August 1, 2025 • 21 mins
Welcome to the finale of our two-part conversation with Jeff Acheson.
A parable about saving starfish opens this profound conversation with Jeff, who shares his journey of transforming devastating personal loss into purposeful action. After losing his daughter Amber two years ago, Jeff founded Amber's Aces to partner with ROX (Ruling Our Experiences), an organization dedicated to building confidence and self-esteem in young women. Through tears and powerful insights, he reveals how "Amber is not here, but she's not gone," as her legacy continues through this mission to help girls overcome the same struggles she faced.
Jeff breaks barriers by openly discussing grief, mental health, and emotional intelligence in the retirement industry, creating pathways for others to share their experiences. His perspective bridges gender divides, reminding us that mental health affects everyone.
His approach shifts from curative to preventative mental health support, channeling grief into meaningful change that extends far beyond one life. Learn how you can support this mission by visiting our website to find information about ROX and Amber's Aces.
Guest Bio:
After 46 years in financial services, investment management, and retirement planning, I’ve chosen to focus the most strategic chapter of my career on entities and professionals I deeply respect—law firms, lawyers, and lobbyists. Our shared commitment to precision, discipline, and excellence makes serving the legal community both a professional and personal mission.
As CEO of the Advanced Strategies Group (ASG), I’m leading a targeted effort to modernize retention and retirement strategies in the legal industry. Too many plans offered them still follow one-size-fits-all templates that ignore the complexity and sophistication today’s legal professionals require. That’s why I developed the Law Firm Benefits and Planning Platform. These solutions are powered by The Attorney’s Edge, our virtual-first planning platform, and ASG MAPS—an investment strategy framework built to optimize 401(k) outcomes for high-balance participants.
I hold seven professional designations as validation of my commitment to being a trusted authority in my field, and I’m a past president of both National Association of Plan Advisors and the American Retirement Association. I also co-authored the NAPA Nonqualified Plan Consultant (NQPC) designation curriculum and serve as a consultant to my peers in this space.
ASG’s history was built beyond the legal sector, but today we’re fully invested in serving it—offering a sophisticated alternative to the status quo.
The focus of my personal life is on pursuing my definition of Ikigai and helping others find theirs in loving memory of my daughter Amber, who couldn't find hers.
Connect with Jeff Acheson:
Amber's ACE's for ROX, LinkedIn
Connect with Theresa and Ivana:
Theresa, True Strategy Consultants: tsc-consultants.com
LinkedIn @treeconti, Insta @tscconsultants
Ivana, Courageous Being: courageousbeing.com
LinkedIn @ivipol, Insta @courbeing
SITP team, Step Into The Pivot: stepintothepivot.com
LinkedIn @step-into-the-pivot, YouTube @StepIntoThePivot
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Thank you for being here.
This is part two of our episodeon saving the starfish.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
We're going to restart this episode by
retelling the save the starfishstory.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
There's an old man not me at this point, but an old
man decided to take a walk onthe beach.
He lived up on the bluffs andhe came down the steps onto the
beach and the tide had come inand the tide had gone out and
all these starfish werebasically stranded on the beach
on the sand, and as the day wenton, the sun was basically going
to bake them and they would alldie from that point.
(00:32):
So there's a very small girlout there picking up the
starfish and throwing them backinto the ocean, one at a time.
Then the old man approached herand said young lady, what are
you doing?
You're wasting your time.
Look up and down the beach.
There's thousands and thousandsof these starfish.
You can't save them all.
What you're doing doesn'tmatter.
(00:54):
And he kept walking and heheard the young girl mumble
behind him and he turned aroundand thought she was being
disrespectful and said what did?
you say and she picked upanother one and threw it into
the water.
And so what did you say?
And she picked up another oneand threw it into the water.
And she goes, it mattered tothat one.
So I think the real key is withthe story we're trying to do
with Amber's Aces for Rocks.
(01:15):
I don't know that will changethe world, will change the
course of modern history, butevery girl that we can get into
that program, it may make adifference in the trajectory of
her life, her career, herrelationships.
So, as a couple of my hugesupporters within the industry
Nicole Corning in Phoenix orAaron Hall in Los Angeles, who
(01:38):
have worked to open up Rockschapters, and Dee Mayerhofer
with SRP, who has beenwonderfully supportive you know
we all have a theme of.
You know we're saving as manystarfish as we can, you know,
one at a time as they go along.
So I think we all need apurpose in life, which is what
Ikigai is.
But it can't be all businessand sometimes it's not all
(02:01):
personal.
But in this case, and sometimesit's not all personal, but in
this case, like I said, amber isnot here but she's not gone.
I work for her and she wasnever able to find her ikigai in
life and my family talks aboutit a lot.
Sometimes, unfortunately,someone's life purpose isn't
(02:22):
discovered until they're afterthey're gone.
So she continues on and livesthrough all of us and what we're
trying to do and I'm suresomewhere somehow she's looking
down and, you know, very proudof her now, of what she has
accomplished in helping otherpeople, because that's really
all she wanted to do while shewas here.
(02:43):
Unfortunately, maybe her storyhad to be a bigger, different
story and she couldn't be hereto share in it.
So we try to find comfort andsolace in that as we move
forward.
So that's kind of my pivot,where it came over the last I
wouldn't say two years when shepassed two years ago.
(03:03):
That was a culmination of a lotof things over a lot of years,
but we've just tried to turn itinto lessons of evolution and
lessons of learning and just sayyou know how can we leave the
world a better place, onestarfish at a time as we go
forward.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
It's an amazing story and I know Evie has a question
for you of time as we go forward.
It's an amazing story and Iknow Evie has a question for you
, but you know I so many thingsthat you said just, I think,
struck home that I I don't evenknow that I could repeat them
all, but I love that you'resharing this story and I love
that you know I.
I find that you know, if youtalk about it, people do come up
and ask you and you never knowwhat somebody else is going
(03:43):
through.
So I think we really appreciateit.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Jeff, you're so bravely unpacking so many big
concepts, ideas, experiences andwhen I say concepts I really
don't mean it at that mentallevel.
Here you are emoting with usand being with it fully, all the
bodies, emotional, body, andyou're letting us, you know, see
the tears, and it's soevocative, in such a beautiful
(04:08):
and meaningful way.
And I took some notes while youwere speaking because I heard
some things that are not verycommon.
We have, you know, crossedpaths before in that different
setting that I was invoking inthe beginning the retirement
industry space and we don't hearthese kinds of expressions from
(04:31):
men in the industry very often.
So what I wanted to connect hereis, you know, you've called
your daughter a sensitive soul acouple times as you were caring
about your family experience,your story, her trials and
tribulations and and inspirationthat she is today to yourself
(04:52):
and many, many others, and howincredible that you've turned
this unimaginable loss into amission.
But what I've noticed throughall that is that you are a
sensitive soul too.
What I've noticed through allthat is that you are a sensitive
soul too, and you are bravelydoing something that is, you
know, very different than whatwe hear from often I'm going to
say it, other men in theindustry.
(05:13):
So do you find yourself I'mcurious speaking differently
with guys, especially aroundmental health and these
emotional truths?
Because you spoke sobeautifully about coaching the
young women and telling them,hey, because you spoke so
beautifully about coaching theyoung women and telling them,
hey, maybe you want to considera different attitude, and here
you are role modeling, somethingthat's not particularly common.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
Yeah, I do think the conversations are different
because there's always thecrossover where you have
similarities, whether thatperson is a man or a woman, from
that point in time, but thereare just different, whether it
has been ingrained in us throughthe environment or through our
(05:57):
own internal ecosystem.
I find the conversations that Ican have, or I should say the
conversations that come out ofthe conversation, meaning that
when I share and talk about it,it opens up a different level of
conversation and sharing, andI've heard some of the most
(06:19):
horrific stories.
I mean, as I mentioned, mydaughter's journey was not good,
it was painful, it was terrible, but I have not gone through
what.
I have heard stories of otherpeople that have gone through
and I won't get into them now.
There's just I don't know howyou get through that other than
you find a way, but there's justso many stories like that.
(06:43):
On the guy side of that, though, I think there's some that once
you let your guard down, theirguard will come down.
Some will never let their guarddown.
They may want to, but they justdon't.
And that machismo or thattough-mindedness mindset or
(07:05):
whatever, I think bad activities, even if the language or
statements of just nottolerating that kind of mindset
(07:33):
and or approach.
So the conversations aredefinitely different.
I think the receptiveness isdifferent but it's not mutually
exclusive.
I still have tremendous,tremendous support from men in
this industry, all the way fromJeff Cullen at SRP to Brian
(07:54):
Graff at the ARA and I could godown through listing names but
I'd be leaving people out as Iwent through that have been
exceptionally emotional andsupportive and open.
But I also find it's usuallybecause they've dealt with
something in their own life,whether it was a spouse, a
parent, a child.
(08:15):
But usually if you haven't gonethrough something like that,
it's hard to get your headaround.
What does that really mean ornot mean?
But no matter who we are, theolder we get, the more
opportunity comes to run intothose kind of life events.
(08:36):
As the old saying, nobody getsout of this world alive.
Very few get out unscathed.
Things happen from there and Ithink those are there back to
your approach, those pivotmoments where it's real and it's
not conversation, it's notjoking around type thing.
I just find that women inparticular have probably had
(08:57):
more.
They identify with Amber morebecause they're women.
I mean probably had more theyidentify with Amber more because
they're women.
I mean, they've been there,that self-esteem points in time,
self-confidence, that notspeaking up because it was all
men in the room and one women,or that imposter syndrome or so
on.
Back to the baseball story Iused guys tend to fake it until
(09:18):
they make it and bluff their waythrough it more than women do.
And I am no expert.
I'm not giving advice, guidance, I'm just telling a story and
using observations I have fromthat point.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
You know, I think that means so much that honest,
open communication and knowingsometimes they have somebody to
talk to.
Were you going to say somethingsimilar, evie?
Speaker 1 (09:47):
to Were you going to say something similar, evie,
just how profoundly moving it isto hear you speak into a lot of
these things that oftentimesdon't coexist in the same
conversation.
So you are able to comment onfolks that you know,
professionals, you know them inthat setting and then you're
able to speak into the grief andthe loss that they may have had
.
And then you're switching gearsand you're talking about young
(10:08):
girls and what's happening thereand what might be going on for
them that goes unnoticed.
Then you're doing this amazingcommentary on society no
judgment the whole time.
You're just running on love,jeff.
That's what's really amazingfor me.
So I just wanted to reallypresence that, this holistic
conversation and where I getexcited and here's what I think
(10:29):
you and Amber are doing togetherin this legacy of a holistic,
wholesome approach to go throughall of this in a conversation
where you're strategicallydeciding on the next steps when
it comes to a particularapproach that you're going to
take with your firm right.
But you can still infuse thatconversation with this bigger
(10:50):
awareness, like you were saying,of everyone's going through
something and what's the biggermission we're trying to achieve,
and I think that one of thereally beautiful things you are
talking about without saying theword I don't think we've
mentioned it once yet is legacy,which is what the entire
industry is playing with.
And here you are really being asteward of a legacy in a
(11:12):
situation that typically,chronologically, goes
differently.
Right, the order of some ofthese events should have been
different, right?
Not you talking about legacy,but here you are making some of
these impossible things possible.
And the last comment I wantedto make was you know you're
talking about I don't knowmetaphor or analogy of the scab
and picking at the scab, andreally what I see is you just
(11:35):
reinforcing this experience oflike keeping your heart wide
open because it cracked, like itbroke open, and allowing it to
stay cracked open, whilecontinuing to have perhaps even
like tougher skin in some of theinstances, like when you talked
about not being tolerant of thebad apples, and you were
(11:57):
talking about that from more ofa current situation.
For me, that episode that youtalked about, the situation with
the boys, the the awfulcommentaries that your girl
heard, like there you arebasically continuing to do
something about it, so there canbe a toughness about that that
comes from this internalsoftness and I just really,
(12:17):
really love that and and commendyou for it.
I'm grateful that there arefolks like you out there.
You know paving a new way.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
I appreciate that and , like I said, back to the
legacy, I don't really eventhink of it in a legacy terms,
because we have too much work todo and we have too many
starfish to save and it's tooearly to look back and say, wow,
look what we accomplished ordid, because there's too much
looking forward to what we haveto do.
(12:48):
And I think the other pointthat you raised that I just has
now become so ingrained in me isjust the concept of random acts
of kindness, random acts ofrespect and random acts of
appreciation, because andtelevision and politics and all
(13:09):
of that you can young,impressionable minds, you get
wrapped up in the well, that'show the world is and that's how
the world happens to be andthat's what I've got to be if
(13:31):
I'm going to be successful inthe world.
But being successful in theworld still does not deal with
the person you're looking at inthe mirror every day and trying
to determine do you really likewho you see?
And are you, if that was yourfriend, are you proud that
that's your friend?
You know, type thing.
And I make a comment all thetime that if you let someone
(13:55):
else say to you the things thatyou say to yourself in your own
head you probably wouldn't hangout with that person.
You'd get new friends becauseyou couldn't stand to be around
them.
But you can't separate that.
You've got to learn how to youknow, work through that.
So we're just all we're tryingto do is, like I said, is raise
awareness, raise money, createchapters around the country and
(14:19):
impact as many you know manystarfish as we can.
But by raising the awareness iteven lets the adults have
better conversations amongthemselves.
Because, as simple as thissounds and sometimes we make it
way too complicated from thereit's pretty hard to get through
this life, whether you're maleor female, without interacting
(14:40):
with other females.
I mean, you got a mother.
I mean it's pretty hard to behere if you didn't have a mother
, and who knows what your motherwent through?
You got sisters, you gotdaughters, you got nieces, you
got colleagues.
This isn't an isolatedgirl-woman problem.
I mean, when I talk about womenin general, you's, you're 50%
(15:03):
of the population and nobody'shere without a mother.
So how do you say, well, that'snot my problem, it's not my
issue, it's everybody's issue,and that's we.
But we, we, we can't be in thecurative mode all the time.
Somewhere along the line.
We've got to work harder at thepreventative mode, otherwise
we're chasing our tail on fixingeverybody later, so to speak.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
I'm completely a different person.
I was I.
You know you have impostersyndrome when you're young.
I have imposter syndrome todaysometimes.
Right, those kind of things andreally having that
reinforcement.
I think what you're doing withAmber's Aces is such a beautiful
tribute to your daughter.
So I think that's an amazingpiece and usually we ask how is
(15:46):
this pivot a step forward?
But I think you've answeredthat for us, for yourself,
unless you have something to addbecause what you're doing for
her, for young women, for othersout there, I think is amazing.
So I love that you put yourenergy in that, because I can
see how much that means to you.
(16:07):
And I want to tell ourlisteners that we will put the
information out about ROX, aboutAmber's Aces, in our show notes
.
So if you would like to getinvolved, I'm sure that there
are many young women who wouldreally appreciate that and, jeff
, we appreciate so much youbeing here with us today sharing
(16:30):
your story, I'm sure as much asyou've shared it.
It's still not easy to do somedays, but we are thankful that
we could help you share thisstory and help you share this
message and that you shared itwith us and our listeners.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
I appreciate you having me.
Like I said, I look for anyplatform I can have to tell the
story and going forward.
Like I said, it's not a legacy,it's not a tribute, but at this
point it's almost a missionthat I share with my daughter
and I can continue to share aslong as I can have a platform
(17:07):
and an audience and spread theword.
That's what we're going to do.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Well, thank you so much, Thank you so much and
thank you for your generositygenerosity with your time, with
your energy, with your bravery,and thank you also for these.
You know small adjustments youmade with some of these words,
because these details matter andyou on the on the kind of final
note about the words, I knowthat you've also considered this
(17:33):
notion of like who made whomproud, who is making whom proud,
who is who's proud here, and Iwould just love to hear if you
have had any changes to how youthink about that.
You know, I know you getcomments about you must be
making your daughter proud, andI think it's so much bigger than
that.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
I think it's one of the things, one of the mental
health issues is my daughtercould never get her arms around
the fact that I made her proud.
She always wanted me to beprouder.
If you will and you know, backto the mental side of things is
and it's all root is she wasnever really, I think, proud of
(18:13):
herself.
So I think the idea about prideis so misused and misallocated
and misaligned, because the ideaof are you proud of me, am I
proud of you?
That's not the issue.
The issue is when you look inthe mirror, are you proud of who
you see?
Because then all the otherthings do you like who you see?
(18:36):
Are you proud of who you see?
Are you happy with who you see?
If you can't have thatconversation with the person
looking back in the mirror, noneof the other things will ever
fall in place.
Because, in essence, mydaughter wanting me to be
prouder of her was really tryingto fill a hole, that she wasn't
(18:56):
proud enough of herself.
So when I look at those thingsthat I'm very proud of her, I
hope she's proud of me.
But what I really hope, evenwherever she is at this point in
time, she is proud of herselfBecause, ultimately, if we can
teach all young girls and youngwomen the same thing, who you
are is good enough, but practiceKaizen.
(19:19):
And Kaizen is make your bestbetter, just a little bit better
every day for 10, 20, 30, 40years.
Don't stop, don't slow down,but wherever you are today is
good enough.
Just make it a little bitbetter tomorrow and find ways to
be proud of yourself, becausethat is the catalyst for getting
(19:39):
to wherever it is.
You want to go on your ownterms, by your own definition,
and that's really what we'retrying to accomplish.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Well, that was an amazing way to end this episode,
Jeff.
We appreciate so much you beinghere sharing this amazing story
.
I don't even know what else tosay, so thank you again so much.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Yes, thank you.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
And from Evie and I.
We really appreciate sharing itand sharing with our listeners.
To our listeners thank you somuch for listening to this
episode and remember if you havea pivot step into it.
Thank you for being here.
This is part two of our episodeon saving the starfish.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
We're going to restart this episode by
retelling the save the starfishstory.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
There's an old man not me at this point, but an old
man decided to take a walk onthe beach.
He lived up on the bluffs andhe came down the steps onto the
beach and the tide had come inand the tide had gone out and
all these starfish werebasically stranded on the beach
on the sand, and as the day wenton, the sun was basically going
to bake them and they would alldie from that point.
(00:32):
So there's a very small girlout there picking up the
starfish and throwing them backinto the ocean, one at a time.
Then the old man approached herand said young lady, what are
you doing?
You're wasting your time.
Look up and down the beach.
There's thousands and thousandsof these starfish.
You can't save them all.
What you're doing doesn'tmatter.
(00:54):
And he kept walking and heheard the young girl mumble
behind him and he turned aroundand thought she was being
disrespectful and said what did?
you say and she picked upanother one and threw it into
the water.
And so what did you say?
And she picked up another oneand threw it into the water.
And she goes, it mattered tothat one.
So I think the real key is withthe story we're trying to do
with Amber's Aces for Rocks.
(01:15):
I don't know that will changethe world, will change the
course of modern history, butevery girl that we can get into
that program, it may make adifference in the trajectory of
her life, her career, herrelationships.
So, as a couple of my hugesupporters within the industry
Nicole Corning in Phoenix orAaron Hall in Los Angeles, who
(01:38):
have worked to open up Rockschapters, and Dee Mayerhofer
with SRP, who has beenwonderfully supportive you know
we all have a theme of.
You know we're saving as manystarfish as we can, you know,
one at a time as they go along.
So I think we all need apurpose in life, which is what
Ikigai is.
But it can't be all businessand sometimes it's not all
(02:01):
personal.
But in this case, and sometimesit's not all personal, but in
this case, like I said, amber isnot here but she's not gone.
I work for her and she wasnever able to find her ikigai in
life and my family talks aboutit a lot.
Sometimes, unfortunately,someone's life purpose isn't
(02:22):
discovered until they're afterthey're gone.
So she continues on and livesthrough all of us and what we're
trying to do and I'm suresomewhere somehow she's looking
down and, you know, very proudof her now, of what she has
accomplished in helping otherpeople, because that's really
all she wanted to do while shewas here.
(02:43):
Unfortunately, maybe her storyhad to be a bigger, different
story and she couldn't be hereto share in it.
So we try to find comfort andsolace in that as we move
forward.
So that's kind of my pivot,where it came over the last I
wouldn't say two years when shepassed two years ago.
(03:03):
That was a culmination of a lotof things over a lot of years,
but we've just tried to turn itinto lessons of evolution and
lessons of learning and just sayyou know how can we leave the
world a better place, onestarfish at a time as we go
forward.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
It's an amazing story and I know Evie has a question
for you of time as we go forward.
It's an amazing story and Iknow Evie has a question for you
, but you know I so many thingsthat you said just, I think,
struck home that I I don't evenknow that I could repeat them
all, but I love that you'resharing this story and I love
that you know I.
I find that you know, if youtalk about it, people do come up
and ask you and you never knowwhat somebody else is going
(03:43):
through.
So I think we really appreciateit.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Jeff, you're so bravely unpacking so many big
concepts, ideas, experiences andwhen I say concepts I really
don't mean it at that mentallevel.
Here you are emoting with usand being with it fully, all the
bodies, emotional, body, andyou're letting us, you know, see
the tears, and it's soevocative, in such a beautiful
(04:08):
and meaningful way.
And I took some notes while youwere speaking because I heard
some things that are not verycommon.
We have, you know, crossedpaths before in that different
setting that I was invoking inthe beginning the retirement
industry space and we don't hearthese kinds of expressions from
(04:31):
men in the industry very often.
So what I wanted to connect hereis, you know, you've called
your daughter a sensitive soul acouple times as you were caring
about your family experience,your story, her trials and
tribulations and and inspirationthat she is today to yourself
(04:52):
and many, many others, and howincredible that you've turned
this unimaginable loss into amission.
But what I've noticed throughall that is that you are a
sensitive soul too.
What I've noticed through allthat is that you are a sensitive
soul too, and you are bravelydoing something that is, you
know, very different than whatwe hear from often I'm going to
say it, other men in theindustry.
(05:13):
So do you find yourself I'mcurious speaking differently
with guys, especially aroundmental health and these
emotional truths?
Because you spoke sobeautifully about coaching the
young women and telling them,hey, because you spoke so
beautifully about coaching theyoung women and telling them,
hey, maybe you want to considera different attitude, and here
you are role modeling, somethingthat's not particularly common.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
Yeah, I do think the conversations are different
because there's always thecrossover where you have
similarities, whether thatperson is a man or a woman, from
that point in time, but thereare just different, whether it
has been ingrained in us throughthe environment or through our
(05:57):
own internal ecosystem.
I find the conversations that Ican have, or I should say the
conversations that come out ofthe conversation, meaning that
when I share and talk about it,it opens up a different level of
conversation and sharing, andI've heard some of the most
(06:19):
horrific stories.
I mean, as I mentioned, mydaughter's journey was not good,
it was painful, it was terrible, but I have not gone through
what.
I have heard stories of otherpeople that have gone through
and I won't get into them now.
There's just I don't know howyou get through that other than
you find a way, but there's justso many stories like that.
(06:43):
On the guy side of that, though, I think there's some that once
you let your guard down, theirguard will come down.
Some will never let their guarddown.
They may want to, but they justdon't.
And that machismo or thattough-mindedness mindset or
(07:05):
whatever, I think bad activities, even if the language or
statements of just nottolerating that kind of mindset
(07:33):
and or approach.
So the conversations aredefinitely different.
I think the receptiveness isdifferent but it's not mutually
exclusive.
I still have tremendous,tremendous support from men in
this industry, all the way fromJeff Cullen at SRP to Brian
(07:54):
Graff at the ARA and I could godown through listing names but
I'd be leaving people out as Iwent through that have been
exceptionally emotional andsupportive and open.
But I also find it's usuallybecause they've dealt with
something in their own life,whether it was a spouse, a
parent, a child.
(08:15):
But usually if you haven't gonethrough something like that,
it's hard to get your headaround.
What does that really mean ornot mean?
But no matter who we are, theolder we get, the more
opportunity comes to run intothose kind of life events.
(08:36):
As the old saying, nobody getsout of this world alive.
Very few get out unscathed.
Things happen from there and Ithink those are there back to
your approach, those pivotmoments where it's real and it's
not conversation, it's notjoking around type thing.
I just find that women inparticular have probably had
(08:57):
more.
They identify with Amber morebecause they're women.
I mean probably had more theyidentify with Amber more because
they're women.
I mean, they've been there,that self-esteem points in time,
self-confidence, that notspeaking up because it was all
men in the room and one women,or that imposter syndrome or so
on.
Back to the baseball story Iused guys tend to fake it until
(09:18):
they make it and bluff their waythrough it more than women do.
And I am no expert.
I'm not giving advice, guidance, I'm just telling a story and
using observations I have fromthat point.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
You know, I think that means so much that honest,
open communication and knowingsometimes they have somebody to
talk to.
Were you going to say somethingsimilar, evie?
Speaker 1 (09:47):
to Were you going to say something similar, evie,
just how profoundly moving it isto hear you speak into a lot of
these things that oftentimesdon't coexist in the same
conversation.
So you are able to comment onfolks that you know,
professionals, you know them inthat setting and then you're
able to speak into the grief andthe loss that they may have had
.
And then you're switching gearsand you're talking about young
(10:08):
girls and what's happening thereand what might be going on for
them that goes unnoticed.
Then you're doing this amazingcommentary on society no
judgment the whole time.
You're just running on love,jeff.
That's what's really amazingfor me.
So I just wanted to reallypresence that, this holistic
conversation and where I getexcited and here's what I think
(10:29):
you and Amber are doing togetherin this legacy of a holistic,
wholesome approach to go throughall of this in a conversation
where you're strategicallydeciding on the next steps when
it comes to a particularapproach that you're going to
take with your firm right.
But you can still infuse thatconversation with this bigger
(10:50):
awareness, like you were saying,of everyone's going through
something and what's the biggermission we're trying to achieve,
and I think that one of thereally beautiful things you are
talking about without saying theword I don't think we've
mentioned it once yet is legacy,which is what the entire
industry is playing with.
And here you are really being asteward of a legacy in a
(11:12):
situation that typically,chronologically, goes
differently.
Right, the order of some ofthese events should have been
different, right?
Not you talking about legacy,but here you are making some of
these impossible things possible.
And the last comment I wantedto make was you know you're
talking about I don't knowmetaphor or analogy of the scab
and picking at the scab, andreally what I see is you just
(11:35):
reinforcing this experience oflike keeping your heart wide
open because it cracked, like itbroke open, and allowing it to
stay cracked open, whilecontinuing to have perhaps even
like tougher skin in some of theinstances, like when you talked
about not being tolerant of thebad apples, and you were
(11:57):
talking about that from more ofa current situation.
For me, that episode that youtalked about, the situation with
the boys, the the awfulcommentaries that your girl
heard, like there you arebasically continuing to do
something about it, so there canbe a toughness about that that
comes from this internalsoftness and I just really,
(12:17):
really love that and and commendyou for it.
I'm grateful that there arefolks like you out there.
You know paving a new way.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
I appreciate that and , like I said, back to the
legacy, I don't really eventhink of it in a legacy terms,
because we have too much work todo and we have too many
starfish to save and it's tooearly to look back and say, wow,
look what we accomplished ordid, because there's too much
looking forward to what we haveto do.
(12:48):
And I think the other pointthat you raised that I just has
now become so ingrained in me isjust the concept of random acts
of kindness, random acts ofrespect and random acts of
appreciation, because andtelevision and politics and all
(13:09):
of that you can young,impressionable minds, you get
wrapped up in the well, that'show the world is and that's how
the world happens to be andthat's what I've got to be if
(13:31):
I'm going to be successful inthe world.
But being successful in theworld still does not deal with
the person you're looking at inthe mirror every day and trying
to determine do you really likewho you see?
And are you, if that was yourfriend, are you proud that
that's your friend?
You know, type thing.
And I make a comment all thetime that if you let someone
(13:55):
else say to you the things thatyou say to yourself in your own
head you probably wouldn't hangout with that person.
You'd get new friends becauseyou couldn't stand to be around
them.
But you can't separate that.
You've got to learn how to youknow, work through that.
So we're just all we're tryingto do is, like I said, is raise
awareness, raise money, createchapters around the country and
(14:19):
impact as many you know manystarfish as we can.
But by raising the awareness iteven lets the adults have
better conversations amongthemselves.
Because, as simple as thissounds and sometimes we make it
way too complicated from thereit's pretty hard to get through
this life, whether you're maleor female, without interacting
(14:40):
with other females.
I mean, you got a mother.
I mean it's pretty hard to behere if you didn't have a mother
, and who knows what your motherwent through?
You got sisters, you gotdaughters, you got nieces, you
got colleagues.
This isn't an isolatedgirl-woman problem.
I mean, when I talk about womenin general, you's, you're 50%
(15:03):
of the population and nobody'shere without a mother.
So how do you say, well, that'snot my problem, it's not my
issue, it's everybody's issue,and that's we.
But we, we, we can't be in thecurative mode all the time.
Somewhere along the line.
We've got to work harder at thepreventative mode, otherwise
we're chasing our tail on fixingeverybody later, so to speak.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
I'm completely a different person.
I was I.
You know you have impostersyndrome when you're young.
I have imposter syndrome todaysometimes.
Right, those kind of things andreally having that
reinforcement.
I think what you're doing withAmber's Aces is such a beautiful
tribute to your daughter.
So I think that's an amazingpiece and usually we ask how is
(15:46):
this pivot a step forward?
But I think you've answeredthat for us, for yourself,
unless you have something to addbecause what you're doing for
her, for young women, for othersout there, I think is amazing.
So I love that you put yourenergy in that, because I can
see how much that means to you.
(16:07):
And I want to tell ourlisteners that we will put the
information out about ROX, aboutAmber's Aces, in our show notes
.
So if you would like to getinvolved, I'm sure that there
are many young women who wouldreally appreciate that and, jeff
, we appreciate so much youbeing here with us today sharing
(16:30):
your story, I'm sure as much asyou've shared it.
It's still not easy to do somedays, but we are thankful that
we could help you share thisstory and help you share this
message and that you shared itwith us and our listeners.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
I appreciate you having me.
Like I said, I look for anyplatform I can have to tell the
story and going forward.
Like I said, it's not a legacy,it's not a tribute, but at this
point it's almost a missionthat I share with my daughter
and I can continue to share aslong as I can have a platform
(17:07):
and an audience and spread theword.
That's what we're going to do.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Well, thank you so much, Thank you so much and
thank you for your generositygenerosity with your time, with
your energy, with your bravery,and thank you also for these.
You know small adjustments youmade with some of these words,
because these details matter andyou on the on the kind of final
note about the words, I knowthat you've also considered this
(17:33):
notion of like who made whomproud, who is making whom proud,
who is who's proud here, and Iwould just love to hear if you
have had any changes to how youthink about that.
You know, I know you getcomments about you must be
making your daughter proud, andI think it's so much bigger than
that.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
I think it's one of the things, one of the mental
health issues is my daughtercould never get her arms around
the fact that I made her proud.
She always wanted me to beprouder.
If you will and you know, backto the mental side of things is
and it's all root is she wasnever really, I think, proud of
(18:13):
herself.
So I think the idea about prideis so misused and misallocated
and misaligned, because the ideaof are you proud of me, am I
proud of you?
That's not the issue.
The issue is when you look inthe mirror, are you proud of who
you see?
Because then all the otherthings do you like who you see?
(18:36):
Are you proud of who you see?
Are you happy with who you see?
If you can't have thatconversation with the person
looking back in the mirror, noneof the other things will ever
fall in place.
Because, in essence, mydaughter wanting me to be
prouder of her was really tryingto fill a hole, that she wasn't
(18:56):
proud enough of herself.
So when I look at those thingsthat I'm very proud of her, I
hope she's proud of me.
But what I really hope, evenwherever she is at this point in
time, she is proud of herselfBecause, ultimately, if we can
teach all young girls and youngwomen the same thing, who you
are is good enough, but practiceKaizen.
(19:19):
And Kaizen is make your bestbetter, just a little bit better
every day for 10, 20, 30, 40years.
Don't stop, don't slow down,but wherever you are today is
good enough.
Just make it a little bitbetter tomorrow and find ways to
be proud of yourself, becausethat is the catalyst for getting
(19:39):
to wherever it is.
You want to go on your ownterms, by your own definition,
and that's really what we'retrying to accomplish.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Well, that was an amazing way to end this episode,
Jeff.
We appreciate so much you beinghere sharing this amazing story
.
I don't even know what else tosay, so thank you again so much.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Yes, thank you.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
And from Evie and I.
We really appreciate sharing itand sharing with our listeners.
To our listeners thank you somuch for listening to this
episode and remember if you havea pivot step into it.
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