December 19, 2024 • 22 mins
David shares and analyzes the 5th and 6th open mic of his life. Is he improving? You be the judge.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, welcome back to Starting Stand-Up.
Let's go.
This is our 10th episode,double Digis.
We've done it, we're in thedouble digits, we're legit.
So to commemorate Double Digis,I've decided to go back to the
basics Kind of this journalethos, and I haven't shared that
many open mics and I started tofeel bad because, honestly,
(00:21):
that's where the action is.
It's we're, this whole, thewhole point of this thing.
Let's get good at stand-upcomedy.
And so I'm gonna share two openmics, my fifth and sixth.
I did them in april.
They're the same material andyou're gonna see how the
material shifted and how oneaudience didn't respond to it at
(00:42):
all and then the next audienceresponded to it.
Pretty well, and it's similarmaterial.
So valuable data, and then I'llanalyze it and we'll get into
it.
Thank you for listening to theseamazing interviews.
If you haven't listened toprevious episodes, you can bomb
around, but Jeremy Sisto and mywife uh been getting a lot of
(01:06):
wonderful feedback.
I appreciate it very, very much.
Wind in my sails.
So listen to this and then goback and explore.
We've got double digitsepisodes, we're legit.
This is a real podcast.
Let's start stand-up.
That's rubbish, that's rubbish.
(01:46):
Okay, so here is open micnumber five.
It's the second half.
What we're going to do is whatwe why do I keep saying we,
that's the royal, we, it's meand my AI producer, claude.
So we are going to share withyou this clip.
This is getting into the weeds.
Now Get ready to get technical.
(02:06):
I will do my best, but whatwe're doing is this we're
analyzing, we're getting intothe nitty-gritty.
Here is a bit I came up with inthis idea of where I decided
that my persona was going to besomeone who's done too much
psychedelics, someone who'staken too many drugs, and it was
a way of giving myself licenseto talk about things that I
(02:27):
thought were interesting.
Now, this is the first attempt,but of all the open mics I've
done and I totally forgot I didthis, but this is where I was
connected emotionally to what Iwas saying.
Now, nobody was laughing, butwhen I look back, when I listen
back on this, I actually likethe level of energy and
connection I had to the material.
(02:49):
And if the material got betterand tighter and more and funnier
, I think this energy is a placewhere I want to be.
It was full of life and full ofnot giving a fuck was full of
life and full of not giving afuck.
(03:09):
And then a beautiful moment atthe end where I exhibit some
incredible delusion, which willbe a little Easter egg and I'll
say after I show it.
But here is open mic numberfive, the second half of it, and
I will then play open mic six,where I try this again and in it
for a different crowd, withmuch greater success, but I
don't actually think theperformance was as good, if that
(03:30):
makes sense.
Okay, lots of exciting stuff.
You know, one of the otherthings that I'm having a hard
time with after doinghallucinogenics is, um, everyone
feels like an ape to me, like agreat ape.
Ape, because we are.
We think we're human, we thinkwe're special, but we are
literally great apes.
And so I'm walking down thestreet and I'm just like
(03:52):
everyone.
It's not like I imagine peoplewithout their clothes to not
feel nervous.
It's just like everyone feelslike they're ancient, roaming
across the plain people.
And it's making me wonder, likewhat is the essence of our
(04:13):
apeness?
And I think ultimately it's oneis that we lie.
We lie all the time.
You know what I mean.
Like we're apes that lie, likewe've probably all lied a
hundred times today.
No, like someone said how areyou doing?
And you're like I'm great.
It's like, clearly you're notgreat Like some people.
I can tell, like you were cryingearlier today, or I can tell
(04:36):
even that you've got a littlebowel trouble.
You have to go number three.
You're not great.
And then that got me thinkingabout just shitting in general,
like.
And then that got me thinkingabout just shitting in general,
like I think it's insane thatwe're still shitting as humans,
like we have iPhones, we havecomputers.
How have we not figured thisout?
We have to stop shitting.
(04:58):
Like there are Nobel Prizewinning genius physicists.
There was a guy giving a speechand he had to leave the stage
to go diarrhea.
It's absurd.
The poor guy like a sick dog ina stall, the biggest brain on
earth.
It's just like please, elonMusk, stop with the rockets,
(05:20):
figure this shitting thing out.
And then, yeah, and then I wasthinking about how we talk to.
We're apes and we talk toourselves Like do apes?
Like do they talk to themselves?
Do gorillas talk to themselves?
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I don't actually know that.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
I don't think they do .
I think we're the only apesthat talk to ourselves, which is
absurd.
Who is talking to who?
It's like dude.
I saw you like right now I'mtalking to myself.
This is horrible.
This is a horrible thing to bedoing.
No one's laughing.
What are you?
An idiot?
You fucking idiot.
Why are you up here?
Why are you sharing yourmidlife crisis with strangers?
(05:57):
You know like I'm talking tomyself like that, but then
someone asks me like who are youtalking to'm?
like I'm talking to myself,who's I?
What, wait, who's myself?
Fuck you, fuck you.
Don't ask me those hardquestions.
But then I realized that we'reall.
(06:18):
Everyone talks himself, whichmeans that you're literally
crazy.
We're all nuts, we're all crazy.
That's a beautiful thing.
Yeah, baby, you just got tolean into it.
It's fun to be crazy.
My wife and I started to do it.
She'll be bad at me, she'll belike you're acting, like I'm
(06:39):
crazy and I'm like you are crazyand I'm crazy too, and that's
great.
And then, like my kids are inanother room, like listening,
just like looking at each other,like I think we need to leave.
They're little kids.
They're like I think we need tofind a new parent.
But once I realized that crazywas good, I started leaning into
(07:01):
talking to myself and I talkedto my.
I actually talked to my futureself.
He's like 85 and I journal withhim and sometimes it's like
marijuana based.
But often now I can do it soberand I really have a connection
with this guy and I'll be likeis that one more minute?
Now you're a pot.
Such a good final bit.
(07:22):
Did you give me the warning?
Speaker 2 (07:23):
I gave you the one important then I give you a
wonderful man Fuck this is good.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Such a good final bit .
Did you give me the warning?
I gave you the one at four andthen I gave you the one at five.
You're a beautiful man, I guessit'll have to wait, but next
time I will tell you all aboutmy dialogue with my 85-year-old
self.
I hope you'll come back.
Thank you for your time.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
Welcome to the Dr Josh Martini everybody.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
I can promise you one thing the bit that I was so
upset not to have time to do inopen mic number five, such a
good bit that I promised thatcrowd I would get to next time.
Not only have I not gotten tothat crowd next time, but I did
it at a different place a fewdays later and, shocker, it was
(08:06):
not such a good bit.
But I'm psyched that I was thatdelusional and just feeling it,
just feeling it.
That was an interesting openmic because in listening back I
don't think I really didn't careabout the fact that everyone
was just slack-jawed, likelooking at me, not laughing.
I don't think they even wereslack-jawed, they're just like
(08:28):
what is going on, this isn'tcomedy.
But then I did kind of the samebit the next time and you know,
hey, check it out, check it out, don't give up on stuff.
This friendlier crowd,different delivery, but same
kind of material.
So here it is again.
New night, same attempt, didn'tgive up on it.
(08:49):
Here we go Everyone.
Big applause for David WaltonWoo, you guys are, uh, this is a
good looking crew.
I gotta tell you I'm uh, I'vedone a lot of acid and uh,
what's happened?
And not like the microdosingtime like the real heroic,
(09:10):
heroic dosing.
I sort of look down onmicrodosing.
I don't know if anyone elsedoes.
It's cute, you do your littlemicros, but no, there's a lot of
risk with it, right, and one ofthe risks that I'm currently
suffering from is that I look atall human beings now as apes
(09:35):
and we are right, we are greatapes.
We actually are.
But what's hard is that I justsort of like walk down the
street and everyone just lookslike they're like on the
Savannah Plains.
It's not like a thing ofimagining people naked or
anything you know.
It's like you know not to benervous, but it is like we are
(09:57):
great apes who just have a wildassortment of clothing for
purchase and that's it.
It's really that.
It's the only difference.
There's a few other differences, and I'm very excited about
technology.
I'm scared of it, of course,and I bet all of us are.
But I'm scared of it, of course, and I bet all of us are, but
(10:19):
I'm scared of AI a little bit,but like we're so animal and has
anyone here ever made love onmushrooms?
Yeah, okay.
Well, it can be reallywonderful, but it also.
(10:41):
It really just opens your eyesto just how fucking animal we
are as humans, how apish we are,all the noises and the juices
on us.
I'm so sorry, but it got methinking about technology.
I'm just so pissed off that wehaven't figured out the shitting
problem.
That we haven't figured out theshitting problem.
Like there was a Nobel Prizewinning scientist who was giving
(11:03):
a speech.
He invented some quantum theoryjust magic and he had to leave
the podium to go diarrhea and hesaid sure that we're still
having to do that, and I'mhoping Elon Musk or any of these
pioneers can figure it out,because until then we really
will still be apes and I'mhoping that we can somehow break
(11:25):
free, transcend these physicallimitations.
The other thing that feelsdifferent than apes is that we
talk to ourselves.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I don't know, I don't do a lot of gorilla
documentaries, but I don't seegorillas like woo, woo, woo, woo
, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo,woo, woo.
You know, like I'm aself-loather, how many people
self-loathe?
I'm most stand-ups, exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
But I love stand-ups.
I'm glad you know Self-loathingis fascinating because I kind
of lean into it.
I play a lot of sports and Ijust lash myself and then I play
better.
So there is usefulness to it.
But it's just got to bethinking that if you are talking
to yourself and now we'll getmetaphysical.
But obviously there's no twodifferent I and myself it's all,
(12:21):
it's all, it's all a dream, andso once we realize that we're
all crazy, all of us, andthere's different levels of, of
course, but they were all crazyLife becomes way more fun, and
I've explained this to my wife,with varying degrees of success.
(12:41):
She will be like you think I'mcrazy.
And I'll be like, yes, I do,but I'm crazy too.
And then I imagine my kids inthe next room looking at each
other and being like I thinkwe've got to leave, I think this
(13:06):
is our got to leave.
Okay, here's the moment that Iwas originally gonna cut it off,
but because it is the bit thatI thought was so good, I'm gonna
include it even though it justpains me so deeply but once
you're once you're excited aboutbeing crazy, you lean into it.
that's what I started to do inmy life.
Look, I talk to my 90-year-oldfuture self we're talking 2065,
and he has amazing wisdom.
I give him a voice andeverything.
(13:26):
And I just hang in my officeand I'm like what's going on,
future David?
Speaker 2 (13:31):
And he's like oh, hello you, precious child.
Shut up future.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
David.
And he's like oh, hello you,precious child.
And I'm like yeah, I'm just alittle confused, you know life's
hard.
And he's like but you do nothave to worry about a thing.
And I'm like why are youspeaking with a British?
Speaker 2 (13:49):
accent and he's like you'll find out, don't worry.
And then he goes.
Well, this is what I want youto do, because I know you're
feeling good.
I want you to go, I want you totake your precious children and
I want you to hug them.
I want you to hug them.
They will be growing old andyou will be so sad once they've
left the house, and then I wantyou to.
(14:10):
Your parents will probably begoing, passing, dropping their
bodies soon, and so why don'tyou go to that room and tell
them how much you love them?
And then your wife, yourgorgeous wife.
She is doing the dishes.
She's working her tail off andI want you to go up to her at
the sink and I want you toravage her.
I want you to move her aroundand bend her over the sink and I
(14:33):
want you to just ravage her andI'm like whoa, whoa, whoa.
I want you to pull the valveand bend it over the sink and I
want you to just pet it and I'mlike whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's going?
Speaker 1 (14:39):
on.
That's wildly inappropriate.
That's my wife.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
And he's like oh, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, it's
just so dreadful.
Dreadful year 2065.
Everybody's just fucking AIdolls.
Everybody's fucking AI dollsare everywhere.
It's wretched.
It's all cleaned up.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
I'm really obsessed with AI and it's kinda like I
actually thought that was gonnabe gonna laugh, but it's fine.
Yeah, but everyone is gonna befucking AI dolls in a couple
years everybody, I'm justwarning you right now, including
my future self, no, but ingeneral, when my future self
(15:22):
starts getting randy and hestarts getting attracted to my
wife, I can't resist and Iusually rub one out.
The problem is he's watchingand so I have to go and send him
off to another room.
But we do it together and it'sgreat.
We have a good relationship.
Anyway, thank you all.
Thanks for being here tonight.
(15:46):
Okay, so let's just ignore thefact that I hit in one four
minute thing the three most hackbeginner topics, which is drugs
, fucking and shitting, andlet's just ignore that, because
this crowd was responding to mymaterial.
Now were they responding toother people?
(16:07):
Uh, I don't remember.
Uh, it was obviously a warmroom and probably, in listening
back to all my open mics, thewarmest room I've ever been in.
There was about 15 people thereand I think the person who was
introducing knew that I was onnew girl and maybe a few people
in the audience recognized me,and so maybe I'm like
(16:28):
experiencing one of those thingswhere you know they, they,
they're just so warm becausethey know you already, as
opposed to just a strangertalking about acid, fucking and
shitting, but regardless of whatthe reason was, there is
information, there is data whenyou listen and you see where the
(16:49):
laughs are.
I've done a lot of acid to openup.
I remember thinking like that'sa nice way to start because it
just cuts right to it and it maygive me a bunch of leeway to be
weird and not funny.
Um, and I think it did.
I think it does, it's effectiveand I think I'll keep it.
(17:10):
I'll keep trying it, maybe as astarter, um, because it I don't
know I feel like it just helps.
Let people relax and be like,okay, this is going to be kind
of weird and we're going to givehim a break.
He's done too much acid, sowhat's that's a?
I'll call that a keeper.
(17:30):
The, the way of looking atpeople as apes.
I got a big laugh on.
People are just apes with anabsurd availability of clothing
for purchase.
That one worked.
Maybe expand on that idea.
I could do a mind map.
(17:50):
I'm starting to do mind maps.
You write in the center of thepiece of paper humans as ap and
then I'll just free associate abunch of stuff.
Maybe I'll work on that andthat can be a new uh test run.
And then we moved on and we gotinto mushroom sex, which,
(18:11):
honestly, now we're getting intopsychedelics and sex.
And then I said juicy, and Ifelt so gross that I said I'm so
sorry and the audio quality isso bad.
I was so sorry for that.
It was a messed up situation,but they really laughed hard
when I was like I'm so sorry, sothat was interesting.
Listening back that, that got abig laugh.
(18:33):
I'm so sorry, so that wasinteresting.
Uh, listening back that, thatgot a big laugh.
Um, and then when I talk aboutself-loathing, everybody
responded to that because Ithink it was a room mostly full
of standups and of course,everyone's a big self-loather in
the world of standup.
And obviously you heard thecheers, the AI trying to
eliminate shitting with tech, uh.
And then the crazy, crazy, thekids realizing that their
(18:55):
parents are nuts.
I think there's a premise therewhere parents feel like they're
in control, or they're at leastbeing behaving normally, and
you switch the perspective wherekids are listening their
parents be like you're crazy,I'm crazy, crazy, crazy's good.
And then they're looking ateach other like what the fuck?
(19:18):
I think we need to leave.
I think I need to find newparents.
There needs to be a betterpunchline there.
But that is a funny idea, Ithink this kids losing trust in
their parents I like that, Ilike that world, because every
day your kid kind of is like,really, especially this day and
(19:40):
age, I used to think my parentswere so put together.
It was only when I got into mysort of twenties that I realized
that they're just, you know,emotional children.
But my kids cause we're aroundeach other so much.
Just look at me like, oh my god, dad's a mess.
So, yeah, I like that.
I perspective of kids justrealizing that their parents
(20:01):
aren't to be trusted, that'sfunny to me.
And then, uh, of course, we gotinto the British accent, my, my
first act out, my first voiceever on stage.
Tremendous dork tingleslistening to that.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
But I do like talking about it.
I'm a dying British man.
I'm so perverted.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Yeah, I don't know, that's one of those weird voices
I've done in the shower anddecided to put it up there.
I remember feeling a lot ofembarrassment as I was doing it,
but I just stuck with it upthere.
But I was embarrassed doing itbecause it really wasn't.
I'm not sure it was addinganything, but yeah, that's my
old person voice.
And then, of course, I'm justtrying to fit a square peg into
(20:46):
a round hole.
I'm trying to make, I wastrying to make, I was trying to
make again.
This was seven months ago, but Iwas trying to make this idea of
journaling your future selffunny.
And when I listen back to itnow, with the time that's gone
by, I'm like this is just toostrange.
It's just not.
(21:08):
Maybe there's a line there, butI got to let it go.
I got to let it go.
I got to let it go.
So again, I'm really happy forthis podcast because without it
I would never go back and dothis.
It's too uncomfortable.
I would have never gone backand tried to learn from these
things I did at the time, butnot this much later, and it's
(21:29):
been really valuable.
So I thank you for forcing this.
Forcing function is great.
It's time to go.
I know we're sad.
I know it's sad, it is sad, um,but let's not get crazy.
I can't keep going.
I can't just keep going.
It's so late, I'm so tired.
I've emptied the tank for thisone.
I've emptied it.
(21:50):
I've emptied it for you.
I do this for you, so you gottalet me go.
I know it's hard.
I know you want me to keeptalking for hours.
Have the most fun holiday ever.
So much fun, so much laughter,so much love and connection.
Maybe a little venery, but I'mnot gonna go there.
(22:10):
It's the holidays, of course, Ihope you get it, but if you
don't, life's not just aboutthat, it's about so much more.
Just have a blast and I'll seeyou the day after Christmas.
Bye, thank you.
Hello, welcome back to Starting Stand-Up.
Let's go.
This is our 10th episode,double Digis.
We've done it, we're in thedouble digits, we're legit.
So to commemorate Double Digis,I've decided to go back to the
basics Kind of this journalethos, and I haven't shared that
many open mics and I started tofeel bad because, honestly,
(00:21):
that's where the action is.
It's we're, this whole, thewhole point of this thing.
Let's get good at stand-upcomedy.
And so I'm gonna share two openmics, my fifth and sixth.
I did them in april.
They're the same material andyou're gonna see how the
material shifted and how oneaudience didn't respond to it at
(00:42):
all and then the next audienceresponded to it.
Pretty well, and it's similarmaterial.
So valuable data, and then I'llanalyze it and we'll get into
it.
Thank you for listening to theseamazing interviews.
If you haven't listened toprevious episodes, you can bomb
around, but Jeremy Sisto and mywife uh been getting a lot of
(01:06):
wonderful feedback.
I appreciate it very, very much.
Wind in my sails.
So listen to this and then goback and explore.
We've got double digitsepisodes, we're legit.
This is a real podcast.
Let's start stand-up.
That's rubbish, that's rubbish.
(01:46):
Okay, so here is open micnumber five.
It's the second half.
What we're going to do is whatwe why do I keep saying we,
that's the royal, we, it's meand my AI producer, claude.
So we are going to share withyou this clip.
This is getting into the weeds.
Now Get ready to get technical.
(02:06):
I will do my best, but whatwe're doing is this we're
analyzing, we're getting intothe nitty-gritty.
Here is a bit I came up with inthis idea of where I decided
that my persona was going to besomeone who's done too much
psychedelics, someone who'staken too many drugs, and it was
a way of giving myself licenseto talk about things that I
(02:27):
thought were interesting.
Now, this is the first attempt,but of all the open mics I've
done and I totally forgot I didthis, but this is where I was
connected emotionally to what Iwas saying.
Now, nobody was laughing, butwhen I look back, when I listen
back on this, I actually likethe level of energy and
connection I had to the material.
(02:49):
And if the material got betterand tighter and more and funnier
, I think this energy is a placewhere I want to be.
It was full of life and full ofnot giving a fuck was full of
life and full of not giving afuck.
(03:09):
And then a beautiful moment atthe end where I exhibit some
incredible delusion, which willbe a little Easter egg and I'll
say after I show it.
But here is open mic numberfive, the second half of it, and
I will then play open mic six,where I try this again and in it
for a different crowd, withmuch greater success, but I
don't actually think theperformance was as good, if that
(03:30):
makes sense.
Okay, lots of exciting stuff.
You know, one of the otherthings that I'm having a hard
time with after doinghallucinogenics is, um, everyone
feels like an ape to me, like agreat ape.
Ape, because we are.
We think we're human, we thinkwe're special, but we are
literally great apes.
And so I'm walking down thestreet and I'm just like
(03:52):
everyone.
It's not like I imagine peoplewithout their clothes to not
feel nervous.
It's just like everyone feelslike they're ancient, roaming
across the plain people.
And it's making me wonder, likewhat is the essence of our
(04:13):
apeness?
And I think ultimately it's oneis that we lie.
We lie all the time.
You know what I mean.
Like we're apes that lie, likewe've probably all lied a
hundred times today.
No, like someone said how areyou doing?
And you're like I'm great.
It's like, clearly you're notgreat Like some people.
I can tell, like you were cryingearlier today, or I can tell
(04:36):
even that you've got a littlebowel trouble.
You have to go number three.
You're not great.
And then that got me thinkingabout just shitting in general,
like.
And then that got me thinkingabout just shitting in general,
like I think it's insane thatwe're still shitting as humans,
like we have iPhones, we havecomputers.
How have we not figured thisout?
We have to stop shitting.
(04:58):
Like there are Nobel Prizewinning genius physicists.
There was a guy giving a speechand he had to leave the stage
to go diarrhea.
It's absurd.
The poor guy like a sick dog ina stall, the biggest brain on
earth.
It's just like please, elonMusk, stop with the rockets,
(05:20):
figure this shitting thing out.
And then, yeah, and then I wasthinking about how we talk to.
We're apes and we talk toourselves Like do apes?
Like do they talk to themselves?
Do gorillas talk to themselves?
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I don't actually know that.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
I don't think they do .
I think we're the only apesthat talk to ourselves, which is
absurd.
Who is talking to who?
It's like dude.
I saw you like right now I'mtalking to myself.
This is horrible.
This is a horrible thing to bedoing.
No one's laughing.
What are you?
An idiot?
You fucking idiot.
Why are you up here?
Why are you sharing yourmidlife crisis with strangers?
(05:57):
You know like I'm talking tomyself like that, but then
someone asks me like who are youtalking to'm?
like I'm talking to myself,who's I?
What, wait, who's myself?
Fuck you, fuck you.
Don't ask me those hardquestions.
But then I realized that we'reall.
(06:18):
Everyone talks himself, whichmeans that you're literally
crazy.
We're all nuts, we're all crazy.
That's a beautiful thing.
Yeah, baby, you just got tolean into it.
It's fun to be crazy.
My wife and I started to do it.
She'll be bad at me, she'll belike you're acting, like I'm
(06:39):
crazy and I'm like you are crazyand I'm crazy too, and that's
great.
And then, like my kids are inanother room, like listening,
just like looking at each other,like I think we need to leave.
They're little kids.
They're like I think we need tofind a new parent.
But once I realized that crazywas good, I started leaning into
(07:01):
talking to myself and I talkedto my.
I actually talked to my futureself.
He's like 85 and I journal withhim and sometimes it's like
marijuana based.
But often now I can do it soberand I really have a connection
with this guy and I'll be likeis that one more minute?
Now you're a pot.
Such a good final bit.
(07:22):
Did you give me the warning?
Speaker 2 (07:23):
I gave you the one important then I give you a
wonderful man Fuck this is good.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Such a good final bit .
Did you give me the warning?
I gave you the one at four andthen I gave you the one at five.
You're a beautiful man, I guessit'll have to wait, but next
time I will tell you all aboutmy dialogue with my 85-year-old
self.
I hope you'll come back.
Thank you for your time.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
Welcome to the Dr Josh Martini everybody.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
I can promise you one thing the bit that I was so
upset not to have time to do inopen mic number five, such a
good bit that I promised thatcrowd I would get to next time.
Not only have I not gotten tothat crowd next time, but I did
it at a different place a fewdays later and, shocker, it was
(08:06):
not such a good bit.
But I'm psyched that I was thatdelusional and just feeling it,
just feeling it.
That was an interesting openmic because in listening back I
don't think I really didn't careabout the fact that everyone
was just slack-jawed, likelooking at me, not laughing.
I don't think they even wereslack-jawed, they're just like
(08:28):
what is going on, this isn'tcomedy.
But then I did kind of the samebit the next time and you know,
hey, check it out, check it out, don't give up on stuff.
This friendlier crowd,different delivery, but same
kind of material.
So here it is again.
New night, same attempt, didn'tgive up on it.
(08:49):
Here we go Everyone.
Big applause for David WaltonWoo, you guys are, uh, this is a
good looking crew.
I gotta tell you I'm uh, I'vedone a lot of acid and uh,
what's happened?
And not like the microdosingtime like the real heroic,
(09:10):
heroic dosing.
I sort of look down onmicrodosing.
I don't know if anyone elsedoes.
It's cute, you do your littlemicros, but no, there's a lot of
risk with it, right, and one ofthe risks that I'm currently
suffering from is that I look atall human beings now as apes
(09:35):
and we are right, we are greatapes.
We actually are.
But what's hard is that I justsort of like walk down the
street and everyone just lookslike they're like on the
Savannah Plains.
It's not like a thing ofimagining people naked or
anything you know.
It's like you know not to benervous, but it is like we are
(09:57):
great apes who just have a wildassortment of clothing for
purchase and that's it.
It's really that.
It's the only difference.
There's a few other differences, and I'm very excited about
technology.
I'm scared of it, of course,and I bet all of us are.
But I'm scared of it, of course, and I bet all of us are, but
(10:19):
I'm scared of AI a little bit,but like we're so animal and has
anyone here ever made love onmushrooms?
Yeah, okay.
Well, it can be reallywonderful, but it also.
(10:41):
It really just opens your eyesto just how fucking animal we
are as humans, how apish we are,all the noises and the juices
on us.
I'm so sorry, but it got methinking about technology.
I'm just so pissed off that wehaven't figured out the shitting
problem.
That we haven't figured out theshitting problem.
Like there was a Nobel Prizewinning scientist who was giving
(11:03):
a speech.
He invented some quantum theoryjust magic and he had to leave
the podium to go diarrhea and hesaid sure that we're still
having to do that, and I'mhoping Elon Musk or any of these
pioneers can figure it out,because until then we really
will still be apes and I'mhoping that we can somehow break
(11:25):
free, transcend these physicallimitations.
The other thing that feelsdifferent than apes is that we
talk to ourselves.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I don't know, I don't do a lot of gorilla
documentaries, but I don't seegorillas like woo, woo, woo, woo
, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo,woo, woo.
You know, like I'm aself-loather, how many people
self-loathe?
I'm most stand-ups, exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
But I love stand-ups.
I'm glad you know Self-loathingis fascinating because I kind
of lean into it.
I play a lot of sports and Ijust lash myself and then I play
better.
So there is usefulness to it.
But it's just got to bethinking that if you are talking
to yourself and now we'll getmetaphysical.
But obviously there's no twodifferent I and myself it's all,
(12:21):
it's all, it's all a dream, andso once we realize that we're
all crazy, all of us, andthere's different levels of, of
course, but they were all crazyLife becomes way more fun, and
I've explained this to my wife,with varying degrees of success.
(12:41):
She will be like you think I'mcrazy.
And I'll be like, yes, I do,but I'm crazy too.
And then I imagine my kids inthe next room looking at each
other and being like I thinkwe've got to leave, I think this
(13:06):
is our got to leave.
Okay, here's the moment that Iwas originally gonna cut it off,
but because it is the bit thatI thought was so good, I'm gonna
include it even though it justpains me so deeply but once
you're once you're excited aboutbeing crazy, you lean into it.
that's what I started to do inmy life.
Look, I talk to my 90-year-oldfuture self we're talking 2065,
and he has amazing wisdom.
I give him a voice andeverything.
(13:26):
And I just hang in my officeand I'm like what's going on,
future David?
Speaker 2 (13:31):
And he's like oh, hello you, precious child.
Shut up future.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
David.
And he's like oh, hello you,precious child.
And I'm like yeah, I'm just alittle confused, you know life's
hard.
And he's like but you do nothave to worry about a thing.
And I'm like why are youspeaking with a British?
Speaker 2 (13:49):
accent and he's like you'll find out, don't worry.
And then he goes.
Well, this is what I want youto do, because I know you're
feeling good.
I want you to go, I want you totake your precious children and
I want you to hug them.
I want you to hug them.
They will be growing old andyou will be so sad once they've
left the house, and then I wantyou to.
(14:10):
Your parents will probably begoing, passing, dropping their
bodies soon, and so why don'tyou go to that room and tell
them how much you love them?
And then your wife, yourgorgeous wife.
She is doing the dishes.
She's working her tail off andI want you to go up to her at
the sink and I want you toravage her.
I want you to move her aroundand bend her over the sink and I
(14:33):
want you to just ravage her andI'm like whoa, whoa, whoa.
I want you to pull the valveand bend it over the sink and I
want you to just pet it and I'mlike whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's going?
Speaker 1 (14:39):
on.
That's wildly inappropriate.
That's my wife.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
And he's like oh, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, it's
just so dreadful.
Dreadful year 2065.
Everybody's just fucking AIdolls.
Everybody's fucking AI dollsare everywhere.
It's wretched.
It's all cleaned up.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
I'm really obsessed with AI and it's kinda like I
actually thought that was gonnabe gonna laugh, but it's fine.
Yeah, but everyone is gonna befucking AI dolls in a couple
years everybody, I'm justwarning you right now, including
my future self, no, but ingeneral, when my future self
(15:22):
starts getting randy and hestarts getting attracted to my
wife, I can't resist and Iusually rub one out.
The problem is he's watchingand so I have to go and send him
off to another room.
But we do it together and it'sgreat.
We have a good relationship.
Anyway, thank you all.
Thanks for being here tonight.
(15:46):
Okay, so let's just ignore thefact that I hit in one four
minute thing the three most hackbeginner topics, which is drugs
, fucking and shitting, andlet's just ignore that, because
this crowd was responding to mymaterial.
Now were they responding toother people?
(16:07):
Uh, I don't remember.
Uh, it was obviously a warmroom and probably, in listening
back to all my open mics, thewarmest room I've ever been in.
There was about 15 people thereand I think the person who was
introducing knew that I was onnew girl and maybe a few people
in the audience recognized me,and so maybe I'm like
(16:28):
experiencing one of those thingswhere you know they, they,
they're just so warm becausethey know you already, as
opposed to just a strangertalking about acid, fucking and
shitting, but regardless of whatthe reason was, there is
information, there is data whenyou listen and you see where the
(16:49):
laughs are.
I've done a lot of acid to openup.
I remember thinking like that'sa nice way to start because it
just cuts right to it and it maygive me a bunch of leeway to be
weird and not funny.
Um, and I think it did.
I think it does, it's effectiveand I think I'll keep it.
(17:10):
I'll keep trying it, maybe as astarter, um, because it I don't
know I feel like it just helps.
Let people relax and be like,okay, this is going to be kind
of weird and we're going to givehim a break.
He's done too much acid, sowhat's that's a?
I'll call that a keeper.
(17:30):
The, the way of looking atpeople as apes.
I got a big laugh on.
People are just apes with anabsurd availability of clothing
for purchase.
That one worked.
Maybe expand on that idea.
I could do a mind map.
(17:50):
I'm starting to do mind maps.
You write in the center of thepiece of paper humans as ap and
then I'll just free associate abunch of stuff.
Maybe I'll work on that andthat can be a new uh test run.
And then we moved on and we gotinto mushroom sex, which,
(18:11):
honestly, now we're getting intopsychedelics and sex.
And then I said juicy, and Ifelt so gross that I said I'm so
sorry and the audio quality isso bad.
I was so sorry for that.
It was a messed up situation,but they really laughed hard
when I was like I'm so sorry, sothat was interesting.
Listening back that, that got abig laugh.
(18:33):
I'm so sorry, so that wasinteresting.
Uh, listening back that, thatgot a big laugh.
Um, and then when I talk aboutself-loathing, everybody
responded to that because Ithink it was a room mostly full
of standups and of course,everyone's a big self-loather in
the world of standup.
And obviously you heard thecheers, the AI trying to
eliminate shitting with tech, uh.
And then the crazy, crazy, thekids realizing that their
(18:55):
parents are nuts.
I think there's a premise therewhere parents feel like they're
in control, or they're at leastbeing behaving normally, and
you switch the perspective wherekids are listening their
parents be like you're crazy,I'm crazy, crazy, crazy's good.
And then they're looking ateach other like what the fuck?
(19:18):
I think we need to leave.
I think I need to find newparents.
There needs to be a betterpunchline there.
But that is a funny idea, Ithink this kids losing trust in
their parents I like that, Ilike that world, because every
day your kid kind of is like,really, especially this day and
(19:40):
age, I used to think my parentswere so put together.
It was only when I got into mysort of twenties that I realized
that they're just, you know,emotional children.
But my kids cause we're aroundeach other so much.
Just look at me like, oh my god, dad's a mess.
So, yeah, I like that.
I perspective of kids justrealizing that their parents
(20:01):
aren't to be trusted, that'sfunny to me.
And then, uh, of course, we gotinto the British accent, my, my
first act out, my first voiceever on stage.
Tremendous dork tingleslistening to that.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
But I do like talking about it.
I'm a dying British man.
I'm so perverted.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Yeah, I don't know, that's one of those weird voices
I've done in the shower anddecided to put it up there.
I remember feeling a lot ofembarrassment as I was doing it,
but I just stuck with it upthere.
But I was embarrassed doing itbecause it really wasn't.
I'm not sure it was addinganything, but yeah, that's my
old person voice.
And then, of course, I'm justtrying to fit a square peg into
(20:46):
a round hole.
I'm trying to make, I wastrying to make, I was trying to
make again.
This was seven months ago, but Iwas trying to make this idea of
journaling your future selffunny.
And when I listen back to itnow, with the time that's gone
by, I'm like this is just toostrange.
It's just not.
(21:08):
Maybe there's a line there, butI got to let it go.
I got to let it go.
I got to let it go.
So again, I'm really happy forthis podcast because without it
I would never go back and dothis.
It's too uncomfortable.
I would have never gone backand tried to learn from these
things I did at the time, butnot this much later, and it's
(21:29):
been really valuable.
So I thank you for forcing this.
Forcing function is great.
It's time to go.
I know we're sad.
I know it's sad, it is sad, um,but let's not get crazy.
I can't keep going.
I can't just keep going.
It's so late, I'm so tired.
I've emptied the tank for thisone.
I've emptied it.
(21:50):
I've emptied it for you.
I do this for you, so you gottalet me go.
I know it's hard.
I know you want me to keeptalking for hours.
Have the most fun holiday ever.
So much fun, so much laughter,so much love and connection.
Maybe a little venery, but I'mnot gonna go there.
(22:10):
It's the holidays, of course, Ihope you get it, but if you
don't, life's not just aboutthat, it's about so much more.
Just have a blast and I'll seeyou the day after Christmas.
Bye, thank you.
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