September 15, 2025 • 41 mins
#surrogacy #ivf #surrogate
Ashleigh’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/surro_ashleigh?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==://www.instagram.com/surrornsara?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==
In this gripping continuation of Ashleigh's surrogate story, we witness a journey that defied medical odds and revealed the profound resilience of human connection. After two successful surrogate pregnancies, Ashleigh' embarks on a third journey with the same intended parents, carrying their final embryo and last hope for completing their family.
What begins as a routine pregnancy quickly spirals into a medical nightmare when genetic testing yields a false positive for trisomy 13, followed by ruptured membranes at just 16 weeks gestation. Doctors deliver the devastating news: prepare for imminent loss. Yet somehow, against all medical expectations, the pregnancy continues.
Ashleigh's candid account takes us through six weeks of home bedrest, three weeks hospitalized an hour from her family, and the heart-wrenching reality of being unable to care for her own children while fighting to save someone else's baby. The story beautifully highlights the village that forms around her – a devoted mother-in-law stepping in as full-time caregiver, an intended mother providing unwavering support, and medical professionals navigating uncharted waters alongside them.
The dramatic birth story itself – complete with a failed induction, a baby who flips breech during labor, and an unplanned unmedicated delivery – serves as the climactic final challenge before the miracle arrives: a healthy 7-pound baby boy born at 36 weeks.
Perhaps most touching is the deep bond formed through shared adversity, culminating in the intended parents naming their son after Ashleigh– Asher, meaning "blessed" or "lucky one" in Hebrew. This powerful testament to human connection reminds us that surrogacy isn't simply a clinical arrangement but a profound journey of trust, vulnerability, and love.
Ready to hear more extraordinary surrogacy stories? Subscribe to Stop Sit Surrogate wherever you get your podcasts, and join our community on Instagram @stop.sit.surrogate to continue the conversation about the beautiful complexity of creating families through surrogacy.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome.
We are a mother-daughterpodcast about all things
surrogacy.
Together, we have brought eightbeautiful babies into this
world and we would like to sharethrough education and knowledge
about surrogacy with those whowant to educate themselves on
the topic.
This is Stop Sit Surrogate.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Hi everybody, welcome back to part two of Ashley's
surrogate story.
Okay, so then.
How quickly so, kate did shecome to you in three months.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
We talked about it and we all kind of just decided
like, let's pause, we're good.
I wanted some time to spendwith my family to you know, heal
they were in the thick of thenewbornness and so we were all
just kind of like, let's just,we'll wait, we'll wait.
(00:51):
We all know that we're we'rematched already and everything's
going to be fine.
So when everybody's ready we'regood to go Um.
And I'm so glad we took thattime because I think two
back-to-back pregnancies wasreally hard on my body.
Um, the doctors did say thatlike the placental issue I had
(01:12):
was probably a viral relatedinfection, probably why we had
some decreased fetal movementwhen we did Um, and probably
what saved baby is that we knewthat that's what was happening,
because my placenta probablywould not have lasted lasted
much longer Right If it justliterally fell apart inside of
(01:32):
you.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Right, yeah, that's some intervention there.
I don't know what you believein, but that's some intervention
that's crazy.
That's that's the brother,that's the little baby boy
Number one.
That's him.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
And it's funny you say that because before I got my
epidural no, we had we went inat 11 o'clock at night.
He wasn't born until almostmidnight the next day.
And before I did my epiduralthe next day, I was like I want
to eat, I want to take a shower,and then I'm good to go.
And in that shower I am verymuch a believer that people who
(02:06):
pass are still around us, and soI, you know, I said that baby's
name and I said please makesure your brother is okay,
please make sure your parentsare okay, and let's get your
brother here safely.
And that that's what happened.
So it is.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
I totally agree that he made sure his little brother
was okay yes, sure he did doinghis big brother duties yeah,
exactly which made his mama okay, yeah, which made his mama okay
, okay, from way back when thatall happened, like mama was okay
too, yeah okay, so when.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Yeah, Okay so when.
When do you go to you?
When do you start this thirdjourney?
Speaker 3 (02:47):
So I gave it about a year before I even reapplied and
I had said to them I just wantto get my portion out of the way
so that we have no holdups whenit's time to go.
So they said that's fine.
We let the surrogacy agencyknow we were going to be doing a
sibling journey, so theyweren't necessarily moving us to
the matching stage.
(03:08):
I did all of my backgroundchecks, my psyche eval, all got
the records all set and that wasin.
I think that was in late 2023.
So yeah, it was about a year2023.
(03:30):
So yeah, it was about a year.
And then we kind of just werelike, let's just hold off.
Like you know, my both of mykids have winter birthdays.
So I was like, let's getthrough those.
Yeah, then it was my birthdayand I was like let's get through
that because, like, who knowswhat my birthday will look like
next year?
I'd like to be able to enjoythis one.
Um, because I had been pregnantfor like pretty much the
previous two and um.
So then we did medicalscreening in june of 2024 and
(03:51):
transferred july 25th of lastyear.
Wow, just about a year ago, youtransferred just about, yeah,
almost exactly a year ago.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Yeah, well, from when we're recording, but, yeah yeah
, oh so sorry from when we'rerecording.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
I'm so sorry, okay, um yeah, the magic of television
or video right, okay,television, yes, television,
dream gentlemen, dream, wow, wowand that took yeah, and so they
obviously created anotherembryo right, because they only
had yes, okay, they only had one.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
So the way that the insurance coverage works for IVF
in Massachusetts when you'reusing a surrogate is that when
you transfer an embryo, when youtransfer your last embryo, you
can start the process to doanother retrieval.
So he and I were on IVF meds atthe same time because I was
(04:45):
preparing for transfertransferring in my first
trimester while she was doingthe medication for egg retrieval
and in I think they saidthey've done five rounds of IVF.
They had two embryos and theywere incredibly lucky to get
what they were able to get andthankfully they both turned into
(05:06):
beautiful, healthy little boys.
But she was also ready to keepgoing if she needed to, even
though it's a very hard processon her body.
It's a hard process oneveryone's body, but especially
with everything she's beenthrough, it was really difficult
, and so they already had thatembryo created and frozen, ready
(05:27):
to go for.
When we were ready, umpartially because she wanted to
make sure that egg was as youngas it could be for, hopefully,
better outcomes Um, which workedamazing.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Wow, and that, how did that pregnancy go?
Wow, and how did that pregnancygo?
Uh-oh, we're laughing.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Well, we like to joke that this little boy was fought
for from the start.
So again, they had to movetheir embryo.
When they did so, theembryologist had already gone
home for the day, and so theembryo was left on the front
desk of the IVF clinic for awhile.
I'm not exactly sure how long,but the embryo was, I believe,
(06:15):
flown from Boston to ConnecticutI don't think it was driven and
then delivered and just left onthe desk.
Thankfully, embryo storage iswonderful and he was perfectly
safe to be there for even longerthan he was.
But we had a joke like this kidhas just already had a journey.
(06:37):
We even had a little bit of abattle with transfer dates
Because, like I said earlier, wewere very clear that like we
wanted everything to stay thesame and the clinic was pushing
back on transfer days, so we hadtransferred.
I believe it was like day 24,the first time they were trying
to push us to day 30.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
That's a big difference.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
23 or 25, that's workable.
Yeah, yeah.
And we were very much like,obviously, a day or two.
We understand if it's like itwould have fallen on a Friday
and the you know the officewasn't open or it was going to
be a Saturday, something likethat.
That's understandable, but alsono one could give us a reason
(07:20):
as to why it was being toyedwith um.
We finally won um and and thedoctor was like fine, whatever.
And we both kind of had amoment of vindication where
we're like hot, it worked, um,awesome.
Because he was like well, thisis our, this is our protocol, so
(07:42):
I can't be held responsible, itdoesn't work and okay whatever,
okay, so thankfully it did andthe first few weeks of that
pregnancy were great, they wereeasy.
I think I started feeling likesome morning sickness around
week eight or so, um, and thenthings get weird.
(08:05):
Um, so we they didn't test anyof their embryos before we
transferred, so they didn't knowabout any genetic stuff, they
didn't know the sex of the babyor anything, um.
So we were going to do theniptT test.
I couldn't wait because I justwanted to know.
(08:27):
And they were also like that'sfine.
So I went and bought one ofthose sneak peek tests that they
sell online or like atWalgreens or something, and I
did the home collection, sent itaway and it came back
inconclusive.
It's supposed to be effectivestarting at week like nine, I
think, something like that.
So I was like, okay, this isstrange.
(08:52):
So we go in at week 10 for theofficial NIPT test.
That also comes backinconclusive.
Not enough fetal DNA for eitherthe fetal sex or any of the
genetic things they were testingfor.
So the doctor said we're goingto wait two weeks, we'll try
again.
Okay, should have some sort ofresult by then, okay, and we're
(09:17):
not thinking anything other thanwe want to know if it's a boy
or a girl.
The mom was very convinced itwas a girl, to the point where
she had her named and, like they, they already knew like
everything that was going tohappen should have been a girl.
Well, we do the test at week 12.
It comes back, of course, on aSunday morning and I had
(09:44):
promised them I wouldn't openthe results without them.
So I get the notification thatthe results are in and I
FaceTime them and we open themand we see a big positive for
trisomy 13 at the top and all Ihad anticipated seeing was
consistent with male, consistentwith female, everything else
(10:06):
fine.
We all just kind of our facesall fell and I didn't know
enough about the geneticconditions to really know what
that meant.
So of course, we all startGoogling, because that's what
everybody does.
Yeah, it's not great, it's notgreat.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
And Dr Google is terrible.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
Trisomy 13, from what we were learning, is not one
that is always compatible withlife, right?
So these poor parents weregoing through potentially yet
again another loss, right?
We called the hospital, pagedthe doctors page, doctors page,
genetic counselors um, to whichno one had really reviewed the
(10:50):
results because, as we know, inthis country we have a right to
our medical records.
Oftentimes we get resultsbefore doctors get results.
Yeah, and this is one of thoseinstances where we really wish
that they had the results first,so they could have said to us
yes, there is a positive.
However, the positive likepercentage was so low that, like
(11:14):
, it probably wasn't real.
At that point, we'd already hadour 12-week ultrasound and
everything looked great.
Yeah, so we had no indicationsthat this baby had any sort of
genetic abnormalities, um, andso we had no indications that
this baby had any sort ofgenetic abnormalities, um, and
so we had said what are nextsteps?
And then next steps with thatis an amniocentesis which I
(11:34):
never had before.
I'd never been that level ofhigh risk, um, and at this point
I'm 13 weeks pregnant and Isaid how soon can we do it?
16 weeks, okay, we're allsitting there for three weeks,
three weeks on pins and needles.
Yeah, it was the longest threeweeks of any of our lives.
(11:54):
At that point we did not knowwhat was going to happen.
Um, so we go in 16 weeks, threedays.
We do this amnio.
Even the doctors like this is atextbook amnio, everything
looks great so far.
They did an early anatomy scanand they were like he looks fine
, like we're not seeing anythingwe would normally see with a
(12:17):
trisomy 13 pregnancy.
But we'll wait for the amnio tocome back.
So I go home with instructionsto just take it easy.
I don't have to be on bed rest,but no bending, no lifting,
just kind of rest.
It was about 1030 that night.
I woke up leaking amnioticfluid and yeah, and I lost it.
(12:45):
I completely freaked out,immediately got into my car,
drove to the hospital, callingmy intended parents.
It is the one time I've evernot been able to reach them.
Oh no, I don't know why, butlike and they even had my number
on emergency bypass, so like itshould have been ringing very
loudly and for some reason Icouldn't get through.
(13:08):
The OB that was on for thatnight, you know, first was just
like I'm sure it's fine.
Like you know, it's probablynothing.
They do the test it's positivefor amniotic fluid.
They do the test.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
It's positive for amniotic fluid to at which point
they sat me down and said I'venever seen a 16 week rupture
turn out, okay, so oh, thank youright, it's now after midnight
and and I'm like what, what doesthat mean?
Speaker 3 (13:40):
and you know, he said you need to go home and prepare
for the worst.
We could keep you overnight ifwant, but there's really nothing
more we're going to do thanjust monitor.
Most likely within the nextweek you will go into labor and,
and I don't remember walkingout of the hospital, I don't
remember driving home, yeah,shocked, I don't even know how I
(14:05):
got home safely.
And then the next morning, whenthey finally woke up, saw that
I had called probably about ninetimes in the course of an hour.
She didn't even call me backbefore.
She was in her car on the wayto my house and she just like
she just knew something waswrong.
Yeah, um, and we were able toget squeezed into mfm calendar.
(14:30):
Literally she was like I'mpicking you up, we're going
right to the hospital.
The the doctor who did the amniochecked my fluid was low, but
it wasn't dangerously low.
So you know.
Then we go into a room, youknow, of course we, we hear the
heartbeat and we're both intears Like thank God, he's okay,
we're all right for right now.
(14:51):
Um, and we kind of from there,made a plan of.
I went on almost complete bedrest, which is not really
indicated most of the time.
But the doctor's hope was thatwith bed rest, hopefully in a
week or two, the rupture wouldseal itself.
(15:12):
Amniotic fluid would replaceitself.
We would go on to have a verynormal pregnancy from there on
out, with more monitoring ofcourse.
But that didn't happen.
Um, I was on bed rest at homefor six weeks, okay, um, I could
not take care of my kids, I wasonly.
(15:34):
Of course I was sleepingdownstairs.
My shower was upstairs.
I was only, like, allowed toshower like twice a week,
because going up and down thestairs was considered dangerous.
Um was using a shower chairwhen I was able to shower,
because they wanted me to limitthe time on my feet.
Um, my intended mom and mymother-in-law basically were at
(15:56):
my house whenever my husbandwasn't there, so that I was
never alone, and I'm so thankfulfor both of them, because my
biggest concern was obviouslythe baby, but then it was also
(16:17):
my children and making sure thattheir lives weren't any more
disruptive than they were goingto be.
We were doing ultrasounds atfirst twice a week.
Then we were able to kind ofstretch them to once a week,
which was really hard.
We were both very anxious, butwe were able to kind of get to
that point until we hit 22 weeksand finally our doctor said
(16:39):
we're going to need to admit youto the hospital.
You've hit viability.
We need you in the hospital incase you deliver oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
So potentially be there until you're like 37, 38
weeks, but you have babies athome.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
the goal was 34 um.
Anything over 20, I think theyhad said anything over 26 would
have been considered like really, really great, given where we
were at my area hospital thathad been managing all of my care
for my previous fourpregnancies has a really great
(17:18):
NICU, but their NICU cannotaccommodate babies younger than
32 weeks, so I was transferredto a different hospital, how far
?
Well, and I'm sure you guys knowthis, you know, similarly with
California, in Boston we don'treally calculate in miles, it's
minutes, because Boston toBoston can take an hour.
(17:40):
Um, I was about an hour awayfrom home, okay, on a good day,
wow so wow and it was the monthof december oh no, that's your
baby's birthday.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
That's christmas, oh man yeah oh my, who is stepping
in at your house, ashley?
Who's stepping in?
Speaker 3 (18:04):
and stepping up.
My mother-in-law was there fromthe moment my husband had to
leave for work, which was likeseven o'clock in the morning,
until he would get home at night, which was like 6.37 at night.
She was cleaning my house, shewas picking up my kids from
school, she was doing everythingshe really and you know, we
(18:25):
kind of talked about the factthat she had just retired in
September and now it's Decemberand she's stepping into this
role to, you know, beat grandmaof the year here.
And you know I am so thankfulthat she was able to do that,
because it really allowed me tonot worry as much as I could
(18:47):
about the things that were goingon at home.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Obviously, there was always been some worry and you
know, my kids were able to comein on the weekends and you know
school vacation, but it reallywas, I would see them two days a
week.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
know school vacation, but it really was, I would see
them two days a week, and justduring visiting hours and then,
other than that, it was just.
Speaker 4 (19:08):
This might not be a nice, not a nice question, but
how's your husband?
Is he a little, I want to say,resentful?
Is he just like what ishappening?
Speaker 3 (19:16):
He is so thankful that everyone's okay, that and
and I think at that point andI've even like I've been doing
my own therapy from you knoweverything that's happened
because I'm like I need to beable to process this Um, we all
were just existing in such astate of survival mode that
(19:36):
nobody really had a chance tofully allow ourselves to feel
what we were feeling.
We were just so focused on weneed another day, we need
another week, we need anothermonth, and it was.
It was truly just wow, we madeit work.
He has frequently said to methat like that will be the last
(19:59):
journey and I'm like I think,even if I wanted to, I wouldn't
get cleared.
Yeah, so we are done, yeah, butI think, like the universe has
also made it so that we are done, um, understood, and you know I
had been in the hospital forexactly a week when I started
bleeding um, to which they saidit was potentially a mild
(20:23):
placental abruption, and westarted steroids right away just
in case.
Because that that point again,the doctors are like you're
going to deliver, we want togive this baby the best chance
we can.
And two weeks later I was goinghome because something happened
in that later.
Yeah, that was December 13th,because now every Friday, the
(20:45):
13th we like have a little chat,me and the intended mom, and
we're like we're both good,right, everybody.
Yeah, I went home a couple daysbefore New Year.
So it was like just just overtwo weeks later the rupture had
sealed and I was home Totallymiraculous.
Just just over two weeks later,the rupture had sealed and I
(21:06):
was home, um, totally miraculous.
I don't understand at all, butbecause I had been leaking at
that point for eight weeks, um,no infections, baby was fine.
Fluid never dropped to superdangerous levels other than this
, yeah, that's the other thanthis like mild placental
abruption, which then nevercaused any other issues.
So they confirmed it was a mildplacental abruption.
(21:27):
That was confirmed.
Speaker 4 (21:28):
They could see like a tiny little bit of lifting,
okay um, which then reattacheditself yeah, because people
would say maybe it's a, you know, sub hematoma, like a little
thing from the IVF.
Okay, yeah.
So like wow, you were justgetting boom, boom, boom.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
It was literally just one thing after the another.
Going back to the amnio, it wasa false positive, so we went
through all of that for nothing.
Baby's totally fine.
He's healthy.
Every chromosome is perfectlymatched um when you go homeley?
Speaker 4 (21:59):
are you on bed rest at home?
Speaker 3 (22:01):
yeah, okay, okay, but at least you're home, like yeah
, at least I'm home at thatpoint I was like I don't care if
all I can do is go to thebathroom.
Yeah, that's my only gettingout of bed.
At least I'm home, right,perfect, yeah, so we that that.
Like it was about three and ahalf weeks I was in the hospital
and that was felt like it was alot.
(22:23):
It felt like a year, um, and atthat point we were, we were
back and forth in and out ofboston for appointments.
We were at my neighborhoodhospital as well, because they
didn't want me in and out ofboston multiple times a they
were like we'll agree to once aweek, but I also couldn't drive,
so I was taking Ubers once aweek into Boston.
(22:47):
Thankfully my agency paid forthat Because, also being on
bedrest, I couldn't work, Icouldn't do anything.
Speaker 4 (22:58):
When you say agency paid for it.
Hold on back up just a littlebit.
Agency paid for the Uber rides.
Yes, the surrogacy agencyreimbursed for all of the rides,
not your intended parents, notmy intended parents, yep.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
Fantastic.
Okay, our agency has what'scalled like an all-in protection
plan, where it was like anall-inclusive sort of intended
parents pay one flat rate andeverything that happens is
covered.
oh nice so it did take a littlenegotiating for certain things,
um getting like lost wages.
(23:32):
There was a little bit of backand forth because they paid for
me to be out of work in 20 weeksand in the midst of all of this
I started my own privatepractice and never enrolled in
the Massachusetts paid federalleave Because apparently small
businesses have to do that and Ijust didn't.
(23:53):
So I wasn't eligible to getthat while I was on bedrest, and
so the agency did pay me lostwages.
They reimbursed me for rides tomedical appointments.
Um I was able to hire ahousekeeper to help with the
housework.
Um.
My mother-in-law was reimbursedfor child care, so they really
(24:14):
did take care of us.
Um, glad to hear it.
After some negotiation we'llsay yeah, yeah yeah, yeah so
what?
Speaker 4 (24:24):
how far do you get with him?
How many weeks?
Speaker 3 (24:27):
we were induced.
I went in to be a deuce at 36.
3 because, plot twist, at 34weeks I had too much fluid oh,
jesus lord, help me yeah, um,and it was just once.
It was literally.
We had an ultrasound on mondayat one hospital.
We had an ultrasound on fridayat the other hospital and my
(24:49):
fluid doubled and we were likewhat's happening here?
And they were like you don'thave gestational diabetes, do
you?
And I said no, I passed withflying colors and they said we
would like to just take yourblood sugar just to be sure.
When was the last time you ateLike that can help us calculate
where your number should be?
And it was, my blood sugar wasfine, but once we got to 34
(25:12):
weeks, the doctors were kind oflike every week at this point is
a blessing and we're going togo as far as we can.
A blessing, yeah, and we'regonna go as far as we can.
But really, 36, 37 is probablywhere we're gonna end up.
Okay, delivering um.
So we went in um.
Actually, on his parents fifthwedding anniversary, we went to
be induced, which was, uh, march17th, and our first induction
(25:37):
failed.
Failed, oh yeah, because justperfectly in line with how the
pregnancy went, so did inductionum, because I was, you don't
start dilating, you don't starthaving contractions no, I know,
but it's okay.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
I know they normally like amp up the pitocin and
stuff.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Right, and everyone had been saying fifth delivery,
you're gonna be in and out,right, yeah, like this is gonna
be and he's gonna be a smallbaby.
Like he's early, this is gonnabe fine, you'll barely even feel
it.
Um, not true?
Um, so I we go in and and wedid cytotec again, like I
(26:21):
mentioned with the other, theother inductions.
We started with that and thatworked a little bit.
Then we did a balloon to try tohelp my cervix also start to
dilate and we got to.
Between the balloon that fellout on its own, started some
Pitocin.
It got to six centimeters.
We were like awesome, we wentfrom a zero to a six.
(26:43):
Fantastic, we're doing great.
So I get my epidural.
I'm like awesome, we're gonnaget things rolling.
And the doctor said we're gonnabreak your water.
This should be easy.
It's already been broken before.
Let's just it'll be fine.
So the doctor says, okay, I'mgonna go grab.
It's a teaching hospital.
I'm gonna go grab the residents.
I'll get a couple of the extranurses just in case.
(27:04):
Like things could move quicklyfrom there.
We don't know, I want everyoneto be ready.
So doctor checks positioning.
She's like, yep, he's head down.
We're great, golden, I'll goget everybody.
I'll get what supplies I need.
We'll break your water.
He should be delivered beforeI'm off my shift tomorrow
morning.
Oh no, she had been out of theroom for maybe a minute and a
(27:28):
half and I I'm completely numbat this point.
I can't feel anything otherthan like some movement, some
pressure.
And I looked out of my stomachand I could see the fetal
monitor just go like this.
And then I looked over at thescreen and I was like that was a
lot of movement and his momgoes.
He didn't and he flipped.
(27:51):
He had been head down ready togo super low for weeks and in
that moment he flipped.
Having as many deliveries asI've had and being in this world
, I you know, dr wuxin we werelike I think we've got a problem
.
Don't do that.
Before you double check, theybring in the ultrasound, you
(28:12):
know.
And he definitely flipped.
I have never seen a doctor lookso defeated in a moment.
He checked with ultrasound, she,she did an internal check and
she just goes.
And I said so are we gonna doan ECV or what?
And she goes do you feel up tothat?
And I said this epidural isworking, let's go, yeah.
(28:33):
So we had the doctor, we had aresident, we might have had two
nurses, there were a lot ofpeople in the room, um, and so
she flipped him and immediatelybroke my water.
She said that should hold himin place, got me a belly binder,
so like there really wasn'tmuch movement, yeah, and they
(28:55):
were like, okay, well, we'rejust gonna keep amping up the
pitocin and and you know, thingsshould start moving pretty
quickly from here.
And then nothing happened.
I was having contractions, butthey were pitocin induced
contractions, yeah, and not realones.
Um, and now that my water'sbroken, we're not doing as many
internal checks to make sure,and so, um, and I've had an
(29:18):
epidural, so now I can't eat, Ican't get up, I can't do
anything, and that is the wholenext day.
They do two checks.
I'm still stuck at a six.
She has to go home.
Obviously, it's the nextmorning, shift change happens.
Next doctor comes on.
I am maxed out on Pitocin.
We are, we're doing as much aswe can at this point and it's
(29:42):
just not working.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
And you have no amniotic fluid.
You're, you're, you're, you'reworking on that clock now
because she forgets, okay.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Yep, we finally hit.
The night shift comes on and wehave kind of a team huddle.
Now at this point my water hasbeen broken for 24 hours and
that's usually the golden ruleof like you need to deliver now.
Um, and so the doctor had saidwe've got a couple options.
One we take you back for aC-section right now.
(30:14):
Two we take you back for aC-section in a couple hours, oh
geez.
Three, we stop everything, letyou rest, let you eat, let you
shower.
Four, and try again in themorning.
And I said how is that anoption?
Yeah, I thought we like had hitour clock.
(30:38):
We're like, we're, we're done.
And and the doctor said well,we will keep an eye on you
should anything change.
You're going to be oncontinuous fetal monitoring,
even if it's wireless.
You will be on the monitor,make sure baby's okay.
We will be taking yourtemperature every few hours to
make sure you don't spike afever.
You're not having any issues,but we'll try again in the
(30:59):
morning, if that's what you want.
And I said I choose that optionyeah yeah, I was like I just I
had done four deliveries withouthaving a c-section.
I really didn't want ac-section, obviously knowing if
that's what we needed, that'swhat we needed.
But I just said like, if thisis an option where we can wait,
like let's give it a little bitof time, um, because our mom and
(31:21):
dad on board with that option?
Speaker 4 (31:23):
Okay, okay.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
They were really wonderful in letting me make
most of the decisions Um towhich I always threw it back to
them to say.
like most of the decisions, towhich I always threw it back to
them to say like we're a team,we're making this decision
together and I think that'shonestly why that relationship
works so well is that nobody wasever like a sole decider.
(31:46):
Obviously, if it really camedown to it, it was my body.
I was responsible for all thechoices, but I wanted them to be
a part of that.
If they had said we're reallyscared, I would have consented
to a C-section.
But they also felt veryconfident with the doctor saying
that we could hold off for alittle bit.
Our original doctor was back onin the morning and she had been
(32:09):
the doctor that had been withus since I was admitted.
So we felt better knowing thatlike she would be there in the
morning and she had been thedoctor that had been with us
since I was admitted.
So we felt better knowing thatlike she would be there in the
morning and she was managing thecare from there.
And we took the night to rest.
Everyone got as much sleep aswe could, which honestly wasn't
much, but it was something.
And I, you know, had them takethe epidural out so I could eat,
(32:32):
take a shower, move around,because at that point I was like
maybe the fact that I'm justlaying here in bed is not
helping.
I wanted to be able to move andwe started again in the morning
.
The doctor asked several timesdo you want another epidural?
I said not, yet Every singletime it did take a while for
(32:54):
progression to happen.
We started everything back upabout nine in the morning and we
really didn't notice anychanges until, I want to say,
like three or four in theafternoon, like I was starting
to contract, but it reallywasn't doing much yet.
Um, until it got to a pointwhere it was doing a lot and at
that point the doctor said doyou want an epidural?
(33:16):
And I said I don't think Icould hold still for once, so
we're just gonna do this.
Oh my gosh.
Which is also why I think theuniverse is saying that I'm done
because I had never experiencedan unmedicated birth and mama,
people who choose that arehonestly my heroes.
Because I can't, I can't dothat again.
(33:37):
It was a lot, yeah haven't evendone one and I don't doesn't
care, I don't dream of doing onehad I like had the wherewithal
to say, even like an hour or soearlier, like yeah, let's do
this, I wouldn't have done it,but I did, and that was the
thing so when is he born?
Speaker 4 (33:58):
so if three o'clock, things start ramping up what?
Speaker 3 (34:01):
what's the end?
three oh no 6, 44 pm he was bornoh that was from three yeah it
was it was on and it was one ofthe longer times I had been
pushing in a surrogacy.
Like I said, my first surrogacywas like two pushes, the second
was only a few.
This was probably like 20minutes of pushing, okay, I
(34:22):
think, because I could feel itall.
I was like, okay, I'm going totake a few more breaks here.
Yeah, and there's actually avideo.
My intended mom has a prettygreat TikTok following and, with
my permission, she posted ourbirth video where her husband
was filming it behind my head.
Nothing in graphic is obviouslybeing shown and it's really his
(34:45):
point of view of watching her.
Oh, that's sweet.
And you know, the moment thatthe baby is out he's crying Like
we're all just a mess,especially after everything
we've all been through.
Like he came out and screamedand the whole time we had been
told he may have underdevelopedlungs, he might have breathing
(35:06):
issues, he had such low fluid,he's being born early, like they
were really.
I know my intended parents werehaving very scary conversations
that I was not a part of.
Yeah, um, and so that was kindof being drilled in our heads
the whole time, that likeprepare for things to not look
normal.
Yeah, and it was totally normal.
(35:27):
He came out screaming and hewas seven pounds four ounces at
just under 37 weeks.
Like this baby would have beenginormous had we waited.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
Right Sure.
Speaker 4 (35:39):
And does your placenta.
Do you have any problems withthe placenta this time, or does
it come out like it's?
Speaker 3 (35:42):
supposed to.
You're good to go.
Came out like it was supposedto we did send it away for
testing.
I did end up having a very mildinfection, we think because of
just how long my water had beenbroken, but I didn't end up
having any symptoms.
Baby was fine.
So it was.
You know.
We wanted to know for sure,especially with the genetic test
coming back.
Yeah, maybe was the trisomy 13in the placenta cells, or you
(36:07):
know.
Like we didn't know where anyof this came from and it just
ended up being this weird falsepositive.
So scary.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
And that is scary.
Speaker 4 (36:17):
And then to have to go and have the amnio and then
to go and have to have all thatbedrest in a hospital, like it
was just a chain of events thatjust from one little yeah.
Scary.
Very scary Well thank.
God it had the outcome it did.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
Yeah, and everybody's okay and safe and healthy.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
And did you go home 24 hours after that, or did you
guys stay for a little bit?
Speaker 3 (36:40):
No, we stayed.
So we started induction Mondaymorning.
We all went home on.
They went home Thursday night.
I went home Friday.
Okay, it's not horrible,especially cause I delivered
Wednesday.
So, they went home 24 hoursafter delivery.
I did wait the full 48 thattime just to be sure that
everything was okay, and youknow it.
(37:03):
really that one was for sure theright choice because I, you
know, I just think I needed alittle extra time emotionally
honestly to just be like I gotto get it together before I go
home to these kids and have mypostpartum recovery Cause that's
a whole other beginning.
Speaker 4 (37:20):
Let people bring you just sleep, let be quiet.
Yeah, just do you, wow, wow.
That was quite an ending.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
Yes, and that's why I say now we are retired, we are
done.
I really don't think, even if Iwanted to, any clinic would
approve me, just even thoughnone of this was my fault or
really any medical issues thatwere right caused by anything
like a 30s.
A pre-37 week deliverysometimes is, I guess, an
exclusion.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Yeah, yeah, it just depends on the whole situation.
I had a pre 37 and some clinicsare like no, and some clinics
are like okay, baby was healthy.
Speaker 3 (37:57):
Right so it just depends on the clinics.
Speaker 4 (38:01):
but wow, you have shared an awful lot and please
and obviously I don't know ifyour mom's going to see this
podcast, but thank her forallowing you to share, yeah, on
her behalf.
That, yeah, I I can't evenimagine and look at the outcome,
you guys are so patient babyboy, little boys and baby
(38:22):
brother and big brotherswatching over all of them
because he made it all happen.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
For sure I do yeah they, uh, they kind of have this
tradition of naming theirchildren very significant names.
So their older son is namedafter the doctor that saved her
life and their younger son isnamed after me, which she told
me Literally.
We had just gotten the resultsback from the NIPT, said we're
(38:49):
going to name him Asher, becausewe can't think of any better
name for the person who createdour family than than your name
and come to find out in I don'tremember.
I think they're, they're Jewishand and I think it's in in
Hebrew that name means likelucky one or something like that
.
so like, like that name justfits him.
(39:11):
Yeah, and you know I feelreally honored that he's
carrying a name that honors me,but it's just, this is one of
those things where, likeeverything happened and it's you
know, this could be an episodeor a whole season of Grey's
Anatomy.
Speaker 4 (39:29):
Honestly, yes, yeah, for real 100% and I think all of
that stuff that happened couldhave torn another pairing apart,
but brought you all like whereyou're thick as thieves now and
you're intertwined for life, forlife.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, wow yeah.
That's incredible.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (39:50):
Incredible.
Thank you so much for takingall that time.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
I know, seriously, yeah, that's incredible, wow,
Incredible.
Thank you so much for takingall that I know Seriously.
Thank you so much for taking somuch time.
Speaker 3 (39:55):
And it's late where you are.
Yeah, I mean, it's only 930.
It's not too bad here, but Iknow anytime people are like, oh
, tell us about your journey,I'm like, how long do you have?
Speaker 4 (40:06):
Yeah, but I think all three needed to be told the
significant yeah, it needed tobe told needed to be told the
significant yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
It needed to be told yeah, yeah, wow.
So thank you so much, becausethis was a beautiful and wild
story and all happy, healthybabies.
Speaker 4 (40:24):
I'm so excited.
Yes.
Thank goodness for that.
Yeah, oh, whoopsie Well thankyou so much.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
Have a, have a wonderful night and we'll see
you on Instagram and everything.
Speaker 3 (40:33):
thank you so much have a have a wonderful night
and we'll see you on.
Thank you on instagram andeverything.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
Yes, thank you so much.
Thank you.
Have a good evening, care.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Bye, bye, wow amazing wild itwas beautiful very.
Speaker 4 (40:48):
There were some definitely uh, higher powers
that were working on those,especially that last one.
Really seriously, yeah,absolutely 100%.
What courage, and thank you somuch for sharing all of it, and
we are really I'm very, veryhumbled and so honored to be
able to share it on the podcast,I know it's a beautiful story,
it's very, it has.
Speaker 2 (41:10):
It has.
It has a lot of ups and downs,but in the end it was.
It was beautiful.
And what surrogacy is?
Yes, yeah, 100%.
Yeah, absolutely so.
Thank you so much for sharingyour story.
If anybody would like to sharetheir story or have questions,
please feel free to reach out tous on Instagram at stop period
sit period surrogate, or you canemail us at stop period sit
period surrogate at gmailcom.
(41:31):
And this has been anotherepisode of stops at surrogate
with Kennedy and Ellen.
Thanks.
Speaker 4 (41:36):
Bye, everyone.
Bye.
If you enjoyed this podcast, besure to give us a like and
subscribe.
Also, check out the link to ourYouTube channel in the
description, and be sure to alsocheck out our children's book
my mom has superpowers, sold onAmazon and Etsy.
Welcome.
We are a mother-daughterpodcast about all things
surrogacy.
Together, we have brought eightbeautiful babies into this
world and we would like to sharethrough education and knowledge
about surrogacy with those whowant to educate themselves on
the topic.
This is Stop Sit Surrogate.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Hi everybody, welcome back to part two of Ashley's
surrogate story.
Okay, so then.
How quickly so, kate did shecome to you in three months.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
We talked about it and we all kind of just decided
like, let's pause, we're good.
I wanted some time to spendwith my family to you know, heal
they were in the thick of thenewbornness and so we were all
just kind of like, let's just,we'll wait, we'll wait.
(00:51):
We all know that we're we'rematched already and everything's
going to be fine.
So when everybody's ready we'regood to go Um.
And I'm so glad we took thattime because I think two
back-to-back pregnancies wasreally hard on my body.
Um, the doctors did say thatlike the placental issue I had
(01:12):
was probably a viral relatedinfection, probably why we had
some decreased fetal movementwhen we did Um, and probably
what saved baby is that we knewthat that's what was happening,
because my placenta probablywould not have lasted lasted
much longer Right If it justliterally fell apart inside of
(01:32):
you.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Right, yeah, that's some intervention there.
I don't know what you believein, but that's some intervention
that's crazy.
That's that's the brother,that's the little baby boy
Number one.
That's him.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
And it's funny you say that because before I got my
epidural no, we had we went inat 11 o'clock at night.
He wasn't born until almostmidnight the next day.
And before I did my epiduralthe next day, I was like I want
to eat, I want to take a shower,and then I'm good to go.
And in that shower I am verymuch a believer that people who
(02:06):
pass are still around us, and soI, you know, I said that baby's
name and I said please makesure your brother is okay,
please make sure your parentsare okay, and let's get your
brother here safely.
And that that's what happened.
So it is.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
I totally agree that he made sure his little brother
was okay yes, sure he did doinghis big brother duties yeah,
exactly which made his mama okay, yeah, which made his mama okay
, okay, from way back when thatall happened, like mama was okay
too, yeah okay, so when.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Yeah, Okay so when.
When do you go to you?
When do you start this thirdjourney?
Speaker 3 (02:47):
So I gave it about a year before I even reapplied and
I had said to them I just wantto get my portion out of the way
so that we have no holdups whenit's time to go.
So they said that's fine.
We let the surrogacy agencyknow we were going to be doing a
sibling journey, so theyweren't necessarily moving us to
the matching stage.
(03:08):
I did all of my backgroundchecks, my psyche eval, all got
the records all set and that wasin.
I think that was in late 2023.
So yeah, it was about a year2023.
(03:30):
So yeah, it was about a year.
And then we kind of just werelike, let's just hold off.
Like you know, my both of mykids have winter birthdays.
So I was like, let's getthrough those.
Yeah, then it was my birthdayand I was like let's get through
that because, like, who knowswhat my birthday will look like
next year?
I'd like to be able to enjoythis one.
Um, because I had been pregnantfor like pretty much the
previous two and um.
So then we did medicalscreening in june of 2024 and
(03:51):
transferred july 25th of lastyear.
Wow, just about a year ago, youtransferred just about, yeah,
almost exactly a year ago.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Yeah, well, from when we're recording, but, yeah yeah
, oh so sorry from when we'rerecording.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
I'm so sorry, okay, um yeah, the magic of television
or video right, okay,television, yes, television,
dream gentlemen, dream, wow, wowand that took yeah, and so they
obviously created anotherembryo right, because they only
had yes, okay, they only had one.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
So the way that the insurance coverage works for IVF
in Massachusetts when you'reusing a surrogate is that when
you transfer an embryo, when youtransfer your last embryo, you
can start the process to doanother retrieval.
So he and I were on IVF meds atthe same time because I was
(04:45):
preparing for transfertransferring in my first
trimester while she was doingthe medication for egg retrieval
and in I think they saidthey've done five rounds of IVF.
They had two embryos and theywere incredibly lucky to get
what they were able to get andthankfully they both turned into
(05:06):
beautiful, healthy little boys.
But she was also ready to keepgoing if she needed to, even
though it's a very hard processon her body.
It's a hard process oneveryone's body, but especially
with everything she's beenthrough, it was really difficult
, and so they already had thatembryo created and frozen, ready
(05:27):
to go for.
When we were ready, umpartially because she wanted to
make sure that egg was as youngas it could be for, hopefully,
better outcomes Um, which workedamazing.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Wow, and that, how did that pregnancy go?
Wow, and how did that pregnancygo?
Uh-oh, we're laughing.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Well, we like to joke that this little boy was fought
for from the start.
So again, they had to movetheir embryo.
When they did so, theembryologist had already gone
home for the day, and so theembryo was left on the front
desk of the IVF clinic for awhile.
I'm not exactly sure how long,but the embryo was, I believe,
(06:15):
flown from Boston to ConnecticutI don't think it was driven and
then delivered and just left onthe desk.
Thankfully, embryo storage iswonderful and he was perfectly
safe to be there for even longerthan he was.
But we had a joke like this kidhas just already had a journey.
(06:37):
We even had a little bit of abattle with transfer dates
Because, like I said earlier, wewere very clear that like we
wanted everything to stay thesame and the clinic was pushing
back on transfer days, so we hadtransferred.
I believe it was like day 24,the first time they were trying
to push us to day 30.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
That's a big difference.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
23 or 25, that's workable.
Yeah, yeah.
And we were very much like,obviously, a day or two.
We understand if it's like itwould have fallen on a Friday
and the you know the officewasn't open or it was going to
be a Saturday, something likethat.
That's understandable, but alsono one could give us a reason
(07:20):
as to why it was being toyedwith um.
We finally won um and and thedoctor was like fine, whatever.
And we both kind of had amoment of vindication where
we're like hot, it worked, um,awesome.
Because he was like well, thisis our, this is our protocol, so
(07:42):
I can't be held responsible, itdoesn't work and okay whatever,
okay, so thankfully it did andthe first few weeks of that
pregnancy were great, they wereeasy.
I think I started feeling likesome morning sickness around
week eight or so, um, and thenthings get weird.
(08:05):
Um, so we they didn't test anyof their embryos before we
transferred, so they didn't knowabout any genetic stuff, they
didn't know the sex of the babyor anything, um.
So we were going to do theniptT test.
I couldn't wait because I justwanted to know.
(08:27):
And they were also like that'sfine.
So I went and bought one ofthose sneak peek tests that they
sell online or like atWalgreens or something, and I
did the home collection, sent itaway and it came back
inconclusive.
It's supposed to be effectivestarting at week like nine, I
think, something like that.
So I was like, okay, this isstrange.
(08:52):
So we go in at week 10 for theofficial NIPT test.
That also comes backinconclusive.
Not enough fetal DNA for eitherthe fetal sex or any of the
genetic things they were testingfor.
So the doctor said we're goingto wait two weeks, we'll try
again.
Okay, should have some sort ofresult by then, okay, and we're
(09:17):
not thinking anything other thanwe want to know if it's a boy
or a girl.
The mom was very convinced itwas a girl, to the point where
she had her named and, like they, they already knew like
everything that was going tohappen should have been a girl.
Well, we do the test at week 12.
It comes back, of course, on aSunday morning and I had
(09:44):
promised them I wouldn't openthe results without them.
So I get the notification thatthe results are in and I
FaceTime them and we open themand we see a big positive for
trisomy 13 at the top and all Ihad anticipated seeing was
consistent with male, consistentwith female, everything else
(10:06):
fine.
We all just kind of our facesall fell and I didn't know
enough about the geneticconditions to really know what
that meant.
So of course, we all startGoogling, because that's what
everybody does.
Yeah, it's not great, it's notgreat.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
And Dr Google is terrible.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
Trisomy 13, from what we were learning, is not one
that is always compatible withlife, right?
So these poor parents weregoing through potentially yet
again another loss, right?
We called the hospital, pagedthe doctors page, doctors page,
genetic counselors um, to whichno one had really reviewed the
(10:50):
results because, as we know, inthis country we have a right to
our medical records.
Oftentimes we get resultsbefore doctors get results.
Yeah, and this is one of thoseinstances where we really wish
that they had the results first,so they could have said to us
yes, there is a positive.
However, the positive likepercentage was so low that, like
(11:14):
, it probably wasn't real.
At that point, we'd already hadour 12-week ultrasound and
everything looked great.
Yeah, so we had no indicationsthat this baby had any sort of
genetic abnormalities, um, andso we had no indications that
this baby had any sort ofgenetic abnormalities, um, and
so we had said what are nextsteps?
And then next steps with thatis an amniocentesis which I
(11:34):
never had before.
I'd never been that level ofhigh risk, um, and at this point
I'm 13 weeks pregnant and Isaid how soon can we do it?
16 weeks, okay, we're allsitting there for three weeks,
three weeks on pins and needles.
Yeah, it was the longest threeweeks of any of our lives.
(11:54):
At that point we did not knowwhat was going to happen.
Um, so we go in 16 weeks, threedays.
We do this amnio.
Even the doctors like this is atextbook amnio, everything
looks great so far.
They did an early anatomy scanand they were like he looks fine
, like we're not seeing anythingwe would normally see with a
(12:17):
trisomy 13 pregnancy.
But we'll wait for the amnio tocome back.
So I go home with instructionsto just take it easy.
I don't have to be on bed rest,but no bending, no lifting,
just kind of rest.
It was about 1030 that night.
I woke up leaking amnioticfluid and yeah, and I lost it.
(12:45):
I completely freaked out,immediately got into my car,
drove to the hospital, callingmy intended parents.
It is the one time I've evernot been able to reach them.
Oh no, I don't know why, butlike and they even had my number
on emergency bypass, so like itshould have been ringing very
loudly and for some reason Icouldn't get through.
(13:08):
The OB that was on for thatnight, you know, first was just
like I'm sure it's fine.
Like you know, it's probablynothing.
They do the test it's positivefor amniotic fluid.
They do the test.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
It's positive for amniotic fluid to at which point
they sat me down and said I'venever seen a 16 week rupture
turn out, okay, so oh, thank youright, it's now after midnight
and and I'm like what, what doesthat mean?
Speaker 3 (13:40):
and you know, he said you need to go home and prepare
for the worst.
We could keep you overnight ifwant, but there's really nothing
more we're going to do thanjust monitor.
Most likely within the nextweek you will go into labor and,
and I don't remember walkingout of the hospital, I don't
remember driving home, yeah,shocked, I don't even know how I
(14:05):
got home safely.
And then the next morning, whenthey finally woke up, saw that
I had called probably about ninetimes in the course of an hour.
She didn't even call me backbefore.
She was in her car on the wayto my house and she just like
she just knew something waswrong.
Yeah, um, and we were able toget squeezed into mfm calendar.
(14:30):
Literally she was like I'mpicking you up, we're going
right to the hospital.
The the doctor who did the amniochecked my fluid was low, but
it wasn't dangerously low.
So you know.
Then we go into a room, youknow, of course we, we hear the
heartbeat and we're both intears Like thank God, he's okay,
we're all right for right now.
(14:51):
Um, and we kind of from there,made a plan of.
I went on almost complete bedrest, which is not really
indicated most of the time.
But the doctor's hope was thatwith bed rest, hopefully in a
week or two, the rupture wouldseal itself.
(15:12):
Amniotic fluid would replaceitself.
We would go on to have a verynormal pregnancy from there on
out, with more monitoring ofcourse.
But that didn't happen.
Um, I was on bed rest at homefor six weeks, okay, um, I could
not take care of my kids, I wasonly.
(15:34):
Of course I was sleepingdownstairs.
My shower was upstairs.
I was only, like, allowed toshower like twice a week,
because going up and down thestairs was considered dangerous.
Um was using a shower chairwhen I was able to shower,
because they wanted me to limitthe time on my feet.
Um, my intended mom and mymother-in-law basically were at
(15:56):
my house whenever my husbandwasn't there, so that I was
never alone, and I'm so thankfulfor both of them, because my
biggest concern was obviouslythe baby, but then it was also
(16:17):
my children and making sure thattheir lives weren't any more
disruptive than they were goingto be.
We were doing ultrasounds atfirst twice a week.
Then we were able to kind ofstretch them to once a week,
which was really hard.
We were both very anxious, butwe were able to kind of get to
that point until we hit 22 weeksand finally our doctor said
(16:39):
we're going to need to admit youto the hospital.
You've hit viability.
We need you in the hospital incase you deliver oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
So potentially be there until you're like 37, 38
weeks, but you have babies athome.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
the goal was 34 um.
Anything over 20, I think theyhad said anything over 26 would
have been considered like really, really great, given where we
were at my area hospital thathad been managing all of my care
for my previous fourpregnancies has a really great
(17:18):
NICU, but their NICU cannotaccommodate babies younger than
32 weeks, so I was transferredto a different hospital, how far
?
Well, and I'm sure you guys knowthis, you know, similarly with
California, in Boston we don'treally calculate in miles, it's
minutes, because Boston toBoston can take an hour.
(17:40):
Um, I was about an hour awayfrom home, okay, on a good day,
wow so wow and it was the monthof december oh no, that's your
baby's birthday.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
That's christmas, oh man yeah oh my, who is stepping
in at your house, ashley?
Who's stepping in?
Speaker 3 (18:04):
and stepping up.
My mother-in-law was there fromthe moment my husband had to
leave for work, which was likeseven o'clock in the morning,
until he would get home at night, which was like 6.37 at night.
She was cleaning my house, shewas picking up my kids from
school, she was doing everythingshe really and you know, we
(18:25):
kind of talked about the factthat she had just retired in
September and now it's Decemberand she's stepping into this
role to, you know, beat grandmaof the year here.
And you know I am so thankfulthat she was able to do that,
because it really allowed me tonot worry as much as I could
(18:47):
about the things that were goingon at home.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Obviously, there was always been some worry and you
know, my kids were able to comein on the weekends and you know
school vacation, but it reallywas, I would see them two days a
week.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
know school vacation, but it really was, I would see
them two days a week, and justduring visiting hours and then,
other than that, it was just.
Speaker 4 (19:08):
This might not be a nice, not a nice question, but
how's your husband?
Is he a little, I want to say,resentful?
Is he just like what ishappening?
Speaker 3 (19:16):
He is so thankful that everyone's okay, that and
and I think at that point andI've even like I've been doing
my own therapy from you knoweverything that's happened
because I'm like I need to beable to process this Um, we all
were just existing in such astate of survival mode that
(19:36):
nobody really had a chance tofully allow ourselves to feel
what we were feeling.
We were just so focused on weneed another day, we need
another week, we need anothermonth, and it was.
It was truly just wow, we madeit work.
He has frequently said to methat like that will be the last
(19:59):
journey and I'm like I think,even if I wanted to, I wouldn't
get cleared.
Yeah, so we are done, yeah, butI think, like the universe has
also made it so that we are done, um, understood, and you know I
had been in the hospital forexactly a week when I started
bleeding um, to which they saidit was potentially a mild
(20:23):
placental abruption, and westarted steroids right away just
in case.
Because that that point again,the doctors are like you're
going to deliver, we want togive this baby the best chance
we can.
And two weeks later I was goinghome because something happened
in that later.
Yeah, that was December 13th,because now every Friday, the
(20:45):
13th we like have a little chat,me and the intended mom, and
we're like we're both good,right, everybody.
Yeah, I went home a couple daysbefore New Year.
So it was like just just overtwo weeks later the rupture had
sealed and I was home Totallymiraculous.
Just just over two weeks later,the rupture had sealed and I
(21:06):
was home, um, totally miraculous.
I don't understand at all, butbecause I had been leaking at
that point for eight weeks, um,no infections, baby was fine.
Fluid never dropped to superdangerous levels other than this
, yeah, that's the other thanthis like mild placental
abruption, which then nevercaused any other issues.
So they confirmed it was a mildplacental abruption.
(21:27):
That was confirmed.
Speaker 4 (21:28):
They could see like a tiny little bit of lifting,
okay um, which then reattacheditself yeah, because people
would say maybe it's a, you know, sub hematoma, like a little
thing from the IVF.
Okay, yeah.
So like wow, you were justgetting boom, boom, boom.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
It was literally just one thing after the another.
Going back to the amnio, it wasa false positive, so we went
through all of that for nothing.
Baby's totally fine.
He's healthy.
Every chromosome is perfectlymatched um when you go homeley?
Speaker 4 (21:59):
are you on bed rest at home?
Speaker 3 (22:01):
yeah, okay, okay, but at least you're home, like yeah
, at least I'm home at thatpoint I was like I don't care if
all I can do is go to thebathroom.
Yeah, that's my only gettingout of bed.
At least I'm home, right,perfect, yeah, so we that that.
Like it was about three and ahalf weeks I was in the hospital
and that was felt like it was alot.
(22:23):
It felt like a year, um, and atthat point we were, we were
back and forth in and out ofboston for appointments.
We were at my neighborhoodhospital as well, because they
didn't want me in and out ofboston multiple times a they
were like we'll agree to once aweek, but I also couldn't drive,
so I was taking Ubers once aweek into Boston.
(22:47):
Thankfully my agency paid forthat Because, also being on
bedrest, I couldn't work, Icouldn't do anything.
Speaker 4 (22:58):
When you say agency paid for it.
Hold on back up just a littlebit.
Agency paid for the Uber rides.
Yes, the surrogacy agencyreimbursed for all of the rides,
not your intended parents, notmy intended parents, yep.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
Fantastic.
Okay, our agency has what'scalled like an all-in protection
plan, where it was like anall-inclusive sort of intended
parents pay one flat rate andeverything that happens is
covered.
oh nice so it did take a littlenegotiating for certain things,
um getting like lost wages.
(23:32):
There was a little bit of backand forth because they paid for
me to be out of work in 20 weeksand in the midst of all of this
I started my own privatepractice and never enrolled in
the Massachusetts paid federalleave Because apparently small
businesses have to do that and Ijust didn't.
(23:53):
So I wasn't eligible to getthat while I was on bedrest, and
so the agency did pay me lostwages.
They reimbursed me for rides tomedical appointments.
Um I was able to hire ahousekeeper to help with the
housework.
Um.
My mother-in-law was reimbursedfor child care, so they really
(24:14):
did take care of us.
Um, glad to hear it.
After some negotiation we'llsay yeah, yeah yeah, yeah so
what?
Speaker 4 (24:24):
how far do you get with him?
How many weeks?
Speaker 3 (24:27):
we were induced.
I went in to be a deuce at 36.
3 because, plot twist, at 34weeks I had too much fluid oh,
jesus lord, help me yeah, um,and it was just once.
It was literally.
We had an ultrasound on mondayat one hospital.
We had an ultrasound on fridayat the other hospital and my
(24:49):
fluid doubled and we were likewhat's happening here?
And they were like you don'thave gestational diabetes, do
you?
And I said no, I passed withflying colors and they said we
would like to just take yourblood sugar just to be sure.
When was the last time you ateLike that can help us calculate
where your number should be?
And it was, my blood sugar wasfine, but once we got to 34
(25:12):
weeks, the doctors were kind oflike every week at this point is
a blessing and we're going togo as far as we can.
A blessing, yeah, and we'regonna go as far as we can.
But really, 36, 37 is probablywhere we're gonna end up.
Okay, delivering um.
So we went in um.
Actually, on his parents fifthwedding anniversary, we went to
be induced, which was, uh, march17th, and our first induction
(25:37):
failed.
Failed, oh yeah, because justperfectly in line with how the
pregnancy went, so did inductionum, because I was, you don't
start dilating, you don't starthaving contractions no, I know,
but it's okay.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
I know they normally like amp up the pitocin and
stuff.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Right, and everyone had been saying fifth delivery,
you're gonna be in and out,right, yeah, like this is gonna
be and he's gonna be a smallbaby.
Like he's early, this is gonnabe fine, you'll barely even feel
it.
Um, not true?
Um, so I we go in and and wedid cytotec again, like I
(26:21):
mentioned with the other, theother inductions.
We started with that and thatworked a little bit.
Then we did a balloon to try tohelp my cervix also start to
dilate and we got to.
Between the balloon that fellout on its own, started some
Pitocin.
It got to six centimeters.
We were like awesome, we wentfrom a zero to a six.
(26:43):
Fantastic, we're doing great.
So I get my epidural.
I'm like awesome, we're gonnaget things rolling.
And the doctor said we're gonnabreak your water.
This should be easy.
It's already been broken before.
Let's just it'll be fine.
So the doctor says, okay, I'mgonna go grab.
It's a teaching hospital.
I'm gonna go grab the residents.
I'll get a couple of the extranurses just in case.
(27:04):
Like things could move quicklyfrom there.
We don't know, I want everyoneto be ready.
So doctor checks positioning.
She's like, yep, he's head down.
We're great, golden, I'll goget everybody.
I'll get what supplies I need.
We'll break your water.
He should be delivered beforeI'm off my shift tomorrow
morning.
Oh no, she had been out of theroom for maybe a minute and a
(27:28):
half and I I'm completely numbat this point.
I can't feel anything otherthan like some movement, some
pressure.
And I looked out of my stomachand I could see the fetal
monitor just go like this.
And then I looked over at thescreen and I was like that was a
lot of movement and his momgoes.
He didn't and he flipped.
(27:51):
He had been head down ready togo super low for weeks and in
that moment he flipped.
Having as many deliveries asI've had and being in this world
, I you know, dr wuxin we werelike I think we've got a problem
.
Don't do that.
Before you double check, theybring in the ultrasound, you
(28:12):
know.
And he definitely flipped.
I have never seen a doctor lookso defeated in a moment.
He checked with ultrasound, she,she did an internal check and
she just goes.
And I said so are we gonna doan ECV or what?
And she goes do you feel up tothat?
And I said this epidural isworking, let's go, yeah.
(28:33):
So we had the doctor, we had aresident, we might have had two
nurses, there were a lot ofpeople in the room, um, and so
she flipped him and immediatelybroke my water.
She said that should hold himin place, got me a belly binder,
so like there really wasn'tmuch movement, yeah, and they
(28:55):
were like, okay, well, we'rejust gonna keep amping up the
pitocin and and you know, thingsshould start moving pretty
quickly from here.
And then nothing happened.
I was having contractions, butthey were pitocin induced
contractions, yeah, and not realones.
Um, and now that my water'sbroken, we're not doing as many
internal checks to make sure,and so, um, and I've had an
(29:18):
epidural, so now I can't eat, Ican't get up, I can't do
anything, and that is the wholenext day.
They do two checks.
I'm still stuck at a six.
She has to go home.
Obviously, it's the nextmorning, shift change happens.
Next doctor comes on.
I am maxed out on Pitocin.
We are, we're doing as much aswe can at this point and it's
(29:42):
just not working.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
And you have no amniotic fluid.
You're, you're, you're, you'reworking on that clock now
because she forgets, okay.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Yep, we finally hit.
The night shift comes on and wehave kind of a team huddle.
Now at this point my water hasbeen broken for 24 hours and
that's usually the golden ruleof like you need to deliver now.
Um, and so the doctor had saidwe've got a couple options.
One we take you back for aC-section right now.
(30:14):
Two we take you back for aC-section in a couple hours, oh
geez.
Three, we stop everything, letyou rest, let you eat, let you
shower.
Four, and try again in themorning.
And I said how is that anoption?
Yeah, I thought we like had hitour clock.
(30:38):
We're like, we're, we're done.
And and the doctor said well,we will keep an eye on you
should anything change.
You're going to be oncontinuous fetal monitoring,
even if it's wireless.
You will be on the monitor,make sure baby's okay.
We will be taking yourtemperature every few hours to
make sure you don't spike afever.
You're not having any issues,but we'll try again in the
(30:59):
morning, if that's what you want.
And I said I choose that optionyeah yeah, I was like I just I
had done four deliveries withouthaving a c-section.
I really didn't want ac-section, obviously knowing if
that's what we needed, that'swhat we needed.
But I just said like, if thisis an option where we can wait,
like let's give it a little bitof time, um, because our mom and
(31:21):
dad on board with that option?
Speaker 4 (31:23):
Okay, okay.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
They were really wonderful in letting me make
most of the decisions Um towhich I always threw it back to
them to say.
like most of the decisions, towhich I always threw it back to
them to say like we're a team,we're making this decision
together and I think that'shonestly why that relationship
works so well is that nobody wasever like a sole decider.
(31:46):
Obviously, if it really camedown to it, it was my body.
I was responsible for all thechoices, but I wanted them to be
a part of that.
If they had said we're reallyscared, I would have consented
to a C-section.
But they also felt veryconfident with the doctor saying
that we could hold off for alittle bit.
Our original doctor was back onin the morning and she had been
(32:09):
the doctor that had been withus since I was admitted.
So we felt better knowing thatlike she would be there in the
morning and she had been thedoctor that had been with us
since I was admitted.
So we felt better knowing thatlike she would be there in the
morning and she was managing thecare from there.
And we took the night to rest.
Everyone got as much sleep aswe could, which honestly wasn't
much, but it was something.
And I, you know, had them takethe epidural out so I could eat,
(32:32):
take a shower, move around,because at that point I was like
maybe the fact that I'm justlaying here in bed is not
helping.
I wanted to be able to move andwe started again in the morning
.
The doctor asked several timesdo you want another epidural?
I said not, yet Every singletime it did take a while for
(32:54):
progression to happen.
We started everything back upabout nine in the morning and we
really didn't notice anychanges until, I want to say,
like three or four in theafternoon, like I was starting
to contract, but it reallywasn't doing much yet.
Um, until it got to a pointwhere it was doing a lot and at
that point the doctor said doyou want an epidural?
(33:16):
And I said I don't think Icould hold still for once, so
we're just gonna do this.
Oh my gosh.
Which is also why I think theuniverse is saying that I'm done
because I had never experiencedan unmedicated birth and mama,
people who choose that arehonestly my heroes.
Because I can't, I can't dothat again.
(33:37):
It was a lot, yeah haven't evendone one and I don't doesn't
care, I don't dream of doing onehad I like had the wherewithal
to say, even like an hour or soearlier, like yeah, let's do
this, I wouldn't have done it,but I did, and that was the
thing so when is he born?
Speaker 4 (33:58):
so if three o'clock, things start ramping up what?
Speaker 3 (34:01):
what's the end?
three oh no 6, 44 pm he was bornoh that was from three yeah it
was it was on and it was one ofthe longer times I had been
pushing in a surrogacy.
Like I said, my first surrogacywas like two pushes, the second
was only a few.
This was probably like 20minutes of pushing, okay, I
(34:22):
think, because I could feel itall.
I was like, okay, I'm going totake a few more breaks here.
Yeah, and there's actually avideo.
My intended mom has a prettygreat TikTok following and, with
my permission, she posted ourbirth video where her husband
was filming it behind my head.
Nothing in graphic is obviouslybeing shown and it's really his
(34:45):
point of view of watching her.
Oh, that's sweet.
And you know, the moment thatthe baby is out he's crying Like
we're all just a mess,especially after everything
we've all been through.
Like he came out and screamedand the whole time we had been
told he may have underdevelopedlungs, he might have breathing
(35:06):
issues, he had such low fluid,he's being born early, like they
were really.
I know my intended parents werehaving very scary conversations
that I was not a part of.
Yeah, um, and so that was kindof being drilled in our heads
the whole time, that likeprepare for things to not look
normal.
Yeah, and it was totally normal.
(35:27):
He came out screaming and hewas seven pounds four ounces at
just under 37 weeks.
Like this baby would have beenginormous had we waited.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
Right Sure.
Speaker 4 (35:39):
And does your placenta.
Do you have any problems withthe placenta this time, or does
it come out like it's?
Speaker 3 (35:42):
supposed to.
You're good to go.
Came out like it was supposedto we did send it away for
testing.
I did end up having a very mildinfection, we think because of
just how long my water had beenbroken, but I didn't end up
having any symptoms.
Baby was fine.
So it was.
You know.
We wanted to know for sure,especially with the genetic test
coming back.
Yeah, maybe was the trisomy 13in the placenta cells, or you
(36:07):
know.
Like we didn't know where anyof this came from and it just
ended up being this weird falsepositive.
So scary.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
And that is scary.
Speaker 4 (36:17):
And then to have to go and have the amnio and then
to go and have to have all thatbedrest in a hospital, like it
was just a chain of events thatjust from one little yeah.
Scary.
Very scary Well thank.
God it had the outcome it did.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
Yeah, and everybody's okay and safe and healthy.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
And did you go home 24 hours after that, or did you
guys stay for a little bit?
Speaker 3 (36:40):
No, we stayed.
So we started induction Mondaymorning.
We all went home on.
They went home Thursday night.
I went home Friday.
Okay, it's not horrible,especially cause I delivered
Wednesday.
So, they went home 24 hoursafter delivery.
I did wait the full 48 thattime just to be sure that
everything was okay, and youknow it.
(37:03):
really that one was for sure theright choice because I, you
know, I just think I needed alittle extra time emotionally
honestly to just be like I gotto get it together before I go
home to these kids and have mypostpartum recovery Cause that's
a whole other beginning.
Speaker 4 (37:20):
Let people bring you just sleep, let be quiet.
Yeah, just do you, wow, wow.
That was quite an ending.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
Yes, and that's why I say now we are retired, we are
done.
I really don't think, even if Iwanted to, any clinic would
approve me, just even thoughnone of this was my fault or
really any medical issues thatwere right caused by anything
like a 30s.
A pre-37 week deliverysometimes is, I guess, an
exclusion.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Yeah, yeah, it just depends on the whole situation.
I had a pre 37 and some clinicsare like no, and some clinics
are like okay, baby was healthy.
Speaker 3 (37:57):
Right so it just depends on the clinics.
Speaker 4 (38:01):
but wow, you have shared an awful lot and please
and obviously I don't know ifyour mom's going to see this
podcast, but thank her forallowing you to share, yeah, on
her behalf.
That, yeah, I I can't evenimagine and look at the outcome,
you guys are so patient babyboy, little boys and baby
(38:22):
brother and big brotherswatching over all of them
because he made it all happen.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
For sure I do yeah they, uh, they kind of have this
tradition of naming theirchildren very significant names.
So their older son is namedafter the doctor that saved her
life and their younger son isnamed after me, which she told
me Literally.
We had just gotten the resultsback from the NIPT, said we're
(38:49):
going to name him Asher, becausewe can't think of any better
name for the person who createdour family than than your name
and come to find out in I don'tremember.
I think they're, they're Jewishand and I think it's in in
Hebrew that name means likelucky one or something like that
.
so like, like that name justfits him.
(39:11):
Yeah, and you know I feelreally honored that he's
carrying a name that honors me,but it's just, this is one of
those things where, likeeverything happened and it's you
know, this could be an episodeor a whole season of Grey's
Anatomy.
Speaker 4 (39:29):
Honestly, yes, yeah, for real 100% and I think all of
that stuff that happened couldhave torn another pairing apart,
but brought you all like whereyou're thick as thieves now and
you're intertwined for life, forlife.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, wow yeah.
That's incredible.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (39:50):
Incredible.
Thank you so much for takingall that time.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
I know, seriously, yeah, that's incredible, wow,
Incredible.
Thank you so much for takingall that I know Seriously.
Thank you so much for taking somuch time.
Speaker 3 (39:55):
And it's late where you are.
Yeah, I mean, it's only 930.
It's not too bad here, but Iknow anytime people are like, oh
, tell us about your journey,I'm like, how long do you have?
Speaker 4 (40:06):
Yeah, but I think all three needed to be told the
significant yeah, it needed tobe told needed to be told the
significant yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
It needed to be told yeah, yeah, wow.
So thank you so much, becausethis was a beautiful and wild
story and all happy, healthybabies.
Speaker 4 (40:24):
I'm so excited.
Yes.
Thank goodness for that.
Yeah, oh, whoopsie Well thankyou so much.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
Have a, have a wonderful night and we'll see
you on Instagram and everything.
Speaker 3 (40:33):
thank you so much have a have a wonderful night
and we'll see you on.
Thank you on instagram andeverything.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
Yes, thank you so much.
Thank you.
Have a good evening, care.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Bye, bye, wow amazing wild itwas beautiful very.
Speaker 4 (40:48):
There were some definitely uh, higher powers
that were working on those,especially that last one.
Really seriously, yeah,absolutely 100%.
What courage, and thank you somuch for sharing all of it, and
we are really I'm very, veryhumbled and so honored to be
able to share it on the podcast,I know it's a beautiful story,
it's very, it has.
Speaker 2 (41:10):
It has.
It has a lot of ups and downs,but in the end it was.
It was beautiful.
And what surrogacy is?
Yes, yeah, 100%.
Yeah, absolutely so.
Thank you so much for sharingyour story.
If anybody would like to sharetheir story or have questions,
please feel free to reach out tous on Instagram at stop period
sit period surrogate, or you canemail us at stop period sit
period surrogate at gmailcom.
(41:31):
And this has been anotherepisode of stops at surrogate
with Kennedy and Ellen.
Thanks.
Speaker 4 (41:36):
Bye, everyone.
Bye.
If you enjoyed this podcast, besure to give us a like and
subscribe.
Also, check out the link to ourYouTube channel in the
description, and be sure to alsocheck out our children's book
my mom has superpowers, sold onAmazon and Etsy.
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