Can you truly belong somewhere new—or does belonging have to be built from the ground up?
If you’ve ever felt out of place after moving to a new country—or questioned if home is even a location—this episode is for you.
Robynne Jeisman shares her raw, faith-rooted journey from Australia to the U.S., revealing how culture shock, loneliness, and the unknown shaped her into someone stronger, more compassionate, and more anchored in purpose.
Her story will resonate with anyone navigating identity, community, or the emotional complexity of starting over.
In this episode you will discover:
- How purpose—not certainty—can steady your path in unfamiliar places
- The hard-won truth about building authentic friendships and community from scratch
- What it really means to belong to two places—and why you don’t have to choose just one
Hit play to hear honest insights on faith, resilience, and the deeper meaning of belonging in a life that spans two continents.
To share your own migration story, or feedback email guest@Theplaceswecallhome.com
This compelling podcast dives into Expat and immigrant women (and men) stories. Those who immigrate to the USA, tackling the struggles of homesickness, identity crisis, and culture shock in the USA while adjusting to expat life and navigating cultural differences. Through conversations on starting over, reinventing yourself, and finding purpose, it highlights success stories of women's tenacity, and the resilience of expats in the USA. It offers insights into bicultural identity, language barriers, and the challenges of living overseas. The podcast emphasizes the importance of a strong support system and wellbeing for women in pursuit of the American dream.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
Welcome to the Places We CallHome podcast.
I love that American people havesuch a quite pure heart, non
judgmental, gives to you peoplewho cannot be ignored.
You can either shed your scalesand become like the rest of the
fish, or you can just find adifferent home.
If you feel like.
(00:27):
Fish out of the water inAmerica.
Look for different pond, butalso look for a good therapist.
Do you think moving to the U.
S.
has changed you?
Taught me humanity, that was ahard lesson.
I've been a little bit Russian,in the way you think of Russian.
But yet I'm Russian.
You are back with Darsha and me,your host, Yolanda Rishima, for
(00:53):
part two of Sugar and Spice.
Now, let's pick up where we leftoff in part one, chatting about
the war and being Russian andeverything around that.
What can I, as a Russian person,do right now?
(01:14):
What can I do to make thingsbetter, right?
I can send money, I can supportthe refugees, and we do all
those things.
But what else can I do to makethings better?
And one of the things that theLord showed me is that what we
all, all of us Russian people,what we need to do is we need to
repent.
We need to walk the path ofrepentance, confession, and
(01:38):
owning up to what our country isdoing.
And when the Lord showed methat, I feel an overwhelming
sense of peace.
So I'm actually looking forwardto these kind of opportunities.
I'm looking forward anytime Imeet somebody, for example,
Ukrainian, some sort ofUkrainian friends, I say, I'm
sorry.
I know you're not asking me toapologize, but I want to
(01:59):
apologize.
I wanna follow because what'shappening is evil.
I don't support it, but I ownit.
As a Russian person, I own it,and I want you to know that.
I'm sorry.
Right.
Wow.
And so when people bring it up,I, I, I'm like, oh, this is my
chance to do my confession.
(02:20):
That's break it my heart.
Um, I'm confessing on behalfagain, confessing my sense and
now confessing the sense.
Because you know what?
That's what Nazi Germany did.
And look at the redemptionthat's happened in Germany.
Nobody thinks of Germany as aNazi Germany anymore.
So, I think the more, I wantthis to become a cultural trend
(02:43):
for us Russians.
Nobody would believe.
To where the first thing we dois we confess.
We own up and we say, I'm sorry,this is not me.
That's incredible.
So, I hope this will be aRussian legacy, but I'm not
holding my breath.
Of course, because not everybodywill feel that way at all.
So where is your sense of, whereis home?
(03:07):
Oh, home is here.
Home, well actually, you know,home is where my family is.
You know, I kind of stoppedholding on to cities or houses.
So it could be anywhere, itcould be wherever you happen to
be at that moment in time.
Um, Yeah.
Yeah.
I actually feel called to SanFrancisco.
The Lord sort of repeatedlyshould have showed me that he
(03:29):
wants us here and I own it.
I mean, San Francisco is home.
There are many things I loveabout the city, many things I
don't know.
But I'm just going through somechallenges right now.
Yeah, but it is home.
Do you feel American?
Do I feel American?
Yeah, do you feel American?
Or do you still feel Russian?
(03:49):
Gosh, I Oh, I'm gonna be so, socorny.
Come on, just share it.
You're just sitting here.
Okay, well, here's the thing.
Yes?
My citizenship is in heaven.
Oh, I love it.
You know, I feel that.
I feel that.
(04:10):
My identity is uncorrected.
I am no longer Russian, in a wayyou would think of Russian, but
yet I'm Russian.
I have never thought of myselfas American, but there are so
many things in America I love,and I say that so often.
Such as?
Well, tell me.
I want to hear about all thestuff that you love.
You know, I love that Americanpeople are actually quite pure
(04:31):
hearted.
Like, that's one of the thingsthat always has amazed me is
that I met so many people thatgenuinely love the truth, want
to do what's right, givesignificant portion of their
time and money to people who cannot even repay them back.
I love it.
I think, statistically speaking,America is actually the most
(04:53):
generous country in the world.
Like, the amount of sort of acontribution to charitable
organizations around the worldper capita is the greatest in
America, more so than in Europe,which is interesting.
It's very interesting.
Yeah.
So, so I love that.
I love that in America there isa deep sense of respect for, for
(05:14):
hard work and labor.
I like that.
You know, that even people inwhat we would consider like low
positions.
are treated with respect.
It is compared to Russia andsome other countries that I've
witnessed.
Another thing I love aboutAmerica is that you can sort of
be weird.
Okay.
Uh huh.
It's okay to be weird, you know?
(05:35):
Well, I mean, to an extent, butthere's that.
Like it's, it's okay.
Just to express yourself inhowever way you choose.
That's interesting because Ifeel as though in Europe,
there's a sense ofindividuality.
There's an even stronger senseof individuality, the way you
express yourself.
It's not unusual to walk downthe street.
(05:57):
Bond Street and see somebodywith a bowler hat on or a top
hat, because it's part of theirfashion.
And underneath you might havesome dreadlocks that, you know,
just that sort of way.
I feel that I see more of thatover there, but it's nice
hearing from your perspective.
Yeah.
That you get a strong sense ofthat here in the US.
(06:19):
Yeah.
I feel like in Russia, there'squite a strong spirit of kind of
quarantine, but I've never livedin Europe, so I can't, I can't
tell you.
What do you think were thebiggest challenges that you've
had to overcome in settling downhere in the U.
S.?
Making friends, figuring out mypurpose in life, motherhood, or
(06:45):
motherhood, yes, wherever youare.
Yeah.
That's tough.
But I think it's especiallytough here because I think
America's just not, I don'treally have an appreciation for
Motherhood, unfortunately.
Do you think so?
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
I think this, probably, mybiggest challenge.
Making friends.
Making friends.
(07:07):
Yeah.
Figuring out my purpose.
Because there's so many choices.
Mm hmm.
And that's interesting foreverything.
Right.
Both me.
Okay.
Do you think moving to the U.
S.
has changed you?
In what ways do you think it'schanged you?
(07:31):
Talking with humility, that wasa quality lesson in what I'm
still sort of on the path ofdiscovering, because I really
felt like I was somebody inRussia..
Do you mean like a sense ofimportance and significance?
And I went from being somebodyto nobody.
So that was interesting.
(07:51):
Yeah.
And in shedding some of thatsomebody status Figuring out who
I am, you know, in the wholeworld, in my relationships,
what, what do I value aboutmyself?
Yeah, so that was, that wasgood.
Was that an imposed change orwas that something that was more
(08:16):
spiritually led?
I'm trying to understand.
For example.
Why could you not have broughtyour sense of importance, the
sense of who you were, thatunderstanding of who you were
then, everything you were.
Uh, honestly, I could bring it,and I did bring it, but nobody
(08:42):
cared.
Uh huh.
Okay, so it's this thing aboutidentity.
I'll give you an example.
So the college I went to for myundergrad was like the Harvard
of Russia.
If I meet the Russian speakingperson in America today, and I
tell them where I go to, where Iwent to school, everybody
instantly knows where the schoolis.
But when I say to pretty muchanybody else.
(09:06):
Moscow State University, what isthis?
Oh, it's a state school.
It's nothing.
Nobody knows.
Nobody cares.
They must go like that, youknow?
And in two, I think there was amoment, like before I got my
degrees here to where I comefrom a very intellectual family.
(09:27):
So when I read a lot, um, meless so than the rest of my
family.
Like philosophy, mathematics,like we were really into all
that stuff, but because I didn'thave the vocabulary and also
there's not a whole lot ofinterest in like deep thinking
in America, like for example, Iwould bring something up, which
(09:47):
I thought was interesting orrelevant and people would have
no idea what I'm talking about.
Okay.
I've experienced that.
Yeah, so, for example, 1 of myfavorite words is inertia, which
is kind of the tendency to gowith the flow, right?
And not, making changes, unlessa foreign object kind of like,
hits you on the side.
(10:08):
No, it's a term from physics,right?
But it works in socialrelationships.
So, but I noticed even in mywork as a therapist, anytime I
bring it up, I have to explainwhat that means because a lot of
people either did take physicsor slept through it or, you
know, so I'll explain whatimmersion means and then I can
use that in that.
(10:29):
So that makes communicationreally weird.
And so between that and like,not, I have not to this day
watched all the Star Wars.
Hmm.
Right.
Okay.
It's a conversation.
Yeah.
Or what's the other one that itwas.
Or I can try.
Oh, Indiana Jones.
So I'm using this like keycultural components that totally
(10:53):
would sort of a bring me to thecultural mainstream, but there's
no catching up.
There's so many shows.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
And it's the same for me.
I'm just not interested.
Thank you for saying that.
My husband and I have recentlygone back to watching Frasier,
because it's hilarious.
But all of the other things, theSeinfelds, and Curb Your
(11:15):
enthusiasm, really great shows.
My husband loved them.
But I'm just not interestedbecause we have, not trying to
sound elitist here, but we haveso many books we want to read.
There's so many things, so manywalks we want to go on.
Because that's the other thingthat I love about being here.
The climate is fantastic.
The outdoor life is amazing.
(11:35):
All the wildlife too.
It's amazing.
There's so much to do, so muchto see, so much to experience.
You know, I don't want to sit infront of the TV, but.
I love the fact that you haveexperienced so much.
You have observed so much.
If you could change anything orrather, that's not the question
(12:01):
I want to ask you.
I think the question I want toask you is what do you wish you
knew about the U.
S.
before moving here?
If anything, or just abouttransitioning into a life here,
what do you wish You are told, Iwish you understood.
(12:23):
Can I have two?
Of course, as many as you want.
First of all, I would have movedhere right away.
Texas is not a good place forimmigrants.
Oh, you mean you would havemoved to San Francisco?
I would have moved to SanFrancisco.
That is much more diverse, muchmore welcoming to immigrants.
Um, so that's one, New York orsomewhere, uh, Chicago.
(12:46):
Um, and number two, this is moreof a personal, I would want to
start therapy right away.
Because there's so much to thisprocess of acculturation, and
there's so much pain.
That to have somebody guide methrough it would have been
great.
So therapy for yourself, for me,I would have started therapy for
(13:07):
me.
And then another one, whichactually did a good job on that
one, but, but still is a goodadvice, I would be very
intentional about my spiritualcommunity, and I would really
look for a legit spiritualcommunity and not settle for
sooner than.
(13:27):
You know, I'll just leave itthere.
Right, okay.
Going back to therapy, you saidyou would have started therapy
immediately and what did youneed or what did you get from
therapy?
And I ask that question becauseit's quite a nosy, invasive
(13:49):
question.
Especially to a therapist.
Absolutely.
Because I want other people whomight be listening to consider
what they need to be aware of.
And they're not going to be ableto get that from me.
They can only get that from youbecause I don't have that
insight.
Possibly.
So what did you get fromtherapy, or what did you need,
(14:11):
do you think?
You know, I actually remember,so I went into therapy when I
was in college.
So it was already five yearsinto my life in America.
I was coming out of two years ofdepression.
And I remember talking to mytherapist, and I remember that
(14:32):
session so vividly.
When I was trying, basically, myquestion was What is wrong with
me?
I need you to tell me what iswrong with me.
Because I don't know how tobuild relationships here.
People don't like me.
So I need you to tell me what'swrong with me so I can correct
it and I can do better, right?
(14:55):
And I, I remember she was sokind and she was so patient and
she didn't placate me, but shealso didn't coddle me, you know?
She used this comparison ofbeing kind of like a bright fish
in a tank.
She said, there is, there's alot of you.
You're just a lot.
(15:15):
And I am.
I'm a lot.
She said, but we're in thesouthern small town culture.
We're being, I mean, you can bea lot in a certain kind of way
in the Texas kind of way, but ifyou're a lot in any other kind
of way, you basicallyautomatically get ejected from
the system.
(15:36):
And she said, you have a choice,you know, she said, you can
either shed your scales.
And become like the rest of thefish or you can just find a
different pond.
find a different pond.
And that's what I did.
I found a different pond.
(15:56):
Uh, and I don't, I mean, this isprobably sounds, I don't know,
narcissistic, maybe a littlebit.
And there's so many people Ilove in Texas, like my in laws
and you know, other people thatI met there.
But, but again, if you don'tconform to that culture, That's
it.
That's it for you.
Right?
And so I would recommend if youfeel like fish out of the water
(16:21):
in America, look for a differentpond, but also look for a good
therapist who can also tell yousome things, right?
And when the other portion thatwas really important is she
really started speaking to meabout how direct I am, that I
needed to tone it down, that Ineeded to learn to be Less
directing, to be kinder with myspeech, choose my words, you
(16:45):
know, I needed to preface thingsmore Instead of just kind of
like saying it.
Russians are very direct.
Right.
Get to the point quickly..
And so she really helped me tosort of change my scales a
little bit, but to retain myidentity And also to help me
figure out I'm in the wrongpond.
I needed a different pond.
(17:06):
So, you know, eventually I foundWow, that is, that is sage
advice.
Change your skills, change yourscale, but to retain your
identity, which sounds to melike an art form.
But that's what therapy does.
That's what we do.
Have you heard thesecomparisons, how sculptors, they
(17:29):
don't come up with an idea andthen look for a piece of marble
to carve it out.
I don't know.
You know, they look, they take apiece of marble, and they
circle, and circle, and thenthey will see the statue inside
the marble, and then they carveit out.
So I feel like the process oftherapy is actually, there's a
(17:50):
lot of chiseling for sure.
A lot of healing that needs tohappen.
But in the process of thathealing, dealing with our stuff,
right?
We're dealing our beauty withthem.
And it actually makes itbrighter.
Yeah.
That's what, that's, that's whatI do.
That's why I'm so passionateabout my craft.
I like it.
Somebody did that for me.
(18:10):
Thank you, Paula.
Oh, hey, Dasha.
That is such an amazing note toend on.
I feel like I want to keeptalking to you because there's
just still so much more, so manyother things that you've said
that I want to pull out.
I feel like we should have around two.
And Do you have a websitesomewhere our listeners can go
(18:32):
to who might be local if theywant to connect with you?
Yes.
So I'm not like super techsavvy.
I'm sort of working on that, butChristian Counseling Center.
If you go to that website,Christian Counseling Center, I
think, and.
org, you can find offices andthere's a San Francisco office.
(18:52):
And so I am on there.
Dasher Cochran ChristianCounseling Center.
org I want to say we're going toquickly look it up.
We're just getting it togetherand it's all good.
I'm in the working process.
That's another very importantthing.
You and me both.
I need to podcasting.
(19:13):
Okay guys.
So this is Christian counselingcenters, plural dot org.
And then once you get there,find San Francisco and find me.
That's fantastic.
I feel like I don't want tofinish because we still have our
nibbles.
We've got our pineapples.
We've got our matcha tea.
(19:34):
You've got your La Croix waterand your loose leaf tea.
Can I need to learn how to sayit correctly.
La Croix.
La Croix.
Okay.
La Croix.
Okay, that's how I feel like.
La Croix.
La Croix.
La Croix.
We've got our nuts dipped indark chocolate and our cookies
(19:55):
and I feel like I want to stayhere forever.
It's been lovely.
Thank you so much.
It has been lovely.
What a privilege.
And I love what you do.
Please keep on going.
Oh, I'll do my best.
I'm still learning, but thankyou so much listeners for being
with us today.
I hope you enjoy what we sharedwith you.
(20:16):
I hope you were entertained, butI hope you were inspired.
Have a fantastic day.
Bye bye.
Welcome to the Places We CallHome podcast.
I love that American people havesuch a quite pure heart, non
judgmental, gives to you peoplewho cannot be ignored.
You can either shed your scalesand become like the rest of the
fish, or you can just find adifferent home.
If you feel like.
(00:27):
Fish out of the water inAmerica.
Look for different pond, butalso look for a good therapist.
Do you think moving to the U.
S.
has changed you?
Taught me humanity, that was ahard lesson.
I've been a little bit Russian,in the way you think of Russian.
But yet I'm Russian.
You are back with Darsha and me,your host, Yolanda Rishima, for
(00:53):
part two of Sugar and Spice.
Now, let's pick up where we leftoff in part one, chatting about
the war and being Russian andeverything around that.
What can I, as a Russian person,do right now?
(01:14):
What can I do to make thingsbetter, right?
I can send money, I can supportthe refugees, and we do all
those things.
But what else can I do to makethings better?
And one of the things that theLord showed me is that what we
all, all of us Russian people,what we need to do is we need to
repent.
We need to walk the path ofrepentance, confession, and
(01:38):
owning up to what our country isdoing.
And when the Lord showed methat, I feel an overwhelming
sense of peace.
So I'm actually looking forwardto these kind of opportunities.
I'm looking forward anytime Imeet somebody, for example,
Ukrainian, some sort ofUkrainian friends, I say, I'm
sorry.
I know you're not asking me toapologize, but I want to
(01:59):
apologize.
I wanna follow because what'shappening is evil.
I don't support it, but I ownit.
As a Russian person, I own it,and I want you to know that.
I'm sorry.
Right.
Wow.
And so when people bring it up,I, I, I'm like, oh, this is my
chance to do my confession.
(02:20):
That's break it my heart.
Um, I'm confessing on behalfagain, confessing my sense and
now confessing the sense.
Because you know what?
That's what Nazi Germany did.
And look at the redemptionthat's happened in Germany.
Nobody thinks of Germany as aNazi Germany anymore.
So, I think the more, I wantthis to become a cultural trend
(02:43):
for us Russians.
Nobody would believe.
To where the first thing we dois we confess.
We own up and we say, I'm sorry,this is not me.
That's incredible.
So, I hope this will be aRussian legacy, but I'm not
holding my breath.
Of course, because not everybodywill feel that way at all.
So where is your sense of, whereis home?
(03:07):
Oh, home is here.
Home, well actually, you know,home is where my family is.
You know, I kind of stoppedholding on to cities or houses.
So it could be anywhere, itcould be wherever you happen to
be at that moment in time.
Um, Yeah.
Yeah.
I actually feel called to SanFrancisco.
The Lord sort of repeatedlyshould have showed me that he
(03:29):
wants us here and I own it.
I mean, San Francisco is home.
There are many things I loveabout the city, many things I
don't know.
But I'm just going through somechallenges right now.
Yeah, but it is home.
Do you feel American?
Do I feel American?
Yeah, do you feel American?
Or do you still feel Russian?
(03:49):
Gosh, I Oh, I'm gonna be so, socorny.
Come on, just share it.
You're just sitting here.
Okay, well, here's the thing.
Yes?
My citizenship is in heaven.
Oh, I love it.
You know, I feel that.
I feel that.
(04:10):
My identity is uncorrected.
I am no longer Russian, in a wayyou would think of Russian, but
yet I'm Russian.
I have never thought of myselfas American, but there are so
many things in America I love,and I say that so often.
Such as?
Well, tell me.
I want to hear about all thestuff that you love.
You know, I love that Americanpeople are actually quite pure
(04:31):
hearted.
Like, that's one of the thingsthat always has amazed me is
that I met so many people thatgenuinely love the truth, want
to do what's right, givesignificant portion of their
time and money to people who cannot even repay them back.
I love it.
I think, statistically speaking,America is actually the most
(04:53):
generous country in the world.
Like, the amount of sort of acontribution to charitable
organizations around the worldper capita is the greatest in
America, more so than in Europe,which is interesting.
It's very interesting.
Yeah.
So, so I love that.
I love that in America there isa deep sense of respect for, for
(05:14):
hard work and labor.
I like that.
You know, that even people inwhat we would consider like low
positions.
are treated with respect.
It is compared to Russia andsome other countries that I've
witnessed.
Another thing I love aboutAmerica is that you can sort of
be weird.
Okay.
Uh huh.
It's okay to be weird, you know?
(05:35):
Well, I mean, to an extent, butthere's that.
Like it's, it's okay.
Just to express yourself inhowever way you choose.
That's interesting because Ifeel as though in Europe,
there's a sense ofindividuality.
There's an even stronger senseof individuality, the way you
express yourself.
It's not unusual to walk downthe street.
(05:57):
Bond Street and see somebodywith a bowler hat on or a top
hat, because it's part of theirfashion.
And underneath you might havesome dreadlocks that, you know,
just that sort of way.
I feel that I see more of thatover there, but it's nice
hearing from your perspective.
Yeah.
That you get a strong sense ofthat here in the US.
(06:19):
Yeah.
I feel like in Russia, there'squite a strong spirit of kind of
quarantine, but I've never livedin Europe, so I can't, I can't
tell you.
What do you think were thebiggest challenges that you've
had to overcome in settling downhere in the U.
S.?
Making friends, figuring out mypurpose in life, motherhood, or
(06:45):
motherhood, yes, wherever youare.
Yeah.
That's tough.
But I think it's especiallytough here because I think
America's just not, I don'treally have an appreciation for
Motherhood, unfortunately.
Do you think so?
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
I think this, probably, mybiggest challenge.
Making friends.
Making friends.
(07:07):
Yeah.
Figuring out my purpose.
Because there's so many choices.
Mm hmm.
And that's interesting foreverything.
Right.
Both me.
Okay.
Do you think moving to the U.
S.
has changed you?
In what ways do you think it'schanged you?
(07:31):
Talking with humility, that wasa quality lesson in what I'm
still sort of on the path ofdiscovering, because I really
felt like I was somebody inRussia..
Do you mean like a sense ofimportance and significance?
And I went from being somebodyto nobody.
So that was interesting.
(07:51):
Yeah.
And in shedding some of thatsomebody status Figuring out who
I am, you know, in the wholeworld, in my relationships,
what, what do I value aboutmyself?
Yeah, so that was, that wasgood.
Was that an imposed change orwas that something that was more
(08:16):
spiritually led?
I'm trying to understand.
For example.
Why could you not have broughtyour sense of importance, the
sense of who you were, thatunderstanding of who you were
then, everything you were.
Uh, honestly, I could bring it,and I did bring it, but nobody
(08:42):
cared.
Uh huh.
Okay, so it's this thing aboutidentity.
I'll give you an example.
So the college I went to for myundergrad was like the Harvard
of Russia.
If I meet the Russian speakingperson in America today, and I
tell them where I go to, where Iwent to school, everybody
instantly knows where the schoolis.
But when I say to pretty muchanybody else.
(09:06):
Moscow State University, what isthis?
Oh, it's a state school.
It's nothing.
Nobody knows.
Nobody cares.
They must go like that, youknow?
And in two, I think there was amoment, like before I got my
degrees here to where I comefrom a very intellectual family.
(09:27):
So when I read a lot, um, meless so than the rest of my
family.
Like philosophy, mathematics,like we were really into all
that stuff, but because I didn'thave the vocabulary and also
there's not a whole lot ofinterest in like deep thinking
in America, like for example, Iwould bring something up, which
(09:47):
I thought was interesting orrelevant and people would have
no idea what I'm talking about.
Okay.
I've experienced that.
Yeah, so, for example, 1 of myfavorite words is inertia, which
is kind of the tendency to gowith the flow, right?
And not, making changes, unlessa foreign object kind of like,
hits you on the side.
(10:08):
No, it's a term from physics,right?
But it works in socialrelationships.
So, but I noticed even in mywork as a therapist, anytime I
bring it up, I have to explainwhat that means because a lot of
people either did take physicsor slept through it or, you
know, so I'll explain whatimmersion means and then I can
use that in that.
(10:29):
So that makes communicationreally weird.
And so between that and like,not, I have not to this day
watched all the Star Wars.
Hmm.
Right.
Okay.
It's a conversation.
Yeah.
Or what's the other one that itwas.
Or I can try.
Oh, Indiana Jones.
So I'm using this like keycultural components that totally
(10:53):
would sort of a bring me to thecultural mainstream, but there's
no catching up.
There's so many shows.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
And it's the same for me.
I'm just not interested.
Thank you for saying that.
My husband and I have recentlygone back to watching Frasier,
because it's hilarious.
But all of the other things, theSeinfelds, and Curb Your
(11:15):
enthusiasm, really great shows.
My husband loved them.
But I'm just not interestedbecause we have, not trying to
sound elitist here, but we haveso many books we want to read.
There's so many things, so manywalks we want to go on.
Because that's the other thingthat I love about being here.
The climate is fantastic.
The outdoor life is amazing.
(11:35):
All the wildlife too.
It's amazing.
There's so much to do, so muchto see, so much to experience.
You know, I don't want to sit infront of the TV, but.
I love the fact that you haveexperienced so much.
You have observed so much.
If you could change anything orrather, that's not the question
(12:01):
I want to ask you.
I think the question I want toask you is what do you wish you
knew about the U.
S.
before moving here?
If anything, or just abouttransitioning into a life here,
what do you wish You are told, Iwish you understood.
(12:23):
Can I have two?
Of course, as many as you want.
First of all, I would have movedhere right away.
Texas is not a good place forimmigrants.
Oh, you mean you would havemoved to San Francisco?
I would have moved to SanFrancisco.
That is much more diverse, muchmore welcoming to immigrants.
Um, so that's one, New York orsomewhere, uh, Chicago.
(12:46):
Um, and number two, this is moreof a personal, I would want to
start therapy right away.
Because there's so much to thisprocess of acculturation, and
there's so much pain.
That to have somebody guide methrough it would have been
great.
So therapy for yourself, for me,I would have started therapy for
(13:07):
me.
And then another one, whichactually did a good job on that
one, but, but still is a goodadvice, I would be very
intentional about my spiritualcommunity, and I would really
look for a legit spiritualcommunity and not settle for
sooner than.
(13:27):
You know, I'll just leave itthere.
Right, okay.
Going back to therapy, you saidyou would have started therapy
immediately and what did youneed or what did you get from
therapy?
And I ask that question becauseit's quite a nosy, invasive
(13:49):
question.
Especially to a therapist.
Absolutely.
Because I want other people whomight be listening to consider
what they need to be aware of.
And they're not going to be ableto get that from me.
They can only get that from youbecause I don't have that
insight.
Possibly.
So what did you get fromtherapy, or what did you need,
(14:11):
do you think?
You know, I actually remember,so I went into therapy when I
was in college.
So it was already five yearsinto my life in America.
I was coming out of two years ofdepression.
And I remember talking to mytherapist, and I remember that
(14:32):
session so vividly.
When I was trying, basically, myquestion was What is wrong with
me?
I need you to tell me what iswrong with me.
Because I don't know how tobuild relationships here.
People don't like me.
So I need you to tell me what'swrong with me so I can correct
it and I can do better, right?
(14:55):
And I, I remember she was sokind and she was so patient and
she didn't placate me, but shealso didn't coddle me, you know?
She used this comparison ofbeing kind of like a bright fish
in a tank.
She said, there is, there's alot of you.
You're just a lot.
(15:15):
And I am.
I'm a lot.
She said, but we're in thesouthern small town culture.
We're being, I mean, you can bea lot in a certain kind of way
in the Texas kind of way, but ifyou're a lot in any other kind
of way, you basicallyautomatically get ejected from
the system.
(15:36):
And she said, you have a choice,you know, she said, you can
either shed your scales.
And become like the rest of thefish or you can just find a
different pond.
find a different pond.
And that's what I did.
I found a different pond.
(15:56):
Uh, and I don't, I mean, this isprobably sounds, I don't know,
narcissistic, maybe a littlebit.
And there's so many people Ilove in Texas, like my in laws
and you know, other people thatI met there.
But, but again, if you don'tconform to that culture, That's
it.
That's it for you.
Right?
And so I would recommend if youfeel like fish out of the water
(16:21):
in America, look for a differentpond, but also look for a good
therapist who can also tell yousome things, right?
And when the other portion thatwas really important is she
really started speaking to meabout how direct I am, that I
needed to tone it down, that Ineeded to learn to be Less
directing, to be kinder with myspeech, choose my words, you
(16:45):
know, I needed to preface thingsmore Instead of just kind of
like saying it.
Russians are very direct.
Right.
Get to the point quickly..
And so she really helped me tosort of change my scales a
little bit, but to retain myidentity And also to help me
figure out I'm in the wrongpond.
I needed a different pond.
(17:06):
So, you know, eventually I foundWow, that is, that is sage
advice.
Change your skills, change yourscale, but to retain your
identity, which sounds to melike an art form.
But that's what therapy does.
That's what we do.
Have you heard thesecomparisons, how sculptors, they
(17:29):
don't come up with an idea andthen look for a piece of marble
to carve it out.
I don't know.
You know, they look, they take apiece of marble, and they
circle, and circle, and thenthey will see the statue inside
the marble, and then they carveit out.
So I feel like the process oftherapy is actually, there's a
(17:50):
lot of chiseling for sure.
A lot of healing that needs tohappen.
But in the process of thathealing, dealing with our stuff,
right?
We're dealing our beauty withthem.
And it actually makes itbrighter.
Yeah.
That's what, that's, that's whatI do.
That's why I'm so passionateabout my craft.
I like it.
Somebody did that for me.
(18:10):
Thank you, Paula.
Oh, hey, Dasha.
That is such an amazing note toend on.
I feel like I want to keeptalking to you because there's
just still so much more, so manyother things that you've said
that I want to pull out.
I feel like we should have around two.
And Do you have a websitesomewhere our listeners can go
(18:32):
to who might be local if theywant to connect with you?
Yes.
So I'm not like super techsavvy.
I'm sort of working on that, butChristian Counseling Center.
If you go to that website,Christian Counseling Center, I
think, and.
org, you can find offices andthere's a San Francisco office.
(18:52):
And so I am on there.
Dasher Cochran ChristianCounseling Center.
org I want to say we're going toquickly look it up.
We're just getting it togetherand it's all good.
I'm in the working process.
That's another very importantthing.
You and me both.
I need to podcasting.
(19:13):
Okay guys.
So this is Christian counselingcenters, plural dot org.
And then once you get there,find San Francisco and find me.
That's fantastic.
I feel like I don't want tofinish because we still have our
nibbles.
We've got our pineapples.
We've got our matcha tea.
(19:34):
You've got your La Croix waterand your loose leaf tea.
Can I need to learn how to sayit correctly.
La Croix.
La Croix.
Okay.
La Croix.
Okay, that's how I feel like.
La Croix.
La Croix.
La Croix.
We've got our nuts dipped indark chocolate and our cookies
(19:55):
and I feel like I want to stayhere forever.
It's been lovely.
Thank you so much.
It has been lovely.
What a privilege.
And I love what you do.
Please keep on going.
Oh, I'll do my best.
I'm still learning, but thankyou so much listeners for being
with us today.
I hope you enjoy what we sharedwith you.
(20:16):
I hope you were entertained, butI hope you were inspired.
Have a fantastic day.
Bye bye.
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