August 21, 2025 • 36 mins
“Live in the nowhere that you come from, even though you have an address here.” Rumi’s words echo through this gentle exploration of stillness amidst chaos. In a noisy sushi bar on a Friday night, Jacob quietly drafts an episode about silence — an irony that becomes an invitation into deeper presence.
He shares how daily spiritual practice has become his lifeline. As a gig worker and father stretched thin by extreme hours, financial strain, and heartache, Jacob finds solace each morning in a simple ritual of sitting in stillness. When life feels overwhelming — a broken-down car, the pang of missing his young son, the pull of old habits — returning to the breath carries him when his mind can’t. In these moments, letting go isn’t defeat but a subtle act of trust.
Woven throughout are glimmers of wisdom from many paths. Jacob recalls Jesus’s Beatitudes in their original Aramaic, revealing hidden layers of meaning (meekness as humble gentleness, sorrow as sacred openness). He leans on Meister Eckhart’s reminder that “there is nothing so much like God as silence,” and finds validation in a Pixar film’s lesson that embracing sadness is a step toward healing. From the Dalai Lama’s logic (“if you can fix it, why worry? If you can’t, why worry?”) to Chuang Tzu’s archer who loses his ease when a prize is at stake, the message is clear: our frantic striving only divides us from our natural skill, our innate peace.
At the heart of it all is Jacob’s hard-won understanding that surrender is a strength, not a weakness. He speaks candidly about being “cracked open” by despair — a moment when continuing to exist felt harder than not. That breaking point became a breakthrough: an entry into a life of practice, where love and stillness are two sides of the same coin. Through tears in meditation at 3 AM, through accepting help from friends and strangers when pride would have resisted, he discovers a powerful truth: when we finally release our tight control, we make room for grace.
This episode is a warm companion for anyone feeling adrift. It’s a reminder that you are not a separate mistake of the universe — you are an intelligent part of an intelligent whole. In the intimate, compassionate style of Standing Nowhere, Jacob extends a hand: inviting us to sit in silence each day, to trust the whisper of the soul, and to find that unshakable “nowhere” within. Come as you are, tears and all, and know that in this shared stillness, you’re already home. 🕊️
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jacob (00:00):
Hello and welcome back everyone to the Standing Nowhere
(00:20):
podcast.
I'm your host, Jacob Buehler,and it is a pleasure to be back
with you.
Just a quick note before wedive in, there are
cross-tradition reflectionsahead, and the Aramaic
renderings are devotional, and Ikeep the quotations verbatim.
This episode I was outliningand planning on a Friday night.
during a pickup at a noisy andbusy sushi bar.
(00:45):
And I thought that was prettyfunny that I was surrounded by
laughter and music, and yet Iwas quietly drafting an episode
on stillness.
In this episode, I wanted toreally emphasize the importance
of a daily spiritual practice orcultivating a trust in the
silence inside of you to carryyou when your mind can't.
(01:06):
The more we try to controlthings with our mind and figure
things out on our own, the morewe experience anxiety and
stress.
And to some degree, of course,our intellect does have to solve
problems, yes, but we don'talways need to be thinking all
day long.
It takes a lot of horsepowerout of your engine, basically,
when you're running thoughtloops all day.
(01:28):
And when you start to practiceand cultivate a practice on a
daily basis, you'll find bydefault that you rest more and
more in your body or thesensations that arise
momentarily.
that you kind of surf on thepresent instead of drowning in
the past or the future, theprojected future that you worry
(01:49):
about.
The Christian mystic MeisterEckhart, who I've quoted on the
podcast many times before, hehas a quote that says, And he's
also said that the word ishidden in the soul.
There it is heard only insilence.
If you want to hear it, youmust be silent.
(02:11):
If you speak, you cannot hear.
There is no place for listeningwhere there is speaking.
You must be silent.
Then the word is heard.
And that's where in silence...
We start to see what's actuallyinside of us.
And some people are afraid ofthat silence.
Again, not just letting go ofyour control with your
(02:35):
intellect, but also facing whatis going on inside of you.
There could be inner turmoil.
And that turmoil is causingproblems in your life, whether
you want to face it or not.
And I was doing a lot of thingsin my life to cover it up.
Having a little puff on thepipe at the end of the day,
filling all my time with TV or alot of it or video games.
(02:57):
There's so many things in lifethat we use to distract us.
And you've all heard me on acouple of episodes in the past
shed some tears while recording.
And it's not a bad thingbecause When you're meditating
and you're more present withyourself, you're gonna see
things that come up to thesurface, which is very healthy.
(03:18):
For me, the last couple ofweeks that I've recorded, I have
been experiencing higher thanmy usual levels of fatigue from
not only my high work hours, butalso mental fatigue, dealing
with repairing my car.
A couple of days ago, myradiator fan just went out on
top of all the issues that Italked about in past episodes.
(03:39):
Luckily, my brother was thereto save the day again.
And he popped in a new, what isit, radiator fan assembly, I
think it was called.
It only took him a couple ofhours, but that causes stress.
I also mentioned that I wasdetoxing from quitting cannabis
at the end of the day.
I also quit energy drinksrecently.
(03:59):
And these things, they forceyou to kind of be with a lot of
things that were underneath thesurface that you didn't really
notice before.
There's a lot of benefitsthough.
Since I've quit, I feel a lotcalmer.
My anxiety has gone way down,especially quitting energy
drinks.
But for me, a lot of thebiggest things was like missing
my son.
I didn't realize how much Imissed him until I had stopped
(04:23):
blunting the pain of it orimagining that I was with
marijuana.
There's also a lot of chronicrent and financial pressure that
I've been dealing with.
So that's why you guys may haveheard some tears come out on
some past episodes.
Plus, a lot of the stuff I talkabout is deeply moving, at
least to me, and I hope so foryou.
(04:44):
But it's been a particularlyrough two months or so for me
with all of those things that Imentioned.
And there's a quote from AjahnChah, who is a forest monk who
has a saying that if you haven'twept deeply, you haven't begun
to meditate.
And you shouldn't shy away frommeditation, worry that you're
(05:06):
going to cry more.
It's actually a healthyprocess.
I don't know if you guys haveever seen that movie Inside Out
by Pixar.
In my opinion, it is a triumphof a movie.
It's got to be their best inthe entire catalog.
It's wonderful for not onlykids, but also adults.
It teaches us to look insideand stop trying to, Run away
(05:29):
from sadness.
You know, there's a moment whenone of the main characters
finally allows herself to feelsadness.
And there's a quote at the endwhere she says, you know, and
she's talking to her parents.
She says, I know you don't wantme to, but I miss home.
I miss Minnesota.
You need me to be happy, but Iwant my old friends and my
(05:51):
hockey team.
I want to go home.
Please don't be mad.
And the parents say, oh,sweetie.
We're not mad.
You know what?
I miss Minnesota too.
I miss the woods where we tookhikes and the backyard where you
used to play, the spring lakewhere you learned to skate.
Come here.
(06:11):
And they give her a hug.
It's a wonderful film and Theresolution is just being with
your sadness when it's there.
Sadness is not a bad thing.
It's one of the first thingsthat a lot of you may feel when
you start to practice.
And it's come and gone for me,like any mental storm that you
experience.
And it's really important to bewith it.
(06:33):
Jesus in the Beatitudes said,in the traditional translation,
he says, "'Blessed are the poorin spirit, for theirs is the
kingdom of heaven.'" Thattranslation is not bad, but it
kind of flattens out some of theAramaic nuance and rich, you
know, multifaceted meanings oftheir language.
(06:53):
So in Aramaic on that verse,the pronunciation, it sounds
like, and means blessed, but inthe deeper sense of inner
harmony with divine presence.
Meskani, if I said that right,is not just materially poor, but
(07:16):
humble, empty, unclinging,ready to receive.
And then bruk means in spirit,breath, essence, soul,
inspiration.
So one of the renderings thatyou can understand that as, as
it would have been understood inthe time of Jesus, and this is
by Douglas Klotz, he says, happyand aligned with the one who
(07:40):
Because a lot of words inAramaic are both male and
female.
Kingdom, which we translatedlater in the 1600s, is very
male-dominant.
Another rendition from anotherpoet is...
(08:02):
"...flourishing are those emptyof ego, whose breath is not
clenched, for in their opennessthe kingdom breathes through
them." And the second beatitudehe talks about in the
traditional translation is,"...blessed are those who mourn,
(08:22):
for they will be comforted."And again, we get the
pronunciation as,"...tubwaihun," for blessed, and
then, "...lavelin," And if Isay that right, that's rooted in
(08:45):
the meaning of mourning, notjust mourning as we understand
it, but grieving deeply.
Not just emotional pain, butlike a sacred sorrow, a grief
that opens the heart.
And then...
you know, for they shall becomforted means or implies being
carried, held, gently restoredto wholeness.
(09:08):
And again, some of these areparaphrased renderings by Neil
Douglas Klotz.
He's written a lot of greatbooks on the Aramaic Jesus,
which has gotten lost throughthe millennia in translation.
So for his work, rendering whenwe hear blessed are those who
mourn for they shall becomforted another way to
(09:29):
understand that is healed arethose who weep for their
frustrated desire they shall seethe face of fulfillment in a
new form or flourishing are thebrokenhearted for their tears
are already watering the rootsof comfort and the third
beatitude we remember as blessedare the meek And some people
(09:57):
don't like that word meek.
They think it sounds like weakor weakness, and it has nothing
of the kind.
The pronunciation of theAramaic for that is You can hear
how beautiful Aramaic is.
And ruha is spirit or breath.
(10:21):
And meekness in Aramaic, again,is not weakness.
It's more gentleness,groundedness, or unassuming,
like a humble strength rooted inGod or the cosmos, not in
self-promotion or the self.
You see how this ties intoletting go of the ego and the
(10:44):
control, right?
One of the renderings from NeilDouglas Klotz, again, is for
this verse, "'Aligned with theone are the humble.
Those submitted to God's will,they shall be gifted with the
productivity of the earth.'" Andone more translation of this
could be understood as,"'Aligned are the soft-hearted,
(11:08):
for the earth is not taken, butinherited by those who live in
its rhythm.'" So you see thistheme, poor in spirit, really
more like emptiness, openness.
Those who mourn, it's like agrief that kind of cracks open
the heart and allows the lightto enter.
And the meek, you canunderstand as like an inner
(11:31):
gentleness and surrender.
It allows the spirit to breathethrough you.
And sometimes, you know,knowing these things doesn't
make the storm any easier inlife.
You know, quitting these habitsof mine, and for many of you
(11:52):
listening who are in the processof quitting bad habits, it can
bring up waves of restlessnessand grief.
And I experienced a lot ofthat.
You know, when I recorded, Ithink it was episode five or
six, that morning I was sobbinghysterically during my
meditation.
And when you meditate, it'slike a form of digging reality.
(12:16):
You take an active interest inwhat your breath feels like very
specifically, what your bodyfeels like very intricately.
You're taking an interest inthese little sensations that you
normally don't even payattention to.
And then while you're doingthat, things come up that were
within you, in your soil.
(12:38):
They start coming to thesurface.
And that day, It was justimmense grief of missing my son
and longing for him.
And a lot of those things, Ithink, were sort of suppressed
or buried deep down because Iwasn't allowing them to surface
like I should have been.
And quitting cannabis hasreally helped me with that.
(12:59):
There's also the challenge ofreceiving help.
When you're in a shitstorm,excuse my language, a lot of
people will come out of thewoodwork to help you.
And for me personally, I wantto fix things by myself.
I don't want to run from them.
And it's hard for me to gethelp.
(13:20):
I mentioned on another episodehow the church had helped me pay
rent one month.
I've had friends that havehelped me pay rent, family
members more times than I amproud to admit.
But they were there for methrough all the pain that I've
been through over these lastcouple of years.
Payment, income loss, thingslike that.
(13:41):
So when you learn to meditate,you're learning to sit with the
discomfort that will arise inyou and embrace it until the
storm passes.
I think it was in episodethree, I talked about something
similar where I was just sooverwhelmed with the stress of
(14:03):
paying rent that I woke up atlike three in the financial,
chronic financial stress that Ihad no idea how to get out of
it.
And our practice is really theroot and the trunk of our tree
(14:26):
that is us.
Our mind is kind of at the topthat waves and can snap off
branches in the wind, to useThich Nhat Hanh's example.
I don't practice because I'mspiritual.
I practiced because I wascracked open.
Like I mentioned in episodeone, I got to a point where I
had a thought that it would beeasier to not exist than exist.
(14:49):
And at that point, I wascracked open.
I'm like, what is this lifeabout?
These extreme hours, trying tobe a good parent, but not being
able to be there, feeling guiltywhen I am there, but balancing
time with my kids and things,you know, resting and relaxing
(15:11):
from my work hours.
Everyone in the country isdealing with chronic financial
stress.
Prepping these episodes evencan be a little stressful.
I prep them in slivers of timethroughout my day.
You know, I'll be turning left,driving a manual transmission,
and in the middle of a leftturn, an idea pops on my head.
And then when I straighten thecar out, I'm switching back to
(15:32):
the notepad app to jot the ideadown.
And then later, you know, witha little bit of free time I have
at home trying to coalesce allthese ideas into an outline and
figuring out how I'm going toprep it and bring it to you
guys.
That's why for me, practice isnot an option.
It's a medicine.
And I think that is true forall of us, but we're not taught
(15:53):
to slow down and be still inthis life.
And I think that's why so manypeople, spiritual practice
speaks to them But as Imentioned in other episodes,
we've thrown the baby out withthe bathwater a lot with the
conceptions we have aboutreligion and spirituality in
general.
On this notion of practice,I'll be starting a side series
(16:18):
called Unpatterned.
And it's going to be a space tobe honest about our mental
ruts, changes, and specifics onvarious practices like Vipassana
or Zazen.
Also, you know, breaking habitsand the stories, the false
(16:39):
stories that we inherit, youknow, when we're younger, it's
going to be a space for honestreflection on how we break these
patterns, not by force, but bypresence.
But What keeps me upright inall this chaos is morning
stillness.
When I wake up, you know, I domy business, but I have a little
(17:01):
area where I like to go sit.
I have a cushion that I sit on.
I have a picture of Jesus.
I have a picture of Neem KaroliBaba, who to me represents a
lot of Eastern philosophy andwisdom that I've received over
these last three years that hasin fact strengthened my, uh, my
cosmology, the way I look at mylife in the universe.
(17:23):
I like to read a few versesfrom the Tao.
I like listening to podcastswhen I'm on the go from voices
like Alan Watts, Ram Dass, Youknow, I like to reach out to my
friends and tell them what I'mgoing through.
I have one buddy of mine who'sbeen really active in checking
up on me, keeping me sane andgoing.
(17:45):
And, you know, I like to checkin on him, see how he's doing.
You know, we are socialcreatures.
We depend on each other.
And it's good to remember thatthe universe didn't make a
mistake when it made you, youknow, you're part of this whole
thing.
Back to that, that Thich NhatHanh reference I mentioned, he
has a saying about emotions as astorm and why we practice
(18:06):
before the storm arrives.
He says, one emotion is justone emotion.
Emotions are impermanent.
They come, they stay for sometime, and they have to go.
And we are much more than oneemotion.
During a storm, if you focus onthe top of a tree, it seems
very vulnerable.
But if you look at the trunk,you see it as deeply rooted.
(18:29):
We are like a tree.
The brain is the top, andduring the storm of emotion, we
should not stay there, thinkingand imagining.
We bring our attention down tothe navel.
We breathe mindfully, and wefeel safe.
The emotion cannot do anythingto us.
There is only one thing toremember.
(18:50):
An emotion is just an emotion,but we should not wait until we
have a strong emotion to beginlearning, because we will
forget.
That is why we have to beginthe practice now.
And after we have survived anemotion, we have a confidence in
the practice.
So it's important for us totake that time, guys, every day
(19:17):
in the morning to be still, toinhabit your body, to feel what
it's like just to be in yourbody, to just sit and And then
you can carry that with youthroughout your day.
When you're walking, you'rejust walking.
There's a poem from Rumi.
(19:37):
I think it's called The TwoShops, but it has phrasing
that's very similar to the nameof this podcast.
And he points out the two waysthat you can live in this world.
And I'm going to read it to youby Rumi.
Don't run around this worldlooking for a hole to hide in.
(19:59):
There are wild beasts in everycave.
If you live with mice, the catclaws will find you.
The only real rest comes whenyou're alone with God.
Live in the nowhere that youcome from, even though you have
an address here.
That's why you see things intwo ways.
(20:21):
Sometimes you look at a personand and see a cynical snake.
Someone else sees a joyfullover and you're both right.
Everyone is half and half.
Like the black and white ox,Joseph looked ugly to his
brothers and most handsome tohis father.
(20:41):
You have eyes that see fromthat nowhere and eyes that judge
distances high and low.
You own two shops and you runback and forth.
Try to close the one that's afearful trap, getting always
smaller.
Checkmate this way, checkmatethat.
(21:02):
Keep open the shop where you'renot selling fish hooks anymore.
You are the free swimming fish.
Think that you're gliding outfrom the face of a cliff like an
eagle.
Think that you're walking likea tiger walks by himself in the
forest.
You're most handsome whenyou're after food.
Spend less time withnightingales and peacocks.
(21:26):
One is just a voice and theother is just a color.
We've got to trust it.
You know, there's a phrase inthe Bible that says, are grapes
gathered from thorns or figsfrom thistles?
Which to me emphasizes thatactions or fruits reveals the
(21:50):
nature of the source or thetree.
For example, apple trees bearapples and the universe bears
people.
You're not a mistake.
You're the fruit of anintelligent process.
And I'm paraphrasing Alan Wattson that, but he points out the
fact that you didn't just showup randomly as a separate thing
(22:16):
in this universe.
It is all one whole.
When you look at a tree, anapple tree, You don't see apples
until the tree matures andgrows and dives its roots deep
into the ground, reaches towardsthe sky, and eventually
produces apples.
In the same way, you can't lookat the earlier phases of the
(22:39):
universe as unintelligent andthat intelligence randomly came
out of it.
You can understand thisintellectually and logically,
but I encourage you toexperience it as well through
practice, experientially.
When you quiet down and youstay with your breath and you
(23:00):
bring your awareness to what is,over time, as you cultivate a
continuity of mindfulness, youwill start to instinctively and
intuitively understand that youare not a separate thing.
Distinct, maybe, yes, but partof a whole.
These episodes that I createfor you guys, they come to me
(23:25):
best when I don't force them,when I trust them.
And you'll hear some episodeswhere I'm trying a little too
hard.
You can hear my anxiety takeover.
I'm trying to control it toomuch.
And I think the better oneshave come when I've just
relaxed.
And oftentimes, they come rightafter an episode which I wasn't
(23:47):
happy with.
And I don't take the attitudeof I give up, I don't care
anymore, but I loosen mycontrol.
I say, okay, I tried too hardand now I'm going to let the
next episode just flow out of meand hope for the best and trust
in the process.
You know, true creativityarises from surrender.
(24:10):
And when you're trying tounderstand the universe and your
place in it, I love that versein Job chapter 38, verse four,
where he says, this is Godresponding to Job and his
friends who are trying tounderstand suffering.
Where were you when I laid thefoundation of the earth?
(24:31):
Tell me if you haveunderstanding.
This highlights the limits ofyour egoic understanding.
We can't cognitively understandthe intelligence of the
universe on our scale.
on our wavelength, but we cantrust it.
We can see how it flowstogether logically, and then you
(24:52):
can experience it in yourpractice.
And letting go of egoic orintellectual understanding is
not about shrinking.
It's actually about resting inthe vastness that already is, in
a way, expanding our Jesus saidit really well on the Sermon on
(25:13):
the Mount when he said,"'Therefore I tell you, do not
worry about your life, what youwill eat, what you will drink,
or about your body, what youwill wear.
Is not life more than food andthe body more than clothing?
Look at the birds of the air.
They neither sow nor reap norgather into barns, and yet your
(25:37):
heavenly Father feeds them.'"Are you not of more value than
they?
And which of you by worryingcan add a single hour to your
span of life?
And why do you worry aboutclothing?
Consider the lilies of thefield, how they grow.
They neither toil nor spin.
And yet I tell you, evenSolomon in all his glory was not
(26:02):
clothed like one of these." Butif God so clothes the grass of
the field, which is alive todayand tomorrow is thrown into the
oven, will he not much moreclothe you, you of little faith?
Therefore do not worry, saying,what will we eat?
(26:23):
What will we drink?
What will we wear?
For it is the Gentiles who seekall these things.
And indeed, your heavenlyFather knows that you need all
these things.
But seek first the kingdom ofGod and his righteousness, and
all these things will be givento you as well.
So do not worry about tomorrow,for tomorrow will bring worries
(26:44):
of its own.
Today's trouble is enough fortoday.
This harkens back to the DalaiLama when he says, if you can
fix a problem, wonderful, thenthere's no need to worry.
And if you cannot, then there'sno need to worry.
(27:06):
There is never a time to worry.
Like we talked about earlier,the ego wants control.
It fears letting go.
Useful tool, terrible master.
And letting go is not aweakness or passivity.
(27:30):
It's actually...
precision.
It's trust.
You're flowing with things.
It allows your mind to thinkmore effectively, more
efficiently.
The mind and the intellect, itdoes have a place in life.
It is a useful, you know,narrow troubleshooter and it's
(27:52):
accomplished a lot of greatthings, but it works its best
when you're not worried ortrying to push it.
Just let it do what it does.
When you learn how to let go,everything clicks into place.
From Chuang Tzu, when an archeris shooting for nothing, he has
(28:13):
all his skill.
If he shoots for a brassbuckle, he is already nervous.
If he shoots for a prize ofgold, he goes blind.
His skill has not changed, butthe prize divides him.
He cares.
He thinks more of winning thanof shooting and the need to win
(28:34):
drains him of power.
In the West, there's a lot ofconfusion on legalism and works
when it comes to faith.
There's a verse in James says,so faith by itself, if it has no
(28:55):
works is dead.
But you see, when I tell peoplein the West, some Western
Christian friends of mine that Imeditate, they try to tell me
that that is a work.
But see, that's inverted.
Letting go, that is the work.
Faith without works is dead.
(29:15):
And the only work we can do isto let go and trust that the
actions that come out of thatletting go, out of that
stillness, That we can trust.
Those are the right actions.
And they don't come from us.
It's the wisdom of actinginside insecurity, out of your
(29:41):
comfort zone, because you cantrust the whole thing.
You know that you're part ofthe whole thing.
And these dark nights that wego through in life, they're not
failure.
They're not punishment.
They're not just a depression.
You know, it's like a sacreddrying out where even the
(30:05):
sweetness of God vanishes andall that remains is longing.
It's not punishment, it'spurification.
From St.
John, the author of Dark Nightof the Soul, he says, "'To come
to possess all, desire topossess nothing.'" who arrive at
(30:28):
being all desire to be nothing.
He says, in the evening oflife, you will be examined in
love.
Love comes out of thatstillness, out of that silence.
Like I've told you guys in pastepisodes, when you're silent
(30:51):
and present for your children,you're loving them.
When you're completely presentwith cooking?
They say you're cooking withlove.
Love and stillness are twosides of the same coin.
God is love.
Can you trust that still,silent, that loving awareness,
that presence?
(31:11):
Can you trust that if you arewith the sensations of your body
for longer and longer stretchesof time, that everything will
be okay and click exactly intoplace where it needs to?
If you wake up at three in themorning like I do and can't get
back to bed and your mind isblowing in the wind about bills
(31:35):
coming up, can you come back tothe sensation of your body
resting in the bed at thatmoment and stay with that?
It's a lot easier if youpractice and that's why I
recommend it.
Sometimes we will cry, but ifthat's what we honestly feel,
(32:00):
then we're in harmony with whatis.
Practice is necessary.
The silence is trustworthy.
Letting go is a strength.
And you are not separate.
(32:24):
You are already one with thewhole.
So don't worry.
Let go.
I'm going to close with a fewwords from Osho, but first, if
something in this stirred you,even just a quiet yes, please
(32:44):
come say hello.
The link to our littlecommunity is in the description
and every voice matters,especially yours.
From Osho, he says, Don't seekDon't search Don't ask Don't
(33:05):
knock Don't demand Relax If yourelax, it comes If you relax, it
is there If you relax, youstart vibrating with it.
(33:30):
Thank you for listening.
Good night.
Music (33:38):
This voice might fade like dust on the dial But I'm
standing nowhere and I've beenfalling No headlines, no
(33:58):
promises made Just a whisperthat won't be afraid Standing
nowhere and it feels like homeNo flags to wave, no need to
(34:24):
roam Silence speaks louder thanwar ever could And I've never
felt so understood The static iskind, it leaves me alone No
(34:51):
orders to follow, no keys Thesky's turning amber The clock's
all reset And I haven't stoppedwalking just yet Standing
(35:16):
nowhere Air wide and free Nochains, no names The sky turns
(35:37):
white, I'm still here, nothingto hide.
Hello and welcome back everyone to the Standing Nowhere
(00:20):
podcast.
I'm your host, Jacob Buehler,and it is a pleasure to be back
with you.
Just a quick note before wedive in, there are
cross-tradition reflectionsahead, and the Aramaic
renderings are devotional, and Ikeep the quotations verbatim.
This episode I was outliningand planning on a Friday night.
during a pickup at a noisy andbusy sushi bar.
(00:45):
And I thought that was prettyfunny that I was surrounded by
laughter and music, and yet Iwas quietly drafting an episode
on stillness.
In this episode, I wanted toreally emphasize the importance
of a daily spiritual practice orcultivating a trust in the
silence inside of you to carryyou when your mind can't.
(01:06):
The more we try to controlthings with our mind and figure
things out on our own, the morewe experience anxiety and
stress.
And to some degree, of course,our intellect does have to solve
problems, yes, but we don'talways need to be thinking all
day long.
It takes a lot of horsepowerout of your engine, basically,
when you're running thoughtloops all day.
(01:28):
And when you start to practiceand cultivate a practice on a
daily basis, you'll find bydefault that you rest more and
more in your body or thesensations that arise
momentarily.
that you kind of surf on thepresent instead of drowning in
the past or the future, theprojected future that you worry
(01:49):
about.
The Christian mystic MeisterEckhart, who I've quoted on the
podcast many times before, hehas a quote that says, And he's
also said that the word ishidden in the soul.
There it is heard only insilence.
If you want to hear it, youmust be silent.
(02:11):
If you speak, you cannot hear.
There is no place for listeningwhere there is speaking.
You must be silent.
Then the word is heard.
And that's where in silence...
We start to see what's actuallyinside of us.
And some people are afraid ofthat silence.
Again, not just letting go ofyour control with your
(02:35):
intellect, but also facing whatis going on inside of you.
There could be inner turmoil.
And that turmoil is causingproblems in your life, whether
you want to face it or not.
And I was doing a lot of thingsin my life to cover it up.
Having a little puff on thepipe at the end of the day,
filling all my time with TV or alot of it or video games.
(02:57):
There's so many things in lifethat we use to distract us.
And you've all heard me on acouple of episodes in the past
shed some tears while recording.
And it's not a bad thingbecause When you're meditating
and you're more present withyourself, you're gonna see
things that come up to thesurface, which is very healthy.
(03:18):
For me, the last couple ofweeks that I've recorded, I have
been experiencing higher thanmy usual levels of fatigue from
not only my high work hours, butalso mental fatigue, dealing
with repairing my car.
A couple of days ago, myradiator fan just went out on
top of all the issues that Italked about in past episodes.
(03:39):
Luckily, my brother was thereto save the day again.
And he popped in a new, what isit, radiator fan assembly, I
think it was called.
It only took him a couple ofhours, but that causes stress.
I also mentioned that I wasdetoxing from quitting cannabis
at the end of the day.
I also quit energy drinksrecently.
(03:59):
And these things, they forceyou to kind of be with a lot of
things that were underneath thesurface that you didn't really
notice before.
There's a lot of benefitsthough.
Since I've quit, I feel a lotcalmer.
My anxiety has gone way down,especially quitting energy
drinks.
But for me, a lot of thebiggest things was like missing
my son.
I didn't realize how much Imissed him until I had stopped
(04:23):
blunting the pain of it orimagining that I was with
marijuana.
There's also a lot of chronicrent and financial pressure that
I've been dealing with.
So that's why you guys may haveheard some tears come out on
some past episodes.
Plus, a lot of the stuff I talkabout is deeply moving, at
least to me, and I hope so foryou.
(04:44):
But it's been a particularlyrough two months or so for me
with all of those things that Imentioned.
And there's a quote from AjahnChah, who is a forest monk who
has a saying that if you haven'twept deeply, you haven't begun
to meditate.
And you shouldn't shy away frommeditation, worry that you're
(05:06):
going to cry more.
It's actually a healthyprocess.
I don't know if you guys haveever seen that movie Inside Out
by Pixar.
In my opinion, it is a triumphof a movie.
It's got to be their best inthe entire catalog.
It's wonderful for not onlykids, but also adults.
It teaches us to look insideand stop trying to, Run away
(05:29):
from sadness.
You know, there's a moment whenone of the main characters
finally allows herself to feelsadness.
And there's a quote at the endwhere she says, you know, and
she's talking to her parents.
She says, I know you don't wantme to, but I miss home.
I miss Minnesota.
You need me to be happy, but Iwant my old friends and my
(05:51):
hockey team.
I want to go home.
Please don't be mad.
And the parents say, oh,sweetie.
We're not mad.
You know what?
I miss Minnesota too.
I miss the woods where we tookhikes and the backyard where you
used to play, the spring lakewhere you learned to skate.
Come here.
(06:11):
And they give her a hug.
It's a wonderful film and Theresolution is just being with
your sadness when it's there.
Sadness is not a bad thing.
It's one of the first thingsthat a lot of you may feel when
you start to practice.
And it's come and gone for me,like any mental storm that you
experience.
And it's really important to bewith it.
(06:33):
Jesus in the Beatitudes said,in the traditional translation,
he says, "'Blessed are the poorin spirit, for theirs is the
kingdom of heaven.'" Thattranslation is not bad, but it
kind of flattens out some of theAramaic nuance and rich, you
know, multifaceted meanings oftheir language.
(06:53):
So in Aramaic on that verse,the pronunciation, it sounds
like, and means blessed, but inthe deeper sense of inner
harmony with divine presence.
Meskani, if I said that right,is not just materially poor, but
(07:16):
humble, empty, unclinging,ready to receive.
And then bruk means in spirit,breath, essence, soul,
inspiration.
So one of the renderings thatyou can understand that as, as
it would have been understood inthe time of Jesus, and this is
by Douglas Klotz, he says, happyand aligned with the one who
(07:40):
Because a lot of words inAramaic are both male and
female.
Kingdom, which we translatedlater in the 1600s, is very
male-dominant.
Another rendition from anotherpoet is...
(08:02):
"...flourishing are those emptyof ego, whose breath is not
clenched, for in their opennessthe kingdom breathes through
them." And the second beatitudehe talks about in the
traditional translation is,"...blessed are those who mourn,
(08:22):
for they will be comforted."And again, we get the
pronunciation as,"...tubwaihun," for blessed, and
then, "...lavelin," And if Isay that right, that's rooted in
(08:45):
the meaning of mourning, notjust mourning as we understand
it, but grieving deeply.
Not just emotional pain, butlike a sacred sorrow, a grief
that opens the heart.
And then...
you know, for they shall becomforted means or implies being
carried, held, gently restoredto wholeness.
(09:08):
And again, some of these areparaphrased renderings by Neil
Douglas Klotz.
He's written a lot of greatbooks on the Aramaic Jesus,
which has gotten lost throughthe millennia in translation.
So for his work, rendering whenwe hear blessed are those who
mourn for they shall becomforted another way to
(09:29):
understand that is healed arethose who weep for their
frustrated desire they shall seethe face of fulfillment in a
new form or flourishing are thebrokenhearted for their tears
are already watering the rootsof comfort and the third
beatitude we remember as blessedare the meek And some people
(09:57):
don't like that word meek.
They think it sounds like weakor weakness, and it has nothing
of the kind.
The pronunciation of theAramaic for that is You can hear
how beautiful Aramaic is.
And ruha is spirit or breath.
(10:21):
And meekness in Aramaic, again,is not weakness.
It's more gentleness,groundedness, or unassuming,
like a humble strength rooted inGod or the cosmos, not in
self-promotion or the self.
You see how this ties intoletting go of the ego and the
(10:44):
control, right?
One of the renderings from NeilDouglas Klotz, again, is for
this verse, "'Aligned with theone are the humble.
Those submitted to God's will,they shall be gifted with the
productivity of the earth.'" Andone more translation of this
could be understood as,"'Aligned are the soft-hearted,
(11:08):
for the earth is not taken, butinherited by those who live in
its rhythm.'" So you see thistheme, poor in spirit, really
more like emptiness, openness.
Those who mourn, it's like agrief that kind of cracks open
the heart and allows the lightto enter.
And the meek, you canunderstand as like an inner
(11:31):
gentleness and surrender.
It allows the spirit to breathethrough you.
And sometimes, you know,knowing these things doesn't
make the storm any easier inlife.
You know, quitting these habitsof mine, and for many of you
(11:52):
listening who are in the processof quitting bad habits, it can
bring up waves of restlessnessand grief.
And I experienced a lot ofthat.
You know, when I recorded, Ithink it was episode five or
six, that morning I was sobbinghysterically during my
meditation.
And when you meditate, it'slike a form of digging reality.
(12:16):
You take an active interest inwhat your breath feels like very
specifically, what your bodyfeels like very intricately.
You're taking an interest inthese little sensations that you
normally don't even payattention to.
And then while you're doingthat, things come up that were
within you, in your soil.
(12:38):
They start coming to thesurface.
And that day, It was justimmense grief of missing my son
and longing for him.
And a lot of those things, Ithink, were sort of suppressed
or buried deep down because Iwasn't allowing them to surface
like I should have been.
And quitting cannabis hasreally helped me with that.
(12:59):
There's also the challenge ofreceiving help.
When you're in a shitstorm,excuse my language, a lot of
people will come out of thewoodwork to help you.
And for me personally, I wantto fix things by myself.
I don't want to run from them.
And it's hard for me to gethelp.
(13:20):
I mentioned on another episodehow the church had helped me pay
rent one month.
I've had friends that havehelped me pay rent, family
members more times than I amproud to admit.
But they were there for methrough all the pain that I've
been through over these lastcouple of years.
Payment, income loss, thingslike that.
(13:41):
So when you learn to meditate,you're learning to sit with the
discomfort that will arise inyou and embrace it until the
storm passes.
I think it was in episodethree, I talked about something
similar where I was just sooverwhelmed with the stress of
(14:03):
paying rent that I woke up atlike three in the financial,
chronic financial stress that Ihad no idea how to get out of
it.
And our practice is really theroot and the trunk of our tree
(14:26):
that is us.
Our mind is kind of at the topthat waves and can snap off
branches in the wind, to useThich Nhat Hanh's example.
I don't practice because I'mspiritual.
I practiced because I wascracked open.
Like I mentioned in episodeone, I got to a point where I
had a thought that it would beeasier to not exist than exist.
(14:49):
And at that point, I wascracked open.
I'm like, what is this lifeabout?
These extreme hours, trying tobe a good parent, but not being
able to be there, feeling guiltywhen I am there, but balancing
time with my kids and things,you know, resting and relaxing
(15:11):
from my work hours.
Everyone in the country isdealing with chronic financial
stress.
Prepping these episodes evencan be a little stressful.
I prep them in slivers of timethroughout my day.
You know, I'll be turning left,driving a manual transmission,
and in the middle of a leftturn, an idea pops on my head.
And then when I straighten thecar out, I'm switching back to
(15:32):
the notepad app to jot the ideadown.
And then later, you know, witha little bit of free time I have
at home trying to coalesce allthese ideas into an outline and
figuring out how I'm going toprep it and bring it to you
guys.
That's why for me, practice isnot an option.
It's a medicine.
And I think that is true forall of us, but we're not taught
(15:53):
to slow down and be still inthis life.
And I think that's why so manypeople, spiritual practice
speaks to them But as Imentioned in other episodes,
we've thrown the baby out withthe bathwater a lot with the
conceptions we have aboutreligion and spirituality in
general.
On this notion of practice,I'll be starting a side series
(16:18):
called Unpatterned.
And it's going to be a space tobe honest about our mental
ruts, changes, and specifics onvarious practices like Vipassana
or Zazen.
Also, you know, breaking habitsand the stories, the false
(16:39):
stories that we inherit, youknow, when we're younger, it's
going to be a space for honestreflection on how we break these
patterns, not by force, but bypresence.
But What keeps me upright inall this chaos is morning
stillness.
When I wake up, you know, I domy business, but I have a little
(17:01):
area where I like to go sit.
I have a cushion that I sit on.
I have a picture of Jesus.
I have a picture of Neem KaroliBaba, who to me represents a
lot of Eastern philosophy andwisdom that I've received over
these last three years that hasin fact strengthened my, uh, my
cosmology, the way I look at mylife in the universe.
(17:23):
I like to read a few versesfrom the Tao.
I like listening to podcastswhen I'm on the go from voices
like Alan Watts, Ram Dass, Youknow, I like to reach out to my
friends and tell them what I'mgoing through.
I have one buddy of mine who'sbeen really active in checking
up on me, keeping me sane andgoing.
(17:45):
And, you know, I like to checkin on him, see how he's doing.
You know, we are socialcreatures.
We depend on each other.
And it's good to remember thatthe universe didn't make a
mistake when it made you, youknow, you're part of this whole
thing.
Back to that, that Thich NhatHanh reference I mentioned, he
has a saying about emotions as astorm and why we practice
(18:06):
before the storm arrives.
He says, one emotion is justone emotion.
Emotions are impermanent.
They come, they stay for sometime, and they have to go.
And we are much more than oneemotion.
During a storm, if you focus onthe top of a tree, it seems
very vulnerable.
But if you look at the trunk,you see it as deeply rooted.
(18:29):
We are like a tree.
The brain is the top, andduring the storm of emotion, we
should not stay there, thinkingand imagining.
We bring our attention down tothe navel.
We breathe mindfully, and wefeel safe.
The emotion cannot do anythingto us.
There is only one thing toremember.
(18:50):
An emotion is just an emotion,but we should not wait until we
have a strong emotion to beginlearning, because we will
forget.
That is why we have to beginthe practice now.
And after we have survived anemotion, we have a confidence in
the practice.
So it's important for us totake that time, guys, every day
(19:17):
in the morning to be still, toinhabit your body, to feel what
it's like just to be in yourbody, to just sit and And then
you can carry that with youthroughout your day.
When you're walking, you'rejust walking.
There's a poem from Rumi.
(19:37):
I think it's called The TwoShops, but it has phrasing
that's very similar to the nameof this podcast.
And he points out the two waysthat you can live in this world.
And I'm going to read it to youby Rumi.
Don't run around this worldlooking for a hole to hide in.
(19:59):
There are wild beasts in everycave.
If you live with mice, the catclaws will find you.
The only real rest comes whenyou're alone with God.
Live in the nowhere that youcome from, even though you have
an address here.
That's why you see things intwo ways.
(20:21):
Sometimes you look at a personand and see a cynical snake.
Someone else sees a joyfullover and you're both right.
Everyone is half and half.
Like the black and white ox,Joseph looked ugly to his
brothers and most handsome tohis father.
(20:41):
You have eyes that see fromthat nowhere and eyes that judge
distances high and low.
You own two shops and you runback and forth.
Try to close the one that's afearful trap, getting always
smaller.
Checkmate this way, checkmatethat.
(21:02):
Keep open the shop where you'renot selling fish hooks anymore.
You are the free swimming fish.
Think that you're gliding outfrom the face of a cliff like an
eagle.
Think that you're walking likea tiger walks by himself in the
forest.
You're most handsome whenyou're after food.
Spend less time withnightingales and peacocks.
(21:26):
One is just a voice and theother is just a color.
We've got to trust it.
You know, there's a phrase inthe Bible that says, are grapes
gathered from thorns or figsfrom thistles?
Which to me emphasizes thatactions or fruits reveals the
(21:50):
nature of the source or thetree.
For example, apple trees bearapples and the universe bears
people.
You're not a mistake.
You're the fruit of anintelligent process.
And I'm paraphrasing Alan Wattson that, but he points out the
fact that you didn't just showup randomly as a separate thing
(22:16):
in this universe.
It is all one whole.
When you look at a tree, anapple tree, You don't see apples
until the tree matures andgrows and dives its roots deep
into the ground, reaches towardsthe sky, and eventually
produces apples.
In the same way, you can't lookat the earlier phases of the
(22:39):
universe as unintelligent andthat intelligence randomly came
out of it.
You can understand thisintellectually and logically,
but I encourage you toexperience it as well through
practice, experientially.
When you quiet down and youstay with your breath and you
(23:00):
bring your awareness to what is,over time, as you cultivate a
continuity of mindfulness, youwill start to instinctively and
intuitively understand that youare not a separate thing.
Distinct, maybe, yes, but partof a whole.
These episodes that I createfor you guys, they come to me
(23:25):
best when I don't force them,when I trust them.
And you'll hear some episodeswhere I'm trying a little too
hard.
You can hear my anxiety takeover.
I'm trying to control it toomuch.
And I think the better oneshave come when I've just
relaxed.
And oftentimes, they come rightafter an episode which I wasn't
(23:47):
happy with.
And I don't take the attitudeof I give up, I don't care
anymore, but I loosen mycontrol.
I say, okay, I tried too hardand now I'm going to let the
next episode just flow out of meand hope for the best and trust
in the process.
You know, true creativityarises from surrender.
(24:10):
And when you're trying tounderstand the universe and your
place in it, I love that versein Job chapter 38, verse four,
where he says, this is Godresponding to Job and his
friends who are trying tounderstand suffering.
Where were you when I laid thefoundation of the earth?
(24:31):
Tell me if you haveunderstanding.
This highlights the limits ofyour egoic understanding.
We can't cognitively understandthe intelligence of the
universe on our scale.
on our wavelength, but we cantrust it.
We can see how it flowstogether logically, and then you
(24:52):
can experience it in yourpractice.
And letting go of egoic orintellectual understanding is
not about shrinking.
It's actually about resting inthe vastness that already is, in
a way, expanding our Jesus saidit really well on the Sermon on
(25:13):
the Mount when he said,"'Therefore I tell you, do not
worry about your life, what youwill eat, what you will drink,
or about your body, what youwill wear.
Is not life more than food andthe body more than clothing?
Look at the birds of the air.
They neither sow nor reap norgather into barns, and yet your
(25:37):
heavenly Father feeds them.'"Are you not of more value than
they?
And which of you by worryingcan add a single hour to your
span of life?
And why do you worry aboutclothing?
Consider the lilies of thefield, how they grow.
They neither toil nor spin.
And yet I tell you, evenSolomon in all his glory was not
(26:02):
clothed like one of these." Butif God so clothes the grass of
the field, which is alive todayand tomorrow is thrown into the
oven, will he not much moreclothe you, you of little faith?
Therefore do not worry, saying,what will we eat?
(26:23):
What will we drink?
What will we wear?
For it is the Gentiles who seekall these things.
And indeed, your heavenlyFather knows that you need all
these things.
But seek first the kingdom ofGod and his righteousness, and
all these things will be givento you as well.
So do not worry about tomorrow,for tomorrow will bring worries
(26:44):
of its own.
Today's trouble is enough fortoday.
This harkens back to the DalaiLama when he says, if you can
fix a problem, wonderful, thenthere's no need to worry.
And if you cannot, then there'sno need to worry.
(27:06):
There is never a time to worry.
Like we talked about earlier,the ego wants control.
It fears letting go.
Useful tool, terrible master.
And letting go is not aweakness or passivity.
(27:30):
It's actually...
precision.
It's trust.
You're flowing with things.
It allows your mind to thinkmore effectively, more
efficiently.
The mind and the intellect, itdoes have a place in life.
It is a useful, you know,narrow troubleshooter and it's
(27:52):
accomplished a lot of greatthings, but it works its best
when you're not worried ortrying to push it.
Just let it do what it does.
When you learn how to let go,everything clicks into place.
From Chuang Tzu, when an archeris shooting for nothing, he has
(28:13):
all his skill.
If he shoots for a brassbuckle, he is already nervous.
If he shoots for a prize ofgold, he goes blind.
His skill has not changed, butthe prize divides him.
He cares.
He thinks more of winning thanof shooting and the need to win
(28:34):
drains him of power.
In the West, there's a lot ofconfusion on legalism and works
when it comes to faith.
There's a verse in James says,so faith by itself, if it has no
(28:55):
works is dead.
But you see, when I tell peoplein the West, some Western
Christian friends of mine that Imeditate, they try to tell me
that that is a work.
But see, that's inverted.
Letting go, that is the work.
Faith without works is dead.
(29:15):
And the only work we can do isto let go and trust that the
actions that come out of thatletting go, out of that
stillness, That we can trust.
Those are the right actions.
And they don't come from us.
It's the wisdom of actinginside insecurity, out of your
(29:41):
comfort zone, because you cantrust the whole thing.
You know that you're part ofthe whole thing.
And these dark nights that wego through in life, they're not
failure.
They're not punishment.
They're not just a depression.
You know, it's like a sacreddrying out where even the
(30:05):
sweetness of God vanishes andall that remains is longing.
It's not punishment, it'spurification.
From St.
John, the author of Dark Nightof the Soul, he says, "'To come
to possess all, desire topossess nothing.'" who arrive at
(30:28):
being all desire to be nothing.
He says, in the evening oflife, you will be examined in
love.
Love comes out of thatstillness, out of that silence.
Like I've told you guys in pastepisodes, when you're silent
(30:51):
and present for your children,you're loving them.
When you're completely presentwith cooking?
They say you're cooking withlove.
Love and stillness are twosides of the same coin.
God is love.
Can you trust that still,silent, that loving awareness,
that presence?
(31:11):
Can you trust that if you arewith the sensations of your body
for longer and longer stretchesof time, that everything will
be okay and click exactly intoplace where it needs to?
If you wake up at three in themorning like I do and can't get
back to bed and your mind isblowing in the wind about bills
(31:35):
coming up, can you come back tothe sensation of your body
resting in the bed at thatmoment and stay with that?
It's a lot easier if youpractice and that's why I
recommend it.
Sometimes we will cry, but ifthat's what we honestly feel,
(32:00):
then we're in harmony with whatis.
Practice is necessary.
The silence is trustworthy.
Letting go is a strength.
And you are not separate.
(32:24):
You are already one with thewhole.
So don't worry.
Let go.
I'm going to close with a fewwords from Osho, but first, if
something in this stirred you,even just a quiet yes, please
(32:44):
come say hello.
The link to our littlecommunity is in the description
and every voice matters,especially yours.
From Osho, he says, Don't seekDon't search Don't ask Don't
(33:05):
knock Don't demand Relax If yourelax, it comes If you relax, it
is there If you relax, youstart vibrating with it.
(33:30):
Thank you for listening.
Good night.
Music (33:38):
This voice might fade like dust on the dial But I'm
standing nowhere and I've beenfalling No headlines, no
(33:58):
promises made Just a whisperthat won't be afraid Standing
nowhere and it feels like homeNo flags to wave, no need to
(34:24):
roam Silence speaks louder thanwar ever could And I've never
felt so understood The static iskind, it leaves me alone No
(34:51):
orders to follow, no keys Thesky's turning amber The clock's
all reset And I haven't stoppedwalking just yet Standing
(35:16):
nowhere Air wide and free Nochains, no names The sky turns
(35:37):
white, I'm still here, nothingto hide.
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!