This episode is a love letter to bold women who lead with story, stand out on purpose, and use cultural confidence as their superpower.
In Part 2 of this heartwarming and hilariously honest conversation, Yolanda and Amy continue exploring identity, entrepreneurship, and authenticity across borders. Amy shows that embracing your cultural quirks and leading with your truth isn’t just freeing—it’s magnetic.
Amy shares how her love of tea turned into a thriving U.S. business, what it's like to hold multiple cultural truths, and why fitting in is not the goal.
Press play now to learn how to stop shrinking and start showing up boldly—your accent, your roots, and your power fully intact.
To share your own migration story or give your feedback, email guest@Theplaceswecallhome.com
This compelling podcast dives into Expat and immigrant women (and men) stories. Those who immigrate to the USA, tackling the struggles of homesickness, identity crisis, and culture shock in the USA while adjusting to expat life and navigating cultural differences. Through conversations on starting over, reinventing yourself, and finding purpose, it highlights success stories of women's tenacity, and the resilience of expats in the USA. It offers insights into bicultural identity, language barriers, and the challenges of living overseas. The podcast emphasizes the importance of a strong support system and wellbeing for women in pursuit of the American dream.
https://www.instagram.com/theplaces_wecallhome
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
In this episode, we continue totake an honest look at what
happens when we expect womenbegin to erase our accents, our
cultural preferences ourpersonal histories in order to
fit into life in the USA.
Stick around to the very end fora sneak peek into our afternoon
tea shenanigans.
(00:23):
Welcome to starting over in theUSA, the Expat Woman's Guide to
overcoming homesickness,embracing cultural differences,
and creating a new home awayfrom home.
On this podcast, we talk aboutleaving behind the familiar, you
know, the pangs of homesicknessand culture shock to the
journeys of reinventingyourself.
(00:45):
I'm Yolanda Reshemah.
And after relocating six times,I know firsthand what it's like
to start from scratch, feelinglike both a foreign child and a
foreign adult in a new world.
I'm back for part two of Are youerasing cultural identity to
Feel like You belong?
My guess is as last time, AmyDena Beam Dean for this episode,
(01:10):
I want you to take away threekey perspectives.
The first is there's more room.
To dream big in America, butonly if you are bold enough to
take up that space.
The second perspective is thatbelonging doesn't only come from
(01:31):
fitting in, and the last isdiscovering just how good it is
to lead with your story.
So what were the biggestchallenges do you think you had
to really overcome with allthese changes in location and
these various places that you'vecaught.
For me, it's unusual compared toall your other people you talked
(01:53):
to probably because I wasalready so familiar with life
here.
So it was really getting back toknowing some of.
I missed a lot of culture, a lotof, pop culture what's going on,
it was a fast adjustment.
And so it's a little unusualbecause I already came from
here, but we, sometimes we go toevents or parties and people,
and they're like, oh, where areyou from?
(02:14):
Oh, from London or, Chris fromLondon, they would know
immediately.
And they're like where are youfrom?
I'm like San Francisco.
And they go how do you know?
Remember we went to that fancy,there's a fancy party in San
Francisco called the gaieties.
He's at no one could happens,but it's literally been
happening since the 1920s.
And it's, fancy people go tothis winter ball.
Chris was wearing this fabulousantique new Rue jacket.
(02:35):
And I had some kind of, colorsand stuff.
And so this really pompous hisEnglish man and says he stopped
chatting Chris up and says, I'malways in front.
He said London.
And he said how long have youbeen here?
And he said, four days.
And he's really.
You've been in San Francisco forfour days and you've been
invited to the most exclusiveparty.
Oh of the season.
How did you manage that?
(02:55):
And so funny.
Oh, my gosh.
Such a Brian, whereas.
Blessing memory he's passedaway, anyway.
And he's English.
So he totally was in enamoredand fancied Chris mean, who
doesn't And who doesn't.
Anyway.
And so Chris is doing that kindof stuff was great.
And he's oh, my wife is from SanFrancisco.
Who is your wife?
And he said, Amy down a buttonDean.
(03:16):
And he's oh, okay.
Oh, is he quite snotty about.
And an American wife.
No, just the fact that, Chriswas able to infiltrate into San
Francisco society so easily.
But it's things like that werefun, to try and integrate back
in and it's interesting to haveso much knowledge about so many
different things.
Yes.
Life in California, lifetemperatures go historical in,
(03:37):
family.
Can that be a little bitconfusing for you?
Just the richness of life thatmakes you so interesting
because.
So interesting.
Yes.
I think he went to extremelyinteresting.
I can listen to your stories allday.
Oh my God.
Do you think he's.
My agent, I knew that.
(03:57):
You might get one off to this.
I think you've had an unusuallyblessed life.
Oh, hell yeah.
Oh yeah, no questions about it.
And I try and keep gratitude.
The power of gratitude andspeaking and thinking the
universe and asking universe forwhatever you need and is so
important and I hate only I'm soblessed because it sounds so
(04:20):
pretentious, but yes, I am youall, but that's the bottom line.
What do you love most aboutbeing here?
In America?
Yes.
About your life here and whatyou've been able to achieve,
your business?
Crown And Crumpet.
Fact you can do it.
Like that you're that nothingcan hold you back.
(04:41):
And I don't know.
I suppose if I tried to do it inEngland, there might be
pushback, a lot more pushbackyou reckon I don't it's, first
of all, the financial, youwouldn't get the help you do
hear from, bank loans or peoplelike understanding your
entrepreneurial vision.
I don't know what it's like now,but I never even heard that word
practically back in the day.
Because you, as soon as youfinished college or you didn't
(05:03):
go to college or university, youwent and worked for somebody
else.
So I knew very few people in theUK that ever started their own
business.
So it's far easier to beentrepreneurial.
I feel like.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And everybody understands thatAmerican, you can have a vision
and you can live your your dreamwithout any pushback.
(05:23):
And in the UK, there's alwaysthis attitude or used to be.
Oh, people like us don't dothose things.
That whole class system, oryou're not really allowed to
move out of your class andpeople make those judgments
solely based on your accent.
What level of education youmight have.
It's definitely changed now.
So anybody listening now andshaking their heads going,
that's a load of baloney.
It might be now, but certainlywhen I was there, my formative
(05:46):
years in my twenties andthirties, There was definitely,
always pushback about.
Ambition and what your, what youwere allowed or capable of
doing.
And but now you're American.
You'll get away with it.
The thing that I do want toexplore is the fact that you
(06:09):
have with Chris, a tea shop.
Oh, yes.
Crown and Crumpet crown andcrumpet.
I take it Chris is no longerrunning the antiques business.
Oh, hell yeah, no people stoppedbuying an antiques.
So what drove you?
I've always loved the ritual oftea as a little kid watching
Merv Griffin.
(06:30):
On TV and then talking aboutFortnum and Mason, literally in
1970, probably.
And how the most expensive teaavailable was from Fortnum and
Mason.
And it was a Formosa Oolong.
And my parents were going toLondon for my dad for business.
My dad, like I said, worked forthis bank.
And I wrote it down and I toldmy mom, she has to go to this
(06:50):
store in London called Fortnumand Mason, I had no idea what it
was and to buy me this tea.
So she did.
And then I started having teaparties.
Like in high school instead ofgoing out and drinking and
getting drunk.
You don't do them high school,young lady.
That's what all my peers weredoing.
We would take hefty parties inthe procedure in San Francisco.
Always been obsessed with it.
(07:11):
And everybody knows that.
And even when Chris and I gotmarried our wedding was a tea
party.
Because in England, you may knowthis, but you have to be married
within a church.
Synagogue.
Or within four walls, no outdoorweddings.
And unless it's a blessing or ina designated like a hotel that's
been designated by thegovernment.
And that is something that wasnew in the it's been new in the
(07:34):
last 18 years.
When we got married, we had ablessing.
I, Chris is called mother'sestate.
And it was a theme.
Tea party.
The party, which I wasn't quitesure.
I just was trying to save money,frankly.
I didn't want.
I wasn't trying to have some bigelaborate English wedding.
I pulled it, every fever owed tome from Ralph Lauren.
(07:56):
So Stephen Woodhams the mostbrilliant And famous florist.
He did all our flowers.
Who, caterer who Chris knew,like we, I think we are married.
Our wedding cost 14,000 pounds,and this was back a 27 years
ago.
That still was cheap.
I mean to me, it's exalted.
That's actually really good.
(08:16):
Yeah, exactly.
Oh, my God, like I said, pulledin and that's why doing a tea
party at the, we got the band,the tea dancing band from the
waldorf hotel, how did you getwait back up.
The great style.
How did you get the tea bannedfrom the Waldorf on a Saturday
afternoon when they should beplaying at the Waldorf?
Did you wrangle that?
(08:37):
Okay.
I need to hear this.
Really quick.
I was working on a film for thisdirector named Phillip.
Good.
Good.
Goodhew, and it was a movie withJulie Walters and Rupert graves
called Intimate Relations.
Anyway, he had a party when themovie was launched and this dude
was there and I was talking tohim and he was flirt and he
(08:58):
didn't know I had a boyfriend orfiance, but whatever.
And then I said, what do you do?
And he's I'm a band leader.
And I said, oh really?
For what man?
He said for the Waldorf hotelstea dancing band.
And I'm just like, wait theystill do that.
He said, yeah.
I'm getting married and we'redoing afternoon tea and I'd need
a tea dancing band.
I need a group to put any goes,I'll do it.
(09:19):
I said really?
He goes.
Yeah.
So I got the guy's name.
And called him up and he's yeah,where do you want us to be?
It was down in the deepest,darkest of east Sussex and he
showed up an hour late drunk asa skunk.
They were drinking on the train.
Oh yeah.
It happened and it just sobizarre.
What was the guy's name?
Oh, that's fantastic.
Yeah.
Now here's another question.
(09:39):
Judy Guy.
Did you have a punch and Judyshow?
Yeah.
For these kids, for the kids, Iguess where I found him.
Oh, they were all drunk.
Guess where I found him on theset of the spice girls video
Wannabe.
Cause I was a set dresser so fortheir very first video, want to
be.
How's it going?
Tell me what you want.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was the prop part setdresser.
(10:03):
And this dude in the sceneliterally pulls out of his
costume coat a Pamphlet aboutbeing a punch and Judy man and a
magician.
And he goes here.
This is for you in case you everneed a punch of Judy man.
And I was like, dude, I am inthe middle of working.
What are you doing?
A couple months later, I waslike, oh, we could have punched
your guy.
Let me call him.
Hey.
So sure enough, he showed updrunk as skunk and he did punch
(10:26):
a Judy and he had his littlecanvas tent.
And you could see his handcoming out of the tent every
five minutes to grab the glassof champagne.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I feel my humble opinion.
Yeah.
That's you have England in yourbones.
I feel it's.
It turns out that my mother'sfamily was from England.
(10:48):
And actually came to American16, 40 1660s, so that where my
English DNA comes and but thenmy father we're Jews.
And I am identified as a Jew.
And and that to me is almostmore important than being
English or being American, thefact that you spend so much time
in the UK culture, do you havemoments of longing to go back?
(11:12):
Yes.
And it's quite a conundrum forone because there, I love to
shop.
Oh, yes.
And the shopping there issuperb.
Amazing.
Yeah, and here it's reallyboring.
But really, I'm getting older.
I got to get rid of all thiscrap I got.
However that's not what it's allabout, but there's many times
when I think, oh my gosh.
Then once you're there, it's notthat great either like living
(11:34):
there is more way morechallenging than living here.
Life is pretty easy just inLondon, but that's changed as
well because London's becomemore modern.
And and so when I'm there,sometimes I used to feel like,
oh my God, I can't wait to getout of here.
And then to go back to America,Yeah.
Yeah, because just some of the,some stuff is just annoying.
But then the last few times Ifeel like I've, I'm only there
(11:55):
for two weeks at a time.
I've got to run around toeverything and it's always get
your bucket filled.
Yes.
Everything.
And it's always fun and alwayspositive, but living there would
be another kettle of fish.
Yeah.
And, financially the worry ofthat, or, putting up with, in
England, You aye.
Aye.
The class system.
That it exists and strong as canbe, and it's all based on your
(12:18):
accent and that's changing allthe time.
However, there are parts ofEngland that are so ugly and so
on attractive and the people areso unpleasant At a certain
place.
Yes.
And what.
His parents live it's out in thecountry, everybody's lovely.
And marvelous isn't it.
Oh, you're going hunting thisweekend.
Actually it's really nice, butyou go to any place and you've
(12:39):
got the, you've got it's thesame here.
The folks who.
Do not make life pretty.
Anyway, but we experienced thesethings everywhere Yeah.
Yeah.
Regardless of which countrywe're.
Going to meet right.
So I want to live in a bubbleand see where we live.
Merryn it's such a bubble.
My rent.
The nice bubbled up and that'sa.
(13:02):
Oh, my God.
It's such a nice place.
Yes.
Yeah.
Now, thank you so much, Amy.
It has been an absolute delight.
And that's a perfect place forus to end them because you've
just brought home in fullcircles.
Really know?
Yes you have.
You've just brought in fullcircles.
The reason why I'm doing thispodcast, because so many people
travel to America and we travelhere for so many different
(13:25):
reasons.
Some people come because oflove.
Some people come because ofeducation because they want to
start a new business, they haveentrepreneurial dreams and
america's often touted as theplace or new beginnings, a place
where you can do anything andachieve anything.
And the aim of this podcast isto not just understand the life
(13:48):
of the migrants and people whohave expectorated here.
But it's still understand whatwe've achieved.
I say we, because I've movedfrom England as well.
And I certainly agree with you.
It's far easier to startsomething new and to build
something from scratch.
There are challenges, but it'scertainly doable.
(14:08):
And so thank you.
You are a beacon of light.
Oh, my.
You are.
You really are.
And do you ask such a breath offresh air and I have thoroughly
enjoyed going up the garden paththrough the hedges.
With you.
It's been delightful.
I love love.
Having this chat with you andyour scones.
(14:29):
I'm going to take half of thatone.
That's.
On it and then take therestaurant for breakfast.
Oh, absolutely.
All.
All right.
Thank you.
Oh my gosh.
It's so lucky to be able to talkabout myself.
Nonstop.
Everyone's dream.
So thank you so much Oh, what abreath of fresh air.
(14:50):
That was absolutely delicious.
I really hope you had fun withmy guest, Amy and I.
I am going to recap the nuggetsthat I have gained from chats
with Amy de Dean.
The first of the three takeawaysthat I want you expat woman to
(15:11):
leave with is that there's moreroom to dream big in America,
but only if you are bold enoughto take up that space.
The second lesson for me is areminder that belonging doesn't
only come from fitting in, itcomes from standing out on
purpose.
(15:32):
Amy's story proves that peopleare drawn to originality when
you lead with truth, not whatyou think they want, you invite
deeper relationships.
There's a higher chance offinding authenticity there
rather than assimilating.
And the third is a demonstrationof how good it is to lead with
(15:53):
your story.
It's real, it's captivating, andit builds real belonging.
my lesson learned here is thatblending in too much can lead to
disappearing altogether, and Ihave to hold my hand up and
salute my author friend inNorthern California who reminded
(16:17):
me two years ago, don't hide.
Don't be afraid to stand out.
If you have something in yourcupboard that you absolutely
love, don't be afraid to put iton.
Do not hide.
And that's it from me.
It's been good to have you onthis mini journey with Amy, and
(16:38):
I'm going to leave you with afew minutes of our afternoon tea
sessions.
It went on for quite a while, sostick around, be a fly on the
wall, you can hear where theword tips originated and how to
eat your afternoon scones.
Have a lovely day.
(17:00):
W young lady, I should put youto work.
Can.
You fetch Kath Kitson.
Yes, you can get it back.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
I have so many new calf kidsdid.
At the shop.
My fancy goods store.
So tea and tipping, what's thatabout?
Oh yeah, so Twining's tea, whichis one of the The oldest,
(17:21):
certainly the oldest known teacompany that's still in
existence.
Founded in about 17, gosh, I'mnot sure, 40s or 60s.
I love your knowledge, by theway.
Oh, thank you.
I really love history.
Oh yes, and their shop is on theStrand in London.
And it's occupied the samespace.
And they have a little woodenbox that's still there.
(17:43):
Presumably it's the same one.
Let's pretend it is.
And it says T I P S.
Tips.
But it's initial.
And it stands for (17:52):
To Insure Prompt Service.
Oh, really?
And that's where tipping comesfrom.
So what would happen is that teawas first for the very rich.
And it was so popular.
After Princess Catherine ofBraganza in Portugal brought it
over from Portugal when shemarried Charles II.
(18:12):
And she brought it andintroduced it and only the very
rich could afford it.
Hello, are you already here?
the door.
We going to put the tea whereyou are or should brought the
scones for you?
How very kind of you.
Thank you.
Are they warm?
They are.
Oh goody Good.
Wow.
(18:32):
How delish.
Oh, that's a lot of noise.
We, that's okay.
We are so spoiled.
Hello Chris, I'm Yolanda.
Hi Yolanda, how are you?
Lovely to meet you.
And her lovely daughter, chris,what have you brought us?
You ask him, not me.
Mixed, uh, mixed fruit sconeswith clotted cream, jam, and
house made lemon curd.
(18:54):
House made lemon curd.
Oh, yum, yum, yum.
What's the proper way to eat ascone, my dear?
The proper way to eat a scone isyou cut it in half.
Yes.
Horizontal horizontally.
Oh my God.
Thank you.
You open it out.
You put clotted cream and theneither jam or lemon curd as you
prefer.
Oh, or unless of course, you arein a Cornwall, in which case you
(19:15):
put the jam on first and theclotted cream on afterwards.
But that's a Cornish Devonthing.
You do it one way, I'll do itthe other way.
Either way, we are so delightedshe loves our scones.
Oh, I do love your scones.
I'm going to delve in.
Yeah, get in.
I don't know about the rest ofyou.
Amy was telling us about TIPS.
Oh yes, about twinings.
(19:36):
And so it means to enjoypromptness of service.
And they had it, a box on thecounter.
Which is still there.
On the strand.
And people would literally walkin, put a coin in the box, and
then they would take care of,the sales people would take care
of them first, even thoughsomebody else might have been
waiting in line.
Very cheeky, really.
(19:57):
Oh, this is for you my darling.
Oh, mommy's done.
No, you have that one.
Do you want some more plates?
Oh, thank you so much, Chris.
Is this all the clotted creamyou brought?
Cheapskate.
Um, what's the Englishexpression?
Chris, what's the Englishexpression when one is dining
and you haven't got enough food?
(20:18):
You FHB Which stands for?
Family Hold Back! I'm familiarwith that.
Is this all you brought?
So yeah, it happened once withmy family.
Parents.
And my mother made a wholepoached salmon for big dinner
party.
Oh.
(20:38):
And then while we were allsitting in the drawing room
having drinks, the cats ate theentire hot salmon, And she came
out she FHB.
Oh no, that's Hold back.
Let the guests got food all.
Like a little slip I love thatterm.
And they got the, the cat lickand the cat's one made into hand
(21:03):
bags That's terrible.
So they should, Chris, is thatall you brought?
That's all I brought.
Yeah.
That's enough.
That's fine.
You manage?
Yes, we will.
Girl.
Dig in.
Do you want me to get you warmor what?
Oh, I can do it.
No worries.
Whose tea is this?
I love everybody.
Is that yours?
Yeah.
This is at the Cotswolds when Iwas like 12.
(21:24):
And then we, uh, had some ofthis stuff.
Oh, was that the last time?
That was in the Cotswolds.
I've not been to the UK since.
But not really that part of thecountryside.
There's tea everywhere.
Yeah, well, the tea there hasfelt really special.
Yeah, we've already had, there'sstill The best place is
actually, frankly, to have it inthe hotels.
(21:44):
Yeah, London.
Oh, yes.
Oh, wait, am I in the order?
You do the clotted cream firstand then you do the jam oh,
cool.
And the PG Tips tips I broughtare still going strong.
Yeah, I know.
I made some for myself.
But we do have to work on thekettle.
The kettle is too small andtakes too bloody long.
Oh, those scones are so divine.
(22:04):
I love them warmed up.
We can heat them up Yeah.
Oh, how delicious.
In this episode, we continue totake an honest look at what
happens when we expect womenbegin to erase our accents, our
cultural preferences ourpersonal histories in order to
fit into life in the USA.
Stick around to the very end fora sneak peek into our afternoon
tea shenanigans.
(00:23):
Welcome to starting over in theUSA, the Expat Woman's Guide to
overcoming homesickness,embracing cultural differences,
and creating a new home awayfrom home.
On this podcast, we talk aboutleaving behind the familiar, you
know, the pangs of homesicknessand culture shock to the
journeys of reinventingyourself.
(00:45):
I'm Yolanda Reshemah.
And after relocating six times,I know firsthand what it's like
to start from scratch, feelinglike both a foreign child and a
foreign adult in a new world.
I'm back for part two of Are youerasing cultural identity to
Feel like You belong?
My guess is as last time, AmyDena Beam Dean for this episode,
(01:10):
I want you to take away threekey perspectives.
The first is there's more room.
To dream big in America, butonly if you are bold enough to
take up that space.
The second perspective is thatbelonging doesn't only come from
(01:31):
fitting in, and the last isdiscovering just how good it is
to lead with your story.
So what were the biggestchallenges do you think you had
to really overcome with allthese changes in location and
these various places that you'vecaught.
For me, it's unusual compared toall your other people you talked
(01:53):
to probably because I wasalready so familiar with life
here.
So it was really getting back toknowing some of.
I missed a lot of culture, a lotof, pop culture what's going on,
it was a fast adjustment.
And so it's a little unusualbecause I already came from
here, but we, sometimes we go toevents or parties and people,
and they're like, oh, where areyou from?
(02:14):
Oh, from London or, Chris fromLondon, they would know
immediately.
And they're like where are youfrom?
I'm like San Francisco.
And they go how do you know?
Remember we went to that fancy,there's a fancy party in San
Francisco called the gaieties.
He's at no one could happens,but it's literally been
happening since the 1920s.
And it's, fancy people go tothis winter ball.
Chris was wearing this fabulousantique new Rue jacket.
(02:35):
And I had some kind of, colorsand stuff.
And so this really pompous hisEnglish man and says he stopped
chatting Chris up and says, I'malways in front.
He said London.
And he said how long have youbeen here?
And he said, four days.
And he's really.
You've been in San Francisco forfour days and you've been
invited to the most exclusiveparty.
Oh of the season.
How did you manage that?
(02:55):
And so funny.
Oh, my gosh.
Such a Brian, whereas.
Blessing memory he's passedaway, anyway.
And he's English.
So he totally was in enamoredand fancied Chris mean, who
doesn't And who doesn't.
Anyway.
And so Chris is doing that kindof stuff was great.
And he's oh, my wife is from SanFrancisco.
Who is your wife?
And he said, Amy down a buttonDean.
(03:16):
And he's oh, okay.
Oh, is he quite snotty about.
And an American wife.
No, just the fact that, Chriswas able to infiltrate into San
Francisco society so easily.
But it's things like that werefun, to try and integrate back
in and it's interesting to haveso much knowledge about so many
different things.
Yes.
Life in California, lifetemperatures go historical in,
(03:37):
family.
Can that be a little bitconfusing for you?
Just the richness of life thatmakes you so interesting
because.
So interesting.
Yes.
I think he went to extremelyinteresting.
I can listen to your stories allday.
Oh my God.
Do you think he's.
My agent, I knew that.
(03:57):
You might get one off to this.
I think you've had an unusuallyblessed life.
Oh, hell yeah.
Oh yeah, no questions about it.
And I try and keep gratitude.
The power of gratitude andspeaking and thinking the
universe and asking universe forwhatever you need and is so
important and I hate only I'm soblessed because it sounds so
(04:20):
pretentious, but yes, I am youall, but that's the bottom line.
What do you love most aboutbeing here?
In America?
Yes.
About your life here and whatyou've been able to achieve,
your business?
Crown And Crumpet.
Fact you can do it.
Like that you're that nothingcan hold you back.
(04:41):
And I don't know.
I suppose if I tried to do it inEngland, there might be
pushback, a lot more pushbackyou reckon I don't it's, first
of all, the financial, youwouldn't get the help you do
hear from, bank loans or peoplelike understanding your
entrepreneurial vision.
I don't know what it's like now,but I never even heard that word
practically back in the day.
Because you, as soon as youfinished college or you didn't
(05:03):
go to college or university, youwent and worked for somebody
else.
So I knew very few people in theUK that ever started their own
business.
So it's far easier to beentrepreneurial.
I feel like.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And everybody understands thatAmerican, you can have a vision
and you can live your your dreamwithout any pushback.
(05:23):
And in the UK, there's alwaysthis attitude or used to be.
Oh, people like us don't dothose things.
That whole class system, oryou're not really allowed to
move out of your class andpeople make those judgments
solely based on your accent.
What level of education youmight have.
It's definitely changed now.
So anybody listening now andshaking their heads going,
that's a load of baloney.
It might be now, but certainlywhen I was there, my formative
(05:46):
years in my twenties andthirties, There was definitely,
always pushback about.
Ambition and what your, what youwere allowed or capable of
doing.
And but now you're American.
You'll get away with it.
The thing that I do want toexplore is the fact that you
(06:09):
have with Chris, a tea shop.
Oh, yes.
Crown and Crumpet crown andcrumpet.
I take it Chris is no longerrunning the antiques business.
Oh, hell yeah, no people stoppedbuying an antiques.
So what drove you?
I've always loved the ritual oftea as a little kid watching
Merv Griffin.
(06:30):
On TV and then talking aboutFortnum and Mason, literally in
1970, probably.
And how the most expensive teaavailable was from Fortnum and
Mason.
And it was a Formosa Oolong.
And my parents were going toLondon for my dad for business.
My dad, like I said, worked forthis bank.
And I wrote it down and I toldmy mom, she has to go to this
(06:50):
store in London called Fortnumand Mason, I had no idea what it
was and to buy me this tea.
So she did.
And then I started having teaparties.
Like in high school instead ofgoing out and drinking and
getting drunk.
You don't do them high school,young lady.
That's what all my peers weredoing.
We would take hefty parties inthe procedure in San Francisco.
Always been obsessed with it.
(07:11):
And everybody knows that.
And even when Chris and I gotmarried our wedding was a tea
party.
Because in England, you may knowthis, but you have to be married
within a church.
Synagogue.
Or within four walls, no outdoorweddings.
And unless it's a blessing or ina designated like a hotel that's
been designated by thegovernment.
And that is something that wasnew in the it's been new in the
(07:34):
last 18 years.
When we got married, we had ablessing.
I, Chris is called mother'sestate.
And it was a theme.
Tea party.
The party, which I wasn't quitesure.
I just was trying to save money,frankly.
I didn't want.
I wasn't trying to have some bigelaborate English wedding.
I pulled it, every fever owed tome from Ralph Lauren.
(07:56):
So Stephen Woodhams the mostbrilliant And famous florist.
He did all our flowers.
Who, caterer who Chris knew,like we, I think we are married.
Our wedding cost 14,000 pounds,and this was back a 27 years
ago.
That still was cheap.
I mean to me, it's exalted.
That's actually really good.
(08:16):
Yeah, exactly.
Oh, my God, like I said, pulledin and that's why doing a tea
party at the, we got the band,the tea dancing band from the
waldorf hotel, how did you getwait back up.
The great style.
How did you get the tea bannedfrom the Waldorf on a Saturday
afternoon when they should beplaying at the Waldorf?
Did you wrangle that?
(08:37):
Okay.
I need to hear this.
Really quick.
I was working on a film for thisdirector named Phillip.
Good.
Good.
Goodhew, and it was a movie withJulie Walters and Rupert graves
called Intimate Relations.
Anyway, he had a party when themovie was launched and this dude
was there and I was talking tohim and he was flirt and he
(08:58):
didn't know I had a boyfriend orfiance, but whatever.
And then I said, what do you do?
And he's I'm a band leader.
And I said, oh really?
For what man?
He said for the Waldorf hotelstea dancing band.
And I'm just like, wait theystill do that.
He said, yeah.
I'm getting married and we'redoing afternoon tea and I'd need
a tea dancing band.
I need a group to put any goes,I'll do it.
(09:19):
I said really?
He goes.
Yeah.
So I got the guy's name.
And called him up and he's yeah,where do you want us to be?
It was down in the deepest,darkest of east Sussex and he
showed up an hour late drunk asa skunk.
They were drinking on the train.
Oh yeah.
It happened and it just sobizarre.
What was the guy's name?
Oh, that's fantastic.
Yeah.
Now here's another question.
(09:39):
Judy Guy.
Did you have a punch and Judyshow?
Yeah.
For these kids, for the kids, Iguess where I found him.
Oh, they were all drunk.
Guess where I found him on theset of the spice girls video
Wannabe.
Cause I was a set dresser so fortheir very first video, want to
be.
How's it going?
Tell me what you want.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was the prop part setdresser.
(10:03):
And this dude in the sceneliterally pulls out of his
costume coat a Pamphlet aboutbeing a punch and Judy man and a
magician.
And he goes here.
This is for you in case you everneed a punch of Judy man.
And I was like, dude, I am inthe middle of working.
What are you doing?
A couple months later, I waslike, oh, we could have punched
your guy.
Let me call him.
Hey.
So sure enough, he showed updrunk as skunk and he did punch
(10:26):
a Judy and he had his littlecanvas tent.
And you could see his handcoming out of the tent every
five minutes to grab the glassof champagne.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I feel my humble opinion.
Yeah.
That's you have England in yourbones.
I feel it's.
It turns out that my mother'sfamily was from England.
(10:48):
And actually came to American16, 40 1660s, so that where my
English DNA comes and but thenmy father we're Jews.
And I am identified as a Jew.
And and that to me is almostmore important than being
English or being American, thefact that you spend so much time
in the UK culture, do you havemoments of longing to go back?
(11:12):
Yes.
And it's quite a conundrum forone because there, I love to
shop.
Oh, yes.
And the shopping there issuperb.
Amazing.
Yeah, and here it's reallyboring.
But really, I'm getting older.
I got to get rid of all thiscrap I got.
However that's not what it's allabout, but there's many times
when I think, oh my gosh.
Then once you're there, it's notthat great either like living
(11:34):
there is more way morechallenging than living here.
Life is pretty easy just inLondon, but that's changed as
well because London's becomemore modern.
And and so when I'm there,sometimes I used to feel like,
oh my God, I can't wait to getout of here.
And then to go back to America,Yeah.
Yeah, because just some of the,some stuff is just annoying.
But then the last few times Ifeel like I've, I'm only there
(11:55):
for two weeks at a time.
I've got to run around toeverything and it's always get
your bucket filled.
Yes.
Everything.
And it's always fun and alwayspositive, but living there would
be another kettle of fish.
Yeah.
And, financially the worry ofthat, or, putting up with, in
England, You aye.
Aye.
The class system.
That it exists and strong as canbe, and it's all based on your
(12:18):
accent and that's changing allthe time.
However, there are parts ofEngland that are so ugly and so
on attractive and the people areso unpleasant At a certain
place.
Yes.
And what.
His parents live it's out in thecountry, everybody's lovely.
And marvelous isn't it.
Oh, you're going hunting thisweekend.
Actually it's really nice, butyou go to any place and you've
(12:39):
got the, you've got it's thesame here.
The folks who.
Do not make life pretty.
Anyway, but we experienced thesethings everywhere Yeah.
Yeah.
Regardless of which countrywe're.
Going to meet right.
So I want to live in a bubbleand see where we live.
Merryn it's such a bubble.
My rent.
The nice bubbled up and that'sa.
(13:02):
Oh, my God.
It's such a nice place.
Yes.
Yeah.
Now, thank you so much, Amy.
It has been an absolute delight.
And that's a perfect place forus to end them because you've
just brought home in fullcircles.
Really know?
Yes you have.
You've just brought in fullcircles.
The reason why I'm doing thispodcast, because so many people
travel to America and we travelhere for so many different
(13:25):
reasons.
Some people come because oflove.
Some people come because ofeducation because they want to
start a new business, they haveentrepreneurial dreams and
america's often touted as theplace or new beginnings, a place
where you can do anything andachieve anything.
And the aim of this podcast isto not just understand the life
(13:48):
of the migrants and people whohave expectorated here.
But it's still understand whatwe've achieved.
I say we, because I've movedfrom England as well.
And I certainly agree with you.
It's far easier to startsomething new and to build
something from scratch.
There are challenges, but it'scertainly doable.
(14:08):
And so thank you.
You are a beacon of light.
Oh, my.
You are.
You really are.
And do you ask such a breath offresh air and I have thoroughly
enjoyed going up the garden paththrough the hedges.
With you.
It's been delightful.
I love love.
Having this chat with you andyour scones.
(14:29):
I'm going to take half of thatone.
That's.
On it and then take therestaurant for breakfast.
Oh, absolutely.
All.
All right.
Thank you.
Oh my gosh.
It's so lucky to be able to talkabout myself.
Nonstop.
Everyone's dream.
So thank you so much Oh, what abreath of fresh air.
(14:50):
That was absolutely delicious.
I really hope you had fun withmy guest, Amy and I.
I am going to recap the nuggetsthat I have gained from chats
with Amy de Dean.
The first of the three takeawaysthat I want you expat woman to
(15:11):
leave with is that there's moreroom to dream big in America,
but only if you are bold enoughto take up that space.
The second lesson for me is areminder that belonging doesn't
only come from fitting in, itcomes from standing out on
purpose.
(15:32):
Amy's story proves that peopleare drawn to originality when
you lead with truth, not whatyou think they want, you invite
deeper relationships.
There's a higher chance offinding authenticity there
rather than assimilating.
And the third is a demonstrationof how good it is to lead with
(15:53):
your story.
It's real, it's captivating, andit builds real belonging.
my lesson learned here is thatblending in too much can lead to
disappearing altogether, and Ihave to hold my hand up and
salute my author friend inNorthern California who reminded
(16:17):
me two years ago, don't hide.
Don't be afraid to stand out.
If you have something in yourcupboard that you absolutely
love, don't be afraid to put iton.
Do not hide.
And that's it from me.
It's been good to have you onthis mini journey with Amy, and
(16:38):
I'm going to leave you with afew minutes of our afternoon tea
sessions.
It went on for quite a while, sostick around, be a fly on the
wall, you can hear where theword tips originated and how to
eat your afternoon scones.
Have a lovely day.
(17:00):
W young lady, I should put youto work.
Can.
You fetch Kath Kitson.
Yes, you can get it back.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
I have so many new calf kidsdid.
At the shop.
My fancy goods store.
So tea and tipping, what's thatabout?
Oh yeah, so Twining's tea, whichis one of the The oldest,
(17:21):
certainly the oldest known teacompany that's still in
existence.
Founded in about 17, gosh, I'mnot sure, 40s or 60s.
I love your knowledge, by theway.
Oh, thank you.
I really love history.
Oh yes, and their shop is on theStrand in London.
And it's occupied the samespace.
And they have a little woodenbox that's still there.
(17:43):
Presumably it's the same one.
Let's pretend it is.
And it says T I P S.
Tips.
But it's initial.
And it stands for (17:52):
To Insure Prompt Service.
Oh, really?
And that's where tipping comesfrom.
So what would happen is that teawas first for the very rich.
And it was so popular.
After Princess Catherine ofBraganza in Portugal brought it
over from Portugal when shemarried Charles II.
(18:12):
And she brought it andintroduced it and only the very
rich could afford it.
Hello, are you already here?
the door.
We going to put the tea whereyou are or should brought the
scones for you?
How very kind of you.
Thank you.
Are they warm?
They are.
Oh goody Good.
Wow.
(18:32):
How delish.
Oh, that's a lot of noise.
We, that's okay.
We are so spoiled.
Hello Chris, I'm Yolanda.
Hi Yolanda, how are you?
Lovely to meet you.
And her lovely daughter, chris,what have you brought us?
You ask him, not me.
Mixed, uh, mixed fruit sconeswith clotted cream, jam, and
house made lemon curd.
(18:54):
House made lemon curd.
Oh, yum, yum, yum.
What's the proper way to eat ascone, my dear?
The proper way to eat a scone isyou cut it in half.
Yes.
Horizontal horizontally.
Oh my God.
Thank you.
You open it out.
You put clotted cream and theneither jam or lemon curd as you
prefer.
Oh, or unless of course, you arein a Cornwall, in which case you
(19:15):
put the jam on first and theclotted cream on afterwards.
But that's a Cornish Devonthing.
You do it one way, I'll do itthe other way.
Either way, we are so delightedshe loves our scones.
Oh, I do love your scones.
I'm going to delve in.
Yeah, get in.
I don't know about the rest ofyou.
Amy was telling us about TIPS.
Oh yes, about twinings.
(19:36):
And so it means to enjoypromptness of service.
And they had it, a box on thecounter.
Which is still there.
On the strand.
And people would literally walkin, put a coin in the box, and
then they would take care of,the sales people would take care
of them first, even thoughsomebody else might have been
waiting in line.
Very cheeky, really.
(19:57):
Oh, this is for you my darling.
Oh, mommy's done.
No, you have that one.
Do you want some more plates?
Oh, thank you so much, Chris.
Is this all the clotted creamyou brought?
Cheapskate.
Um, what's the Englishexpression?
Chris, what's the Englishexpression when one is dining
and you haven't got enough food?
(20:18):
You FHB Which stands for?
Family Hold Back! I'm familiarwith that.
Is this all you brought?
So yeah, it happened once withmy family.
Parents.
And my mother made a wholepoached salmon for big dinner
party.
Oh.
(20:38):
And then while we were allsitting in the drawing room
having drinks, the cats ate theentire hot salmon, And she came
out she FHB.
Oh no, that's Hold back.
Let the guests got food all.
Like a little slip I love thatterm.
And they got the, the cat lickand the cat's one made into hand
(21:03):
bags That's terrible.
So they should, Chris, is thatall you brought?
That's all I brought.
Yeah.
That's enough.
That's fine.
You manage?
Yes, we will.
Girl.
Dig in.
Do you want me to get you warmor what?
Oh, I can do it.
No worries.
Whose tea is this?
I love everybody.
Is that yours?
Yeah.
This is at the Cotswolds when Iwas like 12.
(21:24):
And then we, uh, had some ofthis stuff.
Oh, was that the last time?
That was in the Cotswolds.
I've not been to the UK since.
But not really that part of thecountryside.
There's tea everywhere.
Yeah, well, the tea there hasfelt really special.
Yeah, we've already had, there'sstill The best place is
actually, frankly, to have it inthe hotels.
(21:44):
Yeah, London.
Oh, yes.
Oh, wait, am I in the order?
You do the clotted cream firstand then you do the jam oh,
cool.
And the PG Tips tips I broughtare still going strong.
Yeah, I know.
I made some for myself.
But we do have to work on thekettle.
The kettle is too small andtakes too bloody long.
Oh, those scones are so divine.
(22:04):
I love them warmed up.
We can heat them up Yeah.
Oh, how delicious.
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