February 20, 2025 • 17 mins
David shares his favorite bits from the following comics:
Sam Morrill, Pete Holmes, Geoffrey Asmus, JT Parr, Beth Stelling, Taylor Tomlinson, Jordan Jensen, Dave Attell, Ian Edwards, Aries Spears, Norm Macdonald
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Starting stand-up is what happens when you point a
microphone at the dawningawareness that you've got three
good decades of life left, ifyou're lucky.
Hi, I'm David Walton and after20 years as a TV and film actor,
I'm doing what any rationalperson would do with the
revelation that I'm closer todeath than birth.
I'm attempting stand-up comedyat age 46.
(00:21):
Stand-up comedy at age 46.
So join me for an uncensoredlook at the business of stand-up
.
Open mics, battling creativedemons, trying to turn this
existential panic intopunchlines.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
It's part comedy workshop, part therapy session
and most certainly careersuicide.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Please enjoy.
Oh man, that's rubbish, that'srubbish.
Oh man, that's rubbish, that'srubbish.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Kids are on spring break, which means I'm just in a
hurt locker.
I really I don't.
I just don't like being with mykids Now.
That's not true.
I love them to death.
But I will tease a futureepisode my wife and I very
popular episode, the wifeepisode.
So we're going to do afollow-up and so much of
(01:26):
stand-up.
This stage is talking aboutthis, your stage of life.
So early 20s people will talkabout dating.
If you just got married, you'llmake you know.
If you just went into labor,you'll, you'll make that labor
story hilarious.
My wife and I have a 12 and 11year old hilarious.
(01:47):
My wife and I have a 12 and 11year old and it's a very
difficult stage.
We're both really struggling.
The truth is we're both arounda lot or essentially stay at
home, two stay at home parents,and so it's really just, and we
live in Maine and there's no onearound, so it's just like
there's just too much hangingout.
So there we have it, but I'mgoing to bring my wife on and
we're going to mine our miseryfor material and then, because
(02:08):
it's spring break and I justwant to, you know, show my tits
in Mexico.
I think this episode should bea new segment, and it's going to
be about showing, sharing theaudio of standup sets that I
love, that have hit me, I savedthem and I'm just going to play
some for you.
That's what we're going to dotoday.
(02:29):
Okay, without further ado, hereis Sam Murill.
We were sleeping together onenight.
Speaker 5 (02:35):
While we're doing it, I lost my erection.
It's a terrible moment.
You know what I mean.
It just slides out like a drunkbeing asked to leave the bar
and he's like I'll be back, andeveryone's like I don't know,
dude.
And she got insecure.
She was like is it me?
And I was like yeah, it's notyour fault.
(02:57):
You're very attractive.
It's just, we've done this alot.
You ever try to explain thesituation.
You make it 10 times worse.
I was like look, the penis islike a guard dog for a stranger.
It's gonna go crazy, but withfamiliarity it will soften.
And she got angry, startedscreaming and cursing at me and
(03:22):
then I got hard again.
So it could be me.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Here is Pete Holmes.
Speaker 6 (03:33):
My God is not an old man in the sky.
It's a metaphor for a mysterythat absolutely transcends all
categories of human thought,including being and non-being.
But that's too many words forthe back of a quarter.
That's Joseph Campbell.
I got all the best teacherslater in life, like Barry Taylor
, the road manager for ACDC,said, god is the name of the
blanket we put over the mysteryto give it a shape.
(03:55):
Shouldn't I have learned thatin church?
Why am I learning this fromBarry Taylor, the road manager
for ACDC?
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Here is Jeffrey Ass-to-Mouth Asmus, Apologies.
Speaker 5 (04:14):
You guys hear that the military draft women will
get drafted.
Now, if we have another war,it's interesting that women
don't clap for that.
Equality comes your way andsuddenly, no, not that, that's
not what we were talking about.
Speaker 7 (04:31):
No no.
Speaker 5 (04:33):
We kind of like staying home and getting free
divorces.
I think we should do the draft,but only for white women who
like to travel.
You always wanted to go toEurope, stephanie.
(04:53):
Pack your bags.
You're going to Kiev, honey.
Your vision board worked, baby,join the right branch.
You'll finally get to goskydiving.
Your Tinder profile says downto earth.
So get in that foxhole.
What was the last line?
Oh, you hate straight white men.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
So put the finger to the trigger, babe.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Here is JT Parr.
I'm a rich kid.
A lot of people don't like that.
I'm like I get it.
But do you also dislike gaykids?
Kids, because we were both bornthis way.
Like I didn't choose this.
God makes no mistakes.
I will not be ashamed of lovingmy nanny if you don't love your
(05:41):
nanny.
You're a bitch straight up.
Amelda, one of the mostincredible women who ever lived.
She used to pick me up from alittle private Catholic junior
high and she'd drive me home andshe'd let me stick my ass out
the window the whole way and thewhole time she'd just go show
the front, show the front.
Yeah, yeah, she understood me.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Here is Beth Stelling .
Speaker 9 (06:06):
Had guinea pigs growing up and we kept them in
our garage and in the hot Ohiosummers they absolutely died in
there.
We named one of the pigsBrownie, which in retrospect is
extra sad.
She was out there straightbaking at 375.
And my mom felt awful okay.
So she let us give him a properburial in the backyard and me
(06:29):
and my sisters took thosehard-bodied pigs not like ripped
but like rigamortis hard and weburied them in the easiest
place to dig.
We put them right in thesandbox and a couple of
neighborhood dogs came along,snarfed him right up.
It was a tragedy all around andI really feel like it could
(06:54):
have been avoided if we just hada dad.
I don't know what dads do, butI assume it's regulate the
garage temp.
They're always in theretinkering around planning their
escape.
My dad didn't escape as much ashe was asked to leave.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Here is Taylor Tomlinson.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
I love TikTok, but you know what's so funny to me
about TikTok?
All these kids on TikTok whoare lip syncing and dancing and
pretending they're in a musicvideo.
Right here is Taylor Tomlinsonyou would have yourself right.
And these kids are online like.
I hope millions of people seethis.
(07:51):
It's like you could benefitfrom some bullying.
I think over corrected a bithere is jordan jensen but what
was happening is the other day Iwas sucking a dick.
I am straight.
Isn't that crazy?
It even feels weird for me tosay it.
(08:13):
I know that I'm dressed like abaseball player.
Okay, I know I look like thefourth member of the Hanson
Brothers, but I am a straightlady.
I have lesbian moms.
That's why I'm like this.
I was raised by a horde of homos, a pack of dykes and uh, yeah,
it sucks, dude, being straightand being raised, but they
didn't teach me how to befeminine.
I've tried.
I've tried copying you guyspulling the sweater up over the
(08:33):
palms.
Nothing works.
And I'm sick of being bulliedby lesbians.
To be a lesbian.
All y'all on the internet arelike it's not a choice, we're
born this way.
And then you meet me and you'relike make the choice, bitch.
I'm not gay.
I've tried it.
I've tried eating pussy.
I don't like it.
It's too squishy, it's too soft.
(08:54):
It's like a plate of poachedeggs with no toast.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
Are you drinking for any specialoccasion?
What's going on?
No, I just love the taste of it.
You know what I mean.
Yo, come on, is that what youreally sound like?
Are you doing a bit?
Are you doing a bit?
(09:16):
What is with your generation?
I mean, you know what I'mtalking about and I can't even,
and there's not even a way Iwould ever be able to do that,
because that's absolutely crazy,and you, I would ever be able
to do that, because that'sabsolutely crazy and you have to
set boundaries.
Is that really your voice?
Let's try it, try it, let'sjust all right, let's give us a
shot.
Let's just give us a shot.
Okay, just be like, let's justtry saying what's like a
(09:38):
practical thing.
Can you, would you, can you popthe hood?
Try saying that Can you pop thehood?
Okay, no, listen to me, we'regonna no, we're gonna get it
right At the end of every word.
You're doing a thing whereyou're going ah, okay, so you're
going, it's okay, you're going.
Can we pop the hood?
Okay, so I want no breath, Ijust want can you pop the hood?
Can you pop the hood?
No, there's still breath.
(10:02):
I'm gonna one more try.
Okay, I don't think I can dothat.
What?
Also another testament to ourdifferent generations.
If some, if I was in theaudience, I would be like I will
get this right or my motherwill disown me.
You're like I actually knowmyself and I know that that's
(10:23):
like beyond my capacity and I'mnot really willing to move
forward over what I'm capable ofhere is Dave Attell.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
What does real?
Speaker 7 (10:33):
loneliness look like.
I'll tell you your ownreflection in a microwave door.
That's what it looks like thatsad face staring at it.
Turn, turn, turn, turn, turn.
Turn into a woman.
Do it.
Good son people.
You know what I did for my mom.
I built her a ramp.
Yeah, it was time for her tocome back in, that's right.
(10:56):
For two years she was feral andwild living in the yard.
She was naked.
I was afraid.
She was naked, I was afraid.
But now she's back in andbetter than ever.
Old people, they needcompanionship.
Loneliness that's right is oneof the big killers of elderly
(11:19):
Loneliness and salt Loneliness.
I'm a good son.
I would not put up with that.
You know what I did?
I signed her up for OnlyF.
Put up with that.
You know what I did.
I signed her up for OnlyFans.
Yeah, that's what I did.
I did the photography.
I took a tasteful pic I'mtalking very tasteful of her
trying to get out of her showerchair and you know what?
(11:41):
Like a mermaid.
Yes, she looked like a mermaidby that I mean wet, and she
couldn't walk Either way.
Can a boy love his motheranymore?
Is that a crime?
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Here is Ian Edwards, Just so you know it's tougher
for black people to believe inreincarnation Because right now
I can blame white people forslavery.
That's some fucked up shit youdid back then.
But just because I'm black nowdoesn't mean I was black in my
past.
(12:20):
I could be who I'm angry at.
I could have been a slave owner.
That could be my statue I madethem take down.
(12:44):
And they say when you fuck upin your past life, when you come
back, your next life is harder.
So, as a former white person,I'd like to warn you, new white
(13:05):
niggas, that black lives matter.
You know what I'm saying,because if they don't, you'll
find out.
So, no matter what race,nationality black, white, asian,
palestinian or Jewish be goodto people, because you don't
(13:28):
know who you're going to comeback to be.
Because I definitely shouldhave been a better slave owner
the way my life is going.
I was a top tier when I askedfor it.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
This is Aries Spears.
Speaker 8 (13:42):
When I found out growing up totally shocked me.
White kids are just as shockedto find out.
Black kids don't talk back totheir parents because we are
when we hear them talk back totheirs.
Because I used to have a littlebuddy would come over my house
on the weekends a little night.
We'd be in my room playingvideo games.
My mother used to come in theroom on us and cuss me out for
no reason, just scare the shitout of both of us.
Right, we'd be in the roomplaying mario brother.
(14:04):
She come, kick open the doorlike SWAT.
We on level four.
She do.
Aries, how many times did I toldyou to clean this motherfucking
room?
Cut that goddamn game off andclean this room.
I come back.
This motherfucking room ain'tclean.
I'm gonna take that Nintendocord, wrap it around your dick
and stick it in your ass.
Nigga, I ain't playing with you.
This ain't no threat, this apromise.
Try me, motherfucker.
Try me.
(14:25):
My wife, friend, would turn tome offended like dude.
What the fuck she can't do thatman?
This is your space, this isyour area.
She's violating your right toprivacy.
You should say something.
You want me to go say something?
I'd be so scared I'd starttalking to him like a slave from
roots like you's gonna getknees and travis.
(14:45):
I like you, nate.
I started talking to him like aslave from roots Like you's
gonna get knees in troubles.
I like you, nate, I really do.
But my parents is good blackfolk.
They gives me food, they givesme sleeps.
Now you get away from aroundhere with that foolishness.
Get from here.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Oh, Lord, Lord.
And finally, here is myall-time favorite, Norm
MacDonald.
Speaker 10 (15:13):
People commit suicide.
No one ever understands.
You know what I mean.
People commit suicide, peoplego.
I don't understand why.
And I go.
You don't what.
You live in a cotton candyhouse or something.
What the fuck?
You don't know about life, howit only disappoints and gets
(15:40):
worse and worse until it ends ina catastrophe.
What the fuck?
There's two reasons guys willhang themselves from the neck.
One is, like we said, to escapethis worthless masquerade of a
life we pretend we have.
And the second reason we hangourselves from the neck is to
(16:04):
whack up.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Oh man, do I go down norm mcdonald wormholes, hey.
So thanks for checking out myswipe file of uh, some stand-up
sets.
Those were all people that I'vekind of recently discovered.
They're not the most famouspeople out there.
Hopefully you hadn't heard of alot of them.
Some of them, david tells alegend, obviously norm mcdonald,
and that was kind of cheating.
(16:26):
But the rest I mean SamMorrill's huge, I mean
everyone's been doing this foryears and years and years and
has been a successful stand-upfor years and years and years.
It just goes to show you howhard it is sometimes to get on
the to cross the bow of thepublic.
I'll leave their names in theshow notes and you should check
out their larger specials, whichare all over the place.
(16:49):
So happy spring break, Februarybreak and this spring we're
going to be cooking.
I look forward to the episodewith my wife coming soon, as
well as new material, jokedevelopment and news and also my
first real show.
So lots to look forward to.
Thank you so much for making itall the way.
(17:09):
I hope you enjoyed this sort ofinterim episode, Got some
chuckles, and I wish you anotherweek full of incredible joy and
connection and hey, let's addsome just money, you know.
Make some money, spend it onthings you love, even if it's,
even if it's lovemaking.
I don't think that was theright way to end it, but we're
(17:30):
just going to stick with it.
All right, everybody, Lots oflove.
See you next week, Thank you.
Starting stand-up is what happens when you point a
microphone at the dawningawareness that you've got three
good decades of life left, ifyou're lucky.
Hi, I'm David Walton and after20 years as a TV and film actor,
I'm doing what any rationalperson would do with the
revelation that I'm closer todeath than birth.
I'm attempting stand-up comedyat age 46.
(00:21):
Stand-up comedy at age 46.
So join me for an uncensoredlook at the business of stand-up
.
Open mics, battling creativedemons, trying to turn this
existential panic intopunchlines.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
It's part comedy workshop, part therapy session
and most certainly careersuicide.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Please enjoy.
Oh man, that's rubbish, that'srubbish.
Oh man, that's rubbish, that'srubbish.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Kids are on spring break, which means I'm just in a
hurt locker.
I really I don't.
I just don't like being with mykids Now.
That's not true.
I love them to death.
But I will tease a futureepisode my wife and I very
popular episode, the wifeepisode.
So we're going to do afollow-up and so much of
(01:26):
stand-up.
This stage is talking aboutthis, your stage of life.
So early 20s people will talkabout dating.
If you just got married, you'llmake you know.
If you just went into labor,you'll, you'll make that labor
story hilarious.
My wife and I have a 12 and 11year old hilarious.
(01:47):
My wife and I have a 12 and 11year old and it's a very
difficult stage.
We're both really struggling.
The truth is we're both arounda lot or essentially stay at
home, two stay at home parents,and so it's really just, and we
live in Maine and there's no onearound, so it's just like
there's just too much hangingout.
So there we have it, but I'mgoing to bring my wife on and
we're going to mine our miseryfor material and then, because
(02:08):
it's spring break and I justwant to, you know, show my tits
in Mexico.
I think this episode should bea new segment, and it's going to
be about showing, sharing theaudio of standup sets that I
love, that have hit me, I savedthem and I'm just going to play
some for you.
That's what we're going to dotoday.
(02:29):
Okay, without further ado, hereis Sam Murill.
We were sleeping together onenight.
Speaker 5 (02:35):
While we're doing it, I lost my erection.
It's a terrible moment.
You know what I mean.
It just slides out like a drunkbeing asked to leave the bar
and he's like I'll be back, andeveryone's like I don't know,
dude.
And she got insecure.
She was like is it me?
And I was like yeah, it's notyour fault.
(02:57):
You're very attractive.
It's just, we've done this alot.
You ever try to explain thesituation.
You make it 10 times worse.
I was like look, the penis islike a guard dog for a stranger.
It's gonna go crazy, but withfamiliarity it will soften.
And she got angry, startedscreaming and cursing at me and
(03:22):
then I got hard again.
So it could be me.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Here is Pete Holmes.
Speaker 6 (03:33):
My God is not an old man in the sky.
It's a metaphor for a mysterythat absolutely transcends all
categories of human thought,including being and non-being.
But that's too many words forthe back of a quarter.
That's Joseph Campbell.
I got all the best teacherslater in life, like Barry Taylor
, the road manager for ACDC,said, god is the name of the
blanket we put over the mysteryto give it a shape.
(03:55):
Shouldn't I have learned thatin church?
Why am I learning this fromBarry Taylor, the road manager
for ACDC?
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Here is Jeffrey Ass-to-Mouth Asmus, Apologies.
Speaker 5 (04:14):
You guys hear that the military draft women will
get drafted.
Now, if we have another war,it's interesting that women
don't clap for that.
Equality comes your way andsuddenly, no, not that, that's
not what we were talking about.
Speaker 7 (04:31):
No no.
Speaker 5 (04:33):
We kind of like staying home and getting free
divorces.
I think we should do the draft,but only for white women who
like to travel.
You always wanted to go toEurope, stephanie.
(04:53):
Pack your bags.
You're going to Kiev, honey.
Your vision board worked, baby,join the right branch.
You'll finally get to goskydiving.
Your Tinder profile says downto earth.
So get in that foxhole.
What was the last line?
Oh, you hate straight white men.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
So put the finger to the trigger, babe.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Here is JT Parr.
I'm a rich kid.
A lot of people don't like that.
I'm like I get it.
But do you also dislike gaykids?
Kids, because we were both bornthis way.
Like I didn't choose this.
God makes no mistakes.
I will not be ashamed of lovingmy nanny if you don't love your
(05:41):
nanny.
You're a bitch straight up.
Amelda, one of the mostincredible women who ever lived.
She used to pick me up from alittle private Catholic junior
high and she'd drive me home andshe'd let me stick my ass out
the window the whole way and thewhole time she'd just go show
the front, show the front.
Yeah, yeah, she understood me.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Here is Beth Stelling .
Speaker 9 (06:06):
Had guinea pigs growing up and we kept them in
our garage and in the hot Ohiosummers they absolutely died in
there.
We named one of the pigsBrownie, which in retrospect is
extra sad.
She was out there straightbaking at 375.
And my mom felt awful okay.
So she let us give him a properburial in the backyard and me
(06:29):
and my sisters took thosehard-bodied pigs not like ripped
but like rigamortis hard and weburied them in the easiest
place to dig.
We put them right in thesandbox and a couple of
neighborhood dogs came along,snarfed him right up.
It was a tragedy all around andI really feel like it could
(06:54):
have been avoided if we just hada dad.
I don't know what dads do, butI assume it's regulate the
garage temp.
They're always in theretinkering around planning their
escape.
My dad didn't escape as much ashe was asked to leave.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Here is Taylor Tomlinson.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
I love TikTok, but you know what's so funny to me
about TikTok?
All these kids on TikTok whoare lip syncing and dancing and
pretending they're in a musicvideo.
Right here is Taylor Tomlinsonyou would have yourself right.
And these kids are online like.
I hope millions of people seethis.
(07:51):
It's like you could benefitfrom some bullying.
I think over corrected a bithere is jordan jensen but what
was happening is the other day Iwas sucking a dick.
I am straight.
Isn't that crazy?
It even feels weird for me tosay it.
(08:13):
I know that I'm dressed like abaseball player.
Okay, I know I look like thefourth member of the Hanson
Brothers, but I am a straightlady.
I have lesbian moms.
That's why I'm like this.
I was raised by a horde of homos, a pack of dykes and uh, yeah,
it sucks, dude, being straightand being raised, but they
didn't teach me how to befeminine.
I've tried.
I've tried copying you guyspulling the sweater up over the
(08:33):
palms.
Nothing works.
And I'm sick of being bulliedby lesbians.
To be a lesbian.
All y'all on the internet arelike it's not a choice, we're
born this way.
And then you meet me and you'relike make the choice, bitch.
I'm not gay.
I've tried it.
I've tried eating pussy.
I don't like it.
It's too squishy, it's too soft.
(08:54):
It's like a plate of poachedeggs with no toast.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
Are you drinking for any specialoccasion?
What's going on?
No, I just love the taste of it.
You know what I mean.
Yo, come on, is that what youreally sound like?
Are you doing a bit?
Are you doing a bit?
(09:16):
What is with your generation?
I mean, you know what I'mtalking about and I can't even,
and there's not even a way Iwould ever be able to do that,
because that's absolutely crazy,and you, I would ever be able
to do that, because that'sabsolutely crazy and you have to
set boundaries.
Is that really your voice?
Let's try it, try it, let'sjust all right, let's give us a
shot.
Let's just give us a shot.
Okay, just be like, let's justtry saying what's like a
(09:38):
practical thing.
Can you, would you, can you popthe hood?
Try saying that Can you pop thehood?
Okay, no, listen to me, we'regonna no, we're gonna get it
right At the end of every word.
You're doing a thing whereyou're going ah, okay, so you're
going, it's okay, you're going.
Can we pop the hood?
Okay, so I want no breath, Ijust want can you pop the hood?
Can you pop the hood?
No, there's still breath.
(10:02):
I'm gonna one more try.
Okay, I don't think I can dothat.
What?
Also another testament to ourdifferent generations.
If some, if I was in theaudience, I would be like I will
get this right or my motherwill disown me.
You're like I actually knowmyself and I know that that's
(10:23):
like beyond my capacity and I'mnot really willing to move
forward over what I'm capable ofhere is Dave Attell.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
What does real?
Speaker 7 (10:33):
loneliness look like.
I'll tell you your ownreflection in a microwave door.
That's what it looks like thatsad face staring at it.
Turn, turn, turn, turn, turn.
Turn into a woman.
Do it.
Good son people.
You know what I did for my mom.
I built her a ramp.
Yeah, it was time for her tocome back in, that's right.
(10:56):
For two years she was feral andwild living in the yard.
She was naked.
I was afraid.
She was naked, I was afraid.
But now she's back in andbetter than ever.
Old people, they needcompanionship.
Loneliness that's right is oneof the big killers of elderly
(11:19):
Loneliness and salt Loneliness.
I'm a good son.
I would not put up with that.
You know what I did?
I signed her up for OnlyF.
Put up with that.
You know what I did.
I signed her up for OnlyFans.
Yeah, that's what I did.
I did the photography.
I took a tasteful pic I'mtalking very tasteful of her
trying to get out of her showerchair and you know what?
(11:41):
Like a mermaid.
Yes, she looked like a mermaidby that I mean wet, and she
couldn't walk Either way.
Can a boy love his motheranymore?
Is that a crime?
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Here is Ian Edwards, Just so you know it's tougher
for black people to believe inreincarnation Because right now
I can blame white people forslavery.
That's some fucked up shit youdid back then.
But just because I'm black nowdoesn't mean I was black in my
past.
(12:20):
I could be who I'm angry at.
I could have been a slave owner.
That could be my statue I madethem take down.
(12:44):
And they say when you fuck upin your past life, when you come
back, your next life is harder.
So, as a former white person,I'd like to warn you, new white
(13:05):
niggas, that black lives matter.
You know what I'm saying,because if they don't, you'll
find out.
So, no matter what race,nationality black, white, asian,
palestinian or Jewish be goodto people, because you don't
(13:28):
know who you're going to comeback to be.
Because I definitely shouldhave been a better slave owner
the way my life is going.
I was a top tier when I askedfor it.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
This is Aries Spears.
Speaker 8 (13:42):
When I found out growing up totally shocked me.
White kids are just as shockedto find out.
Black kids don't talk back totheir parents because we are
when we hear them talk back totheirs.
Because I used to have a littlebuddy would come over my house
on the weekends a little night.
We'd be in my room playingvideo games.
My mother used to come in theroom on us and cuss me out for
no reason, just scare the shitout of both of us.
Right, we'd be in the roomplaying mario brother.
(14:04):
She come, kick open the doorlike SWAT.
We on level four.
She do.
Aries, how many times did I toldyou to clean this motherfucking
room?
Cut that goddamn game off andclean this room.
I come back.
This motherfucking room ain'tclean.
I'm gonna take that Nintendocord, wrap it around your dick
and stick it in your ass.
Nigga, I ain't playing with you.
This ain't no threat, this apromise.
Try me, motherfucker.
Try me.
(14:25):
My wife, friend, would turn tome offended like dude.
What the fuck she can't do thatman?
This is your space, this isyour area.
She's violating your right toprivacy.
You should say something.
You want me to go say something?
I'd be so scared I'd starttalking to him like a slave from
roots like you's gonna getknees and travis.
(14:45):
I like you, nate.
I started talking to him like aslave from roots Like you's
gonna get knees in troubles.
I like you, nate, I really do.
But my parents is good blackfolk.
They gives me food, they givesme sleeps.
Now you get away from aroundhere with that foolishness.
Get from here.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Oh, Lord, Lord.
And finally, here is myall-time favorite, Norm
MacDonald.
Speaker 10 (15:13):
People commit suicide.
No one ever understands.
You know what I mean.
People commit suicide, peoplego.
I don't understand why.
And I go.
You don't what.
You live in a cotton candyhouse or something.
What the fuck?
You don't know about life, howit only disappoints and gets
(15:40):
worse and worse until it ends ina catastrophe.
What the fuck?
There's two reasons guys willhang themselves from the neck.
One is, like we said, to escapethis worthless masquerade of a
life we pretend we have.
And the second reason we hangourselves from the neck is to
(16:04):
whack up.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Oh man, do I go down norm mcdonald wormholes, hey.
So thanks for checking out myswipe file of uh, some stand-up
sets.
Those were all people that I'vekind of recently discovered.
They're not the most famouspeople out there.
Hopefully you hadn't heard of alot of them.
Some of them, david tells alegend, obviously norm mcdonald,
and that was kind of cheating.
(16:26):
But the rest I mean SamMorrill's huge, I mean
everyone's been doing this foryears and years and years and
has been a successful stand-upfor years and years and years.
It just goes to show you howhard it is sometimes to get on
the to cross the bow of thepublic.
I'll leave their names in theshow notes and you should check
out their larger specials, whichare all over the place.
(16:49):
So happy spring break, Februarybreak and this spring we're
going to be cooking.
I look forward to the episodewith my wife coming soon, as
well as new material, jokedevelopment and news and also my
first real show.
So lots to look forward to.
Thank you so much for making itall the way.
(17:09):
I hope you enjoyed this sort ofinterim episode, Got some
chuckles, and I wish you anotherweek full of incredible joy and
connection and hey, let's addsome just money, you know.
Make some money, spend it onthings you love, even if it's,
even if it's lovemaking.
I don't think that was theright way to end it, but we're
(17:30):
just going to stick with it.
All right, everybody, Lots oflove.
See you next week, Thank you.
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