#42. Part 2. How To Make Friends in the USA as an Expat Woman—What Actually Works

Done with shallow interactions or unsure how to build real connection? You’re not alone. 

How do you become part of the  social circle when you keep getting the cold shoulder, where friendship isn’t spontaneous, and emotional safety isn’t guaranteed?

This episode unpacks what’s really behind the struggle—and how to bridge the cultural gap with clarity and courage.

You’ll walk away with three things:

• Key cultural insights into how Americans form adult friendships—and how to use that knowledge to connect more easily
• Simple, actionable ways to meet people through volunteering, routines, and community spaces that feel natural and authentic
• Mindset shifts to help you release self-blame, embrace patience, and build friendships that actually last

Press play for tips and tools to try. 

Share your own migration story or feedback: [e-mail]

This podcast dives into expat and immigrant stories—women and men who’ve immigrated to the USA, tackling homesickness, identity crisis, and culture shock while adjusting to expat life and navigating cultural differences. Through conversations on starting over, reinventing yourself, and finding purpose, it highlights success stories of resilience and tenacity. It offers insights into bicultural identity, language barriers, and the challenges of living overseas, while emphasizing the importance of strong support systems and wellbeing for women pursuing the American dream.

https://www.instagram.com/theplaces_wecallhome

Episode Transcript

(00:21):
In this episode, we areunpacking why making friends in
the USA can feel so difficulteven when you are open, kind,
and ready to connect and whatyou expat women can do to bridge
that cultural gap and finally,find your people.
Welcome to starting over in theUSA, the Expat Woman's Guide to

(00:44):
overcoming homesickness,embracing cultural differences,
and creating a new home awayfrom home.
On this podcast, we talk aboutleaving behind the familiar, you
know, the pangs of homesicknessand culture shock to the
journeys of reinventingyourself.
I'm Yolanda Reshemah.
And after relocating six times,I know firsthand what it's like

(01:07):
to start from scratch, feelinglike both a foreign child and a
foreign adult in a new world.
Today we are going deeper.
We'll explore what's reallybehind the struggle, how
American friendship, cultures,shape, connections, and.
I'll share the strategies thatworked for me, from

(01:30):
volunteering, to building dailyrituals that led to real
friendships.
It is not that Americans areunfriendly.
It's that adult friendships hereare built differently, often
around shared activities orfamily ties.
And once I understood that,.
It changed how I approachmeeting people.

(01:50):
In the last Friday Hangout, wetalked about some scientific
findings, some research byvarious bodies that highlighted
the vital importance of havingmeaningful connections, and I
have to say.
I didn't know a lot of that.
Now before I explain the tipsthat worked for me, let's look

(02:14):
at what makes, friendships inthe USA so tricky.
One of my fellow Americans, hername is Kristen, shared with me.
She's not an expat.
So it comes from somebody whoknows American culture well.
She said in the USA, it'sdifficult to make friends as an

(02:36):
adult because there's a fear ofstrangers.
That stranger danger and thatmakes people a bit reluctant to
open themselves because theydon't know what you are going to
bring.
There's an underlying fear.
You may be a threat in some way.
You are an a known entity, andif you don't sound the same or.

(03:01):
Look very different.
There is likely to behesitation, a cautiousness.
People often look for areflection of themselves and not
always physical.
It could be economical, it couldbe shared interest in something
that is very important to them.
But she reminded me that in theUS.

(03:22):
Women often come with theirpartners or family.
It's a given package, and I haveseen this.
When I, connect with somebodyand they're married, they will
often ask if I'm married, what'smy husband into?
What does he like to do?
They'll tell me about theirhusband and suggest, oh, maybe
we can go biking together.
That's just an example.

(03:44):
They look for what's commonbetween us.
If that's how the culture is,then expat women.
We need to work from that as astarting point.
I hadn't done that search beforeNow, here's what worked for me
and might work for you.
The first thing I did to meetpeople was volunteer my

(04:07):
professional skills.
That's not something you comeacross often, but it works.
I volunteered with localnonprofit and I helped shape
their missions and values andother messages.
It kept my skillset alive, itgave me cerebral stimulation, a
sense of purpose, and I metreally lovely people through

(04:29):
teamwork and meaningfulconversations.
The other thing that I did wasto go back to school.
I took a post grad class at uc,Berkeley.
And there I connected withstudents from all walks of life,
local and international peopleage in their twenties to their
fifties.

(04:50):
We socialize every month, and Imade some long-term friendships
as well.
I also showed up at my localcoffee shop with my laptop every
day at the same time.
And that is where I met my veryfirst friend.
Consider joining public affairsclubs and other social groups.

(05:12):
Again, you're gonna meet peopleof all ages and backgrounds and
interests.
I got involved in outdoorexercise classes and parents
circles.
Even short-term participationhelped me meet people in just
that particular season.
When you meet someone you vibewith.

(05:33):
It's really lovely to justexpress that.
Say you'd love to get to knowthem more.
Suggest another meetup.
Better yet, schedule somethingreoccurring like a monthly
coffee, a shared class or starta walking group.
It doesn't come off as a bit oddif it's somebody that you see

(05:57):
naturally, continually.
Like in a class or a coffee shopwhere you have a conversation.
Those are just a few things thatI tried, and while they work,
you will have to keep at it.
They're not gonna work in thefirst day, week, or month.

(06:20):
You will have to keep tryingagain and again.
And it's not so much that youneed a ton of stuff to do
because you end up wearingyourself out.
You just need a few things thatactually work I hope you try
them but there's something elseI wanna share with you.
A few things that I know nowthat I wish I knew back then.

(06:43):
Don't compare your oldfriendships to new ones.
Because they're built ondifferent soil.
Don't believe the myth thatadults have filled all their
friendship slots.
People are continually pruningand reshaping their circles.
Fourth thing.
Give yourself some grace.

(07:05):
Everything is new.
Everyone is in a differentseason.
It takes time to find people whoare right for you.
Fifth, be a little vulnerable.
Say you are learning to live inthis new culture.
You are figuring it out.
You are looking for interestgroups to help you acclimate and

(07:25):
connect.
Just be honest.
Don't have anything to hide.
Be authentic.
Now the onus is on the otherpeople to to be, to be just as
authentic with you and to reachout and to meet you halfway.
If they don't, then perhapsthey're not your people.

(07:45):
once we understand how Americanfriendship culture works, we can
stop blaming ourselves and startbuilding from that point.
That's it from me today.
I'll see you on the nextepisode.