June 19, 2025 • 15 mins
After receiving brutally honest feedback from a high school friend about my last episode being "boring and no laughs," I've rekindled my creative fire and am preparing for my first stage performance in weeks. This episode walks through my process of mining previous conversations for comedic material, sharing the awkward, honest moments of parenthood that make perfect stand-up fodder.
• Responding to criticism with renewed commitment to quality content
• My 11-year-old asking if I masturbate while watching golf, demonstrating today's kids' startling directness
• The generational divide between shame-filled adolescence and modern kids' openness
• Workshopping potential bits about Z Cavaricci pants, existential capitalism, and prison sexuality
• Reflections on boys' sensitivity and how they change during puberty
• The contrast between my admission of fear as a child versus my son's comfort with vulnerability
Next week I'll be performing on stage and recording my reactions immediately after – stay tuned for that adventure.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Good evening everybody.
Happy Juneteenth.
I got some feedback from one ofmy close high school friends
for the last episode.
He wrote, and I quote I did notlike your last episode very
much.
Kind of boring and no laughs.
End quote.
(00:20):
That came in at 3.48 pm.
Usually when he gets a littlegrumpy and I said the drug one
and he goes yes, you can dobetter.
End quote.
There's nothing like a highschool friend to go straight at
you and the beautiful thing ishe's right Now.
(00:40):
This isn't taken away if you didenjoy the drug episode, but
from my own confessional it wasa bit half-assed.
It was half-assed.
Sometimes I sit down and Idon't have the energy and I just
say fuck it.
But that's not today.
This is a very differentepisode.
(01:02):
I've got the fire back.
I've got a little bit of thezhuzh.
I've made a commitment to anaccountability group I meet with
on Mondays that I'm going toget back up on stage next week
and there's nothing like fear asa motivator.
So I've started working againand what's cool is reviewing all
the material I did in the lastfour podcast episodes.
(01:23):
Reviewing all the material Idid in the last four podcast
episodes.
There's some topics that I'mgoing to mine.
It wasn't all for naught andthat was the plan is to.
Why I love you so much is thatwhen I talk to you, things come
up.
We now have a relationship.
I imagine you and we chat likefriends, and so this is what the
(01:47):
topics are that I'm going topull out and mine Ready.
Here we go.
Oh man, that's rubbish.
(02:15):
That's rubbish.
So I'm trying to work on the ZCavaricci thing.
There's something there.
I already have a good four orfive minutes about my son asking
me to do cocaine and what myresponse was.
If you've listened to thepodcast, you know that bit.
It's actually my strongestmaterial as far as audience
reaction.
And now, to gear up for this20-minute set, I need to add to
(02:37):
it.
Something happened the other day.
That's perfect.
We were watching the US Opengolf and my son's getting into
golf, which is so exciting.
He's 11 and I'm like teachinghim from the pros, like look at
Scotty Scheffler's head, lookhow still it is, as he
absolutely hammers the ball 320yards.
(02:58):
And my son looks, pauses andgoes Dad, have you ever
masturbated?
Looks, pauses and goes dad,have you ever masturbated?
And I just I'm like it's, it'sso weird.
It's like what, how, what, whatis going on with this kid?
There's always this feelingthat you know, these kids these
(03:18):
days are so different than usthat they feel like alien
creatures.
Anyway, my mom, my mom, oh goodlord, freudian slip.
My wife, uh, starts laughing inthe kitchen and goes everybody
masturbates, louis, and I amlaughing too.
But I'm like, yeah.
I'm like, yeah, louis, I do.
(03:39):
And he's like, why?
I'm like because it feels good,it mimics sex.
And he goes, ew, does theshmegma come out?
And I'm like, yeah, and thewhole thing.
And then that was it.
It was just sort of over.
He just kind of like, moved on.
It just made me thinking aboutlike, who are these kids?
(04:04):
What's happening?
What happened to some good oldfashioned shame about asking
your parent that or not beinggrossed out, about asking, I
mean he was grossed out.
But I remember as a kid, likethe idea of my parents having
sex was like bone shatteringlydisgusting to me.
And my kids are just like whatthey seem.
(04:24):
I mean he's imagining mebeating off.
He's 11.
I gotta stop watching Deadpooland 21 Jump Street with him.
I think that's the problem.
But anyway, it's a good littleworld, you know, and it had me
thinking about my Z Cavariccistory from the fingering episode
(04:46):
I did a couple weeks ago.
And how, really, when I askedmy mom for Z Cavaricci's, what I
was really asking her was, orwhat I was really saying was mom
, I want to finger a girl tolike Brian Johnson, and of
course I never would say that toher she just thought I wanted
(05:08):
cool pants to fit in pants tofit in, but I I hand on the
bible.
Think that when my son gets tothat age, you know where his
classmates are fingering andhe's interested in it.
He's just gonna come home andbe like mom and dad.
I need to get a new sportsjersey and a better gold chain
because I want to finger a girland there's something beautiful
(05:32):
about that, it's's honest, it'sfreeing, but it's so weird and
it's just so foreign to me.
I think I'm going to be in alot of trouble when my kids
start really getting into thestuff that I still am into.
Okay, so there's somethingthere, right, I think there's
something there.
I just got to figure out.
You know the setup Again, standup is so hard Cause you know,
(05:56):
on a podcast it's Lucy Goose andlike you're like running or
driving and you're just kindalike you know You're tuning in
and out and but on stage man,it's just gotta be so tight.
So I'm gonna be working on thatand hopefully, when I share Like
sort of the final set, you'llsee what I came up with.
Yeah, some more things.
(06:16):
Like I, I want to make a jokeabout my existential sort of
baby capitalism thing, likestaring into a baby's eyes and
being like you know, the pointof your life is going to be to
make widgets, is to just is tomake money so that you don't die
.
That's, that's literally whyyou're here, and it got me
(06:38):
thinking about just wishing thatI was like a french aristocrat
in the 1600s.
It could just like play tennisand go to cocktail parties.
You know, just like I don'tneed I I don't need to grind
like the grind culture.
Like I don't understand this.
Why is everyone pretending thatwork is great?
(06:59):
And this was another rant I had.
It's like that question if youhad 100 million dollars, what
would you do?
And so many people like it's todiscover your purpose on earth,
and so many people were like Iwould work in x or I would like.
I'm like that question doesnothing for me.
I would, literally, if I had100, like I would work in X or I
would like I'm like thequestion does nothing for me.
I would, literally, if I had ahundred million dollars, I would
rent a power yacht, invite allmy friends and go on like a
(07:22):
three month ATP tennis tour,play tennis and watch tennis and
explore the world using tennisas the daily activity.
And I would get like afull-blown Djokovic physio, like
(07:46):
I'd have a team for my likeshitty middle-aged tennis skills
.
But I would like try to bebasically a sad ATP tour
professional that was having somuch fun.
And then I would just like gooff and do like a three week
silent meditation retreat inlike Miramar Miramar, no,
myanmar, I always get Top Gunreferences.
Miramar, you two characters,yeah, miramar.
(08:09):
And then, yeah, the stuff aboutlike the hyper honest greetings.
You know like just imaginingwhat the world would be like if
everybody was just super honestand small talk.
You know, hey, what's going on?
Yeah, my dad just died.
How are you?
Yeah, good, my mom just diedtoo.
All right, $1.46.
There's your change.
Um, I like that.
I think I'll try that.
And then, oh, yeah, like thecommunal shower.
I think there's something there.
(08:30):
I think I'll try that.
And then, oh yeah, like thecommunal shower, I think there's
something there, I think, maybein framing it and just how
weird the past was.
You know how I just don'tunderstand kids.
I don't understand my own kids,their bluntness and honesty and
just lack of shame, like I,just so foreign, they're like
(08:52):
aliens to me and that you know,maybe I can parlay like I'm of
the generation that you know youthought nothing of it.
To shower in fifth grade withyour teacher who, after football
practice, would just like rollin with his nine inch python and
like soap his dong while askingyou about practice.
(09:16):
I think there's stuff therearen't you, don't you?
Yeah, I can feel, yeah, I can.
I can sense your encouragementand I think I want to touch on
like maybe a little bit of thedrug, like hypocrisy.
You know, you know everybodygets their skirt in a bunch
about heroin.
But if you've ever pressed thebutton for a morphine drip in a
(09:37):
hospital, you've had heroin.
So just relax.
You just pipe down with yourjudgments and let me snort my
heroin.
I got to figure out a way tomake Gouda fun Gouda.
I got to get Gouda in the act.
Gouda is a cheese.
It's a very funny word.
On one of the podcast episodesI just confessed about the food
I'd eaten and the paradox or theirony that I felt terrific just
(10:00):
eating terrible food.
There's something about eatingterrible food that feels good,
yeah.
And then the prison section,just like the, maybe a quick
little joke about the fluidity,just my confusion about
sexuality, like it's just soincredible to me that you can
(10:21):
get in prison for murder andjust start enjoying pounding
guys' asses, like pretty quickly, as a quote unquoteunquote
hetero, once you're in jail.
I'm not sure what's going onthere.
You know what I mean.
So those are some of the thingsthat starting standees will
appreciate if you end up seeingthe final act, see how these
(10:44):
things pop up.
Yeah, this sort of overarchingthemes of adolescence I've
always loved, and adolescence iswhere my memory comes back,
like I don't remember reallyanything before the age of 13.
And then everything I rememberis really just a level of, you
know, a level of single-mindedfocus on girls and just just
(11:09):
wanting girls.
It's all really I remember.
And wanting to hang.
It wasn't just girls, it wasn'tlike I wanted to be in love.
You know, I was so wanting lovethat I would see, you know,
kids in high school in love andI was like, oh my God, that
(11:29):
looks amazing Because basically,as I mentioned, in boarding
school, you could just, if youwere in love, you know, and
you're 60, both 16, like youwant to bone probably, yes, six,
seven times a day, and some ofthem were managing to do it, you
know, all over campus and I Inever had that in high school
(11:55):
and it was a, it was a bummer.
I had to wait until, likereally, sophomore year of
college before that came about,but it was like I pined for that
about, but it was like I pinedfor that.
I'm digressing, but you knowthere's a larger thing here
(12:15):
about boys.
You know there's a lot ofresearch about boys and boys are
having raised one and seeingall the other boys.
You know this sort of tough guyboy thing is so wrong.
You know they're just thesesensitive little souls.
I don't know.
I think something happens atpuberty.
What's up, dude?
But a prepubescent boy is very,very wimpy.
(12:37):
Another thing yeah, my son'sjust so.
He's so open and okay withadmitting that he's scared.
I couldn't admit I was scaredwhen I was younger.
Are you kidding?
I think there's a joke about,you know, sexuality.
Just everyone confused.
You know, I don't think peopleshould get sex changes at a
young age.
(12:57):
I just think you're so confusedat that age.
I mean, my daughter in fourthgrade said she was a lesbian.
Now she's not.
Of course, labels are for jars,not people.
You people, you know.
I mean, if I was raised now, Iremember, you know, stick a
finger up your ass, beating offwhen you're 16.
I do that in the in the early90s.
(13:19):
I don't think anything of itnow.
I'd wonder if I was supposed tobe a woman, probably.
I hope my son doesn't ask me ifI've ever stuck my finger up my
ass next time we're watchinggolf.
Okay, I hope you liked that.
One more, arthur.
I hope you weren't bored bythat.
I hope you thought it wasbetter man Now.
(13:44):
I appreciate your directness,your honesty and I thank you for
that feedback.
So yeah, wind in the Sails, Ithank you so much for being here
.
We're keeping things tight.
Ted Talks are supposed to be 13minutes.
I'm a little over that.
That's a good number here.
Tighten things up.
You've got things to do.
(14:04):
If you enjoyed this episode,you can support this podcast by
sharing it, texting it to afriend, you can hit the
subscribe and the like button.
You know, just do those thingsand if you're feeling it, go
ahead and leave a comment orsend me a text, or send me an
email at startingstanduppod atgmail and say that was a shitty
(14:28):
episode.
I was bored out of my skull.
You can do better.
I like being lashed.
Hey, we'll see you next week.
Um, it's a big one.
I'm gonna get up on stage.
I don't know, I'll probably.
Yeah, I guess I'll have to doit wednesday night.
So that'll be one of thoseepisodes where I come back and I
record right after.
(14:50):
That'll be fun.
All right, all the best, havean incredible week and we'll see
you then.
Bye, thank you.
Good evening everybody.
Happy Juneteenth.
I got some feedback from one ofmy close high school friends
for the last episode.
He wrote, and I quote I did notlike your last episode very
much.
Kind of boring and no laughs.
End quote.
(00:20):
That came in at 3.48 pm.
Usually when he gets a littlegrumpy and I said the drug one
and he goes yes, you can dobetter.
End quote.
There's nothing like a highschool friend to go straight at
you and the beautiful thing ishe's right Now.
(00:40):
This isn't taken away if you didenjoy the drug episode, but
from my own confessional it wasa bit half-assed.
It was half-assed.
Sometimes I sit down and Idon't have the energy and I just
say fuck it.
But that's not today.
This is a very differentepisode.
(01:02):
I've got the fire back.
I've got a little bit of thezhuzh.
I've made a commitment to anaccountability group I meet with
on Mondays that I'm going toget back up on stage next week
and there's nothing like fear asa motivator.
So I've started working againand what's cool is reviewing all
the material I did in the lastfour podcast episodes.
(01:23):
Reviewing all the material Idid in the last four podcast
episodes.
There's some topics that I'mgoing to mine.
It wasn't all for naught andthat was the plan is to.
Why I love you so much is thatwhen I talk to you, things come
up.
We now have a relationship.
I imagine you and we chat likefriends, and so this is what the
(01:47):
topics are that I'm going topull out and mine Ready.
Here we go.
Oh man, that's rubbish.
(02:15):
That's rubbish.
So I'm trying to work on the ZCavaricci thing.
There's something there.
I already have a good four orfive minutes about my son asking
me to do cocaine and what myresponse was.
If you've listened to thepodcast, you know that bit.
It's actually my strongestmaterial as far as audience
reaction.
And now, to gear up for this20-minute set, I need to add to
(02:37):
it.
Something happened the other day.
That's perfect.
We were watching the US Opengolf and my son's getting into
golf, which is so exciting.
He's 11 and I'm like teachinghim from the pros, like look at
Scotty Scheffler's head, lookhow still it is, as he
absolutely hammers the ball 320yards.
(02:58):
And my son looks, pauses andgoes Dad, have you ever
masturbated?
Looks, pauses and goes dad,have you ever masturbated?
And I just I'm like it's, it'sso weird.
It's like what, how, what, whatis going on with this kid?
There's always this feelingthat you know, these kids these
(03:18):
days are so different than usthat they feel like alien
creatures.
Anyway, my mom, my mom, oh goodlord, freudian slip.
My wife, uh, starts laughing inthe kitchen and goes everybody
masturbates, louis, and I amlaughing too.
But I'm like, yeah.
I'm like, yeah, louis, I do.
(03:39):
And he's like, why?
I'm like because it feels good,it mimics sex.
And he goes, ew, does theshmegma come out?
And I'm like, yeah, and thewhole thing.
And then that was it.
It was just sort of over.
He just kind of like, moved on.
It just made me thinking aboutlike, who are these kids?
(04:04):
What's happening?
What happened to some good oldfashioned shame about asking
your parent that or not beinggrossed out, about asking, I
mean he was grossed out.
But I remember as a kid, likethe idea of my parents having
sex was like bone shatteringlydisgusting to me.
And my kids are just like whatthey seem.
(04:24):
I mean he's imagining mebeating off.
He's 11.
I gotta stop watching Deadpooland 21 Jump Street with him.
I think that's the problem.
But anyway, it's a good littleworld, you know, and it had me
thinking about my Z Cavariccistory from the fingering episode
(04:46):
I did a couple weeks ago.
And how, really, when I askedmy mom for Z Cavaricci's, what I
was really asking her was, orwhat I was really saying was mom
, I want to finger a girl tolike Brian Johnson, and of
course I never would say that toher she just thought I wanted
(05:08):
cool pants to fit in pants tofit in, but I I hand on the
bible.
Think that when my son gets tothat age, you know where his
classmates are fingering andhe's interested in it.
He's just gonna come home andbe like mom and dad.
I need to get a new sportsjersey and a better gold chain
because I want to finger a girland there's something beautiful
(05:32):
about that, it's's honest, it'sfreeing, but it's so weird and
it's just so foreign to me.
I think I'm going to be in alot of trouble when my kids
start really getting into thestuff that I still am into.
Okay, so there's somethingthere, right, I think there's
something there.
I just got to figure out.
You know the setup Again, standup is so hard Cause you know,
(05:56):
on a podcast it's Lucy Goose andlike you're like running or
driving and you're just kindalike you know You're tuning in
and out and but on stage man,it's just gotta be so tight.
So I'm gonna be working on thatand hopefully, when I share Like
sort of the final set, you'llsee what I came up with.
Yeah, some more things.
(06:16):
Like I, I want to make a jokeabout my existential sort of
baby capitalism thing, likestaring into a baby's eyes and
being like you know, the pointof your life is going to be to
make widgets, is to just is tomake money so that you don't die
.
That's, that's literally whyyou're here, and it got me
(06:38):
thinking about just wishing thatI was like a french aristocrat
in the 1600s.
It could just like play tennisand go to cocktail parties.
You know, just like I don'tneed I I don't need to grind
like the grind culture.
Like I don't understand this.
Why is everyone pretending thatwork is great?
(06:59):
And this was another rant I had.
It's like that question if youhad 100 million dollars, what
would you do?
And so many people like it's todiscover your purpose on earth,
and so many people were like Iwould work in x or I would like.
I'm like that question doesnothing for me.
I would, literally, if I had100, like I would work in X or I
would like I'm like thequestion does nothing for me.
I would, literally, if I had ahundred million dollars, I would
rent a power yacht, invite allmy friends and go on like a
(07:22):
three month ATP tennis tour,play tennis and watch tennis and
explore the world using tennisas the daily activity.
And I would get like afull-blown Djokovic physio, like
(07:46):
I'd have a team for my likeshitty middle-aged tennis skills
.
But I would like try to bebasically a sad ATP tour
professional that was having somuch fun.
And then I would just like gooff and do like a three week
silent meditation retreat inlike Miramar Miramar, no,
myanmar, I always get Top Gunreferences.
Miramar, you two characters,yeah, miramar.
(08:09):
And then, yeah, the stuff aboutlike the hyper honest greetings.
You know like just imaginingwhat the world would be like if
everybody was just super honestand small talk.
You know, hey, what's going on?
Yeah, my dad just died.
How are you?
Yeah, good, my mom just diedtoo.
All right, $1.46.
There's your change.
Um, I like that.
I think I'll try that.
And then, oh, yeah, like thecommunal shower.
I think there's something there.
(08:30):
I think I'll try that.
And then, oh yeah, like thecommunal shower, I think there's
something there, I think, maybein framing it and just how
weird the past was.
You know how I just don'tunderstand kids.
I don't understand my own kids,their bluntness and honesty and
just lack of shame, like I,just so foreign, they're like
(08:52):
aliens to me and that you know,maybe I can parlay like I'm of
the generation that you know youthought nothing of it.
To shower in fifth grade withyour teacher who, after football
practice, would just like rollin with his nine inch python and
like soap his dong while askingyou about practice.
(09:16):
I think there's stuff therearen't you, don't you?
Yeah, I can feel, yeah, I can.
I can sense your encouragementand I think I want to touch on
like maybe a little bit of thedrug, like hypocrisy.
You know, you know everybodygets their skirt in a bunch
about heroin.
But if you've ever pressed thebutton for a morphine drip in a
(09:37):
hospital, you've had heroin.
So just relax.
You just pipe down with yourjudgments and let me snort my
heroin.
I got to figure out a way tomake Gouda fun Gouda.
I got to get Gouda in the act.
Gouda is a cheese.
It's a very funny word.
On one of the podcast episodesI just confessed about the food
I'd eaten and the paradox or theirony that I felt terrific just
(10:00):
eating terrible food.
There's something about eatingterrible food that feels good,
yeah.
And then the prison section,just like the, maybe a quick
little joke about the fluidity,just my confusion about
sexuality, like it's just soincredible to me that you can
(10:21):
get in prison for murder andjust start enjoying pounding
guys' asses, like pretty quickly, as a quote unquoteunquote
hetero, once you're in jail.
I'm not sure what's going onthere.
You know what I mean.
So those are some of the thingsthat starting standees will
appreciate if you end up seeingthe final act, see how these
(10:44):
things pop up.
Yeah, this sort of overarchingthemes of adolescence I've
always loved, and adolescence iswhere my memory comes back,
like I don't remember reallyanything before the age of 13.
And then everything I rememberis really just a level of, you
know, a level of single-mindedfocus on girls and just just
(11:09):
wanting girls.
It's all really I remember.
And wanting to hang.
It wasn't just girls, it wasn'tlike I wanted to be in love.
You know, I was so wanting lovethat I would see, you know,
kids in high school in love andI was like, oh my God, that
(11:29):
looks amazing Because basically,as I mentioned, in boarding
school, you could just, if youwere in love, you know, and
you're 60, both 16, like youwant to bone probably, yes, six,
seven times a day, and some ofthem were managing to do it, you
know, all over campus and I Inever had that in high school
(11:55):
and it was a, it was a bummer.
I had to wait until, likereally, sophomore year of
college before that came about,but it was like I pined for that
about, but it was like I pinedfor that.
I'm digressing, but you knowthere's a larger thing here
(12:15):
about boys.
You know there's a lot ofresearch about boys and boys are
having raised one and seeingall the other boys.
You know this sort of tough guyboy thing is so wrong.
You know they're just thesesensitive little souls.
I don't know.
I think something happens atpuberty.
What's up, dude?
But a prepubescent boy is very,very wimpy.
(12:37):
Another thing yeah, my son'sjust so.
He's so open and okay withadmitting that he's scared.
I couldn't admit I was scaredwhen I was younger.
Are you kidding?
I think there's a joke about,you know, sexuality.
Just everyone confused.
You know, I don't think peopleshould get sex changes at a
young age.
(12:57):
I just think you're so confusedat that age.
I mean, my daughter in fourthgrade said she was a lesbian.
Now she's not.
Of course, labels are for jars,not people.
You people, you know.
I mean, if I was raised now, Iremember, you know, stick a
finger up your ass, beating offwhen you're 16.
I do that in the in the early90s.
(13:19):
I don't think anything of itnow.
I'd wonder if I was supposed tobe a woman, probably.
I hope my son doesn't ask me ifI've ever stuck my finger up my
ass next time we're watchinggolf.
Okay, I hope you liked that.
One more, arthur.
I hope you weren't bored bythat.
I hope you thought it wasbetter man Now.
(13:44):
I appreciate your directness,your honesty and I thank you for
that feedback.
So yeah, wind in the Sails, Ithank you so much for being here
.
We're keeping things tight.
Ted Talks are supposed to be 13minutes.
I'm a little over that.
That's a good number here.
Tighten things up.
You've got things to do.
(14:04):
If you enjoyed this episode,you can support this podcast by
sharing it, texting it to afriend, you can hit the
subscribe and the like button.
You know, just do those thingsand if you're feeling it, go
ahead and leave a comment orsend me a text, or send me an
email at startingstanduppod atgmail and say that was a shitty
(14:28):
episode.
I was bored out of my skull.
You can do better.
I like being lashed.
Hey, we'll see you next week.
Um, it's a big one.
I'm gonna get up on stage.
I don't know, I'll probably.
Yeah, I guess I'll have to doit wednesday night.
So that'll be one of thoseepisodes where I come back and I
record right after.
(14:50):
That'll be fun.
All right, all the best, havean incredible week and we'll see
you then.
Bye, thank you.
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