💡 Coaching Insights: When Passion Turns to Pressure

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Ever felt like you're pushing a boulder uphill trying to help someone who just won't budge? This powerful coaching session tackles the exhausting cycle of trying too hard to create change in others when they're not ready to receive it.

We explore the fascinating shift from operating out of obligation ("I have to do this work") to approaching your passion with a sense of privilege ("I get to do this work"). The coach acknowledges their tendency toward intensity and overwhelming others with information, leading to the counterproductive response of resistance and shutdown.

Through thoughtful dialogue, we uncover how language shapes receptivity. When we approach others with empowering rather than frightening rhetoric, we create openings instead of resistance. The breakthrough moment comes when the coach realizes that offering "a little bit of information" creates more excitement and opportunity than overwhelming people with everything they "need" to know.

The conversation beautifully illustrates how our helping instincts can sometimes sabotage our effectiveness. By shifting energy from pushing to inviting, from overwhelming to empowering, the coach discovers a path to sustainability and greater impact. This session highlights the delicate art of helping others change - not through force of will, but through connection to values and the excitement of possibility.

Whether you're a coach, parent, teacher, or anyone trying to influence positive change, this episode offers practical wisdom on how to approach your important work with less frustration and more effectiveness. Try shifting your language from "they need to know" to "they get to discover" and watch what happens!

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Episode Transcript

Client (00:00):
it's hard to explain and hard to get people on board
when it feels too hard to change.

Lisa (Coach) (00:07):
So it's interesting because you're
talking about the difficulty ofit and then you're also talking
about the person that you wantto be with or to help.
So it's hard for me and it'shard for them.
Hard.

Client (00:17):
Yeah

Lisa (Coach) (00:18):
so yeah, I'm hearing that.
And so, when things aredifficult, what do you do?
How do you operate when thingsfeel difficult?

Client (00:26):
I get behind the rock and I push.

Lisa (Coach) (00:29):
Oh, okay, and how is that?
How's that working for you?
Is that is that?

Client (00:35):
Uh, exhaustion, futility , uh, frustration, yeah, yeah.

Lisa (Coach) (00:44):
So that makes sense and, first of all, kudos
to you because it's importantwork.
So I understand that it'scoming from a passionate place
of really wanting to do that,and the frustration is real,
because when we can really seethe benefits of something and
someone else cannot, it becomesvery, very difficult.
As we know, we can't makepeople feel a certain way.

(01:06):
So the key here is to well,keep you in a sustainable energy
so that you can do what it isyou do best.
I, you know, I've no doubtyou're really good at it.
Can you?
Can you acknowledge that?
Yeah, yeah.
And so what?
What might be a different wayfor you to operate, because you

(01:30):
can control that?
So I'm curious, cause you'reright now in the push phase.
You're at, you're at I have to,and you're frustrated and
you're almost you're, you'reoscillating between I have to
and I can't, you know.
And then I'm hearing I have tochoose one or the other, and I'm
hearing that you don't want tochoose one or the other that
education is important to youand you know, and the programs

(01:53):
are important and that theyintermingle.
So where is the intersectionthat helps you operate at a more
sustainable level?
Because it's really about youat this point.
It's not about the program,it's not about them.
It's about where you can be themost effective.

Client (02:09):
There are a couple of different answers to that, One
of which is if I, maybe I needto get better at sales and
understanding the language thatwill motivate people instead of
scare them.
So there's a certain amount of.
I would feel better if peoplefelt empowered from my language
rather than daunted.

Lisa (Coach) (02:32):
Yep, that's a great insight.

Client (02:39):
Energetically I could probably back off with the I
need to know factor, like I canget pretty intense about this
stuff because people just don'tknow and it's critically
important.
So I guess a certain degree ofdetachment.

(03:00):
I Like I'm just offering thisand if you want help I can help
you.
We can make it fun.
It doesn't have to be hard,because getting people off the
dime has really been a challenge.

Lisa (Coach) (03:18):
Yeah, and it sounds like there's an
opportunity here to maybeapproach it differently and look
at it differently.
Make it a quarter, not a dime,you know, but broaden a little
bit and soften, as you said.
And so you know, the empoweringlanguage piece is a great
insight.
You know the acknowledgementthat I can be very intense.

(03:39):
You know, when we really knowor feel we know what is best for
somebody, it's just sofrustrating that they cannot
hear it and you know you havethe answers.
But until they're ready for theanswers, no amount of, as you
said, pushing, you know, behindthe rock pushing is going to

(04:02):
move them.
So awareness is huge andawareness is broad.
Awareness and allowance anddetachment, as you said, is
what's coming up for me in termsof the operation system for you
.
Does that help you at all?
Does that open up any newpossibilities for you?

Client (04:19):
Yeah, it's a matter of grounding and centering and
facing the work from I get to dothis teaching instead of I need
to.
Yeah, how does that feel?
It feels like work.

Lisa (Coach) (04:34):
That's your brain coming in.

Client (04:36):
Yeah.

Lisa (Coach) (04:36):
It's resisting you , that's normal, that's good,
that's your edge, this is great.
So I'd like you to.
It'll be hard, but I'd like youto say I get to do this work
because just I get to.
I get to just until you run outof things.

Client (04:52):
I get to because I get to do this work because it gets
to use my talents, and I get todo this work because the
information can be life-changing.
I get to do this work becausesmall changes make big impact.
I get to do this work because Iwant to keep myself busy.

Lisa (Coach) (05:16):
That's great.
That's fantastic.
So I'm going to stop you for asecond.
Imagine that I am the personthat you really, really want to
get to, and I want you to again,just by saying I want you to
embody and say to me why Notfrom frustration, Come from what
you get to do from me and go toyour heart space and tell me

(05:39):
why is it going to help me?

Client (05:41):
By working with me, you will have the knowledge and
tools to take empowered actionto improve your health and the
health of your family, toprevent.

Lisa (Coach) (05:55):
This is great.
You're really good with words.
I want you to feel it, and thewords might not be perfect,
maybe it's difficult for you,but I think it's a good space.
I mean, you talked aboutempowering language.
It's difficult for you, but Ithink it's a good space.
I mean you talked aboutempowering language.
Empowering language comes fromyou, not from the internet, but
until you connect with itdoesn't mean anything.
So I could say to you I see somuch strength in you and I know

(06:21):
that if we work together and ifit was a good fit that you could
open up, you could open up yourworld, and that the
possibilities are limitless andthat you know the answers.
You know all the answers.
I just know how to ask thequestions for you to get there.
Can you feel that?
Can you feel me really wantingto share it with you?
Yeah, so with your work, try toshare it with me.

Client (06:44):
With a little bit of information, with a small amount
of tools, you can feelempowered, that your choices are
serving you and your family inthe best possible way for your
longevity, your energy and yourability to embrace the life you

(07:04):
want to have.
That's fantastic.

Lisa (Coach) (07:05):
It's a good thing you got a want to have.
That's fantastic.
It's a good thing.
You got a recording of that.
That's great language.
You started with a little bit ofinfo.
That's the exciting part,because what you're running into
is that there's so muchinformation that they need to
know.
And let me tell you, when youhave a kid and you say you need
to know this, they shut down,they don't listen and the only

(07:32):
thing they can control is notlistening to you, and that's
what people do.
It's like when the salespersoncomes in right, I need to know
that you have tasted theKool-Aid and that you love it
and that you want to give me aglass.
So when you started with alittle bit of info, that's
exciting.
So put the excitement on that,because I won't close.
But if you start to say allsorts of things, I start to go
yeah, yeah, I know I should, Ireally I feel like I'm in, I

(07:53):
should.
You want to shift me to?
I get to, oh, I get to workwith you, because then I get to
live a healthier life and I getto be with my children.
And you know my values, becausehealth if I don't have my
health, I can't live up to myvalues.
Right, that's the intersection.
Does that make sense?
That makes a lot of sense.
Yeah, cool, thank you forplaying.

Client (08:13):
Thank you for playing my pleasure.