August 28, 2025 • 23 mins
Childhood friend Tegan Webster comes on the pod. The next Robin Quivers?
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
A good morning, good morning or good evening or good
afternoon.
This is a extremely specialStarting Stand-Up episode.
We've finally got another voicefor you, my friend, my dear
friend that I've known sincebirth, tegan Webster, canadian
woman.
There's so much to say aboutTegan, but this was a little
(00:23):
experimental interview.
There's so much to say aboutTegan, but this was a little
experimental interview, andyou'll understand why, and I
hope you'll be as charmed andfall in love with Tegan, like so
many people do when they meether, and that's all I'll say.
So please enjoy this veryspecial episode of Starting
Stand Up.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Oh man, that's rubbish, that's rubbish.
I'm here with Tegan Webster.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
I'm not supposed to use last names, so I'll say I
just tag him.
Or a teggy, wedgie, teggy, uh,this woman who's sitting across
me.
She's wearing a very, verycomfortable looking white
sweater.
She's got a little brown bagwith a super weird iphone case.
What's going on with the ringon that thing?
Is that a ring holder?
Speaker 2 (01:30):
It's very practical.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
When did that become a thing where women started
wanting iPhone cases where youcould put the finger through?
Speaker 2 (01:37):
I'll tell you for me I have had arthritis since I was
18.
That's so early to havearthritis and problems need
invention of, and problems in myhands, and as soon as I saw
that there was something thatcould make me hold it in a way
that wasn't my whole hand, I'vehad like every variation of
those.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
So you've been doing this for a long time.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
As soon as they came on the market.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Okay, now, just so you know who I'm talking to.
I could never, in a few words,distill who Tagi Weji is to me,
but let's get the story straight.
You've been listening to thepodcast.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
You're one of my oldest friends in the world.
But, really you're my sister'sextremely best friend, but
certainly since moving to Maine,our friendship, wouldn't you
say, has has deepened.
I would say I would say yeah,and I've always loved taking my
sister.
One of them, my younger twinsister, was in a horrible car
(02:36):
accident and has been in awheelchair ever since, since
2000, and I can sayunequivocally that Taggy Wedgie
has been the most loyal, loving,kind, compassionate friend that
you could ever dream for yoursister or your child.
And before we even go anyfurther, I want to say thank you
(03:02):
from the bottom of my heart, Idon't want to cry on this
podcast.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
We're taking a turn right now.
It's changing now.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
But anyway, we were at a dinner party a couple weeks
ago and another listener,another dear friend of mine,
we'll just call him Train.
You could tell that he was afan of the show, but he knew he
he just felt like it neededsomething and he actually this
was his idea.
He thought, much like uh howardstern, as robin quivers, that I
(03:36):
could have taggy wedgie and Iactually had an immediate
reaction like, oh, that would beso fun, because tagging not
only has an incredible, butshe's also very quick to laugh
and it's very weird doing thispodcast because I'm Tegan, this
is where I do it, you see that.
That's where I go.
I literally the whole thing,everything you've ever.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
That's where you usually sit.
That's where I sit, right at mycomputer.
Oh, so this is a change ofscenery.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Yeah, yeah, just a little far back from my desk.
But you know it's weird justsitting there and talking and
it's so much more fun.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yes, I do think it made me realize that I'm an easy
laugh that night.
I was like wait a second Hangon.
I do laugh.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Hold on a second.
You just have an incrediblesense of humor.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
I was going to say I also have a really good sense of
humor.
She's got a pinpoint.
Beautiful sense of humor.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
I was going to say I also have a really good sense of
humor.
She's got a pinpoint beautifulsense of humor.
So I thought, anyway, so that'sthe back story of why we're
here.
And we're just experimentingand I think the real, the
difficulty moving forward, to beperfectly honest, is how
unhinged and last minute thispodcast is.
(04:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
I can sort of pick up on that vibe.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
I am sometimes at 8 pm on a Wednesday just like no
idea what I'm going to do.
And then and weirdly and I'vetalked about this there's the
forcing function of deliveringon Thursday morning.
That deadline.
The time constraint and thefact that all week I inevitably
(05:13):
am thinking about things.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
A little bit, yeah, the brain is tickling all the
time.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
And sometimes, you know, I would say if I were to
advertise this podcast it wouldjust be, in all caps, wildly
uneven so I can see that.
Yeah, I can see that verydiplomatic, like our last
episode.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
So actually I thought I heard the last, no, no that's
perfect.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
You haven't listened right to the one that came out
today no good good, so good.
So what I thought we would do,because it's a five-minute
episode.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
So I think it would be perfect opportunity where
we're just going to listen to itOkay, you're going to listen to
it all.
You're going to not feel youhave to perform or do anything,
okay, and then we're going totalk about it.
Okay, it'll be a launchingpoint for our discussion.
Does that sound like fun?
Sounds perfect.
Okay, here we go.
Well, everybody, here we areagain.
Summer, that sweet melancholythat I've been talking about
(06:12):
since summer began, is finallyupon us.
Some cold fall north winds arerustling through the leaves.
If you look closely, a few ofthose leaves are starting to
tinge and crisp up on the edges.
Fall fast approaches.
How is your summer?
(06:33):
Great, glad to hear it.
How's your liver?
Yeah, me too.
Me too Me too.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
That's a good start.
You like it?
Yes, all right, especially whenit's all summer here.
Everybody has to have a winter,and I feel like it's so, stuffy
, do you like the opening?
I do, I thought about that.
Do you feel comfort?
Speaker 1 (07:02):
I'm like how did he?
Speaker 2 (07:02):
do this.
That's good, that's rubbish'sgood.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Well, as you can probably tell, I am suffering
from psoriasis of the liver.
That's undiagnosed.
I don't believe I actually dohave psoriasis of the liver, but
I will say that all my lack ofsleep and this summer's
activities have finally caughtup with me and we're not doing
well.
Physically we are not well, andso because I need to take care
(07:32):
of me, I'm taking care of me.
I'm going to just do a veryshort, simple episode where I
talk about puberty for a briefmoment.
I believe there's a bit hereand we're going to work it out.
But, of course, because this isstarting stand up and this is
(07:53):
just a spitball area, I am goingto just share a little bit of
what I did and you can tell meif it made, made you laugh out
loud, any of it, and then youcan wish me.
If it made, made you laugh outloud, any of it, and then you
can wish me well, you can sendhealing, healing thoughts
towards me, and then I'll beback better than ever.
And this fall is going to begreat, because we're going to
(08:14):
put together the summer'scontent and we're going to shape
it into just a world-classstand-up set that is going to
stand-up set that is going torocket, ship me to the top of
the game, to the top of the heap.
Watch out Chris Rock.
Here I come, all right, wishingyou healing if you are also
(08:36):
suffering from psoriasis.
I discovered some writing.
I did.
I'm really happy I discoveredit because it's about puberty
and I've always loved puberty.
I love puberty.
No, my kids are right on theedge.
Things are happening and that'sreally when my memory came
(08:59):
online and as I was thinkingabout puberty and what an
absolute horror show it is forpeople's appearances and just
it's almost like the greatmutator I thought what would
puberty be like if, like it wasa drug dealer you know what I
(09:20):
mean was personified in a darkalley?
I'm not sure you would take thedrugs right, because puberty is
basically it's in the streetcorner and he's pushing.
He's like.
He's like hey, little boy, youwant a little testosterone.
You want a little growthhormone.
Come on, baby.
Come on over here.
Shit's gonna make you huge dude.
(09:43):
Your dick's gonna grow, bro.
You want your dick to grow.
Come on over.
You wanna get yoked.
You want some bolder shoulders?
Come on over here, man.
I got what you need.
I got straight pituitary glandright here.
You wanna start smelling likeshit.
You want your mom to no longerhug you because you got BO.
(10:03):
Come on.
You wanna get rock hard in themiddle of the day, smelling like
shit.
You want your mom to no longerhug you because you got bo.
Come on, you want to get rockhard in the middle of the day
for no reason.
I got you, I got you and it's,and it's a huge risk, man, if
you go into that dark alley andyou say yes to puberty.
I mean you're taking a hugegamble because most kids are so
(10:25):
cute.
You know, I can't, I'm notgonna name names, but like you
know that person, when they were11, 12, they were cute.
It was like oh, wow.
And then all of a sudden theirnose just grows twice as big and
just starts glistening with oiland little pus mountains.
(10:45):
Come on, man, you want some pusmountains that'll explode and
bleed when you touch them.
You want uncontrollable moodswings.
You want hey, come on over here.
You want to hate your parentsand lash out at them for no
reason.
You want to start crying andnot know why.
I got you, I got you, I got you.
(11:07):
I think the bit is that ifpuberty was optional, would you
do it?
Oh, little Jimmy's so cute.
He's giving me one handsome boyLike pump the brakes on little
Jimmy.
Little Jimmy looks like a horsecolt with some sort of skin
(11:30):
rash.
That's really funny.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
It's so good you like that.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
That's like really good, I got to tell you.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I'm also in the thick of puberty.
Yeah, you are in the thick ofpuberty, but you have to
understand something From mypoint of view.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
I record that I have no idea.
If anyone finds it funny.
So, for me to listen to it withyou.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
No, that was really funny.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Just to hear even slight chuckles was a delight.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
No, I was dying.
That's really really, reallygood.
It is a hilarious concept and Ijust because and I think it's a
very relatable concept, becauseeveryone's been through it or
seeing their kids go through it-Now I, as I was listening to it
this time, couldn't help butjust want to ask you about your
(12:20):
puberty.
Well then, your sisters.
I don't have detailed memoriesof any of the stuff, but amanda
and hill forced me to shave myblonde peach fuzz, which made my
mom so angry, because when youon your legs, on your legs and
armpits oh and they were like.
(12:41):
You know, you've got to do itsince the time it was like what
I have, like a few stories withthem where they were like you've
got to do it.
It's the time.
I have a few stories with themwhere they were like we're older
than you.
We're going to tell you what todo.
We've got this covered.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
What is your birthday ?
If you don't mind me asking1980.
They're six months older.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Yeah, but a school year older and in the summer,
the age reflects a year older.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
It sure does.
Okay, oh, so that's great.
My sisters forced you to shave.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
And my mom.
Her whole thing was like younever shave, because if you wax
then you won't have dark hairgrowing back.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Yeah, all the old wives tales and stuff.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Well, it's kind of True, it's true.
You're extremely hairy now iswhat you're saying.
They ruined me at age 11.
No, I don't know how old I was.
You can blame them.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
That's funny.
Do you have a theory?
So also let's reveal a littlebit about you.
What do you do for work Tag?
Speaker 2 (13:47):
I am a psychotherapist and social
worker that works specificallywith women who are victims of
intimate partner violence Do alot of them.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Listen to Starting Stand-Up.
I don't think so I don't thinkthey do.
No, I think, just as a sidenote, as I mentioned before
Tegan's natural heart-open,compassionate letter on a path
work-wise, that is veryauthentic and pure for what?
(14:16):
We've always loved about her.
But anyway, as a I guess,context for my question, what do
you think is happening withthis early puberty?
Do you have any theories?
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Oh.
Not that your job has anythingto do with it, no, my job
definitely doesn't, but I dothink that it probably doesn't
it definitely have a lot to dowith the food Food.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
I would say environmental impacts are, and
that includes diet and hormonesthat are in things and processed
foods, and I don't know, like Ican't get into the chemistry
behind it, but I think thatthere's a lot of like
evidence-based research aboutthat.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
One of the proudest things I am of my wife is that
she was late menstruating.
So I always consider she's,let's say she's.
Let's say just for shits andgiggles.
She's 43.
Yeah, she's actually 36, basedon her menstruation.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Wait, I feel like we're the same.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
She was like 15.
I like to think she startedmenstruating when she was 19.
She was 15, I think, but shewas late, late.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
it's an inside joke that's not that funny, but
anyway but I'm not a part of.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
No, yeah, yeah, no.
It's something I whisper to herin intimate moments.
It's not your business, andI'll thank you for staying out
of it.
Yeah, so it's just a, it's justa wild ride.
And you know, look, mydaughter's 13.
She's now five, 10, and she'slike early.
(15:54):
Yeah, she's early, yeah, andI'm starting to like be like
well, look, I mean I was toldthat I was going to be a minimum
of six, seven, smoking anenormous amount of marijuana to
try to.
Is that true?
Speaker 2 (16:04):
No, I mean, I definitely when did you find out
you're going to be 6'7"?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
13.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
That's what the doctor said.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Oh yeah, you don't know that story.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
I think maybe I've heard it.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Yeah, but it was one of the worst days of my life.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Really.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Oh yeah, I went in.
He felt my balls.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Evidentlyly, whatever he saw with my nuts, he
determined that I had many moreyears of it's like um.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
I'd grown like I think my mom had fucked up the
doctor's appointment, so inhindsight I think it was her
fault.
But basically I was five, fourat the last checkup and I went
into the new checkup 6 feet Wow.
So for those keeping score,that's an 8 inches in one year.
And the doctor was like goodGod, you know, you could sort of
(16:56):
see it in his eyes Like wow.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Wow, I can't believe you remember that appointment
too.
What?
Speaker 1 (17:01):
do you mean?
It's literally one of the mostseared memories of my life.
I know, but as someone whodoesn't remember anything, it's
really fascinating to me yeah,yeah, puberty is when my memory
came online okay I'm so excitedabout it.
But anyway, uh, yeah he, helooked at my nuts and he goes
you grew eight inches in oneyear and maybe it had been a
year and a half and he didn'trealize.
(17:22):
But he goes, uh well you've gota lot of.
You've got a few more years ofthis kind of growth looks like
we're looking at a minimum of 610.
I mean 6, 7, most likely 6, 10,potentially 7 feet and I was a
hockey player who is six feet,and all I wanted to do was, like
basically get to third basewith girls, and I just
(17:44):
immediately thought about beinga freak you know, being like
minute bowl and I got incrediblysad and depressed and I was
driving home crying uh, it'slike a little like my voice was
still high and, uh, I got homeand and everyone was like what's
wrong with Dave?
and he's like.
(18:04):
My brother, will was back fromcollege nine years older, so he
was like 21, maybe justgraduated from college.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
How tall is he?
Speaker 1 (18:11):
He's 6'2".
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
And he was fully, like you know, a man at that
point 21.
And I remember being at thetable like head down and my
mom's like Dave's going to be6'10", Sorry, and guess what.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
It's because I know the family so well.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Yeah my brother Will didn't stop laughing for like
four minutes, like he startedcrying laughing.
And weirdly it just made mefeel better.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
He was just like Okay , see, yeah, it was just like.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
And this is what people don't understand.
You know, just you know, justyou know, sibling cruelty can
kind of feel good.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
You know well, because I can picture your
sisters being like he's sad.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Don't be, don't be don't dig it like whatever, and
then that actually can make youyeah, and then you make jokes,
you're like whatever, but itseems like it really the way
that you remember it.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
It clearly had a large impact.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
You know no one except the best basketball
players in the world wants to be6'10".
Nobody, I guess that's right,yeah, and anyway, I'm happy to
say that I started ripping bonghits about two years later and
we curbed it all and now I'mjust 6'4 1⁄2", which is about a
(19:30):
half inch.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Oh, you were 6'4 1⁄2" .
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
Yeah, we curbed it.
Okay, we curbed it withaggressive, aggressive drug use.
No, that's not true.
I think, honestly, the doctorwas wrong and he just didn't
realize how small my balls are,that's all right.
All right, all right, we've hitour time limit.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
We'll stick to it.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
I think this is absolutely lovely.
I love it.
It's very fun for me Very fun.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
So you've got Zoom.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
I do.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
So I think what we should do is, occasionally we
should get on the horn, and I'lltest some stuff out for you.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Great.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
And then we can.
I mean, it won't be every week,but it'll be like, because
obviously at 11 pm you're asleepon Wednesdays Actually not, but
it's probably not my ideal.
Do you have trouble sleeping?
No, I'm a night owl.
Oh, you are.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
I putz around the house between like late at night
Really.
I listen to audio books.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Tell me more, say more.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
I just that's when I wake up.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
What time do you wake up?
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Like I get my.
No, I get my, like I get a verystrong second wind almost every
night of my life Late.
So what's your ideal?
I don't get enough sleep everI'm very sleep deprived.
Oh, you are always yes, that'swhy I was so proud to show you
that day.
I saw you at meditation.
I had eight and a half hours ohwow, that's very rare very rare
(20:57):
so give me a typical night ofsleep for a typical night is me
saying to my husband I know I'vesaid this before, but like,
please, I really need to get tobed early tonight and him being
like, please, don't ever talkabout how you want to go to bed
early ever again, because it's apathological thing where I'm
like I need to get sleep, butthen, without fail, I'm like but
(21:19):
I feel so productive now I feelawake and I do stuff.
You're nocturnal, yeah so Iorganize, I clean, I put things
back where they belong.
Or you've been to our house.
I feel awake, yeah, and I dostuff.
You're nocturnal, yeah, so Iorganize, I clean, I put things
back where they belong.
You've been to our house, it'sbig.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
It takes time, so why doesn't your husband just give
you the blessing of sleeping in?
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Let's get him on the podcast and find out.
Come on.
Charlie Charlie your life isabout to go south.
He has so many opinions.
No, you and.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Mahan are the same.
You're both nocturnal.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
And when the kids are out of the house, you'll return
to your natural rhythm.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
And in Charlie's defense on the weekends, he lets
me sleep.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
He doesn't sleep in.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
I could.
If there's no alarm, I'll justgo 11, 12.
Yeah two.
No, never late, never go to two.
No, eight is like late.
Nine's amazing, ten, yeah,twelve's like crazy, oh tag.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
This has been beautiful.
I think you know, as a sidenote, one of the guests I had,
kevin Christie.
I was like have you done a lotof podcasts?
He's like have you done a lotof podcasts?
He's like are you fuckingkidding?
Speaker 2 (22:26):
He's a stand-up comedian.
He's done a million.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
And I was like they're so nice.
I just feel like I learned somuch about you and he's like I
actually think podcasts arebasically an antidote to male
loneliness and it's just likeit's a formal way of getting to
know someone you never would ata dinner party.
You ask different questions andit has to be, it has to have a
level of depth.
It has.
You have to find out aboutthings and it, and it, it so, so
(22:52):
, in a weird way.
Podcasting is this beautifulway of getting to know your
friends.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
All right, love you, peggy.
Bye, love you.
A good morning, good morning or good evening or good
afternoon.
This is a extremely specialStarting Stand-Up episode.
We've finally got another voicefor you, my friend, my dear
friend that I've known sincebirth, tegan Webster, canadian
woman.
There's so much to say aboutTegan, but this was a little
(00:23):
experimental interview.
There's so much to say aboutTegan, but this was a little
experimental interview, andyou'll understand why, and I
hope you'll be as charmed andfall in love with Tegan, like so
many people do when they meether, and that's all I'll say.
So please enjoy this veryspecial episode of Starting
Stand Up.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Oh man, that's rubbish, that's rubbish.
I'm here with Tegan Webster.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
I'm not supposed to use last names, so I'll say I
just tag him.
Or a teggy, wedgie, teggy, uh,this woman who's sitting across
me.
She's wearing a very, verycomfortable looking white
sweater.
She's got a little brown bagwith a super weird iphone case.
What's going on with the ringon that thing?
Is that a ring holder?
Speaker 2 (01:30):
It's very practical.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
When did that become a thing where women started
wanting iPhone cases where youcould put the finger through?
Speaker 2 (01:37):
I'll tell you for me I have had arthritis since I was
18.
That's so early to havearthritis and problems need
invention of, and problems in myhands, and as soon as I saw
that there was something thatcould make me hold it in a way
that wasn't my whole hand, I'vehad like every variation of
those.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
So you've been doing this for a long time.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
As soon as they came on the market.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Okay, now, just so you know who I'm talking to.
I could never, in a few words,distill who Tagi Weji is to me,
but let's get the story straight.
You've been listening to thepodcast.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
You're one of my oldest friends in the world.
But, really you're my sister'sextremely best friend, but
certainly since moving to Maine,our friendship, wouldn't you
say, has has deepened.
I would say I would say yeah,and I've always loved taking my
sister.
One of them, my younger twinsister, was in a horrible car
(02:36):
accident and has been in awheelchair ever since, since
2000, and I can sayunequivocally that Taggy Wedgie
has been the most loyal, loving,kind, compassionate friend that
you could ever dream for yoursister or your child.
And before we even go anyfurther, I want to say thank you
(03:02):
from the bottom of my heart, Idon't want to cry on this
podcast.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
We're taking a turn right now.
It's changing now.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
But anyway, we were at a dinner party a couple weeks
ago and another listener,another dear friend of mine,
we'll just call him Train.
You could tell that he was afan of the show, but he knew he
he just felt like it neededsomething and he actually this
was his idea.
He thought, much like uh howardstern, as robin quivers, that I
(03:36):
could have taggy wedgie and Iactually had an immediate
reaction like, oh, that would beso fun, because tagging not
only has an incredible, butshe's also very quick to laugh
and it's very weird doing thispodcast because I'm Tegan, this
is where I do it, you see that.
That's where I go.
I literally the whole thing,everything you've ever.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
That's where you usually sit.
That's where I sit, right at mycomputer.
Oh, so this is a change ofscenery.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Yeah, yeah, just a little far back from my desk.
But you know it's weird justsitting there and talking and
it's so much more fun.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yes, I do think it made me realize that I'm an easy
laugh that night.
I was like wait a second Hangon.
I do laugh.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Hold on a second.
You just have an incrediblesense of humor.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
I was going to say I also have a really good sense of
humor.
She's got a pinpoint.
Beautiful sense of humor.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
I was going to say I also have a really good sense of
humor.
She's got a pinpoint beautifulsense of humor.
So I thought, anyway, so that'sthe back story of why we're
here.
And we're just experimentingand I think the real, the
difficulty moving forward, to beperfectly honest, is how
unhinged and last minute thispodcast is.
(04:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
I can sort of pick up on that vibe.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
I am sometimes at 8 pm on a Wednesday just like no
idea what I'm going to do.
And then and weirdly and I'vetalked about this there's the
forcing function of deliveringon Thursday morning.
That deadline.
The time constraint and thefact that all week I inevitably
(05:13):
am thinking about things.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
A little bit, yeah, the brain is tickling all the
time.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
And sometimes, you know, I would say if I were to
advertise this podcast it wouldjust be, in all caps, wildly
uneven so I can see that.
Yeah, I can see that verydiplomatic, like our last
episode.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
So actually I thought I heard the last, no, no that's
perfect.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
You haven't listened right to the one that came out
today no good good, so good.
So what I thought we would do,because it's a five-minute
episode.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
So I think it would be perfect opportunity where
we're just going to listen to itOkay, you're going to listen to
it all.
You're going to not feel youhave to perform or do anything,
okay, and then we're going totalk about it.
Okay, it'll be a launchingpoint for our discussion.
Does that sound like fun?
Sounds perfect.
Okay, here we go.
Well, everybody, here we areagain.
Summer, that sweet melancholythat I've been talking about
(06:12):
since summer began, is finallyupon us.
Some cold fall north winds arerustling through the leaves.
If you look closely, a few ofthose leaves are starting to
tinge and crisp up on the edges.
Fall fast approaches.
How is your summer?
(06:33):
Great, glad to hear it.
How's your liver?
Yeah, me too.
Me too Me too.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
That's a good start.
You like it?
Yes, all right, especially whenit's all summer here.
Everybody has to have a winter,and I feel like it's so, stuffy
, do you like the opening?
I do, I thought about that.
Do you feel comfort?
Speaker 1 (07:02):
I'm like how did he?
Speaker 2 (07:02):
do this.
That's good, that's rubbish'sgood.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Well, as you can probably tell, I am suffering
from psoriasis of the liver.
That's undiagnosed.
I don't believe I actually dohave psoriasis of the liver, but
I will say that all my lack ofsleep and this summer's
activities have finally caughtup with me and we're not doing
well.
Physically we are not well, andso because I need to take care
(07:32):
of me, I'm taking care of me.
I'm going to just do a veryshort, simple episode where I
talk about puberty for a briefmoment.
I believe there's a bit hereand we're going to work it out.
But, of course, because this isstarting stand up and this is
(07:53):
just a spitball area, I am goingto just share a little bit of
what I did and you can tell meif it made, made you laugh out
loud, any of it, and then youcan wish me.
If it made, made you laugh outloud, any of it, and then you
can wish me well, you can sendhealing, healing thoughts
towards me, and then I'll beback better than ever.
And this fall is going to begreat, because we're going to
(08:14):
put together the summer'scontent and we're going to shape
it into just a world-classstand-up set that is going to
stand-up set that is going torocket, ship me to the top of
the game, to the top of the heap.
Watch out Chris Rock.
Here I come, all right, wishingyou healing if you are also
(08:36):
suffering from psoriasis.
I discovered some writing.
I did.
I'm really happy I discoveredit because it's about puberty
and I've always loved puberty.
I love puberty.
No, my kids are right on theedge.
Things are happening and that'sreally when my memory came
(08:59):
online and as I was thinkingabout puberty and what an
absolute horror show it is forpeople's appearances and just
it's almost like the greatmutator I thought what would
puberty be like if, like it wasa drug dealer you know what I
(09:20):
mean was personified in a darkalley?
I'm not sure you would take thedrugs right, because puberty is
basically it's in the streetcorner and he's pushing.
He's like.
He's like hey, little boy, youwant a little testosterone.
You want a little growthhormone.
Come on, baby.
Come on over here.
Shit's gonna make you huge dude.
(09:43):
Your dick's gonna grow, bro.
You want your dick to grow.
Come on over.
You wanna get yoked.
You want some bolder shoulders?
Come on over here, man.
I got what you need.
I got straight pituitary glandright here.
You wanna start smelling likeshit.
You want your mom to no longerhug you because you got BO.
(10:03):
Come on.
You wanna get rock hard in themiddle of the day, smelling like
shit.
You want your mom to no longerhug you because you got bo.
Come on, you want to get rockhard in the middle of the day
for no reason.
I got you, I got you and it's,and it's a huge risk, man, if
you go into that dark alley andyou say yes to puberty.
I mean you're taking a hugegamble because most kids are so
(10:25):
cute.
You know, I can't, I'm notgonna name names, but like you
know that person, when they were11, 12, they were cute.
It was like oh, wow.
And then all of a sudden theirnose just grows twice as big and
just starts glistening with oiland little pus mountains.
(10:45):
Come on, man, you want some pusmountains that'll explode and
bleed when you touch them.
You want uncontrollable moodswings.
You want hey, come on over here.
You want to hate your parentsand lash out at them for no
reason.
You want to start crying andnot know why.
I got you, I got you, I got you.
(11:07):
I think the bit is that ifpuberty was optional, would you
do it?
Oh, little Jimmy's so cute.
He's giving me one handsome boyLike pump the brakes on little
Jimmy.
Little Jimmy looks like a horsecolt with some sort of skin
(11:30):
rash.
That's really funny.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
It's so good you like that.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
That's like really good, I got to tell you.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I'm also in the thick of puberty.
Yeah, you are in the thick ofpuberty, but you have to
understand something From mypoint of view.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
I record that I have no idea.
If anyone finds it funny.
So, for me to listen to it withyou.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
No, that was really funny.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Just to hear even slight chuckles was a delight.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
No, I was dying.
That's really really, reallygood.
It is a hilarious concept and Ijust because and I think it's a
very relatable concept, becauseeveryone's been through it or
seeing their kids go through it-Now I, as I was listening to it
this time, couldn't help butjust want to ask you about your
(12:20):
puberty.
Well then, your sisters.
I don't have detailed memoriesof any of the stuff, but amanda
and hill forced me to shave myblonde peach fuzz, which made my
mom so angry, because when youon your legs, on your legs and
armpits oh and they were like.
(12:41):
You know, you've got to do itsince the time it was like what
I have, like a few stories withthem where they were like you've
got to do it.
It's the time.
I have a few stories with themwhere they were like we're older
than you.
We're going to tell you what todo.
We've got this covered.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
What is your birthday ?
If you don't mind me asking1980.
They're six months older.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Yeah, but a school year older and in the summer,
the age reflects a year older.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
It sure does.
Okay, oh, so that's great.
My sisters forced you to shave.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
And my mom.
Her whole thing was like younever shave, because if you wax
then you won't have dark hairgrowing back.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Yeah, all the old wives tales and stuff.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Well, it's kind of True, it's true.
You're extremely hairy now iswhat you're saying.
They ruined me at age 11.
No, I don't know how old I was.
You can blame them.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
That's funny.
Do you have a theory?
So also let's reveal a littlebit about you.
What do you do for work Tag?
Speaker 2 (13:47):
I am a psychotherapist and social
worker that works specificallywith women who are victims of
intimate partner violence Do alot of them.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Listen to Starting Stand-Up.
I don't think so I don't thinkthey do.
No, I think, just as a sidenote, as I mentioned before
Tegan's natural heart-open,compassionate letter on a path
work-wise, that is veryauthentic and pure for what?
(14:16):
We've always loved about her.
But anyway, as a I guess,context for my question, what do
you think is happening withthis early puberty?
Do you have any theories?
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Oh.
Not that your job has anythingto do with it, no, my job
definitely doesn't, but I dothink that it probably doesn't
it definitely have a lot to dowith the food Food.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
I would say environmental impacts are, and
that includes diet and hormonesthat are in things and processed
foods, and I don't know, like Ican't get into the chemistry
behind it, but I think thatthere's a lot of like
evidence-based research aboutthat.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
One of the proudest things I am of my wife is that
she was late menstruating.
So I always consider she's,let's say she's.
Let's say just for shits andgiggles.
She's 43.
Yeah, she's actually 36, basedon her menstruation.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Wait, I feel like we're the same.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
She was like 15.
I like to think she startedmenstruating when she was 19.
She was 15, I think, but shewas late, late.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
it's an inside joke that's not that funny, but
anyway but I'm not a part of.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
No, yeah, yeah, no.
It's something I whisper to herin intimate moments.
It's not your business, andI'll thank you for staying out
of it.
Yeah, so it's just a, it's justa wild ride.
And you know, look, mydaughter's 13.
She's now five, 10, and she'slike early.
(15:54):
Yeah, she's early, yeah, andI'm starting to like be like
well, look, I mean I was toldthat I was going to be a minimum
of six, seven, smoking anenormous amount of marijuana to
try to.
Is that true?
Speaker 2 (16:04):
No, I mean, I definitely when did you find out
you're going to be 6'7"?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
13.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
That's what the doctor said.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Oh yeah, you don't know that story.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
I think maybe I've heard it.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Yeah, but it was one of the worst days of my life.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Really.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Oh yeah, I went in.
He felt my balls.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Evidentlyly, whatever he saw with my nuts, he
determined that I had many moreyears of it's like um.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
I'd grown like I think my mom had fucked up the
doctor's appointment, so inhindsight I think it was her
fault.
But basically I was five, fourat the last checkup and I went
into the new checkup 6 feet Wow.
So for those keeping score,that's an 8 inches in one year.
And the doctor was like goodGod, you know, you could sort of
(16:56):
see it in his eyes Like wow.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Wow, I can't believe you remember that appointment
too.
What?
Speaker 1 (17:01):
do you mean?
It's literally one of the mostseared memories of my life.
I know, but as someone whodoesn't remember anything, it's
really fascinating to me yeah,yeah, puberty is when my memory
came online okay I'm so excitedabout it.
But anyway, uh, yeah he, helooked at my nuts and he goes
you grew eight inches in oneyear and maybe it had been a
year and a half and he didn'trealize.
(17:22):
But he goes, uh well you've gota lot of.
You've got a few more years ofthis kind of growth looks like
we're looking at a minimum of 610.
I mean 6, 7, most likely 6, 10,potentially 7 feet and I was a
hockey player who is six feet,and all I wanted to do was, like
basically get to third basewith girls, and I just
(17:44):
immediately thought about beinga freak you know, being like
minute bowl and I got incrediblysad and depressed and I was
driving home crying uh, it'slike a little like my voice was
still high and, uh, I got homeand and everyone was like what's
wrong with Dave?
and he's like.
(18:04):
My brother, will was back fromcollege nine years older, so he
was like 21, maybe justgraduated from college.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
How tall is he?
Speaker 1 (18:11):
He's 6'2".
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
And he was fully, like you know, a man at that
point 21.
And I remember being at thetable like head down and my
mom's like Dave's going to be6'10", Sorry, and guess what.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
It's because I know the family so well.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Yeah my brother Will didn't stop laughing for like
four minutes, like he startedcrying laughing.
And weirdly it just made mefeel better.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
He was just like Okay , see, yeah, it was just like.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
And this is what people don't understand.
You know, just you know, justyou know, sibling cruelty can
kind of feel good.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
You know well, because I can picture your
sisters being like he's sad.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Don't be, don't be don't dig it like whatever, and
then that actually can make youyeah, and then you make jokes,
you're like whatever, but itseems like it really the way
that you remember it.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
It clearly had a large impact.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
You know no one except the best basketball
players in the world wants to be6'10".
Nobody, I guess that's right,yeah, and anyway, I'm happy to
say that I started ripping bonghits about two years later and
we curbed it all and now I'mjust 6'4 1⁄2", which is about a
(19:30):
half inch.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Oh, you were 6'4 1⁄2" .
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
Yeah, we curbed it.
Okay, we curbed it withaggressive, aggressive drug use.
No, that's not true.
I think, honestly, the doctorwas wrong and he just didn't
realize how small my balls are,that's all right.
All right, all right, we've hitour time limit.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
We'll stick to it.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
I think this is absolutely lovely.
I love it.
It's very fun for me Very fun.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
So you've got Zoom.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
I do.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
So I think what we should do is, occasionally we
should get on the horn, and I'lltest some stuff out for you.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Great.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
And then we can.
I mean, it won't be every week,but it'll be like, because
obviously at 11 pm you're asleepon Wednesdays Actually not, but
it's probably not my ideal.
Do you have trouble sleeping?
No, I'm a night owl.
Oh, you are.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
I putz around the house between like late at night
Really.
I listen to audio books.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Tell me more, say more.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
I just that's when I wake up.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
What time do you wake up?
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Like I get my.
No, I get my, like I get a verystrong second wind almost every
night of my life Late.
So what's your ideal?
I don't get enough sleep everI'm very sleep deprived.
Oh, you are always yes, that'swhy I was so proud to show you
that day.
I saw you at meditation.
I had eight and a half hours ohwow, that's very rare very rare
(20:57):
so give me a typical night ofsleep for a typical night is me
saying to my husband I know I'vesaid this before, but like,
please, I really need to get tobed early tonight and him being
like, please, don't ever talkabout how you want to go to bed
early ever again, because it's apathological thing where I'm
like I need to get sleep, butthen, without fail, I'm like but
(21:19):
I feel so productive now I feelawake and I do stuff.
You're nocturnal, yeah so Iorganize, I clean, I put things
back where they belong.
Or you've been to our house.
I feel awake, yeah, and I dostuff.
You're nocturnal, yeah, so Iorganize, I clean, I put things
back where they belong.
You've been to our house, it'sbig.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
It takes time, so why doesn't your husband just give
you the blessing of sleeping in?
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Let's get him on the podcast and find out.
Come on.
Charlie Charlie your life isabout to go south.
He has so many opinions.
No, you and.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Mahan are the same.
You're both nocturnal.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
And when the kids are out of the house, you'll return
to your natural rhythm.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
And in Charlie's defense on the weekends, he lets
me sleep.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
He doesn't sleep in.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
I could.
If there's no alarm, I'll justgo 11, 12.
Yeah two.
No, never late, never go to two.
No, eight is like late.
Nine's amazing, ten, yeah,twelve's like crazy, oh tag.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
This has been beautiful.
I think you know, as a sidenote, one of the guests I had,
kevin Christie.
I was like have you done a lotof podcasts?
He's like have you done a lotof podcasts?
He's like are you fuckingkidding?
Speaker 2 (22:26):
He's a stand-up comedian.
He's done a million.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
And I was like they're so nice.
I just feel like I learned somuch about you and he's like I
actually think podcasts arebasically an antidote to male
loneliness and it's just likeit's a formal way of getting to
know someone you never would ata dinner party.
You ask different questions andit has to be, it has to have a
level of depth.
It has.
You have to find out aboutthings and it, and it, it so, so
(22:52):
, in a weird way.
Podcasting is this beautifulway of getting to know your
friends.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
All right, love you, peggy.
Bye, love you.
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