Time Over Money: The Truth About What Kids Really Want

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Have you ever found yourself caught in the cycle of trying to create perfect experiences for your children? That's exactly where I found myself with my "mom fun days" – carefully orchestrated activities that I believed would give my kids the childhood they deserved.

What started as a sweet tradition – sitting down with my children to create a summer bucket list – gradually revealed something deeper about my parenting approach. I noticed a pattern of consistently spending money on activities, toys, and experiences, believing this was the key to their happiness. It took my husband's gentle reminders and an overheard conversation between my confused children to help me see what was happening. When I simply pulled out an unused pottery wheel instead of taking them somewhere, they couldn't recognize it as a "fun day" because no money had been spent.

The moment brought to mind a quote that stopped me in my tracks: "Don't get so caught up in trying to give your kids a good life that you forgot to give them a good day." This perfectly captured my struggle – compensating for my own childhood experiences while potentially missing what my children truly needed. Against the backdrop of social media's "noise pollution" showcasing extravagant family activities, I'm learning that happiness doesn't come from the amount of money spent but from genuine connection. Whether it's meaningful conversations with my daughters about their interests or everyone piling into bed for a movie night, these simple moments of togetherness are what create the "good days" that ultimately build a good life.

If you're navigating similar parenting waters, I'd love to hear your experiences. How do you balance creating special moments without falling into the trap of equating quality time with spending money? Share your thoughts and join the conversation!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Still Rose's podcast.
This podcast was created forwomen, by women, to elevate
women's voices.
I hope you're all having agreat week.
Feels like fall in New Jersey,but I'm not complaining.
Love the fall, love it.
I'm a little bit sad aboutsummer coming to a close.
I feel like I got enough of it.
To be honest with you, I didhand down, enjoy this summer

(00:24):
much more than I did last summer, but it also felt like we were
super busy the whole time andconstantly doing stuff which I'm
not a huge fan of.
I think I've said that beforeon the podcast.
I do not like being super busyall the time.
I like to slow it down a littlebit.
I'm really very much lookingforward to this weekend.
We don't have any plans and I'mreally like into that, super

(00:45):
into it.
On that note, I used to do thisthing last summer when I was
juggling a wild summer schedulewith my kids that I called mom
fun days.
So these were the days that Ididn't work during the week
because I was, you know,watching the kids, because they
were home for the summer Onthese days.
What we did in the beginning ofthe summer is we made a whole

(01:06):
list of activities.
I sat with the kids and I quoteunquote had a meeting with them
and said what do we think wouldbe really fun to do with mommy
for the summer?
Like, let's pick out a bunch ofactivities now and then during
the summer when we have mom days, mom fun days, we'll take our
list out and pick one of theactivities.
And it was like all over theplace it was like Urban Air,
which is the indoor like bounceplace going to indoor play parks

(01:28):
, going to the beach, going tothe park, going on a picnic,
doing arts and crafts.
Like we literally just listedevery single thing we all like
to do together and then we wouldpick from the list.
So that was a focus that we didand now we actually
occasionally will say like, oh,let's do a mom fund day and
we'll pick something to dotogether.
Majority of the activities didfocus around money and me having

(01:50):
to put money out.
So I've tried really hard toscale that back a bit, because I
had a habit before very much ofconsistently blowing like a
bunch of money on activities forthe kids and gifts for the kids
and toys for the kids.
My husband has consistentlysaid to me you don't need to do
that.
They're valuing just spendingtime with you.

(02:10):
Like you got to stop doing that.
So I tried really hard to get ahandle on this.
It sounds weird to say it outloud.
I'm a little embarrassed thatI'm admitting it as a problem,
but it is.
I have a little bit of aproblem with it.
So what have a little bit of aproblem with it?
Well, so what's gone on now ismy kids are now used to this.

(02:31):
So this year I didn't have totake days off as much because
the kids were in camp and theagency that I currently work for
is incredibly supportive, so Ididn't have as much strain there
with my job and my kids.
So it wasn't as big of a deal.
So I didn't have to scheduleevents and take them out places.
They were doing activities withtheir camp, which cost money,
but that's neither here northere.
So in August I have gap weeksand in those weeks I only took

(02:52):
off half days, so that way inthe mornings I could work and
then the afternoons I would takeoff and be with my kids.
That was only two days a weekfor two weeks.
So it was funny because todaywas one of those days or, excuse
me, yesterday was one of thosedays, excuse me, yesterday was
one of those days.
And what I did, instead of liketaking them out or doing
anything with them, I pulled outone of their Christmas gifts,
which is a pottery wheel thatthey hadn't used yet, and I was

(03:12):
like this is your activity today?
Like this is it?
And so they were like, oh,we'll try the pottery wheel.
And I overheard them talkingamongst themselves.
I set them all up outsidebecause it's super messy.
I came inside, I was cookingdinner and cleaning the kitchen
up and I overheard one of thekids say like oh, did you notice
?
Mom didn't take us out, like wedidn't do mom fun day.

(03:33):
And I heard one of the otherones say no, I think this is it.
I think this is the mom fun day.
They're like, oh, reallyconfused about it.
So it brings me a long wayaround to bring you to this
quote that I saw on Pinterestthat said don't get so caught up
in trying to give your kids agood life that you forgot to
give them a good day.

(03:54):
Now I'm looking that more oflike I get really caught up and
I've talked about this beforewith.
I want to throw everything atthem.
Let's do this.
Let's go out, let's, you know,go shopping or?
Oh, you need what do you need?
Mommy's going to get it for youand I know I'm compensating for
, you know, a lack that I hadfelt growing up, but there is
not a need for it.

(04:15):
Something that my husband hasalways tried to say to me, and
trying to get me on board with,was you don't have to spend a
ton of money for your kids tohave a good time.
You don't have to throw arounda bunch of money, you know, to
earn their happiness or whatnot,because, well one, it doesn't
matter how much money you spendon your kids, they're going to
end up fighting with each otherand they're going to complain,
period.
It really doesn't matter whatyou're doing.

(04:36):
I learned that the hard way onour vacation this year.
The second thing is whatthey're most looking for, and
what your children are mostlooking for, is just time with
you.
They just want to look for you,to pay attention to them.
My daughters in particular havebeen showing a little bit more
of a grown-up side of them.
They've been wanting to gossipand hang out with me and talk
about manicures and pedicuresand stuff.
I think some of my co-workershave rubbed off on them a little

(04:59):
bit with those little spaactivities, and so it's been
very sweet and I've been verymindful that when they sit down
next to me and they just startchattering away, I will put down
what I'm doing and look at themdirectly in the face and let
them talk with me and I respondto them and I always do that.
I like to have full onconversations with them.
I want to hear their interests.

(05:21):
I will do whatever it is tostay related to my kids and
close to my kids.
But it's just something toreally think about here, because
the other thing is that youknow, we have social media and
basically noise pollution comingfrom everybody in the world
showing.
Look at this fabulous,extravagant thing with my family

(05:42):
or with my kids.
Look at this fabulous,extravagant thing that I've done
for my kids.
The reality of it is you don'tneed that.
You really don't.
Everything that we need to behappy is one going to come from
us, within us, and it's going tocome from just being directly
in the moment and really feelingthe moment and really honoring
the moment.
It's not going to come from theamount of money you spend.

(06:02):
It's not going to be comingfrom.
You know, all the travels andall the high-end things.
While those things arewonderful and I'm all about it
and, believe me, I will not shyaway from those things the
reality of it is sometimes themost fun that we have here is
when we're all just togetherhanging out in the backyard.
That's it.
That's all we really need tohave a good time is all of us

(06:23):
together, hanging out together,doing something together.
Sometimes it's just going tomovies together, like you know,
and sometimes it's not even thatAgain, sometimes it truly is
just we all climb into our bedand watch a movie.
That's it.
So I want to leave you withthat thought.
It's something that I'mcontinuing to work on, so I just
wanted to put it out there aslike a thing the podcast channel

(07:12):
, so you'll be able to catchthem wherever.
I greatly appreciate all of you.
I hope you're all having agreat August, as I said earlier,
and I will catch you on thenext one.
Take care.