May 8, 2025 • 12 mins
David tries out a new joke about everyone being a liar and then does some comic perspective exercises that reveal he probably has a drug problem.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Starting Stand-Up Podcast.
I am David Walton.
If you're listening, you are.
Now I'm gonna call you astarting standee.
You are a starting standeewhether you like it or not.
So I've been gone from home andback in Maine after four weeks
away almost maybe three and ahalf and it feels so good to be
(00:21):
home.
If you've listened to previousepisodes, there was a potential
for a new, very exciting actingjob and I'm very, very
disappointed to say that I didnot get it.
It is the life you sign up for.
It was extremely nerve wrackingwaiting for the news and your
(00:42):
life can change it just in amillisecond and then it doesn't
and then you just go back.
It's a very weird profession.
There was almost relief that itwas that.
There's just the waiting, thewondering.
It's like a week of wonderingand imagining and trying not to
imagine and all this sort ofmental gymnastics to just be
(01:07):
okay with whatever andultimately an SNL guy named
Taron Killam won the part and Iwish death and destruction on
Taron and everyone he knows.
No, that's not true at all.
You don't really know why theyhappen, but you have to believe
that when doors close, othersopen.
(01:27):
Taron did lose his house in thefire, and so I'm happy that
he's got a job.
This is not an acting podcast,but I did mention it and it was
hanging out there, so I want toclose that book.
So let's get to stand-up Now.
I've done two interviews in arow, which is pretty darn cool.
I love them.
(01:48):
So I'm filling the pipeline andI'm going to get as many as I
can get cooking.
I really love talking to people.
This is what I've learned.
I'm going to keep this episodeshort.
I've gone into the chest.
I found a joke that I want tocraft.
I got inspired by KevinChristie, who was my last
interview.
What a heater of an interview.
The sound was a little off so Ire-uploaded it.
(02:10):
He is so mesmerizing.
I listened to the whole thingagain.
I couldn't stop.
So if you haven't heard theKevin Christie interview, I
strongly encourage you to go andplay that.
What a fascinating man.
I love him and he brought somuch heat and funny and insight
(02:31):
and original ideas.
So just come for go get a ridein Kevin Christie's brain.
But today we are.
I got a joke I'm going to workon quickly, and then I did an
exercise from a book called theComic Toolbox and that's it.
Please enjoy.
Oh man, that's rubbish.
(03:16):
That's rubbish.
Hey man, how's it going?
Good, yeah, yeah, I'm alwaysjust so amused by how much we
all lie.
You, you know Like you lie.
Everybody's lying constantlyand we don't even know it, we
don't even realize it.
I mean, even just greetingsomebody, you know it starts
right at the top.
It's like how's it going?
I'm good man, how you doing?
(03:37):
Oh man, I'm great.
It's like no, you're not.
You're definitely not.
I could see in your eyes thatyou are miserable, you are
suffering.
I always imagine like what itwould be like if everybody just
just laid it out, you know, butdidn't, didn't need to get into
it.
You know what I mean.
For example, it's like be likehey, how's it going, man At the
gym, or something.
It's like hey, how's it going,man, good man, good man.
(03:59):
Think about getting a divorce.
How are you doing?
It's like I'm good, I'm good.
You know, wife and I haven'thad sex in four years, but we
probably will again.
All right, you take care, havea good workout, cause.
Really, the problem is youdon't.
If the problem with personalinformation is that you just
don't want to get into it, theovershare, that's what makes it
so uncomfortable.
It's like I don't, I don't wantto be burdened.
And now you're going to thinkthat we have a special
(04:22):
relationship.
But if everybody just laid itout on the table with, without
having any expectation of youreciprocating or or being
emotionally involved, I wonderwhat that would be like.
Let me try it.
Hi, man, what's going on?
Yeah, dad just died.
How are you Good?
Good, yeah, my mom just died.
$1.46 is your change.
Have a good one, man.
(04:43):
I'm reading an amazing book byJohn Vorhaus called the Comic
Toolbox how to be funny even ifyou're not, and it is really,
really, really good.
So recommended by my friend,max Ritchie.
But this book has been takingme through some exercises and I
want to share a few of theseexercises because they're so
(05:03):
helpful and I think, if whatever, I don't need to tell you why
it's interesting.
If you're listening, you'regoing to find it interesting or
you're not, and if you don't,then you can go fuck yourself,
all right.
So one of the cool things isthat he breaks down what makes
things funny, and, uh, there's alot of thoughts on that and I'm
(05:23):
not going to get into all of it, but the big thing that I'm
going to read to you becauseit's so important, is that,
basically, if you want to makesomething funny, you got to
invent characters.
You got to invest them withstrong comic perspectives and
flaws in humanity, exaggeratethose attributes, then turn
those creatures loose upon theworld.
If you want to be moreconsistently funny, start
(05:45):
building a library of comicperspectives and start noticing
how almost every joke or funnysituation you encounter is a
function of someone's comicperspective.
Now, this is a joke, as ahusband said to his wife.
I can think for myself, can't Idear?
The husband's strong comicperspective is clear.
The decision of the wife isfinal.
That's his perspective.
His flaws in humanity areimplied.
(06:07):
He's meek and yet loyal to thewoman he loves.
And then it goes on to what ismy comedic perspective?
How do I look at the world in away that is unique, exaggerated
and at far variance from normalreality.
And then I made a list and I'mgoing to read them out loud.
I'm going to review them to seeif any of them are ripping.
(06:28):
I also feel like I'm going tovomit, and so that's challenging
for me.
Right now.
I have a deep, deep problemwith my gut.
I don't know what's going on.
I'm in a lot of physical painand you'll see that, from my
comedic perspective, that'sobviously influencing it.
So here's a list.
From my comedic perspective,that's obviously influencing it.
(06:48):
So here's a list.
One is just people are tooscared to say what they really
think.
I like to help them say whatthey really think.
Everyone is so much more sexualwhen they let on so much more
perverted People saying fuck itand doing dumb shit is hilarious
.
Life is pointless.
So you might as well have afucking blast and just say what
you mean.
Life's a bitch and then you die.
(07:09):
So let's just get fucked up.
Um, every new thing is the keyto happiness.
This is like my constantlychasing the little trick that's
going to finally make my lifework, and it's the you know,
following everyone's advice,kind of thing.
Yeah, happiness is just aroundthe corner, if I can just find
the key.
Drugs and alcohol are the keyto happiness.
(07:31):
Life is not precious.
You're just a gnat in theuniverse, so just don't take
anything seriously.
Money is an illusion and youjust make your whole life about
it, but it's a stupid thing tomake your life about.
People are terrible and selfish.
They're just pretending not tobe.
Gratitude and positivity arefake.
(07:53):
Everyone is so much moremiserable than they.
Let on, stop acting like youaren't.
The point of life is to getlaid and cuddle and laugh and
not be homeless.
Selfishness is good.
People are terrifying and whatthey think of me is terrifying,
so I better have them think wellof me.
People's opinions are the mostimportant thing in my life, or
(08:15):
the most important thing in life.
That's a comedic perspective,because it's the opposite of
what we're always told.
Don't care what other peoplethink, do what you want.
The key to happiness isdrugging and fucking.
That's sort of the rock starcomedic perspective.
Hating your wife is the bestthing that can happen to you,
(08:38):
because you have to learn how tolove someone that you hate.
Same with your kids.
I'm just teasing, of course,but that's the exaggerated.
You're exaggerating an opinion.
And then you have a funnycharacter.
Life isn't precious.
Yeah, again, your soul has beenaround for infinity and will be
(09:01):
around for infinity.
So just relax, man.
I can skydive without aparachute.
Uh, that's a comedic character.
The earth doesn't give a fuckwhat we do to it.
It's giving no fucks.
So like, save the earth?
Shit is just.
The earth is perfectly contentbeing plasma or being frozen.
(09:22):
It's got billions of years toevolve new, exciting creatures.
It's on a whole other timeframe.
So we humans, I know we'retrying to save it and go for it.
I mean, I'm not against tryingto save it, but acting like the
earth cares is pretty stupid.
Life is pain and the neverending quest for relief, so you
(09:45):
might as well relieve itproperly with hard drugs.
Another comedic perspective of acharacter is like I have no
idea who I am and so I can beconvinced of almost anything.
That's sort of theimpressionable man.
Oh yeah, oh, intermittentfasting, that's the way to go.
(10:08):
Yeah, I'm doing it tomorrow.
Uh, women are sex objects firstand humans second.
That is a comedic character.
Everybody relax.
Um, you just got to balancethat dude out with some humanity
, which is that he's dying tofall in love.
He doesn't know why he can't.
Well, it's part of your.
(10:28):
You need to shift yourperspective, bro.
Kids are annoying, needmachines and should be paid much
less attention to.
That's a comedic perspective.
Here's one that I kind of riffedon.
I am pissed to be alive.
Here's one that I kind ofriffed on I am pissed to be
alive.
I saw this whole thing inspiritual life, where it's like
you know, when you'reenlightened you're just like
(10:54):
this purely blissed outnon-carnal being, and when you
die, sometimes you reincarnate,but other times there's just
spirits up there, just blissedout, and I'm just.
I'm just so pissed that I, mysoul, chose to come down to a
body and like learn.
I don't want to learn whatemergency diarrhea under the 101
in LA feels like.
I don't want to.
I don't want to learn whatstaring at the ceiling hating
(11:17):
myself for snorting another railof blow is like.
I don't want to learn what it'slike to worry about AIDS after
bear dicking a Norwegian au pairon the side of the road.
I don't want to learn what it'slike to worry about my kids
dying or my son turning into acrackhead.
I don't want to learn what it'slike.
(11:37):
And then the only thing I'mreally psyched for is
motorboating and just gettinglost in a woman's body.
So that was sort of my littlewritings today.
Let me know if any of thosethings feel funny to you.
Write me Startingstanduppod atgmailcom.
Bye now.
Thank you.
Welcome to the Starting Stand-Up Podcast.
I am David Walton.
If you're listening, you are.
Now I'm gonna call you astarting standee.
You are a starting standeewhether you like it or not.
So I've been gone from home andback in Maine after four weeks
away almost maybe three and ahalf and it feels so good to be
(00:21):
home.
If you've listened to previousepisodes, there was a potential
for a new, very exciting actingjob and I'm very, very
disappointed to say that I didnot get it.
It is the life you sign up for.
It was extremely nerve wrackingwaiting for the news and your
(00:42):
life can change it just in amillisecond and then it doesn't
and then you just go back.
It's a very weird profession.
There was almost relief that itwas that.
There's just the waiting, thewondering.
It's like a week of wonderingand imagining and trying not to
imagine and all this sort ofmental gymnastics to just be
(01:07):
okay with whatever andultimately an SNL guy named
Taron Killam won the part and Iwish death and destruction on
Taron and everyone he knows.
No, that's not true at all.
You don't really know why theyhappen, but you have to believe
that when doors close, othersopen.
(01:27):
Taron did lose his house in thefire, and so I'm happy that
he's got a job.
This is not an acting podcast,but I did mention it and it was
hanging out there, so I want toclose that book.
So let's get to stand-up Now.
I've done two interviews in arow, which is pretty darn cool.
I love them.
(01:48):
So I'm filling the pipeline andI'm going to get as many as I
can get cooking.
I really love talking to people.
This is what I've learned.
I'm going to keep this episodeshort.
I've gone into the chest.
I found a joke that I want tocraft.
I got inspired by KevinChristie, who was my last
interview.
What a heater of an interview.
The sound was a little off so Ire-uploaded it.
(02:10):
He is so mesmerizing.
I listened to the whole thingagain.
I couldn't stop.
So if you haven't heard theKevin Christie interview, I
strongly encourage you to go andplay that.
What a fascinating man.
I love him and he brought somuch heat and funny and insight
(02:31):
and original ideas.
So just come for go get a ridein Kevin Christie's brain.
But today we are.
I got a joke I'm going to workon quickly, and then I did an
exercise from a book called theComic Toolbox and that's it.
Please enjoy.
Oh man, that's rubbish.
(03:16):
That's rubbish.
Hey man, how's it going?
Good, yeah, yeah, I'm alwaysjust so amused by how much we
all lie.
You, you know Like you lie.
Everybody's lying constantlyand we don't even know it, we
don't even realize it.
I mean, even just greetingsomebody, you know it starts
right at the top.
It's like how's it going?
I'm good man, how you doing?
(03:37):
Oh man, I'm great.
It's like no, you're not.
You're definitely not.
I could see in your eyes thatyou are miserable, you are
suffering.
I always imagine like what itwould be like if everybody just
just laid it out, you know, butdidn't, didn't need to get into
it.
You know what I mean.
For example, it's like be likehey, how's it going, man At the
gym, or something.
It's like hey, how's it going,man, good man, good man.
(03:59):
Think about getting a divorce.
How are you doing?
It's like I'm good, I'm good.
You know, wife and I haven'thad sex in four years, but we
probably will again.
All right, you take care, havea good workout, cause.
Really, the problem is youdon't.
If the problem with personalinformation is that you just
don't want to get into it, theovershare, that's what makes it
so uncomfortable.
It's like I don't, I don't wantto be burdened.
And now you're going to thinkthat we have a special
(04:22):
relationship.
But if everybody just laid itout on the table with, without
having any expectation of youreciprocating or or being
emotionally involved, I wonderwhat that would be like.
Let me try it.
Hi, man, what's going on?
Yeah, dad just died.
How are you Good?
Good, yeah, my mom just died.
$1.46 is your change.
Have a good one, man.
(04:43):
I'm reading an amazing book byJohn Vorhaus called the Comic
Toolbox how to be funny even ifyou're not, and it is really,
really, really good.
So recommended by my friend,max Ritchie.
But this book has been takingme through some exercises and I
want to share a few of theseexercises because they're so
(05:03):
helpful and I think, if whatever, I don't need to tell you why
it's interesting.
If you're listening, you'regoing to find it interesting or
you're not, and if you don't,then you can go fuck yourself,
all right.
So one of the cool things isthat he breaks down what makes
things funny, and, uh, there's alot of thoughts on that and I'm
(05:23):
not going to get into all of it, but the big thing that I'm
going to read to you becauseit's so important, is that,
basically, if you want to makesomething funny, you got to
invent characters.
You got to invest them withstrong comic perspectives and
flaws in humanity, exaggeratethose attributes, then turn
those creatures loose upon theworld.
If you want to be moreconsistently funny, start
(05:45):
building a library of comicperspectives and start noticing
how almost every joke or funnysituation you encounter is a
function of someone's comicperspective.
Now, this is a joke, as ahusband said to his wife.
I can think for myself, can't Idear?
The husband's strong comicperspective is clear.
The decision of the wife isfinal.
That's his perspective.
His flaws in humanity areimplied.
(06:07):
He's meek and yet loyal to thewoman he loves.
And then it goes on to what ismy comedic perspective?
How do I look at the world in away that is unique, exaggerated
and at far variance from normalreality.
And then I made a list and I'mgoing to read them out loud.
I'm going to review them to seeif any of them are ripping.
(06:28):
I also feel like I'm going tovomit, and so that's challenging
for me.
Right now.
I have a deep, deep problemwith my gut.
I don't know what's going on.
I'm in a lot of physical painand you'll see that, from my
comedic perspective, that'sobviously influencing it.
So here's a list.
From my comedic perspective,that's obviously influencing it.
(06:48):
So here's a list.
One is just people are tooscared to say what they really
think.
I like to help them say whatthey really think.
Everyone is so much more sexualwhen they let on so much more
perverted People saying fuck itand doing dumb shit is hilarious
.
Life is pointless.
So you might as well have afucking blast and just say what
you mean.
Life's a bitch and then you die.
(07:09):
So let's just get fucked up.
Um, every new thing is the keyto happiness.
This is like my constantlychasing the little trick that's
going to finally make my lifework, and it's the you know,
following everyone's advice,kind of thing.
Yeah, happiness is just aroundthe corner, if I can just find
the key.
Drugs and alcohol are the keyto happiness.
(07:31):
Life is not precious.
You're just a gnat in theuniverse, so just don't take
anything seriously.
Money is an illusion and youjust make your whole life about
it, but it's a stupid thing tomake your life about.
People are terrible and selfish.
They're just pretending not tobe.
Gratitude and positivity arefake.
(07:53):
Everyone is so much moremiserable than they.
Let on, stop acting like youaren't.
The point of life is to getlaid and cuddle and laugh and
not be homeless.
Selfishness is good.
People are terrifying and whatthey think of me is terrifying,
so I better have them think wellof me.
People's opinions are the mostimportant thing in my life, or
(08:15):
the most important thing in life.
That's a comedic perspective,because it's the opposite of
what we're always told.
Don't care what other peoplethink, do what you want.
The key to happiness isdrugging and fucking.
That's sort of the rock starcomedic perspective.
Hating your wife is the bestthing that can happen to you,
(08:38):
because you have to learn how tolove someone that you hate.
Same with your kids.
I'm just teasing, of course,but that's the exaggerated.
You're exaggerating an opinion.
And then you have a funnycharacter.
Life isn't precious.
Yeah, again, your soul has beenaround for infinity and will be
(09:01):
around for infinity.
So just relax, man.
I can skydive without aparachute.
Uh, that's a comedic character.
The earth doesn't give a fuckwhat we do to it.
It's giving no fucks.
So like, save the earth?
Shit is just.
The earth is perfectly contentbeing plasma or being frozen.
(09:22):
It's got billions of years toevolve new, exciting creatures.
It's on a whole other timeframe.
So we humans, I know we'retrying to save it and go for it.
I mean, I'm not against tryingto save it, but acting like the
earth cares is pretty stupid.
Life is pain and the neverending quest for relief, so you
(09:45):
might as well relieve itproperly with hard drugs.
Another comedic perspective of acharacter is like I have no
idea who I am and so I can beconvinced of almost anything.
That's sort of theimpressionable man.
Oh yeah, oh, intermittentfasting, that's the way to go.
(10:08):
Yeah, I'm doing it tomorrow.
Uh, women are sex objects firstand humans second.
That is a comedic character.
Everybody relax.
Um, you just got to balancethat dude out with some humanity
, which is that he's dying tofall in love.
He doesn't know why he can't.
Well, it's part of your.
(10:28):
You need to shift yourperspective, bro.
Kids are annoying, needmachines and should be paid much
less attention to.
That's a comedic perspective.
Here's one that I kind of riffedon.
I am pissed to be alive.
Here's one that I kind ofriffed on I am pissed to be
alive.
I saw this whole thing inspiritual life, where it's like
you know, when you'reenlightened you're just like
(10:54):
this purely blissed outnon-carnal being, and when you
die, sometimes you reincarnate,but other times there's just
spirits up there, just blissedout, and I'm just.
I'm just so pissed that I, mysoul, chose to come down to a
body and like learn.
I don't want to learn whatemergency diarrhea under the 101
in LA feels like.
I don't want to.
I don't want to learn whatstaring at the ceiling hating
(11:17):
myself for snorting another railof blow is like.
I don't want to learn what it'slike to worry about AIDS after
bear dicking a Norwegian au pairon the side of the road.
I don't want to learn what it'slike to worry about my kids
dying or my son turning into acrackhead.
I don't want to learn what it'slike.
(11:37):
And then the only thing I'mreally psyched for is
motorboating and just gettinglost in a woman's body.
So that was sort of my littlewritings today.
Let me know if any of thosethings feel funny to you.
Write me Startingstanduppod atgmailcom.
Bye now.
Thank you.
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