June 9, 2025 • 20 mins
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Stop Drinking Podcast, where we help
you make stopping drinking asimple, logical and easy
decision.
We help you with tips, toolsand strategies to start living
your best life when alcohol-free.
If you want to learn more aboutstop drinking coaching, then
head over to wwwsoberclearcom.
(00:21):
The very first thing you needto avoid doing is using
willpower to not drink.
Why do I say this?
Because you might be sat herethinking but Leon, I just need
more willpower, I need to fightthe urge.
And that's the thing.
It's just not that simple.
See, when I drank for the bestpart of 10 years, every time I
tried to stop I'd always usewillpower.
(00:42):
And what I mean by this issomething bad would happen in my
life.
Right, I might get into a fight, I might fall out with a family
member, maybe I'd break up witha girlfriend, maybe I'd run out
of money, maybe I'd have ahealth problem.
Alcohol would cause some amountof pain in my life.
And then what I'd do is I'djust say, right, that's it, I'm
done, I'm not going to drinkagain.
Do you know how many times I'vetold myself this?
I'm not going to drink again.
(01:03):
And then, over the next fewdays, weeks, sometimes even
months ahead anytime I thoughtabout alcohol is I just resisted
, right, I'm a strong man, right, I'm just not going to drink.
And whilst I wish, I just wishit was that simple and that
straightforward, with alcohol itjust doesn't really work like
that.
See, there is a better way foryou to do things, and I'll tell
you that in a second.
But if you are new here, goodto meet you.
(01:23):
My name is Leon Sylvester.
I've not drank myself now foralmost seven years, after a 10
year battle with alcohol.
I tried everything AA meetings.
You know all of this stuff thatI'm going to unpack in this
video today, but I just wantedto let you know that I've been
in your shoes.
But let me give you a quickreframe right now.
Now let's say you loved fruit,right?
Let's say you loved alldifferent types of fruit.
You love bananas, you lovemango, you love kiwi, you love
(01:46):
dragon fruit, you lovepomegranate, and these are just
things that you enjoy in yourlife.
If I was to tell you right nowthat, all right, dave, john,
whoever you are, you're nolonger allowed to eat
pomegranate, how much willpowerwould it take you to not eat
pomegranate?
Do you think that if you wentinto a pomegranate juice store.
You'd go in there and you'djust have to be like oh, what am
I going to do?
I need to get out the store, orelse I think I'm going to order
(02:08):
a pomegranate juice.
You wouldn't do that, would you?
You'd just feel totally okaywith the fact that you can't
have pomegranate and you'd justgo and have an alternative.
You'd just have a banana.
And this is why I say willpowerand stopping drinking are
unrelated.
See, the problem with usingwillpower to not drink is
drinking.
Alcohol is not a drink likewater or a food like a
(02:28):
pomegranate.
And this is the problem.
It goes so much deeper.
See, the reason why willpowerand stopping drinking are
unrelated is because alcohol isa drug, and I know there's a lot
of people that are out therethat say I've never touched a
drug in my life.
I just have a problem withdrinking.
I'm sorry to break it to you,but it is a drug.
And when you use willpower tonot do this drug that you're
technically addicted to and I'mnot here to belittle that, I've
(02:51):
been in your shoes, I'm not hereto knock you down in any way
when you start using willpower,what do you think ends up
happening?
Well, in your mind.
You're telling yourself this issomething that's on a pedestal,
so it's kind of like thisforbidden fruit that you're not
actually allowed to have, butit's not a fruit like I'm
talking about earlier, it's thisforbidden drug.
And what ends up happening, andwhat ended up happening to me
for almost 10 years in thisstop-start cycle that I could
(03:14):
just never end, is the more Iuse willpower, the more I wanted
to drink, and what would happenis it would build up until this
little voice in my head came inand it was like this hey, leon,
just have one.
Oh boy, here we go.
Do you know how many times I'vetold myself this?
Do you know how many times I'vegone through this stop and
start cycle, all because I'musing willpower?
Now there is another solution tothis and it's reframing the way
(03:36):
that you view alcohol.
See what I did and what finallyfixed it for me, and what I've
been teaching people and whatI've helped people do in my
coaching program at Sober Clearis I help them change the way
that they view the drug.
So then they start to see itmore like pomegranate, right
when it's like.
Yeah, I mean I could have a bitof pomegranate if I want, but I
told myself I'm not going to doit.
So I'm just not going to do it.
See, the solution is not to usewillpower.
(03:56):
It's to start it as a poison,right, it's to see it as ethanol
.
It's to start seeing it assomething that does absolutely
nothing for you.
And there are different waysthat you can get into this state
of mind.
You can study, you can do whatI did where you know.
I just consumed every piece ofinformation I could find about
this stuff and it was like alight bulb switch and I didn't
(04:18):
need willpower anymore becauseit was pure logic.
At this point, there was noemotional charge behind my
addiction to this drug.
It was just like I see it forwhat it is now.
Now, this is exactly what mycoaching company helps people do
, and we've actually recentlyhad this validated in a
scientific report that waswritten by an academic
psychologist that haspeer-reviewed published
addiction research, and he wasformerly affiliated with the
(04:39):
University of Oxford.
I got the report printed outbecause I wanted to show you
guys it is awesome, but hereally goes into the science
behind this reframing techniquethat we've been doing.
Now, if you want to understand alittle bit more about this and
you want to actually get intothe nitty gritty of how we do
this and how we can help you doit, then just go ahead and click
the link down below.
Put your name and email addressin A new video.
Training will start playing andthat will really break down the
(05:00):
findings of this report, howthis reframing process works.
But the trick is is you need tostop using willpower.
Now I have told you how to doit yourself.
Right, you can study, you canget into that state of mind.
I mean, there's thousands ofpeople who do this.
But if you want to just learnabout my process, then just go
ahead and click the link downbelow.
Okay, so the second thing thatyou want to avoid doing and I
need to give you a bit of awarning before I say this
(05:21):
because if you're going to AAand you found success with this
approach, then you might want tojust either skip this one or
pause the video now and reallyjust consider whether or not you
want to listen to what I'mabout to say.
But the second thing that youreally want to avoid doing is
calling yourself an alcoholic.
See, when I started my business, when I started Sober Clear,
when I started this YouTubechannel, I had a conversation
(05:42):
with my mum, so my own motherhas been to AA for over 20 years
Now.
She got sober by callingherself an alcoholic.
She truly believes that's whatshe is.
She thinks that there'ssomething different about her.
There's nothing wrong with thedrug as a thing.
It's all about her as a person.
And listen, it saved her lifeand it saved my life because she
(06:04):
got sober when I was beingraised by her, and without AA, I
don't know what would havehappened to me.
So I'm so grateful for thatprogram.
But when I was trying to stopdrinking alcohol, I actually
tried it.
I went for about 90 days.
I fully involved myself.
I did the 12 steps.
I gave myself up to a higherpower, which is a big problem a
lot of people do have.
I don't have a problem withthat.
But what I did have a problemwith was this idea that I'm the
problem, that I'm an alcoholicthat can never be fixed, that
(06:26):
has to go to meetings for therest of their life.
And I'm not saying that thiscan't work.
I mean, of course it can.
There's millions of people whoget sober with that approach,
and if that's you, then I'msorry, like I'm not trying to
belittle you in any way, but forme it just felt like I was
almost carrying thisself-defeating label.
They say that I had to keep itfor the rest of my life because
there's no known cure for thisdisease.
(06:47):
But things are starting to shift.
See, doctors will no longercall you an alcoholic because
it's technically a made-up,self-help term.
The only people that callthemselves alcoholics are people
who go to Alcoholics Anonymous.
Right, it's all a made-up term,but I didn't want to have to go
to these meetings for the restof my life.
What I wanted to do was fix myproblem once and for all and
(07:08):
move on.
I didn't want to label myself.
I didn't want to have to just,you know, beg God every time I
got a craving.
I didn't want to have to go andcall my sponsor.
I didn't want to do any of thatstuff.
I wanted to fix the problem andmove on with my life.
And again, that's why I alwaystalk on this channel, why I
always tell people the solutionis reframing how you view the
drug.
Not yourself, because you mightnever have heard this before,
(07:30):
but if you're drinking too much,you've got nothing wrong with
you as a person.
It's the nature of the drug.
The nature of alcohol is to beaddictive, is to dehydrate you
and it's to lower yourinhibitions.
It's this deadly combination.
It's got nothing to do with youas a person, but anyway, let's
get into number three.
Now.
This might sound a little bitcounterintuitive because you
(07:50):
might never have heard it putthis way before, but so many
people do this wrong.
There are so many people outthere that start their journey
to not drink and feel thisfeeling of doom and gloom.
They don't feel good about thedecision.
Right?
They're not like all right,let's stop drinking.
No, they approach it with thisfeeling of pessimism, and I say
this to people who I work with.
I say, right, if we're going tostart working together, listen,
(08:13):
those negative thoughts, thatnegative self-talk is got to go.
Otherwise none of our stuff isgoing to matter.
I say it to people I work withand I'm going to encourage you
to do the same as well.
If you check yourself into arehab or if you go and sit with
a therapist or if you go to anAA meeting, a lot of the times
you're starting with your headdown.
You're like do I really need todo this?
(08:33):
When I start working withpeople.
I say, dude, don't do that.
Whatever you do, don't do that.
Start this with your head heldhigh.
See, the best way to stopdrinking alcohol is to start it
with a feeling of optimism,because you don't want to be,
you know, three months sober,six months sober.
You don't want to have to walkinto a bar and then be like, oh,
(08:57):
do I really need to not drink?
No, you want to feel greatabout your decision.
Now there are ways that you canreinforce this.
Right, you can start journaling.
It's actually something that Idid, and it wasn't really
related to, like, not drinking,but when I was in my first year
of sobriety is I did spend a lotof time journaling and
reflecting.
I'd start looking at the wins Ihad that day right.
I'd start writing things that Iwas grateful for.
So I'd recommend doing the same.
You know, maybe you get a weeksober and then you start writing
(09:18):
oh, wow, okay, so my kidswanted to spend a bit more time
with me.
I can feel like the bloating isjust starting to reduce and
start writing down these wins,and what you want to do is you
want to create this positivefeedback cycle rather than this
negative feedback cycle.
But whatever you do, just tryyour best not to get into those
negative thought patterns of amI really doing this?
Am I really listening to thisguy on the internet talking
(09:40):
about not drinking?
Do I really Listen?
Only good things happen whenyou stop drinking, I promise you
.
Now the fourth one is extremelyimportant if you have
relationships with people, whichis everybody right.
So it's going to sound weirdagain, but when I first stopped
(10:01):
drinking alcohol, I rememberhaving this conversation with
somebody.
So because I've stopped andstarted so many times in the
past, like if I go and tellsomebody I'm not going to drink
again, they've seen me fail ahundred times already what do
you think they're going to think?
Oh, yeah, right, and I madethat mistake.
So when I stopped drinking justunder seven years ago now, I
had done what I help people do.
I had literally done this Again.
If you want to go and see how Idid it the report, all that
stuff just go and click the linkin the description.
But I got into this state ofmind where it was like this
flick of a switch and I knewwith absolute certainty that I
(10:24):
wasn't going to drink again.
It felt completely different toevery single time and like I
destroyed my life.
You know, I went to, I wasworking in a restaurant.
I had no money, listen, Iactually hit like rock bottom,
you don't need to get there.
But I had hit that place and Iremember I told somebody that
worked in the restaurant.
I said I won't say his name,but hey, dude, listen, I'm not
(10:44):
coming out tonight, I've stoppeddrinking.
And he laughed me in the face.
He's like yeah, right, here wego again.
And I did something that Ithink was actually very wise.
I want to give myself a bit ofcredit.
I'm not trying to sound cocky,but I want to kind of teach you
what I did that served me sowell.
So after I heard that, I thought, okay, let's just take a step
back.
Do I need to tell anybody aboutthis?
(11:05):
No, not really.
Do I need to go and broadcastto the world that I'm not
drinking?
No, I don't.
And then I really thought tomyself do I owe anybody an
explanation to why I'm doingthis at all?
And again the answer was no.
So I just kept my mouth shut.
I didn't tell anybody.
I told my closest friends and Itold some family members, but I
told them after I got a bit ofmomentum, I didn't start
(11:26):
broadcasting.
Hey, I was day seven, I'm onday 14.
And listen, for some people theywant to do that.
That's fine.
I'm not saying that this isgoing to cause you to start
drinking again, but I justthought do you know what?
I don't want to have to sit anddebate with people about my
decision, because if that personhas got a problem with alcohol,
you are never going to changetheir mind.
Right?
If you've switched, if you'vegot into that place where you've
(11:46):
reframed alcohol, you've made alogical decision to stop
drinking alcohol.
And then you tell somebodythat's still drinking that
you're not drinking and you'redoing it because alcohol is a
poison, it's ethanol, it doesnothing for me.
What do you think they're goingto say?
Just have one drink.
What are you talking about?
And I actually have this newclient and he's really awesome.
We've actually become friends,we're living in the same city
and he told me this exact thinghappened and when he came back
(12:08):
from this night out that he'dbeen on.
He told me this guy, you know,he was like pushing it on me and
I said see, it's like you justdon't need to explain yourself
to people.
Don't even go there.
Don't get into a debate.
Just keep it to yourself, andyou know, a lot of the times I
actually think this is wise todo with partners as well.
You know when people aremarried, when they're in
relationships.
(12:28):
I think it can be a good ideato sometimes keep it to yourself
, because it depends on therelationship, right, but a lot
of the times spouses again,they've heard it a million times
.
So my recommendation is, whenyou do make that true decision
is you don't need to tellanybody and please, please,
don't start explaining yourself.
You don't need to explainyourself to anybody.
You owe nobody an explanationand I'm not being an a-hole when
I say that, like I'm trying tohelp you.
(12:49):
Just don't even go there, okay.
Fifth thing to avoid this one ismassive.
So when I drank alcohol, I madeso many mistakes Like man, if I
had a list.
In fact, this is actuallysomething that they make you do
in Alcoholics Anonymous, by theway, because they call it a
spiritual program and what youdo is you make this massive list
and I had actually starteddoing this because I had a
(13:09):
sponsor.
I actually took that programquite seriously and you make
this list of all the people andall the bad things that you've
done.
And what you do is you go andmake amendments to them.
Could that be a good thing?
Yeah, sure, why not?
But man, for me, that list.
I can't even remember thedamage I've done.
I don't know who I upset.
And again, same thing.
You could go and sit with atherapist.
Right, you could go back to thechildhood, look at all the bad
(13:31):
things that have happened.
And I am not knocking therapyin any way.
Right, there's a time and aplace where that is so important
.
But when it comes to stoppingdrinking alcohol, I don't see
the relation between these twothings.
Going and making amendments topeople is amazing.
Right, I'm not saying that'sbad.
Going and sitting with atherapist and working through
some bad things that havehappened, I mean fantastic, I've
done it.
I'm not saying it's a bad thing.
(13:52):
But with alcohol, is it likethinking that that's going to
help you stop drinking alcohol?
I mean, could it?
Yes, I guess, but I don't thinkit's that effective.
And a lot of the times when Istarted going back and thinking,
oh damn, remember that personthat I never paid back and oh,
you know that person who I?
I'm not even going to tell youhalf the stuff that happened,
right, yeah, let's not even gothere.
(14:12):
But when I start thinking aboutthat stuff, you know if I was
really struggling to stopdrinking alcohol.
That stuff doesn't make me feelgood and happy.
It makes me feel worse.
See, what you want to do insteadis make the future the focus.
Now, what the psychologistsactually found out is that one
of the most effective ways tostop drinking alcohol in the
scientific literature issomething called motivational
(14:32):
enhancement.
This is something that I'vedesigned into my program.
You don't need to use myprogram to do this, it's pretty
straightforward.
But instead of making the pastthe focus, we want to make the
future the focus.
We want to start designing avision for our life.
Right, what do you want yourrelationship to look like?
Right?
How do you want your familylife to look?
What do you want your business,your career to look like?
Your health?
You know, do you want to berunning 5Ks, running 10Ks, I
(14:55):
don't know, deadlifting, doingCrossFit, doing some Muay Thai?
I don't know.
But instead of waking up in themorning and running away from
all the bad things that you'vedone and all the stuff because,
listen, we can do that it's somuch more powerful for you to
run towards something.
This made such a big differencefor me, and through doing this
is I built the life of my dreams.
I don't know what your dream is, but for me it was being able
(15:18):
to make an impact on others.
It was being able to have somesort of online business where I
could travel the world.
It was to help people.
It was to become a husband.
I'm about to get married, bythe way.
I think I've said that a fewtimes.
I think it's going to be abouttwo more weeks or so and then,
boom, paper's signed, I'm goingto start wearing my nice good
old wedding ring.
This was my vision for my lifewhen I stopped drinking alcohol.
So if I were you, I'd sit downand really think, okay, what can
(15:40):
I focus on instead?
So let's get into number sixNow.
The sixth one may be hard foryou, depending on where you live
and whatever you're in, but Iwould really recommend not doing
this totally alone.
I was very lucky when I stoppeddrinking alcohol that my best
friend also didn't drink and weactually lived in the same
apartment.
So when I just stopped drinkingalcohol, right, I was maybe
three, four, maybe four monthssober.
(16:01):
So what happened is is Istopped drinking alcohol and
boom, the switch went off and Ijust felt like the old me came
back out.
Right, I felt confident, I felthappy, I felt motivated, I felt
like I could do anything.
I just felt on top of the world.
So I immediately started apersonal training business and,
lo and behold, because I wasn'tdrinking alcohol, it immediately
went well.
I can't even remember how muchI was in debt like maybe a
couple of grand.
(16:21):
I owed my grandma money.
It was a disaster.
I was working in thisrestaurant and as soon as I
stopped drinking I was like thebelief in myself came back.
And after doing the personaltraining for a few months, I
thought do you know what?
I don't know if I want to dothis career long term.
I don't know if I want to own agym.
I don't know if I want to livein England.
I kind of want to be remote, Iwant to be able to move around,
and that was like the dream Ihad at the time.
(16:41):
I'm a lot more settled now, butthis was years ago and I was
blessed that me and my bestfriend, we got an apartment and
I was above and he was below andwe were literally in the same
building alife before.
But my gosh, it's nuts.
Everybody's drinking.
It's just pure chaos and it isso much fun.
And me and my friend we loveplaying pool.
(17:11):
We're super competitive againsteach other.
We'll make these pots that arejust crazy and we'll burst into
laughter.
And then you can go to thesetables where it's like the
winner stays on, and then we'llgo there and we'll try and like
challenge the champion and youput your name on the board.
Listen, we had a great time,but I was lucky to have some
level of accountability to notdrink.
Now I knew I wasn't going todrink, so it wasn't that
important, but it was helpful tohave some element of community.
(17:32):
Now, as my journey progressed,my pretty much entire social
circle now just nobody reallydrinks.
Some people do, but most of myfriends we've built
relationships around things thatdon't revolve around drinking.
Maybe it's, you know, powerlifting, maybe it's CrossFit,
maybe it's business, maybe it's,you know, content creation.
It could be something totallydifferent, but the point of this
(17:52):
is I'm trying to say is justdon't do this alone.
Find a community.
For some people it is AA, smartrecovery For people.
In my program they join theSober Clear program.
That's where they get thecommunity we really work with,
like business owners, high-levelprofessionals, so it's kind of
like a community made for aspecific kind of person.
But there's a million thingsout there.
I'm not saying you need to joinmy program.
You might find a coach, youmight find it in a church
(18:13):
meeting.
I don't know what it is for youSome men's group, it could be
anything.
But what I would just say isjust don't do this alone.
There's no need, especially notin this day and age.
Now, the seventh thing that youwant to avoid doing.
This one is harsh.
I don't care, I'm not here tosugarcoat things, and if you've
made it this far into the video,you must be serious about
change and you don't want tomake these mistakes.
Now, what you don't want to dois when you get a little bit
(18:34):
further into your journey let'ssay month two, month three,
month four this is when thosethoughts can start creeping back
in of having just one drink.
And for the love of God, do notlie to yourself.
Don't lie to yourself about theseverity of what was happening.
Listen, every relapse thathappened is this is what I
started doing?
Is I just started lying tomyself.
It wasn't that bad.
This time it can be different,boy, if I could only go back in
(18:56):
time.
Right, listen, every singletime I did that, it always ended
up in failure.
There's a very famous bookcalled the One Thing, and if you
haven't read it, I'd recommendit.
It is technically a businessbook, but it can definitely be
100% relevant to your personallife.
But this big question is whatis the one thing that I could do
?
And if I do it, everything elsewould become unnecessary.
So it's how people make likevery big business decisions.
(19:18):
You know, for them it might bestarting a YouTube channel,
whatever, but when I drankalcohol, the answer to that
question was always stopdrinking alcohol.
That's how I would get the lifeof my dreams.
But you know, when we're threemonths sober, four months sober,
we start forgetting about thepain.
And listen, whatever you do,don't forget about the pain,
don't lie to yourself.
Sorry to sound harsh, but don'tdo it.
(19:39):
And the final thing you want toavoid doing which, again, is
something I have done a thousandtimes the final thing you want
to do is avoid telling yourselfthat you'll do this tomorrow,
tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow thebest time to stop drinking
alcohol and fix your life wasyesterday.
The next best time is now.
Thanks for checking out theStop Drinking Podcast by Sober
Clear If you want to learn moreabout how we work with people to
(20:00):
.
Welcome to the Stop Drinking Podcast, where we help
you make stopping drinking asimple, logical and easy
decision.
We help you with tips, toolsand strategies to start living
your best life when alcohol-free.
If you want to learn more aboutstop drinking coaching, then
head over to wwwsoberclearcom.
(00:21):
The very first thing you needto avoid doing is using
willpower to not drink.
Why do I say this?
Because you might be sat herethinking but Leon, I just need
more willpower, I need to fightthe urge.
And that's the thing.
It's just not that simple.
See, when I drank for the bestpart of 10 years, every time I
tried to stop I'd always usewillpower.
(00:42):
And what I mean by this issomething bad would happen in my
life.
Right, I might get into a fight, I might fall out with a family
member, maybe I'd break up witha girlfriend, maybe I'd run out
of money, maybe I'd have ahealth problem.
Alcohol would cause some amountof pain in my life.
And then what I'd do is I'djust say, right, that's it, I'm
done, I'm not going to drinkagain.
Do you know how many times I'vetold myself this?
I'm not going to drink again.
(01:03):
And then, over the next fewdays, weeks, sometimes even
months ahead anytime I thoughtabout alcohol is I just resisted
, right, I'm a strong man, right, I'm just not going to drink.
And whilst I wish, I just wishit was that simple and that
straightforward, with alcohol itjust doesn't really work like
that.
See, there is a better way foryou to do things, and I'll tell
you that in a second.
But if you are new here, goodto meet you.
(01:23):
My name is Leon Sylvester.
I've not drank myself now foralmost seven years, after a 10
year battle with alcohol.
I tried everything AA meetings.
You know all of this stuff thatI'm going to unpack in this
video today, but I just wantedto let you know that I've been
in your shoes.
But let me give you a quickreframe right now.
Now let's say you loved fruit,right?
Let's say you loved alldifferent types of fruit.
You love bananas, you lovemango, you love kiwi, you love
(01:46):
dragon fruit, you lovepomegranate, and these are just
things that you enjoy in yourlife.
If I was to tell you right nowthat, all right, dave, john,
whoever you are, you're nolonger allowed to eat
pomegranate, how much willpowerwould it take you to not eat
pomegranate?
Do you think that if you wentinto a pomegranate juice store.
You'd go in there and you'djust have to be like oh, what am
I going to do?
I need to get out the store, orelse I think I'm going to order
(02:08):
a pomegranate juice.
You wouldn't do that, would you?
You'd just feel totally okaywith the fact that you can't
have pomegranate and you'd justgo and have an alternative.
You'd just have a banana.
And this is why I say willpowerand stopping drinking are
unrelated.
See, the problem with usingwillpower to not drink is
drinking.
Alcohol is not a drink likewater or a food like a
(02:28):
pomegranate.
And this is the problem.
It goes so much deeper.
See, the reason why willpowerand stopping drinking are
unrelated is because alcohol isa drug, and I know there's a lot
of people that are out therethat say I've never touched a
drug in my life.
I just have a problem withdrinking.
I'm sorry to break it to you,but it is a drug.
And when you use willpower tonot do this drug that you're
technically addicted to and I'mnot here to belittle that, I've
(02:51):
been in your shoes, I'm not hereto knock you down in any way
when you start using willpower,what do you think ends up
happening?
Well, in your mind.
You're telling yourself this issomething that's on a pedestal,
so it's kind of like thisforbidden fruit that you're not
actually allowed to have, butit's not a fruit like I'm
talking about earlier, it's thisforbidden drug.
And what ends up happening, andwhat ended up happening to me
for almost 10 years in thisstop-start cycle that I could
(03:14):
just never end, is the more Iuse willpower, the more I wanted
to drink, and what would happenis it would build up until this
little voice in my head came inand it was like this hey, leon,
just have one.
Oh boy, here we go.
Do you know how many times I'vetold myself this?
Do you know how many times I'vegone through this stop and
start cycle, all because I'musing willpower?
Now there is another solution tothis and it's reframing the way
(03:36):
that you view alcohol.
See what I did and what finallyfixed it for me, and what I've
been teaching people and whatI've helped people do in my
coaching program at Sober Clearis I help them change the way
that they view the drug.
So then they start to see itmore like pomegranate, right
when it's like.
Yeah, I mean I could have a bitof pomegranate if I want, but I
told myself I'm not going to doit.
So I'm just not going to do it.
See, the solution is not to usewillpower.
(03:56):
It's to start it as a poison,right, it's to see it as ethanol
.
It's to start seeing it assomething that does absolutely
nothing for you.
And there are different waysthat you can get into this state
of mind.
You can study, you can do whatI did where you know.
I just consumed every piece ofinformation I could find about
this stuff and it was like alight bulb switch and I didn't
(04:18):
need willpower anymore becauseit was pure logic.
At this point, there was noemotional charge behind my
addiction to this drug.
It was just like I see it forwhat it is now.
Now, this is exactly what mycoaching company helps people do
, and we've actually recentlyhad this validated in a
scientific report that waswritten by an academic
psychologist that haspeer-reviewed published
addiction research, and he wasformerly affiliated with the
(04:39):
University of Oxford.
I got the report printed outbecause I wanted to show you
guys it is awesome, but hereally goes into the science
behind this reframing techniquethat we've been doing.
Now, if you want to understand alittle bit more about this and
you want to actually get intothe nitty gritty of how we do
this and how we can help you doit, then just go ahead and click
the link down below.
Put your name and email addressin A new video.
Training will start playing andthat will really break down the
(05:00):
findings of this report, howthis reframing process works.
But the trick is is you need tostop using willpower.
Now I have told you how to doit yourself.
Right, you can study, you canget into that state of mind.
I mean, there's thousands ofpeople who do this.
But if you want to just learnabout my process, then just go
ahead and click the link downbelow.
Okay, so the second thing thatyou want to avoid doing and I
need to give you a bit of awarning before I say this
(05:21):
because if you're going to AAand you found success with this
approach, then you might want tojust either skip this one or
pause the video now and reallyjust consider whether or not you
want to listen to what I'mabout to say.
But the second thing that youreally want to avoid doing is
calling yourself an alcoholic.
See, when I started my business, when I started Sober Clear,
when I started this YouTubechannel, I had a conversation
(05:42):
with my mum, so my own motherhas been to AA for over 20 years
Now.
She got sober by callingherself an alcoholic.
She truly believes that's whatshe is.
She thinks that there'ssomething different about her.
There's nothing wrong with thedrug as a thing.
It's all about her as a person.
And listen, it saved her lifeand it saved my life because she
(06:04):
got sober when I was beingraised by her, and without AA, I
don't know what would havehappened to me.
So I'm so grateful for thatprogram.
But when I was trying to stopdrinking alcohol, I actually
tried it.
I went for about 90 days.
I fully involved myself.
I did the 12 steps.
I gave myself up to a higherpower, which is a big problem a
lot of people do have.
I don't have a problem withthat.
But what I did have a problemwith was this idea that I'm the
problem, that I'm an alcoholicthat can never be fixed, that
(06:26):
has to go to meetings for therest of their life.
And I'm not saying that thiscan't work.
I mean, of course it can.
There's millions of people whoget sober with that approach,
and if that's you, then I'msorry, like I'm not trying to
belittle you in any way, but forme it just felt like I was
almost carrying thisself-defeating label.
They say that I had to keep itfor the rest of my life because
there's no known cure for thisdisease.
(06:47):
But things are starting to shift.
See, doctors will no longercall you an alcoholic because
it's technically a made-up,self-help term.
The only people that callthemselves alcoholics are people
who go to Alcoholics Anonymous.
Right, it's all a made-up term,but I didn't want to have to go
to these meetings for the restof my life.
What I wanted to do was fix myproblem once and for all and
(07:08):
move on.
I didn't want to label myself.
I didn't want to have to just,you know, beg God every time I
got a craving.
I didn't want to have to go andcall my sponsor.
I didn't want to do any of thatstuff.
I wanted to fix the problem andmove on with my life.
And again, that's why I alwaystalk on this channel, why I
always tell people the solutionis reframing how you view the
drug.
Not yourself, because you mightnever have heard this before,
(07:30):
but if you're drinking too much,you've got nothing wrong with
you as a person.
It's the nature of the drug.
The nature of alcohol is to beaddictive, is to dehydrate you
and it's to lower yourinhibitions.
It's this deadly combination.
It's got nothing to do with youas a person, but anyway, let's
get into number three.
Now.
This might sound a little bitcounterintuitive because you
(07:50):
might never have heard it putthis way before, but so many
people do this wrong.
There are so many people outthere that start their journey
to not drink and feel thisfeeling of doom and gloom.
They don't feel good about thedecision.
Right?
They're not like all right,let's stop drinking.
No, they approach it with thisfeeling of pessimism, and I say
this to people who I work with.
I say, right, if we're going tostart working together, listen,
(08:13):
those negative thoughts, thatnegative self-talk is got to go.
Otherwise none of our stuff isgoing to matter.
I say it to people I work withand I'm going to encourage you
to do the same as well.
If you check yourself into arehab or if you go and sit with
a therapist or if you go to anAA meeting, a lot of the times
you're starting with your headdown.
You're like do I really need todo this?
(08:33):
When I start working withpeople.
I say, dude, don't do that.
Whatever you do, don't do that.
Start this with your head heldhigh.
See, the best way to stopdrinking alcohol is to start it
with a feeling of optimism,because you don't want to be,
you know, three months sober,six months sober.
You don't want to have to walkinto a bar and then be like, oh,
(08:57):
do I really need to not drink?
No, you want to feel greatabout your decision.
Now there are ways that you canreinforce this.
Right, you can start journaling.
It's actually something that Idid, and it wasn't really
related to, like, not drinking,but when I was in my first year
of sobriety is I did spend a lotof time journaling and
reflecting.
I'd start looking at the wins Ihad that day right.
I'd start writing things that Iwas grateful for.
So I'd recommend doing the same.
You know, maybe you get a weeksober and then you start writing
(09:18):
oh, wow, okay, so my kidswanted to spend a bit more time
with me.
I can feel like the bloating isjust starting to reduce and
start writing down these wins,and what you want to do is you
want to create this positivefeedback cycle rather than this
negative feedback cycle.
But whatever you do, just tryyour best not to get into those
negative thought patterns of amI really doing this?
Am I really listening to thisguy on the internet talking
(09:40):
about not drinking?
Do I really Listen?
Only good things happen whenyou stop drinking, I promise you
.
Now the fourth one is extremelyimportant if you have
relationships with people, whichis everybody right.
So it's going to sound weirdagain, but when I first stopped
(10:01):
drinking alcohol, I rememberhaving this conversation with
somebody.
So because I've stopped andstarted so many times in the
past, like if I go and tellsomebody I'm not going to drink
again, they've seen me fail ahundred times already what do
you think they're going to think?
Oh, yeah, right, and I madethat mistake.
So when I stopped drinking justunder seven years ago now, I
had done what I help people do.
I had literally done this Again.
If you want to go and see how Idid it the report, all that
stuff just go and click the linkin the description.
But I got into this state ofmind where it was like this
flick of a switch and I knewwith absolute certainty that I
(10:24):
wasn't going to drink again.
It felt completely different toevery single time and like I
destroyed my life.
You know, I went to, I wasworking in a restaurant.
I had no money, listen, Iactually hit like rock bottom,
you don't need to get there.
But I had hit that place and Iremember I told somebody that
worked in the restaurant.
I said I won't say his name,but hey, dude, listen, I'm not
(10:44):
coming out tonight, I've stoppeddrinking.
And he laughed me in the face.
He's like yeah, right, here wego again.
And I did something that Ithink was actually very wise.
I want to give myself a bit ofcredit.
I'm not trying to sound cocky,but I want to kind of teach you
what I did that served me sowell.
So after I heard that, I thought, okay, let's just take a step
back.
Do I need to tell anybody aboutthis?
(11:05):
No, not really.
Do I need to go and broadcastto the world that I'm not
drinking?
No, I don't.
And then I really thought tomyself do I owe anybody an
explanation to why I'm doingthis at all?
And again the answer was no.
So I just kept my mouth shut.
I didn't tell anybody.
I told my closest friends and Itold some family members, but I
told them after I got a bit ofmomentum, I didn't start
(11:26):
broadcasting.
Hey, I was day seven, I'm onday 14.
And listen, for some people theywant to do that.
That's fine.
I'm not saying that this isgoing to cause you to start
drinking again, but I justthought do you know what?
I don't want to have to sit anddebate with people about my
decision, because if that personhas got a problem with alcohol,
you are never going to changetheir mind.
Right?
If you've switched, if you'vegot into that place where you've
(11:46):
reframed alcohol, you've made alogical decision to stop
drinking alcohol.
And then you tell somebodythat's still drinking that
you're not drinking and you'redoing it because alcohol is a
poison, it's ethanol, it doesnothing for me.
What do you think they're goingto say?
Just have one drink.
What are you talking about?
And I actually have this newclient and he's really awesome.
We've actually become friends,we're living in the same city
and he told me this exact thinghappened and when he came back
(12:08):
from this night out that he'dbeen on.
He told me this guy, you know,he was like pushing it on me and
I said see, it's like you justdon't need to explain yourself
to people.
Don't even go there.
Don't get into a debate.
Just keep it to yourself, andyou know, a lot of the times I
actually think this is wise todo with partners as well.
You know when people aremarried, when they're in
relationships.
(12:28):
I think it can be a good ideato sometimes keep it to yourself
, because it depends on therelationship, right, but a lot
of the times spouses again,they've heard it a million times
.
So my recommendation is, whenyou do make that true decision
is you don't need to tellanybody and please, please,
don't start explaining yourself.
You don't need to explainyourself to anybody.
You owe nobody an explanationand I'm not being an a-hole when
I say that, like I'm trying tohelp you.
(12:49):
Just don't even go there, okay.
Fifth thing to avoid this one ismassive.
So when I drank alcohol, I madeso many mistakes Like man, if I
had a list.
In fact, this is actuallysomething that they make you do
in Alcoholics Anonymous, by theway, because they call it a
spiritual program and what youdo is you make this massive list
and I had actually starteddoing this because I had a
(13:09):
sponsor.
I actually took that programquite seriously and you make
this list of all the people andall the bad things that you've
done.
And what you do is you go andmake amendments to them.
Could that be a good thing?
Yeah, sure, why not?
But man, for me, that list.
I can't even remember thedamage I've done.
I don't know who I upset.
And again, same thing.
You could go and sit with atherapist.
Right, you could go back to thechildhood, look at all the bad
(13:31):
things that have happened.
And I am not knocking therapyin any way.
Right, there's a time and aplace where that is so important
.
But when it comes to stoppingdrinking alcohol, I don't see
the relation between these twothings.
Going and making amendments topeople is amazing.
Right, I'm not saying that'sbad.
Going and sitting with atherapist and working through
some bad things that havehappened, I mean fantastic, I've
done it.
I'm not saying it's a bad thing.
(13:52):
But with alcohol, is it likethinking that that's going to
help you stop drinking alcohol?
I mean, could it?
Yes, I guess, but I don't thinkit's that effective.
And a lot of the times when Istarted going back and thinking,
oh damn, remember that personthat I never paid back and oh,
you know that person who I?
I'm not even going to tell youhalf the stuff that happened,
right, yeah, let's not even gothere.
(14:12):
But when I start thinking aboutthat stuff, you know if I was
really struggling to stopdrinking alcohol.
That stuff doesn't make me feelgood and happy.
It makes me feel worse.
See, what you want to do insteadis make the future the focus.
Now, what the psychologistsactually found out is that one
of the most effective ways tostop drinking alcohol in the
scientific literature issomething called motivational
(14:32):
enhancement.
This is something that I'vedesigned into my program.
You don't need to use myprogram to do this, it's pretty
straightforward.
But instead of making the pastthe focus, we want to make the
future the focus.
We want to start designing avision for our life.
Right, what do you want yourrelationship to look like?
Right?
How do you want your familylife to look?
What do you want your business,your career to look like?
Your health?
You know, do you want to berunning 5Ks, running 10Ks, I
(14:55):
don't know, deadlifting, doingCrossFit, doing some Muay Thai?
I don't know.
But instead of waking up in themorning and running away from
all the bad things that you'vedone and all the stuff because,
listen, we can do that it's somuch more powerful for you to
run towards something.
This made such a big differencefor me, and through doing this
is I built the life of my dreams.
I don't know what your dream is, but for me it was being able
(15:18):
to make an impact on others.
It was being able to have somesort of online business where I
could travel the world.
It was to help people.
It was to become a husband.
I'm about to get married, bythe way.
I think I've said that a fewtimes.
I think it's going to be abouttwo more weeks or so and then,
boom, paper's signed, I'm goingto start wearing my nice good
old wedding ring.
This was my vision for my lifewhen I stopped drinking alcohol.
So if I were you, I'd sit downand really think, okay, what can
(15:40):
I focus on instead?
So let's get into number sixNow.
The sixth one may be hard foryou, depending on where you live
and whatever you're in, but Iwould really recommend not doing
this totally alone.
I was very lucky when I stoppeddrinking alcohol that my best
friend also didn't drink and weactually lived in the same
apartment.
So when I just stopped drinkingalcohol, right, I was maybe
three, four, maybe four monthssober.
(16:01):
So what happened is is Istopped drinking alcohol and
boom, the switch went off and Ijust felt like the old me came
back out.
Right, I felt confident, I felthappy, I felt motivated, I felt
like I could do anything.
I just felt on top of the world.
So I immediately started apersonal training business and,
lo and behold, because I wasn'tdrinking alcohol, it immediately
went well.
I can't even remember how muchI was in debt like maybe a
couple of grand.
(16:21):
I owed my grandma money.
It was a disaster.
I was working in thisrestaurant and as soon as I
stopped drinking I was like thebelief in myself came back.
And after doing the personaltraining for a few months, I
thought do you know what?
I don't know if I want to dothis career long term.
I don't know if I want to own agym.
I don't know if I want to livein England.
I kind of want to be remote, Iwant to be able to move around,
and that was like the dream Ihad at the time.
(16:41):
I'm a lot more settled now, butthis was years ago and I was
blessed that me and my bestfriend, we got an apartment and
I was above and he was below andwe were literally in the same
building alife before.
But my gosh, it's nuts.
Everybody's drinking.
It's just pure chaos and it isso much fun.
And me and my friend we loveplaying pool.
(17:11):
We're super competitive againsteach other.
We'll make these pots that arejust crazy and we'll burst into
laughter.
And then you can go to thesetables where it's like the
winner stays on, and then we'llgo there and we'll try and like
challenge the champion and youput your name on the board.
Listen, we had a great time,but I was lucky to have some
level of accountability to notdrink.
Now I knew I wasn't going todrink, so it wasn't that
important, but it was helpful tohave some element of community.
(17:32):
Now, as my journey progressed,my pretty much entire social
circle now just nobody reallydrinks.
Some people do, but most of myfriends we've built
relationships around things thatdon't revolve around drinking.
Maybe it's, you know, powerlifting, maybe it's CrossFit,
maybe it's business, maybe it's,you know, content creation.
It could be something totallydifferent, but the point of this
(17:52):
is I'm trying to say is justdon't do this alone.
Find a community.
For some people it is AA, smartrecovery For people.
In my program they join theSober Clear program.
That's where they get thecommunity we really work with,
like business owners, high-levelprofessionals, so it's kind of
like a community made for aspecific kind of person.
But there's a million thingsout there.
I'm not saying you need to joinmy program.
You might find a coach, youmight find it in a church
(18:13):
meeting.
I don't know what it is for youSome men's group, it could be
anything.
But what I would just say isjust don't do this alone.
There's no need, especially notin this day and age.
Now, the seventh thing that youwant to avoid doing.
This one is harsh.
I don't care, I'm not here tosugarcoat things, and if you've
made it this far into the video,you must be serious about
change and you don't want tomake these mistakes.
Now, what you don't want to dois when you get a little bit
(18:34):
further into your journey let'ssay month two, month three,
month four this is when thosethoughts can start creeping back
in of having just one drink.
And for the love of God, do notlie to yourself.
Don't lie to yourself about theseverity of what was happening.
Listen, every relapse thathappened is this is what I
started doing?
Is I just started lying tomyself.
It wasn't that bad.
This time it can be different,boy, if I could only go back in
(18:56):
time.
Right, listen, every singletime I did that, it always ended
up in failure.
There's a very famous bookcalled the One Thing, and if you
haven't read it, I'd recommendit.
It is technically a businessbook, but it can definitely be
100% relevant to your personallife.
But this big question is whatis the one thing that I could do
?
And if I do it, everything elsewould become unnecessary.
So it's how people make likevery big business decisions.
(19:18):
You know, for them it might bestarting a YouTube channel,
whatever, but when I drankalcohol, the answer to that
question was always stopdrinking alcohol.
That's how I would get the lifeof my dreams.
But you know, when we're threemonths sober, four months sober,
we start forgetting about thepain.
And listen, whatever you do,don't forget about the pain,
don't lie to yourself.
Sorry to sound harsh, but don'tdo it.
(19:39):
And the final thing you want toavoid doing which, again, is
something I have done a thousandtimes the final thing you want
to do is avoid telling yourselfthat you'll do this tomorrow,
tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow thebest time to stop drinking
alcohol and fix your life wasyesterday.
The next best time is now.
Thanks for checking out theStop Drinking Podcast by Sober
Clear If you want to learn moreabout how we work with people to
(20:00):
.
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