If you're wondering “Where do I even begin to make real friends in this new place?” You’re not only one—and there’s hope!
Moving to a new country can feel lonely—but you don’t have to do it alone. In this episode, we’re diving into how expat and immigrant women can build real, meaningful friendships in the USA. From embracing vulnerability to finding your community, discover simple ways to turn strangers into your new circle of support.
In this episode you'll discover how to:
- Be open to different types of friendships
- Give yourself grace and time
- Embrace vulnerability and stay true to yourself—the right friends will appreciate your culture, quirks, and story.
Download now to hear lived experiences from people like you who have overcome challenges of international relocation.
To share your own migration story, or feedback email guest@Theplaceswecallhome.com
This compelling podcast dives into Expat and immigrant women (and men) stories. Those who immigrate to the USA, tackling the struggles of homesickness, identity crisis, and culture shock in the USA while adjusting to expat life and navigating cultural differences. Through conversations on starting over, reinventing yourself, and finding purpose, it highlights success stories of women's tenacity, and the resilience of expats in the USA. It offers insights into bicultural identity, language barriers, and the challenges of living overseas. The podcast emphasizes the importance of a strong support system and wellbeing for women in pursuit of the American dream.
https://www.instagram.com/theplaces_wecallhome
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to starting over in theUSA, the Expat Woman's Guide to
overcoming Homesickness,embracing cultural Differences,
and creating a new home awayfrom home.
(00:22):
in this episode, you willdiscover tips and ideas to help
you, expat an immigrant woman,transform loneliness into
belonging.
Today we are diving intosomething that can break or make
your experience as an expat orimmigrant, and that is
(00:42):
friendship because let's bereal.
Moving to a new country can beincredibly lonely.
You leave behind everything thatis familiar, the people who
really get you, you leave behindyour culture, the taste of your
food, your sounds.
(01:04):
When you wake up in the morning,you leave behind your smells,
your, your music, everythingthat has shaped you to this
point.
And here you are now.
Suddenly in an environment whereevery interaction feels like you
are learning a new language,literally and figuratively.
(01:26):
But here's the truth, friendshipis that thing, that element,
that that glue, that turns aplace into a home.
So if you are listening to thisand wondering.
How do I even start makingfriends when everything feels
(01:46):
unfamiliar?
You are not alone.
This episode is for every womantrying to find her place in a
country that sometimes feels toobig, too different, too
disconnected.
Getting past isolation andbuilding intentional friendships
(02:09):
and finding a space where youbelong is, uh, what we are gonna
focus on today.
But in order to do so, I reallyneed to give you some context.
I wanna share with you mybackground, what I experienced.
When I moved to the USA, I knewthat continuing my career
(02:30):
trajectory would be difficult.
I knew my earnings couldn'teasily be matched without hefty
sacrifices on my part.
And by sacrifices, I mean.
Really late hours and travelinga great deal and hardly seeing
my husband.
(02:50):
I moved with my husband.
And if I made those sacrifices,I would completely undermine the
reasons that I moved in thefirst place, and I didn't want
to do that.
We moved because we were chasingthe sun.
We wanted to be together.
We had only been married for ayear.
We wanted adventure together.
And for me personally, I wanteda better work life balance.
(03:15):
Perhaps that's not reallysynonymous with life in the USA,
but I kind of realized that.
But I also wanted newconnections and I wanted
connections that were as good asthe ones that I left back at
home.
And I was actually expectingthat friendships would be formed
naturally.
As always, I just was notexpecting for it to be a thing
(03:39):
that needed to be cultivated.
I didn't read that in any bookabout international relocation
back in 2010.
I had assumed a great deal, andthat's fair to say, but when I
moved as a child to England andthen as a teen to France and
(04:00):
wherever else, I was completelywinging it because I like the
excitement of winging it.
You know, intuition all the way.
That's me.
But that was not a good idea.
Let me tell you.
Once our hotel surfing road tripstopped and hubby started work
(04:25):
and I was there getting thehouse ready, the whole physical
life, uh, you know, I startedgetting lonely.
And then.
Hey, Presto, baby comes alonghowever many months after and
now.
It's vital for me to get out foreverybody's mental health,
right?
(04:46):
So I joined these groups basedon mothering, but they turned
out to be lovely.
But, um, unfulfilling for me, Ijust could not get what I
needed.
To feed my spirit and my mind.
There was a lack ofvulnerability, lack of
authenticity, so well for me.
(05:06):
That's what I experienced, andso I just could not connect.
I couldn't understand why,because they're people after all
right?
I had to leave these groups.
And I needed to do some innerwork to figure out what it was
that I needed as well.
And at this point, what was thisnow, maybe two, three years
after moving?
At this point, I was seriouslyconsidering going back home.
(05:30):
I felt overwhelmed and Ifrightened the hell outta my
husband.
Poor guy.
But he did a great job inkeeping me grounded.
But I realized that I needed atwo-way street of nurturing.
I needed nurturing in terms ofideas, and I needed deep
conversations.
I needed to talk about life andvisions, and I needed movie
(05:53):
meetups, and I just needed dayswhen I was lolling around in a
park with the kids.
Somebody who was able to lullaround with me.
I needed also to feed my spiritin some kind of collective
gathering, and I needed somedegree of intellectual
stimulation and some sort ofwork focus interaction,
(06:17):
something to make me feeluseful, that I'm helping to fix
problems elsewhere.
So what could I do?
Because I saw on the horizonthis gray cloud looming that
threatened sadness and thatwould completely engulf me.
(06:38):
And I was just not feeling that.
I was not interested in that.
I knew I had to do something.
So I shopped churches until Ifound some kind of multicultural
environment that didn't feel,you know, I.
And I joined an organizationthat allowed me to work in teams
(07:03):
that provided consultancyservices to local nonprofits who
needed specialists help.
I.
I also took a professionalpost-grad class where I was
surrounded by internationalstudents of all ages and races,
and who formed their ownopinions about everything.
(07:25):
So I was spiritually fed.
My schedule was busy, but Iloved it.
And some days I actually took mybaby and my babysitter to work
with me, uh, uh, to my classwith me because that kid just
needed feeding every two hours.
I mean, it, it was, it wasunbelievable.
(07:46):
Anyway, they got out and so didI.
But in having all of thosethings in my life, it also meant
now that I wasn't sitting onsitting.
I wasn't sitting on a graycloud.
I met friends through theseorganizations, and their friends
(08:06):
became my friends.
This all took years, but theminute I stopped what was not
working, and the minute I let goof what I considered were
flighty connections.
I just didn't miss them anymoreand thank God my husband was the
sort of person who just kepttelling me to stop stuff that
(08:27):
just did not appreciate myhumanity.
So this opened me up to feelingcontent, to feeling useful, to
having variety in my life.
It wasn't bland and gray everyday.
I had something to talk aboutwith my husband and as well as
(08:47):
other people.
This made all the difference andit helped me to break through
what I would look back at anddescribe as a wall of isolation.
I realized that regardless ofwhere we're from, we all have to
deal with the same psychologicalissues.
(09:09):
I have known that feeling lonelycan become an issue if it's not
tended to.
It it, it leads to intensesadness and depression, but
loneliness doesn't mean that youare failing.
It means that your heart iscraving real connections, but
also.
Making that change allowed me tobuild intentional friendships
(09:37):
and authentic friendships.
And making real friends as anadult, especially as an expat,
really requires intentionality.
We'll talk about that in anotherepisode because I feel that it's
so deep that it needs exploring.
But there is also this thingabout finding a space or finding
(10:00):
spaces where you belong infinding a church.
A college course in, um, aworking environment that gave me
flexibility and gave melike-minded people that I can
connect with and work with andsolutions build with.
I absolutely felt like I belong.
And sometimes I feel like welook for connections in the
(10:21):
wrong places, or we wait forfriendships to find us.
So here are my key takeaways.
Following all of that.
1.
It's a really good idea to beopen to different friendship
dynamics because friendshipsabroad may not look like what
(10:45):
you are used to.
Consider relationships thatoffer support or learning or
even mentorship in adjusting toyour new life.
Try and accept invitations.
Even if they push you outside ofyour comfort zone, this is how
organic relationships, organicfriendships can be formed.
(11:08):
2.
Tip number two is to giveyourself grace.
Authentic friendships don'thappen overnight.
But they do happen.
Proper relationships take timeto develop and even small steps
like starting a conversationwith the woman who owns Coffee
Roasters, joining the localgroup or reaching out to that
(11:29):
connection that you made lastweek.
All of that, everything matters.
Let go of perfection.
Let go of perfect looking peoplewith perfect lives.
I.
3.
Embrace vulnerability.
That means embrace thevulnerability of somebody who
holds out the gift of friendshipto you and, embrace your own
(11:50):
vulnerability.
It's not something to be avoidedto run away from.
4 my last takeaway is that youdon't have to change who you are
to belong.
The right friendships willembrace your cultural identity,
your quirks, and your livedexperiences.
(12:10):
And I often hear that it'sdifficult to make friends as an
adult, and there is some truthin that, but I, I just wonder
whether that's the whole story.
I.
Because the, I feel there arepeople like you who are looking
to be heard and to feel seen andto have their names called every
single day.
(12:32):
So just be prepared to cast yournet far and wide.
Define what sort of friends thatyou want, how you want them to
make you feel and what you wantto give back to your friends.
It's a two-way street.
How do you want to spend yourtime with your friends?
(12:52):
What do you want to talk about?
And then put all of that at theback of your brain and just be
completely open.
It's an act of courage.
It takes bravery to step out ofloneliness, to initiate
conversations, to to riskrejection for the sake of
(13:13):
finding people who truly see andsupport you.
But that courage, will lead you.
To a place where you feelcontentment, where you know
there are people around you whenyou leave the country for a week
or a month or a year, they willphone you and ask you, ah, when
(13:34):
are you coming back?
We miss you.
There are people who will phoneyou and say, it's Tuesday.
Let's go for our planned walk.
Let's go to our happy place andhave cocktails or brunch or
whatever.
Let's go for a bike ride.
They don't care about yourlanguage ability, they just need
(13:56):
to be able to communicate withyou to be able to reach your
heart.
So if making friends feelsimpossible right now, please
know that there are people outthere just waiting to meet you,
to hear your story and waitingto welcome you.
They don't care about yourlanguage skills.
(14:20):
They don't care about yoursocioeconomic status.
They just want to connect withyour heart.
They want to connect and see whoyou are and to feel who you are.
If you do have a story to share,send me an email at
guest@theplaceswecallhome.comThat's it from me Today.
(14:47):
Download episode four and listento why trying to fit in may be a
trap for immigrant women.
Have a lovely day.
(15:15):
#ExpatLife#ImmigrantStories#FriendshipAbroad
#FindingYourPeople#StartingOver
Welcome to starting over in theUSA, the Expat Woman's Guide to
overcoming Homesickness,embracing cultural Differences,
and creating a new home awayfrom home.
(00:22):
in this episode, you willdiscover tips and ideas to help
you, expat an immigrant woman,transform loneliness into
belonging.
Today we are diving intosomething that can break or make
your experience as an expat orimmigrant, and that is
(00:42):
friendship because let's bereal.
Moving to a new country can beincredibly lonely.
You leave behind everything thatis familiar, the people who
really get you, you leave behindyour culture, the taste of your
food, your sounds.
(01:04):
When you wake up in the morning,you leave behind your smells,
your, your music, everythingthat has shaped you to this
point.
And here you are now.
Suddenly in an environment whereevery interaction feels like you
are learning a new language,literally and figuratively.
(01:26):
But here's the truth, friendshipis that thing, that element,
that that glue, that turns aplace into a home.
So if you are listening to thisand wondering.
How do I even start makingfriends when everything feels
(01:46):
unfamiliar?
You are not alone.
This episode is for every womantrying to find her place in a
country that sometimes feels toobig, too different, too
disconnected.
Getting past isolation andbuilding intentional friendships
(02:09):
and finding a space where youbelong is, uh, what we are gonna
focus on today.
But in order to do so, I reallyneed to give you some context.
I wanna share with you mybackground, what I experienced.
When I moved to the USA, I knewthat continuing my career
(02:30):
trajectory would be difficult.
I knew my earnings couldn'teasily be matched without hefty
sacrifices on my part.
And by sacrifices, I mean.
Really late hours and travelinga great deal and hardly seeing
my husband.
(02:50):
I moved with my husband.
And if I made those sacrifices,I would completely undermine the
reasons that I moved in thefirst place, and I didn't want
to do that.
We moved because we were chasingthe sun.
We wanted to be together.
We had only been married for ayear.
We wanted adventure together.
And for me personally, I wanteda better work life balance.
(03:15):
Perhaps that's not reallysynonymous with life in the USA,
but I kind of realized that.
But I also wanted newconnections and I wanted
connections that were as good asthe ones that I left back at
home.
And I was actually expectingthat friendships would be formed
naturally.
As always, I just was notexpecting for it to be a thing
(03:39):
that needed to be cultivated.
I didn't read that in any bookabout international relocation
back in 2010.
I had assumed a great deal, andthat's fair to say, but when I
moved as a child to England andthen as a teen to France and
(04:00):
wherever else, I was completelywinging it because I like the
excitement of winging it.
You know, intuition all the way.
That's me.
But that was not a good idea.
Let me tell you.
Once our hotel surfing road tripstopped and hubby started work
(04:25):
and I was there getting thehouse ready, the whole physical
life, uh, you know, I startedgetting lonely.
And then.
Hey, Presto, baby comes alonghowever many months after and
now.
It's vital for me to get out foreverybody's mental health,
right?
(04:46):
So I joined these groups basedon mothering, but they turned
out to be lovely.
But, um, unfulfilling for me, Ijust could not get what I
needed.
To feed my spirit and my mind.
There was a lack ofvulnerability, lack of
authenticity, so well for me.
(05:06):
That's what I experienced, andso I just could not connect.
I couldn't understand why,because they're people after all
right?
I had to leave these groups.
And I needed to do some innerwork to figure out what it was
that I needed as well.
And at this point, what was thisnow, maybe two, three years
after moving?
At this point, I was seriouslyconsidering going back home.
(05:30):
I felt overwhelmed and Ifrightened the hell outta my
husband.
Poor guy.
But he did a great job inkeeping me grounded.
But I realized that I needed atwo-way street of nurturing.
I needed nurturing in terms ofideas, and I needed deep
conversations.
I needed to talk about life andvisions, and I needed movie
(05:53):
meetups, and I just needed dayswhen I was lolling around in a
park with the kids.
Somebody who was able to lullaround with me.
I needed also to feed my spiritin some kind of collective
gathering, and I needed somedegree of intellectual
stimulation and some sort ofwork focus interaction,
(06:17):
something to make me feeluseful, that I'm helping to fix
problems elsewhere.
So what could I do?
Because I saw on the horizonthis gray cloud looming that
threatened sadness and thatwould completely engulf me.
(06:38):
And I was just not feeling that.
I was not interested in that.
I knew I had to do something.
So I shopped churches until Ifound some kind of multicultural
environment that didn't feel,you know, I.
And I joined an organizationthat allowed me to work in teams
(07:03):
that provided consultancyservices to local nonprofits who
needed specialists help.
I.
I also took a professionalpost-grad class where I was
surrounded by internationalstudents of all ages and races,
and who formed their ownopinions about everything.
(07:25):
So I was spiritually fed.
My schedule was busy, but Iloved it.
And some days I actually took mybaby and my babysitter to work
with me, uh, uh, to my classwith me because that kid just
needed feeding every two hours.
I mean, it, it was, it wasunbelievable.
(07:46):
Anyway, they got out and so didI.
But in having all of thosethings in my life, it also meant
now that I wasn't sitting onsitting.
I wasn't sitting on a graycloud.
I met friends through theseorganizations, and their friends
(08:06):
became my friends.
This all took years, but theminute I stopped what was not
working, and the minute I let goof what I considered were
flighty connections.
I just didn't miss them anymoreand thank God my husband was the
sort of person who just kepttelling me to stop stuff that
(08:27):
just did not appreciate myhumanity.
So this opened me up to feelingcontent, to feeling useful, to
having variety in my life.
It wasn't bland and gray everyday.
I had something to talk aboutwith my husband and as well as
(08:47):
other people.
This made all the difference andit helped me to break through
what I would look back at anddescribe as a wall of isolation.
I realized that regardless ofwhere we're from, we all have to
deal with the same psychologicalissues.
(09:09):
I have known that feeling lonelycan become an issue if it's not
tended to.
It it, it leads to intensesadness and depression, but
loneliness doesn't mean that youare failing.
It means that your heart iscraving real connections, but
also.
Making that change allowed me tobuild intentional friendships
(09:37):
and authentic friendships.
And making real friends as anadult, especially as an expat,
really requires intentionality.
We'll talk about that in anotherepisode because I feel that it's
so deep that it needs exploring.
But there is also this thingabout finding a space or finding
(10:00):
spaces where you belong infinding a church.
A college course in, um, aworking environment that gave me
flexibility and gave melike-minded people that I can
connect with and work with andsolutions build with.
I absolutely felt like I belong.
And sometimes I feel like welook for connections in the
(10:21):
wrong places, or we wait forfriendships to find us.
So here are my key takeaways.
Following all of that.
1.
It's a really good idea to beopen to different friendship
dynamics because friendshipsabroad may not look like what
(10:45):
you are used to.
Consider relationships thatoffer support or learning or
even mentorship in adjusting toyour new life.
Try and accept invitations.
Even if they push you outside ofyour comfort zone, this is how
organic relationships, organicfriendships can be formed.
(11:08):
2.
Tip number two is to giveyourself grace.
Authentic friendships don'thappen overnight.
But they do happen.
Proper relationships take timeto develop and even small steps
like starting a conversationwith the woman who owns Coffee
Roasters, joining the localgroup or reaching out to that
(11:29):
connection that you made lastweek.
All of that, everything matters.
Let go of perfection.
Let go of perfect looking peoplewith perfect lives.
I.
3.
Embrace vulnerability.
That means embrace thevulnerability of somebody who
holds out the gift of friendshipto you and, embrace your own
(11:50):
vulnerability.
It's not something to be avoidedto run away from.
4 my last takeaway is that youdon't have to change who you are
to belong.
The right friendships willembrace your cultural identity,
your quirks, and your livedexperiences.
(12:10):
And I often hear that it'sdifficult to make friends as an
adult, and there is some truthin that, but I, I just wonder
whether that's the whole story.
I.
Because the, I feel there arepeople like you who are looking
to be heard and to feel seen andto have their names called every
single day.
(12:32):
So just be prepared to cast yournet far and wide.
Define what sort of friends thatyou want, how you want them to
make you feel and what you wantto give back to your friends.
It's a two-way street.
How do you want to spend yourtime with your friends?
(12:52):
What do you want to talk about?
And then put all of that at theback of your brain and just be
completely open.
It's an act of courage.
It takes bravery to step out ofloneliness, to initiate
conversations, to to riskrejection for the sake of
(13:13):
finding people who truly see andsupport you.
But that courage, will lead you.
To a place where you feelcontentment, where you know
there are people around you whenyou leave the country for a week
or a month or a year, they willphone you and ask you, ah, when
(13:34):
are you coming back?
We miss you.
There are people who will phoneyou and say, it's Tuesday.
Let's go for our planned walk.
Let's go to our happy place andhave cocktails or brunch or
whatever.
Let's go for a bike ride.
They don't care about yourlanguage ability, they just need
(13:56):
to be able to communicate withyou to be able to reach your
heart.
So if making friends feelsimpossible right now, please
know that there are people outthere just waiting to meet you,
to hear your story and waitingto welcome you.
They don't care about yourlanguage skills.
(14:20):
They don't care about yoursocioeconomic status.
They just want to connect withyour heart.
They want to connect and see whoyou are and to feel who you are.
If you do have a story to share,send me an email at
guest@theplaceswecallhome.comThat's it from me Today.
(14:47):
Download episode four and listento why trying to fit in may be a
trap for immigrant women.
Have a lovely day.
(15:15):
#ExpatLife#ImmigrantStories#FriendshipAbroad
#FindingYourPeople#StartingOver
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