#27. Making Friends in America As An Expat Or Immigrant Woman Isn’t Organic—Here’s Why

Ever wondered what it really takes to uproot your life, move across the world for love, and start over in America? 

If you’re relocating to the USA—or already living here as an expat—you’ve likely felt the sting of loneliness, cultural missteps, and the struggle to find real connection.

This episode is a moment from Dasha’s story,#13. Tune in now to hear why friendships don’t form as easily in the U.S., and how you can create a sense of belonging without giving up your cultural identity.

To share your own migration story or feedback email  [e-mail] 

This compelling podcast dives into Expat and immigrant women (and men) stories. Those who immigrate to the USA, tackling the struggles of homesickness, identity crisis, and culture shock in the USA while adjusting to expat life and navigating cultural differences. Through conversations on starting over, reinventing yourself, and finding purpose, it highlights success stories of women's tenacity, and the resilience of expats in the USA. It offers insights into bicultural identity, language barriers, and the challenges of living overseas. The podcast emphasizes the importance of a strong support system and wellbeing for women in pursuit of the American dream.

https://www.instagram.com/theplaces_wecallhome

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I've created starting over minimoments, the sweetest bits from
some favorite episodes for youto listen to while I'm on my
summer break.
So grab these tips, strategies,and mindset shifts to help you
with your decision to relocateto the USA.
Welcome to starting over in theUSA, the Expat Woman's Guide to

(00:23):
overcoming Homesickness,embracing cultural Differences,
and creating a new home awayfrom home.
On this podcast, we talk aboutleaving behind the familiar, the
pangs of homesickness andculture shock to the journeys of
reinventing yourself.
I'm Yolanda Reshemah.
After relocating six times, Iknow firsthand what it's like to

(00:45):
start from scratch feeling likeboth a foreign child and an
adult in a new world.
Today's starting over mini breakis taken from episode 13 with my
guest, Dasha.
Now this is what you're going tolearn from her today.
She's talking about the hiddenchallenges of building

(01:07):
friendships in America and howyou can overcome them, why
holding onto parts of yourculture is essential for
belonging and good mentalhealth, in this clip, she also
talks about finding her place ina new country.
So if you are consideringrelocating anywhere, especially

(01:29):
to the USA, or you are alreadyliving as an expat, her lessons
are going to feel strikinglyfamiliar.
So I'm inviting you to come withme.
Listen.
Reflect and feel seen.

(01:49):
So you met a man.
Yes.
So he was born and raised inAmerica?
Yes we're talking likeMidwestern boy, and he came to
Russia for a missionary tour.
And then when he was done, hewent back home to start college.
We courted for a little bit,then he went back and I was
really torn, to be honest, likeI don't do long distance

(02:10):
relationships really well.
I'm just suck at'em.
Is it worth it to take this hugerisk and go to America?
Or do I just move on with mylife?
Mm-hmm.
And I started praying and askingthe Lord for guidance.
I remember standing in theembassy for my Visa interview.
It was a four hour line.

(02:32):
And people just kept gettingrejected, rejected, rejected,
they interviewed me and she'slike, oh, you're going to Bible
college.
And then she starts it with meon all these Bible questions.
And I remember in shock, I'mwalking back, but all these
people, and they were like, whatdid you say to her?
What did you say to her?
I dunno.

(02:52):
And that was it.
You are moving to America.
Yeah, because I prayed.
I'm like, where if you want methere, I need a visa.
If you don't want me there, Idon't need a visa.
I told my father I'm going therewith an expectation of my heart
being broken because I wouldrather know it's a no-go
relationship and then have noregrets, come back to Russia and

(03:13):
start my life.
Then to keep wondering what ifit worked out with this American
guy?
So now, one thing I love abouthim is that he is extremely
honest and I think that's whatsold me on him.
And he told me on our firstdate, he said, I have no money.
I have no education.
I have no way of bringing you toAmerica or taking care of you in

(03:34):
America.
So I don't know how this isgonna work.
He didn't try to pull the woolover your eyes and say, I could
make your life wonderful.
Come over to America.
I could tell he was a legit manof character.
He had solid character and Itrusted him completely.
I knew that he was honest withme.
I knew that he was hardworking.

(03:55):
I knew that he was intelligentand humble.
I knew he came from afaith-filled family, that his
parents and his grandparentswere Christians.
I knew he was a Christian, so itwasn't really a gamble., Now, if
it was any other dude.
I may have not gone.
So it wasn't the gamble.
I knew I would be safe with him.

(04:16):
If it didn't work out, that hewould make sure that he would
help me get back, he would takecare of me.
So I arrived in Lubbock, Texas,and Lubbock is completely flat
like this table.
Miles and miles.
I remember getting off the planeand walking through the square
door with of glass, and all Isee is.

(04:36):
Moonscape, like dead flatland.
Nothing there.
And a spaceship, and I didn'teven know it, what it was, and I
was thinking, gosh, where am I?
Oh my gosh.
I'm laughing because I canvisualize it and I can imagine
what's going through your mindat this point.
How many years have you been inAmerica now?

(04:58):
21.
Has life in America panned outthe way you expected or hoped,
oh, interesting question.
So I guess yes and no.
I think one thing I love aboutAmerica is that I can truly be
myself here.
Even more so than in Russia, Ican say what I wanna say, I can

(05:20):
wear what I want to wear.
I feel liberated in many ways,living in America.
At the same time, it has notbeen an easy journey because
living in Texas, for example,was very hard because.
I think there's a certainculture that is associated with
a Christian woman living in thesouth.

(05:41):
They have this famous thing,sugar and spice and everything
nice.
I only have spice.
No sugar.
A little, a little bit of sugar.
A lot of spice.
So, um, I didn't quite measureup on everything Nice.
And so was ostracized.
I had trouble making friends.

(06:03):
They judged me and I think theysaw me in a certain light, which
was completely inaccurate.
Oh, so that was difficult.
So you struggled to makeconnections?
Absolutely.
And to establish a tribe,because that is what keeps us
here to some degree, because ithelps us to surround ourselves
with people who can care for usbecause we don't have our

(06:24):
families here.
And for our mental health.
Absolutely.
And for our stability and forour sense of belonging, we need
that.
So if you don't mind me asking,what kept you here then, I've
definitely learned a lot ofthings.
In my first five years of livingin that small town, and one of
the most important things I'velearned about myself are my

(06:45):
limitations.
There are just certain things Icannot do, and it's really
healthy, I think, to know yourlimitations, like I cannot live
in a small town.
That's a no-go for me, theyalready have an established
framework or relationship.
You cannot break into that evenif you lay your life down.
I tried.
It's not possible.
When we moved to Dallas, whichis a metroplex, you know, it's a

(07:08):
bigger city.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
I was eventually able to find mytribe.
But what I discovered is thatrelationships in America,
especially with Americans, takea lot of intentionality.
You have to pursue thoserelationships with energy and
passion.
Otherwise you won't have any.

(07:29):
I feel like in many countries, Idon't know about England, but in
Russia, relationships emergeorganically.
They just happened.
Not in America.
In America, you have to schedulethings.
You have to arrange, becauseeverybody's so schedule driven
and everybody's schedules are sofilled up.
That you have to plan everythingway ahead.

(07:51):
You need to make sure you invitepeople, you need to make sure
you cater the event to the waypeople are used to.
Very funny example, uh, birthdayparties for our kids and we
would invite our American andRussian friends.
Let's say birthday parties at10.

Americans show up at 9 (08:06):
45, stay until 11 and leave.
.Noon is when the Russians showup and they never leave.
You, you have to understand howthe culture works and I, I think
the general vibe in America isthat, like we don't talk about
it, especially in San Francisco,but it's true.

(08:28):
We as Americans expect otherpeople to acculturate.
When it comes to internationalpeople, is a bit of a misnomer.
You're either acculturate or youstay in your cultural community
of origin.
There's really not a whole lotof people that will across that
gap for a year, if it makessense.

(08:48):
Yes, it does make sense.
And so a lot of my friends hereare Ukrainian Jews, JI or, or
Bill of Russians, or Russians orwhatever, right?
So it's kinda like that, thatsort of a unity that we share in
the Soviet culture in its bestexpressions.

(09:11):
Um, became evident in SanFrancisco and I love that.
So have you retained some partsof your culture and is that
really important for you Mm-hmm.
There are definitely parts ofRussian culture that I value
very much.
I love Russian language.
I love Russian literature.

(09:31):
Music.
There's so many foods and littletraditions that we have now.
Unfortunately, I only was ableto bring so much into my
household because it was like aswimming upstream it was always
a battle for me.
You just talked about the music,you talked about the food, you
talked about the history, youtalk about the culture.

(09:53):
Mm-hmm.
That's what it really means tobe Russian.
This war isn't the whole, Ireally wrestled with that what
can I do to make things better?
Right?
And like I can send money, I cansupport the refugees, and we do
all those things, right?
But what else can I do to makethings better?
So I'm actually looking forwardto these kind of opportunities.
I'm looking forward.

(10:13):
Anytime I meet somebody, forexample, Ukrainian, I say, I'm
sorry.
I know you're not asking me toapologize, but I wanna
apologize.
Mm.
So much to think about.
For the full story.
Go to episode 13.
if you love this episode, sharethe link with a friend and leave

(10:36):
a positive review.
That's it for me.
Have a nice day.