June 11, 2025 • 30 mins
What if everything you were taught to believe about your future—your identity, your limits, your worth—was wrong?
In this jaw-dropping episode, we go deep with Zainab—a Palestinian-African American woman whose life began with shaved identity, cultural rejection, and racial isolation in a village outside Jerusalem.
She faced every reason to stay small. Instead, she rewrote her story. This isn’t just a comeback tale—it’s a masterclass in radical self-belief. Whether you're an immigrant, a single parent, or someone quietly doubting their worth, this episode is your wake-up call.
- You’ll hear how Zainab escaped generational expectations to build a bold new life from scratch—on her own terms.
- You’ll learn how she went from being told “you don’t belong” to earning advanced science degrees and owning her space in elite academic institutions.
- You’ll feel the fire of someone who faced impossible odds—and used them as fuel to rise, thrive, and inspire.
This compelling podcast dives into Expat and immigrant women stories. Those who immigrate to the USA, tackling the struggles of homesickness, identity crisis, and culture shock in the USA while adjusting to expat life and navigating cultural differences. Through conversations on starting over, reinventing yourself, self-help, belonging and finding purpose, it highlights success stories of women's tenacity, and the resilience of expat and immigrant experiences in the USA. It offers insights into bicultural identity, language barriers, and the challenges of living overseas. The podcast emphasizes the importance of a strong support system and mental health for personal growth and wellbeing of women in pursuit of the American dream.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:01):
In today's episode, you aregoing to hear one woman who
redefined success after movingback home to the USA with just
her passport, no English, nosafety net, and no one cheering
her on.
Welcome to starting over in theUSA, the Expat Woman's Guide to
(00:22):
overcoming Homesickness,embracing cultural Differences,
and creating a new home awayfrom home.
I'm Yolanda Sima, and thank youso much for joining me on our
Wednesday Hangout where we sitwith a guest who has a story
about starting over in the USA,establishing a sense of
(00:43):
belonging, redefining theiridentity so that you expect
women can build on thefoundations of what we've
learned and what we share withyou.
That's what we do everyWednesday.
So if you are that expat orimmigrant woman and you've moved
from your country of origin torealize a dream, to to be with
(01:06):
family, to establish yourself,and you are basing your efforts
on talent, and intellect, thenthis episode is for you.
My guest has lit three fires,three takeaways the first is
starting from nothing doesn'tmean that you'll stay there.
(01:29):
The second it's about culturalidentity and race when it comes
to navigating elite spaces,spaces where you might feel or
others might tell you, you don'tnecessarily belong.
And finally, I want you to walkaway feeling super inspired to
claim your space even if youthink you don't fit the mold.
(01:54):
And today I have Zainab Amir, agood friend of mine.
Pick up the conversation, justjoin in.
Thank you so much for coming.
My pleasure.
there isn't anything we haven'tchatted about.
However, our listeners todaydon't really know you, so they
are going to get to know you alittle bit and feel happy to
share what you want to share.
(02:14):
But I think your story isincredible that I just wanted to
hear so much more are youcomfortable with that?
Sure, absolutely.
I was born here in SanFrancisco, California.
I was eight or nine years oldand parents divorced and my
(02:36):
father just flew back toPalestine and decided that it
was best for me have culture andfamily and grow up around
family.
And I get that because I thinkthat's important.
Yes.
Yes, it is.
It wasn't easy.
But I had, wonderful step mom Igrew up with a lot of siblings,
and, there was never a dullmoment, right.
But I grew up in north of Israelslash Palestine, how did you get
(02:58):
from there to here?
Break it down?
Yeah.
So the main drive for havingarrived at today, and I'm still,
work in progress, of course, I'mstill growing, just wanting
better for myself.
Wanting to just have, um, moreopportunities.
And did you think you weren'tgoing to get that in in
(03:19):
Palestine.
Absolutely not.
And while there were a lot ofgood things, culture, language,
friends, lots of family.
The one thing that always was inthe background that was awkward
for me, that was painful for me.
Yeah.
So I am part African, partPalestinian.
Yeah.
And I definitely look black,right?
And so I was in a town wherepeople have only seen black
(03:42):
people on television.
Like seriously, never in person.
Huh.
So it was a lot for me because Iwas so young, right?
I'm like nine years old.
I don't understand the questionsthey're asking me.
So you didn't speak any Arabic?
Zero Arabic.
Oh yeah, so that's anotherthing.
I arrived there and everyone isspeaking Arabic.
And, here's the thing, I'm nineyears old, right?
So, when you're nine, you'regoing into what grade here?
(04:04):
Third grade?
They put me back in first grade.
Oh, did they?
Yes, they did.
So I was always two years olderthan my generation, yes.
That was another insecuritypoint for me.
Yeah.
Is it because of the language?
Yeah, they said, yeah, and Idon't understand why I couldn't
have caught up in third grade.
They were like, no, we're justgoing to place you in first
grade.
So I go in first grade and ayear later, I kid you not, had
(04:27):
forgotten all of the English andI'm fluent Arabic.
I'm fluent.
That was great.
It was cool.
It must have been harsh though,right?
Leaving your mom.
Having to go back.
Yeah.
Two grades.
Yeah.
It was a lot.
My stepmother, she was,Palestinian and she had, for
example, some of the adversity,right?
So I had long, curly hair andshe had no experience with
(04:51):
managing textured hair and soshe, they shaved my head
basically.
Completely.
Completely.
Completely.
How did you feel about thatthough?
I felt like I lost my identity,like I just felt like, it just
didn't feel normal, because Ifelt like when you're a girl,
you have long hair, it felt likefeminine, and then you take away
the hair and it just feltstrange.
Although I guess it made mestand out.
(05:13):
I don't know if I felt likeempowered at that time with that
look.
But the hardest thing I thinkwas my mother not coming with us
and I didn't understand why andthen also being black in a small
town where people have neverseen a black person ever, and a
language where it's foreign,literally.
It took me years before I wascomfortable and felt like I
(05:34):
belonged.
And just when I thought that Ibelonged, by the time I was
graduating high school, in thatsmall town, it's actually
outside of Jerusalem.
It's a very small town, unlessyou're from, the area you, it's
actually called Kfar Qasim.
Kfar Qasim.
Kfar Qasim.
In Arabic it's Kufur Qasim, inHebrew Kfar Qasim.
When I was in high school, Overthere.
(05:55):
Okay.
Here's the thing, by the way,personal opinion, arranged
marriages, they tend to be moresuccessful than people meeting
on their own as far as like,yes, the way we do it.
So I'm not, I'm not saying thatthere's anything wrong with
arranged marriages, but what myexperience was.
By the time I was at, in highschool, that's when they
arranged, people to get married.
(06:16):
Yeah, or something like that.
Now it's more modern, but backthen it was like, Oh, some guy,
a guy sees you, and then hetells his parents, Oh, I want so
and so, and then the parents, orsometimes the parents among
themselves would arrange it.
Okay.
And guess what?
All of my friends, mygirlfriends from high school,
just everybody was gettingmarried and it was becoming
(06:37):
clear that was not going to behappening for me.
So even though, because I wasmixed, because I had African
descent.
And nobody, you just felt nobodywanted to be married to the
mixed girl.
There was actually, so there waszero chance that was going to
happen.
And it became apparently clearthat okay, there is racism here.
And that.
That was something that I knewfirsthand there was going to be
(07:00):
no moving forward for me in thistown.
I had to leave.
There were subtle racistincidents that happened.
But mostly people were nice,right?
It just, they couldn't helpthemselves, right?
They've never seen a blackperson.
So when I was in middle school,I spoke with my father and I
said, I want to go back toAmerica.
I don't know how I got thecourage to say that.
(07:22):
I just said, was it difficult?
Yes.
My father was like, no, you'regoing to stay here.
You're going to get married.
You're one of us.
Like you're here.
But then he couldn't, he didn'teven know that this would
happen.
He couldn't see it.
Now.
So did you, do you recommendthat he just brought you there
thinking that you were just thatwe would assimilate?
That's exactly right.
Yes.
But we didn't assimilate.
We stood out.
By we, I mean my sister and I,because I also have a younger
(07:45):
sister.
We stood out in the best andworst way possible.
Yeah, it was, it was strange.
It was uncomfortable.
And, but here you are.
But tell me something, you toldyour dad that you wanted to move
back.
Did he just put both of you in aplane and you landed here?
First of all, there was a lot ofresistance at first.
(08:07):
Even my stepmother was like, no,it's not safe.
Where do you think you're goingto go?
At that time, I was almostgraduating high school.
When the first conversationsbegan, I was in middle school.
But when it was actually time togo, I was in high school, right?
And so I graduated high schooland I'm just sitting around
waiting and I, my life is notgoing anywhere.
I'm not going to college.
I'm not getting married.
(08:28):
I'm, there's nothing happening.
And I'm getting increasinglyjust more and more depressed by
the day.
Finally, I spoke with my fatherand but then my father, realized
like, Oh wow, she really is notgoing to be fitting in with the
society here.
I'm And so he agreed and I wasshocked.
I was shocked because my father,he is a traditional Middle
(08:49):
Eastern, we were Muslim faith.
I was, yeah, I was definitely100 percent immersed in the
religion.
I fasted.
I used to even fast like by age10 or 11, I was fasting like an
adult would.
Ramadan.
Yes, 30 days.
Sunrise to sunset.
The thing is I'm grateful thatmy father who wouldn't even let
us go to the grocery storewithout allowed.
(09:11):
So you'd have to be a chaperoneand you'd have to he just did
everything for us.
Well, I mean we were kids, likemy stepmom She never had to go
to the grocery store, the postoffice, anything, the normal
things, drive, do anything.
He did everything.
And that was him.
That was just more of, how aman's position in society there.
(09:34):
So you landed here.
I arrived here.
And what happened when you gotoff the plane?
Good question.
So actually, it's actually alittle bit sad, but, in the
beginning, so my mother,obviously she's still here in
America.
And so we got in touch with herand my father expressed that I'm
interested in coming to theUnited States to go to college
and just, have an adventure.
(09:56):
My mother initially agreed.
And it became apparent when Iarrived that she just wasn't
happy with the arrangement.
And so I actually moved outafter a few months of living
with her.
But initially, the only reasonmy father agreed was because my
mom was here.
How did you find somewhere togo?
How did you do that?
So I If you can remember.
Yeah, yeah, of course I remembereverything.
(10:17):
I got a job.
I was self motivated always.
I was very ambitious.
I would stay up all nightstudying when I was back in the
Middle East.
Like I, I really, if I had myheart in something, I worked
hard tirelessly until I achievedwhat I wanted.
Did you teach yourself English?
Uh, yes I did.
So I, I would pick up, I wouldeven answer like collect calls,
a few phone calls that you wouldget just from random call
(10:38):
collectors.
I would answer it and I wouldtry to practice English.
I would try to read thenewspaper back when newspapers
were still a thing.
And I tried, I would just read,I was studying for, not SAT.
TOEFL, T O E F L, I think.
Yeah.
And I was studying because Iknew I wanted to go to college.
I just didn't know how to start.
I had well over 4.
(10:58):
0 GPA from my hometown.
I just needed somebody to pointme in the right direction.
And unfortunately.
It just, things didn't work outwith my mother.
I moved out after literallybeing here for maybe four
months, maybe even less.
The reason that I learnedEnglish and how things were able
to move forward was I got a jobas a waitress and I was a
(11:19):
waitress at a senior home, likeone of those fancy senior homes.
That was my first job ever.
It paid good and I didn't haveto, worried about new people
coming in and out.
It was like the same the sameclients right?
the same diners every singleday.
So I would do breakfast, lunch,dinner, shifts and make money
and have you know roommates andhad you know A nice place to
(11:41):
live and my co workers honestlywere the major help.
In my transition, I learnedEnglish just by speaking with
others.
So, no matter how much you read,nothing beats just really
immersing yourself in a cultureand speaking and just being put
on the spot.
Right?
It was terrifying.
There's so many funny things.
(12:01):
I'll tell you one.
I I'm going to explain to you.
So the first year I was here inSan Francisco, cause I came back
to San Francisco, by the way, Iwas terrified.
I was in a culture shock.
So growing up in Cufo Cossum, itwas very, uh, you know,
religious and, uh, it was, itwas very dull, very just normal,
(12:22):
normal for me anyway, very slowpace.
I come here and there are sirensand police cars and ambulances
and music and loud noises andpeople shouting and, and a few
other things that I just wasn'tfamiliar or used to.
So I was terrified.
It was a scary experience and Iwas homesick and I was sad.
(12:43):
But I was determined to stickaround.
So you weren't ever tempted tojust throw it all in.
This is too much for me.
I was weeping on the phone andcalling back home, speaking with
my father.
The first year it was reallytough.
Like I almost gave up andactually my father reminded me,
he said, Zainab, you wantedthis, you wanted to go back and
(13:03):
you wanted to see what life waslike on your own.
And so now this is what youasked for.
And I said, you know what?
You're right.
And so.
It had to be a little bit oftough love where he said, no,
you need to stick it out and bethere as opposed to leaving.
Right.
I was nervous because I thoughtI would come here and my mom
would be, open arms I thoughtwe'd pick up where we left off
to be honest, but I was, thatwas far from it.
(13:24):
It was scary being on your ownbecause, you know, you could get
hurt, like anything could gowrong, you can lose your job,
and then what do you do, right?
How do you pay rent, so, justfast forwarding to when I met
you in the playground, you hadSophia, my daughter was two
years old.
Because you met a guy.
Met a guy.
Fell in love.
(13:44):
Fell in love, and things didn'twork out later.
So, here I found myself justbeing a single parent, you know.
While also trying to navigatehow to advance my life.
Yeah, so I actually, if youdon't, you probably don't
remember this, but you gave merise to my, uh, my first
pharmacist junior starter job.
Uh, I was working at the CVS.
(14:06):
Oh my gosh.
Yes, yes.
And you were so gracious andamazing and you helped me.
Oh, thank you.
It would be sometimes 8am, Ithink, or one time you came and
picked me up and it was in theafternoon and it was just the
most help I can ask for.
Here's the thing.
So.
All I knew was I wantedsomething amazing in my life to
happen.
I just wanted to do better.
My parents, like my father, hedidn't even graduate high
(14:27):
school.
My stepmom had like an, I don'tknow, seventh, eighth grade
education.
I mean, I didn't come fromeducated family but my family,
they taught us hard work andthey taught us to go for what
you want.
And I always had this fire in mebecause...
because of all the adversity Iexperienced, for example, not
feeling like I belonged when Iwas growing up, being, you know,
a part African, growing up in asmall town in Palestine, and
(14:50):
then also coming here back tothe United States, not feeling
like I'm black enough.
Because people didn't view mehere as black enough, by the
way.
That's an interesting one comingover.
I had an identity crisis.
Do you see yourself as a migrantor do you see yourself as I see
myself as Palestinian, AfricanAmerican.
That's what I identify as.
And for years I struggledbecause I, I felt like just
(15:12):
because I, on the outside I lookAfrican, that maybe I'm African
American.
For a while I felt guilty, likesaying, Okay, but, but on the
inside I am Middle Eastern.
Like, I can't help where I grewup.
But now I'm comfortable sayingI'm a Middle Eastern woman.
I'm also African Americanbecause I am an American.
I was born here.
I'm just as American as any,anyone else that was born here.
(15:32):
So you're not at all really animmigrant?
No.
When we came, we expected tojust surf around a few hotels
for maybe two months and thenSettle down in San Francisco and
then it didn't work out likethat It was really strange the
money is getting less and lessbut it worked out.
Right?
And we had each other.
(15:52):
Yes.
We had each other.
Do you think you had a tribe atthat time what did you do for
support and to stay sane and allthat sort of stuff?
So for me, the way that I pushedthrough was because I just felt
that I only had myself to fallback on and to rely on.
(16:13):
I had friends, friends that havebeen in my life for a long time
like yourself.
And then I had friends who werejust there for a season, and
they're gone.
Uh, so, and I have a very, smallcircle of friends, but really at
the end of the day, you know me,but any, anyone that's known me
for a long time knows that if Iput my mind to something, I will
work tirelessly until I achieveit.
(16:34):
And so I was, I was justself-motivated.
I was self-motivated because Iknew that I had to be, by the
way, even though I didn't knownecessarily what my profession
was going to be, I always knewthat I wanted to end up doing
something great.
I wanted to do this not just formyself, but just for my family
and for Sofia.
I really believe, on a personallevel, I believe that everyone
(16:56):
is here to live out your bestand to give it everything that
you have.
I just continue to persevere,take the classes, you know, work
hard, and any opportunity thatwas presented to me, whether an
internship, uh, something forfree that I could Volunteer.
I did it.
There's a lab fellowship here,an internship.
I did a thing at UC Berkeleyback in the day for a year.
(17:18):
You had to apply, write an essayand get letters of
recommendation.
And I applied.
It was a year long internshipwhere you just worked, did
research and learn how to doscience.
And that was actually the firsttime that I even knew that being
a scientist, that was like acareer path.
I didn't even know, becausewhere I grew up, it was one of
(17:39):
the four.
Either you're a doctor,engineer, lawyer, or like a, I
don't know, like a teacher.
Those were the respectedprofessions.
No one knew about a scientist.
No, I've never known a personthat was a scientist.
I found out about thisopportunity and from there I
started to pursue that.
One thing about me is that I amvery resourceful and so I would
apply for NIH funded grants.
(18:01):
There are grants there for notjust minorities, but for really
anybody.
The government wants people topursue careers in STEM.
I always enjoyed science, but Ifound this newfound passion for
becoming a scientist, and so Ijust asked.
Okay, what do I need to do tobecome a scientist?
What sort of thing and thepeople around you, that's right.
There was one particularadvisor, Dr.
(18:23):
Frank Bayliss.
He is incredible, right?
Shout out to Dr.
Frank Bayliss over at SanFrancisco State University is
where my undergraduate institutewas.
This man honestly changed mylife.
I will say, honestly, to goanywhere, you need to have
somebody that when you aredoubting yourself.
They believe in you more thanyou believe in yourself.
Yeah, and he was it.
(18:45):
He was it.
I he knows my entire life.
He knew my struggles.
He knew that I was, singleparent, going through classes.
I did my master's degree therein cell biology.
Yeah, and I was just jugglingeverything with just me, my
daughter, it was just, it wasreally not an easy path.
I, once I knew I wanted tobecome a scientist.
(19:05):
Everything else didn't matter tome as far as hard work.
It came to me naturally.
Yeah, you just plugged in, goton with it.
Exactly.
Do you think that you came withthat particular degree of
determination?
(19:25):
I mean, you really persevered,despite how you felt and how
scared and frightened you were,and then finding yourself as a
single mother, not havingfigured out what you really are
doing is it in your culture?
Is it a family thing?
Oh, no.
No, it's not.
It was me.
Yeah.
I would say it's me.
that went horribly wrong in mylife.
Yeah.
(19:45):
In spite of it, I decided thatI'm not going to lie down here
and just become a victim andfeel sorry for myself that I
wanted to do better because Ihad a responsibility, not just
to myself, but also to mydaughter, to my sister.
Yeah.
Really to my ancestors even.
Yeah.
I wanted to be empowered.
I didn't want to be just theperson who, Oh, I'm here.
(20:07):
I, have my child and I'mstruggling.
And I didn't want that to be mylife.
Yeah.
And that's what, what motivatedme every day.
Like, okay, I don't know how I'mgoing to do this.
I'm just going to do it.
I don't know where.
I'm getting the money, but I'm,this is going to happen.
I don't know how I'm going to,figure out childcare for my
daughter, but I'm going to makeit happen.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There was no stopping me.
There was no stopping me.
I lived with, roommates.
(20:28):
I did what I had to remember.
Yeah.
And that's not easy either.
You know, living, with roommatesand then trying to really make
the best of what you have, theresources, but I continued to
persevere because once I knewwhere I was going, Then it's
easy as opposed to if you'rejust like taking classes, but
you don't even know why youdon't even know what you want to
(20:48):
become.
But once I knew, okay, there's apath for me.
Then I just began to workreally, really hard.
And I got my master's.
Of course I didn't arrive herelike without help.
Right.
So I had good friends.
Like I, I remember calling youwhen I was interviewing for grad
school and I just asking you topray for me and asking you to
please encourage me because I Iapplied to top schools.
(21:09):
I didn't just apply to Stanford.
I applied to Harvard.
I applied to MIT.
I applied to UCSF.
And we were like, Oh, yes, youwill.
That's right.
Well, listen, here's the thing.
I wasn't applying to theseschools because it's the hip, in
thing, to do.
It was because I knew I had whatit takes to make it in these
institutions.
(21:29):
And I knew that I had, A uniqueperspective that I was bringing
to these programs.
These programs would benefitfrom having my perspective and
having someone like me.
So I knew it was natural.
That is what I love.
That is what I've really enjoyedabout you as well is the fact
that your perspective says, I'msomebody different.
I'm unique.
You're going to benefit i'm justtrying to say that Different
(21:52):
people with their differentcultures and different
upbringings with their differentstories.
And if we're still here andwe're thriving, which of course
we are, and you certainly, we'renot just living, we're not
suffering, but we're thriving.
Absolutely.
That says something incredibleabout our humanity, about a
human spirit.
about this particularindividual.
(22:12):
And you know, if that's you, youhave something quite
extraordinary.
And I bet you.
Some people probably think thatI am where I am because, oh,
she's, she's part black.
No.
We worked your tail off, right?
we earned, this is every bit ofit.
The imposter syndrome that Iexperience is so real just
(22:32):
because of by virtue of who I amwhere I come from I am NOT
coming from a place where myparents are educated.
Where I know what to say what todo Everything I'm learning as I
go and it's so hard because notonly are you learning a new
field You're also having tobattle this internal turmoil,
right this internal struggle,right where you're like, oh my
(22:52):
god I don't know what I'm doing.
When are people going to findout that I shouldn't even be
here?
When are people going to findout that I'm not, I don't even
have what it takes.
And it couldn't be farther fromthe truth.
Of course we have what it takes,but it, the mind, it plays
tricks on you almost.
Right.
So impossible syndrome.
By the way, let me saysomething, okay, I will tell you
something that I learned so farfrom living.
(23:14):
People will say to you what youcan and can't do.
Because they're speaking forwhat they think that they can or
cannot do.
Sometimes people can even becoming from a very good place.
They mean well.
They don't know what you can andcannot do.
The only person that knows whatyou can and cannot do is you.
So that's why you have to becareful not to let anyone define
(23:36):
for you what your possibilitiesare.
Nobody.
No one.
Sometimes we need adversity toreally just kick into, to propel
us into action and into wantingbetter.
I'll show you what I'm made ofand what I can do.
What the possibilities are forme and my life.
You don't get to define that forme.
(23:57):
No one should define that forme.
I will decide my destiny andwhere I'm going, right?
Amen to that.
Yes.
And I just heard the patio doorsliding.
I'm just really conscious of thefact that the kids have just sat
themselves around the drum,right.
Oh no.
And somebody's on the drum kit,so we're gonna, we're gonna call
(24:20):
it quits.
So, great chatting.
Yes, that was great chatting.
And that's it from me todaybefore we go, let's go back to
the three takeaways, the littlefires I mentioned at the top of
the show.
Thanks to my guest, Zainab forlighting those fires for us.
And the first was about learninghow to build a new life from the
(24:41):
ground up with grit and heart.
You and I do ourselves a greatjustice when we remember that we
don't need perfect conditions tobegin again.
Starting from nothing does notmean that you're gonna stay
there.
You don't need to wait for theperfect job choose roles that
(25:02):
teach you, pay you, and connectyou with the people that you
need to be in touch with.
And as I said earlier, yourstory, like my guest, is not a
hard luck story.
Like Zainab.
It's about being a visionary.
It's about being persistent andemotionally intelligent.
We are complex people and ourlives are sometimes really
(25:25):
complex.
Like her.
Be unapologetic for wanting tothrive.
Be introspective.
Consider what's going on insideyou.
Consider how you need to takecare of yourself and be
self-motivated.
Be ambitious, but be authentichave the courage to be
disruptive, and I'm not, talkingabout violently so.
(25:49):
But being the person who isright for that job, who is right
for that position, even if youmight be the first, is perfectly
okay Because by entering spacesin which others might feel you
don't belong you are being alittle bit disruptive.
But that is perfectly okay.
I also see grit and somesuffering when it comes to
(26:12):
Zainab's story.
But to be honest, I think gritis necessary and sometimes it's
invisible.
Well, often it's invisible.
I see grit as a bit of rebellionagainst silence against,
systems, against lowexpectations, and as for
(26:32):
suffering.
You didn't go through all ofthat.
You know, the research, thesaving the legal application
process just to be a traumanarrative.
The early days are hard however,your ambition is to be more,
than a struggle story., You arenot always gonna have people
around you to cheer you on.
(26:53):
Sometimes you have to cheeryourself on.
Many of us expat and immigrantwomen go through trials because
we made the choice to move,especially if you do it alone.
We question our sanity and wequestion our worthiness.
Sometimes we question ourbravery, and I understand that.
(27:13):
That's perfectly normal.
The second takeaway isunderstanding the unspoken
emotional weight of identity.
Race and isolation in difficultspaces, including academia.
But here's your takeaway.
Simply put, ambition doesn'tease isolation.
(27:36):
And I say that from experience,what I've seen and what I've
heard from women I've workedwith over the years as well have
informed me, but I'm speakingparticularly to our expat and
immigrant women of color inelite spaces.
I would say there is aninvisible burden, hearing that
from my friend, Zainab spokeloudly, and it gives language to
(27:59):
feelings that others are alittle bit reluctant to name
that effort of trying to proveyour worth every single day.
The last takeaway is for you tobe inspired to claim your own
space even if you do not fit themold.
(28:20):
I loved what Zainab said.
"I knew I had what it takes.
I knew they would benefit fromhaving someone like me.
I wanted to do this not just formyself, but for my daughter, for
my ancestors, even.".
So despite cultural rejection inher early life and still having
(28:41):
to deal with the emotionalimpact of that, despite so many
other challenges that sheexperienced both in the Middle
East and back here in the us.
Her personal doubts, beingthrown out, having to find her
own way after just four monthsin the new country.
Really?
It was a new country.
She didn't speak English.
(29:01):
You heard the story.
This woman claimed her spaceunapologetically.
She was not asking to beaccepted.
She brought her full self evenwhen the sounds and the language
and the challenges ahead saidotherwise.
I love her courage.
(29:22):
I am so pumped right now.
I feel that after listening toZainab, I can do anything.
It's a pleasure, hanging outwith you, my expat and immigrant
women and i'm gonna think onthis a little bit more and share
with you what I'm feeling in myheart.
Hard earned tools that helpZainab build from nothing, So
(29:47):
for now, I'm gonna say bye-bye,and I'm gonna go back to
unpacking my luggage afterreturning to the US from a very
long trip in Europe.
I'll tell you all about thatlater.
In today's episode, you aregoing to hear one woman who
redefined success after movingback home to the USA with just
her passport, no English, nosafety net, and no one cheering
her on.
Welcome to starting over in theUSA, the Expat Woman's Guide to
(00:22):
overcoming Homesickness,embracing cultural Differences,
and creating a new home awayfrom home.
I'm Yolanda Sima, and thank youso much for joining me on our
Wednesday Hangout where we sitwith a guest who has a story
about starting over in the USA,establishing a sense of
(00:43):
belonging, redefining theiridentity so that you expect
women can build on thefoundations of what we've
learned and what we share withyou.
That's what we do everyWednesday.
So if you are that expat orimmigrant woman and you've moved
from your country of origin torealize a dream, to to be with
(01:06):
family, to establish yourself,and you are basing your efforts
on talent, and intellect, thenthis episode is for you.
My guest has lit three fires,three takeaways the first is
starting from nothing doesn'tmean that you'll stay there.
(01:29):
The second it's about culturalidentity and race when it comes
to navigating elite spaces,spaces where you might feel or
others might tell you, you don'tnecessarily belong.
And finally, I want you to walkaway feeling super inspired to
claim your space even if youthink you don't fit the mold.
(01:54):
And today I have Zainab Amir, agood friend of mine.
Pick up the conversation, justjoin in.
Thank you so much for coming.
My pleasure.
there isn't anything we haven'tchatted about.
However, our listeners todaydon't really know you, so they
are going to get to know you alittle bit and feel happy to
share what you want to share.
(02:14):
But I think your story isincredible that I just wanted to
hear so much more are youcomfortable with that?
Sure, absolutely.
I was born here in SanFrancisco, California.
I was eight or nine years oldand parents divorced and my
(02:36):
father just flew back toPalestine and decided that it
was best for me have culture andfamily and grow up around
family.
And I get that because I thinkthat's important.
Yes.
Yes, it is.
It wasn't easy.
But I had, wonderful step mom Igrew up with a lot of siblings,
and, there was never a dullmoment, right.
But I grew up in north of Israelslash Palestine, how did you get
(02:58):
from there to here?
Break it down?
Yeah.
So the main drive for havingarrived at today, and I'm still,
work in progress, of course, I'mstill growing, just wanting
better for myself.
Wanting to just have, um, moreopportunities.
And did you think you weren'tgoing to get that in in
(03:19):
Palestine.
Absolutely not.
And while there were a lot ofgood things, culture, language,
friends, lots of family.
The one thing that always was inthe background that was awkward
for me, that was painful for me.
Yeah.
So I am part African, partPalestinian.
Yeah.
And I definitely look black,right?
And so I was in a town wherepeople have only seen black
(03:42):
people on television.
Like seriously, never in person.
Huh.
So it was a lot for me because Iwas so young, right?
I'm like nine years old.
I don't understand the questionsthey're asking me.
So you didn't speak any Arabic?
Zero Arabic.
Oh yeah, so that's anotherthing.
I arrived there and everyone isspeaking Arabic.
And, here's the thing, I'm nineyears old, right?
So, when you're nine, you'regoing into what grade here?
(04:04):
Third grade?
They put me back in first grade.
Oh, did they?
Yes, they did.
So I was always two years olderthan my generation, yes.
That was another insecuritypoint for me.
Yeah.
Is it because of the language?
Yeah, they said, yeah, and Idon't understand why I couldn't
have caught up in third grade.
They were like, no, we're justgoing to place you in first
grade.
So I go in first grade and ayear later, I kid you not, had
(04:27):
forgotten all of the English andI'm fluent Arabic.
I'm fluent.
That was great.
It was cool.
It must have been harsh though,right?
Leaving your mom.
Having to go back.
Yeah.
Two grades.
Yeah.
It was a lot.
My stepmother, she was,Palestinian and she had, for
example, some of the adversity,right?
So I had long, curly hair andshe had no experience with
(04:51):
managing textured hair and soshe, they shaved my head
basically.
Completely.
Completely.
Completely.
How did you feel about thatthough?
I felt like I lost my identity,like I just felt like, it just
didn't feel normal, because Ifelt like when you're a girl,
you have long hair, it felt likefeminine, and then you take away
the hair and it just feltstrange.
Although I guess it made mestand out.
(05:13):
I don't know if I felt likeempowered at that time with that
look.
But the hardest thing I thinkwas my mother not coming with us
and I didn't understand why andthen also being black in a small
town where people have neverseen a black person ever, and a
language where it's foreign,literally.
It took me years before I wascomfortable and felt like I
(05:34):
belonged.
And just when I thought that Ibelonged, by the time I was
graduating high school, in thatsmall town, it's actually
outside of Jerusalem.
It's a very small town, unlessyou're from, the area you, it's
actually called Kfar Qasim.
Kfar Qasim.
Kfar Qasim.
In Arabic it's Kufur Qasim, inHebrew Kfar Qasim.
When I was in high school, Overthere.
(05:55):
Okay.
Here's the thing, by the way,personal opinion, arranged
marriages, they tend to be moresuccessful than people meeting
on their own as far as like,yes, the way we do it.
So I'm not, I'm not saying thatthere's anything wrong with
arranged marriages, but what myexperience was.
By the time I was at, in highschool, that's when they
arranged, people to get married.
(06:16):
Yeah, or something like that.
Now it's more modern, but backthen it was like, Oh, some guy,
a guy sees you, and then hetells his parents, Oh, I want so
and so, and then the parents, orsometimes the parents among
themselves would arrange it.
Okay.
And guess what?
All of my friends, mygirlfriends from high school,
just everybody was gettingmarried and it was becoming
(06:37):
clear that was not going to behappening for me.
So even though, because I wasmixed, because I had African
descent.
And nobody, you just felt nobodywanted to be married to the
mixed girl.
There was actually, so there waszero chance that was going to
happen.
And it became apparently clearthat okay, there is racism here.
And that.
That was something that I knewfirsthand there was going to be
(07:00):
no moving forward for me in thistown.
I had to leave.
There were subtle racistincidents that happened.
But mostly people were nice,right?
It just, they couldn't helpthemselves, right?
They've never seen a blackperson.
So when I was in middle school,I spoke with my father and I
said, I want to go back toAmerica.
I don't know how I got thecourage to say that.
(07:22):
I just said, was it difficult?
Yes.
My father was like, no, you'regoing to stay here.
You're going to get married.
You're one of us.
Like you're here.
But then he couldn't, he didn'teven know that this would
happen.
He couldn't see it.
Now.
So did you, do you recommendthat he just brought you there
thinking that you were just thatwe would assimilate?
That's exactly right.
Yes.
But we didn't assimilate.
We stood out.
By we, I mean my sister and I,because I also have a younger
(07:45):
sister.
We stood out in the best andworst way possible.
Yeah, it was, it was strange.
It was uncomfortable.
And, but here you are.
But tell me something, you toldyour dad that you wanted to move
back.
Did he just put both of you in aplane and you landed here?
First of all, there was a lot ofresistance at first.
(08:07):
Even my stepmother was like, no,it's not safe.
Where do you think you're goingto go?
At that time, I was almostgraduating high school.
When the first conversationsbegan, I was in middle school.
But when it was actually time togo, I was in high school, right?
And so I graduated high schooland I'm just sitting around
waiting and I, my life is notgoing anywhere.
I'm not going to college.
I'm not getting married.
(08:28):
I'm, there's nothing happening.
And I'm getting increasinglyjust more and more depressed by
the day.
Finally, I spoke with my fatherand but then my father, realized
like, Oh wow, she really is notgoing to be fitting in with the
society here.
I'm And so he agreed and I wasshocked.
I was shocked because my father,he is a traditional Middle
(08:49):
Eastern, we were Muslim faith.
I was, yeah, I was definitely100 percent immersed in the
religion.
I fasted.
I used to even fast like by age10 or 11, I was fasting like an
adult would.
Ramadan.
Yes, 30 days.
Sunrise to sunset.
The thing is I'm grateful thatmy father who wouldn't even let
us go to the grocery storewithout allowed.
(09:11):
So you'd have to be a chaperoneand you'd have to he just did
everything for us.
Well, I mean we were kids, likemy stepmom She never had to go
to the grocery store, the postoffice, anything, the normal
things, drive, do anything.
He did everything.
And that was him.
That was just more of, how aman's position in society there.
(09:34):
So you landed here.
I arrived here.
And what happened when you gotoff the plane?
Good question.
So actually, it's actually alittle bit sad, but, in the
beginning, so my mother,obviously she's still here in
America.
And so we got in touch with herand my father expressed that I'm
interested in coming to theUnited States to go to college
and just, have an adventure.
(09:56):
My mother initially agreed.
And it became apparent when Iarrived that she just wasn't
happy with the arrangement.
And so I actually moved outafter a few months of living
with her.
But initially, the only reasonmy father agreed was because my
mom was here.
How did you find somewhere togo?
How did you do that?
So I If you can remember.
Yeah, yeah, of course I remembereverything.
(10:17):
I got a job.
I was self motivated always.
I was very ambitious.
I would stay up all nightstudying when I was back in the
Middle East.
Like I, I really, if I had myheart in something, I worked
hard tirelessly until I achievedwhat I wanted.
Did you teach yourself English?
Uh, yes I did.
So I, I would pick up, I wouldeven answer like collect calls,
a few phone calls that you wouldget just from random call
(10:38):
collectors.
I would answer it and I wouldtry to practice English.
I would try to read thenewspaper back when newspapers
were still a thing.
And I tried, I would just read,I was studying for, not SAT.
TOEFL, T O E F L, I think.
Yeah.
And I was studying because Iknew I wanted to go to college.
I just didn't know how to start.
I had well over 4.
(10:58):
0 GPA from my hometown.
I just needed somebody to pointme in the right direction.
And unfortunately.
It just, things didn't work outwith my mother.
I moved out after literallybeing here for maybe four
months, maybe even less.
The reason that I learnedEnglish and how things were able
to move forward was I got a jobas a waitress and I was a
(11:19):
waitress at a senior home, likeone of those fancy senior homes.
That was my first job ever.
It paid good and I didn't haveto, worried about new people
coming in and out.
It was like the same the sameclients right?
the same diners every singleday.
So I would do breakfast, lunch,dinner, shifts and make money
and have you know roommates andhad you know A nice place to
(11:41):
live and my co workers honestlywere the major help.
In my transition, I learnedEnglish just by speaking with
others.
So, no matter how much you read,nothing beats just really
immersing yourself in a cultureand speaking and just being put
on the spot.
Right?
It was terrifying.
There's so many funny things.
(12:01):
I'll tell you one.
I I'm going to explain to you.
So the first year I was here inSan Francisco, cause I came back
to San Francisco, by the way, Iwas terrified.
I was in a culture shock.
So growing up in Cufo Cossum, itwas very, uh, you know,
religious and, uh, it was, itwas very dull, very just normal,
(12:22):
normal for me anyway, very slowpace.
I come here and there are sirensand police cars and ambulances
and music and loud noises andpeople shouting and, and a few
other things that I just wasn'tfamiliar or used to.
So I was terrified.
It was a scary experience and Iwas homesick and I was sad.
(12:43):
But I was determined to stickaround.
So you weren't ever tempted tojust throw it all in.
This is too much for me.
I was weeping on the phone andcalling back home, speaking with
my father.
The first year it was reallytough.
Like I almost gave up andactually my father reminded me,
he said, Zainab, you wantedthis, you wanted to go back and
(13:03):
you wanted to see what life waslike on your own.
And so now this is what youasked for.
And I said, you know what?
You're right.
And so.
It had to be a little bit oftough love where he said, no,
you need to stick it out and bethere as opposed to leaving.
Right.
I was nervous because I thoughtI would come here and my mom
would be, open arms I thoughtwe'd pick up where we left off
to be honest, but I was, thatwas far from it.
(13:24):
It was scary being on your ownbecause, you know, you could get
hurt, like anything could gowrong, you can lose your job,
and then what do you do, right?
How do you pay rent, so, justfast forwarding to when I met
you in the playground, you hadSophia, my daughter was two
years old.
Because you met a guy.
Met a guy.
Fell in love.
(13:44):
Fell in love, and things didn'twork out later.
So, here I found myself justbeing a single parent, you know.
While also trying to navigatehow to advance my life.
Yeah, so I actually, if youdon't, you probably don't
remember this, but you gave merise to my, uh, my first
pharmacist junior starter job.
Uh, I was working at the CVS.
(14:06):
Oh my gosh.
Yes, yes.
And you were so gracious andamazing and you helped me.
Oh, thank you.
It would be sometimes 8am, Ithink, or one time you came and
picked me up and it was in theafternoon and it was just the
most help I can ask for.
Here's the thing.
So.
All I knew was I wantedsomething amazing in my life to
happen.
I just wanted to do better.
My parents, like my father, hedidn't even graduate high
(14:27):
school.
My stepmom had like an, I don'tknow, seventh, eighth grade
education.
I mean, I didn't come fromeducated family but my family,
they taught us hard work andthey taught us to go for what
you want.
And I always had this fire in mebecause...
because of all the adversity Iexperienced, for example, not
feeling like I belonged when Iwas growing up, being, you know,
a part African, growing up in asmall town in Palestine, and
(14:50):
then also coming here back tothe United States, not feeling
like I'm black enough.
Because people didn't view mehere as black enough, by the
way.
That's an interesting one comingover.
I had an identity crisis.
Do you see yourself as a migrantor do you see yourself as I see
myself as Palestinian, AfricanAmerican.
That's what I identify as.
And for years I struggledbecause I, I felt like just
(15:12):
because I, on the outside I lookAfrican, that maybe I'm African
American.
For a while I felt guilty, likesaying, Okay, but, but on the
inside I am Middle Eastern.
Like, I can't help where I grewup.
But now I'm comfortable sayingI'm a Middle Eastern woman.
I'm also African Americanbecause I am an American.
I was born here.
I'm just as American as any,anyone else that was born here.
(15:32):
So you're not at all really animmigrant?
No.
When we came, we expected tojust surf around a few hotels
for maybe two months and thenSettle down in San Francisco and
then it didn't work out likethat It was really strange the
money is getting less and lessbut it worked out.
Right?
And we had each other.
(15:52):
Yes.
We had each other.
Do you think you had a tribe atthat time what did you do for
support and to stay sane and allthat sort of stuff?
So for me, the way that I pushedthrough was because I just felt
that I only had myself to fallback on and to rely on.
(16:13):
I had friends, friends that havebeen in my life for a long time
like yourself.
And then I had friends who werejust there for a season, and
they're gone.
Uh, so, and I have a very, smallcircle of friends, but really at
the end of the day, you know me,but any, anyone that's known me
for a long time knows that if Iput my mind to something, I will
work tirelessly until I achieveit.
(16:34):
And so I was, I was justself-motivated.
I was self-motivated because Iknew that I had to be, by the
way, even though I didn't knownecessarily what my profession
was going to be, I always knewthat I wanted to end up doing
something great.
I wanted to do this not just formyself, but just for my family
and for Sofia.
I really believe, on a personallevel, I believe that everyone
(16:56):
is here to live out your bestand to give it everything that
you have.
I just continue to persevere,take the classes, you know, work
hard, and any opportunity thatwas presented to me, whether an
internship, uh, something forfree that I could Volunteer.
I did it.
There's a lab fellowship here,an internship.
I did a thing at UC Berkeleyback in the day for a year.
(17:18):
You had to apply, write an essayand get letters of
recommendation.
And I applied.
It was a year long internshipwhere you just worked, did
research and learn how to doscience.
And that was actually the firsttime that I even knew that being
a scientist, that was like acareer path.
I didn't even know, becausewhere I grew up, it was one of
(17:39):
the four.
Either you're a doctor,engineer, lawyer, or like a, I
don't know, like a teacher.
Those were the respectedprofessions.
No one knew about a scientist.
No, I've never known a personthat was a scientist.
I found out about thisopportunity and from there I
started to pursue that.
One thing about me is that I amvery resourceful and so I would
apply for NIH funded grants.
(18:01):
There are grants there for notjust minorities, but for really
anybody.
The government wants people topursue careers in STEM.
I always enjoyed science, but Ifound this newfound passion for
becoming a scientist, and so Ijust asked.
Okay, what do I need to do tobecome a scientist?
What sort of thing and thepeople around you, that's right.
There was one particularadvisor, Dr.
(18:23):
Frank Bayliss.
He is incredible, right?
Shout out to Dr.
Frank Bayliss over at SanFrancisco State University is
where my undergraduate institutewas.
This man honestly changed mylife.
I will say, honestly, to goanywhere, you need to have
somebody that when you aredoubting yourself.
They believe in you more thanyou believe in yourself.
Yeah, and he was it.
(18:45):
He was it.
I he knows my entire life.
He knew my struggles.
He knew that I was, singleparent, going through classes.
I did my master's degree therein cell biology.
Yeah, and I was just jugglingeverything with just me, my
daughter, it was just, it wasreally not an easy path.
I, once I knew I wanted tobecome a scientist.
(19:05):
Everything else didn't matter tome as far as hard work.
It came to me naturally.
Yeah, you just plugged in, goton with it.
Exactly.
Do you think that you came withthat particular degree of
determination?
(19:25):
I mean, you really persevered,despite how you felt and how
scared and frightened you were,and then finding yourself as a
single mother, not havingfigured out what you really are
doing is it in your culture?
Is it a family thing?
Oh, no.
No, it's not.
It was me.
Yeah.
I would say it's me.
that went horribly wrong in mylife.
Yeah.
(19:45):
In spite of it, I decided thatI'm not going to lie down here
and just become a victim andfeel sorry for myself that I
wanted to do better because Ihad a responsibility, not just
to myself, but also to mydaughter, to my sister.
Yeah.
Really to my ancestors even.
Yeah.
I wanted to be empowered.
I didn't want to be just theperson who, Oh, I'm here.
(20:07):
I, have my child and I'mstruggling.
And I didn't want that to be mylife.
Yeah.
And that's what, what motivatedme every day.
Like, okay, I don't know how I'mgoing to do this.
I'm just going to do it.
I don't know where.
I'm getting the money, but I'm,this is going to happen.
I don't know how I'm going to,figure out childcare for my
daughter, but I'm going to makeit happen.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There was no stopping me.
There was no stopping me.
I lived with, roommates.
(20:28):
I did what I had to remember.
Yeah.
And that's not easy either.
You know, living, with roommatesand then trying to really make
the best of what you have, theresources, but I continued to
persevere because once I knewwhere I was going, Then it's
easy as opposed to if you'rejust like taking classes, but
you don't even know why youdon't even know what you want to
(20:48):
become.
But once I knew, okay, there's apath for me.
Then I just began to workreally, really hard.
And I got my master's.
Of course I didn't arrive herelike without help.
Right.
So I had good friends.
Like I, I remember calling youwhen I was interviewing for grad
school and I just asking you topray for me and asking you to
please encourage me because I Iapplied to top schools.
(21:09):
I didn't just apply to Stanford.
I applied to Harvard.
I applied to MIT.
I applied to UCSF.
And we were like, Oh, yes, youwill.
That's right.
Well, listen, here's the thing.
I wasn't applying to theseschools because it's the hip, in
thing, to do.
It was because I knew I had whatit takes to make it in these
institutions.
(21:29):
And I knew that I had, A uniqueperspective that I was bringing
to these programs.
These programs would benefitfrom having my perspective and
having someone like me.
So I knew it was natural.
That is what I love.
That is what I've really enjoyedabout you as well is the fact
that your perspective says, I'msomebody different.
I'm unique.
You're going to benefit i'm justtrying to say that Different
(21:52):
people with their differentcultures and different
upbringings with their differentstories.
And if we're still here andwe're thriving, which of course
we are, and you certainly, we'renot just living, we're not
suffering, but we're thriving.
Absolutely.
That says something incredibleabout our humanity, about a
human spirit.
about this particularindividual.
(22:12):
And you know, if that's you, youhave something quite
extraordinary.
And I bet you.
Some people probably think thatI am where I am because, oh,
she's, she's part black.
No.
We worked your tail off, right?
we earned, this is every bit ofit.
The imposter syndrome that Iexperience is so real just
(22:32):
because of by virtue of who I amwhere I come from I am NOT
coming from a place where myparents are educated.
Where I know what to say what todo Everything I'm learning as I
go and it's so hard because notonly are you learning a new
field You're also having tobattle this internal turmoil,
right this internal struggle,right where you're like, oh my
(22:52):
god I don't know what I'm doing.
When are people going to findout that I shouldn't even be
here?
When are people going to findout that I'm not, I don't even
have what it takes.
And it couldn't be farther fromthe truth.
Of course we have what it takes,but it, the mind, it plays
tricks on you almost.
Right.
So impossible syndrome.
By the way, let me saysomething, okay, I will tell you
something that I learned so farfrom living.
(23:14):
People will say to you what youcan and can't do.
Because they're speaking forwhat they think that they can or
cannot do.
Sometimes people can even becoming from a very good place.
They mean well.
They don't know what you can andcannot do.
The only person that knows whatyou can and cannot do is you.
So that's why you have to becareful not to let anyone define
(23:36):
for you what your possibilitiesare.
Nobody.
No one.
Sometimes we need adversity toreally just kick into, to propel
us into action and into wantingbetter.
I'll show you what I'm made ofand what I can do.
What the possibilities are forme and my life.
You don't get to define that forme.
(23:57):
No one should define that forme.
I will decide my destiny andwhere I'm going, right?
Amen to that.
Yes.
And I just heard the patio doorsliding.
I'm just really conscious of thefact that the kids have just sat
themselves around the drum,right.
Oh no.
And somebody's on the drum kit,so we're gonna, we're gonna call
(24:20):
it quits.
So, great chatting.
Yes, that was great chatting.
And that's it from me todaybefore we go, let's go back to
the three takeaways, the littlefires I mentioned at the top of
the show.
Thanks to my guest, Zainab forlighting those fires for us.
And the first was about learninghow to build a new life from the
(24:41):
ground up with grit and heart.
You and I do ourselves a greatjustice when we remember that we
don't need perfect conditions tobegin again.
Starting from nothing does notmean that you're gonna stay
there.
You don't need to wait for theperfect job choose roles that
(25:02):
teach you, pay you, and connectyou with the people that you
need to be in touch with.
And as I said earlier, yourstory, like my guest, is not a
hard luck story.
Like Zainab.
It's about being a visionary.
It's about being persistent andemotionally intelligent.
We are complex people and ourlives are sometimes really
(25:25):
complex.
Like her.
Be unapologetic for wanting tothrive.
Be introspective.
Consider what's going on insideyou.
Consider how you need to takecare of yourself and be
self-motivated.
Be ambitious, but be authentichave the courage to be
disruptive, and I'm not, talkingabout violently so.
(25:49):
But being the person who isright for that job, who is right
for that position, even if youmight be the first, is perfectly
okay Because by entering spacesin which others might feel you
don't belong you are being alittle bit disruptive.
But that is perfectly okay.
I also see grit and somesuffering when it comes to
(26:12):
Zainab's story.
But to be honest, I think gritis necessary and sometimes it's
invisible.
Well, often it's invisible.
I see grit as a bit of rebellionagainst silence against,
systems, against lowexpectations, and as for
(26:32):
suffering.
You didn't go through all ofthat.
You know, the research, thesaving the legal application
process just to be a traumanarrative.
The early days are hard however,your ambition is to be more,
than a struggle story., You arenot always gonna have people
around you to cheer you on.
(26:53):
Sometimes you have to cheeryourself on.
Many of us expat and immigrantwomen go through trials because
we made the choice to move,especially if you do it alone.
We question our sanity and wequestion our worthiness.
Sometimes we question ourbravery, and I understand that.
(27:13):
That's perfectly normal.
The second takeaway isunderstanding the unspoken
emotional weight of identity.
Race and isolation in difficultspaces, including academia.
But here's your takeaway.
Simply put, ambition doesn'tease isolation.
(27:36):
And I say that from experience,what I've seen and what I've
heard from women I've workedwith over the years as well have
informed me, but I'm speakingparticularly to our expat and
immigrant women of color inelite spaces.
I would say there is aninvisible burden, hearing that
from my friend, Zainab spokeloudly, and it gives language to
(27:59):
feelings that others are alittle bit reluctant to name
that effort of trying to proveyour worth every single day.
The last takeaway is for you tobe inspired to claim your own
space even if you do not fit themold.
(28:20):
I loved what Zainab said.
"I knew I had what it takes.
I knew they would benefit fromhaving someone like me.
I wanted to do this not just formyself, but for my daughter, for
my ancestors, even.".
So despite cultural rejection inher early life and still having
(28:41):
to deal with the emotionalimpact of that, despite so many
other challenges that sheexperienced both in the Middle
East and back here in the us.
Her personal doubts, beingthrown out, having to find her
own way after just four monthsin the new country.
Really?
It was a new country.
She didn't speak English.
(29:01):
You heard the story.
This woman claimed her spaceunapologetically.
She was not asking to beaccepted.
She brought her full self evenwhen the sounds and the language
and the challenges ahead saidotherwise.
I love her courage.
(29:22):
I am so pumped right now.
I feel that after listening toZainab, I can do anything.
It's a pleasure, hanging outwith you, my expat and immigrant
women and i'm gonna think onthis a little bit more and share
with you what I'm feeling in myheart.
Hard earned tools that helpZainab build from nothing, So
(29:47):
for now, I'm gonna say bye-bye,and I'm gonna go back to
unpacking my luggage afterreturning to the US from a very
long trip in Europe.
I'll tell you all about thatlater.
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