June 8, 2025 • 61 mins
Stacey Ray shares the transformative journey that led her to create Sisterhood Travels, a travel company focused on building community and empowering women over 50 who often feel invisible. What began as a way to process grief following her husband's passing has grown into a vibrant community of nearly 45,000 women who support each other's journeys of self-discovery.
• From healthcare professional to travel entrepreneur after experiencing the paralyzing grief of losing her husband
• Fighting society's expectation that women should "shrink and disappear" after 50
• Building a travel company with a mission focused on community rather than just destinations
• Creating safe spaces where women can authentically connect without "mean girl syndrome"
• The concept of a "me-moon" - time women dedicate to themselves without guilt
• How travel teaches women not just about other cultures but about themselves
• Women developing confidence to tackle challenges beyond travel after their experiences
• The transformation that happens when women prioritize themselves after decades of putting others first
• Helping women rediscover their authentic selves apart from roles as mothers, wives, and caregivers
Visit SisterhoodTravels.com or join their Facebook community to learn more about how women are supporting each other through life-changing travel experiences.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Good morning everybody.
This is Steel Roses podcast.
This podcast was created forwomen, by women, to educate or
elevate women's voices.
I am excited to introduceeverybody today to Stacey Ray.
She is the founder and CEO ofSisterhood Travels, a
trailblazing tour companydedicated to empowering women
through curated, life-changingtravel experiences.
(00:23):
With a personal travel recordof over 80 countries, Stacey's
journey began alongside her latehusband, Mike, whose
adventurous spirit inspired herbelief in the transformative
power of travel.
Following his passing, shechanneled her grief into purpose
, creating a safe, supportivespace for women to explore the
world and themselves.
Today, Sisterhood Travels ismore than a travel company.
(00:45):
It's a vibrant community wherewomen forge connections, build
confidence and rediscover joythrough thoughtfully designed
trips that celebrateindependence, sisterhood and
self-discovery.
Stacey, welcome to the show.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Hi, jenny, thank you so much for having me it's an
honor I love your podcast, bythe way and what a pleasure to
be able to talk about whateverwe talk about.
So basically, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
So I know I'm excited and I told you right before
recording why I'm excited tohave you with me today, but I'd
love for you to share yourjourney with the listeners, not
just about like where you arenow, but what were the pieces
and parts of your life thatbrought you to Sisterhood
Travels and turning somethingthat maybe was just an idea into
(01:40):
a whole community.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
It's so funny that you asked me that today because
I literally just wrote somethingabout that.
But, in a nutshell, I was inhealthcare for 30 years and, as
we all know, healthcare is verystressful, but travel was always
(02:03):
my outlet.
I started traveling when I was,you know, independently away
from my parents when I was 19.
And, fast forward, my husbandand I spent every dime of our
discretionary funds, I'll say,on travel, and we just loved
(02:25):
traveling the world, and we, Ithink the thing for us was that
it was not only an adventure,but it was a way for us to learn
about the world and otherpeople and not rely on what we
(02:48):
read or what we hear.
And you know, some of ourgreatest moments were spent in
cafes, outside, meeting localpeople and getting to know them,
and you know we loved that.
In 2017, my husband wasdiagnosed with lung cancer and
(03:10):
it was 11 months from diagnosisto death and for the next two
years, I was paralyzed.
I was paralyzed mentally,physically, emotionally, you
know, to the point where mydaughter would send me texts
have you eaten today, have youtaken a shower today?
(03:32):
And, um, I started thinkingabout what am I going to do?
Um, all my friends, if I wantedto travel.
All my friends are working orthey're with their grandchildren
.
The money, the time, theinterest.
You know how that story goes,yeah.
(03:52):
And so I kept thinking there'sgot to be other women out there
that are in my boat, that haveno one to travel with.
And I had been in the travelindustry and you know I was.
I wasn't really the person whowould book your honeymoon.
I was more like doing groupsand corporate groups and things
(04:16):
like that as kind of like myside hustle.
And then I decided, you knowwhat, I'm going to start a group
for women, I'm going to createa tour for women and see if it
takes off.
And so I started creating atour to Iceland.
So my husband and I went toIceland long before.
(04:39):
It was cool, and we juststarted going back and back and
people say why do you want to goto Iceland?
We were like you have no ideahow amazing it is.
You know it's incredible,Anyway.
So I created the trip, I startedthis group on Facebook and I
decided I was going to call itMotherhood Travels, because it
(05:00):
said exactly what I wanted it tosay.
I wanted a community where wecan make friends.
That was even almost moreimportant to me than the travel
itself, Because so many women,especially over 50, you know
they're isolated and they'relonely and we live in a virtual
(05:21):
world and it's you get lost.
We live in a virtual world andyou get lost.
You can't make friends who orwe feel like we can't make
friends who want to do thethings that we want to do.
I started the private Facebookgroup and I had about 250 people
in the group who I swear werelike my friends and family, 90%
(05:43):
of them.
I had great interest in myiceland trip.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
And then covid.
I was gonna say, covid, yeah,exactly, you know, it's funny
whenever I have people on andI'm like, oh, tell me your story
.
Covid isn't everybody's stories.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
It's like and then covid you know it's funny
because you know we used.
We used to when I was growingup.
It would be BC and AD, likebefore Christ you know, but now
it's like before COVID, afterCOVID.
Exactly Everything.
You're right, everyone I talkto same thing.
So I actually ended up goingback to the hospital.
(06:22):
I came out of retirement, wentback to the hospital, went to
the ICU for 19 months with theCOVID patients Wow, yeah, that
was.
You know, that's a whole notherstory of but and this is going
to be a really odd thing thatI'm going to say to you as
(06:45):
horrific as it was and as muchPTSD as all of us now have,
apparently all of that deathstarted to bring me back to life
, and I don't know how toexplain that except to say that
I realized I don't have to beone of those people and I can't
(07:10):
keep staying paralyzed, and so Iswore that if we were going to
get past this, I was morecommitted than ever to
Sisterhood Travels, and so Istarted to see the light in the
summer of 21.
And I started to put thecompany back together, but even
(07:31):
with a stronger mission becauseof all the isolation that
everyone had been through thatthis was going to be about
community.
It was going to be about womenbeing there and showing up for
other women.
Travel was the vehicle to do it, and so that's how we started.
(07:55):
We kicked off and, shockinglyand at this point, I was doing
everything myself creating thetrips, designing the trips,
taking all the reservations,working with the suppliers.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Oh yeah, because at the beginning you're a
one-person show, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Absolutely, and I was stunned at the response and we
grew exponentially overnight andto this day we have never
advertised, we have grownorganically.
From that 250 women, we nowhave almost 45,000 women in that
(08:34):
private Facebook group that arevery engaged, highly engaged.
You know, because we all lookat those numbers when you have
these.
You know, of course, like youknow, I see a lot of other type
groups where they'll say, oh, wehave 150,000 members, but in
reality engagement is nothingand ours are not bots.
(08:59):
These are real women.
We vet them all, and you know,to the best of our ability.
So, anyway, to make a longstory short, we, um the women,
just were amazing, jenny,amazing caring, kind,
(09:20):
compassionate, supportive women,each of us with a story story,
I mean we all have a life storyright, but it started to occur
to me as I met these women andlistened to these women and
traveled with them.
At this, at when you're over 50,you start to feel pretty
invisible.
(09:40):
Yeah now, I know that's gettinga lot of buzz these days, but
I've been saying it for a longtime, because there's this
expectation that we kind ofshrink and disappear and we
don't have much to bring to thetable.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
I mean, I was just going to say that because the
reception is well, you're done,You're not going to have any
more kids, it's not like you'regoing to get married, like you
don't have any of thosemilestones, you're done.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Exactly, and we're so used to taking care of
everybody else.
We take care of our families,our children, our spouses, our
jobs, our community.
Who's always last on the list?
Oh, we are.
I'm a problem.
Yeah, You're always last on thelist because that's what we are
(10:26):
ingrained to do, that's thesocietal expectation.
And we start listening to allthose voices in our heads and we
start feeling like we're doinganything for ourselves.
Hearing the stories ofunimaginable loss and tragedy
and challenges that so many ofour women were going through, I
(10:52):
realized wait a minute, this istransformational.
Because these women were comingback and they would say to me
Stacy, you changed my life.
And I would say, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, I have not changed
your life.
Sisterhood Travels has notchanged your life.
(11:12):
What we've done is given you avehicle.
You're the one who found thegrit and the courage and the
resilience to step out ofwhatever it is you're in and
take this leap.
I mean, jenny, we have womenwho have literally never flown
before or flown alone, that willsomehow find the courage to get
(11:35):
on a plane in LA and fly toEurope to meet 24 women they've
never met before.
It's magic.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
It's, I think, the key element and you mentioned it
, I'm taking notes as you talkit's that bringing together for
the community.
Because, even as you said, asan adult woman it is hard,
especially right now.
My kids are small.
A lot of my friends are mothersof my kids' friends, so it
(12:10):
makes it easy for me to makethose connections Right.
But if that wasn't there, as Iget older I'm not engaging with
anyone anymore, like to and tobe perfectly honest, like my
social circle is my familyreally at that point?
Like that's my social circle,and then, obviously, like the
mom friends, once you get older,like how are you making friends
(12:33):
?
And then you do feel alone, youdo feel isolated because what
else is there Once no one needsyou anymore.
If you have never stepped up andsaid I want to have this little
thing for myself that I'm goingto cultivate and take care of.
Well, if you don't have that,then you are actually going to
become very lost and now thatI'm saying this out loud, that
(12:55):
loss of the community and peoplearound you, compounded with, if
you have lost your spouse,compounded with menopause.
If you have lost your spousecompounded with menopause, will
basically push a lot of womenover the edge and they are
depressed and they're feelingtotally lost.
So to have, I could see that Icould see me doing something
(13:17):
like that, you know, and I toldyou, like you know, a few
minutes before I'm like, I'mgoing to pass you along to my
aunt and and and have, you know,and even, like my mother and my
other aunts, like they all liketo do, they like to travel.
You know, after my parentsseparated, my mom made it like
she had.
She was not.
You know, before she gotmarried she traveled.
And then she got married, hadkids and life, and then, after
(13:39):
my parents separated, she hadalways said she wanted to go to
alaska on a cruise.
She was I'm going, it'shappening she didn't happen.
It happened, yeah, and this issomebody who was, like, you know
, stay-at-home mom, like justhad a small little job on the
side, but her focus was herfamily and she was able to do
that.
And then since then she's goneto ireland a couple of times,
(13:59):
like doing that for yourself.
You know, the travel isexciting and getting exposed to
another culture is exciting.
But there is something elsethere that you know, like
internally it's I don't evenknow how to say it like not a
cleansing, but it's like anawakening almost.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Yeah, and it's a um.
So I'll tell you.
What I've seen is how manywomen are building life skills.
They never knew they had Right.
So I'm going to give you aperfect example.
My husband always took care ofall the what we always laughed
and called the man things, butI've never taken my car to be
(14:37):
serviced in my life.
I hate doing that.
Well, it took me over two yearsto even get the courage to have
someone else take it, butbecause I was afraid to ask for
the help and this and that.
But two years ago now myhusband had gone seven years.
(14:57):
So it took me five years to oneday.
Because what I would do is Iwould drive past these places
and I'd be like I'm going to doit, I'm going to do it, and then
I would drive past because I'dbe so nervous.
And then, two years ago, oneday, I said that is enough and I
drove in.
(15:18):
It was almost like I jerked thecar, had it done.
They were asking me questions.
I was like like they're likewhich wiper blades do you want
and which oil?
Speaker 1 (15:28):
do you want?
Speaker 2 (15:29):
I just looked at my go.
Okay, give me the best one, Iguess I don't know um, bottom
line is that moment of thatfirst of doing that for myself
was so huge.
And that's what we're seeingwith these women.
So when they go on a trip, nowthis is a big deal for them,
(15:51):
they've never done it before.
They come back and they startdoing things like I did, yeah,
because they're learning I can,yeah, I can, I can, I can.
And they're learning.
I'm not done yet, my life isn'tover.
It can be anything I want.
(16:11):
And all of a sudden thoseoutside voices start to slowly
go away and they dissipate andyou know what we find.
And this is interesting.
So I love when you're talkingabout, like your aunt and your
mom and you know passing usalong and appreciative I am, but
you can't believe how many kidsand I think a lot of times it's
(16:36):
well-meaning, believe me theykind of lead the parents to not
do this Really.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Interesting.
Yeah, because they'd be like Idon't know, do you think you
should they worry about becauseI think they see their parents
as a more vulnerable person, abecause they're older and B with
the loss of, say, a spouse.
They feel like they're veryprotective of the mom.
Like I said, very well-meaning,okay.
(17:09):
And I don't fault anybody andplease, if I could make one PSA,
everyone should be vettinganybody that they go with.
Oh yeah, absolutely yeah, butit's like they're afraid for the
parents you know, that they'llflop or you know this won't work
out and they'll be unhappy.
(17:30):
But what we find when the momsor grandmothers or the women say
wait a minute, I'm doing thisfor me.
They are so transformed by theexperience.
I always say travel does notjust teach you about other
people.
(17:50):
Travel teaches you who you are.
Yeah, because you start tolearn internally.
You know not just what you'recapable of, because you know
navigating travel on today'sworld is a yeah complex, yeah.
And you have to be flexible.
You have to have you knowtravel in today's world is uh
yeah, and you have to beflexible.
You have to have you knowadaptability.
But it's not just about theother people, it's like you
(18:15):
learn.
Do I have biases that I didn'trealize were there?
Do I have expectations thateverywhere I go should be
Americanized and all thosethings?
So it's great, but the mostmagical part is watching these
women literally so many of themfrom the airport to the first
(18:38):
hotel.
They have new besties alreadythat they were in the car with.
We have a very strong policy nobeing girl syndrome, we have a
code of conduct and we're notgoing to let you or anybody else
ruin someone else's vacationwith toxic negativity or oh,
(18:59):
that's good you know.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Yeah, I have you mentioned it earlier, like um,
when you're talking about likethe group and the community that
has come together and and justnow even saying like what you
said, it's, it's veryinteresting because I had done
like a virtual community coursethe one time and everybody who
came into that course reallycame into it with like a
(19:21):
positive vibe and we all havebad days, like that happens but
everyone who came into thatcourse and there was thousands
of women in this course that Igot to engage with I made I
actually came away from thatcourse with some good friends.
That.
I still like engage withvirtually, like they're not in
the same state, and maybe it'snot, we're not going to talk
every day, but it's still likeyou know, because when you
(19:46):
create a space that's safe forwomen and the importance of
physical safety is is huge Likethat.
So that's one thing I want towant it to also point out about
your group itself.
Yeah, beyond the community andbeyond, like the safe mental
space, you are creating aphysical safe space, because I
remember when I was very young,before I got married, everybody
(20:07):
was, you know, partnering offeveryone's getting married.
I was the only one left.
Yeah, the only one left, poorJenny, and I remember saying to
my mom like this isn't like Ihave, I'm working, like I want
to travel, but who am Itraveling with?
When I'm going to go with abunch of married couples, like I
(20:29):
don't want to do that right.
And at the time, you know,there was nothing like this and
my parents very much were likeno, we don't want you to travel
by yourself, like a woman alonetraveling is actually quite
dangerous.
And so they really like kind ofput that you know fear in you
yeah, so I held off and I waslike all right, I guess you know
I won't get to to do so thiscreating a physical safe space
even is like quite a big deal.
And then, beyond that, it'slike it is like an awakening and
(20:56):
an opening for a woman toreally step up and say like,
well, this is mine is mine andI'm going to own this and you're
right, that will spur andsplinter off into well, I did
this.
Like that means I'm strongenough to do this.
(21:17):
And one thing I also do want tohighlight too.
You know a lot of what I readabout, because I didn't start
the podcast until I was about 38, 37, 38.
And a lot of what I read aboutwomen who have these great
successes later in life.
They didn't start it until theywere in their forties, like
late thirties, early forties,you know, mid forties, whatever.
Yeah, because that's the momentof.
(21:37):
I almost feel like I've said ita couple of times I feel like
I've gotten a second shot atlife here.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like I know, you know what Imean, yeah, but it's like I've
got because in your 20s you're,you're figuring stuff out, you
don't know who you are, you'regoing all different directions.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
Although you love to think you know boy did I think
yeah right, right.
What did I think?
Speaker 1 (22:03):
No, I remember, I remember very much thinking, I
know, and now I'm like no, youdid not.
In your 30s, you're developingyour career, if you're getting
married, if you're having kids,but there's all these bigger
other things outside of you.
But then that's also what pullsfrom you, right?
Because that's what you said.
We're always here for everybodyelse.
I am here for my family, I'mhere to take care of them and I
(22:25):
am.
I love it.
I don't mind it, of course, butit does end up making me.
Last, when I started the podcast, my cousin originally was one
of the founders and it becameshe couldn't do it anymore
because of her schedule.
This became something that waslike a like a escape for me, and
(22:46):
I explained to you.
You know, when we hopped on.
I was so excited to work withyou this morning because I had
to take a month off for mydaytime job and it was draining.
I love my day job, I love who Iwork with, I love what I do,
but it's very draining and thisis something and I was excited.
I logged in, I got all myrecording tools up and I was
(23:08):
like whew.
I own this.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
Jenny gets to be Jenny today.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Yes, I get to own this thing and this thing that
has turned into something reallygreat.
And I'm listening to you talkabout your travel community here
and I'm like you know you saidit also earlier like everybody
has a story.
Every single woman that youcould talk to, any woman, yes,
If you get down, drill down toit a little bit, just below the
(23:35):
surface level, there's a storyand it's so inspiring.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
You know I was just watching.
I'm not a big you know videoperson on I'm becoming more
interested in watching all theseclips.
But anyway, excuse me, I justsaw a clip last night of someone
was interviewing Jane Fonda andLily Tomlin and the question
(24:02):
was how important are women'sfriendships?
And Lily Tomlin was likethey're just so important.
And then Jane Fonda started totalk about why and what she said
was which is what you just saidwomen go deep.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
We want to know what's really going on with you,
and not from a voyeuristicperspective.
No, nosiness, most of the time,I mean, there are nosy people
but it was so profound when shesaid that and I said that's
exactly what it is.
And then she went on to say,you know, men don't do that.
(24:44):
And I said, well, I don't knowwhat men do.
That's what I'm thinking in myhead, because I don't know if
they're deep or not.
You know that's but it's true,because what I notice is,
especially when I do travel, youknow, with our our, which is
what we call them they're notjust our travelers or our
(25:06):
clients, they're our sisters.
Their willingness to sharemaybe not every detail, but
their willingness to share is sogenerous because that's the
only way that we can stopfeeling like I'm the only one in
the world this has everhappened to.
Nobody can understand what I'mgoing through.
(25:28):
You know, and that's you knowbecause you are younger and
building your life.
I want to say something,because I you know, we have a
lot of outliers that travel withus, that are, you know, in
their 30s, or we have18-year-olds that come with a
mom or a grandma.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
But if I could say one thing to younger women, it
would be start now, yeah,putting yourself first.
Have you ever heard of a memoon?
Speaker 1 (26:05):
No, okay, oh, like baby moon, honeymoon, a me moon,
that's right.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Oh, keep going Me moon.
I don't care if it's one day,one week, one month.
Every woman on this planetdeserves to have a me moon.
It takes work to allow yourselfwhat we consider a privilege to
(26:32):
have that time.
But what good are you or any ofus, to the people that rely on
us if we haven't recharged,rejuvenated, stepped away,
treated ourselves to somethingyou know a day at the spa could
be your me moon if that's whatyou want.
I used to laugh and ask myhusband do you mind if I just go
(26:54):
to the hotel around the corner?
I'm just gonna go there bymyself and read a book for two
days?
And we'd laugh, but he reallywouldn't have cared.
But um, a me moon is socritical for our survival and
young moms are especially proneto being last yeah, last on the
(27:19):
list, because you know we loveour children and we're supposed
to put our children first.
But you know what?
You can put your children firstwhen you take a me moon,
because they need a mentally,emotionally and physically well
mom that's what I was just gonnasay.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
You can't and I didn't.
I, I learned this,unfortunately, the very hard way
, just like many other women outthere, and my first starting in
2016, when my son was born.
Yeah, 2016.
It took me, yeah, yeah, tothink about that.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
Yeah, starting in 2016 when my son was born.
Yeah, 2016.
It took me, yeah, yeah to thinkabout that.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Yeah starting in 2016 when my son was born, through
20 covid, through 2021.
Yeah, I did not prioritizemyself for about four years or
five years and I remember I gotto a point my health was really
not good and it wasn't anythingserious, but I was in very bad
(28:18):
physical shape and I was onlysleeping, burning the candle.
Feel guilty that I'm a mom.
So I'm going to work.
I'm going to work like enoughfor three people, and so I would
(28:38):
work until like 3am everysingle night.
Meanwhile, my babies, you know,my son was born in 2016.
The twin girls were born in2017.
And so I was consistent, I wasup every two hours like with
them.
So, on top of my work scheduleand then the child schedule, I
made sure they got their shots,I made sure they had their
appointments, I made sure theywere good and healthy and
(28:58):
well-loved.
But in the interim I was likefalling apart.
I was falling apart mentally,physically, and my husband would
always say to me like you, youyou have to go work out Like you
got to go do something.
Do something because it I wasjust really in a bad physical
state and what I started tohappen to me was I um, I was
(29:21):
getting really depressed and Ididn't want to leave the house
anymore.
And you know, I got.
I had gotten severelyoverweight because of my,
because of the, because Ihaven't the kids, and I never
lost it and I just kept gainingand it was just.
It was a very difficult timefor me because I just was not
prioritizing myself.
And so I went to the doctorcause it didn't it's interesting
(29:41):
Cause in the moment it didn'tregister.
Like you're doing this toyourself.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Like right, Right.
What's wrong with me?
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Yeah, I was like I was looking for some outside
like cause, and it just didn'tclick.
Like Jenny, you, you were doingthis and I went to the doctor
and I was like I'm having a hardtime losing weight and I my
joints hurt and this isbothering me and this is.
And I was like kind of justlisting everything out, and the
doctor sat there and just talkedwith me and she was like, well,
what else?
Just talked with me and she waslike well, what else, what's
(30:13):
this?
And I explained and then when Igot to my sleep and I was like,
well, I'm only getting abouttwo hours of sleep a night, but
it's spread out throughout thewhole night.
It's not like two hours yeah andshe said she was like jen,
you're kind of you're killingyourself, like if you.
She's like, if you continue offon this path, you're taking
years off your life right at the.
So I was pissed when she said it, because, to a young, to a mom,
(30:37):
you're like well, what am Isupposed to do, right, yeah?
Now, in hindsight, though, Ihad a strong support system that
would have happily jumped inand helped me, and they actually
tried to jump in and help me,but, jenny, being who I was,
(31:00):
refused help and they would cometo help me, and I still would,
like you know, say no, and Ididn't want it and I'm like you
can come and hang out, but I'mstill, you know, I'm still doing
this.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Why don't?
Speaker 1 (31:10):
you rest, why don't you go do something?
It's okay.
I could Stacey when I say likeI just couldn't do it and now,
like flash forward all theseyears, I do ask for help, Bravo,
but I, I it's hard.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Oh, it's so hard.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
And and, and it's also hard to acknowledge, and,
like what you just said.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
now, women who are listening to this probably like
well, I could never go on it Ican't go on traveling around, I
can't do that for myself, like Ican't walk away.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
I can't do this.
What about this?
What about that?
The reality is, though, likethat's really us putting those
barriers in the way.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Oh absolutely 100%.
Now to what you just said a fewminutes ago.
First of all, I want to ask aquestion, because I don't think
we ever asked this question,ever and this is not to say you
didn't have a supportive husbandor circle or whatever.
Have you ever heard a man sayoh my God, I have to burn the
(32:16):
candle at both ends, I've got todo this, I've got to do that.
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, I'm not getting any sleep.
I have to do the kids, the kids, the kids, the house.
You've never heard a man saythat.
Right, it's women.
We do it to ourselves.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
I got to tell you you kind of just blew my mind.
I talk about this quite a bitbut you cut.
You actually just blew my minda little bit because now that I
think about it as soon as yousaid it, I'm like yeah, I don't
think I have ever heard someonesay that.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
No, you never hear of men who are doing that.
Now I'm not saying there's notgreat fathers.
No, of course, of course.
So please, people don't writeinto Jenny and say that woman
was a bandit, because I'm not.
But I will say this In my wholelife I have never heard a man
talk about fatherhood orparenthood in the way that moms
(33:14):
do yeah right, yeah, and so isthat because of the societal
expectation and the traditionalroles that you know we're
supposed to fill.
and are we exacerbating thatourselves because we're never
enough?
Right, right, and this guiltthat we feel, like you know, the
(33:37):
age-old debate can you reallyhave it all?
Can you have a?
Speaker 1 (33:40):
job.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
Can you be a parent?
I just want to smack myselfevery time I hear people say
that.
Of course you can have whateveryou want, and working doesn't
make you a bad parent, right,not even sort of.
What makes you a bad parentgoes far beyond having a job and
trying to or a career, becauseyou're allowed to fulfill
(34:02):
yourself and you know what.
Your children aren't going tohave any respect for you if they
see a doormat as their momRight.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
You're also setting the stage for them to see like,
oh, this is how you should be,you know, because our kids, it's
not just what you say to themit's what they actions,
absolutely it's actually more sothe action.
Now I'll say this, though mykids very much are like we don't
want to have a job like yoursah, yeah, because they know,
they see, they see the ugly sidetoo.
(34:33):
They also will see mommy, theyand I ugly side too.
They also will see mommy, theyand I'm.
I will say this I'm very likeopen with them because I don't
want them to look at me and belike, oh, she was perfect and I
have to hit this I have to bemom.
And as far as my daughters, Iwant them to know I'm like there
are other ways, and I and Isaid to them like this past
month was very difficult for mefor work because I was so
(34:56):
overworked.
And I said to them a couple oftimes, I'm like you know, this
isn't, this isn't for everybody.
This is what I chose, because I, I chose this path, but you
don't have to choose this path,you don't have to go for it.
You can do whatever you want.
You know, like it's really wideopen for you.
I want to touch on something.
I want to go back to what yousaid about.
(35:16):
Like you know, you don't reallyever hear a man say like I'm
Bernie, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Something that was reallyhelpful years later.
And I want to, I want toreinstate it now because, or
re-say it now, because, foryoung moms that have just had
kids, after you have a childlike after you physically, like
birth a kid your brain patternwill shift definitively.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
It's not like BS, it's a legitimate scientific
your brain changes.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
So, after you have a baby, you are going to notice
that you have mentally made ashift.
Something is different in younow, because that is a natural
instinct for you to be able tocare for your kid.
When my kids were little, Iused to be able to hear them
before they even made a noise,like in the middle of the night.
You know, I could smell whenthey were sick and I was down
(36:10):
the hall.
I could just.
I just knew yeah, men, don't gothrough a biological change
when a baby is born.
So what's going to piss you offthe most after you have a kid is
you're going to changeeverything about yourself and
everything you do, and yourhusband will not Right Now.
That doesn't mean he's notgoing to help you.
He's going to help you, yeah,and he's going to get up.
(36:31):
You know, my husband got upwith the kids.
He took off work to help mewith the kids because I was
doing my career too Like.
It doesn't mean you're notgoing to have help, but it just
means that, all of a sudden, foryou, your priority has wholly
shifted.
Correct, but for your husbandit'll still be well.
I'm going to go work out,though, and I'm still going to
do this.
I'm still going to do that.
(36:52):
Yeah, there's a baby in thehouse and they're still going to
go and do the guy thing they'restill going to do.
No, trouble.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
They're gonna make sure that they leave the house.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
They're gonna make sure that they, you know, I mean
, and I talk to a lot, a lot ofthe women that I know and
they're like, yeah, he like goesand works out and he does this
and he does that and and, butthen he's like mad at me that
like dinner's not, and I'm likeright, but it's all of us.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Yeah, I know and I like absolutely.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
And I like to say this too just because that's
what's happening in yourmarriage or your husband doesn't
mean he's a bad guy.
Like don't look at these, ohsocial media and oh, their
husbands are so helpful.
Why aren't you like this?
No, husbands are.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
We're all like this.
I had the love story to end alllove stories.
Okay, I had a wonderful husband, but let me be clear, he was
not a saint, he was not perfect.
No, as hard as he made me laugh, he also made me like ah, want
to kill him.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
sometimes that's normal.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
That's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
And if you think what you?
Speaker 2 (38:08):
see on social media is real whoa.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Don't even get me, you know, and it's not even just
that.
That's the other thing youtalked about with your travel
group that I want to highlight.
I want to like pull it backthere, because you said, like
women, come in and you're you'reprotective of the environment,
it's.
We don't do toxic female voiceshere like we're here to support
each other.
That's right.
Have just open dialogue withoutjudgment.
That's really what this is.
We're not judging each other,we're just coming together.
(38:29):
Part of the problem that Inoticed too and I'm very
particular about who I like talkwith on a regular basis because
of this women get veryjudgmental of each other for
really no reason at all and it'slike oh, you wait, hold on.
My favorite one that I got whenmy kids were younger was when
they were like some of the momswere like, oh, you don't, you
(38:53):
don't pack your kids lunches,and I was like, yeah, well, no I
don.
I work full time, so this is my,and they're called Lunchables
for a home cooked meal everylunch.
But you know what?
Like I have to take help whereI can get it.
It's like oh well, you know,you don't.
(39:13):
Like I don't wash my ownlaundry anymore.
Like I send it out, like I, I,I have to.
I have to be able to makeadjustments, and this is what I
say this quite a bit.
You need to live your life tothe best of what is going to
suit you and your family acrossthe board.
For women in general, I'mtrying to hit this standard
because society has said this,or my family has said this, or
(39:35):
my friends have said like thisis how you have to be, because
the reality of it is you need tojust do what you think is best.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
And that is so.
Here's the thing You're sayingthis to me as a younger woman
and you're recognizing thesethings right and you're more
aware, and you're taking stepsand hopefully you're reaching
many, many, many many women whoare hearing your voice.
(40:04):
But what about all the womenwho get to 60 and 70?
And we've not had that.
So I'm going to guess that inyour day job you work across
intergenerational lines.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
Mm, hmm.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
My company is, you know, our employees are
intergenerational and I have hadto have conversations with both
sides to say wait a minute.
With both sides to say wait aminute, we're not useless
(40:46):
because I don't understand howto make this work on teams.
Okay, I'm not stupid, because Idon't understand how to, you
know, make a folder in my email,you know kind of stuff, because
there's this.
Let's face it.
Let me tell you what women inmy generation have gone through
(41:09):
black and white tvs yeah colortvs.
I saw that I was at the tail endof that.
I was there with remotecontrols and record albums, cds,
dvds what do you call it?
(41:33):
Answering machines?
Oh yeah, beepers, cell phones,the list goes on and on and on.
Desktop computers that were,you know, 900 pounds.
Don't tell me we can't learn.
Okay, do not tell me that,because nothing makes you more
irate.
Now is it a little moredifficult, because I didn't go
(41:57):
to school and learn on that.
I learned how to type.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Right On a manual typewriter Click, click, click,
click.
Which also makes you morecareful because it was a manual
typewriter and you couldn't justdelete, so you had to get it
right that first time, exactly,Exactly.
Speaker 2 (42:17):
So you know it's.
It's really interesting.
I did a recording the other daywith a group called Cyber
Seniors and two teenagers whohad to do community service
decided based on something goingon in their family.
They were going to teach olderpeople how to use computers and
(42:38):
technology.
Well, now, fast forward, I'mnot sure, maybe 14, 15 years.
It's a huge nonprofit in Canadaand the US, seniors or you know
, I guess people over 55 can goand online or they can call and
they get free help, but it's all.
(42:59):
The mentors are young, highschool, college, et cetera and
they did a documentary and whatthey found was that the
compassion and understanding onboth sides was so profound that,
that became the real benefit ofwhat they were doing, aside
(43:21):
from the technological help.
But that's the same thing withus, with Sisterhood Travels, is
that, yes, we're traveling, butlook at all the Everything else
it's literally everything else.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
It's not just the travel, it's everything else
that's coming with it.
Travel right, the travel is likethe perk, you know the rest of
it is so much more about theconnection, and that was you
know you.
We talked about social media afew times and that's also
something there.
There's a huge deficit today,with people being disconnected
(43:57):
with themselves.
Oh yeah, and I see it, you know, even at home.
Like I, I am on a computer allday, so my preference at night
is not to have a screen in frontof my face, like as soon as I'm
done with work so hard todisconnect and disengage though
right, like you know, especiallyif I don't have a.
You know, when it's work stuffand it's important, I have to, I
(44:19):
have to stick with it.
But my preference is I I don'thave personal social media, I
don't have a.
You know, when it's work stuffand it's important, I have to, I
have to stick with it.
But my preference is I don'thave personal social media.
I don't even do the podcast, soit's gonna be more like I
handed that off, because thatreally isn't, it's not my jam
and I'm like I would prefer tojust be like in the moment and I
always right, right, when I'mout with the kids, like, yes,
I'll take a couple videos andI'll take pictures or whatever.
(44:40):
But then I actively in my brainI'm like, all right, put the
phone down and see this, andthere's so many people now that
are.
So everybody wants to have abig following because everyone
wants to make money off of it,and I get it, believe me, I get
it.
But if you're just constantlyon your phone and looking at
social media and trying to postto social media, then you're not
(45:02):
actually living your life,you're not in the moment anymore
.
You've gotten past it.
So that disconnection, I thinkis causing a lot of problems for
people and they don't realizeit Absolutely, that is.
Speaker 2 (45:16):
I will tell you that so.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
I told you I just got back from Havana.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
And so this is a perfect example.
So you knowFi is extremelyunreliable.
You may have it, you may not,and I found on my trip that the
only place I would have it wasin my hotel.
Well, we were only in our hotelwhile we were sleeping,
basically.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
Right.
Speaker 2 (45:58):
Because you know we're there on a excuse me a
visa in support of the Cubanpeople.
So from 8 in the morning tillmidnight that's what we were
doing.
I can't tell you how freeing itwas to go sorry, I can't even
look at the phone, you know andstuff.
One of the joys of travelingwith women in my age group is
(46:19):
everyone's not trying to buildtheir following yeah, true yeah,
okay, so we take pictures andstuff like that, but many times
you'll just see us all standingthere without the camera and
just you know, my marketingstaff because they're like we
need pictures, we need video.
(46:40):
But you know what?
I'm here to actually see whatI'm seeing and learn what I'm
learning.
If I'm so focused on takingpictures, I've missed it all.
Speaker 1 (46:49):
You've missed it.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
You're going to want to be present, you know.
So uh, it was.
It was really kind of fun toexperience that for the first
time of like, I just don't haveanything.
There's no cell service for me.
Speaker 1 (47:06):
We're going on our first family vacation this year.
We're going to go, we, and it'snot just us, it's my five, and
then plus my stepchildren and mystepdaughter, her fiance and my
grandkids oh wonderful, yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:19):
And then we have stepchildren and my stepdaughter
, her fiance and my grandkids,oh wonderful.
Speaker 1 (47:21):
Yeah, and then we have, like extended people going
, so there's a group of I don'tknow.
It's probably about 20 peopleall going.
We're taking a cruise in Juneand we're going to be going down
to the Bahamas and just Fine.
We've never traveled as afamily because when the kids
were little it was, it was justtoo much yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:43):
It was just very cumbersome.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
So my husband and I are, and he and I even, like
we've never actually done a bigtrip together.
So we're so excited and, stacy,I have to tell you what we're
most excited about puttingeverything to the side and just
having fun.
That is what life is supposed tobe jenny, I can't even.
(48:05):
And my stepdaughter, she sentme, um, she sent me a post the
one time and she goes it.
The post basically said it wasbasically saying, like you know,
talking about the mental loadof motherhood, yeah, and it said
, like you know, it's not that Iwant a break from my kids, I
want a break from all the otherstuff.
And I said to her I'm like thisis gonna be the first time and
(48:27):
my son just turned nine, so thiswill be the first time in nine
years that I'm not responsiblefor cooking and cleaning and
doing laundry and doing allthose things.
And I said to the kids I'm like, do you realize that mom can
just be fun, mom, this wholetime they are so excited Cause
I'm like we can never do that.
I can never.
(48:47):
You know, there's always goingto be something.
Oh what time is it?
Lunch is.
You know this and that thiswill be a first time for that,
and, yes, like we're going totake pictures and all that stuff
, but I'm like there's no wi-fion the ship this is just like so
fun.
Speaker 2 (49:04):
I'm so excited for you, for your whole thing, like
it's gonna be.
You're gonna feel so, sorejuvenated and recharged.
Speaker 1 (49:14):
You really are stacy every time this whole month.
That was like really hard forme the whole time.
I was like you're going onvacation.
Yeah, yeah, you can take itaway.
Speaker 2 (49:26):
Exactly.
I mean, I think that's awesomeand you know it's funny because
we do.
We travel to all sevencontinents actually trips
everywhere.
Continents, actually tripseverywhere.
And it's so interesting to me,um, how many women will
(49:48):
literally have never gone on atrip?
Yeah and then pick this obscureoff the beaten trap track
location or destination fortheir first trip.
And I'm really impressed bythat because you know we all
love to go.
You know what's on your bucketlist Italy, ireland, scotland,
(50:09):
oh, you know the usual.
Speaker 1 (50:12):
The usual stuff, right.
Speaker 2 (50:13):
But every once in a while I'll get something like
the Ancient Silk Road, which I'mactually releasing a trip like
that this week.
But but I'll get something likethat and I'll be like whoa
person you know like I wouldlove an off the beat and trash
like like travel, like kind ofthing yeah, we're actually doing
a lot, lot more of those and,by the way, I would love for you
(50:36):
to come on a trip with us.
We would have so much fun.
It would be amazing yeah yeah,but aside from that, you know we
were talking about, like, thecode of conduct and the negative
toxicity, and you know thingslike that.
And you made a comment that Iwanted to circle back to, and
it's true, we all have bad days,bad days.
What we do in prepping ourwomen is we say, show someone
(51:05):
the grace that you would want,because, you don't know, is
today the anniversary of thedeath of their child or their
husband?
You know, it could be anything.
Or today my sciatica is sosevere and I'm trying, but I'm
just not my normal friendly self.
Right, but there's a differencebetween that and just coming on
(51:30):
the trip and all you do iscomplain.
Now I have learned and my teamhas learned, and God bless my
team, we couldn't do anythingwithout them and God bless my
team, we couldn't do anythingwithout them.
But if you are already startingto misbehave and act negatively
in the group or toward my staffin your communications and
(51:53):
you're nasty or you're chronicwhiner and complainer, if that's
how you're acting before weleave, what are we going to?
Speaker 1 (52:02):
expect from you when you're on the track Right
Exactly.
It'll be only worse.
Speaker 2 (52:03):
Right.
Speaker 1 (52:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (52:05):
Right.
So we like to remind peoplethat and I feel strongly about
this I have a moral, ethicalobligation, possibly in some
cases legal, to ensure youremotional and mental and
(52:28):
physical well-being.
Yeah, and I'm not going to letsomeone else hurt you, say mean
things to you.
I have removed people fromtrips, Jenny.
Speaker 1 (52:43):
I was going to ask I was actually going to ask about
that.
Speaker 2 (52:47):
It's rare, but it has happened.
Speaker 1 (52:59):
I think that says a lot about you and what your goal
is here, because what I'veheard and read through you know
entrepreneurship and the otherwomen.
I'm connected to areentrepreneurs or budding
entrepreneurs?
You have to.
You do have to stay focused onlike the message, like your core
message here was like youactually really wanted to build
a community.
You went through a trauma.
You lost your husband and fromthat was born this concept of I
(53:21):
want to create a space for women.
I can't be the only one whofeels alone and invisible.
Right, and from that littleconcept, that little seedling,
you've grown this beautiful treehere that's branching out
across the world and you'regoing to protect that base root
line.
That said like but this is asafe space, yes, so it's not
(53:43):
like, oh, we're travelingtogether and I don't really care
about the message of thecommunity or anything like that.
Speaker 2 (53:47):
Right, which is what you do find in a lot of you know
other groups especially.
You know like there's so manygroups where solo women could
travel.
You know you could sign on forgroups with different tour
operators, but they're mixed andthey're primarily couples.
And I've seen it, I've traveledon it with my husband in the
(54:08):
past and there's always, likeyou know, they allow like four
single spots.
They're usually four singlewomen.
Those four single women may ormay not talk to each other, but
the couples they don't interactwith the singles at all.
They're like all coupled up.
Yeah.
And I got to say and again,don't write Jenny and say I'm a
(54:28):
man hater, I am not, but thedynamic is so different.
Speaker 1 (54:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (54:34):
When men are on the trip.
Yeah, because the woman is notdoing what she wants to do and
being her authentic self,because it's all about what's
making the husband happy or theguy happy, and that's one of the
beautiful things abouttraveling with a woman only
group is that it's all about you.
Speaker 1 (54:56):
Yeah, it's about the authentic self and you know
exactly, I want to say here too,because I only have only have a
few minutes left so I want Iactually want to make this point
because what you said is not.
It's not manhating, because wereally I don't write on men on
the show, like I talked abouthow much I love my husband all
the time, like, yeah, exactly,fantastic, he actually helped me
become a better person, like,hands down, I don't man hate at
(55:19):
all, but what you're getting atis that for me as a person, you
know I did this meditation and Ilike to talk about this because
it actually helps.
You see the difference.
So when you start themeditation, you're saying I am
and your full name.
So you're saying I am JennyBenitez and you're focusing on
that for a few minutes and yourfull name.
(55:40):
So you're saying I am, thenBenitez, and you're focusing on
that for a few minutes and then,after you focus on who is Jenny
Benitez for a few minutes, thenyou drop your last name.
You say I am Jenny the firsttime that I did that meditation
and was focusing on well, I'mJenny Benitez, and then I'm
Jenny, and then you go to I am.
When I got to the I am Jennypart and then you go to I am.
(56:02):
When I got to the I am Jennypart, there was this is going to
sound a little negative, butthere was almost like a lifting
of weight offered me becausewhen I just said I am Jenny, it
became this blossoming thingthat came out of my chest and I
was like, oh, there you are.
Okay, You're still there.
Speaker 2 (56:21):
I love that because I've always said one of the um
way in this conversation.
We've been all over the place,but I've loved it.
The um, one of the things thatI said, that I'm still learning
as a widow who who am I?
Yeah, it took me years to thinkabout certain things like do I
(56:44):
like that restaurant?
Cause I actually liked thatrestaurant or do I like it Cause
.
Mike and I were always goingthere, or cause he liked it.
Or, you know, do I like thatcouch?
Because that was my style ofcouch, you know?
It's all those things.
So I love that meditation.
It was a huge one.
Speaker 1 (57:04):
It was really impactful because you don't
realize, and it's all thatweight of everything else that I
do.
And then once I like liftedthat and I will say the more
that I've allowed myself to justbe, I am Jenny.
Yeah, I've actually become abetter wife.
I've become a better mother,like everything about me.
(57:25):
I believe it since I started todo that, because I'm like okay,
you are the person you'reholding, like my husband.
My husband always says I'm theship, like he might be steering,
but I'm the ship, and he alwayssays to me he's like if the
ship falls apart, that's whyhe's like, yeah, we're all the
ship.
And he always says to me he'slike if the ship falls apart.
Speaker 2 (57:42):
that's why he's like yeah, we're sinking, yeah.
But, you know, it's.
Speaker 1 (57:46):
It's important like that, having that authentic,
like you are, who you are.
You have to like lean into that, because that will like, yeah,
whole life different.
We forget, we forget who we are.
Speaker 2 (57:55):
And we forget, we forget who we are.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (58:00):
You lose it.
Yeah, you really do lose itover time.
And if you don't like I didn'trediscover myself until I was 37
years old, Like, and if Ididn't do it at that point.
Imagine being 65.
Speaker 2 (58:14):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (58:15):
Like if I never did what would have, where would I?
I don't even know where I wouldbe right now.
I don't know where our family,like I have.
No, if I hadn't taken thisjourney with the podcast.
Speaker 2 (58:28):
I don't know where we like, I don't know I, first of
all, I absolutely love that foryou and for all the women that
you're helping.
I mean, these conversationshave to be so enlightening for
you, but also for your listeners, and I love that for you.
Speaker 1 (58:44):
I do hope so.
That's always and I will saythis, and transparently, the
listeners can hear me say thistoo.
But because I usually say thisin like the pre-cons, but the
reason I share so much on thesepodcasts and the reason why I
will share so much personally ofwhat I've been through, I mean
some of the podcasts, I'm cryingon them because I want women to
see this.
I want them to see like this is, this is real.
(59:07):
Like this is reality, it's okay.
It's okay to have feeling andit's okay to be who you are and
you just have to lean into itand I want to be like a killer
here.
In the same way, you createdthe safe travel space, this
community that you've reallystarted to craft.
That's what the podcast ismeant to do, and I would.
And that's when as soon, as yousaid early on, I went through
(59:27):
this and I realized I was.
I knew I wasn't the only oneand I wanted to start this
community.
I was like, oh my god, stacy,and I just became best friends
because we, yes, yes, exactlyfor sure for the listeners who
are are interested or if theywant to just check you out and
see what the vibe is, even ifthey just want to see the online
community.
How are they getting in touchwith you?
Speaker 2 (59:47):
So they can get in touch with us, certainly by our
website, which is SisterhoodTravels Travel for Women by
Women, which a little bit likeyour podcast yeah, maybe I
(01:00:13):
should go away with you andpodcast the whole time.
I could probably intervieweverybody on the trip.
Speaker 1 (01:00:18):
Oh my God, I would love that so much.
Speaker 2 (01:00:20):
Yeah, I would love that so much, and they would
love it too, because boy did Ihave to yeah for sure, stacey,
thank you so much, for youbasically lit up my day here.
Speaker 1 (01:00:33):
Oh, thank you, you lit up mine too.
Speaker 2 (01:00:36):
It's an honor, and I have loved this conversation.
It was very fun and what agreat way to start the day too.
Speaker 1 (01:00:43):
Right.
Speaker 2 (01:00:44):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (01:00:46):
Listeners, thank you for hanging out with us today.
Check out Stacey's stuff.
I'm going to link everything inthe description so if you're
interested, you can click oneclick away and connect with her
online, because this is big.
This is a big deal, and even ifyou can't go right now on a
trip and start engaging at somepoint in the future, maybe you
can.
So start taking a look at itnow.
(01:01:06):
Um, we will catch you on thenext one and I hope everyone
takes care, thank you.
Good morning everybody.
This is Steel Roses podcast.
This podcast was created forwomen, by women, to educate or
elevate women's voices.
I am excited to introduceeverybody today to Stacey Ray.
She is the founder and CEO ofSisterhood Travels, a
trailblazing tour companydedicated to empowering women
through curated, life-changingtravel experiences.
(00:23):
With a personal travel recordof over 80 countries, Stacey's
journey began alongside her latehusband, Mike, whose
adventurous spirit inspired herbelief in the transformative
power of travel.
Following his passing, shechanneled her grief into purpose
, creating a safe, supportivespace for women to explore the
world and themselves.
Today, Sisterhood Travels ismore than a travel company.
(00:45):
It's a vibrant community wherewomen forge connections, build
confidence and rediscover joythrough thoughtfully designed
trips that celebrateindependence, sisterhood and
self-discovery.
Stacey, welcome to the show.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Hi, jenny, thank you so much for having me it's an
honor I love your podcast, bythe way and what a pleasure to
be able to talk about whateverwe talk about.
So basically, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
So I know I'm excited and I told you right before
recording why I'm excited tohave you with me today, but I'd
love for you to share yourjourney with the listeners, not
just about like where you arenow, but what were the pieces
and parts of your life thatbrought you to Sisterhood
Travels and turning somethingthat maybe was just an idea into
(01:40):
a whole community.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
It's so funny that you asked me that today because
I literally just wrote somethingabout that.
But, in a nutshell, I was inhealthcare for 30 years and, as
we all know, healthcare is verystressful, but travel was always
(02:03):
my outlet.
I started traveling when I was,you know, independently away
from my parents when I was 19.
And, fast forward, my husbandand I spent every dime of our
discretionary funds, I'll say,on travel, and we just loved
(02:25):
traveling the world, and we, Ithink the thing for us was that
it was not only an adventure,but it was a way for us to learn
about the world and otherpeople and not rely on what we
(02:48):
read or what we hear.
And you know, some of ourgreatest moments were spent in
cafes, outside, meeting localpeople and getting to know them,
and you know we loved that.
In 2017, my husband wasdiagnosed with lung cancer and
(03:10):
it was 11 months from diagnosisto death and for the next two
years, I was paralyzed.
I was paralyzed mentally,physically, emotionally, you
know, to the point where mydaughter would send me texts
have you eaten today, have youtaken a shower today?
(03:32):
And, um, I started thinkingabout what am I going to do?
Um, all my friends, if I wantedto travel.
All my friends are working orthey're with their grandchildren
.
The money, the time, theinterest.
You know how that story goes,yeah.
(03:52):
And so I kept thinking there'sgot to be other women out there
that are in my boat, that haveno one to travel with.
And I had been in the travelindustry and you know I was.
I wasn't really the person whowould book your honeymoon.
I was more like doing groupsand corporate groups and things
(04:16):
like that as kind of like myside hustle.
And then I decided, you knowwhat, I'm going to start a group
for women, I'm going to createa tour for women and see if it
takes off.
And so I started creating atour to Iceland.
So my husband and I went toIceland long before.
(04:39):
It was cool, and we juststarted going back and back and
people say why do you want to goto Iceland?
We were like you have no ideahow amazing it is.
You know it's incredible,Anyway.
So I created the trip, I startedthis group on Facebook and I
decided I was going to call itMotherhood Travels, because it
(05:00):
said exactly what I wanted it tosay.
I wanted a community where wecan make friends.
That was even almost moreimportant to me than the travel
itself, Because so many women,especially over 50, you know
they're isolated and they'relonely and we live in a virtual
(05:21):
world and it's you get lost.
We live in a virtual world andyou get lost.
You can't make friends who orwe feel like we can't make
friends who want to do thethings that we want to do.
I started the private Facebookgroup and I had about 250 people
in the group who I swear werelike my friends and family, 90%
(05:43):
of them.
I had great interest in myiceland trip.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
And then covid.
I was gonna say, covid, yeah,exactly, you know, it's funny
whenever I have people on andI'm like, oh, tell me your story
.
Covid isn't everybody's stories.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
It's like and then covid you know it's funny
because you know we used.
We used to when I was growingup.
It would be BC and AD, likebefore Christ you know, but now
it's like before COVID, afterCOVID.
Exactly Everything.
You're right, everyone I talkto same thing.
So I actually ended up goingback to the hospital.
(06:22):
I came out of retirement, wentback to the hospital, went to
the ICU for 19 months with theCOVID patients Wow, yeah, that
was.
You know, that's a whole notherstory of but and this is going
to be a really odd thing thatI'm going to say to you as
(06:45):
horrific as it was and as muchPTSD as all of us now have,
apparently all of that deathstarted to bring me back to life
, and I don't know how toexplain that except to say that
I realized I don't have to beone of those people and I can't
(07:10):
keep staying paralyzed, and so Iswore that if we were going to
get past this, I was morecommitted than ever to
Sisterhood Travels, and so Istarted to see the light in the
summer of 21.
And I started to put thecompany back together, but even
(07:31):
with a stronger mission becauseof all the isolation that
everyone had been through thatthis was going to be about
community.
It was going to be about womenbeing there and showing up for
other women.
Travel was the vehicle to do it, and so that's how we started.
(07:55):
We kicked off and, shockinglyand at this point, I was doing
everything myself creating thetrips, designing the trips,
taking all the reservations,working with the suppliers.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Oh yeah, because at the beginning you're a
one-person show, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Absolutely, and I was stunned at the response and we
grew exponentially overnight andto this day we have never
advertised, we have grownorganically.
From that 250 women, we nowhave almost 45,000 women in that
(08:34):
private Facebook group that arevery engaged, highly engaged.
You know, because we all lookat those numbers when you have
these.
You know, of course, like youknow, I see a lot of other type
groups where they'll say, oh, wehave 150,000 members, but in
reality engagement is nothingand ours are not bots.
(08:59):
These are real women.
We vet them all, and you know,to the best of our ability.
So, anyway, to make a longstory short, we, um the women,
just were amazing, jenny,amazing caring, kind,
(09:20):
compassionate, supportive women,each of us with a story story,
I mean we all have a life storyright, but it started to occur
to me as I met these women andlistened to these women and
traveled with them.
At this, at when you're over 50,you start to feel pretty
invisible.
(09:40):
Yeah now, I know that's gettinga lot of buzz these days, but
I've been saying it for a longtime, because there's this
expectation that we kind ofshrink and disappear and we
don't have much to bring to thetable.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
I mean, I was just going to say that because the
reception is well, you're done,You're not going to have any
more kids, it's not like you'regoing to get married, like you
don't have any of thosemilestones, you're done.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Exactly, and we're so used to taking care of
everybody else.
We take care of our families,our children, our spouses, our
jobs, our community.
Who's always last on the list?
Oh, we are.
I'm a problem.
Yeah, You're always last on thelist because that's what we are
(10:26):
ingrained to do, that's thesocietal expectation.
And we start listening to allthose voices in our heads and we
start feeling like we're doinganything for ourselves.
Hearing the stories ofunimaginable loss and tragedy
and challenges that so many ofour women were going through, I
(10:52):
realized wait a minute, this istransformational.
Because these women were comingback and they would say to me
Stacy, you changed my life.
And I would say, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, I have not changed
your life.
Sisterhood Travels has notchanged your life.
(11:12):
What we've done is given you avehicle.
You're the one who found thegrit and the courage and the
resilience to step out ofwhatever it is you're in and
take this leap.
I mean, jenny, we have womenwho have literally never flown
before or flown alone, that willsomehow find the courage to get
(11:35):
on a plane in LA and fly toEurope to meet 24 women they've
never met before.
It's magic.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
It's, I think, the key element and you mentioned it
, I'm taking notes as you talkit's that bringing together for
the community.
Because, even as you said, asan adult woman it is hard,
especially right now.
My kids are small.
A lot of my friends are mothersof my kids' friends, so it
(12:10):
makes it easy for me to makethose connections Right.
But if that wasn't there, as Iget older I'm not engaging with
anyone anymore, like to and tobe perfectly honest, like my
social circle is my familyreally at that point?
Like that's my social circle,and then, obviously, like the
mom friends, once you get older,like how are you making friends
(12:33):
?
And then you do feel alone, youdo feel isolated because what
else is there Once no one needsyou anymore.
If you have never stepped up andsaid I want to have this little
thing for myself that I'm goingto cultivate and take care of.
Well, if you don't have that,then you are actually going to
become very lost and now thatI'm saying this out loud, that
(12:55):
loss of the community and peoplearound you, compounded with, if
you have lost your spouse,compounded with menopause.
If you have lost your spousecompounded with menopause, will
basically push a lot of womenover the edge and they are
depressed and they're feelingtotally lost.
So to have, I could see that Icould see me doing something
(13:17):
like that, you know, and I toldyou, like you know, a few
minutes before I'm like, I'mgoing to pass you along to my
aunt and and and have, you know,and even, like my mother and my
other aunts, like they all liketo do, they like to travel.
You know, after my parentsseparated, my mom made it like
she had.
She was not.
You know, before she gotmarried she traveled.
And then she got married, hadkids and life, and then, after
(13:39):
my parents separated, she hadalways said she wanted to go to
alaska on a cruise.
She was I'm going, it'shappening she didn't happen.
It happened, yeah, and this issomebody who was, like, you know
, stay-at-home mom, like justhad a small little job on the
side, but her focus was herfamily and she was able to do
that.
And then since then she's goneto ireland a couple of times,
(13:59):
like doing that for yourself.
You know, the travel isexciting and getting exposed to
another culture is exciting.
But there is something elsethere that you know, like
internally it's I don't evenknow how to say it like not a
cleansing, but it's like anawakening almost.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Yeah, and it's a um.
So I'll tell you.
What I've seen is how manywomen are building life skills.
They never knew they had Right.
So I'm going to give you aperfect example.
My husband always took care ofall the what we always laughed
and called the man things, butI've never taken my car to be
(14:37):
serviced in my life.
I hate doing that.
Well, it took me over two yearsto even get the courage to have
someone else take it, butbecause I was afraid to ask for
the help and this and that.
But two years ago now myhusband had gone seven years.
(14:57):
So it took me five years to oneday.
Because what I would do is Iwould drive past these places
and I'd be like I'm going to doit, I'm going to do it, and then
I would drive past because I'dbe so nervous.
And then, two years ago, oneday, I said that is enough and I
drove in.
(15:18):
It was almost like I jerked thecar, had it done.
They were asking me questions.
I was like like they're likewhich wiper blades do you want
and which oil?
Speaker 1 (15:28):
do you want?
Speaker 2 (15:29):
I just looked at my go.
Okay, give me the best one, Iguess I don't know um, bottom
line is that moment of thatfirst of doing that for myself
was so huge.
And that's what we're seeingwith these women.
So when they go on a trip, nowthis is a big deal for them,
(15:51):
they've never done it before.
They come back and they startdoing things like I did, yeah,
because they're learning I can,yeah, I can, I can, I can.
And they're learning.
I'm not done yet, my life isn'tover.
It can be anything I want.
(16:11):
And all of a sudden thoseoutside voices start to slowly
go away and they dissipate andyou know what we find.
And this is interesting.
So I love when you're talkingabout, like your aunt and your
mom and you know passing usalong and appreciative I am, but
you can't believe how many kidsand I think a lot of times it's
(16:36):
well-meaning, believe me theykind of lead the parents to not
do this Really.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Interesting.
Yeah, because they'd be like Idon't know, do you think you
should they worry about becauseI think they see their parents
as a more vulnerable person, abecause they're older and B with
the loss of, say, a spouse.
They feel like they're veryprotective of the mom.
Like I said, very well-meaning,okay.
(17:09):
And I don't fault anybody andplease, if I could make one PSA,
everyone should be vettinganybody that they go with.
Oh yeah, absolutely yeah, butit's like they're afraid for the
parents you know, that they'llflop or you know this won't work
out and they'll be unhappy.
(17:30):
But what we find when the momsor grandmothers or the women say
wait a minute, I'm doing thisfor me.
They are so transformed by theexperience.
I always say travel does notjust teach you about other
people.
(17:50):
Travel teaches you who you are.
Yeah, because you start tolearn internally.
You know not just what you'recapable of, because you know
navigating travel on today'sworld is a yeah complex, yeah.
And you have to be flexible.
You have to have you knowtravel in today's world is uh
yeah, and you have to beflexible.
You have to have you knowadaptability.
But it's not just about theother people, it's like you
(18:15):
learn.
Do I have biases that I didn'trealize were there?
Do I have expectations thateverywhere I go should be
Americanized and all thosethings?
So it's great, but the mostmagical part is watching these
women literally so many of themfrom the airport to the first
(18:38):
hotel.
They have new besties alreadythat they were in the car with.
We have a very strong policy nobeing girl syndrome, we have a
code of conduct and we're notgoing to let you or anybody else
ruin someone else's vacationwith toxic negativity or oh,
(18:59):
that's good you know.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Yeah, I have you mentioned it earlier, like um,
when you're talking about likethe group and the community that
has come together and and justnow even saying like what you
said, it's, it's veryinteresting because I had done
like a virtual community coursethe one time and everybody who
came into that course reallycame into it with like a
(19:21):
positive vibe and we all havebad days, like that happens but
everyone who came into thatcourse and there was thousands
of women in this course that Igot to engage with I made I
actually came away from thatcourse with some good friends.
That.
I still like engage withvirtually, like they're not in
the same state, and maybe it'snot, we're not going to talk
every day, but it's still likeyou know, because when you
(19:46):
create a space that's safe forwomen and the importance of
physical safety is is huge Likethat.
So that's one thing I want towant it to also point out about
your group itself.
Yeah, beyond the community andbeyond, like the safe mental
space, you are creating aphysical safe space, because I
remember when I was very young,before I got married, everybody
(20:07):
was, you know, partnering offeveryone's getting married.
I was the only one left.
Yeah, the only one left, poorJenny, and I remember saying to
my mom like this isn't like Ihave, I'm working, like I want
to travel, but who am Itraveling with?
When I'm going to go with abunch of married couples, like I
(20:29):
don't want to do that right.
And at the time, you know,there was nothing like this and
my parents very much were likeno, we don't want you to travel
by yourself, like a woman alonetraveling is actually quite
dangerous.
And so they really like kind ofput that you know fear in you
yeah, so I held off and I waslike all right, I guess you know
I won't get to to do so thiscreating a physical safe space
even is like quite a big deal.
And then, beyond that, it'slike it is like an awakening and
(20:56):
an opening for a woman toreally step up and say like,
well, this is mine is mine andI'm going to own this and you're
right, that will spur andsplinter off into well, I did
this.
Like that means I'm strongenough to do this.
(21:17):
And one thing I also do want tohighlight too.
You know a lot of what I readabout, because I didn't start
the podcast until I was about 38, 37, 38.
And a lot of what I read aboutwomen who have these great
successes later in life.
They didn't start it until theywere in their forties, like
late thirties, early forties,you know, mid forties, whatever.
Yeah, because that's the momentof.
(21:37):
I almost feel like I've said ita couple of times I feel like
I've gotten a second shot atlife here.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like I know, you know what Imean, yeah, but it's like I've
got because in your 20s you're,you're figuring stuff out, you
don't know who you are, you'regoing all different directions.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
Although you love to think you know boy did I think
yeah right, right.
What did I think?
Speaker 1 (22:03):
No, I remember, I remember very much thinking, I
know, and now I'm like no, youdid not.
In your 30s, you're developingyour career, if you're getting
married, if you're having kids,but there's all these bigger
other things outside of you.
But then that's also what pullsfrom you, right?
Because that's what you said.
We're always here for everybodyelse.
I am here for my family, I'mhere to take care of them and I
(22:25):
am.
I love it.
I don't mind it, of course, butit does end up making me.
Last, when I started the podcast, my cousin originally was one
of the founders and it becameshe couldn't do it anymore
because of her schedule.
This became something that waslike a like a escape for me, and
(22:46):
I explained to you.
You know, when we hopped on.
I was so excited to work withyou this morning because I had
to take a month off for mydaytime job and it was draining.
I love my day job, I love who Iwork with, I love what I do,
but it's very draining and thisis something and I was excited.
I logged in, I got all myrecording tools up and I was
(23:08):
like whew.
I own this.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
Jenny gets to be Jenny today.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Yes, I get to own this thing and this thing that
has turned into something reallygreat.
And I'm listening to you talkabout your travel community here
and I'm like you know you saidit also earlier like everybody
has a story.
Every single woman that youcould talk to, any woman, yes,
If you get down, drill down toit a little bit, just below the
(23:35):
surface level, there's a storyand it's so inspiring.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
You know I was just watching.
I'm not a big you know videoperson on I'm becoming more
interested in watching all theseclips.
But anyway, excuse me, I justsaw a clip last night of someone
was interviewing Jane Fonda andLily Tomlin and the question
(24:02):
was how important are women'sfriendships?
And Lily Tomlin was likethey're just so important.
And then Jane Fonda started totalk about why and what she said
was which is what you just saidwomen go deep.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
We want to know what's really going on with you,
and not from a voyeuristicperspective.
No, nosiness, most of the time,I mean, there are nosy people
but it was so profound when shesaid that and I said that's
exactly what it is.
And then she went on to say,you know, men don't do that.
(24:44):
And I said, well, I don't knowwhat men do.
That's what I'm thinking in myhead, because I don't know if
they're deep or not.
You know that's but it's true,because what I notice is,
especially when I do travel, youknow, with our our, which is
what we call them they're notjust our travelers or our
(25:06):
clients, they're our sisters.
Their willingness to sharemaybe not every detail, but
their willingness to share is sogenerous because that's the
only way that we can stopfeeling like I'm the only one in
the world this has everhappened to.
Nobody can understand what I'mgoing through.
(25:28):
You know, and that's you knowbecause you are younger and
building your life.
I want to say something,because I you know, we have a
lot of outliers that travel withus, that are, you know, in
their 30s, or we have18-year-olds that come with a
mom or a grandma.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
But if I could say one thing to younger women, it
would be start now, yeah,putting yourself first.
Have you ever heard of a memoon?
Speaker 1 (26:05):
No, okay, oh, like baby moon, honeymoon, a me moon,
that's right.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Oh, keep going Me moon.
I don't care if it's one day,one week, one month.
Every woman on this planetdeserves to have a me moon.
It takes work to allow yourselfwhat we consider a privilege to
(26:32):
have that time.
But what good are you or any ofus, to the people that rely on
us if we haven't recharged,rejuvenated, stepped away,
treated ourselves to somethingyou know a day at the spa could
be your me moon if that's whatyou want.
I used to laugh and ask myhusband do you mind if I just go
(26:54):
to the hotel around the corner?
I'm just gonna go there bymyself and read a book for two
days?
And we'd laugh, but he reallywouldn't have cared.
But um, a me moon is socritical for our survival and
young moms are especially proneto being last yeah, last on the
(27:19):
list, because you know we loveour children and we're supposed
to put our children first.
But you know what?
You can put your children firstwhen you take a me moon,
because they need a mentally,emotionally and physically well
mom that's what I was just gonnasay.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
You can't and I didn't.
I, I learned this,unfortunately, the very hard way
, just like many other women outthere, and my first starting in
2016, when my son was born.
Yeah, 2016.
It took me, yeah, yeah, tothink about that.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
Yeah, starting in 2016 when my son was born.
Yeah, 2016.
It took me, yeah, yeah to thinkabout that.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Yeah starting in 2016 when my son was born, through
20 covid, through 2021.
Yeah, I did not prioritizemyself for about four years or
five years and I remember I gotto a point my health was really
not good and it wasn't anythingserious, but I was in very bad
(28:18):
physical shape and I was onlysleeping, burning the candle.
Feel guilty that I'm a mom.
So I'm going to work.
I'm going to work like enoughfor three people, and so I would
(28:38):
work until like 3am everysingle night.
Meanwhile, my babies, you know,my son was born in 2016.
The twin girls were born in2017.
And so I was consistent, I wasup every two hours like with
them.
So, on top of my work scheduleand then the child schedule, I
made sure they got their shots,I made sure they had their
appointments, I made sure theywere good and healthy and
(28:58):
well-loved.
But in the interim I was likefalling apart.
I was falling apart mentally,physically, and my husband would
always say to me like you, youyou have to go work out Like you
got to go do something.
Do something because it I wasjust really in a bad physical
state and what I started tohappen to me was I um, I was
(29:21):
getting really depressed and Ididn't want to leave the house
anymore.
And you know, I got.
I had gotten severelyoverweight because of my,
because of the, because Ihaven't the kids, and I never
lost it and I just kept gainingand it was just.
It was a very difficult timefor me because I just was not
prioritizing myself.
And so I went to the doctorcause it didn't it's interesting
(29:41):
Cause in the moment it didn'tregister.
Like you're doing this toyourself.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Like right, Right.
What's wrong with me?
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Yeah, I was like I was looking for some outside
like cause, and it just didn'tclick.
Like Jenny, you, you were doingthis and I went to the doctor
and I was like I'm having a hardtime losing weight and I my
joints hurt and this isbothering me and this is.
And I was like kind of justlisting everything out, and the
doctor sat there and just talkedwith me and she was like, well,
what else?
Just talked with me and she waslike well, what else, what's
(30:13):
this?
And I explained and then when Igot to my sleep and I was like,
well, I'm only getting abouttwo hours of sleep a night, but
it's spread out throughout thewhole night.
It's not like two hours yeah andshe said she was like jen,
you're kind of you're killingyourself, like if you.
She's like, if you continue offon this path, you're taking
years off your life right at the.
So I was pissed when she said it, because, to a young, to a mom,
(30:37):
you're like well, what am Isupposed to do, right, yeah?
Now, in hindsight, though, Ihad a strong support system that
would have happily jumped inand helped me, and they actually
tried to jump in and help me,but, jenny, being who I was,
(31:00):
refused help and they would cometo help me, and I still would,
like you know, say no, and Ididn't want it and I'm like you
can come and hang out, but I'mstill, you know, I'm still doing
this.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Why don't?
Speaker 1 (31:10):
you rest, why don't you go do something?
It's okay.
I could Stacey when I say likeI just couldn't do it and now,
like flash forward all theseyears, I do ask for help, Bravo,
but I, I it's hard.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Oh, it's so hard.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
And and, and it's also hard to acknowledge, and,
like what you just said.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
now, women who are listening to this probably like
well, I could never go on it Ican't go on traveling around, I
can't do that for myself, like Ican't walk away.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
I can't do this.
What about this?
What about that?
The reality is, though, likethat's really us putting those
barriers in the way.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Oh absolutely 100%.
Now to what you just said a fewminutes ago.
First of all, I want to ask aquestion, because I don't think
we ever asked this question,ever and this is not to say you
didn't have a supportive husbandor circle or whatever.
Have you ever heard a man sayoh my God, I have to burn the
(32:16):
candle at both ends, I've got todo this, I've got to do that.
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, I'm not getting any sleep.
I have to do the kids, the kids, the kids, the house.
You've never heard a man saythat.
Right, it's women.
We do it to ourselves.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
I got to tell you you kind of just blew my mind.
I talk about this quite a bitbut you cut.
You actually just blew my minda little bit because now that I
think about it as soon as yousaid it, I'm like yeah, I don't
think I have ever heard someonesay that.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
No, you never hear of men who are doing that.
Now I'm not saying there's notgreat fathers.
No, of course, of course.
So please, people don't writeinto Jenny and say that woman
was a bandit, because I'm not.
But I will say this In my wholelife I have never heard a man
talk about fatherhood orparenthood in the way that moms
(33:14):
do yeah right, yeah, and so isthat because of the societal
expectation and the traditionalroles that you know we're
supposed to fill.
and are we exacerbating thatourselves because we're never
enough?
Right, right, and this guiltthat we feel, like you know, the
(33:37):
age-old debate can you reallyhave it all?
Can you have a?
Speaker 1 (33:40):
job.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
Can you be a parent?
I just want to smack myselfevery time I hear people say
that.
Of course you can have whateveryou want, and working doesn't
make you a bad parent, right,not even sort of.
What makes you a bad parentgoes far beyond having a job and
trying to or a career, becauseyou're allowed to fulfill
(34:02):
yourself and you know what.
Your children aren't going tohave any respect for you if they
see a doormat as their momRight.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
You're also setting the stage for them to see like,
oh, this is how you should be,you know, because our kids, it's
not just what you say to themit's what they actions,
absolutely it's actually more sothe action.
Now I'll say this, though mykids very much are like we don't
want to have a job like yoursah, yeah, because they know,
they see, they see the ugly sidetoo.
(34:33):
They also will see mommy, theyand I ugly side too.
They also will see mommy, theyand I'm.
I will say this I'm very likeopen with them because I don't
want them to look at me and belike, oh, she was perfect and I
have to hit this I have to bemom.
And as far as my daughters, Iwant them to know I'm like there
are other ways, and I and Isaid to them like this past
month was very difficult for mefor work because I was so
(34:56):
overworked.
And I said to them a couple oftimes, I'm like you know, this
isn't, this isn't for everybody.
This is what I chose, because I, I chose this path, but you
don't have to choose this path,you don't have to go for it.
You can do whatever you want.
You know, like it's really wideopen for you.
I want to touch on something.
I want to go back to what yousaid about.
(35:16):
Like you know, you don't reallyever hear a man say like I'm
Bernie, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Something that was reallyhelpful years later.
And I want to, I want toreinstate it now because, or
re-say it now, because, foryoung moms that have just had
kids, after you have a childlike after you physically, like
birth a kid your brain patternwill shift definitively.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
It's not like BS, it's a legitimate scientific
your brain changes.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
So, after you have a baby, you are going to notice
that you have mentally made ashift.
Something is different in younow, because that is a natural
instinct for you to be able tocare for your kid.
When my kids were little, Iused to be able to hear them
before they even made a noise,like in the middle of the night.
You know, I could smell whenthey were sick and I was down
(36:10):
the hall.
I could just.
I just knew yeah, men, don't gothrough a biological change
when a baby is born.
So what's going to piss you offthe most after you have a kid is
you're going to changeeverything about yourself and
everything you do, and yourhusband will not Right Now.
That doesn't mean he's notgoing to help you.
He's going to help you, yeah,and he's going to get up.
(36:31):
You know, my husband got upwith the kids.
He took off work to help mewith the kids because I was
doing my career too Like.
It doesn't mean you're notgoing to have help, but it just
means that, all of a sudden, foryou, your priority has wholly
shifted.
Correct, but for your husbandit'll still be well.
I'm going to go work out,though, and I'm still going to
do this.
I'm still going to do that.
(36:52):
Yeah, there's a baby in thehouse and they're still going to
go and do the guy thing they'restill going to do.
No, trouble.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
They're gonna make sure that they leave the house.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
They're gonna make sure that they, you know, I mean
, and I talk to a lot, a lot ofthe women that I know and
they're like, yeah, he like goesand works out and he does this
and he does that and and, butthen he's like mad at me that
like dinner's not, and I'm likeright, but it's all of us.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Yeah, I know and I like absolutely.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
And I like to say this too just because that's
what's happening in yourmarriage or your husband doesn't
mean he's a bad guy.
Like don't look at these, ohsocial media and oh, their
husbands are so helpful.
Why aren't you like this?
No, husbands are.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
We're all like this.
I had the love story to end alllove stories.
Okay, I had a wonderful husband, but let me be clear, he was
not a saint, he was not perfect.
No, as hard as he made me laugh, he also made me like ah, want
to kill him.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
sometimes that's normal.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
That's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
And if you think what you?
Speaker 2 (38:08):
see on social media is real whoa.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Don't even get me, you know, and it's not even just
that.
That's the other thing youtalked about with your travel
group that I want to highlight.
I want to like pull it backthere, because you said, like
women, come in and you're you'reprotective of the environment,
it's.
We don't do toxic female voiceshere like we're here to support
each other.
That's right.
Have just open dialogue withoutjudgment.
That's really what this is.
We're not judging each other,we're just coming together.
(38:29):
Part of the problem that Inoticed too and I'm very
particular about who I like talkwith on a regular basis because
of this women get veryjudgmental of each other for
really no reason at all and it'slike oh, you wait, hold on.
My favorite one that I got whenmy kids were younger was when
they were like some of the momswere like, oh, you don't, you
(38:53):
don't pack your kids lunches,and I was like, yeah, well, no I
don.
I work full time, so this is my,and they're called Lunchables
for a home cooked meal everylunch.
But you know what?
Like I have to take help whereI can get it.
It's like oh well, you know,you don't.
(39:13):
Like I don't wash my ownlaundry anymore.
Like I send it out, like I, I,I have to.
I have to be able to makeadjustments, and this is what I
say this quite a bit.
You need to live your life tothe best of what is going to
suit you and your family acrossthe board.
For women in general, I'mtrying to hit this standard
because society has said this,or my family has said this, or
(39:35):
my friends have said like thisis how you have to be, because
the reality of it is you need tojust do what you think is best.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
And that is so.
Here's the thing You're sayingthis to me as a younger woman
and you're recognizing thesethings right and you're more
aware, and you're taking stepsand hopefully you're reaching
many, many, many many women whoare hearing your voice.
(40:04):
But what about all the womenwho get to 60 and 70?
And we've not had that.
So I'm going to guess that inyour day job you work across
intergenerational lines.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
Mm, hmm.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
My company is, you know, our employees are
intergenerational and I have hadto have conversations with both
sides to say wait a minute.
With both sides to say wait aminute, we're not useless
(40:46):
because I don't understand howto make this work on teams.
Okay, I'm not stupid, because Idon't understand how to, you
know, make a folder in my email,you know kind of stuff, because
there's this.
Let's face it.
Let me tell you what women inmy generation have gone through
(41:09):
black and white tvs yeah colortvs.
I saw that I was at the tail endof that.
I was there with remotecontrols and record albums, cds,
dvds what do you call it?
(41:33):
Answering machines?
Oh yeah, beepers, cell phones,the list goes on and on and on.
Desktop computers that were,you know, 900 pounds.
Don't tell me we can't learn.
Okay, do not tell me that,because nothing makes you more
irate.
Now is it a little moredifficult, because I didn't go
(41:57):
to school and learn on that.
I learned how to type.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Right On a manual typewriter Click, click, click,
click.
Which also makes you morecareful because it was a manual
typewriter and you couldn't justdelete, so you had to get it
right that first time, exactly,Exactly.
Speaker 2 (42:17):
So you know it's.
It's really interesting.
I did a recording the other daywith a group called Cyber
Seniors and two teenagers whohad to do community service
decided based on something goingon in their family.
They were going to teach olderpeople how to use computers and
(42:38):
technology.
Well, now, fast forward, I'mnot sure, maybe 14, 15 years.
It's a huge nonprofit in Canadaand the US, seniors or you know
, I guess people over 55 can goand online or they can call and
they get free help, but it's all.
(42:59):
The mentors are young, highschool, college, et cetera and
they did a documentary and whatthey found was that the
compassion and understanding onboth sides was so profound that,
that became the real benefit ofwhat they were doing, aside
(43:21):
from the technological help.
But that's the same thing withus, with Sisterhood Travels, is
that, yes, we're traveling, butlook at all the Everything else
it's literally everything else.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
It's not just the travel, it's everything else
that's coming with it.
Travel right, the travel is likethe perk, you know the rest of
it is so much more about theconnection, and that was you
know you.
We talked about social media afew times and that's also
something there.
There's a huge deficit today,with people being disconnected
(43:57):
with themselves.
Oh yeah, and I see it, you know, even at home.
Like I, I am on a computer allday, so my preference at night
is not to have a screen in frontof my face, like as soon as I'm
done with work so hard todisconnect and disengage though
right, like you know, especiallyif I don't have a.
You know, when it's work stuffand it's important, I have to, I
(44:19):
have to stick with it.
But my preference is I I don'thave personal social media, I
don't have a.
You know, when it's work stuffand it's important, I have to, I
have to stick with it.
But my preference is I don'thave personal social media.
I don't even do the podcast, soit's gonna be more like I
handed that off, because thatreally isn't, it's not my jam
and I'm like I would prefer tojust be like in the moment and I
always right, right, when I'mout with the kids, like, yes,
I'll take a couple videos andI'll take pictures or whatever.
(44:40):
But then I actively in my brainI'm like, all right, put the
phone down and see this, andthere's so many people now that
are.
So everybody wants to have abig following because everyone
wants to make money off of it,and I get it, believe me, I get
it.
But if you're just constantlyon your phone and looking at
social media and trying to postto social media, then you're not
(45:02):
actually living your life,you're not in the moment anymore
.
You've gotten past it.
So that disconnection, I thinkis causing a lot of problems for
people and they don't realizeit Absolutely, that is.
Speaker 2 (45:16):
I will tell you that so.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
I told you I just got back from Havana.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
And so this is a perfect example.
So you knowFi is extremelyunreliable.
You may have it, you may not,and I found on my trip that the
only place I would have it wasin my hotel.
Well, we were only in our hotelwhile we were sleeping,
basically.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
Right.
Speaker 2 (45:58):
Because you know we're there on a excuse me a
visa in support of the Cubanpeople.
So from 8 in the morning tillmidnight that's what we were
doing.
I can't tell you how freeing itwas to go sorry, I can't even
look at the phone, you know andstuff.
One of the joys of travelingwith women in my age group is
(46:19):
everyone's not trying to buildtheir following yeah, true yeah,
okay, so we take pictures andstuff like that, but many times
you'll just see us all standingthere without the camera and
just you know, my marketingstaff because they're like we
need pictures, we need video.
(46:40):
But you know what?
I'm here to actually see whatI'm seeing and learn what I'm
learning.
If I'm so focused on takingpictures, I've missed it all.
Speaker 1 (46:49):
You've missed it.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
You're going to want to be present, you know.
So uh, it was.
It was really kind of fun toexperience that for the first
time of like, I just don't haveanything.
There's no cell service for me.
Speaker 1 (47:06):
We're going on our first family vacation this year.
We're going to go, we, and it'snot just us, it's my five, and
then plus my stepchildren and mystepdaughter, her fiance and my
grandkids oh wonderful, yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:19):
And then we have stepchildren and my stepdaughter
, her fiance and my grandkids,oh wonderful.
Speaker 1 (47:21):
Yeah, and then we have, like extended people going
, so there's a group of I don'tknow.
It's probably about 20 peopleall going.
We're taking a cruise in Juneand we're going to be going down
to the Bahamas and just Fine.
We've never traveled as afamily because when the kids
were little it was, it was justtoo much yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:43):
It was just very cumbersome.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
So my husband and I are, and he and I even, like
we've never actually done a bigtrip together.
So we're so excited and, stacy,I have to tell you what we're
most excited about puttingeverything to the side and just
having fun.
That is what life is supposed tobe jenny, I can't even.
(48:05):
And my stepdaughter, she sentme, um, she sent me a post the
one time and she goes it.
The post basically said it wasbasically saying, like you know,
talking about the mental loadof motherhood, yeah, and it said
, like you know, it's not that Iwant a break from my kids, I
want a break from all the otherstuff.
And I said to her I'm like thisis gonna be the first time and
(48:27):
my son just turned nine, so thiswill be the first time in nine
years that I'm not responsiblefor cooking and cleaning and
doing laundry and doing allthose things.
And I said to the kids I'm like, do you realize that mom can
just be fun, mom, this wholetime they are so excited Cause
I'm like we can never do that.
I can never.
(48:47):
You know, there's always goingto be something.
Oh what time is it?
Lunch is.
You know this and that thiswill be a first time for that,
and, yes, like we're going totake pictures and all that stuff
, but I'm like there's no wi-fion the ship this is just like so
fun.
Speaker 2 (49:04):
I'm so excited for you, for your whole thing, like
it's gonna be.
You're gonna feel so, sorejuvenated and recharged.
Speaker 1 (49:14):
You really are stacy every time this whole month.
That was like really hard forme the whole time.
I was like you're going onvacation.
Yeah, yeah, you can take itaway.
Speaker 2 (49:26):
Exactly.
I mean, I think that's awesomeand you know it's funny because
we do.
We travel to all sevencontinents actually trips
everywhere.
Continents, actually tripseverywhere.
And it's so interesting to me,um, how many women will
(49:48):
literally have never gone on atrip?
Yeah and then pick this obscureoff the beaten trap track
location or destination fortheir first trip.
And I'm really impressed bythat because you know we all
love to go.
You know what's on your bucketlist Italy, ireland, scotland,
(50:09):
oh, you know the usual.
Speaker 1 (50:12):
The usual stuff, right.
Speaker 2 (50:13):
But every once in a while I'll get something like
the Ancient Silk Road, which I'mactually releasing a trip like
that this week.
But but I'll get something likethat and I'll be like whoa
person you know like I wouldlove an off the beat and trash
like like travel, like kind ofthing yeah, we're actually doing
a lot, lot more of those and,by the way, I would love for you
(50:36):
to come on a trip with us.
We would have so much fun.
It would be amazing yeah yeah,but aside from that, you know we
were talking about, like, thecode of conduct and the negative
toxicity, and you know thingslike that.
And you made a comment that Iwanted to circle back to, and
it's true, we all have bad days,bad days.
What we do in prepping ourwomen is we say, show someone
(51:05):
the grace that you would want,because, you don't know, is
today the anniversary of thedeath of their child or their
husband?
You know, it could be anything.
Or today my sciatica is sosevere and I'm trying, but I'm
just not my normal friendly self.
Right, but there's a differencebetween that and just coming on
(51:30):
the trip and all you do iscomplain.
Now I have learned and my teamhas learned, and God bless my
team, we couldn't do anythingwithout them and God bless my
team, we couldn't do anythingwithout them.
But if you are already startingto misbehave and act negatively
in the group or toward my staffin your communications and
(51:53):
you're nasty or you're chronicwhiner and complainer, if that's
how you're acting before weleave, what are we going to?
Speaker 1 (52:02):
expect from you when you're on the track Right
Exactly.
It'll be only worse.
Speaker 2 (52:03):
Right.
Speaker 1 (52:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (52:05):
Right.
So we like to remind peoplethat and I feel strongly about
this I have a moral, ethicalobligation, possibly in some
cases legal, to ensure youremotional and mental and
(52:28):
physical well-being.
Yeah, and I'm not going to letsomeone else hurt you, say mean
things to you.
I have removed people fromtrips, Jenny.
Speaker 1 (52:43):
I was going to ask I was actually going to ask about
that.
Speaker 2 (52:47):
It's rare, but it has happened.
Speaker 1 (52:59):
I think that says a lot about you and what your goal
is here, because what I'veheard and read through you know
entrepreneurship and the otherwomen.
I'm connected to areentrepreneurs or budding
entrepreneurs?
You have to.
You do have to stay focused onlike the message, like your core
message here was like youactually really wanted to build
a community.
You went through a trauma.
You lost your husband and fromthat was born this concept of I
(53:21):
want to create a space for women.
I can't be the only one whofeels alone and invisible.
Right, and from that littleconcept, that little seedling,
you've grown this beautiful treehere that's branching out
across the world and you'regoing to protect that base root
line.
That said like but this is asafe space, yes, so it's not
(53:43):
like, oh, we're travelingtogether and I don't really care
about the message of thecommunity or anything like that.
Speaker 2 (53:47):
Right, which is what you do find in a lot of you know
other groups especially.
You know like there's so manygroups where solo women could
travel.
You know you could sign on forgroups with different tour
operators, but they're mixed andthey're primarily couples.
And I've seen it, I've traveledon it with my husband in the
(54:08):
past and there's always, likeyou know, they allow like four
single spots.
They're usually four singlewomen.
Those four single women may ormay not talk to each other, but
the couples they don't interactwith the singles at all.
They're like all coupled up.
Yeah.
And I got to say and again,don't write Jenny and say I'm a
(54:28):
man hater, I am not, but thedynamic is so different.
Speaker 1 (54:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (54:34):
When men are on the trip.
Yeah, because the woman is notdoing what she wants to do and
being her authentic self,because it's all about what's
making the husband happy or theguy happy, and that's one of the
beautiful things abouttraveling with a woman only
group is that it's all about you.
Speaker 1 (54:56):
Yeah, it's about the authentic self and you know
exactly, I want to say here too,because I only have only have a
few minutes left so I want Iactually want to make this point
because what you said is not.
It's not manhating, because wereally I don't write on men on
the show, like I talked abouthow much I love my husband all
the time, like, yeah, exactly,fantastic, he actually helped me
become a better person, like,hands down, I don't man hate at
(55:19):
all, but what you're getting atis that for me as a person, you
know I did this meditation and Ilike to talk about this because
it actually helps.
You see the difference.
So when you start themeditation, you're saying I am
and your full name.
So you're saying I am JennyBenitez and you're focusing on
that for a few minutes and yourfull name.
(55:40):
So you're saying I am, thenBenitez, and you're focusing on
that for a few minutes and then,after you focus on who is Jenny
Benitez for a few minutes, thenyou drop your last name.
You say I am Jenny the firsttime that I did that meditation
and was focusing on well, I'mJenny Benitez, and then I'm
Jenny, and then you go to I am.
When I got to the I am Jennypart and then you go to I am.
(56:02):
When I got to the I am Jennypart, there was this is going to
sound a little negative, butthere was almost like a lifting
of weight offered me becausewhen I just said I am Jenny, it
became this blossoming thingthat came out of my chest and I
was like, oh, there you are.
Okay, You're still there.
Speaker 2 (56:21):
I love that because I've always said one of the um
way in this conversation.
We've been all over the place,but I've loved it.
The um, one of the things thatI said, that I'm still learning
as a widow who who am I?
Yeah, it took me years to thinkabout certain things like do I
(56:44):
like that restaurant?
Cause I actually liked thatrestaurant or do I like it Cause
.
Mike and I were always goingthere, or cause he liked it.
Or, you know, do I like thatcouch?
Because that was my style ofcouch, you know?
It's all those things.
So I love that meditation.
It was a huge one.
Speaker 1 (57:04):
It was really impactful because you don't
realize, and it's all thatweight of everything else that I
do.
And then once I like liftedthat and I will say the more
that I've allowed myself to justbe, I am Jenny.
Yeah, I've actually become abetter wife.
I've become a better mother,like everything about me.
(57:25):
I believe it since I started todo that, because I'm like okay,
you are the person you'reholding, like my husband.
My husband always says I'm theship, like he might be steering,
but I'm the ship, and he alwayssays to me he's like if the
ship falls apart, that's whyhe's like, yeah, we're all the
ship.
And he always says to me he'slike if the ship falls apart.
Speaker 2 (57:42):
that's why he's like yeah, we're sinking, yeah.
But, you know, it's.
Speaker 1 (57:46):
It's important like that, having that authentic,
like you are, who you are.
You have to like lean into that, because that will like, yeah,
whole life different.
We forget, we forget who we are.
Speaker 2 (57:55):
And we forget, we forget who we are.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (58:00):
You lose it.
Yeah, you really do lose itover time.
And if you don't like I didn'trediscover myself until I was 37
years old, Like, and if Ididn't do it at that point.
Imagine being 65.
Speaker 2 (58:14):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (58:15):
Like if I never did what would have, where would I?
I don't even know where I wouldbe right now.
I don't know where our family,like I have.
No, if I hadn't taken thisjourney with the podcast.
Speaker 2 (58:28):
I don't know where we like, I don't know I, first of
all, I absolutely love that foryou and for all the women that
you're helping.
I mean, these conversationshave to be so enlightening for
you, but also for your listeners, and I love that for you.
Speaker 1 (58:44):
I do hope so.
That's always and I will saythis, and transparently, the
listeners can hear me say thistoo.
But because I usually say thisin like the pre-cons, but the
reason I share so much on thesepodcasts and the reason why I
will share so much personally ofwhat I've been through, I mean
some of the podcasts, I'm cryingon them because I want women to
see this.
I want them to see like this is, this is real.
(59:07):
Like this is reality, it's okay.
It's okay to have feeling andit's okay to be who you are and
you just have to lean into itand I want to be like a killer
here.
In the same way, you createdthe safe travel space, this
community that you've reallystarted to craft.
That's what the podcast ismeant to do, and I would.
And that's when as soon, as yousaid early on, I went through
(59:27):
this and I realized I was.
I knew I wasn't the only oneand I wanted to start this
community.
I was like, oh my god, stacy,and I just became best friends
because we, yes, yes, exactlyfor sure for the listeners who
are are interested or if theywant to just check you out and
see what the vibe is, even ifthey just want to see the online
community.
How are they getting in touchwith you?
Speaker 2 (59:47):
So they can get in touch with us, certainly by our
website, which is SisterhoodTravels Travel for Women by
Women, which a little bit likeyour podcast yeah, maybe I
(01:00:13):
should go away with you andpodcast the whole time.
I could probably intervieweverybody on the trip.
Speaker 1 (01:00:18):
Oh my God, I would love that so much.
Speaker 2 (01:00:20):
Yeah, I would love that so much, and they would
love it too, because boy did Ihave to yeah for sure, stacey,
thank you so much, for youbasically lit up my day here.
Speaker 1 (01:00:33):
Oh, thank you, you lit up mine too.
Speaker 2 (01:00:36):
It's an honor, and I have loved this conversation.
It was very fun and what agreat way to start the day too.
Speaker 1 (01:00:43):
Right.
Speaker 2 (01:00:44):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (01:00:46):
Listeners, thank you for hanging out with us today.
Check out Stacey's stuff.
I'm going to link everything inthe description so if you're
interested, you can click oneclick away and connect with her
online, because this is big.
This is a big deal, and even ifyou can't go right now on a
trip and start engaging at somepoint in the future, maybe you
can.
So start taking a look at itnow.
(01:01:06):
Um, we will catch you on thenext one and I hope everyone
takes care, thank you.
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