September 17, 2025 • 22 mins
Discover three emotional tools to help you feel grounded, confident, and emotionally safe while adjusting to life in a new country.
Are you feeling disoriented, emotionally drained, or unsure of who you are since moving abroad?
You’re not alone. This episode breaks down the real difference between culture shock and homesickness—and why understanding both is key to emotional resilience.
You’ll learn three powerful tools to help you feel grounded, confident, and emotionally safe in your new home. Whether you’re navigating identity loss, loneliness, or the quiet ache of starting over, this episode offers clarity, comfort, and a path forward.
Press play to learn these practical strategies to handle homesickness and thrive in your new home away from home.
To share your own migration story or feedback email guest@Theplaceswecallhome.com
This compelling podcast dives into Expat and immigrant women (and men) stories. Those who immigrate to the USA, tackling the struggles of homesickness, identity crisis, and culture shock in the USA while adjusting to expat life and navigating cultural differences. Through conversations on starting over, reinventing yourself, and finding purpose, it highlights success stories of women's tenacity, and the resilience of expats in the USA. It offers insights into bicultural identity, language barriers, and the challenges of living overseas. The podcast emphasizes the importance of a strong support system and wellbeing for women in pursuit of the American dream.
https://www.instagram.com/theplaces_wecallhome
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
in today's episode, we are goingto continue our chat about the
emotional terrain of life abroadspecifically the difference
between culture, shock andhomesickness.
You are going to learn somesimple tools to help you manage
overwhelm and reconnect withyour inner compass and find
balance in your new country.
(00:20):
Welcome to starting over in theUSA, the Expat Woman's Guide to
overcoming homesickness,embracing cultural differences,
and creating a new home awayfrom home.
On this podcast, we talk aboutleaving behind the familiar, you
know, the pangs of homesicknessand culture shock to the
journeys of reinventingyourself.
(00:42):
I'm Yolanda Reshemah.
And after relocating six times,I know firsthand what it's like
to start from scratch, feelinglike both a foreign child and a
foreign adult in a new world.
So how do you know if whatyou're feeling is culture shock
or homesickness or both?
(01:05):
Today I'm back with Dr.
Veronique, and we are going toexplore how to recognize these
emotional states, how to honorthem without letting them define
you and how to gently return tothe present moment where your
new life in this new countryabroad is unfolding.
(01:27):
I wanted to pick up with you ifwe can just jump into it.
Is there a difference betweenculture, shock and homesickness?
Do they tend to show uptogether?
They're different.
Uhhuh And last time I remember,and I will give you the same
example.
It's a friend of me going toIndia.
And she was very excited to goto India.
She went out of the airport andshe was so shocked about what
(01:53):
she discover.
She go back, take a plane, andcome back home.
Ah.
Culture shock.
It's too much.
You are overwhelmed.
Normally when you arrive in anew country to live there, the
three first months, you are veryexcited.
Everything in new is new.
Everything is interesting.
The three first months, butafter three months, you begin to
(02:15):
miss home, food, friends,parents, this is homesick.
Very different.
Very different.
And also something elsehomesickness.
Okay.
Can appear like I cannot supportthose people anymore.
(02:37):
Or I cannot support this countryanymore.
Just be aware of it.
It'll pass.
Best thing is to go outside fora weekend or a week, depending
what you can do.
For example, in Singapore we goto Batam.
Batam is in Malaysia, Indonesia,just a weekend.
(02:57):
You are happy to go outside,this is how you treat
homesickness.
When I was living in Korea, Ilike to go to Japan even for
weekend, uhhuh.
So after when I was coming backto Korea, everything was fine.
But for at least a few days Iwas out.
So this is homesick.
(03:19):
So you have two version.
I miss something or I can'tstand them anymore.
I miss something or I can'tstand the people where I am now.
I want to go back where I was.
So these are the feelings weshould expect.
When we feel these things, weshould realize, these are
symptoms of being homesick.
(03:40):
I don't need to make rashdecisions.
And leave again.
No.
Wait, it'll pass.
But, you know, after threemonths, after the excitation,
get done.
Suddenly.
You would like something of yourold habits, like, this food that
you like so much and you cannotfind in this country, depending
(04:01):
of the place where you are.
Yes, of course, because forexample, in Korea it changed,
but when I was there, okay, itwas only Korean food, Uhhuh.
So western food were verydifficult to find.
Now it's not the case.
They have more international,restaurants but in Singapore,
you have everything, All kind ofrestaurant, all kind of food.
(04:21):
Singapore is very small.
So even if you try to go hikingthis way, at one point you say,
Hmm, I need to go out.
And it's true that for allexperts here, we are very lucky
because we can take the planeeasily to go anywhere around.
So this is the example I cangive you.
(04:43):
It's how you managehomesickness.
How long does the period offeeling homesick or experiencing
culture shock last?
Because I feel as though theinitial three months of joy and
happiness is like being atourist, right?
Yeah.
Being a tourist or being inlove, you know what I mean?
(05:03):
Reality gets in.
Okay.
So that's it.
But as I told you before,culture shock is very different
from homesickness.
Homesickness, it's somethingthat will stay.
Culture shock is too strong.
You have to do something aboutit, if you don't act on it, like
(05:24):
my friend, she was reallyoverwhelmed, she knew nobody
there because she decided to goalone, which I will not, advise
for a woman going alone when sherealized it was too much, it was
a visceral reaction she had toleave.
It's very violent.
It's not rational.
Homesickness is different.
(05:46):
It's low level.
So you can think and act aboutit.
For example, if you can, be kindto yourself, have a home, made
meal with the, the plates youlike, the meals you like, so
it'll help.
Maybe speak with some friendhome or things like this.
(06:06):
Right.
But please don't positionyourself as, oh, my poor self,
I'm a victim if you have thisspeech, you label yourself and
it'll stay.
Once you say something, you willgo on saying the same thing.
Yes.
So, home sickness, we can expectthat it will.
(06:27):
Remain at some low levelcontinually, as long as we were
away from home.
Not because what I will say isyes, it touch you after first
three months.
But when you go beyond that, youfine.
You just know that from time totime, okay, I need to go out for
(06:49):
some days.
There are so many things goingthrough my head because I'm
thinking about my experiences Ihope this helps expat women
listening as well I have oftenwondered if I was homesick for
England fish and chips things Inever used, places I didn't
really go to.
Being in America the first year,every time I think back to
(07:11):
England, I want to go to all thepubs and have the pub meals, I'm
imagining that life back at homewas perfect and wonderful.
There was something going on inmy mind that is not real.
I'm limited and fantasizingsomething about the place that I
left Forgetting why I left Yes.
(07:34):
The first place.
What, what?
Okay.
This is a very good remark.
Okay.
Is how you idealize the countryyou left forgetting that maybe
not everything was perfect andyou had good reason to left.
So what I want to see say hereis don't live in your head.
(07:59):
Don't live in your past.
If you are today, for example,in America, what is good where
you are now?
Move yourself.
Go and discover what is goodwhere you are.
Because this idealization, okay,it's like stopping you to
(08:19):
discover what you are you havenow.
You make yourself miserable, youdon't need this.
You leave your old partner.
And because you are alone, it'slike, oh, but he was not so bad.
It was a great guy.
(08:39):
No, no, no.
You leave him for good reason.
I was messing with my own mind.
Very often we get lost in ourmind.
And stop using what we feel.
Something I do for myself, is Ilike to write, I like to
journal.
Good.
Maybe it might help writing downthe things I miss about home,
(09:04):
but also writing down theopportunities and reasons why I
left England what made meexcited about moving to America.
That's what I do for myself.
I write a lot.
I love language.
I love words.
When you write about England.
(09:25):
I prefer you to be in thepresent time.
What do you like here?
What do you don't like here?
How was your day?
What did you enjoy?
What are you grateful for?
Present time.
Stay in the present.
Every time you are in the past,you are lost in your head,
present time is only about whatI feel.
(09:47):
For example, you meet somepeople during the day.
What did they make you feel?
Was it pleasant?
Unpleasant?
Did you like this woman?
Maybe you can have a coffee nextday.
With her.
Call her.
Don't be shy.
Right.
I'm gonna remember that.
That's beautiful.
Thank you.
Stay in the present.
(10:08):
Yes, absolutely.
I was speaking about what I callthe wellbeing program.
The four tools of the wellbeingprogram are all tools to bring
you back to the present.
This is very important becausewe are used to be in our head
and we forget to feel.
(10:29):
Mm-hmm.
That mean we don't live we onlythink, if you want to be living,
you have to feel feeling is lifethinking is dead.
Preferably feel everything,every moment.
If you don't feel you are azombie, some people get lost in
their head, they don't haveanymore energy because if you
(10:52):
don't tape, okay?
On your feeling space, your trueself, okay?
The source of your life energy,after a time, you feel like a
fraud?
You have your good brain andyour head, brain.
Okay?
Uhhuh, you good brain is feelingaffect.
(11:12):
Your abra is only aboutrepresentation and thinking.
Okay?
Hmm.
Very often people cut the bridgebetween the two because they had
some difficulties.
Last time I spoke about anger,yeah.
About, feeling of abandonment,meaning your mother, your
(11:32):
caregiver was notpsychologically available
because she was worried becauseshe was depressed or any other
reason.
And you have this archaic anger.
You cut the bridge so you don'tfeel it because the feeling of
anger is unpleasant.
And when you grow up, you havethis monster anger and you have
(11:53):
to keep control on the monsteranger inside.
Last time I spoke about how.
You don't have self-confidencebecause you cannot trust you.
You have to control yourself ifyou don't have self-confidence,
you are not mature and you arenot really an adult, even if you
are 65.
(12:13):
This is a psychological line ofdevelopment, You grow when you
stop thinking and begin to feeldid I answer your question yes,
you have.
You've given me so much to thinkabout I love what you said you
grow, when you stop thinking.
(12:34):
You begin to feel, you allowyourself to feel, feel the
emotions, whatever they may be.
When you begin working withthem.
You have to be careful.
There is a difference betweenfeeling or affect.
Both are almost equivalent.
But emotion is something else.
Emotion, okay.
Is long, and it's come very latein, the evolution.
(13:01):
Okay?
Uhhuh only the, how do you sayGreat.
Pre mats have emotion, right?
Emotion.
Emotion is how to show the groupwhat you feel.
Emotion is for the societyaround you, you feel the
emotion, but in an emotion youhave more than one feeling.
You have to be careful.
(13:21):
I know that every time peoplespeak about emotion, they ignore
the feeling, they ignore theeffect, the fabric of life is
made of feelings, not emotion.
Emotion is energetically taxing,a big, expanse of energy.
(13:42):
Feeling you have it every, 250milliseconds.
Okay?
Your feeling is what guide youin every moment in your life.
Let's say for example, you opena door on a meeting where you
know nobody, 250 millisecond,and you know what you think of
(14:03):
the meeting, this knowledge, youdon't even work for it.
It come like this.
Okay.
No time instant, automatic.
Yes, natural.
It's a continuing processingsystem.
That is, resuming all thestimuli coming from outside and
(14:26):
inside.
It give you in no time thesituation where you are.
So it come as an effect and thenit blows some in the three
dimension of tension,activation, and pro
representation, which mean abelly, malise, or wellbeing.
Mm-hmm.
It tells you if your situationis good or bad.
(14:49):
It's a question of survival.
So this is the first system youhave.
Then you develop representation.
But when you arrive, yourfeeling system is already at
work fully.
Mm-hmm.
So what are you saying for uswomen who travel abroad and you
(15:12):
tell us to not think so much,but to feel what?
.You know, feeling can make thedifference.
For example, if you are a womanalone, well, Singapore, Japan,
Korea, very safe, but if you goin some other country you never
know.
Okay?
(15:32):
Trust your good feeling.
It give you information that youdon't know about.
Sometime you know your goodfeeling in telling you
something.
No, don't go there.
Yes.
But at the same time, you hadtell you, ah, you are stupid.
Be brave or any stupid story?
Don't make a fuss trust yourgood feeling.
I see, I see.
(15:53):
I get you.
What would you say are some ofthe myths or misconceptions
about adjusting to life abroadthat you wish more people
understood?
I want to say don't try to fit.
Live your life, yes, you willnot want it for yourself to
(16:19):
change yourself to fit home.
But why will you try abroad?
If in our societies, westernsocieties, we have this idea
that, racist is bad it's not thesame if you are in other
country, Chinese, Japanese,Korean, a very nationalist,
(16:41):
mm-hmm.
They accept foreigners.
But you stay a foreigners.
Mm-hmm.
If I remember correctly, inKorea they had the tourist
minister, or was who was from,German origin.
30 years later I was still theforeigner.
Oh, I see.
Yeah.
So don't try to fit, accept theposition as a foreigner.
(17:04):
It's not bad.
In fact, you know, because insome of the society, in fact all
of them, the social pressure,it's very.
As a foreigner, you are notsubmitted to this pressure.
Okay?
You can act which, ever way youwant.
They will find it, excusablebecause you are foreigner.
(17:26):
Mm-hmm.
When we think about fitting in,we think about being accepted.
Belonging.
It's not the same thing, is it?
No, you belong to the companyyou work for.
You belong to the group offriend who accept you.
But.
You don't belong to a foreignsociety.
Even if you are interested.
(17:47):
For example, I had the chance inKorea to have a lot of friends
and they introduced me to a lotof the, Korean culture.
Through, Buddhist group andeverything, because I was
interested in meditation.
I had a good view on the Koreanculture, but I don't belong
there.
(18:07):
I will never belong there.
And they will never accept me asa Korean, they accept me as a
foreign friend, and this isfine.
So for me now, and people likeme, women like me in the us
mm-hmm.
We, our feeling must be that I'ma foreign.
(18:31):
I have moved here.
Mm-hmm.
Even if I become an Americancitizen I will not be accepted
as an American citizen bornhere.
You, you, I, I will saysomething, different.
The US a melting pot.
Yeah.
The matter of people coming fromall over the world.
(18:55):
So it's easier to become anAmerican because all American
come from somewhere else.
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
So yes, some American are therefrom many generation.
So it's different, but there isno difference between you and
the other American that maybeare American for two or three
(19:16):
generation and American people.
Accept people from abroad mucheasier than, for example, Korean
or Japanese or Chinese.
Right.
When they see you, you look likeany other American.
There is no so much difference.
If you see a Chinese in theStates, you can think is
(19:37):
American.
Yes.
If you see an American in China,not so much.
I see what you mean.
I understand.
So when we think about fittingin because I, let me speak from
my own experience, meetingpeople here as a new arrival.
And getting to know them, I thenget a sense whether or not I
(20:03):
will become part of their group,sometimes it might be no, you
are telling me, do not try tofit in, move along, find another
group you know when I hear you,it's like an adolescent, like
your daughter.
There is always a cool group ofchildren.
There are other groups I don'tknow why people think that the
(20:24):
cool group, you know, becausethe reason of the cool group
could change.
Before it was because it was thebest students.
Now it's even like, it's becausethey are the worst student.
In any case, don't try to fitwith this group, if it's not
you, find people with whom youfeel good.
(20:46):
You can speak your mind.
You feel free not trying tocontrol yourself to please other
people.
Nothing is worse than peoplepleaser.
Because you, you are not true.
You are not yourself.
And you don't want to livetrying to imitate someone else.
You want to be yourself.
(21:09):
If in your environment you don'tfind people that with who you
can be friend and have a,relationship, you know,
friendly, having a coffee or alunch from time to time.
Try something else.
You like to draw, go to adrawing course.
You like yoga.
Go to a yoga course.
(21:29):
This is how you meet people withsome interest.
Oh my gosh, Dr.
Veronica, a thousand thanks toyou.
I am still swimming in so manyaha moments from our chats.
The main takeaway is that youfinally know and can put a name,
(21:50):
to what you were feeling.
Culture shock often hits like awave.
It brings disorientation,sensory overload, and the urge
to escape.
Homesickness, on the other hand,is quieter.
It creeps in after theexcitement fades it's when you
start missing familiar foods andfaces and rhythms, and I
(22:10):
definitely, definitely had thatwhen I moved to the USA.
If today's episode resonatedwith you, take a moment to
reflect.
What are you idealizing aboutthe place you left, and what's
quietly beautiful about theplace you are in now?
(22:30):
Food for thought, huh?
That's it for me today.
Stay curious, stay grounded, andremember, you don't have to fit
in to belong.
Have a lovely day and see you onthe next episode.
in today's episode, we are goingto continue our chat about the
emotional terrain of life abroadspecifically the difference
between culture, shock andhomesickness.
You are going to learn somesimple tools to help you manage
overwhelm and reconnect withyour inner compass and find
balance in your new country.
(00:20):
Welcome to starting over in theUSA, the Expat Woman's Guide to
overcoming homesickness,embracing cultural differences,
and creating a new home awayfrom home.
On this podcast, we talk aboutleaving behind the familiar, you
know, the pangs of homesicknessand culture shock to the
journeys of reinventingyourself.
(00:42):
I'm Yolanda Reshemah.
And after relocating six times,I know firsthand what it's like
to start from scratch, feelinglike both a foreign child and a
foreign adult in a new world.
So how do you know if whatyou're feeling is culture shock
or homesickness or both?
(01:05):
Today I'm back with Dr.
Veronique, and we are going toexplore how to recognize these
emotional states, how to honorthem without letting them define
you and how to gently return tothe present moment where your
new life in this new countryabroad is unfolding.
(01:27):
I wanted to pick up with you ifwe can just jump into it.
Is there a difference betweenculture, shock and homesickness?
Do they tend to show uptogether?
They're different.
Uhhuh And last time I remember,and I will give you the same
example.
It's a friend of me going toIndia.
And she was very excited to goto India.
She went out of the airport andshe was so shocked about what
(01:53):
she discover.
She go back, take a plane, andcome back home.
Ah.
Culture shock.
It's too much.
You are overwhelmed.
Normally when you arrive in anew country to live there, the
three first months, you are veryexcited.
Everything in new is new.
Everything is interesting.
The three first months, butafter three months, you begin to
(02:15):
miss home, food, friends,parents, this is homesick.
Very different.
Very different.
And also something elsehomesickness.
Okay.
Can appear like I cannot supportthose people anymore.
(02:37):
Or I cannot support this countryanymore.
Just be aware of it.
It'll pass.
Best thing is to go outside fora weekend or a week, depending
what you can do.
For example, in Singapore we goto Batam.
Batam is in Malaysia, Indonesia,just a weekend.
(02:57):
You are happy to go outside,this is how you treat
homesickness.
When I was living in Korea, Ilike to go to Japan even for
weekend, uhhuh.
So after when I was coming backto Korea, everything was fine.
But for at least a few days Iwas out.
So this is homesick.
(03:19):
So you have two version.
I miss something or I can'tstand them anymore.
I miss something or I can'tstand the people where I am now.
I want to go back where I was.
So these are the feelings weshould expect.
When we feel these things, weshould realize, these are
symptoms of being homesick.
(03:40):
I don't need to make rashdecisions.
And leave again.
No.
Wait, it'll pass.
But, you know, after threemonths, after the excitation,
get done.
Suddenly.
You would like something of yourold habits, like, this food that
you like so much and you cannotfind in this country, depending
(04:01):
of the place where you are.
Yes, of course, because forexample, in Korea it changed,
but when I was there, okay, itwas only Korean food, Uhhuh.
So western food were verydifficult to find.
Now it's not the case.
They have more international,restaurants but in Singapore,
you have everything, All kind ofrestaurant, all kind of food.
(04:21):
Singapore is very small.
So even if you try to go hikingthis way, at one point you say,
Hmm, I need to go out.
And it's true that for allexperts here, we are very lucky
because we can take the planeeasily to go anywhere around.
So this is the example I cangive you.
(04:43):
It's how you managehomesickness.
How long does the period offeeling homesick or experiencing
culture shock last?
Because I feel as though theinitial three months of joy and
happiness is like being atourist, right?
Yeah.
Being a tourist or being inlove, you know what I mean?
(05:03):
Reality gets in.
Okay.
So that's it.
But as I told you before,culture shock is very different
from homesickness.
Homesickness, it's somethingthat will stay.
Culture shock is too strong.
You have to do something aboutit, if you don't act on it, like
(05:24):
my friend, she was reallyoverwhelmed, she knew nobody
there because she decided to goalone, which I will not, advise
for a woman going alone when sherealized it was too much, it was
a visceral reaction she had toleave.
It's very violent.
It's not rational.
Homesickness is different.
(05:46):
It's low level.
So you can think and act aboutit.
For example, if you can, be kindto yourself, have a home, made
meal with the, the plates youlike, the meals you like, so
it'll help.
Maybe speak with some friendhome or things like this.
(06:06):
Right.
But please don't positionyourself as, oh, my poor self,
I'm a victim if you have thisspeech, you label yourself and
it'll stay.
Once you say something, you willgo on saying the same thing.
Yes.
So, home sickness, we can expectthat it will.
(06:27):
Remain at some low levelcontinually, as long as we were
away from home.
Not because what I will say isyes, it touch you after first
three months.
But when you go beyond that, youfine.
You just know that from time totime, okay, I need to go out for
(06:49):
some days.
There are so many things goingthrough my head because I'm
thinking about my experiences Ihope this helps expat women
listening as well I have oftenwondered if I was homesick for
England fish and chips things Inever used, places I didn't
really go to.
Being in America the first year,every time I think back to
(07:11):
England, I want to go to all thepubs and have the pub meals, I'm
imagining that life back at homewas perfect and wonderful.
There was something going on inmy mind that is not real.
I'm limited and fantasizingsomething about the place that I
left Forgetting why I left Yes.
(07:34):
The first place.
What, what?
Okay.
This is a very good remark.
Okay.
Is how you idealize the countryyou left forgetting that maybe
not everything was perfect andyou had good reason to left.
So what I want to see say hereis don't live in your head.
(07:59):
Don't live in your past.
If you are today, for example,in America, what is good where
you are now?
Move yourself.
Go and discover what is goodwhere you are.
Because this idealization, okay,it's like stopping you to
(08:19):
discover what you are you havenow.
You make yourself miserable, youdon't need this.
You leave your old partner.
And because you are alone, it'slike, oh, but he was not so bad.
It was a great guy.
(08:39):
No, no, no.
You leave him for good reason.
I was messing with my own mind.
Very often we get lost in ourmind.
And stop using what we feel.
Something I do for myself, is Ilike to write, I like to
journal.
Good.
Maybe it might help writing downthe things I miss about home,
(09:04):
but also writing down theopportunities and reasons why I
left England what made meexcited about moving to America.
That's what I do for myself.
I write a lot.
I love language.
I love words.
When you write about England.
(09:25):
I prefer you to be in thepresent time.
What do you like here?
What do you don't like here?
How was your day?
What did you enjoy?
What are you grateful for?
Present time.
Stay in the present.
Every time you are in the past,you are lost in your head,
present time is only about whatI feel.
(09:47):
For example, you meet somepeople during the day.
What did they make you feel?
Was it pleasant?
Unpleasant?
Did you like this woman?
Maybe you can have a coffee nextday.
With her.
Call her.
Don't be shy.
Right.
I'm gonna remember that.
That's beautiful.
Thank you.
Stay in the present.
(10:08):
Yes, absolutely.
I was speaking about what I callthe wellbeing program.
The four tools of the wellbeingprogram are all tools to bring
you back to the present.
This is very important becausewe are used to be in our head
and we forget to feel.
(10:29):
Mm-hmm.
That mean we don't live we onlythink, if you want to be living,
you have to feel feeling is lifethinking is dead.
Preferably feel everything,every moment.
If you don't feel you are azombie, some people get lost in
their head, they don't haveanymore energy because if you
(10:52):
don't tape, okay?
On your feeling space, your trueself, okay?
The source of your life energy,after a time, you feel like a
fraud?
You have your good brain andyour head, brain.
Okay?
Uhhuh, you good brain is feelingaffect.
(11:12):
Your abra is only aboutrepresentation and thinking.
Okay?
Hmm.
Very often people cut the bridgebetween the two because they had
some difficulties.
Last time I spoke about anger,yeah.
About, feeling of abandonment,meaning your mother, your
(11:32):
caregiver was notpsychologically available
because she was worried becauseshe was depressed or any other
reason.
And you have this archaic anger.
You cut the bridge so you don'tfeel it because the feeling of
anger is unpleasant.
And when you grow up, you havethis monster anger and you have
(11:53):
to keep control on the monsteranger inside.
Last time I spoke about how.
You don't have self-confidencebecause you cannot trust you.
You have to control yourself ifyou don't have self-confidence,
you are not mature and you arenot really an adult, even if you
are 65.
(12:13):
This is a psychological line ofdevelopment, You grow when you
stop thinking and begin to feeldid I answer your question yes,
you have.
You've given me so much to thinkabout I love what you said you
grow, when you stop thinking.
(12:34):
You begin to feel, you allowyourself to feel, feel the
emotions, whatever they may be.
When you begin working withthem.
You have to be careful.
There is a difference betweenfeeling or affect.
Both are almost equivalent.
But emotion is something else.
Emotion, okay.
Is long, and it's come very latein, the evolution.
(13:01):
Okay?
Uhhuh only the, how do you sayGreat.
Pre mats have emotion, right?
Emotion.
Emotion is how to show the groupwhat you feel.
Emotion is for the societyaround you, you feel the
emotion, but in an emotion youhave more than one feeling.
You have to be careful.
(13:21):
I know that every time peoplespeak about emotion, they ignore
the feeling, they ignore theeffect, the fabric of life is
made of feelings, not emotion.
Emotion is energetically taxing,a big, expanse of energy.
(13:42):
Feeling you have it every, 250milliseconds.
Okay?
Your feeling is what guide youin every moment in your life.
Let's say for example, you opena door on a meeting where you
know nobody, 250 millisecond,and you know what you think of
(14:03):
the meeting, this knowledge, youdon't even work for it.
It come like this.
Okay.
No time instant, automatic.
Yes, natural.
It's a continuing processingsystem.
That is, resuming all thestimuli coming from outside and
(14:26):
inside.
It give you in no time thesituation where you are.
So it come as an effect and thenit blows some in the three
dimension of tension,activation, and pro
representation, which mean abelly, malise, or wellbeing.
Mm-hmm.
It tells you if your situationis good or bad.
(14:49):
It's a question of survival.
So this is the first system youhave.
Then you develop representation.
But when you arrive, yourfeeling system is already at
work fully.
Mm-hmm.
So what are you saying for uswomen who travel abroad and you
(15:12):
tell us to not think so much,but to feel what?
.You know, feeling can make thedifference.
For example, if you are a womanalone, well, Singapore, Japan,
Korea, very safe, but if you goin some other country you never
know.
Okay?
(15:32):
Trust your good feeling.
It give you information that youdon't know about.
Sometime you know your goodfeeling in telling you
something.
No, don't go there.
Yes.
But at the same time, you hadtell you, ah, you are stupid.
Be brave or any stupid story?
Don't make a fuss trust yourgood feeling.
I see, I see.
(15:53):
I get you.
What would you say are some ofthe myths or misconceptions
about adjusting to life abroadthat you wish more people
understood?
I want to say don't try to fit.
Live your life, yes, you willnot want it for yourself to
(16:19):
change yourself to fit home.
But why will you try abroad?
If in our societies, westernsocieties, we have this idea
that, racist is bad it's not thesame if you are in other
country, Chinese, Japanese,Korean, a very nationalist,
(16:41):
mm-hmm.
They accept foreigners.
But you stay a foreigners.
Mm-hmm.
If I remember correctly, inKorea they had the tourist
minister, or was who was from,German origin.
30 years later I was still theforeigner.
Oh, I see.
Yeah.
So don't try to fit, accept theposition as a foreigner.
(17:04):
It's not bad.
In fact, you know, because insome of the society, in fact all
of them, the social pressure,it's very.
As a foreigner, you are notsubmitted to this pressure.
Okay?
You can act which, ever way youwant.
They will find it, excusablebecause you are foreigner.
(17:26):
Mm-hmm.
When we think about fitting in,we think about being accepted.
Belonging.
It's not the same thing, is it?
No, you belong to the companyyou work for.
You belong to the group offriend who accept you.
But.
You don't belong to a foreignsociety.
Even if you are interested.
(17:47):
For example, I had the chance inKorea to have a lot of friends
and they introduced me to a lotof the, Korean culture.
Through, Buddhist group andeverything, because I was
interested in meditation.
I had a good view on the Koreanculture, but I don't belong
there.
(18:07):
I will never belong there.
And they will never accept me asa Korean, they accept me as a
foreign friend, and this isfine.
So for me now, and people likeme, women like me in the us
mm-hmm.
We, our feeling must be that I'ma foreign.
(18:31):
I have moved here.
Mm-hmm.
Even if I become an Americancitizen I will not be accepted
as an American citizen bornhere.
You, you, I, I will saysomething, different.
The US a melting pot.
Yeah.
The matter of people coming fromall over the world.
(18:55):
So it's easier to become anAmerican because all American
come from somewhere else.
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
So yes, some American are therefrom many generation.
So it's different, but there isno difference between you and
the other American that maybeare American for two or three
(19:16):
generation and American people.
Accept people from abroad mucheasier than, for example, Korean
or Japanese or Chinese.
Right.
When they see you, you look likeany other American.
There is no so much difference.
If you see a Chinese in theStates, you can think is
(19:37):
American.
Yes.
If you see an American in China,not so much.
I see what you mean.
I understand.
So when we think about fittingin because I, let me speak from
my own experience, meetingpeople here as a new arrival.
And getting to know them, I thenget a sense whether or not I
(20:03):
will become part of their group,sometimes it might be no, you
are telling me, do not try tofit in, move along, find another
group you know when I hear you,it's like an adolescent, like
your daughter.
There is always a cool group ofchildren.
There are other groups I don'tknow why people think that the
(20:24):
cool group, you know, becausethe reason of the cool group
could change.
Before it was because it was thebest students.
Now it's even like, it's becausethey are the worst student.
In any case, don't try to fitwith this group, if it's not
you, find people with whom youfeel good.
(20:46):
You can speak your mind.
You feel free not trying tocontrol yourself to please other
people.
Nothing is worse than peoplepleaser.
Because you, you are not true.
You are not yourself.
And you don't want to livetrying to imitate someone else.
You want to be yourself.
(21:09):
If in your environment you don'tfind people that with who you
can be friend and have a,relationship, you know,
friendly, having a coffee or alunch from time to time.
Try something else.
You like to draw, go to adrawing course.
You like yoga.
Go to a yoga course.
(21:29):
This is how you meet people withsome interest.
Oh my gosh, Dr.
Veronica, a thousand thanks toyou.
I am still swimming in so manyaha moments from our chats.
The main takeaway is that youfinally know and can put a name,
(21:50):
to what you were feeling.
Culture shock often hits like awave.
It brings disorientation,sensory overload, and the urge
to escape.
Homesickness, on the other hand,is quieter.
It creeps in after theexcitement fades it's when you
start missing familiar foods andfaces and rhythms, and I
(22:10):
definitely, definitely had thatwhen I moved to the USA.
If today's episode resonatedwith you, take a moment to
reflect.
What are you idealizing aboutthe place you left, and what's
quietly beautiful about theplace you are in now?
(22:30):
Food for thought, huh?
That's it for me today.
Stay curious, stay grounded, andremember, you don't have to fit
in to belong.
Have a lovely day and see you onthe next episode.
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