October 24, 2023 • 30 mins
Have you ever noticed how small setbacks and minor annoyances can accumulate until you feel as if one more could just about push you over the edge? While microstressors are an integral part of life, with the right tools and mindset, they can be harnessed to our advantage.
In this final episode of our three-part series on microstressors, Lori and Nola equip you with quick and easy stress management techniques that can turn microstressors into powerful tools for success. Don't let that sneaky microstress disempower you; let's harness it together to create a more positive, empowering journey.
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In This Episode, You’ll Learn
- The importance of recognizing and responding to small stressors appropriately.
- How to tune into your body's response to different situations so you can cut stress off at the pass.
- How to apply invaluable, easy-to-do stress-relief techniques.
- Tips on asking for help effectively and communicating your boundaries to others.
Key points Lori and Nola are sharing in this episode:
12:35 Your answers to these questions reveal when and how to stop a stressor in its tracks.
8:17 Do any of these signs of stress ring true for you?
23:32 Safe, savvy boundary-setting tactics to protect your time and energy.
28:48 The most effective way to get someone to WANT to help take some of the load off.
Resources
For a deeper dive into the effects of unchecked microstress, listen to Episodes 148 & 149.
Subscribe to Lori and Nola's show (we love you and want to make it easy) on Apple Podcasts, Audible, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Nola (00:00):
Life can be challenging at times, whether it's in your
personal life, your business orboth.
The reality is that stress is anatural part of life, right?
So while you may not be able tochange who or what causes you
stress, you can definitelychange how you think about it
and what you do to either beempowered or disempowered.
That's right, you heard mecorrectly.
(00:20):
You can use stress, evenmicro-stress, to your advantage
or disadvantage.
Stay tuned, friend, becausewe're sharing tips, tricks and
action steps you can take toflip the script on micro-stress.
Welcome to Sticky Brand Lab,where we bridge the gap between
knowledge and action byproviding you with helpful info,
tips and tools fromentrepreneurs and other experts
so you can quickly and easilyjumpstart your side business.
(00:42):
We're your hosts.
I'm Nola Boea, and this is myco-host, Lori Vajda.
Hey, Lori.
Lori (00:48):
Hi Nola.
Hey, Nola, I have a questionfor you.
What has been your experiencewith stress, and that includes
micro-stress?
I know I just asked you a veryopen-ended question, but I was
wondering if your experience orhow you deal with it, or your
thoughts and ideas, are similarto that of most people's.
(01:09):
What's?
Nola (01:10):
my experience with stress.
Well, that is a loaded question.
Might even be stressful toanswer it.
Lori (01:17):
I know I can already feel my own anxiety.
Nola (01:21):
Well, I've actually looked back and felt like you ever
hear that frog in boiling wateranalogy.
Actually, it's kind of morbidwhen you talk about it.
You can put a frog in the coldwater and heat it gradually, and
it's so gradual and it has areally bad ending.
Lori (01:35):
But you mean the frog dies ?
Nola (01:38):
The frog dies because the frog doesn't jump out of the
water because it's so gradual.
It does not realize that thewater's getting hot and adjusts
and adjusts, and adjusts, andadjusts, until it's just chronic
and fatal.
Well, I have actually likenedmy stress level, my gradual
stress level, to a frog inboiling water recently, because,
over time, just differentcircumstances have come up from
(02:01):
caretaking for an ill familymember to taking on more
responsibility at work, totaking on more responsibility
outside of work, and then just alot of life events.
I will say, though, that I havejumped out of the water, so I'm
a really smart frog and havelearned some techniques to
(02:23):
handle it, and I will say theyare helping and it's a process,
but I do feel I'm aware of it,I'm getting better, and some of
the things we're going to sharetoday is hopefully going to help
others too.
Lori (02:35):
So I think your viewpoint is very similar to that of most
people.
We tend to think of stress andthe stressor as interchangeable,
and by stressor I mean thething that caused it.
They're not.
Stress is actually a one-timereaction that your body has in
response to an event, a person,a situation, even your thoughts.
(02:59):
And I say a one-time event.
But what can happen is the morethat we encounter similar
events or people or situations.
What happens is our body thencontinues to have that response
of hormones, and so that isreferred to as chronic stress.
(03:21):
So when you separate out thebody's stress reaction to a
stressor or a microstressor, yourealize that those are the
symptoms that happen or are theresult of that perceived danger
or threat.
Now what do I mean by danger orthreat?
In today's world, that can besomething as simple as a looming
(03:45):
work deadline, a colleague youstruggle to get along with.
It can be worrying about losingyour job or your business, but
it can also be something assmall as trying to find a
parking space or trying to getyour lunch in while you're
sitting in a meeting, or littlethings like that.
So when we understand it fromthis perspective, we can see how
(04:09):
a trigger leads the body andmind to respond reflexively,
automatically, by becomingself-aware, you have the
opportunity to choose how, whenand in what way you want to
intervene, rather than kind offeeling like you're at the mercy
of your stress or your stressis just totally out of control.
(04:29):
To bring this even closer tohome, you and I have been
working on this topic in anumber of episodes, and today
was all about interventions.
Right, but right now, listener,we had to do an appointment in
one location and we were goingto be in this location for a
week, so we packed up our dog.
Nola (04:49):
You're talking about you and your husband, right?
Yes, not me and you this istrue, I am talking about me and
my husband.
Lori (04:55):
Yes, we packed up a trailer.
We were in this temporarylocation for a week.
We also, at the beginning ofthe summer, moved out of our
home.
So we were living in temporaryhome for the summer and when we
came back we were moving into anew home.
In the course of moving intothe new home, we had a number of
(05:16):
clients that we were workingwith that had deadlines that we
were trying to meet.
You and I were trying to meet.
Yes, my husband and I weretrying to unpack and we have an
upcoming trip that we hadplanned long ago that just
happened to coincide during allof this.
So basically, what I'm sayingis I am under.
(05:36):
Amounts of stress by a numberof stressors Make sense.
Nola (05:44):
Yes, it totally makes sense.
So even recording and providingthese tips and tools were
totally speaking for ourselves,especially you right now.
Lori (05:54):
I am, so am I am relating to this and implementing many of
the techniques that we're aboutto share with you today,
listener, because I've beenusing them myself Me too.
Nola (06:07):
So here we go.
Here we're going to share todaysome tips, tools, techniques
for thinking about managing andreducing microstressers, and
many of the ideas we're about toshare can also apply to these
major stressors as well.
So if this is your first timelistening, you will want to
check out Episode 148, becausethat's where we discuss the
(06:29):
effects of unchecked stress,particularly in the impact of
that gradual accumulation ofmicrostressers.
And you'll also want to checkout Episode 149, where we
discuss ways to developself-awareness.
Basically, it's to learn moreabout the specific stressors,
such as people, situations,thoughts that lead to that fight
(06:51):
or fight response in your life.
Lori (06:53):
But before we get into the specific interventions,
remember, listener, everyoneexperiences stress.
That's normal.
That's natural.
And sometimes stress can feeloverwhelming and when that
happens on an ongoing basis, itcan lead to anxiety.
The point here is it's how youmanage stress, not whether you
experience it that matters.
(07:14):
And just in case you aren'tfamiliar with the ways stress
can affect you physically andemotionally, here's a short list
of a few health problems.
Stress, ongoing stress andmicrostressers that build over
time can lead to high bloodpressure, heart disease,
diabetes, obesity, depressionand I mentioned anxiety.
(07:38):
But it can even cause skinproblems like acne or eczema,
and even menstrual problems.
And, by the way, for those whomight be listening, and if you
are under a lot of stress andtrying to start a family, it can
contribute to infertilityproblems as well.
Nola (07:57):
See, all of these are really major physical health
problems and makes it reallyworth your while to address any
stress in your life.
Lori (08:05):
Yeah, I want to add those were health problems, but I want
to also let you know thatthere's a whole list of physical
and emotional problems peopleexperience when stress becomes
overwhelming.
Nola, do any of these ring truefor you?
Diarrhea or constipation,forgetfulness, frequent
headaches or aches and pains,lack of energy or focus, sexual
(08:29):
problems, stiff jaw, tiredness,trouble sleeping or even
sleeping too much, upset stomach, use of alcohol or drugs to
relax and here's a big oneWeight loss or weight gain.
Nola (08:46):
Well, you asked me if any of these ring true for you, and
several of them do, and I won'tnecessarily go into detail, but
I will say that I only recentlyrecognized that these symptoms
are a cluster that can all pointto stress, and only when I
recognize them as a cluster thatI realized that I really needed
(09:07):
to address some of the causesof stress.
I will say that, while it takespractice, I found it a relief
to know that there are ways tomitigate things like okay, I'll
say it, weight gain.
I mean some serious weight gain, trouble sleeping,
forgetfulness.
I actually have a way tomitigate the stressors and the
(09:27):
microstressors to help addressthose symptoms.
Lori (09:31):
That's awesome because this list for me.
There were a number of thingsas I shared earlier some of the
big stressors that I'm facingand many of this list ranked
true for me as well.
Especially, this is where Ihave trouble sleeping, because I
often wake up in the middle ofthe night thinking about the
(09:51):
things that I have to do orgetting clarity on the thing
that I can now handle and takecare of, which is a very bad
timing, but it's true, andforgetfulness is another one.
I have lists galore happeningright now.
Nola (10:05):
Oh yeah, I can totally relate and you know what you
carry yourself so well.
You would never know you wereunder stress.
Oh, thank you Me.
What I used to do, probablyover a decade ago, is I would
just grab the alcohol and drinkto numb that symptom of a knot
in my stomach.
I don't do that anymore, butwe'll talk about ways that can
mitigate stress now.
Lori (10:26):
A lot of people use that as an example, but a lot of
people will do that after workdrink to relax.
So the thing here is using thatas a way to relax rather than
some healthier alternatives torelaxing.
I think that's what you'rereally talking about.
Nola (10:45):
Well, a relaxing glass of wine is nice.
A relaxing bottle of wine isconcerning Good point Nola.
Lori (10:53):
Very good point.
I'm now going to get rid of mybottle of wine.
Nola (11:01):
Well, listen, as we mentioned earlier, stress is a
reaction to an actual orperceived threat, and we're
usually pretty aware of themajor stressors, like the ones
Lori just mentioned moving andhaving so many things to do in a
short period of time, or otherstressors like getting in a car
accident.
But did you know that stresscan also come from things that
are positive in our lives, suchas a promotion You've got extra
(11:25):
responsibility, but it'sexciting A move, or becoming a
parent to a newborn, getting anew pet or even getting married.
I read that it takes about 10years to get used to living with
your new spouse.
So even if you're not really anewlywed anymore, that stress of
(11:45):
adjustment could really last along time.
Lori (11:48):
Just saying that is fascinating to me and makes so
much sense because as you buildtrust in the relationship and
you bring two differentperspectives together and
navigate that, I can see wherethat takes a long time.
Now it makes me wonder if ittakes almost twice as long
before you become comfortablewith your kid, like hence age 21
(12:14):
.
Nola (12:18):
That's an interesting episode.
We'll get there.
Here's the interesting thingthe brain does not differentiate
between good and bad stress, itjust responds.
So with that in mind, let's getstarted filling your toolbox
with some tips and tools.
Now.
The first step in interveningis to tune into your body's
(12:39):
reaction in differentcircumstances.
You can do this by askingyourself a few questions, such
as am I experiencing a reactionsuch as?
For me, it might be a nod in mytummy.
We discussed this a lot inEpisode 149, so I'm not going to
go into much detail here, otherthan to say that, once you've
determined how and where youfeel it in the body, you can
(13:00):
then delve a little further byasking yourself a few more
questions, such as is this atemporary stress or is it an
ongoing one?
And if it's ongoing, is it witha particular person, recurring
situation, a recurring thought?
And am I just now becomingaware of this, or is this
something that's been nagging atme for a while?
(13:21):
I?
Lori (13:22):
love these questions because often what happens is we
minimize or we discount thecues that our bodies are giving
us, instead of tuning into it,even our emotional reaction.
Maybe you found yourselfgetting angry really quickly, or
all of a sudden feeling verysad very quickly.
(13:43):
Those are all signs thatsomething's going on.
Your emotions and your physical, somatic symptoms are giving
you information, but becausewe're not self-aware as to how
we are feeling in the moment orthe person that is triggering
some of this for us, we discountit, we ignore it altogether,
(14:06):
and so, for me, this is a reallygreat example of how stress can
be used to our advantage ordisadvantage.
If you're aware, if you knowthat your body is sending you
signals that something isn'tquite right, you can make the
decision of what you're going todo about it or if you're going
to do anything about it Now.
(14:26):
This can work to your advantagein the way of let's say that
you have a looming deadline andyou recognize you're feeling an
adrenaline rush.
Stress can do that for you andyou're going to use that to
accomplish the task at hand.
By asking yourself andanswering those questions,
you're able to identify thestressor and you can then decide
(14:51):
how you want to deal with it orif you want to let it go.
Really, this is importantbecause it helps you determine
an intervention or even if anintervention is necessary.
Let me give you an exampleTechniques for letting go of
stress.
They can include things liketaking three deep, full belly
(15:13):
breaths.
Now you can try this to thecount of four, four, four.
This is where you breathe infor a count of four, hold for a
count of four and release for acount of four.
For me personally, that lastone.
I often inhale belly breathvery deeply, so I can often find
(15:34):
that a count out of six oreight is enough to really do a
deep relaxation.
What deep breathing does is itelicits the body's relaxation
response, which in fact, reducesyour blood pressure.
This is important because oftenwe hold on to stress.
(15:54):
When we hold on to stress, whathappens to our breathing is we
actually hold our breath.
Many people will recognize thislike you're at the dentist and
they're like breathe.
That's because we'reanticipating what's going to
happen and that anticipationmakes us hold our breath.
The other thing that we do understress is we shallow breathe.
(16:16):
When I was practicing fullbelly breaths, I realized I
didn't know how to do it.
I did not know how to inhaledeeply from the belly.
I was trying to inhale and itwas coming from my chest, so I
was expanding out my lungs but Iwasn't getting the maximum
breath, so I really wasn't doingthe relaxation response that
(16:37):
was going to help me.
By the way, you can practicedeep breathing regardless of
whether you want to let it go,let it go or you're addressing a
major stress.
I know that for some peoplethey start their day with some
deep breathing.
Then they might do that againat lunch and then maybe at night
(16:58):
before going to bed to preparethemselves to get ready for
sleep.
They just incorporate it as ahabit.
Nola (17:04):
When I am in some mind-numbing or frustrating
meetings I find that I do veryshallow breathing.
It's almost like I can't evenimagine how I get oxygen because
it's like almost I forget tobreathe.
I've learned that 4-4-4 and Ihave started doing it.
I will say that after thatthird time of doing the in-4
(17:25):
count, hold-4 count, out-4 count, by the end of the third time I
have literally been able tofeel my nervous system reboot to
a calm level.
I'm in a calmer state and I canhandle it.
It really does work.
Lori (17:38):
You know, one of the things that happens when we are
in a relaxed state is it helpsus with creativity and problem
solving.
But we've got a few othertechniques to try.
If you want to let it go, hereare a few other techniques.
One is journaling.
There's something very powerfulabout actually picking up a pen
(17:59):
and writing it down, as opposedto typing.
It turns out, according toresearch, that typing is
automated.
We don't even give it a thoughtas to what we're really typing
out.
But when we write, we have toconcentrate on each letter and
the thought that accompanies it.
Some of the benefits of writingthings down is it allows you to
(18:23):
dump the thought that's in yourhead or been swirling around in
there, because what happenswhen we get stressed is we tend
to replay the situation or ourresponse to that person or the
event over and over again in ourhead, not only after it's
happened, but days after it'shappened.
(18:43):
Writing it down gives you a wayto release it, put it someplace
safe and move on that explainswhy pen journaling your brain
dump is actually a letting gotechnique.
Exactly.
Here are a few other miniinterventions that you can try.
(19:04):
Really, I like to think of itas snack size.
These are things that you cando to interrupt that fight,
flight and, in some cases,freeze response that your brain
and body naturally gear up forwhen stress is triggered.
One of those is a brief walkoutside or even inside.
(19:24):
It can be in your home, it canbe in your office.
The idea is that you're gettingout of the situation and the
environment in which thestressor is affecting you and
you're getting a differentperspective.
Even walking outside to yourporch can have a benefit.
It doesn't have to be a longstroll, it can be a minute, it
(19:47):
can be five minutes, but that'senough to excuse yourself from
the environment and get a newperspective.
Meditate for one minute.
If you can meditate for threeminutes, great.
If you can meditate longer,great.
But you can get maximum benefitfrom a one-minute meditation.
Phone a friend to say hello.
(20:07):
It's not about sharing thewrong or the frustration that
happened, because that actuallygets you geared up and makes the
stressor last longer.
Here you're just saying Icalled to say hello, wanted to
let you know I was thinking ofyou.
I hope you have a great day andI'll talk to you later, hearing
that voice on the other side.
(20:28):
That same benefits you get fromtaking a walk or doing
one-minute meditation.
Another one listen to somemusic.
Along the lines of listen tomusic, try this one Wash your
hands to the tune of a song.
Even happy birthday works.
Even that 30 second ofintervention can help reduce
(20:50):
stress.
Nola (20:51):
I would like to add to that Well, I have invested in
affectionately call them bellballs.
Lori (20:59):
Let me just interrupt you here.
Just listen, in case you're notable to see the video or the
video is not up when you'relistening to this.
Imagine two hockey pucks inyour hand Very good.
Nola (21:08):
They aren't the size of hockey pucks but they're
actually speakers that have anindividual bell inside.
Somehow they're connected witheach other but they elicit
independent tones that fluctuateor resonate in different ways
and it's unique every singletime you turn them on.
It's really called the now tonetherapy system.
Now apparently is an acronymfor new origin waveforms,
(21:33):
because it really does use toneand when you turn them on it
really draws you into listen tothe tones very actively and to
hear how they're going tofluctuate and interact with each
other.
And people say that they getinto a meditative state in three
minutes from these, in a waythat normally might take them 20
(21:55):
minutes with your traditionalsilent meditation.
I will say that one time I didthat right before a one on one
with a teammate and the bellsended just as the meeting began
and he looked at me and he saidyou know, you know you're not
going to.
Wow, you look so peaceful,You're glowing, Wow, Wow.
(22:17):
Apparently it's noticeable.
Lori (22:19):
We should all get some balls in our hands then.
Nola (22:21):
I didn't have the balls in my hands at that time.
Lori (22:24):
But the result was obvious .
Yes, you were in a deeprelaxation state in three
minutes.
Nola (22:29):
Yes, exactly.
Lori (22:31):
And I think that's the whole point of those bite size
interventions that you can dothat have a maximum impact.
Nola (22:39):
Yeah, absolutely Switching gears.
Now let's talk about boundaryinterventions.
This is where you want toaddress the situation or the
person, and it's especiallyimportant when it comes to micro
stressors.
So they do not continue,because it's often those small
things that we think that we caneasily take care of.
They're not a problem, butthose are actually the things
(23:01):
that are building your stresslevel.
Examples things like having torepeatedly backtrack for a
forgetful family member, or theslightly increased time demands
from team members that arealways asking you for help.
Those are just a few examples.
I'm not going to go on, becausewe do talk a lot about those in
episodes both 148 and 149.
(23:21):
But today we're talking abouthow to address them and here's a
few things you can say tointervene by setting your
boundaries.
To get into this, do you findyourself saying yes to things
that you want to say no to?
I know.
Lori (23:37):
I do.
Nola (23:38):
Because saying no can immediately cause more stress.
Lori (23:41):
Because it's like us.
Nola (23:43):
But if you find a way to set a boundary that's really
important in the long term,start by considering that you
might have to build your nomuscle.
Here are some ways to say no.
Choose the suggestions thatwork for you and just leave what
doesn't.
You'll know it feels right.
So here we go.
I would love to help, but Ialready have some prior
commitments.
(24:03):
When you say that, it allows youto express your willingness to
assist, but it also respectfullyasserts your boundaries.
Thank you for inviting me, orthank you for thinking of me, or
thank you for wanting toinclude me, but I need to pass
this time period.
I need some time to think itover.
Can we revisit this later?
When you use that phrase, it isa way to keep from blurting out
(24:26):
, yes, if you're feeling on thespot and it buys you some time.
I understand this is important,but I can't give it the
attention it deserves at themoment.
This phrase is especiallyhelpful when sending boundaries
with your kids or, I found whenwhen setting boundaries with
community organizations, becausewhen you volunteer for one
(24:46):
organization and they find, oh,she's willing to do this, maybe
she's willing to do this otherthing for other committee.
Lori (24:52):
I remember working in a nonprofit and also being
networking groups, and one ofthe phrases that is commonly
used is if you want somethingdone, ask a busy person, because
busy people get things done.
But also busy people are undera lot of stress because they
have a very difficult timesaying no.
Nola (25:13):
And if this is you, then you need to learn how to do that
with some of these phrases.
And another phrase that worksis this one you know I value our
relationship, so I need to behonest about my limits or my
time commitments, and thisreally does work well with those
family members, friends andthose committees that want you
(25:33):
to do things for them too.
Here's another one that you canuse when you're under stress
because somebody is kind ofwanting to argue with you or
take a different stance andyou're just feeling under stress
because you really don't agreewith them and you don't want to
get into an argument.
Here's what you say.
You know it sounds like we'recoming at this from two
different perspectives.
Let's schedule a time to talkfurther so we can find a
(25:55):
solution that works for both ofus, See there.
So you've bought yourself time,You've backed out of what could
have been a triggeringsituation and both of you can
come to the table probably levelheaded.
Lori (26:07):
I would like to add one more to your list, okay, and
that is that no in and of itselfis a complete sentence.
Do you find it difficult justto say no without adding any
commentary?
Always?
Nola (26:25):
Almost always.
But I also know that when I'mstressed out, it's the best
thing to do and to try to givean explainer, it's kind of
disempowering as well.
Lori (26:36):
That's a really important piece here, because what happens
when we offer up theexplanation to justify our
reason for setting clearboundaries?
It disempowers us.
Less is more and along thoselines, clear, concise
communication is key, and we'vegiven you some great things to
(26:57):
say when setting boundaries.
There's two more I'd like toadd, and this really has to do
with asking for help.
This is the one thing Iparticularly find challenging,
and I know many other people doas well, particularly women,
although I am finding that manymen find saying no difficult and
(27:17):
my husband is one of those whenit comes to our relationship,
because he really does want tohelp me out and so he'll go that
extra distance, but what endsup happening is because he
hasn't said some of thosesuggestions that you've said
above.
I have an expectation that he'sgoing to get it done, and all
I've done is add to his list ofstress, knowing that it happens
(27:42):
to men and women alike.
I wanted to be able to say thatasking for help can be very,
very empowering, but knowing howto ask it in a way that works
for you, that can be thechallenge.
So here are two tips.
The first is can you help mewith something?
It seems like a small thing tosay right, here's the thing.
(28:04):
There's a big differencebetween saying do this, which is
kind of barking out in order,and that can happen at home, it
can happen with your kids, itcan happen with your partner and
it can happen at work Do thisand I'll do this.
Now imagine saying I'm reallyfeeling overwhelmed right now.
Can I ask you to help me out bytaking out the garbage?
(28:26):
Or can I ask you to help me outby making this call?
It's a great way to ask forhelp.
Another, you were right, I waswrong or I was wrong.
I should have said somethingwhen you asked me about doing
this.
Whatever this is, can werevisit this?
(28:48):
Often, in our desire, listener,to help others, we sometimes
bite off way more than we canchew.
We often think at that pointthat it's too late to change the
outcome.
But the reality is, if youdon't ask, the answer is it's
definitely too late to changethe outcome.
Often, what the other personwill experience when you come to
(29:12):
them especially the quicker youcan come to them is relief to
know that they now can go findsomeone else who can help them
out, instead of waiting on youand then you not doing the best
job possible that you could do,so asking for help.
It's an empowering way for youto manage stress, microstress
(29:35):
and major stress.
The trick is learning how to doit.
Nola (29:38):
Good advice.
Well, friend, we hope the ideasand action steps we've offered
so you can mitigate yourmicrostressers have sparked your
interest, curiosity andwillingness to prioritize your
own needs reduce yourmicrostressers, improve your
well-being and maybe even becomea first-time entrepreneur in
the second half of your vibrantlife.
Now be sure to stick around tothe very end of the podcast for
(30:01):
a little fun.
Lori (30:02):
If you found the information we've shared helpful
and want more tips, tools andinspiration delivered to your
inbox, sign up for news you canuse over on our website at
stickybrandlabcom.
And remember small steps, bigeffects.
Life can be challenging at times, whether it's in your
personal life, your business orboth.
The reality is that stress is anatural part of life, right?
So while you may not be able tochange who or what causes you
stress, you can definitelychange how you think about it
and what you do to either beempowered or disempowered.
That's right, you heard mecorrectly.
(00:20):
You can use stress, evenmicro-stress, to your advantage
or disadvantage.
Stay tuned, friend, becausewe're sharing tips, tricks and
action steps you can take toflip the script on micro-stress.
Welcome to Sticky Brand Lab,where we bridge the gap between
knowledge and action byproviding you with helpful info,
tips and tools fromentrepreneurs and other experts
so you can quickly and easilyjumpstart your side business.
(00:42):
We're your hosts.
I'm Nola Boea, and this is myco-host, Lori Vajda.
Hey, Lori.
Lori (00:48):
Hi Nola.
Hey, Nola, I have a questionfor you.
What has been your experiencewith stress, and that includes
micro-stress?
I know I just asked you a veryopen-ended question, but I was
wondering if your experience orhow you deal with it, or your
thoughts and ideas, are similarto that of most people's.
(01:09):
What's?
Nola (01:10):
my experience with stress.
Well, that is a loaded question.
Might even be stressful toanswer it.
Lori (01:17):
I know I can already feel my own anxiety.
Nola (01:21):
Well, I've actually looked back and felt like you ever
hear that frog in boiling wateranalogy.
Actually, it's kind of morbidwhen you talk about it.
You can put a frog in the coldwater and heat it gradually, and
it's so gradual and it has areally bad ending.
Lori (01:35):
But you mean the frog dies ?
Nola (01:38):
The frog dies because the frog doesn't jump out of the
water because it's so gradual.
It does not realize that thewater's getting hot and adjusts
and adjusts, and adjusts, andadjusts, until it's just chronic
and fatal.
Well, I have actually likenedmy stress level, my gradual
stress level, to a frog inboiling water recently, because,
over time, just differentcircumstances have come up from
(02:01):
caretaking for an ill familymember to taking on more
responsibility at work, totaking on more responsibility
outside of work, and then just alot of life events.
I will say, though, that I havejumped out of the water, so I'm
a really smart frog and havelearned some techniques to
(02:23):
handle it, and I will say theyare helping and it's a process,
but I do feel I'm aware of it,I'm getting better, and some of
the things we're going to sharetoday is hopefully going to help
others too.
Lori (02:35):
So I think your viewpoint is very similar to that of most
people.
We tend to think of stress andthe stressor as interchangeable,
and by stressor I mean thething that caused it.
They're not.
Stress is actually a one-timereaction that your body has in
response to an event, a person,a situation, even your thoughts.
(02:59):
And I say a one-time event.
But what can happen is the morethat we encounter similar
events or people or situations.
What happens is our body thencontinues to have that response
of hormones, and so that isreferred to as chronic stress.
(03:21):
So when you separate out thebody's stress reaction to a
stressor or a microstressor, yourealize that those are the
symptoms that happen or are theresult of that perceived danger
or threat.
Now what do I mean by danger orthreat?
In today's world, that can besomething as simple as a looming
(03:45):
work deadline, a colleague youstruggle to get along with.
It can be worrying about losingyour job or your business, but
it can also be something assmall as trying to find a
parking space or trying to getyour lunch in while you're
sitting in a meeting, or littlethings like that.
So when we understand it fromthis perspective, we can see how
(04:09):
a trigger leads the body andmind to respond reflexively,
automatically, by becomingself-aware, you have the
opportunity to choose how, whenand in what way you want to
intervene, rather than kind offeeling like you're at the mercy
of your stress or your stressis just totally out of control.
(04:29):
To bring this even closer tohome, you and I have been
working on this topic in anumber of episodes, and today
was all about interventions.
Right, but right now, listener,we had to do an appointment in
one location and we were goingto be in this location for a
week, so we packed up our dog.
Nola (04:49):
You're talking about you and your husband, right?
Yes, not me and you this istrue, I am talking about me and
my husband.
Lori (04:55):
Yes, we packed up a trailer.
We were in this temporarylocation for a week.
We also, at the beginning ofthe summer, moved out of our
home.
So we were living in temporaryhome for the summer and when we
came back we were moving into anew home.
In the course of moving intothe new home, we had a number of
(05:16):
clients that we were workingwith that had deadlines that we
were trying to meet.
You and I were trying to meet.
Yes, my husband and I weretrying to unpack and we have an
upcoming trip that we hadplanned long ago that just
happened to coincide during allof this.
So basically, what I'm sayingis I am under.
(05:36):
Amounts of stress by a numberof stressors Make sense.
Nola (05:44):
Yes, it totally makes sense.
So even recording and providingthese tips and tools were
totally speaking for ourselves,especially you right now.
Lori (05:54):
I am, so am I am relating to this and implementing many of
the techniques that we're aboutto share with you today,
listener, because I've beenusing them myself Me too.
Nola (06:07):
So here we go.
Here we're going to share todaysome tips, tools, techniques
for thinking about managing andreducing microstressers, and
many of the ideas we're about toshare can also apply to these
major stressors as well.
So if this is your first timelistening, you will want to
check out Episode 148, becausethat's where we discuss the
(06:29):
effects of unchecked stress,particularly in the impact of
that gradual accumulation ofmicrostressers.
And you'll also want to checkout Episode 149, where we
discuss ways to developself-awareness.
Basically, it's to learn moreabout the specific stressors,
such as people, situations,thoughts that lead to that fight
(06:51):
or fight response in your life.
Lori (06:53):
But before we get into the specific interventions,
remember, listener, everyoneexperiences stress.
That's normal.
That's natural.
And sometimes stress can feeloverwhelming and when that
happens on an ongoing basis, itcan lead to anxiety.
The point here is it's how youmanage stress, not whether you
experience it that matters.
(07:14):
And just in case you aren'tfamiliar with the ways stress
can affect you physically andemotionally, here's a short list
of a few health problems.
Stress, ongoing stress andmicrostressers that build over
time can lead to high bloodpressure, heart disease,
diabetes, obesity, depressionand I mentioned anxiety.
(07:38):
But it can even cause skinproblems like acne or eczema,
and even menstrual problems.
And, by the way, for those whomight be listening, and if you
are under a lot of stress andtrying to start a family, it can
contribute to infertilityproblems as well.
Nola (07:57):
See, all of these are really major physical health
problems and makes it reallyworth your while to address any
stress in your life.
Lori (08:05):
Yeah, I want to add those were health problems, but I want
to also let you know thatthere's a whole list of physical
and emotional problems peopleexperience when stress becomes
overwhelming.
Nola, do any of these ring truefor you?
Diarrhea or constipation,forgetfulness, frequent
headaches or aches and pains,lack of energy or focus, sexual
(08:29):
problems, stiff jaw, tiredness,trouble sleeping or even
sleeping too much, upset stomach, use of alcohol or drugs to
relax and here's a big oneWeight loss or weight gain.
Nola (08:46):
Well, you asked me if any of these ring true for you, and
several of them do, and I won'tnecessarily go into detail, but
I will say that I only recentlyrecognized that these symptoms
are a cluster that can all pointto stress, and only when I
recognize them as a cluster thatI realized that I really needed
(09:07):
to address some of the causesof stress.
I will say that, while it takespractice, I found it a relief
to know that there are ways tomitigate things like okay, I'll
say it, weight gain.
I mean some serious weight gain, trouble sleeping,
forgetfulness.
I actually have a way tomitigate the stressors and the
(09:27):
microstressors to help addressthose symptoms.
Lori (09:31):
That's awesome because this list for me.
There were a number of thingsas I shared earlier some of the
big stressors that I'm facingand many of this list ranked
true for me as well.
Especially, this is where Ihave trouble sleeping, because I
often wake up in the middle ofthe night thinking about the
(09:51):
things that I have to do orgetting clarity on the thing
that I can now handle and takecare of, which is a very bad
timing, but it's true, andforgetfulness is another one.
I have lists galore happeningright now.
Nola (10:05):
Oh yeah, I can totally relate and you know what you
carry yourself so well.
You would never know you wereunder stress.
Oh, thank you Me.
What I used to do, probablyover a decade ago, is I would
just grab the alcohol and drinkto numb that symptom of a knot
in my stomach.
I don't do that anymore, butwe'll talk about ways that can
mitigate stress now.
Lori (10:26):
A lot of people use that as an example, but a lot of
people will do that after workdrink to relax.
So the thing here is using thatas a way to relax rather than
some healthier alternatives torelaxing.
I think that's what you'rereally talking about.
Nola (10:45):
Well, a relaxing glass of wine is nice.
A relaxing bottle of wine isconcerning Good point Nola.
Lori (10:53):
Very good point.
I'm now going to get rid of mybottle of wine.
Nola (11:01):
Well, listen, as we mentioned earlier, stress is a
reaction to an actual orperceived threat, and we're
usually pretty aware of themajor stressors, like the ones
Lori just mentioned moving andhaving so many things to do in a
short period of time, or otherstressors like getting in a car
accident.
But did you know that stresscan also come from things that
are positive in our lives, suchas a promotion You've got extra
(11:25):
responsibility, but it'sexciting A move, or becoming a
parent to a newborn, getting anew pet or even getting married.
I read that it takes about 10years to get used to living with
your new spouse.
So even if you're not really anewlywed anymore, that stress of
(11:45):
adjustment could really last along time.
Lori (11:48):
Just saying that is fascinating to me and makes so
much sense because as you buildtrust in the relationship and
you bring two differentperspectives together and
navigate that, I can see wherethat takes a long time.
Now it makes me wonder if ittakes almost twice as long
before you become comfortablewith your kid, like hence age 21
(12:14):
.
Nola (12:18):
That's an interesting episode.
We'll get there.
Here's the interesting thingthe brain does not differentiate
between good and bad stress, itjust responds.
So with that in mind, let's getstarted filling your toolbox
with some tips and tools.
Now.
The first step in interveningis to tune into your body's
(12:39):
reaction in differentcircumstances.
You can do this by askingyourself a few questions, such
as am I experiencing a reactionsuch as?
For me, it might be a nod in mytummy.
We discussed this a lot inEpisode 149, so I'm not going to
go into much detail here, otherthan to say that, once you've
determined how and where youfeel it in the body, you can
(13:00):
then delve a little further byasking yourself a few more
questions, such as is this atemporary stress or is it an
ongoing one?
And if it's ongoing, is it witha particular person, recurring
situation, a recurring thought?
And am I just now becomingaware of this, or is this
something that's been nagging atme for a while?
(13:21):
I?
Lori (13:22):
love these questions because often what happens is we
minimize or we discount thecues that our bodies are giving
us, instead of tuning into it,even our emotional reaction.
Maybe you found yourselfgetting angry really quickly, or
all of a sudden feeling verysad very quickly.
(13:43):
Those are all signs thatsomething's going on.
Your emotions and your physical, somatic symptoms are giving
you information, but becausewe're not self-aware as to how
we are feeling in the moment orthe person that is triggering
some of this for us, we discountit, we ignore it altogether,
(14:06):
and so, for me, this is a reallygreat example of how stress can
be used to our advantage ordisadvantage.
If you're aware, if you knowthat your body is sending you
signals that something isn'tquite right, you can make the
decision of what you're going todo about it or if you're going
to do anything about it Now.
(14:26):
This can work to your advantagein the way of let's say that
you have a looming deadline andyou recognize you're feeling an
adrenaline rush.
Stress can do that for you andyou're going to use that to
accomplish the task at hand.
By asking yourself andanswering those questions,
you're able to identify thestressor and you can then decide
(14:51):
how you want to deal with it orif you want to let it go.
Really, this is importantbecause it helps you determine
an intervention or even if anintervention is necessary.
Let me give you an exampleTechniques for letting go of
stress.
They can include things liketaking three deep, full belly
(15:13):
breaths.
Now you can try this to thecount of four, four, four.
This is where you breathe infor a count of four, hold for a
count of four and release for acount of four.
For me personally, that lastone.
I often inhale belly breathvery deeply, so I can often find
(15:34):
that a count out of six oreight is enough to really do a
deep relaxation.
What deep breathing does is itelicits the body's relaxation
response, which in fact, reducesyour blood pressure.
This is important because oftenwe hold on to stress.
(15:54):
When we hold on to stress, whathappens to our breathing is we
actually hold our breath.
Many people will recognize thislike you're at the dentist and
they're like breathe.
That's because we'reanticipating what's going to
happen and that anticipationmakes us hold our breath.
The other thing that we do understress is we shallow breathe.
(16:16):
When I was practicing fullbelly breaths, I realized I
didn't know how to do it.
I did not know how to inhaledeeply from the belly.
I was trying to inhale and itwas coming from my chest, so I
was expanding out my lungs but Iwasn't getting the maximum
breath, so I really wasn't doingthe relaxation response that
(16:37):
was going to help me.
By the way, you can practicedeep breathing regardless of
whether you want to let it go,let it go or you're addressing a
major stress.
I know that for some peoplethey start their day with some
deep breathing.
Then they might do that againat lunch and then maybe at night
(16:58):
before going to bed to preparethemselves to get ready for
sleep.
They just incorporate it as ahabit.
Nola (17:04):
When I am in some mind-numbing or frustrating
meetings I find that I do veryshallow breathing.
It's almost like I can't evenimagine how I get oxygen because
it's like almost I forget tobreathe.
I've learned that 4-4-4 and Ihave started doing it.
I will say that after thatthird time of doing the in-4
(17:25):
count, hold-4 count, out-4 count, by the end of the third time I
have literally been able tofeel my nervous system reboot to
a calm level.
I'm in a calmer state and I canhandle it.
It really does work.
Lori (17:38):
You know, one of the things that happens when we are
in a relaxed state is it helpsus with creativity and problem
solving.
But we've got a few othertechniques to try.
If you want to let it go, hereare a few other techniques.
One is journaling.
There's something very powerfulabout actually picking up a pen
(17:59):
and writing it down, as opposedto typing.
It turns out, according toresearch, that typing is
automated.
We don't even give it a thoughtas to what we're really typing
out.
But when we write, we have toconcentrate on each letter and
the thought that accompanies it.
Some of the benefits of writingthings down is it allows you to
(18:23):
dump the thought that's in yourhead or been swirling around in
there, because what happenswhen we get stressed is we tend
to replay the situation or ourresponse to that person or the
event over and over again in ourhead, not only after it's
happened, but days after it'shappened.
(18:43):
Writing it down gives you a wayto release it, put it someplace
safe and move on that explainswhy pen journaling your brain
dump is actually a letting gotechnique.
Exactly.
Here are a few other miniinterventions that you can try.
(19:04):
Really, I like to think of itas snack size.
These are things that you cando to interrupt that fight,
flight and, in some cases,freeze response that your brain
and body naturally gear up forwhen stress is triggered.
One of those is a brief walkoutside or even inside.
(19:24):
It can be in your home, it canbe in your office.
The idea is that you're gettingout of the situation and the
environment in which thestressor is affecting you and
you're getting a differentperspective.
Even walking outside to yourporch can have a benefit.
It doesn't have to be a longstroll, it can be a minute, it
(19:47):
can be five minutes, but that'senough to excuse yourself from
the environment and get a newperspective.
Meditate for one minute.
If you can meditate for threeminutes, great.
If you can meditate longer,great.
But you can get maximum benefitfrom a one-minute meditation.
Phone a friend to say hello.
(20:07):
It's not about sharing thewrong or the frustration that
happened, because that actuallygets you geared up and makes the
stressor last longer.
Here you're just saying Icalled to say hello, wanted to
let you know I was thinking ofyou.
I hope you have a great day andI'll talk to you later, hearing
that voice on the other side.
(20:28):
That same benefits you get fromtaking a walk or doing
one-minute meditation.
Another one listen to somemusic.
Along the lines of listen tomusic, try this one Wash your
hands to the tune of a song.
Even happy birthday works.
Even that 30 second ofintervention can help reduce
(20:50):
stress.
Nola (20:51):
I would like to add to that Well, I have invested in
affectionately call them bellballs.
Lori (20:59):
Let me just interrupt you here.
Just listen, in case you're notable to see the video or the
video is not up when you'relistening to this.
Imagine two hockey pucks inyour hand Very good.
Nola (21:08):
They aren't the size of hockey pucks but they're
actually speakers that have anindividual bell inside.
Somehow they're connected witheach other but they elicit
independent tones that fluctuateor resonate in different ways
and it's unique every singletime you turn them on.
It's really called the now tonetherapy system.
Now apparently is an acronymfor new origin waveforms,
(21:33):
because it really does use toneand when you turn them on it
really draws you into listen tothe tones very actively and to
hear how they're going tofluctuate and interact with each
other.
And people say that they getinto a meditative state in three
minutes from these, in a waythat normally might take them 20
(21:55):
minutes with your traditionalsilent meditation.
I will say that one time I didthat right before a one on one
with a teammate and the bellsended just as the meeting began
and he looked at me and he saidyou know, you know you're not
going to.
Wow, you look so peaceful,You're glowing, Wow, Wow.
(22:17):
Apparently it's noticeable.
Lori (22:19):
We should all get some balls in our hands then.
Nola (22:21):
I didn't have the balls in my hands at that time.
Lori (22:24):
But the result was obvious .
Yes, you were in a deeprelaxation state in three
minutes.
Nola (22:29):
Yes, exactly.
Lori (22:31):
And I think that's the whole point of those bite size
interventions that you can dothat have a maximum impact.
Nola (22:39):
Yeah, absolutely Switching gears.
Now let's talk about boundaryinterventions.
This is where you want toaddress the situation or the
person, and it's especiallyimportant when it comes to micro
stressors.
So they do not continue,because it's often those small
things that we think that we caneasily take care of.
They're not a problem, butthose are actually the things
(23:01):
that are building your stresslevel.
Examples things like having torepeatedly backtrack for a
forgetful family member, or theslightly increased time demands
from team members that arealways asking you for help.
Those are just a few examples.
I'm not going to go on, becausewe do talk a lot about those in
episodes both 148 and 149.
(23:21):
But today we're talking abouthow to address them and here's a
few things you can say tointervene by setting your
boundaries.
To get into this, do you findyourself saying yes to things
that you want to say no to?
I know.
Lori (23:37):
I do.
Nola (23:38):
Because saying no can immediately cause more stress.
Lori (23:41):
Because it's like us.
Nola (23:43):
But if you find a way to set a boundary that's really
important in the long term,start by considering that you
might have to build your nomuscle.
Here are some ways to say no.
Choose the suggestions thatwork for you and just leave what
doesn't.
You'll know it feels right.
So here we go.
I would love to help, but Ialready have some prior
commitments.
(24:03):
When you say that, it allows youto express your willingness to
assist, but it also respectfullyasserts your boundaries.
Thank you for inviting me, orthank you for thinking of me, or
thank you for wanting toinclude me, but I need to pass
this time period.
I need some time to think itover.
Can we revisit this later?
When you use that phrase, it isa way to keep from blurting out
(24:26):
, yes, if you're feeling on thespot and it buys you some time.
I understand this is important,but I can't give it the
attention it deserves at themoment.
This phrase is especiallyhelpful when sending boundaries
with your kids or, I found whenwhen setting boundaries with
community organizations, becausewhen you volunteer for one
(24:46):
organization and they find, oh,she's willing to do this, maybe
she's willing to do this otherthing for other committee.
Lori (24:52):
I remember working in a nonprofit and also being
networking groups, and one ofthe phrases that is commonly
used is if you want somethingdone, ask a busy person, because
busy people get things done.
But also busy people are undera lot of stress because they
have a very difficult timesaying no.
Nola (25:13):
And if this is you, then you need to learn how to do that
with some of these phrases.
And another phrase that worksis this one you know I value our
relationship, so I need to behonest about my limits or my
time commitments, and thisreally does work well with those
family members, friends andthose committees that want you
(25:33):
to do things for them too.
Here's another one that you canuse when you're under stress
because somebody is kind ofwanting to argue with you or
take a different stance andyou're just feeling under stress
because you really don't agreewith them and you don't want to
get into an argument.
Here's what you say.
You know it sounds like we'recoming at this from two
different perspectives.
Let's schedule a time to talkfurther so we can find a
(25:55):
solution that works for both ofus, See there.
So you've bought yourself time,You've backed out of what could
have been a triggeringsituation and both of you can
come to the table probably levelheaded.
Lori (26:07):
I would like to add one more to your list, okay, and
that is that no in and of itselfis a complete sentence.
Do you find it difficult justto say no without adding any
commentary?
Always?
Nola (26:25):
Almost always.
But I also know that when I'mstressed out, it's the best
thing to do and to try to givean explainer, it's kind of
disempowering as well.
Lori (26:36):
That's a really important piece here, because what happens
when we offer up theexplanation to justify our
reason for setting clearboundaries?
It disempowers us.
Less is more and along thoselines, clear, concise
communication is key, and we'vegiven you some great things to
(26:57):
say when setting boundaries.
There's two more I'd like toadd, and this really has to do
with asking for help.
This is the one thing Iparticularly find challenging,
and I know many other people doas well, particularly women,
although I am finding that manymen find saying no difficult and
(27:17):
my husband is one of those whenit comes to our relationship,
because he really does want tohelp me out and so he'll go that
extra distance, but what endsup happening is because he
hasn't said some of thosesuggestions that you've said
above.
I have an expectation that he'sgoing to get it done, and all
I've done is add to his list ofstress, knowing that it happens
(27:42):
to men and women alike.
I wanted to be able to say thatasking for help can be very,
very empowering, but knowing howto ask it in a way that works
for you, that can be thechallenge.
So here are two tips.
The first is can you help mewith something?
It seems like a small thing tosay right, here's the thing.
(28:04):
There's a big differencebetween saying do this, which is
kind of barking out in order,and that can happen at home, it
can happen with your kids, itcan happen with your partner and
it can happen at work Do thisand I'll do this.
Now imagine saying I'm reallyfeeling overwhelmed right now.
Can I ask you to help me out bytaking out the garbage?
(28:26):
Or can I ask you to help me outby making this call?
It's a great way to ask forhelp.
Another, you were right, I waswrong or I was wrong.
I should have said somethingwhen you asked me about doing
this.
Whatever this is, can werevisit this?
(28:48):
Often, in our desire, listener,to help others, we sometimes
bite off way more than we canchew.
We often think at that pointthat it's too late to change the
outcome.
But the reality is, if youdon't ask, the answer is it's
definitely too late to changethe outcome.
Often, what the other personwill experience when you come to
(29:12):
them especially the quicker youcan come to them is relief to
know that they now can go findsomeone else who can help them
out, instead of waiting on youand then you not doing the best
job possible that you could do,so asking for help.
It's an empowering way for youto manage stress, microstress
(29:35):
and major stress.
The trick is learning how to doit.
Nola (29:38):
Good advice.
Well, friend, we hope the ideasand action steps we've offered
so you can mitigate yourmicrostressers have sparked your
interest, curiosity andwillingness to prioritize your
own needs reduce yourmicrostressers, improve your
well-being and maybe even becomea first-time entrepreneur in
the second half of your vibrantlife.
Now be sure to stick around tothe very end of the podcast for
(30:01):
a little fun.
Lori (30:02):
If you found the information we've shared helpful
and want more tips, tools andinspiration delivered to your
inbox, sign up for news you canuse over on our website at
stickybrandlabcom.
And remember small steps, bigeffects.
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