We open up about the awkward but necessary work of setting boundaries with other parents, teachers, and kids’ friends to keep our children safe online and offline. We share proactive scripts, red flags to watch for, and how to hold firm without starting a fight.
• weekend check‑in and why boundaries are top of mind
• different household rules and respectful alignment
• giving teachers permission to share concerns
• how to raise issues with other parents calmly
• red flags around body safety and inappropriate behavior
• online gaming norms, monitoring, and group texts
• simple scripts that reduce conflict and set standards
• teaching kids their own body and voice boundaries
• choosing supervision, limits, or pauses when trust is shaky
• ending with a clear, simple message parents can send today
“Hey, I know our kids are friends—please reach out anytime if you hear something, and I’ll do the same.”
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Episode Transcript
Podcast.
This podcast was created forwomen by women to elevate
women's voices.
I hope everybody had a wonderfulweekend.
Personally, I'm tired, but thisis not that abnormal at this
point, I think, right?
Really, really lovely weekend onthe east coast in New Jersey.
It was like sun shining,80-degree weather, which was
like kind of shocking, butagain, everyone took advantage.
(00:22):
I think a lot of people wereoutside.
It was really just a reallylovely weekend.
Something I want to bring upthat's a little bit awkward for
a lot of parents out there, butit's something that's top of
mind for me today.
Setting boundaries with yourkids.
Now I'm not talking aboutboundaries at your house, but
I'm referring to when you'resetting boundaries with other
people, other people's childreninteraction with your kids and
(00:43):
with your home and your life,basically.
It's a slippery slope.
And I say this because, youknow, A, every every household
is different, right?
So rules that we have at ourhouse or the way that we do
things at our house is not goingto be typical to everybody.
Like we do things a certain wayhere, which is across the board.
This is all people, right?
So you kind of take that intoconsideration when you have your
kids' friends over or when yourkids are going to other people's
(01:06):
houses.
So that's one.
Second thing is, you know, notevery parent feels the same way
about restrictions and rules andall that.
We happen to be pretty strict.
A lot of parents aren't.
Sometimes it's a challenge, butsometimes it actually just helps
to be able to draw that line.
And thirdly, you know, what doyou do when someone else's child
is behaving not appropriately orbadly in the larger sense of the
(01:30):
term?
How are you supposed to handlethat?
And what's the best way tohandle that without offending
the other parent?
Now, I try to be reallyproactive and like open the
door.
I tell my kids' teachers when Imeet with them, I always say to
them, you tell me what you needso that I can help you do your
job better with my child.
Because for me, the teacher iswith my kid more hours out of
(01:51):
the week than I am.
And so they're gonna see thingsand behavior that I'm not gonna
get exposed to, especiallybecause they're seeing them on
their own, regulating their ownfeelings and emotions and
everything.
So it's a whole other bowl ofwax.
I give the utmost respect toeducation, educators, because
they're dealing with everyone'schildren and a lot of
personalities and a lot ofhouseholds, and they have to try
(02:12):
to find an even path amongst allof them.
So there's that element of it.
I also will proactively reachout to my kids' friends,
parents, which I know noteveryone does, but I do it
because, well, one, I want tomake sure people know I'm
watching my kid, and when yourkid is here, I'm watching your
kid.
Like I'm making sure thateverybody's okay, everyone's
behaving alright, and I wantother people to know there is a
(02:35):
comfort level.
You can come and talk to me.
My kid was using bad language.
If something happened, if if oneof my kids did something
inappropriate, if they bulliedsomeone, I want people to know
they can come and talk to me andtell me, hey, I noticed this or
hey, I saw this because I needto course correct.
I cannot have my children actinglike that.
I know not every parent feelsthat way, but I feel that way.
(02:56):
And thus it opens up a reallybig door of communication for me
because I will proactively tellother parents, please feel free
to come to me and I'll do thesame for you.
That last line there is what'sreally most important here.
Making sure they know if I seesomething that concerns me, I'm
gonna come and talk to you aboutit.
Now, I have had to do it beforewithout the disclaimer.
(03:16):
And you know, when it comes tomy kids, I will pony up, I will
have the conversation, and itmight be a little awkward, and
perhaps that parent doesn't wantto be my friend or or whatever,
but you know what?
That's fine, better for me,right?
So there's those things.
Now, in the event that you findyourself in a scenario where
your child is being exposed tosomething from another child
that you don't like, or if it'ssomething more serious, like
(03:40):
let's say in the case of abuse,now there's signs and there's
things that that you should beaware of with other people's
kids and everything, and it'simportant to note and
acknowledge, like if you havesmaller children and the and
honestly any age children, andif there's like sexually
inappropriate behaviorhappening, that's a huge red
(04:00):
flag, like out of the gate, andI think everybody knows that.
But what constitutes sexuallyinappropriate behavior now is
that to the parents because onone hand, you could have parents
saying, Oh, oh, they're justcurious.
They're curious about eachother's bodies, that's why they
were you know doing peekaboo ordoctor, whatever, whatever.
But from another perspective,you could look at it as no, no,
(04:22):
no, this is technical this couldbe constituted as abuse.
This is exposing my child tosomething that like they
shouldn't be aware of and theyshouldn't have happening to
them.
What does this mean for them inthe long term?
Is this gonna give them problemsdown the line?
There's a lot to be thought ofin that scenario, and you don't
want your children in that.
So it's really important, in myopinion, to be mindful up front.
(04:43):
I always go and meet people'sparents, I very friendly do
that.
I actually host a lot of partiesat my house for my kids' friends
so that I can meet parents andlet them know who I am and let
them see the atmosphere that mychildren are being raised in
because I want them to knowthey're coming from a good
family.
We have standards here, we haverules, and I expect that from
everybody who comes to my house.
(05:03):
Now, most recently, my kids arethe twins are eight, my son is
nine, and they're all playingonline with their friends all
the time.
Like after they get home fromschool, homework is done, they
get to have tablet time, andthey get to play video games
with their friends online.
Now there's things andconversations that are going to
be happening without my ears,right?
So what I did was I proactivelytext messaged all the parents'
(05:24):
numbers that I had and said,Hey, I noticed that our kids are
playing online a lot, love it,think it's great.
I just want you to know I'mlistening from my end.
If I ever hear anything, I willlet you know.
And please, vice versa, if youever hear about my kids doing
something, I need you to tell mebecause I need to correct them.
This opened up everybody, exceptfor one.
(05:44):
Everyone pretty much replied andsaid, No problem, like of
course.
And now I know, you know, theone who didn't reply, they might
not be interested in hearing myinput, which is perfectly fine.
Respect the boundaries.
However, it also means though,I'm gonna be really mindful
because if you're not reallyinterested in hearing about this
stuff, then that might be a redflag for me.
That kind of thing.
Now, I know it sounds easierwhen I'm saying it, and yes, it
(06:08):
might feel a little bit awkwardactually initiating
conversations like this, but ifyou have a child, you have no
choice.
So practice is makes perfect,and I would say take the
proactive route.
That is probably the bestcommunication route you could
take.
That's not gonna be consideredum argumentative or
confrontational because you'rejust saying, like, hey, listen,
(06:28):
I just want you to know, ofcourse, I'm gonna be watching
them, I will let you know if it,you know, anything happens, and
please feel free to do the sameto me.
It's crucial that we're doingthis for our kids today because
they're being exposed to so manythings.
Uh and you really don't knoweverybody's rules and and things
that you know even the parentsmight not realize if the other
child is struggling andsomething's going on.
(06:49):
So it's really important to justbe aware, pay attention, and
make sure that you're seeing andhearing things.
The other factor here is makingsure your kids know that they
can come and talk to you andmaking sure your kids understand
their own boundaries, their ownbody boundaries, and that kind
of thing.
It's a lot of work being aparent.
This is just one element ofmillions and millions of things
(07:10):
that we have to be concernedwith, but it's a pretty crucial
one.
Protecting your kids in thismanner is actually going to
protect their mental healthlater on, and it will prevent
things from happening to themthat may have happened if you
weren't being so vigilant.
So I do really encourage all ofyou to take that proactive step,
make sure that people know whoyou are, make sure your face is
(07:32):
present and accounted for asmuch as possible, even if it's
just a text message to say, Hey,I know my k our kids are
friends, just want you to knowyou can always reach out to me
if you ever hear anything.
Period, that's it.
Um, keep it nice and simple.
Um, I know this is a little bitof a not topic that I always
talk about, but something thatwas top of mind, so I did want
to make sure I mentioned it toall of you.
Um, I hope you all are having agreat, great day.
(07:53):
Thank you so much for being herewith me, and I will catch you on
the next one.
Take care.
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