December 14, 2023 • 44 mins
There was a moment of surprise and, yes, discomfort, when my guess Kendra attended a Black festival with her white fiancé. But why should love come with a label? My guest Kendra, an Afrocentric woman engaged to a white man, joined me, to break down the nuances and challenges of being pro-Black while in an interracial relationship. Together, we lift the veil on how love, race, and identity coexist, and how maintaining a commitment to one's racial identity isn't diminished in the face of love.
Kendra's Afrocentric journey doesn't stop with her engagement but continues to be a vital part of her identity. Her story unravels the tricky balance of advocating for blackness while loving someone outside her race. We addressed misconceptions and stereotypes around interracial dating and discussed the complexities of cultural understanding within the relationship. Especially interesting is our exploration of the unique burdens and racial experiences, especially as they relate to Black women, that often go unexpressed, or worse, misunderstood.
Experience, they say, is the best teacher. Drawing from our personal experiences, we offer an intimate view of the challenges of interracial couples, particularly those with Black children, in the backdrop of racial injustices. We questioned the too-often-made assumption of love being blind and discussed the painful reality of racial fetishization. It's a frank, candid, and necessary conversation for anyone interested in understanding the complexities of interracial relationships and the importance of supporting blackness within these contexts. What we've discovered is that love, indeed, knows no color.
Show Credits:
Richard Dodds (Host/Producer): @Doddsism
Show Music: @IAmTheDjBlue
Podcast Website: StillTalkingBlack.com
Still Talking Black is a production of Crowned Culture Media LLC. All rights reserved.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Richard Dodds (00:00):
This is Still Talking Black, a show where we
discuss issues affectingblackness from a black point of
view.
I'm your host, richard Dyes.
On today's episode, I'm joinedby friend of the show, kendra,
where we talk about beingpro-black but also being engaged
or married to someone of adifferent race.
How does that balance out?
How do you still stay pro-black, and what kind of issues and
(00:22):
challenges do you have to gothrough in dealing with that?
So, without further ado, here'sKendra.
Kendra (00:26):
Hey everybody, I'm Kendra, formerly asked coffee
with Kendra and I'm not reallypodcasting anymore, but I still
love podcasting.
So I'm doing this show withRick.
I'm super excited and I guessany updates.
If anybody followed coffee withKendra, I got a new baby and
I'm engaged.
Richard Dodds (00:46):
Congratulations.
Kendra (00:48):
Thank you.
Richard Dodds (00:49):
Like I haven't said that a hundred times
already, but you know, I know Isaid former podcasting.
Now, when I said formerpodcasting before, you gave me a
hard time.
Kendra (01:01):
No, I actually said formerly known.
Richard Dodds (01:04):
I never said, I stopped.
Formerly known.
Kendra (01:06):
Okay.
Richard Dodds (01:08):
So this conversation really started from
a meme that I saw on theinternet, and it's like so long
ago now, like I just remember.
It was a black woman who wasdating a white man and she was
saying that she's still the mostAfrocentric person you know and
you are one of the mostAfrocentric people I know, and
(01:29):
you just all happened to beengaged to a white man.
So I was like, man, we need tohave a conversation about this,
because you're super Afrocentric.
I want to see how you feel.
So we'll just start out realeasy and I'll ask you do you
think love is blind and I knowwe've talked about that question
before, not necessarily on thisshow but when you're dating,
(01:50):
were you looking for a type ofman that you wanted or were you
just kind of like, open todating whoever?
Kendra (01:55):
Yeah, so that's a good question.
Of course, all your questionsare going to be good, so I'll
try not to say it again.
Richard Dodds (02:03):
Thank you, thank you.
Kendra (02:04):
But up until okay.
So before I got engaged, I waslooking for a specific type of
man.
I would I have my.
My goal or my ideal was tomarry a black man.
But before, before, I was likepro black basically because I
(02:24):
wasn't like, I was really kindof like oblivious to black.
You know I don't know how todescribe it like black culture,
I guess.
You know, I what didn't reallygrow up with like like pro black
parents or anything like that,so I was kind of like I don't
even know what to call peoplelike that.
(02:45):
But anyways, I grew up and whenI grew up I was not pro black.
So my first love, my firstboyfriend, is my fiance, and so
there was that.
And once, I think the problackness came, I would say I
think I was like 33 or something, 33, 34.
(03:09):
My birthday is next Monday, bythe way, and I'll be 37.
I don't know how long she's beenblack, I don't even know why I
got into that, but anyways, thepro blackness came in the most
recent years and so before meand him got back together, I was
like, yeah, I'm marrying ablack man, like and I was only
(03:32):
dating black men, but then thathappened.
So now I'm back with, you know,my first love, which is a white
guy.
Richard Dodds (03:42):
What made that change when you started to
become more Afrocentric and youstarted to post like?
Your posts became different,your speech became different.
What made you say, like okay,like I was open to everything at
one point in time, but now Ispecifically want to find a
black man.
Kendra (03:57):
Well, you know, one of the things that made me want to
do that was looking at the,looking at black relationships
in our community and seeing thatnot to say that none of them
are good, like you know, like Ilove seeing black love, you know
, to black people that you know,figured it out and you know are
(04:18):
getting married and all of thatgood stuff, like I love to see
that.
But it's a lot of black men whoare not loved correctly by
black women and not to say thatyou know that's not vice versa
for women.
But you know, this is what I'mthinking and you know I'm.
I feel like I wanted to.
I don't want to say I wanted toexperience that, but I thought
(04:42):
that that would be me For lackof a better words like that
would be me doing my duty forthe community.
Like I thought, like okay, I'ma great black woman and so I
should marry a black man, youknow.
So that's kind of what it was,yeah.
Richard Dodds (05:00):
That's what changed your mind.
What types of things that yourfriends and family say when, you
like, started dating your nonfiance were they?
Were they surprised?
Kendra (05:10):
Were they supportive or Well, they wasn't surprised
because, like I said, that wasmy first boyfriend and you know,
I guess, the way that my familylooked at it like even when we
broke up, they knew that westill loved each other.
So for it to come back together, I think I think for the most
part everybody's, you know,pretty happy for me and they.
(05:31):
But no surprise, because everyeverybody that I told they was
like we knew that would happen.
Richard Dodds (05:42):
Does dating outside of your race make you
feel disconnected from theculture, now that you're so
Afrocentric?
Do you feel like, maybe does itfeel like any any little bit of
like a betrayal to your culture?
Or?
Kendra (05:54):
I feel like me.
I don't feel like I've betrayedmy culture, because I say this
all the time, even before I gotback with him that no matter who
I marry, I'm still going to beblack.
So why would I not want what'sbest for black people?
You know what I'm saying.
I'm still black, it doesn'tmatter, right?
(06:15):
So that's how I feel.
But I do feel like thecommunity as a whole, because
I've seen and heard plenty ofpeople say that, you know, if
you are dating, or even dating,breeding or whatever with
another race, then yes, that isa betrayal to the black culture,
because we're not stayingtogether and we're not keeping
the community together and we'renot continuing to breed African
(06:38):
people, you know.
So I don't feel that way, but Ithink the community looks at me
that way.
Richard Dodds (06:46):
And I think a lot we kind of talked about it on
the series the mothers of blacksons, and it's like you.
Now you have three mixedchildren and regardless of what
they're mixed with, they'restill black and the world is
going to see them as black andthat creates its own kind of
challenges.
Like you kind of talked aboutit a little bit, but what has it
(07:08):
been like raising mixed kids?
Kendra (07:12):
Well, until they got old enough to articulate how they
actually feel and come tounderstanding of what they
actually are, I didn't realizethat even some of the things I
do and say could be offensive tothem, you know.
So now that they are old, atthe point where they can talk to
(07:36):
me and tell me you know howthey view and they see things I
think it's very challenging.
I think that I would even go tosay, even though I don't have a
full black kid, I would even goto say that it's more
challenging than raising youknow, 100% black kid, because
you know some things.
I actually have to break downto my kids and be like.
(07:56):
You know, I don't know how theyfeel on certain days or how
they feel, but I'm like you'reblack, you know what I'm saying
Like the cops are going to lookat you like a black man.
You know women are going tolook at you this way.
This is just what it is.
So some things.
I guess what I'm trying to sayis that I expect them to know
and feel a certain way that theydon't, and so I catch myself
(08:18):
sometimes trying to teach themsomething, like, for example, my
daughter.
She went to her first,congratulations on my daughter
because she made the dance team,so I'm really excited about
that, thank you.
But she went to one of hersecond dance practices last
night and she was telling methat there's only there's one
(08:40):
other mixed girl and there's oneother black girl there, and
because, of course, me, when shesoon, she happened as soon as
she get in the car I'm like sohow many black girls are there?
Because I need to know, becausethis where she's going is very,
it's very white in Asiapredominantly, right.
So she told me that I'm likeokay, cool, and then she was
(09:01):
like you know, the black girlwas like making it her business
to talk to her and she was she.
I guess she thought it was likekind of weird or whatever.
And I'm like you don't know,when we're the only black people
around, girl, we got to sticktogether, like we got to let you
know I see you, you know wetogether here, and you know,
(09:22):
like this is the type of stuffthat I mean like for I think,
for an all black person, youkind of just know that, like my
parents never told me that, butthen to have a conversation with
my daughter, like when we'rearound predominantly another
race.
We always are kind of likestick together and kind of like
let each other know like hey, Isee you, we here.
You know what I'm saying.
So that I think it's been, it'sbeen very challenging for the
(09:46):
most part.
Richard Dodds (09:48):
I think, yeah, it's you get that your, your
kids, get like the outlook oftwo different sides.
They get to see like twodifferent kind of like cultures
in a way to to where, like beingaround, like for some people.
Like I've interviewed somepeople and they said like they
didn't, they weren't aroundwhite people until they were in
college.
Kendra (10:05):
You know what I mean.
Richard Dodds (10:06):
So to have someone that, like already, is
like you can't help but beingaround something that's not
black, because you're not 100%You're, you're 100% black, but
you're 100% white, you're,you're like just a mixture.
So, this is a whole differentperspective and like it's just
interesting seeing you have tolike balance that and even find
(10:26):
it.
Like you said you had to findout some of the stuff that you
said could be offensive to them,like that's something that you
never think of as a as a mothercause you will never try to
purposely offend your kid.
Kendra (10:36):
Right, exactly Because, for those of you who don't know,
probably nobody knows in reallife, cause I don't do it online
because you know how people isonline, everybody sensitive, and
you can't say stuff, you can'tmake jokes.
But in all honesty, I make alot of racial jokes, mostly
about white people and blackpeople, because of my kids.
(10:58):
You know, I think it's funny,like it's just all in good, you
know, just humorous.
You know, like if my, if mydaughter says like you know, oh,
you know how the season changesand it's about to get dark and
it's about to start, you know,get darker sooner, and you know,
then she's like, oh, I'm sad,I'm like, you know, only only
white girls go through thisseasonal depression.
(11:18):
You know, you know it's stufflike that.
You know, which, for the mostpart, most of my jokes don't
offend them, but some of themhave.
Richard Dodds (11:26):
Yeah, I mean, it's kind of hard because it's
like I remember, like I used tolike making jokes like that as
well, and it's like now it'slike I almost try to be a little
bit more cautious with my jokes, just because I feel like we're
reinforcing stereotypes, andit's just like it's just such a
delicate balance, just because,like comedy is one thing, and
like you saying that to yourkids, your kids understand, but
(11:48):
like if somebody else heard this, like oh my goodness, this
woman is so racist.
Kendra (11:51):
And then it's like oh, Yopinase is white Right and him
too, so, but that's why I said Idon't do it online, because I
already know how these people is, you know, and I just I can
understand that too, like thereinforcing stereotypes too.
But it's funny, you know, and Ilove to laugh.
Richard Dodds (12:13):
It's funny because it's like I even think
about comedy and like I alwayssay that like I went back and I
listened to Eddie Murphy's Rawand I was like man, like 90% of
this stuff you would not be ableto say that today.
Just because, like social normschange so much and once, and
what was acceptable to laugh atin one season, like in one
(12:34):
generation, it's like, oh mygoodness, I can't believe.
You said that Like clutch mypearls and it's just.
It's crazy how like thingschange so much.
Like a lot of times I would sayit's for the good most most of
the time anywaySo what are some of the
(13:45):
challenges that you had datingoutside your race?
Kendra (13:52):
Some of the challenges that I've had dating outside my
race is that they don'tunderstand things that so, like,
for example, I just go about mylife, right, but then I'm not
like that I forget.
But then when, like, for example, if he asks a question about
(14:12):
something and I realize I can'texpect him to know because he
don't know, you know he doesn'tunderstand.
So there's been times where Ifeel like we could just be like
watching something on TV or hearsomething and I've wasted, it's
offensive to say those thingsor to do this and he doesn't
(14:35):
understand why.
And so one of the challenges iskind of breaking down why a
black woman or a black personwould feel a certain way if
something was said.
You know, like certain words Ihave had, like certain words are
just off limits, and then notto understand that you know you,
you don't understand, like, ohwell, I don't see how this could
(14:57):
be offensive or you know, Idon't because you're not that
you know.
So I think that's been the mostchallenging of dating outside
my races that they don'tunderstand certain aspects of
just being black and having tohave those conversations so that
, you know, they can learn andthey can understand to a degree.
Richard Dodds (15:19):
Yeah, it kind of like, for whatever reason it
makes me think about, like aDenzel Washington clip and they
were asking, like he was doing amovie and they were asking why
did the director need to beblack for this movie?
And he's like he neededcultural understanding.
Basically, I'm likeparaphrasing he needed cultural
understanding because he saidthere's certain things that you
understand in the culture, thatyou don't have to explain and
(15:42):
and so it's not like that'spretty much exactly it's.
There's certain stuff.
Kendra (15:45):
And you know, I love my fiance to death.
But he will never understand methe way that black people
understand me.
It's nothing.
There's no book in the world,there's no explaining that I can
do, there's not this, only somuch that I can do, but he's
never going to understand me.
In that light and in the same,for me I'll never understand
what it's like to be white.
(16:05):
Like I'll never get that.
I'll never understand.
You know why they think certainthings is funny.
That's not funny.
Like I'll just never understand.
You know, and that's fair tosay, yeah.
Richard Dodds (16:19):
Now it makes me think about something that I
said.
I was talking to a white guyand we were just having, we're
having a conversation.
We talked for probably likehours, but we were.
I was saying something likewhen I go into a room, like I
used to didn't notice how manyblack people were in the room,
like what the ratio was, butlike after so much stuff had
happened to where, when I gointo a room, I was like I'm
(16:39):
recognized and like ooh snap,I'm the only minority in his
room, like that's crazy.
And he said that he had aninstance where one of his
friends is black and he saidthat when his friend used to say
the same thing, he was like no,you being paranoid, like why
are you even thinking about this?
It's not, that's not evensomething to think about.
Then he was out of the countryand he was in for the first time
(17:00):
in his life he was somewherewhere he was a minority and
there was only one white personand he said in that moment it
all just made sense to him.
He said I got it in that moment.
And it's just sometimes.
It's like certain perspectiveslike I always talk about, like
as black people, we kind ofcarry a weight, a weight with us
every day, and especially likeas a black woman, like you carry
(17:23):
the weight of being black andthe weight of being a woman and
it's just something that you'reused to.
So you already have a specificperspective of things that are
always constantly running in theback of your mind, like your
senses are already going andit's like to even try to get
somebody to understand, likewhat it takes to be a black
(17:45):
woman on a daily basis.
Even for me, as a black man, Idon't fully understand, like I
don't fully understand what mywife has to go through.
It's just such a perspectiveshift and I think that's like
one of the things that I thinkis really important and I think
that's like one of I feltbecause I've dated outside of my
race before I was married, andthat's like such a perspective
shift, trying to explain likewhat is like.
(18:07):
It's like yeah, this is likethis hurt, like, or when events
happen.
Even so, how has that been likewhen stuff, when like events
have happened like you know,like Trayvon Martin and
different racial injustice andinjustices, when that stuff
happens, like how is thatconversation in the house?
Kendra (18:23):
Well, for the most part, I feel like we'll be on the
same page.
Nothing has happened since,nothing has transpired like in
media days, since we've beenback together or even when we
were together back in the day.
So we didn't actually gothrough any of those things
together, but I would.
I would probably guess thatthat wouldn't be too bad,
(18:43):
because I think he canunderstand.
You know, when stuff like thathappens, the fact that we're
black is, you know, is the worstpart, but at the end of the day
that's still a human beingtreated wrong.
So I think for the most part wecan get on the same page about
that.
That one's pretty easy.
Richard Dodds (19:02):
I think for him.
I was talking to the one of thelast episodes of season one I
was talking to to a whitemarried couple that adopted two
black children and they talkedabout the way that those things
hit so differently just becauseit wasn't just it could have
(19:24):
been their kid at that point.
Basically, it wasn't justanybody Like you know.
Like if you see somebody thatdoesn't look like you or look
like your child, then it's like,oh, that's a tragedy.
But when it is somebody thatcould possibly be your child, so
I imagine your fiance has tohas a completely different
perspective of someone who isnot, doesn't have three black
(19:45):
kids.
You know what I mean.
Because regardless of what heis like, the world is going to
see his kids as black.
So now when he looks at stuff,I'm sure he's looking at it
through the eyes of he has ablack son.
Kendra (19:55):
You know what I mean?
Yeah, exactly, yeah, exactly so.
Richard Dodds (19:58):
I'm sure that's been like a whole, a whole,
another thing.
Kendra (20:02):
Oh yeah, so yeah, that that would be.
That's obviously different froma white man that has white kids
, right.
But when you a white man thathave you have, have black kids,
and you see that thing, you like, damn, you know, this could be
my kid, and then you want tomake sure it, I mean, it's
actually nothing that you coulddo, you know, but you can only
(20:23):
prep your kids so much for life,you know.
Richard Dodds (20:27):
Yeah, we kind of we kind of talk you laughing at
me, we kind of talked about thisalready.
But, being a pro black, problack person that you are, do
you feel less pro black?
They not side of your race,like I know.
You kind of said no.
Kendra (20:47):
No, I don't feel like it because I don't feel like, like
I said, I'm still black.
Once I get married, I can haveas many, have white kids if I
want to, they're still black,you know.
So for me, my perspectivedoesn't change.
I'm always going to want thebest for blacks.
I'm always going to be proud ofbeing black.
(21:07):
You know, I love my skin, Ilove the skin tone.
I love blacker skin tones thanme, you know.
So for me, it's not, it's nevergoing to change.
Richard Dodds (21:16):
I got you, I got you.
Has there been any uniqueobstacles that you've had to
face Like?
Does the public treat you anydifferently?
Do you ever catch anybodygiving you stares when you wish
your fiancee or Absolutely, andyou know what?
Kendra (21:32):
no-transcript.
I hope he don't mind me sharingthis.
I don't think he does.
But recently, like you said,I've been in the house for a
while because I was pregnant andI had a terrible pregnancy
because I was just sick everyday.
Every day of my life wassickness.
So after I had the baby, andthen I started feeling a little
(21:54):
better, I'm like OK, I want tostart getting outside a little
bit more, and one of the firstthings I did was I went to this
black festival and I'm not goingto name the black festival
either just because I don't knowwhat could happen with your
podcast, and it wasn't nothingbig, but I just don't want to do
that.
But so, yeah, I want to go to ablack festival and in my head I
(22:16):
never thought of it.
I didn't not purposely, but Ididn't consider him at all.
I was just like I want to go.
It was a family type offestival too, so we took
everybody, we all went, andwithin five minutes of us being
there, we was already gettingdirty looks, and I mean, I'm
getting dirty looks from menthat are with women Like you're
with your black woman, andyou're still concerned.
(22:37):
You still have to take time outof your day to give me a look,
to let me know you are notaccepting of what I'm doing.
And it only took the one timefor me to realize I'm like damn.
I didn't consider what he wouldfeel like to be at this event,
because to take him to thatevent is making him be one of
(22:58):
the minorities.
Because I'm going to a blackfestival.
It's black people everywhere,you know.
It's locks everywhere, it'sblack stuff everywhere and I
didn't consider what it wouldfeel like to be in his shoes
Because to me at least inCalifornia and LA, where I'm at,
everywhere I go is pretty mixed, so I'm used to, especially
(23:19):
when all the places that I'veworked has been predominantly
white.
So I know what it's like to bethe only one or two black people
in the room of white people,and it's a normal.
Part of my life is to have tobe the only black sometime right
.
But I don't know that for himthat's been a part of a steady
(23:40):
part of his life.
So when we went there wedefinitely got a bunch of dirty
looks from black people and Iactually got really upset about
it Because I just don't likefeeling like, even though
nothing was said.
I don't like feeling like I feellike I was disrespectful to him
(24:01):
, so I didn't really like thatand that was a challenging time.
But what I did was becausethat's my man, I made sure that
I was constantly all over him atthe day, not like all, not
crazy, because I'm not thatperson that does PDA, but if
you're going to look at me crazy, then I'm going to give my
fiance a kiss to let you knowI'm not giving a fuck about you.
(24:22):
But that was one of the timeswhere we had to deal with that,
but on a daily.
I would say on a daily, not allthe time, but here and there,
regardless of where we are, wedo get those looks.
Richard Dodds (24:39):
Does that event at that festival change the way
that you'll approach festivalsin the future?
Like will you be less likely togo, or would you go by yourself
or find a friend, another blackfriend to go with?
Like how does that change yourapproach?
Kendra (24:56):
Well, OK, so if we take out the fact that it was a black
, well, let's take out the factthat I don't think they were
accepting of our relationshipthere.
I was underwhelmed with thefestival altogether, so that was
.
And it was really disappointingto me because I came there and
I'm like I'm going to supportblack businesses.
I'm here to buy black stuff,whatever the case is, and I
(25:19):
bought one thing and nothingelse.
It really felt like it was agarage sale, so I wasn't excited
about that.
So that particular one I won'tgo to.
But to answer your question,because I don't know if I did is
now that I know how it puts himin like an awkward or
(25:41):
uncomfortable position.
I still want to go.
I still want to go to differentones and experience different
black festivals, but I don'twant him to feel a certain way.
So I probably won't go with himand I feel like that kind of
sucks because I don't want to.
(26:02):
On one hand, I don't want tofeel like, oh, I can't deal with
my black community because ofthe way that they treat my man,
and then, on the other hand, Ifeel like, well, I want to be
able to take him wherever I wantto go, Like you want to go to
festivals with your partner,right?
So I feel like I'm kind ofcaught in the middle.
So for now I think I'll stillgo.
(26:22):
I don't want to write off allof the black festivals, but I
think for now I might still go.
But I'm in the middle, but Idon't know if that's a real
answer.
Richard Dodds (26:34):
So you haven't really figured it out yet.
You still trying to figure outhow you're going to.
Kendra (26:38):
Yeah, like you know what that's the most.
That's so challenging of just athought, like you know, because
I shouldn't have to pick.
If I go to a white and this isthe thing when I say we get
dirty looks, it's always fromblack people.
I haven't yet to get a dirtylook from white people or
anybody else.
(26:58):
It's always from us.
And so it sucks to have to feellike, if I don't go, on
betraying the black community,but then if I, if I go, I don't
want to say I'm betraying myfiance, but I don't want to feel
like he's left behind either.
(27:18):
So that's really hard.
Richard Dodds (27:22):
Yeah, I see it's like, just looking at your face,
it looks like you're battlingwith it back and forth, because
I mean, in a sense, like I feelyou don't want to back down,
just because it's like I don'twant to, not want to go to a
black festival because I got toworry about how they gonna look
at my fiance.
Yeah, and I don't also want toleave my fiance home because I'm
working about how they gonnalook at him yeah it's such a
(27:42):
pushing pool and it's a hardthing to figure out and you know
from our conversation before,like on on our other episode you
kind of talked about like theway the acceptance from the
black community has not alwaysbeen the greatest, like when it
comes to your kids, mm, hmm, ohyeah, so it's like this is like
this is another thing, like so Iguess, have you been in any
(28:04):
like primarily whiteenvironments with your fiance
and how has that been differentfrom being in that primarily
black festival?
Kendra (28:12):
I don't know if we've been anywhere outside of, like
his family, you know.
Richard Dodds (28:20):
But I can.
Kendra (28:21):
I can even use that as an example for his family.
Yeah, I do feel I don't want to.
I can't say I feel like himbecause, like I said, I'm used
to having to.
You know, I'm used to being oneof the only blacks in a lot of
places, so I don't think itbothered me as much and
obviously it was his family, soobviously we're not going to get
(28:43):
dirty looks and etc.
So, yeah, I don't, I can't.
I don't think we've had acomparison moment.
Richard Dodds (28:52):
Yeah, I mean you say you know you want to get
dirty looks.
It's like some, some of thewomen I dated.
I don't know if I could havebeen around their family.
You know what I mean.
Just because bringing somebodyoutside of the race is sometimes
unheard of Like yeah.
I know somebody who's datingoutside of, outside of his race,
and for the longest time hedidn't meet his girlfriend's
(29:13):
father, just because she was not100% sure that her father would
be accepting of him.
Kendra (29:19):
Yeah.
Richard Dodds (29:20):
And like whenever I had, whenever I dated outside
of my race in the past, thelooks that I got was always like
the looks that I got alwayscame from white men and black
women Like those like blackwomen look mad and white men
look mad.
So that was my experience, butit's like that's been years ago
(29:40):
for me.
I'm happily married, so um yeah, but that was just my
experience.
It's always somebody else notgoing to be happy.
I mean, you could have datedinside your race and people
wouldn't have been happy too.
Kendra (29:51):
So oh yeah, like I'm not at all at a place where I'm,
like I wish I would have youknow, got engaged to somebody
else.
So I was going to marrysomebody else because I have no
doubts in my mind that that's myperson.
So, regardless of what I feellike dating him, like I would, I
never feel like, you know, mylife would have been easier.
(30:11):
You know, whatever the case isLike, I'm totally um, I don't
want to accept it, I don't wantto say accept him, but, like you
know, I'm ready for whatevercomes our way.
Richard Dodds (30:24):
Yeah, what do you think about some of the
stereotypes that when peopledate interracially, that they
get like, especially like when ablack woman dates like a white
man.
It's like, oh, she's trying tocome up, or you know?
Kendra (30:37):
she thinks she's better Like.
Richard Dodds (30:39):
what do you think about some of those stereotypes
?
Kendra (30:41):
You know what, like I'm not even gonna lie, I know that
there's women who date white menbecause they want to.
There's black women who datewhite men because they want to
come up.
Like I'm not even gonna sithere and lie, they, they're out
there.
So that's really a thing andthe way that I feel about it is
(31:02):
one if a woman in the light, ifa woman wants to be a user right
, so whether she wants to getpregnant by a rapper or she
wants to date a white man, youknow, who has as well off, or a
black man as well off, and she'sin it For the sole purpose of
coming up in life.
That's one thing.
But I always say this because Ihave dated, aside from my
(31:24):
fiance, I've dated a coupleother.
I've dated other white men too.
What I will say is that some,some black women, like they have
the, I guess, the ideal that awhite man is going to one
automatically treat you betterand then, two, they're just
better off in life.
Just, you know, as far as, asfar as like financially,
(31:46):
finances, goes and that's notalways the case you can't just
assume you know that because you, with a white dude, you're
going to get treated better oret cetera.
And I don't like how they.
I don't like how they write offblack men too, like oh, you
know he's treat this white dudetreats me like this.
And then you know I wasn'tgetting because I've seen it,
because you know I was notheavily.
(32:07):
But like TikTok is my thing.
When I have a minute to be onTikTok and I see some of the
stuff that the girls are sayingand it's like you know well,
black man wasn't treating melike this.
Or they'll say, like the.
You know the dating pool withblack men is sucking and they're
going to like try a differentrace or whatever the case is.
If you want to try another race, that's cool, do your thing.
Like obviously I don't care.
(32:28):
But I'm not cool with with downtalking black men just because
you haven't come across one oryou haven't put yourself in a
position to be around or dategood black men to write off.
All black men are, you know,the lesser competitor when it
comes to men and a white man isbetter.
That's the part that I don'tlike.
If you're going to be a user,girl, that's you be a user.
(32:51):
But I don't like the.
I just don't like the down talkof black men, because there are
good men, there are plenty ofblack, good black men out here,
and I would even go to say thatalso just for you, so you girls
can know a lot of, a lot ofwhite men.
They fetish size I don't knowif I'm saying that right they
(33:13):
fetish size black women.
So they don't really care whatyou look like or how you act
like, they just want to have ablack woman and experience that.
Um.
So that's, that's one thing.
And then the other thing is um,a lot of them too, will make you
(33:34):
, you know the side womanbecause, again, like you was
talking about earlier, you knowthey're not really comfortable
with you, know their family orthey don't know how they family
going to feel about it, and alot of them are in denial they
self.
They don't want their family toeven know that they like black
women, so they'll date you onthe side and you will never be a
wife, um, so you just I'm.
What I'm trying to say is thatDating a black man is not the
(33:56):
same as dating a white man,because it comes with a lot of
Things that I think a lot ofblack women are not thinking
about when they choose to datewhite men, and there is a lot of
them that just want to sleepwith a black woman.
Richard Dodds (34:12):
He said a lot.
You definitely said a lot.
Uh, I guess what?
What advice would you givesomeone who was considering
dating outside their race?
Because, like for me, I grew upin a household where my, where
my parents were like you know,find someone that you love
doesn't have to be a blackperson, but just find someone
(34:35):
that you love and like.
As I got older, like I think,initially when I, when I was
younger, I used to be attractedmore to women outside of my race
.
But as I started to get olderand life started to happen, it's
like for me, like I was, like Ineed somebody for what I'm
doing.
I need someone who understandsmy point of view.
You know what I mean.
Who?
I don't have to explain, likewhen something happens, like I
(34:56):
don't have to explain it to him,and it's not that like I think
everybody needs that, but like Iwas honest with myself and I
knew what I needed.
So like if somebody wasconsidering like dating outside
their race because some peoplehaven't you know what I mean
Some people are afraid and whatwhat would you tell those people
?
Kendra (35:13):
I would tell those people one don't place any
expectations on another race,don't assume that, don't assume
anything of another race, anddate purely date.
If you're dating outside yourrace, then you need to date,
just like.
I don't want to say like youwould a black man but or a black
person are the same race as you, but you want to date purely.
(35:34):
You want to date to get to knowthat person.
You want to get date to see howthat person treats you, the way
that you guys have chemistry,um, you know the way that you
guys handle problems together.
You want to date for thosereasons of finding that person
and not date because, oh, youknow, he's white and he's got,
you know this, this and this andhe can put me here because you
(35:57):
can.
You can have one of thoseshallow relationships if you
want to.
But I can guarantee you, nomatter how much money you have,
right, because there's like Iwould say, like a rapper's wife,
for example, she's lonely on aday to day, while he's out
touring and you know, you know,and he has to be around a lot of
women.
You know that comes with a tollitself, but she, she might be
(36:18):
well off and rich, but she'slonely, she don't have that
person to come get in bed withevery night, and etc.
So consider these things whenyou are dating.
If you're dating purely andyou're dating for To see that
person, for who they are, thatwould be.
My advice is to date them inthat way.
Do not date with the expects,the exception, or expecting to
(36:41):
be or have a certain lifestyle,and a lot of Sometimes, when you
date outside of your race Uh,for example, especially with
white men, because this is whatI have experience with they may
not feel that you are deservingof the same thing a white woman
is deserving, so you have to bemindful of that as well.
Richard Dodds (37:04):
That's what I said.
Like, uh, the things that Ithink about when I, when I date
outside of my race, is that Iwanted to make sure that Like
kind of like similar to what yousaid, I wanted to make sure
when I wasn't fetishizing, likedating outside of my race, like
whether it was, like you know,asian, uh, hispanic or white,
like you know, I mean any any ofthat and I wanted to make sure
(37:26):
that they weren't feeling thesame way About me.
Just want to date a black man,just for the sense of dating a
black man.
I wanted someone who wanted todate me and be with me for me,
and that's the same way that Iapproached, uh, everybody that I
dated, regardless of what colorthey were and, um, because I've
seen so many people, they likewhat happens is that Like, kind
(37:47):
of like what I was talking aboutearlier, which you was like.
I was saying like so many times,people will put a label On
every member of a group.
You know what I mean.
So it's like we're so used to.
As black people, we'restereotyped all the time and
we're like yo don't stereotypeus, we're individuals.
But then you think about people, like for women, who are dating
white men.
It's like you automatically getstereotyped as something and
(38:09):
put in a group just because youfit.
You check that box, you're, oh,you're.
Oh, your fiance is white, allright.
Well, you're in this box nowand, like from knowing you, at
least I can say it's like I knowyou.
You're with your fiance becauseyou love your fiance now
because of color of her skin,because I was like really
surprised when you said, yeah,we got back together.
Kendra (38:29):
We about to get married.
I was like whoa.
Richard Dodds (38:32):
Like that's a change up, so it's like I know
that it was love for you, likeand.
I know everybody can't say that.
So the thing is, when you lookat somebody, you can't really
tell what, what thatrelationship is about, whether
it's a black couple or a mixedcouple or whatever kind of
couple, you can never tell whatsomebody's relationship is like.
So I just want us to give alittle bit of grace and be more
accepting, because it's like Ican never imagine like seeing,
(38:52):
like a Mixed couple and be like,oh my goodness, look, you know
what I mean yeah, yeah, right,because for me, for me it's
normal, like even like when mykids, like just now, now we're
starting to see mixed couples ontv, right, like a tight
commercial, etc.
Kendra (39:07):
Right, but for me growing up, for us growing up,
we didn't see a lot of that ontv.
And so for me even when obamawas in office.
It was something that I wasexcited for for my kids, because
it's like, okay, not only is heblack, but he is by ratio as
well, you know, because for them, growing up, they didn't see a
lot of Like I said, in theirlater days now they're starting
(39:29):
to see it, but, like when theywere little, they didn't see a
lot of families like that, thatwas mixed, and they didn't see a
lot of kids Mixed kids runningaround on tv.
So I was definitely excited.
You know, that's that'sexciting as well.
I will say, though, I wouldlike to see, you know, I'm happy
for my kids and everything butI would like to see more black
(39:49):
couples in on tv commercialslike 100% black, because I feel
like we see more mixed couples.
Richard Dodds (39:58):
Then we see black couples on tv I remember it was
a, it was a cheerios commercialand it might have came out like
four years ago, maybe fiveyears ago, it wasn't that long,
it wasn't that long ago, itmight have been more recent than
that and it had a mixed kidwith a mixed daughter and the
internet lost their minds, likethey're, just because, like you
can't do this, you can't have amixed couple on tv.
(40:20):
It's still, and it's still likea faux pas, like it's still
something that's traded lightly.
I mean, I even remember Like uh,will smith came out with a
movie with margot robbie andit's like.
It's like, oh, my goodness,they kissed.
You know what I mean?
Like two of the biggest starsin the world they kissed on
screen and it was like, uh,one's black and one's white.
It's still like one of thosethings and it's like man, let
(40:41):
people be people.
And you know, like cuz race isa social construct.
It's not even like it really islike we're just at the end of
the day, we're all people withdifferent cultures.
Kendra (40:51):
Mm-hmm, it most definitely is.
Richard Dodds (40:54):
Yeah, I mean I'm sure as people that disagree.
Oh, I'm sure as white peoplethat disagree.
I'm sure it's even black people.
Somebody listening to the showmight disagree.
But Like, at the end of the day, we all gotta love each other.
Kendra (41:06):
Yeah, and I I wanted to say something about something
that you said, but I'm trying tothink about what it was.
Oh, it was when you said um,you don't know what's going on
in a person's relationship,regardless of, like, what race
they are.
I feel like I can.
I can always look, and it hasnothing to do with race.
(41:27):
I can always look at a coupleand tell if they are together
because they love each other.
I can tell if one person lovesthe other person or other person
not really into it.
I can tell if, if the girl isin it for money and the in the
guys being used and he had overyears for it, so I can see it,
I've been.
Like I said, just because I havea white fiancee does not mean
(41:47):
I'm out of touch with what blackpeople are doing.
So I can tell when I can eventell like there's black people
and this is there's black people, and this is something that I
just hate and I feel like Peopleprobably look at me and think
the same thing.
But there's black people whodate white people Specifically
(42:09):
and feel like, oh, I'm betterthan the black community.
You know, I got a white woman.
You know I'm saying I got awhite man.
You know I'm above y'all nowand that particular attitude I
don't like.
Like I said, if you datedsomebody because you like them
in y'all vibing and you love it,I love it too.
But if you dating because youthink that and it's and it's a
lot of people like that You'redating that because you feel
(42:31):
like this puts you ahead in theblack community.
Richard Dodds (42:35):
I found exactly, exactly.
Kendra (42:37):
I found upon those relationships and I can smell it
from a mile away.
I don't, I don't care, I cansmell it, I see it.
Okay, rick may not see it, butI see it.
Richard Dodds (42:49):
Well, you're very talented, maybe you should have
a relationship podcast, I guess.
Kendra (42:55):
I did have one, but you know, and I and I'm completely
aware that people might thinkthe same thing about me, but
like I, I know in, yeah, that'sjust that's just one of the
things that comes with you knowdating outside your race.
Richard Dodds (43:15):
So, aside from that, is there anything else
that we miss, that we never talkabout?
Kendra (43:23):
I can't think there was anything on your mind.
Yeah, the, the actually the thefirst tiktok that I sent you.
That was one thing that Iwanted to speak about too, and
so Remember, in the tiktok, thegirl that you were talking about
you spoke about earlier and thegirl I don't know if you
(43:44):
remember the actual tiktok thatI sent you.
Richard Dodds (43:47):
But the girl, the one I sent you one.
Kendra (43:50):
Yeah, you sent me one.
It was a black girl saying thatyeah, okay, but anyways, there
was a tiktok that I had postedand it was a black girl that was
dating.
I think the guy was black, aswas, uh, white or something, and
she was saying that, just likewe're talking about stereotypes,
now that she's with him she'sstereotyped as the black woman
(44:11):
who is pro and a racialrelationship and she doesn't
like that.
And when I saw that, I postedit because I said that's me.
I don't want people to look atme and say I'm promoting, like I
said I'm not against it, butthis is not like.
I'm not like, oh yeah, go andget you a white man.
Like, go get you one.
I'm not pro that either.
You know what I'm saying and Idon't like that.
(44:32):
I know that that's a stereotypethat comes with my relationship
now because I'm with him.
Um, just like to go back towhat we talked about earlier.
Um, at the end of the day, Idon't care how white he is, I'm
still black, I'm gonna stayblack regardless, I'm gonna die
black and I want what's best forblack people and I don't want
anybody to ever look at myrelationship and be like, oh, I
(44:55):
want to get treated like her or,you know, I want what she got
because she got a white man.
I got what I got because I gotlove and I got my person and
this is, you know, uh, we this,we're connected and all of those
great things.
It has nothing to do with thefact that he's white.
So I'm not pro that and I don'tlike to be putting that box
like you was talking about, rickthat box that I'm now putting
(45:18):
in, you know.
Richard Dodds (45:20):
I I got you Whoa.
Thank you, kendra, for comingon the show again.
Thank you for having me again,I'd like to thank Kendra for
coming on the show.
Still Talking Black is a crownculture media LLC production.
You can find out more about itat stilltalkingblackcom.
But until next time, keeptalking.
This is Still Talking Black, a show where we
discuss issues affectingblackness from a black point of
view.
I'm your host, richard Dyes.
On today's episode, I'm joinedby friend of the show, kendra,
where we talk about beingpro-black but also being engaged
or married to someone of adifferent race.
How does that balance out?
How do you still stay pro-black, and what kind of issues and
(00:22):
challenges do you have to gothrough in dealing with that?
So, without further ado, here'sKendra.
Kendra (00:26):
Hey everybody, I'm Kendra, formerly asked coffee
with Kendra and I'm not reallypodcasting anymore, but I still
love podcasting.
So I'm doing this show withRick.
I'm super excited and I guessany updates.
If anybody followed coffee withKendra, I got a new baby and
I'm engaged.
Richard Dodds (00:46):
Congratulations.
Kendra (00:48):
Thank you.
Richard Dodds (00:49):
Like I haven't said that a hundred times
already, but you know, I know Isaid former podcasting.
Now, when I said formerpodcasting before, you gave me a
hard time.
Kendra (01:01):
No, I actually said formerly known.
Richard Dodds (01:04):
I never said, I stopped.
Formerly known.
Kendra (01:06):
Okay.
Richard Dodds (01:08):
So this conversation really started from
a meme that I saw on theinternet, and it's like so long
ago now, like I just remember.
It was a black woman who wasdating a white man and she was
saying that she's still the mostAfrocentric person you know and
you are one of the mostAfrocentric people I know, and
(01:29):
you just all happened to beengaged to a white man.
So I was like, man, we need tohave a conversation about this,
because you're super Afrocentric.
I want to see how you feel.
So we'll just start out realeasy and I'll ask you do you
think love is blind and I knowwe've talked about that question
before, not necessarily on thisshow but when you're dating,
(01:50):
were you looking for a type ofman that you wanted or were you
just kind of like, open todating whoever?
Kendra (01:55):
Yeah, so that's a good question.
Of course, all your questionsare going to be good, so I'll
try not to say it again.
Richard Dodds (02:03):
Thank you, thank you.
Kendra (02:04):
But up until okay.
So before I got engaged, I waslooking for a specific type of
man.
I would I have my.
My goal or my ideal was tomarry a black man.
But before, before, I was likepro black basically because I
(02:24):
wasn't like, I was really kindof like oblivious to black.
You know I don't know how todescribe it like black culture,
I guess.
You know, I what didn't reallygrow up with like like pro black
parents or anything like that,so I was kind of like I don't
even know what to call peoplelike that.
(02:45):
But anyways, I grew up and whenI grew up I was not pro black.
So my first love, my firstboyfriend, is my fiance, and so
there was that.
And once, I think the problackness came, I would say I
think I was like 33 or something, 33, 34.
(03:09):
My birthday is next Monday, bythe way, and I'll be 37.
I don't know how long she's beenblack, I don't even know why I
got into that, but anyways, thepro blackness came in the most
recent years and so before meand him got back together, I was
like, yeah, I'm marrying ablack man, like and I was only
(03:32):
dating black men, but then thathappened.
So now I'm back with, you know,my first love, which is a white
guy.
Richard Dodds (03:42):
What made that change when you started to
become more Afrocentric and youstarted to post like?
Your posts became different,your speech became different.
What made you say, like okay,like I was open to everything at
one point in time, but now Ispecifically want to find a
black man.
Kendra (03:57):
Well, you know, one of the things that made me want to
do that was looking at the,looking at black relationships
in our community and seeing thatnot to say that none of them
are good, like you know, like Ilove seeing black love, you know
, to black people that you know,figured it out and you know are
(04:18):
getting married and all of thatgood stuff, like I love to see
that.
But it's a lot of black men whoare not loved correctly by
black women and not to say thatyou know that's not vice versa
for women.
But you know, this is what I'mthinking and you know I'm.
I feel like I wanted to.
I don't want to say I wanted toexperience that, but I thought
(04:42):
that that would be me For lackof a better words like that
would be me doing my duty forthe community.
Like I thought, like okay, I'ma great black woman and so I
should marry a black man, youknow.
So that's kind of what it was,yeah.
Richard Dodds (05:00):
That's what changed your mind.
What types of things that yourfriends and family say when, you
like, started dating your nonfiance were they?
Were they surprised?
Kendra (05:10):
Were they supportive or Well, they wasn't surprised
because, like I said, that wasmy first boyfriend and you know,
I guess, the way that my familylooked at it like even when we
broke up, they knew that westill loved each other.
So for it to come back together, I think I think for the most
part everybody's, you know,pretty happy for me and they.
(05:31):
But no surprise, because everyeverybody that I told they was
like we knew that would happen.
Richard Dodds (05:42):
Does dating outside of your race make you
feel disconnected from theculture, now that you're so
Afrocentric?
Do you feel like, maybe does itfeel like any any little bit of
like a betrayal to your culture?
Or?
Kendra (05:54):
I feel like me.
I don't feel like I've betrayedmy culture, because I say this
all the time, even before I gotback with him that no matter who
I marry, I'm still going to beblack.
So why would I not want what'sbest for black people?
You know what I'm saying.
I'm still black, it doesn'tmatter, right?
(06:15):
So that's how I feel.
But I do feel like thecommunity as a whole, because
I've seen and heard plenty ofpeople say that, you know, if
you are dating, or even dating,breeding or whatever with
another race, then yes, that isa betrayal to the black culture,
because we're not stayingtogether and we're not keeping
the community together and we'renot continuing to breed African
(06:38):
people, you know.
So I don't feel that way, but Ithink the community looks at me
that way.
Richard Dodds (06:46):
And I think a lot we kind of talked about it on
the series the mothers of blacksons, and it's like you.
Now you have three mixedchildren and regardless of what
they're mixed with, they'restill black and the world is
going to see them as black andthat creates its own kind of
challenges.
Like you kind of talked aboutit a little bit, but what has it
(07:08):
been like raising mixed kids?
Kendra (07:12):
Well, until they got old enough to articulate how they
actually feel and come tounderstanding of what they
actually are, I didn't realizethat even some of the things I
do and say could be offensive tothem, you know.
So now that they are old, atthe point where they can talk to
(07:36):
me and tell me you know howthey view and they see things I
think it's very challenging.
I think that I would even go tosay, even though I don't have a
full black kid, I would even goto say that it's more
challenging than raising youknow, 100% black kid, because
you know some things.
I actually have to break downto my kids and be like.
(07:56):
You know, I don't know how theyfeel on certain days or how
they feel, but I'm like you'reblack, you know what I'm saying
Like the cops are going to lookat you like a black man.
You know women are going tolook at you this way.
This is just what it is.
So some things.
I guess what I'm trying to sayis that I expect them to know
and feel a certain way that theydon't, and so I catch myself
(08:18):
sometimes trying to teach themsomething, like, for example, my
daughter.
She went to her first,congratulations on my daughter
because she made the dance team,so I'm really excited about
that, thank you.
But she went to one of hersecond dance practices last
night and she was telling methat there's only there's one
(08:40):
other mixed girl and there's oneother black girl there, and
because, of course, me, when shesoon, she happened as soon as
she get in the car I'm like sohow many black girls are there?
Because I need to know, becausethis where she's going is very,
it's very white in Asiapredominantly, right.
So she told me that I'm likeokay, cool, and then she was
(09:01):
like you know, the black girlwas like making it her business
to talk to her and she was she.
I guess she thought it was likekind of weird or whatever.
And I'm like you don't know,when we're the only black people
around, girl, we got to sticktogether, like we got to let you
know I see you, you know wetogether here, and you know,
(09:22):
like this is the type of stuffthat I mean like for I think,
for an all black person, youkind of just know that, like my
parents never told me that, butthen to have a conversation with
my daughter, like when we'rearound predominantly another
race.
We always are kind of likestick together and kind of like
let each other know like hey, Isee you, we here.
You know what I'm saying.
So that I think it's been, it'sbeen very challenging for the
(09:46):
most part.
Richard Dodds (09:48):
I think, yeah, it's you get that your, your
kids, get like the outlook oftwo different sides.
They get to see like twodifferent kind of like cultures
in a way to to where, like beingaround, like for some people.
Like I've interviewed somepeople and they said like they
didn't, they weren't aroundwhite people until they were in
college.
Kendra (10:05):
You know what I mean.
Richard Dodds (10:06):
So to have someone that, like already, is
like you can't help but beingaround something that's not
black, because you're not 100%You're, you're 100% black, but
you're 100% white, you're,you're like just a mixture.
So, this is a whole differentperspective and like it's just
interesting seeing you have tolike balance that and even find
(10:26):
it.
Like you said you had to findout some of the stuff that you
said could be offensive to them,like that's something that you
never think of as a as a mothercause you will never try to
purposely offend your kid.
Kendra (10:36):
Right, exactly Because, for those of you who don't know,
probably nobody knows in reallife, cause I don't do it online
because you know how people isonline, everybody sensitive, and
you can't say stuff, you can'tmake jokes.
But in all honesty, I make alot of racial jokes, mostly
about white people and blackpeople, because of my kids.
(10:58):
You know, I think it's funny,like it's just all in good, you
know, just humorous.
You know, like if my, if mydaughter says like you know, oh,
you know how the season changesand it's about to get dark and
it's about to start, you know,get darker sooner, and you know,
then she's like, oh, I'm sad,I'm like, you know, only only
white girls go through thisseasonal depression.
(11:18):
You know, you know it's stufflike that.
You know, which, for the mostpart, most of my jokes don't
offend them, but some of themhave.
Richard Dodds (11:26):
Yeah, I mean, it's kind of hard because it's
like I remember, like I used tolike making jokes like that as
well, and it's like now it'slike I almost try to be a little
bit more cautious with my jokes, just because I feel like we're
reinforcing stereotypes, andit's just like it's just such a
delicate balance, just because,like comedy is one thing, and
like you saying that to yourkids, your kids understand, but
(11:48):
like if somebody else heard this, like oh my goodness, this
woman is so racist.
Kendra (11:51):
And then it's like oh, Yopinase is white Right and him
too, so, but that's why I said Idon't do it online, because I
already know how these people is, you know, and I just I can
understand that too, like thereinforcing stereotypes too.
But it's funny, you know, and Ilove to laugh.
Richard Dodds (12:13):
It's funny because it's like I even think
about comedy and like I alwayssay that like I went back and I
listened to Eddie Murphy's Rawand I was like man, like 90% of
this stuff you would not be ableto say that today.
Just because, like social normschange so much and once, and
what was acceptable to laugh atin one season, like in one
(12:34):
generation, it's like, oh mygoodness, I can't believe.
You said that Like clutch mypearls and it's just.
It's crazy how like thingschange so much.
Like a lot of times I would sayit's for the good most most of
the time anywaySo what are some of the
(13:45):
challenges that you had datingoutside your race?
Kendra (13:52):
Some of the challenges that I've had dating outside my
race is that they don'tunderstand things that so, like,
for example, I just go about mylife, right, but then I'm not
like that I forget.
But then when, like, for example, if he asks a question about
(14:12):
something and I realize I can'texpect him to know because he
don't know, you know he doesn'tunderstand.
So there's been times where Ifeel like we could just be like
watching something on TV or hearsomething and I've wasted, it's
offensive to say those thingsor to do this and he doesn't
(14:35):
understand why.
And so one of the challenges iskind of breaking down why a
black woman or a black personwould feel a certain way if
something was said.
You know, like certain words Ihave had, like certain words are
just off limits, and then notto understand that you know you,
you don't understand, like, ohwell, I don't see how this could
(14:57):
be offensive or you know, Idon't because you're not that
you know.
So I think that's been the mostchallenging of dating outside
my races that they don'tunderstand certain aspects of
just being black and having tohave those conversations so that
, you know, they can learn andthey can understand to a degree.
Richard Dodds (15:19):
Yeah, it kind of like, for whatever reason it
makes me think about, like aDenzel Washington clip and they
were asking, like he was doing amovie and they were asking why
did the director need to beblack for this movie?
And he's like he neededcultural understanding.
Basically, I'm likeparaphrasing he needed cultural
understanding because he saidthere's certain things that you
understand in the culture, thatyou don't have to explain and
(15:42):
and so it's not like that'spretty much exactly it's.
There's certain stuff.
Kendra (15:45):
And you know, I love my fiance to death.
But he will never understand methe way that black people
understand me.
It's nothing.
There's no book in the world,there's no explaining that I can
do, there's not this, only somuch that I can do, but he's
never going to understand me.
In that light and in the same,for me I'll never understand
what it's like to be white.
(16:05):
Like I'll never get that.
I'll never understand.
You know why they think certainthings is funny.
That's not funny.
Like I'll just never understand.
You know, and that's fair tosay, yeah.
Richard Dodds (16:19):
Now it makes me think about something that I
said.
I was talking to a white guyand we were just having, we're
having a conversation.
We talked for probably likehours, but we were.
I was saying something likewhen I go into a room, like I
used to didn't notice how manyblack people were in the room,
like what the ratio was, butlike after so much stuff had
happened to where, when I gointo a room, I was like I'm
(16:39):
recognized and like ooh snap,I'm the only minority in his
room, like that's crazy.
And he said that he had aninstance where one of his
friends is black and he saidthat when his friend used to say
the same thing, he was like no,you being paranoid, like why
are you even thinking about this?
It's not, that's not evensomething to think about.
Then he was out of the countryand he was in for the first time
(17:00):
in his life he was somewherewhere he was a minority and
there was only one white personand he said in that moment it
all just made sense to him.
He said I got it in that moment.
And it's just sometimes.
It's like certain perspectiveslike I always talk about, like
as black people, we kind ofcarry a weight, a weight with us
every day, and especially likeas a black woman, like you carry
(17:23):
the weight of being black andthe weight of being a woman and
it's just something that you'reused to.
So you already have a specificperspective of things that are
always constantly running in theback of your mind, like your
senses are already going andit's like to even try to get
somebody to understand, likewhat it takes to be a black
(17:45):
woman on a daily basis.
Even for me, as a black man, Idon't fully understand, like I
don't fully understand what mywife has to go through.
It's just such a perspectiveshift and I think that's like
one of the things that I thinkis really important and I think
that's like one of I feltbecause I've dated outside of my
race before I was married, andthat's like such a perspective
shift, trying to explain likewhat is like.
(18:07):
It's like yeah, this is likethis hurt, like, or when events
happen.
Even so, how has that been likewhen stuff, when like events
have happened like you know,like Trayvon Martin and
different racial injustice andinjustices, when that stuff
happens, like how is thatconversation in the house?
Kendra (18:23):
Well, for the most part, I feel like we'll be on the
same page.
Nothing has happened since,nothing has transpired like in
media days, since we've beenback together or even when we
were together back in the day.
So we didn't actually gothrough any of those things
together, but I would.
I would probably guess thatthat wouldn't be too bad,
(18:43):
because I think he canunderstand.
You know, when stuff like thathappens, the fact that we're
black is, you know, is the worstpart, but at the end of the day
that's still a human beingtreated wrong.
So I think for the most part wecan get on the same page about
that.
That one's pretty easy.
Richard Dodds (19:02):
I think for him.
I was talking to the one of thelast episodes of season one I
was talking to to a whitemarried couple that adopted two
black children and they talkedabout the way that those things
hit so differently just becauseit wasn't just it could have
(19:24):
been their kid at that point.
Basically, it wasn't justanybody Like you know.
Like if you see somebody thatdoesn't look like you or look
like your child, then it's like,oh, that's a tragedy.
But when it is somebody thatcould possibly be your child, so
I imagine your fiance has tohas a completely different
perspective of someone who isnot, doesn't have three black
(19:45):
kids.
You know what I mean.
Because regardless of what heis like, the world is going to
see his kids as black.
So now when he looks at stuff,I'm sure he's looking at it
through the eyes of he has ablack son.
Kendra (19:55):
You know what I mean?
Yeah, exactly, yeah, exactly so.
Richard Dodds (19:58):
I'm sure that's been like a whole, a whole,
another thing.
Kendra (20:02):
Oh yeah, so yeah, that that would be.
That's obviously different froma white man that has white kids
, right.
But when you a white man thathave you have, have black kids,
and you see that thing, you like, damn, you know, this could be
my kid, and then you want tomake sure it, I mean, it's
actually nothing that you coulddo, you know, but you can only
(20:23):
prep your kids so much for life,you know.
Richard Dodds (20:27):
Yeah, we kind of we kind of talk you laughing at
me, we kind of talked about thisalready.
But, being a pro black, problack person that you are, do
you feel less pro black?
They not side of your race,like I know.
You kind of said no.
Kendra (20:47):
No, I don't feel like it because I don't feel like, like
I said, I'm still black.
Once I get married, I can haveas many, have white kids if I
want to, they're still black,you know.
So for me, my perspectivedoesn't change.
I'm always going to want thebest for blacks.
I'm always going to be proud ofbeing black.
(21:07):
You know, I love my skin, Ilove the skin tone.
I love blacker skin tones thanme, you know.
So for me, it's not, it's nevergoing to change.
Richard Dodds (21:16):
I got you, I got you.
Has there been any uniqueobstacles that you've had to
face Like?
Does the public treat you anydifferently?
Do you ever catch anybodygiving you stares when you wish
your fiancee or Absolutely, andyou know what?
Kendra (21:32):
no-transcript.
I hope he don't mind me sharingthis.
I don't think he does.
But recently, like you said,I've been in the house for a
while because I was pregnant andI had a terrible pregnancy
because I was just sick everyday.
Every day of my life wassickness.
So after I had the baby, andthen I started feeling a little
(21:54):
better, I'm like OK, I want tostart getting outside a little
bit more, and one of the firstthings I did was I went to this
black festival and I'm not goingto name the black festival
either just because I don't knowwhat could happen with your
podcast, and it wasn't nothingbig, but I just don't want to do
that.
But so, yeah, I want to go to ablack festival and in my head I
(22:16):
never thought of it.
I didn't not purposely, but Ididn't consider him at all.
I was just like I want to go.
It was a family type offestival too, so we took
everybody, we all went, andwithin five minutes of us being
there, we was already gettingdirty looks, and I mean, I'm
getting dirty looks from menthat are with women Like you're
with your black woman, andyou're still concerned.
(22:37):
You still have to take time outof your day to give me a look,
to let me know you are notaccepting of what I'm doing.
And it only took the one timefor me to realize I'm like damn.
I didn't consider what he wouldfeel like to be at this event,
because to take him to thatevent is making him be one of
(22:58):
the minorities.
Because I'm going to a blackfestival.
It's black people everywhere,you know.
It's locks everywhere, it'sblack stuff everywhere and I
didn't consider what it wouldfeel like to be in his shoes
Because to me at least inCalifornia and LA, where I'm at,
everywhere I go is pretty mixed, so I'm used to, especially
(23:19):
when all the places that I'veworked has been predominantly
white.
So I know what it's like to bethe only one or two black people
in the room of white people,and it's a normal.
Part of my life is to have tobe the only black sometime right
.
But I don't know that for himthat's been a part of a steady
(23:40):
part of his life.
So when we went there wedefinitely got a bunch of dirty
looks from black people and Iactually got really upset about
it Because I just don't likefeeling like, even though
nothing was said.
I don't like feeling like I feellike I was disrespectful to him
(24:01):
, so I didn't really like thatand that was a challenging time.
But what I did was becausethat's my man, I made sure that
I was constantly all over him atthe day, not like all, not
crazy, because I'm not thatperson that does PDA, but if
you're going to look at me crazy, then I'm going to give my
fiance a kiss to let you knowI'm not giving a fuck about you.
(24:22):
But that was one of the timeswhere we had to deal with that,
but on a daily.
I would say on a daily, not allthe time, but here and there,
regardless of where we are, wedo get those looks.
Richard Dodds (24:39):
Does that event at that festival change the way
that you'll approach festivalsin the future?
Like will you be less likely togo, or would you go by yourself
or find a friend, another blackfriend to go with?
Like how does that change yourapproach?
Kendra (24:56):
Well, OK, so if we take out the fact that it was a black
, well, let's take out the factthat I don't think they were
accepting of our relationshipthere.
I was underwhelmed with thefestival altogether, so that was
.
And it was really disappointingto me because I came there and
I'm like I'm going to supportblack businesses.
I'm here to buy black stuff,whatever the case is, and I
(25:19):
bought one thing and nothingelse.
It really felt like it was agarage sale, so I wasn't excited
about that.
So that particular one I won'tgo to.
But to answer your question,because I don't know if I did is
now that I know how it puts himin like an awkward or
(25:41):
uncomfortable position.
I still want to go.
I still want to go to differentones and experience different
black festivals, but I don'twant him to feel a certain way.
So I probably won't go with himand I feel like that kind of
sucks because I don't want to.
(26:02):
On one hand, I don't want tofeel like, oh, I can't deal with
my black community because ofthe way that they treat my man,
and then, on the other hand, Ifeel like, well, I want to be
able to take him wherever I wantto go, Like you want to go to
festivals with your partner,right?
So I feel like I'm kind ofcaught in the middle.
So for now I think I'll stillgo.
(26:22):
I don't want to write off allof the black festivals, but I
think for now I might still go.
But I'm in the middle, but Idon't know if that's a real
answer.
Richard Dodds (26:34):
So you haven't really figured it out yet.
You still trying to figure outhow you're going to.
Kendra (26:38):
Yeah, like you know what that's the most.
That's so challenging of just athought, like you know, because
I shouldn't have to pick.
If I go to a white and this isthe thing when I say we get
dirty looks, it's always fromblack people.
I haven't yet to get a dirtylook from white people or
anybody else.
(26:58):
It's always from us.
And so it sucks to have to feellike, if I don't go, on
betraying the black community,but then if I, if I go, I don't
want to say I'm betraying myfiance, but I don't want to feel
like he's left behind either.
(27:18):
So that's really hard.
Richard Dodds (27:22):
Yeah, I see it's like, just looking at your face,
it looks like you're battlingwith it back and forth, because
I mean, in a sense, like I feelyou don't want to back down,
just because it's like I don'twant to, not want to go to a
black festival because I got toworry about how they gonna look
at my fiance.
Yeah, and I don't also want toleave my fiance home because I'm
working about how they gonnalook at him yeah it's such a
(27:42):
pushing pool and it's a hardthing to figure out and you know
from our conversation before,like on on our other episode you
kind of talked about like theway the acceptance from the
black community has not alwaysbeen the greatest, like when it
comes to your kids, mm, hmm, ohyeah, so it's like this is like
this is another thing, like so Iguess, have you been in any
(28:04):
like primarily whiteenvironments with your fiance
and how has that been differentfrom being in that primarily
black festival?
Kendra (28:12):
I don't know if we've been anywhere outside of, like
his family, you know.
Richard Dodds (28:20):
But I can.
Kendra (28:21):
I can even use that as an example for his family.
Yeah, I do feel I don't want to.
I can't say I feel like himbecause, like I said, I'm used
to having to.
You know, I'm used to being oneof the only blacks in a lot of
places, so I don't think itbothered me as much and
obviously it was his family, soobviously we're not going to get
(28:43):
dirty looks and etc.
So, yeah, I don't, I can't.
I don't think we've had acomparison moment.
Richard Dodds (28:52):
Yeah, I mean you say you know you want to get
dirty looks.
It's like some, some of thewomen I dated.
I don't know if I could havebeen around their family.
You know what I mean.
Just because bringing somebodyoutside of the race is sometimes
unheard of Like yeah.
I know somebody who's datingoutside of, outside of his race,
and for the longest time hedidn't meet his girlfriend's
(29:13):
father, just because she was not100% sure that her father would
be accepting of him.
Kendra (29:19):
Yeah.
Richard Dodds (29:20):
And like whenever I had, whenever I dated outside
of my race in the past, thelooks that I got was always like
the looks that I got alwayscame from white men and black
women Like those like blackwomen look mad and white men
look mad.
So that was my experience, butit's like that's been years ago
(29:40):
for me.
I'm happily married, so um yeah, but that was just my
experience.
It's always somebody else notgoing to be happy.
I mean, you could have datedinside your race and people
wouldn't have been happy too.
Kendra (29:51):
So oh yeah, like I'm not at all at a place where I'm,
like I wish I would have youknow, got engaged to somebody
else.
So I was going to marrysomebody else because I have no
doubts in my mind that that's myperson.
So, regardless of what I feellike dating him, like I would, I
never feel like, you know, mylife would have been easier.
(30:11):
You know, whatever the case isLike, I'm totally um, I don't
want to accept it, I don't wantto say accept him, but, like you
know, I'm ready for whatevercomes our way.
Richard Dodds (30:24):
Yeah, what do you think about some of the
stereotypes that when peopledate interracially, that they
get like, especially like when ablack woman dates like a white
man.
It's like, oh, she's trying tocome up, or you know?
Kendra (30:37):
she thinks she's better Like.
Richard Dodds (30:39):
what do you think about some of those stereotypes
?
Kendra (30:41):
You know what, like I'm not even gonna lie, I know that
there's women who date white menbecause they want to.
There's black women who datewhite men because they want to
come up.
Like I'm not even gonna sithere and lie, they, they're out
there.
So that's really a thing andthe way that I feel about it is
(31:02):
one if a woman in the light, ifa woman wants to be a user right
, so whether she wants to getpregnant by a rapper or she
wants to date a white man, youknow, who has as well off, or a
black man as well off, and she'sin it For the sole purpose of
coming up in life.
That's one thing.
But I always say this because Ihave dated, aside from my
(31:24):
fiance, I've dated a coupleother.
I've dated other white men too.
What I will say is that some,some black women, like they have
the, I guess, the ideal that awhite man is going to one
automatically treat you betterand then, two, they're just
better off in life.
Just, you know, as far as, asfar as like financially,
(31:46):
finances, goes and that's notalways the case you can't just
assume you know that because you, with a white dude, you're
going to get treated better oret cetera.
And I don't like how they.
I don't like how they write offblack men too, like oh, you
know he's treat this white dudetreats me like this.
And then you know I wasn'tgetting because I've seen it,
because you know I was notheavily.
(32:07):
But like TikTok is my thing.
When I have a minute to be onTikTok and I see some of the
stuff that the girls are sayingand it's like you know well,
black man wasn't treating melike this.
Or they'll say, like the.
You know the dating pool withblack men is sucking and they're
going to like try a differentrace or whatever the case is.
If you want to try another race, that's cool, do your thing.
Like obviously I don't care.
(32:28):
But I'm not cool with with downtalking black men just because
you haven't come across one oryou haven't put yourself in a
position to be around or dategood black men to write off.
All black men are, you know,the lesser competitor when it
comes to men and a white man isbetter.
That's the part that I don'tlike.
If you're going to be a user,girl, that's you be a user.
(32:51):
But I don't like the.
I just don't like the down talkof black men, because there are
good men, there are plenty ofblack, good black men out here,
and I would even go to say thatalso just for you, so you girls
can know a lot of, a lot ofwhite men.
They fetish size I don't knowif I'm saying that right they
(33:13):
fetish size black women.
So they don't really care whatyou look like or how you act
like, they just want to have ablack woman and experience that.
Um.
So that's, that's one thing.
And then the other thing is um,a lot of them too, will make you
(33:34):
, you know the side womanbecause, again, like you was
talking about earlier, you knowthey're not really comfortable
with you, know their family orthey don't know how they family
going to feel about it, and alot of them are in denial they
self.
They don't want their family toeven know that they like black
women, so they'll date you onthe side and you will never be a
wife, um, so you just I'm.
What I'm trying to say is thatDating a black man is not the
(33:56):
same as dating a white man,because it comes with a lot of
Things that I think a lot ofblack women are not thinking
about when they choose to datewhite men, and there is a lot of
them that just want to sleepwith a black woman.
Richard Dodds (34:12):
He said a lot.
You definitely said a lot.
Uh, I guess what?
What advice would you givesomeone who was considering
dating outside their race?
Because, like for me, I grew upin a household where my, where
my parents were like you know,find someone that you love
doesn't have to be a blackperson, but just find someone
(34:35):
that you love and like.
As I got older, like I think,initially when I, when I was
younger, I used to be attractedmore to women outside of my race
.
But as I started to get olderand life started to happen, it's
like for me, like I was, like Ineed somebody for what I'm
doing.
I need someone who understandsmy point of view.
You know what I mean.
Who?
I don't have to explain, likewhen something happens, like I
(34:56):
don't have to explain it to him,and it's not that like I think
everybody needs that, but like Iwas honest with myself and I
knew what I needed.
So like if somebody wasconsidering like dating outside
their race because some peoplehaven't you know what I mean
Some people are afraid and whatwhat would you tell those people
?
Kendra (35:13):
I would tell those people one don't place any
expectations on another race,don't assume that, don't assume
anything of another race, anddate purely date.
If you're dating outside yourrace, then you need to date,
just like.
I don't want to say like youwould a black man but or a black
person are the same race as you, but you want to date purely.
(35:34):
You want to date to get to knowthat person.
You want to get date to see howthat person treats you, the way
that you guys have chemistry,um, you know the way that you
guys handle problems together.
You want to date for thosereasons of finding that person
and not date because, oh, youknow, he's white and he's got,
you know this, this and this andhe can put me here because you
(35:57):
can.
You can have one of thoseshallow relationships if you
want to.
But I can guarantee you, nomatter how much money you have,
right, because there's like Iwould say, like a rapper's wife,
for example, she's lonely on aday to day, while he's out
touring and you know, you know,and he has to be around a lot of
women.
You know that comes with a tollitself, but she, she might be
(36:18):
well off and rich, but she'slonely, she don't have that
person to come get in bed withevery night, and etc.
So consider these things whenyou are dating.
If you're dating purely andyou're dating for To see that
person, for who they are, thatwould be.
My advice is to date them inthat way.
Do not date with the expects,the exception, or expecting to
(36:41):
be or have a certain lifestyle,and a lot of Sometimes, when you
date outside of your race Uh,for example, especially with
white men, because this is whatI have experience with they may
not feel that you are deservingof the same thing a white woman
is deserving, so you have to bemindful of that as well.
Richard Dodds (37:04):
That's what I said.
Like, uh, the things that Ithink about when I, when I date
outside of my race, is that Iwanted to make sure that Like
kind of like similar to what yousaid, I wanted to make sure
when I wasn't fetishizing, likedating outside of my race, like
whether it was, like you know,asian, uh, hispanic or white,
like you know, I mean any any ofthat and I wanted to make sure
(37:26):
that they weren't feeling thesame way About me.
Just want to date a black man,just for the sense of dating a
black man.
I wanted someone who wanted todate me and be with me for me,
and that's the same way that Iapproached, uh, everybody that I
dated, regardless of what colorthey were and, um, because I've
seen so many people, they likewhat happens is that Like, kind
(37:47):
of like what I was talking aboutearlier, which you was like.
I was saying like so many times,people will put a label On
every member of a group.
You know what I mean.
So it's like we're so used to.
As black people, we'restereotyped all the time and
we're like yo don't stereotypeus, we're individuals.
But then you think about people, like for women, who are dating
white men.
It's like you automatically getstereotyped as something and
(38:09):
put in a group just because youfit.
You check that box, you're, oh,you're.
Oh, your fiance is white, allright.
Well, you're in this box nowand, like from knowing you, at
least I can say it's like I knowyou.
You're with your fiance becauseyou love your fiance now
because of color of her skin,because I was like really
surprised when you said, yeah,we got back together.
Kendra (38:29):
We about to get married.
I was like whoa.
Richard Dodds (38:32):
Like that's a change up, so it's like I know
that it was love for you, likeand.
I know everybody can't say that.
So the thing is, when you lookat somebody, you can't really
tell what, what thatrelationship is about, whether
it's a black couple or a mixedcouple or whatever kind of
couple, you can never tell whatsomebody's relationship is like.
So I just want us to give alittle bit of grace and be more
accepting, because it's like Ican never imagine like seeing,
(38:52):
like a Mixed couple and be like,oh my goodness, look, you know
what I mean yeah, yeah, right,because for me, for me it's
normal, like even like when mykids, like just now, now we're
starting to see mixed couples ontv, right, like a tight
commercial, etc.
Kendra (39:07):
Right, but for me growing up, for us growing up,
we didn't see a lot of that ontv.
And so for me even when obamawas in office.
It was something that I wasexcited for for my kids, because
it's like, okay, not only is heblack, but he is by ratio as
well, you know, because for them, growing up, they didn't see a
lot of Like I said, in theirlater days now they're starting
(39:29):
to see it, but, like when theywere little, they didn't see a
lot of families like that, thatwas mixed, and they didn't see a
lot of kids Mixed kids runningaround on tv.
So I was definitely excited.
You know, that's that'sexciting as well.
I will say, though, I wouldlike to see, you know, I'm happy
for my kids and everything butI would like to see more black
(39:49):
couples in on tv commercialslike 100% black, because I feel
like we see more mixed couples.
Richard Dodds (39:58):
Then we see black couples on tv I remember it was
a, it was a cheerios commercialand it might have came out like
four years ago, maybe fiveyears ago, it wasn't that long,
it wasn't that long ago, itmight have been more recent than
that and it had a mixed kidwith a mixed daughter and the
internet lost their minds, likethey're, just because, like you
can't do this, you can't have amixed couple on tv.
(40:20):
It's still, and it's still likea faux pas, like it's still
something that's traded lightly.
I mean, I even remember Like uh,will smith came out with a
movie with margot robbie andit's like.
It's like, oh, my goodness,they kissed.
You know what I mean?
Like two of the biggest starsin the world they kissed on
screen and it was like, uh,one's black and one's white.
It's still like one of thosethings and it's like man, let
(40:41):
people be people.
And you know, like cuz race isa social construct.
It's not even like it really islike we're just at the end of
the day, we're all people withdifferent cultures.
Kendra (40:51):
Mm-hmm, it most definitely is.
Richard Dodds (40:54):
Yeah, I mean I'm sure as people that disagree.
Oh, I'm sure as white peoplethat disagree.
I'm sure it's even black people.
Somebody listening to the showmight disagree.
But Like, at the end of the day, we all gotta love each other.
Kendra (41:06):
Yeah, and I I wanted to say something about something
that you said, but I'm trying tothink about what it was.
Oh, it was when you said um,you don't know what's going on
in a person's relationship,regardless of, like, what race
they are.
I feel like I can.
I can always look, and it hasnothing to do with race.
(41:27):
I can always look at a coupleand tell if they are together
because they love each other.
I can tell if one person lovesthe other person or other person
not really into it.
I can tell if, if the girl isin it for money and the in the
guys being used and he had overyears for it, so I can see it,
I've been.
Like I said, just because I havea white fiancee does not mean
(41:47):
I'm out of touch with what blackpeople are doing.
So I can tell when I can eventell like there's black people
and this is there's black people, and this is something that I
just hate and I feel like Peopleprobably look at me and think
the same thing.
But there's black people whodate white people Specifically
(42:09):
and feel like, oh, I'm betterthan the black community.
You know, I got a white woman.
You know I'm saying I got awhite man.
You know I'm above y'all nowand that particular attitude I
don't like.
Like I said, if you datedsomebody because you like them
in y'all vibing and you love it,I love it too.
But if you dating because youthink that and it's and it's a
lot of people like that You'redating that because you feel
(42:31):
like this puts you ahead in theblack community.
Richard Dodds (42:35):
I found exactly, exactly.
Kendra (42:37):
I found upon those relationships and I can smell it
from a mile away.
I don't, I don't care, I cansmell it, I see it.
Okay, rick may not see it, butI see it.
Richard Dodds (42:49):
Well, you're very talented, maybe you should have
a relationship podcast, I guess.
Kendra (42:55):
I did have one, but you know, and I and I'm completely
aware that people might thinkthe same thing about me, but
like I, I know in, yeah, that'sjust that's just one of the
things that comes with you knowdating outside your race.
Richard Dodds (43:15):
So, aside from that, is there anything else
that we miss, that we never talkabout?
Kendra (43:23):
I can't think there was anything on your mind.
Yeah, the, the actually the thefirst tiktok that I sent you.
That was one thing that Iwanted to speak about too, and
so Remember, in the tiktok, thegirl that you were talking about
you spoke about earlier and thegirl I don't know if you
(43:44):
remember the actual tiktok thatI sent you.
Richard Dodds (43:47):
But the girl, the one I sent you one.
Kendra (43:50):
Yeah, you sent me one.
It was a black girl saying thatyeah, okay, but anyways, there
was a tiktok that I had postedand it was a black girl that was
dating.
I think the guy was black, aswas, uh, white or something, and
she was saying that, just likewe're talking about stereotypes,
now that she's with him she'sstereotyped as the black woman
(44:11):
who is pro and a racialrelationship and she doesn't
like that.
And when I saw that, I postedit because I said that's me.
I don't want people to look atme and say I'm promoting, like I
said I'm not against it, butthis is not like.
I'm not like, oh yeah, go andget you a white man.
Like, go get you one.
I'm not pro that either.
You know what I'm saying and Idon't like that.
(44:32):
I know that that's a stereotypethat comes with my relationship
now because I'm with him.
Um, just like to go back towhat we talked about earlier.
Um, at the end of the day, Idon't care how white he is, I'm
still black, I'm gonna stayblack regardless, I'm gonna die
black and I want what's best forblack people and I don't want
anybody to ever look at myrelationship and be like, oh, I
(44:55):
want to get treated like her or,you know, I want what she got
because she got a white man.
I got what I got because I gotlove and I got my person and
this is, you know, uh, we this,we're connected and all of those
great things.
It has nothing to do with thefact that he's white.
So I'm not pro that and I don'tlike to be putting that box
like you was talking about, rickthat box that I'm now putting
(45:18):
in, you know.
Richard Dodds (45:20):
I I got you Whoa.
Thank you, kendra, for comingon the show again.
Thank you for having me again,I'd like to thank Kendra for
coming on the show.
Still Talking Black is a crownculture media LLC production.
You can find out more about itat stilltalkingblackcom.
But until next time, keeptalking.
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