August 20, 2025 • 10 mins
Ever found yourself obsessively focused on just one passion, unable to balance multiple loves in your life? You're not alone. In this heartfelt episode, I open up about my personal struggle with balancing my thriving agency career and my beloved podcast—a challenge that speaks to anyone who's ever felt torn between different callings.
My journey through what might be an "addictive personality" tendency reveals itself in patterns beyond work—from binge-reading book series to fixating on specific foods—before suddenly losing interest. This exploration of hyperfocus offers valuable insights for those who recognize similar patterns in their lives, while showcasing how I've finally found a more graceful balance by simplifying my approach to both passions.
The conversation takes a thought-provoking turn when I share a powerful observation: "How your kids treat you when they no longer need you to survive is exactly how they felt treated when they needed you to survive." This sparks a deeper examination of parent-child relationships and how childhood experiences shape our adult connections. Rather than dwelling in blame, I advocate for understanding that our parents did their best with the tools they had, while recognizing our power as adults to break cycles and create healthier relationships.
Looking for more Steel Rose content? Tune in this weekend for three live episodes featuring fascinating guests discussing infertility and other important topics. Catch them on LinkedIn or YouTube, Saturday morning with Erica Hoke, Saturday evening with Elizabeth Kipp, and Sunday with Rebecca Lyon. Have you experienced similar struggles balancing multiple passions? I'd love to hear your story and how you've navigated these challenges.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everybody, this is Steel Rose's podcast.
This podcast is created forwomen, by women, to elevate
women's voices.
I hope everyone is having afabulous week, in line with my
usual MO of giving myself graceand honoring myself as I go
through the week and justpivoting.
Didn't record an episode forMonday, but I am hitting you for
Tuesday and you know I did haveto work late today, but I'm
(00:24):
starting to get more of a handleon having multiple things in my
life that are like I'mpassionate about.
I went into a bit of a rant witha former guest that we have
that I have here, marisol Jean.
So Marisol was on the podcastin the, I believe, the spring
series and a really, reallyphenomenal woman in general, and
(00:44):
she's written loads of booksavailable on Amazon.
I have purchased two fullseries from her book series thus
far.
I feel like I'm addicted tothem.
I love her books, but I reallylove her as an individual.
So I was, you know, we emailback and forth and I with a lot
of my guests, I stay in touchwith them, but she, you know she
had reached out a few times andso I replied and I was kind of
(01:07):
on a bit of a hiatus.
I've told you guys that youknow, earlier this year I had to
take a really a break andfigure myself out and then
figure out how to work and makethe podcast fit, and so any one
of the things that I, when I wasranting with her about, is that
I I've always been kind ofchallenged with having more than
one thing in my life that I'mreally passionate about or that
(01:29):
I really get like obsessed about.
I'm not really sure if it'slike the addictive personality
bit, like that I have, but Ihave this tendency to only be
able to focus on like one majorthing at a time, and I wanna
break that down a little bitmore because it's not coming out
right exactly.
I'm not saying it quite right,but essentially like, for
example, I have my agency jobthat I very much love, but I
(01:51):
have the podcast that I verymuch love.
Now, prior to this year, Ididn't love my job for various
reasons and so I leaned reallyheavily into the podcast and I
was throwing all of my energyinto the podcast.
So when I started this job mynew job in January, I was
struggling because I was reallygetting into this new job and
(02:15):
really loving the atmosphere andloving the people and really
getting into it.
And it was a challenge for me,because I am not used to having
two big things like that in mylife that I'm passionate about.
Normally it's just the one.
And that applies to me for likea lot of things.
Like I find myself getting likesuper addicted to you know
particular food, or I'll getreally addicted to, like, like I
(02:37):
just said, marisol's bookseries, or I'll get really
addicted, addicted to something,and for weeks I'll be
obsessively doing this thingover and over again and then all
of a sudden, the addiction willgo away, and addiction is
probably not quite the rightword.
If anybody is relating to whatI'm talking about, I'd like to
hear from you, because I'm stilltrying to figure out well, a,
like why is this with me?
(02:58):
Why is this a thing?
And, b, if you have gonethrough this, like, what do you
do?
Do you?
Are you just easing into it?
Is this something that I shouldbe addressing and thinking
about?
I don't know.
So I'm just putting that outthere, but anyway, branding her,
because I was, you know,lacking that balance earlier
this year and you know I seem tonow be in a position where I am
(03:23):
able to do both a little bitmore gracefully.
I've made the podcast intosomething a bit different, where
I'm not breaking things downinto series, I'm not
overcomplicating anything, I'mjust putting out episodes and
putting out content.
I'm hoping that you guys enjoyit.
A little bit less complicatedfor me on my side and perhaps a
little bit more content for youon your side.
(03:43):
So you are now getting fullguest episodes for me at the
same time as mini-sodes, whichI'm kind of into.
This weekend I actually have twolive feeds happening.
One of them will be on Saturdaymorning and the other one will
be on Saturday evening.
So Saturday morning, 9.30 to10.30 am Eastern, I'm going to
be meeting with Erica Hoke.
(04:04):
She is the author of a really,really amazing book series that
discusses infertility.
I'm very much looking forwardto talking with her because this
is such a stigmatized topic andwomen feel so.
They feel so much onus as ifthis is a failure on them and I
can't even begin to wrap my headaround what they must be
feeling.
I can only speculate, but I'mreally looking forward to
(04:27):
talking with her and reallyhonoring that discussion.
Then I'm also talking withElizabeth Kipp in the evening
from 7 to 8 pm.
So two live episodes coming outthis weekend on Saturday, and
then on Sunday there's a third.
So on Sunday I'm meeting withRebecca Lyon.
So three episodes coming upthis weekend that will go live.
(04:48):
I'm going to post them onsocial tomorrow to just call
attention to that series.
That way people know what'scoming this weekend.
But, yes, tune in for that.
You can watch it via LinkedInor you can watch it on YouTube,
on YouTube channel, and you canalso catch the recordings on
YouTube as well.
Now, so anyway, on to a thoughtstarter for today.
So just a quick, a quick pivotto a full topic.
(05:11):
So I'm looking through,obviously, pinterest always, and
I saw two things that I flaggedthat I thought might be
interesting.
One of them was I was having aconversation with my grandfather
when he said, unfortunately,what most parents don't
(05:31):
understand is how your kidstreat you when they no longer
need you to survive is exactlyhow they felt treated when they
needed you to survive.
So, for example, now you nolonger need your parents to
survive and you felt neglectedas a child, you are now
neglecting your parent as anadult because you're reflecting,
you're basically mirroring howthey treated you.
(05:55):
I took pause here.
Well, first, it made me stop tothink about my own kids and how
I hope that the relationshipwill develop.
My husband and my stepkids havephenomenal relationships with
each other.
It's adorable to me.
I love it.
I love how close they all areand me with them, because
they're my family and it's abeautiful thing to observe.
(06:17):
But then I think about you know, my relationship with my
parents and I think about otherpeople that I know in their
relationships with their parents.
And is there truth here?
You know, is the reason thatyou know people lose touch with
their parents or don't stay asconnected with them is the
reason because when you weregrowing up, you felt the
(06:37):
connection was lacking or youfelt didn't feel a scene.
And I wonder if there's truthhere.
I wonder if there is some truthto the idea that eventually you
will mimic this, you will treatthem how they treated you or
how you felt that you were beingtreated.
I've seen examples both ways.
I've seen also examples of, youknow, adult children that you
(06:58):
know treat their parents reallyhorribly and like they owe them
something.
You know, so it runs the gamut.
But I just want to put thatthought out.
There them something, you know,so it runs the gamut.
But I just want to put thatthought out there.
Not that there's, and honestlynot that there's anything we can
do about it.
Right, trauma is trauma and youknow I am all about honoring it
and you know, paying attentionto it.
But then also, moving on fromit, you get to a certain point
(07:20):
in your adulthood where, yes,you can recognize that your
parents lacked somewhere, but atsome point you're making the
decision to continue behaving ina certain way.
So if you're claiming well, Irespond this way because when I
was growing up, you know myparents didn't pay attention to
me.
Let me just use myself as anexample here.
(07:40):
I was a middle child.
Very much stand on your own,jenny, like, and my parents did,
they'll tell you like, jennywas always okay.
Jenny just was able to doeverything herself and she said
she could do it herself.
So we just let her, basically,which is fine.
You know, I'm a 40 year oldwoman now, like, at this point
in my life I'm not going topoint fingers anymore.
Yes, like, perhaps I, you know,yes, I wish that there was more
(08:08):
for me Like, I wish that maybeI had felt more seen, or I wish
that, you know more attentionhad been paid.
I wish that the relationshipnow I have, that I have with my
daughters I wish I had had thatwith my mother growing up.
There's a lot of things youcould wish for you could reflect
to the day you die, and thingsthat you don't think that you
had, or things that were lacking.
But what is that doing for you?
In reality, nothing.
Recognize yes, there was lack.
Recognize your parents weren'tperfect and they weren't perfect
(08:32):
.
They were doing for you thebest that they could, to their
ability, from what they knewwhen they grew up.
You know, I talk sometimes aboutmy relationship with my mother,
whom I love dearly, but we'renot close.
We don't speak every single dayof the week.
I know women that talk don'tspeak every single day of the
week.
I know women that talk to theirmothers every single day and
they're super close with them.
That's not my experience, but Idon't blame my mother for that.
(08:55):
When I'm an adult, therelationship is 50-50 now and if
I want to be closer I need tomake more of an effort.
So there's that.
But beyond that, my mother'smother was ill her whole life
and it appears to me that therewas a lot where she wasn't
around because she was ill, youknow, and because of that, my
mom didn't get that kind of arelationship with her mother.
(09:18):
So how would she know?
You know, like you really haveto take a step back here and
give your parents some grace too, like they're responding a
certain way because this is whatthey were taught.
Now it's up to you on howyou're going to respond to them,
and you can do it gracefullyand respectfully, or you can,
you know, continue to whine andlike complain about it and just
(09:41):
make the situation worse.
It really is up to you how youwant to deal with it.
No judgment.
I complain like a pain in theass sometimes.
I sometimes have tempertantrums as a 40-year-old woman
about how I wish things had beendifferent.
It is what it is.
You just have to roll with thisat this point, and if you really
want to make a change, then youknow what your opportunity is
(10:02):
with your children, or withyoung adults that you have
access to, or with anybody thatyou're making an impression on.
If you don't have kids and youhave your profession, guess what
?
You have an opportunity to makea difference in people's lives.
Still Like your presence atyour job as a leader.
Not even as a leader, you don'thave to be a boss.
Your presence at your job canimpact people's lives, places to
(10:24):
teach all over the place, andwe just don't recognize it as
teaching opportunities for otherpeople.
So I want to leave you with thatthought, not where I was
planning to go today, but Ithought you know what I'll go
with the flow of my conversationin my head.
So I want to hear from you onthis.
Let me know what your thoughtsare.
Tune in this weekend for thelives on Saturday and Sunday
they're going to be really goodand then they're all going to
post on YouTube and onto podcastplatforms everywhere.
(10:47):
So I hope you're all having agreat August.
Summer is almost over in NewJersey, although it already kind
of feels like fall because ofHurricane Erin.
Thank you so much.
Take care, and I will catch youon the next one.
Hello everybody, this is Steel Rose's podcast.
This podcast is created forwomen, by women, to elevate
women's voices.
I hope everyone is having afabulous week, in line with my
usual MO of giving myself graceand honoring myself as I go
through the week and justpivoting.
Didn't record an episode forMonday, but I am hitting you for
Tuesday and you know I did haveto work late today, but I'm
(00:24):
starting to get more of a handleon having multiple things in my
life that are like I'mpassionate about.
I went into a bit of a rant witha former guest that we have
that I have here, marisol Jean.
So Marisol was on the podcastin the, I believe, the spring
series and a really, reallyphenomenal woman in general, and
(00:44):
she's written loads of booksavailable on Amazon.
I have purchased two fullseries from her book series thus
far.
I feel like I'm addicted tothem.
I love her books, but I reallylove her as an individual.
So I was, you know, we emailback and forth and I with a lot
of my guests, I stay in touchwith them, but she, you know she
had reached out a few times andso I replied and I was kind of
(01:07):
on a bit of a hiatus.
I've told you guys that youknow, earlier this year I had to
take a really a break andfigure myself out and then
figure out how to work and makethe podcast fit, and so any one
of the things that I, when I wasranting with her about, is that
I I've always been kind ofchallenged with having more than
one thing in my life that I'mreally passionate about or that
(01:29):
I really get like obsessed about.
I'm not really sure if it'slike the addictive personality
bit, like that I have, but Ihave this tendency to only be
able to focus on like one majorthing at a time, and I wanna
break that down a little bitmore because it's not coming out
right exactly.
I'm not saying it quite right,but essentially like, for
example, I have my agency jobthat I very much love, but I
(01:51):
have the podcast that I verymuch love.
Now, prior to this year, Ididn't love my job for various
reasons and so I leaned reallyheavily into the podcast and I
was throwing all of my energyinto the podcast.
So when I started this job mynew job in January, I was
struggling because I was reallygetting into this new job and
(02:15):
really loving the atmosphere andloving the people and really
getting into it.
And it was a challenge for me,because I am not used to having
two big things like that in mylife that I'm passionate about.
Normally it's just the one.
And that applies to me for likea lot of things.
Like I find myself getting likesuper addicted to you know
particular food, or I'll getreally addicted to, like, like I
(02:37):
just said, marisol's bookseries, or I'll get really
addicted, addicted to something,and for weeks I'll be
obsessively doing this thingover and over again and then all
of a sudden, the addiction willgo away, and addiction is
probably not quite the rightword.
If anybody is relating to whatI'm talking about, I'd like to
hear from you, because I'm stilltrying to figure out well, a,
like why is this with me?
(02:58):
Why is this a thing?
And, b, if you have gonethrough this, like, what do you
do?
Do you?
Are you just easing into it?
Is this something that I shouldbe addressing and thinking
about?
I don't know.
So I'm just putting that outthere, but anyway, branding her,
because I was, you know,lacking that balance earlier
this year and you know I seem tonow be in a position where I am
(03:23):
able to do both a little bitmore gracefully.
I've made the podcast intosomething a bit different, where
I'm not breaking things downinto series, I'm not
overcomplicating anything, I'mjust putting out episodes and
putting out content.
I'm hoping that you guys enjoyit.
A little bit less complicatedfor me on my side and perhaps a
little bit more content for youon your side.
(03:43):
So you are now getting fullguest episodes for me at the
same time as mini-sodes, whichI'm kind of into.
This weekend I actually have twolive feeds happening.
One of them will be on Saturdaymorning and the other one will
be on Saturday evening.
So Saturday morning, 9.30 to10.30 am Eastern, I'm going to
be meeting with Erica Hoke.
(04:04):
She is the author of a really,really amazing book series that
discusses infertility.
I'm very much looking forwardto talking with her because this
is such a stigmatized topic andwomen feel so.
They feel so much onus as ifthis is a failure on them and I
can't even begin to wrap my headaround what they must be
feeling.
I can only speculate, but I'mreally looking forward to
(04:27):
talking with her and reallyhonoring that discussion.
Then I'm also talking withElizabeth Kipp in the evening
from 7 to 8 pm.
So two live episodes coming outthis weekend on Saturday, and
then on Sunday there's a third.
So on Sunday I'm meeting withRebecca Lyon.
So three episodes coming upthis weekend that will go live.
(04:48):
I'm going to post them onsocial tomorrow to just call
attention to that series.
That way people know what'scoming this weekend.
But, yes, tune in for that.
You can watch it via LinkedInor you can watch it on YouTube,
on YouTube channel, and you canalso catch the recordings on
YouTube as well.
Now, so anyway, on to a thoughtstarter for today.
So just a quick, a quick pivotto a full topic.
(05:11):
So I'm looking through,obviously, pinterest always, and
I saw two things that I flaggedthat I thought might be
interesting.
One of them was I was having aconversation with my grandfather
when he said, unfortunately,what most parents don't
(05:31):
understand is how your kidstreat you when they no longer
need you to survive is exactlyhow they felt treated when they
needed you to survive.
So, for example, now you nolonger need your parents to
survive and you felt neglectedas a child, you are now
neglecting your parent as anadult because you're reflecting,
you're basically mirroring howthey treated you.
(05:55):
I took pause here.
Well, first, it made me stop tothink about my own kids and how
I hope that the relationshipwill develop.
My husband and my stepkids havephenomenal relationships with
each other.
It's adorable to me.
I love it.
I love how close they all areand me with them, because
they're my family and it's abeautiful thing to observe.
(06:17):
But then I think about you know, my relationship with my
parents and I think about otherpeople that I know in their
relationships with their parents.
And is there truth here?
You know, is the reason thatyou know people lose touch with
their parents or don't stay asconnected with them is the
reason because when you weregrowing up, you felt the
(06:37):
connection was lacking or youfelt didn't feel a scene.
And I wonder if there's truthhere.
I wonder if there is some truthto the idea that eventually you
will mimic this, you will treatthem how they treated you or
how you felt that you were beingtreated.
I've seen examples both ways.
I've seen also examples of, youknow, adult children that you
(06:58):
know treat their parents reallyhorribly and like they owe them
something.
You know, so it runs the gamut.
But I just want to put thatthought out.
There them something, you know,so it runs the gamut.
But I just want to put thatthought out there.
Not that there's, and honestlynot that there's anything we can
do about it.
Right, trauma is trauma and youknow I am all about honoring it
and you know, paying attentionto it.
But then also, moving on fromit, you get to a certain point
(07:20):
in your adulthood where, yes,you can recognize that your
parents lacked somewhere, but atsome point you're making the
decision to continue behaving ina certain way.
So if you're claiming well, Irespond this way because when I
was growing up, you know myparents didn't pay attention to
me.
Let me just use myself as anexample here.
(07:40):
I was a middle child.
Very much stand on your own,jenny, like, and my parents did,
they'll tell you like, jennywas always okay.
Jenny just was able to doeverything herself and she said
she could do it herself.
So we just let her, basically,which is fine.
You know, I'm a 40 year oldwoman now, like, at this point
in my life I'm not going topoint fingers anymore.
Yes, like, perhaps I, you know,yes, I wish that there was more
(08:08):
for me Like, I wish that maybeI had felt more seen, or I wish
that, you know more attentionhad been paid.
I wish that the relationshipnow I have, that I have with my
daughters I wish I had had thatwith my mother growing up.
There's a lot of things youcould wish for you could reflect
to the day you die, and thingsthat you don't think that you
had, or things that were lacking.
But what is that doing for you?
In reality, nothing.
Recognize yes, there was lack.
Recognize your parents weren'tperfect and they weren't perfect
(08:32):
.
They were doing for you thebest that they could, to their
ability, from what they knewwhen they grew up.
You know, I talk sometimes aboutmy relationship with my mother,
whom I love dearly, but we'renot close.
We don't speak every single dayof the week.
I know women that talk don'tspeak every single day of the
week.
I know women that talk to theirmothers every single day and
they're super close with them.
That's not my experience, but Idon't blame my mother for that.
(08:55):
When I'm an adult, therelationship is 50-50 now and if
I want to be closer I need tomake more of an effort.
So there's that.
But beyond that, my mother'smother was ill her whole life
and it appears to me that therewas a lot where she wasn't
around because she was ill, youknow, and because of that, my
mom didn't get that kind of arelationship with her mother.
(09:18):
So how would she know?
You know, like you really haveto take a step back here and
give your parents some grace too, like they're responding a
certain way because this is whatthey were taught.
Now it's up to you on howyou're going to respond to them,
and you can do it gracefullyand respectfully, or you can,
you know, continue to whine andlike complain about it and just
(09:41):
make the situation worse.
It really is up to you how youwant to deal with it.
No judgment.
I complain like a pain in theass sometimes.
I sometimes have tempertantrums as a 40-year-old woman
about how I wish things had beendifferent.
It is what it is.
You just have to roll with thisat this point, and if you really
want to make a change, then youknow what your opportunity is
(10:02):
with your children, or withyoung adults that you have
access to, or with anybody thatyou're making an impression on.
If you don't have kids and youhave your profession, guess what
?
You have an opportunity to makea difference in people's lives.
Still Like your presence atyour job as a leader.
Not even as a leader, you don'thave to be a boss.
Your presence at your job canimpact people's lives, places to
(10:24):
teach all over the place, andwe just don't recognize it as
teaching opportunities for otherpeople.
So I want to leave you with thatthought, not where I was
planning to go today, but Ithought you know what I'll go
with the flow of my conversationin my head.
So I want to hear from you onthis.
Let me know what your thoughtsare.
Tune in this weekend for thelives on Saturday and Sunday
they're going to be really goodand then they're all going to
post on YouTube and onto podcastplatforms everywhere.
(10:47):
So I hope you're all having agreat August.
Summer is almost over in NewJersey, although it already kind
of feels like fall because ofHurricane Erin.
Thank you so much.
Take care, and I will catch youon the next one.
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