(Ashleigh Part 1) Beyond the Womb: When Strangers Become Family

 #surrogacy #ivf #surrogate 

Ashleigh’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/surro_ashleigh?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==://www.instagram.com/surrornsara?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ== 

Ashleigh’s path began with an unexpected source of inspiration – the TV show "Friends" – and quickly evolved into a calling that would change multiple lives forever. With remarkable candor, she shares how her first surrogate pregnancy unfolded during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, requiring creativity and flexibility from everyone involved. Despite the challenges, this experience only strengthened her resolve to help more families.

The most powerful moments come when Ashleigh describes her second and third journeys for a family with a devastating backstory. After the intended mother suffered life-threatening complications and lost her baby during the pandemic, she found Ashleigh through social media in what can only be described as a destined connection. Their relationship transcended the typical surrogate arrangement, culminating in a breathtaking birth where the intended mother herself delivered her baby from Ashleigh’s body – a moment of profound healing and redemption.

Throughout her story, Ashleigh offers invaluable insights about the medical, emotional, and practical aspects of surrogacy. From navigating clinic requirements to advocating for appropriate care during pregnancy complications, her experiences highlight both the challenges and the tremendous rewards of this path. Now working as a perinatal mental health therapist, Ashleigh brings professional expertise alongside her personal journey to this conversation.

Whether you're considering surrogacy, supporting someone through this process, or simply curious about this path to parenthood, Ashleigh’s story will move you with its raw honesty and beautiful moments of human connection. Listen as she demonstrates how strangers can become family through one of life's most profound gifts.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome.
We are a mother-daughterpodcast about all things
surrogacy.
Together, we have brought eightbeautiful babies into this
world and we would like to sharethrough education and knowledge
about surrogacy with those whowant to educate themselves on
the topic.
This is Stop Sit Surrogate.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Hey everybody, welcome back to Stop Sit
Surrogate with Kennedy and Ellen, and we have a wonderful guest
joining us today to share herstory.
We're going to let you go aheadand introduce yourself.
Take it away.

Speaker 3 (00:31):
My name is Ashley Donahue.
I am a three-time surrogate.
I'm now retired officially.
Oh dear, oh dear, thankgoodness.
I did three journeys inGoodness.
Thank goodness, I did threejourneys in goodness.
I started my first one in 2020and just delivered this March.
So three journeys in about fiveyears.

(00:53):
I did that too.

Speaker 4 (00:54):
Wow, it's a lot.
I think I did that.
If you put, them together.
Girl, it's a lot, you don'trealize how much it is until
you've like, recovered, like yes, yes, and I recently I was
talking to somebody.

Speaker 3 (01:08):
I'm a perinatal mental health therapist.
That's my actual job and it isa super fun job and I was at a
conference and I went to aworkshop on supporting intended
parents who are building theirfamily through surrogacy, and so
I just happened to be speakingwith the presenter and she was
talking about you know how?

(01:29):
There's really no researchabout any of this and I said I'd
love to do it like do thispresentation from the other side
and I was kind of telling herabout my journey and I said I
have birthed five babies in nineyears with my two and then the
three surrogate.
So I'm like I am, we'rewrapping it up in the fertility
world here at my house wow, it'sa lot, it's a lot those

(01:53):
hormones, man that's a lot onyour body, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
and your mental health, oh, my god, everything,
but you look super like.
I would have never guessed thatHealthy.
And yeah, she said five years.
Look at you doing it in thepandemic a couple of times.
That was an experience, thatwas my very first journey we um.

Speaker 3 (02:20):
We matched in January of 2020.
We matched in january of 2020.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
I was supposed to go to la for med screening.
St patrick's day of 2020?
Obviously that didn't happen.

Speaker 3 (02:33):
The world literally shut down, um, did my med
screening locally instead andthen ended up getting clearance
and all that and was able totransfer August of 2020, but
traveled in the midst of youknow all the craziness to Los
Angeles, where it was, you know,just absolute.
Yeah, everything was closed.

(02:53):
There was.
There was no traffic in LA,which is like unheard of.
Yeah, will not be the same waythe next time I go to LA next
year for a conference.
I'm sure I will have a verydifferent experience, but yeah,
it was.
It was truly wild, and so thatwas.
We transferred in August, Idelivered in April, applied for
another journey in the nextAugust and so, like, applied for

(03:18):
my next journey four monthslater, less than four months, I
think, it was like three and ahalf months later, and then, by
the time I was just over ninemonths postpartum, had already
transferred again with adifferent family.
It was just once I got kind ofbitten by the surrogacy bug.
I just was like I want to dothis as many times as I can.
Yeah, and it just like I didn't.

(03:40):
I didn't even really want towait.
I was like let's just, let's goagain.
And I probably would have gonefaster.
Had the doctors been like yeah,sure, but yeah, we all know
what that does to our bodies andyeah, I'm surprised they let
you transfer within nine monthsof having a baby.

Speaker 2 (03:54):
I'm really surprised with that one.

Speaker 3 (03:56):
Honestly, I am too, and now any anybody I talk to,
I'm like please wait at least ayear like please wait at least a
year, right, yeah.

Speaker 4 (04:08):
But like the thing is you, you can't, like you can
get clinics will see you sixmonths after if you have a
vaginal delivery, right, yeah,yeah, yeah, because I a lot of
times they won't transfer youuntil you're close to a year,
right most clinics and agencies.

Speaker 2 (04:18):
That's their policies .

Speaker 4 (04:20):
I I transferred a year to the day from my first to
my second like that but it's sofun because I was like, oh, she
transferred August of 2020.
So did I.
So her baby was born in April,but mine came early, so that was
a March, but it would have beenfun to know you Well and my
most recent surrogate was due inApril and was born in March.

Speaker 3 (04:43):
He was born at 36 weeks um we were.
We were about a month early,yeah same here.

Speaker 4 (04:50):
Okay.
So then, like the fun questionthat we always ask, like how did
you find out about surrogacy?

Speaker 3 (04:55):
yeah, um, I am a huge fan of the show friends, yeah,
and I remember watching Phoebecarry the triplets for her
brother and thinking that is thecoolest thing ever and then
forgetting about it for yearsuntil I was rewatching it as an
adult, actually during maternityleave with my youngest child,

(05:20):
and was like, oh yeah, that's athing I could do, that Like I
was done with my family, but Ididn't want to be done being
pregnant.
So I was like I'm gonna lookinto this, see what this process
is, and just kind of like wentdown this rabbit hole.
I I'm very into astrology andI'm an Aries, so as soon as I

(05:41):
decide on something, I go for itlike immediately.
So I decided April of 2019, Iwas going to do this.
My husband was the reason thatwe kind of held off a little bit
.
He was like let's just relax alittle, and I had applied by
November and got the ballrolling after that.
So it was something I was veryexcited about, wow.

Speaker 4 (06:03):
That's very cool.
I do like it because it's.
I mean when?
Because, like you know, a lotof people are like oh, it's
friends, it's friends likethat's where I found it, and
it's like.
And I constantly go in my headI'm like why is it friends like?
Why is that the only positiveexperience that we all see on a
ramp but like it's just so funnybecause it's just.
Nobody else ever says any othershow I've seen shows where
there's surrogates, but there'sit's negativity or you know it's

(06:27):
false and right.
Closest not accurate, butclosest you could get right.

Speaker 3 (06:35):
Yeah which is also so wild no, and it's also so wild
that that was 30 years ago,right in the 90s, I think is
when it came out In the 90s.
Yeah, that you know we werehaving these conversations on TV
.
And I mean we all know Surgishas been around for a while and

(06:58):
obviously it looked different.
You know when Surgis firststarted.
But you know to have that in ashow that was so popular 30
years ago, that's groundbreaking.

Speaker 4 (07:06):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely Now.
I have to go watch friendsafter this.
Yeah, okay, so you decided tolook for an agency.
Well, hold on, did you get?
You got matched in January.
You were looking in November of2019.

Speaker 3 (07:23):
Yeah, so I was kind of looking over that summer,
honestly didn't do like a ton ofresearch, because I really
didn't do much research.
I found an agency that's localto me.
I'm just outside of Boston, sothe agency that I went with is
based in Boston, and I was.
You know, I really had no ideahow any of it worked and thought

(07:45):
, well, they're here, so I'll gowith them.
It ended up being an okaychoice for me, but I really
didn't do as much research as Inow recommend to people.
When they talk about beinginterested in surrogacy.
I'm like, please, just likeslow down, do your research,
look and talk to agencies, lookinto independent journeys If

(08:09):
that's something you're thinkingabout.
Like there's just so many waysto do this that you know I wish
I had taken a little bit moretime and just like thought about
it and done more research.
Thankfully it all worked out,though.

Speaker 4 (08:22):
Yeah, good, okay, so did you find them on Google?
Thankfully it all worked out,though.
Yeah, good, okay, so did youfind them on google?
I'm assuming.
Yeah, yep, yep, I did the wholesurrogacy agency.

Speaker 3 (08:30):
And then google asked do you want to share your
location?
And that's what popped up.

Speaker 4 (08:35):
Oh, so fun okay, so you're with this.
So then you, you go with thisagency and are they the kind or
I'm always so curious like yeah,did you get to see the profile?
Or were they like, hey,someone's interested in you it
was a kind of mutual thing.

Speaker 3 (08:53):
So I put together my profile and then they sent it to
intended parents the same daythat I would get an intended
parent profile, um, and it waskind of like you know, ashley,
what do you want in intendedparents?
And so I had, you know, a listof criteria.
I wanted a domestic journey,preferably somebody that was

(09:16):
somewhat close by.
I wanted I didn't really careif it was a same sex couple,
heterosexual couple did notmatter to me, um was okay with
single parents.
I, you know, it was moreimportant to me that it was
somebody that was close by andalso wanted a relationship that
was that was really big for me,um, and and so I was given a

(09:40):
profile.
Um, the first few it justdidn't didn't work out.
And then finally, I think itwas my third or fourth profile
that I was given that I finallywas like this is a couple I
would want to move forward with.
And so from there we scheduledour Zoom call because they had
said the same about me, and thenit was a match.

Speaker 4 (10:03):
Wow, can I say good, good for you.
I'm like snaps over here.
Because you were like and thisis, this is no diss to like a
first-time surrogate, because Iwas.
I was a first-time surrogateand I was like sure you handed
me a person and this is who I'mwith.
I said no to to the first onethey handed me because they
didn't speak English and I waslike that's not gonna go great.
But then they handed mesomebody else and luckily it

(10:24):
turned out fine.
But to be a first timesurrogate and be like, yeah, no,
I'm, I'm, that's, that's notfor me, that's not hitting my
wants.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
Yeah, that takes a lot for a break.

Speaker 4 (10:35):
I don't even want to say bravery, it just takes a lot
Like cause.
You don't want to, we don'twant to be the problem people
and we're always afraid we saysomething are we going?

Speaker 2 (10:43):
to rock the boat and it's like no, it's okay Because
there's so much moreconversation now and people know
it's okay to say I don't haveto take the first person you
give me back 20, 30, 20 years.
You couldn't.
You took what they gave you andthat was because the waiting
list was so long and theycouldn't wait to get the
surrogates in.
And here you go next on thelist, next on the list, and
that's why so many of those weredownhill so fast.

Speaker 3 (11:07):
They didn't take the time yeah, right, and I do think
it's so important because Imean, first of all, intended
parents have to put so muchtrust in a surrogate, but also
surrogates put so much trust inintended parents.
You know there there needs tobe that even if it is a purely
transactional relationship, youdo have to have trust in the

(11:29):
people that you're helpingbecause they do hold some power
in how a journey goes andthey're, you know, you're kind
of tied to that person forpotentially, or those people for
potentially, two years betweenyou know anything that can
happen over the course ofsurrogacy yes, a lot a lot, too

(11:50):
A lot can happen and so, yes,absolutely Okay.

Speaker 4 (11:54):
So you, you, Matt, you found your people, yeah and
um, so my gosh, cause you're in2020, I have to like go back to
do you remember any of the medprotocol back then?
And did they?
Do Okay.

Speaker 3 (12:09):
I actually, so I did.
So I, like I said I've done thethree journeys, two different
couples.
So my, the first set ofintended parents I carried, for
they were they had twins from aprevious journey and were
completing their family withwith our journey and, um, and
they knew, going into that, thatlike this was it we're going to

(12:31):
do, you know, potentially ourthree transfers, you know, see
what happens, and then that wasit for them, Um, and then I
matched with a second couple andI'll I'll obviously get into
all the details of all of thosethings, but things, but it was
two different clinics.
So my first transfer took withthe first set of intended

(12:52):
parents and with that medprotocol.
It was very the way the clinicdescribed.
It is very standard, Like thisis what we do you come in for.
Well, obviously I didn't gothere for med screening because
it was 2020.
But they were like you go infor med screening on this day of
your cycle and then you know,once you get your clearance, you
call us as soon as you startyour period and then you're

(13:13):
going to start your meds, You'regoing to have a transfer on
exactly this day and that wasthat.
It was very like veryregimented.
I had the entire calendarbefore transfer day, which was,
I mean, before we even startedmedications, which was wonderful
because I am very much aplanner.
So I was like I know exactlywhat I'm doing, I know how to

(13:35):
plan, I know what to haveprepared.
And then, with the second clinicI worked with my intended
parents only had one embryo.
So we were very superstitiousabout the fact that it worked
the first time and this clinicis pretty much known for doing

(13:56):
natural cycles and we pushedback a lot on keeping protocols
the same because it worked thefirst time.
We knew what to expect.
We were like this worked, we'regonna do it.
Had the transfer not worked,I'm sure that there would have
been a discussion, but it workedagain the first time.
They had the one embryo he isnow almost three years old, um.

(14:20):
And and same thing with ourthird journey.
It was that was a siblingjourney and again we pushed back
and said we want to keepeverything exactly the same.
Again, they only had one embryo.
Again, it worked, Wow.

Speaker 2 (14:34):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (14:35):
Yeah, I feel like I have not talked to many
surrogates that have gone threefor three.
Usually, I feel like there'sbeen something that's happened a
canceled cycle, failed transfer, a loss, something and I'm so
truly thankful that I didn'texperience any of that, mostly
for my intended parents,especially the couple that only

(14:56):
had one each time, right.

Speaker 4 (14:58):
Yeah, I came across somebody because I'm well now
I'm three for four, but I wasthree for three before this
fourth journey and somewherealong the way somebody called me
a unicorn and I'm like why am Ia unicorn?
What do you mean?
I'm a unicorn and they're likebecause people who and I was
like gosh, darn it, you justjinxed me.
Because they're like because ittook each time the first time.

(15:23):
I'm like why put it out in theatmosphere?
Just let's not call people.
It's fine, we don't, Iunderstand, but it is very weird
because there's so many peoplein life, ivf in general, like
everything.
It's such a wild thing,especially when it takes and
then it takes, and then it takes, and then for it not to take,

(15:46):
but you didn't expect it, butyeah, but then for it not to
take you're like what, yeah, butno, that's.
That's very nice, especiallysince they had one embryo each
that's been there, that'sstressful Were any of these
three sibling journeys for thesame family?

Speaker 2 (16:04):
No, so the second two journeys were the same family.
Second two journeys were thesame family.
Got it Okay?
Okay, so they have an almostthree-year-old and kind of a not
newborn.

Speaker 3 (16:15):
Yeah, he is going to be four months old on Saturday.

Speaker 4 (16:21):
Wow.
That's super fun, okay, okay.
So how did your first journeypregnancy go?

Speaker 3 (16:28):
it was the easiest of all five pregnancies I've had.
Um, if I could guarantee thatevery pregnancy I could have
would be that one, I would havebeen pregnant 100 times.
Right, the only the only thingI ever complained about was I.
I didn't have cravings, I hadfood aversions.
I just I couldn't eat meat andI'm somebody who like eats meat

(16:53):
with every meal pretty much andI just, I couldn't look at it, I
couldn't smell it, it was, itwas a no-go for me.
But other than that, I feltgreat and you know, which was
also really nice, given that itwas 2020 and OB care looked
different I was very thankfulthat I did not have an OB office
that shut down and did virtualcare.

(17:15):
I was still able to go in forall of my regular prenatal care.
Ultrasounds looked a littledifferent.
Now that I've done othersurrogacy journeys and been kind
of labeled higher risk, I knowthat I didn't have as many
ultrasounds in that pregnancy asI would have if the pandemic
weren't happening.
But our hospitals have beenreally great.

(17:38):
They let the intended parentscome in for the big ultrasounds.
They were there.
I know they were there for the20 week.
I were there.
I know they were there for the20 week.
I'm trying to remember if theywere there for the 12 or not.
I feel like that was like abajillion years ago, yeah, but I
know for sure they were therefor our anatomy scan, which I
mean they weren't even lettingpartners in the room, so it was

(18:00):
really unheard of that they werethere.

Speaker 4 (18:01):
Can you say that again?
They weren't even lettingpartners in the room in 2020,
right yeah.
No one was allowed in.

Speaker 3 (18:08):
No one was allowed.
Jesus, yeah yeah, I know itfeels so long ago, but it also
feels like yesterday.
Yeah, right, right.

Speaker 4 (18:16):
It's just.
It's such a wildly differentexperience, like it's just.
It's like it's just engraved inour memories forever because
it's just so different, ohdifferent.

Speaker 2 (18:28):
Oh, did you carry full term for that one?

Speaker 3 (18:30):
The first one, yes, so, um, I carried, she was, I
was induced, uh, at 39, eight.
She came at 39, nine, um, andwas a beautiful eight pounds,
three, four ounces, I think,four ounces somewhere around
there.
So, you know, came out veryhealthy and is now four and a

(18:54):
half, and or, no, almost fourand a half, and is, you know,
living her best life with herdads and her brothers.
And you know, and I still getpictures and updates and they're
they're a little further awayfrom me than my second set of
intended parents, so I don't getto see them quite as often.

(19:14):
But it was really important tome, like I said, to have an
ongoing relationship and so I'mreally thankful that I still get
those updates.
And you know, birthdays are abig one.
I always send a gift.
They always send, you know,pictures and texts and updates,
and it's just, you know, to beable to be a part of someone's

(19:35):
story like that is just sounique and is an experience I
will never not be completelyamazed by.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (19:45):
And as the kids get older, they're going to be
fascinated and amazed by yeah,and as the kids get, older,
they're going to be fascinatedand amazed by it too.

Speaker 3 (19:52):
Yeah, yes, yeah, and it is really great because, you
know, with that, with thatfamily, her dads are really
vocal about surrogacy.
They talked about theirjourneys.
They, you know, were inarticles about their twin
pregnancy.
They did a whole Instagramseries for some baby company I
don't remember which one talkingabout.

(20:13):
You know the experience ofbeing two dads who, you know,
had to build their familythrough surrogacy so they could
have a biological child, and itwas just so cool to be able to
see that.
Like you know, like we said,like surrogacy hasn't always
been painted in the best lightin many different forms of media
, and so to have such a positiveexperience out there, it was

(20:38):
just so cool and and those kidswill always get to see where
they came from and how they're,how they started, yeah, and how
loved and much.

Speaker 4 (20:47):
They are like yeah, yeah so how much they're,
exactly like yeah yeah, leapsand bounds were taken right to
bring you here by so many people.
People that, somebody that wasa stranger in the beginning.

Speaker 3 (21:03):
It's great, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2 (21:06):
How does the birth go ?
For that?
You said induced right.

Speaker 3 (21:11):
Yeah, so I was induced.
It was so easy.
I feel like I joke that mythird journey was kind of like
the payback for the otherjourneys being easy.
I say that in a very joking waybecause everything turned out
totally fine and when we get tothat third journey you'll see
why I say that.
But it was, it was so easy itwas.

(21:33):
You know, we arrived at thehospital at around four o'clock
in the afternoon.
I had a room.
Obviously the dads had theirown room so we could kind of
still see each other but weren'tin the room together at all
times.
And you know so when I neededsome space to rest or, you know,
doctors were coming in, theyhad a place to go where they

(21:54):
could also have some time totheir themselves.
And you know I always like totalk about that moment before
you become parents, whether it'syour first child or not.
Yeah, it is just such a magicaltime with, you know, between
you and your partner or yoursupport person, and you know,
for them to have that space todo that before they completed
their family.
I'm so glad that they got thatso it didn't feel like I was

(22:17):
like kind of intruding on theirmoment.

Speaker 2 (22:19):
That's very forward thinking of the hospital that
you were at, because most theydo not assign those rooms until
after the baby's born, thegolden hour, all of that, and
everybody's ready to go to rooms.
So the fact that they have itahead of time way to go hospital
, yeah.

Speaker 3 (22:33):
They, they, um, have had a few surrogates before and
so you know, when we went in forhospital tours and whatnot,
they, they said, like this is awork in progress, we're all
still learning how to do thisand obviously if there's not
space, then that might be adifferent story.
But they, you know, especiallywith an induction, knowing we
were coming in, they were ableto kind of make sure that there

(22:56):
would be a space available foreveryone.

Speaker 2 (23:01):
So were you ever induced before with your own?

Speaker 3 (23:03):
no, okay, no that go honestly like it.
My, my two were.
My two were great.
My oldest her birthday is theday after christmas, um, so we
sometimes joke about the yearthat she ruined christmas, which
is very much a joke and I willoften follow it up with you were
the best christmas present Iever, even though you were 12

(23:24):
hours late and you know.
So I was just sitting there thewhole day, timing contractions
at Christmas dinner and openingpresents, and you know, and it
was very much the like, I don'tknow what's happening.
Am I in labor?
Am I not in labor?
And with my second I was havingcontractions for a month so I
didn't know when it was go time.

(23:47):
She ended up being a day late.
To this day she still runs onher own schedule, um, they're.
They have their personalitiesright from the start, um, so
being induced was very different, but I loved it.
I loved having that like you'reto go in on this day.
This is the plan.
Obviously, we all know withchildbirth things don't always

(24:10):
go to plan.
There's always a plan B, c, d,e, however many plans you need.
But it was really nice to knowlike I could work up until this
day, especially in the work thatI do.
I wanted to make sure everybodyhad other connections with
other therapists and andeverybody else was supported so

(24:30):
that I could go, you know,deliver this baby, take my time
off to recover and not beworried about leaving people in
the lurch, whereas, like with mykids, I was like, well, I might
be back at work on Monday.
We'll see.

Speaker 4 (24:45):
That's funny.
Okay, that's funny.
Very different mindsets.

Speaker 2 (24:50):
So you go in at four when baby born like long labor
not super long.

Speaker 3 (24:57):
We did.
We did a couple of rounds ofcytotec first, just to get
things started.
You explain what that is, justfor those who don't know.
Absolutely, I'm so used to justlike you're dropping all the
terminology.

Speaker 4 (25:10):
I am the civilian in the conversation because she's
the nurse and she understandseverything and I'm just like
yeah you're like what is allthis?

Speaker 3 (25:19):
um, cytotec is a medication that is often used to
start cervical ripening.
So if you are not actively inlabor it helps to thin and
soften the cervix so thathopefully contractions will
start on their own, dilationwill start on its own, and with
that pregnancy it did.

(25:39):
With the other two inductions Ihad for my next two surrogacies
it didn't and we moved on toother interventions.
But we went in at 4 o'clock inthe afternoon and she was born
just before 6 am the next day.
So it really wasn't a longinduction at all.
I think I pushed twice.

(26:03):
By the time they checked me, Ithink I was at like 8
centimeters, maybe a half anhour later.
It was go time and then thatwas it.
She was here and and that wasthat yeah.

Speaker 2 (26:20):
Did they do their golden hour in the room with you
or did they go to their ownroom?
They?

Speaker 3 (26:25):
were in the room for a few minutes, obviously, while
they were doing, you know,making sure baby's okay, kind of
record, all that.
And then they did do the restof the golden hour in their own
room, okay.

Speaker 4 (26:35):
Was there a reason that they decided to, that you
decided to get induced or, likeyour doctor, decided to induce
you?

Speaker 3 (26:43):
Um, the doctor gave me a choice.
She had said that there weresome studies that had indicated
that with IVF pregnancies thatthere really wasn't any reason
to wait until a full 40 weeksbecause we knew the age of the
embryo.
We, you know, development wasright on track and unless there

(27:06):
was a medical reason to inducesooner than that, anytime in the
39th week was fine.
So we at that point we kind ofgot to choose baby's birthday,
which I left up to the parents.
I was like this is your child.
You just tell me when to bethere and I'll be there.
And it was really.
It was really great because Iwasn't I wasn't induced for my

(27:30):
children and because it was, youknow, with my kids, my first
two pregnancies.
I was younger.
The doctors were like as longas you don't go to 41 and one
right, we're just going to letnature take its course.
My doctor was really greatabout saying this is partially
to make sure that you stay safe.

(27:51):
We don't need you to go to 40plus because at that point we're
worried about your placenta,we're worried about blood
pressure, that sort of thing.
I never had any medical issues,which was thank goodness.
It was honestly like I saidthat pregnancy was a perfect
pregnancy and and so we kind ofjust were like you know, we'll

(28:16):
do what what the doctors say isbest and and thankfully the
induction worked, yeah, andeveryone was healthy so, given
that it's COVID, how does yourfamily and your kids get their
closure or their hello baby nice, to meet you earth side?

Speaker 4 (28:31):
how old are your kids when this happens?

Speaker 3 (28:34):
so in 2021, when she was born, my kids were five and
two, okay, two-year-old.
They were babies um they.
I'm trying to remember.
If they I don't believe theywent to the hospital, because

(28:54):
I'm pretty sure it was they wereonly allowing siblings, like if
it were a sibling.
Make a comment.
Right.
It wasn't, I'm pretty sure wejust FaceTimed.
We all left 24 hours later, Wow.
So we didn't do a full.
It was a vaginal birth, so wedidn't do our full 48 hour stay.
They wanted to get home as soonas they could.

(29:18):
Like I said, they had two boysat home that they wanted to
bring their baby sister home too, and I also.
My nesting and surrogacy forthat pregnancy was to renovate a
bathroom in our house.
We obviously hired a contractorcontractor, I wasn't ripping
out any fixtures, um.
But in doing that we found thatwe had a very slow leak in our

(29:40):
house and we had to move outbecause they found mold in the
walls.
Um, so my 30 I think it waslike 34 week project was
hopefully going to be like atwo-week bathroom renovation
ended up being five months ofboth bathrooms and a kitchen
being completely gutted andrebuilt.

(30:01):
So the day after I delivered Ileft the hospital, went back to
my house and directed my familyin moving us out of the house
into a temporary rental for thesummer, and so that was.
I don't ever recommend doingthat either for any anybody who

(30:23):
is pregnant, postpartum anything.
Don't.
Don't take on major projectslike that.

Speaker 4 (30:28):
But thank goodness that you found it all.

Speaker 3 (30:30):
Yes, yeah, absolutely .
Thank goodness we found it allthat's right.

Speaker 4 (30:34):
Little blessings in disguise.
Okay, so your postpartumrecovery went fine.
Nothing crazy happened there.

Speaker 3 (30:47):
It was great.
I took a full six weeks off.
I was very lucky that, sinceI'm in Massachusetts, we do have
paid family medical leave andit had just started in 2021.
So I was eligible for six weekspaid.
It was, I think, either 60 or80% of my salary, which is

(31:08):
better than nothing.
You didn't have that before.
No, my other maternity leaveswere completely unpaid, unless
you had short-term disability,which I believe was even less of
your salary and only coveredthe medical recovery of
delivering.
So it was six weeks for avaginal birth, eight weeks for a

(31:30):
cesarean.
I have only ever deliveredvaginally, so I had only ever
gotten like that six weeks ofmedical recovery and then the
next six weeks with my kids wascompletely unpaid.
So with the surrogacy, I tookthe six weeks and then went back
to work at six weeks because atthat point I was like I'm not,

(31:50):
I'm sleeping for the night, I'mnot caring for a baby.
Why would I take more time,especially if it's unpaid?
Right?

Speaker 4 (31:56):
Right, right, I'm still blown away that that was
not.
Yeah, that that was all in.

Speaker 3 (32:00):
America.
I am still blown away that mostStates don't offer that at all.
We're just spoiled becausewe're California.

Speaker 2 (32:07):
I just yeah, yeah, you don't realize it until you
start talking to other people inother States.
But yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 (32:14):
I.
You don't realize it until youstart talking to other people in
other states.
But, yeah, my new thing that Ilearned today, yeah, um okay, so
California's just went up to90%.

Speaker 3 (32:32):
I.

Speaker 2 (32:32):
I'm so happy to hear that because I feel like what
California does, massachusettsdoes, like a few years later,
yeah, Okay, went up to 90.

Speaker 3 (32:36):
That's wonderful.
I'm hopeful that we will.
We will be going up, not thatI'm having any more babies, but
I hope that other people get tobenefit from that Right, right,
exactly.

Speaker 2 (32:45):
It's disability in general.
It's just it's disability ingeneral.

Speaker 4 (32:48):
So yeah, right.

Speaker 1 (32:49):
Yeah, yeah it's nice um okay, so now you're gonna now
, now when do?

Speaker 4 (32:58):
you start to get the I hate saying it an itch, but
like you know, like you're likeI want to get back to it.

Speaker 3 (33:03):
So, uh, about six weeks after delivery oh my god,
I love you.
I the the intended parents.
Um, they live in new jersey andthey had come to Massachusetts
for a family gathering and so Igot to see the baby.
That's when my kids finally mether in person and I remember
saying are you sure you're done,are you sure?

(33:25):
And they were like yes, we arevery sure we are done.
And I said, okay, well, I'mgoing to apply again.
But I wanted to double check,because if you are even thinking
about a sibling journey, I willpump the brakes and wait.
And they, you know they're verycontent with their family the
way it is.
And so I said, okay, well, I'mjust gonna apply and see what

(33:46):
happens.
I was actually in the middle ofmy perinatal mental health
certification training as I wasapplying Wow, because I also
have insane ADHD, so I'm likelistening on half the screen and
filling out my application tocarry again on the other side
and the agency even theyobviously accepted the

(34:08):
application and said we're notgoing to do anything right now
because we know that your obwill not send any sort of
clearance until you are sixmonths postpartum, right, um,
which I then got on the phone,called and said is that really
true?
And they said, yes, if you gotpregnant, naturally that would
be one thing, but we cannotadvise you.

(34:30):
Yeah to do this until your bodyhas healed some more.
So yeah, I was like, fine,we'll wait.
Same agency, same agency.
I did all three journeys withthe same agency, oh look at you.

Speaker 4 (34:42):
So it's an.
It's a decent enough agencyokay, it worked all right.

Speaker 3 (34:46):
Yeah, um, I truly think that one obviously pumping
the brakes on that was theright call because my body
needed more time.
But also, the intended parentsI carried for the second and
third time are family and Idon't think I would have met
them if I had moved at the pacethat I wanted to right, um, and

(35:11):
so you know, like I say,everything always works out the
way that it's supposed to.
Yeah, and as frustrated as Iwas at the time because I was
ready to go, yeah, it needed tohappen that way oh yeah, that's,
very sweet so when you startgetting profiles, is this the
first one that you see, or is itseveral?
so we kind of matched a littledifferently this time.

(35:34):
I had gotten a profile and wedid our Zoom call.
I really liked the couple.
They had had a few reservationsbecause my children were so
small everyone should bevaccinated for COVID and I said,

(35:57):
well, my kids aren't eligible,so that's not anything I can do.
And we both kind of agreed tolike, take some time and think.
And I had posted something onmy personal Instagram being like
first match call for journeynumber two.
I'm so excited, and mysurrogacy agency had reposted it

(36:18):
to their story, which I'dobviously given permission to,
was like please share.
And my intended mother slidinto my dms.
Um, we joke about this a lot,that like she slid into my dms
and then I had a baby for her.
oh my god it's like the weirdestlike story, um, but she had

(36:40):
followed me on instagram.
My profile had been privatebecause I post my children on
there but, um, I saw she hadfollowed my first set of
intended parents the surrogacyagency and then somebody else
that was involved in the agencyand I was like, oh, she must be
connected in some way.
You know, I'll accept hermessage, let her follow, I'll
follow back and she told me herstory.

(37:01):
Now I have permission to sharedetails about her journey and
what led her to surrogacy In2020,.
She was also pregnant with herfirst child and it ended up,
unfortunately, a loss becauseher OB office did not have
in-person appointments and shehad incredible pregnancy

(37:22):
complications that we've.
She hasn't.
I don't think she's ever reallygotten a direct answer of what
it was.
The best that we can come upwith is preeclampsia and help
syndrome, to the point where shewent help syndrome is a liver
disorder.
Basically, her liver wasshutting down her liver, not
baby her liver, not baby, um,but she had all the preeclampsia

(37:46):
symptoms blurry vision,headaches, high blood pressure,
upper right quadrant pain.
She had them all was callingand I I understand where her
doctor was coming from andsaying it's safer to stay home,
um, at that time, I guess atthat time, but it did end up
with her um having a prettysevere medical emergency where,

(38:10):
um, she was uh, rushed to thehospital and her son was
delivered.
He unfortunately did notsurvive because he was without
oxygen so long.
Yeah, um, and that was at 27weeks oh god, oh, that you know
mama, yeah, yeah, and.
And then she ended up with somepretty significant medical

(38:30):
complications after because ofthat as well, right to the point
where she then did not go homefor months.
She was in the hospital, um andwas it?

Speaker 2 (38:40):
can I just, was it mainly liver?
Because all of that, or was itit just it's viral it was, it
was everything, okay, um they.

Speaker 3 (38:47):
They did end up having to do a hysterectomy to
save her life because she hadsome uncontrolled bleeding and
and she was only 30 years old so30 years old should have had a
very healthy and for one reasonor another it didn't end up that
way and and it wasn't caught intime to save her and her son

(39:11):
from experiencing this that'shorrific, it's heartbreaking
because I've never heard of this.

Speaker 4 (39:19):
Is help syndrome helpable, like when like you
know what I mean like whenyou're if she were to have gone,
or if somebody does go?
I've never heard of thiscondition, do we know?

Speaker 3 (39:31):
from what I understand of it, it probably
would have been caught on ablood test and most likely she
would have been delivered earlyIf it gets severe enough.
You're you know you'redelivered early, but yeah, they
they because they never.
I mean, she had a couple ofultrasounds and I think after

(39:53):
month four or five, somethinglike that, she was not having
in-person care other than heranatomy scan and so it was just.
It was just one of those thingsthat she was unfortunately a
victim of, the the awfulcircumstances we were in with
COVID, where they really didn'tknow what to do.

(40:14):
Thankfully, when they did her,historically, they were able to
save her ovaries.
So she both of her, her nowliving sons, are biologically
hers Okay.

Speaker 2 (40:26):
And I have to say one thing about this mom Kudos, and
more power to her for going.
Yes, this just happened to me.
But what am I going to do tomake my dreams come true?
Like she didn't stop, she, shekept going and through the grace
of whoever higher beings,whatever you want to believe in,
I'm so, heart is so happy thatshe was able to go on and that

(40:50):
she had you and honestly, Ithink you know, this is one of
those circumstances where noteverything happens for a reason.

Speaker 3 (41:00):
There's no reason that her son is not living, um,
but there is a reason why wefound each other and why she
felt brave enough to send me anInstagram message that night, um
, and tell a complete strangerher most traumatic experience.
And, and in that moment, youknow, I had said to my husband

(41:22):
I'm going to think about thisbecause I immediately my heart
just like felt for her and as amom, I'm like I can't imagine
the pain she feels.
And I know if, if I were in hershoes, nothing would have
stopped me from having mychildren either, nothing at all.
And so I said I'm going tosleep on it and then I will

(41:44):
reach out to the agency to seeif this is even feasible for us
to be matched together.
Because, even going into thatjourney, my number one request
was I want someone as close aspossible, because I wanted them
to be involved.
I wanted somebody who could goto the appointments, who, if I
did go into labor, could bethere as quickly as possible so

(42:06):
that they didn't miss the birthof their child.
We live an hour apart and theonly reason I didn't get their
profile is because the clinicthey were with had such low BMI
requirements that I wasconsidered my BMI was considered
too heavy for them by like twopoints.

(42:27):
Oh, like it could have.

Speaker 4 (42:30):
It could have changed it could have changed um, but
they could have called you likethe bmis.
These days are so wild to me.
It's like who is that low of abmi?
Like?

Speaker 3 (42:39):
yeah, come on, let's get real I think their bmi
requirement was like a 29 and Iwas at like a 31 which, like we
all know, bmi for women is likefive pounds, is like one point
on bmi like yeah and yeah.

Speaker 4 (42:53):
And also 31 BMI is yeah, you're fine 31 BMI six
months postpartum.
Wow.

Speaker 3 (43:02):
Right.

Speaker 4 (43:03):
Add that into it.

Speaker 3 (43:04):
Yeah, right, and I I mean I I really was like after
my first journey, I was like I'mgonna like prioritize my health
and I lost a lot of weight, Iwas working out a lot, like I'd
gotten my body to a place whereI was like I'm good, like I'm
good to do another journey.
And and you know so that nextday I woke up and I reached out

(43:27):
to my matching coordinator and Isaid I've spoken to this woman
on Instagram, I want her profile.
And they said you can't becauseyou don't qualify for their
clinic.
And I said I don't care, I willqualify for their clinic if I
have to.
This is the family I need tohelp.
And we then had our matchingcall and I said no clinic is

(43:51):
going to transfer me at sixmonths, so we've got a little
bit of time.
And I said you know, no clinicis going to transfer me at six
months, so we've got a littlebit of time.
It was also at this point,november, so I also knew we were
going into Thanksgiving andholidays and all that, and so I
was like we've probably got afew months where we'll be fine,
to which they said we will moveour embryo.

(44:11):
We're going to call the agency.
Find out what.
What IVF clinic?
They recommend somebody thatyou could qualify for.
We will move our, our clinic.
Um, and they did, and you know,they moved their embryo from
Boston to Connecticut.
Um, yeah, which is a whole wildprocess.
I never it is wild process, yes,so wild, um, and, and so we.

(44:38):
We matched in November.
I did our medical screening inthe beginning of January.
We transferred February 11th.

Speaker 2 (44:46):
Wow, yeah, whoa you guys were on it, you were on it
big time I, I think, whenlistening to you talk, the
little boy, her first son.
He sent the other two to her,he sent them, he sent them
through you.

Speaker 3 (45:03):
I I agree completely yep, I, uh I mentioned my.
I don't.
I have two girls.
No, no, did you?
I'm sorry?
Did you have a boy for her?

Speaker 4 (45:11):
two boys, two boys, oh, two boys.

Speaker 3 (45:13):
Wow, I skipped that part yeah, no they are she is
like meant to be a boy, mom, umshe, you know three boys she,
her oldest, was a boy and nowher, her two younger ones are
boys, and and I had only carriedgirls before, so I did not know
how boys were was it different?

Speaker 2 (45:30):
I know I'm jumping, but was it a different pregnancy
?

Speaker 3 (45:33):
A little bit, a little bit.
I mean they've all beendifferent.
With their older son I carriedI wanted meat all the time,
whereas in my first surrogacy Ididn't want meat at all.
I literally existed on barbecuechicken subs and Cool Ranch
Doritos.
So I have told them I was likeone of these times I'm going to

(45:53):
come to your house with abarbecue chicken sub and Cool
Ranch Doritos.
So I have told them I was likeone of these times I'm going to
come to your house with abarbecue chicken sub and cool
ranch Doritos and see if helikes them, because in my head
that's going to be his favoritefood.

Speaker 4 (46:02):
Yeah, that's so funny .
And just a side note, becauseI've carried two and two, so
I've carried two boys, I'vecarried two girls and I've
always could tell like before weeven did like blood work and
things if it was if it was a boyor girl, because I would crave
in and out hamburgers likenobody's business with my son
and the only boy I had, and mydoctor was like, oh yeah, you're

(46:23):
gonna crave more meat becauseyou're lower in iron.
And I was like, is that it?
whatever so you know those myths.
They might be true with thegirls they might be who knows,
they might be.
But that's funny I definitelygained a lot more weight with
boys too, because of all thatmeat I.

Speaker 3 (46:40):
I think I gained the most weight with my oldest
daughter, because all I wantedwas ice cream and fruity pebbles
.
Um, together.

Speaker 2 (46:48):
It was just like pure sugar sometimes together.

Speaker 3 (46:51):
Oh my god, delicious combination.

Speaker 4 (46:54):
Wow, it sounds pretty good, it sounds like a good
sugar high.

Speaker 2 (46:57):
There's a dq great there's a dairy queen thing that
they'll put fruity pebbles infor you now.
Yeah, so you thought youthought of something there.

Speaker 3 (47:04):
You should have patented it.

Speaker 2 (47:05):
I really should have my god okay, so the this, this
second and third are with thisother family you transferred it
takes.
Are they like optimisticallycautious?
Is she excited?
What's happening it?

Speaker 3 (47:22):
was.
It was interesting because withmy first journey, the second,
the test was positive.
It was just pure excitement.
Okay, with this family, therewas a lot of excitement.
There was also so much fear,yeah for sure.
Which I can completelyunderstand.
They only had the one embryoand everything that they went

(47:55):
through to get to that point wasso hard that you know I
completely get where the anxietycame from.
I also kind of joke that likeshe needed me because I am
trained in this work ofperinatal mental health.
But, like I already knew,working with bereaved parents
means there is so much worry,there's so much anxiety and
there's joy too, but it's notthe same, and so I think, like

(48:15):
we, we found each other.
For that reason.
Um, I really think it wasn'tuntil we got past week 27 that
there was finally an exhale,because there was obviously
still a lot of worry but yeah,yeah, 27.

Speaker 2 (48:30):
Wow, that far in over halfway, yeah, wow.

Speaker 4 (48:36):
Do you?

Speaker 2 (48:36):
do you tell them that you get a positive line, or
does everybody wait for beta?

Speaker 3 (48:40):
I always ask because I start testing the day I get
home from transfer, even though,like logically, I know that
that's not possible, but I justdon't want to miss.
Yes, I even found out with bothof my kids, like as early as
possible, like nine DPO.
I was like there's my positivetest, um, which is insane.

(49:03):
Um, but I, with both, with bothcouples, I asked like if I, you
know, I asked before transferif I take any tests.
Do you want to know or do youwant to wait till beta?
And they both said, well, thefirst couple said, if you want
to share that we would be happyto know, which of course I did,
because I was like I can't sitwith this all by myself.
Right, yeah, no, it's too much.

(49:23):
Yeah, and they had been throughit once, had their twins, right,
okay, they had their twins.
So they, they kind of they knewand and they, we both kind of
were, it feels like, lookingback on it, we both were so
anxious about like not being toomuch that, like I was too
afraid to be like, well, I'mgonna take a test.
You guys want to like be onFaceTime while I wait for the

(49:44):
results?
Or, you know, like we both kindof were like, oh, it's up to
you, it's up of, were like oh, Iwant to be on the phone when I
take a test.

Speaker 2 (49:52):
That'd be fun, right, three minutes or something
Right.

Speaker 3 (49:56):
It's not that long?

Speaker 2 (49:56):
It's really not that long yeah.

Speaker 3 (49:59):
With the second couple, you know, I kind of I
asked the same thing and theysaid, yes, we want to know
either way, because we want tobe prepared.
If it's going to be negative,right, but we also want to know
if it's positive.
Um, so I had said, like youknow, at some point between day
three and five I will starttaking tests.
She sent me some tests, um, viaAmazon.

(50:21):
Thank goodness for Amazon.
Yeah, and I remember the day Igot the positive I I just texted
her her first name in all capsand she facetimed me and she
said it's positive, isn't it?
And I said yes, it's positive,and I showed it to her and we
all cried um her in-laws were atthe house at that.

(50:42):
At that point too, and and so itwas.
It was just such a great momentand I was so glad to share that
with them.
I think it's really differentAt least it was for me working
with the same-sex couple versusa heterosexual couple, because I
could see that she knew whatshe was missing.
She had been through it before.

(51:03):
She knew the feeling of gettingthat positive test.
She knew the feeling of everydoctor's test.
She knew the feeling of youknow every doctor's appointment
and all those things.
So I wanted her to be asinvolved as I could have her be,
so that even if she wasn't theone physically experiencing it,
she was with me emotionallythrough it yeah, so sweet,
that's very sweet, so thatpregnancy goes pretty good.

(51:27):
No, yeah, it went pretty wellwhen I was, I think, 26 weeks,
the one and only time I've everhad COVID.
I got it during that pregnancy.
I have been working from homesince the world shut down.
I have never gone back inperson, so I had very little

(51:47):
exposure and just happened that,you know, a member of my family
got it and it went through thehouse, um.
So after that, we did have extramonitoring, which we did find I
had a cyst on my placenta,which they did say was probably
viral related.

(52:08):
Um, but really the only thingthat happened was we had extra
ultrasounds to monitor it.
Um, of course, our firstquestion was what does this mean
?
Cause I'd never experiencedthat, I'd never even heard of it
.
Um, in its worst case, it canaffect intrauterine growth.
Um, so baby could be smaller.

(52:28):
He was not.
It didn't really impactanything.
He was fine.
But we were doing weeklyultrasounds and non-stress tests
Two different days.
I was at the hospital everyweek, which also meant two
different days a week.
She was driving to the hospitalas well, because she wanted to
be there for everything shecould.
Yeah, and I think really likethat's, that's what bonded us to

(52:52):
this point where, like, we arefamily now and, um, you know, we
had all of these really amazingtalks while I was strapped to
all these monitors and we weremaking sure baby was okay and,
um, we, um, we did, towards theend, start to notice with some
of the NSTs that things were alittle off.

(53:14):
Um, he was like the wild childpregnancy he never stopped
moving, um, and then, when I was38 weeks, five days, we were
going into an ultrasound and Isaid to the doctor he is moving,
but it's not as much, andthat's always, you know, that

(53:35):
red flag of like what'shappening here.
So we did extra long ultrasound,we did an NST.
This is the one and only evertime I've ever fired a nurse
from my care, because with thatNST the nurse was like
everything looks fine and I saidno, no, it's not like if you,

(53:56):
we've had weekly NSTs for now 10weeks.
Well, go compare them.
Yeah, my intended mom.
At one point she took over theconversation because I was
getting so upset and she couldjust see it in my face.
Um, and she was just like no,we would like to speak to the
doctor.
The nurse even said and I willnever forget this quote Um, just

(54:21):
because you've been pregnantbefore, it doesn't mean you're
an expert.

Speaker 2 (54:24):
Oh, oh snap.

Speaker 3 (54:27):
Get away, which I said, I am not an expert, but I
am an expert on this babybecause I know how he moves, how
he behaves, and this isdifferent.

Speaker 4 (54:38):
You go, girl, way to clap back.

Speaker 3 (54:40):
Thank God, and my my thing has always been these
parents are not losing anotherchild.
I don't care what I have to do.
Right, that is not going tohappen.
And between the two of us, weactually also got our agency
involved.
We had our coordinator on thephone and she was also saying
like do I need to call legal?

(55:01):
Like is this a situation weneed to call legal?
Okay, and thankfully we did it,and the doctor.
Of course, it always happensduring shift change.
So we had to wait for you knowreport and can't just be in the
middle of a shift when it'ssuper quiet, you know.
So we waited an hour.
So doctor came on and said gohome, get your stuff, get your

(55:22):
husband's come back.
We're inducing tonight.
Okay, there and he.
He was a 24 hour induction, hewas a fun one, um, but it.

Speaker 2 (55:33):
You know, and we did this.
Yeah, can I ask a question?
So did they ever find out?
What was the difference withthe NST?
What was it?
Did the cyst get bigger?
Did it just what?
Nothing, okay.

Speaker 3 (55:42):
They didn't really figure anything out.
It did show that there was alittle bit of decreased fetal
movement.
Okay, I think in a normalpregnancy it wouldn't have been
enough to do anything.
Okay, because on paper he didpass.
Yeah, but given and my intendedmom has had been very vocal
about her history, okay, becauseit is important, it's it's her

(56:05):
child, it's her husband's child,the same DNA that was her older
son, and so you know we werevery clear to be like this
happened before.
We will be advocating foreverything we can and the
doctors, thankfully, were likehe's good enough, like 38, 5,
he's healthy, let's inducebefore there maybe becomes a

(56:28):
problem.
Good, which thankfully we did umyou know, after the one and
only time I've had deliverycomplications was this pregnancy
um, and I delivered.
He was seven pounds, 14 ounces,good, came out screaming, super
healthy baby.
My placenta would not deliver,no, not when the worst, yes, the

(56:52):
worst, the absolute worst.
So you know they're trying toget it out cord detaches and
then my placenta falls apart oh,no, no, no, they rush you.

Speaker 4 (57:03):
Are you going to surgery?

Speaker 3 (57:05):
no, thankfully, they were able to manually deliver it
all, oh, with their hand allthe way up to the elbow.
Thankfully, the epidural wasworking okay, and I didn't feel
it, I didn't remember it.
However, my poor husband wassitting directly across the room
watching all of this happen, um, and my intended mom at one

(57:26):
point was just like ashley, tell, tell him you're okay.
Tell him you're okay Becauseright they're now witnessing.
Look Okay.
All of it does not look okay.
Yeah, and you know, thankfullyI was fine, I did not need a
blood transfusion, baby washealthy, I was healthy, but it
was really the closest I'd evercome to any like real
complications.
Um and yeah it was really scary.

Speaker 2 (57:50):
They got it all out there, you, and then maybe just
did an ultrasound later to seeif everything was okay.
You didn't have to go into anOR and thank God.

Speaker 3 (57:59):
Thankfully, and that was also the first time I had
used a midwife.
Um, I I've always been pro,like whoever's in the delivery
room is in the delivery room.
As long as we all still stayhealthy, I don't really care, um
, and it just happened that thethe doctor was busy and so the
midwife came in to deliver usand she was wonderful.

(58:19):
But then that happened and ofcourse all the call buttons go
off, doctors rush in andthankfully we had the help we
needed to make sure thateverything was under control.

Speaker 4 (58:31):
And that you were okay.
And that I was okay.
Yeah, I'm curious did you haveto get a DNC before your next
transfer?
No, wow.

Speaker 2 (58:39):
Wow, they did get it all Wow.

Speaker 3 (58:41):
They got it all.
I had an ultrasound at my sixweek follow-up to just to double
check and my OB was like,obviously, if there's anything
else in there you probably wouldknow by now.
But we're just going tocompletely be sure.

Speaker 4 (58:55):
Good.

Speaker 3 (58:57):
Yes, absolutely, um, and thankfully, everything you
know was passed during deliveryand and there was no
complications.

Speaker 2 (59:06):
I don't.
Just one more question on thisone and then we can move on.
Did you have extra postpartumbleeding because of that or no?

Speaker 3 (59:15):
Yes, okay, yes, yeah, I definitely did, and it was
all towards the beginning of mypostpartum, right, like I think
I was done bleeding earlier thanI ever had.

Speaker 2 (59:27):
Um, because it was just more at once, at once, yeah
, yeah, cause that area, unlessthey cauterized it is is just
going to be a flesh wound inside, right.
And just bleed, bleed, bleedand then start to heal itself.
So I kind of thought you wouldhave been, but I was interesting
, Okay All right, yeah, yeah, Idid take um, I did switch from.

Speaker 3 (59:48):
I don't tolerate prenatals with iron Well usually
, but I did switch to prenatalswith iron just to make sure that
you know my, my body recoveredappropriately after Good for you
, oh my gosh.

Speaker 4 (01:00:01):
Oh, my gosh Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:00:02):
Okay.
So I know there's some a littlechaoticness going on, but
what's mama doing when babycomes out, like is she crying,
screaming?
Oh my God?
This know there's some a littlechaoticness going on, but
what's mama doing when babycomes out, like is she crying,
screaming?
Oh my god, this is so fantastic.
What is she doing?
And is she down there seeingbaby come out?

Speaker 3 (01:00:16):
she delivered baby oh my gosh, oh my god.
I think this is the experiencewe got, because we had a midwife
.
Okay, I don't think we wouldhave had with a doctor, right,
we also had a birth photographer, which I had never done before
and that's so thankful we did,because those the pictures are

(01:00:36):
amazing.
I'll send you guys pictureslater on but, I, love that the
pictures are, I still can't.
Now we're almost three yearslater.
I still can't look at themwithout tearing up.
We?
We finally got to to last pushand the midwife said, all right,
come down, ashley, you push.
And then she said to the momyou pull.

(01:00:57):
And the midwife shoved her,shoved the intended mom's hand
up into the birth canal and shedelivered her son.
Um, does she have a glove on orjust her hand?
No, just her hand.
It was our family.

Speaker 2 (01:01:14):
One of those like oh, we are family now yeah, she's
getting your glue.

Speaker 3 (01:01:18):
Exactly.
I'm like we.
We have no, no boundaries here.
Like this is.

Speaker 2 (01:01:23):
We're just what a redeeming moment for that mama
yeah, yeah, oh my God, I justwant to hug her yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:01:31):
I know that's awesome , you know, and he comes out,
they place him on my stomach,cut the cord, and then mom and
dad got to sit down holding himnext to me.
So which was I always say topeople like the best moment at
any surrogacy is the moment thatthe parents meet their child,

(01:01:54):
and so like just to be able tohave that moment like literally
right next to me, I just like.
I was overcome with emotion.
They were overcome with emotionand I truly think it was the
first time in the full ninemonths she ever totally relaxed.

Speaker 2 (01:02:10):
Probably.

Speaker 3 (01:02:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:02:11):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (01:02:13):
She could finally breathe yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:02:14):
She could finally breathe, she had her baby and
everybody was okay yeah.
And it was just.
That's magical.
I was going to be done.
That was going to be my lastone, okay?
And I said to her the next dayin postpartum don't find another

(01:02:35):
surrogate.
When you guys are ready, I willbe ready.
And she said we will talk againin three months.
I'm not holding you to this.
And I said that's fine, but I'mstill going to say this in
three months.

Speaker 4 (01:02:48):
That's awesome, I did I love that.
Part two coming tomorrow.

Speaker 2 (01:02:54):
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