April 9, 2025 • 20 mins
How do you rebuild your identity, find belonging, and carry both pride and responsibility as an immigrant in a world that doesn’t always understand you?
In this deeply moving conversation, we explore what it means to start over in the U.S. as a Russian immigrant in a time of global tension and personal transformation.
From grappling with guilt over a homeland’s actions to navigating loneliness, motherhood, faith, and finding “home” in a new culture—this episode speaks to the heart of anyone questioning where they belong and who they are becoming.
Daria shares her incredible journey from the Soviet Union to Texas for love — and how culture shock, loneliness, and identity crises shaped her life as an expat/ immigrant woman in the USA. From navigating political stigma to finding community in San Francisco, this episode explores what it truly means to reinvent yourself and build a home away from home.
In This episode you'll discover:
- Why Therapy & Mental Health Support is important for expats
- When to consider a 'different pond'
- Steps to building Intentional Friendships in the USA
Download now to hear a story of rebuilding, mental wellness, humility, healing, and ultimately, finding purpose and belonging.
To share your own migration story or feedback email guest@Theplaceswecallhome.com
This compelling podcast dives into Expat and immigrant women (and men) stories. Those who immigrate to the USA, tackling the struggles of homesickness, identity crisis, and culture shock in the USA while adjusting to expat life and navigating cultural differences. Through conversations on starting over, reinventing yourself, and finding purpose, it highlights success stories of women's tenacity, and the resilience of expats in the USA. It offers insights into bicultural identity, language barriers, and the challenges of living overseas. The podcast emphasizes the importance of a strong support system and wellbeing for women in pursuit of the American dream.
https://www.instagram.com/theplaces_wecallhome
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
Welcome to the Places We CallHome podcast.
I feel like in Russia, there'squite a strong spirit of
conformity, why could you nothave brought your sense of
importance, the sense of who youwere, that understanding of who
you were then.
Everything even works.
That's a good question.
That was a good question.
(00:27):
I did bring it, but nobodycared.
I love that American people areactually quite pure hearted.
She said, There's a lot of you.
You're just a lot, and I am.
She said, but we're in thesouthern small town culture.
you can be a lot in a certainkind of way, in a Texas kind of
way, if you don't conform tothat culture, That's it.
(00:50):
That's it for you.
I would recommend, if you feellike fish out of the water in
America, Look for a differentpond, but also look for a good
therapist who can also tell yousome things, right?
You are back with Darsha and me,your host, Yolanda Rishima, for
(01:12):
part two of Sugar and Spice.
Now, let's pick up where we leftoff in part one, chatting about
the war and being Russian andeverything around that.
What can not, as a Russianperson, do right now?
(01:34):
What can I do to make thingsbetter?
Right?
I can send money, I can supportthe refugees, and we do all
those things.
But what else can I do to makethings better?
And one of the things that theLord showed me is that what we
all, all of us Russian people,what we need to do is we need to
repent.
We need to walk the path ofrepentance, confession, and
(01:58):
owning up to what our country isdoing.
And when the Lord showed methat, I feel an overwhelming
sense of peace.
So I'm actually looking forwardto these kind of opportunities.
I'm looking forward anytime Imeet somebody, for example,
Ukrainian, some sort ofUkrainian friends, I say, I'm
sorry.
I know you're not asking me toapologize, but I want to
(02:19):
apologize.
I want to apologize becausewhat's happening is evil.
I don't support it, but I ownit.
As a Russian person, I own it.
And I want you to know that I'msorry.
Right?
And so when people bring it up,I, I, I'm like, Oh, this is my
chance to do my confession.
(02:39):
That's breaking my heart.
I'm confessing on behalf of, I'mconfessing my sins and I'm
confessing the sins of mycountry because you know what?
That's what Nazi Germany did andlook at the redemption that's
happened in Germany.
Nobody thinks of Germany as aNazi Germany anymore.
So, I think the more, I wantthis to become a cultural trend
(03:03):
for us Russians.
Oh, anyway.
To where the first thing we dois we confess.
We own up and say, I'm sorry,this is not me.
That's incredible.
So I hope this will be a Russianlegacy, but I'm not holding my
breath.
Of course, because not everybodywill feel that way at all.
So where is your sense of, whereis home?
(03:27):
Oh, home is here.
Home, well actually, you know,home is where my family is.
You know, I kind of stoppedholding on to cities or houses.
So it could be anywhere, itcould be wherever you happen to
be at that moment in time.
Yeah.
I actually feel called to SanFrancisco.
The Lord sort of repeatedly haveshowed me that he wants us here
(03:50):
and I own it.
I, San Francisco is home.
There are many things I loveabout the city, many things I
don't know, but I'm just goingthrough some challenges right
now.
Yeah, but it is home.
Do you feel American?
Do I feel American?
Yeah.
Do you feel American?
Or do you still feel Russian?
(04:10):
I.
Oh, I'm going to be so, sotired.
Come on, just share it.
Keep it to me.
Okay, well, here's the thing.
Yes?
My citizenship is in heaven.
Oh, I love it.
You know, I feel that.
I feel that.
My identity is in Christ.
(04:31):
I am no longer Russian.
In a way, you would think I'mRussian.
But yet, I'm Russian.
I don't know if I thought ofmyself as American, but there
are so many things in America Ilove.
Such as what?
Tell me.
I want to hear about the stuffthat you love.
You know, I love that Americanpeople are actually quite pure
(04:51):
hearted.
Like that's one of the thingsthat always has amazed me is
that I met so many people thatgenuinely love the truth, want
to do what's right, givesignificant portion of their
time and money to people whocannot be put them back.
I love it.
I think, statistically speaking,America is actually the most
(05:13):
generous country in the world.
Like the amount of sort of acontribution to charitable
organizations around the worldper capita is the greatest in
America, more so than in Europe,which is interesting.
It's very interesting.
Yeah.
So, so I love that.
I love that in America, there'sa deep sense of respect for,
hard work and labor.
(05:34):
I like that.
Yeah.
You know, that even people inwhat we would consider like low
positions.
are treated with respect.
It is compared to Russia andsome other countries that I've
witnessed.
Another thing I love aboutAmerica is that you can sort of
be weird.
Okay.
Uh huh.
It's okay to be weird.
You know, well, I mean, to anextent, but there's that, like,
(05:57):
it's, it's okay.
Just to express yourself inhowever way you choose.
That's interesting because Ifeel as though in Europe,
there's a sense ofindividuality.
There's an even stronger senseof individuality, the way you
express yourself.
It's not unusual to walk downthe street.
Bond Street and see somebodywith a bowler hat on or a top
(06:20):
hat because it's part of theirfashion and underneath you might
have some dreadlocks, you know,just that sort of way.
I feel that I see more of thatover there, but it's nice
hearing from your perspective.
Yeah.
That you get a strong sense ofthat here in the U.
S.
Yeah, I feel like in Russia,there's quite a strong spirit of
(06:41):
conformity, but I've never livedthere, England] so can't tell
you.
What do you think were thebiggest challenges that you've
had to overcome in settling downhere in the US?
Making friends, figuring out mypurpose in life.
(07:04):
Motherhood.
Motherhood.
Yes..
Wherever you are.
I think it's especially toughhere because America does not
really have appreciation formotherhood, unfortunately.
Do you think so?
Yeah.
Making friends.
Making friends.
Yeah, figuring out my purpose.
(07:24):
Because there's so many choicesdo you think moving to the US
has changed you mm-hmm In whatways do you think it's changed?
You taught me humility.
That was a hard lesson in whatI'm still sort of on the path of
(07:47):
discovering, because I reallyfelt like I was somebody in
Russia and then I think do youmean like a sense of importance
and significance and I went frombeing somebody to be nobody.
So that was interesting.
Yeah.
It's kind of like shedding someof that somebody status and
figuring out who I am, you know,in all the world in my
(08:12):
relationships.
What, what do I value aboutmyself?
Yeah.
So that was, that was good.
Was that an imposed change orwas that something that was more
spiritually led?
I'm trying to understand, forexample, why could you not have
brought your sense ofimportance, the sense of who you
(08:33):
were, that understanding of whoyou were then.
Everything even works.
That's a good question.
That was a good question.
Uh, honestly, I could bring it,and I did bring it, but nobody
cared.
Oh, I don't know.
(08:54):
Okay, so it's this thing aboutidentity.
I'll give you an example.
So, so the college I went to formy undergrad was like the
Harvard of Russia.
If I meet the Russian speakingperson in America today, and I
tell them where I go to, where Iwent to school, everybody
instantly knows what the schoolis.
But when I say to pretty muchanybody else, Moscow State
(09:16):
University.
What is this?
Oh, it's a state school.
It's nothing..
Nobody knows, nobody cares.
It must feel like that, youknow?
And in two, I think there was amoment, like before I got my
degrees here, to where I, I comefrom a very intellectual family,
(09:36):
so I read a lot, um, Maybe lessso than the rest of my family,
like philosophy, mathematics,like we were really into all
that stuff.
But because I didn't have thevocabulary and also there's not
a whole lot of interest in likedeep thinking in America, like
for example, I would bringsomething up, which I thought
(09:57):
was interesting or relevant andpeople would have no idea what
I'm talking about.
Okay.
I've experienced that.
Yeah.
So for example, one of myfavorite words is inertia.
Mm hmm.
Which is kind of the tendency togo with the flow, right?
And not make any changes unlessa foreign object kind of like
hits you from the side.
(10:17):
Now, it's, it's, it's a termfrom physics, right?
But it works in socialrelationships.
So, absolutely.
But I noticed in my work as atherapist, anytime I bring it
up, I have to explain what thatmeans.
Because a lot of people eitherdidn't take physics or slept
through it or had a bad teacher.
What?
You know, so I'll explain whatimmersion means and then I can
(10:37):
use it.
And that, that makescommunication really weird.
And so between that and likenot, I have not to this day
watched all the Star Wars.
okay.
so a topic of a conversation.
Yeah.
Or oh, Indiana Jones.
Okay.
I'm missing this like keycultural components that totally
(11:00):
would bring me to the culturalmainstream.
There's no catching up.
There's so many shows.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
And it's the same for me.
I'm just not interested.
Thank you for saying that.
My husband and I have recentlygone back to watching Frasier,
because it's hilarious.
But all of the other things, theSeinfeld, and Curb Your
(11:21):
Enthusiasm, really great shows.
My husband loved them.
But I'm just not interested, nottrying to sound elitist here,
but we have so many books wewant to read.
There's so many things, so manywalks we want to go on.
Because that's the other thingthat I love about being here.
The climate is fantastic.
The outdoor life is amazing.
All the wildlife too.
(11:41):
It's amazing.
There's so much to do, so muchto see, so much to experience.
You know, I don't want to sit infront of the TV.
But I love.
the fact that you haveexperienced so much, you have
observed so much.
If you could change anything, orrather, that's not the question
(12:05):
I want to ask you.
I think the question I want toask you is what do you wish you
knew about the U.
S.
before moving here?
If anything, or just abouttransitioning into a life here,
what do you wish you were toldor wish you Can I have two?
(12:29):
Of course, as many as you want.
First of all, I would have movedhere right away.
Texas is not a good place forimmigrants.
Oh, you mean you would havemoved to San Francisco?
I would have moved to SanFrancisco.
That is much more diverse, muchmore welcoming to immigrants.
Um, so that's one, New York orsomewhere, uh, Chicago.
(12:51):
and number two, this is more ofa personal.
I would want to start therapyright away.
Because there's so much to thisprocess of acculturation and
there's so much pain that tohave somebody guide me through
it would have been great.
So therapy for yourself, for me,I would have started therapy for
me.
(13:11):
And then another one, whichactually did a good job, you
know, but, but still is a goodadvice.
I would be very intentionalabout my spiritual community and
I would really look for a legitspiritual community and not
settle for some of that.., youknow, right.
(13:33):
Okay.
Going back to the therapy, yousaid you would have started
therapy immediately and what didyou need or what did you get
from therapy?
And I ask that question becauseit's quite a nosy, invasive
question.
Especially to a therapist.
(13:54):
Absolutely.
Because I want other people whomight be listening to consider
what they need to be aware of.
And they're not going to be ableto get that from me.
They can only get that from youbecause I don't have that
insight.
Possibly.
So, what did you get fromtherapy or what did you need, do
you think?
You know, I actually remember,so I went into therapy when I
(14:17):
was in college.
So it was already five yearsinto, but now a master's degree,
five years into my life inAmerica.
I was coming out of two years ofdepression and I remember
talking to my therapist and Iremember that session so vividly
when I was trying, basically, myquestion was, What is wrong with
(14:40):
me?
I need you to tell me what iswrong with me because I don't
know how to build relationshipshere.
People don't like me.
So I need you to tell me what'swrong with me so I can correct
it and I can do better.
Right?
And I, I remember she was sokind and she was so patient and
(15:02):
she didn't placate me, but shealso didn't coddle me, you know.
She used this comparison ofbeing kind of like a bright fish
in a tank.
She said, There's a lot of you.
You're just a lot, and I am.
I'm a lot.
She said, but we're in thesouthern small town culture.
(15:24):
We're being, I mean, you can bea lot in a certain kind of way,
in a Texas kind of way, but ifyou're a lot in any other kind
of way, you basicallyautomatically get ejected.
from the system and she said,you have a choice, you know, she
said, you can either shed yourscales And become like the rest
(15:47):
of the fish or you can just finda different pond, find a
different pond.
And that's what I did.
I found a different pond.
Uh, and I don't, I mean, this isprobably sounds, I don't know,
narcissistic, maybe a littlebit.
And there's so many people Ilove in Texas, like my in laws
and, you know, other people thatI met there.
(16:08):
But, but again, like, if youdon't conform to that culture,
That's it.
That's it for you.
Right?
And so, I would recommend, ifyou feel like fish out of the
water in America, Look for adifferent pond, but also look
for a good therapist who canalso tell you some things,
(16:31):
right?
And then the other portion thatwas really important is she
really started speaking to meabout how direct I am that I
needed to tone it down.
I needed to learn to be.
Less directing, to be kinderwith my speech, choose my words,
you know, I needed to prefacethings more instead of just kind
(16:51):
of like saying it, Russians arevery direct.
Right.
Get to the point quickly.
Get to the point quickly.
And so she really helped me tosort of change my skills a
little bit, but to retain myidentity and also to help me
figure out I'm in the wrongpond.
I needed a different pond.
So, you know, eventually I.
(17:12):
Why?
That is, that is sage advice.
Change your skills, change yourscale, but to retain your
identity, which sounds to melike an odd form.
That's what the NP does, that'swhat we do.
Have you heard this comparisonof how sculptors, they don't
(17:33):
come up with an idea and theylook for a piece of marble to
carve it out.
No, they look, they take a pieceof marble.
And the circle, and circle, andthen they will see the statue
inside a marble, so I feel likethe process of therapy is
actually, there's a lot ofchiseling for sure.
(17:53):
A lot of healing that needs tohappen.
But in the process of thathealing, dealing with our stuff,
right?
We're dealing our beauty withit.
And it actually makes itbrighter.
Yeah.
That's what, that's, that's whatI do.
That's why I'm so passionateabout my craft.
I like it.
Somebody did that for me.
Thank you.
Oh, Dasha.
(18:16):
That is such an amazing note toend on.
I feel like I want to keeptalking to you because there's
just still so much more, so manyother things that you said that
I want to pull out.
I feel like we should have around two.
Do you have a website somewhereour listeners can go to who
might be local if they want toconnect with you?
Yes, so I'm not like super techsavvy, I'm sort of working on
(18:41):
that, but Christian CounselingCenter, if you go to that
website, Christian CounselingCenter, I think, and at work,
you can find offices, andthere's a San Francisco office,
and so I am on there.
Dasher Cochran,ChristianCounselingCenter.
org I want to say, we're goingto quickly look it up.
(19:03):
We're just getting it togetherand it's all good.
I'm working process.
That's another really importantthing.
You and me both, I need topodcasting.
Okay guys.
So this is Christian counselingcenters, plural dot org.
And then once you get there,find San Francisco and find me.
(19:25):
So lovely.
That's fantastic.
I that I feel like I don't wantto finish because we still have
our nibbles, we've got ourpineapples, we've got our matcha
tea.
You've got your La Croix waterand your loosely tea.
I need to learn who to say itcorrectly.
La Croix.
Okay.
Okay.
Sounds like.
(19:49):
We've got nuts dipped in darkchocolate and cookies and I feel
like I want to stay hereforever.
It's been lovely.
so much.
It has been lovely.
What a privilege.
And I love what you do.
Please keep on going.
I am.
I'll do my best.
I'm still learning, but thankyou so much listeners for being
(20:11):
with us today.
I hope you enjoy what we sharedwith you.
I hope you were entertained, butI hope you were inspired.
Have a fantastic day.
Bye bye.
Welcome to the Places We CallHome podcast.
I feel like in Russia, there'squite a strong spirit of
conformity, why could you nothave brought your sense of
importance, the sense of who youwere, that understanding of who
you were then.
Everything even works.
That's a good question.
That was a good question.
(00:27):
I did bring it, but nobodycared.
I love that American people areactually quite pure hearted.
She said, There's a lot of you.
You're just a lot, and I am.
She said, but we're in thesouthern small town culture.
you can be a lot in a certainkind of way, in a Texas kind of
way, if you don't conform tothat culture, That's it.
(00:50):
That's it for you.
I would recommend, if you feellike fish out of the water in
America, Look for a differentpond, but also look for a good
therapist who can also tell yousome things, right?
You are back with Darsha and me,your host, Yolanda Rishima, for
(01:12):
part two of Sugar and Spice.
Now, let's pick up where we leftoff in part one, chatting about
the war and being Russian andeverything around that.
What can not, as a Russianperson, do right now?
(01:34):
What can I do to make thingsbetter?
Right?
I can send money, I can supportthe refugees, and we do all
those things.
But what else can I do to makethings better?
And one of the things that theLord showed me is that what we
all, all of us Russian people,what we need to do is we need to
repent.
We need to walk the path ofrepentance, confession, and
(01:58):
owning up to what our country isdoing.
And when the Lord showed methat, I feel an overwhelming
sense of peace.
So I'm actually looking forwardto these kind of opportunities.
I'm looking forward anytime Imeet somebody, for example,
Ukrainian, some sort ofUkrainian friends, I say, I'm
sorry.
I know you're not asking me toapologize, but I want to
(02:19):
apologize.
I want to apologize becausewhat's happening is evil.
I don't support it, but I ownit.
As a Russian person, I own it.
And I want you to know that I'msorry.
Right?
And so when people bring it up,I, I, I'm like, Oh, this is my
chance to do my confession.
(02:39):
That's breaking my heart.
I'm confessing on behalf of, I'mconfessing my sins and I'm
confessing the sins of mycountry because you know what?
That's what Nazi Germany did andlook at the redemption that's
happened in Germany.
Nobody thinks of Germany as aNazi Germany anymore.
So, I think the more, I wantthis to become a cultural trend
(03:03):
for us Russians.
Oh, anyway.
To where the first thing we dois we confess.
We own up and say, I'm sorry,this is not me.
That's incredible.
So I hope this will be a Russianlegacy, but I'm not holding my
breath.
Of course, because not everybodywill feel that way at all.
So where is your sense of, whereis home?
(03:27):
Oh, home is here.
Home, well actually, you know,home is where my family is.
You know, I kind of stoppedholding on to cities or houses.
So it could be anywhere, itcould be wherever you happen to
be at that moment in time.
Yeah.
I actually feel called to SanFrancisco.
The Lord sort of repeatedly haveshowed me that he wants us here
(03:50):
and I own it.
I, San Francisco is home.
There are many things I loveabout the city, many things I
don't know, but I'm just goingthrough some challenges right
now.
Yeah, but it is home.
Do you feel American?
Do I feel American?
Yeah.
Do you feel American?
Or do you still feel Russian?
(04:10):
I.
Oh, I'm going to be so, sotired.
Come on, just share it.
Keep it to me.
Okay, well, here's the thing.
Yes?
My citizenship is in heaven.
Oh, I love it.
You know, I feel that.
I feel that.
My identity is in Christ.
(04:31):
I am no longer Russian.
In a way, you would think I'mRussian.
But yet, I'm Russian.
I don't know if I thought ofmyself as American, but there
are so many things in America Ilove.
Such as what?
Tell me.
I want to hear about the stuffthat you love.
You know, I love that Americanpeople are actually quite pure
(04:51):
hearted.
Like that's one of the thingsthat always has amazed me is
that I met so many people thatgenuinely love the truth, want
to do what's right, givesignificant portion of their
time and money to people whocannot be put them back.
I love it.
I think, statistically speaking,America is actually the most
(05:13):
generous country in the world.
Like the amount of sort of acontribution to charitable
organizations around the worldper capita is the greatest in
America, more so than in Europe,which is interesting.
It's very interesting.
Yeah.
So, so I love that.
I love that in America, there'sa deep sense of respect for,
hard work and labor.
(05:34):
I like that.
Yeah.
You know, that even people inwhat we would consider like low
positions.
are treated with respect.
It is compared to Russia andsome other countries that I've
witnessed.
Another thing I love aboutAmerica is that you can sort of
be weird.
Okay.
Uh huh.
It's okay to be weird.
You know, well, I mean, to anextent, but there's that, like,
(05:57):
it's, it's okay.
Just to express yourself inhowever way you choose.
That's interesting because Ifeel as though in Europe,
there's a sense ofindividuality.
There's an even stronger senseof individuality, the way you
express yourself.
It's not unusual to walk downthe street.
Bond Street and see somebodywith a bowler hat on or a top
(06:20):
hat because it's part of theirfashion and underneath you might
have some dreadlocks, you know,just that sort of way.
I feel that I see more of thatover there, but it's nice
hearing from your perspective.
Yeah.
That you get a strong sense ofthat here in the U.
S.
Yeah, I feel like in Russia,there's quite a strong spirit of
(06:41):
conformity, but I've never livedthere, England] so can't tell
you.
What do you think were thebiggest challenges that you've
had to overcome in settling downhere in the US?
Making friends, figuring out mypurpose in life.
(07:04):
Motherhood.
Motherhood.
Yes..
Wherever you are.
I think it's especially toughhere because America does not
really have appreciation formotherhood, unfortunately.
Do you think so?
Yeah.
Making friends.
Making friends.
Yeah, figuring out my purpose.
(07:24):
Because there's so many choicesdo you think moving to the US
has changed you mm-hmm In whatways do you think it's changed?
You taught me humility.
That was a hard lesson in whatI'm still sort of on the path of
(07:47):
discovering, because I reallyfelt like I was somebody in
Russia and then I think do youmean like a sense of importance
and significance and I went frombeing somebody to be nobody.
So that was interesting.
Yeah.
It's kind of like shedding someof that somebody status and
figuring out who I am, you know,in all the world in my
(08:12):
relationships.
What, what do I value aboutmyself?
Yeah.
So that was, that was good.
Was that an imposed change orwas that something that was more
spiritually led?
I'm trying to understand, forexample, why could you not have
brought your sense ofimportance, the sense of who you
(08:33):
were, that understanding of whoyou were then.
Everything even works.
That's a good question.
That was a good question.
Uh, honestly, I could bring it,and I did bring it, but nobody
cared.
Oh, I don't know.
(08:54):
Okay, so it's this thing aboutidentity.
I'll give you an example.
So, so the college I went to formy undergrad was like the
Harvard of Russia.
If I meet the Russian speakingperson in America today, and I
tell them where I go to, where Iwent to school, everybody
instantly knows what the schoolis.
But when I say to pretty muchanybody else, Moscow State
(09:16):
University.
What is this?
Oh, it's a state school.
It's nothing..
Nobody knows, nobody cares.
It must feel like that, youknow?
And in two, I think there was amoment, like before I got my
degrees here, to where I, I comefrom a very intellectual family,
(09:36):
so I read a lot, um, Maybe lessso than the rest of my family,
like philosophy, mathematics,like we were really into all
that stuff.
But because I didn't have thevocabulary and also there's not
a whole lot of interest in likedeep thinking in America, like
for example, I would bringsomething up, which I thought
(09:57):
was interesting or relevant andpeople would have no idea what
I'm talking about.
Okay.
I've experienced that.
Yeah.
So for example, one of myfavorite words is inertia.
Mm hmm.
Which is kind of the tendency togo with the flow, right?
And not make any changes unlessa foreign object kind of like
hits you from the side.
(10:17):
Now, it's, it's, it's a termfrom physics, right?
But it works in socialrelationships.
So, absolutely.
But I noticed in my work as atherapist, anytime I bring it
up, I have to explain what thatmeans.
Because a lot of people eitherdidn't take physics or slept
through it or had a bad teacher.
What?
You know, so I'll explain whatimmersion means and then I can
(10:37):
use it.
And that, that makescommunication really weird.
And so between that and likenot, I have not to this day
watched all the Star Wars.
okay.
so a topic of a conversation.
Yeah.
Or oh, Indiana Jones.
Okay.
I'm missing this like keycultural components that totally
(11:00):
would bring me to the culturalmainstream.
There's no catching up.
There's so many shows.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
And it's the same for me.
I'm just not interested.
Thank you for saying that.
My husband and I have recentlygone back to watching Frasier,
because it's hilarious.
But all of the other things, theSeinfeld, and Curb Your
(11:21):
Enthusiasm, really great shows.
My husband loved them.
But I'm just not interested, nottrying to sound elitist here,
but we have so many books wewant to read.
There's so many things, so manywalks we want to go on.
Because that's the other thingthat I love about being here.
The climate is fantastic.
The outdoor life is amazing.
All the wildlife too.
(11:41):
It's amazing.
There's so much to do, so muchto see, so much to experience.
You know, I don't want to sit infront of the TV.
But I love.
the fact that you haveexperienced so much, you have
observed so much.
If you could change anything, orrather, that's not the question
(12:05):
I want to ask you.
I think the question I want toask you is what do you wish you
knew about the U.
S.
before moving here?
If anything, or just abouttransitioning into a life here,
what do you wish you were toldor wish you Can I have two?
(12:29):
Of course, as many as you want.
First of all, I would have movedhere right away.
Texas is not a good place forimmigrants.
Oh, you mean you would havemoved to San Francisco?
I would have moved to SanFrancisco.
That is much more diverse, muchmore welcoming to immigrants.
Um, so that's one, New York orsomewhere, uh, Chicago.
(12:51):
and number two, this is more ofa personal.
I would want to start therapyright away.
Because there's so much to thisprocess of acculturation and
there's so much pain that tohave somebody guide me through
it would have been great.
So therapy for yourself, for me,I would have started therapy for
me.
(13:11):
And then another one, whichactually did a good job, you
know, but, but still is a goodadvice.
I would be very intentionalabout my spiritual community and
I would really look for a legitspiritual community and not
settle for some of that.., youknow, right.
(13:33):
Okay.
Going back to the therapy, yousaid you would have started
therapy immediately and what didyou need or what did you get
from therapy?
And I ask that question becauseit's quite a nosy, invasive
question.
Especially to a therapist.
(13:54):
Absolutely.
Because I want other people whomight be listening to consider
what they need to be aware of.
And they're not going to be ableto get that from me.
They can only get that from youbecause I don't have that
insight.
Possibly.
So, what did you get fromtherapy or what did you need, do
you think?
You know, I actually remember,so I went into therapy when I
(14:17):
was in college.
So it was already five yearsinto, but now a master's degree,
five years into my life inAmerica.
I was coming out of two years ofdepression and I remember
talking to my therapist and Iremember that session so vividly
when I was trying, basically, myquestion was, What is wrong with
(14:40):
me?
I need you to tell me what iswrong with me because I don't
know how to build relationshipshere.
People don't like me.
So I need you to tell me what'swrong with me so I can correct
it and I can do better.
Right?
And I, I remember she was sokind and she was so patient and
(15:02):
she didn't placate me, but shealso didn't coddle me, you know.
She used this comparison ofbeing kind of like a bright fish
in a tank.
She said, There's a lot of you.
You're just a lot, and I am.
I'm a lot.
She said, but we're in thesouthern small town culture.
(15:24):
We're being, I mean, you can bea lot in a certain kind of way,
in a Texas kind of way, but ifyou're a lot in any other kind
of way, you basicallyautomatically get ejected.
from the system and she said,you have a choice, you know, she
said, you can either shed yourscales And become like the rest
(15:47):
of the fish or you can just finda different pond, find a
different pond.
And that's what I did.
I found a different pond.
Uh, and I don't, I mean, this isprobably sounds, I don't know,
narcissistic, maybe a littlebit.
And there's so many people Ilove in Texas, like my in laws
and, you know, other people thatI met there.
(16:08):
But, but again, like, if youdon't conform to that culture,
That's it.
That's it for you.
Right?
And so, I would recommend, ifyou feel like fish out of the
water in America, Look for adifferent pond, but also look
for a good therapist who canalso tell you some things,
(16:31):
right?
And then the other portion thatwas really important is she
really started speaking to meabout how direct I am that I
needed to tone it down.
I needed to learn to be.
Less directing, to be kinderwith my speech, choose my words,
you know, I needed to prefacethings more instead of just kind
(16:51):
of like saying it, Russians arevery direct.
Right.
Get to the point quickly.
Get to the point quickly.
And so she really helped me tosort of change my skills a
little bit, but to retain myidentity and also to help me
figure out I'm in the wrongpond.
I needed a different pond.
So, you know, eventually I.
(17:12):
Why?
That is, that is sage advice.
Change your skills, change yourscale, but to retain your
identity, which sounds to melike an odd form.
That's what the NP does, that'swhat we do.
Have you heard this comparisonof how sculptors, they don't
(17:33):
come up with an idea and theylook for a piece of marble to
carve it out.
No, they look, they take a pieceof marble.
And the circle, and circle, andthen they will see the statue
inside a marble, so I feel likethe process of therapy is
actually, there's a lot ofchiseling for sure.
(17:53):
A lot of healing that needs tohappen.
But in the process of thathealing, dealing with our stuff,
right?
We're dealing our beauty withit.
And it actually makes itbrighter.
Yeah.
That's what, that's, that's whatI do.
That's why I'm so passionateabout my craft.
I like it.
Somebody did that for me.
Thank you.
Oh, Dasha.
(18:16):
That is such an amazing note toend on.
I feel like I want to keeptalking to you because there's
just still so much more, so manyother things that you said that
I want to pull out.
I feel like we should have around two.
Do you have a website somewhereour listeners can go to who
might be local if they want toconnect with you?
Yes, so I'm not like super techsavvy, I'm sort of working on
(18:41):
that, but Christian CounselingCenter, if you go to that
website, Christian CounselingCenter, I think, and at work,
you can find offices, andthere's a San Francisco office,
and so I am on there.
Dasher Cochran,ChristianCounselingCenter.
org I want to say, we're goingto quickly look it up.
(19:03):
We're just getting it togetherand it's all good.
I'm working process.
That's another really importantthing.
You and me both, I need topodcasting.
Okay guys.
So this is Christian counselingcenters, plural dot org.
And then once you get there,find San Francisco and find me.
(19:25):
So lovely.
That's fantastic.
I that I feel like I don't wantto finish because we still have
our nibbles, we've got ourpineapples, we've got our matcha
tea.
You've got your La Croix waterand your loosely tea.
I need to learn who to say itcorrectly.
La Croix.
Okay.
Okay.
Sounds like.
(19:49):
We've got nuts dipped in darkchocolate and cookies and I feel
like I want to stay hereforever.
It's been lovely.
so much.
It has been lovely.
What a privilege.
And I love what you do.
Please keep on going.
I am.
I'll do my best.
I'm still learning, but thankyou so much listeners for being
(20:11):
with us today.
I hope you enjoy what we sharedwith you.
I hope you were entertained, butI hope you were inspired.
Have a fantastic day.
Bye bye.
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