May 29, 2025 • 16 mins
David runs a creative restraint exercise after stumbling on a Louis CK quote and finds a lot of potential standup material he's now excited about.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, welcome to Starting Stand-Up.
My name is David Walton.
I'm so happy you're here.
If you're new here and Isuspect some of you are because
my friend, jake Johnson from NewGirl Fame has a wonderful, very
popular, very popular podcast.
If you haven't checked it out,it's called here to Help, where
they get calls from people whoare having some pretty comical
problems and then two extremelyunqualified human beings try to
(00:23):
help him.
And Jake had me on.
You'll have to listen to see,but it was.
He needed a bathrobe guy and hehas a bathrobe guy and that guy
is me, and so we sent a couplebathrobes to the man who's
having the problem with somenudist neighbors.
And so if you listened to thatand now you're here, I thank you
.
(00:43):
This is a podcast that is fairlyunhinged.
I am just tracking.
It's like an audio journal andI track my quest to become good
at stand-up in this weird, weirdworld.
I'm learning along with you andI'm not good yet, but I am
getting better.
If you want to learn aboutstand-up and you want to just
(01:05):
track a very confused man in acreative process, you're in the
right place.
So today's episode is I have noclue.
Yeah, we just pressed record.
I'm doing some limitations.
The creative process supposedlygets better with limitations,
so I'm giving myself two hourssoup to nuts to do this entire
(01:28):
episode.
So what do you hear?
The following all happenedwithin two hours.
Okay, let's rubbish, that'srubbish.
(01:59):
I just discovered Louis CKtalking about something I've
spoken about on this podcast,but of course, because he's a
master, he just articulates itso well and ultimately, this is
what I want my stand-up to be.
I want it to be honest and hesays this quote I like to do
(02:23):
stand-up.
That's very honest.
I don't think it's the only wayto be a comedian.
Some people, the whole point oftheir act is that they're lying
or being fantastic or reallysilly or absurd.
I think Stephen Wright is agreat comedian.
Nobody says God, he's so honest.
He's not one of those guys.
He's just a whole differentthing that makes him funny and
(02:44):
makes him great.
But for me, what guides what Idecide to say or do on stage or
not is is this shit really true?
Is this really shit you'rethinking?
If it's not, you're going tofeel phony and stupid.
I don't like phony.
I don't like it.
For me, there's times I've beengetting huge laughs with a bit
(03:09):
and then I look up, I look at itand I go but it ain't real, I
don't really mean it, I justknew where to go to find laughs.
So sometimes I throw that kindof material away after I kill
with it a few times.
To me it's not important on anintegrity level.
It's just that it's so muchmore fun to say shit that's
(03:30):
really inside you, that reallygnaws at your brain, and to
share those thoughts with otherpeople, and especially if
they're thoughts that peoplearen't used to sharing in a
humorous way, things that peoplearen't even used to saying out
loud.
I mean, beyond saying fuck andtalking about sex, the really
(03:50):
embarrassing unsaid truths thoseare really fun to tell an
audience and have them laugh,something that I really enjoy.
That's why I'm doing standupthis way.
It's because I like it.
End quote, quote, end, endquote.
I always like doing those feelso good, okay, so that's just
(04:12):
such inspiration for me.
It's like what am I doing?
And if?
If you've been listening, youknow that whenever I do come up
with a joke or I do I did awhole thing about my dad.
I was trying to make my dad'sdementia funny and then
afterwards I was like everythingI just said in this set, some
(04:33):
of which got laughs, wasn't true.
I wasn't messing with my dad, Iwas just saying stupid shit and
I, I was upset with myself.
And here I am and I look and Isee this kind of obscure
interview with Louis CK and Ifind it and he says it it's just
like a dagger to the heart andI just want that.
(04:55):
So, in the spirit of juststating real things, true things
, stating real things, truethings.
Now, these are, of course,things that I'm sure aren't that
special, but they're special tome.
No, here we go, ready, this isa segment called facts about the
(05:20):
things I beat myself up for,and then it just devolved.
I kind of just jotted somethings down.
So I've been on every diet knownto man and I want to tell you
what I just ate today.
I ate an entire softball sizemozzarella cheese.
I've been 195 my entire life.
(05:41):
I am an actor, I'm supposed tobe fit, and now I'm going full
Will Ferrell mode.
I ate the oh they're so goodthe Costco chicken pita with
American cheese wraps.
You throw them in the microwavein a paper towel for about a
minute and a half and then theyjust have this designed flavor
(06:03):
that just makes you feel likeyou're stoned in college, but
it's a little bit better.
So I had three of those.
I had a Mexican Coke, I hadsome almonds, two Corona beers
about an hour and a half ago,own of beers.
(06:28):
About an hour and a half ago Ihad a pretty sizable amount of
Gouda.
Gouda is a funny word.
I'm going to try to get Goudainto the set, into the little
Gouda.
And then I started the morningwith three strips of bacon,
couple shots of espresso.
I'm off, completely off therails.
You know, the weird thing aboutdiets is I had tremendous
energy all day.
I'm off, completely off therails.
You know, the weird thing aboutdiets is I had tremendous
energy all day.
I'm not fucking like.
That diet gave me more.
(06:50):
I felt better and had betterenergy than when I'm eating like
a, a niçoise salad and thenhaving like a sensible chicken,
whatever, like there's something.
(07:18):
It's almost like I am.
It's almost like I'm doingdrugs and feeling dangerous as I
just hammer cheese, coke andbeer.
But I will loathe Tomorrowmorning I will wake up and those
will be the first thoughts inmy head what on earth did you
just do yesterday?
And that won't be fun.
But then I'll just watch thosethoughts pass, because of course
, that's what meditationteachers do.
Speaking of, I led a meditationtoday.
(07:39):
This is another thing I'll beatmyself up for.
I led a meditation at ninetoday.
I sat down to write, but then Igot a call from an old friend
that I hadn't talked to foreverand we got to gabbing and this
is why I don't take a lot ofcalls, because it's sometimes a
real gab fest.
I went an hour and a half ThenI had to take my son to the
doctor and then I had to restbecause I did crash after the
(08:03):
Mexican Coke, I believe, or theGouda, and then it was 20 minute
.
I did a yoga Nidra yoga Nidra Ifyou haven't heard of that
excellent way to recharge, itworked.
Just look it up, watch it.
Do a 20 minute yoga Nidra, n I,d R a on YouTube.
Excellent recharge.
Then my daughter, who's sick,had it was like begging me to go
(08:25):
with her to look for sea glass.
So I had to go and do that.
I mean, pretend that it wasmeaningful.
No, it was, it was.
It was a little bit sweet, alittle bit Um.
And then I sat down to do this,so I didn't even write and now
we had to come up with thisbullshit.
Two-hour thing, okay, butactually I kind of like the
(08:46):
two-hour thing.
I think there's going to be alot of energy that gets infused
into this podcast by creatingconstraints.
Another thing I'm self-loathingabout, and this is I'm just not
having the venery that I require.
There's a lot, I don't I'm notMyself or anyone else.
(09:09):
There's a lot of forces outthere, but I am just not having
as much sex as I need.
And it's hard for me as someonewho believes that skin-on-skin
sex with people you love is themeaning of life.
So I don't feel like a man.
(09:31):
So I don't feel like a man, youknow.
And and however, I did just go.
I'm back in the sort of nicestrength training regimen and I
did some squats, I went prettyhard on the final set and I, I,
I woke up today full mast.
(09:51):
I mean, just I couldn't get itdown.
It was like you know, rottingold woman in the shining,
rotting old woman in the shining, rotting old woman in the
shining bathtub, and it wouldn'tgo down.
I think it was an instanttestosterone boost and that's
pretty cool.
That's going to get me in thegym squatting a tremendous
(10:14):
amount.
It felt really great.
I went to the neurology officetoday for my son, who has a mild
form of epilepsy and hasn't hada seizure in a long time
because of some meds.
But he had to get hooked up toan EEG and there were people in
there all sorts of neurologicalconditions kids in wheelchairs,
grown men like alone, checkingin clearly something wrong
(10:36):
neurologically and it just mademe feel like life is so hardcore
.
It's just and I think and nowwe're going to put on some weird
hat I think we have to justreally trust life people.
We have to just really trustlife people.
We have to just trust it likeyou got, to just trust the
horrible shit, like it's likeyou, just to trust that it's
(10:59):
exactly what your soul needs.
All your pain and hurt and allyour bad luck, all your misery
and frustration and regret, allof it, all your delusion and
self-deception it's all leadingsomewhere.
Maybe there's a new way oflooking at life.
Maybe it's fucking.
Every single person's life isperfect, even if you're a victim
(11:22):
of some horror.
What if it's actually perfectand that as a soul level, you
are right now exactly where youare supposed to be, and that the
past in so many profound waysdoesn't matter.
So one thing that popped, a factabout my childhood that popped
(11:46):
in was I was young for my gradeat this private school in boston
and so kids were hittingpuberty.
This I, this came to my mindbecause one of my son's friends
is his age and rolled in after ayear at age 11 and was like
deep voice and I was like Whoa,that is young, 11.
(12:06):
And he's a great kid.
But then I remembered itflashed back me to my pubescent
years, which is so hard as a boyin the 80s.
Now I'm pretty sure my son isnever going to see another penis
Maybe ever just because of theprivacy and the fear For those
(12:29):
younger audience members.
In the 1980s in Boston there wasno private showers at school.
You had a huge communal showerand you showered with your
teachers and there was neverfunny business that I know of.
(12:50):
I mean it was so normal.
But in hindsight you cannotbelieve that this was going down
.
I mean I would have to justmuscle it with just a button, a
button, hairless thing and Dickin like seventh and even eighth
grade.
I still hadn't hit pubertyBecause I was only 12.
(13:14):
But there were kids like therewere fully grown eighth graders,
just fully muscled out, full,full length, like grown units.
So then you had, let's call him, sam Roach.
He was like an eighth graderand you'd just be like, oh man,
like I got to be his friend andbe on the football team with him
(13:37):
and he looks like he has a wifeand kids, and so you're already
feeling a shame about that.
And then your teacher wouldroll in multiple teachers, be
like good tackle in practicetoday as his monster.
I mean I'm not exaggerating, gkhad a monster, seven inches
(14:00):
limp, just a beast, and youweren't like, you didn't want to
stare, but you were just like,wow, I hope so much that
something happens and we get tothere, but it doesn't only for a
lucky few.
I mean, it's got to be top 95,99 percentile.
(14:22):
And I think nowadays if youenrolled in a private school and
there were third graders inthere, fourth, fifth, sixth, if
you enrolled in a private schooland parents didn't know that
this was a communal showersituation and their boys would
be showering with their teachers, I mean I think the FBI would
burst through the doors, takedown the teacher fully nude.
(14:48):
It would be snuffed outimmediately.
But again, there was no funnybusiness.
There was no molesto at myschool.
It was totally cool to shower.
The teachers have conversationsand just comment on whatever
happened.
They would continue coachingyou after football practice, as
he was just soaping his python.
(15:10):
It was just completely normal.
I miss the 80s.
Thank you, louis CK, for theinspiration.
Let's see if something openedup there.
Okay, that's it for the episode.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
If you enjoyed this, you thinksomeone a friend of yours might
like it.
Go ahead and text it to them.
You can subscribe as well.
That's a great way to supportme and if you're feeling
(15:31):
particularly generous,particularly full of love, give
me a little comment somewhere.
It's very helpful and this isgrowing and it's exciting that
it's growing and I thank youfrom the bottom of my heart for
listening.
Have an incredible week full oflove and peace and adventure
and fun, and I'll see you nextweek.
Bye.
Hey, welcome to Starting Stand-Up.
My name is David Walton.
I'm so happy you're here.
If you're new here and Isuspect some of you are because
my friend, jake Johnson from NewGirl Fame has a wonderful, very
popular, very popular podcast.
If you haven't checked it out,it's called here to Help, where
they get calls from people whoare having some pretty comical
problems and then two extremelyunqualified human beings try to
(00:23):
help him.
And Jake had me on.
You'll have to listen to see,but it was.
He needed a bathrobe guy and hehas a bathrobe guy and that guy
is me, and so we sent a couplebathrobes to the man who's
having the problem with somenudist neighbors.
And so if you listened to thatand now you're here, I thank you
.
(00:43):
This is a podcast that is fairlyunhinged.
I am just tracking.
It's like an audio journal andI track my quest to become good
at stand-up in this weird, weirdworld.
I'm learning along with you andI'm not good yet, but I am
getting better.
If you want to learn aboutstand-up and you want to just
(01:05):
track a very confused man in acreative process, you're in the
right place.
So today's episode is I have noclue.
Yeah, we just pressed record.
I'm doing some limitations.
The creative process supposedlygets better with limitations,
so I'm giving myself two hourssoup to nuts to do this entire
(01:28):
episode.
So what do you hear?
The following all happenedwithin two hours.
Okay, let's rubbish, that'srubbish.
(01:59):
I just discovered Louis CKtalking about something I've
spoken about on this podcast,but of course, because he's a
master, he just articulates itso well and ultimately, this is
what I want my stand-up to be.
I want it to be honest and hesays this quote I like to do
(02:23):
stand-up.
That's very honest.
I don't think it's the only wayto be a comedian.
Some people, the whole point oftheir act is that they're lying
or being fantastic or reallysilly or absurd.
I think Stephen Wright is agreat comedian.
Nobody says God, he's so honest.
He's not one of those guys.
He's just a whole differentthing that makes him funny and
(02:44):
makes him great.
But for me, what guides what Idecide to say or do on stage or
not is is this shit really true?
Is this really shit you'rethinking?
If it's not, you're going tofeel phony and stupid.
I don't like phony.
I don't like it.
For me, there's times I've beengetting huge laughs with a bit
(03:09):
and then I look up, I look at itand I go but it ain't real, I
don't really mean it, I justknew where to go to find laughs.
So sometimes I throw that kindof material away after I kill
with it a few times.
To me it's not important on anintegrity level.
It's just that it's so muchmore fun to say shit that's
(03:30):
really inside you, that reallygnaws at your brain, and to
share those thoughts with otherpeople, and especially if
they're thoughts that peoplearen't used to sharing in a
humorous way, things that peoplearen't even used to saying out
loud.
I mean, beyond saying fuck andtalking about sex, the really
(03:50):
embarrassing unsaid truths thoseare really fun to tell an
audience and have them laugh,something that I really enjoy.
That's why I'm doing standupthis way.
It's because I like it.
End quote, quote, end, endquote.
I always like doing those feelso good, okay, so that's just
(04:12):
such inspiration for me.
It's like what am I doing?
And if?
If you've been listening, youknow that whenever I do come up
with a joke or I do I did awhole thing about my dad.
I was trying to make my dad'sdementia funny and then
afterwards I was like everythingI just said in this set, some
(04:33):
of which got laughs, wasn't true.
I wasn't messing with my dad, Iwas just saying stupid shit and
I, I was upset with myself.
And here I am and I look and Isee this kind of obscure
interview with Louis CK and Ifind it and he says it it's just
like a dagger to the heart andI just want that.
(04:55):
So, in the spirit of juststating real things, true things
, stating real things, truethings.
Now, these are, of course,things that I'm sure aren't that
special, but they're special tome.
No, here we go, ready, this isa segment called facts about the
(05:20):
things I beat myself up for,and then it just devolved.
I kind of just jotted somethings down.
So I've been on every diet knownto man and I want to tell you
what I just ate today.
I ate an entire softball sizemozzarella cheese.
I've been 195 my entire life.
(05:41):
I am an actor, I'm supposed tobe fit, and now I'm going full
Will Ferrell mode.
I ate the oh they're so goodthe Costco chicken pita with
American cheese wraps.
You throw them in the microwavein a paper towel for about a
minute and a half and then theyjust have this designed flavor
(06:03):
that just makes you feel likeyou're stoned in college, but
it's a little bit better.
So I had three of those.
I had a Mexican Coke, I hadsome almonds, two Corona beers
about an hour and a half ago,own of beers.
(06:28):
About an hour and a half ago Ihad a pretty sizable amount of
Gouda.
Gouda is a funny word.
I'm going to try to get Goudainto the set, into the little
Gouda.
And then I started the morningwith three strips of bacon,
couple shots of espresso.
I'm off, completely off therails.
You know, the weird thing aboutdiets is I had tremendous
energy all day.
I'm off, completely off therails.
You know, the weird thing aboutdiets is I had tremendous
energy all day.
I'm not fucking like.
That diet gave me more.
(06:50):
I felt better and had betterenergy than when I'm eating like
a, a niçoise salad and thenhaving like a sensible chicken,
whatever, like there's something.
(07:18):
It's almost like I am.
It's almost like I'm doingdrugs and feeling dangerous as I
just hammer cheese, coke andbeer.
But I will loathe Tomorrowmorning I will wake up and those
will be the first thoughts inmy head what on earth did you
just do yesterday?
And that won't be fun.
But then I'll just watch thosethoughts pass, because of course
, that's what meditationteachers do.
Speaking of, I led a meditationtoday.
(07:39):
This is another thing I'll beatmyself up for.
I led a meditation at ninetoday.
I sat down to write, but then Igot a call from an old friend
that I hadn't talked to foreverand we got to gabbing and this
is why I don't take a lot ofcalls, because it's sometimes a
real gab fest.
I went an hour and a half ThenI had to take my son to the
doctor and then I had to restbecause I did crash after the
(08:03):
Mexican Coke, I believe, or theGouda, and then it was 20 minute
.
I did a yoga Nidra yoga Nidra Ifyou haven't heard of that
excellent way to recharge, itworked.
Just look it up, watch it.
Do a 20 minute yoga Nidra, n I,d R a on YouTube.
Excellent recharge.
Then my daughter, who's sick,had it was like begging me to go
(08:25):
with her to look for sea glass.
So I had to go and do that.
I mean, pretend that it wasmeaningful.
No, it was, it was.
It was a little bit sweet, alittle bit Um.
And then I sat down to do this,so I didn't even write and now
we had to come up with thisbullshit.
Two-hour thing, okay, butactually I kind of like the
(08:46):
two-hour thing.
I think there's going to be alot of energy that gets infused
into this podcast by creatingconstraints.
Another thing I'm self-loathingabout, and this is I'm just not
having the venery that I require.
There's a lot, I don't I'm notMyself or anyone else.
(09:09):
There's a lot of forces outthere, but I am just not having
as much sex as I need.
And it's hard for me as someonewho believes that skin-on-skin
sex with people you love is themeaning of life.
So I don't feel like a man.
(09:31):
So I don't feel like a man, youknow.
And and however, I did just go.
I'm back in the sort of nicestrength training regimen and I
did some squats, I went prettyhard on the final set and I, I,
I woke up today full mast.
(09:51):
I mean, just I couldn't get itdown.
It was like you know, rottingold woman in the shining,
rotting old woman in the shining, rotting old woman in the
shining bathtub, and it wouldn'tgo down.
I think it was an instanttestosterone boost and that's
pretty cool.
That's going to get me in thegym squatting a tremendous
(10:14):
amount.
It felt really great.
I went to the neurology officetoday for my son, who has a mild
form of epilepsy and hasn't hada seizure in a long time
because of some meds.
But he had to get hooked up toan EEG and there were people in
there all sorts of neurologicalconditions kids in wheelchairs,
grown men like alone, checkingin clearly something wrong
(10:36):
neurologically and it just mademe feel like life is so hardcore
.
It's just and I think and nowwe're going to put on some weird
hat I think we have to justreally trust life people.
We have to just really trustlife people.
We have to just trust it likeyou got, to just trust the
horrible shit, like it's likeyou, just to trust that it's
(10:59):
exactly what your soul needs.
All your pain and hurt and allyour bad luck, all your misery
and frustration and regret, allof it, all your delusion and
self-deception it's all leadingsomewhere.
Maybe there's a new way oflooking at life.
Maybe it's fucking.
Every single person's life isperfect, even if you're a victim
(11:22):
of some horror.
What if it's actually perfectand that as a soul level, you
are right now exactly where youare supposed to be, and that the
past in so many profound waysdoesn't matter.
So one thing that popped, a factabout my childhood that popped
(11:46):
in was I was young for my gradeat this private school in boston
and so kids were hittingpuberty.
This I, this came to my mindbecause one of my son's friends
is his age and rolled in after ayear at age 11 and was like
deep voice and I was like Whoa,that is young, 11.
(12:06):
And he's a great kid.
But then I remembered itflashed back me to my pubescent
years, which is so hard as a boyin the 80s.
Now I'm pretty sure my son isnever going to see another penis
Maybe ever just because of theprivacy and the fear For those
(12:29):
younger audience members.
In the 1980s in Boston there wasno private showers at school.
You had a huge communal showerand you showered with your
teachers and there was neverfunny business that I know of.
(12:50):
I mean it was so normal.
But in hindsight you cannotbelieve that this was going down
.
I mean I would have to justmuscle it with just a button, a
button, hairless thing and Dickin like seventh and even eighth
grade.
I still hadn't hit pubertyBecause I was only 12.
(13:14):
But there were kids like therewere fully grown eighth graders,
just fully muscled out, full,full length, like grown units.
So then you had, let's call him, sam Roach.
He was like an eighth graderand you'd just be like, oh man,
like I got to be his friend andbe on the football team with him
(13:37):
and he looks like he has a wifeand kids, and so you're already
feeling a shame about that.
And then your teacher wouldroll in multiple teachers, be
like good tackle in practicetoday as his monster.
I mean I'm not exaggerating, gkhad a monster, seven inches
(14:00):
limp, just a beast, and youweren't like, you didn't want to
stare, but you were just like,wow, I hope so much that
something happens and we get tothere, but it doesn't only for a
lucky few.
I mean, it's got to be top 95,99 percentile.
(14:22):
And I think nowadays if youenrolled in a private school and
there were third graders inthere, fourth, fifth, sixth, if
you enrolled in a private schooland parents didn't know that
this was a communal showersituation and their boys would
be showering with their teachers, I mean I think the FBI would
burst through the doors, takedown the teacher fully nude.
(14:48):
It would be snuffed outimmediately.
But again, there was no funnybusiness.
There was no molesto at myschool.
It was totally cool to shower.
The teachers have conversationsand just comment on whatever
happened.
They would continue coachingyou after football practice, as
he was just soaping his python.
(15:10):
It was just completely normal.
I miss the 80s.
Thank you, louis CK, for theinspiration.
Let's see if something openedup there.
Okay, that's it for the episode.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
If you enjoyed this, you thinksomeone a friend of yours might
like it.
Go ahead and text it to them.
You can subscribe as well.
That's a great way to supportme and if you're feeling
(15:31):
particularly generous,particularly full of love, give
me a little comment somewhere.
It's very helpful and this isgrowing and it's exciting that
it's growing and I thank youfrom the bottom of my heart for
listening.
Have an incredible week full oflove and peace and adventure
and fun, and I'll see you nextweek.
Bye.
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