July 3, 2025 • 20 mins
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Stop Drinking Podcast, where we help
you make stopping drinking asimple, logical and easy
decision.
We help you with tips, toolsand strategies to start living
your best life when alcohol-free.
If you want to learn more aboutstop drinking coaching, then
head over to wwwsoberclearcom.
(00:21):
The very first thing you needto avoid doing is using
willpower to not drink.
Why do I say this?
Because you might be sat herethinking but Leon, I just need
more willpower, I need to fightthe urge.
And that's the thing.
It's just not that simple.
See, when I drank for the bestpart of 10 years, every time I
tried to stop I'd always usewillpower.
(00:43):
And what I mean by this issomething bad would happen in my
life.
Right, I'd always use willpower.
And what I mean by this issomething bad would happen in my
life, right, I might get into afight, I might fall out with a
family member, maybe I'd breakup with a girlfriend, maybe I'd
run out of money, maybe I'd havea health problem.
Alcohol would cause some amountof pain in my life.
And then what I'd do is I'djust say, right, that's it, I'm
done, I'm not going to drinkagain.
Do you know how many times I'vetold myself this I'm not going
(01:04):
to drink again.
And then over the next few days, weeks, sometimes even months
ahead, anytime I thought aboutalcohol is I just resisted.
Right, I'm a strong man, right,I'm just not going to drink.
And whilst I wish, I just wishit was that simple and that
straightforward, with alcohol itjust doesn't really work like
that.
See, there is a better way foryou to do things, and I'll tell
you that in a second.
But if you are new here, goodto meet you.
(01:24):
My name is Leon Sylvester.
I've not drank myself now foralmost seven years, after a
10-year battle with alcohol.
I tried everything AA meetings,you know all of this stuff that
I'm going to unpack in thisvideo today, but I just wanted
to let you know that I've beenin your shoes.
But let me give you loved fruit.
Right, let's say, you loved alldifferent types of fruit.
You love bananas, you lovemango, you love kiwi, you love
(01:47):
dragon fruit, you lovepomegranate, and these are just
things that you enjoy in yourlife.
If I was to tell you right nowthat, all right, dave, john,
whoever you are, you're nolonger allowed to eat
pomegranate, how much willpowerwould it take you to not eat
pomegranate?
Do you think that if you wentinto a pomegranate juice store,
you'd go in there and you'd justhave to be like, oh, what am I
going to do?
I need to get out the store, orelse I think I'm going to order
(02:09):
a pomegranate juice.
You wouldn't do that, would you?
You'd just feel totally okaywith the fact that you can't
have pomegranate and you'd justgo and have an alternative.
You'd just have a banana.
See, the problem with usingwillpower to not drink is
drinking.
Alcohol is not a drink likewater or a food like a
(02:29):
pomegranate.
And this is the problem.
It goes so much deeper.
See, the reason why willpowerand stopping drinking are
unrelated is because alcohol isa drug, and I know there's a lot
of people that are out therethat say I've never touched a
drug in my life.
I just have a problem withdrinking.
I'm sorry to break it to you,but it is a drug.
And when you use willpower tonot do this drug that you're
technically addicted to and I'mnot here to belittle that, I've
(02:52):
been in your shoes, I'm not hereto knock you down in any way
when you start using willpower,what do you think ends up
happening?
Well, in your mind you'retelling yourself this is
something that's on a pedestal.
So it's kind of like thisforbidden fruit that you're not
actually allowed to have, butit's not a fruit like I'm
talking about earlier.
It's this forbidden drug.
And what ends up happening andwhat ended up happening to me
for almost 10 years in thisstop-start cycle that I could
(03:14):
just never end is the more I usewillpower, the more I wanted to
drink, and what would happen isit would build up until this
little voice in my head came inand it was like this hey, leon,
just have one.
Oh boy, here we go.
Do you know how many times I'vetold myself this?
Do you know how many times I'vegone through this stop and
start cycle, all because I'musing willpower?
Now there is another solution tothis and it's reframing the way
(03:37):
that you view alcohol.
See what I did and what finallyfixed it for me, and what I've
been teaching people and whatI've helped people do in my
coaching program at Sober Clearis I help them change the way
that they view the drug.
So then they start to see itmore like pomegranate, right
when it's like yeah, I mean, Icould have a bit of pomegranate
if I want, but I told myself I'mnot going to do it.
So I'm just not going to do it.
See, the solution is not to usewillpower.
(03:57):
It's to see it as a poison,right, it's to see it as ethanol
.
It's to start seeing it assomething that does absolutely
nothing for you.
And there are different waysthat you can get into this state
of mind.
You can study, you can do whatI did where you know.
I just consumed every piece ofinformation I could find about
this stuff and it was like alight bulb switch and I didn't
(04:19):
need willpower anymore becauseit was pure logic.
At this point, there was noemotional charge behind my
addiction to this drug.
It was just like I see it forwhat it is now.
Now, this is exactly what mycoaching company helps people do
, and we've actually recentlyhad this validated in a
scientific report that waswritten by an academic
psychologist that haspeer-reviewed published
addiction research and he wasformerly affiliated with the
(04:40):
University of Oxford.
I've got the report printed outbecause I wanted to show you
guys.
It is awesome, but he reallygoes into the science behind
this reframing technique thatwe've been doing.
Now, if you want to understand alittle bit more about this and
you want to actually get intothe nitty gritty of how we do
this and how we can help you doit, then just go ahead and click
the link down below.
Put your name and email addressin A new video.
Training will start playing andthat will really break down the
(05:01):
findings of this report, howthis reframing process works.
But the trick is is you need tostop using willpower.
Now I have told you how to doit yourself.
Right, you can study, you canget into that state of mind.
I mean, there's thousands ofpeople who do this.
But if you want to just learnabout my process, then just go
ahead and click the link downbelow.
Okay, so the second thing thatyou want to avoid doing and I
(05:21):
need to give you a bit of awarning before I say this
because if you're going to AAand you found success with this
approach, then you might want tojust either skip this one or
pause the video now and reallyjust consider whether or not you
want to listen to what I'mabout to say.
But the second thing that youreally want to avoid doing is
calling yourself an alcoholic.
See, when I started my business, when I started Sober Clear,
(05:43):
when I started this YouTubechannel.
I had a conversation with mymum.
So my own mother has been to AAfor over 20 years Now.
She got sober by callingherself an alcoholic.
She truly believes that's whatshe is.
She thinks that there'ssomething different about her.
There's nothing wrong with thedrug as a thing.
It's all about her as a person.
And listen, it saved her lifeand it saved my life because she
(06:03):
got sober when I was, you know,being raised by her, and
without AA I don't know whatwould have happened to me.
So I'm so grateful for thatprogram.
But when I was trying to stopdrinking alcohol, I actually
tried it.
I went for about 90 days.
I fully involved myself.
I did the 12 steps.
I gave myself up to a higherpower, which is a big problem a
lot of people do have.
I don't have a problem withthat, but big problem a lot of
(06:29):
people do have.
I don't have a problem withthat.
But what I did have a problemwith was this idea that I'm the
problem, that I'm an alcoholic.
That can never be fixed, thathas to go to meetings for the
rest of their life.
And I'm not saying that thiscan't work.
I mean, of course it can.
There's millions of people whoget sober with that approach.
And if that's you, then I'msorry.
Like I'm not trying to belittleyou in any way, but for me it
just felt like I was almostcarrying this self-defeating
label.
They say that I had to keep itfor the rest of my life because
there's no known cure for thisdisease.
(06:50):
But things are starting to shift.
See, doctors will no longercall you an alcoholic because
it's technically a made-up,self-help term.
The only people that callthemselves alcoholics are people
who go to Alcoholics Anonymous.
Right, it's all a made-up term,but I didn't want to have to go
to these meetings for the restof my life.
What I wanted to do was fix myproblem once and for all and
(07:10):
move on.
I didn't want to label myself.
I didn't want to have to justyou know beg God every time I
got a craving.
I didn't want to have to go andcall my sponsor.
I didn't want to do any of thatstuff.
I wanted to fix the problem andmove on with my life.
And again, that's why I alwaystalk on this channel, why I
(07:31):
always tell people the solutionis reframing how you view the
drug, not yourself, because youmight never have heard this
before.
But if you're drinking too much, you've got nothing wrong with
you as a person.
It's the nature of the drug.
The nature of alcohol is to beaddictive, is to dehydrate you
and it's to lower yourinhibitions.
It's this deadly combination.
It's got nothing to do with youas a person.
But anyway, let's get intonumber three.
Now.
This might also be a little bitcounterintuitive, because you
(07:55):
might never have heard it putthis way before, but so many
people do this wrong.
There are so many people outthere that start their journey
to not drink and feel thisfeeling of doom and gloom.
They don't feel good about thedecision.
Right, they're not like allright, let's stop drinking.
No, they approach it with thisfeeling of pessimism, and I say
this to people who I work with.
I say, right, if we're going tostart working together, listen,
(08:21):
those negative thoughts, thatnegative self-talk is got to go
Like.
Otherwise none of our stuff isgoing to matter.
I say it to people I work withand I'm going to encourage you
to do the same as well.
You know, if you check yourselfinto a rehab, right, or if you
go and sit with a therapistright, or if you go to an AA
meeting, a lot of the timesyou're starting with kind of
like your head down.
You're like do I really need todo this?
When I start working withpeople, I say, dude, don't do
(08:41):
that.
Whatever you do, don't do that.
Start this with your head heldhigh.
See, the best way to stopdrinking alcohol is to start it
with a feeling of optimism,because you don't want to be,
you know, three months sober,six months sober.
You don't want to be, you know,three months sober, six months
sober.
You don't want to have to walkinto a bar and then be like, oh,
do I really need to not drink?
No, you want to feel greatabout your decision.
Now there are ways that you canreinforce this.
(09:04):
Right, you can start journaling.
It's actually something that Idid, and it wasn't really
related to like, not drinking,but when I was in my first year
of sobriety is I did spend a lotof time journaling and
reflecting.
I'd start looking at the wins Ihad that day right.
I'd start writing things that Iwas grateful for.
So I'd recommend doing the same.
You know, maybe you get a weeksober and then you start writing
.
Oh, wow, okay.
So my kids wanted to spend abit more time with me, I can
(09:26):
feel like the bloating is juststarting to reduce and start
writing down these wins and whatyou want to do is you want to
create this positive feedbackcycle rather than this negative
feedback cycle.
But whatever you do, just tryyour best not to get into those
negative thought patterns of amI really doing this?
Am I really listening to thisguy on the internet talking
about not drinking?
Do I really Listen?
(09:46):
Only good things happen whenyou stop drinking, I promise you
.
Now the fourth one is extremelyimportant if you have
relationships with people, whichis everybody right.
So it's going to sound weirdagain, but when I first stopped
drinking alcohol, I rememberhaving this conversation with
somebody.
So because I've stopped andstarted so many times in the
past like if I go and tellsomebody I'm not going to drink
(10:08):
again, they've seen me fail ahundred times already what do
you think they're going to think?
Oh, yeah, right, and I madethat mistake.
So when I stopped drinking justunder seven years ago now I had
done what I help people do.
I had literally done this Again.
If you want to go and see how Idid it the report, all that
stuff just go and click the linkin the description.
But I got into this state ofmind where it was like this
flick of a switch and I knewwith absolute certainty that I
(10:30):
wasn't going to drink again.
It felt completely different toevery single time and like I
destroyed my life.
You know, I went to, I wasworking in a restaurant, I had
no money.
Listen, I actually hit likerock bottom.
You don't need to get there.
But I had hit that place.
And I remember I told somebodythat works in the restaurant.
I said I won't say his name,but hey, dude, listen, I'm not
(10:51):
coming out tonight, I've stoppeddrinking.
And he laughed me in the face.
He's like yeah, right, here wego again.
And I did something that Ithink was actually very wise.
I want to give myself a bit ofcredit.
I'm not trying to sound cocky,but I want to kind of teach you
what I did that served me sowell.
So after I heard that, I thoughtokay, let's just take a step
back.
Do I need to tell anybody aboutthis?
(11:12):
No, not really.
Do I need to go and broadcastto the world that I'm not
drinking?
No, I don't.
And then I really thought tomyself do I owe anybody an
explanation to why I'm doingthis at all?
And again the answer was no.
So I just kept my mouth shut.
I didn't tell anybody.
I told my closest friends and Itold some family members, but I
told them after I got a bit ofmomentum.
I didn't start broadcasting.
(11:33):
Hey, I was day seven.
I'm on day 14.
And listen, for some people theywant to do that.
That's fine.
I'm not saying that this isgoing to cause you to start
drinking again, but I justthought you know what.
I don't want to have to sit anddebate with people about my
decision, because if that personhas got a problem with alcohol,
you are never going to changetheir mind.
If you've switched, if you'vegot into that place where you've
reframed alcohol, if you've gotinto that place where you've
reframed alcohol, you've made alogical decision to stop
(11:55):
drinking alcohol.
And then you tell somebodythat's still drinking that
you're not drinking and you'redoing it because alcohol is a
poison, it's ethanol, it doesnothing for me.
What do you think they're goingto say?
Just have one drink.
What are you talking about?
And I actually have this newclient and he's really awesome,
we've actually become friends,we're and he told me this exact
thing happened.
And when he came back from thisnight out that he'd been on, he
(12:16):
told me this guy, you know, hewas like pushing you on me, and
I said see, he's like.
You just don't need to explainyourself to people.
Don't even go there, don't getinto a debate, just keep it to
yourself.
And you know, a lot of thetimes I actually think this is
wise to do with partners as well.
You know, when people aremarried, when they're in
relationships, I think it can bea good idea to sometimes keep
it to yourself because itdepends on the relationship,
right?
But a lot of the times spousesagain, they've heard it a
(12:39):
million times.
So my recommendation is, whenyou do make that true decision
is you don't need to tellanybody.
And please, please, don't startexplaining yourself.
You don't need to explainyourself to anybody.
You owe nobody an explanationand I'm not being an a-hole when
I say that like I'm trying tohelp you.
Just don't even go there, okay.
(13:05):
Fifth thing to avoid this one ismassive.
So when I drank alcohol, I madeso many mistakes Like man, if I
had a list.
In fact, this is actuallysomething that they make you do
in Alcoholics Anonymous, by theway, because they call it a
spiritual program.
And what you do is you makethis massive list and I had
actually started doing thisbecause I had a sponsor.
I actually took that programquite seriously and you make
this list of all the people andall the bad things that you've
done, and what you do is you goand make amendments to them.
(13:26):
Could that be a good thing?
Yeah, sure, why not?
But man, for me, that list.
I can't even remember thedamage I've done.
I can't even remember thedamage I've done.
I don't know who I upset.
And again, same thing.
You could go and sit with atherapist, right, you could go
back to the childhood, look atall the bad things that have
happened.
And I am not knocking therapyin any way.
Right, there's a time and aplace where that is so important
.
But when it comes to stoppingdrinking alcohol, I don't see
(13:49):
the relation between these twothings.
Going and making amendments topeople is amazing, right, I'm
not saying that's bad.
Going and sitting with atherapist and working through
some bad things that havehappened, I mean fantastic, I've
done it.
I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but with alcohol, is it like
thinking that that's going tohelp you stop drinking alcohol.
I mean, could it?
Yes, I guess, but I don't thinkit's that effective.
(14:09):
And a lot of the times when Istarted going back and thinking,
oh damn, remember that personthat I never paid back.
And oh, you know that personwho I I'm not even going to tell
you half the stuff thathappened, right, yeah, let's not
even go there.
But when I start thinking aboutthat stuff, you know if I was
really struggling to stopdrinking alcohol, that stuff
doesn't make me feel good andhappy.
It makes me feel worse.
See, what you want to do insteadis make the future the focus.
(14:33):
Now, what the psychologistsactually found out is that one
of the most effective ways tostop drinking alcohol in the
scientific literature issomething called motivational
enhancement.
This is something that I'vedesigned into my program.
You don't need to use myprogram to do this.
It's pretty straightforward.
But instead of making the pastthe focus, we want to make the
future the focus.
We want to start designing avision for our life.
(14:54):
What do you want yourrelationship to look like?
How do you want your familylife to look?
What do you want your business,your career to look like?
Your health?
Do you want to be running 5Ks,running 10Ks, I don't know,
deadlifting, doing CrossFit,doing some Muay Thai, I don't
know but instead of waking up inthe morning and running away
from all the bad things thatyou've done and all the stuff
because, listen, we can do thatit's so much more powerful for
(15:17):
you to run towards something.
This made such a big differencefor me, and through doing this
is I built the life of my dreams.
I don't know what your dream is, but for me it was being able
to make an impact on others.
It was being able to have somesort of online business where I
could travel the world.
It was to help people.
It was to become a husband.
I'm about to get married, bythe way.
I think I've said that a fewtimes.
(15:37):
I think it's going to be abouttwo more weeks or so and then,
boom paper signed, I'm going tostart wearing my nice good old
wedding ring.
This was my vision for my lifewhen I stopped drinking alcohol.
So if I were you, I'd sit downand really think okay, what can
I focus on instead?
So let's get into number six.
No-transcript.
(16:30):
How much I was in debt?
Like maybe a couple of grand.
I owed my grandma money.
It was a disaster.
I was working in this restaurantand as soon as I stopped
drinking I was like the beliefin myself came back and after
doing the personal training fora few months, I thought do you
know what?
I don't know if I want to dothis career long term.
I don't know if I want to own agym.
I don't know if I want to livein England.
(16:51):
I kind of want to be remote, Iwant to be able to move around,
and that was blessed that me andmy best friend we got an
apartment and I was above and hewas below and we were literally
in the same building, a floorabove a floor below exact same
apartment.
And what me and my friend usedto do is we'd go out to the
Bangkok nightlife and I don'tknow if you've ever been to
Asian nightlife before, but mygosh, it's nuts.
Everybody's drinking, it's justpure chaos and it is so much
(17:14):
fun.
And me and my friend we loveplaying pool.
We're super competitive againsteach other.
We'll make these pots that arejust crazy and we'll burst into
laughter.
And then you can go to thesetables where it's like the
winner stays on, and then we'llgo there and we'll try and
challenge the champion and youput your name on the board.
Listen, we had a great time.
But I was lucky to have somelevel of accountability to not
(17:35):
drink.
Now I knew I wasn't going todrink so it wasn't that
important, but it was helpful tohave some element of community.
Now, as my journey progressed,my pretty much entire social
circle now just nobody reallydrinks.
Some people do, but most of myfriends we've built
relationships around things thatdon't revolve around drinking.
Maybe it's powerlifting, maybeit's CrossFit, maybe it's
(17:57):
business, maybe it's contentcreation.
It could be something totallydifferent.
But the point of this is I'mtrying to say is just don't do
this alone.
Find a community.
For some people it is AA, smartrecovery.
For people in my program theyjoin the Sober Clay program.
That's where they get thecommunity we really work with
like business owners, high levelprofessionals, so it's kind of
like a community made for aspecific kind of person.
(18:17):
But there's a million thingsout there.
I'm not saying you need to joinmy program.
You might find a coach.
You might find it in a churchmeeting.
I don't know what it is for you, some men's group, it could be
anything.
But what I would just say isjust don't do this alone.
There's no need, especially notin this day and age.
Now, the seventh thing that youwant to avoid doing this one is
harsh, but I don't care.
I'm not here to sugarcoatthings.
(18:39):
And if you've made it this farinto the video, you must be
serious about change and youdon't want to make these
mistakes.
Now, what you don't want to dois when you get a little bit
further into your journey let'ssay month two, month three,
month four.
This is when those thoughts canstart creeping back in of
having just one drink.
And, for the love of God, donot lie to yourself.
Don't lie to yourself about theseverity of what was happening.
(19:00):
Listen, every relapse thathappened is this is what I
started doing?
Is I just started lying tomyself?
It wasn't that bad this time.
It can be different, boy, if Icould only go back in time.
Right, listen, every singletime I did that, it always ended
up in failure.
There's a very famous bookcalled the One Thing, and if you
haven't read it, I'd recommendit.
It is technically a businessbook, but it can definitely be
(19:20):
100% relevant to your personallife.
But this big question is whatis the one thing that I could do
?
And if I do it, everything elsewould become unnecessary.
So it's how people make likevery big business decisions, you
know, for them it might bestarting a YouTube channel,
whatever, but when I drankalcohol, the answer to that
question was always stopdrinking alcohol.
That's how I would get the lifeof my dreams.
But you know, when we're threemonths sober, four months sober,
(19:43):
we start forgetting about thepain and listen.
Whatever you do, don't forgetabout the pain.
Don't lie to yourself.
Sorry to sound harsh, but don'tdo it.
And the final thing you want toavoid doing which, again, is
something I have done a thousandtimes the final thing you want
to avoid doing which, again, issomething I have done a thousand
times the final thing you wantto do is avoid telling yourself
that you'll do this tomorrow,tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.
(20:07):
The best time to stop drinkingalcohol and fix your life was
yesterday.
The next best time is now.
Now, if you want to see ifworking together could be a good
match, what I'd recommend doingnext is going to SoberClearcom,
having a quick look at thewebsite, looking at the kind of
method and how we do things, etcetera.
Or if you go and click the linkin the description, you can
actually go and apply directlyfor the Soberclear program, and
if that's not for you, all good,go and do something else, but
please don't put this off oneother day.
(20:28):
I know you can do this.
Have a great day.
Thanks for checking out theStop Drinking Podcast by
Soberclear.
If you want to learn more abouthow we work with people to help
them stop drinking effortlessly, then make sure to visit
wwwsoberclearcom.
Welcome to the Stop Drinking Podcast, where we help
you make stopping drinking asimple, logical and easy
decision.
We help you with tips, toolsand strategies to start living
your best life when alcohol-free.
If you want to learn more aboutstop drinking coaching, then
head over to wwwsoberclearcom.
(00:21):
The very first thing you needto avoid doing is using
willpower to not drink.
Why do I say this?
Because you might be sat herethinking but Leon, I just need
more willpower, I need to fightthe urge.
And that's the thing.
It's just not that simple.
See, when I drank for the bestpart of 10 years, every time I
tried to stop I'd always usewillpower.
(00:43):
And what I mean by this issomething bad would happen in my
life.
Right, I'd always use willpower.
And what I mean by this issomething bad would happen in my
life, right, I might get into afight, I might fall out with a
family member, maybe I'd breakup with a girlfriend, maybe I'd
run out of money, maybe I'd havea health problem.
Alcohol would cause some amountof pain in my life.
And then what I'd do is I'djust say, right, that's it, I'm
done, I'm not going to drinkagain.
Do you know how many times I'vetold myself this I'm not going
(01:04):
to drink again.
And then over the next few days, weeks, sometimes even months
ahead, anytime I thought aboutalcohol is I just resisted.
Right, I'm a strong man, right,I'm just not going to drink.
And whilst I wish, I just wishit was that simple and that
straightforward, with alcohol itjust doesn't really work like
that.
See, there is a better way foryou to do things, and I'll tell
you that in a second.
But if you are new here, goodto meet you.
(01:24):
My name is Leon Sylvester.
I've not drank myself now foralmost seven years, after a
10-year battle with alcohol.
I tried everything AA meetings,you know all of this stuff that
I'm going to unpack in thisvideo today, but I just wanted
to let you know that I've beenin your shoes.
But let me give you loved fruit.
Right, let's say, you loved alldifferent types of fruit.
You love bananas, you lovemango, you love kiwi, you love
(01:47):
dragon fruit, you lovepomegranate, and these are just
things that you enjoy in yourlife.
If I was to tell you right nowthat, all right, dave, john,
whoever you are, you're nolonger allowed to eat
pomegranate, how much willpowerwould it take you to not eat
pomegranate?
Do you think that if you wentinto a pomegranate juice store,
you'd go in there and you'd justhave to be like, oh, what am I
going to do?
I need to get out the store, orelse I think I'm going to order
(02:09):
a pomegranate juice.
You wouldn't do that, would you?
You'd just feel totally okaywith the fact that you can't
have pomegranate and you'd justgo and have an alternative.
You'd just have a banana.
See, the problem with usingwillpower to not drink is
drinking.
Alcohol is not a drink likewater or a food like a
(02:29):
pomegranate.
And this is the problem.
It goes so much deeper.
See, the reason why willpowerand stopping drinking are
unrelated is because alcohol isa drug, and I know there's a lot
of people that are out therethat say I've never touched a
drug in my life.
I just have a problem withdrinking.
I'm sorry to break it to you,but it is a drug.
And when you use willpower tonot do this drug that you're
technically addicted to and I'mnot here to belittle that, I've
(02:52):
been in your shoes, I'm not hereto knock you down in any way
when you start using willpower,what do you think ends up
happening?
Well, in your mind you'retelling yourself this is
something that's on a pedestal.
So it's kind of like thisforbidden fruit that you're not
actually allowed to have, butit's not a fruit like I'm
talking about earlier.
It's this forbidden drug.
And what ends up happening andwhat ended up happening to me
for almost 10 years in thisstop-start cycle that I could
(03:14):
just never end is the more I usewillpower, the more I wanted to
drink, and what would happen isit would build up until this
little voice in my head came inand it was like this hey, leon,
just have one.
Oh boy, here we go.
Do you know how many times I'vetold myself this?
Do you know how many times I'vegone through this stop and
start cycle, all because I'musing willpower?
Now there is another solution tothis and it's reframing the way
(03:37):
that you view alcohol.
See what I did and what finallyfixed it for me, and what I've
been teaching people and whatI've helped people do in my
coaching program at Sober Clearis I help them change the way
that they view the drug.
So then they start to see itmore like pomegranate, right
when it's like yeah, I mean, Icould have a bit of pomegranate
if I want, but I told myself I'mnot going to do it.
So I'm just not going to do it.
See, the solution is not to usewillpower.
(03:57):
It's to see it as a poison,right, it's to see it as ethanol
.
It's to start seeing it assomething that does absolutely
nothing for you.
And there are different waysthat you can get into this state
of mind.
You can study, you can do whatI did where you know.
I just consumed every piece ofinformation I could find about
this stuff and it was like alight bulb switch and I didn't
(04:19):
need willpower anymore becauseit was pure logic.
At this point, there was noemotional charge behind my
addiction to this drug.
It was just like I see it forwhat it is now.
Now, this is exactly what mycoaching company helps people do
, and we've actually recentlyhad this validated in a
scientific report that waswritten by an academic
psychologist that haspeer-reviewed published
addiction research and he wasformerly affiliated with the
(04:40):
University of Oxford.
I've got the report printed outbecause I wanted to show you
guys.
It is awesome, but he reallygoes into the science behind
this reframing technique thatwe've been doing.
Now, if you want to understand alittle bit more about this and
you want to actually get intothe nitty gritty of how we do
this and how we can help you doit, then just go ahead and click
the link down below.
Put your name and email addressin A new video.
Training will start playing andthat will really break down the
(05:01):
findings of this report, howthis reframing process works.
But the trick is is you need tostop using willpower.
Now I have told you how to doit yourself.
Right, you can study, you canget into that state of mind.
I mean, there's thousands ofpeople who do this.
But if you want to just learnabout my process, then just go
ahead and click the link downbelow.
Okay, so the second thing thatyou want to avoid doing and I
(05:21):
need to give you a bit of awarning before I say this
because if you're going to AAand you found success with this
approach, then you might want tojust either skip this one or
pause the video now and reallyjust consider whether or not you
want to listen to what I'mabout to say.
But the second thing that youreally want to avoid doing is
calling yourself an alcoholic.
See, when I started my business, when I started Sober Clear,
(05:43):
when I started this YouTubechannel.
I had a conversation with mymum.
So my own mother has been to AAfor over 20 years Now.
She got sober by callingherself an alcoholic.
She truly believes that's whatshe is.
She thinks that there'ssomething different about her.
There's nothing wrong with thedrug as a thing.
It's all about her as a person.
And listen, it saved her lifeand it saved my life because she
(06:03):
got sober when I was, you know,being raised by her, and
without AA I don't know whatwould have happened to me.
So I'm so grateful for thatprogram.
But when I was trying to stopdrinking alcohol, I actually
tried it.
I went for about 90 days.
I fully involved myself.
I did the 12 steps.
I gave myself up to a higherpower, which is a big problem a
lot of people do have.
I don't have a problem withthat, but big problem a lot of
(06:29):
people do have.
I don't have a problem withthat.
But what I did have a problemwith was this idea that I'm the
problem, that I'm an alcoholic.
That can never be fixed, thathas to go to meetings for the
rest of their life.
And I'm not saying that thiscan't work.
I mean, of course it can.
There's millions of people whoget sober with that approach.
And if that's you, then I'msorry.
Like I'm not trying to belittleyou in any way, but for me it
just felt like I was almostcarrying this self-defeating
label.
They say that I had to keep itfor the rest of my life because
there's no known cure for thisdisease.
(06:50):
But things are starting to shift.
See, doctors will no longercall you an alcoholic because
it's technically a made-up,self-help term.
The only people that callthemselves alcoholics are people
who go to Alcoholics Anonymous.
Right, it's all a made-up term,but I didn't want to have to go
to these meetings for the restof my life.
What I wanted to do was fix myproblem once and for all and
(07:10):
move on.
I didn't want to label myself.
I didn't want to have to justyou know beg God every time I
got a craving.
I didn't want to have to go andcall my sponsor.
I didn't want to do any of thatstuff.
I wanted to fix the problem andmove on with my life.
And again, that's why I alwaystalk on this channel, why I
(07:31):
always tell people the solutionis reframing how you view the
drug, not yourself, because youmight never have heard this
before.
But if you're drinking too much, you've got nothing wrong with
you as a person.
It's the nature of the drug.
The nature of alcohol is to beaddictive, is to dehydrate you
and it's to lower yourinhibitions.
It's this deadly combination.
It's got nothing to do with youas a person.
But anyway, let's get intonumber three.
Now.
This might also be a little bitcounterintuitive, because you
(07:55):
might never have heard it putthis way before, but so many
people do this wrong.
There are so many people outthere that start their journey
to not drink and feel thisfeeling of doom and gloom.
They don't feel good about thedecision.
Right, they're not like allright, let's stop drinking.
No, they approach it with thisfeeling of pessimism, and I say
this to people who I work with.
I say, right, if we're going tostart working together, listen,
(08:21):
those negative thoughts, thatnegative self-talk is got to go
Like.
Otherwise none of our stuff isgoing to matter.
I say it to people I work withand I'm going to encourage you
to do the same as well.
You know, if you check yourselfinto a rehab, right, or if you
go and sit with a therapistright, or if you go to an AA
meeting, a lot of the timesyou're starting with kind of
like your head down.
You're like do I really need todo this?
When I start working withpeople, I say, dude, don't do
(08:41):
that.
Whatever you do, don't do that.
Start this with your head heldhigh.
See, the best way to stopdrinking alcohol is to start it
with a feeling of optimism,because you don't want to be,
you know, three months sober,six months sober.
You don't want to be, you know,three months sober, six months
sober.
You don't want to have to walkinto a bar and then be like, oh,
do I really need to not drink?
No, you want to feel greatabout your decision.
Now there are ways that you canreinforce this.
(09:04):
Right, you can start journaling.
It's actually something that Idid, and it wasn't really
related to like, not drinking,but when I was in my first year
of sobriety is I did spend a lotof time journaling and
reflecting.
I'd start looking at the wins Ihad that day right.
I'd start writing things that Iwas grateful for.
So I'd recommend doing the same.
You know, maybe you get a weeksober and then you start writing
.
Oh, wow, okay.
So my kids wanted to spend abit more time with me, I can
(09:26):
feel like the bloating is juststarting to reduce and start
writing down these wins and whatyou want to do is you want to
create this positive feedbackcycle rather than this negative
feedback cycle.
But whatever you do, just tryyour best not to get into those
negative thought patterns of amI really doing this?
Am I really listening to thisguy on the internet talking
about not drinking?
Do I really Listen?
(09:46):
Only good things happen whenyou stop drinking, I promise you
.
Now the fourth one is extremelyimportant if you have
relationships with people, whichis everybody right.
So it's going to sound weirdagain, but when I first stopped
drinking alcohol, I rememberhaving this conversation with
somebody.
So because I've stopped andstarted so many times in the
past like if I go and tellsomebody I'm not going to drink
(10:08):
again, they've seen me fail ahundred times already what do
you think they're going to think?
Oh, yeah, right, and I madethat mistake.
So when I stopped drinking justunder seven years ago now I had
done what I help people do.
I had literally done this Again.
If you want to go and see how Idid it the report, all that
stuff just go and click the linkin the description.
But I got into this state ofmind where it was like this
flick of a switch and I knewwith absolute certainty that I
(10:30):
wasn't going to drink again.
It felt completely different toevery single time and like I
destroyed my life.
You know, I went to, I wasworking in a restaurant, I had
no money.
Listen, I actually hit likerock bottom.
You don't need to get there.
But I had hit that place.
And I remember I told somebodythat works in the restaurant.
I said I won't say his name,but hey, dude, listen, I'm not
(10:51):
coming out tonight, I've stoppeddrinking.
And he laughed me in the face.
He's like yeah, right, here wego again.
And I did something that Ithink was actually very wise.
I want to give myself a bit ofcredit.
I'm not trying to sound cocky,but I want to kind of teach you
what I did that served me sowell.
So after I heard that, I thoughtokay, let's just take a step
back.
Do I need to tell anybody aboutthis?
(11:12):
No, not really.
Do I need to go and broadcastto the world that I'm not
drinking?
No, I don't.
And then I really thought tomyself do I owe anybody an
explanation to why I'm doingthis at all?
And again the answer was no.
So I just kept my mouth shut.
I didn't tell anybody.
I told my closest friends and Itold some family members, but I
told them after I got a bit ofmomentum.
I didn't start broadcasting.
(11:33):
Hey, I was day seven.
I'm on day 14.
And listen, for some people theywant to do that.
That's fine.
I'm not saying that this isgoing to cause you to start
drinking again, but I justthought you know what.
I don't want to have to sit anddebate with people about my
decision, because if that personhas got a problem with alcohol,
you are never going to changetheir mind.
If you've switched, if you'vegot into that place where you've
reframed alcohol, if you've gotinto that place where you've
reframed alcohol, you've made alogical decision to stop
(11:55):
drinking alcohol.
And then you tell somebodythat's still drinking that
you're not drinking and you'redoing it because alcohol is a
poison, it's ethanol, it doesnothing for me.
What do you think they're goingto say?
Just have one drink.
What are you talking about?
And I actually have this newclient and he's really awesome,
we've actually become friends,we're and he told me this exact
thing happened.
And when he came back from thisnight out that he'd been on, he
(12:16):
told me this guy, you know, hewas like pushing you on me, and
I said see, he's like.
You just don't need to explainyourself to people.
Don't even go there, don't getinto a debate, just keep it to
yourself.
And you know, a lot of thetimes I actually think this is
wise to do with partners as well.
You know, when people aremarried, when they're in
relationships, I think it can bea good idea to sometimes keep
it to yourself because itdepends on the relationship,
right?
But a lot of the times spousesagain, they've heard it a
(12:39):
million times.
So my recommendation is, whenyou do make that true decision
is you don't need to tellanybody.
And please, please, don't startexplaining yourself.
You don't need to explainyourself to anybody.
You owe nobody an explanationand I'm not being an a-hole when
I say that like I'm trying tohelp you.
Just don't even go there, okay.
(13:05):
Fifth thing to avoid this one ismassive.
So when I drank alcohol, I madeso many mistakes Like man, if I
had a list.
In fact, this is actuallysomething that they make you do
in Alcoholics Anonymous, by theway, because they call it a
spiritual program.
And what you do is you makethis massive list and I had
actually started doing thisbecause I had a sponsor.
I actually took that programquite seriously and you make
this list of all the people andall the bad things that you've
done, and what you do is you goand make amendments to them.
(13:26):
Could that be a good thing?
Yeah, sure, why not?
But man, for me, that list.
I can't even remember thedamage I've done.
I can't even remember thedamage I've done.
I don't know who I upset.
And again, same thing.
You could go and sit with atherapist, right, you could go
back to the childhood, look atall the bad things that have
happened.
And I am not knocking therapyin any way.
Right, there's a time and aplace where that is so important
.
But when it comes to stoppingdrinking alcohol, I don't see
(13:49):
the relation between these twothings.
Going and making amendments topeople is amazing, right, I'm
not saying that's bad.
Going and sitting with atherapist and working through
some bad things that havehappened, I mean fantastic, I've
done it.
I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but with alcohol, is it like
thinking that that's going tohelp you stop drinking alcohol.
I mean, could it?
Yes, I guess, but I don't thinkit's that effective.
(14:09):
And a lot of the times when Istarted going back and thinking,
oh damn, remember that personthat I never paid back.
And oh, you know that personwho I I'm not even going to tell
you half the stuff thathappened, right, yeah, let's not
even go there.
But when I start thinking aboutthat stuff, you know if I was
really struggling to stopdrinking alcohol, that stuff
doesn't make me feel good andhappy.
It makes me feel worse.
See, what you want to do insteadis make the future the focus.
(14:33):
Now, what the psychologistsactually found out is that one
of the most effective ways tostop drinking alcohol in the
scientific literature issomething called motivational
enhancement.
This is something that I'vedesigned into my program.
You don't need to use myprogram to do this.
It's pretty straightforward.
But instead of making the pastthe focus, we want to make the
future the focus.
We want to start designing avision for our life.
(14:54):
What do you want yourrelationship to look like?
How do you want your familylife to look?
What do you want your business,your career to look like?
Your health?
Do you want to be running 5Ks,running 10Ks, I don't know,
deadlifting, doing CrossFit,doing some Muay Thai, I don't
know but instead of waking up inthe morning and running away
from all the bad things thatyou've done and all the stuff
because, listen, we can do thatit's so much more powerful for
(15:17):
you to run towards something.
This made such a big differencefor me, and through doing this
is I built the life of my dreams.
I don't know what your dream is, but for me it was being able
to make an impact on others.
It was being able to have somesort of online business where I
could travel the world.
It was to help people.
It was to become a husband.
I'm about to get married, bythe way.
I think I've said that a fewtimes.
(15:37):
I think it's going to be abouttwo more weeks or so and then,
boom paper signed, I'm going tostart wearing my nice good old
wedding ring.
This was my vision for my lifewhen I stopped drinking alcohol.
So if I were you, I'd sit downand really think okay, what can
I focus on instead?
So let's get into number six.
No-transcript.
(16:30):
How much I was in debt?
Like maybe a couple of grand.
I owed my grandma money.
It was a disaster.
I was working in this restaurantand as soon as I stopped
drinking I was like the beliefin myself came back and after
doing the personal training fora few months, I thought do you
know what?
I don't know if I want to dothis career long term.
I don't know if I want to own agym.
I don't know if I want to livein England.
(16:51):
I kind of want to be remote, Iwant to be able to move around,
and that was blessed that me andmy best friend we got an
apartment and I was above and hewas below and we were literally
in the same building, a floorabove a floor below exact same
apartment.
And what me and my friend usedto do is we'd go out to the
Bangkok nightlife and I don'tknow if you've ever been to
Asian nightlife before, but mygosh, it's nuts.
Everybody's drinking, it's justpure chaos and it is so much
(17:14):
fun.
And me and my friend we loveplaying pool.
We're super competitive againsteach other.
We'll make these pots that arejust crazy and we'll burst into
laughter.
And then you can go to thesetables where it's like the
winner stays on, and then we'llgo there and we'll try and
challenge the champion and youput your name on the board.
Listen, we had a great time.
But I was lucky to have somelevel of accountability to not
(17:35):
drink.
Now I knew I wasn't going todrink so it wasn't that
important, but it was helpful tohave some element of community.
Now, as my journey progressed,my pretty much entire social
circle now just nobody reallydrinks.
Some people do, but most of myfriends we've built
relationships around things thatdon't revolve around drinking.
Maybe it's powerlifting, maybeit's CrossFit, maybe it's
(17:57):
business, maybe it's contentcreation.
It could be something totallydifferent.
But the point of this is I'mtrying to say is just don't do
this alone.
Find a community.
For some people it is AA, smartrecovery.
For people in my program theyjoin the Sober Clay program.
That's where they get thecommunity we really work with
like business owners, high levelprofessionals, so it's kind of
like a community made for aspecific kind of person.
(18:17):
But there's a million thingsout there.
I'm not saying you need to joinmy program.
You might find a coach.
You might find it in a churchmeeting.
I don't know what it is for you, some men's group, it could be
anything.
But what I would just say isjust don't do this alone.
There's no need, especially notin this day and age.
Now, the seventh thing that youwant to avoid doing this one is
harsh, but I don't care.
I'm not here to sugarcoatthings.
(18:39):
And if you've made it this farinto the video, you must be
serious about change and youdon't want to make these
mistakes.
Now, what you don't want to dois when you get a little bit
further into your journey let'ssay month two, month three,
month four.
This is when those thoughts canstart creeping back in of
having just one drink.
And, for the love of God, donot lie to yourself.
Don't lie to yourself about theseverity of what was happening.
(19:00):
Listen, every relapse thathappened is this is what I
started doing?
Is I just started lying tomyself?
It wasn't that bad this time.
It can be different, boy, if Icould only go back in time.
Right, listen, every singletime I did that, it always ended
up in failure.
There's a very famous bookcalled the One Thing, and if you
haven't read it, I'd recommendit.
It is technically a businessbook, but it can definitely be
(19:20):
100% relevant to your personallife.
But this big question is whatis the one thing that I could do
?
And if I do it, everything elsewould become unnecessary.
So it's how people make likevery big business decisions, you
know, for them it might bestarting a YouTube channel,
whatever, but when I drankalcohol, the answer to that
question was always stopdrinking alcohol.
That's how I would get the lifeof my dreams.
But you know, when we're threemonths sober, four months sober,
(19:43):
we start forgetting about thepain and listen.
Whatever you do, don't forgetabout the pain.
Don't lie to yourself.
Sorry to sound harsh, but don'tdo it.
And the final thing you want toavoid doing which, again, is
something I have done a thousandtimes the final thing you want
to avoid doing which, again, issomething I have done a thousand
times the final thing you wantto do is avoid telling yourself
that you'll do this tomorrow,tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.
(20:07):
The best time to stop drinkingalcohol and fix your life was
yesterday.
The next best time is now.
Now, if you want to see ifworking together could be a good
match, what I'd recommend doingnext is going to SoberClearcom,
having a quick look at thewebsite, looking at the kind of
method and how we do things, etcetera.
Or if you go and click the linkin the description, you can
actually go and apply directlyfor the Soberclear program, and
if that's not for you, all good,go and do something else, but
please don't put this off oneother day.
(20:28):
I know you can do this.
Have a great day.
Thanks for checking out theStop Drinking Podcast by
Soberclear.
If you want to learn more abouthow we work with people to help
them stop drinking effortlessly, then make sure to visit
wwwsoberclearcom.
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