September 25, 2025 • 11 mins
Parenthood brings unexpected challenges as children enter the preteen years, with pushback and boundary-testing occurring earlier than anticipated. Navigating the contrast between professional respect and parental rejection requires consistency, patience, and deliberate efforts to break unhealthy patterns before they become ingrained behaviors.
• Decision to prioritize academics over extracurricular activities this year to focus on homework and reading skills
• Surprising amount of resistance from children, especially my nine-year-old son
• Stark contrast between daytime professional life where advice is valued versus evenings where parental guidance is rejected
• Noticeable gender differences in how my son and daughters handle conflict and assign blame
• Importance of correcting unhealthy thought patterns early to prevent relationship issues later in life
• The exhausting but necessary consistency required in parenting pre-teens
• Recognizing the connection between childhood experiences and adult relationship patterns
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Still vs Podcast.
This podcast was created forand by women, to elevate women's
voices.
Happy midweek to all of you.
I don't know if you've pickedup on it.
You're a steady listener.
I think you would have seen thecadence of episodes being
updated, but they've become alittle bit fewer and far between
, and I want to explain why, andI think I might have mentioned
(00:22):
it like briefly on other calls.
This year for the, the fall, Imade the decision not to have my
kids be in any sports or extraactivities because I really
wanted to focus on theirschoolwork for like, first grade
, second grade, third grade well, third grade for my son, but
first grade, second grade I letthem be in a bunch of activities
and I was really excited aboutit.
But then, you know, there wasno homework, there was nothing
(00:42):
really to be concerned about.
And this year I was reallyconcerned because I'm like you
know, there was no homework,there was nothing really to be
concerned about.
And this year I was reallyconcerned Because I'm like you
know all my kids definitely needextra help.
They could use the extraattention when we have
commitments for sports.
I'm the one who always goescrazy trying to like figure out
schedules and figure out gettingthem dropped off and picked up
and the whole bit.
So school was academics wasreally the determining factor
for me For wanting them to notdo any extracurriculars.
(01:05):
Now, for me, this meant I wantedto make sure that I had time at
night, each night, to checktheir homework, make sure they
were doing it correctly, and toread with at least one of my
kids.
Now, the reason why I'm onlysaying one of my kids is because
the times that I have tried toget each child every single
night to read to me it becomesthis like really horrible thing.
(01:26):
Nobody ends up wanting to do itand then we give up on it after
a week.
I didn't want to do that.
So I'm like, let me set us upfor success.
One child one day a week readsto mommy and then they get a
little break and then we readanother book or chapter or
whatever.
It's really just for them toobviously get the practice of
reading and we all know howbeneficial that is right.
Like I was an avid reader whenI was really little, I think it
(01:49):
impacted my entire professionalcareer, my academic career, um,
and I love reading it's.
I mean, you've heard me talk ona lot of episodes with these
authors.
It's therapeutic in some ways.
It's a release in some ways,like the distraction, like
there's just there's so muchgood things with reading.
So challenge now is that whileconceptually I had this great
(02:11):
idea about being able to getquality time with them each
night and, you know, havingthings refocused a little bit, I
was not anticipating thepushback as much as I've been
getting now.
My twins are eight, my son isnine I wasn't sure what I was
expecting at this age.
You know it's crazy because I'mgonna reflect back like way
back when I was pregnant.
(02:32):
I think the biggest thing islike you're told all these
milestones, oh, from age one.
You know this is the milestonesfor the first year and these
are the milestones.
And you know you get your likelittle tick marks up until age
like whatever four or five,whatever it is, and then there's
nothing, there's no guidance onwhat is going to happen and how
you have to be prepared to dealwith this.
(02:53):
And I was complaining to myhusband last night and not
complaining so much.
As I said, I'm pretty scared atthis point because my
nine-year-old is pushing back sohard and really trying to
stretch the boundaries so muchthat it's like a shocking thing
for me and shocking not in thesense that's like he's doing
(03:14):
anything really outlandish.
He just wants to talk to onthis on the phone to his friends
, like that's really all hewants to do.
He wants to hang out with hisfriends on facetime and they all
play video games together andhang out like that.
I really don't have a problemwith this.
I think it's actually kind ofadorable.
But then there's like thethey're so he's so focused or
they're so focused on the gameor the phone or whatever that
they get to do for a littlewhile after school that they
(03:36):
don't want to do any of theirother responsibilities.
It's pulling teeth, it's justconstant fighting.
This is where, like, theexhaustion factor comes in, and
this is the hard part aboutbeing a parent is continuing to
be consistent in pushing yourkids to make sure they're
meeting their own expectationsreally, but also setting
boundaries, making sure they'returning into responsible adults.
(03:59):
Everything that comes out ofyour mouth is shaping their
future.
So you have to really set thetone early and it is a
tremendous amount of work that,while I knew I'd be raising
humans and raising young people,for some reason this little gap
here that I'm in right now.
I wasn't expecting pushback.
I was expecting it a little bitlater on, but in this this is
(04:21):
like almost like my roughpractice, basically for the teen
years.
And I said to my husband I waslike my god, I'm like if this is
the nine-year-old years, whatare the teen years gonna look
like?
Like I can't even imagine whatthat's gonna look like.
So it's just one of thosethings that I'm like I needed to
vent with all of you, basicallybecause this is like the wild
part that like I knew it wascoming and I kind of anticipated
(04:44):
, but not really and you'rereally never prepared until
you're actually going through it.
And the three differentcharacters in my house for my
kids is so vastly different.
Now, and it's interesting too,my son is pushing back sooner
than the girls, but I think thegirls are probably going to push
back harder once they hit that11, 12 year old mark, because I
do start.
I have seen signs of thatalready.
(05:05):
She's exhausting, to beperfectly honest with you, the
way that my husband, my parent,our kids is.
We're very hands-on with them,we're very communicative with
them and we consistently pushthem consistently.
We really don't let up, um, inany way, shape or form.
Now guess, like sometimes youknow we'll let them, you know,
(05:26):
relax or veg out for a littlebit longer or what have you.
But we stay really consistent.
Monday through friday we'revery scheduled.
Because I work, my husbandworks.
Kids coming home from schooldinner, bedtime a whole bit very
scheduled.
Because I work, my husbandworks.
Kids coming home from schooldinner, bedtime the whole bit
Very scheduled.
Plus, sometimes I have to workat night.
So it's just like one of thosethings and because we're so much
on a schedule of keeping themon track and keeping on top of
(05:48):
them, it is a tremendous amountof work and I know I already
said that, but it's just.
You know, I don't think a lot ofpeople really go into being a
parent thinking about this partof it, because you're always so
focused on like the adorablebaby part that when you get here
it's like, oh man, it stinks.
I feel like maybe there shouldbe some kind of fun support
group for parents.
That's like you need a nightout, let's go somebody.
(06:09):
Business idea.
There is no real end goal herewith the message that I want to
give you guys, but I felt likethis was something to be shared
today.
You know, between beingprofessional during the day and
working and making sure I'mhitting my deadlines and helping
my team and being on top ofeverything, and then to have.
The irony is, during thedaytime, my opinion is valued,
(06:32):
but then in the evening with mykids, they're like get out of my
face.
So it's just like it's such ashock because it's like polar
opposites.
I'm laughing because now I'mthinking about it, I'm like it's
really funny because I knowthat I'm mentoring and guiding
people during the day and it'sit's well received and often
like sought out, and then atnight it's like get away from me
(06:53):
, I don't want to, I don't wantto read with you.
It's like the contrast isshocking.
Nevertheless, I will make itthrough this, as I usually do
with all other things, but Ijust did want to put it out
there and acknowledge all theparents out there that are also
really just trying to stay ontop of their kids and make sure
that they're good humans andgood people.
This is a really tough job.
It really is.
It's one of the hardest jobs inthe world and I do hope that
(07:18):
the things that we're teachingthem are getting through to them
Now I do want to note one thingactually I thought about it the
other day that I'd like toshare with you all.
Very interesting having raisingdaughters and a son at the same
time, because I get to see thecontrast between how girls
approach things and how boysapproach things.
Now you would think that itwouldn't be that different, but
(07:38):
it actually is vastly different.
My son is unapologeticallydriven to lead and wants to tell
everyone what to do, demandsthat people listen to him,
basically like I'm running theshow, like no apologies, and
he's really really quick to actas if he doesn't understand.
He's like as if he has donenothing wrong.
(07:59):
He's very quick to do that.
We're actually trying to workhim out of that right now.
My girls, I've noticed, have aresponse where if something goes
wrong, they blame themselvesfirst.
Now, as I'm saying this outloud, I realize that you know,
things that the kids are showingand exhibiting today are direct
lifts from me and my husband,because who else have they been
(08:22):
observing consistently?
I'm well aware of this, so Ivery adamantly will approach
things and make sure that I makethings really clear to them,
and An instance that happenedrecently was between one of my
girls and my son.
My son got mad or he got madabout something and he hit his
sister, right.
We discipline my son Like we donot allow that, we don't like
(08:45):
it.
We make sure he understands,like this isn't okay, it's like
a constant battle, but we areworking on it.
My daughter, she's upset, youknow, she's like I understand.
And then she says to me tears,big tears in her eyes.
She goes well, I, I'm sorry,it's my fault and I was like
what do you mean?
And she goes it's my faultbecause he was mad, because I
(09:07):
did whatever, whatever it wasthat she said, and I stopped her
and I was like you need to hearme.
I was like you need to hear meloud and clear.
I'm like there is no reasonanyone should hit you ever.
There is no valid reason.
It does not matter if youirritated him slightly, it
doesn't matter if you made ajoke at him, none of that
matters because, at the end ofthe day, no one has a right to
(09:29):
treat you badly.
I was like and I need you tohear me and I made her repeat it
back to me and I was like youdo not need to have someone
treating you badly.
It is not okay, it is neverokay.
And she was just like okay,mommy, and I sent her on her
little way.
And it's little moments likethat that it's almost like a
little alarm bell goes off in myhead and I immediately hone in
(09:52):
on needing to course correct thethoughts.
Now I do the same thing with myson and he's like makes these
big, bold statements and actsvery alpha.
Now I correct him in the sameway and I let him know you need
to understand something and Iexplain break down whatever it
is that needs to be broken down.
Because if we don't do this nowand if we don't start pressing
(10:13):
them now to break bad habitsthat they might have learned
from me and my husband, or toget them to understand like a
larger picture, they will get totheir teen years and they will
have these jaded already likelittle seeds in their head and
it will turn into something else.
And I'm speaking fromexperience here with this part,
because things that were nevercorrected for me allowed me to
(10:34):
be highly codependent and endingup in these horrible
relationships.
It took years for me to breakout of that cycle in my, you
know, in my young adulthood, andI am working really hard to try
to make sure that the kids havea better understanding or the
kids have a better path.
So, on that note, any takeaway.
Being a parent is super tough.
I want to recognize all of you.
(10:55):
I hope all of you are doingwell.
I really am grateful for all ofyou listening Today.
I do have a live streamhappening.
It's scheduled for Saturdayevening, I believe it's 7 pm.
If you tune into YouTube myYouTube channel or if you tune
into LinkedIn, you can watch meon either of those channels and,
you know, listen to the liveinterview.
You can also follow oninstagram, linkedin, facebook,
(11:19):
whatever youtube, to catch thereplay, because everything gets
posted.
Well, stream live and then postreposted.
Very grateful for you all.
I hope you're all having agreat week.
Thank you for being with me andI will catch you on the next
one.
Take care.
This is Still vs Podcast.
This podcast was created forand by women, to elevate women's
voices.
Happy midweek to all of you.
I don't know if you've pickedup on it.
You're a steady listener.
I think you would have seen thecadence of episodes being
updated, but they've become alittle bit fewer and far between
, and I want to explain why, andI think I might have mentioned
(00:22):
it like briefly on other calls.
This year for the, the fall, Imade the decision not to have my
kids be in any sports or extraactivities because I really
wanted to focus on theirschoolwork for like, first grade
, second grade, third grade well, third grade for my son, but
first grade, second grade I letthem be in a bunch of activities
and I was really excited aboutit.
But then, you know, there wasno homework, there was nothing
(00:42):
really to be concerned about.
And this year I was reallyconcerned because I'm like you
know, there was no homework,there was nothing really to be
concerned about.
And this year I was reallyconcerned Because I'm like you
know all my kids definitely needextra help.
They could use the extraattention when we have
commitments for sports.
I'm the one who always goescrazy trying to like figure out
schedules and figure out gettingthem dropped off and picked up
and the whole bit.
So school was academics wasreally the determining factor
for me For wanting them to notdo any extracurriculars.
(01:05):
Now, for me, this meant I wantedto make sure that I had time at
night, each night, to checktheir homework, make sure they
were doing it correctly, and toread with at least one of my
kids.
Now, the reason why I'm onlysaying one of my kids is because
the times that I have tried toget each child every single
night to read to me it becomesthis like really horrible thing.
(01:26):
Nobody ends up wanting to do itand then we give up on it after
a week.
I didn't want to do that.
So I'm like, let me set us upfor success.
One child one day a week readsto mommy and then they get a
little break and then we readanother book or chapter or
whatever.
It's really just for them toobviously get the practice of
reading and we all know howbeneficial that is right.
Like I was an avid reader whenI was really little, I think it
(01:49):
impacted my entire professionalcareer, my academic career, um,
and I love reading it's.
I mean, you've heard me talk ona lot of episodes with these
authors.
It's therapeutic in some ways.
It's a release in some ways,like the distraction, like
there's just there's so muchgood things with reading.
So challenge now is that whileconceptually I had this great
(02:11):
idea about being able to getquality time with them each
night and, you know, havingthings refocused a little bit, I
was not anticipating thepushback as much as I've been
getting now.
My twins are eight, my son isnine I wasn't sure what I was
expecting at this age.
You know it's crazy because I'mgonna reflect back like way
back when I was pregnant.
(02:32):
I think the biggest thing islike you're told all these
milestones, oh, from age one.
You know this is the milestonesfor the first year and these
are the milestones.
And you know you get your likelittle tick marks up until age
like whatever four or five,whatever it is, and then there's
nothing, there's no guidance onwhat is going to happen and how
you have to be prepared to dealwith this.
(02:53):
And I was complaining to myhusband last night and not
complaining so much.
As I said, I'm pretty scared atthis point because my
nine-year-old is pushing back sohard and really trying to
stretch the boundaries so muchthat it's like a shocking thing
for me and shocking not in thesense that's like he's doing
(03:14):
anything really outlandish.
He just wants to talk to onthis on the phone to his friends
, like that's really all hewants to do.
He wants to hang out with hisfriends on facetime and they all
play video games together andhang out like that.
I really don't have a problemwith this.
I think it's actually kind ofadorable.
But then there's like thethey're so he's so focused or
they're so focused on the gameor the phone or whatever that
they get to do for a littlewhile after school that they
(03:36):
don't want to do any of theirother responsibilities.
It's pulling teeth, it's justconstant fighting.
This is where, like, theexhaustion factor comes in, and
this is the hard part aboutbeing a parent is continuing to
be consistent in pushing yourkids to make sure they're
meeting their own expectationsreally, but also setting
boundaries, making sure they'returning into responsible adults.
(03:59):
Everything that comes out ofyour mouth is shaping their
future.
So you have to really set thetone early and it is a
tremendous amount of work that,while I knew I'd be raising
humans and raising young people,for some reason this little gap
here that I'm in right now.
I wasn't expecting pushback.
I was expecting it a little bitlater on, but in this this is
(04:21):
like almost like my roughpractice, basically for the teen
years.
And I said to my husband I waslike my god, I'm like if this is
the nine-year-old years, whatare the teen years gonna look
like?
Like I can't even imagine whatthat's gonna look like.
So it's just one of thosethings that I'm like I needed to
vent with all of you, basicallybecause this is like the wild
part that like I knew it wascoming and I kind of anticipated
(04:44):
, but not really and you'rereally never prepared until
you're actually going through it.
And the three differentcharacters in my house for my
kids is so vastly different.
Now, and it's interesting too,my son is pushing back sooner
than the girls, but I think thegirls are probably going to push
back harder once they hit that11, 12 year old mark, because I
do start.
I have seen signs of thatalready.
(05:05):
She's exhausting, to beperfectly honest with you, the
way that my husband, my parent,our kids is.
We're very hands-on with them,we're very communicative with
them and we consistently pushthem consistently.
We really don't let up, um, inany way, shape or form.
Now guess, like sometimes youknow we'll let them, you know,
(05:26):
relax or veg out for a littlebit longer or what have you.
But we stay really consistent.
Monday through friday we'revery scheduled.
Because I work, my husbandworks.
Kids coming home from schooldinner, bedtime a whole bit very
scheduled.
Because I work, my husbandworks.
Kids coming home from schooldinner, bedtime the whole bit
Very scheduled.
Plus, sometimes I have to workat night.
So it's just like one of thosethings and because we're so much
on a schedule of keeping themon track and keeping on top of
(05:48):
them, it is a tremendous amountof work and I know I already
said that, but it's just.
You know, I don't think a lot ofpeople really go into being a
parent thinking about this partof it, because you're always so
focused on like the adorablebaby part that when you get here
it's like, oh man, it stinks.
I feel like maybe there shouldbe some kind of fun support
group for parents.
That's like you need a nightout, let's go somebody.
(06:09):
Business idea.
There is no real end goal herewith the message that I want to
give you guys, but I felt likethis was something to be shared
today.
You know, between beingprofessional during the day and
working and making sure I'mhitting my deadlines and helping
my team and being on top ofeverything, and then to have.
The irony is, during thedaytime, my opinion is valued,
(06:32):
but then in the evening with mykids, they're like get out of my
face.
So it's just like it's such ashock because it's like polar
opposites.
I'm laughing because now I'mthinking about it, I'm like it's
really funny because I knowthat I'm mentoring and guiding
people during the day and it'sit's well received and often
like sought out, and then atnight it's like get away from me
(06:53):
, I don't want to, I don't wantto read with you.
It's like the contrast isshocking.
Nevertheless, I will make itthrough this, as I usually do
with all other things, but Ijust did want to put it out
there and acknowledge all theparents out there that are also
really just trying to stay ontop of their kids and make sure
that they're good humans andgood people.
This is a really tough job.
It really is.
It's one of the hardest jobs inthe world and I do hope that
(07:18):
the things that we're teachingthem are getting through to them
Now I do want to note one thingactually I thought about it the
other day that I'd like toshare with you all.
Very interesting having raisingdaughters and a son at the same
time, because I get to see thecontrast between how girls
approach things and how boysapproach things.
Now you would think that itwouldn't be that different, but
(07:38):
it actually is vastly different.
My son is unapologeticallydriven to lead and wants to tell
everyone what to do, demandsthat people listen to him,
basically like I'm running theshow, like no apologies, and
he's really really quick to actas if he doesn't understand.
He's like as if he has donenothing wrong.
(07:59):
He's very quick to do that.
We're actually trying to workhim out of that right now.
My girls, I've noticed, have aresponse where if something goes
wrong, they blame themselvesfirst.
Now, as I'm saying this outloud, I realize that you know,
things that the kids are showingand exhibiting today are direct
lifts from me and my husband,because who else have they been
(08:22):
observing consistently?
I'm well aware of this, so Ivery adamantly will approach
things and make sure that I makethings really clear to them,
and An instance that happenedrecently was between one of my
girls and my son.
My son got mad or he got madabout something and he hit his
sister, right.
We discipline my son Like we donot allow that, we don't like
(08:45):
it.
We make sure he understands,like this isn't okay, it's like
a constant battle, but we areworking on it.
My daughter, she's upset, youknow, she's like I understand.
And then she says to me tears,big tears in her eyes.
She goes well, I, I'm sorry,it's my fault and I was like
what do you mean?
And she goes it's my faultbecause he was mad, because I
(09:07):
did whatever, whatever it wasthat she said, and I stopped her
and I was like you need to hearme.
I was like you need to hear meloud and clear.
I'm like there is no reasonanyone should hit you ever.
There is no valid reason.
It does not matter if youirritated him slightly, it
doesn't matter if you made ajoke at him, none of that
matters because, at the end ofthe day, no one has a right to
(09:29):
treat you badly.
I was like and I need you tohear me and I made her repeat it
back to me and I was like youdo not need to have someone
treating you badly.
It is not okay, it is neverokay.
And she was just like okay,mommy, and I sent her on her
little way.
And it's little moments likethat that it's almost like a
little alarm bell goes off in myhead and I immediately hone in
(09:52):
on needing to course correct thethoughts.
Now I do the same thing with myson and he's like makes these
big, bold statements and actsvery alpha.
Now I correct him in the sameway and I let him know you need
to understand something and Iexplain break down whatever it
is that needs to be broken down.
Because if we don't do this nowand if we don't start pressing
(10:13):
them now to break bad habitsthat they might have learned
from me and my husband, or toget them to understand like a
larger picture, they will get totheir teen years and they will
have these jaded already likelittle seeds in their head and
it will turn into something else.
And I'm speaking fromexperience here with this part,
because things that were nevercorrected for me allowed me to
(10:34):
be highly codependent and endingup in these horrible
relationships.
It took years for me to breakout of that cycle in my, you
know, in my young adulthood, andI am working really hard to try
to make sure that the kids havea better understanding or the
kids have a better path.
So, on that note, any takeaway.
Being a parent is super tough.
I want to recognize all of you.
(10:55):
I hope all of you are doingwell.
I really am grateful for all ofyou listening Today.
I do have a live streamhappening.
It's scheduled for Saturdayevening, I believe it's 7 pm.
If you tune into YouTube myYouTube channel or if you tune
into LinkedIn, you can watch meon either of those channels and,
you know, listen to the liveinterview.
You can also follow oninstagram, linkedin, facebook,
(11:19):
whatever youtube, to catch thereplay, because everything gets
posted.
Well, stream live and then postreposted.
Very grateful for you all.
I hope you're all having agreat week.
Thank you for being with me andI will catch you on the next
one.
Take care.
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