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March 31, 2023 39 mins
Trauma Triggers have Been Coming in one after another lately and I am putting things together that never did before. It's only the tip of the iceberg too. If you have been "trafficked" "groomed" and "assaulted" you could have similar experiences start to occur with repressed memory, or even just realizing what that is. I never knew I qualified for the words I've heard a lot. Been aware of things not being good or ok, and pretty much have also had other subtle doubts be 100% understood now. Things I wondered about in life, it is like the floodgates are open. Remembering dreams then remember all the rest I guess. I know this happens though, so I'm not a total mess. I just had to process that understanding of what was happening all those years ago, and it hit me hard cause that girl knew and cared but it felt like she was mad at me. I didn't say anything, and I had to leave the apartment so I was told anyway, the 2 guys took me, and my friend stayed with her bf. Perhaps that helps me understand why when I was texted about something out of my control yesterday my entire body began to tremble and shake. It is due to those old experiences when things I didn't do couldn't remedy or make better for people without it involving my pain or trauma, self-doubt, and guilt. Breathing and anxiety, nervous, and concerned with helping everyone else. I feel like something flicked inside and I know just like all the other times I will become stronger as a result of facing and sharing with others.
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