August 5, 2025 • 16 mins
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Stop Drinking Podcast, where we help
you make stopping drinking asimple, logical and easy
decision.
We help you with tips, toolsand strategies to start living
your best life when alcohol free.
If you want to learn more aboutstop drinking coaching, then
head over to wwwsoberclearcom.
(00:21):
If you're thinking of stoppingdrinking alcohol, the 12
questions that I'm going to getyou to answer in this video
today could change the way thatyou view alcohol forever.
So if you've tried to stopdrinking in the past and failed,
or if you've been finding itdifficult, or if you're already
sober and you've got somemomentum and you want to take it
to another level, then youdefinitely want to watch this
video.
If you want to skip to thefirst question, there's
(00:47):
timestamps down below, but whatwe've done is we've created a
free worksheet.
If you click the link downbelow, you can download a PDF,
and then feel free to print offthis PDF and follow along with
the video, or just get yourselfa pen and paper and just write
it out as we go along throughthe questions.
Now, before we get into thefirst question, let me just go
back a little bit to explain themethod behind the madness.
So a quick introduction my nameis Leon Sylvester.
(01:10):
I'm the founder ofSoberClearcom and we're a
coaching company that uses thistotally new method to help
people get control of theirdrinking.
Our method is scientificallyvalidated by an academic
psychologist.
If you go on Google Scholar youcan find his scientific report.
Our method works quickly.
We do get people get results inunder 24 hours.
It's rare, but it sometimeshappens.
Most people are taking aroundtwo to seven days and the most
important thing is what we do iscompletely different to
everything else out there.
(01:31):
Why?
Because it's all built on afoundation of changing your
worldview.
This might feel a bit off topic, but if I can explain the
method that we use, then thequestions are going to make so
much more sense and you'll seehow the questions fit into the
bigger picture of helping youget control of your drinking.
So what we do in the program andwhat we're going to do in this
video is use something calledfirst principles thinking.
See, when most people try andstop drinking alcohol, what do
(01:52):
they do?
They reason from analogy, andwhat this means is they make
quick decisions.
So, for example, you might bechoosing a new mobile phone and
rather than go and look at everydetail of every phone.
You just go brand new iPhone,give me the latest model done.
All your friends have got aniPhone.
You've had iPhones in the pastand you make a quick decision.
You don't need to go andresearch the camera, the battery
(02:13):
life, how it compares to anAndroid, you just make a quick
decision.
And this is reasoning fromanalogy.
It's a mental shortcut that weuse because we have to make so
many decisions every day.
If we were to use firstprinciples thinking for every
decision in our life, we'dcrumble.
A lot of people, when it comesto investing, they reason from
analogy.
They just buy the S&P 500.
That's it.
But reasoning from analogy isnormal.
(02:34):
We do it, everybody does it.
But when it comes to solvingproblems, a lot of the times it
doesn't work.
See, when you use firstprinciples thinking, what you
have to do is break the problemdown into its component parts.
So literally, think about theS&P 500.
You've got the 500 biggestcompanies in America and if you
were to do first principlesthinking, that would mean going
and studying every singlecompany in that portfolio and
(02:55):
understanding every componentpart of the problem.
And if you did that, you'dunderstand the S&P 500 way
deeper than everybody else.
The thing is is what's thepoint?
Somebody else has already donethe work for you.
You just invest in the index.
However, when it comes toalcohol, that is a problem that
so many of us have for decades.
Yet what we do is we reasonfrom analogy.
So what that means is that wego to society and we say how do
(03:17):
we stop drinking alcohol?
And what does society reflectback to us?
Why don't you drink less?
You just need to fight the urge.
I stopped with willpower.
Ah, maybe you're an alcoholic.
Come to an AA meeting.
Let me show you what that's allabout.
Not for you.
You need a rehab.
These are the kind of thingsthat get thrown at us and that's
fine, right.
For some people, they take thatapproach and they don't drink.
But if that method's failed you,then maybe you need to go to
(03:38):
that new level.
You need to go to that newlevel of understanding where you
can develop a new paradigm andlisten.
It's hard work.
It takes a lot of time.
It takes a lot of time to study.
It takes a lot of time toreally get your head in the game
and understand things.
But the hardest thing is youneed to see what the blocks are
in your head.
Because once you know theblocks, once you know the issues
that you're actually facing notthe ones that society are
(03:59):
telling you that you're facing,the ones that you're actually
facing then you can address them.
And that is the purpose of thisvideo and the worksheet that
we're about to complete.
We are going to use firstprinciples, thinking we're going
to start breaking the problemdown into its component parts,
so then you can identify theblocks.
Then you can go out on your own, go and study them, put them
back together and create thatnew paradigm.
And once you do that, stoppingdrinking becomes the easiest
(04:22):
thing that you'll ever do inyour life.
It'll be as easy as brushingyour teeth.
It's a simple, logical decisionthat you just make once and
then do the thing.
I'm sure in the morning youdon't wake up and then walk to
the toilet and get yourtoothpaste on your toothbrush
and then think, ah, do you knowwhat?
I'm not going to do it.
I might do it tomorrow.
Maybe I should brush my teethonly half today.
No, you don't do that, you justdo the damn thing.
(04:42):
That's how it feels withalcohol once you see it for what
it is.
So again, you can either get apen and paper.
You can take some notes, or youcould just go and get the
worksheet, the PDF, or make aGoogle Doc.
The first question to askyourself are you ready to change
and why?
Why is the most importantquestion you can ask yourself,
and nobody else can do this workfor you.
(05:02):
You need to come up with somereasons why you're doing this
Stopping drinking for the sakeof stopping drinking.
I mean, what's the point If youjust want to stop drinking and
change nothing and watch Netflixall day and everything stays
the same?
I don't want to be too cynicaland too pessimistic, but you
might as well drink Like what'sthe point?
You want to go and really startto reflect on the role that
(05:22):
alcohol has in your life, andthe best thing you can do here
is just write.
Write as quickly as you can.
Don't think too much.
Just start blasting the page.
Don't procrastinate and stareat the blank page.
Just put the pen down or starttyping Whatever comes to your
head.
Just start writing.
If you're not ready to change,continue with the rest of the
questions.
If you feel on the fence, it'snormal.
Maybe you're in a place whereyou're thinking I could drink
(05:43):
less, I could control it.
That's fine.
Just write it down, but reallyfocus on why you want to change
your relationship with alcohol.
And the whole purpose of thisfirst question is just to get
you thinking, get you moving,because now we're going to go to
another level with the secondquestion.
The second question is what painis alcohol causing in your life
?
If you can come up with 10 waysthat alcohol causes pain in
(06:04):
your life, that will be sohelpful and that will be an
asset to you as you go throughthis journey.
If you can always remember thepain that alcohol caused when
you stopped drinking and you'rethree months sober, six months
sober, and you forget about thepain, you can always look back
to this list.
So, even if you're quite new tothis journey, I'd recommend
doing this.
For me it stays fresh in mymemory because I've had so many
damn failed attempts to stopdrinking in the past.
(06:26):
I don't need reminding of this,but in my journey, in my life,
alcohol was making me lethargic.
Right, I'd put on weight, I wasbloated.
It was affecting myrelationships with my family.
I couldn't hold down a romanticrelationship.
I say that quietly because mywife might hear me.
I'm in the lounge and she'sover there.
But I couldn't do that.
But I couldn't do these thingswhen I was drinking.
Actually, we're not quitemarried yet, 22 days and
(06:46):
counting.
Maybe by the time this videogets published we're married.
But anyway, write down howalcohol is causing pain in your
life.
How is it making you feel, howis it making you look and just
write down as many things as youcan.
I think 10 would be a perfectaim here.
Number three, question threewho does your drinking impact
other than yourself?
Now, what I mean here is youdon't want to think okay, if I
drink alcohol, then I don't know, I'm going to influence my
(07:09):
friends to drink, or let's notthink about that.
When you drink alcohol, whatmessage does that send to the
people that you love?
So I have a younger brother.
My brother is 18.
He's actually with us right now.
He's come to stay for a monthbefore he goes to college, to
university, and because he'sdone so well with his schoolwork
, we've decided to invite him tocome and stay for a month and
have a holiday before he has togo to college, go to university.
(07:30):
When I was drinking alcohol, Iwasn't setting the right example
to him.
Sure, drinking, drinking wasimpacting my life.
But don't you have people inyour life that look up to you,
people that might be yourfriends, your family, people
that you want to set an examplefor?
Ask yourself how the drinkingimpacts them, because here's the
thing that people don't realiseEverybody knows about your
drinking.
If you drink, we all think thatwe can keep it secret and
(07:51):
nobody really knows what we'redoing.
But everybody knows.
So, even if you think you'vegot it under control and nobody
really knows about the issue,are you really setting the
example that you want to set inyour life?
This is a painful place to goin your mind.
Now I'm going to ask one morekind of negative question and
then we're going to transitionthe video.
But let's just go one stepdeeper and then we'll get a bit
more optimistic.
(08:12):
But if you keep drinkingalcohol, where do you see
yourself in the next three years?
And if you feel like threeyears isn't going to be that bad
, just extend the time horizon10 years, 20 years.
I'm pretty sure that if Icontinued drinking alcohol, I
might have had 15 years left.
The way that I used to drink isI would binge drink and I would
make the most ridiculous lifedecisions ever.
Not everybody's like that.
A lot of the people that I workwith in my coaching program.
(08:34):
They're chronic drinkers.
They've drank a sustainedamount, a large amount of
alcohol for multiple decades.
And I asked them this questionwhere's this going?
Are you really waiting to getthat phone call from the doctor
saying cirrhosis of the liver,my cancer diagnosis?
And I hate talking about thisstuff, but it really is life or
death.
Alcohol is one of the biggestkillers in the world.
It kills millions of people andI don't want to come across as
(08:55):
too harsh, but nobody is immuneto this.
I've had people in my life, inmy family, where alcohol killed
them.
They drank themselves to death.
Anyway, write it down.
Let's go into the fifth question.
Ask yourself this what value doyou think alcohol adds to your
life?
So, for example, if you thinkthat after a hard day of work
you get home and alcohol helpsyou relax, write it down.
(09:15):
If you think alcohol makes yousocialize, makes you more funny,
write it down.
And if you're kind of past thisidea of alcohol adding value in
your life and you're just kindof at the end of the road and
you're like man, this stuffsucks, write it down Because
something is holding you back,otherwise you wouldn't drink.
And once you've got this pictureof the way that you think
alcohol adds value in your life,ask yourself how can you change
(09:37):
these beliefs, how can youreframe them, how can you
replace this with a betterparadigm and a better worldview?
Where could you find newsources of information to combat
these ideas and these beliefsthat you've got, so you can
start to see alcohol for what itis, so you can see it as a
poison, as ethanol, as thisaddictive, carcinogenic drug,
and see it as something thatadds nothing to your life,
(10:02):
because reframing these beliefswill change everything.
Maybe, for you, you're going tofind it in stop drinking books.
Maybe for some people, theyfind it in AA with a therapist.
I'm not here to bash everyother program in the world.
All I'm trying to do is sharemy experience, my paradigm, my
worldview, and for some people,they want to learn about that,
which is why they eithercontinue watching the YouTube
channel, they subscribe or theywork with me.
So, number six what's thebiggest challenge you think that
you'll face?
(10:23):
Maybe it's in yourrelationships.
Maybe it's cravings.
Maybe it's just thinking, oh,screw it.
Maybe, for you, you're going todo what I did.
And the biggest challenge thatyou'll face.
You already know it's not goingto be in the first few weeks.
You know that you can get a fewweeks, but for you it's once
the pain has gone away.
Then what do you do with that?
Most of my relapses didn'thappen when I felt bad or I was
(10:43):
sad or tired or anything likethat.
A lot of the times it would bewhen life had started going in
the right direction, when I hadmore money, I had success in a
career in my business, myrelationships were going well, I
had friends, and I'd built allthis without drinking.
And then I had this great ideaof having just one drink.
See, that idea of having justone drink was my biggest
challenge, and I knew that,which is why I had to make a
(11:03):
decision to get it out of mylife permanently.
So just start writing down someof the challenges now and then
start to try and think how youcan address those challenges.
It sounds savage, but maybeit's your work.
Maybe you need a new career, anew job.
You need to start positioningyourself in the market a little
bit differently.
Maybe it's having some reallytough, awkward conversations
with people.
Question seven who do you havein your life that can support
(11:25):
you?
Are there any communities inyour area?
Do you have friends that youmight want to do this with,
maybe a spouse?
Personally, I'm biased, but Ithink that we need independent
third-party accountability.
I have a personal trainingqualification.
I had a successful personaltraining business.
That doesn't mean that I'mimmune myself to not going to a
gym.
I've spent probably $5,000 to$10,000 on personal trainers
(11:47):
over the years Because havingthat appointment on a calendar
makes a big difference.
If I say to my soon-to-be wife,my fiance, I say, hey, we're
going to start this exerciseprogram.
Yeah, sure, we'll encourageeach other.
It's not like we're going tosabotage each other, but
sometimes it's not enough.
So can you add any supportelements?
Could you maybe find somethird-party help?
Maybe it's a therapist or acounsellor, I don't know.
(12:08):
But just start writing someideas down.
Question number eight this oneis big.
Ask yourself how confident youfeel about making this change.
What's a good thing to do hereis to put a number on it between
one and 10, and then askyourself if you had 10 out of 10
supreme confidence in makingthis decision permanent, what
would be different For some ofus?
It's going to be time.
We're just going to need torebuild that trust in ourselves
(12:28):
and for others, it's gettingsome skin in the game.
It's actually making afinancial investment in
something that's in alignmentwith this decision.
I'll give you an example.
I recently found a YouTubechannel I'm not going to talk
about the topic, it's veryprivate and I was watching this
YouTube channel and I'm thinkingman, this guy's good, like what
he's teaching I want to applyin my life.
(12:53):
And as soon as I realized hehad a coaching program, I
immediately bought it, becauseI'd been watching his videos for
a few days and I didn'tactually do anything with the
information.
But I knew that if I gave thisguy some money, if I got some
accountability and some supportfrom him, what I would do is buy
into his ideas.
And not only did I get theprivate help, which was super
helpful, but then I went on hisfree stuff and then I started
implementing those things.
So in my own life that's beenhuge.
Now number nine here's wherewe're going to start thinking
very positively how I've done.
It is the first four questionsare mostly about the pain and
(13:15):
the negatives.
The next questions are aboutthe transition and really making
the change.
But now let's talk about whatto do next.
So question nine what do youwant out of life?
How do you want your life tolook?
When it comes to this topic ofdesigning a vision, designing
your life, there's a reallyhelpful book and it's called
Goals by Brian Tracy.
It's a classic self-help book,but it gives you some really
great frameworks, and what heencourages you to do is, when it
(13:37):
comes to really thinking aboutwhat it is that you want for
your life, is to write withoutlimits.
So he just says write downwhatever it is that comes to
your head.
Don't think can I achieve this,can I do this?
Because I don't know, maybe youwant to write a book and then
you start writing down okay,well, I want to be a published
author.
But then if you let that voicein your head override it of like
, well, who are you to be anauthor?
Well, you don't know anything.
You need to get a degree first.
(14:04):
You need to do this, you needto do that, he says.
Ignore that voice, because whatit comes to alcohol with
question 10.
If you don't drink for threeyears, how will your life look?
If everything goes exactly asplanned?
What will life look like threeyears from today?
How will you look when you lookin the mirror?
What about your relationships?
How much money is in your bank?
How's your business doing?
And one of the most fun thingsthat you can do here is just
(14:25):
write an average day in the lifeof this individual three years
from now, the version of youthat's been sober for three
years.
Where are they waking up?
Who are they waking up with?
What are you doing when you'reeating breakfast?
When you look out the window,what do you see?
When you open your computer orgo on your phone, what's there?
What are you doing for work?
What does a typical day looklike?
And now what we're doing is,rather than just running away
(14:54):
from the pain of alcohol andfixing our worldview, we're now
starting to go towards somethingbetter.
We're starting to design avision.
This is exactly what I did whenI just stopped drinking alcohol
.
I was blessed to join adifferent coaching program,
totally unrelated to stoppingdrinking, but it was all about
this.
It was about designing what youwant your life to look like and
then trying to become thecharacter that would
effortlessly achieve this dream.
The 11th question to ask iswhat's one area of your life
that you could put 100% focusinto when you stop drinking.
For most people it's probablygoing to be their physical
(15:16):
health, which means getting backto the gym, maybe hiring a
personal trainer, getting onsome nutrition program, but for
others it might be therelationship with their spouse.
For others it's going to betheir spirituality and
reconnecting with God.
But write down one area thatyou can focus on when you stop
drinking alcohol and then startto think of some action steps
that you can take to startmaking that a big focus.
And finally, the most importantquestion of all, question 12.
(15:39):
When it comes to your dream andwhat you want out of life, the
question that you want to askyourself is not how do I get it
or what do I need to do.
The best question you can askyourself is who do I need to
become?
My old mentor used to say ifyou were the kind of person that
could achieve the goals thatyou have, you'd already have
them, which is why you need tojust basically kill your current
version of you and replace itwith the version of you that can
(16:00):
effortlessly achieve your dream.
For me, that meant learningYouTube, putting myself on the
internet, not being afraid ofbeing judged by others.
Now this is something that I doin my coaching program.
It's the final thing that we do.
Is we really design this newidentity?
So, instead of stoppingdrinking and making that the
focus of our life, we'rebecoming somebody new.
Thanks for checking out theStop Drinking Podcast by Sober
Clear.
(16:20):
If you want to learn more abouthow we work with people to help
them stop drinking effortlessly, then make sure to visit
wwwsoberclearcom.
Welcome to the Stop Drinking Podcast, where we help
you make stopping drinking asimple, logical and easy
decision.
We help you with tips, toolsand strategies to start living
your best life when alcohol free.
If you want to learn more aboutstop drinking coaching, then
head over to wwwsoberclearcom.
(00:21):
If you're thinking of stoppingdrinking alcohol, the 12
questions that I'm going to getyou to answer in this video
today could change the way thatyou view alcohol forever.
So if you've tried to stopdrinking in the past and failed,
or if you've been finding itdifficult, or if you're already
sober and you've got somemomentum and you want to take it
to another level, then youdefinitely want to watch this
video.
If you want to skip to thefirst question, there's
(00:47):
timestamps down below, but whatwe've done is we've created a
free worksheet.
If you click the link downbelow, you can download a PDF,
and then feel free to print offthis PDF and follow along with
the video, or just get yourselfa pen and paper and just write
it out as we go along throughthe questions.
Now, before we get into thefirst question, let me just go
back a little bit to explain themethod behind the madness.
So a quick introduction my nameis Leon Sylvester.
(01:10):
I'm the founder ofSoberClearcom and we're a
coaching company that uses thistotally new method to help
people get control of theirdrinking.
Our method is scientificallyvalidated by an academic
psychologist.
If you go on Google Scholar youcan find his scientific report.
Our method works quickly.
We do get people get results inunder 24 hours.
It's rare, but it sometimeshappens.
Most people are taking aroundtwo to seven days and the most
important thing is what we do iscompletely different to
everything else out there.
(01:31):
Why?
Because it's all built on afoundation of changing your
worldview.
This might feel a bit off topic, but if I can explain the
method that we use, then thequestions are going to make so
much more sense and you'll seehow the questions fit into the
bigger picture of helping youget control of your drinking.
So what we do in the program andwhat we're going to do in this
video is use something calledfirst principles thinking.
See, when most people try andstop drinking alcohol, what do
(01:52):
they do?
They reason from analogy, andwhat this means is they make
quick decisions.
So, for example, you might bechoosing a new mobile phone and
rather than go and look at everydetail of every phone.
You just go brand new iPhone,give me the latest model done.
All your friends have got aniPhone.
You've had iPhones in the pastand you make a quick decision.
You don't need to go andresearch the camera, the battery
(02:13):
life, how it compares to anAndroid, you just make a quick
decision.
And this is reasoning fromanalogy.
It's a mental shortcut that weuse because we have to make so
many decisions every day.
If we were to use firstprinciples thinking for every
decision in our life, we'dcrumble.
A lot of people, when it comesto investing, they reason from
analogy.
They just buy the S&P 500.
That's it.
But reasoning from analogy isnormal.
(02:34):
We do it, everybody does it.
But when it comes to solvingproblems, a lot of the times it
doesn't work.
See, when you use firstprinciples thinking, what you
have to do is break the problemdown into its component parts.
So literally, think about theS&P 500.
You've got the 500 biggestcompanies in America and if you
were to do first principlesthinking, that would mean going
and studying every singlecompany in that portfolio and
(02:55):
understanding every componentpart of the problem.
And if you did that, you'dunderstand the S&P 500 way
deeper than everybody else.
The thing is is what's thepoint?
Somebody else has already donethe work for you.
You just invest in the index.
However, when it comes toalcohol, that is a problem that
so many of us have for decades.
Yet what we do is we reasonfrom analogy.
So what that means is that wego to society and we say how do
(03:17):
we stop drinking alcohol?
And what does society reflectback to us?
Why don't you drink less?
You just need to fight the urge.
I stopped with willpower.
Ah, maybe you're an alcoholic.
Come to an AA meeting.
Let me show you what that's allabout.
Not for you.
You need a rehab.
These are the kind of thingsthat get thrown at us and that's
fine, right.
For some people, they take thatapproach and they don't drink.
But if that method's failed you,then maybe you need to go to
(03:38):
that new level.
You need to go to that newlevel of understanding where you
can develop a new paradigm andlisten.
It's hard work.
It takes a lot of time.
It takes a lot of time to study.
It takes a lot of time toreally get your head in the game
and understand things.
But the hardest thing is youneed to see what the blocks are
in your head.
Because once you know theblocks, once you know the issues
that you're actually facing notthe ones that society are
(03:59):
telling you that you're facing,the ones that you're actually
facing then you can address them.
And that is the purpose of thisvideo and the worksheet that
we're about to complete.
We are going to use firstprinciples, thinking we're going
to start breaking the problemdown into its component parts,
so then you can identify theblocks.
Then you can go out on your own, go and study them, put them
back together and create thatnew paradigm.
And once you do that, stoppingdrinking becomes the easiest
(04:22):
thing that you'll ever do inyour life.
It'll be as easy as brushingyour teeth.
It's a simple, logical decisionthat you just make once and
then do the thing.
I'm sure in the morning youdon't wake up and then walk to
the toilet and get yourtoothpaste on your toothbrush
and then think, ah, do you knowwhat?
I'm not going to do it.
I might do it tomorrow.
Maybe I should brush my teethonly half today.
No, you don't do that, you justdo the damn thing.
(04:42):
That's how it feels withalcohol once you see it for what
it is.
So again, you can either get apen and paper.
You can take some notes, or youcould just go and get the
worksheet, the PDF, or make aGoogle Doc.
The first question to askyourself are you ready to change
and why?
Why is the most importantquestion you can ask yourself,
and nobody else can do this workfor you.
(05:02):
You need to come up with somereasons why you're doing this
Stopping drinking for the sakeof stopping drinking.
I mean, what's the point If youjust want to stop drinking and
change nothing and watch Netflixall day and everything stays
the same?
I don't want to be too cynicaland too pessimistic, but you
might as well drink Like what'sthe point?
You want to go and really startto reflect on the role that
(05:22):
alcohol has in your life, andthe best thing you can do here
is just write.
Write as quickly as you can.
Don't think too much.
Just start blasting the page.
Don't procrastinate and stareat the blank page.
Just put the pen down or starttyping Whatever comes to your
head.
Just start writing.
If you're not ready to change,continue with the rest of the
questions.
If you feel on the fence, it'snormal.
Maybe you're in a place whereyou're thinking I could drink
(05:43):
less, I could control it.
That's fine.
Just write it down, but reallyfocus on why you want to change
your relationship with alcohol.
And the whole purpose of thisfirst question is just to get
you thinking, get you moving,because now we're going to go to
another level with the secondquestion.
The second question is what painis alcohol causing in your life
?
If you can come up with 10 waysthat alcohol causes pain in
(06:04):
your life, that will be sohelpful and that will be an
asset to you as you go throughthis journey.
If you can always remember thepain that alcohol caused when
you stopped drinking and you'rethree months sober, six months
sober, and you forget about thepain, you can always look back
to this list.
So, even if you're quite new tothis journey, I'd recommend
doing this.
For me it stays fresh in mymemory because I've had so many
damn failed attempts to stopdrinking in the past.
(06:26):
I don't need reminding of this,but in my journey, in my life,
alcohol was making me lethargic.
Right, I'd put on weight, I wasbloated.
It was affecting myrelationships with my family.
I couldn't hold down a romanticrelationship.
I say that quietly because mywife might hear me.
I'm in the lounge and she'sover there.
But I couldn't do that.
But I couldn't do these thingswhen I was drinking.
Actually, we're not quitemarried yet, 22 days and
(06:46):
counting.
Maybe by the time this videogets published we're married.
But anyway, write down howalcohol is causing pain in your
life.
How is it making you feel, howis it making you look and just
write down as many things as youcan.
I think 10 would be a perfectaim here.
Number three, question threewho does your drinking impact
other than yourself?
Now, what I mean here is youdon't want to think okay, if I
drink alcohol, then I don't know, I'm going to influence my
(07:09):
friends to drink, or let's notthink about that.
When you drink alcohol, whatmessage does that send to the
people that you love?
So I have a younger brother.
My brother is 18.
He's actually with us right now.
He's come to stay for a monthbefore he goes to college, to
university, and because he'sdone so well with his schoolwork
, we've decided to invite him tocome and stay for a month and
have a holiday before he has togo to college, go to university.
(07:30):
When I was drinking alcohol, Iwasn't setting the right example
to him.
Sure, drinking, drinking wasimpacting my life.
But don't you have people inyour life that look up to you,
people that might be yourfriends, your family, people
that you want to set an examplefor?
Ask yourself how the drinkingimpacts them, because here's the
thing that people don't realiseEverybody knows about your
drinking.
If you drink, we all think thatwe can keep it secret and
(07:51):
nobody really knows what we'redoing.
But everybody knows.
So, even if you think you'vegot it under control and nobody
really knows about the issue,are you really setting the
example that you want to set inyour life?
This is a painful place to goin your mind.
Now I'm going to ask one morekind of negative question and
then we're going to transitionthe video.
But let's just go one stepdeeper and then we'll get a bit
more optimistic.
(08:12):
But if you keep drinkingalcohol, where do you see
yourself in the next three years?
And if you feel like threeyears isn't going to be that bad
, just extend the time horizon10 years, 20 years.
I'm pretty sure that if Icontinued drinking alcohol, I
might have had 15 years left.
The way that I used to drink isI would binge drink and I would
make the most ridiculous lifedecisions ever.
Not everybody's like that.
A lot of the people that I workwith in my coaching program.
(08:34):
They're chronic drinkers.
They've drank a sustainedamount, a large amount of
alcohol for multiple decades.
And I asked them this questionwhere's this going?
Are you really waiting to getthat phone call from the doctor
saying cirrhosis of the liver,my cancer diagnosis?
And I hate talking about thisstuff, but it really is life or
death.
Alcohol is one of the biggestkillers in the world.
It kills millions of people andI don't want to come across as
(08:55):
too harsh, but nobody is immuneto this.
I've had people in my life, inmy family, where alcohol killed
them.
They drank themselves to death.
Anyway, write it down.
Let's go into the fifth question.
Ask yourself this what value doyou think alcohol adds to your
life?
So, for example, if you thinkthat after a hard day of work
you get home and alcohol helpsyou relax, write it down.
(09:15):
If you think alcohol makes yousocialize, makes you more funny,
write it down.
And if you're kind of past thisidea of alcohol adding value in
your life and you're just kindof at the end of the road and
you're like man, this stuffsucks, write it down Because
something is holding you back,otherwise you wouldn't drink.
And once you've got this pictureof the way that you think
alcohol adds value in your life,ask yourself how can you change
(09:37):
these beliefs, how can youreframe them, how can you
replace this with a betterparadigm and a better worldview?
Where could you find newsources of information to combat
these ideas and these beliefsthat you've got, so you can
start to see alcohol for what itis, so you can see it as a
poison, as ethanol, as thisaddictive, carcinogenic drug,
and see it as something thatadds nothing to your life,
(10:02):
because reframing these beliefswill change everything.
Maybe, for you, you're going tofind it in stop drinking books.
Maybe for some people, theyfind it in AA with a therapist.
I'm not here to bash everyother program in the world.
All I'm trying to do is sharemy experience, my paradigm, my
worldview, and for some people,they want to learn about that,
which is why they eithercontinue watching the YouTube
channel, they subscribe or theywork with me.
So, number six what's thebiggest challenge you think that
you'll face?
(10:23):
Maybe it's in yourrelationships.
Maybe it's cravings.
Maybe it's just thinking, oh,screw it.
Maybe, for you, you're going todo what I did.
And the biggest challenge thatyou'll face.
You already know it's not goingto be in the first few weeks.
You know that you can get a fewweeks, but for you it's once
the pain has gone away.
Then what do you do with that?
Most of my relapses didn'thappen when I felt bad or I was
(10:43):
sad or tired or anything likethat.
A lot of the times it would bewhen life had started going in
the right direction, when I hadmore money, I had success in a
career in my business, myrelationships were going well, I
had friends, and I'd built allthis without drinking.
And then I had this great ideaof having just one drink.
See, that idea of having justone drink was my biggest
challenge, and I knew that,which is why I had to make a
(11:03):
decision to get it out of mylife permanently.
So just start writing down someof the challenges now and then
start to try and think how youcan address those challenges.
It sounds savage, but maybeit's your work.
Maybe you need a new career, anew job.
You need to start positioningyourself in the market a little
bit differently.
Maybe it's having some reallytough, awkward conversations
with people.
Question seven who do you havein your life that can support
(11:25):
you?
Are there any communities inyour area?
Do you have friends that youmight want to do this with,
maybe a spouse?
Personally, I'm biased, but Ithink that we need independent
third-party accountability.
I have a personal trainingqualification.
I had a successful personaltraining business.
That doesn't mean that I'mimmune myself to not going to a
gym.
I've spent probably $5,000 to$10,000 on personal trainers
(11:47):
over the years Because havingthat appointment on a calendar
makes a big difference.
If I say to my soon-to-be wife,my fiance, I say, hey, we're
going to start this exerciseprogram.
Yeah, sure, we'll encourageeach other.
It's not like we're going tosabotage each other, but
sometimes it's not enough.
So can you add any supportelements?
Could you maybe find somethird-party help?
Maybe it's a therapist or acounsellor, I don't know.
(12:08):
But just start writing someideas down.
Question number eight this oneis big.
Ask yourself how confident youfeel about making this change.
What's a good thing to do hereis to put a number on it between
one and 10, and then askyourself if you had 10 out of 10
supreme confidence in makingthis decision permanent, what
would be different For some ofus?
It's going to be time.
We're just going to need torebuild that trust in ourselves
(12:28):
and for others, it's gettingsome skin in the game.
It's actually making afinancial investment in
something that's in alignmentwith this decision.
I'll give you an example.
I recently found a YouTubechannel I'm not going to talk
about the topic, it's veryprivate and I was watching this
YouTube channel and I'm thinkingman, this guy's good, like what
he's teaching I want to applyin my life.
(12:53):
And as soon as I realized hehad a coaching program, I
immediately bought it, becauseI'd been watching his videos for
a few days and I didn'tactually do anything with the
information.
But I knew that if I gave thisguy some money, if I got some
accountability and some supportfrom him, what I would do is buy
into his ideas.
And not only did I get theprivate help, which was super
helpful, but then I went on hisfree stuff and then I started
implementing those things.
So in my own life that's beenhuge.
Now number nine here's wherewe're going to start thinking
very positively how I've done.
It is the first four questionsare mostly about the pain and
(13:15):
the negatives.
The next questions are aboutthe transition and really making
the change.
But now let's talk about whatto do next.
So question nine what do youwant out of life?
How do you want your life tolook?
When it comes to this topic ofdesigning a vision, designing
your life, there's a reallyhelpful book and it's called
Goals by Brian Tracy.
It's a classic self-help book,but it gives you some really
great frameworks, and what heencourages you to do is, when it
(13:37):
comes to really thinking aboutwhat it is that you want for
your life, is to write withoutlimits.
So he just says write downwhatever it is that comes to
your head.
Don't think can I achieve this,can I do this?
Because I don't know, maybe youwant to write a book and then
you start writing down okay,well, I want to be a published
author.
But then if you let that voicein your head override it of like
, well, who are you to be anauthor?
Well, you don't know anything.
You need to get a degree first.
(14:04):
You need to do this, you needto do that, he says.
Ignore that voice, because whatit comes to alcohol with
question 10.
If you don't drink for threeyears, how will your life look?
If everything goes exactly asplanned?
What will life look like threeyears from today?
How will you look when you lookin the mirror?
What about your relationships?
How much money is in your bank?
How's your business doing?
And one of the most fun thingsthat you can do here is just
(14:25):
write an average day in the lifeof this individual three years
from now, the version of youthat's been sober for three
years.
Where are they waking up?
Who are they waking up with?
What are you doing when you'reeating breakfast?
When you look out the window,what do you see?
When you open your computer orgo on your phone, what's there?
What are you doing for work?
What does a typical day looklike?
And now what we're doing is,rather than just running away
(14:54):
from the pain of alcohol andfixing our worldview, we're now
starting to go towards somethingbetter.
We're starting to design avision.
This is exactly what I did whenI just stopped drinking alcohol
.
I was blessed to join adifferent coaching program,
totally unrelated to stoppingdrinking, but it was all about
this.
It was about designing what youwant your life to look like and
then trying to become thecharacter that would
effortlessly achieve this dream.
The 11th question to ask iswhat's one area of your life
that you could put 100% focusinto when you stop drinking.
For most people it's probablygoing to be their physical
(15:16):
health, which means getting backto the gym, maybe hiring a
personal trainer, getting onsome nutrition program, but for
others it might be therelationship with their spouse.
For others it's going to betheir spirituality and
reconnecting with God.
But write down one area thatyou can focus on when you stop
drinking alcohol and then startto think of some action steps
that you can take to startmaking that a big focus.
And finally, the most importantquestion of all, question 12.
(15:39):
When it comes to your dream andwhat you want out of life, the
question that you want to askyourself is not how do I get it
or what do I need to do.
The best question you can askyourself is who do I need to
become?
My old mentor used to say ifyou were the kind of person that
could achieve the goals thatyou have, you'd already have
them, which is why you need tojust basically kill your current
version of you and replace itwith the version of you that can
(16:00):
effortlessly achieve your dream.
For me, that meant learningYouTube, putting myself on the
internet, not being afraid ofbeing judged by others.
Now this is something that I doin my coaching program.
It's the final thing that we do.
Is we really design this newidentity?
So, instead of stoppingdrinking and making that the
focus of our life, we'rebecoming somebody new.
Thanks for checking out theStop Drinking Podcast by Sober
Clear.
(16:20):
If you want to learn more abouthow we work with people to help
them stop drinking effortlessly, then make sure to visit
wwwsoberclearcom.
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