighbor as yourself,right?
(30:23):
The Buddha says, hatred isnever appeased by hatred in this
world.
By non-hatred alone is hatredappeased.
You know, when Jesus was asked,what are the two greatest
commandments?
He said, love Yahweh, yourbeing, with all your heart, all
your mind, all your soul, andall your strength.
And the second is just like it.
(30:44):
You shall love your neighbor asyourself.
There's no commandment greaterthan these.
And judgment.
Like I was talking aboutearlier, you know, he speaks
about that.
Do not judge and you will notbe judged.
Do not condemn and you will notbe condemned.
Forgive and you will beforgiven.
And it's not just like the eyein the sky, God will forgive
(31:08):
you.
But in Aramaic, there's nuanceto it, which gets flattened out
in English.
In Aramaic, forgive is moreakin to loose the bonds in your
heart, right?
the sense of releasing, let go,set free, don't hold a grudge.
Because what you hold inside isreflective on the outside.
(31:31):
You forgiving someone else isalso releasing something inside
of you that you're holding onto.
And what about people whodeeply wrong you?
Can you have compassion forthem.
When I was younger, my dad wasin a really rough place with
(31:57):
anger, with being physical.
And I'm not going to bash himhere or say too much.
He was not somebody who beat meor anything like that.
But I saw something that reallyscarred me between him and my
mom, and I'll never forget it,even to this day.
But I've forgiven him and Ihave compassion for him because
(32:22):
I know that he grew up in a veryrough household as well.
His father was pretty brutal,pretty extreme.
He had trauma that they didn'teven know how to deal with at
the time.
From World War II, he saw hisfriends get blown up, you know,
he was on a destroyer in theNavy.
He was in all kinds of crazyconflicts.
(32:44):
And some of that trauma waspassed down to his kids.
And my dad, out of the threesons that he had, took the brunt
of it.
And then some of that tried toget passed down to me.
And some of it did get throughto me, you know.
But luckily, I've forgiven himand he's really changed himself
and he counts on my forgivenessand my compassion for him
(33:08):
because there's plenty of timesthat I talk to him and you can
hear his voice crack and thepain in his voice at the
memories of the things that he'sdone.
But I forgive him and I lovehim and I know that he's not
perfect.
I know that I'm not perfect.
And just like him, I have thatsame condemnation for myself for
(33:28):
not being a better dad for mykids.
Many of you listening, I'm sureyou have that same inner
critic.
So the compassion startswithin.
And it's really important tohave compassion for others.
And some of you listening havebeen hurt by family, and you
might say to me, Jake, I'msorry, but I'm glad you can
(33:49):
forgive your dad, but there's noway I can forgive my family
member for what they did.
And you have no idea what theydid.
And I get it.
And if you can't havecompassion for them...
Can you have compassion foryour inability to forgive them?
Can you hold your inability toforgive in loving awareness and
(34:13):
say, I've been hurt so much andI can't forgive, and I'm going
to have compassion on myselfbecause I can't forgive?
Can you loose the bonds in yourheart, as Jesus would say in
Aramaic?
Release them.
And you do what you can.
You find that edge.
It's like a garden, you know,it starts to grow.
(34:33):
You know, in a widerperspective, Lao Tzu talks about
this again in the Tao Te Chingverse 79.
He says, after settling a greatdispute, there must be
remaining resentments.
How can this be consideredgood?
Therefore, the sage holds theleft part of the contract, but
does not demand payment from theother person.
(34:55):
Those who have virtue hold thecontract.
Those without virtue hold thecollections.
The heavenly way has nofavorites.
It constantly gives to the kindpeople.
Zooming out, like I mentioned,compassion and love is the other
(35:20):
side of the coin of meditationand stillness.
When you are empty and stilland aware with your children,
what are you doing?
You're loving them.
You're giving them yourattention.
It's the same thing with thethings going on inside of you.
It's the same thing going onwith the things in this world.
And like a garden, thatstillness will grow and give you
(35:44):
more space inside.
And when you hear aboutPalestine and the horrible
things happening over there,you'll be able to hold that a
little bit better.
It's still rough.
It's still a terrible part oflife.
and this world and existence,but you'll cultivate more of a
(36:05):
space where you can hold that inloving compassion, and you'll
still be able to fight and standup and stand in solidarity for
those people who are beingmassacred, and you'll be able to
love them and even have a lovefor the people that are doing
the slaughtering, but you'llstill be able to fight them with
(36:26):
love.
I mean, look at Martin LutherKing Jr.
and the Civil Rights Movement.
I mean, he's been whitewashedto some degree and portrayed as
a perfect, I wouldn't say apacifist, but someone who, I
should have pulled his quote.
He has a wonderful quote wherehe says, we will wear you down
with our ability to receivesuffering.
But he did great things.
(36:48):
And sometimes there's a needfor that.
And sometimes there's a needfor people like Malcolm X, a
little bit more rough around theedges.
Resistance will take the formof however it does, but it has
to come from a place ofcompassion.
You can't throw anyone out ofyour heart.
I mean, look at theenvironment.
We have people who can only seethree months ahead in quarterly
(37:13):
reports, and they have noregard for anything else in the
whole world.
They don't have regard for theway that the climate is changing
and destroying entire cities orvillages and what it's going to
mean for the future.
Can you have compassion forthese people in corporate suits
(37:33):
who have no idea themselves whatthey're doing, who...
even if they grew a conscience,would be killed, you know, not
killed, but like separated fromthe company and replaced with
somebody who's willing to dowhat it takes to please the
shareholders?
Can you have compassion for theshareholders who don't even do
anything but dump capital in andexpect returns?
(37:54):
Pardon me.
Can you have compassion forthese people?
You know, when I startedlearning about politics, I
started to really draw a line inthe sand like us and them.
And I still have my morals andprinciples of what needs to be
(38:15):
done, what needs to change inthe economy, in our political
system especially.
But can we have compassion forthese leaders who just don't
care, who are careerists, thatstack their cabinet with people
in Wall Street and the bankingindustry?
Can you keep the stillnessinside of yourself as well?
You know, it's like, imagine alake and it's reflecting the
(38:40):
moon and it's beautiful.
And that reflection is yourtrue nature.
All of the activity and noiseis like someone splashing the
water.
It distorts the light andeventually you lose sight of it
completely.
Can you still, can you keep thewater still and still do what
needs to be done to get Youknow, things fixed.
(39:03):
Can you not throw people out ofyour heart?
If we personify all the thingsin your life, the existential
crises of World War III, theenvironment, the way your boss
treats you, the way your familyhas treated you as people, a
(39:25):
Roman soldier driving a nailinto your hand and the other
hand and the crown of thorns onyour head and driving a nail
into your feet.
Can you have compassion for allthe problems in this life
personified, you know, as a, asa Roman soldier, can you have
compassion for all of it?
Can you cry out, forgive them,father, forgive them Yahweh.
(39:51):
They don't know what they'redoing.
Can you, Can you even look atthem without judgment as people
who are just, oh, they're justblind lemmings.
They're unconscious.
They have no stillness in them.
They're completely reactionary.
Can you get rid of all thatjudgment and love them and not
look at them as different fromyourself, but as the same self?
(40:11):
As you're raised up on thecross, burning in the sunlight,
and the thief to your left whois condemning you and laughing
at you and mocking you for allthe things that you've done in
your past, All the regrets youhave, that voice in your head,
can you hold that withcompassion?
Or what about the thief to yourright being crucified as well,
(40:34):
who's worried about what's gonnacome next?
What's gonna come in thefuture?
What's gonna happen to me afterI die?
Can you hold that worriedvoice, that worried voice in
your ego with compassion?
And can you sit right in themiddle, right in the here and
now, completely embracing whatis, Embracing the suffering
(40:57):
without any bitternesswhatsoever.
It's not easy, and you won'talways be able to do it.
But that's the symbol in theChristian tradition that we try
to hold, you know?
And it's reflected in alltraditions.
Can you be with what is?
(41:18):
Can you have reverence to be?
reverence for this being,reverence for this life,
appreciation for it, with allthe goods and all the bads, all
the ups and downs, can youappreciate life?
Or is it an enemy?
Is it separate from you?
Is it other than you?
Are you just a little speck?
(41:38):
Alone and afraid in a world Inever made.
Is that how you look at it?
Or do you look at yourself aspart of the whole thing?
Can we derive wisdom from thisreverence of everything?
Can we act with compassion?
You know, going back to yourbody.
(42:01):
Look at your body.
Look at yourself in the mirrorif you're able to.
Can you say thank you?
Thank you.
For all the little things thatmake you you.
Just say thank you to yourself.
This little body that'scarrying you in this big cosmos.
And what about the beauty of itall?
(42:28):
Can you have gratitude for theland, all the trees that take
your CO2 and give you oxygenback?
The beauty of the landscapesthat we always overlook because
we're too busy in our headsthinking, splashing the water,
losing the image of what isright in front of us.
(42:48):
Can you say thank you to thesky?
for putting on new clothingevery day, never the same way,
all the different clouds and thegradients of the sunrise and
sunset, or even the beauty ofthe cloudy days, you know, and
the rainstorms.
Can you look out at all of itand say, thank you?
And maybe even apologize to thesky and say, I'm sorry I
(43:11):
haven't looked at you more.
Wow, you are so beautiful.
Wow.
And your failures.
Can you look at yourquote-unquote failures with
compassion, forgiveness,understand that it's all
intertwined?
These are threads joinedtogether as part of our life,
(43:34):
not just our spiritual life, butlife.
Life, you fail, you get up.
You get knocked down, you getup again.
It's not a fight, though.
It's a dance.
And remember, this connects toeveryday acts of compassion.
(43:56):
Not just for the people who areeasy to love, like your kids,
but those who are hardest tolove, your boss, or maybe your
kids.
Jesus tried to teach in storyand get the point across that
we're all part of one thing,that we're not really separate.
(44:16):
And one of the stories he saidto convey this is in the Gospel
of Matthew.
He says, Then the righteouswill answer him, And he replied
to them, The king will answerthem, truly I tell you, just as
(44:48):
you did it to one of the leastof these brothers and sisters of
mine, you did it to me.
You see?
Can you in your bonesunderstand and truly know that
we are all expressions of thesame source?
(45:10):
That we are not separatepersons.
You can't have up without down.
You can't have black withoutwhite.
You can't have yourself withoutother as that contrast.
The illusion of contrast iswhat creates this whole dance of
life.
What would it be like if youmet yourself out there?
(45:33):
Can you imagine you're in theother person's shoes meeting
you?
What are they going to see?
Are they going to feel betterabout themselves?
Are you going to lift them up?
I'm going to read a final verseto you guys from Lao Tzu as we
(45:53):
close out here.
And before I do, I want to saythank you for listening.
Right now, I have basically noaudience and I'm growing this
like a garden in its earlystages.
And if you would like to reachout to me and share some of what
you've been through in life orgive me some feedback for the
show or whatever, give me arating, follow me, I'd
(46:15):
appreciate it.
I've got links in thedescription where you can reach
out.
We've got Discord, we've gotemail.
I'm trying to grow this thingand I'd love, I can't wait for
the day when somebody messagesme and says, thank you for that
episode.
It was just what I needed tohear.
That's why I'm doing this, youknow?
And To close out, Lao Tzu says,the supreme good is like water,
(46:41):
which nourishes all thingswithout trying to.
It is content with the lowplaces that people disdain.
Thus, it is like the Tao.
In dwelling, live close to theground.
In thinking, keep to thesimple.
In conflict, be fair andgenerous.
In governing, don't try tocontrol.
(47:04):
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completelypresent.
When you are content to besimply yourself and don't
compare or compete, everybodywill respect you.
Thank you again for listening.
(47:24):
Blessings to all.
You guys have a wonderful day.
Music (47:30):
This voice might feel like dust on But I'm standing
nowhere And I've been for awhile No heroes, no headlines No
promises made Just a whisperthat won't be afraid Standing No
(48:07):
flags to wave No need to roamThe silence speaks louder Than
war ever could And I've neverfelt So understood The static is
(48:35):
kind to follow no king on thethrone the sky's turning amber
the clock's all reset and Ihaven't stopped walking just yet
(49:04):
standing nowhere air wide andfree change no name no destiny
the road dissolves the sky turnswhite i'm still here nothing
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