💡 Coaching Insights: When YOUR Strength Becomes THEIR Expectation

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Have you ever felt misunderstood because people reduce you to a single trait? This powerful conversation dives into the frustration of being labeled "optimistic" when what's really at play is something much deeper – authentic values of curiosity, connection, and openness.

We unpack the significant difference between toxic positivity (the forced brightness that refuses to acknowledge difficulties) and genuine engagement that stems from core values. As one participant notes, "I'm not just some dainty June" – highlighting how these mischaracterizations can prevent others from taking us seriously or seeing our depth and complexity.

The discussion reveals a fascinating paradox: our greatest strengths can become weaknesses when others expect us to embody them constantly. When we're skilled at presenting as positive or energetic, people come to expect that performance, creating pressure to maintain it even when it conflicts with our authentic state. The key insight emerges – rather than defaulting to our signature strengths in all situations, we can place them "in our toolbox" as reliable tools without letting them define us completely. This creates space for developing other aspects of ourselves and showing up differently across contexts.

This conversation speaks to anyone who's felt boxed in by others' perceptions or struggled with honoring their authentic self while meeting external expectations. As we hear, "we're not monochrome here" – a powerful reminder that human beings are multifaceted and deserve to be seen in their full complexity. How might you start placing your signature strengths in your toolbox rather than letting them define your entire identity? Listen in and reconsider how you express your authentic self in a world that loves simple categories.

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Episode Transcript

Lisa (00:00):
because it's not optimism,

Client (00:02):
right,

Lisa (00:03):
but I think I'm hearing that people receive you as being
optimistic and label you thatway, and that's not what.
That's not what you are or meanit might.
It might show that way and thatmight be how we label you.
Yeah, but I think what you'retalking about is exactly what
you just said, which is a deeperbelief,

Client (00:20):
yeah

Lisa (00:21):
, right, and openness,

Client (00:22):
yes

Lisa (00:23):
, um, in the in the bigger .
Yeah, right?
,

Client (00:25):
yeah , yes, I
agree.

Lisa (00:27):
So there's no like toxic positivity
.
You don't turn it on or turn itoff or, you know, make lemonade
out of.
You know lemons or whatever Isee, I just see that you're able
to access that place of ofcuriosity, of what's important
to you connection.
I'm hearing all your values arecoming out right, yeah, no,
it's really interesting and it'snot optimism.

(00:48):
In fact, probably, if we dugdeeper, you'd probably go screw
this optimism.
Yeah, right, I mean, you knowthat's how you're seeing me now,
but you're not with me everymoment of the day, right, right,
no, I get that and I see youand I, you know, I honor you for
that.
I really do, because I get thata lot too.
So I can relate, yes, I canabsolutely relate to that and

(01:11):
it's um

Client (01:12):
well , it's frustrating because
sometimes then people don't wantto take you seriously and I'm
like no, no, no, no, no, youknow, I'm not just some dainty
June, no, no, you know.

Lisa (01:21):
Or when you are trusting the
environment, you're in enough tojust maybe not be so on,
because you're not actuallyfeeling on which is actually
honoring your value ofauthenticity.
Sometimes you can't honor thatvalue, because to be authentic
would be to sort of be less thanenergetic at this moment,

(01:42):
because it's expected from theothers.
And that's what happens, right,when we, when we're good at
things, no matter what they areright, we get put in those boxes
because people expect it of usand because we can do that, we
do it

Client (01:54):
Right.

Lisa (01:54):
That's when our strengths sometimes become our weaknesses,
unless we just put them in ourtoolbox, because it's something
that we can always rely onbecause we've got it on lock,
but we don't have to default toit, and that allows us to
develop these other areas thatyou know we will see ourselves

(02:16):
differently and allow ourselvesto show up differently and be
more contextualized, because weare, you know, we're not
monochrome here.

Client (02:21):
Yeah,