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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Stop Drinking Podcast, where we help
you make stopping drinking asimple, logical and easy
decision.
We help you with tips, toolsand strategies to start living
your best life when alcohol-free.
If you want to learn more aboutstop drinking coaching, then
head over to wwwsoberclearcom.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we got jeff joining
us again with his girlfriend,beth, and jeff did an interview
a while back.
So jeff is now around two and ahalf years without a drink.
Uh, he's completely changed hislife and he's come here today
to tell his story and and alsobeth has come to share some of
the things that she's seenthroughout this path and this
(00:43):
journey that he's been on.
But it's awesome to get youback on the channel, jeff.
Two and a half years, awesomeachievement and thank you so
much for coming, both of youwell.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Thank you for having us.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
We're happy to be here because you did you did an
interview previously, jeff, andI think that was about five
months sober.
So for those of you that didn'twatch the video, let's just go
back to the very beginning.
So let's just talk about thestart of your journey with
alcohol and how it progressed towhat it got to.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
So let's let's just start there well, alcohol's been
pretty much a part of my lifefrom the beginning.
I uh, grew up with it in in myyoung years and, um, it was, it
was the popular thing to do backin the eighties, I guess.
(01:29):
You know, we, we had Joe Cooland the Marlboro man and it was.
You know, it was a rite ofpassage.
You, you, you matured and youhit drinking age and you drank
and you partied and it was apretty normal thing.
And my father's side of thefamily had a ranch and they grew
(01:53):
barley for Coors BrewingCompany and my mom's side of the
family had a farm.
So I spent time going back andforth, had a farm, so I spent
time going back and forth.
And you know, growing up in therural lifestyle, we went to a
lot of rodeos and livestockshows and farm shows and
(02:14):
everything was sponsored by adrinking company.
It was Jack Daniels, this orBudweiser, something else, and
know it was just commonplace.
And then I grew up and becameold enough to drive and was in
my middle teenage years andyou've always got a friend who's
(02:38):
got an older brother or sisterthat can drink and they'd go out
and they'd, they'd buy us,they'd buy us youngsters alcohol
and we would go find places tobe and go find things to do, and
where I lived there were alwayslittle spots outside of town
where people could go and hangout and just mingle usually it
(02:58):
was by a lake that we had neartown.
But you just go out and youyou'd get your, your beer or
whatever you had and you woulddrink and then, uh, graduated
high school and moved off tocollege and you know, now you're
out in the real world andpartying happens and it was
(03:19):
drink and study and sleep, anddrink and study and sleep.
And just every day as an adult,you know, if I didn't have a
job to do or work to go to, Ihad a drink.
I always had drinks and lots ofrelationships were based on
drinking, just every part oflife.
(03:43):
You know Most people, I'm sure,sure, can relate to that that
it's just as common as watchingthe sun come up every day.
You know, it's just always hasbeen there.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
So when did you start thinking, hmm, I don't know
about this.
Like, should I really be doingthis?
When did you start questioningyour relationship with alcohol?
Speaker 3 (04:07):
Well, I've probably always questioned it.
But you know, you have eventsand things happen in life and I
used to smoke cigarettes andused to own tobacco too and I
always knew that that stuff wasbad for me.
And you know, I eventually gotto a point where I just decided
(04:28):
that I needed to quit and talkedabout it more in detail in our
first video.
But my dad had had a heartattack and he was a smoker and
when I saw him in the hospital Irealized right then and there
that I didn't need to smokecigarettes anymore and that was
a pretty easy, an easy quit.
(04:48):
And you know, the drinking thingis always so part of
everybody's life.
You know, you're taught fromthe time that you're a kid that
someday you're going to be oldenough and you're going to drink
and you're going to this andyou're going to that and it's.
You know, it's how you fit intosociety and conform into the,
(05:10):
the normalcy of an everydayroutine.
And you add the drinking sothat one was a little more
difficult to separate becauseit's almost like it's a part of
you.
And I had, I had quite a loveaffair with beer and I really
(05:32):
enjoyed beer.
I would always have beer.
And then you know you did.
You come to a point where youstart thinking that I probably
ought to not be doing thisbecause this is one of those
slippery slopes.
One of your other clients, in avideo that he did, talked about
it having a snowball effect.
(05:53):
And things started to snowballin my life and at one point I
had gotten a DUI and it wreckeda very nice job opportunity that
I had.
So I battled a lot of demonsand guilt over that and a lot of
it was the embarrassmentbecause my peers knew that I had
(06:15):
gotten in trouble and that wasalmost as bad as losing the job
opportunity.
And then the thoughts aboutquitting started to kick in then
.
But you have to get to a place.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
When was this, when were these thoughts Around?
What time.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Probably back in 2005 .
Okay, cool, that's all good.
And I was in a relationshipwith someone else then and that
relationship was built onalcohol.
It was just hang out and drinkand party and have a good time,
and one part of that that wasproblematic was that I had
(06:59):
friends and family members couldsee that things were not normal
.
I guess not.
Not the way a healthyrelationship and partnership
should be.
And you know, of course, whenyou're, when you're in, that you
don't always see.
You always don't see clearthrough the tunnel.
(07:21):
And then when that relationshipended, I started to realize
that you know the the drinkingstuff is is more of a problem
than maybe I give it credit for.
And then I always just kind offigured that this was part of me
(07:42):
and it's who I am and it's justmy life and I need to figure
out how to control it better.
Now that I look back on it, itwas really just kind of excuse
making.
I didn't want to cope with itand I didn't want to deal with
it.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
What was it?
It just started to interruptyou, but it was like it sounds
like you felt totally attachedto it, like there was no way you
could ever separate yourselffrom it.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Oh, I think so.
I, you know, as a former smoker, I felt that way too, and a lot
of smokers will probably tellyou the same thing.
When, when you're heavily tiedinto the addiction, the last
thing you want to do is give itup.
And the first time you try andyou experience a moment of
(08:34):
stress, the first thing you dois you go to that security
blanket or that crutch, whetherit be cigarettes or cocaine or
alcohol, whatever the case.
So every time something wouldhappen in my life, I would
always rely on the alcohol tohelp me forget or to help me
cope.
And then when she and I met, Iwas really pretty much just a
(09:00):
beer drinker then and we went Idon't know 10, 10 years probably
, I guess and then the wholecovid thing happened so hang on.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
So this is around.
Uh 2012 you met 2011, 2012.
Yep, yep, in that ballpark sothen 10, so around 10 years of
now beer drinking only.
Yeah, and then when, Just sothose 10 years it was kind of
how was that?
Was that just like up and downat all, or was it kind of?
Speaker 3 (09:34):
just leveled out.
Well, it was.
It was still part of my dailyroutine.
You know, every time we weretogether I was drinking beer and
you know she might have shemight have some stuff to say on
that, I don't know for sure butI spent quite a lot of time just
drinking.
You know she would come over tovisit.
(09:56):
We were still dating in thosedays.
We weren't living together yetlike we are now.
So we'd go out and do stuff andthere was always dinner and
drinks or one of us would cookand we'd have drinks and we'd
always for me anyway, she barelytouches the stuff.
But and then we moved intogether and COVID happened and
(10:26):
here in the States everythingwas on lockdown and I would
watch a lot of YouTube and Idiscovered a bunch of whiskey
channels on YouTube and startedfollowing these channels.
And the next thing I know Istarted diving into whiskey,
(10:47):
experimenting with whiskey, andshe'll tell you, I'm the type of
person that when I getsomething in my head I spend a
lot of time learning about itand I analyze stuff and I
research.
And the next thing I knew I wasfollowing the American history
behind bourbon and I waslearning about different
(11:09):
distilleries.
So then I was buying all thisdifferent kind of stuff and it
really became a pretty intensehobby and I got to the point
where I was on like secondarymarkets looking for high-end
stuff.
I was friends with all marketslooking for high end stuff.
I was.
I was friends with all theliquor store owners and we would
(11:31):
all help each other look forpremium alcohol, premium stock,
premium, whatever, tequila, andyou know we talked about it in
the first video.
I had amassed a pretty large, uh, whiskey collection and after
(11:51):
some time that sort of becamekind of a problem just to talk
about, because people would comeover and they would be like
what is all of that?
You know, I could tell it wasquite a bit over the top.
So and then we probably had, weprobably started having some
(12:14):
problems over the over thewhiskey I would drink quite a
bit during the day and then atnighttime, when it was getting
ready to be over with for theday, I'd break out the hard
stuff and usually it didn't takevery long and she'd be saying
well, haven't you had enough, ordo you need more?
(12:38):
Why do you need that?
I didn't really, didn't reallypay much attention to it.
You know, I kind of selfishlywould blow her off and I would
keep drinking.
And I know that it was affectingour relationship and she has
(13:00):
children from a previousmarriage and I know that it was
setting a pretty unhealthyexample for them and it was
causing stress and pain andtrauma amongst the children and
her and I.
And I know I was pretty angry.
I was a pretty angry individual.
(13:20):
It didn't take much to set meoff and I don't know.
I guess I can keep going, butwhere do we want to go from this
point?
Speaker 2 (13:37):
It's up to you how much you want to share.
Now we know that it's impactingyour life.
What would you say were themain things, beth, at this point
, when it was starting to causeproblems, what shift did you see
happen?
Speaker 4 (13:50):
Well, we had some problems with the beer too,
because it was just constant, itwas constant.
And then, you know, with theCOVID he was learning and he
would tell me all this historyabout all this different things
and it was a little bitinteresting.
But then the bottles startedcoming in and it was like, yeah,
(14:12):
it was questioning how much istoo much?
And you know he would tell me,you know, well, there's you know
I was talking to so-and-so, andyou know that person just
drinks way too much and you knowhis, his girlfriend's really
upset about it and stuff.
And I'm like, well, you know,you can back off too.
Um and then there were timeswhere he would, and I thought
(14:33):
things would be going a littlebit easier and it would be less
than then, all of a sudden, it'djust be another glass and it's
like so, yeah it, it got to be apretty heavy problem.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
You always think you're in control when you're
out of control, but you don'trealize it.
And when you back off toaccommodate someone else, I
think subconsciously thatcreates a little bit of
animosity, because you're angrythat someone's getting in your
business and you just think Ican handle this, this is my
thing.
I can, I can do this, you know.
(15:11):
But until you really truly fallflat on your face I don't think
it really becomes that clear.
You know and you don't realize,or maybe you do realize, but
you're so far into the fog of itall that you don't necessarily
(15:31):
care.
You're just self-absorbed intowhat you're doing.
You know it created some heatedmoments.
You know it created some heatedmoments and I don't know.
I think probably if it wouldhave continued going on the path
that it was, she probably wouldhave left me or I would have
(16:01):
managed to hurt myself or endedup in a jail cell somewhere you
know, thankfully no one got hurt, but you know, things happen
yeah, so this is around 2021,2022, covid, uh, things are
getting worse.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Uh, you and it sounds like there's like a war in your
head, right.
There's one side of you that'slike I got this under control,
it's not that bad, leave mealone.
But then there's the other sideof you that knows it's impacted
the relationship.
You're not setting the example.
You want want to.
So it's like this constantbattle, right, but then you kept
drinking.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Yeah Well, growing up , where I grew up, there was a
lot of stock put on a man beinga man, and men didn't admit that
they have a problem.
You don't admit to cheer andpain, you don't show weakness.
You have to be strong,especially when there's others
(16:56):
that you provide for.
That's how I was raised and Ididn't want to come out with it.
So I guess that's where thewhole willpower part of dealing
with stuff like this doesn'treally work, of dealing with
stuff like this doesn't reallywork because as soon as you try
(17:16):
to force yourself to change, youautomatically begin a
contradiction with who you thinkthat you are and who you really
aren't.
You know, I thought that I wasstrong enough to deal with it
and I didn't need anybody's helpand I could handle it.
And you know I would throttleback or ease off and be like,
(17:39):
yeah, okay, see, I can, I'm in,I'm in full control of this.
And you know there's a stopdrinking book out there and the
author talks about the drinkingaddiction is a pitcher plant and
every human being is on the lipof this pitcher plant and
(17:59):
everyone who tries a drink takesa step into the pitcher plant
and they start to slide down tothe bottom, and at the bottom of
the pitcher plant is theorganism that eats all the bugs
and the stuff that comes intothat.
And I started to realize that Iwas sliding really fast and the
(18:21):
more that I tried to fight toget out of it, the deeper I was
going in.
And you look around and you seewhat's going on, but you just
still have that, thatmasculinity part of you that
doesn't want to admit to it andand you're not, you're not,
(18:45):
you're not really interested inother people putting pressure on
you, because that makes youfeel weak.
And it certainly made me feellike I was weak and I wasn't
about to have that.
So I brushed that aside and youknow that's how it is.
When you're deep into it, youdon't see things from the
(19:08):
outside, you only see it fromyour one perspective and I think
sometimes it hurts the otherpeople that are close to you and
care about you more than you'rereally hurting yourself.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Yeah so you were trying to change with willpower
and you use the example fromAlan Carr's book the Picture
Plant, and it's all about howyou were trying to change with
willpower and it, and you usethe example from Alan Carr's
book the picture plant and it's,it's all about how you.
You were never, that's right.
Yeah, you were.
You were never really incontrol, because as soon as you
land on the plant, you can't getoff anyway, and yeah, it's a
(19:43):
great example.
So.
So you were trying and tryingand trying and the harder it
became, in a way, but then, inthe same time, you didn't want
to get help because you're a manand you can handle business.
So you're in this this, this,this bit of a pickle with your
situation, like you can't stop,but you're trying to stop, but
you want to do it on your own.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
Yep, that's right, that's pretty much it.
And then, um, that's prettymuch it.
And then we have some horsesand a few acres of property.
And I got really, really drunkone day and then I called her
from outside in the barn and Itold her that I thought that I
(20:31):
was having a health issue like alegitimate health issue, really
, what it was that I was just sodrunk that I was ready to pass
out pretty much.
And I did.
And before that happened, Itold her I said you need to come
out here and get me.
And when I woke up she was outthere in our barn with her two
youngest twin sons and therewere a bunch of paramedics in
(20:54):
there and they were banging onmy face and they were hooking me
up to some ivs and waking me upand they wanted to take me to
the hospital and put me underobservation overnight.
And we declined that and shebrought me back up into the
house and you would think thatthat would have been enough is
(21:19):
enough for the night, right?
No, she put me in a hot bath.
And then what did I do?
Turned around and had a couplemore snifters of bourbon.
After all that had happened, Ihad to have a couple more
snifters of bourbon.
I left that part of the storyout in the first video, by the
way, and I just remember lyingthere looking at her and I could
(21:45):
just see this level of disguston her face.
I guess it broke my heart.
I was drunk, but I didn'trealize it at the time.
But when I woke up the next dayI certainly knew that I had
pushed myself right up to theedge of the cliff and if I kept
(22:08):
going we were going to get downa really bad road.
So I'd been watching a lot ofSober Clear videos on YouTube
and I'd always seen your linkson there and I finally told her.
I said I think I'm going togive this a shot because I
(22:29):
didn't want to go to AA.
I happened to know a couplepeople that were in AA at the
time and I was already miserableenough from my own self-induced
pain and I didn't want tostruggle like they were, the
level of guilt that theyexperienced from going to their
(22:51):
group sessions and to be toldthat you have this, this disease
that's incurable and you'regoing to be in this horrible
fight for the rest of your life.
I just I didn't buy into that.
So I I knew that I couldconquer addiction because you
(23:12):
know I conquered cigarettes.
I was a two and a half threepack a conquer addiction because
you know I conquered cigarettes.
I was a two and a half threepack a day smoker sometimes, you
know Thanks.
So I just there was a part ofme that was in there that knew
that there was a way to get outof the hole that I had dug
myself and I told her.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
I said we're just going to give this a shot and
we'll uh, we'll see if he getsback to me.
Just to, just so you'd been uhto go back.
So was did you start watchingvideos and learning about things
before the incident in the bomb?
Speaker 3 (23:49):
oh yes, I'd been watching videos for probably
close to six months.
Speaker 4 (23:54):
Okay cool.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
I had read Alan Carr's book and I read another
book by an author named AnnieGrace, if you could mind.
But the videos, your videos onYouTube, were more compelling, I
guess because you could put aface to it instead of just words
(24:16):
and it all made sense.
But every time you had a videoyou always have to click the
link or watch this other videoor set up a call, and that
drives on you once in a while orafter some time of seeing that
(24:36):
over and over and over again andI just thought you know what
we're, we're gonna, we're gonnatry this.
And the next thing I know wewere talking and I was waiting
for you, jeff.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
I was waiting all that time I'm sure you were here
we are.
So you okay.
So because I know you weresaying before you, you felt like
you know I can handle business,whatever.
What was the point where yousaid you know what, I don't want
to do this on my own, like I'mactually gonna, because it takes
(25:09):
a lot of courage to actuallysay I want help, and that takes
more courage than doing it onyour own.
So how would you describe thefeeling of actually reaching out
to help?
Did you feel good about it?
Were you afraid?
What did that feel like?
Speaker 3 (25:24):
No, I didn't like any of it.
I felt completely defeated andyou remember that first call we
were on I was broken full ofpity wall of goo probably You're
a different man.
Well, I feel a lot different now, but I know that I was in a sad
(25:49):
sack state, feeling sorry formyself, and I was feeling pretty
broken and defeated and Ididn't really know where I
needed to go and where I neededto proceed with making these
changes.
I just knew that I didn't wantto go into a group thing or a
rehab thing or anything likethat and, judging by the books
(26:12):
those other two books andwatching the videos, I'd already
convinced myself in my mindthat I didn't need that.
But I, I needed some guidanceand I didn't know how to put all
the pieces together.
I, I, I had the building blocks, I just didn't know how to
arrange them.
(26:33):
Getting involved with yourprogram Put everything in line
and it was a Instantly Bright,shining light.
When the light bulb came on, itwas just bang and it made
perfect sense and I walked awayfrom it.
The day after that barnincident.
(26:55):
That was the last I hadactually drank, and then I,
going through the program, Ididn't drink at all and then by
the time I was done with theprogram, I, I didn't even care
to have another drink, so I justwalked away.
We've been rocking ever since.
(27:17):
Can you remember how long ittook you to work through the
first half of the program.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
I think I was done in four days.
Nice, and then boom finished.
And here we are two and a halfyears later.
It's gone like that right.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
Yeah, it's been light speed, but I was done.
When I clicked the button tocall you Interesting, I just
didn't know it.
It hadn't registered.
I knew I wanted to be done butI didn't know that I'd already
made the decision.
(27:51):
I didn't know that I'd alreadymade the decision and then going
through the program andstudying the modules, as I said,
it put those building blocks inthe appropriate order and it
became abundantly clear, justplain as day.
So yeah, and two and a halfyears, I never would have
thought, never, never would havethought this would have been me
(28:13):
.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Now I get goosebumps, man, I'm getting goosebumps, I
love this, so, so, all right.
So let's, let's go back to likethe beginning of when you
stopped.
So you went through the program.
Boom, light bulb, moment.
You're done, so can you?
Can you remember like the firstfew months of stopping?
Speaker 3 (28:33):
well, she can probably help me a little bit.
Uh, I missed it.
At first I felt like I had lostan old friend a little bit.
Speaker 4 (28:50):
I hear that.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
We would go to the grocery store to buy our
groceries and I would have towalk by the liquor aisle just to
see what there is and reminisce.
Speaker 4 (29:02):
You still do.
Yeah, every once in a while, Iwill walk by.
Speaker 3 (29:08):
I travel for a living , I spend a lot of time in
hotels and they all have bars.
So you know, I'll walk by, takea look, see what they got, but
it's never, ooh, I want that.
I don't have a craving, I justI see a certain bottle of a
certain kind and I I'll be like,yeah, I remember what I did
(29:29):
when I was drinking that stuff.
Or you know, I'm glad I'm notbuying that anymore or thinking
about buying that anymore.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Interesting.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
I think mostly now when I look at alcohol.
You know even my family growingbarley for the Coors Brewing
Company.
You know I'll walk into a liquorstore or a restaurant and I'll
see Coors there in the beercabinets or whatever and I'm
like, oh yeah, yeah, some Coors.
(30:03):
But I don't get emotional aboutit, I don't think, boy, I need
that.
Sometimes I'll make a fleetingcomment to her, like after a
long, hard day or you know, somesort of weird stress or trauma.
We recently one of our horseswas really really sick with a
(30:24):
blood infection and the vetfinally gave him a clean bill of
health.
And I looked right at her and Isaid you know, I could chew
yours a beer right now, but wedidn't and that's all it was.
There was no craving.
It was just a comment, just apassing remark.
You didn't, it didn't lead toanything.
(30:48):
There there's no desire, butit's just when you go back to
those those types of memories ofhow you used alcohol to deal
with problems that stuff justpops in there yeah, it's totally
normal.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
You'll never remove the thought of drinking.
But what I've noticed becauseit's almost been seven years is
that the first few months Ithought about it a lot more and
then the thoughts just kind ofwent down, down, down, until it
was like once every six months,and then, honestly, I can't
remember the last time Iactually thought about alcohol,
where I just got that idea oflike, oh, beer, do you know?
So, so that's normal whatyou're experiencing, but it's,
(31:26):
it's what you do with thethought, right, but so that's
exactly right yeah, so so right.
So what?
What good stuff startshappening in your life?
Speaker 3 (31:36):
so I started sleeping a lot better.
You know when, when you'reliving life in a whiskey bottle,
you go to bed and not sleepproperly.
I started sleeping better and Ihad a lot more motivation to do
stuff in the mornings.
And you know, I don't know,what did you see?
(32:00):
I guess?
Speaker 4 (32:04):
A lot more brighter.
Yeah, he was quick to temperbeforehand and that was just
gone.
He gets angry from time to time, but it's there and gone.
It's not.
He didn't hold on to it anymoreSlow boil with the volcanic
eruption right.
Yeah, yeah.
(32:25):
They do more things.
You know they're a lot happier.
There's there's no drinking,it's, it's not.
It's just not there anymore.
You know he doesn't need it.
You know if we go somewhere orhe's going, we're working in the
yard all day.
You go through, you know apretty, a pretty penny Now it's
just do you need some water?
(32:46):
And he's like, yeah, sure.
So you know, but I mean the thework goes smoother, everything
goes easier.
It's just happier.
We're able to do more thingstogether.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
So the relationship sounds like it's it's night and
day different.
Speaker 4 (33:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (33:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
You know.
But the other thing too,talking about just living our
lives, you know I was alwaysdeceptive too to to her, you
know, cause I knew that.
I knew that if she sat thereand watched me drink, eventually
at some point she was going tostart nagging me about whether I
, if I, had had enough or not.
(33:27):
Do you need another?
Do you need another?
I didn't want to hear it.
So when I would go to do thingsoutside or work on a horse or a
car or something like that, I'dalways just take, take some
with me out there so shewouldn't have to see me come
digging around in therefrigerator, you know.
And I I figured in my mind thatshe just wouldn't notice.
(33:53):
You know she's not going tonotice if, if I come in like
every three hours and grab abeer, she's never going to know.
But in reality I drank six oreight or ten or whatever it was.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
They know, Jeff, they know everything oh yeah,
absolutely.
Speaker 3 (34:13):
But the point I'm getting to with that is that
deception is gone, thatmanipulation isn't there, and
it's not that I wanted to behurtful, I just didn't want to
deal with it.
So her family is very close, somy family is not.
(34:39):
And when we first startedgetting together, we'd always
have to have multiple familyfunctions for the same event,
especially when all of thechildren in the family were
younger and all these cousinswere in younger ages.
So we would always have to goto someone else's house for
something, or they would.
(35:00):
Everybody rotates who wouldhost a gathering or an event.
Everybody rotates who wouldhost a gathering or an event.
And you know I, I would hidealcohol somewhere where I could
get to it under easy access, sothat people wouldn't have to see
me going to the bar or going tothe fridge to to pour something
(35:20):
else, you know.
And in my silly mind I'm like,yeah, boy, I'm getting away with
something here, no one's goingto know.
And it was all a facade and adeception.
And you know, she has abrother-in-law that likes to
drink scotch from time to time.
Well, he, we, I would drinkscotch with him a little bit and
(35:43):
and he would have one drink andI would have five and no one
would see me.
But yet I always had a fullglass.
So I always thought that I waskeeping it incognito.
I know now, when you look backat it, you're just like, well,
that was just so dumb, so stupidthat you think that you're just
(36:05):
pulling off this magic trickand no one's going to see it.
And I tell you what it's reallynice to not think about any of
that stuff anymore.
It's almost a little bitembarrassing and I feel guilty
about it.
Now I'm just like you know wherewas my moral decency?
Where was my moral decency?
The alcohol takes it all awayfrom you and you don't even
(36:29):
realize it until you're cleanand clear-headed.
I guess for lack of a betterway to say it I was just shitty.
I was just shitty, I justwanted to drink and that's where
my focus was and I didn'treally care otherwise.
I, I wanted my fix and that wasit.
(36:49):
And uh, I've got a friend ofmine.
He has a daughter who isfighting heroin and she says
similar things when I want myjunk, I want my junk and I don't
care.
I felt that way too.
With the drinking it's turned180 degrees and we've made new
(37:16):
friends and lost some friends.
But the first few months wasweird.
It really is like losing an oldfriend.
And then I got to a point whereI was doing so much stuff in
(37:36):
the day I didn't even understandhow I could do the things that
I did when I was drinking,because I only had one hand.
My other hand was alwayscarrying a drink.
It's been a whirlwind.
It's hard to put it into wordsand I know I'm rambling on, but
(38:00):
two and a half years later it'sgone by in a flash.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
Tell me more.
What are the good things thathave been happening?
Speaker 3 (38:12):
Well, I've had a couple promotions in my job that
have been rather lucrative.
I don't know if that hasanything to do with the not
drinking part of it.
I don't know if that hasanything to do with the not
(38:40):
drinking part of it, but when Iwas drinking I never thought
that I would get promoted anyhigher than where I was at.
In my position at my employerbeen pretty good and well.
The family dynamic at home Iwould say by far is the best
part of it, just the vastimprovement.
Just to put it in a nutshell, Iguess Would you agree, beth?
Speaker 4 (39:02):
Oh yeah, absolutely, absolutely.
Everything's easier now.
There is no hiding and nofighting about the alcohol, and
the days just run easier.
They're more fun.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
Yeah, we do a whole lot of stuff.
And then we get to hang out onthe couch and she likes to watch
her crime dramas, so we sit andwatch that.
We'll have a have bowl icecream.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
So right, I don't want you to, I don't want you to
sell the program, but I wantyou to think back to you two and
a half years ago before youactually like ask for help.
If you could go back tosomebody else else that's in a
similar position right now,where they're like you know, I
want to change, but I'm not surewhat to do.
I don't need to sell theprogram.
(39:50):
I want you to give them youradvice, like from your
perspective.
If someone's there, like youknow, I know I want to change,
but I feel too proud to go andask for help, right?
What would you tell that person?
Speaker 3 (40:03):
well the too afraid to ask for help part.
The easy answer to that is isyou got to swallow your pride.
You got to swallow your prideand and and step up to the plate
and realize that that yourworld isn't just really about
you.
You here, I'm taking on theduties as a step-parent, and I
(40:30):
wasn't just failing myself, Iwas failing everybody.
So you've got to swallow yourpride and you have to make a
decision in your head and committo it fully.
You can't play it off and becasual about it.
I've been casual about wantingto quit for probably 25 or 30
(40:56):
years.
I know this is bad.
I know this is bad.
I got to stop.
Every time you get drunk andyou're hungover the next day, oh
, I'm never doing that again.
And then what happens?
You're in the exact same thing,praying to the porcelain gods.
You have to have a level ofcommitment and don't be
(41:19):
embarrassed about asking forhelp.
If you don't feel you canconquer it on your own, then
just ask.
And the support mechanism wehave on the inside of this
program through the Slack I knowyou told me not to sell it, but
that portion of being involvedin a group of similar and
(41:41):
like-minded people is really ahelp.
You know, and we're all positivetowards one another.
There's no guilt, there's nodepression, there's no pain,
anger, and I'll tell you whatthat makes it a heck of a lot
easier to handle, of a loteasier to handle.
(42:06):
And you know, you've got to beable to stand up and you also
have to look at yourself in themirror and realize that you've
done some things that aren'treal, becoming of your personal
character, and I said in thefirst video, you got to stop
(42:27):
whining about your problems.
But you also have to learn howto forgive yourself and realize
that you've made mistakes andyou've screwed up.
It doesn't make you a badperson, it just makes you a
little off, I guess.
So that would be.
(42:47):
My advice is to make a decisionto do something about it.
First and foremost, forgiveyourself and don't be afraid to
ask for help.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
Thanks for checking out the Stop Drinking Podcast by
Sober Clear.
If you want to learn more abouthow we work with people to help
them stop drinking effortlessly, then make sure to visit
wwwsoberclearcom more about howwe work with people to help them
stop drinking effortlessly.
Welcome to the Stop Drinking Podcast, where we help
you make stopping drinking asimple, logical and easy
decision.
We help you with tips, toolsand strategies to start living
your best life when alcohol-free.
If you want to learn more aboutstop drinking coaching, then
head over to wwwsoberclearcom.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we got jeff joining
us again with his girlfriend,beth, and jeff did an interview
a while back.
So jeff is now around two and ahalf years without a drink.
Uh, he's completely changed hislife and he's come here today
to tell his story and and alsobeth has come to share some of
the things that she's seenthroughout this path and this
(00:43):
journey that he's been on.
But it's awesome to get youback on the channel, jeff.
Two and a half years, awesomeachievement and thank you so
much for coming, both of youwell.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Thank you for having us.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
We're happy to be here because you did you did an
interview previously, jeff, andI think that was about five
months sober.
So for those of you that didn'twatch the video, let's just go
back to the very beginning.
So let's just talk about thestart of your journey with
alcohol and how it progressed towhat it got to.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
So let's let's just start there well, alcohol's been
pretty much a part of my lifefrom the beginning.
I uh, grew up with it in in myyoung years and, um, it was, it
was the popular thing to do backin the eighties, I guess.
(01:29):
You know, we, we had Joe Cooland the Marlboro man and it was.
You know, it was a rite ofpassage.
You, you, you matured and youhit drinking age and you drank
and you partied and it was apretty normal thing.
And my father's side of thefamily had a ranch and they grew
(01:53):
barley for Coors BrewingCompany and my mom's side of the
family had a farm.
So I spent time going back andforth, had a farm, so I spent
time going back and forth.
And you know, growing up in therural lifestyle, we went to a
lot of rodeos and livestockshows and farm shows and
(02:14):
everything was sponsored by adrinking company.
It was Jack Daniels, this orBudweiser, something else, and
know it was just commonplace.
And then I grew up and becameold enough to drive and was in
my middle teenage years andyou've always got a friend who's
(02:38):
got an older brother or sisterthat can drink and they'd go out
and they'd, they'd buy us,they'd buy us youngsters alcohol
and we would go find places tobe and go find things to do, and
where I lived there were alwayslittle spots outside of town
where people could go and hangout and just mingle usually it
(02:58):
was by a lake that we had neartown.
But you just go out and youyou'd get your, your beer or
whatever you had and you woulddrink and then, uh, graduated
high school and moved off tocollege and you know, now you're
out in the real world andpartying happens and it was
(03:19):
drink and study and sleep, anddrink and study and sleep.
And just every day as an adult,you know, if I didn't have a
job to do or work to go to, Ihad a drink.
I always had drinks and lots ofrelationships were based on
drinking, just every part oflife.
(03:43):
You know Most people, I'm sure,sure, can relate to that that
it's just as common as watchingthe sun come up every day.
You know, it's just always hasbeen there.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
So when did you start thinking, hmm, I don't know
about this.
Like, should I really be doingthis?
When did you start questioningyour relationship with alcohol?
Speaker 3 (04:07):
Well, I've probably always questioned it.
But you know, you have eventsand things happen in life and I
used to smoke cigarettes andused to own tobacco too and I
always knew that that stuff wasbad for me.
And you know, I eventually gotto a point where I just decided
(04:28):
that I needed to quit and talkedabout it more in detail in our
first video.
But my dad had had a heartattack and he was a smoker and
when I saw him in the hospital Irealized right then and there
that I didn't need to smokecigarettes anymore and that was
a pretty easy, an easy quit.
(04:48):
And you know, the drinking thingis always so part of
everybody's life.
You know, you're taught fromthe time that you're a kid that
someday you're going to be oldenough and you're going to drink
and you're going to this andyou're going to that and it's.
You know, it's how you fit intosociety and conform into the,
(05:10):
the normalcy of an everydayroutine.
And you add the drinking sothat one was a little more
difficult to separate becauseit's almost like it's a part of
you.
And I had, I had quite a loveaffair with beer and I really
(05:32):
enjoyed beer.
I would always have beer.
And then you know you did.
You come to a point where youstart thinking that I probably
ought to not be doing thisbecause this is one of those
slippery slopes.
One of your other clients, in avideo that he did, talked about
it having a snowball effect.
(05:53):
And things started to snowballin my life and at one point I
had gotten a DUI and it wreckeda very nice job opportunity that
I had.
So I battled a lot of demonsand guilt over that and a lot of
it was the embarrassmentbecause my peers knew that I had
(06:15):
gotten in trouble and that wasalmost as bad as losing the job
opportunity.
And then the thoughts aboutquitting started to kick in then
.
But you have to get to a place.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
When was this, when were these thoughts Around?
What time.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Probably back in 2005 .
Okay, cool, that's all good.
And I was in a relationshipwith someone else then and that
relationship was built onalcohol.
It was just hang out and drinkand party and have a good time,
and one part of that that wasproblematic was that I had
(06:59):
friends and family members couldsee that things were not normal
.
I guess not.
Not the way a healthyrelationship and partnership
should be.
And you know, of course, whenyou're, when you're in, that you
don't always see.
You always don't see clearthrough the tunnel.
(07:21):
And then when that relationshipended, I started to realize
that you know the the drinkingstuff is is more of a problem
than maybe I give it credit for.
And then I always just kind offigured that this was part of me
(07:42):
and it's who I am and it's justmy life and I need to figure
out how to control it better.
Now that I look back on it, itwas really just kind of excuse
making.
I didn't want to cope with itand I didn't want to deal with
it.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
What was it?
It just started to interruptyou, but it was like it sounds
like you felt totally attachedto it, like there was no way you
could ever separate yourselffrom it.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Oh, I think so.
I, you know, as a former smoker, I felt that way too, and a lot
of smokers will probably tellyou the same thing.
When, when you're heavily tiedinto the addiction, the last
thing you want to do is give itup.
And the first time you try andyou experience a moment of
(08:34):
stress, the first thing you dois you go to that security
blanket or that crutch, whetherit be cigarettes or cocaine or
alcohol, whatever the case.
So every time something wouldhappen in my life, I would
always rely on the alcohol tohelp me forget or to help me
cope.
And then when she and I met, Iwas really pretty much just a
(09:00):
beer drinker then and we went Idon't know 10, 10 years probably
, I guess and then the wholecovid thing happened so hang on.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
So this is around.
Uh 2012 you met 2011, 2012.
Yep, yep, in that ballpark sothen 10, so around 10 years of
now beer drinking only.
Yeah, and then when, Just sothose 10 years it was kind of
how was that?
Was that just like up and downat all, or was it kind of?
Speaker 3 (09:34):
just leveled out.
Well, it was.
It was still part of my dailyroutine.
You know, every time we weretogether I was drinking beer and
you know she might have shemight have some stuff to say on
that, I don't know for sure butI spent quite a lot of time just
drinking.
You know she would come over tovisit.
(09:56):
We were still dating in thosedays.
We weren't living together yetlike we are now.
So we'd go out and do stuff andthere was always dinner and
drinks or one of us would cookand we'd have drinks and we'd
always for me anyway, she barelytouches the stuff.
But and then we moved intogether and COVID happened and
(10:26):
here in the States everythingwas on lockdown and I would
watch a lot of YouTube and Idiscovered a bunch of whiskey
channels on YouTube and startedfollowing these channels.
And the next thing I know Istarted diving into whiskey,
(10:47):
experimenting with whiskey, andshe'll tell you, I'm the type of
person that when I getsomething in my head I spend a
lot of time learning about itand I analyze stuff and I
research.
And the next thing I knew I wasfollowing the American history
behind bourbon and I waslearning about different
(11:09):
distilleries.
So then I was buying all thisdifferent kind of stuff and it
really became a pretty intensehobby and I got to the point
where I was on like secondarymarkets looking for high-end
stuff.
I was friends with all marketslooking for high end stuff.
I was.
I was friends with all theliquor store owners and we would
(11:31):
all help each other look forpremium alcohol, premium stock,
premium, whatever, tequila, andyou know we talked about it in
the first video.
I had amassed a pretty large, uh, whiskey collection and after
(11:51):
some time that sort of becamekind of a problem just to talk
about, because people would comeover and they would be like
what is all of that?
You know, I could tell it wasquite a bit over the top.
So and then we probably had, weprobably started having some
(12:14):
problems over the over thewhiskey I would drink quite a
bit during the day and then atnighttime, when it was getting
ready to be over with for theday, I'd break out the hard
stuff and usually it didn't takevery long and she'd be saying
well, haven't you had enough, ordo you need more?
(12:38):
Why do you need that?
I didn't really, didn't reallypay much attention to it.
You know, I kind of selfishlywould blow her off and I would
keep drinking.
And I know that it was affectingour relationship and she has
(13:00):
children from a previousmarriage and I know that it was
setting a pretty unhealthyexample for them and it was
causing stress and pain andtrauma amongst the children and
her and I.
And I know I was pretty angry.
I was a pretty angry individual.
(13:20):
It didn't take much to set meoff and I don't know.
I guess I can keep going, butwhere do we want to go from this
point?
Speaker 2 (13:37):
It's up to you how much you want to share.
Now we know that it's impactingyour life.
What would you say were themain things, beth, at this point
, when it was starting to causeproblems, what shift did you see
happen?
Speaker 4 (13:50):
Well, we had some problems with the beer too,
because it was just constant, itwas constant.
And then, you know, with theCOVID he was learning and he
would tell me all this historyabout all this different things
and it was a little bitinteresting.
But then the bottles startedcoming in and it was like, yeah,
(14:12):
it was questioning how much istoo much?
And you know he would tell me,you know, well, there's you know
I was talking to so-and-so, andyou know that person just
drinks way too much and you knowhis, his girlfriend's really
upset about it and stuff.
And I'm like, well, you know,you can back off too.
Um and then there were timeswhere he would, and I thought
(14:33):
things would be going a littlebit easier and it would be less
than then, all of a sudden, it'djust be another glass and it's
like so, yeah it, it got to be apretty heavy problem.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
You always think you're in control when you're
out of control, but you don'trealize it.
And when you back off toaccommodate someone else, I
think subconsciously thatcreates a little bit of
animosity, because you're angrythat someone's getting in your
business and you just think Ican handle this, this is my
thing.
I can, I can do this, you know.
(15:11):
But until you really truly fallflat on your face I don't think
it really becomes that clear.
You know and you don't realize,or maybe you do realize, but
you're so far into the fog of itall that you don't necessarily
(15:31):
care.
You're just self-absorbed intowhat you're doing.
You know it created some heatedmoments.
You know it created some heatedmoments and I don't know.
I think probably if it wouldhave continued going on the path
that it was, she probably wouldhave left me or I would have
(16:01):
managed to hurt myself or endedup in a jail cell somewhere you
know, thankfully no one got hurt, but you know, things happen
yeah, so this is around 2021,2022, covid, uh, things are
getting worse.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Uh, you and it sounds like there's like a war in your
head, right.
There's one side of you that'slike I got this under control,
it's not that bad, leave mealone.
But then there's the other sideof you that knows it's impacted
the relationship.
You're not setting the example.
You want want to.
So it's like this constantbattle, right, but then you kept
drinking.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Yeah Well, growing up , where I grew up, there was a
lot of stock put on a man beinga man, and men didn't admit that
they have a problem.
You don't admit to cheer andpain, you don't show weakness.
You have to be strong,especially when there's others
(16:56):
that you provide for.
That's how I was raised and Ididn't want to come out with it.
So I guess that's where thewhole willpower part of dealing
with stuff like this doesn'treally work, of dealing with
stuff like this doesn't reallywork because as soon as you try
(17:16):
to force yourself to change, youautomatically begin a
contradiction with who you thinkthat you are and who you really
aren't.
You know, I thought that I wasstrong enough to deal with it
and I didn't need anybody's helpand I could handle it.
And you know I would throttleback or ease off and be like,
(17:39):
yeah, okay, see, I can, I'm in,I'm in full control of this.
And you know there's a stopdrinking book out there and the
author talks about the drinkingaddiction is a pitcher plant and
every human being is on the lipof this pitcher plant and
(17:59):
everyone who tries a drink takesa step into the pitcher plant
and they start to slide down tothe bottom, and at the bottom of
the pitcher plant is theorganism that eats all the bugs
and the stuff that comes intothat.
And I started to realize that Iwas sliding really fast and the
(18:21):
more that I tried to fight toget out of it, the deeper I was
going in.
And you look around and you seewhat's going on, but you just
still have that, thatmasculinity part of you that
doesn't want to admit to it andand you're not, you're not,
(18:45):
you're not really interested inother people putting pressure on
you, because that makes youfeel weak.
And it certainly made me feellike I was weak and I wasn't
about to have that.
So I brushed that aside and youknow that's how it is.
When you're deep into it, youdon't see things from the
(19:08):
outside, you only see it fromyour one perspective and I think
sometimes it hurts the otherpeople that are close to you and
care about you more than you'rereally hurting yourself.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Yeah so you were trying to change with willpower
and you use the example fromAlan Carr's book the Picture
Plant, and it's all about howyou were trying to change with
willpower and it, and you usethe example from Alan Carr's
book the picture plant and it's,it's all about how you.
You were never, that's right.
Yeah, you were.
You were never really incontrol, because as soon as you
land on the plant, you can't getoff anyway, and yeah, it's a
(19:43):
great example.
So.
So you were trying and tryingand trying and the harder it
became, in a way, but then, inthe same time, you didn't want
to get help because you're a manand you can handle business.
So you're in this this, this,this bit of a pickle with your
situation, like you can't stop,but you're trying to stop, but
you want to do it on your own.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
Yep, that's right, that's pretty much it.
And then, um, that's prettymuch it.
And then we have some horsesand a few acres of property.
And I got really, really drunkone day and then I called her
from outside in the barn and Itold her that I thought that I
(20:31):
was having a health issue like alegitimate health issue, really
, what it was that I was just sodrunk that I was ready to pass
out pretty much.
And I did.
And before that happened, Itold her I said you need to come
out here and get me.
And when I woke up she was outthere in our barn with her two
youngest twin sons and therewere a bunch of paramedics in
(20:54):
there and they were banging onmy face and they were hooking me
up to some ivs and waking me upand they wanted to take me to
the hospital and put me underobservation overnight.
And we declined that and shebrought me back up into the
house and you would think thatthat would have been enough is
(21:19):
enough for the night, right?
No, she put me in a hot bath.
And then what did I do?
Turned around and had a couplemore snifters of bourbon.
After all that had happened, Ihad to have a couple more
snifters of bourbon.
I left that part of the storyout in the first video, by the
way, and I just remember lyingthere looking at her and I could
(21:45):
just see this level of disguston her face.
I guess it broke my heart.
I was drunk, but I didn'trealize it at the time.
But when I woke up the next dayI certainly knew that I had
pushed myself right up to theedge of the cliff and if I kept
(22:08):
going we were going to get downa really bad road.
So I'd been watching a lot ofSober Clear videos on YouTube
and I'd always seen your linkson there and I finally told her.
I said I think I'm going togive this a shot because I
(22:29):
didn't want to go to AA.
I happened to know a couplepeople that were in AA at the
time and I was already miserableenough from my own self-induced
pain and I didn't want tostruggle like they were, the
level of guilt that theyexperienced from going to their
(22:51):
group sessions and to be toldthat you have this, this disease
that's incurable and you'regoing to be in this horrible
fight for the rest of your life.
I just I didn't buy into that.
So I I knew that I couldconquer addiction because you
(23:12):
know I conquered cigarettes.
I was a two and a half threepack a conquer addiction because
you know I conquered cigarettes.
I was a two and a half threepack a day smoker sometimes, you
know Thanks.
So I just there was a part ofme that was in there that knew
that there was a way to get outof the hole that I had dug
myself and I told her.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
I said we're just going to give this a shot and
we'll uh, we'll see if he getsback to me.
Just to, just so you'd been uhto go back.
So was did you start watchingvideos and learning about things
before the incident in the bomb?
Speaker 3 (23:49):
oh yes, I'd been watching videos for probably
close to six months.
Speaker 4 (23:54):
Okay cool.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
I had read Alan Carr's book and I read another
book by an author named AnnieGrace, if you could mind.
But the videos, your videos onYouTube, were more compelling, I
guess because you could put aface to it instead of just words
(24:16):
and it all made sense.
But every time you had a videoyou always have to click the
link or watch this other videoor set up a call, and that
drives on you once in a while orafter some time of seeing that
(24:36):
over and over and over again andI just thought you know what
we're, we're gonna, we're gonnatry this.
And the next thing I know wewere talking and I was waiting
for you, jeff.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
I was waiting all that time I'm sure you were here
we are.
So you okay.
So because I know you weresaying before you, you felt like
you know I can handle business,whatever.
What was the point where yousaid you know what, I don't want
to do this on my own, like I'mactually gonna, because it takes
(25:09):
a lot of courage to actuallysay I want help, and that takes
more courage than doing it onyour own.
So how would you describe thefeeling of actually reaching out
to help?
Did you feel good about it?
Were you afraid?
What did that feel like?
Speaker 3 (25:24):
No, I didn't like any of it.
I felt completely defeated andyou remember that first call we
were on I was broken full ofpity wall of goo probably You're
a different man.
Well, I feel a lot different now, but I know that I was in a sad
(25:49):
sack state, feeling sorry formyself, and I was feeling pretty
broken and defeated and Ididn't really know where I
needed to go and where I neededto proceed with making these
changes.
I just knew that I didn't wantto go into a group thing or a
rehab thing or anything likethat and, judging by the books
(26:12):
those other two books andwatching the videos, I'd already
convinced myself in my mindthat I didn't need that.
But I, I needed some guidanceand I didn't know how to put all
the pieces together.
I, I, I had the building blocks, I just didn't know how to
arrange them.
(26:33):
Getting involved with yourprogram Put everything in line
and it was a Instantly Bright,shining light.
When the light bulb came on, itwas just bang and it made
perfect sense and I walked awayfrom it.
The day after that barnincident.
(26:55):
That was the last I hadactually drank, and then I,
going through the program, Ididn't drink at all and then by
the time I was done with theprogram, I, I didn't even care
to have another drink, so I justwalked away.
We've been rocking ever since.
(27:17):
Can you remember how long ittook you to work through the
first half of the program.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
I think I was done in four days.
Nice, and then boom finished.
And here we are two and a halfyears later.
It's gone like that right.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
Yeah, it's been light speed, but I was done.
When I clicked the button tocall you Interesting, I just
didn't know it.
It hadn't registered.
I knew I wanted to be done butI didn't know that I'd already
made the decision.
(27:51):
I didn't know that I'd alreadymade the decision and then going
through the program andstudying the modules, as I said,
it put those building blocks inthe appropriate order and it
became abundantly clear, justplain as day.
So yeah, and two and a halfyears, I never would have
thought, never, never would havethought this would have been me
(28:13):
.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Now I get goosebumps, man, I'm getting goosebumps, I
love this, so, so, all right.
So let's, let's go back to likethe beginning of when you
stopped.
So you went through the program.
Boom, light bulb, moment.
You're done, so can you?
Can you remember like the firstfew months of stopping?
Speaker 3 (28:33):
well, she can probably help me a little bit.
Uh, I missed it.
At first I felt like I had lostan old friend a little bit.
Speaker 4 (28:50):
I hear that.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
We would go to the grocery store to buy our
groceries and I would have towalk by the liquor aisle just to
see what there is and reminisce.
Speaker 4 (29:02):
You still do.
Yeah, every once in a while, Iwill walk by.
Speaker 3 (29:08):
I travel for a living , I spend a lot of time in
hotels and they all have bars.
So you know, I'll walk by, takea look, see what they got, but
it's never, ooh, I want that.
I don't have a craving, I justI see a certain bottle of a
certain kind and I I'll be like,yeah, I remember what I did
(29:29):
when I was drinking that stuff.
Or you know, I'm glad I'm notbuying that anymore or thinking
about buying that anymore.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Interesting.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
I think mostly now when I look at alcohol.
You know even my family growingbarley for the Coors Brewing
Company.
You know I'll walk into a liquorstore or a restaurant and I'll
see Coors there in the beercabinets or whatever and I'm
like, oh yeah, yeah, some Coors.
(30:03):
But I don't get emotional aboutit, I don't think, boy, I need
that.
Sometimes I'll make a fleetingcomment to her, like after a
long, hard day or you know, somesort of weird stress or trauma.
We recently one of our horseswas really really sick with a
(30:24):
blood infection and the vetfinally gave him a clean bill of
health.
And I looked right at her and Isaid you know, I could chew
yours a beer right now, but wedidn't and that's all it was.
There was no craving.
It was just a comment, just apassing remark.
You didn't, it didn't lead toanything.
(30:48):
There there's no desire, butit's just when you go back to
those those types of memories ofhow you used alcohol to deal
with problems that stuff justpops in there yeah, it's totally
normal.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
You'll never remove the thought of drinking.
But what I've noticed becauseit's almost been seven years is
that the first few months Ithought about it a lot more and
then the thoughts just kind ofwent down, down, down, until it
was like once every six months,and then, honestly, I can't
remember the last time Iactually thought about alcohol,
where I just got that idea oflike, oh, beer, do you know?
So, so that's normal whatyou're experiencing, but it's,
(31:26):
it's what you do with thethought, right, but so that's
exactly right yeah, so so right.
So what?
What good stuff startshappening in your life?
Speaker 3 (31:36):
so I started sleeping a lot better.
You know when, when you'reliving life in a whiskey bottle,
you go to bed and not sleepproperly.
I started sleeping better and Ihad a lot more motivation to do
stuff in the mornings.
And you know, I don't know,what did you see?
(32:00):
I guess?
Speaker 4 (32:04):
A lot more brighter.
Yeah, he was quick to temperbeforehand and that was just
gone.
He gets angry from time to time, but it's there and gone.
It's not.
He didn't hold on to it anymoreSlow boil with the volcanic
eruption right.
Yeah, yeah.
(32:25):
They do more things.
You know they're a lot happier.
There's there's no drinking,it's, it's not.
It's just not there anymore.
You know he doesn't need it.
You know if we go somewhere orhe's going, we're working in the
yard all day.
You go through, you know apretty, a pretty penny Now it's
just do you need some water?
(32:46):
And he's like, yeah, sure.
So you know, but I mean the thework goes smoother, everything
goes easier.
It's just happier.
We're able to do more thingstogether.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
So the relationship sounds like it's it's night and
day different.
Speaker 4 (33:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (33:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
You know.
But the other thing too,talking about just living our
lives, you know I was alwaysdeceptive too to to her, you
know, cause I knew that.
I knew that if she sat thereand watched me drink, eventually
at some point she was going tostart nagging me about whether I
, if I, had had enough or not.
(33:27):
Do you need another?
Do you need another?
I didn't want to hear it.
So when I would go to do thingsoutside or work on a horse or a
car or something like that, I'dalways just take, take some
with me out there so shewouldn't have to see me come
digging around in therefrigerator, you know.
And I I figured in my mind thatshe just wouldn't notice.
(33:53):
You know she's not going tonotice if, if I come in like
every three hours and grab abeer, she's never going to know.
But in reality I drank six oreight or ten or whatever it was.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
They know, Jeff, they know everything oh yeah,
absolutely.
Speaker 3 (34:13):
But the point I'm getting to with that is that
deception is gone, thatmanipulation isn't there, and
it's not that I wanted to behurtful, I just didn't want to
deal with it.
So her family is very close, somy family is not.
(34:39):
And when we first startedgetting together, we'd always
have to have multiple familyfunctions for the same event,
especially when all of thechildren in the family were
younger and all these cousinswere in younger ages.
So we would always have to goto someone else's house for
something, or they would.
(35:00):
Everybody rotates who wouldhost a gathering or an event.
Everybody rotates who wouldhost a gathering or an event.
And you know I, I would hidealcohol somewhere where I could
get to it under easy access, sothat people wouldn't have to see
me going to the bar or going tothe fridge to to pour something
(35:20):
else, you know.
And in my silly mind I'm like,yeah, boy, I'm getting away with
something here, no one's goingto know.
And it was all a facade and adeception.
And you know, she has abrother-in-law that likes to
drink scotch from time to time.
Well, he, we, I would drinkscotch with him a little bit and
(35:43):
and he would have one drink andI would have five and no one
would see me.
But yet I always had a fullglass.
So I always thought that I waskeeping it incognito.
I know now, when you look backat it, you're just like, well,
that was just so dumb, so stupidthat you think that you're just
(36:05):
pulling off this magic trickand no one's going to see it.
And I tell you what it's reallynice to not think about any of
that stuff anymore.
It's almost a little bitembarrassing and I feel guilty
about it.
Now I'm just like you know wherewas my moral decency?
Where was my moral decency?
The alcohol takes it all awayfrom you and you don't even
(36:29):
realize it until you're cleanand clear-headed.
I guess for lack of a betterway to say it I was just shitty.
I was just shitty, I justwanted to drink and that's where
my focus was and I didn'treally care otherwise.
I, I wanted my fix and that wasit.
(36:49):
And uh, I've got a friend ofmine.
He has a daughter who isfighting heroin and she says
similar things when I want myjunk, I want my junk and I don't
care.
I felt that way too.
With the drinking it's turned180 degrees and we've made new
(37:16):
friends and lost some friends.
But the first few months wasweird.
It really is like losing an oldfriend.
And then I got to a point whereI was doing so much stuff in
(37:36):
the day I didn't even understandhow I could do the things that
I did when I was drinking,because I only had one hand.
My other hand was alwayscarrying a drink.
It's been a whirlwind.
It's hard to put it into wordsand I know I'm rambling on, but
(38:00):
two and a half years later it'sgone by in a flash.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
Tell me more.
What are the good things thathave been happening?
Speaker 3 (38:12):
Well, I've had a couple promotions in my job that
have been rather lucrative.
I don't know if that hasanything to do with the not
drinking part of it.
I don't know if that hasanything to do with the not
(38:40):
drinking part of it, but when Iwas drinking I never thought
that I would get promoted anyhigher than where I was at.
In my position at my employerbeen pretty good and well.
The family dynamic at home Iwould say by far is the best
part of it, just the vastimprovement.
Just to put it in a nutshell, Iguess Would you agree, beth?
Speaker 4 (39:02):
Oh yeah, absolutely, absolutely.
Everything's easier now.
There is no hiding and nofighting about the alcohol, and
the days just run easier.
They're more fun.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
Yeah, we do a whole lot of stuff.
And then we get to hang out onthe couch and she likes to watch
her crime dramas, so we sit andwatch that.
We'll have a have bowl icecream.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
So right, I don't want you to, I don't want you to
sell the program, but I wantyou to think back to you two and
a half years ago before youactually like ask for help.
If you could go back tosomebody else else that's in a
similar position right now,where they're like you know, I
want to change, but I'm not surewhat to do.
I don't need to sell theprogram.
(39:50):
I want you to give them youradvice, like from your
perspective.
If someone's there, like youknow, I know I want to change,
but I feel too proud to go andask for help, right?
What would you tell that person?
Speaker 3 (40:03):
well the too afraid to ask for help part.
The easy answer to that is isyou got to swallow your pride.
You got to swallow your prideand and and step up to the plate
and realize that that yourworld isn't just really about
you.
You here, I'm taking on theduties as a step-parent, and I
(40:30):
wasn't just failing myself, Iwas failing everybody.
So you've got to swallow yourpride and you have to make a
decision in your head and committo it fully.
You can't play it off and becasual about it.
I've been casual about wantingto quit for probably 25 or 30
(40:56):
years.
I know this is bad.
I know this is bad.
I got to stop.
Every time you get drunk andyou're hungover the next day, oh
, I'm never doing that again.
And then what happens?
You're in the exact same thing,praying to the porcelain gods.
You have to have a level ofcommitment and don't be
(41:19):
embarrassed about asking forhelp.
If you don't feel you canconquer it on your own, then
just ask.
And the support mechanism wehave on the inside of this
program through the Slack I knowyou told me not to sell it, but
that portion of being involvedin a group of similar and
(41:41):
like-minded people is really ahelp.
You know, and we're all positivetowards one another.
There's no guilt, there's nodepression, there's no pain,
anger, and I'll tell you whatthat makes it a heck of a lot
easier to handle, of a loteasier to handle.
(42:06):
And you know, you've got to beable to stand up and you also
have to look at yourself in themirror and realize that you've
done some things that aren'treal, becoming of your personal
character, and I said in thefirst video, you got to stop
(42:27):
whining about your problems.
But you also have to learn howto forgive yourself and realize
that you've made mistakes andyou've screwed up.
It doesn't make you a badperson, it just makes you a
little off, I guess.
So that would be.
(42:47):
My advice is to make a decisionto do something about it.
First and foremost, forgiveyourself and don't be afraid to
ask for help.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
Thanks for checking out the Stop Drinking Podcast by
Sober Clear.
If you want to learn more abouthow we work with people to help
them stop drinking effortlessly, then make sure to visit
wwwsoberclearcom more about howwe work with people to help them
stop drinking effortlessly.
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