Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Good evening.
Today, on Starting Stand-Up, weare simply going to talk about
two things Dave Matthews Bandand farm animals.
Please enjoy.
Oh man, that's rubbish.
(00:35):
That's rubbish.
Big news, big news.
I'm heading to Dave Matthews.
I haven't seen a DMV show inabout 20 years.
I'm going to be back around 1in the morning a few hours
before this podcast goes live,so maybe I'll just add a little
post-DMV thing I'd like to talk.
(01:00):
I wrote an essay, award-winningessay, about how I used to
imitate Dave Matthews' voice andthought it was like cool, or I
thought it was impressive that Icould imitate Dave Matthews'
voice.
And I was driving with mygirlfriend then at the time, who
(01:21):
was in a very seriousrelationship, and then at the
time who were very seriousrelationship, and I remember
crash came on and I just decidedto like match it, you know,
just to like show her that I hadas good a voice as Dave, maybe
even better, and so I did thewhole song, kind of eyes closed,
and I opened them and I and atthat point is when I realized
(01:41):
that she, at that moment,watching me sing, she fell out
of love with me.
That was it.
That was the end of ourrelationship.
Of course we didn't break upright then and there.
But if I think back to whathappened, that was it.
I earnestly sang Dave Matthews,and that is just such vagina
(02:06):
repellent.
I just this is a PSA for anyonelistening.
And this is the essentialmessage of the essay I wrote,
which maybe I'll share becauseit's well written, so some of
the best writing I've ever done.
Anyway, I'm going to the show.
Hopefully it's loud enough.
(02:27):
I'm going with my wife.
I think it's a high-riskenvironment.
She hasn't really seen me singDave.
I think there's something sodorky about being into Dave as a
dude.
There's something effeminateabout it.
I can't quite put my finger onit, you know it's just like it
(02:54):
has.
He holds the guitar really highand I don't know.
There's just something the fratjazz of it all.
Um, it be the crowd I'm.
I love the crowds at concerts.
I don't really like live music,but I love seeing who's there
and realizing where you are,like what kind of person you are
(03:16):
, because who you like to listento and who you'll spend money
to go see really says somethingabout who you are.
And so what I'm expecting iskind of a lot of washed up frat
boys and girls who are kind ofbalding and fat and are trying
to go back to that time.
(03:37):
You know that carefree late 90s, early 2000s.
Dave was fresh and we were justtripping billies.
I'll take some pictures.
I'm really fascinated.
I'm going to New Hampshire forthe show they're playing right
(03:58):
now.
This is Tuesday night actually,because I'll be at the show
tomorrow, so I'm doing a Tuesdaynight record anyway.
Um, dmb all the way.
I'll give you a little tickleof the show.
Uh, coming up, I'll send it outright after.
But uh, another big epiphanythis week my daughter is working
(04:19):
at a farm.
This farm is called Red BootFarm.
It's the sweetest thing in theworld.
She is in charge of a dairy cownamed Dottie, the dairy cow's
baby calf, a goat named Ginger,milking goat, and then a number
of other goats and then chickenswho are both being raised for
(04:44):
slaughter and for egg laying.
She's got some otherresponsibilities.
She's working at the ice creamshop, she's shoveling cow manure
.
You know, she's just being ahelping hand.
She's like a farm intern andit's so sweet and beautiful and
I'm just so happy for her andI've been going with her some
(05:05):
mornings.
So I'll be at the farm at 6 inthe morning and I'll open the
barn door with my daughter andthe cow, dottie, is just waiting
there waiting to get milked.
My daughter hand milks the goatand then there's a really cool
machine that milks the cow.
This is all to say.
I have a much closer, as ofthis week, I have a much closer
(05:29):
connection with where food comesfrom.
So, and there's been somechanges, some massive changes in
how I think about what I'meating.
The long and short of it is, Iused to be like, oh, poor
chickens.
And now I'm like chickens arethe dumbest fucking animals on
(05:51):
earth.
You should have no problemeating chickens.
They're basically idiotdinosaurs.
They don't love their mothers.
They're just so dumb.
And the way they kill them atleast on this farm, I watched
the slaughter and it is, it'shumane.
(06:12):
I mean, do I want to get intoit right now?
Yeah, you put a head into they,put a cone, they screw a cone
into like a two by four aroundchest height.
You grab the chicken by thelegs.
It doesn't like being grabbedby the legs, of course, and so I
(06:33):
would say that these chickenshave perfect lives for eight
weeks and then it sucks forabout 30 seconds.
So they live an eight-week lifeand for 30 seconds they're like
this sucks.
I'm upside down, my head ispoking out of a cone.
(06:53):
The guy who's been feeding methis whole time just slit my
throat and I'm bleeding out intoa bucket.
You slit the two arteries oneither side.
They don't have a lot of blood,so within four seconds they're
toast.
They're not feeling, so maybethis is the kosher way to do it.
(07:15):
This is the most humane way todo it.
If you cut their head off, youknow the classic, just hacking a
chicken's head off and watchwatching it run around without a
head.
That just goes to show you whatkind of animal you're dealing
with.
But uh, that they can choke ontheir own blood through their
esophagus and I think that'smore inhumane.
(07:38):
So when you slice the arteriesaround the esophagus and don't
cut the esophagus, then theydon't choke and it's really just
, it's kind of clean living.
It's just like the mellowestway to go.
And anyway, I've been watchingthe processing, which is a
(08:01):
pretty cold word for how theykill a chicken.
So I'll take you through theprocess because it's really
fascinating.
The chickens have been growingfor eight weeks.
Every chicken you've ever eatenmostly is like this Cornish
hybrid.
They grow from chick to fullylike a five pound chicken in
like eight weeks.
(08:21):
And if they've been raised outin pasture they're eating
organic feed.
You know they're going to getbig fast.
They're going to tastedelicious.
The minute they're dead in thecone you put them in 150 degree
water, like a vat of it, almostlike you're throwing a lobster
in a vat and that loosens thefeathers.
(08:44):
Throwing a lobster in a in avat and that loosens the
feathers.
Then you do that for like 10,15 seconds and you loosen the
feathers up.
Then you put it in this drumthat has all these sort of
rubber nipples and it'sbasically like there's like
probably 33 inch rubber nipplespoking out of the side of a
metal drum and it's almost likethe rubber nipples are
quarterbacks and they're justthrowing the chicken to each
(09:06):
other like go long.
And you just hear this like andthe chicken is just getting
fucking, just pulled around inthis weird steel drum with all
these nipples.
I don't know how it works, butbasically the hot water has
loosened up the feathers and nowthis thing.
(09:28):
And then I'm not kidding 15seconds later that chicken that
was once alive is now almostcompletely featherless and just
ready to be gutted, you know,take all the organs out, that's
not the technical term.
Then you go to this nice silvertable.
You take out whatever remainingfeathers are in there.
You have a little tool and youget the little guys out and then
(09:51):
you cut it.
You cut off the neck and thefeet.
Save the feet and the neck.
I mean dogs love necks.
A lot of gelatin, a lot ofmedicinal value in the feet, the
feet and the neck.
I mean dogs love necks.
A lot of gelatin, a lot ofmedicinal value in the feet,
collagen.
And then you take out all theorgans, the intestines, the
heart save the heart and theliver.
Pancreas is poisonous so yougot to make sure that doesn't
(10:11):
split open.
You can die from eating thepancreas of a chicken.
And then you get the rest ofthe stuff out of there.
It's a pretty long process.
But what's crazy is that onceall the organs are out, you sort
of cut out the butthole.
That chicken goes into a vat ofcold water just to kind of cool
(10:33):
it down because it's hot fromthe water, and then you vacuum
seal it, I would say from aliveto vacuum sealed in a
refrigerator.
This is, at a small time, youknow, super organic.
These are.
These chickens will retail forabout eight 50 a pound.
So you know you're talkingabout a five pound chicken as
(10:53):
being over $40.
Organic farm raised, humanelyraised chicken $40.
And that chicken was alive andwithin.
Yeah, I mean you could do itfaster, but in this particular
operation, 7 minutes was vacuumsealed With a sticker on it in a
(11:16):
refrigerator In 7 minutes andwhen you look in the fridge
you're like I just bought thatchicken.
So it's this sort of fastforward of the process where
animal to food, animal to food.
It's fascinating.
I'm very happy I saw it.
You would think I wouldn't wantchicken after seeing it, but my
mouth is salivating right now.
(11:37):
I think chickens I mean I thinka perfectly roasted chicken may
be my favorite food.
Obviously, steaks are delicious, but something about a roasted
chicken where you can get inthere with all the juices and
everything and the veggiesAnyone with me on this one?
Anyway, I thought that would beinteresting.
Nothing funny about mydescription, just trying to be
(11:59):
accurate, but what really I'mtrying to say is, after seeing a
goat get milked by my daughter,I will no longer drink goat
milk.
After seeing a cow get milked, Iwill still drink cow's milk,
but it takes a little time andthose nipples are nipples.
I mean that is a, a resembles,a human nipple, just like
(12:24):
someone who's had about 48babies.
And they've just been suckingon those human nipples and
they've just extended a bit butthey they're very nipply, same
Same with the goats.
So I remember ArnoldSchwarzenegger being like milk
is for babies and it's like Ikind of agree with Arnold.
(12:46):
You know it feels like what arewe doing?
Are we babies?
But milk is so good for youProtein, carbohydrate, sugar and
fat is everything.
Perfect food, perfect food,milk, so you can live off that
shit.
So anyway, I'm happy about themilk.
(13:09):
I like a little raw milk fromthis farm.
And then the big thing is I'mgoing to have a hard time eating
beef now.
Because I'm going to have ahard time eating beef now?
Because, well, here's myjourney is that as I was feeding
the dairy cows hay, they have apersonality of a dog.
I mean, these cows are quirky,they're loving, they have these
(13:32):
beautiful big black eyes.
They look at you.
When I feed, I'll go into thehay bale and I'll fetch out like
a really nice moist piece ofhay, you know, like a big
handful of hay and I'll put itin the little dairy cow's little
trough and he will.
Just you can see the enthusiasm.
He loves it.
(13:52):
He'll go and he'll get thatmoist little morsel of hay and
he'll just munch it, staringstraight into my fucking eyes,
saying thank you and I love youfor giving me this choice, hay.
It's almost like you know, whenyou, when you pack your friend
a bong and you and you just givethem the perfect part of the
(14:14):
nug.
You know, you know you get thatnug and there's just that one
little part of the nug thatlooks so glistening and good and
you're like you're packing yourbuddy's bowl and you're like,
oh, let's just hook him up withthis perfect glistening nug.
(14:36):
That's how it felt when I wasgiving the cow the hay.
Now.
So I don't want to eat beef andI told the farmers this.
They had a really interestingresponse and this was well, you
don't eat dairy cows.
Dairy cows are kind of special.
They're chill, they're likewith you.
You know, beef cattle areassholes.
(14:57):
They're like angry andaggressive and they don't want
anything to do with you andthey're just out to pasture
their whole life and then theyget a nail in the head.
You know, uh one bad day, butthey're not.
They're not doing a whole lotof connecting with you as a
human.
So if we're going to have theperfect farm, you know, for
(15:22):
retirement, you're going to havea dairy cow.
I think that's a great idea.
One dairy cow.
You're going to have some egglaying chickens.
Maybe you get one or twochickens.
You raise a few chickens to eatevery now and again.
You got to have some goats.
(15:43):
I mean goats are so funny.
I mean goats are.
I think goats are moreintelligent than dogs.
They are dogs.
I mean it's just so arbitrarythat we don't eat dogs or that
we eat goat and pigs whenthey're just as smart as dogs.
But anyway, I digress becausegoat is incredibly delicious.
(16:04):
This episode is sponsored byPETA.
Peta is our first sponsor.
Peta is an organization thatprotects the lives and welfare
of animals all across the worldand they're super happy about me
talking about this.
So thank you, peta.
Anyway, the big thing is I amstill going to eat meat, but
(16:32):
it's going to be harder.
It's going to be harder for meto have some beef, but what's
cool about these farmers arethey were 13 years vegetarian
and then they started raisinganimals and now they eat meat
because they have thisconnection with them Almost like
.
You know, you sort of lazilythink about Native Americans,
(16:54):
like honoring the life, and Iwill digress.
Joseph Campbell, you know whowrote A Hero with a Thousand
Faces.
You know the Hero's Journey.
Basically every Hollywood movieis based on the principles of
Joseph Campbell's study of myth,mythology, jungian archetypes,
etc.
Joseph Campbell has a greatquote.
(17:14):
He goes, he always, he's sortof funny about vegetarians.
He's like I don't really get it.
Life lives on life.
Everything is alive, everythingis conscious.
The only difference between ananimal and a plant is a plant
can't run away.
I thought that was pretty funnyand probably accurate.
So I know the Buddhists don'tkill living beings, but you know
(17:38):
plants are alive.
So I'm not sure what they thinkabout that.
I know some Buddhists who go Ionly eat things that don't love
their mother, and I think that'sa pretty solid way to look at
it.
So, fish, oysters, anyshellfish, chickens I don't
think chickens yeah, I haven'tseen any chickens loving a
(17:58):
mother more than like two orthree days after they're born.
Turkeys Uh, I'm not surethey're loving anything.
Turkeys their reputation istruly the dumbest fucking animal
on earth.
So, yeah, slice that turkey up,no problem.
(18:20):
But yeah, not sure why this hasturned into an eating thing.
It's just on my mind.
You know diet, exercise andmeat.
This is a post DMV broadcast.
This is a post DMV broadcast.
Dmv, I'm back.
It's 1.30 in the morning.
Look guys, it was an amazingnight but it wasn't amazing for
(18:45):
the reason you think it was.
I think I recognize five or sixsongs of the 30.
We sat down for a good portionof the show.
Dave still has the guitar heldhigh.
He's still ripping.
It still has that frat jazzyvibe.
(19:06):
It still has that frat jazzyvibe.
Uh, it seemed like he justwanted to kind of play his songs
, like he wasn't.
He wasn't too concerned aboutplaying the hits.
We kept thinking like, okay, anice string of hits are gonna
come along.
I mean maybe five or six of thebig boys.
He did play the.
(19:28):
I'll go back to being friends.
You know that song abouthooking up with your friend and
then the next day going back tobeing friends.
It's a very beautiful song, um,but I was dead accurate.
It was a high-stakesenvironment and I'm very happy
(19:51):
to say that it may have saved mymarriage.
I mean to be singing DaveMatthews at the top of my lungs
earnestly with that intonationand to have her still be
attracted to me.
You know she poked a healthyamount of fun at me but at the
(20:15):
end of the day she was in eventhough she loathed it.
She loathes the music shedoesn't understand and she's
very upset.
They didn't play Crash, she wasa total all-in-er and I had a
blast and I'm just so happy Iwent Well.
I hope everybody enjoyed a recapof Dave Matthews and farm
(20:40):
animals.
I hope you've re-evaluated yourrelationship with the food you
eat and re-evaluated what youearnestly sing to.
And if you're a man and youthink you have a pretty good
voice and you think of any songby John Mayer, eddie Vedder,
(21:01):
dave Matthews, if you feel likesinging along to it is going to
help you get laid, I want toassure you that you are sorely
mistaken and that you arerisking everything.
You should shut up and notimitate these men.
(21:23):
That's the Mount Rushmore ofdon't imitate eddie, dave, john
mayer uh, there's four on mysure.
Yeah, we'll think of the fourth, but yeah, let's just just
never, ever do it, unless you'rebeing ironic and, you know,
(21:44):
making fun of them.
Tiktok, summer goes on.
Guys, we're half.
Basically, christmas is almosthere.
Fuck, if you're going to doanything this summer, do it now.
Tiktok, thank you.
Good evening.
Today, on Starting Stand-Up, weare simply going to talk about
two things Dave Matthews Bandand farm animals.
Please enjoy.
Oh man, that's rubbish.
(00:35):
That's rubbish.
Big news, big news.
I'm heading to Dave Matthews.
I haven't seen a DMV show inabout 20 years.
I'm going to be back around 1in the morning a few hours
before this podcast goes live,so maybe I'll just add a little
post-DMV thing I'd like to talk.
(01:00):
I wrote an essay, award-winningessay, about how I used to
imitate Dave Matthews' voice andthought it was like cool, or I
thought it was impressive that Icould imitate Dave Matthews'
voice.
And I was driving with mygirlfriend then at the time, who
(01:21):
was in a very seriousrelationship, and then at the
time who were very seriousrelationship, and I remember
crash came on and I just decidedto like match it, you know,
just to like show her that I hadas good a voice as Dave, maybe
even better, and so I did thewhole song, kind of eyes closed,
and I opened them and I and atthat point is when I realized
(01:41):
that she, at that moment,watching me sing, she fell out
of love with me.
That was it.
That was the end of ourrelationship.
Of course we didn't break upright then and there.
But if I think back to whathappened, that was it.
I earnestly sang Dave Matthews,and that is just such vagina
(02:06):
repellent.
I just this is a PSA for anyonelistening.
And this is the essentialmessage of the essay I wrote,
which maybe I'll share becauseit's well written, so some of
the best writing I've ever done.
Anyway, I'm going to the show.
Hopefully it's loud enough.
(02:27):
I'm going with my wife.
I think it's a high-riskenvironment.
She hasn't really seen me singDave.
I think there's something sodorky about being into Dave as a
dude.
There's something effeminateabout it.
I can't quite put my finger onit, you know it's just like it
(02:54):
has.
He holds the guitar really highand I don't know.
There's just something the fratjazz of it all.
Um, it be the crowd I'm.
I love the crowds at concerts.
I don't really like live music,but I love seeing who's there
and realizing where you are,like what kind of person you are
(03:16):
, because who you like to listento and who you'll spend money
to go see really says somethingabout who you are.
And so what I'm expecting iskind of a lot of washed up frat
boys and girls who are kind ofbalding and fat and are trying
to go back to that time.
(03:37):
You know that carefree late 90s, early 2000s.
Dave was fresh and we were justtripping billies.
I'll take some pictures.
I'm really fascinated.
I'm going to New Hampshire forthe show they're playing right
(03:58):
now.
This is Tuesday night actually,because I'll be at the show
tomorrow, so I'm doing a Tuesdaynight record anyway.
Um, dmb all the way.
I'll give you a little tickleof the show.
Uh, coming up, I'll send it outright after.
But uh, another big epiphanythis week my daughter is working
(04:19):
at a farm.
This farm is called Red BootFarm.
It's the sweetest thing in theworld.
She is in charge of a dairy cownamed Dottie, the dairy cow's
baby calf, a goat named Ginger,milking goat, and then a number
of other goats and then chickenswho are both being raised for
(04:44):
slaughter and for egg laying.
She's got some otherresponsibilities.
She's working at the ice creamshop, she's shoveling cow manure
.
You know, she's just being ahelping hand.
She's like a farm intern andit's so sweet and beautiful and
I'm just so happy for her andI've been going with her some
(05:05):
mornings.
So I'll be at the farm at 6 inthe morning and I'll open the
barn door with my daughter andthe cow, dottie, is just waiting
there waiting to get milked.
My daughter hand milks the goatand then there's a really cool
machine that milks the cow.
This is all to say.
I have a much closer, as ofthis week, I have a much closer
(05:29):
connection with where food comesfrom.
So, and there's been somechanges, some massive changes in
how I think about what I'meating.
The long and short of it is, Iused to be like, oh, poor
chickens.
And now I'm like chickens arethe dumbest fucking animals on
(05:51):
earth.
You should have no problemeating chickens.
They're basically idiotdinosaurs.
They don't love their mothers.
They're just so dumb.
And the way they kill them atleast on this farm, I watched
the slaughter and it is, it'shumane.
(06:12):
I mean, do I want to get intoit right now?
Yeah, you put a head into they,put a cone, they screw a cone
into like a two by four aroundchest height.
You grab the chicken by thelegs.
It doesn't like being grabbedby the legs, of course, and so I
(06:33):
would say that these chickenshave perfect lives for eight
weeks and then it sucks forabout 30 seconds.
So they live an eight-week lifeand for 30 seconds they're like
this sucks.
I'm upside down, my head ispoking out of a cone.
(06:53):
The guy who's been feeding methis whole time just slit my
throat and I'm bleeding out intoa bucket.
You slit the two arteries oneither side.
They don't have a lot of blood,so within four seconds they're
toast.
They're not feeling, so maybethis is the kosher way to do it.
(07:15):
This is the most humane way todo it.
If you cut their head off, youknow the classic, just hacking a
chicken's head off and watchwatching it run around without a
head.
That just goes to show you whatkind of animal you're dealing
with.
But uh, that they can choke ontheir own blood through their
esophagus and I think that'smore inhumane.
(07:38):
So when you slice the arteriesaround the esophagus and don't
cut the esophagus, then theydon't choke and it's really just
, it's kind of clean living.
It's just like the mellowestway to go.
And anyway, I've been watchingthe processing, which is a
(08:01):
pretty cold word for how theykill a chicken.
So I'll take you through theprocess because it's really
fascinating.
The chickens have been growingfor eight weeks.
Every chicken you've ever eatenmostly is like this Cornish
hybrid.
They grow from chick to fullylike a five pound chicken in
like eight weeks.
(08:21):
And if they've been raised outin pasture they're eating
organic feed.
You know they're going to getbig fast.
They're going to tastedelicious.
The minute they're dead in thecone you put them in 150 degree
water, like a vat of it, almostlike you're throwing a lobster
in a vat and that loosens thefeathers.
(08:44):
Throwing a lobster in a in avat and that loosens the
feathers.
Then you do that for like 10,15 seconds and you loosen the
feathers up.
Then you put it in this drumthat has all these sort of
rubber nipples and it'sbasically like there's like
probably 33 inch rubber nipplespoking out of the side of a
metal drum and it's almost likethe rubber nipples are
quarterbacks and they're justthrowing the chicken to each
(09:06):
other like go long.
And you just hear this like andthe chicken is just getting
fucking, just pulled around inthis weird steel drum with all
these nipples.
I don't know how it works, butbasically the hot water has
loosened up the feathers and nowthis thing.
(09:28):
And then I'm not kidding 15seconds later that chicken that
was once alive is now almostcompletely featherless and just
ready to be gutted, you know,take all the organs out, that's
not the technical term.
Then you go to this nice silvertable.
You take out whatever remainingfeathers are in there.
You have a little tool and youget the little guys out and then
(09:51):
you cut it.
You cut off the neck and thefeet.
Save the feet and the neck.
I mean dogs love necks.
A lot of gelatin, a lot ofmedicinal value in the feet, the
feet and the neck.
I mean dogs love necks.
A lot of gelatin, a lot ofmedicinal value in the feet,
collagen.
And then you take out all theorgans, the intestines, the
heart save the heart and theliver.
Pancreas is poisonous so yougot to make sure that doesn't
(10:11):
split open.
You can die from eating thepancreas of a chicken.
And then you get the rest ofthe stuff out of there.
It's a pretty long process.
But what's crazy is that onceall the organs are out, you sort
of cut out the butthole.
That chicken goes into a vat ofcold water just to kind of cool
(10:33):
it down because it's hot fromthe water, and then you vacuum
seal it, I would say from aliveto vacuum sealed in a
refrigerator.
This is, at a small time, youknow, super organic.
These are.
These chickens will retail forabout eight 50 a pound.
So you know you're talkingabout a five pound chicken as
(10:53):
being over $40.
Organic farm raised, humanelyraised chicken $40.
And that chicken was alive andwithin.
Yeah, I mean you could do itfaster, but in this particular
operation, 7 minutes was vacuumsealed With a sticker on it in a
(11:16):
refrigerator In 7 minutes andwhen you look in the fridge
you're like I just bought thatchicken.
So it's this sort of fastforward of the process where
animal to food, animal to food.
It's fascinating.
I'm very happy I saw it.
You would think I wouldn't wantchicken after seeing it, but my
mouth is salivating right now.
(11:37):
I think chickens I mean I thinka perfectly roasted chicken may
be my favorite food.
Obviously, steaks are delicious, but something about a roasted
chicken where you can get inthere with all the juices and
everything and the veggiesAnyone with me on this one?
Anyway, I thought that would beinteresting.
Nothing funny about mydescription, just trying to be
(11:59):
accurate, but what really I'mtrying to say is, after seeing a
goat get milked by my daughter,I will no longer drink goat
milk.
After seeing a cow get milked, Iwill still drink cow's milk,
but it takes a little time andthose nipples are nipples.
I mean that is a, a resembles,a human nipple, just like
(12:24):
someone who's had about 48babies.
And they've just been suckingon those human nipples and
they've just extended a bit butthey they're very nipply, same
Same with the goats.
So I remember ArnoldSchwarzenegger being like milk
is for babies and it's like Ikind of agree with Arnold.
(12:46):
You know it feels like what arewe doing?
Are we babies?
But milk is so good for youProtein, carbohydrate, sugar and
fat is everything.
Perfect food, perfect food,milk, so you can live off that
shit.
So anyway, I'm happy about themilk.
(13:09):
I like a little raw milk fromthis farm.
And then the big thing is I'mgoing to have a hard time eating
beef now.
Because I'm going to have ahard time eating beef now?
Because, well, here's myjourney is that as I was feeding
the dairy cows hay, they have apersonality of a dog.
I mean, these cows are quirky,they're loving, they have these
(13:32):
beautiful big black eyes.
They look at you.
When I feed, I'll go into thehay bale and I'll fetch out like
a really nice moist piece ofhay, you know, like a big
handful of hay and I'll put itin the little dairy cow's little
trough and he will.
Just you can see the enthusiasm.
He loves it.
(13:52):
He'll go and he'll get thatmoist little morsel of hay and
he'll just munch it, staringstraight into my fucking eyes,
saying thank you and I love youfor giving me this choice, hay.
It's almost like you know, whenyou, when you pack your friend
a bong and you and you just givethem the perfect part of the
(14:14):
nug.
You know, you know you get thatnug and there's just that one
little part of the nug thatlooks so glistening and good and
you're like you're packing yourbuddy's bowl and you're like,
oh, let's just hook him up withthis perfect glistening nug.
(14:36):
That's how it felt when I wasgiving the cow the hay.
Now.
So I don't want to eat beef andI told the farmers this.
They had a really interestingresponse and this was well, you
don't eat dairy cows.
Dairy cows are kind of special.
They're chill, they're likewith you.
You know, beef cattle areassholes.
(14:57):
They're like angry andaggressive and they don't want
anything to do with you andthey're just out to pasture
their whole life and then theyget a nail in the head.
You know, uh one bad day, butthey're not.
They're not doing a whole lotof connecting with you as a
human.
So if we're going to have theperfect farm, you know, for
(15:22):
retirement, you're going to havea dairy cow.
I think that's a great idea.
One dairy cow.
You're going to have some egglaying chickens.
Maybe you get one or twochickens.
You raise a few chickens to eatevery now and again.
You got to have some goats.
(15:43):
I mean goats are so funny.
I mean goats are.
I think goats are moreintelligent than dogs.
They are dogs.
I mean it's just so arbitrarythat we don't eat dogs or that
we eat goat and pigs whenthey're just as smart as dogs.
But anyway, I digress becausegoat is incredibly delicious.
(16:04):
This episode is sponsored byPETA.
Peta is our first sponsor.
Peta is an organization thatprotects the lives and welfare
of animals all across the worldand they're super happy about me
talking about this.
So thank you, peta.
Anyway, the big thing is I amstill going to eat meat, but
(16:32):
it's going to be harder.
It's going to be harder for meto have some beef, but what's
cool about these farmers arethey were 13 years vegetarian
and then they started raisinganimals and now they eat meat
because they have thisconnection with them Almost like
.
You know, you sort of lazilythink about Native Americans,
(16:54):
like honoring the life, and Iwill digress.
Joseph Campbell, you know whowrote A Hero with a Thousand
Faces.
You know the Hero's Journey.
Basically every Hollywood movieis based on the principles of
Joseph Campbell's study of myth,mythology, jungian archetypes,
etc.
Joseph Campbell has a greatquote.
(17:14):
He goes, he always, he's sortof funny about vegetarians.
He's like I don't really get it.
Life lives on life.
Everything is alive, everythingis conscious.
The only difference between ananimal and a plant is a plant
can't run away.
I thought that was pretty funnyand probably accurate.
So I know the Buddhists don'tkill living beings, but you know
(17:38):
plants are alive.
So I'm not sure what they thinkabout that.
I know some Buddhists who go Ionly eat things that don't love
their mother, and I think that'sa pretty solid way to look at
it.
So, fish, oysters, anyshellfish, chickens I don't
think chickens yeah, I haven'tseen any chickens loving a
(17:58):
mother more than like two orthree days after they're born.
Turkeys Uh, I'm not surethey're loving anything.
Turkeys their reputation istruly the dumbest fucking animal
on earth.
So, yeah, slice that turkey up,no problem.
(18:20):
But yeah, not sure why this hasturned into an eating thing.
It's just on my mind.
You know diet, exercise andmeat.
This is a post DMV broadcast.
This is a post DMV broadcast.
Dmv, I'm back.
It's 1.30 in the morning.
Look guys, it was an amazingnight but it wasn't amazing for
(18:45):
the reason you think it was.
I think I recognize five or sixsongs of the 30.
We sat down for a good portionof the show.
Dave still has the guitar heldhigh.
He's still ripping.
It still has that frat jazzyvibe.
(19:06):
It still has that frat jazzyvibe.
Uh, it seemed like he justwanted to kind of play his songs
, like he wasn't.
He wasn't too concerned aboutplaying the hits.
We kept thinking like, okay, anice string of hits are gonna
come along.
I mean maybe five or six of thebig boys.
He did play the.
(19:28):
I'll go back to being friends.
You know that song abouthooking up with your friend and
then the next day going back tobeing friends.
It's a very beautiful song, um,but I was dead accurate.
It was a high-stakesenvironment and I'm very happy
(19:51):
to say that it may have saved mymarriage.
I mean to be singing DaveMatthews at the top of my lungs
earnestly with that intonationand to have her still be
attracted to me.
You know she poked a healthyamount of fun at me but at the
(20:15):
end of the day she was in eventhough she loathed it.
She loathes the music shedoesn't understand and she's
very upset.
They didn't play Crash, she wasa total all-in-er and I had a
blast and I'm just so happy Iwent Well.
I hope everybody enjoyed a recapof Dave Matthews and farm
(20:40):
animals.
I hope you've re-evaluated yourrelationship with the food you
eat and re-evaluated what youearnestly sing to.
And if you're a man and youthink you have a pretty good
voice and you think of any songby John Mayer, eddie Vedder,
(21:01):
dave Matthews, if you feel likesinging along to it is going to
help you get laid, I want toassure you that you are sorely
mistaken and that you arerisking everything.
You should shut up and notimitate these men.
(21:23):
That's the Mount Rushmore ofdon't imitate eddie, dave, john
mayer uh, there's four on mysure.
Yeah, we'll think of the fourth, but yeah, let's just just
never, ever do it, unless you'rebeing ironic and, you know,
(21:44):
making fun of them.
Tiktok, summer goes on.
Guys, we're half.
Basically, christmas is almosthere.
Fuck, if you're going to doanything this summer, do it now.
Tiktok, thank you.
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