July 31, 2025 • 11 mins
Have you ever realized you haven't sat down for a proper meal all day because you've been too busy taking care of everyone else? That moment of clarity hit me recently, sparking a deeper reflection on how we as women often put our own basic needs last when caring for our families.
Today's episode dives into the delicate balance between self-sacrifice and self-care that many women struggle with daily. I open up about my own habits - standing while eating, forgetting to hydrate properly when my family is home - and how these seemingly small choices reflect larger patterns in how we prioritize ourselves. As our own harshest critics, we frequently beat ourselves up for not doing everything perfectly, when giving ourselves grace is what we truly need.
Beyond personal care routines, I share a heartfelt conversation with my 97-year-old grandmother that challenged me to examine my traditional marriage dynamics. Despite considering myself a feminist, I've chosen a relationship with very traditional gender roles - something that often surprises people who know me through this podcast. My husband and I maintain what I jokingly call a "90s household," with clearly defined responsibilities and boundaries, including his preference that I don't participate in girls' nights out or bar scenes. Contrary to what some might assume, this arrangement has never felt restrictive to me because it aligns perfectly with my own desires after fully enjoying my independent years.
The beauty of womanhood lies in making choices that honor your authentic self, regardless of external expectations or judgment. Whether you thrive in a traditional relationship or prefer modern arrangements, what matters most is that your life reflects your true values rather than societal pressure. Remember, there is no shame in how you're living your life, as long as you're at peace with your choices. We're all writing our own stories - make yours one that brings you genuine fulfillment.
Don't miss our first live episode this Sunday at 9:30 AM streaming across all platforms! Bring your questions, thoughts, and join the conversation as we continue supporting and elevating women's voices together.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everyone.
This is Steel Rose's podcast.
This podcast was created forwomen, by women, to elevate
women's voices.
I hope everyone is having agreat week.
I gave myself some extra wiggleroom this week just because I
was waiting to see, like, howthings went and how things were
prioritized.
And, you know, a big part of itwas giving myself grace to
(00:24):
prioritize things that I wantedto prioritize, like my kids,
spending time with them.
If I had to prioritize mydaytime job, like that kind of
thing and not beating myself upfor it, which is hard, right,
because I think I can probablyspeak for a lot of women out
there that you know, we are ourown worst critics and we will
beat ourselves up to no end whenwe really don't need to.
(00:44):
So I hope everyone's having agood week.
Now, something yesterday thatpopped into my head that I
actually wanted to share withyou guys.
I have this thing and I thinkI've talked about this and I'm
literally like almost talkingabout it right now where, out of
the gate, I don't know what itis.
I mean, I know what it is.
I know this is like kind ofjust how I observed things
growing up, but I know this islike kind of just how I observed
things growing up.
But when my kids and my husbandare home and we're all together
(01:06):
as a family, my priorities willshift based on, like, basically
, who's home, so making surethat everybody eats, making sure
there's food at the varioustimes.
I still do like an afternoon 3pm like snack time for my kids,
because they start to get hangryat that point and once I see
them bickering a little bit moreheatedly, I will immediately be
like, oh, let's do a snack trayand I get everyone's blood
(01:27):
sugar levels back to normal.
Yesterday I had I think it wasmy son was home, I was working
and like two kids where I can't,and it just kind of randomly
popped into my head that thebiggest difference for me when I
have everyone home versus whenI have time by myself is that
when I'm by myself, I eat morehealthy food options.
(01:51):
I actually sit down to eathealthy things and I drink a lot
of water, which are twoactually pretty, really
important things that I shouldbe consistently doing on a
regular basis, but somehow thatdoesn't seem to happen so
normally like, and you guys aregonna seem to happen so normally
like and you guys are gonnathink I'm nuts here, but, like
normally when my husband andkids are home, I don't think,
and the kids will tell you momdoesn't sit down to eat.
(02:14):
So when we eat we're nottraditional in any way, shape or
form we all eat in the kitchen.
We have a kind of small islandsituation, so the kids all sit
at the island and Chris sits atthe table or vice versa or
whatever like, but everyone hasa seat usually, and actually a
lot, because I'm intermittentfasting when my food time ends
at the end of the day, it'sabout when I'm like also trying
(02:34):
to get food on the table foreverybody else.
So normally, like, my last mealwill happen while I'm cooking,
so like between six and seven,while I'm cooking food or
getting things prepared to putout on the table.
I will eat while I'm cooking.
So I'm eating like standing up,basically like there is no like
.
Oh, I'm sitting down andactually like tasting my food
and appreciating my food.
That doesn't happen when I'm inmy mom mode and I'm getting
(02:57):
things like turning things outin the kitchen, but when I'm
alone, that's like the biggestdifference and the water thing
is a huge, huge difference thatI'm most recently becoming much
more painfully aware of thatfact, because I don't know if
it's because I'm getting olderor whatever it is, but it is
really critical for me to behydrated all day long.
If I don't hit 60 ounces ofwater, like I actually really
(03:18):
feel it and I might not feel iton the first day, but I'll start
to feel it I can feel thedehydration in my system.
But those are like the twobiggest things.
When everybody's here, I forsome reason like can't get my
head out of my butt to actuallysit down and prioritize my own
food intake because I'm alwaystrying to cram so much in, so
just calling myself out there,and I'm sure we all have things
(03:40):
that we do that we're not likereal, real thrilled with.
But I wanted to share that withyou guys because, like why not
Right?
So just a few thought startersfor today.
Now one of these.
I actually have seen thisbefore and I don't know if I've
(04:02):
talked to you guys about itbefore, but I wanted to bring it
up.
I'm you have to accept that shecan't handle the house full time
.
If you choose a housewife whocan take care of you and manage
the home completely, you need toaccept that she doesn't make
money.
If you choose a submissivewoman, you must accept that she
depends on you.
If you choose to be with abrave woman, you must accept
that she is tough and hasthoughts of her own.
If you choose a beautiful woman, you have to accept expenses
(04:24):
too.
If you have to accept expenses,too, if you choose to be with a
great woman, you must acceptthat she is tough and firm.
No woman is perfect.
A woman has her own good thingthat finds who she is and makes
her unique.
The reason why I like this postas a whole is because it's
basically outlining like if you,you know, you have to accept
the person for their best oftheir abilities, but also their
limitations.
This isn't just from husbandsto wives, this is also from
(04:46):
wives to husbands.
Now my grandmother and Irecently had a visit together
where we're just like talkingthrough things and my
grandmother is 97 and I try, nottry I go visit her monthly.
I don't want, I want to taketry out of that, because I've
been making it a priority to goand visit her every month
because she's 97.
And I am working very much sowith the mindset of like I'm on
(05:10):
borrowed time with her and Iwant to get to know her as a
person and our last visit wasreally really, really cool
because we got to spend thewhole day together.
We hung out together all dayand we just talked.
We just shot the breeze and shetold me stories about her and
my grandfather and we just kindof talked.
And she told me stories about,you know, her and my grandfather
and we just kind of talked.
And in part of thoseconversations one of the things
that came up was really aroundyou know, husbands who are
(05:35):
controlling and you knowhusbands who don't let their you
know, don't want their wives togo out, and about my husband's
like this.
I mean, I've talked to youabout this before, but you know
I always joke with my friendsthat I'm like, oh yeah, my
household is like a 90shousehold in the sense that
we're really traditional withroles in the house.
That we are.
We are just, we are 100%traditional with roles.
(05:58):
We're very old school in thatsense.
We're.
Quote unquote husband is headof the house.
He handles guard work, fixingthings, building things, that
stuff, house.
He handles guard work, fixingthings, building things, that
stuff.
And then I handle all thecooking, cleaning, laundry, kid
maintenance, food, you know,prep, cooking, whatever,
actually cleaning I can't reallysay anymore because I've
outsourced that Like that's,that's not a thing for me
(06:19):
anymore.
But either way, we're reallytraditional at home and also
along with that tradition is,you know, when we got together
and things were getting serious,he told me up front he's very
old school, he expects that ifwe're going to be serious, if
we're going to go further withour relationship, like he's not
on board with me having girlsnights.
He wasn't on board with, youknow me still going out and
(06:39):
hanging out at bars and goingout to nightclubs or anything
like that.
And I was okay with that, I'mstill okay with that.
And so we were talking aboutthat and my grandmother said to
me she's, you know she's, she'squite the feminist for 97.
And she said she's like well,doesn't that bother you?
Isn't that not fair?
You know that he can dowhatever he wants and you're
(06:59):
okay with him doing anything,but you're not, you're not
allowed to do stuff and to beperfectly like transparent, as I
am always with you guys.
I mean, he doesn't go outeither, but when we were dating
he would go out like once in awhile.
It doesn't, it doesn't botherme, it's never bothered me.
It doesn't really bother meeither about like not going out
or not having girls nights ornot, you know, doing things of
(07:22):
that nature.
I honestly don't care, and alot of people do kind of look at
me crazy for that.
They think I'm a little nutsfor that, especially since I
have this platform and you guyshave heard me talk about being
independent, being a feminist.
But I have also made the choicehere that I'm choosing to be
more traditional.
In that sense I'm married andto me, like, if I'm going to go
(07:43):
out and have a good, good time,I want it to be with my husband.
I don't really want to go outwithout him, and that's my
choice, right, that's my rightto be able to choose that I do.
It also happens to work outthat that's what he wanted too.
So it's all good.
Right, it works out.
There's no part of me that feelsresentment because, to be
perfectly honest, I, before Imet him, was always told, like,
(08:05):
get it out of your system, goout, have fun, do what you want.
And so for a majority of mylife, I live my life very in the
moment, in the now, and justwas like let me just have a good
time.
I don't know when I'm gonna beable to do this again.
I'm gonna have the best time Ican have.
That's how I lived the whole ofmy 20s.
Basically lived the whole of my20s basically like from like 19
(08:29):
to 25, like it was a wrap.
I was just having a good timeand I was just along for the
ride and I loved it.
It was awesome.
And then when I met my husband,I just knew like okay, that's
it, you're done, like you don't.
You don't want to do thisanymore.
I'm ready for the next phase.
And the next phase for me meantlike not going out and doing
that.
It just wasn't a thing for meanymore.
There's a lot of pressure, Ithink, on women to be like let's
(08:50):
go have a wine night, likelet's all go out together, and
I'm sure that there's otherwomen out there in my shoes that
probably start to feel a littleresentful.
Also, maybe they don't.
They just feel awkward becausethey don't know how to say to
people I'm not on board, like Idon't want to go out.
I don't want to go out drinking, honestly, my free time.
If I have free time and I cango out, I want my husband to
(09:12):
come.
I like him, I like hanging outwith him and I know not everyone
feels the same way, but myhusband is my friend, like we're
friends.
He's my best friend.
It's cheesy, but that is how itis for us.
So, no, like I'm kind of on theball of like I'm not really
into it.
Now, if you are, you have arelationship where your
husband's cool with you goingout to blow off steam, embrace
(09:33):
it, that's awesome, go for it.
Like, but it's not everybody.
Now, if you do find yourself inmy scenario and you're not sure
how to handle those situationsbecause you feel awkward about
it, I make a joke, as I havebeen saying here, like oh no,
sorry, we're like the 1950s inmy house, like I don't go out
and then that's it, I just leaveit like that, and everybody
kind of laughs it off andthey're just like oh my God
(10:04):
really, and I'm like you whenyou do, and not a big deal, it
just isn't.
So I just wanted to bring thatto you all as a thought starter.
We all have our own situationsand we all have to remember that
you're living your life to thebest of your ability for
yourself, not for other people.
So if you're cool with notgoing out, don't start to feel
resentful or awkward or anythingabout it.
(10:25):
That's your line.
That's your line in the sand.
I don't go out, I'm cool withit, I'm not into it, period.
There is no shame in any waythat you're living your life, as
long as you're cool with it atthe end of the day.
I hope you all enjoyed thisepisode.
I want to encourage all of youto follow me me on one of my
socials or on the YouTubechannel for the podcast.
This Sunday is our first liveepisode.
(10:46):
I'm super excited about it andyou can tune in 930 on Sunday
morning.
I'm going to live stream onInstagram, linkedin, I think,
facebook and YouTube, so youhave a couple of options to
check it out, and then you canactually chat me live and we can
do like live Q&A things too.
So I'm actually I'm superexcited about it, and so until
Hello everyone.
This is Steel Rose's podcast.
This podcast was created forwomen, by women, to elevate
women's voices.
I hope everyone is having agreat week.
I gave myself some extra wiggleroom this week just because I
was waiting to see, like, howthings went and how things were
prioritized.
And, you know, a big part of itwas giving myself grace to
(00:24):
prioritize things that I wantedto prioritize, like my kids,
spending time with them.
If I had to prioritize mydaytime job, like that kind of
thing and not beating myself upfor it, which is hard, right,
because I think I can probablyspeak for a lot of women out
there that you know, we are ourown worst critics and we will
beat ourselves up to no end whenwe really don't need to.
(00:44):
So I hope everyone's having agood week.
Now, something yesterday thatpopped into my head that I
actually wanted to share withyou guys.
I have this thing and I thinkI've talked about this and I'm
literally like almost talkingabout it right now where, out of
the gate, I don't know what itis.
I mean, I know what it is.
I know this is like kind ofjust how I observed things
growing up, but I know this islike kind of just how I observed
things growing up.
But when my kids and my husbandare home and we're all together
(01:06):
as a family, my priorities willshift based on, like, basically
, who's home, so making surethat everybody eats, making sure
there's food at the varioustimes.
I still do like an afternoon 3pm like snack time for my kids,
because they start to get hangryat that point and once I see
them bickering a little bit moreheatedly, I will immediately be
like, oh, let's do a snack trayand I get everyone's blood
(01:27):
sugar levels back to normal.
Yesterday I had I think it wasmy son was home, I was working
and like two kids where I can't,and it just kind of randomly
popped into my head that thebiggest difference for me when I
have everyone home versus whenI have time by myself is that
when I'm by myself, I eat morehealthy food options.
(01:51):
I actually sit down to eathealthy things and I drink a lot
of water, which are twoactually pretty, really
important things that I shouldbe consistently doing on a
regular basis, but somehow thatdoesn't seem to happen so
normally like, and you guys aregonna seem to happen so normally
like and you guys are gonnathink I'm nuts here, but, like
normally when my husband andkids are home, I don't think,
and the kids will tell you momdoesn't sit down to eat.
(02:14):
So when we eat we're nottraditional in any way, shape or
form we all eat in the kitchen.
We have a kind of small islandsituation, so the kids all sit
at the island and Chris sits atthe table or vice versa or
whatever like, but everyone hasa seat usually, and actually a
lot, because I'm intermittentfasting when my food time ends
at the end of the day, it'sabout when I'm like also trying
(02:34):
to get food on the table foreverybody else.
So normally, like, my last mealwill happen while I'm cooking,
so like between six and seven,while I'm cooking food or
getting things prepared to putout on the table.
I will eat while I'm cooking.
So I'm eating like standing up,basically like there is no like
.
Oh, I'm sitting down andactually like tasting my food
and appreciating my food.
That doesn't happen when I'm inmy mom mode and I'm getting
(02:57):
things like turning things outin the kitchen, but when I'm
alone, that's like the biggestdifference and the water thing
is a huge, huge difference thatI'm most recently becoming much
more painfully aware of thatfact, because I don't know if
it's because I'm getting olderor whatever it is, but it is
really critical for me to behydrated all day long.
If I don't hit 60 ounces ofwater, like I actually really
(03:18):
feel it and I might not feel iton the first day, but I'll start
to feel it I can feel thedehydration in my system.
But those are like the twobiggest things.
When everybody's here, I forsome reason like can't get my
head out of my butt to actuallysit down and prioritize my own
food intake because I'm alwaystrying to cram so much in, so
just calling myself out there,and I'm sure we all have things
(03:40):
that we do that we're not likereal, real thrilled with.
But I wanted to share that withyou guys because, like why not
Right?
So just a few thought startersfor today.
Now one of these.
I actually have seen thisbefore and I don't know if I've
(04:02):
talked to you guys about itbefore, but I wanted to bring it
up.
I'm you have to accept that shecan't handle the house full time
.
If you choose a housewife whocan take care of you and manage
the home completely, you need toaccept that she doesn't make
money.
If you choose a submissivewoman, you must accept that she
depends on you.
If you choose to be with abrave woman, you must accept
that she is tough and hasthoughts of her own.
If you choose a beautiful woman, you have to accept expenses
(04:24):
too.
If you have to accept expenses,too, if you choose to be with a
great woman, you must acceptthat she is tough and firm.
No woman is perfect.
A woman has her own good thingthat finds who she is and makes
her unique.
The reason why I like this postas a whole is because it's
basically outlining like if you,you know, you have to accept
the person for their best oftheir abilities, but also their
limitations.
This isn't just from husbandsto wives, this is also from
(04:46):
wives to husbands.
Now my grandmother and Irecently had a visit together
where we're just like talkingthrough things and my
grandmother is 97 and I try, nottry I go visit her monthly.
I don't want, I want to taketry out of that, because I've
been making it a priority to goand visit her every month
because she's 97.
And I am working very much sowith the mindset of like I'm on
(05:10):
borrowed time with her and Iwant to get to know her as a
person and our last visit wasreally really, really cool
because we got to spend thewhole day together.
We hung out together all dayand we just talked.
We just shot the breeze and shetold me stories about her and
my grandfather and we just kindof talked.
And she told me stories about,you know, her and my grandfather
and we just kind of talked.
And in part of thoseconversations one of the things
that came up was really aroundyou know, husbands who are
(05:35):
controlling and you knowhusbands who don't let their you
know, don't want their wives togo out, and about my husband's
like this.
I mean, I've talked to youabout this before, but you know
I always joke with my friendsthat I'm like, oh yeah, my
household is like a 90shousehold in the sense that
we're really traditional withroles in the house.
That we are.
We are just, we are 100%traditional with roles.
(05:58):
We're very old school in thatsense.
We're.
Quote unquote husband is headof the house.
He handles guard work, fixingthings, building things, that
stuff, house.
He handles guard work, fixingthings, building things, that
stuff.
And then I handle all thecooking, cleaning, laundry, kid
maintenance, food, you know,prep, cooking, whatever,
actually cleaning I can't reallysay anymore because I've
outsourced that Like that's,that's not a thing for me
(06:19):
anymore.
But either way, we're reallytraditional at home and also
along with that tradition is,you know, when we got together
and things were getting serious,he told me up front he's very
old school, he expects that ifwe're going to be serious, if
we're going to go further withour relationship, like he's not
on board with me having girlsnights.
He wasn't on board with, youknow me still going out and
(06:39):
hanging out at bars and goingout to nightclubs or anything
like that.
And I was okay with that, I'mstill okay with that.
And so we were talking aboutthat and my grandmother said to
me she's, you know she's, she'squite the feminist for 97.
And she said she's like well,doesn't that bother you?
Isn't that not fair?
You know that he can dowhatever he wants and you're
(06:59):
okay with him doing anything,but you're not, you're not
allowed to do stuff and to beperfectly like transparent, as I
am always with you guys.
I mean, he doesn't go outeither, but when we were dating
he would go out like once in awhile.
It doesn't, it doesn't botherme, it's never bothered me.
It doesn't really bother meeither about like not going out
or not having girls nights ornot, you know, doing things of
(07:22):
that nature.
I honestly don't care, and alot of people do kind of look at
me crazy for that.
They think I'm a little nutsfor that, especially since I
have this platform and you guyshave heard me talk about being
independent, being a feminist.
But I have also made the choicehere that I'm choosing to be
more traditional.
In that sense I'm married andto me, like, if I'm going to go
(07:43):
out and have a good, good time,I want it to be with my husband.
I don't really want to go outwithout him, and that's my
choice, right, that's my rightto be able to choose that I do.
It also happens to work outthat that's what he wanted too.
So it's all good.
Right, it works out.
There's no part of me that feelsresentment because, to be
perfectly honest, I, before Imet him, was always told, like,
(08:05):
get it out of your system, goout, have fun, do what you want.
And so for a majority of mylife, I live my life very in the
moment, in the now, and justwas like let me just have a good
time.
I don't know when I'm gonna beable to do this again.
I'm gonna have the best time Ican have.
That's how I lived the whole ofmy 20s.
Basically lived the whole of my20s basically like from like 19
(08:29):
to 25, like it was a wrap.
I was just having a good timeand I was just along for the
ride and I loved it.
It was awesome.
And then when I met my husband,I just knew like okay, that's
it, you're done, like you don't.
You don't want to do thisanymore.
I'm ready for the next phase.
And the next phase for me meantlike not going out and doing
that.
It just wasn't a thing for meanymore.
There's a lot of pressure, Ithink, on women to be like let's
(08:50):
go have a wine night, likelet's all go out together, and
I'm sure that there's otherwomen out there in my shoes that
probably start to feel a littleresentful.
Also, maybe they don't.
They just feel awkward becausethey don't know how to say to
people I'm not on board, like Idon't want to go out.
I don't want to go out drinking, honestly, my free time.
If I have free time and I cango out, I want my husband to
(09:12):
come.
I like him, I like hanging outwith him and I know not everyone
feels the same way, but myhusband is my friend, like we're
friends.
He's my best friend.
It's cheesy, but that is how itis for us.
So, no, like I'm kind of on theball of like I'm not really
into it.
Now, if you are, you have arelationship where your
husband's cool with you goingout to blow off steam, embrace
(09:33):
it, that's awesome, go for it.
Like, but it's not everybody.
Now, if you do find yourself inmy scenario and you're not sure
how to handle those situationsbecause you feel awkward about
it, I make a joke, as I havebeen saying here, like oh no,
sorry, we're like the 1950s inmy house, like I don't go out
and then that's it, I just leaveit like that, and everybody
kind of laughs it off andthey're just like oh my God
(10:04):
really, and I'm like you whenyou do, and not a big deal, it
just isn't.
So I just wanted to bring thatto you all as a thought starter.
We all have our own situationsand we all have to remember that
you're living your life to thebest of your ability for
yourself, not for other people.
So if you're cool with notgoing out, don't start to feel
resentful or awkward or anythingabout it.
(10:25):
That's your line.
That's your line in the sand.
I don't go out, I'm cool withit, I'm not into it, period.
There is no shame in any waythat you're living your life, as
long as you're cool with it atthe end of the day.
I hope you all enjoyed thisepisode.
I want to encourage all of youto follow me me on one of my
socials or on the YouTubechannel for the podcast.
This Sunday is our first liveepisode.
(10:46):
I'm super excited about it andyou can tune in 930 on Sunday
morning.
I'm going to live stream onInstagram, linkedin, I think,
facebook and YouTube, so youhave a couple of options to
check it out, and then you canactually chat me live and we can
do like live Q&A things too.
So I'm actually I'm superexcited about it, and so until
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