#11 - Mindfulness of Cocaine

David leads a short holiday meditation on cocaine. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, merry Christmas, everybody, and Happy Hanukkah,
and whatever else you're doing,it's a glorious, glorious
December 25th and I've gotsomething very special for you.
It's a short episode, but it'ssomething that I've been
thinking about for years, andthat's how to bring mindfulness
to everything in life, includingcocaine.

(00:21):
So this is my attempt to do amindfulness of cocaine
meditation.
Please enjoy.
Oh man, that's rubbish.

(00:50):
That's rubbish.
Let us begin by setting ourintention.
Repeat after me.
May I be present, may I bepeaceful, may my dealer not be
dealing with family stuff rightnow.
I'll find a comfortableposition.
Notice the cool porcelain ofthe bathroom stall against your

(01:10):
legs, the gentle fluorescentlighting, concerned whispers of
your co-workers outside duringthis Wednesday morning team
meeting, and as with our lovingkindness practice, we'll begin
by contemplatinginterconnectedness.
Each line of white powderbefore you contains multitudes

(01:33):
Sacred coca fields watered withthe tears of exploitation, the
mindful chemists mixing acetonewith the precision of ancient
tea masters, the enlightenedcartel members achieving
detachment through beheading.
If you notice any judgmentsarising about the violence

(01:53):
inherent in this practice, letthem pass like clouds in the sky
or like kidney function.
After your third weekend ofspiritual gagging.
As we prepare our ritualimplements, bring awareness to
your glass straw, unlike thedollar bills used by the
unenlightened, this tool wascrafted with intention.

(02:14):
Feel its weight, its purpose,its inability to be explained to
airport security.
Now, as we begin our nasalpranayama, you may notice
certain sensations arising theheart chakra pounding at 180
beats per minute.
A deep knowing that you shouldrefinance your house to start a

(02:36):
cryptocurrency.
A sudden ability to solveracism if everyone would just
listen.
Complete dissociation from yourface.
These are all perfect.
If you find yourself planningto write a screenplay or start a
podcast, or tell your boss whatyou really think, simply return

(02:57):
to the breath, unless it's areally good screenplay idea.
The ancient masters taught usthat every great film starts
with cocaine and ends withstraight to streaming.
Now remember the nobleeightfold path of cocaine
consciousness.

(03:17):
Write dealer who actuallyanswers texts.
Write setting anywhere withbathroom stalls.
Right setting anywhere withbathroom stalls.
Right company people who won'tremember this tomorrow.
Right amount more.
Right timing now.
Right explanation to yourpartner working late.
Right excuse for septum damagedeviated septum from high school

(03:41):
sports.
Right mindset Temporary godhood.
Notice any attachment tomessages from your dealer.
Are you really separate fromthat?
On my way text?
Aren't we all in some way onour way Now, as our practice

(04:03):
deepens, you might experiencewhat the techs call total
fucking clarity man.
You may suddenly understand theblockchain, why your parents
divorced, the perfect businessplan for a combination
laundromat nightclub stringtheory and why you should call
your ex right now and maybe,just maybe, you'll suck the dick
of the dude next to you.

(04:24):
In closing, let us share themerit of our practice.
May all beings be high, may allbeings have a hookup, may all
beings remember their Venmo, mayall beings find bathroom stalls
without gaps.
And may all beings maintainproper nasal health through
mindful saline use.
And may all beings maintainproper nasal health through

(04:46):
mindful saline use.
This has been a very specialepisode of Starting Stand-Up.
Happy snorting, thank you.